#a focus on arthur's reaction when merlin gets poisoned | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bitsandbobsofwriting · 3 years

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Merlin goes home for a little while, determined to enjoy a well-earned vacation;

Camelot immediately falls apart, with the sole exceptions of Guinevere and Gaius.

Merlin knows Arthur really well.

Which just means he knows exactly how to get him to let his servant go home for two weeks to visit his mother and relax a little:

“You just don’t want me to go because you know you can’t cope without me! Look, if you want to come with me, that’s fine, but you’ll struggle just as much there as you would here because I refuse to act as your servant in my own home.”

Arthur turns red, looking outraged as he loses the ability to speak. Merlin turns around before The King can see his satisfied smirk, tidying around the prat’s chambers with exaggerated annoyance as he just waits for the inevitable-

“Fine! Go! See if I even notice that you’re gone! Honestly, Merlin, the running of the Kingdom will probably end up going smoother without you here to mess things up, you bumbling idiot.”

Merlin grins to himself before schooling his face back into annoyance and turning around with a huff, crossing his arms petulantly:

“Fine!”

The servant decides that he’d better leave, what with the way he was struggling to keep the victorious grin from his face, so without waiting for a response, he “storms” from the room, slamming the door behind him as dramatically as he’s able when he hears Arthur yell:

“FINE!”

Merlin sets off at the beginning of the next week. Gaius had raised a disapproving eyebrow when his ward had told him how he’d gotten Arthur to agree to such a long vacation, but didn’t say anything. They both knew that the elderly physician thought it was funny.

Gwen and Morgana make sure to see him out of the castle gates with big hugs, and whilst all of the knights were meant to be training, it came as no surprise to anyone when Gwaine slacks off for half a candle-mark to say goodbye as well. Mordred shoots him a quick goodbye across their mental link as the servant walks away from the city, after promising Merlin that he would warn him if anyone was in any serious danger (”Serious danger only, Mordred, I mean it. If I get called home because Arthur is throwing some sort of tantrum, then I’ll act out your destiny for you.”).

Merlin’s journey goes smoothly. The world was hovering in the junction between Spring and Summer, but with a little magical manipulation, the Warlock had no trouble staying warm and keeping his feet beneath him on the uneven path. Unsurprisingly, the young man is a lot less clumsy when he doesn’t have to focus on keeping his magic locked away so tightly.

Two days after his departure from Camelot, his mother is greeting him outside her little house with a long hug and a wide grin, stroking a hand through his hair as she welcomes him home.

Coincidentally, that’s also about the time things started going to shit for everyone else.

It was just after noon when Elyan had to be carried to Gaius’ chambers, his whole body juddering as he struggles to draw breath, the lack of oxygen from his throat closing up mixed with the panic making his brain go fuzzy.

Percival holds him up from one side and Leon holds him from the other, the two of them bursting through the physician’s door just as Elyan’s eyes roll back in his head. Gaius looks up suddenly, obviously startled by the abrupt intrusion, but he swiftly focuses, eyes wide and assessing as he quickly points them to a patient pallet:

“What happened?”

The two knights lay him down as carefully as they can before standing out of the way as Leon forces out an answer, trying to catch his breath between words:

“I don’t know, servants brought lunch out whilst we were training so we stopped to eat and he just started... wheezing. We thought he was choking at first but he said he couldn’t breathe. Has... has he been poisoned? We stopped everyone from eating.”

Gaius had gathered a handful of odd looking dried leaves the moment Leon mentioned the food, recognising the symptoms of an allergic reaction and putting two and two together immediately. He crushes them in his hands quickly, knowing he didn’t have time for a proper mortar and pestle as he shoves the crumbs into Elyan’s mouth, following through with a vile of something green and gross-smelling

He massages the odd concoction down Elyan’s throat as best he can around the swelling, and lets out a relieved smile when the knight’s eyes blow wide open and he chokes slightly before swallowing it all, grimacing at the taste but breathing deeply as his airways open again.

Leon and Percival let out similar breathes of relief when Elyan begins breathing again, chuckling breathlessly at his disgusted groan. The door bursts open again before anyone can say anything, and Arthur strides in, his flushed cheeks and rumpled clothes implying he had sprinted across the castle in his panic.

He spots Elyan on the pallet, his deep breaths interspersed with the odd cough, and his eyes widen even further as he looks to Gaius for an explanation:

“A servant told me something was wrong, what happened?!”

The King loses a little of the tension in his shoulders when Elyan waves a thumbs-up in his vague direction, but still looks frantically between the two knights and the physician as he waits for an answer. Percival wordlessly moves to Elyan’s side, running a hand up and down the man’s arm as Leon looks to Gaius expectantly:

“He had an allergic reaction, likely to nuts in the food. He should be fine, but he needs a day or two of rest, and to come back to me immediately if his throat swells again.”

Arthur sags in relief, nodding his approval of Elyan’s needed bedrest, but Leon’s eyes go wide as he lets out a knowing noise:

“Of course! I forgot about his allergy, it hasn’t been an issue since we were kids.”

Gaius nods knowingly and begins reorganising the jars he had knocked over when the knights had startled him:

“Hmm. I imagine he watched what he ate carefully when he was travelling, but Merlin keeps an eye on all of your food now.”

Leon frowns slightly as he tilts his head in confusion, but Arthur beats him to the punch, asking incredulously:

“What do you mean, Merlin keeps an eye on our food?”

Gaius raises an eyebrow, holding in his smirk as he slowly replies:

“Well, Merlin is usually the one to bring food out to you when you train, is he not? And on days he can’t he always speaks with the kitchen staff to double check what food is going where. Sir Elyan is not the only one with an allergy, My Lord. Merlin always makes sure any food the seven of you are given is safe. He has a tendency to check the Lady Morgana’s meals as well, whenever he’s able.”

Arthur is too taken aback to reply, his mouth hanging open, but that is when Percival looks up from his place at Elyan’s side, a confused frown on his face:

“Why?”

Gaius doesn’t manage to hold his smile in at that, looking between the three knights, and Elyan, who has just about managed to regain his breath:

“To avoid situations like this, I imagine, and to check for poison. It’s not uncommon for assassins to try and lace the royal’s food with something or other.”

Arthur finally shuts his mouth, only to open it again, speaking slowly:

“So... Merlin checks all of our food?”

Gaius nods:

“Religiously, Sire.”

Leon and Percival just shrug, adding it to their list of Weird Things About Merlin That They Should Be Grateful For, and Elyan smiles goofily from his place on the bed (whether it was the lack of oxygen or something funky in the vial, the knight didn’t know, but he was definitely still feeling a little... odd), but Arthur just frowns deeper, muttering a distracted “Take it easy.” to Elyan before walking stiffly from the room.

The King makes quick work of the journey back to the council meeting, desperately trying to persuade himself that this was nothing to do with him not being able to cope without Merlin. Elyan was the one not coping, clearly. Merlin was still wrong and stupid and Arthur hadn’t even noticed that he was gone until Gaius brought him up (a lie, he missed him terribly, but shhh).

Leon and Percival look to Gaius in confusion when Arthur had almost stormed from the room, and the Physician simply smiles again, the amusement shining clearly in his eyes:

“Merlin persuaded Arthur to let him take a holiday by heavily implying that he couldn’t cope with Merlin’s absence.”

Percival snorts with laughter and Leon raises an eyebrow as he grins:

“Arthur took that as a challenge then, I suppose? Two days in and we’ve already got The King sprinting from meetings because a knight has collapsed from an allergic reaction... because Merlin wasn’t here...”

Gaius just nods, and Percival mutters an amused:

“This will be entertaining.”

Arthur steadfastly refuses to acknowledge that the next mini disaster, a few days later, was also down to Merlin’s absence.

Ok, so maybe it was because Merlin wasn’t here, but ultimately, it was Gwaine that messed up, not Arthur. So it didn’t count.

The knight came back from a night patrol that he’d taken with The King with an infected gash on his arm. Arthur grins teasingly as he describes to Gaius how the knight had tripped on a loose cobblestone and scratched his arm on the sharp edge of a stray cart at the beginning of the patrol, and Gaius hums disapprovingly as he unwraps the scrap of fabric Gwaine had used as a bandage:

“Did you not have any medical supplies in your pack? Or did you think it best to let it get infected so I had to wake an hour before dawn to deal with it?”

Gwaine swings his dangling legs back and forth from where he sits on Gaius’ table, pouting sheepishly as he admits:

“I looked, but there wasn’t anything helpful in there, usually the armoury-hands have them stocked up for the patrols, I guess they missed mine.”

Arthur rolls his eyes at Gwaine’s seeming ineptitude, but his scolding is interrupted before it even begins when Gaius shakes his head in disagreement:

“Hmm. The servants that work in the armoury only tend to check the packs every few weeks, and even then they only check if they need any repairs. Merlin is the one with easier access to patrol rotas, so he’s the one who stocks them up on a day to day basis.”

Gwaine just nods in understanding, as if he should’ve expected that, but Arthur’s smile drops as he unfolds his arms, getting over his annoyed speechlessness in a matter of seconds:

“You’re telling me that Merlin, my personal manservant, is responsible for all the knights’ patrol packs?”

Gaius finishes cleaning Gwaine’s wound, muttering a quiet apology when the knight hisses at the first poke of the needle, speaking slowly as he focuses on making sure the stitches were neat and uniform:

“No, Sire. Technically the knights are meant to take care of their own packs, but Merlin is a paranoid man, he likes to double check things to make sure everyone has what they need. I suppose some people got used to having it done for them.”

Gwaine winces abashedly, making a mental note to remind the others to check their packs before their next patrols, but Arthur rolls his eyes, crossing his arms again and immediately accepting that this little incident was therefore Gwaine’s fault, and not down to Merlin's absence.

The voice in his head sounded a little doubtful, but he ignores it, choosing instead to chide his rebellious:

“Do try to pay attention to your own responsibilities, Sir Gwaine, I’d hate to see something terrible happen to you because you’re unable to complete your own simple tasks.”

Gwaine just sticks his tongue out petulantly, looking away from The King before he can see the blonde’s rolled eyes. Arthur huffs at his childishness, turning around to cover his grin and speaking over his shoulder as he walks from the room:

“You will be on time for once, Gwaine, training starts in a few hours and I want to see you bright and early.”

Gwaine just smirks, waiting for the door to shut behind Arthur before moving his sly, curious eyes to the physician in front of him:

“He’s missing Merlin, then?”

Gaius just gives him a knowing glance before looking back down at the now stitched gash, gathering bandages:

“I’d imagine so, though he’d never admit it. Merlin implied that Arthur wouldn’t cope with his absence,-”

Gwaine interrupts him with a laugh:

“Hence his insistence that it was entirely my fault?”

Gaius nods wordlessly, and Gwaine snorts, shaking his head in amused disbelief.

Meanwhile, Arthur stalks back towards his chambers, eager to get out of his armour and get into bed; Gwaine had training in a few hours, but so did he, and he needed at least a little sleep. He purses his lips in annoyance as his gaze falls upon the clinical cleanliness of his room... George had been in then.

Look... Arthur being used to a slightly messy room did NOT mean he depended on Merlin. And Gwaine not being used to having to actually organise himself ALSO didn’t mean that Merlin was... ok. Maybe Gwaine relies on Merlin a little.

So that’s Sir Elyan and Sir Gwaine, two of The King’s most trusted knights, who can’t cope without Merlin. But Arthur is doing just fine. It’s been half a week and he is just. Fine.

Just fine.

It was the next day that things began going wrong a little more... drastically.

George wakes Arthur up for training on time because of course he does. Arthur had found himself losing out on a lot of sleep without Merlin insisting he go to bed at a reasonable time, and waking him up late; Merlin had gotten into the habit of snatching Arthur’s paperwork away and holding it out of reach until The King agreed to go to sleep, and somehow manages to fit Arthur’s entire morning routine into half a candle-mark. George would never snatch away Arthur’s paperwork, and he takes so much longer in the mornings meaning Arthur has to wake up earlier.

Not that Arthur would ever admit to enjoying his and Merlin’s unorthodox routines.

Eight more days to go, and he’s fine.

At least... that’s what he thought until a nameless guard approaches the training field, waving him over from his spar with Mordred. Arthur strides over quickly, annoyed at the interruption and nodding at the guard to speak as he drinks from his water-skin:

“My Lord, Lord Halbert and Lady Ethel have arrived. I believe they’re waiting for your presence in the courtyard.”

Arthur chokes, managing to turn his head to the side just in time before he spits a mouthful of water over the guards face. He quickly wipes his mouth and turns back to the pour armoured man with wide eyes:

“That’s today?!

The guard nods hesitatingly:

“Yes, Sire, would you like me-”

He’s interrupted when Arthur shouts a hurried:

“Fuck!” as he drops his water-skin and begins sprinting up the field towards the castle, desperately trying to calculate if he had enough time to wash and change before they got antsy with waiting. Probably not.

Seeing Arthur’s panic and hearing his loud curse, Leon hurriedly approaches the guard, putting a friendly hand on his shoulder as he speaks with a frown:

“Gavin? Is everything alright?”

The guard, Gavin, looks to Leon with a confused frown:

“It would appear that His Majesty... misremembered the date of Lord Halbert and Lady Ethel’s arrival.”

Leon’s eyes go wide and he glances quickly to the castle as he rushes out an exclamation identical to Arthur’s:

“That’s today?!”

Gavin just nods again, and Leon drops the hand from his shoulder, letting out a loud:

“Shit!” as he recreates Arthur’s sprint up to the castle, knowing that he was expected to be at The King’s side when welcoming guests. He doesn’t pause, even when he shouts:

“Lancelot’s in charge!” over his shoulder.

The knights all look to each other in amusement, but Lancelot quickly takes charge, running drills as if he had been doing it his entire life and trusting that, whatever it was, Arthur could get things sorted. And if Arthur couldn’t get things sorted, then Leon would get things sorted. And if Leon couldn’t get things sorted, then Merlin would... oh.

He glances worriedly to the castle just as Leon falls through the door, not bothering to shut it behind him in his panic. Oh.

Arthur lets out the deepest breath of relief he thinks he’s ever experienced when he sees George ahead of him in the corridor; he gestures him over hastily, making the servant jog to keep up with him as he continues his fast pace down the hall:

“I don’t care how many other servants you have to pull from their duties, but I need the castle prepped for Halbert and Ethel’s arrival right now.-”

Arthur barely pays attention to George’s faltering step of shock, just stops suddenly in front of the door that leads down to the courtyard, turning to the servant and putting both hands on his shoulder as he stares at him intensely, face flushed and breathing harsh:

“I need you to do this for me, George. Prepare guest chambers, send someone down to show them to the right rooms, and make sure the Kitchens know they’re feeding two extra nobles for three days, starting today. If you can organise all of that in the next two minutes, I’ll give you a raise and a Godamn hug, you hear me?!”

George gulps, his shoulders tense, his face pale, and his breath frozen in his lungs as he meets Arthur’s frantic gaze with wide eyes. He gives a shaky nod, instantly turning and sprinting down the corridor without a word when Arthur lets go.

Leon skids around the corner, moving to stand next to Arthur with his hands on his knees as he attempts to catch his breath, speaking in a slight wheeze:

“I... I left Lance... in charge.”

Arthur nods in approval, pulling Leon to stand before holding his hands out to the side, presenting himself for inspection. Leon takes one last deep breath, smoothing the training tunic over Arthur’s shoulders, attempting to rub the dirt from his nose, and brushing a quick hand through his hair before stepping back and holding his own arms out. Arthur pulls a leaf from behind his ear, but is otherwise satisfied, and the two of them turn to the door, schooling their faces and stepping down into the courtyard.

Arthur has a calm, welcoming smile on his face, and Leon stands stiffly behind him, hand on the sword that he luckily had on his hip as he stares blankly ahead.

The nobles seem taken aback at The King's state of undress, but don’t say anything, covering their shock quickly. Arthur’s hoping that his friendly attitude will just give the impression that he’s...approachable and slightly laid back, as opposed to just an idiot who forgot they were coming because no one had reminded him.

Gods. Merlin can never know about this.

Thankfully, the next three days went smoothly, or at least as smoothly as possible after Arthur spent an hour rifling through his old mail to try and figure out the original reason for Lord Halbert and Lady Ethel’s visit (watching their eldest’s knighting ceremony, and discussing with Arthur the potential for their youngest to move to the city to become a squire).

He waves them off in a much more regal manner than he had welcomed them, and keeps his promise to George, upping his pay slightly; though he exchanges the hug for an awkward pat on the shoulder, which he thinks both of them were grateful for.

He’d successfully made it through nine days. Semi-successfully. He’d just about made it through nine days.

Five more to go. But Arthur was feeling fine about those five days. He’d double checked all his mail, and made sure to find out when his patrols were scheduled.

Which is... unknown to Arthur, where the next problem stems from.

Arthur wasn’t the one to rota the patrols, he really didn’t have the time to sit down with a list of names and hours and times and maps and organise everything fairly, it was difficult and time-consuming, but he made sure that Leon knew exactly how many hours he could give up for patrol each week.

Apparently, the communication between Leon and the council was normally handled by Merlin, who wasn’t there. So whilst Arthur was enjoying a solo patrol along the city borders at noon, waving at citizens and making his horse do tricks for giggling children, the council were sitting around the table, waiting rather irately for his arrival.

Now normally, this could’ve been easily dealt with, but when the same guard from three days ago gallops over to inform him of the problem and take over his patrol, Arthur was reminded rather suddenly that Merlin was always the one that came up with sensible sounding excuses.

(He also makes a mental note to avoid that guard forever out of embarrassment.)

This was one of the very rare occasions when Arthur simply glares the council into submission. Normally he likes to work with them; he hates to feel like they're just doing what he wants because they were kissing his arse, but he has no excuse other than “I forgot.” and he felt like that was worse than just.. acting like a bit of a dick for five minutes.

So... yeah. Merlin wasn’t there to reorganise the council meeting around Arthur’s patrol, and then also wasn’t there to come up with an excuse for why it wasn’t reorganised.

Arthur makes it ten days before he admits to himself that perhaps he relies on his manservant just a little too much.

Four days later, Arthur had missed another council meeting (despite his best efforts), Lancelot and Mordred had accidentally insulted some visiting Lord (and had therefore been told not to leave their rooms until he had vacated the city), and Gwen was no longer speaking to him, on account of The King being a dick without realising because Merlin wasn’t there to rein in his ego and... well... dickishness. That, and his crown had somehow gone missing between yesterday morning and now.

(If that last one had happened even a week prior, Arthur would’ve been adamant that it had been stolen or something else equally not-his-fault, but with how quickly he’d been made aware of his apparent bad memory and social clumsiness, he had every faith that he’d just misplaced it, and Merlin would know exactly where to look.)

Arthur was sitting on the courtyard steps, tunic unlaced at the top and hair a mess when his servant finally, finally walks through the castle gates. The King perks up slightly, but refuses to give Merlin the satisfaction of being run to, so forces himself to remain in place. He was especially glad that he’d made that decision when he saw Guinevere spring over to greet him. He has a feeling she won’t be all that... welcoming, at least not yet.

Merlin wraps her in a tight hug and Arthur forces down the swell of jealousy in his lungs, especially when he laughs brightly and pulls back to clasp her shoulders. Arthur sees Gwen’s face fall at a question Merlin had asked and he gulps, biting his lip when Merlin frowns and raises an incredulous eyebrow at her response. She points in Arthur’s direction, and The King’s eyes go wide as he rapidly stands, failing miserably at looking as though he weren’t staring in their direction. Guinevere rolls her eyes before giving Merlin one last hug and walking very deliberately in the opposite direction to Arthur.

Merlin marches towards him, slight annoyance mixing with a secret eagerness to check on Arthur speeding up his normal pace significantly. Before the servant can say anything, Arthur grabs his wrist, pulling him up the steps and through the castle without a word, tugging harshly every time Merlin opens his mouth to demand an explanation for himself or an apology for Gwen.

When they finally reach his chambers, Arthur quickly locks the door behind him, whirling on an angry Merlin with flushed cheeks and a desperate look in his eyes:

“I swear Merlin, I will never doubt you again, but Elyan almost died, Gwaine got an infection, Leon and I forgot about Ethel and Halbert, Lancelot and Mordred are essentially under house arrest, I missed two council meetings, lost my crown, and now Gwen’s not talking to me. You’re never allowed to leave me again.”

Merlin freezes in place, staring at Arthur with wide eyes and an open mouth for a few moments before he bursts into laugher. Arthur huffs, crossing his arms as his blush deepens, but waits patiently instead of demanding that Merlin stop. Honestly? He may have been laughing at Arthur, but it was still the most beautiful sound The King had heard in two weeks, and he’d definitely missed it. Which is... something to think about at a later date.

Merlin finally relents, his dimples showing prominently as he holds in another round of giggles at Arthur’s red face. The servant drops his pack to the floor, stepping forward and not giving Arthur time to move away before he pulls him into a tight hug, sighing contentedly at the warm contact:

“I missed you too, you prat. You’ll just have to come with me next time and we can leave Gwen and Gaius in charge.”

Arthur huffs out a gentle laugh, finally wrapping his arms around Merlin’s middle tightly and burying his face in the slightly taller man’s hair:

“I did. Miss you, I mean. And I also mean it when I say you’re never going anywhere without me again, this has been a nightmare.”

Merlin snorts, tightening his grip on Arthur as if he were trying to squeeze all of the stress out of him:

“Co-dependency isn’t the healthiest thing in the world, you know.”

Arthur just huffs, refusing to let go as he petulantly responds:

“I don’t care. I’m The King, I can do what I want.”

Arthur can almost feel Merlin rolling his eyes, but the servant just laughs again and seems to nod in agreement:

“Hmm. That excuse is going to come back to haunt you one day. Heard you gave George a raise?”

The blonde tenses in embarrassment, now refusing to pull away so Merlin wouldn’t see his pink cheeks:

“Uh... yeah. He cleans too much and is shit at coming up with plausible excuses, but he did save my arse a few times.”

Arthur can feel Merlin’s laugh vibrate through his ribcage, and though the man was usually rather touch averse, he found he never wanted the feeling to stop. He found himself hoping that Merlin felt the same when The King chuckles at his response:

“Oh yeah? Does that mean I get a raise for being good at excuses and bad at cleaning?”

THE END!!!

Literally wrote this in one day so... sorry if it’s bad😅

Had no clue how I was going to end it until I got there, my thought process essentially just went “Hugs? Yeah. Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.” :D

Same as always lads, you wanna write it out in full or remix it or whatever, go for it, just drop me a message and credit/tag me :)

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knightofmordred · 3 years

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let's talk about gwen's trauma in bbc merlin

tw // trauma, grief, torture, death, potential racism.

im not sure what else to tw but my post will surround conversations such as these so if you are reading this and may be triggered please either stop or read with care <3

forgive me for any mistakes i will mainly be talking from memory and ofc if i say anything wrong please lmk !!

generally to start off, all of the main four characters went through trauma however you were always able to see their reaction/result of their trauma e.g morgana turning evil, arthur being self-conscious and doubtful of himself and merlin putting up a barrier in S5, but with gwen there was never anything like that which happened.

gwen went through so much throughout the entire show and yet nothing was ever handled or addressed within the show.

SEASON ONE

from the beginning it was indicated that gwen's mother passed away before the time frame shown in camelot and of course that was later confirmed. the only mention about her mother, that i can remember, is when gwen briefly spoke about how her mother was a maid in sir leon's household. we also know that elyan left camelot shortly after their mother passed away, clearly the reasoning was from grief and hurt. we didn't get to see gwen deal with the loss of not only her mum but also her brother, yes he was still alive however he left without a word, gwen and her father were left alone trying to survive.

(also elyan's trauma is also something important to be raised and spoken about)

during this time gwen and her father were still able to make a life in camelot, thomas being a blacksmith and gwen getting a job as morgana's maid. of course events unfolded and gwen was accused of witchcraft. she was thrown in prison and set to be executed. as we know this isnt the first time this will happen. we obviously saw gwen distraught and inconsolable trying to deal with her sentence however this epsiode revolved a lot around morgana and merlin more than it did gwen. e.g. them trying to release gwen etc

a few episodes later thomas is the one imprisoned and eventually was killed due to his attempted escape. again this epsiode focused more on morgana and merlin. the small clips we saw of gwen crying over her father whilst he was imprisoned and then again when she was mourning her father were little to nothing, and the only other scenes surrounding gwen were shown as her being "strong and getting her life back together". following on to merlin asking gwen if she would wish uther dead and she said no, if he died she would feel nothing but wouldn't wish him dead.

now why does gwen have to be this strong and kind hearted woman especially in this epsiode. she lost her father, practically her last and only family member left as elyan was awol and yet she was portrayed this way. she would have been allowed to be angry and upset over everything that happened.

there was a scene where gwen was crying with morgana and spoke about how she cannot go home but it wasn't about her father. it was about tauren - the man who hired thomas for whatever he was making,he came and threatened gwen.

SEASON THREE

a season later gwen and arthur are romantically involved and caught by uther and morgana during a date. uther banished gwen and was later accused of magic (again) and set to be executed (again). this episode focused more on gwen than the last ones i spoke about but again morgana and merlin's side plots were heavily involved.

after each event has taken place in these episodes, it's almost as if gwen's trauma and what she went through were put aside or forgotten about. twice she was nearly killed and once she lost her father.

later, gwen was kidnapped by cenred and morgause and threatened to bring arthur in exchange for elyan's life.

noticing a theme so far? gwen's trauma seems to be revolved around the white characters surrounding her, whether it is entwined with another character's plot or focuses on them.

SEASON FOUR

i don't remember the epsiode but i believe it was the dochard episode. gwen was attacked by morgana in an attempt to kill her.

during this time too she was also looking after and caring for uther. we know she wasn't doing it for uther but for arthur and her love for him and so he wouldn't have to worry and can focus on his duties but....she was still looking after the man who killed her father, nearly killed her a couple of times and overall ruined her life too.

now we get into gwen and lancelot. of course we all know lance was a shade and gwen was enchanted. the way this epsiode was and how they decided to portray gwen and lance for me was ://

again gwen was thrown in jail. the bracelet was never found and nothing ever came to light that she was enchanted.

so...gwen had to live with all of that regret, guilt and feelings of not understanding or knowing why she kissed lancelot for the rest of her life.

she was banished and threatened with death if she ever returned (again).

shortly later in S4 EP11, she was kidnapped (again) whilst living in ealdor. she was able to escape but then turned into a deer by morgana??? then accidentally hunted by arthur and mithian leaving her injured and hurt. which is so unnecessary because why tf turn her into an animal ???

she was nearly killed again.

and again nothing was ever addressed or spoken about in terms of what gwen went through.

SEASON FIVE

S5, uther came back as a ghost, he threatened and attacked gwen to the point she nearly died had she not been found by merlin.

in the middle of the season, gwen was kidnapped and tortured which eventually led to her being enchanted and under morgana's control in the Dark Tower.

again, gwen's trauma is tied to a white character (as in plot and needs etc).

during her enchantment gwen did a few things:

poisoned arthur and nearly killed him

killed tyr

imprisoned merlin and blamed him

conspires with an enemy and tried to kill arthur again

her enchantment was thankfully lifted but once again it just seemed like it was ignored once it was over but also i know S5 was rushed in itself anyway.

tbh you could say gwen knew nothing and couldn't remember what happened whilst she was enchanted but in With All My Heart there seemed to be some awareness from gwen about her enchantment. and also ofc people would say she couldn't remember in order to avoid the conversation around her trauma.

in the finale we see gwen in the battle helping the wounded and when the battle is won we see her having to cope with the fact they couldn't find arthur.

by this time we know where arthur is and it cuts to a scene of leon telling gwen arthur has still not been found and of course gwen is visibly upset.

when gauis comes back and gwen is informed of arthur's condition of course she believes he will get better but then she would have had to battle with the thoughts he wouldn't.

i really wish there had been a scene after this where gwen just talks to someone about what exactly she is feeling but instead it cut to the plot about eira.

the ending was kind of the same for everyone, no one got to mourn apart from merlin.

overall it just makes me so sad that gwen went through all of this and it was ignored or pushed aside because she is a "kind, strong and honest woman". she went straight back to work when her father died because it was "better than sitting in an empty house waiting for my father to return" no gwen!! you can do that if you need to!! you are allowed to be sad and hurt!!

i genuinely do think it is racist writing as black women especially are portrayed as "strong women who get on with things" when actually they've gone through a load of traumatic events and as any else are should be angry and upset and should be allowed to be portrayed that way too.

it also angers me that majority of these events which took place and gwen's experiences/trauma were almost always tied to a white character and aiding their development/storyline/plot. just why

#gwen pendragon #guinever pendragon #bbc guinevere #arthur pendragon #camelot #merlin #emrys #bbcmerlin #morgana pendragon #elyan #angel coulby #katie mcgrath #bradley james #colin morgan #gauis #knights of camelot #once and future queen #once and future king #bbc merlin

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the-astro-ace · 5 years

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Merlin Writer Month: WIP Week Part 1 - Gen Fics (No Romance)

“Part one?” you ask in confusion upon reading the title.

“Hmmm yes, reader,” I respond, stroking my metaphorical beard. “I found over twenty fics to recommend for @madaboutmerlin’s Merlin Writer Month, but I don’t think the mods would appreciate one giant post. So I am splitting into two not-so giant posts. Below I shall link the eleven gen fics I recommend, and then Part 2 shall be all the not-gens. And they shall be linked from most recently updated to, well, not. Please enjoy.”

Part 2: The Not-Gen Fics

GEN FICS - May contain romance, but not the focus of the story (at least no more than the show)

Rend and Rebuild by PeaceHeather

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 38/?

Last Updated: 2018-11-18

Summary: One wrong move in the heat of battle changes everything. Merlin is a sorcerer, and Arthur has stabbed him.

My Comments: From angst to well-written battles to a wonderful Merlin and Gwaine friendship this fic has a lot of things that I love It’s got Druids, it’s got BAMF Merlin, it’s got Gwaine just being GREAT, what more could you want?? And at 38 chapters, you have quite a bit to get through before you have to wait for updates, and even then it’s nearing the end. so I expect that you won’t be left disappointed.

Do You Feel Like a Young God? by onceandfuturewarlock

Rating: Mature

Chapters: 4/?

Last Updated: 11-14-2018

Summary: When Merlin's magic is discovered by the last person he ever would have expected, he soon finds himself a pawn in the most twisted, dangerous game he's ever played, no way to win, and no way out - unless, of course, he changes the rules.

My Comments: Okay, just a heads up: this fic is DARK. HEED THE TAGS. This fic is GOOD but it is HEAVY STUFF MAN. You thought you couldn’t have Agravaine more?? HOO BOY THIS FIC WILL PROVE YOU WRONG; I have literally written the phrase “I want to shank Agravaine with a rusty spoon” in a comment to this fic. Twice.

Stronger Than by NotNecessarilyInThatOrder

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 8/?

Last Updated: 2018-11-12

Summary: “I said I was dying.” Arthur sighed.“I don’t have time for this.” “Would you have had time to retrieve my corpse?” Merlin thought, then nearly smacked himself when Arthur’s expression made him realize he’d spoken out loud. Could Merlin have told the truth if Arthur had been willing to listen that morning? What would that mean for their future? For Morgana's?

My Comments: An AU starting with s3e02 that it looking to be a MORGANA REDEMPTION YEAH BOI. Excellent read, and I look forward to finding out where it will go :D

The Siege Perilous by CarverTwaine

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 6/?

Last Updated: 2018-10-21

Summary: (Druid Merlin AU) Druids came for Hunith's son long ago. Years later, a man named Emrys and his apprentice are captured as Druids in Camelot. But Emrys strikes a deal with Uther: as long as the King allows Emrys to live as a political prisoner in the dungeons, the Druids will stay far away from Camelot. Uther agrees. Hated and feared, Emrys works to gain the trust of his jailers.

My Comments: I have a thing for Druid!Merlin apparently, and this fic falls into that. Most recent chapter left off on a cliffhanger so I’m :OOO atm but it’s VERY GOOD and I recommend you all read this one as well :D

A Sea and Four Centuries by MDJensen

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 6/10

Last Updated: 2018-09-27

Summary: In which Lancelot and Aramis wake up in the wrong beds-- and the wrong countries, and the wrong centuries. HIATUS until ~December 2018.

My Comments: Probably the fluffiest thing on this list. A crossover with Three Musketeers in which the author literally swaps Santiago Cabrera’s characters. That’s it, that’s the story. But it’s not just crack- there’s angst, there’s emotions, and overall what I feel is a realistic reaction to what would happen if this, well, happened lol. I especially adore the scenes in which Lancelot is learning French- THE AUTHOR ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES THAT THERE’S A LANGUAGE BARRIER- IT’S GREAT.

Knowledge does not mean Understanding by Selene467

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 5/10

Last Updated: 2018-09-27

Summary: In a time when Merlin's magic is outed and accepted -something he never thought possible months ago- Arthur is shown that despite knowing how strong Merlin is, he doesn't fully understand -comprehend- just how powerful he truly is. A dangerous conflict in which Merlin all but sacrifices himself to save everyone else, shows Arthur that there is far more to Merlin than he thought possible. Gaius wasn't kidding when he told Arthur that Merlin was the strongest sorcerer ever to have lived.

My Comments: I greatly enjoy the non-linear story telling of this one- with the present interspersed with flashbacks to the magic reveal, it allows the reader to see what happened without just an info dump lol (also I’m considering trying that style myself now). Just I recommend this one too lol

A Criminal’s Burial by gecko818

Rating: Mature

Chapters: 8/?

Last Updated: 2018-07-02

Summary: Upon awakening in a strange castle with no memory of the last week, Arthur learned that not only had he been recovering from poison, but that Merlin was responsible for the betrayal. Unfortunately, the boy was reportedly killed by Arthur's own sword and left to rot. Little does he know, the story is a mere ruse to conquer Camelot. NOT a death!fic. Merlin!/Arthur!Whump.

My Comments: With Arthur angsting over the fact that he thinks he’s literally killed Merlin gd and Merlin being, well, not treated well in an enemy lord’s dungeon, this fic is hurt/comfort gold. At least, when the comfort part reaches lol. But with intrigue, and emotions running high, this fic is a good one and I sincerely hope it updates soon lmao

The Right Thing by AithuzahFic (veritably_mad)

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 3/?

Last Updated: 2018-05-10

Summary: Merlin jumped when Arthur spoke. “He didn’t deny it,” he said, his voice low and cool. “I’m sorry?” “He said he loved her and would never hurt her, but he never said it wasn’t true.”

My Comments: How the aftermath of the Arthur nearly killing Uther scene SHOULD HAVE GONE. But if this exchange doesn’t convince you, idk what will: Every word Arthur had spoken had Merlin off-balance and reeling, but his next question threatened to knock him flat. “Will you help me?” Merlin gaped at Arthur long enough that the earnest nobility of his expression faltered. “I realize it’s a lot to ask—it is essentially treason, after all—” “I have magic,” Merlin blurted, and then slapped both his hands over his mouth. Arthur stared at him. Merlin stared back. “Well,” Arthur said at last, “I suppose treason isn’t a problem for you, then.”

Silence Cuts Loudest Through the Chaos by 1917farmgirl

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 20/?

Last Updated: 2018-04-16

Summary: Kidnapped by a mad king, Arthur and Merlin must rely on each other like never before. While Arthur struggles with choices that put his heart and duty at odds, Merlin struggles just to stay alive after being stripped of his magic and freedom. With impossible choices and heavy secrets weighing them down, can they manage to escape before all is lost? 2018 Frog Award at HPFT for "Best Non-Harry Potter Fanfiction"

My Comments: I love this fic SO MUCH. Merlin and Arthur’s friendship is done SO BEAUTIFULLY in this- feels exactly like the show’s. I know the author plans to continue and I sincerely hope she manages to conquer this writer’s block that has had her down for months ;-;. But, in the meantime, there’s over 70k worth of material to read, and I highly recommend you do :D

The Truth of Who We Are by Marie_Iliea

Rating: General Audiences Chapters: 4/?

Last Updated: 2018-02-20

Summary: Set into the wall, a brazier evenly spaced between them, were words, each with the imprint of a hand below it, and a pair of footprints set into the floor below that. Loyalty, Strength, Courage, Servitude, Magic, Nobility, Humility, Authority, and Discipline. Merlin recognized the riddle right away, having met the dwarf during Arthur’s quest. He knew three of the names, three of the matches — and it terrified him. What would the others make of him being Magic? He shivered, a thrill of fear running down his spine. Or: When Arthur and the knights go hunting, but events take a predictably unusual turn that exposes Merlin's magic to them all -- and then it all goes, quite literally, to the Otherworld. I finally figured out where this 'one-shot turned story' is going to go. Since I like Lancelot and originally this was "Arthur is King, Lancelot is alive," this tale explores how everyone finds out Merlin has magic AND the fallout -- during the chaos with the Dorocha.

My Comments: I also love fics that assign roles to the rest of the knights, and I would love to see where this one plans to go with it

Some Things Are Meant to Be by 1917farmgirl

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 2/3

Last Updated: 2018-02-15

Summary: For Merlin, having the world fall apart around him was nothing new, but having someone there to help him pick up the pieces afterwards unfortunately was. Until it happened twice, with two very special people who appeared in his life when he most needed saving. Modern AU, friendship fic. Sort of Christmas story.

My Comments: A short, bittersweet one that left me sobbing and me wanting more. Tender hurt/comfort with a side of Christmas. And with only one chapter left, I hope the author won’t leave us hanging for much longer

#merlinwritermonth2018 #Merlin BBC

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winglesscrows · 6 years

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I’m Yours Ch. 8

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Merlin (BBC) I T I Merlin & Arthur I 61k

"Arthur used to think he knew everything about his servant, and to an extent he still did. As shocked as he had been about the incident, this wasn’t exactly something that was unlike Merlin. It was dumb and it came from a place of kindness with a total disregard of himself. The action itself, Arthur understood. What he didn’t understand was why Merlin had kept it to himself."

In which Arthur slowly unravels the mystery that is Merlin, and begins to realize just how much he doesn’t know.

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8. My Love is Yours

Arthur, despite now having the means to get the truth from Merlin, did not use the truth serum. When he had used it on their prisoner, he had given him a choice, let him decide whether or not he wanted to take it. Merlin wouldn't have that choice, because Arthur knew that he either wouldn't take the potion or just decide to not speak at all. For Merlin, this would only work should Arthur choose to give it to his servant without his knowledge. Merlin was not to know that he was bound to speak the truth. Because Merlin did not just lie, did not just hide, Merlin was skilled in warping the truth, sprinkling in the faintest of lies to create the story which best suited him. Arthur would use the serum to weed out those lies. However, when it came down to it, he would prefer to not use the potion at all.

It was no coincidence that so few people knew of this potential plan. It was no coincidence that Arthur had never once considering seeking Guinevere's advice. Because he knew this wasn't the right way to go about it. Therefore, Arthur gave himself a time limit. Until his uncle was to return from his trip, Arthur would not use the potion. He would try to get the truth - or at least some of it - before then. The most pressing matter was why Merlin thought his uncle was working for Morgana, so that was what Arthur set as his goal. Even if Merlin had not told him everything by the time his uncle returned, if, at the very least, he had shared his suspicions with Arthur, he would not use the potion. He would trust that in due time, Merlin would come to him.

The morning after the prisoner had been set free (or escaped as everyone no doubt believed), Merlin woke him up bright and early, the usual smile absent from his face.

"What's wrong?" Arthur mumbled, groggy from sleep and wanting to stay in bed. He turned away from the window, blocking out the sun, and was silently grateful that Merlin had yet to steal his covers in an attempt to get him out of bed.

"The prisoner escaped," Merlin said, sounding unusually frustrated, "Stole a horse too, and since he turned out to be a sorcerer, he must have covered his tracks, because no one could find any sign of him. It was like he just vanished into thin air, and- why on earth are you smiling?"

Merlin gestured wildly to Arthur who had found the energy to at least sit up in his bed, resting against the bed frame. Arthur should probably stop smiling before Merlin figured it out by himself.

"Let's do something fun," he suggested, distracting Merlin, while he got a little more comfortable rearranging his pillows, "I'll tell you a secret, and you tell me one."

"What?" Merlin gaped in disbelief, "Arthur, I get that you are very invested in my life right now, but maybe this isn't the right time? There is an assassin, who wants you dead, somewhere out there. Please focus on that first."

"Oh, come on, Merlin," Arthur groaned and rolled his head, "It will be fun."

Merlin shook his head, "You have a weird sense of fun." Despite the reluctant tone, Merlin still sat down by the edge of Arthur's bed, going along with his prince's weird shenanigans.

"I'll start," Arthur said, as if that wasn't obvious given Merlin's reluctance to both play the game and even share anything about himself lately, "I let the prisoner go."

Merlin blinked. And then he blinked again. There was good chance that Merlin was making sure he wasn't dreaming: "You what?" He yelled, before realizing he should keep his voice down and then just let out a frustrated groan, letting Arthur know how much of a clotpole he thought he was.

"I let him go," Arthur repeated, just to hammer the fact into his servant, "Gave him a horse, provisions and money too. Made sure no one found out until it was too late."

"Are you mad?" Merlin hissed, trying not to yell, "He tried to kill you."

"He didn't actually try to kill me," Arthur noted, quietly, almost hoping Merlin wouldn't question that bit, but Merlin raised an eyebrow, so Arthur had to keep going, "Apparently, I was just a complication to get to the real target." There was no need to tell Merlin about who the real target had been.

"So he was going to kill you?" Merlin remarked sarcastically.

"No, he was just going to knock me out."

"How could you believe that? He refused to tell you anything for days, and the day before his execution he suddenly opens up with a story that makes you think that he was, in fact, not so bad after all? How could you just let him go? How could you trust him? How-"

"I trust someone who lies to me all the time," Arthur cut in, and looked intently at Merlin to see his reaction. He looked guilty, as he should. Perhaps, guilting him into talking would work.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said quietly. And though Arthur should probably say some comforting words about how, for now, that was okay, he didn't. He was going to take this opportunity to make Merlin talk.

"You owe me a secret now," Arthur said, "Anything you want to share?"

"My favorite food is blueberries," Merlin said with a weak smile, and Arthur rolled his eyes dramatically.

"You know that's not going to cut it. Give me a real one."

Merlin fiddled for a bit, but eventually came out with a blank, "I don't know what to say. Why don't you ask me a question. I promise to tell you the truth."

It was a good offer, except, this time, Merlin didn't know what Arthur would ask. When Arthur had asked about the burn on his chest, Merlin had likely rehearsed what to say, known what they would discuss and been prepared for the emotions that would resurface. This time, Merlin looked less confident, less comfortable. He didn't know what Arthur would ask.

And Arthur knew he should ask about his uncle, he really did. But ultimately, what he needed from Merlin, was continued honesty. He wanted them to get to a point where Merlin could always share whatever was bothering him with Arthur, so Arthur wouldn't ask about his uncle. That, he wanted Merlin to tell him himself. So he asked what was possibly the worst question Merlin could have anticipated.

"I was told," Arthur began slowly, knowing that it wasn't quite fair to Merlin to bring this topic up, but with the power of one truth on his side, he wanted something he knew Merlin would never share of his own free will, no matter the circumstances, "that you tried to poison Morgana. Is it true?"

Merlin froze at the question, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him tightly. He looked away, trying to find the words to say.

"Can you ask another question, please?" He pleaded quietly, his voice sounded like he was close to breaking. It really hadn't been fair. But Arthur wasn't going to let it go.

"Merlin," he said, trying his best to speak with a calm voice, "Please tell me. I know you are a good person. You can trust me."

Merlin smiled. A bitter, bitter smile: "You won't think I'm so good, when you know."

"I think that's for me to decide."

Merlin looked at him again, a small light of hope present in his blue eyes, as he began his story.

When Merlin had talked about Nimueh and the cup of life, he had been more detached, only saddened by the idea of Arthur dying. As he told the story of Morgana, a story Arthur had never known before, he was emotional, close to tears, and full of hurt and regret.

"It wasn't long after I had come to Camelot that Gaius shared with me Morgana's abilities as a seer. That the things she dreamt, often came to pass. However, in fear of what Uther would do, we tried to hide it, tried to assure her that her dreams were nothing more than that. Just dreams. It worked, but only for a while.

"Eventually, her powers grew, her magic got stronger. And I knew that it would be dangerous for her to stay at the heart of Camelot, unable to control her powers. And Morgana was a good person, we all knew she was. I wanted to help her."

Merlin took a deep breath, and Arthur prepared himself for the first big revelation.

"I wanted to help her, so I suggested that she go to the druids. They could help her, teach her, and let her feel like she wasn't so alone with a power she never wanted. I thought it was a good idea, but..." Merlin bit his lip, his gaze fixed on the floor beneath him. Arthur knew what happened next and bid Merlin to just move on.

"I had promised her that I would never tell anyone about her magic. It was the least I could do for her, so when the sleeping curse fell on Camelot and she was the only one unaffected..."

"It must have been because of her magic," Arthur slowly realized, their interactions at the time suddenly making more sense.

"That's what I thought too, except, it wasn't the case. When," Merlin took another steadying breath, "When you sent me to find the potion she had taken, I tried to find a way to stop the curse instead, and I learned the true reason she wasn't affected. For a spell that powerful to work, it needs a source, and, to break it, you destroy the source."

"And Morgana was the source," Arthur guessed, and Merlin nodded slowly, seemingly gathering courage to keep going, but Arthur stopped him: "You don't have to continue."

Merlin let out a breath, "I told you," he said slowly, looking up at Arthur, "I'm not as good as you think."

"And I told you that that's for me to decide," Arthur reminded him, "You did the right thing. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

Merlin didn't say anything, merely looked down as if in thought. Arthur needed for Merlin to stop that. He had a feeling that Merlin had spent far too long inside his own head, blaming himself for something he shouldn't.

"Do you think you would ever have told me?" Arthur asked to distract Merlin, "If I hadn't made you."

"Probably not," Merlin said and let out a nervous laugh, "It's not exactly something I'm proud of."

"Then what are you proud of?" Arthur tried cheekily, a small smile appearing on Merlin's face as he looked back at Arthur.

"Don't try to make me tell you more. That should be plenty for now."

"Perhaps," Arthur said, "But you can't hide your secrets forever. One way or another, I will find out, and wouldn't you prefer for it to happen on your terms?"

"Yes," Merlin said slowly, "But not yet. For now, just for now, I'd like to keep my secrets. Don't think I haven't noticed, Arthur."

"Noticed what?" Arthur asked, playing dumb, not knowing exactly what Merlin was referring to, as Arthur had been doing a lot of things without his servant lately. Perhaps there was some irony in that, but Arthur chose not to think about it.

"You are keeping an eye on me," Merlin said. It was as if he was silently asking - ordering - Arthur to stop, "Are you afraid that I will run off?"

"No," Arthur said honestly. He knew Merlin would never leave, "I'm worried that you will get hurt."

"Even if I get hurt," Merlin said wisely, "I will always return." Merlin smiled a little to himself, before continuing, "I'm proud to be your servant... if that counts." Merlin looked at him with a teasing glint in his eyes, and Arthur dropped the whole topic.

"It counts."

Merlin left soon after that, taking the half-filled laundry basket with him as an excuse to leave the room, clearly not wanting Arthur to ask any further questions.

It was weird, Arthur thought for not the first time since Merlin's carefully constructed tower of lies had begun to unravel. It was weird that he wasn't more upset with Merlin over the fact that he was keeping secrets. Secrets so big, they changed how Arthur viewed people and situations, not just how he viewed Merlin. In fact, it only served to confirm things he already knew about him. That he was kind and loyal, and strong than anyone ever gave him credit for. So Arthur wasn't upset. How could he be? Merlin had explained why he thought it was necessary for him to keep these secrets, and Arthur understood that it was all partially his fault. His fault for not letting Merlin know that he was a safe person to come to. Yet Merlin trusted him enough to tell him that, yes, there were secrets, and perhaps some day he would share them, but for some reason, now was not the time. And if it wasn't for all the injuries, if it wasn't for Merlin's accusations against his uncle, perhaps Arthur could have been patient. But that was not the case.

Arthur also continued to wonder what to do about his servant as long as there were secrets between them. Merlin was clearly not happy with how Arthur was keeping watching over him, constantly having him within an arm's reach. And Arthur knew that this little game couldn't last long. Somehow, in some way, Merlin's stupid, self-sacrificial and vigilant tendencies would take over and he'd get hurt without Arthur being any the wiser. And he wouldn't tell, not until Arthur knew the full truth, so he had to know.

Merlin was ready to lay his life on the line for Arthur, told him time and time again that he would readily die for him, should the need arise. Arthur knew that if there was one thing he could trust, it was Merlin, and he knew that Merlin would trust Arthur with his life. Yet, Arthur could trust Merlin, not only with his life, but with his secrets, dreams and ambitions, while Merlin would never trust Arthur with even one of those. And for Arthur, this fact didn't upset him, never could. No, Arthur was an ambitious man, he would earn Merlin's full trust. And he had roughly two weeks to do so. With years of friendship to build on, it shouldn't be hard.

"Do you trust me?" Arthur asked Merlin that night as he served him dinner. The question was asked casually, letting Merlin know that this wasn't all leading up to Arthur demanding for more secrets to be revealed. And Arthur didn't ask because he doubted Merlin, no, he simply wanted to hear Merlin say it.

"Of course," Merlin answered, like Arthur had been wrong to doubt that fact. It was an honest reaction, "I trust you with my life."

"Then why won't you tell me your secrets?" Arthur tried to poke at the subject a little, "It would be easier for both of us."

"It's not a matter of trust," Merlin tried to assure him, casually filling Arthur's cup with more water.

"What then?"

"I… I don't want to put you in that position," Merlin said cryptically, "And I know you. I don't think you would react well. Not to all of my secrets."

"You won't know until you try," Arthur pointed out. He was pretty sure nothing Merlin could tell him would ever make Arthur hate him. Sure, there was a good chance he'd be mad at him for some time (they both knew that Merlin was hiding something big), but that happened so frequently anyway that it should hardly matter.

"I'm not willing to take that risk," Merlin said and shook his head, "You're too precious."

"And what do you think I'm going to do?" Arthur smiled, still trying to keep the conversation light, while also letting Merlin know that his intentions were only the best, "Kill you?"

"No," Merlin smiled, "That's not like you. But you could send me away."

"I wouldn't do that," Arthur assured him, remembering a conversation between Merlin and Lancelot.

"Because you don't know," Merlin pointed out, "Things would be different if you knew."

Obviously, Arthur thought, wasn't that the point?

"Why do you fear banishment so much?" Arthur asked, slightly changing the subject. For someone who had Camelot's best interest at heart, Merlin seemed to ponder banishment an awful lot.

"Camelot is my home. I don't want to leave."

"Ealdor lies outside of Camelot," Arthur pointed out, and Merlin smiled a little. It was a smile that Arthur recognized, because that was how his servant smiled when he was about to praise Arthur. Something which he didn't like to do because 'his head was already big enough as it was'.

"I don't want to leave because living here, being your servant, is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I refuse to let that go."

"Yet you would still die for me?"

"Gladly."

They changed topic after that. They talked about yesterday's council meeting, and Merlin was beaming when Arthur told him about how useful his research had been. Despite having no more chores for Merlin to do, Arthur still told him that his reward was giving him the rest of the evening off. Merlin could only roll his eyes at that, while Arthur laughed.

The next day, Arthur had a sort of epiphany, like he finally understood how to go about this whole Merlin situation. Perhaps, he thought, perhaps if Arthur knew more about Merlin, they would get closer and Merlin would tell him his secrets.

Of course, Arthur needed to remind himself, it wasn't that he didn't know Merlin, he most certainly did. He knew that a happy Merlin was incapable of silence, either humming or talking nonstop nonsense, whenever something put him in a good mood (which could be anything from butterflies to surviving yet another bandit attack). He knew that a sad Merlin avoided eye contact, not because he was ashamed of his emotions, but because he didn't want to burden the people around him. He knew that Merlin would put lilies in Arthur's almost-never-used vase, whenever the prince was in a bad mood, because once, not many months into Merlin's first year in Camelot, Arthur had mentioned that lilies were his mother's favorite flowers. He knew that Merlin was more skilled than anyone - even Merlin himself - gave him credit for. He knew that before coming to Camelot, Merlin's favorite color had been blue, but now it was red. He knew that Merlin loved to tease and insult him, but would glare daggers at anyone who tried to do the same (knights of the roundtable notwithstanding). Arthur knew Merlin well, but he didn't know much about him, especially before his time in Camelot. So that would be where he would start.

"What is Ealdor like?" Arthur asked that day at dinner. Merlin was eating with him again, and the atmosphere was easy.

"You've been there," Merlin pointed out, and Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Yes, but I don't imagine that you are always preparing to fight raiders. If you were, you hardly needed my help."

"Good point," Merlin gave in and looked up in thought, "It's quiet," he said wistfully, "Not much happens, and the things that do happen are usually bad."

"Like raiders?"

"Like raiders."

"Sounds a little boring," Arthur said like it was Merlin's fault, but his servant just huffed.

"You can't even imagine."

"Is that why you left?" Arthur said, suddenly remembering that they'd had this conversation before. Lying awake in Ealdor, figuring out how to ensure most people's lives, learning more about each other, and wishing social status would never harm their friendship. Back when Merlin had said he wanted to find a place to fit in, but didn't yet know if he had succeeded. Perhaps, that was what Arthur needed to do, let Metlin know he fit in right here, by Arthur's side.

"A little," Merlin said, answering the question, "But mostly I just didn't fit in anymore." Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin was remembering their conversation from all those years back, but the honesty was still there. The honesty which Arthur had never valued before. The honesty he now valued above everything else.

"How come?" Arthur asked this time, not wanting their conversation to go in circles, "You have no problem making friends here. Every loves you," listening to how tacky and cheesy that sounded, Arthur added: "Although maybe that's because idiots are likable."

"Would explain why they like you so much," Merlin chuckled, "But I guess Ealdor is just different. There weren't many kids my age, I was quirky, clumsy, and, of course, I was born out of wedlock. It made me an easy target."

"Amongst other things," Arthur mumbled, but the prince thought that the reason Merlin so easily stood up to him when he first arrived was because Merlin had learned how to deal with bullies the hard way. And because Merlin wouldn't let a bully get away with anything, prince or not.

"I don't know," Merlin continued, not really knowing how to explain himself, "There just wasn't much for me there, and since my mother knew Gaius, well, I had an easy way out."

"Do you miss her?"

"My mother?"

"Yes."

"Every day," Merlin confessed. Arthur wished he could understand, he couldn't imagine missing his father every day. There were times, when Arthur was away, that he let himself forget him completely. He wondered how different it would be, were his mother still here.

"You should visit her more often," Arthur said slowly, and Merlin smiled. A mischievous little smile.

"Oh, and will you give me time off to do that?"

"Don't be ridiculous Merlin. I would come too and we could make a hunting trip out of the journey."

"Of course, sire."

Arthur decided to stop there for the night. He didn't want all the conversations to turn into interrogations, and Merlin had been so open with him tonight. He didn't want to lose that feeling. If it continued, he would never have use for that dumb truth serum.

There was another topic Arthur wanted to revisit, one which they had discussed, almost only in passing or out of necessity. Magic. Between their last conversation, and their escaped prisoner's story, Arthur felt that he could once again see the topic in a new light. It had been so easy to blame magic for what had happened to Morgana, but if a good man could be forced to flee and kill just for the price of growing healthy crops, then what was stopping stubborn and prideful Morgana from tearing apart a kingdom which would see her dead simply for having the ability to dream the future. Out of The Great Purge, vengeful sorcerers were born, and that burden should fall, not to magic, but to the Pendragons.

When Merlin had left for the night, Arthur slipped out of bed and went to Geoffrey.

"My lord," Geoffrey exclaimed as Arthur entered the library, unsurprisingly finding the scholar still working well into the night, "What can I do for you?"

"What materials do you have surrounding The Great Purge?" Arthur asked, cutting to the chase.

"I'm afraid I don't have much, sire. The king burned all the records."

"All of them?" Arthur raised an eyebrow, doing his best Gaius impersonation.

"Well… most of them."

"Give me what you have. And don't tell the king about this," Arthur didn't need his father to know what he was up to.

"Of course, sire."

It took Geoffrey a good ten minutes to find something Arthur could use, and Arthur thanked him for his assistance as he listed back to his room for some late night reading.

The records Arthur had gotten were scattered, incoherent and difficult to decipher. One record showed a list of names, most of them with a location and even more had their names crossed out. Arthur took a moment to recognize it as a list of targets.

The first name he recognized was Balinor - his name was the first which had not been crossed out. His location was marked as court, which Arthur found strange, but decided not to dwell on. Further down on the list was another which Arthur recognized: Nimueh. Her name, too, was uncrossed and her location was marked as court. Arthur almost took a pen and crossed out their names, but decided against it. This was no longer a list of who was dead or alive, it was a list of people who had been killed in an act of injustice, regardless of what they may have used their powers for.

Another list of names contained potential targets, or characters of suspicion. On this list, Arthur found many he recognized. Not necessarily people he knew personally, but nobles whose names were familiar, whose sons or daughters he knew. None of these names were crossed out, but their location had been updated frequently. The first name on the list which shocked Arthur was Gaius. He knew their physician had once practiced magic, but the prince found it hard to believe that his father, the king, would employ a person so close to him, who was also worthy of making the list.

The next name made Arthur put the scroll away and move on, because he did not want to think about what could have aspired for her name to be on the list. Hunith. Location: Ealdor. Arthur would at least make sure that Merlin never saw the list in his life.

The scattered accounts of The Purge kept Arthur up almost all night. Reports of successful capturings, a resumé of the day magic had been banned, its practice punishable by death. And Arthur couldn't help but notice, and somehow feel guilty, for the fact that this had all happened immediately after his birth. It couldn't be a coincidence. It wasn't that Arthur was only just making the connection. Even if he had been in complete denial, Morgause had told him that his birth was the direct reason for his father's endless war on magic. To this day, Arthur would never know if there had been any truth to what Morgause had told and showed him. But often, he would dream of it, dream of his mother, and the words she had said. On good days he would cling to her voice, saying that she was proud of him. On bad days, he would hear the echo of how he was born of magic, how his father had sacrificed her life to have an heir. And though Arthur never once spoke of this, on those bad days, his vase would be filled with lilies.

From what Arthur could gather from the worn remnants, magic had been accepted and openly practiced in Camelot before the purge. It supported what the escaped prisoner had told him - that Camelot had once been a safe place for sorcerers. It was hard for him to wrap his head around, a Camelot where Uther was king and magic was practiced freely. It seemed like something from a fantasy, but it was the only conclusion Arthur could come to from this tiny bit of information. It would explain why known magic users, a powerful sorcerer and a dragonlord, would have had places in the court.

Arthur kept thinking about it as he returned the material to the library, not finding Geoffrey there, but placing it where he could find it. As he walked back to his chambers, bis body exhausted, but his mind fully awake, he thought that perhaps, he should simply go to someone who knew. Afterall, Gaius lived right here in the castle. But that was for tomorrow. Now, he needed sleep.

Arthur was not happy about being woken the next morning. He could feel the few hours of sleep he had had, and as soon as Merlin let the sun through, he crawled under the covers, and held them tight so Merlin couldn't take them. Even if he was tired, Arthur was still the stronger of the two.

"Arthur, you have to get up."

"No," Arthur replied and tightly shut his eyes, hoping it would somehow let him fall asleep again. Merlin did not let that happen.

When Merlin's attempts at taking the covers from him were being stopped, he settled for grabbing Arthur's ankles and pulled him to the floor. However, Arthur was stubborn and merely wrapped himself tighter into the covers, refusing to get up. He heard Merlin sigh heavily and dramatically.

"Come on, Arthur! You have things to do."

"Do them for me," Arthur demanded, making himself comfortable on the floor.

"Even if I wanted to, I don't think your father would be particularly happy about seeing me in your place."

Arthur groaned. Merlin had a point. He hated when Merlin was in the right. It would seem that Arthur didn't have a choice as he let Merlin wake him up, get him dressed and ate a quick breakfast before heading off to the great hall where Arthur was supposed to join his father for all the public affairs that were to happen today.

The whole affair was rather boring - although Arthur was sure to let everyone know that his yawns were a result of little sleep and not boredom.

Late into the afternoon, a woman came to them, reporting a sighting of witchcraft. A bubble of smoke, she had said, smoke so red it might as well have been blood, covering almost an entire forest. It had lasted half a night, only illuminated by the light of the moon.

"Where was this sighting?" The king asked the woman before them.

"In the east, sire, half a day's ride from the border."

"We shall send a patrol out at first light to investigate," Uther declared, but Arthur cut in.

"My lord," Arthur said, letting his father know he meant business, "The place of the sighting was close to Lord Agravaine's current location. If such a display of magic was truly there, surely they would have noticed. Do not forget that Agravaine has some of Camelot's finest knights with him should anything occur."

There was a moment of silence, before the king made a decision: "Very well," he gave in, "If anything happened, we should trust that they would send for reinforcements if needed."

It wasn't long after that the court was dismissed and Arthur could finally return to his chambers. He wondered if it was too late for him to lie down and sleep for an hour or two before continuing with his day, but the sun was already low in the sky, and Arthur decided to merely push through and just called it an early night as soon as he could.

"You're very tired today," Merlin commented, and Arthur couldn't even find the energy to come up with something snarky or even roll his eyes.

"Yes, very," he simply said and had to resist just putting his head on the table and fall asleep there.

"And here I thought I sent you to bed early enough," Merlin sighed, "You really are a child, aren't you?"

"Shut up Merlin."

"Oh look, he's back," Merlin exclaimed falsely as he set down Arthur's plate, "Are you awake enough to eat or would you like me to feed you?"

"I hate you."

"Of course, sire."

"Eat with me."

Merlin chuckled as he set the table for himself. There was wine instead of water tonight. Merlin did that sometime. A random act of kindness, he called it. Arthur liked that about him. And so, it probably wasn't the best time to begin a conversation about magic, but Arthur was too sleepy to comprehend that fact. The wine wasn't helping particularly either.

"You knew of Will's magic when you left Ealdor, right?"

"Yes," Merlin confessed rather easily. It was probably the wine. Merlin couldn't hold his liquor at all, "We bonded over being outsiders."

"But magic is legal in Cenred's kingdom, is it not? Being a sorcerer wouldn't be as hard there as here."

Merlin made a face at that. A face which Arthur couldn't quite pinpoint, but put it down to Merlin recalling a bad memory: "Ealdor is not too far from Camelot," Merlin began, his face still morphed into something quite un-Merlin like, "Tales of evil and dark magic were not less common in Ealdor than it is here. Although, for us, it was merely a horror story, meant to discourage us from ever seeking magic."

"Why?" Arthur questioned curiously. If one had the mindset that magic didn't actually corrupt, then why not use it? It sounded like it could be quite useful for things like growing crops or summoning wind to fight off evil raiders.

"Why?" Merlin asked rather surprised, probably quite taken aback by Arthur's sudden interest in magic. Arthur was honestly a little surprised himself. Was talking about it in a semi-ambiguous light considered treason? Perhaps, but Arthur was too tired to care.

Merlin sighed, took a gulp of the wine, as he began a story which Arthur wasn't entirely sure he had asked for, but appreciated nonetheless: "Cenred didn't just permit magic," Merlin began darkly, "He craved it, took it for himself. Anyone who showed signs of possessing magic were taken, made slaves in his army and sacrificed in his pointless wars. When I was young, perhaps seven or eight, a boy about ten years older than me came to our village. He was just passing through, trying to flee to Mercia, where he wasn't known or hunted. Cenred's knights caught up to him before he even passed through Ealdor. They chained him up, put him in a cage and took him to their king." Merlin shuddered at the memory. Arthur felt horrified by the tale and the idea that a young Merlin had been witness to it.

"Later, the mother visited Ealdor, trying to escape the town that reminded her of her son. She told my mother the crime he had committed," Merlin spat out the word crime like it was poison and Arthur braced himself, "He had tried to cheer his bedridden sister up by making a flower." Merlin took another sip of the wine, "We were taught to never touch magic if we valued our freedom."

"Then why did Will learn magic?" Arthur questioned. Surely, Will would have been subjected to those stories too.

"He didn't," Merlin sighed, "At least, he didn't choose to. His powers just came to him, so he had no choice but to learn how to control them, if he didn't want to get caught."

"That's the same with Morgana, isn't it?" Arthur said, being more and more certain that Morgana had never had a choice when it came to magic, "She never choose her powers. They just appeared. Is it normal?" Arthur wondered how many had been put to death for something they never choose. It was heartbreaking.

"I'm not an expert, Arthur, but I don't think it's uncommon. I mean, what are the chances that both magic users I've met have been born that way?"

"I suppose that makes sense."

"Why all this talk of magic?" Merlin questioned after a while, still nursing his wine, like he didn't want to drink, but somehow needed it to keep this conversation going.

"I'm not sure," Arthur confessed. He honestly didn't know what all this would lead towards. He hadn't expected that his quest to get to know Merlin better had ended in educating himself about magic, but maybe that was just another way to get closer to Merlin. His servant might not be a sorcerer himself, but he had known people with magic, been sympathetic towards them and used it to save Arthur's life. And it gave them something to talk about, something Arthur wouldn't trust anyone else to be a part of, "I think, regardless of magic's true nature, my father cannot be right. I've seen too much that proves him wrong."

"You seem very sure about that," Merlin pointed out. His voice was oddly soft, none of its usual sharpness coloring it.

"Don't believe me?" Arthur tried to tease, but the taunt came out weak, and Merlin only smiled at him.

"I'm just curious."

"I've been thinking about Morgana, all the things you've said, things I've seen and experienced. I doesn't add up. Morgana, I think it's our fault she did what she did. I can't even imagine what it must have been like, to suddenly possess a power you didn't ask for and know that if the king ever found out, he would have her executed. To look at the pyres and know that one day, that could be you, and you never even did anything wrong. Wouldn't we be the ones to blame for that?"

"I don't think you should blame yourself for everything she did. There shouldn't be an excuse when it comes to murdering innocent people," Merlin said, instantly wanting to reassure Arthur. He always did that. Made sure Arthur never blamed himself for anything (unless he was really angry with him), and Arthur always appreciated it, even if thoroughly disagreed with Merlin. Sometimes Arthur had to make wrong right, and though he couldn't save Morgana, perhaps he could save others.

"I don't mean that she didn't do anything wrong," Arthur explained, "Just, I don't think magic itself isn't the cause of her evil, just her fear." Arthur was silent for a moment before he continued, "What would you do if you had magic in Camelot?"

"What I always do," Merlin smiled, his eyes shining with honesty and sincerity, "Serve you. Protect you. Save your royal ass while getting no credit."

Arthur couldn't help but smile too: "Of course you would."

This continued on for roughly a week. Arthur would invite Merlin to eat with him and they'd just talk. After they had talked about magic, they had talked about Gwen, and then about the knights, and it seemed that Merlin slowly let down his guard around Arthur. A guard that had never seemed visible before, but was slowly falling apart. And it felt nice. To talk like friends. To pretend every evening that they weren't prince and servant. Merely friends.

But time was running out, and with only a few days left until Agravaine's return, Arthur had to get to Merlin to talk. If not about everything, then just about his uncle. He had a good grasp of their relationship, and why Merlin didn't like him (accusing Agravaine of working for Morgana gave a pretty clear picture), but without anything resembling proof, Arthur couldn't act.

"You don't have to lie to me," Arthur said that evening, and Merlin froze for a second before looking up at Arthur to figure out where their conversation was headed, "You don't have to lie, but I can understand if you don't want to share everything. Just... You don't have to lie."

"I know," Merlin said quietly, "I know, it's just… easier sometimes."

"I didn't take you for a liar," Arthur said, a little bitter.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want to burden you, and I think lying works better then. If I say nothing, you get curious. You don't need to worry about me."

"I think it's a little late for that. You're not a knight, Merlin."

"No, I'm too smart for that," Merlin tried to lighten the mood. It helped a little because Arthur found himself smiling at his servant's idiotic antics. He dropped the topic for now. Hopefully Merlin would think about what he had said.

Two days before Agravaine's expected arrival, Merlin brought Arthur all of his favorite foods to celebrate Arthur having won over the council, and was beginning work on drawing up the exact route the new road would take. Arthur felt bad for using the joyous occasion to make Merlin talk.

"What do you think of my uncle?" Arthur asked and Merlin almost choked on his food.

"Why do you ask?" Merlin said between coughs.

"You don't get along very well," Arthur explained, although 'not getting along' was perhaps the understatement of the century.

"I guess I'm just overprotective," Merlin shrugged, "He just arrived out of nowhere, and he was very close to you. I don't know him like you do, so his presence is sometimes hard for me to accept."

Arthur gaped at Merlin for a second. Merlin hadn't deflected or refused to answer the question. Nor had he tried to reassure Arthur by lying about his relationship with Agravaine, no, Merlin had perfectly deduced the information Arthur had and told a story that fit into what he believed Arthur knew. He had admitted to acting out of worry for his prince, but explained it by not knowing the already established relationship between uncle and nephew. He had admitted to not being comfortable around him, but said it was due to lack of knowledge. The lie had been easy and effortless. Arthur would never have known that he had lied if it hadn't been for that one conversation he had overheard. If it wasn't for that one interaction Merlin couldn't have known Arthur had been privy to. And the lie felt like it took them so many steps backwards. Arthur wasn't sure how feel. Maybe, perhaps, he felt a little betrayed.

"You're lying," Arthur said simply, and Merlin's eyes widened. He hadn't expected Arthur to see through him, "I thought we were over this."

"Arthur," Merlin said slowly, wanting to explain himself. Arthur only reluctantly let him continue, "There are some things I can't tell you."

Arthur sighed, frustrated, "Yes, Merlin, I know. You think it's better if I don't know anything." Arthur ran his finger through his hair, organizing his thoughts, "But you don't have to lie. At least just say that you don't want to talk. And even so!" Arthur continued before Merlin could say anything else, "This issue that you have with Agravaine. Don't you think I deserve to know?"

"But I don't have any proof!" Merlin snapped, and tore his gaze away from Arthur in frustration.

"Clearly you must know something!" Arthur raised his voice, their fight slowly escalating, as they both got fed up with each other, "Even if you only suspect, I have a right to know!"

"He's you family Arthur!" Merlin yelled back as he rose from his chair, partly to make a point, partly to put some more distance between the two of them.

"Which is even more reason to tell me. I was blind to Morgana's betrayal, and look where that got me."

"That wasn't your fault," Merlin hissed, looking anywhere but at Arthur.

"Who then?" Arthur said harshly, "You?"

"It doesn't matter now," Merlin said, his voice still raised, not masking his frustration at all.

"Of course it does!" Arthur said and stood up as well, taking a step closer to Merlin, "You don't want my family to betray me, but what happens if you never say anything? If he makes a move before you get your evidence?"

"And what happens if I'm wrong?" Merlin was beginning to sound desperate, "Who would you choose then? Your lying servant or your trusted uncle? We both know the answer."

"No we don't! Stop making decisions on my behalf!"

"I am not," Merlin defended and Arthur wanted to throw his chair against a wall just to give his anger an outlet.

"Yes, you are. The lies have to stop Merlin. A few secrets I can live with, but this!" Arthur gestured between the two of them, "This will hurt us both in the end."

Merlin bit his lip, possibly to keep himself from saying something he would later regret, the frustration still written painly on his face as he left Arthur's chambers without another word.

Arthur kicked the chair in anger, and it fell to the floor, the crash breaking through his now silent chambers. Arthur's eyes moved to the small cupboard where the still unused truth serum stood. Tomorrow he would use it. For both their sakes, Arthur would know the truth. He would give Merlin only one more chance to talk, hoping that he would have calmed down tomorrow morning, but if nothing changed, Arthur's hand would be forced to act.

When Merlin woke Arthur up the next morning, the air was strained and tense. Merlin was acting like a proper servant, and it felt all so wrong. They spoke nothing of the night before. They barely spoke at all. And that, more than anything, helped Arthur make up his mind.

They didn't dine together that evening, but Arthur bid Merlin stay late anyway, and poured two glasses of wine, one of them, laced with a truth serum,

"I'm sorry," Arthur said, trying to ease the tension. He didn't know exactly what he was apologizing for, but they seemed to be the right words to say.

"That's new," Merlin said sarcastically, but accepted the offered wine anyway. He took a steadying breath "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled."

That's what you're sorry for? Arthur thought, but wanting to keep their conversation from taking a bad turn, he held his tongue.

"Let's forget about it," Arthur put on a smile and raised his glass. Merlin followed suit and the tension seemed to slowly disappear, and a careful smile appeared on Merlin's face.

"To friendship," Arthur declared.

"To friendship."

They drank and Arthur put down his glass, ready to finally get some answers, but as he looked at Merlin, concern spiked in his mind. Merlin was looking at him, eyes wide with disbelief, as he dropped the glass, letting it shatter on the floor, the remaining liquid spilling out by his feet.

"Merlin..." Arthur took a step forward, but Merlin backed away, his expression growing increasingly horrified.

"No," Merlin said hoarsely, rejecting Arthur, "No."

"Merlin, what..."

"You..." Merlin interrupted, his voice cracking, like he was about to cry, struggling to speak through tears threatening to spill, trying to keep his emotions in reign, "I trusted you."

It clicked for Arthur then. Merlin knew. He didn't know how he knew, but it didn't matter. Because Merlin knew.

"Merlin, I had to," Arthur tried to explain, but Merlin shook his head, his breathing growing more rapid. He widened the gap between them, not letting Arthur see his tears. "Merlin, calm down," Arthur tried again, taking a step closer, trying to close the distance between them, but Merlin wouldn't let him.

"Stay away from me," Merlin said harshly, voice still strained and Arthur stopped moving, respecting Merlin's request.

Merlin's hands moved to his chest, like he didn't know what do with himself, and he fell to his knees, "It hurts," he muttered, and then turned his gaze to Arthur again, his eyes filled with sorrow and betrayal, hurt and fear, "Is this my punishment?"

"No," Arthur pleaded, "I just wanted the truth." It wasn't meant as a punishment. Only a necessity. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Then I was right," Merlin said, the first tear spilling over and running down his cheek, "The truth was enough for you to want me dead."

"Merlin, what are you-" Arthur drew in a sharp breath as he realized that had misread the situation, and he was quickly by Merlin's side, trying to take his servant into his arms as he called for the guards, for anyone who could hear him. Merlin struggled against him, but Arthur wasn't going to let him.

"Merlin, please," he tried, not having time to explain. Right now he needed to act.

"No. Let go," Merlin said weakly, trying to push Arthur away, even though all his strength was slowly leaving him. Merlin was starting to gasp for air, small whines escaping his throat as the pain increased, the poison coursing through his body.

"I didn't mean-" Arthur tried, the words getting stuck in his throat as it slowly sank in that Merlin was currently dying in his arms. Dying and thinking that had been what Arthur wanted, "I didn't mean to hurt you," Arthur said so quietly and broken that Merlin wouldn't have heard. Tears were stinging in his eyes, as he tried once again to get a good grip at Merlin to finally get him to Gaius, hoping it wasn't all too late.

"I loved you," Merlin said through tears and betrayal, "You were my friend and I loved you."

#i'm yours #chapter eight #chapter 8 #bbc merlin #merlin #arthur pendragon #long post #merlin fic

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