#a toxic family member knows where i live and wants to send me a fricking birthday card

[janime1x-blog]

My Thanks to a Fandom...

I’ve been through a lot of physical and mental pain while I’ve been bumping through fandoms, hoping to find a place to belong in. 

I’ve joined the world pretty late (not as in given birth). I wasn’t introduced to technology or the real world until very later on in my life. My first ever personal device was an iPod Touch G5. I was given Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and I’ve officially joined real life.

And then my friends introduced me to this famous boy band. They are what people call, One Direction. Because I joined the real world quite late, I did not know of One Direction. So, me wanting to belong somewhere, lied that I knew to my friends and said yeah, I knew One Direction. When I got home I researched about One Direction and found out many things about them. First videos I’ve ever seen of the boys were their funny videos and video diaries they made for XFactor. Slowly and bit by bit, I found myself liking One Direction. I then started listening to their music and became obsessed to the point of being 1D trash.

Every day for me from then on was about 1D. I loved the boys so much that I even protected them from the haters and all. Anyone who said any bullshit about them, I would attack relentlessly all to protect 1D. At school, I would hear people talking shit about 1D and I would want to protect the boys but I stayed silent since no one knew that I liked 1D and if anyone knew, I felt like they would hate me for it so I stayed silent but it killed me inside.

When 1D won awards, we, the fandom, rejoiced. When they were close to releasing their albums, we would leak some of the songs for a sneak peak. When one of the members left on the 25th of March 2015, we all cried together. We were happy for our boys for everything they succeed in. It was until in 2013 when two of the boys who were thought to be single forever, got girlfriends. The fandom broke down and everything was hell. I remember it clearly like it was yesterday. 

Suddenly, I felt hateful towards their new girlfriends and then all together, we rose and fought, sending hate. I’m pretty sure there were some who supported the boys’ decision but from my perspective, it was all hateful. That was all that I saw and it turned my life upside down. My life was entirely engulfed by 1D and this fandom and there was no way out. The fandom got so toxic that it affected me mentally that when I’m at school, I’d get angry out of nowhere. Probably because I’ve been holding back of my feelings for too long. The fandom was hella toxic to the very end.

Especially one part of the fandom. The part of the fandom that shipped the most popular ship of all, Larry. I was one of them who shipped this ship. We who believed that the ship was real, made theories and attacked 1D’s management for hiding this ship and that they should let the two boys love each other freely. One of the boys of this ship had a girlfriend and claimed that the girlfriends were beards that hid the relationship and we straight just told her to fuck off and let the two boys love each other. In 2015, I think was when that boy and his longtime girlfriend broke up. I think this part of the fandom was very happy about the breakup. 

As I was a part of that side of the fandom, it made me into a toxic and hateful person. It didn’t take me until 2016 where I realised that the fandom was in the wrong and that the boys can do whatever the hell they wanted to do and we weren’t in the right place to force the boys to do what pleased us.

When the fandom found out that one of the boys made a girl pregnant, we went crazy (mostly the Larries who believed in the ship). Everyone sent hate once more and attacked the girl who was pregnant. We all started debunking pictures and interviews and all that bullshit. It got so crazy and messed up that the fandom even threatened a fricking unborn child (now born)! 2016 then became a blur of rumours, bullshit and hate. The fandom had a civil war with the boys and each other and it felt like I just stood there and watched everyone destroy each other. It was then I decided to leave the fandom officially. All the rumours and bullshit was suffocating and difficult. It literally hit me mentally that I would become depressed! (Ridiculous, I know) But then I came back eventually when I had nothing to do and then suddenly the boys announced that they were going to have a hiatus. The fandom cried of course and then here they are now. The boys are doing solos and some of them are doing their solo careers and it isn’t sure whether the four boys will ever get back together again as a band.

Me, right now, well, I support the boys and whatever they do with their careers and personal life. I feel like I’ve changed and it took so long for me to realise the wrongs I’ve done while being a part of that fandom.

But what is the point of making this post? Well, I wanted to thank the 1D fandom. Because without the fandom, I would have never come to where I stand right now. 

Thank you for introducing me to fan fiction because it became a stepping stone for my passion of writing original stories. 

Thank you for introducing me to singing, songwriting and songs because it’s made me love to sing and become confident with my voice.

Thank you for being my family for 4 years. 

Thanks to you guys, I would have never found a new obsession with Anime and BTS and it’s the only place where I feel like I could belong in.

It was a really joyful time that I’ve shared with you guys those 4 years.

But what I really hope is that you guys would change your ways and stop being jealous and so overprotective of the boys. The boys are human like you and me and they deserve to do whatever they want to do. It’s not up to us, mere fans, to control their personal lives. We are only fans and nothing more. And the boys are only Idols we are fans of and nothing more. Please snap out of it and support the boys for them!

Thank you for everything, fellow Directioners.

#onedirection #harrystyles #louis tomlinson #liampayne #niallhoran #zayn malik #directioners #one direction #spilled thoughts #thankyou