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kristallioness · 4 years

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2016 | 2017 | 2018

*quietly sneaks back in*... Happy New THIS Year, my dear followers! In Estonia, we have this saying that if you wish someone a 'happy new year' after Three Kings' Day (the 6th of January), you gotta have a bottle of alcohol with you and give them a drink. *lol*

Anyways, I would like to apologize for the sudden disappearance that happened prior to Christmas. I was just busy travelling back home for the holidays, unpacking and putting away my stuff, watching some great, traditional movies or shows on TV, and most importantly, working on those 2 latest masterpieces that I posted (which barely got 30 notes each.. *sigh*).

But as you can (and probably will) see, the year of the yellow earth pig (i.e. my dad's year) was a rollercoaster of emotions and accomplishments, or lacking thereof.

My creative side seems to have suffered the most due to lack of leisure time. I only managed to finish 3 full digital drawings and left behind several sketches or unfinished WIPs (2 of which are revealed here under the months of June and November for the first time, I intend to finish the Korrasami one btw). At least I got to start 2020 with a completed drawing on the very 1st day, ha-ha! Perhaps that's a good omen for this year?

If so, then I hope I'll find the time to finish the rest of the 2019 Inktober prompts, since I only did 4/31 this past October (even though I'd thought of ideas for all of them). I brought all the necessary drawing utensils and sheets of paper with me, so whenever I'm in the mood, I'll try to sketch another one.

*calculates for the nth time*.. I wrote 18,110 words worth of fanfiction, plus 820 words for the UYLD prompts (making the total 18,930). Technically, you can count another 8k+ in there, since it comes from that unfinished story (of Aang taking care of a flu-ridden Katara, as illustrated by the September sketch), which I haven't finished within the last 4 months or so. Plus, I barely wrote 1/5 of the amount compared to 2018.. *hides in shame*

Then again, I was an excellent pupil for picking up an actual book and reading through 150+ pages (which means I have ~300 pages to go). I'm talking about the new Kyoshi novel that came out. As I once said, I haven't voluntarily read a book in years make that 2 years ago (most of the reading I've done in my life is either Tom & Jerry comics, now the Avatar comic trilogies and art books as well as fanfiction online, or compulsory reading during school). But this novel is freaking fantastic superb!

Not only that, I bought all the new comic trilogies and managed to read them through. Damn, did they give me feels.. especially "Ruins of the Empire" (ngl I squeed so hard when I saw the Korrasami farewell kiss on the 1st page of the 2nd part). I can't wait to read the 3rd part this year!

However, I failed to rewatch Avatar last year, and I haven't seen Korra since.. 2016, I believe? Wow, that's 4 whole years.. But I intend to fix that mistake starting from 2020. Hopefully I'm in the mood to start my rewatch this weekend tonight. *fingers crossed*

But as I said, I had much less time to focus on my hobbies since 2019 was the year for finally moving on with my life (sort of, I'm still working on it). I still remember how down I'd been feeling for a while and how valid those emotions really were. The first quarter of the year (+ like a month or two) was a continuous descent into desperation and feelings of utter failure, which already started around the 2nd half of 2018 and only continued to deepen around that time.

Everything began to change when I was first chosen to be part of a 2-month summer internship in an IT company, and I had to start building a new nest in a new location in Tallinn this May. And now, I feel like I've hit the jackpot by getting a permanent job in another IT company this October.

I got the opportunity to work in two different fields, in two different teams within a year. I met some awesome colleagues (a lot of whom are foreigners) and got the chance to really put my English skills to the test.

Thanks to the new job, I also had to go to a free health check, which went really-really well. Despite my nervousness in the beginning, I feel much more relaxed about my physical (and mental) health, cause the results showed that everything's okay (something I'd been worried about since March 2017).

Speaking of health or staying healthy, there were a few sports events that I went to, too. Our team held the first winter team event (it was the first one for me, at least) by going to do archery in a range on the outskirts of the capital.

I watched the football match between 2 teams of our local league at my hometown together with my dad on his birthday. Our home team won the match and came in 4th place overall in the league this year, which is their best result so far (I'm really proud!). And merely days before I started work, I visited the Tallinn International Horse Show for the first time (also with my dad). I last got to watch horses jump over fences or dance to their musical programs ~ 10 years ago, and I loved it!

Event-wise 2019 was pretty full of them. As has become tradition, I went to the Defence Forces parade on our 101st Independence Day (which seemed rather bleak compared to the centennial, even more so since we didn't have ANY snow at the time).

What will hopefully become new traditions, I visited the television tower on the Restoration of Independence Day (where Uku Suviste gave a free concert in the evening), and went to the Veteran's Rock concert (to honour our war veterans) on our Freedom Square on the 23rd of April (since I'm residing in the capital now, I should be able to go again this year).

To continue with the centennial celebrations (yes, some things are STILL turning 100), I saw and explored inside the armoured train no. 7 called "Wabadus" ("Freedom") in the Baltic Station. This armoured train was one of the keys that led our country to victory during the War of Independence from 1918-1920.

There was an even bigger (150th) anniversary to celebrate in the beginning of July, when I attended our Song and Dance Festival. This was a really important, if not the biggest event of the year. I intend to make a longer post about my experience, cause it's something that you foreigners need to see for yourself. I can't simply describe or put it into words, I have to show you some videos and photos.

But while we're on the topic of concerts, I should mention that I went to 2 more at the beginning of June - Bon Jovi and Sting - as well as 2 that were part of Christmas tours in December - Elina Nechayeva and Rolf Roosalu.

Besides that, I went to 6 different festivals, half of which I'd been to several times before, such as the Türi Flower Fair, Jäneda Farm Days (where I went on my first helicopter ride for my 25th birthday present) and the Christmas market in the Old Town of Tallinn.

The other half is comprised of festivals that I'd been considering going to for a while, or which took place for the first time. The latter applies to the Black Food Festival, whereas the "Valgus Kõnnib" ("Wandering Lights") and the duck rally, both of which took place in Kadriorg, fall under the first category.

The duck rally is a charity event held in the beginning of June. Regular people can buy at least one (or several) rubber bath duckies for different prices, which will then be dumped into a tiny stream that'll carry them towards the finish line. This event has grown more popular each year, and the money the Estonian Association of Parents of Children with Cancer (sorry, long name in English!) collects is donated to the Cancer Treatment Fund.

*wipes forehead*.. Phew! I'm surprised, that's a whole lotta positivity for 2019. I think there's one more important, but seriously negative topic I haven't covered yet, but I feel should be mentioned and explained.

When it comes to politics, 2019 was a complete disaster for us. EKRE (Eesti Konservatiivne Rahvaerakond in Estonian, or Estonia's Conservative People's Party in English) i.e. our populist/nazi/pro-Trump party is in the government as of April 2019, thanks to 100,000+ idiots (out of our population of 1.3 million) who voted for them and gave them 19/101 seats in the Parliament.

No, I am NOT going to apologize for calling them a nazi party, because their main leaders have repeatedly supported ideology that's common to nazis (they use aggressive rhetoric, blame the media for making them look bad, downgrade women, minorities, are racist, anti-semitic etc...). And I will not apologize in front of the people who voted for them, because "thanks" to this, EKRE has dragged our country's reputation straight through a mud puddle (not to mention the scandals that have accompanied 5 of their ministers, 3 of who have THANKFULLY stepped down from their positions) and.. *swears like the British*.. it's BLOODY EMBARRASSING.

I am done being nice, I have at least some kind of prejudice about anyone who supports them or their ideals. And I will certainly not let Estonia end up like America. So that is why I participated in two protest events against EKRE and our current government (because the 2 other parties, who were willing to form the coalition with them, are spineless jellyfish that simply seek to hold onto their current positions of power). I'm willing to take bets as to when our government falls (the sooner the better).

*shakes off the frustration*.. Brrr! So besides that, I guess the only downside to 2019 was my spare time falling back in the list of priorities (which shows in the empty square of July).

2020 is gonna be the year of the white metal rat. I can only hope (and take action so) that it'll be just as eventful, and much more creative than 2019. Thank you all for following me (or lurking anonymously) for so long, especially to the bloggers who've offered me support through better or worse! *raises a glass* Here's to 2020!.. *sip*

#personal #shards of Kristal

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btvs · 5 years

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Idea for a Study on Celebrity Mental Health

I wrote this for a psych class a few months ago; I’m really interested in this topic but I have no idea why I’m posting it here. I took out section III: the experimental design, but the rest of it is exactly how I turned it in. I guess if anyone is interested in this kind of thing, feel free to read it and check out the sources. Please do not take any of this without credit.

I. INTRODUCTION

There needs to be more research on the topic of celebrity mental health. The number of drug-related celebrity deaths seems to be increasing rapidly, and it is a huge problem. There are no popular studies on specifically why this is happening. Most of the articles I have looked at have delved into the effects of fame, but not specifically relating to the media. I am wondering how or if a celebrity’s mental health is affected by the media’s articles after the celebrity’s breakdown.

My hypothesis is that celebrities’ lives and mental states are affected somehow by the media’s coverage of the celebrity’s downfall. A study that I would like to conduct is interviewing magazine writers, bloggers, and other people in the media who write about celebrities. I would also like to interview the people that read those sources to understand their opinions of the celebrities from those sources, as well as people’s opinions of celebrities who do not read those media. Most of the sources I looked at all had a common theme: being a celebrity is difficult. I want to know why and how specifically, and how it relates to celebrity downfalls that are caused by drug use. What influence does the media’s perception of celebrities have on those celebrities?

II. ANALYSIS

Amaral (2016) addresses what the psychological impacts of fame are for celebrities and entertainers. This author wants to create more awareness of the effects of fame. The conclusion of the study is that there is a strong correlation between fame and a celebrity’s mental health. This correlation is not enough to be sufficient evidence though, since there could be many reasons why many celebrities end up with psychological disorders. For example, maybe they have a similar personality type that affects their behavior. Because of this, there needs to be another study done that can confirm the causation. Most of the author’s evidence comes from media and biographies because of the lack of information in research and articles, which is why there should be more studies on this topic. The three main topics of a celebrity’s life that the author explores are lifestyle risks, lack of personal space, and fall from grace. This article does relate to my topic because it is about the impacts of fame on celebrities, but it is not specific to drugs and the media. This study could apply to my hypothesis, but a new, more specific study would prove the causation more accurately.

In the article “Stars that crash,” the authors, M. Commons, L. Commons-Miller, R. Salaita, and C. Tuladhar, noticed that many celebrities have “downfalls”, and the issue brought up is that there are a lot of risk factors that contribute to these downfalls. The conclusion of the article is that the main risk factors are narcissism - and the reasons for that narcissism - in addition to environmental factors. Narcissism is a completely different reason than in my hypothesis, because my hypothesis addresses the risk factor of the media, and not personality types. Also, along with being a personality trait, narcissism has its own disorder (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), which makes no sense relating to my hypothesis because it is saying that a mental disorder leads to mental disorders. However, it is still the same overall topic of celebrity downfalls. The focus on narcissism is not where I want to go with my study, so I would like to create a new study that takes out that aspect. The study looks at eighteen celebrities who have experienced some kind of downfall, and looks at their whole life before the downfall, specifically the vulnerability factors displayed in childhood and before fame. There was also evidence that there is a positive correlation between the amount of risk factors and the larger the downfall. This correlation may or may not have a causal relationship; there could be other factors that contribute to the size of the downfall.

A study by V. Leung (2018), researched people’s perception of celebrities with MDD. The author’s conclusion is that people respond differently to celebrity diagnoses; some are sympathetic and others question the diagnosis. Interviews were conducted to discuss the topic of celebrities with MDD. Some of the interviewees did not see MDD as a personal issue, so they were not interested in learning more about it. Fans knew more about MDD because when celebrities talk about MDD it brings awareness to the disorder. This study has a similar conclusion and findings as my proposed study, although the topic is slightly different - this one is about depression while mine would be about addiction. Depression and addiction are often comorbid, which makes this article analogous to the article by J. M. Just, M. Bleckwenn, R. Schnakenberg, P. Skatulla, & K. Weckbecker (2016). This article points out that celebrities have a high risk of a drug-related death. The authors’ conclusion is that since celebrities also influence many people, celebrities have the ability to approach and combat the opioid epidemic. This hypothesis was not really researched, though, and instead the authors found that the opioid-related deaths of celebrities has been increasing, and as well as the general population. Both of these articles talk about the fact that yes, being a celebrity has consequences, and also they can bring awareness to those problems because they are celebrities and people will listen to them. In my hypothesis, I do not want to focus on how people will listen to the celebrities, but how people will listen to the media. My study would add on to this topic by providing a new point of view because of the different subject. This study already supports my hypothesis by acknowledging that some celebrities have mental illnesses.

The article by Rockwell (2005) is about the experience of being famous, according to celebrities. The study found that there are specific things that multiple celebrities talked about in relation to “self” and “other.” The author used a method called transcendental phenomenology to examine the celebrities’ experiences in the world. The fifteen celebrities interviewed were famous for different reasons. This article was interesting to me, but the study is not big enough to help my hypothesis. My study would also interview celebrities, but have a larger number of participants. It does provide some support for my hypothesis by actually being evidence from celebrities, proving that celebrities actually feel this way.

Sansone’s article (2014) brings up the question: is celebrity worship more than just being a casual fan? The author’s conclusion is that people who worship celebrities have poor mental health and distinct psychosocial characteristics. There is a scale specifically designed to measure celebrity adulation. College students and community members were examined using these types of scales. People who scored highly also exhibited the same certain traits. The author also notes that since celebrity worshipping is on a scale, these results make sense. The cause and correlation of this study is that being a fan of a celebrity will lead to certain characteristics. This study really has nothing to do with celebrities’ mental health, only the mental health of their fans, which is interesting but still does not support my hypothesis. The one connection that I can make is that celebrities and mental health are connected. Specifically, it makes me wonder if fans worshipping celebrities might impact the celebrities’ mental health by putting pressure on them to be seen as role models. What my study will prove is how the media and celebrities are directly connected, not just indirectly connected through the fans.

The article by R. Tiger (2015) explains that the media, specifically celebrity gossip blogs, spread information about celebrity addiction. This author’s conclusion seems to be that these blogs are contributing to the idea that addicts need to be in jail, and other biases, as well as having complete misinformation about what addiction is. The author did a case study of one blog, Perez Hilton, and the bias about addiction from that blog. This is the study that most relates to my topic, but the one thing I would really want to change is making it a bigger sample size, rather than one case study. Case studies can provide a lot of good information, but it cannot be applied to the big picture.

IV. SUMMARY

My hypothesis is that celebrities’ lives, specifically their mental health, have been affected somehow by the media’s coverage of the celebrity’s downfall. This is because the celebrity already would have to deal with the trauma of the event, and then on top of that, the media talking about it in ways that may not be accurate, or giving the celebrities flashbacks.

I predict that there is a correlation between the media spreading rumors - or even true facts - and celebrities’ mental health because it is distressing for anyone to have to deal with gossip. My experiment will help the issue because it might prove that the media affects celebrities negatively - which could let people know how to prevent more celebrity deaths.

References

Amaral, R. M. M. (2016). Bright lights, dark shadows: An integrative literature review of the psychological consequences of celebrity and fame for entertainers (Order No. 10010979). Available from ProQuest Central. (1766154458). Retrieved from https://login.glacier.sou.edu/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/1766154458?accountid=26242

Commons, M. L., Commons-Miller, L., Salaita, R. J., & Tuladhar, C. T. (2014). Stars that crash. Behavioral Development Bulletin, 19(2), 100-110. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0100580

Just, J. M., Bleckwenn, M., Schnakenberg, R., Skatulla, P., & Weckbecker, K. (2016). Drug-related celebrity deaths: A cross-sectional study. Substance Abuse Treatment, Prevention, and Policy, 11, 6. Retrieved from https://login.glacier.sou.edu/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/1853177923?accountid=26242

Leung, V. S. Y. (2018). The disclosure of celebrity major depressive disorder diagnoses in hong kong: Its effects on public awareness and understanding toward the illness. Community Mental Health Journal, doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10597-018-0274-4

Martin, G., & Koo, L. (1997). Celebrity suicide: Did the death of kurt cobain influence young suicides in australia? Archives of Suicide Research, 3(3), 187-198. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1023/A:1009629219195

Rockwell, D. (2005). Celebrity and being-in-the-world: The experience of being famous. Aphenomenological investigation (Order No. AAI3177630). Available from PsycINFO. (621074175; 2005-99024-012). Retrieved from https://login.glacier.sou.edu/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/621074175?accountid=26242

Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2014). “I’m your number one fan”—A clinical look at celebrity worship. Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience, 11(1-2), 39-43. Retrieved from https://login.glacier.sou.edu/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/1560820316?accountid=26242

Tiger, R. (2015). Celebrity gossip blogs and the interactive construction of addiction. New Media & Society, 17(3), 340-355. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/1461444813504272

#writing #pop culture #mental health #psychology

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falconemuses · 5 years

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skip first three paras if you’re reading this because of the #pewds tag

remember when i said i wanted to write more diary-ish posts in this blog to improve my communication skills? heh. i’m absolutely terrible at keeping to resolutions, as it turns out. but we’re gonna improve that. new resolution: improve at keeping at resolutions. starting now. so here we are. writing. probably one day i should start like a blog, maybe not tumblr because it doesn’t seem like the right medium for it, but like just a straight up actual diary, to collect my daily thoughts and preserve them for future me to laugh at. i used to have an old blog and like when i dug it up it was hilarious. deleted it though because one time i got paranoid about being spied on by hackers and blogger staff.

there’s quite a lot of stuff i’m going through right now that i don’t really want to straight up talk about, cuz like, y’know, it’s like there’s a very thin lid over the bubbling pressure, and if i just lift that lid everything’s going to come pouring out, which is not really something i want to be dealing with. this (and next) week are my designated sort-of relax weeks, and i don’t want to spoil my mood. so let’s talk about something else.

there’s actually been like several topics that have been running through my mind lately but i’ve been putting off expounding on them because of school so now they’re all collected and i don’t really know which one to start off with, or if anyone even cares to know, or why in the heck i developed entire trains of thought around such inconsequential bullshit in the first place. anyway, let’s just have the least controversial topic.

pewdiepie! LMAO. “how is this the least controversial thing you have to talk about?!” believe me, it is. it’s not about the recent tragedy or defending him or putting him down, really. it’s just - well, he says a few times in his videos he doesn’t understand how the heck he got to no. 1 (no. 2 now technically T series passed him a while, but, y’know, whatever, he’s the no. 1 individual channel) and that kinda got me thinking as well, like, yeah, why am i watching his channel? it’s actually a bit sad to me because no one else i know is a huge poods fan so like there’s nobody else to discuss the videos with, which is strange considering the 94mil subs. the people that i *do* know who are into youtube are mostly into markiplier or cryaotic (can’t spell his name right) or jacksepticeye. so like even though, lol, i’m technically in the bigger fanbase, i don’t have anyone else to talk about it to? and so that makes me wonder like, yes, why am i specifically drawn to pewdiepie? what’s the particular appeal that made me sub to him and not the others? because i have watched the others, but somehow i always end up coming back to pewds’ channel.

the reason i’ve come up with is that....pewds is just more relatable, to me, personally. feel like i gotta say this at this point because on the internet people are liable to take you out of context or whatever: i’m not by any means saying that this is the recipe for success or that anyone should change their video style and it’s certainly not a critique of other youtubers - they’re all great in their own ways - i’m just saying, personally, what i like. he just feels more - more of like, a real person? to me? i don’t know how to explain this. it’s like, when i watch his videos, it just feels like y’know, if i met him we could be really good friends, sit down and have a sandwich together and chat about inane stuff, whereas the other youtubers feel more like.....movie stars? i guess that is what i’d call it? like more unreachable, more distant. like if you met them you couldn’t just chill and shoot the shit, you’d have to catch a glimpse while they walk past being swarmed by a whole bunch of bodyguards.

cry is easier to explain, so i’ll just go with him first. he doesn’t show his face. LOL. i’m not saying he should, god knows if i ever got on youtube the last thing i’d show is my face, but like when watching the lets plays, i prefer felix’s over cry’s because y’know, i can see him. i can see that there’s a real dude there, sharing the experience and reacting along with me. and that makes it feel more comfy, somehow. also cry’s voice is like, the hot-guy voice. which is liable to get you throngs of screaming fangirls, but to me, it just makes him feel more - far away. like the kind of super-cool person that never makes a fool of themselves. which is not a person i can be friends with, because i’d feel intimidated by their perfection xD so yeah, pewds >> cry, because he feels friendlier and more relatable.

markiplier is the really popular one amongst the people i know and i guess why i prefer pewds to him is harder for me to explain because he does show his face and doesn’t have a sexy voice so what’s the problem? idk, i feel like mark....is too intellectual for me xD “but fal, pewds literally just reviewed the fucking republic!” “also, are you saying you like pewds cuz he’s dumb?!” no, it’s not - it’s the difference between highbrow and lowbrow intellectual, y’know? not that i’m saying mark is a snooty stuck up stick in the ass, but - just the difference in the way they talk, like.....literature professor vs thug notes, which is a really great series that i also highly recommend. like, felix understands, but he doesn’t speak fancy, which is also a thing that i appreciate. again, i’m not saying everyone should change their way of speaking, like, formal highbrow intellectual is also great and some people like that, evidently, but just, personally, again, pewds is easier to relate to because he talks simply. it really makes it feel like you’re just chillin’ with a pal when you’re watching his videos. even though you can’t technically respond. but that’s okay. it’s like companionable silence xD whereas for me watching mark is like watching a very - scripted production, or like just listening to someone too smart for me, which is just like, “yeah, okay, i’m gonna feel self-conscious if i try to talk to you”. i mean, the dude actually analysed the gameplay of freakin’ getting over it xD which is like, woah, you care about the physics of this thing?? whereas pewds just.....well.

“gorgonzola! everybody gets a little bit of gorgonzola!”

i think, probably, i am by no means a psychologist or psychiatrist, nor do i wholly believe in the veracity of the mbti, but i feel also like one of the things that draws me to pewds, especially now, is that i think, i think, we have quite similar personalities. i watched his mbti video, and before he was even halfway done i already knew he was going to get ISTJ because like our thought processes are so similar. (except i’m a little more reserved than him, obviously, hence the lack of a youtube channel) again, mbti isn’t like the most - accurate thing in the universe, but throughout all his other videos (and there are a lot) i feel like we have a lot in common. let me try to explain it in coherent terms. there’s the - pigheaded stubbornness - i think the getting over it playlist sums it up pretty well xD and like the uh, while we have a brain, we tend not to use it generally when solving problems, instead opting to just power through it, (again, the getting over it playlist) instead of analysing why the fuck we went wrong, just try to bulldoze the problem xDD and then there’s the urge to keep up the “everything’s fine” face. yeah, i know he did a video about forced positivity and said he’s not faking it anymore, but that’s a different thing, i’m not talking about faking happiness, i’m talking about - well, not exactly faking, but just sort of like - you just don’t want to admit to the actual extent of your feelings, and feel uncomfortable using, idk, is there a term for it? i’m gonna coin one - “emotion-centric” language. like, you never hear him say stuff like “i need to take a mental health day” or something like that, like the kind of “just using that language makes me feel weak and vulnerable and i don’t like that” kind of feeling - don’t take this as truth, by the way, that’s just the vibe i get, i could be projecting, because that’s an issue i have. i’m just gonna - leave it at that because i’m worried the more i talk the more bullshit it’s going to be and it’s just going to be me projecting my issues onto him and it’s not actually true and then people will take it all out of context and run weird articles - lmao.

anyway. this post went on for wayyy longer than i thought it would and there’s other stuff i wanna talk about too so let’s wrap this up. pewds, if you scroll the tag and find this, i - well, i honestly have no idea what to say xD. tell me if i got shit wrong, i guess, and if you’re ever in singapore or i’m ever in brighton let’s grab a macs and chill i guess? xDDD i also want to pet the pugs, they’re so cute.

#pewdiepie #pewds #personal #text

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iokoye · 7 years

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(1/4) I was ashamed when my first reaction to learning Jmo was leaving was relief. Not because I wanted her gone but relief that she would move on and therefore I would be free from this fandom. It's been so miserable and isolating for me as a SQ shipper to love Jmo & Emma. Finding a blog that is kind to the actress and character has not been common and even then, those blogs still show an obvious preference for Lana & Regina.

more under the cut cause it’s quite long

2/4) I love Lana & Regina, I adore them. But my initial draw to the show and relationship (and subsequently Tumblr) was Jennifer Morrison and the strong, beautiful character she played. I feel in love with her and then I fell in love with the relationship I saw forming. And while I initially found peace and hope in this fandom and a sense of self awareness in terms of my self and my sexuality, it has become a draining, wretched place.

(¾) Do you know how much it hurts to feel isolated from your own fandom? To feel like an outcast for loving someone? To feel mocked and belittled and put down for finding inspiration in a character and an actress? How hard it is for the most popular bloggers to be the most vocally against them? And while there are bloggers like yourself who occasionally speak out against such behavior, you seem to be silent when it matters most.

(4/4) And the people who claim to be against such behavior, still follow and interact and even maintain friendships with the most hateful users. And just when I thought I was free to enjoy my ship from a distance, when I thought ‘surely they must be done. Jmo is gone and there’s nothing left to discuss.’ I find I can’t even safely return to what I love because people are as hateful as ever. I’m sorry I unloaded all of this on you but it’s something I’ve held in for a while and it’s been killing.

okay so.. i’m gonna try to reply to this in the most unbiased and non hateful way possible.

i can relate to most things you say. before i joined the ouat fandom i was already in love with regina (not knowing that she was an asshole asjfasf) because i had seen gifs of her BUT right when i saw jen’s character i fell in love with her. i related to her character on a spiritual level and to this day it really bothers me whenever people hate on her (and still ship sq). i appreciate emma’s development, i.e. not being as closed off as she was on s1, s2 and EVEN s3, i feel like it’s beautiful and like i said because i see myself in her it’s inspiring to see someone grow this much. i’m proud of her and i love her.i can even admit that i was a jen stan like a year ago lmao, she seemed like a sweetheart and i just loved her, plus it helped that she played one of my favorite characters on ouat.

i never really… acknowledged that i had this “ignorance is bliss” mentality but i slowly realized (and by myself) that jen wasn’t like emma at all and some stuff came up that i dind’t really like. actors are different from their characters and most people that love emma on the sq fandom separate jen from emma so that they can still enjoy the character. i’m being 100% serious when i say that i love regina and emma equally, they are part of a ship that helped me grow and get educated; finding my sexuality and my community but jennifer has never done that for me. lana? maybe. she voices her support for people like me ANY chance she gets (like she said, actors have a platform that they can use to speak up and “to help people that can’t necessarily be themselves”. this was her response to a question that was actually about me not being out to my family or anyone in real life) and i’ll admit that if it wasn’t for her i would’ve left the ouat fandom a LOOOOONG time ago, maybe how i feel about lana is how you feel about jen and i’m in no way invalidating that.

i know that the ouat fandom is gross and it’s honestly bad for your health and stuff like that. i was in a really bad place a year ago, i had zero self respect and on that year i realized that sq was never going to happen and it broke me. i started watching this show at the end of 2013 and started shipping sq on like… the show hiatus of 2014 and i never lost hope for sq. NEVER. but this fandom can bring you down all the time lmao like.. it is TRULY the WORST fandom that i’ve ever been in. the loudest voices that are considered the mouth piece for each fandom are horrible; most anti shippers on twitter are horrible and even some fans can act like misogynistic/homophobic goobs most of the time; racism - people acting like they’re racist so they can be edgy; people that ship real life people together asfjafs - i realize that it CAN be extremely draining which is why i stepped away from the fandom in the first place.

ok so… now this is the hardest topic and i’m not sure if you’re going to like what i’m going to say but know that this isn’t a personal attack on you. this is MY opinion and i’m going to describe what i’ve seen people say on social media (i am in no way speaking FOR anyone else). you genuinely seem like a good person and i’m honored that you came to me with this “rant”. i’m glad you let it out and if you need to talk some more know that i’m here. some shippers that i’ve encountered don’t like jen for specific reasons (i.e. not being vocal about her support of the lgbt+ community and other minorities for example) and no it’s not about whether or not she is up sqs ass, that doesn’t matter at least not for the issue at hand. in my opinion, some of the stuff she has done is morally unacceptable and again i’m not talking about ships (i’m not going to get into it cause i don’t want to cause drama but i have my own reasons to not like jen). i’m not going to share someone elses story because it’s not my place but if you set “ignorance is bliss” aside and try to learn why people don’t identify with jen as much then you’ll understand. i don’t know why you would be mocked for liking jen unless you defend her blindly 24/7. i have friends that are jen stans that say “hey, i understand. you’re right and your feelings are valid” and they don’t even ship sq lmao. so there’s a difference between knowing that said actor is not really a pure innocent angel and choosing to not hear other peoples opinions just because you love jen and only what you think of her matters. also, this isn’t a callout for any mutual of mine, in fact i can’t even think of anyone that i follow that does this.

the times that i speak up against jen hate are when people target her for her looks and how “dead” her character is on the later seasons (not to mention how i cannot stand emma hate. i’m not an emma apologist but shipping sq and hating emma is shocking to me lmao). if you have anything to say about her then do so with actual arguments instead of saying how ugly she is and being vocal about it 24/7 using derogatory names for women, such as bitch and cunt. i don’t know what you mean by “you seem to be silent when it matters most” so if you could clarify i’d really appreciate it!i realize that it’s somewhat hard to acknowledge that your idol isn’t that great (unless it’s someone like depp in that case fuck you), i know that you’re lgbt+ so i’m not going to police your feelings towards her cause that’s nasty, i would never do such a thing but literally no celebrity is perfect. they make mistakes, some more than others and sometimes they’re not as vocal about social issues as they should be, which is weird to many people. everyone has their own reasons to like and to not like jen but at the end of the day what matters is what you think of her and if you don’t say that people should feel the same way, remember that not everyone sees her the way you do! some even have bad real life encounters and experiences with her and while i realize some of the hate she gets is just extra and pathetic, some of it makes sense and it’s perfectly understandable for people to be disappointed in the way she behaves.

if you think any type of hate is going to stop just because jennifer left you’re wrong lmao this fandom is always going to find something to fight over!! there’s ALWAYS drama 24/7 nonstop. i don’t want to tell you to stop loving jen. i never did something like that and i’m definitely not going to start now. hate her or love her it doesn’t matter. if you find solace in who she is as a person (and her character) then that’s fine, just remember that some people dislike her for valid reasons and it’s not just fandom drama.hit me up on and off anon if you need to talk some more! i’m sorry that you feel this way and i wish that i could do something about it but there really isn’t :/ have a good day

#again remember this wasn't an attack on you!!#answered #anonymous

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sagarvibes-blog · 5 years

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Role of media in shaping narratives and identity labels

Transcription of discussion on Role of Media

Transcription 1

Video link- https://www.facebook.com/razaahmadrumi/videos/296716047717167/

Length-6:34

Speaker-Raza Ahmad Rumi, visiting faculty Cornell, NY

Raza: This definitional issue of, I mean ,who is liberal and what is right and what is left-that depends on the perspective ..from a very mainstream version perhaps the CNN, Nytimes, considered liberal. But then look at some of the positions they take and some of the ..You know my problem with these definitions is that what lesson you can definitely learn from all that media, despite challenges ..all that, you now-first of all there, all the greater range of opinions and coverage which is given ahh.. at least in Pakistan. We carry out a very diverse set of opinions on same page. It’s not just the liberal bias or the cons bias. If u take case of mass media here, it’s liberal in certain ways in certain issue and not so liberal in others. For example, universal health care considered a radical idea, Is itself outrageous in my opinion

[1:23]

How can state tell its people you can’t have primary health care. It is (perceived as) a liberal plot against great capitalist order. Fact that millions still out of insurance net, therefore nearly 40million people born in America, world richest country, highest in defense spending more than eurporan advanced countries put together. Is unacceptable and that fact that mainstream liberals not talk about this issue enough to inform public opinion is also outrageous and therefore a problem in my view. And they were talking about this in 2016 elections you know there is also this internal factor. that Bernie Sanders in the first six months of 2016 received seconds of coverage on mainstream tv, 37 seconds to be precise asopposed to hours and weeks of trump. [2:40]

And now liberal vs Trump is doing that..well hello you used Trump for sensationalism and rating and normalizing bigotry and now pay for it, in my view (laughs)so thing here is that I feel this bias is in a certain range that liberal issues exist. I mean take issue of climate change, oil and gas exploration in north Dakota where hundreds and thousands of people were protesting against the pipeline that is going to alter and destroy the environment and disrupt local people-this did not get a mention until I think some top leader-in fact there is a good article I urge you to check on Fair.org which is media criticism website. They posted it in 2016 they looked at washingon post coverages. there were at least 30 stories negative stories about Sanders in 40 article that he is unreasonable he is illogical, impractical he has no plan, how he is going to fund this . so, already(did media portrayals), I mean..Sanders is hardly a radical compared to local standards... He is what you call ethical democrat. [4:44]

(voice tone raised) And you know, compared to the real left, argues all he says is don’t make your students incur 1.3 trillion debt . Its bigger than the housing debt in America. Why should a student in 20s go out of college with 30,40thousands of dollar debt? i think, it’s shocking. And I think mainstream media fails to highlight this issue and change public opinion. And it was not the case I believe it’s a recent development of the last 3 or 4 decades. Public education, higher education used to be highly subsidized. And so it should be in civilized societies. You can’t let people die bcz they don’t have health insurance. You can’t let people be hopeless just because you don’t have anti poverty schemes or let them on streets bcz o mental health bcz u shut all the institutions. It’s the neoliberal order not only in America and I mean it’s everywhere. It’s happening in Europe and other countries due to privatizations and all that. I feel here the mainstream media fails and it needs to pull up and act together. Corporate lobbies of the status quo own the media so there is to a certain degree reporters and editors will go otherwise they will be fired. [6:34]

…………………………………………….end of transcription………………………………………………….

Transcription 2

Video clip: https://www.facebook.com/razaahmadrumi/videos/273536533307019/

Length: 6:17

Raza: Pakistan; experience is not all too different from Turkish experience. I think, ahh, Pakistan and turkey share a lot of similarities most important one being the role of military which is overarching an historically very strong and ahh definitely changed and made some progress in that direction in Pakistan, you cannot challenge or criticize the military very openly that becomes a big problem you are declared anti state, traitor or treasonous person-that’sone of the red lines historically in Pakistan. Pakistan is a country ruled for more than half its lifetime by the military, directly. Although things have changed in the last decade, the media has been deregulated, print media, channels’ expansion. but those red lines persist, another red line is that you cannot criticize the religion but also the religious extremists because they have so much political and social power and they have been hand in glove with the state as well so if you criticize them it means u invite trouble [1:31]

I remember when I joined the magazine I mentioned I worked for my publisher told me ‘nothing on sex, nothing on religion, nothing n military’ and delete everything which is (laughs). So that was it. But now it’s a democracy in the country and I keep on checking, every evening, the first and last page to check content for anti state institutions is any article radical. That’s totally different than what I used to enjoy like language editing. Now its like check check check-all redlines are intact and maintained.so that’s the general historical context. There were improvements since 2008 when democracy returned in Pakistan. That’s the time when I started engaging more with media when Musharaf was ousted through a popular protest In Pakistan. Civilian spaces opened up and television was far more critical and had diversity and variety of views both on national and international views and one felt it was a great time to be a media person. That’s one of the reasons for why I became a media person and a journalist because I was very encouraged with the environment the idea of changing the world and public opinion etc that you muster and live with(gentle laugh) [3:32]

But things have not been so effective because of the last 2 or 3 years. Media freedom has been curbed, attacked. You know media channels which have been critical of lets say military establishment or military’s involvement in politics were cut... But interesting thing is, it is not like the traditional censorship that used to take place in coup times. It’s almost a sophisticated manipulation through a variety of instruments like financial support to media houses, targeted government ads, selecting and targeting certain journalists saying this one is not good, this one should be out etc. since last year this has become really really difficult and then the parallel censorship has been occurring in the digital spaces. We live in a digital and age and we have more than 35% of our population online. Number of people on cellular interne ti s close to 70m people. It’s a big no so state actually passed a law to curtail certain digital freedoms. [5:08]

Last year 4 bloggers were picked up and detained and went missing for weeks. Latter found out they were taken by law enforcement agencies because they were critical of the military and one by one they had to leave the country. People have been arrested for posting on facebook critical of the military. You know its not just Pakistan, its south Asia, like in India. If someone criticizes Indian PM, he is jailed. In Bangladesh there are many people still in jail who were critical of the PM. So it’s a crazy time, crazy moment we are in. [6:17]

…………………………………..end of transcription……………………………………………………………

Transcription-3

Video clip: https://www.facebook.com/razaahmadrumi/videos/2141377936116380/

Length- 4:10

Raza: See we live in a language of global terror. We don’t have definition of terror. There is no global understanding for such a common term that is used. And now we are living in fake media, fake journalist, fake liberal, fake this and these words matter because in our home country if u go through social media, our current ruling part PM sportsman turned gained power he is (depicted as) strong man with strongest of delivering goods to the people and he and his ministers have been using similar words fake media, fake journalism, fake press and its kind of globalization of language which is kind of anti press, anti media freedoms in essence. [ 1:14]

I think this is a worrying moment and is linked to toher things. US leadership in global affairs declined be it climate change or other important issues that face all of us and remember we are no longer living in the isolated world of 19th century or early 20th century everything is interconnected these days. Climate being the greatest of proofs but we hear its a hoax, fake news (laughs). So that’s the problem we face from the current situation of the US but as Maher optimistically says that things change but it may not be case for the future what we need to remember is the damage that will be done in next few years or the decade is going to be immense because as the world including the US the kind of advances they make kind of progressive restructuring of society that has been taking place-that has been rolled back bit by bit whether it be immigration issue, or even normalization of racism you know which the US society fought so hard to undue for decades so that is being lost. The real impact on the global I mean its very (?) as well. I mean what you read about , the kind of language that is used in the media of unthinkingly and that (?) risk is caused. [3:12]

. is it really healthy for US or world, I don’t think so . and I think that is where journalists and media have a perhaps far greater role today to highlight this expose this but also challenge it without thinking we cannot take sides and remain neutral. How can you remain neutral when you are reporting on racist neo-Nazi wanting t eliminate a certain group of people. you can’t be neutral in that stage, right, or for that matter any other debate, as a reporter, commentator you come across, you have to speak up. [4:10]

……………………………….end of transcription………………………………………………………..

#Ahmad raza Rumi #cornell university #discussion on media

0 notes

brentrogers · 4 years

Text

Podcast: Learn About Sex Therapy From a Licensed Sex Therapist

In today’s digital culture, sex is easy to find. But most of our encounters with it are shallow and unrealistic. Sexual images and films easily capture the lust, or carnality, of sex, but there is very little conversation surrounding intimacy and how sex actually works in a real human relationship. In fact, many people believe there is something wrong with them because their sex life doesn’t look like it does in the media.

In this podcast, our guest Laurie Watson, sex therapist and licensed marriage and family counselor, discusses some of the most common sexual issues she encounters in her practice and shares how sex therapy can help people become more comfortable with their own sexuality.

Tune into today’s show to learn more about this very important but often misunderstood type of psychotherapy.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

Guest information for ‘Laurie Watson- Sex Therapy’ Podcast Episode

Laurie Watson is an AASECT certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family counselor and is currently finishing her doctorate in sexology with research in helping couples recover sexually from breast cancer. She’s written a book titled Wanting Sex Again – How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage (published in 2012 by Berkley Imprints) and she’s a blogger for Psychology Today and WebMD with over 11 million reads. Laurie addresses physicians and psychological training programs around the state and is a frequent guest lecturer at the medical schools of Duke and UNC Chapel Hill.

She too is a podcaster and host of FOREPLAY – Radio Sex Therapy available with specific episodes dedicated to the many topics of specific sexual dysfunction and relational problems.

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Laurie Watson- Sex Therapy’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, everyday language. Here’s your host, Gabe Howard.

Gabe Howard: Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. Calling into the show today, we have sex therapist Laurie Watson, who is the host of the podcast Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy. She is also the author of Awakenings Counselling for Couples and Sexuality and is a licensed marriage and family counselor. Laurie, welcome to the show.

Laurie Watson: Thank you for having me, Gabe. This is fun.

Gabe Howard: Well, I have been really looking forward to this for a while because while sex is everywhere in our culture, productive conversation surrounding sex isn’t everywhere in our culture. We. We have the salaciousness of sex, right? But the actual mechanical workings and understanding and, you know, dare I say, intimacy of sex is severely lacking in our culture conversationally.

Laurie Watson: That is so true. I mean, while we are kind of a porn saturated, sex saturated culture, you know, what is missing from that is the intimacy, the connection between two people that is not being talked about, let alone understanding the differences between people and their bodies. We don’t have very much information about that. And where do you go and get it?

Gabe Howard: Well, and you can go on the Internet and get it. And you run the risk, on one hand, you could run into an article written by you, which which has great information and will help you be more intimate with your partner and be a better lover and have better sex. You could also run into an article that shames you for wanting to have sex, or you could run into an article that just gives blatantly misinformation, which of course if you try it isn’t going to work and it’s going to make you feel bad. And then, of course, there’s everything else under the sun

Laurie Watson: Right.

Gabe Howard: As a sex therapist. How do you feel about all of that competing information? Because on one hand, like you said, we talk about sex constantly. But on the other hand, we don’t have productive conversations about sex and sexuality.

Laurie Watson: That’s right. I think that when I talk to people about sex and when I go and lecture, what I’m saying seems to be brand new information. And so that tells me that the competing information out there is not necessarily hitting people in a way that helps them improve their actual workings in the bedroom. And some of what I read is discouraging to me. There is so much misinformation, like things like put on the Internet to have a better orgasm, strengthen your kegel muscles. And that’s by and large, not true. So people are misdirected and there’s very little that talks about to have good sex, we need to feel that the sexual connection between us and our partner is secure.

Gabe Howard: And there’s all kinds of different types of sex, right? The type of sex that, for example, I might like could be different from the type of sex that my partner likes. And neither one of us are wrong. There’s not a correct way to have sex and an incorrect way to have sex. There’s a lot of preference. Correct?

Laurie Watson: That’s true. And many people, this is where they get hung up in their sex life. You know, one person wants sex more frequently than the other person or one person wants to do something, a sex act that the other person feels is wrong or immoral or icky. This preference issue is a big place that couples stumble in terms of getting on the same page with each other. And it can become part of a power struggle that really separates them from even hearing it. You know, we’re so threatened by hearing what our partner wants that might be different than what we want. We can feel like, oh, you know, my partner is going to think I’m frigid or I’m a bad lover or I’m not very inventive. And we really worry about that kind of stuff. And then it shuts down good conversations that could be productive.

Gabe Howard: I think one of the biggest, I’m going to say lies, that is out there is that couples should be orgasmic at the same time that having an orgasm together is the goal, because that’s how you see it in television and movies, etc.. And I learned in preparation for the show and because, you know, I’m over 40, that that is so incredibly uncommon. That likes to never happen. But most people feel that they must be doing it wrong if it doesn’t happen, even though that’s just biologically unsound or it’s atypical right.

Laurie Watson: That’s right. It is very atypical and couples come in, they want that as a goal and they feel like they’ve failed if they’re not having simultaneous orgasm. But it is a blue moon that that happens. I think the other big myth that is out there in heterosexual couples is that the movie clip looks like it’s a 90 second event. She has her back up against a rough tree. Nobody touches her clitoris. And somehow or another, she has a wild orgasm.

Gabe Howard: Right.

Laurie Watson: And that just is not true. Most women do not orgasm through sexual penetration. In fact, only, Gabe, 7 percent of women have orgasms through sexual intercourse. And a lot of women come in and say, you know, I’m broken. I’m not doing it the right way. I can’t do it the real way. And their partners feel so inadequate. I can’t get her there just through sexual intercourse. Can’t we make that a goal? And what’s wrong with me? Am I not big enough? What’s the problem? I mean, the movies and the media shows something that is utterly false.

Gabe Howard: So as a sex therapist, people are coming to you because they have a problem in the bedroom. But what you’re realizing is that they don’t actually have a problem in the bedroom. They don’t understand how sex works. Yet it’s risen to the level of seeking professional help to fix something that was never a problem anyway. As a sex therapist, how do you handle that? Because I imagine that just telling them, oh, no, you’re wrong, it doesn’t work that way, isn’t going to undo what is probably their entire life’s experience of how sex works?

Laurie Watson: You’re right. I mean, many times people enter a sexual relationship with a lack of information. They really don’t have the goods that tell them about their own body. What’s supposed to happen? What happens in their partner’s body if there’s a gender difference? It’s very hard to put ourselves in the other person’s place. And we don’t know what their body feels. And so we’re kind of working in a mystery. Last night, I sat with a group of women who are low libido and we’re running a group in our clinic for this. And one of the women took her about 45 minutes to reach orgasm. And she needed a lot of stimulation and she needed her mind to get engaged. And she wanted her husband to be seductive. I said, what you are experiencing now is really normal. I know you’re disappointed, but I got to tell you, you are dead center with what most women experience. So she didn’t know what other women were experiencing. Oftentimes, again, one more issue with heterosexual couples is we compare ourselves with another gender and we say, you know, what’s happening for you? Wow. You can get aroused so quickly. And it takes me so long. But it doesn’t take her long. It takes her not long compared to other women. It might take her long compared to her male partner. But what she’s experiencing is normal. So a lot of what we do is we do normalize. We do talk about it. And certainly, you know, there are fixes and things that they can do to help get more on the same page.

Gabe Howard: Speaking purely as a male, I understand how my body works. I’m not even going to say male sexuality. I understand how my body works. When I was younger, the women in my life, they were shy. They didn’t want to be labeled easy or slutty or anything, so they would not share what they liked. Now it’s possible that they didn’t know. It’s possible that they didn’t feel safe to communicate with me. There’s a lot going on here, but I noticed that as I got into more long term relationships, as we matured, as we learned more about sexuality, the women in my life would say, Hey, I want you to do X, Y, and Z and X, Y, and Z worked like gangbusters. And I realized that through that communication, the way that I could be a good lover was to follow instructions. I learned as I got even older and started talking about, you know, hypersexuality and living with bipolar disorder and really starting to have these discussions that many people aren’t willing to have, that many men were shocked by this. They were like, well, you did what? Now you asked her and she knew and they felt that this was odd. As a sex therapist, how would you handle all of that? Because for the average person, they’re sitting there looking at their partner and thinking, I don’t know how to help you climax. And it doesn’t occur to them that the solution is to say, how do I help you climax? How do you bridge those gaps?

Laurie Watson: You are hitting on something that is so important because you said I was willing to share my experience. And I think that that’s so brave and so courageous and something that both genders actually need work on in terms of sharing their own experience of their body. My experience is that it is still difficult to claim as a woman that, you know, your arousal template, that you know the pattern that gets you to orgasm. I recently recorded on Foreplay Radio an episode with young women in the hookup culture, and the statistics show only 10 percent of them in an encounter reach orgasm. And much of it is they’re not about to tell this person, who is brand new, what they need. And then, of course, if the hookup is over, there’s no experience to build on. I think there is still a cultural issue for women that says to own your body and know what you like is to be a slut, to really enjoy sex. I too stand on a platform, Gabe, and as a woman talk in a sex-positive way about my desire. I have one partner and I talk about my husband and how much I want him. And then I’m what I call a sexual pursuer. I think that our attachment styles inform how we feel about sex. But I think that our relationship security helps us get to the point where we can tell our partner what it is we like and own our needs, own our arousal, own what we want from our partner and learn to communicate that. And that is something that I would say 80 percent of couples don’t do. They don’t talk to each other in that sort of explicit way that really clues their partner into what they want. They’re not doing it.

Gabe Howard: When you said I am a sexual pursuer. I thought for just a nanosecond, oh, that’s embarrassing. That’s shameful. But I like to consider myself a feminist. I am surrounded by strong women. I’m proud of saying that my wife makes more money than I do and that doesn’t embarrass me at all. My sister is a military veteran. But I want to disclose that embarrassed me. And I’m trying to say, hey, I’m on your side. I’m comfortable with sex. So my question in that is, what would you say to a guy like me? Because I’m really genuinely trying. But something in my upbringing in society made me for a moment think, oh, that’s bad, she should stop talking and I’m trying.

Laurie Watson: Yeah, I think certainly there’s probably multiple feelings in that one. Many times we don’t hear women talk about their sense of internal subjective desire. We hear them talk about being turned on by being the desired object. But for a woman to have healthy eroticism that is internal, that comes from her heart and soul and body, takes some work, it takes countering the cultural expectation that she should be quiet, that she shouldn’t say this.

Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after these messages.

Announcer: Want real, no-boundaries talk about mental health issues from those who live it? Listen to the Not Crazy podcast co-hosted by a lady with depression and a guy with bipolar. Visit Psych Central.com/NotCrazy or subscribe to Not Crazy on your favorite podcast player.

Announcer: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. Our counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe Howard: And we’re back discussing sex therapy with licensed counselor Laurie Watson.

Laurie Watson: I mean, I didn’t have some wild upbringing, and that’s why I went into this field. I actually grew up very inhibited in a very sort of rigid religious culture. And for me to win and own my own eroticism was a lot of self-growth. And that’s what I want to give people a way to talk about it. That’s natural, a way to own it. That feels confident and normal. This is not being said from kind of Aunt Bee next door, right? For most people, talking frankly about sex and their desire feels really weird. It might be said from the hot girl, the comedian at the mic, but it’s not being said by women who are just ordinary. And I feel like I’m an ordinary woman. I certainly have specialization in sex therapy. But as a person, I’m rather ordinary.

Gabe Howard: Laurie, in all of this, do you think that men or women have a more incorrect assumptions about sex and sexuality in our culture? Like who gets it more wrong?

Laurie Watson: I think that men get it more wrong and it’s not their fault. I think that men get predominantly their education from pornography and from experience. And so their experience tells them that sexual intercourse generally is the way to bring a woman pleasure. That’s what pornography shows. I don’t think that they really realize how much stimulation a woman needs clearly to reach orgasm. I have men come in and say, you know, I’ve been with 30 women and none of them needed this all this clitoral stimulation. And I’m here to tell them, unfortunately, 93% of those women were faking it because all women need this. This is how they reach climax. And men just can’t believe that. And I think that’s because that’s what they’ve seen their experiences. I had sex. She moaned a little. I think she had an orgasm. I didn’t ask her, so I assumed it was great for her. Like it was great for me. End of story. Whereas I think women, they know they didn’t climax. They know they didn’t potentially feel connected to their partner. And so they know that the experience isn’t so great, but they just don’t have language to talk about it.

Gabe Howard: There’s a lot to unpack there, right? Because one, let’s say that it’s true. Let’s say that this gentleman, he found his 30 in the 7 percent pool.

Laurie Watson: Right. Right.

Gabe Howard: So what? The partner that you’re with now doesn’t. That’s really like a hard stop right there. Again, speaking purely as a man, I want to walk around feeling like a big shot, like I’m king of the world and sitting in a room across from a person telling me that I did not help my partner achieve orgasm. I want to distance myself from that as far as possible. But this doesn’t resolve the problem, right? This shifts the blame from me to her. But this doesn’t actually get us to where we both should want to be. And that’s we want a satisfying and gratifying sex life with our partner. How do you turn the tables on that? I know that if I was sitting in a room with two women telling me that I was bad at sex, I don’t know that I would want to brainstorm solutions. I’m really trying to be open minded, but there’s just this reptilian brain in me that’s like, no, I’m good. I know that many men must be like this in their therapy sessions with you. How do you get them to turn the corner and see solutions over blame?

Laurie Watson: Well, I think you’ve nailed the reason that going to sex therapy is so scary for some men, the dread and the fear is that they’re going to learn they weren’t good lovers. And obviously, as a sex therapist and as a couples counselor, I’m very sensitive to this kind of fear and try to make it very safe for couples to talk about this in non blaming ways. So it’s not his fault. It’s not her fault for not speaking up. It’s not their fault. I try to help them see that many times we’re caught in a silent sort of world when it comes to talking about sex. And how could they have learned this if they haven’t really talked about it? So oftentimes I counsel the woman, you know, why didn’t she tell him this is a better way for me? I heard this podcast and this woman said that I would have a more powerful experience if you touched me longer and more directly on my clitoris. And that way, it’s not, you know, gosh, you haven’t been doing it right all these years. You’ve left me high and dry. You know, it’s a kind sort of shaping conversation that moves them on track. And I do find, Gabe, many men really want to know; they’re dying for their partner to tell them how to make it good for them. I don’t think men are selfish. I think they’re anxious. I think oftentimes men in my office will say, gosh, you know, it’s been fifteen years. Why hasn’t she told me? They feel heartsick that they haven’t known how to turn around and how to make it good for her. The crazy thing for women is having an orgasm doesn’t necessarily make a great experience. Having an orgasm and feeling emotionally connected and supported in intimacy for a woman often is the way that her bell gets rung.

Gabe Howard: So you’ve got a man and a woman sitting in your office and the man finds out that he has not been sexually pleasing his partner for a number of years. How does the man react to that?

Laurie Watson: I think it’s a variety of reactions. Sometimes there’s real relief like finally, finally, Laurie. You’ve got her to tell me and I can now fix this and I can find a pathway that works for her. You know, I think some of the difficulty is when women are not pleased sexually. So they tend to diminish libido. They turn their libido off. So we have two problems now. We have a woman who has not been aroused and we have a woman now who has low libido. So it’s complicated because we have to turn both areas back on in her. Whereas for men, when they are not getting the response from their female partner and they don’t get enthusiasm and excitement when they ask their partner for sex, and she kind of rolls her eyes and says, ugh, again, you know, that’s demoralizing. And so when he has had that experience over and over, oftentimes he’s not a good seducer anymore. He doesn’t bring the game. And so this becomes a cycle that’s a negative pattern between the two of them. It’s a negative cycle. One of them is usually sexually withdrawing. The other is sexually pursuing. And by the time they get to my office, the person who was sexually pursuing feels really discouraged. It’s like no matter what I do, Laurie, I can’t turn her on. There’s no way I can get her to want sex. And so when it comes down to the pattern itself has not been that good for her. That’s a lot of relief. It’s like, oh, well, let’s fix that. I can do that. They want to fix the problem. So when that’s all it is, oftentimes they can put aside their pride and say, well, gosh, you know, if you’d told me 15 years ago, we’d have been having a lot of fun.

Gabe Howard: I think there’s a stereotype in our society that people would expect the man to blame the woman, be angry. And what you’re describing is that the man is upset, the man is embarrassed or the man is relieved. And I think that goes against what we think is happening behind those closed doors. We expect there to be some aggressive, angry male blaming a poor woman who can’t speak for herself. And what you’re describing seems to be the complete opposite of that. You have two frustrated people for different reasons who are desperately trying to connect sexually in incompatible ways. And you help lead them to a compatible method where their sex life becomes better and they’re both participating in that process as equals. And I think that society in general doesn’t think that’s what’s happening in a sex therapist’s office.

Laurie Watson: That’s so true. I mean, I think sex therapy sounds really scary. It conjures up images of Barbara Streisand and Meet the Fockers. A kind of crazy, kooky woman. And I think sex therapy, I know people are anxious. You know, I live in the south. We’re really uptight about sex down here. And so I know that when people are coming in to see me, they have probably never talked to another soul about their sex life. So we spend a lot of time just getting comfortable. My room looks like a living room. People walk in oftentimes, Gabe, and they’re like, oh, I didn’t know what it would look like in here. They’re really afraid there’s going to be an exam table or there’s gonna be kinky toys out or something. And, you know, sex therapy is talk therapy. There’s no nudity. There’s no sexual touching between the therapist and the client. It’s all psychotherapy. We’re helping them find each other and find a path through to each other.

Gabe Howard: Laurie, this has been wonderful. I could talk for another hour about this because again, there’s just so much ground to cover. And for folks who want to hear more, they can listen to you on Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy. I know you have a co-host over there. It really is a great show. And you’ve also written a number of great books from Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage. And you write all over the place. You can even check you out on Web M.D. Laurie, how can folks find you? And I’m going to assume that your books are on Amazon. But do you have your own Web presence?

Laurie Watson: Yes. Yes. So AwakenLoveandSex.com is the way to find me. That’s my Web site. Certainly the podcast has links to be able to contact me. So I’m a stone’s throw away. If you type in Laurie Watson sex therapy, I come up everywhere, so I’m easy to find.

Gabe Howard: Laurie, thank you so much for being on the show. I really appreciate you illuminating us on the realities of sex. The type of sex that isn’t salacious and gets, you know, billboards and pop culture and late night cable TV references, you know, the type of sex that all of us are actually having that we’re just not publicly discussing in a meaningful way.

Laurie Watson: Well, thank you. I appreciate getting the word out and you hosting me. I’m really honored that you invited me and I would be glad to be back sometime.

Gabe Howard: Laurie, thank you so much. This is definitely a discussion that needs to be had, and I suspect that you will absolutely be back in the future. And remember, listeners, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private online counselling anytime, anywhere, simply by visiting BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. We will see everybody next week.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to The Psych Central Podcast. Want your audience to be wowed at your next event? Feature an appearance and LIVE RECORDING of the Psych Central Podcast right from your stage! Email us at [email protected] for details. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/Show or on your favorite podcast player. Psych Central is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website run by mental health professionals. Overseen by Dr. John Grohol, Psych Central offers trusted resources and quizzes to help answer your questions about mental health, personality, psychotherapy, and more. Please visit us today at PsychCentral.com. To learn more about our host, Gabe Howard, please visit his website at gabehoward.com. Thank you for listening and please share widely.

Podcast: Learn About Sex Therapy From a Licensed Sex Therapist syndicated from

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positivepsychologyinterventions · 4 years

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Podcast: Learn About Sex Therapy From a Licensed Sex Therapist

Tune into today’s show to learn more about this very important but often misunderstood type of psychotherapy.

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Guest information for ‘Laurie Watson- Sex Therapy’ Podcast Episode

She too is a podcaster and host of FOREPLAY – Radio Sex Therapy available with specific episodes dedicated to the many topics of specific sexual dysfunction and relational problems.

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Laurie Watson- Sex Therapy’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Laurie Watson: Thank you for having me, Gabe. This is fun.

Laurie Watson: Right.

Gabe Howard: Right.

Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after these messages.

Gabe Howard: And we’re back discussing sex therapy with licensed counselor Laurie Watson.

Gabe Howard: Laurie, in all of this, do you think that men or women have a more incorrect assumptions about sex and sexuality in our culture? Like who gets it more wrong?

Gabe Howard: There’s a lot to unpack there, right? Because one, let’s say that it’s true. Let’s say that this gentleman, he found his 30 in the 7 percent pool.

Laurie Watson: Right. Right.

Gabe Howard: So you’ve got a man and a woman sitting in your office and the man finds out that he has not been sexually pleasing his partner for a number of years. How does the man react to that?

Laurie Watson: Well, thank you. I appreciate getting the word out and you hosting me. I’m really honored that you invited me and I would be glad to be back sometime.

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digitalcontextsdc · 5 years

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Essay 1500

Digital Contexts

Does social media have a positive or negative impact on young peoples mental health?

What is mental health? Mental Health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. in a recent study by the World Health Organisation “One in four people in the world will be affected by mental or neurological disorders at some point in their lives.” More recently there has been links which have connected social media and mental health and how despite a lot of social apps and sites pushing themselves as positive outlets - they can often have a negative impact which leaves users feeling anxious, depressed, self conscious and eating disorders.

This essay will be studying the implications, both positive and negative, of social media and how it can impact a persons mental health. I gained knowledge on this topic area from a long list of blogs, articles, videos and even social media itself to develop a more in depth insight into the link between social media and mental health.

Social media is booming with over 91% of the UK’s 16-24 year olds using it regularly, it is easy to see how this could be a cause for concern. With this number of teens using social media it is unsurprising to think that this must be effecting some young peoples mental health. A report produced by the Royal Society for Public Health suggested that ‘Although social media can connect people from all over the world to provide a strong sense of community, rates of anxiety and depression in young people have increased by 70% over the last 25 years.’

Internet and social media addictions continue to grow as our dependence on technology increases. With estimations that over 210 million people suffer from internet and social media addictions worldwide. With the presence of social media rising worldwide by 13% each year there is no doubt that this can only develop further if no action is taking place to counteract the negative impact social media is having on its users.

Social media has become immensely popular, and in recent years mental disorders among young adults has become more common. That doesn’t mean they are related, but the numbers are staggering and deserve attention. In 2016, an estimated of 44.7 million adults aged 18 or older in the US had a mental illness. Young adults aged 18-25 had the highest prevalence of any mental illness at 22.1% compared to adults aged 26-49 at 21.1% and aged 50 and older at 14.5%. With social media being such a large part of a young persons life - on average over 2 hours a day- there must be some correlation to this rise in mental health issues.

With Instagram being ranked the No.1 worst ranked social media site for mental health and wellbeing what are they as a company doing to challenge this? They are dedicating an entire team to the issue called the ‘wellbeing team’. One of the features is a content moderation tool that automatically filters inappropriate comments. This indeed may be helpful but it is down to the individual/user to instigate this within their own profile rather than an across platform moderator.

Whilst this may be an attempt to show some willingness to accept that Instagram is having a negative effect on young people, is this really enough and whose responsibility is it to govern these personal issues to each individual? All of these studies and statistics show a negative approach to the impact of social media, with social media giants Instagram and Facebook both questioning the ‘likes’ and ‘followers’, features that their channels are often recognised by. The obsession with ‘likes’ and followers shows how much of a materialistic drive these platforms have, leaving users often feeling under pressure to look a certain way and be in a certain financial position to achieve these unattainable goals. This shows how social media can feed into your daily life by what choices you make financially, or the holidays you go on or the people in your social circle - it is certainly easy to be sucked into this facade of a lifestyle which is in fact not reality at all. With young, single females addicted to social media more than any other group, I believe that girls my age are highly vulnerable to generating mental health issues such as eating disorders and body image issues due to these unachievable goals which are shown across social media by bloggers and social media influencers. This was shown most recently in the tragic death of Love Island star Mike Thalassitis, who committed suicide earlier this year. On Social Media, most predominantly Instagram, Mike became a social media influencer after his time on popular ITV show Love Island however the life he portrayed was certainly not his reality. The star regularly posted paid sponsorships with clothing companies, travelled across the world, went to red carpet events yet non of this was a true reflection of the life he was leading and the mindset which allowed him to create this false persona of himself online.

Whilst often we only think about the negative impact of social media there are some positives. For example it allows people to develop positive platforms which advocate change. One of the most recent viral social media campaigns was by TenTree - whose aim is to become the most environmentally progressive brand on the planet. Their campaign was simply for every 10 likes they would plant another tree, and now with 15,489,562 likes since the 22nd April, and still rising their campaign spread across Instagram users profile and stories. The Professional Footballer’s Association based in Manchester recently had an anti-racism campaign with the #Enough. Footballers across the UK boycotted the campaign for 24 hours which encouraged players not to use any form of social media from 09.00am 19th April to 09.00am on the 20th April. The campaign was generated due to a series of high-profile racist incidents directed at players. The boycott acted as a show of unity by the players, and a call for stronger action to be taken by social networks and footballing authorities in response to racist abuse both on and off the pitch. These sorts of campaigns show a more positive outlook on how social media can be used to develop peoples views and outlooks in a more positive light, however these campaigns are not widespread and often the negatives of social media are overlooked whilst these sorts of campaigns are rightfully championed it is important that we begin to address the issue of social media and mental health more outwardly.

With mental health week approaching in the next few weeks it is certain that people are becoming more open to talking about mental health and sharing their experiences with it. More increasingly Podcasts and Youtube videos are being used to raise awareness of these issues which people and talking more openly about. For example, the likes of Youtube star Zoe Sugg (Zoella) has opened up about her troubles with anxiety and panic attacks. Youtube was found to be one of the most positive social media platforms in a study by the Royal Society for Public Health (RSPH). This is likely due to the fact that YouTubers are real people talking about real life issues which people face on a regular basis, often being filmed from a camera in their bedroom. This is more of an achievable goal for people which they can find relatable through a safe channel without feeling judged or concerned as to who may see it.

Overall whilst social media can be a platform for change and advocacy and connect people across the globe by developing a community within its own environment, the studies are endless in which represent how a rise in both social media users and mental health issues must indeed be linked. With such a rapid increase in mental health problems I believe that there needs to be something done to change this issue. However one of the main challenges is the governance issue who controls a personal social media account? It’s main user, the parents, the corporations themselves or the government? This is indeed a really difficult topic on how we indeed deal with the negative impact social media is having on young peoples lives without destroying their rights to freedom and also protecting them from harmful content.

To conclude, I agree that social media can have its positives however i believe the negatives which have been found within my extensive research show just how negative an impact it has having on the mental health of young people and issues like anxiety, depression, body image, eating disorders, self esteem and panic attacks cannot continue to be rising within our young people. Whilst Instagram is set out to be a positive outlet for social media, it is beginning to have a negative impact which cannot be ignored. In response to what can be done to negative impacts of social media, I think we need to develop some productivity driven content which champions young people and encourages them use the ‘time’ they have to their advantage - “The average person spends nearly 2 hours a day using social media, which amounts to 5 years and 4 months of his/her lifetime. In that time a person could run more than 10,000 marathons or travel to the moon and back on 32 separate occasions”. This made me recognise the importance of balance and recognising what else we could do with those 2 hours wasted daily on using social media, therefore by making an app I want to develop a personalised journal which encourages talking about our feelings, encourages and motivates users to try new activities and hobbies and develop self confidence in their own ability as individuals.

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consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis · 6 years

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5 Side Effects to Expect When You First Go Gluten Free

New blog post! When I think back to when I first went gluten free five years ago after receiving my celiac disease diagnosis, I remember encountering several surprises. The most unexpected ones, though, were the largely unmentioned physical, emotional and practical side effects to eating gluten free...and after years of regularly talking with new celiacs, I know I’m not the only one who initially experienced these less-than-ideal symptoms.

So what can really happen when you first go gluten free that your doctor might not warn you about? In the spirit of Celiac Awareness Month, I thought now was the perfect time to shed some light on this important question. Keep reading to learn seven side effects you should expect after starting a gluten free diet!

(As always, I’m not a medical professional and always suggest talking to your doctor - and even bringing up some of these often overlooked points - before, during and after going gluten free. This post is based only on my personal experience, the experiences of others I’ve talked to and research/articles found online).

1. You may feel worse before you feel better.

I’d be the first to admit that I am not an “average” celiac disease patient in terms of my healing process. Going gluten free wasn’t enough for me to thrive with celiac disease, and I ended up having to be hospitalized and fed through a feeding tube before I started recovering from the damage gluten had caused to my intestines. Based on the popularity of my posts on those topics, it also seems clear that I am not the only one who needed more than a gluten free diet to feel healthy with celiac disease.

However, even people who feel better more quickly on a gluten free diet (whether they have celiac disease, gluten intolerance or some other medical reason to benefit from eating GF) often initially report some not-so-great physical symptoms.

Because a gluten free diet often includes fewer whole grains and less common ingredients like Xantham gum, people can become constipated from a lack of fiber. On the other hand, if you go from eating a highly processed diet to one with lots of fruits and vegetables, you might also end up bloated from eating more fiber than you used to.

I, along with my mom and other gluten free eaters I’ve talked to, also experienced issues like headaches, fatigue and nausea when first changing our diets. If a gluten free diet is the best fit for you, though, these symptoms should slowly subside as your system adjusts to your new diet. If you have celiac disease and continue to feel poorly while following a strict gluten free diet, I’d urge you to talk to your doctor about other possible steps to take, such as keeping a food journal, undergoing further testing, etc.

2. Your mental and emotional health might be affected.

Even if you think you know how hard going gluten free can be, you might be surprised at how intensely you mourn the wheat-filled foods you once loved. Going gluten free, especially when you also need to avoid cross contamination, is much more complicated than just giving up bread. Wheat can hide in everything from soy sauce to sauces to seasonings, and your first grocery store trips might be so frustrating, you feel close to tears.

(Source)

I also know from personal experience that gluten cravings are very real, and sometimes just as brutal. I vividly remember crying standing in front of my fridge since I was craving a tortilla and we only had my old flour tortillas in our fridge...and this was after I’d been gluten free for several months.

My biggest pieces of advice for coping with the emotional roller coaster of going gluten free is to embrace however you’re feeling and have a solid support system nearby. You are allowed to grieve for the foods you’re losing, even if “it’s only pizza.” After all, that Papa John’s pizza also represents the ability to easily eat out and is likely tied to several heartwarming family memories.

Establishing a set support system - whether it’s your family or an online Facebook group of other gluten free eaters - can also make a big difference in how easily you adjust to eating gluten free. As I explain here, I always recommend educating your friends and family about your diagnosis and new diet so that they can help you stay accountable and won’t (knowingly or accidentally) tempt you with unsafe foods. And, as always, you can always reach out to bloggers like me if you need a digital shoulder to lean on!

3. Gluten free food substitutes won't taste as good now as they will later.

If you’re reading this blog post while going through some of these not-so-fun initial weeks of eating gluten free, know this: gluten free food will start tasting better. I like to describe the change my taste buds have undergone with the old quote, “Out of sight, out of mind.” After I’d been gluten free for a year or so, I’d honestly forgotten how many gluten-filled foods tasted. As a result, when I re-tried some of the gluten free brands I’d tasted shortly after my celiac disease diagnosis, I raved about how good they tasted, even though I’d thought they were just "average" months earlier. My mom, who discovered she is gluten intolerant after going gluten free with me, experienced the same thing.

Combined with the fact that more delicious gluten free products are being released each year (check out a list of my favorite gluten free companies here), and this taste bud shift should give you hope that enjoying a yummy gluten free diet is 100% possible. It just may take some time - and some cooking practice and product taste testing - for you to find the best-tasting gluten free foods for you.

4. You might start gaining weight...or losing it.

As I’ve mentioned several times before, the gluten free diet is not a weight loss diet. Foods that are labeled "gluten free" are not necessarily "healthier." All "gluten free" means is that there is no wheat included in the product; there are no "healthy" guarantees about calories, fat or sugar levels.

However, going gluten free can change your weight. If you don’t have a medical reason to go gluten free, you might find yourself slimming down because you’re eating naturally gluten free foods (like fruits and vegetable) instead of processed foods. Meanwhile, if you have celiac disease, you might gain or lose weight. Celiacs who were initially overweight could be able to lose weight for the first time after going gluten free. Meanwhile celiacs who were underweight might gain weight now that they’re actually absorbing the nutrients from their food.

As with any diet, different people may have different responses. Although it’s obviously important to be aware of losing or gaining an unhealthy amount of weight after going gluten free, I’d encourage you to focus on how you feel instead. This advice is easier said than done, and I still have my share of body image challenges, but expecting your appearance to possibly change after going gluten free will hopefully help.

5. You may notice different reactions to other allergens as well.

The most surprising side effect of going gluten free for me was definitely how many other foods I started to notice also bothered my stomach. My doctor had warned me that some celiacs can’t tolerate dairy after diagnosis because of the damage to their intestinal villi, and, sure enough, I was soon scouting out the best dairy free ice cream brands.

A year after my celiac disease diagnosis, though, I was still dealing with bloating, gas, constipation and other digestive symptoms. That’s when I started experimenting with a low fodmap diet, and I eventually realized that garlic, onion, mango and a few other foods are big triggers for me. After keeping a food journal, I also began to realize that red meat didn’t digest very well and that large amounts of corn often increases my fibromyalgia pain.

I don’t believe everyone who goes gluten free needs to cut out other foods to feel their best, just like I don’t think everyone needs to - or should - go gluten free. I also don’t know whether I starting noticing these additional sensitivities because my gut had been damaged from celiac disease and wasn’t working as well or because I was simply more attuned to how my stomach was feeling and what a “good” day actually felt like.

However, as with all the other symptoms on this list, I’d encourage you to discuss any remaining stomach problems after going gluten free with your doctor.

6. Your grocery bills might go up.

It’s true that eating gluten free can be expensive, no matter how long it’s been since you started a gluten free diet. However, you should especially expect your grocery bills to go up soon after you go gluten free. After all, that’s the period when you’re going to have to invest in your new pantry staples - ranging from all purpose gluten free flour to un-cross-contaminated grains, nuts and seeds - and when you won’t know as much about how to save money on a gluten free diet.

To make the adjustment to a gluten free diet as painless (for you and your wallet) as possible, I’d suggest first sticking to naturally gluten free foods, like fruits, vegetables and meats. Not only will this save you money, but it will also make grocery shopping quicker since you won’t have to spend time reading lots of labels. Once you are ready to dive into gluten free products, research the best brands beforehand and look up tips for saving money on gluten free groceries, like the ones I've shared in this post. Going gluten free without going broke can feel challenging at first, but I can now eat gluten free for less than $35 a week, so know that it is totally possible.

7. You might feel like you’ll “never be able to like being gluten free.” But trust me. You’ll get there!

Especially if you don't start feeling better right away, you might find yourself doubting that you'll ever be happy - or well fed - while following a gluten free diet. When you first go gluten free, you'll probably struggle with remembering that you can't eat off a loved one's plate (if they're eating gluten, anyway) or struggle with cravings for your old favorite foods. Just as you may experience grief over the loss of your past lifestyle and foods, you might also feel angry at the chronic illness taking over your life. Slowly but surely, though, eating gluten free will become your new normal. You'll find gluten free recipes you love and gluten free products that taste just as good (or close to) as your old dietary staples. Your taste buds will adjust and you'll soon know the "celiac spiel" you give to restaurant waiters by heart. You might even discover hidden blessings from your celiac disease diagnosis, like I did.

It would be a lie to say that your life will automatically improve as soon as you ditch gluten. Not everyone with celiac disease heals at the same rate, and many people (including me!) experience some not-so-ideal symptoms like the ones I've mentioned above. Hopefully, though, this post reassures you that you aren't alone if you're struggling after first going gluten free...and that these challenges, too, shall pass.

Like this post? Tweet me some love by clicking here: "I'm getting real this #CeliacAwarenessMonth and sharing 7 initial "side effects" of going #glutenfree that I experienced...& you might too! Plus, I share my tips for adjusting to a #glutenfreediet & thriving with #celiac. All that here --> http://bit.ly/2FRHtid"

And once you do make it six months, one year, two years and beyond of eating gluten free. Well, I can attest to the fact that your gluten free celebratory cake will taste pretty dang sweet! Did you experience any of these symptoms? What was your experience after initially going gluten free? I'd love to hear your stories in the comments!

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yes-dal456 · 7 years

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How To Tell A New Partner You Have A Mental Illness

I cried in his arms our first night together. I’m not good, I kept repeating, tears falling into my ears as he caressed my face. I knew what love required, and I knew that, time and again, I’d failed at giving it because of the ways my anxiety distorted my thinking, and my panic disorder made me alternately dependent, selfish, and needy.

I wanted to write him a guide for loving me, so he could understand that when I tried to break up with him when one thing went wrong, when I changed plans because I didn’t feel like I could leave my house, when I criticized him much too harshly, it was because of faulty thought patterns and neurochemical flare-ups, not because I didn’t love him.

Love is hard for nearly everyone. But for those with anxiety disorders and other mental illnesses, love can be a minefield. The National Alliance on Mental Illness reports that 18.5 percent of adults in this country live with a diagnosed mental illness. That’s roughly 1 in 5 people, or 44 million total.

For years, my relationships would end abruptly because I hadn’t prepared the men I loved for the ways I’d lash out when I became claustrophobic; how I’d become distant and cold when panicked, and suddenly clingy and hot when the panic had passed; how I’d pick them apart against my will, obsessing over perceived shortcomings and imperfections, burning with embarrassment when they held forth at dinner parties or cowering with shame when I deemed them too shy.

After I ended my last relationship, I worked with a therapist on how to prepare myself and my partners for being in a romantic relationship not only with me, but with my anxiety and panic ― and how my partner could support me, himself, and us through it.

Dr. Ayelet Krieger, a psychologist who practices in the Bay Area, believes disclosing a mental illness early in a relationship is crucial.

“I like to talk about striking when the iron is cold,” she says. “You don’t want to tell your partner about your diagnosis when you’re in the throes of a crisis. It’s more productive to talk about it when you’re calm.”

Avi Steinhardt, a licensed clinical social worker in Brooklyn, New York, agrees. “Many of the risks of disclosing a mental illness are similar to the risks of falling in love,” he says. “How will this new, suddenly important person react? Will it scare them away? Unfortunately there is still stigma and misconceptions about mental illness in our culture, so there’s a good chance that this person has absorbed some misinformation over the years. But how a person responds to your disclosure may tell you a lot about this person’s sensitivity, biases, and capacity to listen with an open heart. If there is a risk that they won’t be sensitive enough, it is also good to know early on that this person would likely not be a good match.”

Rebecca Chamaa, who has paranoid schizophrenia, was dating her boyfriend long-distance. About three months into the relationship, she was hospitalized after a suicide attempt.

“After my release, I told him about my diagnosis,” she recalled. “He told me he didn’t know if he could handle it. I said, ‘Fair enough.’ But we were in love. The information may have given him pause, but it didn’t scare him away.”

“We were married less than a year later, and since that time my husband has been my number one fan and biggest help and support,” she went on. “I’m glad I was honest with him, and he was able to decide whether he wanted to give our relationship a try or walk away. The best thing that ever happened to me is that he stayed.”

They have now been married for 19 years.

Disclosing can be a valuable litmus test of whether a partner is a good long-term match. Sometimes, it turns out they’re not. Stephy Hamrick, who has complex post-traumatic stress disorder and depression, experienced this when she disclosed to a new partner.

“The first time I spent the night, the sound of his belt buckle as he undressed caused me to completely freeze and shut down, and I had to explain,” she remembers.

At first he was gentle with her, and very understanding. But a few months later, when he witnessed her depression, he didn’t know how to react.

“He had only seen the charming, adventurous optimist I was when healthy,” she said. “When my physical and mental health crashed, he couldn’t wrap his head around the amount of pain I was in, no matter how much I tried to explain it.”

It’s sometimes difficult for those who have never experienced a mental illness to grasp how debilitating it can be.

“You can say you’re drowning, but a fish has no frame of reference for that experience,” Hamrick says. “I thought I was disclosing fully, but he didn’t understand until I texted him at work to tell him that one of my friends was taking me to the psychiatric ER because I was suicidal.”

If Hamrick could do it over, she would be much more explicit in describing the seriousness of her depression.

“I didn’t realize he didn’t understand the difference between the clinical use of the term ‘depression’ and its popular use,” she said. “Next time, I will spell it out a lot more clearly.”

The good news is that educating oneself and one’s partner about mental illness is easier than it’s ever been. “There’s so much information online and blogs kept by people who struggle with mental health,” Krieger says. “The more you learn, the more you realize how common these are.”

Another positive aspect of early disclosure is that it can jump-start vulnerability. When one person opens up about something sensitive or challenging, it can elicit trust and an equal willingness to be vulnerable in the other. “It’s rare there’s a relationship in which one person is perfect and one is complicated,” Krieger says. “Both people usually have ‘stuff.’ Disclosing is dropping into that trust and vulnerability sooner.”

Iesha Williams waited 11 months and until she was married to tell her husband about her anxiety and depression.

“It wasn’t a planned conversation,” she remembers. “We talked about my depression on the anniversary of losing a baby, which was an emotional trigger. The depression was intense and seemed inescapable. Thankfully, he listened and was attentive to what I expressed.”

“He admitted to not fully understanding, but did everything in his power to support me,” she went on. “Disclosing my struggles made us stronger and better able to support, understand, and love one another. I’m very glad I disclosed.”

Steinhardt believes these conversations often result in both partners feeling more known, accepted, and loved.

“I can’t think of a romantic relationship where we don’t need to tell one another how we need to be loved, what our challenges are, our triggers, our weaknesses,” he says.

Confronting something this real and personal early in a relationship can be a catapult into deep intimacy and trust.

I told Joel everything right away, that first night. He responded beautifully, holding me and sharing painful aspects of his own life. Within the first few weeks, I taught him about common anxiety-induced relationship pitfalls, and more about panic. Four months in, he has been unfailingly responsive and calm, encouraging and nurturing, and inspires me to be the same with him.

Still, I’ve tried to end it a few times, to save us both the trouble. He reminds me this is part of it: the doubting, the fear, the bliss.

One evening I arrived late to a concert and saw him sitting there, eyes closed, body still. We walked wordlessly toward each other through the crowd and rubbed our faces together, swaying slowly. I let myself submit just the smallest bit more. A woman near us said, “Ah, love.”

We listened to the music.

If you or someone you know needs help, call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also text HELLO to 741-741 for free, 24-hour support from the Crisis Text Line. Outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of resources.

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brentrogers · 4 years

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Podcast: Learn About Sex Therapy From a Licensed Sex Therapist

Tune into today’s show to learn more about this very important but often misunderstood type of psychotherapy.

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Guest information for ‘Laurie Watson- Sex Therapy’ Podcast Episode

She too is a podcaster and host of FOREPLAY – Radio Sex Therapy available with specific episodes dedicated to the many topics of specific sexual dysfunction and relational problems.

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Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Laurie Watson- Sex Therapy’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Laurie Watson: Thank you for having me, Gabe. This is fun.

Laurie Watson: Right.

Gabe Howard: Right.

Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after these messages.

Gabe Howard: And we’re back discussing sex therapy with licensed counselor Laurie Watson.

Gabe Howard: Laurie, in all of this, do you think that men or women have a more incorrect assumptions about sex and sexuality in our culture? Like who gets it more wrong?

Gabe Howard: There’s a lot to unpack there, right? Because one, let’s say that it’s true. Let’s say that this gentleman, he found his 30 in the 7 percent pool.

Laurie Watson: Right. Right.

Gabe Howard: So you’ve got a man and a woman sitting in your office and the man finds out that he has not been sexually pleasing his partner for a number of years. How does the man react to that?

Laurie Watson: Well, thank you. I appreciate getting the word out and you hosting me. I’m really honored that you invited me and I would be glad to be back sometime.

Podcast: Learn About Sex Therapy From a Licensed Sex Therapist syndicated from

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