#a vampire has the right to be/can only be vanquished by a clergy member of their specific religion...

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

you know that guy who gets bit by venomous insects on purpose and rates the pain on a numerical scale?

ok so a scientist who gets bitten by a vampire specifically so she can use herself as a test subject to rate cross-cultural religious objects on their effectiveness as anti-vampire deterrents. sure there's anecdotal evidence that crosses probably work, but here is hard scientific data that vampires can also be threatened with menorahs

#also i love describing Justin Orvel Schmidt as 'that guy' as if he's not a well respected entomologist and author #bc he is. but he also happens to be that venomous bug bite guy #well. one of them. it is a growing field #another good vampire post #the christian cross and the pagan pentagram are equally effective #the eye of horus has a surprisingly strong bite given that it should be expired by now #the symbol of mjölnir invokes a migraine AND ear ringing that lasts for days #the star of david cremates the scientist instantly on the spot #her ashes have to be shoved in a jar and sprinkled w/ blood so she can reshape overnight #a discovery which is going to make yom kippur at her grandma's house VERY awkward this year #come to think of it menorahs are also objects you light on fire so it gets double damage points probably #...on a scale of humorous blasphemy (good) to culturally insensitive (bad) where would the concept of a Vampire Hunting Rabbi fall? #i mean all these catholic priests are already clogging the market why not add some religious diversity #....Vampire Hunting Squad composed of a priest a rabbi an imam a bhikkhu and a pandit #it's a Ghostbusters type situation where the whole squad gets called in whenever a vampire's religious affiliation is unknown #a vampire has the right to be/can only be vanquished by a clergy member of their specific religion... #...so a diverse group of religious leaders has to be kept on call to treat vampiric infestations #they run a side business is demonic de-possession bc you never know which ancient language of scripture a demon can actually speak #no point yelling at someone to get the fuck out in latin if they can't fucking understand latin