#a relationship should be based on love

[clownsuu]

Ay. An offer; one doodle of lovelie for the price of answering my question 🦅

Eh? Eh?— Anyways my question is; what’s an art tip you can give that really helped you? Anything special when drawing or do you just have a hand of god?

(Btw your one of my favorite artists and I love seeing your work homie, number 1 inspo fr. Keep on cookin 🦅💞)

WAHHH THEY LOOK SO SCRUNGLYYYY (despite his many, m a n y crimes)

#Also art tips? #One of them is don't follow some of my footsteps they are unhealthy LMAOOOO #Like me pushing through despite my artblock? Very unhealthy it can lead to a unhealthy relationship with art #Ya deserve breaks when your mind and body tells you you need it! Art should be a comforting experience! #No matter how long it takes smhh #I remember my partner had a really bad art block for like a year but they are still going strong with their art! Never feel discouraged! #Also another one is sometimes a messier lighter sketch is better for more dynamic pieces #If ya work too hard on your base it can lead to your piece feeling flat and too stiff #Go crazy go stupid! You might be surprised with what you can accomplish! #Don't be afraid to go outta your comfort zone with art stuff! You might find details you quite enjoy! HUZZAH! #Also also I fuggin love the liddol beetle doodles on the side of her LMAO SO TEENSY TINY #I'M SO HAPPY YA GAMERS ENJOY MY DUM LIDDOL ARTS IM JUST A LIL GUY BDJDJDJDJD;;;;

[theblacktiecacti]

jay went to clown school. let’s talk about that

#art by me #jrwi riptide #jay ferin #i was drawing wherever the wind took me #and it took me to clown school jay #the best destination i could’ve hoped for #i feel like so much could be explored or expanded there in fanon #but i barely see anything #welp if there is none make some #sound off in the comments if you ever think about how jay rarely retracts into herself when faced with conflict #but instead goes to clown school or hitches a ride with the loserest boy she can find #and it’s the rare (and most impactful) moments when she responds differently #shutting down after the phone call with her grandmother #or blowing up after learning about lizzie and ava #or crying as she’s told to shoot her friend in the chest #but the every day conflict almost always gets humor as a response #which leads to very out of pocket moments but we love jay for it #oooooough jay ferin the way you express emotions is so important to meeeee #ALSO the fact that often it’s insult based humor or overly confident in self humor #let’s dissect that jay how do you relate to your friends in the hierarchical structure of the navy academy #did you feel like your humor had to subtly place you at the top? or you would not be enough? jay? #your relationship with kira hinges on fixing this structure by being better than it hm? let’s talk about that #let’s talk about how your life centered a lot around being the best even if not directly or intentionally #should i do a full analysis on this? #i kinda wanna do a full analysis on this

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

A Tempest of Tea

first in a YA fantasy duology

follows a young immigrant woman in a fantasy Victorian city who runs a tearoom that doubles as an illegal bloodhouse for vampires at night

when their business is threatened, she gets a chance to save it by teaming up with her best friend, a rich girl with a talent for forgery, a vampire artist, and a mysterious city guard to do a heist to infiltrate high society and collect a logbook that may reveal the extent of the corruption in the city

fantasy city with a masked ruler, arthurian elements, themes of colonialism

#a tempest of tea #aroaessidhe 2024 reads #This has a really cool concept and worldbuilding and some fantastic characters! #I like the discussion of immigration and colonialism (I appreciate a story in this niche that’s not so white) #I like arthie and jin’s relationship and Arthie is a great character. #It definitely feels like the first half of a story - like is the arthurian stuff gonna come up more or is it just... #the mc is called arthie and has a gun she pulled out of a stone. Is there more to that lmao. it does end on a cliffhanger too. #The main thing I *didn't* like is that the middle kinda turns into…miscellaneous events purely to facilitate the characters being attracted #to each other. good for them I guess but i don’t care. #(I probably should have expected that based on the author’s other duology so that's on me I guess) #(the romances also feel on the older side of YA) #I also found that the audioboook narrator paused slightly too long between sentences. #I love having author interviews at the end of audiobooks! #which also directly called me out for guessing the obvious twist but not the multiple others directly after #(granted the obvious one I was like... genuinely confused whether it was supposed to be a twist bc I thought we already knew that) #also what's up with the coconut. lol. why that specifically

[iluvmatt]

chapter ten, boyfriend, girlfriend? taglist: @taking-a-footnote-in-your-life​, @lostwonderwall​, @lomlolivia​, ​@sturniolomads, @kylespencersvocalcords, @stxrniqlo, @sophialimass, @loonielol, @siriusfahey, @getbillzoned, @kjd55, @ceceswriting​, @dancingintheedark​, @yoongoboongo, reach out to be added :-)

new plans, matt sturniolo smau synopsis: coming home for the holidays has its perks; you get to see your childhood best friends again, you get to spend the holidays with the people you’ve always loved, and the list goes on. of course, it also had its cons— you have to face your best friend, matt, the one that you’re madly in love with and have been in love with since you were merely thirteen. little do you know, though, that he’s dealing with the same mixed emotions of you and the holidays; biting his nails as he waits for you to knock on his front door.

previous ♡ end. | m.list © iluvmatt, 2022.

#nick just wanted to take all the credit although at one point in a previous chapter he said 'we' and i respect him for that! #but here we are #at the end of something i've put my entire heart into. #i'm so excited to make more stories for you all and i hope the ending wasn't too bad. #i hate ending things so i just wanted to make it lighthearted #like with chris and his jokes; the litany of bickering #and of course matt and y/n being sappy!! #who knows; maybe i'll write about their relationship at some point based on this au. #but thank you all for staying and following me through this journey. #i should have named the last chapter 'confessions' but i'm also nitpicking myself SO! maybe that's why i'm overthinking #but i'm also so devastated to let new plans end. it truly has made me so happy to meet you all through this story #i hope my new pieces keep us together. #thank you all for giving me this opportunity and being here #i love you all. #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x you #matthew sturniolo fic #matt sturniolo smau #matt sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets smau #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo triplets fic

[gibbearish]

hello mr ajr nice to meet you ive been listening to your music every day for the last four years and i think it would benefit you greatly to google aromanticism someday. thank you

#me listening to turning out i ii & iii like uh . hey uh i think. i think theres a word for that #like. normally i wouldnt say things like that based just on an artist's music but like. if you listen to those three songs theyre literally #like 'hi i struggle with doing romance like society says i should be able to and i feel like theres something wrong with me #so ive pushed myself into relationships with people i didnt love way too fast to try to be normal‚ to turn out right' #origibberish #ajr

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river #means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much. #that's her daughter but it's also her best friend. #but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself. #a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing. #and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this. #the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*. #we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep #one hand armed. #and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little. #(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named #melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come #here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it. #and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river. #you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you? #having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do #anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river #knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to #choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends? #according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel #in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the #and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song. #i think that's the takeaway here. #ask #doctor who #river song #amy pond #rory williams

[nastasyafilippovnas]

People on twitter complaining because Asi called Yaman her hero in the fragman are so unreal. That's the whole reason why their romantic relationship would've never worked in a nutshell, stop whining.

#yabani #these people obviously never watched buffy #and that annoys me bc you have to explain things that everyone that watched buffy knows or should know #you can't have a romantic relationship with your hero #you need to be on equal grounds #which is why the best thing buffy ever did was treat spike as a man #and that's how asi behaved with alaz from the get go #she judged him based on his own actions #and she treated him with kindness any human deserved #when he was hurting #even after he treated her poorly #that's love y'all #not some hero adoration from a scared kid #aslaz

[ohitslen]

About to say something horribly obvious, and I’m still going about Kni and the piano, well UM

In the last episodes there is this brief flashback of Vash humming a melody, and Kni asks what that melody is, to which Vash answers that he isn’t sure that it just comes to him and brings him comfort, and- LOOK I SAID IT WAS OBVIOUS BUT- that is the same melody present in all of Knives songs

So, maybe maybe, it was Kni the one who brought the melody to the piano, like composed it? I don’t know music terms sorry but I think you get what I mean

Then, when we see Knives appear on Jeneora Rock, Vash is able to tell its him because of the piano, he knows it’s his brother, perhaps not the first time he does that sort of entrance but it’s the melody that gives it away instantly (again. Very obvious I’m aware)

A melody that once brought Vash comfort and solace, he now sees it as a telltale sign of an incoming tragedy caused by his brother, something he should be afraid of and it’s no longer something that makes him feel at peace, on the contrary he just, you know, you know what I mean

Like. I’m. I.

I need a moment, I need to sit down.

#IT WAS VASH. HE WAS THE ONE THAT BROUGHT THE MELODY TO KNIVES. #IT SHOULD NOT BE THAT BIG OF A DEAL #BUT TO ME IT IS #they have such a fucked up relationship #I will never shut up about how their bond twists into something nasty and depressing #compared to before finding out about Tesla. and the Bible. OQNNS #IM exclusively talking about TriStamp very obviously so like #you can relate this to the manga if you want but pls know I haven’t read it yet so it really is just #tristamp yk. considering how it’s the only iteration in where the piano plays such an important part in his character #I think it’s important to be looked at and considered #the layers that this has. excuse me but how do you turn something someone loves into something that will make them terrified of #just by the fact of hearing it Vash is sent into immediate very well based panic #yeah all ive been doing is listen to the soundtrack for weeks now so I like to talk about it #and most scenes were constructed around the music. so it really is important #and again I don’t know about music but I like to think a lot and also get caught up in the littles things #like the fucking piano #trigun #vash the stampede #vash #millions knives #Kni saverem #Kni #nai saverem #trigun stampede #yes I know most ppl write the name as Nai. but ever since that one scene with their files I haven’t been the same #it’s written as Kni and it really stuck with me so sry bout that even though I’m not #lenssi rambles

[landoffreaksandfrogs]

i remember back in the old fandom days ppl would put whos in their "quadrants" on their blogs and everytime i saw someone actually having a kismesis i would shrivel up bc Humans Should Not Have Those. dont get into a toxic relationship built around hate bc funny webcomic.

#i REALLY LIKE BLACKROM IN *THEORY* I LOVE DISCUSSING IT AND DISSECTING IT AS A FORM OF *DISTINCTLY ALIEN ROMANCE* #BUT NO ONE SHOULD BASE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS AROUND TROLL QUADRANTS..... #i want to examine what a good blackrom would be like but as it stands #most of the blackroms in homestuck are done by the most mentally ill teenagers ever #their REDROMS are fucking suffering #god. let me think. i remember at the end of act 6 i genuinely enjoyed john and terezis flirting #john in general. AS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. seemed like hed be able to grasp the concept of a blackrom pretty well #which probably also ties into partially into his role as a breath player an aspect that focuses on adaptability and freedom #what was i talking abt oh yeah #um. if anyone suggests you and them should have a kismesisitude. run

[sparky-is-spiders]

Hi! I’m here suffering from lack of good Archivist!Sasha content as well 😭 On that note, do you have any fic on that topic you would recommend? Or just good Sasha fics in general, (or Jonsasha, if that’s your cup of tea)? Thank you in advance 😊

Tragically, I think there is a general dearth of good Archivist!Sasha content (and just about none of it Jonsasha content, as far as I can tell (and not only is Jonsasha my cup of tea, but the ONLY thing standing between it and the #1 OTP spot (currently occupied by JE) is the fact that the Jonsasha that I desperately crave exists in my brain and nowhere else)). Admittedly, I haven't looked very far into her tag yet (I should rectify that at some point tbh) but I've dug around the Jonsasha tag when I first got into it, and I know at least one fic where Sasha drifts towards Beholding through an interest in office gossip.

In terms of Jonsasha Ao3 has:

This very good Sasha lives fic where Jon shows up to Georgie's with an unconscious Sasha and everyone involved is very confused.

These two fics are cute also. The former is by @/suttttton and is them getting together, the latter is established Jonsasha from @/dickwheelie.

Eyevatar Sasha might actually be thinner on the ground (outside of fix-its where she solves everything and her canon reckless curiosity is completely ignored). Ao3 has:

This fic, which is Jongerry with outsider PoV Sasha. Just barely has the implication that she might be shifting towards the Eye (via prying into the lives of her coworkers) but gets a mention through sheer force of Excellent Sasha Characterization. I read this and I feel like I'm reading a fic from a Sasha Understander.

There's also this fic, which looks very promising but which I haven't actually gotten the chance to read yet, so I can't speak to its quality.

Unfortunately I've only gotten into Sasha fairly recently (especially as compared to Jon, who my brain latched onto in a deathgrip from the start), so I haven't gone through her tag yet. A scroll through the Archivist!Sasha or Beholding Avatar!Sasha tags pulls up a lot of fix-it and J//mart, which isn't really what I'm looking for from the concept. I'm sure there's more out there, and if/when I find them I'll come back to this ask probably, but I lucked into Reverse Nighthawks (I was on a Jongerry kick).

But god every day I wish that I could write romance and/or longfic, because about a year ago I read a Jonmichael fic that, when discussing alternate universes (where Jon ended the world) it's revealed that he once did an apocalypse out of love for his Archivist, Sasha James. And it was one (1) single line, but it struck me so hard because god. A perfect concept I think. The potential dynamics of Archivist!Sasha/Assistant!Jon are enthralling to me. Jon destroying the world (or helping her destroy the world? Cute date night I think: bringing about armageddon with your eldritch monster partner) for Sasha... anyway mostly I mentioned that one because My God if I have to live with that tantalizing AU rotating in the background of my mind 24/7 so do the rest of you.

#also I'm very sorry how much this was About Jon #I really /do/ love sasha it's just that jon lives in my brain literally all the time #I am incapable of making a single solitary tma post that is not like 50% about him #not a Single One #every character and relationship and dynamic must somehow include jon to interest me. I struggle to care about jon-less anythings #it's a Problem #anyway I really really love sasha and want to write her one day but I need to finish my JE stuff first #the thing is the sasha in my brain is in zero other places #I extrapolated some stuff from canon to create a Blorbo but I don't think many other people interpret her the same way #I have some sasha and jonsasha stuff lying around somewhere but the gist is that I think sasha should become a morally questionable eyevata #who feeds the eye by invading people's privacy ''accidentally.'' based on her actions in the s1 finale she's probably a good person usually #but is reckless when protecting those she cares about and ESPECIALLY when curious and I want her to be a lil freaky with it #too tired to string my sasha thoughts together properly but they're mostly about how she should have a fun corruption arc #I want her to end the world in s3. I want her to have extremely difficult and complicated feelings about leaving the institute. about being #an eyevatar also. I think she didn't get enough screentime to say a lot for certain but she has enough interesting and complex things in he #brain that she could offer an interesting perspective if she survived or was the archivist. I also think she and martin should've switched #places. sorry martinlikers but she had more stuff going for her and also her perspective would be unique and interesting instead of yet #another 'the Eye is Bad.' that's actually the jonsasha thing I like the most. reading her statement and there's so many parallels between #her and jon. I think they'd compliment each other in a way literally no other jonship could manage #anyway sorting tags #jonsasha #asks #thank you for the ask btw!! I am. VERY. passionate about this subject. sasha has so much potential and stuff going for her but I get so #bitter because nobody is willing to engage with the stuff I find most interesting about her. probably another reason it took me as long as #it did to get Attached to her. I spent too much time with fanon sasha who's had the potential and complexity and points of interest #stripped away so that she can fix the world for jm to get together which is so much more boring than whatever the hell was wrong with her #(affectionate) (I like my characters a lil weird and fucked up. a lot weird and fucked up even) #ok veryvery tired need to stop rambling and think about sasha some more. #oh wait one more thought actually she's autistic and trans (projecting but also. like. tell me i'm wrong) thank you and goodnight

[fizzingwizard]

"My brother had no regard for her; his pleasures were not what they ought to have been, and from the first he treated her unkindly. The consequence of this, upon a mind so young, so lively, so inexperienced as Mrs. Brandon’s, was but too natural. She resigned herself at first to all the misery of her situation; and happy had it been if she had not lived to overcome those regrets which the remembrance of me occasioned. But can we wonder that, with such a husband to provoke inconstancy, and without a friend to advise or restrain her[...] she should fall?" - Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

#jane austen #sense and sensibility #literature #the level of sympathy and compassion and understanding of the human heart #we think of historical eras as either moral and right or depraved always one or the other #and that the morality of the first was upheld by the stern treatment of anyone who acted out #and by extension that depravity is brought on by a lack of rigidity #but the struggles and paradoxes that are part of being human were just as real and just as common and people DID understand them #its only the base and unimaginative who think everyone can be fit into one righteous box if they just try hard enough #never acknowledging times they failed their own standards or maybe without ever having been tested at all #its easy for someone who is happy to judge someone who is unhappy #and we have always known this and it's always been true but we're still dealing with the same unbending personalities who are so loud #just the other day i was in an internet fight where multiple people were claiming that if someone says no to regular sex they are cheating #the possibility that they just have a low sex drive or are going through something was called an exception too rare to matter #the possibility that people are different and not everyone wants the same amount of sex and sex is really very awful when you dont want it #was laughed and sneered at. whats more a partner who accepts their partners sex drive for what it is was called a beta lol #being compassionate and understanding of people you love = beta behavior LOL LOL #this is why we cant have nice things. relationships should be based on support and communication and openness #to the reality that people change sometimes in ways we like and sometimes in ways we dont. nothing is forever. #my two thoughts that entire thread: i hope the men who read this arent intimidated out of standing up for their female partners. and #i hope the women reading this understand you have to believe in yourself despite all of it. despite everything the world throws at you. #of course women can be mean and selfish just as much as men and of course mens needs and feelings matter and so does keeping commitments #but no one has a crystal ball and if you enter a relationship expecting things will always be A Certain Way you're in for a rude awakening #especially if all you do to promote what you want is to badger and pressure and shame your partner for being an imperfect human #tangent but its just these things are so timeless. we should know better now. there's got to be something wrong with us that we don't

[fischlcatgirl]

Board certified abyss 12 HATER

#‘oh youre just bad at it’ i am bad at it because its bad game design. i rest my case #im not even bad at it. i could definitely clear and 36 star if i wanted to. however i should not have to take 40 shots at thr same content #trying to random luck my way into mashing the right set of buttons and miaculously not getting hit because the hp pools are too high to lose #a single percent of your dps bringing a healer or. for that matter. actually healing. #this is i think why Neuvillette has such a good rep. hes basically invincible at c1 which means you #dont have to retry the same chambers over and over because he keeps getting one-shot. because lets all look into our hearts at this moment #his damage is not that much higher than any other dps character’s damage. he just also heals and fits into the current meta #people used to say the same shit theyre saying about neuvillette about nahida #and once natlan comes out the meta will change once again. hp builds will once again become unnecessary in abyss. bennet will make a #reemergence. overload meta will become real. there will be one character who is good to use in burgeon teams theyll be burgeon nilou. this #is my natlan prediction #part of it anyway #and then we will get shneznaya and there will be a character who does damage based on how high you can get their crit over 100% but they #wont be that meta theyll be like cursed with low modifiers. but nonetheless the meta will change again. #im in a love hate relationship with the genshin meta because it is in a love-hate relationship with itself #board certified my post #board certified metaposting

[itspileofgoodthings]

starting to think that life is all about love

#actually though #I’ve been thinking so much about the way that I am #(or honesty the way that all human beings are. i don’t know that it’s particular to me) #but my heart is cold so much of the time. and there’s just this big distance between me and the things I should care about #and some of that is my analytical side and some of that is sometimes depression and sometimes it’s just human nature I suspect! #but i think so much about love as a choice. and it IS and it has to be when love isn’t something you can feel at will #and I’ve been thinking about the cold and rules-based relationship I have with God #the daily check-ins. the checked boxes. the given offering. and the lack of warmth behind it #and sometimes it’s just. man. that’s what conversion IS #the transforming of that into love. love that is warm and giving and that is my motive for moving forward #and I know those steps and check-ins and prayers and offerings are important #but I know they’re not the heart #and sometimes I see that I can’t create the warmth in me that I need #i can’t generate it #and then it all just sort of HITS #that I need to be thawed! that I am cold and distanced and uninterested and forgetful #and that I’ll never be any different until God draws closer and closer. until I can feel and understand the warmth #with which I am already loved! and held in being #and I know and believe it intellectually and most of the time I have nothing to give in return #definitely nothing emotionally #but if I WERE to. it would only be because I was thawed. because I was cracked open like an egg to use another metaphor #it would only be because Love that was greater than me would thaw out my cold cold little heart #and idk. I’m rambling and also missing big connecting pieces between these thoughts #but sometimes it hits me that the POINT of life is for that Love to change me so that I can love in response #and the actions are important because they keep me on the path. but it’s only about keeping myself in the place where the warmth of the love #of God can blast through me and change me #and that HASN’t happened. I am still cold and selfish and forgetful #but sometimes I know that that is what it is supposed to be #and it’ll probably take my whole life #but the point is: it isn’t about a scorecard or my analysis. it’s about love. it’s about love!

[96percentdone]

there sure are a number of transfems extremely comfortable with talking about transmascs and their experiences like they get to be the arbiters of our oppression because they are also trans. i don't think that's how that works. trans people as a whole do have a lot of overlapping experiences, and transfems are oppressed under transmisogyny, which involves plenty that i don't relate to or understand. like there aren't hordes of caricatures of trans men in the media used as a punchline (i don't think i can even think any frankly), so i have no idea what that would be like. i don't get to be the one who defines what that experience is or means. it would be nice if those people (and i do mean those people because it certainly is not every single transfem on this website) could also do that.

i think the community would be a lot healthier if everyone just stopped talking over one another all the time, cause there sure are transmascs doing the same shit in reverse. there will be transmascs hopping onto a trans woman's post to 'debunk' things that i know we as a group do not experience. erasure operates differently from hypervisibility. i also know i have my own blindspots inevitably because i can only be me, but i dont think that transmascs doing this (bad) means that transfems don't and it isn't like. also a bad thing for them to do.

idk. this community feels fucked six ways to sunday. half the time you go into any trans tag ever to keep up with the entire community you not only have to block actual terfs on their perpetual bullshit but you also have to read 60000 posts made by trans people indirectly arguing with and talking over other trans people with some of the most bad faith reads of your own community imaginable. like. real 'i like pancakes' 'so you hate waffles' energy. the idea that a trans person who is different than you might say something in a clumsy way, or made a typo, or was half-asleep, or was uninformed about a particular nuance, or just maybe has natural, obvious limitations in how they can understand or experience the world because a person can only ever be the person they already are, none of that can ever happen! if someone says something and i don't get it, or i disagree, or whatever it is, it is malicious attack on my dignity and principles, they are the real enemies trying to oppress me and keep me down and they must be destroyed.

this place sucks. i hate it here.

#despair.txt #that bad faith shit in particular drives me up a wall because at least half of y'all are fucking autistic #you should know how difficult communication is in all forms especially over a text based medium! #you should understand better than anyone else about how the social construct of unspoken implication and innuendo is a nightmare #one that ruins healthy relationships and communities because of how many misunderstandings it causes #and perpetuates a cycle of anxious guesswork when in social interactions ESPECIALLY FOR THE NEURODIVERGENT #AND YET #you fucks cannot stop just creating implications and innuendos out of words to derive true secret intent and meaning!! #INSTEAD OF JUST ENGAGING WITH THE THING IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES #literacy is in the toilet #watch as the trans community masters 'adding entire sentences and ideas to other people's posts and getting angry about it' #you are all failing a basic reading comprehension tests as well as all community building exercises #and are scoring a whopping 0 for autistic friendly communication especially for like any autistic person who struggles more than you do #i dont want to be trans im sick of my 'community' #a gang of argument loving jackasses posturing at solidarity and intersectionality everywhere you look