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kuronekonerochan · 4 years

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Cdramas I enjoyed and ranty rambles... (spoilers)

Apparently I have a new favorite cdrama ML type, and it's genius mastermind bastard on a scheming backstabbing world that is likely created by the same novel or scriptwriter. Ning Que (Ever Night), Fang Xian (Joy of Life) and Zhong Xin (Young Blood) are a joy to watch and I loved these dramas on the same "spirit" and their characters.

All these dramas had stronger and weaker points, if I could pick and choose, I liked the world and ruthlessness of NQ from EN S1, the OTP that is NQ and SS and the Us against the World vibe, plus the incredible soundtrack and the breathtaking panoramic shots, but S2 was such a production mess...it’s a pity bc I loved the theological turn of the novel and it doesn’t seem likely that after that trainwreck of s2 we’ll get a s3 to end the story (although yes, I admit it would always be difficult to translate to screen from where s1 ends in the book onward bc it’s such a drastic change). Having read the novel, it was funny to see people reacting to the events of s2.

The shift in the focus of the drama from the traditional wuxia, young martial arts lead and his wifey traveling the world, encountering new allies and foes and getting powered up, to religious and spiritual journey about the meaning of life, god, the world and different ideologies clashing in both literal fights and discussions as well as physical manifestations of divinity, mixed in with human subversion of values for petty personal goals...well although people seem understandably confused and not very happy about this 180º thematic turn, it’s not what they hated about the new season. From the comments I saw, what most ppl couldn’t stand were the same things ppl who read and liked the novel also hated: the horrible pacing, some of the cast changes that failed to convey the feeling that they were the same characters, and even though the budget was evidently lower than s1, the choices made where 80% of the scenes were pointless carriage shots, meeting shots, and most pointless of all Long Qing riding horses. Endless set ups of people talking boringly and then when the event that all that talk was leading up to happened, it was off screen and the result was told by some character in a conversation. You couldn’t care less about Tang and the war because all the characters that lived there and could die, like SS’s friends from the brothel, the gang, and even the generic ppl on the streets, none of this was shown...only 2 or 3 ppl talking alone somewhere at a time, talking about events that the viewer would never see. And it was confusing. I read the novel and even so I could barely follow what was happening (they did change a bunch of stuff). Enemies from 2 episodes ago were now allies and they were asking favors without any explanation and key plot points of main story arcs like Ye Hong Yu’s were just thrown out so casually it didn’t even register for me that THAT was happening. The whole Haitian part was also a mess. It was one of those concepts that is indeed hard to translate to screen, but as they did the whole SangSang being present but powerless thing well, the casting of Haitian was a fail. She was supposed to be an uncaring, poker faced goddess, but she also had to have a presence that made her feel powerful and frightening. This lifeless doll couldn't scare a fly, so the whole thing just felt pathetic and weird(er). (Also in the novel there’s this intense mental fight thing going on between her and NQ where she hardcore tortures him and slashes his d*ck off and he in turn keeps torturing her with erotic dreams and all this bc the natal bond means they can read each others minds and can’t keep each other out even if they wanted so it’s a constant exhausting mindgame between them. The drama tried to include some of that in like 2 eps near the end, but toning it down bc of rating and taking the mindreading concept out of it made it very disappointing to watch).

I love the witty sarcastic humor of Joy of Life, I’m not into tragic period cdramas but after so much cheesy lazy slapstick wuxia/xanxia dramas, one with the intelligent, non-stop sarcastic humorous dialogue and an ensemble of god damn talented actors, especially the older cast, headed by an absolutely brilliant performance by the main lead and a script and plot that is compelling, fast paced and never misses a beat...well this is a true gem and one of the best executed cdramas, on every aspect from technical aspects to directing to acting, that I have ever seen. I usually don’t like palace dramas, and this is not one of those, it is adventure and family and transmigration and a lot more, but it retains the core elements of those palace dramas, which is the scheming politics, the intrigue and the constant tension of being surrounded by enemies by all sides and having to mind every word and action because a single faux pas will get him killed. It’s in line with the kind of cnovels I love and would like to see drama adaptations for like Husband Be a Gentleman or Golden Stage, which isn’t much of a surprise since this is also a novel adaptation.

It is nearly perfect imo, but the harem aspect (even if tuned down from the novel) still drags it down and the (main) FL is a bore and honestly the least interesting of all the females in the drama (it doesn’t help that ZRY has better chemistry with one of the other actresses, which in the novel, since his character hits ALL of them, it would be fine, here, meh). This is also one of the rare situations where I like the drama better than the book (even with the issues regarding the lack of chemistry with the FL), bc Fang Xian in the novel is scarily ruthless...it’s the same author as Nightfall (aka Ever Night), but NQ is likable because of his bond to SangSang, the irrationality of the persecution they face from the zealots, and also the world, despite being harsh, features loyalty and unconditional love in the members of the Academy, for example, that make all the anti-hero/antagonist traits more bearable. FX in Joy of Life it’s a much more cynical and cunning character, scary even, and the environment is a pit of backstabbing snakes. He is the hero bc he’s the main character, but from any other perspective he can easily be the villain. Add to that my distaste of harem and him getting it on with like 6 or so ladies (to give them credit some of them are pretty awesome characters), the novel just wasn’t for me. But ZRY as FX? He’s just so cheeky and likable, and this drama has an amazing supporting cast. I enjoy watching them all interact with each other. I’m glad it’s getting a season 2 and so looking forward to it.

Young Blood I didn't even like that much in the beginning, it started out interesting but confusing and some of the cast (both acting and characters) were kind of weak, but it got better and it had a power couple as leads who were both smart and a joy to watch, plus the bromance dynamic between the smartass bastard and the righteous straight-faced dudes that Handsome Siblings wishes it had (that’s a whole other story, why HS didn’t work for me, but trust me, no offense to the actors in that, I found them charming in other things, but perhaps bc this script was just better, the boys here just did it better, it just flowed...I watched both dramas at the same time and it was weird thinking that those two should be what Handsome Siblings was trying to do). What annoyed me until the end was that out of the ensemble cast, only 3 of the characters (the smart ones) were given enough material to shine. Eventually the other 2 guys got their piece as well, but the girl from the second couple is unfortunately a waste of a character. They eventually tried to give her an arc, but she’s still mainly “the cute doll” and a foil for the 2nd male lead to have a romantic interest. She is given less screen time and she has no presence. I didn’t need her to be a “strong” woman. They do state that her strong suit is that she is so charming that ppl easily trust her, but I wanted to see her evolve, become smarter (the other two dumb-asses eventually get better from the beginning and grow as characters, but she seems stuck in her shallow one trait personality of “cute/kind”). This has nothing to do with the actress, she was perfectly fine, my issues are with the character and how she was utilized.

Unrelated, there is a weird thing in the last episode where a character just disappears, but not like, on purpose, it seems like the drama just forgot about him, or they forgot to shoot the actor near the other ones where he was supposed to be, lol.

Honestly, story wise and even in terms of production Young Blood is inferior to Ever night S1 and especially Joy of life, which was a tight drama, but since it ended up so much better than it started I really wanted to see what they could do with a 2nd season.

P.S: You know what is also my cdrama type? Genius himbo chaotic mess cutie pies, with “rage issue” but deep down caring relatives... and their “straight” faced besotted partners, I mean...

#cdrama #cdrama edit #young blood #ever night #ever night s2 #joy of life #the untamed #mo dao su zhi #young bloods #mo dao zu shi #cql #mine

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saleintothe90s · 5 years

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384. “Mad About You” series finale (5/24/1999)

(source)

So, I remember watching the series finale of Mad About You that night, but I haven’t watched it again since it originally aired. I do remember feeling let down at the end however. This is what I remember from 20 years ago, maybe I’ll remember some forgotten details once I re watch it...which I will after I make this list:

- Janeane Garofolo was Paul & Jamie’s daughter Mabel all grown up and she had come out with a documentary about her life? Her dad’s life? The film was everything after 1999?

-Paul & Jamie bought the apartment across from them and merged it into theirs? Which didn’t make any sense. Everybody had to walk through P&J’s bedroom to get to the expansion?

-Paul & Jamie were pregnant again with twins but she lost the babies? I just remember the scene where Paul rushes into the apartment with a double stroller excited that he found one. He sees the message light on the answering machine and it’s Jamie. I was trying to figure out if this was early on when Mabel was still a one year old, and one seat in the stroller was for her, or Jamie was pregnant with twins.

-Paul’s dad died real early on in the episode.

-Paul and Jamie wonder who should give her the birds and the bees talk when Mabel is a teenager, but turns out they waited too long. When Paul sits down with her to discuss it, she interrupts him and says that she’s already had sex, or she was already on the pill. Paul decides to take Mabel out for bagels every Saturday morning so he can remain closer to her. I just remember them eating bagels and sitting on a stoop.

- Paul and Jamie separate for realz this time. Remember when they temporarily separated but then got back together and Jamie got pregnant with Mabel?

[That episode is titled “The Finale”, please don’t confuse it for this one like I almost did. In case you’re wondering about my bitmoji dressed like a snail, our power went on and off the entire time I was writing this. I went ahead and used that save video me website so I could watch the clips offline.]

- Jamie had become really cold at that point in her life and Paul had it.

-The last scene was everybody watching Mabel’s documentary in a movie theater and P&J were a little embarrassed. Paul (almost crying) asks Jamie if she would like to go out for pie.

-Clearly they hadn’t shot enough because the last five minutes were “home movies” of the two and Mabel in central park. The montage seemed to last for-ever.

-Before I re-watch, I also wanted to mention that I hate the theme song!

I found the episode on DailyMotion, and the username of the uploader is “Magic School Bus” ... ms. frizzle is that you? It also appears that Ms. Frizzle recorded this episode from syndication, so there might be a tiny scene or two missing.

(part 1, part 2)

(Apparently it’s on the internet archive too, but it took forever to get the vid to play on my iPad. It has commercials though!) https://archive.org/details/MelrosePlaceHomeImprovementFinales1999

So, Mabel’s film was titled “The reason why I am this way”. Maybe a grad school project?. Janeane looks grad school age here.

The film starts with Paul & Jamie’s anniversary when Mabel was 1 in 1999. I was right!

A bird pooped on Paul! Nah, it was just Lyle Lovett the construction worker spilling paint. He married Jamie n Paul 7 years ago, but turns out he’s NOT an ordained minster, so they’re not officially married. This is so dumb. Such a trope, right?

Jamie is freaking out that they’re not really husband and wife. Paul is the rational one here, he says just go to city hall next week! Jamie is all “no, we gotta do it today, its our anniversary!” So they go, there’s a chapel at city hall, there’s a lady named Phyllis there as a witness and who throws rice (25¢ a throw!)

Stupidly, however, Jamie runs away. I do remember this freeze frame from the episode.

There’s lots of jumping around through time while all this is going on, I forgot about that, I just thought it was a straight up timeline.

We jump to 2005 where P&J are in therapy for the thousandth time, also when Paul goes in for a vasectomy. At first, I didn’t realize that Jamie was talking to her sister, Lisa in the waiting room since she had short hair. Jamie tries to explain to her that Mabel doesn’t need a sister, but Lisa guilt trips her. Jamie tells Paul that she thinks they made a mistake. They Michael Scott-eded it:

It’s 2011 and P&J are trying to give 11 year old Mabel the sex talk.

In 2004 Murray (remember, the dog? Yeah, the dog got forgotten somewhere in the series) got a girlfriend and they had puppies! There is the best scene ever where Paul teaches Mabel how to shoot video and Nat the dog walker (played by Helen Hunt’s then husband, Hank Azaria) does a play talk show with the puppies. IT’S TOO CUTE, I put it on instagram. I forgot that Hank was on the show. I still remember how heartbroken I was though when Hank and Helen broke up, though.

There’s a real quick scene in the sports shop that Paul’s family owns (which I forgot about in the series). Jeff Garlin (who I like to call “Daddy Goldberg” since I love him on The Goldbergs) is teasing Paul for all his vasectomies. blah blah. You know what I noticed? That old Sketchers shoebox! Those ugly chunky metallic shoes they made in ’95 ’96 used to come in those boxes. aw. ugliest shoes I ever had, they were most def. Airwalk Jim knockoffs. ANYWAY.

Mabel’s first film “Stabbing Bob” comes out in late 2021 when she’s 23. The whole family is there, including Cyndi Lauper who married Paul’s brother cousin Ira. The whole family tries to get Paul and Jamie to sit together, so obviously something went DOWN between 2011 and 2021. This is when the syndicated version cuts off.

Part 2 begins again with Mabel’s documentary and her asking “Who do you think was responsible for my parents breakup? The one who ran away from the altar and changed her mind three times about whether or not her partner should have painful private surgery … or the other guy?” So when this film was made, Jamie and Paul were still broken up? Mabel is really tearing Jamie up a new one here. Jamie is the devil.

Back to 2005 and Jamie is pregnant, because Paul didn’t get that vasectomy. This is where everything is back on track with my memories of the episode. Except for those ugly ass pajamas. wow. Jamie is only supposed to be 42 here, the pajamas and glasses made her look 60.

2012, Mabel is 14 and she never did get that sex talk…perfect tribute to Whitney though, considering she had recently died.

Oh, no here comes the stroller scene in 2006. Paul is so happy, he says, “I found it! Last one in the city, and I found it! One big seat one little seat! 2 kids, one carriage! One big happy family. ” Uh, Mabel is 9. The “one big seat, one little seat!” makes me wonder if the writers forgot what year it was? Why would there be a big seat and a little seat?” Twins are the same size. Those stroller seats look the same size. Paul finds a note left by Jamie, so it wasn’t an answering machine message.

In early 2021 we see Jamie’s bff Fran, FINALLY. I was wondering where Fran was! She was married to Richard Kind and he left her so he could ride motorcycles like “Easy Rider”, (remember when Fran kept calling the movie “The Easy Rider” and it drove Richard crazy, he was like, “the name of the movie is EASY RIDER, NOT ‘THE EASY RIDER!”). Riffs is somehow still open, martini glasses are taller, forks have clear spiral handles, and Fran be looking like something that walked off the Enterprise.

Oh, and Paul left Jamie. Jamie now is wearing reading glasses around her neck. Oh, honey noo, you’re only 58. Here is Helen Hunt in 2018:

Paul said that Jamie is unkind and that was why he was leaving.

Aw, there’s my fozzie bear!

Costume and Makeup got Paul Reiser exactly right though!

After that, Paul & Jamie had to be straight with Mabel at all times. Ok, whatever:

So I was also wrong about Paul’s died dying when Mabel was little.

On the way to the funeral, Paul’s mom encourages the two to pay a bribe so they can buy the apartment across the hall. She says, “Then Mabel can have a room.” …. Mabel didn’t have a room? She was 13 in the Murray’s not real scene. Where did she sleep?! Now I remember thinking way back then that the episode left a lot of plot holes open, this being one!

I remember feeling kind of turned off by this elevator scene with the sad music after the funeral. I didn’t know the phrase back then, but now I know that it feels so forced. We get it. Paul’s mom is alone.

Casting didn’t do a good job with teenage Mabel, she’s supposed to be 18 in 2015 and it’s still the girl who played her when she was 12. w2g. I didn’t make a screen grab but I was right about Mabel having to cross her parents bedroom, and bathroom to get to her room. I was also right about the bagels!

It’s back to the scene in late 2021 where everybody is watching the end of Mabel’s movie, “Stabbing Bob”. I guess she was trying to be a lil Tarintino. Why did I think they were watching the documentary? Ha, at the end, Paul’s sister asks the family if they want to go out for pie. Yesss, the pie scene!

I did remember this from the pilot episode where Jamie kisses Paul on their first date when he turns to her. Jamie asks “buy me some pie?”, not Paul! I swore for 20 years I heard Paul Reiser tearfully saying, “I would like some pie” in my head!

Oh, one plot point that did get patched up was that Paul & Jamie asked the guy from city hall to come over and marry them in their apartment six seconds to midnight.

RIP, Murray the dog.

UGH, I was right about the long montage of the end that is just pretend home movies of the cast. It’s nearly four minutes long, and its set to country music. It’s hell. I remember actually leaving the room during this part 20 years ago instead of just you know, muting the TV. It completely ruins the quietness of the episode. It’s total filler.

The ending credits are on Youtube, it’s adult Mabel giving a rundown of what happened to who.

More from the series finale series: https://saleintothe90s.tumblr.com/search/Series%20finale%20series

/edit/

I was curious and went hunting around in google groups (which houses newsgroup archives) to see what people said about it online right after it aired:

Someone wondered too about where on earth Mabel slept until they expanded the apartment:

>2) Where did Mabel sleep before they got the second apartment and >turned it into a room? Shared with mommy and daddy?? Or maybe that little space before the bedroom. Did they convert the appartments into one or move to the other side? I was a bit confused about that.

>>I wish I had watched Ally (but that's just my

>opinion).<<

Trust me, if you've watched the show at all this season, you've seen this episode. Ally is depressed about no man, elaine whips out the video camera, the biscuit bobs his head to Barry White, does a gymnastic dismount from the toilet stall, stutters like Porky Pig, and all of the same fucking things he does every single fucking episode. I really liked this show at first, but I'm about to give up on it because the same shit happens week after week after week. If David Kelley cannot think of anything new to do with this show, he should hire a writing team, because it it going nowhere fast!

Brian

To know that Paul and Jamie's genes resulted in that shrewish frump Janeane Garofalo was one thing. But to be "previewed" twenty years of their misery resulting in Mabel's therapy for bad parenting was pretty unbearable.

Crap. Not quite as crap as the Rosanne finale, but more crap than the last

Seinfeld episode. I knew they were in trouble in the very first scene where

they set up the premise for the episode. Lyle Lovett tells them that he

wasn't really an ordained minister when he performed their wedding ceremony

and that he was drunk when he said he was. (now there's an original plot)

One problem: Lyle isn't the one who told them he was a minister and everyone

was sober at the time.

Then they have Jannene Garofolo as their grown up daughter, recounting everything thing that went wrong in their marriage, another lame plot device.

There're also a few little slips, like Paul buying a double baby carriage in 2005, when their daughter would be 8 or so.

But, to get to the root of why the episode (and the last two seasons for that matter) failed: The whole permise of the show was that these two likable, but occasionally goofy or even stupid, people were so much in love that they would always be together no matter what. Corny, naive, romantic, but also endearing. It made for a nice, comforting 4 seasons or so, but after a while the formula gets old. So they started making the characters a lot less likeable. Paul Reiser turned into Homer Simpson and Helen Hunt became a neurotic version of Lucy Ricardo, until I had no idea why these two people were staying together.

They got back to the original idea of the series in the last ten minutes, but it was too little, too late. In the previous 50 minutes, their whole marriage went to hell. Not only didn't those two people belong together, they didn't even seem to care about each other. They did something similar a few years back (marriage goes wrong, they still love each other and stay together) but it was convincing and they didn't do the gimmicky jumping back and forth over 25 years thing. That was the perfect moment to end the series.

I agree. I watched with the series finale of MAY with the morbid fascination that I would have while watching a car wreck. I didn’t *want* to do it, but I was drawn to it. And what a car wreck it was.

The plot of the finale should have insulted every thinking person. Did anyone accept the premise that two sophisticated New Yorkers could believe they were legally married without having a marriage license and certificate? For those of you who have never been married, you absolutely need such documentation for your bank accounts, health insurance, social security, credit cards, mortgages etc. The retroactive vitiation of the Buchman’s marriage is akin to the Bobby’s dream sequence on Dallas a few years ago.

Jaime’s jilting of Paul at the “altar” was vapid. Tim Conway’s gag in being both the marriage clerk and the justice of the peace was predictable, and as predictably stupid as Conway’s similar gags on the now ancient Carol Burnett show. The pronunciation of “Buchman” to explain why Paul and Jaime had the same last name may have been amusing to a ten year old, but I doubt it was funny to anyone more mature. A justice of the peace would not play the wedding march with a dime store cassette recorder while demanding that a prospective bride walk down the courtroom “aisle.” Couldn’t they have done something interesting with the marriage witness instead of using a stock character such as the disinterested, magazine-reading rice-thrower? From a legal standpoint, Paul and Jaime’s marriage at midnight was as ineffective as “first” marriage because there was no witness (contrary to the dialogue, a baby simply cannot be a legal witness to a marriage). Why would a justice of the peace make a house call to perform a civil marriage?

The whole vasectomy gag was asinine. Have either HH or PR been in a hosptial? Did they do *any* research before they wrote this gag? Its pretty safe to conclude that a surgical nurse would *not* lead a post- operative vasectomy patient through a waiting room while he was wearing nothing but a robe. Moreover, given Paul’s obvious pain from the first vasectomy, don’t you think that Jaime would have known that Paul did not go through with the second one? Wouldn’t Jaime have asked Paul if he went through with the vasectomy before she purchased and used a pregnancy test kit? Jaime’s miscarriage was telegraphed from the beginning of the vasectomy gag.

The makeup aging of the characters was amateurish at best. The sex talk difficulty with Mabel has been done by every sitcom since Leave It To Beaver, and most have done it better. What was the point of the puppy urination scene?

The breakup and reconciliation was sentimental tripe. In the real world, people that fight as much as Paul and Jaime do not get divorced and then, with one magic kiss, make everything OK.

Was it necessary to introduce a new character in the finale to narrate the Buchmans’ life story? (As an aside, I hated the casting of Janeane Garofolo (sp?). She looked like complete crap. Can’t that woman ever look presentable? Someone should have given her a mirror and a comb before they began filming the episode. She is a second rate Roseanne knock off, and, judging from last night’s appearance, she is now attempting to catch Roseanne in the weight department as well.)

The closing montage attempted to simulate a home movie circa 1960s such as that used in the Wonder Years. But why would Paul and Jaime, a 1990s couple, have used such a medium for their home movies? Also, even assuming the choice of medium was justified, why did they wave in quick, jerky movements at the movie camera? Has anyone done that since the 1960s?

In the end analysis, the MAY finale was incredibly lame. I got home in time to catch the end of the Melrose Place finale, and, IMO, even that show -- as bad as it is -- has more entertainment value than MAY. At least they don’t take themselves seriously. I am delighted that MAY is now over. I hope that the poor ratings associated with the show will cause some retooling at NBC, especially in its high profile slots.

#mad about you #1999 #series finale series #series finale #Helen hunt #Paul Reiser #nbc #janeane garofalo

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analogscum · 6 years

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PRIME EVIL (1988, d. Roberta Findlay)

Recently, my dear Scumbags, I watched a horror movie that I simply must tell you about. It deals with a woman who is haunted by dark secrets in her family history. It keeps her from enjoying everyday life, and she only begins to unravel more and more when a tragic death rocks her world. In her time of need, she brusquely pushes away those around her who would provide the help she really needs, and instead turns to spiritualism, only to realize once it’s far too late, and she’s burned all her bridges, that she has been an unwitting pawn in the machinations of a bloodthirsty demonic cult for her entire life, a sacrificial lamb destined for the abbatoir since birth. That movie, of course, is 1988’s Prime Evil. Wait, what movie did YOU think I was talking about?

Prime Evil was the final film to be directed by exploitation auteur Roberta Findlay. Her story is a fascinating one: alongside her husband Michael, she wrote and directed a number of sadomasochistic sexploitation films in the 1960s. Under the tutelage of George Weiss, who produced Ed Wood’s cross-dressing classic Glen or Glenda, the Findlays began spicing up their skin flicks with touches of seedy violence, essentially creating the “roughies” genre, alongside fellow New York City filmmakers Joe Sarno, Joseph P. Mawra, and Lou Campa. By the 1970s, the couple transitioned into making straight up slashers, including the super controversial 1976 feature Snuff, arguably an early example of found footage horror. The next year, Michael Findlay was tragically killed in a horrific helicopter crash on the roof of the Pan Am building. Roberta soldiered on, directing a number of genre classics on her own, including two in 1985 alone: Tenement and The Oracle. Prime Evil, unfortunately, is not a classic. In some regards, it is barely even a movie. Miss Findlay clearly had some lofty ambitions with this film, but attempted to execute them on a grindhouse, run and gun, down and dirty production. Because of this, Prime Evil is a fascinating failure, the type of film that works best when watched with like-minded friends, and preferably at some level of inebriation.

We open in a church in the 1300s, where some good ol’ terrible narration explains that the plague is in full effect, and the priests believe that it is God punishing those who aren’t holy enough, so a few priests were like, fuck this noise, we’re taking our talents to Hades. There’s a meeting with a bunch of priests, and the head priest is like, yo, Father Thomas, what’s with you, man? And Father Thomas is like, didn’t you hear the narration? I’m on Satan’s team now, God is wack. They converse about this, but Roberta Findlay must’ve not liked the dialogue, so the narrator comes back in to drown them out. Then the head priest is like, I’m gonna excommunicate you, Father Thomas, but Father Thomas is like, lol nope, and decapitates this head priest with a giant sword, and it’s awesome. Father Thomas is like, news flash bitches, I’m running this show, and I’m Satan Squad all day, so don’t get in my way. Some dork-ass priest is like oh noooooo! So Father Thomas awkwardly slashes him across the stomach with his sword, and the guy awkwardly falls down some stairs, and even the movie can’t stand to look at this, because it fades to black, mid-fall, like it’s embarrassed.

Cut to: present day Boston, though the film was obviously shot in New York City, to the point where nearly every synopsis I’ve read incorrectly says that the film takes place there. Anyway, an old priest dies while holding a weird amulet. A nun, Sister Angela, goes to the bishop and is like, hey bishop, I think Satanists killed that old priest, and I have a story about my mom being murdered by Satanists in Egypt or something, it’s kinda boring, Liam probably zoned out during this part. And shockingly enough, the bishop is like, yup, we know, it was totally a satanic cult, we just don’t know how to handle this pesky problem. So Sister Angela is like, hey, let me go undercover and infiltrate the cult and do nothing else until the final scene of the movie. The bishop is apprehensive for like five seconds, but then agrees, under the stipulation that Sister Angela must renounce her vows so she can do all sorts of evil cult stuff, which in this movie means smash a plaster crucifix with a hammer and burn her nun uniform. Umm, hail Satan?

Honestly, nothing about this cult makes much sense. They’re still lead by Father Thomas (whose last name, we find out, is Seton. GET IT?!?!) Members of the cult have to sacrifice a family member who is a virgin, and in exchange they get “13 years of immortality,” which is an oxymoron. That is not how immortality works! Why would you agree to some cockamamie plan where you have to renew your immortality clause or whatever every 13 years or start to age again? Is worshiping Satan like going to the DMV? Actually, that kinda makes sense.

So all of a sudden, this blonde lady is making out in a hallway with some dude who looks like Kevin Nealon. But wait, what? I thought Sister Angela was our main character? Is it now this lady? Anyway, she goes in and sees Alex, who is her job recruiter of some kind? Apparently blondie used to be a prostitute before she joined this like, temp agency? So Alex is like, hey, I got you a job interview at 2:30 tomorrow, it’s for a paralegal job…on Wall Street! To which blondie animatedly replies, “Wall Street?!?!” And I died a thousand tiny deaths.

Now we get to see blondie and Kevin Nealon hitchin’ a ride into the bone zone, Findlay style. But oh gosh, they’re interrupted by a homicidal maniac in a handyman’s uniform! Wait, what?! But fortunately, Kevin Nealon knows karate! WAIT, WHAT?!?! So he awkwardly does karate at this schlubby murderer for a minute, but then whoops, he still gets stabbed in the back, contorting his body like a Merce Cunningham dancer. Which is weird. So blondie runs down the stairs, before our killer catches up via a convenient jump cut, and knocks blondie out with some sort of tranquilizer. As he’s carrying her out of the building, some guy passes them and goes, “She have too much to drink?” To which our schlubby murderer replies, in a lifeless monotone, “Yes.” And the guy responds, “Have fun, man!” EWW EWW EWW EWW EWW EWW EWW EWW EWW.

Since every cut to a new scene in this movie feels like violent whiplash, all of a sudden we’re at a gym, and Alex is working out with her friend. This friend is the most obnoxious character I’ve seen in a movie in awhile. She yells all of her lines in an exaggerated Valley Girl accent like a Siobhan Fallon SNL character for no reason, grunts loudly while using the machines, is constantly shoving chips and other junk food down her throat, and only wants to talk about sexytimes. She asks Alex if her boyfriend, Bill, is any good in bed, which really upsets Alex for some reason, and they get into a fight, which ends with the friend yelling the amazing line, “WHY DON’T YA WANNA GET POKED?!?!”

Suddenly, Alex and Bill are in the back of a horse-drawn carriage, riding through the part of Boston that looks just like Central Park. Without being prompted, Alex begins to go into excruciating detail as to why she don’t wanna get poked. Turns out, when she was 6 years old, her father sold her to a ring of child pornographers before mysteriously disappearing, yup, the movie really goes THERE. Clearly and understandably, she’s still deeply traumatized by all of this, which is why she and Bill still haven’t had sex despite the fact that they’re ENGAGED. But then, in basically the next scene, she’s hanging out with her rich lush of a mother, and she’s like, hey, come with me to Grandpa’s Christmas party, and the mom is rightfully like, you mean the father of the man who sold my daughter into sexual slavery as a child? Yeah, no thanks, I never wanna see anyone in that family ever again. GOOD IDEA, LUSH MOM! But Alex is like, oh c’mon, Grandpa is nice.

Plot twist: Grandpa ISN’T nice! In fact, Grandpa is a Satanist, and he’s going to sacrifice Alex at their next ceremony in order to renew that bullshit immortality contract. Apparently last time he offered up his son, Alex’s father, and that’s why he ain’t around no more. But, didn’t it have to be a virgin who was sacrificed? Umm, don’t worry about it. Father Thomas has the amazing line, “You’re being very flippant for a man about to sacrifice his granddaughter.” But Grandpa doesn’t just want to do that, he wants to overthrow Father Thomas and rule the world, or something, basically it’s all talk and nothing ever comes of it.

OK, this is taking forever, because something batshit insane happens every two minutes in this movie, so I’m gonna ramp it up a bit: Alex meets Father Thomas and begins to fall under his Satanic influence, thanks to his handsome eyes and Shatneresque line delivery. This rightfully upsets Bill, but Alex screams in his face every time he brings up how inappropriate this PRIEST acts around her. Dude, Bill, my guy, between the crazy family and the lustful priest and the no sex, why would you marry this woman?! The Satanists basically waterboard Alex’s lush mom with alcohol, which somehow Alex doesn’t hear despite being right next door to it happening. She moves in with Grandpa. Father Thomas makes out with her after the funeral, which, holy shit! Schlubby murderer abducts more ladies, including a hooker whom he basically reverse psychologies into roofying herself (in a scene set to Seinfeld style slap bass, no less!), a wise-cracking teen prostitute character they introduce solely to be abducted, and Alex’s slutty gym rat snack friend. Turns out schlubby murderer is doing all this because he wants to be a part of the Satanic cult, but Father Thomas is like, lol bro you may hang with us, but you’ll never be ONE of us, because you’re a creep and no one likes you. Somehow Bill starts to figure out that Father Thomas is behind all this murdering and Satanic chicanery, and goes to confront him, but whoops, schlubby murderer throws him off a roof. At least we get a pretty good bad dummy shot out of it!

At this point, you may be asking yourself, is there a bumbling police detective in this movie? Well of course there is! I think his name is Dan and he’s got a mustache! He’s investigating the disappearance of blondie from the beginning, and gets wrapped up in all this drama with Alex’s family because of it. Based on one phone conversation with Bill shortly before he’s murderized, he somehow puts together the entire satanic plot, including knowing that it’s going to happen during the winter solstice on December 21st, which, whatever, the movie has to end somehow, right? So Mustache Dan and his partner go to arrest Father Thomas, and during their confrontation, Mustache Dan utters what is actually the best line in the entire movie, a line that puts even “WHY DON’T YA WANNA GET POKED?!” to shame. Get ready for it...

“Cut the crap, fart breath!”

Slow clap for that. Slow clap. Brilliant.

Finally, the sacrificial ceremony can begin! Alex is all loopy under Father Thomas’s sexy spell, everyone has gathered in their finest Sunn O))) robes. Even Satan himself is there, and you guys, Satan in this movie is played by a tiny adorable puppet. It looks like if the baby from Eraserhead had bat wings and was made of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. It is terrible and charming. Father Thomas begins the proceedings by introducing everyone to blondie, slutty gym rat snack friend, and wise-cracking teen prostitute. He’s like, these ladies are the brides of Satan now, so go ahead and show the audience dem titties! Naturally, they oblige. Suddenly, we see Sister Angela standing in the corner, and remember that she’s in the movie. Grandpa is ready to sacrifice Alex, and all the satanists begin to awkwardly grind on each other. Schlubby murderer wants in on some of them libations of the flesh, and grabs Sister Angela. Sister Angela is like nope, I didn’t sign up for THIS shit, and slashes his throat. Then she stabs Grandpa to death, before he can sacrifice Alex. Then, oh my gosh, she stabs the tiny adorable Satan puppet to death! RIP Satan puppet! All of the occultists begin to age rapidly and turn into corpses, like a less impressive version of the climax of The Devil’s Rain. Father Thomas runs up some stairs, yelling “You’ve won this time!” as if he’s a goddamn Scooby-Doo villain. All of the women are safe, and Sister Angela has some dumb line that includes the phrase “prime evil” but who cares.

The movie ends with a real estate agent lady showing a church to some guy, which is not how churches work I don’t think, and we’re supposed to not know who this guy is even though it’s glaringly obvious, and of course it’s Father Thomas, and he’s like, why don’t we check out the basement, mwahahahaha! And then the camera zooms in on him twice, just to really make sure we all get it. But wait, how can you restart the cult if Satan has been stabbed to death? How are you not a rotting pile of bones now that Satan has been stabbed to death? Get outta here with this ending!

Now, I wanna give this movie a fair shake. Yes, it is bonkers. Yes, the dialogue and the acting are both laughable. Yes, the camerawork and the editing are shoddy. Yes, the kills are mostly dull. But as I was making my way through the movie, trying desperately to make heads or tails of the madness unfolding onscreen, I suddenly began to think to myself…did Roberta Findlay secretly make a film about abuse?

Alex, the main character, is defined by the trauma of her childhood. It rules her everyday life, it keeps her from enjoying meaningful friendships and an intimate relationship with her boyfriend. However, despite all of this, she still lets herself be groomed for further abuse by Father Thomas, and remains oblivious to the fact that she is being groomed until it is nearly too late. That really struck me. Was this intentional on Roberta Findlay’s part? Was she trying to make a statement about how women can become complicit in the machinations of their abusers? Would I have thought of this if the film wasn’t directed by a woman? Am I giving Prime Evil too much credit, seeing a feminist message in a blood n’ boobs cheapie? Either way, there’s no denying that, whether it’s amassing an impressive oeuvre of sleazy underground classics, or infiltrating a weirdly bureaucratic Satanic cult, sisters are doing it for themselves.

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Blogger says flying via Berlin was inexpensive than Sheffield to Essex train

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Blogger says flying via Berlin was inexpensive than Sheffield to Essex train

A teenage blogger search claims he saved £7.seventy two on his teach journey from Sheffield to Essex – via taking a plane through Berlin.

blogger

Jordon Cox, 18, who blogs as the Coupon Child for MoneySavingExpert.Com, wrote on the internet site that he traveled an extra 1,017 miles the final week and stored £7.72 via getting back to Essex from Sheffield via Berlin. He wrote: “I understand that flying isn’t very environmentally pleasant, and I ain’t do that on every occasion I tour, but this changed in the cheapest way for me to get home, and I were given to revel in a ‘loose’ mini excursion to a town I’ve continually desired to go to.”

Cox said he booked a reasonably-priced train fare to Sheffield, however, observed a return price tag turned into £47.

He the blogger sites found that flying from East Midlands airport to Berlin, spending seven hours exploring the metropolis after which flying to London Stansted and getting a bus home turned into cheaper than a single train journey in England.

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He also discovered he ought to purchase a return train price ticket to Berlin city center, enjoy a free tour of a central authority constructing and consume lunch there and still shop money.

He wrote: “Good enough, this isn’t for absolutely everyone as it can take an entire day to get on your very last vacation spot, but in case you’re no longer in a hurry, your recognition is saving cash, and also you fancy a little walk around a European city, it’s worth a look.”

He reminded each person thinking about his techniques to a component in travel to and from airports to make certain an ordinary saving – and recall their passport. It’s now not all and sundry’s idea of gripping television. A train advances regularly along a railway tune, without statement or song. After a full, wordless minute, the view switches to the front of the educate, where a static digital camera captures the track being eaten up, sleeper by sleeper.

Fascination, however, is in the attention of the beholder, and the BBC is hoping that these scenes may want to provide an not going target market hit this Christmas when it displays an hour-long, real-time adventure of the maximum well-known steam locomotive within the world: the newly restored Flying Scotsman.

The program, broadcast on 29 December, captures Ann experience made this summer time using the locomotive from Bridgnorth to Kidderminster, a distance of 16 miles, shot almost entirely from static cameras constant to the locomotive: within the cab, on the pinnacle of the coal stack and next to the pistons and crankshafts. Different cameras on bridges or sign packing containers seize lingering pictures as the locomotive, pulling nine carriages, chuffs beyond. Sign up to the brand new appearance Media Briefing: bigger, better, brighter Examine extra No one interacts with the cameras, and aside from a second while the fireman Ryan Green puts a little too much coal at heart and has to vent a few steam, not anything a whole lot happens.

Yet to judge from the crowds of people who can be glimpsed filled on to bridges and platforms and bunched in fields to wave and movie on their phones, the fascination with this specific locomotive extends a long way beyond railway enthusiasts.

The engine, first built in 1923, become introduced lower back into service earlier this 12 months following a ten-yr, £4.2m refit, and brought on such wild exhilaration on its first adventure from London to York that each teach on the entire east coast mainline needed to be halted briefly due to overexcited enthusiasts staying directly to the music.

Andrew McLean, head curator at the Countrywide Railway Museum in York – which now owns the locomotive, says it has continually attracted crowds, because it changed into first covered in the British Empire exhibition the 12 months after it become made, after which featured in a film of the identical call in 1929, one of the first British talkies, that in flip stimulated Hitchcock’s The 39 Steps.

Named in tribute to the educate service among Edinburgh and London famous to Victorians because of the Flying Scotsman, the locomotive never makes use of the definite article, notes McLean. Neither must one describe Flying Scotsman as a educate, he stresses – the call refers merely to the steam engine.

After it had become eliminated from a provider in the 1960s, it changed into sold by using an eccentric millionaire who toured the us, Canada and Australia, which means that as well as protecting the document as the first steam locomotive to have traveled at 100mph, it became also the primary to have circumnavigated the globe.

Yet while Flying Scotsman will add a selected hobby for a few, this type of “gradual tv” has proved a stunning hit within the past even without a well-known superstar. All Aboard! The Us of a Bus, a similar programme screened in advance this year which featured, without remark, the two-hour journey of a rustic bus in Yorkshire, attracted nearly a million visitors on BBC4. Other suggests in the equal vein have featured a canal ride, a wordless video of a knife being cast, and a programme made from an hour’s pictures of birdsong, uninterrupted with the aid of voiceover or any music.

To sluggish Television devotees, indeed, flying magazine archives Scotsman: From the Footplate may additionally show to be a bit racy, because the voices of each Inexperienced and driver Roger Norfolk on occasion interrupt the clanking and puffing of the engine to provide an explanation for what they may be doing. Purists want now not worry, however – for individuals who sense the primary programme is just too motion-packed, the broadcaster will screen the documentary once more without the observation on New year’s Day. Despite the lack of apparent drama, Roger Keech, the program’s manufacturer, started filming had been more of a project than one might expect, way to the noise, vibrations and excessive temperatures within the motive force’s cab. Simplest on their 0.33 journey were they able to successfully operate the cameras without them cutting out after overheating.

An unexpected delay at the technique to Kidderminster station meant that he hadn’t quite been able to suit the sixty three-minute adventure into the hour-long strolling time, necessitating a few invisible cuts of “the much less thrilling parts of the experience”.

Such camera trickery apart, Keech said he hoped viewers could find the tempo of the program “quite fresh.” “The pace of Television is so speedy regularly nowadays, that it’s admittedly pretty satisfactory to move lower back to a little bit greater how it was once. Just to end up absorbed by way of something for his very own sake.” Wind electricity powers all Dutch electric powered trains at the moment, the Countrywide railway organization NS has said.

“Given that 1 January, a hundred% of our cheap train tickets are going for walks on wind strength,” stated NS spokesman, Ton Boon.

train

Dutch electricity employer Eneco received a soft provided by way of NS two years ago, and the two organizations signed a 10-yr deal setting January 2018 as the date with the aid of which all NS train routes must run on wind strength.

“So we in truth reached our goal a yr earlier than planned,” said Boon, including that an increase inside the range of wind farms across the Us of a and rancid the coast of the Netherlands had helped NS reap its intention.

Eneco and NS stated on a joint website that round 600,000 passengers every day are “the first inside the international” to travel way to wind energy. NS operates about five,500 teach trips an afternoon.One windmill running for an hour can electricity a show for a hundred and twenty miles, the organizations said. They hope to lessen the strength used in keeping with passenger by means of a further 35% by way of 2020 in comparison with 2005.

Attempts to find a “Nazi gold educate” in Poland appear to have been dashed after treasure hunters admitted that that they had discovered “no train, no tunnel” following widespread digging.

The opportunity of riches, based on a legend that a teach laden with gold and valuables turned into hidden using Germans in a mystery tunnel, as the Soviet military advanced in the direction of them in 1945, has drawn explorers from across Europe to Wałbrzych, a metropolis in SW Poland.

Andreas Richter, a German, and Piotr Koper, a Pole, moved in with the massive system and dug deep at a site near rail tracks in Wałbrzych earlier this month after residents stated that they had information of the train’s lifestyles.

Final 12 months, Richter and Koper said tests they carried out using earth-penetrating radar had shown that there was a educate on the web site.

But Andrzej Gaik, a spokesman for the pair, stated on Wednesday that they had found not anything, regardless of an exhaustive search of 3 pits costing 140,000 zlotys (£28,000).

Gaik said a smaller-scale search the use of probes could resume at a close-by website online in September, adding: “Desire dies Remaining.”

The dig confirmed findings using experts from a university in Kraków, who used magnetic system However located no trace of educating or tunnel, Gaik stated.

An armed educate loaded with valuables is said to have disappeared after getting into a complicated of tunnels, an unfinished Nazi task called riese (large), underneath the Owl Mountains.

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