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docfuture · 4 years

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Princess, part 5

[This story is a prequel, set several years before The Fall of Doc Future, when Flicker is 16. Links to some of my other work are here. Updates now planned to be biweekly–next update is scheduled for November 30th.]

Previous: Part 4

Journeyman cooked and talked, with frequent pauses to mutter at the food, while Flicker sat at the kitchen table tapping at her handcomp. She'd changed out of her costume into shorts and a T-shirt with a yellow hazard sign triangle containing an exclamation point, and he had swapped his cuffed shirt for what looked like a faded band shirt showing a group of four blurry humanoid blobs. It appeared to be a reference to an old joke; if You've Probably Never Heard of Them by Really Obscure was an actual album, it wasn't in the Database. "The Box released their vid," she said. "They wanted it on the news so people would believe Hermes isn't on Earth anymore. And since they can't talk to me, lots of reporters want to talk to the magician instead, but he isn't answering calls. They're saying he's rumored to be a heavy drinker, which sounds like a smear attempt?" "Might be," said Journeyman, while stirring at the frying pan. "But it's very likely true. That's just how the Box operates." "What do you mean?" "The Box needs at least a few magicians with basic skill at wards for security. And they want ones who are competent, experienced, and can pass a background check, because skimping on any of that is just asking for trouble. But the Box is an incredibly depressing place to work if you're at all psychically sensitive, before you even consider their workplace culture and management history. So almost anyone qualified can make a far more palatable living somewhere else." He waved the spatula. "Unless they've got other problems. And the Box will tolerate high-functioning alcoholism. Usually they have other health issues, too, because the one thing the Box does have is really good health coverage--if they didn't, nobody would work there." "That's... discouraging." "Very little about the Box isn't. But you're supposed to be off-duty." "Yeah, yeah," said Flicker. "Doc says the probability manipulation anomaly seems to have died down, at least. And whatever you're fixing is starting to smell good. I guess I am hungry." "Thought so," said Journeyman. "Cooking wasn't something that fit with my mental model of you. You can port to get food anywhere." "Yes, and I often do." He grinned. "But porting is also very handy when I discover I'm missing a spice or ingredient. Want to know how I started?" "Of course I do." Journeyman had a talent for telling stories that helped Flicker unwind, and he liked to talk while he worked. "Well, a number of years ago--you'll note I'm being deliberately vague about how many--I was doing a lot of alchemy delivery work..."

Whatever Journeyman had done with the garlic and onions might not be magic, but it smelled good enough to be. "... despaired of ever being more than mediocre at potion-making," said Journeyman. "But the witch, and I want you to picture her like someone's nice grandmother--except with a little glint in her eye that told you she just might have been a resistance fighter during the war or something--asked if I wanted to know the secret to practicing alchemy. I said I did, and she leaned closer and whispered 'Learn to cook'. So I did." Flicker smiled. "Does it actually help?" Journeyman started scooping food onto plates. "They're different arts. But once you've learned alchemy, it does help, because they have a lot of skills and habits in common. And cooking ingredients are a lot easier to get. Safer, too. I'm still only average at alchemy, at best--it takes decades to get really skilled--but I've been getting better. And I like cooking better than alchemy." He brought the plates to the table. "Dinner is served." Silence for a time while they ate. Living at normal speed, in the present. Something Flicker hadn't done much of lately. "This is really good," she said. "Thank you." "No problem." She finished eating first and put her plate in the sink. Then she sped up and checked her handcomp while she waited for Journeyman. She ran through her Database self-check and reminders list. A lot there that she'd been putting off, waiting for a better time, or for Journeyman to finally be done with his interdimensional mess. She slowed back down and watched as he finished. "All right," he said after clearing the table, "You wanted to hear the rest of my reason. Back to the living room?" "Yeah." Flicker sat on the couch with her handcomp in her lap, facing him. His smile from dinner faded, and he looked tired and worried. He clasped his hands and stared at them. "There are a couple of things I noticed that add up in an unpleasant way. At least for me. That's why I said it was personal. This is based on my own judgement. We clear on that?" Flicker frowned. "I didn't expect anything different." "First, I saw something in your visor replay that bothered me. Still bothers me." "What?" "Right at the start." Journeyman looked up at her again. "I know you've had some serious arguments with Doc. But he knows you pretty well, and he's the smartest man in the world. He knew about summoning boomerangs. He knew there might be trouble at the Box--he was on the phone to them in what, 20 seconds?" Journeyman waved a hand. "But what did he do, in the first two seconds after the alert hit? What was the most vital priority for the smartest man in the world?" Flicker swallowed. "He reminded me that Hermes was a person." "Yeah." Journeyman took a breath. "And you said the Database AI intervened too? You didn't slow down for that part." "DASI. Yes." "And did either Doc or this DASI give you even a hint about potential boomerang trouble or problems at the Box until you were already well on the way? They had time; you stopped to let Hermes talk twice." "No, they didn't." "Doc knew you'd be able to stop Hermes. And was worried enough he'd get away to take steps to try to prevent it. But it looks to me like the top priority was keeping you from killing him. Because Doc wasn't sure you wouldn't." "It was the right thing to do," said Flicker. "I was really burned out when the alert hit. And disconnected--I was depersonalizing everything, including myself, to reduce the emotional load from my shift. To try to recover. And the word 'demon' is way too broad. This is not an abstract problem for me. Some aren't as smart as dogs. Some are as smart as most humans. And I've killed demons. I'm pretty sure they were just the stupid, evil kind--but I don't know. I have to make decisions with my high speed mind, which has another categorization problem related to them that I don't fully understand yet. And the extra strain of trying to work around it makes everything harder. So I do have a problem with prejudice, and I'm not sure how to fix it." "I understand," said Journeyman. "And you have a lot of company in that prejudice. Probably a majority of humans who have an opinion about demons at all. There are evil demons, good demons, smart ones, and stupid ones. Demons with free will, and ones with very little volition--often not by their choice. Ones that start out stupid and get smarter, and a few that go the other way. Demons that look human, demons that don't, ones that can shapeshift and mimic, ones that can't. I could keep going. But there's no line that anyone can draw and with any reasonable justification say 'every demon on this side of the line is a person; every one on the other side isn't', and believe me, people have been trying for centuries. This doesn't stop the line drawing. It just gets used as an excuse for more hostility." "I don't try to draw a line," said Flicker. "But the lack of one does makes my categorization problem worse." Journeyman nodded. "Yeah. And your problems weren't all clear to me when I agreed to become your partner, and asked for backup in case I was attacked by 'demons', while working on something I had no idea would turn into a mess lasting more than a year. I'm sorry about that, and I owe you. One of the things I owe you is not making things worse if I can help it. Speculating about the non-human part of your origin in a way that would make you angry even if I were right? And just might cause you to be inclined to go kill someone because you consider them a demon and think they're your mother? Yeah, not helpful. So I won't do it." Flicker stayed at normal speed; this was an emotional problem, not an intellectual one. Speeding up wouldn't help. The anger was trying to come back. She handled it. And her background fear that she'd do something destructive by accident or overreaction was still present. It never went away completely , and she never tried to dismiss it. She didn't dare. So if Journeyman had some of the same worries? It certainly wasn't a reason to be angry at him. "Okay," she said. "I can accept that. And you did answer my other questions. Which helps." "I'm willing to help in other ways. You want to learn more about non-human people and all the challenges they face that don't get into the high-quality data parts of the Database? And why they don't? I can tell you lots about that. You want to learn about some of the mind-bending and frustrating issues that come with dueling diviners and background probability manipulation, from the perspective of a magician? Sure thing. But there are some limits." "I understand. You're being... diplomatic? There are a lot of things that are mixed together that we haven't talked about. That we need to. Tonight probably isn't the best time, though." "No argument there." "You said you need to check on some things. Can you do that from here, or do you need to port around?" "I was planning on doing it from here. I'm wiped enough that I'd rather not do a bunch of porting. Why?" "Because I need to do some memory assimilation before I sleep if I don't want to lose details--it's been a long day--and I'm already at a warning level for social isolation, but I don't want to be around most people. You don't bother me. So I don't want to leave yet. Is that okay?" "Sure, but there might be some muttering and swearing under my breath. Will that be a problem?" "No. It will just be you." Journeyman stood and looked over at his computer and the group of phones connected to chargers beside it. "Well, I guess I've run out of excuses not to look at the dumpster fires in my message drops." Flicker put on her night visor and moved a pillow so she could stretch out comfortably on the couch. "Good luck." "Thanks. Hopefully a lot of them will just be 'Hey, do you know what your partner did?'" "Doc has a Database bot for handling messages complaining about me. I can help you set one up if you want." "Tomorrow, maybe," said Journeyman as he sat down at his computer. Flicker focused on her visor display, and started work on the exercises she used to help integrate her high speed memories with her normal speed ones in a way that retained as much as possible of what she considered important. Journeyman's typing and quiet, mildly incredulous muttering were a pleasant, familiar background. She finished her first pass, and started adding odds and ends. Little millisecond-long glimpses of Rome, tiny slices of a place that she could perhaps revisit someday... ***** Dreams, pleasant ones for once. Exploring, with Journeyman, free for a little while of the driving urgency to stop bad things from happening. ***** Flicker woke in darkness. She moved her arm; the bed was... not a bed. She was on a couch. Journeyman's couch. She rubbed her eyes, then turned on her night visor, which had shut down automatically. No alerts or emergencies, one message notice. Squishy brain was fuzzy, speed mind was not fully loaded--just emergency response and recovery defaults. She sorted out a few relevant memories of the previous day and sat up. A sticky note had been placed in a spot that drew her eye. It turned out to say the same thing as the message:

Flicker: Didn't want to wake you. Food and drinks are in the fridge. If you need to leave and aren't in a hurry, please wake me so I can reset the ward on the front door. I'm down the hall, just knock on the door. You can also wake me if you need anything else. --J

She didn't need to wake him; the light amplification from her night visor was sufficient to let her find the bathroom. After washing her hands, she washed her face and considered the tired-looking stranger in the mirror. Dissociation--but putting herself together after waking always took a little time and effort. Not worth it right now. She went back out into the hallway and stopped, frowning. The door to the bedroom was ajar. Why would he tell her to knock if it was open? She glided into the bedroom. Her mind was still fuzzy. Journeyman was sleeping on his side at one edge of the bed. Did he usually sleep with the door open? He'd emphasized the importance of closed doors to wards... He knew how she felt about doors. Was it open because of her? She remembered what he'd said when she'd asked if he was expecting an attack: 'Certainly not with you here.' Did he feel safer... without that barrier between them? She looked at the other side of the bed. There was plenty of room. He would never suggest it. She understood that much. She glided over to the far side of the bed and carefully got under the covers. But the slight movement of the mattress was still enough to wake him. "Mmph?" he said. "It's just me," she said. "It's safe." "Flicker?" "Yes." A pause. A sudden whuff of air, a shift of the mattress as weight lifted, and covers fluttering down. He'd ported out. Not safe.

Next: Part 6

#FallofDocFuture #FallMisc

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sidenotelife · 5 years

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3 things I learned from 7 years of counseling

One of the major perks to the med school I’ve been at for the past seven years is that they offer free counseling and psychiatry visits for students. I essentially started going to counseling to deal with issues related to depression and anxiety which include but are not limited to: understanding my emotions, anger management, coping with stress, recognizing when I’m stressed, social skills, effective communication. Sidenote - fun fact, 66% of state medical licensing boards require you to disclose if you’ve ever had a mental health diagnosis regardless of whether you are receiving current treatment and if it affects your ability to be a physician. If you are interested, see article here that shows that physicians in states where you have to disclose your mental health history are less likely to seek psychiatric treatment. There’s actually a bunch of online conversation about this topic, but I had never even considered it until I graduated med school. Anyways, over the past seven years I’ve had good and bad counselors, but I’ve managed to learn some useful stuff regarding self-care during these years. Sidenote - I should preface this by saying that many counselors spoke to me about the importance of exercise, taking time to myself, etc. but I feel these ideas are well established and basically common sense, so I’ll address three things that I had never really thought about before going to counseling.

1. The emotion wheel.

A big problem I had/have... Sidenote - throughout this post I’ll talk about problems that I’ve worked on during counseling and I’ll refer to them either as “had” or “have”, but really these are all problems I still have, hopefully just to a lesser degree than I did seven years ago. Anyways, one problem I had is that I felt angry a lot and whenever Katie would ask me what was going on I would explain it as being tired but in reality I was having trouble putting my finger on the exact emotion I was having. I would just bunch up a lot of emotions under the umbrella of “tired.” So I had one therapist that introduced me to this emotion wheel where you choose your initial emotion which starts in the center, which is a simple one that literally includes the emotion “bad.” Then you branch out from there and progressively specify your emotion.

For example, a common scenario when I would use the wheel is when I was doing the laundry wrong and Katie would comment on it and I would get upset, but when I broke down the “angry” feeling it branched to humiliation to disrespect. I was feeling disrespected about my laundry-doing skills, and understanding this was the precise emotion I was feeling helped me to troubleshoot it by working on my humility and helping myself see that I wasn’t the king of laundry, this was in fact Katie’s domain because she deals with house stuff all the time and I needed to humble myself to follow her laundry guidance. This feeling angry really had more to do with a resistance to being humble than simple being angry There are other examples of this, but the point is that the emotion wheel has been really useful for me because it helps me to interpret my own emotions at a more specific level, and thus allows me to better figure out how not to get angry. I saved a screenshot of this emotion wheel on my phone and look at it frequently.

2. Nobody pays as much attention to me as I do.

Another topic I worked on a lot during counseling is dealing with social anxiety and becoming real paranoid that everyone was judging me for all the awkward things I was doing. Part of this was probably true because I do lots of awkward things but I had several counselors coach me into understanding that the reality, for better or for worse, was that people were not paying that much attention to me. They, like me, were probably obsessing over their own actions and too preoccupied with themselves to pay attention to me. This has really helped me brush off social anxiety and not get so caught up in what I am or am not doing and become more comfortable just being myself. This kind of transitions nicely into my last thing:

3. Stopping to think through my circumstances as if I were observing someone else.

Whenever I found myself in a frustrating situation at school, like say I got critiqued for making a mistake in the operating room, I would go down a rabbit hole of worrying and thinking about irrational things which would rapidly deteriorate into meaningless anxiety. A thing that helped me escape these sorts of stress sinkholes was the idea of looking at my problems as if one of my friends were telling me about their problems, and then imagining what sort of advice I would give them. This was really useful because what I would tell someone else to do was usually a lot more rational and well-grounded than what I would do myself. For instance, if my friend was stressed about making a mistake in the operating room and being criticized by an attending I would not tell that person to reconsider medicine as a career, I would not tell that person to avoid that attending for the rest of their life, and I would not tell that person to replay the mistake over and over. Instead I would probably tell that person that it’s extremely normal to make mistakes as a medical student in the operating room, and it’s not really a natural setting for learning, and that they should go back and work with that attending unless they were told otherwise because they probably don’t even remember that you made a mistake nor do they remember your name. I sense that this general principle of minimizing self-bias is really important to introspection and self-improvement.

So overall I’ve had a good experience with counseling these past seven years, but I wanted to end on this slightly paradoxical caveat. I want to take a second to talk about access to mental health care. If I had to consider paying for counseling, especially if I had to consider paying like $100/hr for it, I’m not sure I would have done it. I hate to say this because I would love to be a stronger advocate for counseling, but it’s just logistically complicated. And it’s not just the price. Over the past seven years I had like ten counselors and I felt really good about one or two? of them. I imagine this is the ratio for just about anyone who goes to counseling because it really does come down to personal fit, and it’s really not like finding a good orthopedic surgeon, it’s a lot more like finding a good spouse. So using some back of the envelope calculations, the cost of all the visits just to find a good counselor, not to mention it takes several visits to establish an initial rapport with a counselor, you could easily rack up $1,000+ to simply FIND a good counselor, and then you have to start paying $100 an hour to do the actual work of counseling. And we haven’t even gotten to the time it would take out of residency. In all the rotations I’ve never seen a resident leave early to make a personal medical appointment. In fact, I’ve rarely even seen a resident call in sick. I’ve much more frequently seen residents come in hacking up a lung. Considering that you would probably have to meet with a counselor semi-regularly to establish some initial rapport, it rapidly becomes impractical from the financial and scheduling perspectives to go see a counselor. Like I said, I hate to say this because I really believe counseling is useful and would be beneficial for basically everybody, but the way mental health services are valued by insurance companies and the greater healthcare community, I have serious questions about the practicalities of counseling. I guess I’ll end by reiterating that I overall recommend going to counseling and I really feel if the connection with a good counselor is there the benefits are quiet impactful, but I can also see the reality and I’m honestly not sure if I will continue going to counseling after medical school.

see you on the other side,

from ken

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donnerpartyofone · 5 years

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sometime last september i had a bad cold with an ear infection. a bunch of fluid built up in my ear and never went away. i saw a doctor who suggested it would just disappear on its own, but that it could take three or four months. i took some antibiotics then, which didn’t help. he didn’t seem to consider it a problem. after a couple of months i came back, same deal. he gave me some anti-inflammatory nasal spray and some ear drops, which didn’t help. then i found a new gp and described the problem to her. she stuck her ear thing in my ear, wagged it around, and then just turned around and never discussed it with me in any way.

incidentally, i was seeing that second doctor because i was convinced i was dying from lung cancer. my mother was suddenly diagnosed with stage four lung cancer when she was my age and given a couple of months to live. (she surprised everybody by living for three or four years, which in my estimation was a lot worse than if she had just died right away) i found a gp who specialized in lung disease and explained that i have consistently restricted breathing in one lung that does not fluctuate in any way, and has been going on for a long time. well, my chest x-rays came back clear and i don’t have any other symptoms, so she just put me on some asthma inhalers. i had bad asthma as a kid, and this unceasing one-sided shortness of breath doesn’t resemble that in any way, but my doctor didn’t seem to give a shit about figuring out what was wrong with me as long as the inhalers seemed to be managing the symptoms. i felt like a theme was emerging when i told her about my ear, and she seemed to just look for whatever specific thing she would consider a problem, and when she didn’t see it, she just changed the subject.

so, naturally, i found a new gp. i went because my scripts for my inhalers were running out, and i didn’t want go back to the other doctor to get them renewed. mercifully (i guess although i’m really not dying to keep seeing more and more doctors), my new doctor is sending me for fresh x-rays and referring me to a pulmonologist. i also told her about my ear, and she checked me out and saw all this fluid behind my eardrum. she said this is very common, and might be there “forever”. it could be because of my naturally humongous tonsils, which is a pretty disgusting thing to hear about myself for some reason, or it could be allergy inflammation that’s contributing to the blockage. so the main thing i have to do is stop trying to pop my ear, which i want to do every second of every minute that i’m conscious, because it’s clearly, painfully wearing down my jaw. also, now i get to add an allergy pill to the 23 (24 depending on what’s going on) pills i need to take every day to manage other stuff.

the “other stuff” is mostly one condition, which is that my system processes copper so poorly that the buildup of this psychoactive metal in my system makes me chronically depressed, anxious, fearful and angry. nutrient therapy is a lot better than being hooked on opiodes...i think? but the number of things i have to take to avoid that is exhausting, and means that i spend an hour or two a day feeling like i’m going to throw up while i digest everything, which isn’t exactly a mood booster.

anyway, my new gp has also referred me to an ENT, which appointment can’t happen soon enough because sometime around 3am yesterday, i developed a loud ringing in the affected ear that will not go away, and by all accounts, might never go away. this is not the first time this week that i was told one of my senses will be permanently impaired for no particularly good reason. a few years ago, i had to have surgery and localized chemotherapy to remove some pathological scar tissue growing across my corneas. it hasn’t come back (although it might), probably thanks in part to the chemo, but now i have a buildup of surgical scar tissue on one eye that is causing glare and spots, and according to my cornea specialist, that’s just the new normal. the few treatments options are considered high risk for little reward, i guess.

depression has a way of casting you as a problematic person in the public eye: someone who is oversensitive, looking for attention, being negative, and refusing to deal with their problems in a mature way (because according to people who don’t really have problems, all problems go away if you just adjust your bad attitude). now, i hate going to the doctor because my experience of autism makes me cry and panic like i’ve been raped if anyone touches me without my specific emotional invitation. also, it’s very hard for me to think of any experience i’ve ever had with a doctor where something was explained to me satisfyingly, or where i got treatment that really worked--as opposed to me just coming out the other end, terrorized and humiliated, sitting there in a puddle of my own various fear fluids thinking, “wait a minute, WHY THE FUCK did i let them do all that random shit to me??” to wit: a couple of years where i submitted myself to a doctor to have core samples regularly, painfully, frighteningly drilled out of my cervix because of some abnormal test results. whatever’s going on COULD be precancerous, i was told. well, what else “could” it be, i asked? they just shrugged, and one day they told me they weren’t seeing the abnormality anymore and they didn’t have to keep mutilating me. so...i could have just been sitting on the couch this whole time? why did i do this, when i don’t even have any particular faith in treatment anyway? but, i keep doing to the doctor(s), because i’ve had it drilled into my head that it’s the “responsible” thing to do, and it will prove to the world that i’m a “positive” person who tries to find “mature” solutions to my problems. that makes it extra frustrating when nothing comes of it, other than the damning confirmation that nothing about me is really working that well, and it’s not going to.

of course, on top of the fact that my problems are not really manageable in any substantial way, there’s the added psychological pressure that comes from people not seeing your problems as problems. exactly one half of my face is affected by rosacea, making it extra obvious that something is wrong with me. having tried everything else that is supposed to manage my symptoms--including two different treatments that are “magic bullets” for 99% of sufferers, both of which made me react so badly that i looked like i’d been attacked by wasps--i decided to take the plunge on my last option, an extremely expensive battery of painful and kind of scary laser treatments. i had the last one this month. i’m not seeing any difference at all, and in fact i’m not sure it didn’t make things worse. no insurance really covers treatment for rosacea because it’s considered a cosmetic problem, even though it results in broken blood vessels and progressive thickening of the skin that anybody would consider a medical problem if they saw it in action. i can already see what’s going on in the mirror, and trying not to notice is not an option.

i realize, as i’m sure many people will be quick to tell me, that i’m actually very lucky. i do not have any “real problems”. i’m performing the basic life problems of a human being just fine. but i have to say, just to stick up for myself, that there is something really special about just having a collection of unrelated problems that just amount to, like, a bunch of bullshit. i have friends who have had, or currently have, really major life challenges--horrifying circumstances or conditions with which they have had to wage a heroic battle. of course i don’t envy them, but at the risk of sounding really incredibly petty, at least they made some kind of sense. the dragon arrives at your door, and it’s cancer, or hiv, or a neurological disorder, or a flesh-and-bone-eating disease; you don your armor and fight the good fight, or prepare to die with dignity, or in the worst case scenario, you just regular-die, but everybody totally understands it as a tragedy. there’s some kind of logic to it all, even if it’s completely unfair and arbitrary in the outing. it’s different when you just have a bunch of bullshit, none of which anybody thinks is a problem individually, and there’s no reason for it. your eye is just kind of shitty and your skin is just kind of shitty and your lung is just kind of shitty and your ear is just kind of shitty and your ovaries are just kind of shitty and your mental health is just kind of shitty (for chronic physiological reasons). so therefore, looking at things is just kind of shitty and having people look at you is just kind of shitty and hearing things is just kind of shitty and really, just being awake and alive is just kind of shitty. and there’s no narrative here, it’s not you versus your virus or you versus your mutating cells or something. it’s just you versus the fact that you’re just, like, kind of a fucking lemon. if your body were a car, you’d get rid of it, and just take the bus from now on. or stop going anywhere altogether.

when i’m not fighting off a violent reaction to my mounting collection of bullshit problems, i’m usually trying to find some meaning to my life. it’s hard to do. i’m not brilliantly intelligent or talented in any way that would make my career into the point of my life. i’m also not going to start a family (which would be a huge challenge for me anyway because of problems with my reproductive system), so that’s out. because of my anhedonia, i can’t really live for pleasure either--a fact which is surely compacted by the way that all of my individual parts seem committed to making any and all sensory input at least sort-of annoying, if not infuriating and claustrophobia-inducing. when it’s just me and my depression, i often think, “god, i really wish i could just achieve something in this life, then all this agonizing would be worth it.” i usually wind up reaffirming that i’m just an ordinary person, i’m not even very good at my hobbies or very knowledgable about my passions, there’s no chance that doing something special with my time on earth is going to save me. but then, of course, there’s my shitty, shitty, shitty physical condition. the only thing i really ever accomplish is preventing myself from screaming.

i realize that many people might want to frame stopping yourself from screaming as an accomplishment in and of itself. when you’re really challenged in life, you have to remember your context. like, one guy might be climbing the corporate ladder, and he has to face the challenge of competition and seizing opportunities and stuff; but when you’re, say, me, not-screaming can be a legitimately equivalent effort that you should be proud of winning at. both my best shrink and my worst shrink have tried to warn me off of comparing myself to others--to noticing, constantly, that compared to pretty much everyone i know i’m really defective, and in fact i’m way behind my peers developmentally because i have to struggle so hard just to get through my fucking day without ruining anything or taking a break for pure suffering. part of the reason to avoid comparing yourself to others is what i was just getting at, that you want to have an authentic sense of your own suffering without using an irrelevant-to-you method of measurement. the other part of it is that you don’t want to delude yourself into thinking that you are the only person who suffers, or that your suffering is the most extreme. my first/worst shrink approached this in a pretty hilarious way: she suggested that maybe ALL of my friends have ALL the same problems as me, they just haven’t mentioned it. first of all, this just shows a real ignorance of how many great complainers i know. but secondly, it suggests a world in which my closest friends have stood by while scars grow over my eyeballs and half my face burns and swells and my ovaries constantly invite painful degrading examinations and threaten cancer and my lung never opens all the way and my ear rings deafeningly et at ad nauseam, and they just...don’t say anything to me. for some reason my dearest companions just don’t feel like offering me support or solidarity or advice from their supposed rich experience, or even venting their own frustrations to an ear they know for a fact is sympathetic, even if it doesn’t hear too well. it’s an extra bizarre idea that still makes me laugh, when i’m not screaming.

now i have to get ready for today’s doctor’s appointment, the fifth of what i think will turn out to be eight this month, not including psychiatric appointments. it’s not for my ear, but i’ll definitely be bringing that up again, because i think i need to add an anti-anxiety prescription to my armory of pills, because i don’t think i’m going to make it through this experience without altering my chemistry until i just don’t give a fuck about anything that happens to me. plus i need to find out if tinnitus is its own thing, or if it is definitely always a symptom of hearing loss (that is, a deteriorating ability to perceive sound, as opposed to an incredibly loud internal sound that you just naturally notice more than other external sounds that you are still technically capable of perceiving). a minute ago, my husband got up and started stalking around our tiny apartment suspiciously. i thought he must have seen a bug, but he’s looking for the source of a weird noise that must be coming from our large mac tower, a couple of feet away. i absolutely cannot hear it at all.

#long post

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diaryofadaringwitch · 6 years

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When a Witch Gets a Diagnosis

Fair warning- this is a personal post relating to mental conditions and the effect on my craft. I’m tagging this with a bunch of things but just in case, proceed with caution. Probably going to be a long post too, sorry.

So, last week I made a post looking for sigils/spells for determination and strength because I was going to see a psychologist for the first time. I’ve been to various counselors since I was 13/14 but this was the first pro.

And, unsurprisingly, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. I expected that. I was relieved, actually. It wasn’t just something I had imagined. It was real.

However, I was also diagnosed with attention hyper deficit disorder (ADHD). While not enough for a formal diagnosis, I also have behaviors common in obsessive compulsive disorder. (OCD).

Well shit. I was really shocked by that. Partially due to my own misconceptions about those conditions and partially due to my thinking that the behaviors weren’t caused by a condition, they were caused by me. It’s similar to thinking that your blurry vision isn’t caused by anything, you just need to look harder, instead of wearing glasses.

Which is irrational, but until I found out that those behaviors weren’t really a part of my personality or a failing on my part- that’s what I believed.

So where does the “witch” part come in? That’s what this blog and community is about, after all.

For me, witchcraft is about agency, about the control I have over my beliefs and my practices. Growing up Catholic, spiritual agency was not available. There was one path, you did not forge your own or challenge the current one. Especially considering that I was born into that faith, I didn’t have any choice in my beliefs. Becoming a pagan and a witch gave me that independence of faith.

But now, I have this diagnosis. I understand that I am more than any of these conditions. I understand that I can not be reduced to a list of symptoms. But I’ve tried pretending that I’m neurotypical before. I’ve tried modeling my routines and comparing my behaviors to the ones that neurotypicals use. And it hasn’t worked. So, in a way, I have to accept that these conditions are a small part of me, and that I have to rework routines to fit my brain and how it works.

I guess I’m just feeling like I’ve lost some of my agency. It’s very strange, to realize that something you once believed was a part of your personality is actually not something you had much control over, after all. It’s like realizing that you’re a guitar player because you accidentally got food poisoning.

And that affects me as a witch. I know that I can’t use witchcraft to “cure” a mental condition, and that it’s not a substitute for mental health care, that’s not what the problem is.

I just feel like some of my power has been removed. So now, in order to get my power back, I’ve been researching new techniques and strategies for optimizing my brain, without feeling like I’m broken or not “normal”.

Long story long, this is basically a relearning process. I’m refiguring out how to do things in order to make my life easier and less stressful, and that includes this craft. I also really appreciate this community. You’ve been incredibly supportive and I appreciate all the help and good vibes you sent my way.

Sincerely,

Kate

#tw anxiety #tw adhd #tw ocd #tw mental health #witchcraft #personal #kate speaks

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archergabriella · 4 years

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springs-of-joy-counseling · 6 years

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Springs of Joy...Along Life’s Journey

June 27, 2018

Credits and Song stories

SPRINGS OF JOY...ALONG LIFE’S JOURNEY is not merely a bunch songs recorded to raise funds. Oh, it is definitely a “thank you” gift for your support of the work of Springs of Joy, Inc. Yet, more than that, it is a brief window into my life. It is also an invitation to consider your own. My desire is that you are blessed, comforted, encouraged, challenged, and inspired by one ordinary, yet not normal life. Please take an hour of quiet to really listen. God just may have something important to speak to you.

1. a) HO EVERYONE THAT IS THIRSTY by Lucy Meyer Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Nathan Rike

This hymn was written in 1884. I was first introduced to it in 1973 when I was part of a 7-member Michigan Youth For Christ touring group called “Friends.” We performed it mostly in churches on Sundays, a capella, and closer to its original form. Miss Lucy, if you can hear it from Heaven, I hope you are blessed that your musical invitation is still being sung and that you are not too offended by our “modernization” of it.

1. b) SPRINGS OF JOY by Nathan Rike and Dawn Rike Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Nathan Rike

In 2008 this jumped out of Psalm 87:7. I knew instantly it was to be the name of this ministry. Then in 2014 as Nathan and I began work on this project we wanted a theme song. Isaiah 58 has been an important influence in the formation of my work. If you read that chapter you will see it present in these lyrics. Nathan, being a gifted writer/composer got the piece started. I have fun memories of sitting in his cold, but comfortable basement, fine tuning the lyrics. We had some good laughs trying out words to describe the water. “Flushing” didn’t make the cut.

2. PRAYER FOR LIBERIA by Nathan Rike and Dawn Rike Vocals: Dawn Rike, Gail Williams Instruments: Nathan Rike

In 2012 I made my first visit to Liberia, West Africa. Doors of opportunity there opened widely. God doesn’t very often give me pictures in my mind, but while being interviewed on Liberia national radio I saw in my mind’s eye dark, moving clouds over the war-torn nation of Liberia. Then I could see light breaking through. It seemed to represent a movement of God’s Spirit coming to bring restoration to that broken country. Nathan took that and other words I shared about my experience there and wrote this prayer. We did a rough recording of it and in 2013 he joined me on my second trip to Liberia. He accompanied me with his guitar and we shared it daily during our ten-day visit. The Liberians love it and I’m told it still gets airplay. Our work there continues to this day.

3. IMMERSED IN THE LIGHT by Dawn Rike and Nathan Rike Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Nathan Rike

In 1995-96 our family went through an 18-month season of being homeless. We stayed with five different families. It was a bit tough. One of the weeks we housesat for some dear friends. One night I was reading Psalm 139 in THE MESSAGE BIBLE when “At night I’m immersed in the light! It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you...” came off the page and hit me in the face. That was the beginning of this piece. It sat unfinished for about 18 years. Nathan helped me complete it. I am so glad that God’s Presence illuminates even the darkest times to guide us through what can seem impossible and His Light of truth dispels the black lies, to set us free.

4. WHERE IS THE BLESSING? by Dawn Rike and Nathan Rike Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Nathan Rike

Whether we realize it or not, we all seek blessing from our parents, especially our father. Many never receive it and unconsciously spend their lives seeking it. In 1994 I had a devastating encounter with my father and my worst fear in relationship with him became reality. When I picked myself up from the floor I realized I was still alive and more than that, loved. Loved by husband, children, friends, but mostly God. The pain was used to bring great freedom and healing to my life. This song was born as I realized my dad was seeking the same thing I was: parental blessing. His parents passed without giving what he sought. The great news is: we have both found it in Jesus. The good news for me is that I have also received it from my earthly father.

5. CARES CHORUS by Kelly Willard Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Nathan Rike

I learned this in the early 1980s and it has been a “go to” chorus for me when I become overwhelmed. It reminds me to obey I Peter 5:7 “...casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” Anxiety is the most common mental health problem in our country today. We all struggle at times with the stress of life. I hope this little chorus can bring some peace and calming to you.

6. GOD, MY MOUNTAIN by Dawn Rike Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Nathan Rike, Piano: Dawn Rike

I have always secretly envied people who shared stories of sitting at the piano and in a few minutes a complete song would flow out of their fingers and lips. In 2003 I was dealing with a serious health problem. My husband was working in Iowa while I remained in Colorado to sell the house (it never did). I was alone, afraid, helpless, it seemed. One night I was reading Psalm 144 and felt prompted to go to the piano. Guess what...yes, in a few minutes this poured out of my heart. Of course, I didn’t believe it was something good enough for anyone to hear. It gave me strength when I was failing. It still does. Now I share it with you. Perhaps it can give you courage where you are. Oh, and by the way, though I am not a pianist, Nathan said, “Mom, I want you to play keys on this.” No big feat for many, but for me another accomplishment. You CAN teach old dogs new tricks!

7. SWEET COMMUNION by Karen Lafferty Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Nathan Rike

As I recall, I met this song sometime in the 1980s. It became one my favorites to do in concert. I even accompanied myself with guitar if there was no pianist. The lyrics have deep meaning for me that deepens as the years pass. I have desired to record it for decades and at last it has happened. I hope it invites you to seek deeper intimacy with Father.

8. WALKING THE PATH by Dawn Rike and Nathan Rike Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Nathan Rike

This is a journal entry written on my 50th spiritual birthday. When we were mapping out this project and I was sharing my vision for it, I read the piece to Nathan. He suggested we record it. Good idea, Son.

The following are selections from previous recordings I made: A demo for concert scheduling, 1981, Gene Ort, Producer; NEAR TO HIS HEART, 1988 Steve Wamberg, Producer; and TRUSTING HIS HEART, 1991, Steve Wamberg, Producer. Here they are in their original form, taken from cassette tape (what are those?). Nathan remembers Mom singing them in concert and he helped choose some of his favorites to be included in this album.

9. HE WILL LISTEN TO YOU by Mark Heard Vocals: Dawn Rike, Annie Wamberg Instruments: Steve Wamberg Sung on NEAR TO HIS HEART

Sometimes the last one we think to talk to about our tough times and joyous experiences is the Lord. He is the BEST listener EVER! He is truly interested in every little detail of our lives. Give it a try.

10. OH, I WANT TO KNOW YOU MORE by Steve Fry Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Steve Wamberg Sung on NEAR TO THIS HEART

The first time I heard this my heart connected. There is a crucial longing in all of us to know and be known. We try many ways to fulfill this. HE is the only One who can fully satisfy this hungering. Today, this is still my heart’s cry.

11. I DEDICATE ALL MY LOVE TO YOU by Teri Desario Purse and Bill Purse Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: A pre-recorded accompaniment Produced by Gene Ort

My first demo recording. This quality of it reveals its age. However, the meaning remains the same thirty-seven years later.

12. HYMN MEDLEY Composers: John S. Norris, G.A. Young, Fanny Crosby, Robert Lowery Arranger: Dan Leonhardt Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Steve Wamberg, Dan Leonhardt, guitars Sung on TRUSTING HIS HEART

I realized my love of singing in 4th grade. Church was a great place to sing. I knew every verse of every hymn. In 1990 I asked my dear guitarist friend whom I had toured with in “Friends” (see above #1) to arrange these hymns for me to record. I was 7 months pregnant and had a sinus infection while in the studio. The sad news is that I was still in the throes of perfectionism and was very critical of my performance on the project. Consequently, I put the thing away and forgot about it. When I pulled it out earlier this year, I wept with regret and then joy for a second opportunity to share it. As I listened to the newly finished project I heard the lyrics “Gushing from the rock before me, lo, a spring of joy I see.” A foreshadowing of what was ahead in my life? Tears again.

13. I LOVE TO SAY THE NAME OF JESUS by Jerry Estes Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Steve Wamberg Sung on TRUSTING HIS HEART

After college I toured with a ministry out of Niles, Michigan called Good News Circle. Jerry was/is a gifted song-writer also with GNC. He graciously granted me permission to use this. The Name of Jesus is powerful and evokes response from one end of the spectrum to the other. To me, it is precious and becomes more so as the years pass.

14. YOU ARE WORTHY by Carol Lehikoinen Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Steve Wamberg Sung on NEAR TO HIS HEART

Carol, another gifted song-writer/singer joined GNC at age 16 and became one of my roommates. I was her “big sister.” Years later, “LuLu” gave me permission to use this song. My version has a “Chariots of Fire” feel to it. Remember that film? What can I say about this piece? YOU ARE WORTHY, LORD!

15. GRACE AND PEACE by Karla Worley Vocals: Dawn Rike Instruments: Steve Wamberg Sung on TRUSTING HIS HEART

This is a benediction and my prayer for you. Thank you for briefly joining me on my journey. May you also find Springs of Joy...Along Life’s Journey.

One more credit goes to my other “Nathan” son, Nathan Cremisino of Castle Rock, CO who did the beautiful artwork on the sleeve and disc. You are a gift! Find him at: www.NATHANCREMISINO.com

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foursprout-blog · 6 years

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All The Questions Every New Mom Googles After Giving Birth, Answered

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/all-the-questions-every-new-mom-googles-after-giving-birth-answered/

All The Questions Every New Mom Googles After Giving Birth, Answered

How long does it take for your belly to go back to its normal size after giving birth?

Listen, it took NINE MONTHS for your belly to get to the point where it could house a full-term baby, so chill the fuck out. Give your body a minute, okay? Actually, give it several months. You’re probably still going to look pregnant for awhile. The speed with which your belly returns to its pre-baby shape depends on a lot of factors, including your pre-baby weight, how active you were before and during pregnancy, and your genes. From the second you give birth, hormones are already hard at work signaling your uterus to contract, which is step one in the belly shrinking process. Typically, it takes about 6 to 8 weeks for a woman’s uterus to return to its pre-pregnancy, lemon size. But it’ll be awhile longer before you look and feel like yourself again. In the meantime, be as healthy as possible without putting undue pressure on yourself. Your baby deserves a mama who doesn’t fixate on her weight and shape. There are sooooo many more important things to fixate on anyway, like how adorable that tiny child you created is.

Does your belly button permanently change after giving birth or does it go back to normal?

Although your uterus is likely to contract within 6 to 8 weeks of giving birth, you can’t expect your skin (or belly button) to return to its pre-baby condition THAT fast. Your skin needs a little more time, okay? So give it some room to breathe. The belly button was stretched to its limits while you were carrying your little one—your innie probably even became an outtie temporarily—and it may or may not eventually return to its more taught, pre-pregnancy shape and size. If you stick your finger in there post birth, it’ll probably feel a little wider, which is weird. Then again, you can get used to a belly button with a slightly larger circumference. In fact, you probably won’t have time to think too much about it in between changing diapers, feeding baby, and looking out for all of those adorable baby milestones.

Do stretch marks ever go away?

Bad news. Stretch marks do NOT go away, necessarily. They’re kind of like scars, in that they tend to fade over time (about six months after giving birth you can expect them to start looking less in-your-face, I-just-gave-birthy), but you can’t expect them to disappear altogether. There are a bunch of companies out there that will try to sell you various products that can allegedly reduce the appearance of stretch marks or eliminate them, but you’re probably better off saving your money. Moisture is great for the skin, whether you have stretch marks or not, so lube the fuck out of your belly and body with your favorite lotion or some coconut oil! But also maybe try to embrace your new, lined look! Each stretch mark is in fact evidence of the awesomeness that is the process of BUILDING A HUMAN LIFE. Without those lines, your little one wouldn’t have had a lovely womb in which to grow for 40 long weeks. So own ’em, mama.

Does the line on your belly go away after birth?

Yo! That line’s got a name, actually: Linea Nigra, which is fancy speak for “black line.” That’s right, that shit is D.A.R.K—darker than its stretch mark counterparts, which means it’ll probably need more time to fade (think a year instead of six months). Don’t count on it disappearing altogether, or trust any products that promise to make that happen for you. The good news? There is now a road map from your abdomen to your pleasure parts. So if your significant other ever gets lost, you can just point them to your beautiful, brand new happy trail!

Is it normal to have night sweats after giving birth?

Yes! It’s totally normal! It may be super troubling, because shivering in bed or on the couch as you sweat your ass off makes it doubly difficult to look after a newborn, but the unpleasantness isn’t usually a sign of anything abnormal unless your sweats are accompanied by a fever or some other odd symptoms. The good news? This is your body’s way of expelling excess water. Throughout pregnancy, you gained a significant amount of water weight that your postpartum body just doesn’t need anymore. So with each uncontrollable wave of shaking and sweating, just picture the number on your scale ticking down. It’s kind of like working out without having to exercise! Yay!

What are the main symptoms of postpartum depression?

If you think you may be suffering from postpartum depression (PPD), please do NOT stop here in researching your symptoms. I am grossly unqualified to provide help to those suffering from a serious mental health problem as I am NOT a medical professional. The American Pregnancy Association is a way more helpful resource than I am. As is the Mayo Clinic. And Maternal Health Now. What I can tell you is that PPD affects a lot of women, and that it often goes undiagnosed. While feeling exhausted and overwhelmed in the postpartum stage (also know as “the fourth trimester”) is entirely normal, feeling hopeless or consumed by guilt is not. Many women experience a bout of the “baby blues” in the first few days after labor. But if the baby blues don’t improve after about two weeks, you may be experiencing postpartum depression, and you should seek help stat. Possible symptoms and /or signs of PPD include the inability to make decisions, losing all interest in things or activities you once enjoyed, fixating on whether or not you’re a good mom, and considering self-harm. If you suspect that you have postpartum depression, it is NOT a sign of weakness, but rather a complication of pregnancy. Please consult a trained professional.

What’s the difference between shaking your baby and rocking it?

I know, I know. It’s kind of confusing. Where does the line between “rocking” and “shaking” lie? They warn you about not shaking your baby, and you get it. Violently shaking a baby is a terrible idea! But considering just how fragile a newborn is, it can be tough to know when rocking or bouncing the baby might inch its way into shaking territory. The answer is to be as gentle as possible. And if you sense that your movements are being driven primarily by emotions—particularly negative emotions like frustration or exasperation—stop whatever you’re doing, put the baby down somewhere safe, and give yourself time to regroup. Even if the child is crying, it’s always a good idea to give yourself a little break if you’re starting to feel super annoyed at the world and/or your baby. Don’t be ashamed if you need a few minutes to yourself now and again. Babies are super demanding little creatures and tending to them is a full-time (often thankless) job.

Why is my baby head-butting my chest so much?

Your baby is hungry! When a baby pecks at your chest, it’s because they want the boob or bottle. That head-butting motion might seem odd, but it is actually a natural reflex known as “rooting.” Some infants begin rooting within the first hour of being born—that’s how natural it is for them to hunt for food. Luckily, a baby will often root before it tries crying in signaling that they’re hungry. So take the cue! Feed that baby! Otherwise, they’re sure to start wailing if that’s what it takes to get the “I’m hungry” message across.

Is head bobbing a symptom of Tourette Syndrome or is my baby really just that hungry?

Your baby is most likely that hungry. Symptoms of Tourette Syndrome don’t typically present until a child is between ages 3 and 10, so that head butting / pecking / rooting around is most likely a signal that your baby needs to eat. Again.

What is mastitis?

Mastitis is the catchall name for any infection of the breast tissue. If you’re breastfeeding, you are prone to developing lactation mastitis. Symptoms of mastitis mimic the flu (fever, sweats, soreness, fatigue, etc.), with one very special addition: Your boobs will feel as hard as rocks! Your beasts might also look red and feel extremely tender because they’re so inflamed from the infection. The cause of lactation mastitis is a blockage in the milk ducts, which can happen if your baby isn’t latching properly, or if they favor one breast over the other. If you’re one of the many women who develops lactation mastitis (1 in 10 breastfeeding women will develop it at some point), the good news is that it’s generally curable within a much shorter timeframe than the typical flu. And guess what the best cure is? Breastfeeding! That’s right: The cause and cure of this prickly dilemma are the exact same. More power to you, Mother Nature. Seriously, though, if you continue to breastfeed, the backup of milk in the ducts will eventually subside, bringing your boobs (and you!) great relief.

How do you know if you have mastitis?

Your boobs will hurt like hell! They will also feel harder than you ever thought possible. You might also see redness on your chest. Sometimes, women also develop an accompanying fever. Yes, it’s hard being a woman. But think of how awesome it is that you’re capable of providing your baby every single nutrient it needs for the first year of its life! You’re amazing, mom.

Do I need to see a doctor if I have mastitis?

It’s always wise to consult a medical professional, who can diagnose you officially and prescribe antibiotics if necessary.

How do you treat mastitis?

Most importantly, call your doctor before listening to any Internet instructions. If you’re breastfeeding, many recommend continuing to breastfeed, which can do wonders to speed up the healing process. Drinking lots of water, wearing loose fitting bras / tops, and getting lots of rest can also help. Oh, and take warm showers, which can relieve the pressure in your chest (read: trigger leaking!).

Will my nipples lose all sensitivity after they’ve hardened from nursing?

I get it. You are angry AF that you even have to consider this possibility. You’ve worked your butt off to build a baby throughout 40 weeks of pregnancy, and now you’re doing everything you can to help it survive by giving it the nutrients it needs through breastfeeding. And they’re telling you that breastfeeding your baby might forever impact your nipple sensitivity??? I mean, to some degree it makes perfect sense. If you think about the fact that a tiny human is suckling your nipples several times a day for weeks on end, it makes sense that that body part would be impacted longterm. But you don’t WANT to believe it. Here’s the thing: Some women report that their nipples are forever changed from breastfeeding, either in color, shape, size, or sensitivity. But others report that their nipples don’t change at all from nursing. And still others claim that their nipples change, but eventually go back to exactly the way they were pre-pregnancy. In short, there’s no way to no what will become of your nips until you’ve lived to tell us all the story.

Why does breastfeeding hurt so much and why did nobody tell me this?

It’s weird, right? You know so many people who were once babies, and so many people who’ve had babies. But NO ONE bothered to explain just how painful the process of feeding a baby from the breast is. As your baby latches onto your nipple, you envision shards of glass cutting through your most tender flesh. It hurts like hell! This beautiful, “natural” process might just be the end of you. I have no idea why no one mentioned this previously.

How old does a baby have to be to use a pacifier?

It’s up to you, really! And your baby. Some parents forgo pacifiers altogether because they fear the effects on the baby’s palate and worry about nipple confusion (when a baby has trouble switching between the breast and a bottle and/or pacifier), but experts are torn as to whether or not such concerns are at all valid. Others dive right into the pacifier waters as soon as the baby’s born because their baby clearly likes to suckle, even when he or she isn’t feeding. As parents, it’s natural to try anything and everything to soothe your baby, so maybe don’t agonize for too long over whether or not you should try a pacifier. Your time is probably better spent trying it and seeing what happens.

What color is my newborn baby’s poop supposed to be?

For the first few months of your baby’s life, while his or her diet consists entirely of liquids, expect their poop to be liquidy, too. Makes sense, right? Typical newborn poop is either yellow, green, or brown. And it’s usually very liquidy or pasty, though it may contain little flecks as well. Basically, if your baby’s poop looks like spicy brown mustard or melted caramel, you’re ALL good. An awesome thing about newborn poop is that it doesn’t smell all that bad. In fact, it sometimes smells rather sweet rather than stinky.

What is meconium?

Meconium is the sticky, green, tar-like stuff that comes out of your baby’s butt before it can actually poop like a regular human. It’s composed of everything your baby consumed while he or she was still inside your uterus—things like intestinal epithelial cells, lanugo, mucus, amniotic fluid, bile, and water. A few days after birth, once the infant’s intestines are cleared of all the meconium, they’ll start pooping fecal matter (aka poop) that is typically less thick and sticky and a different color.

How often is a newborn supposed to poo?

Once your baby graduates from expelling meconium to pooping like a real person, the frequency with which they poop depends at least in part on how they’re fed. If your feeding your baby formula, expect up to 4 gifts of stool per day. If you’re breastfeeding, expect about 3 to 4 very liquidy stool gifts per day. That said, a baby’s bowel movements can ebb and flow. There may be a day of six poops, or a day of grand singular poop. As long as they’re continuing to pee (an indication that the kidneys and liver are functioning properly) and the super pooping phase (or lack of poop phase) doesn’t persist for too long, don’t worry too much. If you can’t help worrying, just pick up the phone and call the pediatrician for that extra dose of reassurance you know you’re coveting.

How often is a newborn supposed to pee?

Your little love bug will probably only pee once within the first 24 hours of its life. But don’t worry! You’ll have plenty of opportunities to change multiple diapers a day in the forthcoming months. Over the first week of your baby’s life, expect approximately one more wet diaper each consecutive day. By the end of week one, you’ll most likely see 6 to 8 wet diapers per day. If you’re getting annoyed by the frequency with which your baby burns through their disposable underpants (unless you’re one of those Earth mamas using cloth diapers), just think about how each pee is a sign that your baby’s internal organs are functioning properly. Yay!

If a baby’s poop is supposed to be liquidy, how do you know if it has diarrhea?

This is a VERY good question. Newborn poop typically looks like diarrhea, so how are you supposed to know if your baby is suffering from diarrhea? I asked my pediatrician this question and he said that if your baby has diarrhea, there will be a crazy amount of the liquidy poop. Like, WAY more than usual. So if your baby’s doing way more liquidy poops than they typically do in any given day, it could be a symptom of illness. Be sure to check in with your doctor if you suspect there’s a problem.

How long will it take for me to lose the baby weight?

There’s no way to answer this question, really, because it depends on so many factors that vary from mama to mama, such as your pre-pregnancy weight, how active you were before and during pregnancy, and, of course, your DNA (that genetic material you passed onto your baby!). The important thing to remember is that it took about 40 weeks for you to build your baby, so you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself to lose the pregnancy weight within a certain amount of time. Give your body some slack, yo. Let it do it’s thing without stressing out too much because GUESS WHAT? Stress is bad for losing weight. Actually. The “stress hormone,” cortisol, will prevent you from losing those stubborn pregnancy pounds. So ~*breathe*~, and give yourself some room to get there, honey.

How long should I wait before going back to the gym?

In the typical case of a natural / vaginal pregnancy that didn’t involve any complications, most doctors recommend waiting roughly six weeks before exercising again. Remember, your body went through some pretty traumatizing shit. It needs a minute to get itself back together, and you need some time to regain your strength.

Is it normal that I can’t control my own bladder after giving birth?

Unfortunately, lack of bladder control post birth is entirely normal. Think about it: You just stretched the muscles down there like crazy to squeeze a melon-sized baby out of your vagina, which, until now, was only ever stretched enough to fit a penis or a giant dildo inside it (or whatever else you’re into). Your bladder was right in the middle of things, so it needs some time to regroup. It’s going to take a few weeks or even months before your muscles tighten back up, so be patient. For now, just remember to escort yourself to the bathroom a reasonable amount of time after chugging water. Eventually, your body will go back to providing you with that crucial “time to pee” cue that prevents you from wetting your pants regularly. In the meantime, don’t shy away from wearing a pantyliner.

How long should it take me to regain control of my bladder after giving birth?

It all depends on your personal ~*birth story*~, and your body. It could be a few weeks, or a few months. Or never. Some women still pee a little every time they sneeze years after giving birth. The best way to ensure that your muscles tighten back up so that you regain bladder control is to do Kegel exercises daily. Luckily, Kegels can be done just about anywhere, so they’re easy to incorporate into your day to day. It’s also kind of fun to tighten and relax your pelvic floor in the middle of a meeting or a lunch date. Think of it as a special secret between you and your vagina.

How many ounces of breast milk is a newborn supposed to eat in one feeding?

While feeding habits vary from baby to baby, a typical newborn starts off consuming two to three ounces in one feeding, and they eat every two to three hours. One month in, the average baby consumes roughly four ounces in one feeding. If your baby’s not a normie in this category, maybe celebrate their difference rather than trying to get them to conform to the aforementioned schedule.

Why do my boobs feel like rocks?

Your breasts will start to get rock hard when their ducts are filled with milk, which can be expelled either through pumping or breastfeeding. Think of your hardening breasts as a custom time-to-feed alarm clock. Your baby has all the power to alleviate the overflow simply by suckling. If your breasts are painful and /or appear to be irritated, it could be a sign of an infection called mastitis, caused by a blockage in the milk ducts. Consult your doctor for an official diagnosis or ctrl-F your way to my responses on all questions regarding “mastitis.”

Is the baby supposed to eat from both breasts every time she feeds, or should I be rotating from one breast to the other for each feeding?

It’s up to you, really, and your baby. Some babies clearly prefer one breast over the other, and will feed mostly from their favored breast. In response to baby’s desires, that breast will end up producing more milk. Other babies will be less picky about the boob from which they feed. Still other babies will change their mind from time to time, favoring one breast and then the other. The good news is, your body knows what to do! Trust in your boobs to produce the right amount of milk for your child. In boobs we trust is your new motto!

Are you supposed to pump both breasts simultaneously?

Yes! It’s not at all self-evident, but pumping is meant to be a dual boob activity. The reason is that pumping one breast tends to trigger the other into milk production mode. Have you noticed how your right nipple tends to lactate while you’re breastfeeding baby with the left breast and vice versa? The same phenomenon is at work when you pump. So if you only hook up one boob to the pump, the other’s going to leak precious drops of boob juice gold anyway. In the name of collecting every precious drop of breast milk, hook up both boobs at once!

When should I start pumping?

Many doctors advise establishing a breastfeeding routine, which generally takes at least a few weeks, prior to introducing the pump to your already overstretched nipples. If you plan to pump from the office, many a lactation consultant will tell you it’s a good idea to begin pumping about a month or so before you return to work so you can get accustomed to the practice. For some women, however, waiting isn’t an option. If you’re intent on feeding your baby breast milk but your baby isn’t latching properly, or a medical issue prevents you from nursing, you may have to start pumping immediately. There’s really no “right” approach to pumping, so figure out what works for you if pumping is something you even plan to do!

When is the best time of day to pump?

Never! Because PUMPING SUCKS! Kidding! Kind of. Pumping is a good thing to do if you can’t be around your baby all the time but you want to keep up your milk supply. It’s also a great way to build up a stockpile of frozen breast milk so you can continue feeding your infant the stuff after weaning and/or enjoy a night out with your baby daddy without worrying about what your kid will eat while you’re not physically present to let them suckle on your nipples. For many women, milk production is at its highest during the morning hours, so if you’re going to squeeze a pumping session into your day, try to do it an hour or so after your morning feeding. But if you’re someone who seems to make more milk come nightfall, pump then. You are your own best breast whisperer, so listen to your body, particularly your mammary glands.

Is it okay to give my newborn formula in addition to breast milk?

Breast Is Best enthusiasts might SCREAM at the thought, but guess what? How you nourish your baby is entirely up to you. FED IS BEST!!! If you fear you’re not producing enough milk and/or breastfeeding just isn’t working out how you hoped it would, there’s no harm in leaning on an alternate food source. The important thing is that you stay calm and do what you must to enjoy being a mother as much as possible. Don’t let the societal pressure to breastfeed exclusively prevent you from figuring out what’s best for you and your child.

Are bowlegs normal for newborns?

Yup! Turns out newborns are pretty much all bowlegged. Weird? Not really, if you stop and think about how they’re positioned in the womb. There are different degrees of bowleggedness, of course, so if you’re concerned about your child in a young Forest Gump kinda way, just alert your pediatrician and they’ll monitor your baby’s leg development. Seriously, though, don’t fret too much over those bowlegs as they’re likely to subside as the baby ages. By age three, most kids’ legs straighten out entirely.

How long will it take for the umbilical cord stump to fall off?

Typically, the umbilical cord stump falls off at around two weeks of age. At that point, you’re free to give your baby his or her first bath. While the stump is still intact, please don’t touch it!!!! And try to be sure that your baby’s clothing doesn’t rub up against it too much as the stump could get infected. I don’t care if you’re one of those people who can’t help picking at a scab—your baby’s umbilical cord stump is NOT to be messed with. Let that little piece of flesh rot and detach all on its own. Let it sit there peacefully until it’s good and ready to fall right off. And maybe don’t be one of those people who saves the stump because it’s literally a piece of gangrenous flesh. Ew.

Is it true that a newborn can menstruate a little from ingesting her mother’s hormones?

Yes! It’s true! Kinda weird or kinda cool, depending on how you look at women’s menstrual cycles in general. Anyhoops, the fact is that a female infant might very well bleed a little from her vagina at two or three days old as a result of withdrawal from hormones she was exposed to in the womb. If your baby girl menstruates during her first week of life, thankfully for her, it’ll probably be the last time she does for about another decade.

Is it true that a newborn can develop tiny breasts as a result of consuming maternal hormones?

Did your pediatrician mention that your baby girl might develop teeny tiny breasts of her own right after birth? They weren’t lying! It’s true! For the same reason that your baby girl might actually menstruate a little immediately after entering the world via vaginal canal (see above), the girl might grow little boobies, too. Crazy, right? But also cool.

What are the little white dots on my baby’s face?

Newborn skin is super fresh and sensitive because, well, it’s brand spankin’ new! Babies are prone to developing lots of different rashes in their first few months of life. Luckily, most of them are totally harmless and will disappear all on their own. The tiny little white dots on your baby’s face are an example of a totally harmless skin condition with a special name: milia. The cause? Just some blocked oil glands. It’ll take a few weeks, but eventually those ducts will get bigger and open up, and those irksome little bumps will disappear. Whatever you do, don’t try to pop them or pinch them. Leave your baby’s face alone!

How much milk should I be able to pump from a breast in one sitting?

The important thing about pumping, especially in the early weeks, is not to freak out over how much milk you are or aren’t producing. Don’t call up your mommy friends and ask them how many ounces of milk they produced during each pumping session because you’ll end up with a slew of different answers, none of which apply to you necessarily and all of which stand to make you feel bad about yourself for no good reason at all. Pumping is not a comparathon so don’t make it one. If breastfeeding is going well for you and your baby (if it isn’t, don’t feel bad about it!), your body will adjust to produce as much milk as your baby needs. That amount should increase, naturally, after the first few weeks of your baby’s life. If your baby is gaining weight at a pace that pleases your pediatrician, you’re doing just fine. So don’t fixate on numbers, or ounces-per-session. Trust your instincts and your body’s ability to give your baby exactly what he or she needs.

Is it possible to die from exhaustion?

Allegedly, it is possible to die from lack of sleep. There’s a reason why keeping people awake for extended periods is an actual torture tactic. As any new parent can attest, being sleep deprived sucks butt! It can also be quite dangerous. You don’t want to let yourself get to the point that you’re so tired you might do something dumb like drop the baby or roll over them in bed. It’s up to you to recognize that you’re tired AF and to do something about it, like call on a friend or relative to help you out for a few hours so you can take a nap.

At what point will my baby start sleeping through the night?

Every baby is different, so there’s no official answer to this question. Some parents are lucky to have infants who sleep through the night around 6 to 8 weeks, but others will be waking up with their baby every few hours up until 6 to 9 months. Another thing to note is that some babies will sleep through the night but then regress to not sleeping through the night at certain points. And then there’s always the chance that your baby gets sick, or starts teething, which might interrupt their established sleep patterns. You really can’t predict whether you’ll birth a “good sleeper” or not, or if and when your baby’s sleep patterns will shift. Basically, now that you’re a mom or dad, you can count on feeling a tinge of nervousness every single night when you put your baby down. It’s kind of like the feeling you used to experience at the blackjack table right as the dealer flipped a card over, except that you stand to win zero dollars.

How old does a baby have to be before you start sleep training?

Oh boy. This is one of those topics that inspires serious ire amongst “experts” and their diehard followers, all of whom stand staunchly by their differing opinions on the matter. Some think it’s cruel to sleep train an infant, while others will tell you it’s beneficial to both baby (who needs adequate sleep for critical brain development) and the family overall (which needs its sleep as well). Some mothers cannot bear to let their child cry without interfering to soothe them, while others insist that encouraging a child to self soothe is a critical skill that will serve them well throughout life. In her book, Bringing Up Bébé, Pamela Druckerman notes that most French babies seem to sleep through the night starting at 8 weeks, not because French babies are genetically predisposed to sleeping more soundly, but because French parents seem dedicated to facilitating good sleep habits early on. According to Druckerman, they do this partly by pausing slightly before addressing their infants’ cries from day one, a subtle but impactful move that lets a baby know their cries will not always be answered immediately and gradually teaches self-soothing. In the end, you have to make a choice that works best for your family, whatever that may be. Here’s an article listing the various techniques for sleep training.

How long will it be before I can poop like a normal human again after giving birth?

It’s a legit struggle to poo postpartum, which is SUPER annoying, right? Difficulty pooping is the last thing a new mom wants to deal with. But if you think about what your body just went through, it makes total sense that it would be tough to poop. Your stomach muscles, which help push that fecal matter through your bowels, have been stretched and weakened like crazy throughout the 40 or so weeks you were pregnant. Plus, a lot of women need stitches after a vaginal delivery and still others develop hemorrhoids or constipation. All of these factors conspire to making pooping a bit of a problem after giving birth. Here’s the good news: Pooping will go back to being mostly a joy that brings you abdominal relief more than anything else. You just need to be patient for the first few weeks after delivery. Gradually, your sphincter muscles will regain strength and you won’t have to wince as much while squeezing the stinky stuff out of your butthole.

How long will it take my vagina stitches to dissolve?

Typically, it takes about two to three weeks for perineal tearing to heal after birth. The vagina stitches you got will actually dissolve on their own so don’t think too much about them. When you go in for your first postpartum checkup at around four to six weeks after delivery, your obstetrician will assess the situation down there, and, mostly likely, give you the thumbs up to start humping again. If you’re feeling any postpartum pain in the perineum, just be sure to mention it to the doc, okay?

How long before I can have sex again after birth?

Most healthcare providers recommend waiting four to six weeks after delivery before having sex. Sound like a long-ass time? Maybe, but not in the grand scheme of things. You need to give your body time to recuperate—for the cervix to close, your perineum to heal, and your muscles to strengthen. If your partner’s getting antsy about reinvigorating your sex life, tell them to CHILL THE FUCK OUT. You might just want to wait another four to six weeks after getting the official okay to boink, and guess what? That’s okay! Your significant other can wait. You’ve done enough of the work over the last year, so the least they can do is be patient!

Does breastfeeding impact a woman’s sex drive?

Breastfeeding is a whole THING. I mean, first off, it’s hard work. If you’re exclusively breastfeeding, you’re tethered to your baby (or a pump) pretty much constantly. It’s no wonder that feeding your baby a boob-juice-only diet would impact your mind and body in various ways. According to Susan Kellogg Spadt, PhD, a Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology from Drexel University, “It is fairly common for breastfeeding women to experience a waning of desire, even months after delivery.” In addition to the fact that most new moms are capital “T” Tired, a lack of sex drive in breastfeeding women is partly caused by hormonal shifts. Estrogen (linked to vaginal moistness and flexibility), is lower in breastfeeding women. As is testosterone, which is tied to libido strength. Meanwhile, levels of prolactin (tied to lower sexual desire) are higher in breastfeeding women. Then there’s the issue of “intimate touch.” Some assert that the process of breastfeeding satisfies a woman’s need for human contact, so they’re less likely to look to their partners for touch. Overall, it’s absolutely within the realm of normal not to want to bone while you’re still breastfeeding, even months after birth. Your sex drive will return, but probably not until after your child is weaned from the breast.

How many additional calories should I consume while breastfeeding?

Most experty types seem to agree that a breastfeeding woman needs about 500 additional calories per day to maintain her milk supply. But that doesn’t mean that you should down a donut a day rather than making healthy choices. Not all calories are created equal, so think more apples, less waffles. For reference on quantities, here’s a helpful article that’ll give you a sense as to what, exactly, 500 calories looks like in different foods. On a side note, definitely don’t try to diet while you’re breastfeeding because cutting too many calories will decrease your milk supply, rendering you relatively useless as a human cow.

Does what I eat affect my breast milk?

According to Kelly Bonyata, International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, what a woman eats while breastfeeding is more critical to her own health than her baby’s. Bonyata says exactly what breastfeeding moms everywhere have been waiting to hear: “Guess what? You can drink caffeinated beverages (in moderation), have an occasional drink, eat what you want and still provide your baby with the absolute best nutrition and immunological protection – mother’s own milk.” Cheers to Mother Nature, who designed the female body to provide her babies with all the nutrition they need through her milk, even in times of hardship or famine.

How many times do you pump in one day at work?

If you’re a working mom in the good ol’ US of A, chances are you’re returning to work when your infant is six months old or younger. At that stage, if you’re exclusively breastfeeding, it’s a good idea to express milk about every three hours. So if you work an 8 hour day and commute an hour each way, that means you’ll have to pump about three times a day. Don’t worry too much about setting a time because your breasts will harden when your milk ducts are ready to be depleted. As soon as you start to feel that discomfort, escort yourself to the lactation room and do your thing. Here’s a helpful article listing pumping strategies for working mamas.

Are breast pump parts dishwasher safe?

Many new pumps come with parts that are indeed dishwasher safe. Yay! Otherwise, getting in the nooks and crannies of all those parts would require a serious amount of attention (and Q-tips). To be absolutely sure, of course, re-Google this question with the brand name of your particular pump. If you’re concerned about how to keep your pump clean in general, here’s what the Federal Food and Drug Administration has to say about it.

What is cluster feeding?

You’ve literally just settled into some semblance of a routine—feeding your child every two to three hours or so—when your baby starts to demand food hourly or MORE. Cluster feeding is the phenomenon whereby your baby suddenly seems hungry way more frequently than usual within a certain timeframe. It can persist for a couple days and then subside altogether, or happen at the same time of day for several days on end before things revert to normal. How do you know it’s happening? Because your baby is fussy and or cries more than usual, the one and only effective means of communication upon which they can rely. Some believe that cluster feeding occurs in conjunction with growth spurts. Simply put, the baby’s hungrier because they’re temporarily growing at an increased rate. Typically, cluster feeding episodes tend to abate by four months of age.

How do I know if my baby is having a growth spurt?

Somewhat hilariously, the symptoms of an infant growth spurt can vary widely. And by “vary widely” I mean “be opposite things.” Your baby might sleep like a log for extended periods of time while growing precipitously, OR they might sleep much less. As if things weren’t difficult enough already! Other symptoms of a baby growth spurt include crying more frequently (sigh), fussing more often (sigh again), or acting clingier. Effectively, it’s super hard to pinpoint whether your baby is going through a growth spurt. But as long as you’re tending to their changing needs the best you can, you’re doing your job, mama.

How old does a baby have to be to eat solid foods?

According to the Mayo Clinic, by age four to six months, your baby will be ready for some solid food. And guess what? Your baby will actually signal that they’re ready to tackle something other than breast milk or formula. Pretty cool, right? Those signs include: holding their head up steadily, sitting up with support, mouthing their hands and/or toys, and seeming super interested in whatever you’re eating. Look out for the cues, and follow your baby’s lead.

What kind of solid food does a baby eat to start?

Imagine you had no teeth and had never eaten food—ever. You’d need something simple to start, right? That’s exactly how it works for your toothless little child. Beginning at about four to six months, your baby might be ready for solid food. If you suspect that they’ve reached this point, just double check with your pediatrician. And plan on starting simple. Offer your little one single-ingredient foods without any salt or sugar. After introducing a new food, wait three to five days to introduce another. That way, if your baby has an adverse reaction to a certain food, you can pinpoint the culprit and eliminate it from their diet. Iron and zinc, (found in pureed meats, single-grain, iron-fortified cereals, beans, and lentils) are super important nutrients for your baby during the second half of year one, so keep that in mind when selecting the foods you intro. Gradually, offer your baby mashed up vegetables and then fruits, continuing to wait three to five days in between each new food.

How old is a baby when it starts teething?

Teething can start anywhere between 3 months and 12 months, and there’s no magical sign (surprise, surprise) that will tell you it’s happening for sure. Some babies will actually demonstrate zero signs of irritability, while others will become incredibly fussy while their chompers are finally pushing through. The crankiness is due to soreness in the gums starting a few days before a tooth finally pokes through. It takes about three years for all 20 primary teeth to emerge, so that means you’ll be dealing with teething as a parent for quite some time.

When do babies start to crawl?

Crawling is a major milestone—for babies, but maybe more so for the parents who can no longer count on their child remaining stationary. Generally speaking, most kids begin to crawl around 7 to 10 months. But they might be in motion long before they’re actually crawling. You can expect some shuffling around on the bum and other attempts at motion as early as six months. So don’t get too comfy leaving baby on his or her play mat for extended periods of time. Those golden days of not really paying attention will soon be long gone! But remember, you signed up for this shit, so you might as well embrace it!

When do babies start to smile and laugh?

In the first few weeks of life, you might think your baby is smiling at you, but it’s really just a reflex. (Maybe it’s better you don’t know that. It’s kind of nice believing that your infant is already super grateful for all you’re doing to keep them alive.) Alas, infants are incapable of demonstrating their appreciation of all your hard work for quite some time. The first true smile, which will melt even the coldest heart, generally happens somewhere between six weeks and three months. Luckily, the real deal is worth the wait! Finally, a reward for all of those diapers you’ve been dutifully changing and all of those crying fits you’ve been stifling in between reassessing your decision to parent in the first place.

When do babies start talking?

You might THINK your baby’s speaking well before they actually are. It’s tempting to hang onto a few syllables within the string of weird sounds your baby starts making as early as three months old—to find the “ma” or “pa” or “yes” or “no” hidden within a slew of gobbley-gook that means absolutely nothing. But it usually takes at least six months for a baby to formulate an actual word. And if you’re into communicating in full sentences, you’ll probably have to wait until your kid’s between 1.5 and 2 years old for them to string some words into fun short sentences like “My pee stinks!” and “That’s MY toy!!!”

When do babies start walking?

On average, babies start walking somewhere between 9 months and 1 year. If your baby seems to be more of the sedentary type, however, that’s okay! It doesn’t mean they’re lazy. They might just feel like making mom and dad wait to snap an Insta story of this all-important milestone. Some kids don’t embrace the biped life fully until 16 or 17 months of age. True story.

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

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All The Questions Every New Mom Googles After Giving Birth, Answered

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/all-the-questions-every-new-mom-googles-after-giving-birth-answered/

All The Questions Every New Mom Googles After Giving Birth, Answered

How long does it take for your belly to go back to its normal size after giving birth?

Does your belly button permanently change after giving birth or does it go back to normal?

Do stretch marks ever go away?

Does the line on your belly go away after birth?

Is it normal to have night sweats after giving birth?

What are the main symptoms of postpartum depression?

What’s the difference between shaking your baby and rocking it?

Why is my baby head-butting my chest so much?

Is head bobbing a symptom of Tourette Syndrome or is my baby really just that hungry?

What is mastitis?

How do you know if you have mastitis?

Do I need to see a doctor if I have mastitis?

It’s always wise to consult a medical professional, who can diagnose you officially and prescribe antibiotics if necessary.

How do you treat mastitis?

Will my nipples lose all sensitivity after they’ve hardened from nursing?

Why does breastfeeding hurt so much and why did nobody tell me this?

How old does a baby have to be to use a pacifier?

What color is my newborn baby’s poop supposed to be?

What is meconium?

How often is a newborn supposed to poo?

How often is a newborn supposed to pee?

If a baby’s poop is supposed to be liquidy, how do you know if it has diarrhea?

How long will it take for me to lose the baby weight?

How long should I wait before going back to the gym?

Is it normal that I can’t control my own bladder after giving birth?

How long should it take me to regain control of my bladder after giving birth?

How many ounces of breast milk is a newborn supposed to eat in one feeding?

Why do my boobs feel like rocks?

Is the baby supposed to eat from both breasts every time she feeds, or should I be rotating from one breast to the other for each feeding?

Are you supposed to pump both breasts simultaneously?

When should I start pumping?

When is the best time of day to pump?

Is it okay to give my newborn formula in addition to breast milk?

Are bowlegs normal for newborns?

How long will it take for the umbilical cord stump to fall off?

Is it true that a newborn can menstruate a little from ingesting her mother’s hormones?

Is it true that a newborn can develop tiny breasts as a result of consuming maternal hormones?

What are the little white dots on my baby’s face?

How much milk should I be able to pump from a breast in one sitting?

Is it possible to die from exhaustion?

At what point will my baby start sleeping through the night?

How old does a baby have to be before you start sleep training?

How long will it be before I can poop like a normal human again after giving birth?

How long will it take my vagina stitches to dissolve?

How long before I can have sex again after birth?

Does breastfeeding impact a woman’s sex drive?

How many additional calories should I consume while breastfeeding?

Does what I eat affect my breast milk?

How many times do you pump in one day at work?

Are breast pump parts dishwasher safe?

What is cluster feeding?

How do I know if my baby is having a growth spurt?

How old does a baby have to be to eat solid foods?

What kind of solid food does a baby eat to start?

How old is a baby when it starts teething?

When do babies start to crawl?

When do babies start to smile and laugh?

When do babies start talking?

When do babies start walking?

#Happiness

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pabluesman · 7 years

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The latest rant:

A common picture of the Republican Party is that of a cabal of big-money plutocrats, rubbing their hands gleefully as they kick starving children into the cold and knock retirees over for the Social Security benefits while lighting cigars with $100 bills. And while this is useful as agitprop, it creates a divide in the discussion of serious issues. Granted, there are some on both sides of the aisle who are craven and corrupt, and unfortunately they also make the most noise. It also doesn't help that the top figures in the party -- trump and his staff (Spicer, Conway, et al), Ryan, and McConnell -- further this perception with their words and actions, but such is a topic for another day ... The thing is, though, almost all Republicans are working with the best of intentions. They honestly believe that their proposals and actions are in the best interest of the American people. So why is there such a gulf between Republican and Democrat, liberal and conservative, trump and normal people? My opinion? It comes down to a fundamental difference in how progress is measured. The Republican Party measures everything in terms of dollars and cents. This is fine as far as it goes -- it is a completely objective measure, with no wiggle room for interpretation. Something costs what it costs, and revenue is revenue, and the numbers are going to be the numbers whether you like them or not. As a result, for many things this is fine ... but there are aspects of the things the government does that do not translate well into currency. Things like quality of life for a family that can no longer afford health coverage. Or environmental quality. Or lives lost fighting bullshit wars on false pretenses. The modern Republican Party is, on paper, dedicated to the idea of fiscal responsibility. They believe that deficit spending is fundamentally bad, that social welfare programs impede individual initiative, and (at least, on the far right) that many of the problems faced by marginalized populations -- the poor, people of color, and so on -- are the result of moral failings at the individual level. Proposals presented by the Republicans are centered around the idea of "if ya ain't got the dough, don't spend it." Nowhere is this demonstrated more clearly than in the following statement made by Rep. Mo Brooks on May 1:

“My understanding is that it will allow insurance companies to require people who have higher health care costs to contribute more to the insurance pool. That helps offset all these costs, thereby reducing the cost to those people who lead good lives, they’re healthy, they’ve done the things to keep their bodies healthy. And right now those are the people—who’ve done things the right way—that are seeing their costs skyrocketing.”

On the surface, this seems like a pretty cruel, heartless stance. After all, what Rep. Brooks appears to be saying here is that if someone gets breast cancer, say, then it's their own damned fault for not living a clean life and they deserve to pay more for insurance as a result. Now, everybody knows this is bullshit, and it's a pretty safe bet that's not what Rep. Brooks meant. My guess is that he was speaking more to the apparent fairness of premium amounts, taking a position that people who need more health care should be paying higher premiums. And while this does seem like a reasonable proposition, it misses the point entirely on how insurance is supposed to work (the people who need less subsidize the people who need more, thus spreading the cost more or less evenly ... but diving into the intricacies of health insurance actuary is way beyond the scope of this article). This illustrates a higher point, though. Whether it stems from ideology, or the need to maintain viewership across the basic cable spectrum, or just pure salaciousness, we have been trapped in a cycle of "gotchas" for the past several decades. Barack Obama says "So it's not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion ..." as a statement on small-town America's reaction to steady job losses over the prior twenty years, which is clearly evident when the entire quote is used:

"Our challenge is to get people persuaded that we can make progress when there's not evidence of that in their daily lives. You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. So it's not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

However, the right-wing shriek factory chose to highlight a specific phrase in a manner designed to generate the most outrage, furthering the narrative of Obama as a Kenyan Muslim terrorist atheist communist dictator, hellbent on taking away everyone's guns and forcing them to adhere to Sharia law (which, let's be fair, almost none of the target audience knew anything about except what they had heard from the right-wing shriek factory in the first place ... and not for nothing, but it is impossible to be a Muslim and an atheist. Just sayin'.). To be fair, this sort of nonsense happens on the left as well, but again ... a topic for another article ... The thing is, there are actually very few Republicans who hew strictly to this line. The vast majority of them do not agree with ideological purity at all costs; instead they adopt a stance of "Okay, I have my ideology, you have yours, and there has to be some agreeable middle ground." For example, as you may have guessed, I am a liberal. Very liberal. Not quite to the anarchist extreme of some, but definitely more than most. One of my best friends is a hard-core conservative Republican. We argue about politics all the time, and rare is the occasion when one of us makes a solid enough argument to change the other's position. Despite this obvious mental deficiency on his part (kidding, and he knows it), he is a wonderful stepfather, a good and decent person, and regularly kicks my ass at pool. And this is the fundamental point. Republicans are not, by nature, evil. They are not the sort of cartoonish, sinister villains portrayed in the media, any more than liberals are all a bunch of skinny, stoned, granola-munching whiners with acoustic guitars militantly guarding against trigger words. Republicans just have a different viewpoint from Democrats. That's all. They are both still Americans, they both still love this country, they both still respect the Constitution. Go to any firehouse, police station, military barracks, elementary school, restaurant, grocery store, auto shop. Unless there is only one person there, chances are pretty good that there will be a roughly even split between conservatives and liberals. And I guarantee that the EMT who is driving the ambulance taking you to the hospital doesn't give a hairy rodent's posterior about your political affiliation, the only concern is getting you to the goddam hospital. This is what we, as a society, are losing sight of lately. It is incumbent upon all of us -- right or left, Democrat or Republican, conservative or liberal -- to always remember this, and to accept the fundamental humanity of those with differing views, and to allow the respect that is born from this acceptance to be shown. And it has to start with a decision on which media outlet to frequent. Yes, there are no purely objective sources. Every media outlet has some sort of political leaning. It's only natural, considering they are all people. Where the differences lie is in how this slant is addressed. Some, like Breitbart and the Daily Wire on the right or Occupy Democrats and the Palmer Report on the left, make no bones about their political leanings. Which is fine, as long as people understand that their content is all opinion, not fact. Others, like the New York Times and the Washington Post on the left and the Wall Street Journal and Forbes on the right, acknowledge their political stance but strive to keep it from coloring their reporting. Yes, sometimes they are better at it than others, but they all have one common characteristic: when a mistake is made, they cop to it. Publicly. They issue retractions and correct the erroneous information. If there are enough retractions credited to a specific reporter ... well, that reporter is then out of a job. So I urge everyone reading this -- both of you -- to ask the following questions when considering a news source (not including articles clearly labeled as opinion pieces):

Does this news source use objective language, or are there subjective terms (excluding quotes) used to attempt to sway the reader to a particular way of thinking about an issue? For example, the Daily Wire recently published a story about funding being pulled from a Shakespeare in the Park production of "Julius Caesar" because it depicts the assassination of donald trump. While the story may be true, and it is not at all uncommon for theater companies to adapt Shakespeare to modern settings, the Daily Wire uses language like "objectively despicable contents of this production" to describe the play. Rather than just reporting on the "who, what, where, when" of the issue, the Daily Wire attempts to apply a value judgement to the play, thus robbing the reader of that opportunity.

Can the story be verified by multiple reliable sources? For example, if you see a story in the New York Times, or Forbes, or the BBC, or even the Daily Caller, can you also find reporting on that same topic from another source? This excludes the latest practice in which someone creates content that may or may not be factual and distributes it to like-thinking outlets, who then publish it blindly (basically, what happens here is that the article appears in multiple outlets, with identical or near-identical language).

In the case of erroneous reporting, does the source acknowledge it and issue a retraction? This only applies to factual errors. For example, an article about Ivanka Trump's clothing line that reports on a pair of shoes costing $2,500 when they are actually $250 deserves a correction. An opinion piece stating that they are the butt-ugliest things to come down the pike since the Pontiac Aztek does not.

It is vitally important that we all -- Republican and Democrat alike -- do our due diligence when consuming media. It is only once we emerge from the shriek factories on both the left and right and into the light of day that we can start to find common ground on the issues facing this nation today. Please like and share my page at http://ift.tt/2rkD9UV for more.

#IFTTT #Blogger

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hellogerbils · 7 years

Text

Code Gray

It was a safe place to have a complete breakdown and not worry that everyone was judging me or laughing at me. We’re all in there for the same reason – we can’t function – and we don’t magically start to function behind locked doors and on medications. Medications can take weeks to work; this was a short-stay unit with the average length of stay being three to five days.

But I was not okay. I was literally not in my right mind. I had to adjust to stopping my old medications and starting new ones, and I had horrible anxiety attacks during which I actually begged for a padded room. They called security on me after I stabbed the wall with a pencil and I asked the guard if he could tase me. The warnings of Code Gray; combative patient broadcast over the loudspeaker didn’t help my state of mind. I thought it meant there was a shooter in the building. It took a while to sink in that the warning was because of me.

At thirteen days on the ward, I was already the veteran. I was the only one there for her first hospitalization, and the one who ended up being kept the longest, after finding out there really is no such thing as voluntary commitment. Sure, you can leave any time you want…as long as you are not declared unfit for release by your doctor and then ordered to be detained. So basically, you sign in voluntarily, and if you try to leave, they commit you.

Not that I didn’t need it. But I hate not being able to control what happens to me, and I hated that they wouldn’t give me a discharge date, so I tried to leave. I already knew they had called the police after I checked in, as a failed suicide-by-cop in probably the lamest attempt ever, which included writing to the local Superior Court judges to let them know it would be a justifiable shooting. I had agreed to surrender my firearms and I gave up my house keys so they would be gone when I got home.

But they ordered me to be detained until I could be sent to a long-term facility, so I started asking some of the other patients what the state hospital was like.

“What you in for? You try to kill yourself?”

“Uh…sort of…actually, I’m an autistic sociopath.”

Another woman spoke up: “What’s that? Like serial-killer shit?”

From across the room, a clinical-sounding monotone: “Actually, most sociopaths are not murderers. They just don’t feel emotions in the way other people do. And since she’s autistic she doesn’t bond with people either.”

That’s pretty much it, to put it very simply. Although no one displays 100% of the symptoms of their illness or personality disorder 100% of the time, generally I do not feel emotions and I do not form attachments to people. Clearly there are exceptions; I attach very well to other autistic people and I can feel emotions that stem from involuntary, innate survival mechanisms. But there is a reason I don’t cry at work and why it’s nothing to me to be exposed to horrific images of pointless violence – I don’t empathize. Not because I don’t care that someone’s child has died, but because in my mind I’m simply performing a task at hand. I am an artist and human remains are my medium. I am motivated by a desire to do well at my job and I enjoy the challenge of working on remains that are considered non-viewable. But it’s just not possible for me to think, this could be my kid. It isn’t my kid. It’s my job. I think part of the reason I can do it so well and really hone those skills is because I’m not overwhelmed with emotion.

There are degrees and variances of severity of any mental illness, though these are not measurable. Either a person needs treatment or does not; can function independently or cannot. I seem to have the ability to interact with people on an interpersonal level if they are experiencing crushing grief. Maybe because I know what it’s like, or maybe because I’ve been doing it for so long.

So, much in the way that not all people with schizophrenia hear voices and not all depressed people are suicidal, there are times when I feel almost like a regular person. Sometimes I even want to be around other people and know what it’s like to have relationships and conversations, though I frequently bungle this because I don’t know how to act.

“What if you saw an old lady carrying a heavy bag of groceries and the bag broke…would you stop and help?”

People like to present hypothetical what-if scenarios, usually to try and “prove” that I’m not really a sociopath or perhaps because they want to hear someone actually say, “No, I wouldn’t help; I’d kick her oranges into the street and throw mud on her.” Of course I’d help, and I have helped in similar situations – once where a kid alone in the gym dropped a barbell on his neck, and another time when a woman alone in a handicapped stall had fallen out of her wheelchair. I’m sure there have been others, but these two stood out because there was an immediate risk to the person involved and thinking about whether I had the time or desire to help out just wasn’t an option. I sprang into action and I believe anyone else would have as well.

But part of a willingness to help others stems from a desire to “pass” in society. I am willing to act in certain ways that assure I can live independently and work in my field. Sometimes that includes forced social interaction and small talk, which is nerve-wracking for me. Sometimes it includes exposure to unpleasant stimuli that is torture for an autistic person. Most autistic people have sensory processing difficulties, with certain stimuli being too much to handle. Eye contact usually tops the list, and we force ourselves to make fleeting, intermittent eye contact or to stare at a person’s nose or forehead in hopes they won’t know something is “wrong” with us.

For me, along with eye contact, stimuli that literally drive me crazy are the sounds of multiple human voices; disembodied human voices; and the feeling of water on skin. This is why I don’t watch TV or talk on the phone, and why I hate showering…but I will get in the shower so I can “pass” as a neurotypical (normal) person. I can usually watch cartoons, since the voices do not sound human, and I can also talk on the phone with people I personally know, since I can easily picture them.

Are sociopaths violent?

Not always. But one does not get such a diagnosis without first capturing the attention of mental health professionals, meaning you first have to be noticed as someone who is a danger to herself or others. In my case, I was determined to be both, and my danger to others was considered to be partly due to the long-term use of a certain medication (Prozac) and partly due to the way I learned how to live. My earliest memories all include violence and being turned over to the state. Theoretically, it’s possible to unlearn such personality traits that developed as survival mechanisms, but it’s extremely unlikely for this to happen in an adult. I’m just not motivated. I care about my job and the handful of people with whom I’ve been able to establish some kind of connection. Managing my mental health is only for the purpose of staying out of the hospital, not for becoming a better person overall.

But I still want to become a better person in the eyes of a select few. Maybe I can be improved, if not fixed.

“As a child, did you torture small animals? Attack adults? Mutilate dolls? Trash others’ belongings? Get suspended from school? Get expelled?”

Yes to all, I answered as the forensic psychiatrist continued to pick my brain. He asked if I watched a lot of violent TV. I watched no TV…yet I staged an elaborate torture scene with other kids’ Barbie dolls. While other kids cut off Barbie’s hair, I cut off her arms and legs, drew slash marks all over her body, and set her up on the floor of the Barbie mansion with a bunch of Ken dolls standing over her. For some reason, I had dressed them in Barbie’s clothes.

I asked the doctor if he was familiar with the case of Mary Bell. He wasn’t, so I told him. She was a British girl who, at the age of ten, killed two smaller boys by strangulation, carved her initials into and sexually mutilated one of them, and bragged about her crimes. She was sentenced to an indefinite prison term and was released in her early twenties…and she got married. Became a secretary. Had a daughter. Had a granddaughter. She never offended again.

“So if she could one day be normal, is it possible that I could be as well?”

“Yes…yes, I think with continued treatment, you will not be a danger to anyone…I had one more question. As a child, did you also throw things?”

Throw things?! Is this the clincher? Is he not yet certain that I have psychological problems? If I say I have no recollection of throwing things, do I get sent home? I had confessed to – before the age of eight – setting fires, biting kittens until they were bleeding, and staging Barbiedoll mutilation scenes, and this doctor wants to know if I threw things.

I sure did. One day, I got to school early and filled an old sock with mud, and repeatedly threw it against an outdoor wall. Later I got called into the office. The mud-filled sock was in a cardboard box on a desk (was it really necessary to save it?) and the principal asked, “Can you explain this?”

Another thing about autistic people: it’s common for us to take things extremely literally. I explained it. It was a sock full of mud. I guess it wasn’t the explanation he wanted to hear.

Finally, after a life filled with violent acting out in an attempt to establish some kind of control and feel bigger for once, I was ordered to be held involuntarily and indefinitely.To be continued…

#mental illness #bpd #autism #violence #sociopath #suicide mention

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