#a letter to my ex

[leftalonewithmythoughtstoolong]

To My Ex...

I miss you....

I've contemplated writing this so many times.

I miss you, but not in the way you think. I don't miss the romance, or lust after you. I miss my best friend. My best friend of six years who was with me through some of my darkest times. I miss the you I share memories with.

Sometimes I wonder if you even remember me. Maybe this is just one sided. Does that one song we used to listen to bring you back for a moment? Do you ever smile when a girl walks by who is wearing my signature perfume? Maybe sometime you might even think it's me? Probably not. You live so far away now, and honestly we we're never really together much. It was always virtual. Those late night Skype dates are my favorite memories though.

I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused you. I was young. We we're young. We both did things but I never realized how awful I was to you until recently. As I'm growing older I'm healing myself from trauma. I'm growing to be a better person. I'm no longer the same girl you knew, and I'm sure you're no longer the same boy I once knew. But I hold close those memories of the boy I did know.

I still love you. I'm not in love with you though. I think that's the hardest thing for me. I fell out of love before you did... The way I left was awful and I regret it so much. I wish I could sit down and do it all over again. I wish I could have better communicated my feeling and internal demons to you. I was blind by our romance and forgot you were my friend too. That is what cost me everything. Maybe we weren't meant to stay friends though.

Those demons I mentioned. The ones you hated so much. I'm finally free of them. Aging is doing me well mentally. Physically not so much. Sometimes I wonder if I got sick because of all the awful things I've done. Either way it doesn't matter. Just know I'm free from them.

Honestly you'll never see this. I'm not sending it to you, and I don't think you even use tumblr. I wish I could write things down better and maybe I would. I would just end up rambling though. I miss you. I miss my friend. You were so wise beyond our ages, I wish I would have listened to you better. I don't wish we could do it all over again because I am happy where I'm at in my life. I just wish that maybe I could have included you in it. Maybe I'm just naive though.

To my ex... I miss you.

#feelings #exs #past relationships #growth #young love #best friends #a letter to my ex #moving on #letting go #missing you

[aethernightmare]

Bojack Horseman was such an important show for my own mental health recovery journey after everything I want through in 2022/2023. It's something I never would have imagined liking, and ironically I'm not a fan of the comedy or art-style whatsoever, but this show was practically therapy for how spot-on and accurate it was to my own life these past few years. So much so, that it was frequently uncomfortable or even painful to get through, but in a good way. Like rubbing alcohol in an infected wound.

I feel like I've been in the shoes of Princess Carolyn, Herb, and Diane especially. I was in a long-term relationship with someone who was a Mr. Peanutbutter while manic and sober, and a Bojack while intoxicated or depressed. Some of the arguments we had towards the end of our association with one another were almost scarily verbatim to what's in this show. And it was validating to see characters like myself enmeshed in such a relationship, their steps of getting untangled from it, finding spouses and careers that treated them with respect, and that they didn't have to be flawless, perfect people to deserve better.

And the show works so much better because Bojack isn't awful all of the time. If anything, many people will (unfortunately) find him super relatable. He has great potential, and does occasionally go out of his way to help others. You feel bad for him because he is a product of his past, having gone through through child abuse and more layers of generational trauma than even he is aware about. But all of this is drowned by his lack of accountability towards himself, or his refusal to accept professional therapy/medication (despite his excessive self-medicating with substance abuse). Making him his own worst enemy, because he always finds a way to undo his own progress, and pin the blame on everything or everyone else around him. Despite the fact that his actions have widespread repressions outside of himself, derailing the lives of the whole cast, or in some cases, even ending them.

If anything, the most relatable thing for me is his relationship with Diane. The two share so many mental health similarities in regards to anxiety and depression, but while Bojack always starts his own fires, Diane is the one stepping up to put both of theirs out. She goes to therapy, she tries multiple jobs, she reaches out to new people, she gets back on anti-depressants, she finds a decent and compatible relationship, she learns from her mistakes, she actively tries to be a force of good in people's lives, and she eventually as a result turns her life around for the better. Whenever life kicks her down, she always tries to get back up.

While Bojack on the other hand always expected someone else to drag him back to shore. Which is why no matter how badly he treated her, or talked down to her, in his biggest binds, he'd always call Diane. Even in his drug-tripped hallucinations, he was still often being 'saved' by a fictional version of her. Because she's always the one to comfort him, bring him back to reality, give him new perspectives, or drive him to rehab. Because she's practically by default, always taking steps to be the bigger person. She isn't a flawless character by any means, far from it. But she is in a way Bojack's opposite, despite having many of the same traumas and mental health struggles.

Even during his presumed last moments of consciousness, he called Diane, and just wanted to be with her as he died. The version he was able to reach was just a figment of his imagination (the real Diane was both asleep and on the other end of the country, and received a horrifying voicemail upon waking up), but I think it's telling that despite how shitty he always treats her, the version in his head is reflective of the kindness she always gave him. Meaning deep down, he knows who she really is, despite the things he has tried to ridicule or blame her for. She's arguably his most important person too, yet not once could he ever fully be there for her in return. Which is why their final talk is both heartbreaking and relieving. Because Diane deserves better, and he needs to learn to be better, without relying on her as his main/only pillar of support. Especially if he's not going to be there for her in return, or if he's going to blame her whenever he's not strong enough to emotionally hold himself up in ways we're all expected to as adults. Diane deserves someone who's there for her as much as she is for them. Platonically and romantically. And likewise, Bojack can't acclimate to genuine independence if he always has access to her as a crutch.

It's why the last episode (the whole of season 6, really) is especially heartbreaking for me. Bojack needs to learn to be a better person, but until he learns to become that himself, with professional therapy, nothing anybody else does for him will matter. It also mirrors my final conversation with the most important person from my life too, in part because this time, I was inspired by the show itself. Because it was able to help me see all of the gaslighting and manipulation that my "Bojack" did to me. And the insecurities behind why he did it. The previous arguments we had were all coincidences in their similarities, but this series helped me shape at least our final talk into the things I wanted to convey. I also know he's not ready to accept help yet, and as a result, just like Diane and Bojack, it may have been the last time we ever talk to one another. But at least in some ways, it helped me find closure.

Because I genuinely do want him to get help, but like all abusers and addicts, he needs to want to get help first. He needs to be ready to commit to it. And as my own therapist as already told me, "If your support was going to be the thing that changes him, repairs the relationship, and gets him to stop drinking/using, it already would have done so by now. So you need to fire yourself from that position, because you're clearly not the right person for the job." And they were right. I'm not. But I needed to learn that, and this show was a major part of helping me do so.

There are days I miss the old "Diane" (my old self). And I'll always miss the good times I had with "Bojack/Peanutbutter" (my ex), but they weren't healthy, and I can be grateful for the times we had, even if they weren't meant to last forever.

So to the creators of Bojack Horesman, thank you.

#bojack horseman #a letter to my ex

[hit-the-dirt-and-get-back-on]

Because it's 3:09. I'm wide awake and apparently my heart is open and bleeding.

Dear ex boyfriend.

I just think it's unfair that you didn't even try to give me a chance to come see you. I wanted to. I would have walked to the end of the Earth for you until my feet bled and I had to crawl on hands and knees. I loved you so much it hurt. I felt a type of homesickness for you that I've never felt for anyone and now I'm left here wondering if you ever loved me at all. If I ever mattered to you. If I was just someone you used to fill your time until you got tired of me or found what you wanted. I wanted you. I told you that. I wanted you more than I've ever wanted anything. I took every single opportunity to tell you how much you ment to me. All I wanted was you. I didn't intend to fall for you. It wasn't supposed to happen but I did... I don't understand why you were SO MEAN to me the night you ended things. You were mean and I tried so hard to make you stay... I wanted you to stay... to pick me... to love me. You had made up your mind and nothing I could say or do would change it. I want to hate you but I can't... because even knowing that you'd shatter what was left of an already busted heart, I'd still pick you. I still miss you. I still wait for you to get lonely and call me sometimes. I miss our calls. I miss our texts. I'm sorry I was hard to love. I'm sorry for "forcing you to love me." I'm sorry for all the fights I picked. I love you. Even though it's over, I will always love you and no matter what you say I will never forget you. You ment something to me.

#a letter to my ex #dear ex boyfriend

[sleepymushroomfairy]

I drove past your old apartment last night and I felt a pit in my stomach and a pain in my chest. We haven't spoken in a few months and I wonder where you are, I need to know how you're doing.

I so badly wanted to love you, I desperately wanted to feel anything other than the pain, the constant hollow ache that felt all consuming. I felt like I was drowning, and I clung to you like a life raft adrift in a sea of tears and vodka.

Sometimes I think of how life would be if we never parted ways, if you and I had stuck it out together. I'd like to think we'd be happy, that you'd give up the drugs and maybe we'd get hitched. But it's pointless to dream of now.

I wonder if you ever think about me, if you ever drive past the place we had our first date and feel a pain in your chest the way I do. I wonder if you hear the song we danced to in my kitchen at 2am and you miss me the way I miss you.

Maybe one day I'll get over you, maybe I won't see you in every sunset. Maybe I won't be full of longing and melancholy. I just want to be free of you. I want to feel your arms around me, just one more time.

-a letter I'll never send

#a letter ill never send #my writing #aesthetic #heartbreak #a letter to my ex #sadness #sad writing #my words

[magykplumbs]

A Letter To My Ex: Thank you

Dear M.M,

yes, this is to you.

to the man who promised me the world, when all I wanted was you.

when we met I thought because I was broken I couldn't be beautiful, but you showed me even broken things can be the most beautiful.

you taught me to love myself, piece by piece.

loved me when I couldn't love myself.

with you I felt like I could be my true self, I opened up myself to you.

I thought you were my forever, you promised to be my forever.

but you grew tired of me, didn't you?

you got bored.

but that's alright!

while teaching me to love my physical self, you taught me to respect myself too.

so thank you!

thank you for loving me while you did.

thank you for helping me be excited about the future, even if it's not with you.

thank you for helping me plan for my future, even if you're not in it.

and thank you for showing me your true self.

cause like you said, you're a dick. :)

you're an unintentionally manipulative man.

and you were right, NONE of what you did was my fault.

because all I ever did was love you and put my all into what we had.

you're the one who got bored.

you're the one who decided dating someone new while still holding my heart was the right thing to do.

and in a way it was!

because if you hadn't cheated on me and broke me I wouldn't have found the real me.

the me who has the most amazing friends, old and new.

the me who now has an amazing career doing what I love.

the me who can look for the positives in any situation, even if it feels like there isn't any.

the me who, even at my lowest, knows I'm beautiful and worthy of love.

the me you helped make, and immediately lost, when you cheated on me and dropped me like I didn't matter.

so thank you!

like I said when we ended, take care of yourself

but mainly,

fuck you :)

forever never yours,

K.J

p.s you never had my heart, what you held was more of a tumor

just like your love <3

#letter to my ex #a letter to my ex #poem? #breakup #new me #forever never yours

[letters-from-hell]

my first night without you

I came home at around 11 tonight. when I was out with my friends, I was happy and all smiles and laughs at their jokes, though I still thought about you once in a while. but when I got home, it hit me. we're not together anymore. I didn't need to chat with anyone about going out or coming back home. I didn't have someone I could tell how my day went. it felt really empty.

it's kind of bad. I started to doubt my earlier decision to ask for a break-up. was it really a good decision? would things have been different, had I not gone around and met someone else that made me rethink about us and our situation? should I not have tried to seek new friends when you were away? should I not have conformed to my feelings and all that? should I have stayed and tried again?

if we hadn't broken up today, how would this night have been for me? would I have come home to you and talked about my day like usual? or would I have come home and felt like I needed to pretend everything was alright, just like how the past nights have been for me? assuming our discussion earlier actually did happen, then the first possibility would be the outcome. because we would've tried again. you would've tried to make special time for me, while I would've tried to commit myself to our relationship. but assuming our discussion earlier did not happen, then the latter possibility would be the outcome. because I would've still felt bugged about how our relationship felt like, and also disturbed my the guilt of getting attracted to someone else. these thoughts were in my head as I pondered and pondered again. I'm doubting myself, my decision. sayang, did I make the right decision?

I wondered, are you doing okay? are you feeling the same thing right now? or are you feeling something else completely? or even better, have you fallen asleep already? I would like it if you have, because you deserve a good night's rest. you deserve feeling like you don't owe me, your then-boyfriend, anything, including a chat during midnight, amidst your other more important responsibilities. but I think I know you still. I think you're thinking the same thing, perhaps even worse.

I just know I don't want you to blame yourself. blame me if it makes you feel better and easier about the whole thing. and please don't cry. I definitely am not crying (a bit of a lie). you're still so beautiful even when you cry, but the thought of you crying breaks my heart. you cried some nights ago about something and I was there to listen. but if you cry now, who would be there for you? I know your friend would. but would you dare ask them? I hope you would. I hope you have someone with you right now. I hope someone is soothing your aching heart right now because I cannot do so, for I am the reason it broke into pieces.

#a letter to my ex #I'm listening to the song you gave to me as I'm writing this

[sawanshupanja2]

An Ex to Ex

In life, I've made mistakes, that's true,

God's hand felt heavy, where loyalty grew.

This letter to you, my ex, I send,

No grudges held, on this road's bend.

I've come to see, with clarity gained,

One's happiness, a right sincere.

Even if your choice brought pain,

No bitterness, no lasting stain.

In today's world, self-centered they say,

Brings peace and joy along the way.

So let's part ways with no regret,

Wishing happiness, without fret.

#blogs #a letter to my ex

[cutiepatoodie]

i hate that when my professor complimented my pen my first thought was to think of you because they match. how the pens are paired and we aren’t. i don’t regret my decision to leave but my heart still aches for you sometimes. i still have pictures on my wall of us kissing in photo booths and going on adventures because we were too scared to call them dates. i miss you and i’m sorry i couldn’t love you the same way you loved me. but trust me when i say i have so much love for you. i just can’t be what you needed me to be

#a letter to my ex #things i don’t have the courage to say outloud

[licollisa]

In my cringe era

@gildedxpleasure gave me the idea for bi light skeleton. Background from here. Full image here.

#me drawing toriel: i hope this doesn't awaken anything in me #Undertale #sans #toriel #asgore #okay so i actually sacrificed a few canon lines in order for the joke to deliver #sans is supposed to say 'oh my stars' than omg #and toriel intervened asgore's text by coldly inserting 'ex' in red letters before 'wife' #lico arting

[jayke0]

Oscar when he sees a role for a lonely pathetic man:

#the letter room #ex machina #revenge for jolly #mojave #moon knight #atsv #sucker punch #inside llewyn davis #lightning face #i can literally name them all off the top of my head

[avtumnleaves]

reading makes me feel so asexual sometimes. like ur telling me being "turned on" by someone is actually a thing people experience 😭

#asexual #ace #lowkey thinking about sending an apology letter to my ex boyfriend

[novelconcepts]

When i think about how Van Palmer was developed in a lab to get me in a goddamn chokehold.

You got a lesbian. You got a butch lesbian. You got a comedy-prone butch lesbian. You got a comedy-prone, movie-obsessed butch lesbian. You got a comedy-prone, movie-obsessed, haunted-by-a-rough-childhood butch lesbian. You got a comedy-prone, movie-obsessed, haunted-by-a-rough-childhood, hidden-pragmatic-depths butch lesbian.

You put that lesbian in survival hell situations. You put that lesbian in survival hell situations with her girlfriend. You put that lesbian in survival hell situations with her girlfriend as the romantic heart of your show. You put that lesbian in survival hell situations with her girlfriend as the romantic heart of the show AND make them both unkillable.

You put that lesbian in two timelines. You put that lesbian in the storyteller role. You put that lesbian in scars and silver rings. You put that lesbian in a position to explore the darkest side of loving someone. You put that lesbian on my screen, and you cast Liv Hewson. You put that lesbian on my screen, and you cast Lauren Ambrose. I mean. I mean.

Any ONE of these things would have been enough, and yet. Here we are. Watching the unkillable, complex-ass, funny, scary, heartfelt, fireproof lesbian get her face torn off by wolves, commit cannibalism, fall in love, move to fucking Ohio, and come back for more?? And you expect her NOT to move into a penthouse apartment in the very center of my heart? Be serious, dude. Be so serious.

#yellowjackets #van palmer #a love letter to van could go on for miles my dudes #I could write an ESSAY #she’s silly! she’s somber! she’s protective! she’s making poor decisions! #she’s got no trust and all the love in her heart! she’ll fall in with a cult! she’ll follow a sleepwalker to a cliff! #she thinks she’s responsible for everyone! she won’t let anyone be responsible for her! #she runs a video store in 2021! she throws out her bills! she’s subsisting on a diet of donuts and Mountain Dew! #she’s weak as shit for her married ex! she keeps booze in her truck! she’s dying but fuck it she’ll put on a mask and pick up a knife! #and on top of it ALL she’s a redhead. I mean. I was lost from the word go #anyway. I love van. I miss this show. I can’t wait for it to come back #it makes me feel way too Seen for a show about…well. all of that.

[murderoushagthesequel]

happy new years!

thank you to each and every one of you for making this year special :) i know this account has died down quite a lot over the past few months but i honestly treasure every moment it's brought me

i've met so many amazing people, some of the best friends i've ever had and the love of my life, i've grown as a person and become more comfortable in my art and my writing, and i've been able to connect with myself better

this is not me saying goodbye by any means i'm just reflecting and so grateful for the impact tumblr has had on my 2023

reading and writing fanfiction, making fanart, engaging in the tumblr marauders fandom, and branching out improved my year and helped me through some really tough times so thank you :)

thank you for helping me make this a year i've enjoyed looking back on

i love you all!!

see you soon,

hag <3

a few people who (knowingly or not) made my year: @where-is-vivian @effiepotterisamilf @malakiwis @definitelynotttheo @not-rab @lostforgottenspaces @risetherivermoon @mo0n-water @calamitoustide @withtheoldstars @idkkkjustgay @vini213 @aroacelilyevans @artbyace @olivers-cocoapuffs @apricusapollo @floralembarrassment @ye-olde-trojan-horse @bellathethirstybitch @greenvlvetcouch @nothing-like-a-mad-woman @itsm3m00n @underburningstars @casstration @oesker @deadly-moonlit-embarrassment

#happy new year #new year #2024 #love letters from hag #new tag ig :) #me being sappy #who could've guessed #vivian tag!! #drac's corner! #this tag is theoretical #kairannosaurus rex tag #ex ex ex wife tag >:( #slipped on a SOCK #lemon pie #vini fan club #so much to look back on #from my first fic (do you wanna build a snowman) #to sexy lamp day #to my first posted smut #to jellies #to the strawberry ice cream wars #to the mysterious hag plan #and beyond

[thisisntreaver]

Kinda obsessed with the way weddings are shown im fable 3 because it really feels super informal like they're just done in the open and if you wanna show up you can show up.

Like that random homeless man is NOT my friend, I don't know him hut he saw me,my fiancé and th town crier and went "Yeah I can swing a wedding today, nothing better to do" and I appreciate that so much

#fable #fable 2 #fable 3 #it's super funny to imagine that people just show up to weddings like no on cares #imagine instead of having to invite everyone you want to see you get married you just have to send a letter to your ex and be like #“Hey I'm getting married tomorrow. you should avoid the gazebo because you'll make it weird” #thags infinitely funnier to me #trapped in my house because my ex wifes remarrying in front of a bunch of drunks down the street

[bloomingsoul333]

A Letter You May Never Read

Hey,

so I’m just gonna give you your space fr. I don’t really know what I did to make you feel like you need to treat me the way you have been for the past few months. The months leading up to our separation and the month after. I was vulnerable with you and admitted my insecurities to you. I listened to you and put in effort to be a supportive partner to you; to the best of my abilities. And you were happy. And you were glowing. And your ego soared in my presence. We all noticed. All I wanted from you was the same attentive care I poured into your vessel. To be filled with your love so I, too, could glow…

But you couldn’t do that for me. Or wouldn’t do that for me-

I don’t know why you feel the need to take so much s

p

a

c

e from me.

To put so much d i s t a n c e between us.

So much between us.

So much ache between us.

I don’t wonder when it faded.

I felt it fade-

Still feel it fading.

And as much as I tended the fire.

Two hands can’t compare to four.

One heart can’t beat for two.

So because I don’t feel loved…

I’ll run away. And you’ll let me be. You’ll just avoid me.

.

.

.

I don’t deserve to be treated so carelessly.

If I know one thing; it’s my worth.

#letter to my ex #forget me not #feelings #letters #colors #colortherapy #chakra colors #chakras #emotinal #poetic #You may never read this #for the heart #for the wounded #abandoment issues #abandoned #hope #inner strength #strentgh #queer love

[jasontoddiefor]

chapter 1 and the webnovel translation hits you with “world’s first same-s*x marriage”

#I’m your Ex-wife #letters webcomic adventures #it’s not a webcomic but fuck it #there’s enough cross references in my webcomics to webnovels that idc