#a goddamn pushover | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ressonancee · 9 months

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IS THIS TOO MUCH?

When Mingyu helps you up with your boxes, you don't think too much of it, really, but when he shows up in the hall with a kid in his arms - something changes.

✦ KIM MINGYU - f!reader

✦ Genre: neighboors-to-lovers, daddy!Mingyu (slightly), angsty (slighlty), smut (minors don't interact), a little bit of health problems, oral sex (f! receiving), unprotected sex (don't do this at home), reader has a few insecurities so keep that Mingyu.

✦ word count: 11k+

✦ Title inspired by Carly Ra Jepsen - Too much.

✦ Thea note: Mingyu is so boyfriend coded I want to punch a wall, lately been thinking about daddy!mingyu a lot and how that would look like, but also Mingyu is not an easy character I swear this was a struggle, but here it is - and of course, it has a pussy drunk mingyu scene. Also thanks again @ni-aaaaaaa for helping me with this one 🫶

Moving is hard. Moving places is hard. Moving places almost across the country is harder.

So here you are - struggling to hold the elevator and a load boxes, but then he arrives - a knight in shiny armor or just a fit guy in gym clothes and sweats.

"Do you need help with that?" he asks pointing to the boxes.

"Hi, hm -" You start, and you want to be the crazy strong independent lady who doesn't need help, you listened to Destiny Child for fuck sake, you can pay your bills and load your boxes on the goddamn elevator, but you are so freaking tired. It's the second round of boxes and you will probably need to do more and drive to hand over the moving truck, but all you need and truly want is to take a shower, get rid of the sweat, and lay down with arms and legs open on your bed like you are a starfish. But then you remember, did you pack the body soap in the backpack? Suitcase? Boxes n 03 with bathroom-related things? And the bed sheets? Fuck.

"Do you have more or?" The nice guy with strong arms and gym clothes asks already lifting the three boxes at once, putting them in the elevator and stepping in the elevator door and letting you in.

"I have a few more in the truck but-" You click on the fourth floor button.

"Oh" He says pointing at the button and at you. "We’re neighbors, nice. You’re probably in the Mrs Smith apartment, right? Lovely lady, it was nice that her daughter took her in after she moved." The guy continues and you don't quite follow but hey, he is already unloading and leaving the boxes at the 03 door so you gonna take all the help. "Do you want to put them in or do you want to pick up the other boxes on the truck?"

"You don't actually need to-" You ask trying to be a polite neighbor and not a pushover, but Mr. Nice Guy and nice arms cuts you off.

"Oh don't worry, I didn't do back or arms today, if I don't need to squat too much it's alright" He says, big smile gracing his face as he tilts his head and, oh god ,he is quite hot and he is just so nice and big all over and you’re way too tired so you don't want to take the last few boxes and do a fourth trip to the garage when you can do just two - maybe one if the nice guy with big arms lift more than you think in his everyday trip to the gym. So, you just accept, because he could do what your noodles arms could never: lift more the two boxes at once.

"Look,” You say tidying the boxes near your door because you are a good neighbor and you don't want someone to trip in the hall because of you. "I'm very grateful, and I drove for like, more than ten hours, so I'm taking all the help I can get. And I don't know your diet but I'm so buying pizza after this so if you want you can joy. Like paying for all your service with a half of pizza."

So that's how you end up with nice-guy-strong-arms-buff-chest in your new apartment and learn that his name is actually Kim Mingyu and that he’s a software engineer and that he mainly goes to the gym to see people otherwise he would not get out of the house because he works remotely. So you also give your resume-of-life talk that you worked on rehearsing in that ten hour drive - needed to change cities because working on research isn't easy, new PhD in town, works on gender studies, and has a side hustle with a nonprofit.

"Oh, so you are smart smart,” Mingyu replied with a mouth full of pizza, trying to wash it down with coke.

"Nah,” You reply in the same situation. "Dumb enough to go into humanities actually.”

"Hey! That's nothing wrong with humanities," He says. "Once I wanted to be an archeologist - that goes into humanities, right?"

"I don't really know, probably?"

And you and Mingyu guy don't really turn into friends per se - and that's mainly your fault. He’s easy going and always talks to you in the elevator or hall when you’re going to the university and he’s going to the gym. He tells you to knock on his door for a movie, tells you that you both can go to a coffee shop nearby, and tells you that he knows nice restaurants, but you never quite follow his ideas.

You could say that it was because of your routine. Kind of excruciating; you had a few classes to actually teach, research to plan and execute, and because you were the new one in the department, all the extra winter and summer courses to plan and teach was your obligation. Yey new job!

But the actual reason is that, yes, you are overloaded with your new job, and with the new city, and with new everything. So, when Mingyu asks you just can't bring yourself to actually do it. Part of you thinks he is just being nice, just trying to be friendly, he does have that kinda puppy energy going around him - too big, too excited, too much all over the place and knocking into everything. But part of you is scared that Mingyu nice-guy-all-over might be trying something with you that you can't actually handle right now.

Because sometimes you catch how Mingyu looks at you - eyes lingering.. And God, this works wonders to your self-esteem. Once, when you actually wore your gym clothes and he was in his jeans for a change, you could see him visibly gulping on the hallway. He asked why he never saw you at his gym, you answered the only way possible, you don't go to the gym, you are one of the runs at the park lunatics, and he said it was a pity really, maybe he can start running and going to the park.

Or that time when you had to go to a nice dinner - fundraising and meeting people was the worst part of the job, but hey, you needed the money and the funds to go around interviewing women in politics across the country, so you put the nicest black dress you had and a pair of high heels. And when you leave the house, you scream to the person in the elevator to wait and do the silliest run in those shoes and it was Mingyu – dressed joggers and hair ruffled, contrasting to your polished appearance. "Hot date?" he asked in a small voice head tilting to look at you because even with your highest heels, he was still taller. "I wish, work, and you?" You answered. "Bad day. Gonna pick up some beer." And you left the elevator just to see Mingyu ogling at your ass and getting flustered because of it.

So maybe when he asked you out you always brushed over, never actually said no. But you never said yes either. Because even though you were actually trying to handle all the other things in your life and a relationship did fall into the 'not-now-category' or in the 'probably-will-make-me-insane', you liked having Mingyu there, in the back of your mind, filling up your fantasies and what-ifs. It may be a bitch move, but it was what you could handle right now, because really, handling the new job, in a new city, basically friendless, and almost crying at your kitchen table, because one of the students needed a week extension and that alone was almost driving you insane.

So having Mingyu on the back of your mind was the only thing you could handle right now. Mingyu and his big hands, strong arms and his nice fucking smile, and oh god, he did smell good. Your mind could - and would - wonder when you both got together on that dumb elevator and how you want to climb him like a goddamn tree. And sometimes you let your mind wander and think how everything would go if you said yes. If you went to a nice restaurant, what would happen? Would everything go smoothly and you end up on his sheets? Or yours? How would it feel having Mingyu in your bed? You have all the questions and none of the answers.

So, when you see Mingyu with a mini-Mingyu at his side, arms full of bags, and struggling to close his kid’s coat, you get a little mind blown. You think a little and Mingyu never actually talked about having a son or a daughter you couldn't really tell, and then you blame yourself maybe he didn’t say anything because you never said yes. You never went to the nice restaurant or the coffee shop. And then it fucks you up a bit, because what else do you not know about him - maybe silly things like what is his favorite food? What movies does he like? What in his binge-watch list?

Did Mingyu get married? He’s probably divorced - you think - because you never saw that kid before so mini-Mingyu didn’t live with Big-Mingyu, and also you never saw a woman and you think that if Mingyu was married he would not be looking at your ass in every step of the way down to the garage - or at least you hope not. Oh god, you don’t want to be a homewrecker, but then again, Mingyu doesn’t look like the guy who would do that: hit on you if he was in a relationship. Then it dawns on you, maybe, maybe he was just being friendly.

Right?

But when Mingyu picks mini-Mingyu in his arms, still with too many bags and gives you a big, warm smile, you almost freeze.

“Hey,” He says clicking the elevator’s button. “Going to the Uni?” He asks as you go to his side, Mini-Gyu’s big eyes on your face - so you just give the little kid your best smile.

“Yep, one professor is out of town so I have a few extra classes this week to teach the kids the joy of classical sociology,” You say eyes leaving Mini-Gyu and actually going to Big-Gyu, and your mind gets fucked up a bit, because one, how do genes work? That kid is actually Mingyu's carbon copy and of course, you have not stepped in biology classes in a few years - but you are pretty sure that cloning is not yet allowed - maybe you should check it out in the ethics committee or something. Maybe Mingyu is committing some kind of crime.

“Nice,” And Mingyu finally looks at the kid who is still staring at you. “This is Minseok.” He says kind of rocking the kid up and down trying to adjust the begs on his shoulder. “Minseok and I are going to the park for a picnic date, aren't we, Minseok?” But Minseok doesn't actually answer, Minseok just hides his face on Mingyu’s shoulder, looking a little shy and you smile because he looks like he just got caught staring.

“Do you need help or?” You ask seeing how Mingyu continues to struggle.

“Nah, this little guy will just walk. He is just being shy he doesn’t know how to act in front of pretty girls,” And you can actually feel the pink in your cheeks and now you quite understand Minseok and the urge to hide. And maybe, maybe Mingyu is hitting on you in every damn elevator trip.

"Poor baby," You coo and you can actually see Mingyu's legs giving up a little and picking himself up. Minseok looks at you, hand closed in your direction, you give him an open palm and he shyly drops a little sticker. "Oh! Thank you very much," You say hand closing against your chest, analyzing the little Pikachu sticker.

"Oh god, I'm raising a womanizer," Mingyu says ruffling the kid’s hair. "Did you already feel in love with noona?" Mingyu asks Minseok and strokes his pink cheeks with his massive hands. You actually can't figure out Minseok's age, is he tiny? Or it is Mingyu that is bigger than the average person?

"I'm old enough to be his auntie, Mingyu." You say actually putting the little sticker in your bag. And for once you are the one that holds the elevator door for Mingyu and the scene looks so domestic that makes your heart clench a bit. You don’t even want a kid, you don’t even know if you are ready for it, but why does Mingyu with little Minseok in his arms make you feel jealous? Jealous of the person that you don’t even know, someone who doesn’t even have a face in your imagination.

"Nah, pretty girls are always noona," Mingyu says and you can feel how your cheeks are turning pink because you feel them hot.. "Anyway, good luck with the classes. We would actually invite you over for our little picnic date but I guess you’re a busy girl."

"You know the real professor is always on my ass, Mingyu." You say heading towards your car.

"Well," Mingyu says finally letting Minseok on the floor, Minseok’s hands tiny on Mingyu's and your heart kinda swells because it is a heart warming picture really. Because you know Mingyu is a fine ass man, with a nice personality paired with a mindblowing body, and he just looks like such a father with Minseok on his hand, well it didn't help that Minseok was the cutest kid you ever laid your eyes on, even though he looked a little shy, a little sad. "You know I am always free, so you can hit me up anytime."

So, when you are talking about how Marx and Weber see the society and the conflicts in it you can't quite stop thinking about Mingyu and Minseok and you could actually cry.

Cry, because you somehow, even with all that Mingyu said to you and all the little flirtatious jabs going on you feel like you lost an opportunity. But at the same time, you want to cry because the relationship gets more complicated if a child is evolved. You may be a bitch over the fact that maybe you lead Mingyu on without actually saying no, but a child? You can't lead a child on, you can’t just kiss-kiss peck-peck your neighbor and say hi to Minseok, or even worse, you can’t start a relationship with Kim Mingyu and then break up with Kim Mingyu after being involved in Minseok’s life. You can’t picture going every weekend to the park and then just vanishing because your life is too busy and the relationship doesn’t quite work. You think that you may be a bitch and break Mingyu’s heart - even though you don't think he’s crazy in love with you to you actually break his heart, but you couldn’t break Minseok because his big eyes and small pout is too cute.

And you want to cry because Mingyu is hot. You noticed that when he picked your boxes and his arms bulged against his sleeve. You have eyes so you can see, every time you see him really, or going to the gym, or in his lounge clothes, or when he is a little bit tidy but still in not formal clothes, you stop a little and you think you never actually saw Mingyu going on a date, or in formal wear. And now it makes sense: having a kid doesn’t actually make dating easier.

But now you see another side of him. Mingyu is endearing, he is cute and you suspect that he could treat you well. He looks reliable, he has a good job, and he is a nice guy. But all that went to a new level when he had a kid in his arms, it made you twitch a little. The way that he looks at the kid in his arms makes your heart inflate like a damn balloon and makes you think about all the other things that you don't know about Mingyu, all the little secrets, all the gaps in his personality.

And oh damn. You had a new problem on your hands. Cute dilf Mingyu was the problem.

So, when you and Mingyu see each other in the hall, you breathe deeply. Afraid to say you are a little relieved when Mingyu is kid-less, but still hot in his gym clothes.

"Park today?" Mingyu asks with a gym bag in his hand.

"Yeah, I'm almost near my 10km mark so I'm pushing it a little bit." You say self-conscious tugging on your clothes, fixing your leggings and top. Fuck, maybe you should've put that baggy shirt on. Why the hell you got out of the house looking like a crazy lady without even brushing your hair? Ok, you said to yourself that the run was the last thing before washing your hair and putting a mask on it, but still, you knew that Mingyu was always in the hall.

"Nice. I heard about the run, right? Some people at my gym are going." Mingyu says eyes still on you, making you twitch. And you know is not Mingyu’s fault. He;’s always like that - he looks at you, pays attention, not even once you felt like you were not being heard when you were talking to him, not even when you were bitching because someone left the trashcan open.

"Oh god no, I'm not even close to the run’s entry level." You say tongue itching against your mouth. Mingyu has that quality really, he makes you curious and he makes you bold and afraid at the same time. But even if your mind says no, you still go for it. "So, no Minseok today?"

"Ah," Mingyu scratches his neck, almost shy, almost. "No, he is with his mom, the little guy was sick and had a few days off so no school for him, that's why he was so shy he was actually moody, but he liked you enough to give you his treasured Pikachu sticker."

"Oh yes." You actually pick up your phone and show Mingyu, and you feel a little silly but every time you see the Pikachu behind it makes you smile. "It’s not a sticker anymore, it evolved in the lucky charm category."

"Oh" Mingyu says looking at you and at your phone with an endearing look on his face that you couldn't quite puzzle. "That's actually cute."

"I mean," you shrug.

"Well, I gonna tell him that you treasure his Pikachu. It's not like he doesn’t already have a big crush on you." Mingyu teases looking at you like he wants to see every little reaction, like he wants to put the puzzle of you together like every detail matters.

"Stop, he was just being cute and polite you should be proud." You shove Mingyu but he doesn't even bulge. Damn, he was strong.

"Oh I am, but that's not polite, that's his love language, he even talked about you to his mom." Mingyu says eyes still on you, and you think for a second how funny it is, that he actually makes you feel this way, make you feel opposite worlds at the same time, makes you want to run and hide but and makes you want to stretch and bath of every ray of attention he gives you. "And he calls you elevator noona."

"Nooooooo," you say feeling pretty good that you stole the kid's heart in one elevator trip, Minseok was easier to win over than Mingyu.

"Yeeeees," Mingyu mocks you, and again he looks shy but Mingyu is not a shy person so that makes you think, makes you ponder. "Actually, he is going to be around for a few days so if you want to go to the park or-"

"Are you free today?" You ask, and you can see Mingyu's eyes bulge, his face making sure that you know that he is not understanding what you meant.

"Hun?" He says, head moving almost like a dog.

"Today, are you free? I mean I know that you are going to the gym, but we can go to that coffee shop you said and just chat a little." When the elevator stops, Mingyu, like always holding the door for you.

"Oh, hm-" He looks at his bag, then at the elevator door closing, then at you.

"Don't worry,” You say trying to soothe him, hands gesturing and all. “It was dumb to ask when I know you have plans, we can rain-check it."

"No, no, just-" Mingyu start to pat himself searching for his phone, chest, then front pocket, then back pockets, then looking at his bag. "Let me just call Chan and tell him I'm not going to the gym."

"Noooo," You feel so silly that you almost stomp your feet on the ground like a child. "You can go, we can just meet up or rain-check it, don't worry, you always understand when I'm too busy so-"

"Noooo," He copies you. "I’ll tell Chan that I'm doing cardio today," He starts typing on his phone. "I’m doing so much cardio in the park, running is the best exercise ever."

“Now, you’re just mocking me,” You say trying to push him again but this time he pretends you are strong enough to make him move.

“Nah, not doing anything.”

Mingyu doesn't make a big deal of changing plans - which is so weird to you, a planner and an avid checker of to do-lists. The only detour he needs is to stop at his car because he can't run with his gym bag. And that's how you end up running with Mingyu, and even though you have a good pace, Mingyu's legs are just way too big, so you always end up getting a little behind.

And again, Mingyu is so caring and nice that sometimes he dashes off but when he sees you are not following his pace he stops a bit, running in place waiting for you with a big smile. Damn, you are fucked because you feel like every time Mingyu smiles, a halo of sunshine forms against his figure. You knew he was pretty, you knew he was handsome, and you knew he was hot, but now you know that he may be mother's nature favorite and that is just unfair.

Mingyu has long legs, but you have endurance, so when he is almost dying you are good to go - maybe not so good, but you can keep going for a few more kilometers.

"See you could totally go for the run. You can take a lot more than I do." Mingyu says panting, hand on his waist, bending over.

"Nah, that would make running serious and with a goal, that ruins the fun." You say fixing your hair, tying it in a high ponytail again.

"Sometimes I wonder how your mind works," Mingyu says, seriously, making you stop in your tracks, making your head tilt, and actually look at Mingyu who looks like he is trying to puzzle you. "You say things like that and the way you think is so-" He trails off again, looking at his feet, then at everything but you. "The way you think gives me a new perspective on things."

And you could almost cry. Because at the same time, you feel so seen yet vulnerable. You feel more naked than when you are actually naked with some random guy. And you breath so deeply, because sometimes you run laps just to keep things hidden, you go through mental gymnastics trying to keep things under the rug. And it clicks in your head. Maybe that's why you avoid Mingyu, that's why you always say no because to him, you are so easy to read that actually scares you. So, you do the best you can, avoid.

"Ok Mingyu, you called me weird and now you are paying for coffee," you say storming off in front of him.

"I did not call you weird, don't put words in my mouth," He grins, again next to you because of his long legs. You almost think about kicking him in the shin and storming off. "What I am saying is that we are very, very different."

"And that's a bad thing?" You ask self-conscious, feeling your body actually shrink.

"It's not bad, it's different," Mingyu says opening up the door for you. "We think differently, that's all."

"A latte please and a-" You ask Mingyu.

"A latte and an Americano," Mingyu says.

So, you both get your drinks and sit on a pretty outside table per your request. The weather is good enough for it.

"That's what I am talking about," Mingyu says with a sip. "When I am all sweat what I want is to just be inside with the AC on, you prefer to sit outside."

"I'm sweat I feel sticky in the AC." You shrug.

"You see, I feel sticky outside," he responds.

"Do you want to go inside we can-" you say already picking up your drink and getting up when you feel Mingyu's hand on your arm.

"What I am saying is that we are different." Mingyu gives you a soothing smile. "I am data-driven, you lean towards contexts. I need goals, clear goals, otherwise, I feel unmotivated, but you feel like goals take away the fun. We are different and that's nothing wrong with that, so maybe that's why I feel so interested in you."

"I'm not that interesting," you say, taking only a sip to buy more time. Actually, I'm boring."

"See, you can't take a compliment either! I love compliments, just could play a 24h audio just praising me." Mingyu says shamelessly, making you laugh.

"Yeah, I'm not good on that but I'm serious. Like, there’s not much going on here." You say pointing to yourself.

"Oh, like the poets said, if you could see yourself though my eyes," Mingyu says making you blush and look away.

"Don't say things like that." You complain, pouting like a kid.

"Oh, come on," Mingyu’s smile is big, and you see that he’s enjoying making you shy, making you embarrassed. "It's not like it’s not clear that I'm into you, I even asked you out and you were the one that dumped me."

"I didn't dump you," You say almost kicking his shin below the desk, not because you want to but because you almost had a Pavlovian reaction. "I never said no and I'm truly busy."

"Not saying no is not the same as saying yes. I know that I'm being a little pushover, but I am a simple guy. I don't see why hide that I’m into you or find you hot and interesting. And I know that you know that, and I also know that you are not into me so" He shrugs. "It's not a big deal really."

"I-" You start but you almost freeze. "Fuck, I'm so bad at this," You say to Mingyu giving him your best I'm So Sorry Smile "Look I'm not good at this, I don't flirt, and honestly small talk almost kills me. And I gonna sound like such a bitch, but it's me it's not you?" You say again giving Mingyu that smile, searching for any trace of reaction on his face "You are a nice guy and you are funny, and god you are so good looking like almost unreal good looking -" And you laugh because Mingyu is liking the shower of praises, he is enjoying every step of the way like he said he did. "But, I feel like I'm not that ready, all the changes is making me freak out and it is making me so unsure and I need time to put myself up, and I can’t ask for you to wait-"

"Oh, I’m so waiting," Mingyu says, leaning on the chair, crossing his legs and arms and looking so smug.

"I cannot ask you for that because I don't even know when I will feel ready and-" You continue, behaving like Mingyu didn't say a thing.

"Once a week," He says still looking smug it makes you stop in your tracks.

“Huh?”

"Once a week, we can see each other once a week. It can be a date in a nice restaurant, it can be run, it can be a trip to the market, anything really, just-" Mingyu breathes changing positions, and taking a sip of his coffee. "If you don't feel ready or don’t want me like that I will understand and if doesn't work out at least we can be friends, like you said I’m a nice guy."

And that's how you end up entering in Mingyu's life and letting Mingyu enter yours. That's how you end up on Mingyu's sofa, two weeks later, on a Friday night, chilling, Mingyu's head on your lap, fingers threading through his soft hair, paying more attention to him than the movie really. And that’s because Mingyu was kissing you before you two chose the movie. He kissed you against his door, and gave you a peck when you put your bag on his table, and he kissed you again on the sofa, make you whimper because the way he is holding your hips. But he is a nice guy, and you said you were not ready for all that, so he goes back to his good guy persona and lays on the couch, head in your lap, leg almost entirely off the couch.

And then his phone rings and rings, so Mingyu breathes deeply and annoyed, because who dares disturb his head-rubbing time and sits up.

"Hey," Mingyu says and his face changes so fast you can almost feel in the air "Okay okay, just-" he says already getting up and doing his back pocket tap that he always does to go out. "Okay, just give him some Tylenol, ok? I’m already on my way, I can call when I'm about ten minutes away so you can go down, ok? It’ll be faster."

He stops to look at you. And he looks so afraid that you just know it is about Minseok.

"It’s ok. Go." You say because it is, the change of his demeanor says is something important.

"Fuck," Mingyu says, hands going to his hair and tugging it "It’s just Minseok. We just found out he has Crohn's disease and he is having a flare up. We need to take him to the hospital, he is down with a fever so it’s not a good sign and I should go really."

"I can drive," You say getting up as well.

“Oh no, no you can stay really finish the movie, you can totally feel at home, you can cook something or shit-"

"Mingyu," You say searching for his hand, big against yours. "You are shaking." And you can almost feel the energy trapped inside him, making him tremble all over. "Hey it's gonna be OK, Minseok is gonna be fine. I just need you to calm down. I’ll drive and everything will be OK. Minseok needs you calm."

"Ok, ok. Thank you."

So you guys storm off. You guys ended up in Mingyu's car, you fixing up his car seat and his rear view mirror to make comfortable to you. And every time you stop on a red traffic light you check Mingyu out, breath still fast enough for you to notice, face full of worry. And in that moment, you think you care so deeply about Mingyu, because seeing him like that is making your heart break in tiny little pieces.

Because Mingyu is just not like that. To you, Mingyu is always warm, always full of energy. He’s like a warm soft blank that has just enough weight so you can feel grounded on your bed. Mingyu is a night sky - big but so full of stars, those same stars bright enough to guide you home.

When you finally arrive at Minseok's place you see the little guy in his mother's arm and that makes your heart break all over again. You see Mingyu open the door for them, and he goes to the other side putting Minseok in his little chair, the woman doesn't even look at you, her full attention on Minseok, but still you feel uneasy. Out of place. You feel like you are barging in in a scene that is not yours, like an extra ruining the shoot. But then Mingyu is at your side again, hands on your thigh, big in contrast, and you feel his warmth and assurance, so you just drive.

At the hospital, everything seems kind of hectic, and you again feel out place again, asking yourself if you should be there. In your mind, you know you did the best of the situation: you helped Mingyu, and that should be enough. But emotionally, you feel so damn invisible in it all, and that makes you feel even worse because it makes you feel so egoistic. For God's sake, a child is sick needing a hospital and here are you feeling like you need to cry because fuck you feel out of place? Feeling pathetic about it makes you want to cry too.

So, when you and Minseok's mother are side by side, coffee in hands and Mingyu on the loose searching for food, you want to just get up and leave without giving a proper explanation, but you think you need to be a reasonable adult.

"You see…" Minseok's mother starts. "Mingyu never brought a girl home." And you kinda feel strange what she is saying but hey her kid is on the hospital, she may be going crazy. "I never actually even saw one of his girlfriends, ever."

"Oh, I’m not his girlfriend, we’re just friends." You start, but the taste of the phrase feels weird against your tongue.

"Yeah," She laughs, and you know she is laughing at you, which makes everything worse. "I know my brother and I know how he looks to someone." She says, holding her head, elbows on her own thighs, and she looks so so tired, and that too, makes you want to cry. "But I’m glad that you are here. I may not seem glad because my kid is right now on a hospital bed, but-" she says laughing again, and now you are not so sure why she is laughing, she looks so exhausted she is almost out of it. "But since Minseok's father passed away Mingyu is just giving his all you know? He bends over backwards for us. He picks Minseok on school when I can’t get out of the work on time, he was the one who could actually take care of Minseok the last time he went to hospital because I was too damn busy, and he actually cooks for us and he just goes to my home to leave side dishes. He is doing more than he should. He is doing what a father should be doing." She says and you hear her heart breaking, you almost see the blood, because she is so transparent, so worried, so sorry, and all that don't make sense in your head. "What I’m trying to say is that my little brother is precious, so if you fuck up, I might kick your ass."

"I thought he was-"

"Minseok's father? I know I gave birth to a mini version of my brother, but like, it's a little screwed up you didn’t know. Maybe you guys should work on your communication."

And that stays on your mind. Stays on your mind when it gets too late to get an Uber so Mingyu insists on you driving his car back because ubers can be weird and unsafe. Stays on your mind when he doesn't text you. Stays on your mind when you are at university, yet again lecturing about sociology classics and some passionate kids are debating about communism, and you can't even make yourself worry that you are not that older than the people you call kids. Stays on your mind when you arrive home and you can't quite bring enough courage to knock on Mingyu's door.

But then two days after the whole not-Minseok-daddy’s fiasco, Mingyu is at your door. Looking like a truck just hit him, the same clothes from a few days, body a mess, and you suspect that mind too. So, you let Mingyu in, guide him to your shower, go to his home pick up his clothes, and you roll your sleeve and start making Mingyu dinner. You are not a good cook, and Mingyu is certainly better than you, but still, you try your best. It’s what you’ve been doing all your life really.

You are putting garlic and onions in the pan when you feel Mingyu's arms going around you. He puts his forehead on your shoulder, and you can smell your soap’s scent on his skin.

"I'm sorry I vanished."

"It's okay it must have been tough. I understand."

"I know you do, and I'm very thankful for that but-" Mingyu turns his head to your neck, and you can feel his smell you and his hot breath against it. "I still shouldn't have done it. It was a dick move. You were also worried."

"Yeah, but it’s okay. Is he okay?" You say lowering the fire.

"Yeah, he is already talking about how his mom should give him a better cellphone so he can play Pokémon go at the hospital because everything is so boring."

"See? He’s okay. Minseok is fine." You say turning and giving Mingyu a hug, his head going again to your neck, almost rubbing himself on you.

"Yeah, we just need to pay more attention to his diet." He says still bending to hug you.

"See, Minseok is fine, but you don't look so good sir, so let me treat you to a nice, homemade meal." You say giving his butt a little tap because one more second in Mingyu's and everything will be burned in the pan.

"What I did do to deserve you?"

"A lot of things, Gyu, a whole lot of things."

Mingyu eats, and it seems to improve his energy a bit because he insists on watching a movie with you, even tho you know he looks like he may fall asleep at every minute - he didn't actually sleep soundly for two days and you said that to him, but, being the stubborn guy he is, he still insists. So you two end up in your bed, bodies tangled, Mingyu's head on your chest, your fingers going through his hair - he favorite thing in the whole world he says and that makes your heart bloom, full of tiny little flowers.

You wake up in a different situation. Mingyu's body now pressed against your back, his thigh big against yours, and his hand splayed against your other thigh. Mingyu's strong arms around you, and he is warm against you and surprisingly soft. You squirm a little trying to change position until you can face Mingyu, face soft and peaceful.

And fuck.

Maybe you don't just care about Mingyu.

Maybe, just, maybe you have fallen in love with him. Maybe now, after having him on your bed, you will continuously think about how you want to wake up in his arms. Maybe you will continuously think about how you want to be Mingyu's shelter, how you want to be the place he comes back to when times get rougher. Maybe you want to be Mingyu's night sky clear enough and starry enough to guide him home. And all that makes you feel like you want to cry and weep because maybe you are not ready enough. Maybe you will never be. But you want to be, you want so much and that makes things even harder.

So when Mingyu gives you a peck on the lips when he is going home to change for the gym and you are ready for a day in the university you also feel like crying.

And when Mingyu sends you a message asking you out - on a proper date he makes that clear enough you also feel like crying.

And when Mingyu is knocking on your door because you didn't answer and he saw your car in the garage when he was back from his market trip you are already crying before even answering the door.

"Hey-" He freezes and his demeanor changes. "Hey, what's wrong?"

You just continue to cry, feeling like a dumb little kid, feeling like a pan full of water in the stove, boiling and overflowing.

"Hey, babe what's wrong?" Mingyu says, hands on your cheeks making you look at him. "You’re making me worried."

"I just-" You try to say, cleaning your face but you just hiccup harder.

"Are you feeling unwell? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No, I'm OK." And you say because you see Mingyu's face squirm in agony.

"Ok, ok. Do you need anything? Do you want me to buy anything? Fix anything? Did someone mistreat you?" Mingyus continues to try searching for something in your face.

"No I-"

"You can tell me if it is someone from your work or-" He tries again.

"It is not about work, it is about us." You finally say, not because you summed up the courage, but because the way Mingyu is acting is breaking your heart all over again.

"Us?" Mingyu bends his head to the side. "Okay, what's wrong with us?"

"Sometimes I get too wrapped up in my head and that's not your fault." You say, just leaving him there and sitting on the sofa. And you feel the urge to just tug at your hair and scream. "And the whole I'm not ready thing and your sister-"

"What did my sister say?" Mingyu cuts you, closer to you, arms folded against his chest.

“It’s not because of what she said, she is actually right about it-"

"Look babe, I love my sister to death, I love Minseok to death, I’d die and kill for both of them, but my sister is overprotective so whatever she said-"

"She said we don't have good communication." You blur out at once.

"Oh, for fucks sake,"

"And she’s right because I thought Minseok was your kid right?" You tell Mingyu a little exasperated. "Like we've been hanging out right? And I didn't feel comfortable to talk about it with you"

"Everyone thinks Minseok is my kid." Mingyu says like is not a big deal.

"Yeah but your maybe girlfriend shouldn't and I found out on a trip to a hospital when all the time I was thinking about how worried you were because it was your kid." You say bringing your knees to your chest because all this is fucked up, you shouldn't be talking about this with Mingyu because you have no right to, you were the one that spent too much time not saying yes, and when you said yes didn't even feel like a yes to be honest.

"I was worried, and Minseok is my kid in a way.”

"Mingyu,” You breathe deeply, because you feel stupid, and you feel like you are asking too much "Maybe that's my fault too, I'm not blaming you, that's why I told you that I was not ready for a relationship because I always fuck things up. I get so scared that I fuck things up before people realize I'm not good enough fo-"

"For fucks sake," Mingyu says opening his arms and tilting his head again. And you think is the first time you see Mingyu mad or frustrated, or both at the same time, you really can’t tell. "What the fuck do you mean with not good enough? You are caring, you are smart, and you actually drove me to the hospital and stayed there until I kicked you out. All that when we’ve been seeing each other for two weeks, how is that not being good enough?" Mingyu take your hand that is laying against your knee and caresses it with his thumb. "You make me go crazy every time we are together and I feel the happiest I've ever been in these months fuck this year actually has been a hell for me." Mingyu kicks nothing, and you feel so sorry for bringing it up, for crying, because you can see that this is hard for him too. "So yeah, maybe you are not ready so what? Maybe we don't have communication, yeah sure we fucked up, but if you get out of your head, maybe it’s all because I'm the asshole, I'm the one who loves his nephew enough to want to actually fit the dad shoes because Minseok deserves a father figure. I-" Mingyus says and you can see that his knee almost buckles, making him change positions. "I'm still lacking too, maybe I'm a mess too, fuck, maybe I'm not ready too, but I prefer not being ready together than being ready at the wrong time." Mingyu takes another step, and his hand goes to your cheeks caressing it, making you closer your eyes and just enjoy his faint touch. “So don’t feel pressured ok? You are not in this alone, and I told you I’m all okay with waiting and I’m- I may not seem like it, but I am a mess too, I have my doubts too, and I get into my head too. So when you are getting all crazy and stuff just, just let’s have a talk, ok?”

“Okay, yeah. Okay.” You say catching his hand and kissing his palm. “Can we order food? Can we order Chinese?”

“Of course we can, baby.” Mingyu says with a chuckle.

“And then, " You start unsure of yourself because you still think you are asking too much and giving too little. "Then can you tell me about Minseok? Can we talk about the whole history?”

“Of course, we can” Mingyu says, looking at you fondly again, and for once you feel that being transparent to Mingyu is not that bad because you feel like he understands you need. “I may cry though, so…”

“It's okay, I'm pretty sure you gonna be cute crying.” Mingyu gives you a big smile and that makes you feel alright.

So Mingyu tells you a lot. He tells about Minseok's dad death, he tells about his own father's death and how that impacted him, and how he draws the parallel between Minseok and himself. He talks about how his sister is so protective of him even tho she is half his size, he talks about how his sister always picked his fight. He tells you about Minseok favorite things - Pokémon, ice cream, and dinosaurs. He tells you everything he can think of until you two finish up dinner, and he continues to tell you everything when you are laying in his arms, his hands on your hair, your body over him - legs and arms across Mingyu, because you feel the need to hug his big and beautiful heart, but you settle the need hugging him instead.

And you and Mingyu just fall into a routine easily. You sleeping on his bed or him sleeping on yours, even though his feet always hang on the end of your bed because he is just too damn big and tall. You always say goodbyes at the door, or on the elevator, Mingyu going to the gym, you to your work. Sometimes, when Mingyu has a deadline you stop at your favorite restaurant and order food to cheer him up. Sometimes, Mingyu picks you up so you guys can eat out for a change. But the thing is - its always more than once a week.

So when Mingyu knocks on your door, maybe the fourth time this week (without counting the times you knocked on his door) you are ready to give a pretty and polished version, with heels and all, because Mingyu is taking you to the new fancy restaurant across town.

"Hey-Wow" Mingyu says and you almost throw yourself at him, you almost drool and make a fool of yourself, because Mingyu is wearing black slacks and a white button-down, and god your boyfriend is so hot. "You look amazing babe." He says holding your finger up and making you twirl.

"Thanks," You give him a kick peck and spread your hands against his chest. "You don't look so bad either."

The restaurant is nice, the place is beautiful, the food amazing, and the wine Mingyu ordered tastes so good against your tongue. But the only thing you actually think of is him. His pretty skin pecking out of hir shirt collar, his pretty lazy smile against a few cups of wine, his strong arms and peck against the fabric of his shirt.

When you guys finally settle on the Uber, Mingyu does one of the things he does best - he thinks and conjures in his mind that every damn living thing is in love with you, and it is endearing really. He is so protective and caring and that makes you want to jump him too. He nods to the uber and his big ass hand rest on your thigh, just where the hem of your black dress ends.

And you want to kiss him so bad, if it wasn't for the Uber, you could probably ride him in the backseat. You tug Mingyu's arms making him bend a little in your direction, while your other hand is splayed on top of his, fingers interwind. You kiss Mingyu’s jaw and feel his arm up, god, he is so strong and so hard all over it makes you go crazy, makes you want to merge your body with his, so you just try to get closer to him even if you know it's not really possible.

“You smell nice,” You say almost sniffing Mingyu, hand on his biceps and face on the slot of his neck.

“I smell like I always do?” Mingyu answers you but is more a question really. His hand still on you thigh, but this time giving it a squeeze.

“Yeah, but you always smell nice, baby.” You hands travels up - stopping on his chest. Well, fuck the uber really, he probably sees couples feeling eachother up all the time, so you just paw Mingyu chest.

“Thanks babe but,” He says, holding your hand and giving you a chuckle when he sees you pouting on his shoulder.

“No fun.” You say still trying to get your hand free, to feel Mingyu up in the backseat like a fucking teenager. And to be honest you like the prospect of it giggling a little, feeling dumb, but oh so happy.

“No fun?” Mingyu asks you. “I’m the most fun guy you’ve ever met, I love fun. Fun and I are synonyms.”

“Well, I’m trying to feel you up in the backseat of an uber and you’re not letting me, so, you are the most boring guy ever.” You say on Mingyu’s ear, whispering the words, and you just see his body jerking. He starts to cough, looking at you disbelieved, and you do the only thing possible and laugh.

You take pity on Mingyu's situation, because he is almost choking on the backseat. So you behave like a little girl, hands on her lap, no more touching his boobs, or trying to lick his neck and jaw. But you still think about every other thing you want to do to him. You think about how Mingyu’s hands are big and the way he always put on the small of your back, and you question how it would feel against your neck.

You also want to discover every nook and cranny of Mingyu. Because you love the way he is so reliable in every aspects of adult-life that you struggle a little, he was the one that dealt with the new ac installation in your apartment, but you also love the way he gets so silly and pouts with the smallest and easiest things, and deep down you know Mingyu can do that task, he was big and strong, yet you were the one taking the grasshopper off his balcony.

But when Mingyu is glued to your back, hands on your hips and mouth on your neck on the elevator you think that you settle to discover this version of him today. The version that has you wrapped up in his arms, and the version that has the audacity to feel you up in the elevator.

“You are such a jerk.” You say to Mingyu still latched on your neck.

“Me?” Mingyu asks trailing his hand till they stop on your ribcages, fingers digging in.

"Yes, you." You say trying to get out of Mingyu's embrace but he’s just so clinging, glued to your back, and he is actually keeping you in place with his strong arms. "You can do everything and I can't feel up in the uber. It’s unfair."

"Baby, the uber was right there." Mingyus says guiding you though the hall and stopping on your door.

"Yeah and the crazy lady from the 07 can show up at anytime." You say trying to up your door but Mingyu hands are still on you, now on the hem of your dress, toying with it. "I really shouldn't you let get your way with me today."

"Don't even think about that." Mingyu says, hands again on your hips, this time he starts rutting against your back. "I might die." And you two almost trip when you finally open the door and Mingyu's body weight makes you go forward.

"Yeah, but I’m still mad with you." You say tugging on Mingyu's shirt, his large body pressing you against the wall.

"Baby’s mad?" Mingyu coos, and your legs almost give up because the condescending tone his uses make your brain stop. "What can I do then, hmm?" Mingyu says already lifting your dress up. "What can I do so my baby is not mad with me?"

So you do the only thing you think really, you put hands on Mingyu's neck and bring him to a kiss, it is sloppy but you don't even care, because Mingyu's lip feel so soft, and you can trace the taste of the wine on his tongue. And you are so distracted that you only realize Mingyu is getting you naked when he breaks the kiss to take off your dress.

"Fuck-" Mingyu says actually looking at you, hands on your waist holding you back enough so he can see the way that the black lingerie you bought a few days ago cling onto your skin.

"Come here." You say grabbing Mingyu's shirt again, wanting his mouth back on yours. But Mingyu cuts the kiss short again, leaving sloppy kisses on your jaw and neck. "Babe." You call again, hand going to his hair and tugging.

"I know, I know" Mingyu says kissing your collarbone. "Fuck-" He says taking a step back again and you can feel your body going in his direction, but Mingyu's hand steadies you against the wall. "Just- you look so pretty." Mingyu says looking at you and you’d almost feel shy if you didn't feel so needy. "Look at you." He says hand traveling to touch your boobs so fucking softly you almost melt, fingertips grazing against your lingerie.

"Babe," You whine again, trying to get Mingyu's attention, but he doesn't care, too lost kissing your chest.

"Fuck-" Mingyu says grabbing your hips, toying with your panty line. "Wanna eat you out so bad," He says like almost begging and you need to balance yourself on his shoulders. "You’ll let me right?" Mingyu says looking at you, eyes still against on your skin.

And you feel like your mouth is not working properly so you just give him a nod and it's enough for Mingyu trails his lips lower and actually kneel in front of you. And that alone should be fucking illegal, so when he plants a little kiss on your mound you think you are ready to go straight to hell because you just want to shove his face on your pussy, but instead you just hold Mingyu's face, hands on his jaw.

"I-" he starts, hands on your ass, fingers digging on your skin. When you look at him again he looks so out of it, so lost, so pussy drunk you can almost cry. And when Mingyu actually starts to lap at your pussy, your lingerie still in place you feel actually insane, clenching around nothing and the feel of your wet panties against your core makes you tug at his hair. The way Mingyu looks - eyes closed, hair a mess because of you, eyebrows furrowing in concentration makes your hips buckle against his mouth, but he just keeps going, like there is no other thought in his mind.

"Babe please I need-" You say breathing rapidly, and you feel the urge to cry again, because is so good but at the same time is not enough.

"Hm?" Mingyu says mouth still on you, eyes opening looking at you.

"Need more." You say pathetically, but if you need to beg, you will beg.

"Yeah?" Mingyu asks. "Gonna give to you baby." He says just so he can get his mouth off of you to tug your panties to the side. Then his mouth is on your pussy again, like he can't really spent more than two seconds apart. And you just mew, one hand on Mingyu's hair, and another one trying to keep your body straight against the wall. "Fuck-" Mingyu says again tugging at your panties to the side again, and you can feel it digging at your chest but you don’t care. "How can a pussy taste so good?" Mingyu asks but you doesn't really have an answer, and you feel Mingyu's strong hands on your leg, manhandled your into position, leg against his shoulder, hand splayed on your thigh, while the other one goes to your pussy opening you up. "Pussy’s so pretty fuck, could eat you out for days." He says almost breathless before going back to lap at your pussy, fingers still keeping your open and sucking at your clit.

And everything makes you feel insane. Of course Mingyu's tongue against your entrance makes your knees give up, of course the way he keeps you open for his mouth makes it so dirty, but whats really keeps you going, what makes you reach the edge so fast is the way he hums against your pussy, like it's his favorite thing in the world, the way he is so fucking desperately laps at it, the way the everytime your hips buckle Mingyu just follows the moviment because he can't take his mouth off you for a fucking second and it's what makes you cum. And you actually need to hold Mingyu's head for a minute so he leaves your pussy in other to you catch a breath.

"Need a minute," You say explaining when he looks at you puzzled. "Sensitive."

"Did you just-" Mingyu stops, looking at you and at your pussy making you laugh a little. "Did you just cum?"

"Yeah?"

"Fuck, you are so hot." He says giving the leg that still on his shoulder a bite. "But you can take more right?" He says fingers tracing your pussy, pressing your clit making you jump a little. "You need to take more babe, gonna eat your pussy again, open you up with my fingers," he says fingers on your entrance "and then will you make you come on my cock I know you will take so fucking well-" and he plants a kiss on you clit again. "Pretty pussy taking my cock hm? Gonna make you enjoy it, promise, gonna make you feel good."

And you don't doubt for a second that he will make you feel good, fuck he just made you cum against a wall two steps away from your door, but before you can say anything Mingyu is attatched to your pussy again.

"Wait, babe" Mingyu says. "This damn thing is getting on my way." He says letting your legs fall down and he finally takes off your panties, not even bothering to get really off of you, Mingyu just let one of your legs free while your panties sits on your feet. "God, if you let me, I will eat you out everyday, lick this pussy everyday before getting out of bed." He says like he is telling you about a new habits like drinking water first thing on the morning, or have a juice everyday - but he is talking about how he wants to bury his face on your legs like he is doing now, tongue going against your folders, arm going around your leg and opening you open again for him, while the other one goes to your ribcage keeping your body upright. And you loose track of time really, just focusing on Mingyu's tongue against you, humming all over again. "Fuck, how can a cunt taste so fucking good." Mingyu says mouth leaving your pussy as his fingers tacking its place. "You are making me insane, going to cum at my pants if we keep going like this." And you can actually see Mingyu palming himself.

"We can-" You try to start but he just chuckles.

"Oh no, don't worry about me." He says eyes leaving you and going again to your pussy, and you feel so exposed in Mingyu's hand, his digit finally entering you which makes you whimper, until know you didn't really paid attention on how empty you felt. "Making you feel good is enough for me." He says like he is not fingerfucking you to the second orgasm of the night. And again is not really the actions itself, of course. Mingyu’s longer fingers entering you is so fucking good, the way his thumb goes at your clitoris rubbing it in circles makes you cry, but when you look down and Mingyu barely blinks, eyes on your pussy and licking his lips like he didn't eat your pussy for minutes, is what makes you break, the way he looks so fucked blissed about giving you pleasure like he doesn’t need anything else.

And you come on his fingers and almost melting, but Mingyu lifts and holds you up, giving your ass a squeeze.

"So fucking hot-" Mingyu says his strong arms around you making you move towards the sofa, and you are pretty sure he is just dragging you around because your legs gave up. "Could use my mouth to clean you up-" and you almost scream when he is laying on the sofa, letting himself get comfortable between your legs.

"Babe, I love your mouth," you say tugging in Mingyus shirt, and how the fuck he is not naked. "but really I need your cock, otherwise I might go crazy." And you use your last few working neurons to start open the buttons on his shirt but suddenly stop when Mingyu just shoves two fingers inside you again.

"Hm, but you look stuffed enough baby." Mingyu says lowering himself and giving you a kiss, you feeling the taste of your pussy on his mouth.

"Mingyu, please" You beg. "Please, I-"

"Shh, it's okay, gonna give it to you." He says finally getting off his shirt and you feel so empty you can feel yourself clenching over nothing, and you can see how Mingyu just watches your pussy. "Fuck, baby, don't worry" He says already opening up his pants. "Gonna give to you real good, gonna make you feel so full."

"Oh, thank god." You say making him laugh before getting naked, and fuck, he was pretty and big all over. And you almost drool because, shit, even his dick is pretty. "Can I suck you off?" You ask already crazy enough that you mind-mouth filter just vanished.

"Oh fuck," Mingyu say hips buckling, making his cock sits on your mound, and he looks so big. Thank fuck he stretched you out. "Yeah, yeah not now though, might cum on your mouth."

"That's alright."

"Babe," Mingyus mewls, head resting on your collarbone, looking defeated. "Don't say things like that I almost-" He says hips buckling again. "Wanna fuck you properly."

"Ok, ok, but later…"

"Yeah, you can choke on it later, I won't be against it." And god, you want Mingyu to shut the fuck up because if he keeps talking to you, you’re gonna cum again without his dick inside you. "Fuck, might not last long" Mingyu says, and you almost laugh at him, because he is acting like you are not one step away from being spent just because of your mouth. Mingyu guides his cock with his hand, mouth watering looking at it, and when you feel hime ntering you you actually sees your boyfriend gulp.

And then you think about Mingyu saying how different you both are from each other. How his main sense is his vision, while for you, every touch sends you overdrive. And how both of you are so different but fit so well, because when Mingyu is fucking you, his body against yours, mouth at your jaw and hand holding yours, you feel like earth could collapse and the world could end because you already had the taste of the most important thing in the world; the taste of being loved by Mingyu, and you are sure nothing will come close to it.

You feel the urge to make Mingyu feel the same way, so loved and so cherished. So while Mingyu is fucking you, you try your best, you kiss his jaw - and it's messy and sloppy, but it's the best you can do when his dick is stretching you out. You claw at his shoulder, and you put your legs around his waits.

"Fuck, baby-" You try to speak again but you feel unable to, like your brain are not even trying to put more than two words together.

"I'm so fucking close." Mingyu says with his thrust getting faster, out of rhythm, body more pressed against yours.

And you just let the wave wash over you. You can feel Mingyu getting even more unruly, babbling things that you can't really make sense because, fuck, you are so gone. The way that he fills you up in every corner is just different, the way that he stretches you almost makes you feel like you arrived at a point of no return, and when you cum, clenching around him, Mingyu reaches his breaking point.

"Fuck-" He says getting off of you, and getting his hair out of his face, and his smile is so big, so beautiful and so lazy you could just kiss him if your limbs were working really.

"Hey baby, can you please take my bra off?" You say already turning on the bed but when Mingyu's laugh reaches your ears you are so fucking glad that you moved.

#kim mingyu fic #kim mingyu fanfic #Kim Mingyu Smut #Seventeen Fanfic #Sventeen Smut #Seventeen fic #T: seventeen #t: kim mingyu #t: writting

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smok3r7 · 3 months

Text

Is Leaving Even An Option?

Joel x F!reader

Explicit, 18+

Six: Running Away // Joel’s Perspective

Main Masterlist & Series Masterlist - My Ao3

Summary: Your days have become one in the same, even with the terrifying reality of death right outside the walls of Jackson. You never thought you’d be in the situation you’ve been stuck in for seven years now, the daily abuse you endure has become an expectation. You take whatever your husband throws at you, literally and figuratively, because you’ve been trained to believe this is normal. But a new man, Joel, moves next door and happens to be friendly towards you, this causes your husband’s anger to worsen. Your mind starts a gruesome war with itself - can you leave him or do you stay until the inevitable happens?

Chapter Summary: After Joel met you, his whole life changed. Seeing all these events unfold from his perspective definitely makes the whole thing seem more real, and it somehow makes it harder for you to understand.

Word count: 6.3k

⚠️Warnings: mention of abuse from past chapters, fear of losing another loved one, quick mention of rape from past chapter (no description)

—

“Please, do not call her Mrs. Rossi,” Maria pleads.

“Why not? Isn’t that her name?” Ellie chimes from the living room behind Joel’s relaxed body.

All he does is slightly turn his head to the left and squint his eyes at Ellie to tell her to shut up, and she’s quick to shrug her shoulders as he turns back to face Maria, sorry!

“Well, yes, but… Nate, her husband, is an abusive piece of shit. She’s been with him for seven years now and for some reason,” Maria sighs as she shakes her head, “the poor girl won’t leave him. So just, please, don’t call her Mrs. Rossi.”

He nods as he takes a sip of hot coffee as he turns to Ellie once again to make sure she understands, “I’m not stupid, Joel.” He just shakes his head as he still stands in the kitchen that belongs to Tommy and Maria. Why won’t she leave if it’s that bad, floats around his head so much that he can’t help but ask Maria how bad this marriage actually was, before Maria goes down the rabbit hole of it all with him and Ellie.

—

How could someone stay married to such a vile person? It just makes no sense. After only knowing him for less than a year, she married him. I mean, what was she expecting to happen? She didn’t even know who he truly was.

What’s so special about this Nate? How did it become so bad without anyone noticing? Does Nate really hold that much power over her? Shit, clearly he does if this girl won’t leave him, even after beating her so badly she had a goddamn miscarriage.

Joel’s mind can't stop thinking about you and why on earth you would still be married to Nate, it’s simply unbelievable. And with knowing your history before Jackson, it boggles his mind even more because how can this woman who was once the most badass person, now become this weak, pushover of a woman - it just doesn’t make sense.

“She should be getting out of work soon,” Maria announces to Joel and Tommy, the three of them on the porch, watching the snow continue to fall.

“So I’m gonna have her bring you guys to the empty house next to hers, and look, I’m not saying you have to date her, but she needs a change in her life. So just maybe feel it out?”

“Maria, really?” Tommy starts with a laugh but it’s quickly turned into a cough when she looks at him.

“Yes, dear, she needs something more and I really think your brother and Ellie could give that to her!”

“Okay, look,” Joel interrupts, “I’ll give her a chance but if I get any vibe that she’s not digging for more, I’m leaving it at that. I’m not looking for a project.”

Maria nods, fair enough, thank you, and Joel gives a small nod back as he turns back to the snow again, the way the lanterns light up the snow covered street gives Joel a sense of security and hope. Maybe I can have a real life again, just maybe.

—

Wow.

That’s all that Joel’s brain can even begin to fathom about as he watches you walk up to the front porch with Maria where he and Tommy are.

Your beautiful facial features are what initially pull him into you, the way your eyes and nose move with emotion as you listen to Maria and how your nose scrunches and sniffs from the cold winter air is all just icing on the cake.

You haven’t even looked at him the whole time you’ve been chatting with Maria, but he guesses that's what happens after so many years of being abused when you do look at another man - even if it's just to meet someone new or become friends.

He quickly pushes those thoughts away for another time when he hears Maria introduce him to you and then you finally look at him. Joel watches how your breath catches in your chest, and he does the same but he’s a lot better at hiding it than you are.

Joel then reaches his worn hand out to meet your soft one, making sure to not scare you, to be gentle with you. “Nice to meet you darlin’” Falls from his lips with such ease, and he doesn’t even think about it, the whole world coming to a sudden stop as Joel stares at your beauty.

Your eyes shimmer from the the orange porch light that also illuminates your well-aged face, your subtle smile on the corner of your lips, the way your hair is covered in many snowflakes as they slowly melt into it, and all of this combined has Joel wanting to know more about you and how you ended up with Nate. If this is what you looked like after almost a decade of abuse, how gorgeous could you look out of it?

“Yeah, I can definitely do that,” You say smoothly as you continue to stare at Joel. He can’t help but smirk as he says, “Thank you darlin’,” with a natural wink to hint that he is somewhat interested, “gonna go grab the kid, then we can head out.”

—

Joel watches how your body goes rigid walking past your own house and the quick glance you give the mossy colored home. He notices the light through the sheer curtains of what he can only imagine is the living room, maybe even Nate.

Passing your home the three of you reach the navy blue house with a stunning wrap around porch and a huge oak front door. Holy shit - Joel never thought this day would come again, a time where he could be free of worry about death for him and Ellie. It’s such a relief to finally feel safe for once.

His heavy feet on the cream steps causes a slight creek as he slowly walks behind you and he takes a quick glance at your ass. God damn, you fill those jeans out nicely. You take a couple more steps before you reach the huge door and put the key in, pushing the door open and sliding to the side so he and Ellie can go in.

As you turn to him and hold out your finger with the key ring on it, your soft voice rings through his ears, “Welcome home.”

“I call dibs on the shower,” Ellie then shouts as she flies past the two bodies on the porch. This girl, I swear, Joel chuckles. Now it’s just him and you out in the freezing cold weather, and he wants to get a better look at you so he takes a couple steps, ending up across from you and he leans back on the railings for support.

“Thank you, sugar,” your head picks up at the sound of his voice.

Joel notices how your body sways back and forth between both feet, your feet most likely sore, your hands behind your back causing your army green jacket to tighten, and your face showing so much interest and curiosity.

“Will I- we be seeing more of you?” He quickly changes his words, not wanting to seem too desperate. His body language becomes sheltered, one hand behind his neck and the other in his jacket pocket, and he really doesn’t want to scare you away because for the first time in decades, Joel feels like something might come out of this.

The way your body and eyes are contradicting each other with innocence and lust has Joel feeling dazed, she is gonna be the death of me. You then innocently speak, “I sure hope so.”

You’re now only inches away from him, and oh, she’s just as hooked as I am. He takes a couple slow breaths that mesh with yours oh so perfectly. How I just want to grab your face and kiss you and give you everything you deserve, his mind is flowing with all the ideas of things to do for you, how he would make you breakfast every morning, let you do what you please, and treat you with the utmost respect.

Joel’s heart and mind are fighting with each other, his heart wanting to kiss you and his mind telling him it’s way too early for anything like that, even though you have shown you’re interested.

“Goodnight, Miller.”

“Goodnight, Sugar.”

No one moves. Not you, not Joel, both him and you are stuck on the porch, only inches apart from one another. He can tell you don’t want to go home, and why would you? If the light on in the living room is any indication of Nate waiting for you to walk in, Joel knows it won’t be any good for you.

Why do you have to go there? You know you don’t want to, you know you just want to stay here. But I know you’ll never ask, and there’s no way I can ask you - it’s just, too early.

He doesn’t want to send you back over to that so-called home of yours, but if neither he or you are going to ask, he simply must let you go for the night. The exhaustion of the past couple weeks of travel and violence is finally catching up to him, all he wants is to shower and lay down - preferably with you, but he’ll take what he can get.

“Goodnight, Sugar.” He smirks.

“Goodnight, Miller.” You bite your bottom lip which grazes him gently, you tease.

—

“I’m going to bed, G’night Ellie,” Joel yells down the stairs. Night, old man, he gets back, before he shakes his head and chuckles. This teenage girl is ridiculous, but she holds a very special spot in Joel’s heart - Ellie is his other daughter, his saving grace, his purpose.

As he shuts his bedroom door for the night, he can’t stop thinking about you and what is happening next door. Why didn’t I just ask her to stay over, repeats in his mind as he stumbles over to the king size bed that’s covered with gray sheets and a comforter. He sits down with a groan, his elbows rest on his knees and his hands come up to cover his face.

The image of you standing in front of him on the porch, only a mere inch away from him is ingrained into his eyes, it simply won’t leave him alone. He pulls his hands away from his face and stands back up, and his knees pop as he does, walking towards the window that faces your home and the only sign of life is from the one light on - please be okay.

How could he just let you walk right back into the lion's den? The feeling of guilt starts to creep into his mind and heart. If anything happens to you tonight, he’s gonna feel responsible.

—

“Joel, Joel!” Ellie shouts at him and shakes him awake.

“Better be important,” he groans as he slowly sits up under the covers, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

The sound of your name falling from Ellie’s mouth shakes him, he’s immediately up from the mattress and sprints down the stairs, Ellie right on his heels blabbering about how you showed up practically naked and with bruises all over.

He’s in pure terror at the sight of you curled up and shivering on the couch, your hair drenched from the snow, your face covered in blood and your left eye bruised, god damnit. He runs over to you and sits on the coffee table that faces your trembling body, the look on your face is disheartening, he watches as you tighten your arms around your bent legs.

As his eyes make their way to yours he sees the way your expression is a scream for help. Joel can’t stand to see you like this, all he wants to do right now is storm over next door and kick the shit out of this Nate kid. Who the fuck does this to a woman you’re supposed to love and cherish?

“You’re staying here for a little bit, sugar,” He bites through his teeth, wanting to control his rage in front of you.

He watches as you finally let it all go, as you start to blabber some sort of, thank you, caught between your sobs. Joel is quick to jump up and sit next to your shaking body, instinctively pulling you into his lap and starting to rock you as you continue to cry.

I knew not to send her over there, why didn’t I just invite her in? Poor girl, she doesn’t deserve this at all, not in the slightest. God, I could just go over there and kill that son of a bitch. How has no one done anything to help her? She’s so scared and weak, how is she still alive?

About twenty minutes have gone by, and your weeping has stopped but Joel watches your face as singular tears still roll down your cheek down to your neck. Joel can’t stop wanting to know what really happened tonight, and he needs you to say something, anything. Still staring at your figure in his arms, your head laying on his chest as it rises and falls in the rhythm of his, he asks what has been on his mind.

A moment goes by of silence, which Joel was expecting and completely understood - you clearly went through something incredibly traumatic tonight, enough for you to come over to Joel’s, to this man who is practically a stranger, and that alone says something.

He observes as you lift your face to look at him and you both stare into each other's eyes. His are soft and yours are sharp - should be the other way around. Joel feels this tear in his chest at the sight of you broken down to complete helplessness. I could’ve prevented this.

You hesitantly sit yourself up, still in Joel’s lap as he softly wraps his arms around your now sturdy body, just wanting to make you feel safe and comfortable. Okay, um, you start slowly telling him what happened and Joel just listens with intent - he needs to know how you ended up looking like this.

He can’t believe what he is hearing right now, she hid in her bathroom for three fucking hours? He ripped her hair, enough for pieces to be missing, gave her a black eye and bruised her whole body, old and new ones.

What a pig, a sad pathetic waste of a human life.

You’re hysterical by this point, hands flying as your voice continues to rise as you finish your dreadful story, but there’s one more thing you tell him that causes Joel to freeze.

“And I wouldn’t have been raped either.”

It causes this static sound to ring in his ears, the tears that have been begging to flow from his eyes finally roll down his cheek and disappear into his facial hair. Neither Joel or you have broken eye contact, and his eyes can speak more than his own voice can, he’s stunned into silence. I’m gonna kill him.

The sudden feeling of your soft hand on his cheek, as your thumb wipes away the trail of wetness from his tears, brings him back to the beautiful woman sitting in his lap. This woman that he feels he can help bring back to the old her, and that’s exactly what he’s gonna do.

—

Another round of the four seasons come and go. Joel and Ellie have insisted that you move in with them, both of them pleased when you accepted their offer. Joel especially, who never wanted you to step foot back into the hell you came from, even if Nate wasn’t there much - he knew that it held too many memories.

Over the last couple months, Joel and you decided to have a designated game night every Friday with Ellie, Tommy, and Maria. They would bring the food and Joel would supply the game for the evening, which usually ended up being some sort of card game.

“John Travolta’s right hand… Okayyyy,” Ellie drags out as she turns her head to look at Joel with a questionable look. Of course she doesn’t know who John Travolta is, he thinks as he takes a sip of his whiskey. When he sets it down and listens to Ellie continue, he looks over to you and sees you trying to hide your smile. That beautiful smile that makes Joel feel warm and bubbly inside, like a teenager on a first date.

Well it’s gotta be hers, he laughs to himself, you definitely do not have the best poker face, especially with some wine in you. Joel finds it cute when you get all ditzy after a couple drinks, it makes him feel warm because he knows how you weren’t allowed to drink with Nate, so the fact that you do here shows just how comfortable you really are.

“Having no legs, just toes,” Ellie reads, which is followed by you and Ellie bursting into laughter, both of you hitting the table and crying from reading the silly little white card, and Joel starts to laugh at you. She’s perfect.

“That’s the winner!”

“I win!” You shout as you raise your hands in the air and wave them around, and Joel watches as you finally act how you want to, not being scared to do so, there’s that girl Maria was talking about. He’s in complete awe of you and the confidence that has grown so much in the last year - shit, even the last couple months. It’s like you’re a new person, but still the same as before, you've just adapted your older personality with your newer one.

But just imagine a T-Rex with its baby arms and instead of legs, it just has toes, comes from Ellie as she does the baby arms impersonation and the whole table starts loudly laughing. Joel can’t help but smile, Ellie can finally have her teenage years back a little bit, more normal than out beyond the walls.

The conversation has changed, and Joel ends up blocking it out because he can’t stop thinking about the sight of you feeling free. The couple glasses of whiskey have made him feel like tonight could be the night, the night that the months of small flirting can come to an end and can turn into something else, just maybe.

It’s now or never, he thinks and he carefully sets his hand on your bare thigh and gives a soft squeeze. God, I just want to devour her. His eyes glance over to you and he pays close attention to how your body reacts to his new touch, and it pleases him to see the effect he has on you.

The way your chest rises and lowers, your eyes darting to his hand and back to him, the slow smile that grows on your face, then your hand laying on top of his with a gentle squeeze back. Yes, ma’am. A minute goes by of Joel not paying any attention to Maria’s complaining, all his focus on you and only you. He observes, discreetly of course, how you are slowly unwinding, moving close to your breaking point of just going upstairs. I gotta get rid of em’.

—

“Gotta say, darlin’,” Joel says as he slides his jeans off and moves to the head of the bed, “I like you in charge.” And he honestly does, it’s such a difference from your natural attitude that this has Joel attracted to you in a whole new way.

Joel is starstruck at your appearance, the way the green flannel hangs open showing off your sexy black lace bra that fits you perfectly, and he can’t take his eyes off of you. Your movements have Joel in a trance. When you straddle him, his hands almost have a mind of their own, the way they find their spot on your ass and they start to knead your soft skin.

All he wants to do is take care of you, by any means necessary, even if that means only you get the attention and love tonight - that’s perfectly okay with him. You honestly need this more than he does, and he knows that, so all his energy goes to pleasing you and only you. Joel has no problem with not getting anything in return, all he wants is for you to feel good, and honestly, he loves that you feel comfortable enough to be the dominant one. He’s gonna let you do what you want.

He loves watching how your face contorts from the pleasure his fingers give you, the way your hips roll with the rhythm of him. The little noises that escape your mouth have him in shambles, the way your hands snag his hair and it forces him to look at you while you kiss him - he loves it all.

“Let it all go, pretty girl,” Joel coos as you ride out your orgasm that has left you speechless, breathless, he watches how your body freezes and the broken moans roll out of your mouth into his. This is exactly what Joel wanted you to experience tonight - pure ecstasy.

—

The next morning, Joel gets up early and decides he’s gonna make you breakfast, that this is gonna become the new normal for you. He wanted you to have the best treatment here that you could possibly have. He finds some pancake mix and decides, why not, alongside some fresh fruit from your garden next door that you still attend.

“Ellie, can you grab the strawberries please? I’m gonna go grab her,” Joel asks as he exits the kitchen and heads towards the stairs. I really hope she enjoys this, he thinks to himself, and he really wants you to give this a chance because he knows that he’s not the only one who feels the connection the two of you have.

He softly knocks on the door so he doesn’t startle you, but when he doesn’t receive a response, he turns the silver handle. “Darlin’?” He asks to the empty bedroom, must be in the bathroom.

“Bathroom!” You respond quickly, but there’s a hint of something in your voice, something different.

He asks if everything is okay and the way you respond has him thinking you’re scared, or that there’s something you need or want to discuss, but he decides not to push it. He knows that you have your limits, and just by your voice alone, he can tell this is one of those times, so he dismisses himself and tells you that breakfast is ready.

“Hey,” Joel says to Ellie who’s at the dining room table eating her pancakes already, “have you talked to her at all today?”

“No, she’s been upstairs all morning,” she takes a sip of her orange juice, “why?”

“Okay, um- she just seems,” he waits a beat as he sits next to her, “something seems off.”

“Well, we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Joel nods as he picks up his fork and tabs a piece of cut up pancake, and takes a bite just thinking of what possibly could be wrong. What happened?

After about five minutes, you finally come down the steps, and he can tell you’re trying to be quiet, almost mouse-like, but why? You don’t have to be scared here, you’re safe, Joel made sure you knew that and never thought any different. However, that doesn’t seem to be the case right now.

“Hi darlin’,” he chirps as you sit down across from him, “I’ll make you plate real quick.” And all you do is give a weak smile and thank you, and he’s sure that something is definitely wrong. You’re usually quick to say you can do it yourself or you just do it, and as Joel makes your plate and walks back, he looks at Ellie and she mouths, “I see what you’re talking about.”

The whole ten minutes you sit there, Joel and Ellie are trying anything to get you engaged in some sort of conversation, even if it’s stupid. But, nothing works, you just pick and pick at your plate, eating only a handful of bites. What the hell is going on?

Suddenly, you stand up and walk over to the sink but instead of setting your dishes in the sink, you just drop them next to it on the counter. “I’m heading next door to grab a couple things, and then I’m heading to the stables,” you coldly announce and continue to walk to the front door, grabbing your bow and arrow as you swing open the door and shut it behind you.

Joel’s at a loss for words - he can’t believe what he just saw. He thought the two of you had a really good time last night. Like, really good. Joel cannot recall anything negative from last night, game night went great, you two finally got past the flirting game that’s been going on - and oh, that’s it. It finally clicks, you’re not used to getting the attention during sex, sweet thing.

“What did you do, dummy?” Ellie breaks his train of thought from last night. He’s quick to turn his head back to her and just tells her, “Nothing, it all went great last night.” Ellie doesn’t need to know everything that went down between you and him, just not her business, he’ll just play it off as something else.

“Well,” she continues as she takes a bite of pancakes, “If I were you, I would head over there and try to talk to her. But y’know, that’s just me.”

Yeah yeah, Joel responds, like I wasn’t gonna do that anyways, he is almost frozen to his chair, he just can’t believe what events have unfolded right in front of his damn eyes. Why doesn’t she just talk to me?

“So, like, are you gonna go or what?” Ellie reminds him as she pushes his shoulder talking him out of the trance he was in. “Oh, shit,” he stands up, “Yeah, stay here. I’ll be back.” Joel is out the front door in a matter of seconds, heading to your old home you haven’t stepped foot in for months.

As he climbs your steps and reaches the door, he looks in the small window of the front door and he can see the lights on as well as the edge of the hallway closet door. There you are, he then brings his right hand to the door and starts to knock furiously because he has no idea what you’re doing over here, you haven’t been here in forever.

No answer.

God damnit, baby, he starts knocking again because he wants, he needs, to talk to you or at least, listen to what you have to say. Because he really cares and wants to know what is going on in that brain of yours, he wants to help you. With no answer coming from the other side of the door, Joel calls your name, followed by a weak, “I just wanna talk.”

His forehead falls to the window pane with utter defeat, why does she have to do this, she can just talk to me, she should know that by now.

After about three more rounds of knocking and calling out for you, Joel gives up, and he’s not sure what to do anymore. When you want to come back out, he will be right there to listen and hold you, he will be here for you whenever - Joel does not care how long either.

When Joel reaches the sidewalk covered in golden brown leaves, he thinks back to the last thing you said to him, I’m heading next door, then I’m going to the stables. That’s right, the stables, and Joel takes off running down Spruce St. towards them.

Joel passes Tipsy Bison and a couple guys yell out, “If you’re looking for the old lady,” that was your new nickname since people of Jackson knew you weren’t with Nate anymore, “She was talking to Vince about heading out!”

Joel stops his running and takes a couple seconds to catch his breath, “Are you serious?”

They group of men all nod their heads and Joel cannot believe what he just heard, no fucking way, she did not do that, he mumbles to himself. He says a quick thank you to the group and springs towards the stables because he really doesn't think that you left the safety of Jackson.

He notices how the padlock is still on the front doors of the barn, he quickly remembers the fenced area isn’t locked, so he runs back there and jumps over the little fence. When he goes into the stables and scans the barn for Dougie, he sees all the horses, except Dougie. No, no, no, no, he says to himself as he starts to panic.

She did not leave Jackson, no way. That’s just not possible, why would she do that? How could Vince just let her leave all by herself?

The same questions loop around in Joel’s head like a rollercoaster, and he just can’t seem to understand it all, everything seemed to be moving along smoothly last night, until this morning.

The next person to talk to was Vince. How could he let her leave alone? Bounces in his head as he leaves the stables and then hurries towards the front gate, this way he can actually see if you left or not. He scales the small fence and heads towards the big gate that lets people leave and enter Jackson.

As Joel takes a chance to catch his breath, he spots Vince as he takes the last step off the ladder to the top of the gate, there he is. Joel then yells out Vince’s name to grab his attention, as Vince notices Joel and the amount of distress he’s under, his face drops.

“What’s up, Joel?”

“Did she leave?”

As soon as the question leaves Joel’s mouth, Vince knows that something is up.

“Um, like, almost fifteen, twenty minutes ago,” Vince starts but Joel is quick to grab him by his collar and pins him up against the metal gate, causing his feet to dangle off the ground.

“And you just let her leave by herself?” Joel basically spits into this man's face.

“Sh- she told me that Tommy okay-ed it and that you were gonna be right behind her!” Vince rambles as he tries to plant his feet onto stable ground. However, Joel is so enraged that he isn’t thinking clearly, and although his conscience knows that Vince is innocent, his subconscious is not so generous.

Joel’s mind and emotions end up on autopilot. He wants to hurt anyone who he feels is responsible for you leaving Jackson. If Tommy didn’t yell out to him, Joel would surely have killed Vince right then.

Joel lets go of Vince’s collar instantly, and Tommy is quick to step between the two of them to stop whatever violence was about to unfold.

“Woah, woah,” Tommy questions as he stares at Joel, “what is going on?”

Joel can barely think, so many thoughts and questions are crowding his head, and he can’t think straight at all, not with you out there with no one. He knows you can take care of yourself, but it doesn’t hurt to have backup out there. That’s just the truth, and even Joel knows it and admits that.

—

It’s been just under a month of Joel searching for you, or any sign of you. He left Jackson that same day to find you. Joel was not going to give up on you, he knows way too much and cares too much about you, for you to just slip away without any explanation.

He has searched almost everywhere, traveling as much as a couple miles outside the radius of Jackson, but he’s had no luck. Until one day, when he finds the Motel 6 you and Tommy had talked about. Joel had a hunch that you would’ve gone somewhere familiar to you. As he searches the motel rooms, he finds about a dozen dead infected. This has got to be her.

It’s almost pitch black when he reaches the Motel, so he decides to stay in one of the rooms for the night and then pick right back up tomorrow. He doesn’t need to run into raiders or be infected this late in the night - that would just be stupid, he knows better than to do that.

Please, please, please be safe. I know you can hold your own, but please don’t be absolutely fearless. I just want to find you and help you, I just want to help you baby. He repeats to himself over and over until falls into a restless sleep.

The next morning, Joel is right back on his horse and continues East. He’s gotta run into you sometime, right? He ends up running into a group of raiders a couple miles past the Motel 6, a group of five middle-aged men who see Joel as a threat and not a friend.

However, Joel is not bitch. He takes care of the whole group without getting a single scratch or bullet wound, feeling oddly proud of himself for still being able to hold his own. But the feeling of victory is quickly washed away when Joel thinks of you, did you end up getting caught by this group, or even another one.

Joel’s mind is constantly on alert - he hasn’t had this much adrenaline running through his blood since before Jackson. It’s how he felt with Ellie; I have to protect her, she’s under my watch, I can’t just let her slip away from my grasp, she’s my reason to live.

The sun has started to set, the sky is a beautiful mixture of pink and orange, it meshes so beautifully it’s almost unbelievable. The different colors of oranges and reds sway on the trees with the wind as it softly blows, and it causes a chill to run down Joel’s spine.

“Just a little bit further, Rose,” he whispers and pats the side of his beautiful horse, knowing that he’ll have to stop some time soon since the sun is setting. Darkness is not the time to wander around in the nothings of the woods - it’s just not a smart move - but he knows that he has about an hour before the sky turns to pitch black.

She can’t be that far, right? It hasn’t been that long that she's been gone, there’s no way she would just leave Jackson like that. It’s the safest place to be in times like this, there’s no dictatorship and it’s peaceful, really peaceful. Why would she just pick up and leave like that?

About twenty minutes go by before he spots a small cabin about a couple blocks away. Please be there, he mumbles to himself. He softly kicks the side of Rose and she hurries her stride more than before, this has got to be it. Joel’s mind is racing, he’s pleading that you’re at this abandoned cabin. It would make sense, and he has a gut feeling that you wouldn’t up and leave Jackson completely.

When he gets about thirty feet away from the cabin, he sees a female with a bow and arrow pointing directly at him. The way the woman is standing he immediately knows who this is. I finally found her.

Joel jumps off Rose and starts to sprint towards you. He can’t help it, he finally found the love of his life, and he was never going to let you go ever again. He watches as you realize who you’re looking at and your bow drops to the ground, along with your arrow. She knows it’s me.

As he steps foot onto the porch and scoops you up into his arms and spins you around, a mixture of loving words spill out of his mouth.

“My pretty, sweet girl, I thought I lost you forever. What are you doing all the way out here?”

“I’m so sorry,” falls from your mouth over and over, and Joel can’t help but feel sorry for you. The fact that you felt the need to run all the way out here, all so you could simply just get away, was terrifying for Joel to think about. Because why, for the love of god, did you feel better running away than running to Joel for help?

What Joel takes away from this is that, although he knows that some things are more difficult and sensitive for you to work through, he also feels that you need to tell him about these things, instead of just running away.

Tags: @evyiione @oscarissac2099 @southernbe @pedrosfanny @orcasoul

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