#a queer single muva

[verysoftmangoes]

thinking about how cute my mom is

#a queer single muva #epitome of 90s fashunnn #a cher lookalike ??? #big taurus energy #i-talian/native quaen #i love her 🥺 #swear she’s lived the craziest life

[muvacarlotta]

Uncle Kramer.

Dear Uncle Kramer, 

You know how some therapists suggest writing letters to your loved ones to release past trauma? Well, this is that. I decision I have come to on my own. 

So much of hating who I am stems from the things you taught me. The way you treated me. The way you viewed my people. I was probably about 13 years old when you made me think that I will always have to hide who I am. 

The day you took it upon yourself, not even upon the request of my aunt (who’s my blood), to go through my personal laptop and see what I was looking up while vacation at y’all’s house. You found my gay porn websites, pics I had saved from Google, etc. 

Instead of talking to me about what I may be feeling towards other boys, you cornered me while the rest of the family was taking their afternoon naps. Even though you asked me if I was having certain “feelings” towards boys, you made me feel as if I was committing the Ultimate Sin. I obviously tried to deny that it was me looking at those things, but you just had to keep digging and digging and digging. Pointing out every. single. lie. that I was telling you. Down to the very minute I was on those websites (I wasn’t aware of how to fully clear your history yet). I was in tears because you told me God doesn’t like that and I was sinning. But worse, for me, you were making me to my dad. My Honduran dad who immigrated here and is very much your stereotypical macho Latino man. And you wanted to me tell him that his only son was gay. 

That broke my trust. That was the moment I felt that I couldn’t trust anybody with who I truly am. My mom died when I was 6 and I was the only child in the marriage. So there was a lot of pressure on me to be the perfect child. 

Fast forward towards the end of that summer, you asked how my dad reacted to me coming out. I was able to bullshit my way out it and say he didn’t seem to care blah blah. Obviously total lies but either you believed me or something stopped you from pushing the topic. Whatever it was, the fact that you tried to out me before I was ready broke me. 

Here I am, 14 years later, finally releasing that. I am queer, non-binary, and I am loved. 

I am, 

Muva Carlotta. 

#letter #gay #queer #mentalhealth #trauma #comingout #lovemyself #lgbtqia #newtothis #followme #nonbinary #genderfluid #gaylatinx