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tutuandscoot · 1 year

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DREAM VIRTUEMOIR PROGRAMS

1. I Want You / Paint It Black

Music:

Paint It Black (The Rolling Stones) as the main song, but because it is so fast paced and quite lyric heavy, I feel it needs an instrumental section to add some contrast. I Want You (She’s So Heavy) (The Beatles) is the song I can think of that fits the vibe- if I were to find something else less well known that fits better I would of course use that. Ideally, I would prefer to use just Paint It Black because single-song programs are so rare now but I do think it needs some kind of transition- going gang busters to Paint It Black for 3 or 4 mins would kill them. If I Want You were to be used I would definitely use the end piece… the kinda discord guitar part.. since this is of course not a real scenario I’m just going to imagine there is some ideal way to piece the songs together.

Inspiration:

I already made an IG real using Paint It Black that I set to Farrucas because it has a very similar energy and the chore and the music fit kinda well. Even though Farrucas is Spanish guitar and Paint It Black is sitar (Indian guitar) it has that similar pace. That was really just a fun little video I’m not basing any of my dream program off of that. Where I’m really taking my inspiration from for this is my favourite TV show ‘The Americas’. I’m not going to go into detail of the story because it isn’t important, just the theme, character inspiration etc.. So this show is about two KGB spies undercover in DC in the 80’s (touchy subject rn I know but let’s not worry about that). The characters are a man and woman ‘fake’ married so there is a lot of complicated love and feelings so there is that underlying theme complementing VM but really the character inspiration for this dance is just the visual of these two badasses. This is essentially a spy thriller program but finally not using James Bond music. I guess also, and you’ll see in the costumes I’ve imagined there’s also a bit visual of inspiration from the Matrix. Lastly, the styling for Sweet Dreams from TTYCT- them, like that.. I need more of that (even if it’s just in my imagination).

Chore/dance style:

This is the one part of this dream program that I can’t give a lot visual reference for- like I’m not actually gonna go choreograph it and even then, I couldn’t do it on ice or actually have VM to choreograph it on, so I’m just gonna have to give vague descriptions. This would be a modern jazz program- think similar to their 08/09 Pink Floyd program. I imagine some super epic midline/non-touch chore, some butterflies some insane foot work (esp from S) lots of sharp, fosse-ess arms, voguing type upper body work. As for lifts some of their fast-rotational lifts with T in some kind of contorted position around S head. I imagine a traveling rotational version of their first stat. lift from Latch. Probably the Prince lift. I also remembered this group dance on SYTYCD S9 by Mia Michaels (who T really wanted to work with during their career) and this is both visually, stylistically close to what I’m going for.

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Costuming:

The idea of VM skating in these costumes is so exciting to me and I try not to dwell on the fact that I’ll never get to see it but oh well.

- A couple of variations on this: I’ll describe the version I’ve settled on then some other options (also please bare with me I’m not a great drawer when it comes to people and I’m still learning to use procreate).

So: Matching, slick black cat suits. Long sleeves and turtle necks. Tessa’s with a diamond-shaped back cut out with red sparkles flaring out in a gradient from the edge (similar to MR dress). Both of them will have the same red rhinestone design around the wrists (similar to her SFTD dress). T will wear black skates (not boot covers coz I hate them). T with a slick black low bun and Scott with his MR hair but slicked down a bit more (sorry I’m not gonna try draw the hair).

- Now some other alternatives I toyed with- just in my head because it took about 2 hours just to draw these ones. I originally really wanted both their costumes to be identical- S with the diamond back cut out as well but when I drew it on the model it just didn’t look good- it would probably look better on S but I’ve settled on his being solid black- essentially what he wore for LTR just jazzed up. For both of them I toyed with sparkles in the same gradient pattern around the turtle neck- but I felt it would be too much.. maybe on Scott’s since he doesn’t have the back cut out.

- Another option they could go with- because I’m not totally sold on the cat suits once they are actual costumes. In my head it looks great and I want it to be as slick as possible, but for S I’m just not sure- not for any superficial reasons… just as a costume then adding movement it would depend. An alternate to the exact same look but tight black jeans/trousers with a black belt cause I still want that streamline look and with the top part being a leotard- yes for both of them. Scott’s costumes in the past- anything tight ie: MR is a leotard that undoes underneath, much like fashion leotards.

-Now here’s the fun part that I don’t know whether (if I was choreographing/styling.. in charge of everything).. somehow I want them to wear sunglasses.. either aviators (as in Sweet Dreams) but I would have to see it styled first to see if aviators would work and if not I would go with kinda, Matrix style glasses- like that more 80’s style. I can’t imagine these being used for the whole program, or at least down over their eyes for the whole program, I don’t really know it would have to be experimented with but I definitely like that as a visual and would make for some cool chore and partner work.

Short/Free/Exhibition:

So, in order to get some truly epic step sequences it would have to be a comp program. I feel I’m leaning towards a SD rather FD, just with the pace of Paint It Black that’s a lot for a 4 min program- imagining the split would be probably 2-3 mins PIB and the remaining IWY (or alternate instrumental) so with a SD having the split 2-1 (minutes) seems more manageable- not just for VM but choreographically filling 2-3 mins of chore to Paint In Black matching the pace is… a lot.. having said that, it feels wrong to only cut a 1 min section of the I Want You outro so I’m not sure, but I’m leaning towards SD. In this imaginary scenario of course, we are ignoring set rhythms and compulsory patterns (even though that’s not a thing anymore). I said in my IG reel using PIB (for the FS history buffs) that the 10/11 season OD theme was set to be 50/60/70 music- and of course there was no set pattern in the OD format so no need to worry about fitting time signatures/BPM. That of course did not happen and the CD + OD were scraped and they brought in the SD. I don’t feel or more I couldn’t see them skating this dream program I’ve imagined when they were just 21/23 anyway- I feel like it would require more maturity in movement-more sensuality, and just more exploration of dance styles since they hadn’t done a lot of ‘jazz’ at that point. I can just imagine it being a better program if performed in their comeback era. So I think it would be shame not to see a program this epic in competition, however it also really excites me the prospect of seeing it under lights and from a set design perspective we could do some really interesting things with spotlights/strobes/lighting design in general. This is all theoretical anyway so we don’t need to choose… maybe there can be a comp version and a show version.

Let me know your thoughts on this dream program. I have a whole list of others ready to dream up as well!

#dream VM programs #Youtube

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joeeatsdvds · 2 years

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last night (09.09.22) i took a trip to the cinema with a group of my friends to see the newly released film: ‘Bodies Bodies Bodies’ which was directed by Halina Reijn and a screenplay by Sarah DeLappe.

these are my honest opinions about the film so spoilers ahead, obviously.

my view on the film as a whole was that it was an enjoyable film that made me laugh at a few times which is fitting because it’s a comedy thriller/horror. the film didn’t scare me as much as it just made me uncomfortable at parts such as when the characters just started making out during the film. the only part of the film where i feared for my life was when Lee Pace’s character Greg started howling like a wolf and lounging and chasing a group of terrified blood soaked woman.

now time to get into the actual film. i didn’t enjoy that the film opened with two of the main characters mid make out session, i felt it was unnecessary and just flat out made me uncomfortable. it felt like something i wasn’t supposed to be seeing. you don’t walk into a showing of what you believe to be a horror/thriller and then it opens with two people making out.

prior to seeing the film i had looked on the film’s tv tropes page and i had seen that the film had the trope of “accidental suicide” and also the trope of “anyone can die” so i knew slightly what i was in for without actually spoiling the film for myself.

i had a sneaking suspicion that David would be the first to die out of the group (and if it hadn’t have been him my second guess would’ve been Greg who did in fact die next) however i didn’t expect his death to be the accidental suicide that i saw listed in the tropes. during the scuffle between the girls to get the gun from Jordan i thought that Alice was the one to accidentally fire it and accidentally shoot herself, that however wasn’t the case as it was Jordan who fired the gun accident or not. even though david was the one who fit the trope i thought that he’d have died to an accidental overdose for his cocaine addiction and not a slit throat. it’s kind of ironic that the whole reason the plot of the film happened was because of a tik tok though.

i really do enjoy the trope anyone can die trope because like the name says anybody could be next nobody is off limits. it leaves you on edge the whole time you watch it and i just enjoy that as it keeps things fresh. unsurprisingly however both Bee and Sophie end up surviving until the very end of the film.

i found it nice that there wasn’t one psycho killer that was out to get the group and instead it was their own actions and fear that lead them to their own downfall. it’s an interesting concept that i think the film did a good job pulling off. i do wish that some of the deaths were less glamours and more realistic, specifically Jordan and Greg, as they should’ve looked way more messed up than what they actually did as it’s hard to maintain good looks after falling a few stories onto the hard solid ground. they should’ve done something more like Emma’s death which is portrayed as a bloody mess all down the staircase and walls with her face smashed in from the impact. it’s understandable why they didn’t do this for all the deaths though as this probably would’ve made them have to move the rating to an 18 instead of a 15.

i didn’t really like the songs they chose to use throughout the film. it’s probably just because i don’t like that style of music but i just didn’t really connect with it though i didn’t bother me too much. however i did enjoy the little repeated theme they had throughout the film that would crop up in some of the more suspenseful scenes.

as for characters Alice was probably my favourite of them all. all of the characters had very noticeable flaws but those are important because those flaws are what ended up getting them killed in the end.

i do wonder if Bee or Sophie faced any consequences after the events of the film for their actions because both of them did kill people.

overall i’d rate the film ★★★★/5

even if they didn’t have the scenes that made me uncomfortable i don’t think i would rate it any higher. i’d gladly accept this film into my dvd collection when it comes out though.

#joe soup reviews #bodies bodies bodies #my first actual film review wow!

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moremysteriesthantragedies · 1 year

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Murder of a Sacred Deer

Rating: R | Genre: Mystery, thriller | POV: 3rd Person Limited

Story written with: M, D, Q.

"Why did you give up your life so early when you had a chance to fix everything?”

Book Synopsis

In 1998, Roe Theron, the younger sister of the infamous Heart Thief, takes her own life in the bathroom of her mother's house. However, she soon finds life after death isn't as peaceful as she originally thought. Thrown in Hell for her brother's crimes, doing anything it takes to survive, she finds he may be closer than she originally believed when she hears that familiar voice on the radio.

Taglists

Wip Update Tag list:

Worldbuilding Taglist:

Trigger Warnings

Suicide, guns and hunting/animal death, self-harm, physical abuse, sexual abuse, past childhood abuse, depression and other mental health struggles, trauma, murder, emotional abuse and manipulation, referenced past racism, and discussions of the concepts of sin and purity.

Themes: Family trauma, coming to terms with the past, predators vs prey, power struggles, life after death, sin, self-respect, and finding joy in disparity.

Tropes: Friends with benefits, Hell/life after death, furry characters, broken ace, crazy murder (but he's a sweetheart, really), morally grey characters.

Characters

Roe P. Theron

#ghosthorns🌹

Affiliation: Wolfgang employee Theme Song: Too Much to Dream by Allie X

Age: 1971-1998 (physically 27) Sinner Type: Jackalope Personality Type: ISFP Pronouns: She/her Orientation: Asexual lesbian Height: 5'9"

The white, adoptive younger sister of Hart, now working as an assassin and bodyguard for a powerful sinner named Wolfgang. Not very sociable, with her guard often up, and acts very depressed most of the time. Has a talent as a snipper, and much sharper than she looks, though her current job has given her more than a little trauma.

“If you’re just here to torment and belittle me, you can save your breath."

Hart B. Theron

#hearthief💘

Affiliation: Powerful sinner & radio/show host Theme Song: Killing of a Sacred Deer by NEON666

Age: 1967-1997 (physically 30). Sinner Type: Weredeer Personality Type: INFP Pronouns: He/him Orientation: Demisexaul aromantic Height: 6'1"

A mixed-race radio and TV host. The Heart Thief in life after hours, killed by a rival known as "Lynx". Remains a radio and TV host in death, and has quite a reputation for violence. Despite this, he has a very polite and sunny disposition toward anyone he interacts with and tries not to cause other sinners any inconvenience.

My past was a well-guarded secret, the whole scare factor of the Heart Thief was the mystery that came with the persona. But clearly, I’d slipped up along the way...

Angie

#angiespeaking📞

Affiliation: Wolfgang employee Theme Song: Habits (Stay High) by Tove Lo

Age: 1997-2022 (physically 25) Sinner Type: Play bunny Personality Type: ESFP Pronouns: He/him (trans) Orientation: Demisexual biromantic demiromantic Height: 5'8"

A white/Canadian social media star, who died when trying to attempt to kill his cheating fiancé in a fit of rage. Know for being very flirtatious and often gives other pet names. Still, is very kind and takes more shy individuals at his work under his wing, Roe being an example.

It was the half-bunny from before, ears flopped down even further as they bent over, reaching out a careful paw to me, the other holding a bottle.

Updates

Snippets

(Scenes written for fun and do not completely reflect the final project.)

Other Links

LINE Club Music

#murder of a sacred deer #tw suicide

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welanabananaworld · 3 years

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Joker and the symptomatic laugh

Never before, in the history of cinema, has a laugh been such a source of uneasiness and discomfort

Contrary to previous portrayals of the emblematic villain of the DC comics, Batman, as a malicious, crazy and evil character, Todd Philipps chose, in this version, to make him a human first; a tormented human being struggling with life in Gotham City.

By digging through the psyche of the soon-to-be villain, to get to the roots of the Joker’s mythology, the director manages to subvert the conventions of the superhero film sub-genre. Though subverted, the well-known manichean approach assumed in such films reveals itself here in the manner in which the main character strives to combine his ingenuous nature and the chaotic outside world. Todd Philipps relies on the evocative power of the voice to build his psychological thriller. Indeed, the character’s mental distress is expressed by a nervous laugh that works as a kind of leitmotiv throughout the film.

In Joker, Joaquim Phoenix plays the role of Arthur Fleck, a pitiful professional clown and aspiring stand-up comedian who lives with her mother in a dingy apartment. Simple-minded and excessively naive, Arthur keeps being bullied and ridiculed wherever he goes. Wantonly beaten by strangers, mocked by his colleagues, laughed at on TV, abandoned by social welfare services, and coming from a dysfunctional family, Arthur progressively goes mad and violent, just like Gotham city; a city plagued by political corruption, vice, poverty, filth, unemployment, extreme violence and delinquency.

The inevitable psychological distress, that emerges from so strong a contrast and so many repeated physical assaults, does find not only its physical expression into a nervous laugh but also its symbolic expression into the joker’s vocation as a clown. As such, it comes as no surprise that the film opens with these two central and closely intertwined themes.

The opening scene shows Arthur putting clown makeup on his face while listening to the news on the radio. Instead of showing a colorful and enchanting depiction of the circus scene and its stages, Todd Philipps immerses his public into a dimly lit and rather gloomy room that looks like an old and insalubrious lock room. The environment is plagued by outer and inner noises due to traffic congestion and the radio which keeps airing unfortunate news about the state of the city. Filth, garbage, typhoid fever, bad smell, rats, increase in heating oil prices… those are the news which help to create the stuffy atmosphere in which Arthur grows in professionally. From the start, one has the feeling to suffocate and witness something pathetic at work; a feeling amplified by Arthur making faces in front of the mirror of his dressing table.

Arthur seems unable to smile naturally and spontaneously to such an extent that he needs to stretch his mouth with his fingers to mimic a smile; a smile made pathetic by the tears running down his face. Arthur’s factitious smile and look of despair present, at first sight, a contradiction with the character he is supposed to embody but if one takes a closer look at the symbolic of the clown in pop culture, this attitude reveals the drama that exists behind such a figure. Behind the extravagant make up and exaggerated facial mimics generally lies a darkness which can go from deep sadness to monstrosity.

In the last decades, the clown has become an ambiguous, ambivalent and subversive figure due to the visual dichotomy between the surface (the make up, the facial mimics, the caricatures and the bright colors) and what is under the surface (the identity, the life story, the feelings). What is under the surface is, by definition, hidden from view, therefore open to imagination, and synonymous with concealment, hence the disturbing strangeness that emerges from the potential dangerousness of such a concealment. In addition to this, the mirror is also used to underline Arthur’s dual nature. By duplicating one’s image, the mirror signifies conflicting personalities and can mark a need for introspection.

Pennywise, the evil clown in It by André Muschietti (Stephen King)

Twisty, the clown inspired by John Wayne Gacy, known as the Killer Clown, in American Horror Story by Ryan Murphy

In Joker, Arthur successively fits the different representations involved by the idea of duality, from the caring, harmless and cheerful clown to the sad, neurotic and eventually violent clown. In that respect, it is worth mentioning the direct reference between Joker and The King of Comedy by Martin Scorsese (1983), in which Robert De Niro, playing a delusional and aspiring stand-up comedian, is so desperate for recognition that he goes as far as to abduct the famous talk-show host, Jerry Langford, to appear on his television show.

Arthur’s gradual transformation is foreboded by the way he exercises his mouth in a happy and sad smile in the opening scene. By doing so, Arthur reveals a myriad of emotions. He must, as any self-respecting clown, put a smile on his face but this one bears no warmth, no spontaneity. Its rigidity and exaggeration alternatively give way to alarming, threatening and desperate grins.

The duality expressed by the greek masks of comedy and drama displayed by Arthur is to be associated to his ever-present laugh. Right after his first assault on the street, Arthur is found sitting opposite a psychologist. The scene opens with Arthur laughing uncontrollably for a very long time. His laugh is anything but infectious and hearty. On the contrary, Arthur seems in pain while doing it. His facial features are distorted and uptight, his face tense as if he was about to cry. One can easily describe his laugh as bloodcurdling and disturbing; a laugh which is on the verge to choking him, even.

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Just like the perverted clown figure which instills more pity and fright than buffoonery, Arthur’s bursts of laughter give away a real medical condition. Whenever Arthur is ill-at-ease, confused or bullied, he starts laughing madly and does seem unable to stop it. This condition is called pseudobulbar affect (PBA), which is a type of emotional disturbance condition, due to neurological disorder or brain injury, characterized by uncontrollable and often inappropriate episodes of crying, laughing, anger or other emotional displays. The scene that most exemplifies his mental disorder and extreme vulnerability is when Arthur entertains a little boy in the bus and his mother, misjudging the situation, asks him to stop. Taken aback, Arthur explodes in laughing, unable to control himself, and shows his medical card in an effort to explain what is happening. Combined with the beautiful but tragic film score, Arthur appears utterly powerless and crushed by inner and outer misery; a mental and physical misery materializing in a nervous laugh which makes everyone uncomfortable, including him.

The therapy session provides a glimpse of the aggravating factors of the neurological disorder by capturing Arthur’s current psychological state. He is depicted as a deeply depressed and troubled man who takes many medications with no result. His persona as a sad clown is reinforced by a certain dark humour which he overuses in his notebook : « I just hope my death makes more cents than my life ». As if Arthur’s traumatic life experiences were not enough, one finds out later that his PBA and awful thinness (see his protruding bones) are actually due to serious physical abuses inflicted, when he was a child, by his unstable mother.

In the end, one can conclude that the voice, as a narrative tool, is used in this film to anticipate, announce, hint at and explain Arthur’s journey to madness.

Contrary to traditional superhero films in which the villain’s tragic past is quickly mentioned, Joker builds its storyline precisely upon the villain’s progressive journey as a victim. And who is more likely to become a time bomb than someone who has been a victim all his life? The origin of the joker’s malevolence is to be found precisely in his traumatic experience of life.

The contrast between a kind and optimistic nature and the ruthlessness of a city and its inhabitants, reinforced by regular humiliations and family dramas, is enough for anyone to blow a fuse and turn to the dark side. But the Joker, considering who he is, puts a smile upon his face, finally embraces chaos - « Isn’t it beautiful? » he asks the policeman in a thrilling voice while on his way to prison» - and laughs at the irony of life, hence the ending. The piece of music, hummed by Arthur in front of the psychologist, concludes the film on a bitter note, its title underlining how unfair and unpredictable life can be: That’s life. But Frank Sinatra’s song is much more than an appropriate conclusion. By using the soundtrack as a diegetic and extra-diegetic music, Todd Philipps evokes both Arthur’s understanding of what he has been through all along and his ensuing thirst for revenge, fueled by injustice, the lack of meaning and the lack of a sense of belonging. Arthur’s smile, while humming, forebodes the joker’s rise of terror in Gotham city. Psychotherapy is over. It’s time for action! It’s time for his destiny to unfold…

That’s life… And as funny as it may seem, some people get their kicks, stompin' on a dream. But I don’t let it get me down cause this fine old world, it keeps spinning around…

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tlbodine · 4 years

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Pandemic and Pandemonium: Sickness in Horror

Well, it’s official: Novel Coronavirus, COVID-19, has been declared a pandemic -- ie, a new and widespread infectious disease actively infecting people throughout the world. For most of us currently alive, this is the first time we’ve seen a pandemic. It’s certainly the first time any of us have seen the kind of city-wide or country-wide quarantine measures currently being employed.

It’s an anxiety-inducing situation for sure. And people are dealing with that fear in different ways. Some folks are hoarding bottled water and toilet paper. Some folks are checking the news compulsively. Some folks are finding 20-second-long songs to sing while washing their hands.

And some of us are looking for horror fiction that might just mirror our anxieties and give a momentary but welcome catharsis.

Germs have existed since, well...the beginning of life as we know it. And for as long as humans have been alive, we’ve sometimes gotten sick from these microscopic invaders. It’s just a part of being alive. Everything gets sick sometimes, and humans -- who live in large complex groups and have a lot of casual contact day-by-day -- get sick a lot.

There’s a lot to fear from widespread illness:

Germs are invisible to the eye, so you can’t necessarily see the threat coming for you

Because infection is carried from person to person, mistrust and even hostility can grow toward people who appear ill (whether or not they really are sick)

Controlling the spread of disease often requires social isolation and can invite a loss of rights (ie, confinement)

The disease itself can have terrifying effects, from gross symptoms to death

If enough people get sick, it can disrupt the machinery of society, causing problems with food, electricity, healthcare, law enforcement, you name it.

Now, in real life, things don’t usually get that bad, especially in modern times when we have advanced healthcare and science and great communication. History’s greatest pandemics, from the Black Death (bubonic plague) of Europe in the 1300s to smallpox in the US in the 1700s to the worldwide Spanish Flu epidemic in the early 1900s, have been devastating -- but obviously, humanity has survived them all, and the numbers have been less terrible each time. With the power of antibiotics and vaccines and anti-virals and advanced medical interventions, we can save a lot of lives.

But we can’t save all of them -- which is why anxiety still lingers, and why stories about pestilence remain compelling.

The Magic of Fictional Viruses

When it comes to fictional illness, viruses usually end up in the spotlight. Some of the nastiest diseases in history have been bacterial infections -- Bubonic Plague, syphilis, typhoid, tuberculosis. Now that we have antibiotics, these once-deadly illnesses are essentially wiped from the modern consciousness.

But viruses are trickier. We have not yet developed a singular treatment as effective against all viruses as antibiotics are against bacteria. Instead, we rely on vaccines to immunize us against them. But vaccines are individualized, working only for the specific disease they’ve been developed to treat -- and if a new virus pops up, it takes time to craft the response against it.

Viruses also function in ways that make them especially attuned for horror:

They are smaller and less complex than other microorganisms, and it’s debatable if they are even, strictly speaking, alive.

Their only method of reproduction is by invading a cell and injecting it with its own genetic material; viruses cannot reproduce without a living host.

Because they reproduce quickly and rely on their host cells, viruses can swiftly mutate and change

Some people can be carriers, able to spread the virus without ever knowing that they’re sick or showing any symptoms

It’s little wonder then that viruses in fiction can cause all kinds of things -- zombies, werewolves, insanity, infertility, even turning your body to stone. In modern horror fiction, viruses often fulfill the role previously occupied by magical curses.

Horror Recommendations for Disease Fiction

With a global pandemic currently active, the CDC is recommending that people self-isolate whenever possible -- working from home, avoiding large crowds, and abstaining from touching people. So do your part to protect yourself and the vulnerable people around you by staying home and watching movies or reading a book instead. Here are some thematic lists.

“Realistic” Contagion Stories

If you’d like to watch a tense medical thriller rooted at least partly in realism, try one of these:

Outbreak - A california town is quarantined to stop the spread of an Ebola-like virus.

Contagion - A woman brings home a deadly virus that triggers a quarantine, complete with social upheaval and looting.

Pontypool - A radio disc jockey reports on a dire, apocalyptic pandemic while in isolation in Ontario

Containment - A TV series about a city that falls under a quarantine to prevent the spread of an Ebola-like disease; it's partly medical drama, partly commentary on social conflict

Apocalyptic Stories

Curious about what happens after the fall of mankind? So are a lot of authors and filmmakers.

The Last Man - Did you know Mary Shelley wrote an apocalypstic novel about a world-ending epidemic as a way to process grief about her husband's death?

The Stand - Perhaps Stephen King's greatest epic, the book details the fall of civilization as we know it and its brutal, power-struggle-fueled rebuilding in the wake of a devastating flu.

Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood conceived of a trilogy of near-future dystopia focused on genetic engineering, a plague, and the horrors of technology. Start with this one and read all three if it grips you.

I Am Legend - Richard Matheson's short novel is often adapted, but you can't beat the original. A plague novel, a zombie novel and a vampire novel all rolled into one.

It Comes At Night - A story of isolation following a deadly outbreak, and also a question of sanity and the choices people make in difficult positions. (full disclosure: I didn’t like this movie much, but it’s very well-reviewed so you might like it more)

Weird Chaos Viruses

I’ve talked about zombies before at great length, so I won’t recommend anymore traditional zombie tales -- just go read my other list for those recommendations! But sometimes apocalypses come by not-quite-zombies, so let’s talk about those:

Bird Box - The novel by Josh Malerman or the film starring Sandra Bullock, take your pick. Both are about a woman trying to survive in a world torn asunder by a an eldritch evil that drives you to madness if you see it.

The Happening - One of M. Night Shyamalan's more ridiculous films, but one I can't help but guiltily enjoy. An unexplained event drives people to commit suicide (in increasingly ridiculous ways), creating a world-threatening pandemic.

The Crazies - The original 1973 film and the 2010 remake both deal with an outbreak of a bizarre illness that causes people to go, uh, crazy. In a murder way.

Cabin Fever - Eli Roth’s directorial debut, this is a classic gross-out film franchise about a flesh-eating virus that chews its way through a bunch of young campers.

Dreamcatcher - Basically exactly the plot of Cabin Fever, except with aliens and some It cross-over cosmic horror. A decent Stephen King novel and a fun, if cringey, film, take your pick.

Mimic - A sci-fi approach involving cockroaches, genetic engineering, and bad ideas. Did you know this was co-written and directed by Guillermo del Toro and was the first Norman Reedus movie?

Cold Storage - A wonderfully gross debut novel by David Koepp featuring mind-controlling fungus.

The Troop - Nick Cutter’s gross-out novel is billed as “28 Days Later meets Lord of the Flies” which is basically everything you need to know. Monstrous tapeworms + boyscouts = bad times for all.

The Thing - A research team encounters a terrible alien parasite in an isolated frozen wasteland.

Historical Horror

The Black Death is one of the oldest, best-known, most-historically-significant illnesses in the Western world, so lots of people have told stories about it -- but it’s not the only epidemic in town. If you prefer your disease horror with a side of history, try one of these:

Black Death - Not a great movie, but it has Sean Bean and Eddie Redmayne and some exceptional gore, so it gets a vote just for that. It’s not about the plague so much as it’s about witchcraft, but it fits.

The Masque of the Red Death - One of Edgar Allan Poe’s finest stories, in my opinion. You can read this online in multiple places if you don’t have a Poe collection handy, and there’s a lot of audio and short films for it too so take your pick.

Love in the Time of Cholera - Like it says on the tin, this is a book about life and love and a cholera epidemic. Gabriel Garcia Marquez is a masterful writer, so this is well worth picking up for the quality of prose and storytelling alone.

The Plague - Part social commentary, part plague story, this Albert Camus novel is heavy on philosophy, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Cabin Fever and Isolation

A lot of the stories already mentioned touch on themes of isolation, quarantine, and cabin fever, but if you’re staring down the long barrel of social distancing and want more stories about going crazy in enclosed spaces, consider adding:

The Shining - The Stephen King novel and the Stanley Kubrick film are both excellent in their own ways, and I recommend both. A family makes the unwise decision to stay alone in a haunted hotel through a long snowed-in winter. It ends badly.

Devil - However bad your life is, it’s probably not as bad as being trapped in an elevator with the literal devil, which is the premise of this film.

The Cabin at the End of the World -- You didn’t think I’d write about apocalypse scenarios without finding a chance to plug my favorite Paul Tremblay novel, did you? Part home invasion, part psychological horror, part cosmic apocalypse, 100% terrifying.

Now, go forth and enjoy many a movie night, or curl up and treat yourself. Social distancing never felt so deliciously spooky ;)

#horror #horror movies #horror books #reading recs #film recs #coronavirus #pandemic #quarantine

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nbbkatherine · 4 years

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Daisies & Death

Midsommar, 2019 Ari Aster film. Hannibal tv show; Perfume by Patrick Süskind; Hozier and Wasteland, Baby! by Hozier.

Midsommar is a horror movie, and I like it so much I’ve watched it multiple times. If you know me, you know that’s a big deal.

Midsommar is centered on Dani, played by the incredible Florence Pugh. It’s the story of how she, her boyfriend Christian, and his fellow PhD students, Mark and Josh, visit a commune in rural Sweden for a midsummer festival, at the invitation of their other friend Pelle, who grew up there. I love the different scales of conflict in this move—Dani dealing with her grief for her recently decreased parents and sister, Dani versus her (pretty shitty) boyfriend, the outsider visitors against the denizens of the Hårga—it’s like stories within stories.

Also, the visuals of this film are gorgeously unsettling. It’s all clear blue skies and green fields, hallucinogenic mushrooms and wildflowers. This is not your typical thriller where everything is so dark and shadowed that you have to squint at the screen to see anything, it’s just the opposite. I love this movie for how it plays with the juxtaposition between horror and aesthetic brightness, so if that sounds interesting to you, definitely check it out.

I probably never would have watched Hannibal by myself, but it’s a favorite of one of my best friends so he convinced me to give it a shot and we watched it together. I actually ended up loving it. It’s an extremely gory and dark tv show about a cannibal who’s also a psychiatrist who meets an FBI profiler with an empathy disorder, but it’s so excellently done. If you liked the mix of beauty and brutality of Midsommar, try this, which dials that up to the max—in one episode, a pair of victims are posed among flowers to look like Botticelli’s painting Primavera.

Perfume by Patrick Süskind is the story of a very strange man in the 1700s who possesses an unnaturally good sense of smell. A historical novel with elements of fantasy, there’s lots murder, detailed explanations of the art of perfumery, and rich descriptions of the things that the main character, Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, smells as he lives and works (and kills) in Paris and Grasse, France. It’s originally written in German, but I can say at least the English translation is excellent.

Let’s finish with something a bit softer. I adore the music of Hozier, and have listened to both his albums—his first, self titled, and his 2019 Wasteland, Baby!—many, many times. Several of his songs fit this post’s theme, including one of my favorites, “In A Week,” which is about two lovers’ bodies decaying side by side. See also “Work Song” (“when my time comes around/lay me gently in the cold dark earth/no grave can hold my body down/I’ll crawl home to her”) and “Shrike.”

#movies #tv #books #music

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kennedy-shaw · 6 years

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Character Question Task

5. How does your muse feel about the state of the world? Could it be better? Could it be worse?

“The world is shit” she nodded, matter-of-factly. “I mean obviously it could be worse, it could always be worse, but it’s terrible now already. There are very few things in the world today that arent awful, in my experience” she shrugged. “But I dont think anyone cares enough to change it, honestly”

11. How often does your muse think about death? Do they think about it at all?

“I think I spend a normal amount of time worrying about death” she said, thinking for a second. “My parents are dead, so whenever I think of them I think about death too. Or when I’m worrying about making rent for my apartment, I always think about how I could end up back on the streets and how I’d probably die there if I did” she stated. “It’s not that big of a deal to me though, I learned not to stress about it”

14. How would your muse react to losing a best friend? How would they cope?

“I’ve lost a lot of best friends in my life- not just as in them dying, but with them leaving me permanently” she nodded. “When I was in foster care, I became very close with some of the people who were living in the same house as me, and they would always inevitably be moved to a different home or taken out of the system eventually so....I’m used to losing people. It still sucks though, I’d just have to get over it if I lost someone again”

22. What would your muse change about their lives if they could and why? What do they wish their lives were like now?

“What would i change about my life?” She paused, thinking. “I would’ve made it so that my parents never died. So I could live a normal, happy life” she shrugged. “If I could’ve changed that then I think by now I would’ve been enrolled in college, maybe studying something science related. I never would’ve been homeless, I wouldn’t be stealing to make ends meet” she shrugged, “Life would’ve been pretty good if they hadn’t died”

24. What is your muses sexuality? How did they come to realize this and how do they feel about it? Are they open about it? Has it been difficult for them?

“Oh I’m gay as hell” she smirked. “I knew I was gay because I was really obsessed with Shego from Kim Possible when I would watch cartoons when I was little, she was super hot” she laughed, “I love being gay, the only trouble I’ve had with it were some conservative foster homes that thought I was the devil or something, but I never really cared that much about what these people thought of me. I dont have some big struggle story for my gay awakening or anything, it’s pretty normal for me”

26. What genres of entertainment/music does your muse prefer and why? Are there genres they avoid or strongly dislike? If so, why?

“For movies and tv shows I really like watching horror or thriller themed stuff. They’re never actually scary, which is really disappointing, but I still like them. I can’t stand romance movies though, they’re just annoying and cliche, I’ve never liked them” she shrugged, “And for music I listen to a lot of alternative stuff and some classic singers, like Sinatra. If I’m not listening to a classic artist then I’m definitely blasting either alternative or pop punk music, definitely. I actively avoid country music, I just can’t listen to it, I don’t like it at all”

29. What is your muse’s very worst memory and why?

“My worst memory has to be the first night after I ran away from my final foster home. I didn’t being much with me and I didn’t have a lot of money, so it was just me and my dufflebag in a 24 hour laundromat for a while” she frowned, “At one point I got kicked out and I ended up laying on the ground outside of that laundromat. I was freezing and I was alone. I kept thinking maybe I made the wrong choice by leaving, but I wasn’t going to turn back. And I kept looking around for cops to see if they were looking for me, I didn’t get any sleep that night”

32. What would be three songs to the soundtrack of your muses life?

Girls Like Girls -Hayley Kiyoko

Rivers and Roads -The Head and the Heart

I Want To Feel Alive -The Lighthouse and The Whaler

34. How does your muse react to confrontation? Would they give anything for a quiet life or do they enjoy winning an argument or a fight?

“I love a good fight” she smiled, “I don’t generally try to start fights, I try to avoid them usually, but if I’m in a bad mood I’m definitely confrontational” she nodded, “I’ll fight anyone when I’m in a bad mood, which is pretty often actually”

35. What was your muse like in high school? What clique did they best fit in with, if any?

“I was definitely an outcast when I went to high school. I went to a few different schools because I’d switched foster homes, so I never really bothered trying to make friends. I knew the situation was only temporary so I didn’t do much to draw attention to myself” she shrugged, “High school sucked, I’m glad I ran away before I could graduate”

#nycrptask

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musicoccurred · 3 years

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Mixtapes

The mixtape, a word that is dependent on who's using it and when. I'm middle-aged and came up in the 80s and 90s so it means something different to me than a kid today or a band camp rapper. Having said that, let's take a look at the different usages of mixtape and see if we can crown a winner of the top type of mixtape.

For those of us with achy knees and patches of gray in our hair, a mixtape was, first and foremost, actually on a tape. Now there were themes involved just as there are now with some of the others I'll mention in a bit. For instance, every Sunday there was Rick Dees Weekly Top 40 radio show. I would often drop a blank cassette in my boom box and hit record. I would then go watch TV in the living room and keep an ear out for the telltale 'click' of the tape running out. I'd run back to my room, flip the tape, and hit record again. You have to understand, before the internet, geez that never not sounds old, the radio ruled. Even with albums, cassettes, and later CDs you still listened to the radio all the time. That's why I love XM so much, there's something about having someone curate music for you. And even today with every song available at the tap of a finger there's something awesome when your jam comes on the radio. It just hits different. I digress. So now at the end of the countdown you have the top 40 songs of the week, or however many you had enough tapes for... You can now make a mixtape of your favorite tracks. Radio also had "Request and Dedication" shows where you could call in and request a song and give a little dedication to your amore. You could record that and toss it at the beginning of the mixtape and good things happen. Another type would be artist specific. Say you were a Michael Jackson fan, you could take Off the Wall, Thriller and Bad and make a tape of your favorite songs from each. Another would be genre, when I was first getting into blues and jazz, I'd borrow tapes from my Mom and friends to make mix tapes. And last but not least, the mixtape for your love interest. These were the ultimate, you'd diligently record songs from the radio and mix in a song or two from either an artist she didn't know or an obscure song from a known artist to show you were a deep brother. You weren't done yet! You'd then work hard on the label and of course the note to go along with those 10 songs that perfectly sum up your feelings for that person. On a side note, I'd like to take this opportunity to say if you were the object of my unrequited affection and received one of these, I apologize. Unless you liked it, then, hey girl.

Next up we have the burned CD mixtape. It is the evolutionary cousin to the cassette mixtape. While it took a while for CD burners to become ubiquitous, they eventually showed up, primarily in PCs. What was lost in recording from the radio was picked up by being able to download from Napster and pass along. Additionally, you could write or draw on the CD itself and the labels, if you went that route, were larger for track listing and any other info you wanted to toss in there.

Now we're moving on to the streaming portion of the discussion:

Note: I'm using playlist and mixtape interchangeably here.

One step removed from the burned CD and what seems lightyears beyond the cassette technologically is the custom, personally curated playlist. This can be a playlist you do for yourself; I have several in Spotify. I will sometimes dump an entire artist's collection in there to shuffle, or perhaps include only the tracks I like best. I also have one for jazz and one for funk called 'greasy.' But in the spirit of this piece, I'm thinking of a playlist that you create for someone else and share the link with them. I actually like this, not only can you send them a custom mix of songs that can express how you feel about them, but you can update the playlist anytime. It can be romantic or simply sharing new tunes with a homie.

Next, we have the algorithmically created playlist. When you sign in Spotify (I'm assuming other services offer similar features) and you get the daily list or the multiple "just for you" selections, this is what I'm referring to. Spotify uses the data from your listening habits to create playlists with songs from artists they think you'll like. It's pretty accurate with a few swings and misses. I have to say I'm a fan of including these playlists as well as listing other artists similar to the one you're listening to. I've discovered so many new bands this way. Alternatively, there are playlists that are created based on other factors. I work out with playlists on Spotify and XM such as Hip hop workout or Lithium Workout. These are likely created based on a beats per minute count. Some don't really fit the workout but have a faster beat. Overall, I like this style of mixtape/playlist.

Finally, we have the artist mixtape. This is generally hip hop but isn't necessarily limited to any specific genre. I relate it to an EP being released prior to an LP back in the day. Some of these have very rapid turnarounds, like a day or two so sometimes the quality of the mix isn't that great but topically it's right on time.

So how do these rank in terms of which mixtape format is best? Let's find out!

5. Artist Mixtape - This may be one of those "not for you" cases but I'm not a fan of most of these I've heard. Some are pretty good, but most feel rushed or worse, don't have a cohesive feel to the tracks. The ability for artists to drop tracks near instantly is pretty amazing and I do like the idea of it. We'll see how that continues to develop.

4. Algorithmically created playlist - While I use these pretty much every single day, they lack the human touch - hello, algorithm - which is what makes the mixtape great.

3. Burned CD - I probably surprised you here with this at number 3. I do think it has a lot of strengths and is still a physical object that gives the human touch. But there were some issues. If you're old enough to have gone through the burned CD era, you'll know the pain of burning a CD for it to simply not work. Sometimes the person you gave it to had a CD player that wouldn't play those or you needed a CD -R or +R or RW, it was awful.

2. Personally curated playlist - While fully digital and not that personal this does have the ability to add and remove songs as you go. Plus, when you email the link to the person you can toss in a nice note about how you thought about them when making it.

1. Cassette - I mean come on, it's called a mixTAPE right? Clear winner here. Yeah, I'm old but there was something about it.

Epilogue:

I listen to either streaming music or records. I'm resisting the urge to get back into cassettes even though I have a couple decks and tapes. My cassette collection didn't survive growing up. Honestly, I have no idea where they went. I still have my CDs but before I would play a CD, I would stream it. There's something human about playing a record or a cassette. We are a touching, feeling creature and it means something to flip that tape over or to hold the liner notes on a record. I think that's lost on the younger folks. As everything is digitized and available on a screen it loses some of its meaning. I like buying concert tickets online but man, there's something about lining up at Macy's or JC Penney's or wherever your ticket office was and buying a physical ticket they handed you. When I have the option, even if it's a couple bucks more I still try to get physical tickets. In 20 years, I can look at that stub and remember the show, I can't do that with a barcode on an app.

What's your favorite format or mixtape/playlist?

-js

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gazzhowie · 3 years

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My Top 25 Movies of 2020.

It is indeed time… or at least, as is tradition, it is indeed now overdue for me to dust off the cobwebs from my Tumblr account and post my Top 25 movies of the year. This time for 2020. That funny old year, huh? Where - if some are to be stupidly believed - “no films got released because of the pandemic”.

I thought I was done with this after 12 years and concluding with my Top 25 of the decade effort and yet here I am. Back rather egotistically because 2 people told me how much they look forward to reading this. Go figure! Years 2008 through to present are available in the archive. Frequent visitors know that I’ll throw out a few special mentions to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make them fit yet believe they deserve a shout out regardless and then I get stuck in to what I think are the 25 best films of the year.

As always, films listed are based on their UK release date whether that’s in the cinema or on DVD, VOD etc. Anyway, without further ado, here’s the ‘also-rans’ and ‘near-misses’ separated per genre that very nearly made the final list:

Setting my stall out straight away, Steve McQueen’s Small Axe was very much TV to me and won’t get ranked within my film listing. I loved two of the efforts a great deal (Education and Mangrove), liked two but found them lacking (Red, White & Blue and Alex Wheatle) and did not get what everyone else seems to from the other (Lover’s Rock).

In terms of documentaries this year, I thought Frank Marshall did a fabulous job with The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart; a comprehensive study of the personal complexities and professional excellence of an incredibly underappreciated band. I found On The Record to be a difficult but inspiring watch and its background ‘politics’ exposed the hypocrisy of Ava DuVernay and Oprah Winfrey in a manner we’re not talking loud enough about. Hitsville: The Making of Motown was an extensive, lovely historical tribute to an era and a style of music, full of great tunes and equally great talking head anecdotes. And finally Belushi managed to find fresh angles and previously untold stories about one of the most mythologised comedy stars of all time, simply by pulling the man to the forefront ahead of his talents.

For dramas, I enjoyed Trial of the Chicago 7 a great deal and am an absolute sucker for the work of Aaron Sorkin but bad casting (Eddie Redmayne) and stunt casting (Sacha Baron Cohen) hurt this film. I’m a sucker for a disaster movie and Pål Øie made an incredibly entertaining one with the Norwegian high-melodrama, The Tunnel. Edward Norton’s long-gestating Motherless Brooklyn was a solid, old-fashioned PI yarn with some great casting to back it up. It’s the most alive Bruce Willis has been in years and it served to remind you that Alec Baldwin can be quite the terrific actor when he’s not being an utter joke of a human. I liked The Vast of Night a great deal when in the throes of watching it but liked it less in the aftermath. Cut Throat City was the underrated dramatic gem of the year in a lot of ways and showed that RZA has a great deal of skill as a legit filmmaker, when not being caught up in the ‘gimmicks’. O.G finally landed here via Sky Atlantic of all places, rather than any sort of VOD release, and it was an enthralling drama that served to remind us all how brilliant Jeffrey Wright can be when not overacting to the point of cringe or being stuck with really terrible writing (hello, TV’s Westworld!).

With the blockbuster season at the cinema all but dead from the outset, the joys of the action genre were to be found in the little b-movies tucked away on streaming platforms and VOD. Quick notable exceptions were The Outpost which was a reminder that Rod Lurie can deliver a hell of an action sequence, blighted by truly awful film-damaging casting and Extraction which was a well-directed derivative piece of hokum. Donnie Yen delivered an earnest, entertaining end to one of the surprise action franchises of the last decade with IP Man 4 that not even Scott Adkins could fuck up. Hack director Deon Taylor accidentally delivered Black and Blue; a pretty good ode to the ‘man on the run’ non-stop action thrillers of the 80s and 90s – with Naomi Harris killing it in the lead role. Netflix tucked away two of the greatest b-movie actioners of 2020 with The Decline (a ‘Doomsday Preppers’ training camp goes horribly wrong) and Earth & Blood (a sawmill owner uses his place of work as a battleground to take on the cartel). And, finally, the Ma Dong-seok (aka Don Lee) Taken rip-off Unstoppable arrived to streaming and turned out to be vastly superior to all of the films it was a knock-off of.

It was a great year for horror, especially if you were open to the sort of scares you were after. Sea Fever didn’t stick the landing but delivered an ace sense of foreboding and tension building for the most part. Harpoon was a sneakily nasty, surprisingly engrossing, violent little film. VFW was a lot of fun but nowhere near as good as its concept and cast suggested it was going to be. It’s also been subsequently marred by the stories coming out of its production and the revelations about Fred Williamson. I thought Come To Daddy was an absolute gift of a horror comedy that kept swerving whenever you thought you had a handle on where it was going. And Elijah Wood continues to show himself to be an American national treasure. After Midnight was an intriguing relationship drama with a horror bent and You Should Have Left, the Stir of Echoes reunion we’ve all long sought, would work as an off-kilter double-bill with it. Kevin Bacon is brilliant in it. Vampires Vs The Bronx is a totally disposable but immensely fun ode to The Lost Boys and The Monster Squad that’ll serve you well on a lazy Saturday night. Black Water: Abyss was a really good little creature feature with a ridiculous ending that infuriates. And Train To Busan: Pennisular was a pretty shit Train to Busan sequel but an immensely entertaining post-apocalyptic zombie action movie.

Onwards is worth mentioning for the fun and moving animated ride it initially presents as but, like too much Pixar nowadays, it does not hold up to repeat viewing.

Comedy-wise, I thoroughly enjoyed Bill & Ted Face The Music but thought its gag-rate was far too hit and miss for it to take a place on the top spot. Buffaloed was a kind of “M’eh” blue-collar Wolf of Wall Street with yet another fantastic ‘How the fuck isn’t she a huge star already’ turn from Zoey Deutch. Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made was a quirky out-of-leftfield oddity that me and my eldest son enjoyed a great deal. Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga was not the travesty you would’ve thought it’d be, mainly because of Rachel McAdams, but if Will Ferrell had just leaned a little harder towards his more absurdist style of humour (the killer fairy shit for example?) this could have been so much more. Finally, the second Borat film had some utterly majestic moments of cringe-comedy that make it worthy of a mention but the mechanics of joke-execution and faked set-pieces were far more on show this time around.

And now, if you’re still hanging in there that is, here is my actual Top 25 films of 2020…

25. Skyfire

I don't know whether it's because I’ve been starved of my usual 'Summer Silly Season' this year but I absolutely fucking LOVED this. It's the stupidest, most ridiculous, relentlessly bonkers "Jurassic Park - but with volcanos" fare you could ask for. I have no idea what the fuck Jason Isaac is doing in this but I’m so glad he is because it just adds to the glorious WTF-ery of it all. It's 30 minutes of mechanical lay-up followed by 60 minutes of non-stop, audacious carnage. It's been a long time since me and my wife have had this much fun watching something.

24. Bad Education

Dropped exclusively to Sky Cinema here, this is a great little film that has a shocking true story at its centre. Hugh Jackman and Allison Janney are absolutely terrific. Both of them are the sort of talents who've been in bad movies but never ever given a bad performance regardless.

Here both Jackman and Janney are having a ball with the material and they elevate a very good film into something that demands to be seen.

23. Blood Quantum

This was definitely one of the first-class b-movie horrors of the year for me. It does wonders on screen with very little AND it gives a shot in the arm to the zombie subgenre. It leads you into thinking you're getting yet another zombie-breakout film before expertly wrongfooting you into growing into something else. It's a Native American NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD meets MAD MAX!

22. Bad Boys For Life

This was a first-rate blast, it really was. From the inexplicable reusing of the 'Simpson/Bruckheimer' production card to the reworking of Mark Mancina's original theme, it draws you straight back to that 1990s blockbuster vibe. It's not just very funny and stacked with some pretty decent action sequences but, rather bizarrely, it actually has something interesting to say about ageing and masculinity... because nowadays Joe Carnahan is killing it when it comes to introspective recalibrations on what it means to be a man. If you were to spoil this movie for someone and reveal what the "twist" is it would sound like the stupidest, hokiest shit ever. And yet inexplicably they make it work. And furthermore, Martin Lawrence goes from the tag-along in this franchise to the platinum level MVP here. The entire final third is held up higher by his insanely good line delivery ("Would you fuck a witch without a condom?") and it's most likely how he plays shit as to why that stupid, hokey plot twist works as well as it does.

Over the course of three separate decades each BAD BOYS entry has, in itself, served to be a somewhat accidentally perfect reflection of the very cinematic decade it landed in: The first is possibly one of the last to truly and wholeheartedly successfully land that perfect marriage between the 'MTV era' and the blockbusters; bringing about the boom of the "music video director as filmmaker" that the 1990s became well known for. The second was a pitch perfect reflection of the gratuitous, often empty-headed, completely excessive pop culture period we were birthing in the 2000s. And the third lands now, right in the very time period where masculinity is being put under a spotlight and men are being asked to be more self-reflective about themselves and their conduct.

With that said, the fourth will obviously therefore land sometime in 2029 and deal with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence wandering a pandemic-ravaged Miami wasteland.

21. Wolfwalkers

This is one of the most lovely, visually wondrous, sumptuous animated films you'll experience this year. Or in quite some time, actually. It’s not just a great adventure film but it’s also a really effective ‘message’ movie that manages to teach about tolerance and friendship along with the perils of fear-mongering, without ever being overly preachy.

20. An American Pickle

This was one of the surprises of the year for me; I THOUGHT I was getting a quirky Seth Rogen fish-out-of-water comedy and instead I got that... with a massive dollop of heart, humour and interesting things to say about legacy and 'cancel culture'. I liked it a lot. It's also further evidence of how intriguing a talent Seth Rogen is becoming; jumping between broad commercial fare and original off-kilter stuff like this, producing and developing fascinating projects for film and TV and working to pass the ladder back down to others too.

19. Get Duked

I say this with only a modicum of bias as I know someone who worked a little bit on this film but this was genuinely brilliant - the absolute laugh-out-loud delight we all need right now. At the time I watched this I don’t think I’d smiled in nearly a fortnight but this broke through with me. Its wrap-up is a little too silly for its own good but that aside, this thing is absolutely stuffed with some TRULY great gags! This is one of the best comedies of the year for me.

18. Host

I had been giving this the big ol' swerve because it sounded like unoriginal, overhyped pish frankly and... fuck it, if that hype isn't absolutely deserved: It's a lean, effective, scary incredibly enjoyable ride. Made all the more fascinating by the fact it was made remotely on a shoestring with the director apparently never being in the same room as his cast at any one time due to Covid restrictions.

NB: I could not find a GIF to represent Rob Savage’s Host sufficiently so here’s Jack Black doing a backyard pandemic dance instead...

17. Sweetheart

What a crackin, lean, little horror thriller it is. It gets straight underway from its fade-up and never overcooks itself or leans hard on lazy exposition, silly character actions or bad deus ex machinas. Remember when Jonathan Mostow made BREAKDOWN and it felt like such a shot in the arm for the man-against-the-odds/standard thriller? This is like that - but for survival dramas and creature features! It commits fully to its high concept, helped along by a truly excellent performance by Kiersey Clemons and some really well-delivered set-pieces (that first flare scene is very well done!). If you watched Tom Hanks in CASTAWAY and thought to yourself "This film is great but what it really needs is a monster!" then this is definitely the film for you. And if you believe the rumours, it’s allegedly a sneaky Creature From The Black Lagoon redo for Blumhouse’s expanding ‘Monster Universe’ too.

16. Soul

I really connected with this. I like Inside Out a great deal but I’ve never understood why it's spoken of as a flawless masterpiece when it's overlong, tonally all over the place and has clunky as fuck casting. In the same breath, I don't understand why the reviews for this are so disparate. I thought it was a wonderful way to spend 100+ minutes. It was visually inventive, funny and inspiring. It doesn't quite seed its VERY deep otherworld-building foundations and Graham Norton doesn't really work in his role but overall I thought it was a delight. And, unlike Onwards, it really does lend itself to repeat visits.

15. Tenet

I had real trepidation about seeing this what with the reviews being all over the place but... well... Is it complete, barely comprehensible bunkum of the highest order? Yes. Could the film have benefited from Nolan letting his brother Jonathan have a pass at the script? Hell yes! Is it most definitely not the majestic masterpiece of masterpieces it thinks it is? Yup. Yet in spite of ALL that I had an absolute blast with it, I really did. If you give it a seconds thought it crumbles completely as the utter egotistical piffle it really is. But where it excels is in looking so gorgeous, being so kinetic and massive with its action and casting with actors who sell the shit out of a hokey script that you're so consumed with the spectacle you don't smell the bullshit until its over. Washington Jr has come out of nowhere these last few years to make me a big fan of his work - and Robert Pattinson has went from being an actor I couldn't fucking abide to being someone I now really rate and who I came away from watching this thinking "Yeah, that's your goddamn perfect James Bond right there!"

14. Da 5 Bloods

It works infinitely better as a 'men on a mission' action adventure shot through the off-kilter lens of a Spike Lee "joint" then it does as a searing commentary about race, war, etc. And that's probably why Spike's choice to include real war atrocity photos and documentary footage alongside the narrative doesn't land as successfully as he probably intended it to. But as an overall film, it's a genuinely great watch. Delroy Lindo has always been one of the greatest working actor. Here he perhaps delivers his ultimate masterclass. Regardless of whether awards season moves online or not, you cannot have any SERIOUS dialogue during it that doesn't have his performance heading the conversation. Ignore the dickheads online putting this in the same bubble as TROPIC THUNDER or DIE HARD (??). This is a wink and a nod to TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE and APOCALYPSE NOW, through and through. It's big, bombastic, broad and unafraid to swing out in every direction. It's not flawless but that doesn't mean it's not fuckin ~great~!

13. His House

This very much stands as both one of the most impressive debuts and modern horror movies I’ve seen in quite some time. It's an effective, lean, interesting film that buries under your skin and takes up residency there. Go into it knowing as little as you possibly can and then let it scare the shit out of you and, in its reveals, kick the shit back into you.

12. Tread

I really, REALLY liked this. It's my favourite documentary film of this year - made by that fella who did the bonkers-bad killer dog in the warehouse movie with Adrian Brody, no less! It's an absolutely fascinating true story I knew nothing about, brilliantly intermingling talking heads, archival news footage, dramatic reconstruction and audio recordings. It'll really drop your jaw - it's most definitely one of those 'needs to be seen to be believed' type deals because if you described this to someone as having happened they'd never believe you!

11. Bacarau

No plot description really does this film justice and the less you know going in the better an experience you’ll have. It’s an odd, deeply violent, unsettling, darkly funny, bizarro confection of The Most Dangerous Game meets Assault on Precinct 13 and… well… even that doesn’t really do the film any justice whatsoever. It’s a critique of dire political circumstance mixed with political satire mixed with the tropes of the Western, the siege movie and both horror and comedy. It’s very much its own thing. And that’s what makes it so wonderous.

... and it’s sort of both wondrous AND weird that when searching for Bacarau related GIFs, this was the Brazilian offering I was given! I apologise.

10. Alone

I found this came out of nowhere to be one of my favourite films of the year; a crazily efficient, brutal B-movie without an inch of fat on it that works its propulsive and well-structured screenplay hard to make you feel like you're seeing a new variant on the "stalked woman in peril" film. John Hyams - son of Peter and the man who reconfigured the UNIVERSAL SOLDIER franchise to superb effect - has made one hell of an effective movie that beautifully captures the vastness of the Pacific Northwest: this is one part DUEL, one part FIRST BLOOD, all parts odes to everything from THE GREY, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and the last third of THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. It's very easy to make films like this. But it's clearly hard to make them as great as Hyams has done here, otherwise everyone would be doing it. Maybe coz what those films don't have is lead performances as strong and brilliant as Jules Willcox and Marc Menchaca give here.

9. American Murder: The Family Next Door

This is an incredibly powerful true crime documentary on a horrific tragedy, in which Jenny Popplewell tightly and clinically weaves through police interviews, news coverage and Shanann Watts' phone, laptop and social media to weave a moving and ultimately devastating portrait of her and her children's death at the hands of one of the worst forms of evil I’ve ever been exposed to. This still haunts me to this day.

8. Greyhound

I was really impressed with this. A crisp, lean, tension-drenched watch with yet another rock solid Tom Hanks performance centring it. It strips back all the tropes of these war pictures - the character backstories about post-war hopes and dreams, the cutaways to the families back home, the subplots involving the villains - and keeps a propulsive commitment to just this situation, this boat and the people on it; who only talk to one another about the job they're doing. As a result, it's completely involving and committed with action set-pieces that are clean, tense and entertaining as hell. Genuinely had a great time watching this and highly recommend it.

7. #Alive

Whilst the TRAIN TO BUSAN sequel earned rightfully shakey reviews, think of this as an unofficial prequel / 'side-sequel'. It is a tight, disciplined thrill-ride that throws up some interesting spins on old zombie set-pieces (climbing zombie vs. toy drone, for example). It may well deflate as it heads to its denouement but all before it was strong and entertaining enough for it to stand as one of his favourite horrors from this year.

6. The Invisible Man

This started good... then got very good... then got quite frankly flat-out tremendous and then entered a final third flipping anyone the 'bird' who thought that the trailers gave too much away. There is some truly tremendous, inventive and not at all 'cheap' jump scares. In fact, the whole second act is nothing else BUT terrifically effective scare after scare. All bolstered by a REALLY committed lead performance by Elizabeth Moss. Between this and UPGRADE, Leigh Whannell has not only become seriously one to watch but he's possibly just outed himself as John Carpenter's one-true heir.

5. Lynn + Lucy

I was left completely broken by this - what a truly fantastic piece of British cinema; a dark, uncompromising morality play for the modern age with a truly jaw-dropping performance by Nicola Burley. And, Jesus Christ, what an unbelievable find Roxanne Scrimshaw is?? THIS is her acting debut? Holy SHITBALLS! It's harrowing stuff that'll really make you think.

4. Parasite

This really is absolutely ~everything~ people are claiming it to be and more too! It's an exquisite piece of work, in love with the art of spinning out a story, narrative layers, sociological parables and effortlessly terrific direction. It builds and builds in an utterly enthralling manner and then... the pressure valve pops, taking you down a whole other audacious avenue that'll have you giggling at the insanity but still completely hooked.

3. Uncut Gems

It’s alright been memed and GIF’d to death but that doesn’t change the fact that it really is an astounding film - it's completely exhausting and quite honestly one of the most anxiety-inducing films I’ve seen in a long, long time. Even on multiple go-arounds, I found myself screaming at the screen, begging Adam Sandler's character to just fucking STOP for five seconds and... and... it's inescapable as to the direction down in which it heads but it goes there at such a propulsive rate, it is actually scary. An absolutely astounding film - it's like a John Cassavetes film shot with the adrenaline drawn from a Michael Bay action movie... and believe every bit of the buzz: Adam Sandler is jaw-droppingly fucking excellent in this!

2. Wolf of Snow Hollow

I thought this was a complete delight. Once again Jim Cummings has taken a film 'type' you THINK you know and infused it with his own very specific sense of humour to give us something that's very much delightfully off-kilter. What's more, as a sophomore directing effort, Cummings deserves all the plaudits for the massive advancement: There's action scenes and scary set-pieces that are really first rate and are way more accomplished than what you'd expect from someone only on their second movie and have never worked in the horror genre before. Cummings is REALLY funny in the lead role too but it's Robert Forster's final performance that'll break your heart. He was a hard miss anyway but this very much drives home what a great guy we've lost.

1. The Way Back

Gavin O'Connor has hit the trifecta with this, Miracle and Warrior on making a masterful sports drama and using it as a platform to 'say something' and draw a career best from a talented but under-appreciated actor (first Kurt Russell, then Nick Nolte and now Ben Affleck).

Affleck is astounding here. Fallible, real and pained. He's truly brilliant. There’s a realism to every movement he makes and every breath he exhales that only someone who has struggled with addiction will recognise. And around him is a deconstruction of the sporting underdog movie as we know it - it's only by the end that we truly realise that this has always been about the connections made through the game rather than the game itself.

Like with Warrior, you can go back and watch this umpteen times and find different strokes in the human and unspoken moments. If ever there was a secretly feel-good film for 2020 it is this – the movie that tells us that it doesn’t matter how hard or how far we fall, we are defined only by the moments in which we rise again.

And that’s that. See you all next year. Maybe ;)

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deadcactuswalking · 3 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 07/11/2020 (Ariana Grande, Bring Me the Horizon)

You know, it’s odd how that despite two pretty massive albums dropping, both having an impact on the chart, we actually have less debuts than the scattered mess of singles from last week, thanks to silly UK Singles Chart rules. Regardless, this week’s #1 is still “positions” by Ariana Grande and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

The biggest drop off the chart this week is undoubtedly the #1 hit “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi, exiting the UK Top 75 after a run lasting 50 weeks. Nothing really compares to the weight of that drop-out but I guess we do have “GREECE” by DJ Khaled featuring Drake, “Heather” by Conan Grey. “Bando Diaries” by Dutchavelli, “Heart of Glass” by Miley Cyrus, “forget me too” by Machine Gun Kelly featuring Halsey and “Hold” by Chunkz and Young Filly, only lasting a measly two weeks but still peaking high. There is actually a theme to our returning entries as all of these are spooky scary Halloween-themed tracks. The classic “Thriller” by the ever-controversial King of Pop Michael Jackson is back at #57, “Ghostbusters” by Ray Parker, Jr. Is back at #54 – this is my personal favourite of the bunch, mostly thanks to Neil Cicierega – and even “Monster Mash” by Bobby Boris Pickett is back at #50. Oh, and “5AM” by M Huncho and Nafe Smallz is back at #66 but that’s just scarily bad. The biggest fall this week was for “Cool with Me” by Dutchavelli and M1llionz down to #64 whilst the biggest gain was unfortunately for “Whoopty” by CJ at #48. Honestly, what’s the appeal here? Sigh, at least we have some really interesting hijinks this week, pretty fitting for a week that saw the messiest US election in history, and I won’t write this in order so you won’t see what I’m leading up to until a while after you read this part but there is some incredible stuff here. You know what’s not incredible?

NEW ARRIVALS

#74 – “Too Many Nights” – 220 KID and JC Stewart

Produced by 220 KID, Joe Janiak and Mark Ralph

I started off this episode by writing about the Bring Me the Horizon songs first. Not only is the album good and I had recently listened to it, but I had a lot more to say about the tracks, obviously since it’s not something you see on the charts every day and there’s a lot more to discuss in these tracks. Hence, after writing nearly 2,000 words on the metalcore boys alone, I have a question: do I really need to cover this emotionless tropical house-pop crap manufactured by labels and DJs who rarely find any interesting instrumentation, songwriting ideas or even samples to cover up their complete lack of innovation and at times even talent, for a quick buck and stupid amounts of unwarranted chart success? I don’t want to say I’m angry and I don’t want to seem pretentious but music is art. Art is, as a result of the society that produces it, a product, but even #1 hits and major-label records are still pieces of art. They can be analysed, appreciated and listened to with a lot of thought and detail. I cannot see that in “Too Many Nights” by 220 KID and JC Stewart. To me, this is purely a product. I’m taking this way too seriously but this really exemplifies what people hate about pop music in three minutes and eight seconds of cheap plastic dance music. Next.

#67 – “Ginger” – Wizkid featuring Burna Boy

Produced by P2J

Wizkid and Burna Boy are both highly acclaimed Nigerian singers and given everything that’s happening here recently, it’s no surprise Wizkid released an album that I would think touches on these issues, Made in Lagos, which is a name I can infer means he will explore Nigerian identity and what it means to be from Lagos and make it big in music. Wizkid is one of the big stars and pioneers of modern African pop music and whilst I should be interested in the album, I haven’t had the time to give it a spin yet so I’ll take this first impression from the track with Burna Boy. This is a pretty sweet tropical tune with an infectious hook referencing the traditional West African dish of jollof rice, and whilst the language barrier does prevent me from fully understanding the song, I can gather that this is a mix of a hook-up jam and typical rap stuff, with him flexing how he lives nice and if people want smoke, he’s got smoke, and a lot about this woman gyrating on him. Seriously, that’s the whole first verse, which only arrives after a really awkward pause. The second verse is kind of awkward here and Wizkid’s voice and flow have never done much for me, especially here where both he and Burna Boy sound checked-out. Burna Boy’s contributions are pretty much relegated to half of the chorus and an outro that quickly fades away and soon enough, this really slow, kind of uninteresting song has already finished. I’m not personally a fan of this but I am still interested in that album – I like the song with Skepta even if it does sound very much like “Ginger”, just with a stronger guest. Now onto the big story, or at least my big story, on the chart.

#55 – “1x1” – Bring Me the Horizon featuring Nova Twins

Produced by Jordan Smith and Oliver Sykes

I never read Kerrang! magazine, mostly because I’m not a loser [citation needed]. I understand that they originated in the 1980s as a metal-focused magazine but I wasn’t there for that. I was there for the Kerrang! TV era of pop-punk whining, scene-core screaming, nu-metal grunting, emo crooning and the Bloodhound Gang for some reason. Listening to this new Bring Me the Horizon album, titled Post Human: Survival Horror, took me back to that place. That feeling of classic Metallica followed by less classic Foo Fighters followed by the absolutely not classic Medina Lake (some of their stuff still slaps, however derivative) – oh, yeah, and like 10 minutes of adverts after six minutes of music. That feeling of All Time Low and You Me at Six playing back to back and being completely incapable of telling the difference between the two. “If we ain’t got that then we ain’t got much and we ain’t got nothing.” They were simpler times. I may be mashing up eras here but it still stands. Hell, the BABYMETAL tracks even took me back to the “Flashing Lights” disclaimers of all things. Rest in peace to Scuzz by the way, and, yes, I said BABYMETAL, we’ll get to that in a bit. So, yeah, I really liked that throwback to turn-of-the-millennium mallcore, but it does keep itself fresh and interesting enough throughout, especially with Sykes’ unique delivery and topical albeit ham-fisted edgy lyrics. You can say a lot about Bring Me the Horizon but at this point at least they definitely have pretty defining characteristics and a lot of likeability even if they do like to stick to a formula at times that makes it pretty obvious where their influences lie. That said, I do think the album becomes a slog by track seven, and it’s a lot duller than it probably should be for the final stretch. Unfortunately, this is track seven. I’m not familiar with the Nova Twins but they’re a punk-rap duo from London and honestly I am interested in checking out that debut album but I’m not really impressed by them or the metalcore boys – which is somehow a better band name than “Bring Me the Horizon” – on this track. Again, there is a formula to the metalcore boys’ banger tracks, and here it feels particularly stale and awkward, thanks to the loudness war that’s present in the album as a whole (Linkin Park’s influence shows up everywhere, even in the production) and the awkward trap elements shoved into the percussion of the first and second verses. I think Amy Love of Nova Twins obviously flows better on it than Oli Sykes who should have handed everything that’s not the chorus – one of the most cookie-cutter on the record – to the Twins, because he sounds pretty off here. There’s a lot less “epic edgy” lyrical content (I’m not sure if that’s a compliment) but that leads to kind of vague and disjointed ideas that don’t all line up to the core theme of the song, which is human guilt for the sins of man or some crap like that. Boys, when you interpolate four of your own songs AND Linkin Park, you’ve got to realise you’re re-treading some ground here. Not even the typical Bring Me the Horizon drop into the metal breakdown from an electronic bridge really feels like it’s worth it or climactic here, which is a shame but who needs the Nova Twins when the metalcore boys have a collaboration with another unique all-female rock duo...?

#51 – “Kingslayer” – Bring Me the Horizon featuring BABYMETAL

Produced by Jordan Fish and Oliver Sykes

When I saw BABYMETAL on this tracklist, I was amused and kind of laughed it off. These guys do have some pretty bizarre collaborations – they have songs with Halsey and Grimes – but BABYMETAL? I remember them when they were half-awesome Japanese pop-metal band and half-complete and utter meme in the early 2010s, and I knew that they had continued being so, mostly because the last time I heard from them they were playable in Super Mario Maker. Seriously, look it up. Now when I saw BABYMETAL on the charts, nearing the top 50 no less, I was ecstatic and honestly shocked. Needless to say this is their first appearance on the chart and whilst metal bands in the 2000s like Slipknot and System of a Down had genuine hits, outside of, fittingly, Bring Me the Horizon, it’s unheard of, especially for a Japanese girl group who happen to have freaking shredders playing on stage behind them. I haven’t listened to a BABYMETAL album but I feel like I don’t need to because of how much they’ve made an impression through singles, videos and live performances. Judas Priest’s Rob Halford called BABYMETAL “the future of metal” and whilst I’m not into the metal scene, I’m half-inclined to both agree and add Bring Me the Horizon to that conversation. I’m just amazed there is a cyber-kawaii metal song on the charts. I’m honestly astonished. Oh, and it helps that the song is incredible. On the album there’s a short interlude that functions as an introduction but honestly the short, aggressive synth riff followed by an immediate crash into the metal groove and Sykes yelling his lungs out works better on its own to just shove you face-first into some insane music. I love how that opening yell is chopped up and digitally re-arranged in the background of the chaotic instrumentation. The cutesy and bleep-bloopy synths that are not new to Bring Me the Horizon’s repertoire are used to their full potential here and yes, it is complete sensory overload, but it’s also kawaii-cyber metal. I mean, what did you expect? It also thematically makes sense. The song is about Call of Duty but it’s also an ode to the people willing to stand up for what they believe in even if it’s illegal and even if it doesn’t abide by rules and regulations. The album is full of these songs that fully support a revolutionary attitude and a clear frustration with keeping up with the old guard for all these years. You can hear how fed up and sick and tired of the political hellscape Sykes is in his shifts between pitch-shifted whining not dissimilar to Blink-182 and gravelly yelling straight out of extreme metal, except unlike most extreme metal I’ve heard, this is actually mixed properly. This track and especially the opener, “Dear Diary”, have so much anarchic energy and that is what I love about the hardcore punk edge to a lot of the album, not necessarily as much sonically as that in content and lyrical themes, where Sykes presents his inner mental struggles and contextualises them on the world stage, making an album that tackles the pandemic, racism and corruption vaguely and with poetic wit without being shallow or impersonal. Most songs that relate to the social distancing will not use the depressive emotional bloodletting of “Teardrops”, the subtly ominous yet still anthemic choruses about lockdown in “Obey” (seriously, these guys can make even YUNGBLUD sound listenable) and even the slow, sour conflict with both Mother Nature and general isolation on the closing ballad that has a name way too long for me to recite, as much as I enjoy upping the word count on every episode. Sykes’ verse in “Kingslayer” discusses opposing points of political opposition and protest, on one hand wanting to express how sick people are of going through the capitalist machine only to be spat back out again but also asking him the condescending question of if he really wants to poke the governmental bear. On the pre-chorus, he voices those frustrations in profanity-laden motivation that is asking not just himself but the general public to wake up, not that they’re unaware of how unfair the system is but instead acting as a call to action. Su-Metal of BABYMETAL takes this ode in a different angle, seeing revolutionaries as idolised figures, so much so that the chorus works as a confession of love or just awe in how the “kingslayer” is destroying castles in the sky and will save “us” from the darkness and from the struggles that the corrupt elite forces onto the populace. In the verse Su-Metal juxtaposes the imagery in the hook of some kind of medieval warrior (“angel of the blade”) with the near-incomprehensible verse, which is half-sung in Japanese with a cry for help responded to in commanding English, which I see as a reaction from the authority that undermines these problems. They call the revolutionary “artificial” and “modified” in a condescending, mocking tone, as well as using so much digital jargon that the verse becomes practically meaningless, especially backed by the heavy, loud music that drowns some of the messaging about and very much intentionally. It also seems pretty intentional that this song sounds like a take on an anime opening, as all of this cyber-punk imagery and anti-authority lyrical content feels a lot sharper when coated in references and criticism of mass-media. Oh, and it also helps that the song rocks, Su-Metal’s melodies are beautifully placed against a frenetic, monotone bass note in her verse, and that final chorus is absolutely perfect. That rapid-fire addition to the chorus took me by surprise on first listen and just completes the song for me. The song ends with one last wake-up call from Sykes about the rabbit hole before his yell is manipulated, screwed and played with by the production, rendering his scream inhuman... and followed by the playful, childlike inflections of BABYMETAL. If we don’t at least try to change in this time, the generations after us will suffer from our mistakes and missed opportunities. Man, this song is a rollercoaster that starts with drum and bass rhythms and ends with Oli Sykes growling gratuitous profanities that get close to feeling like he’s insulting the listener – it’s really brutal – and I’m here for it all the way. There have been songs on REVIEWING THE CHARTS that I like and that I love and whilst I know this won’t stick around (it is still cyber-kawaii metal), this is undoubtedly the best song I think I’ve ever covered on this show and might as well just be one of the best songs I’ve heard this year and maybe ever. I adore this track, please, PLEASE check it out.

#46 – “Flooded” – M Huncho and Nafe Smallz

Produced by Sean Murdz

Okay, seriously for a second: who cares? There’s nothing interesting here. A synth-based soundscape with some cheap flute loops drowned out by trap percussion that doesn’t even drop in, it just awkwardly fades in – yes, even the 808s – and Auto-Tuned mumbling from a nasal-voiced child with an unbearable falsetto. What is the appeal? None of them sound interested, there are no bars of any interest or even a funny line, not even unintentionally. D-Block Europe make me laugh but this tragically awful duo make me bored to death. M Huncho has a cool mask he wears and I wish his gimmick was more than just that and you know, actually translated to the music, but he doesn’t sound intimidating or like a villain. He just sounds like some dude who decided to rap barely on the beat of badly-mixed type beat with bass mastering that should be pitied. He did have a fluke song that kind of slapped called “Pee Pee”, which just comes to show that the more ridiculous and stupid he gets, the more vaguely entertaining he is. So why is he this dull and lame?! The flow is either talking over a beat that refuses to stay still but never truly reaches any kind of climax or even build-up, or just trap-rap word association. “I flooded the chain, it’s like a lake, we runnin’ the game, you pressin’ the brakes.” There’s nothing here, absolutely nothing, and these two hacks cannot sell it. I’m just looking for some effort and even if something is effortless, at least have the charisma to make it sound like you give a damn because this is pretty inexcusable.

#35 – “Paradise” – MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy

Produced by MEDUZA

I’m tired and I feel like I’m almost at breaking point with these songs. What would usually be generic and uninteresting is sounding offensively bad to me right now and I’m not sure why. That doesn’t really matter all too much to me though as this show has never been an in-depth critical assessment... okay, well sometimes it becomes as such but these are usually just my first impressions of tracks that happen to debut that week on the UK Singles Chart and this can range from volatile frustration to immediate adoration to not giving a rat’s ass about a single one of the songs that debut, depending on how I feel that day. That said, this song is fine. I actually really like Kennedy’s delivery, even if his rougher edges are smoothened and cleaned up by the vocal production here, which is pretty reverb-drenched but does allow for Kennedy to actually release rather than editing the vocals to sound really tight and closed-in... except for that really weak, pathetic drop but I do like the lyrical content, fittingly about distanced relationships as England enters a second lockdown. There’s little to say here but it’s worth a listen.

#32 – “Four Notes – Paul’s Tune” – Paul Harvey, Daniel Whibley and BBC Philharmonic

Produced by ???

No production credits for this one for whatever reason. Anyway, I am tired to the point of just complete speechless confusion at why this charted, and especially so high, rather than having any intrigue in why, but I looked it up anyway. Paul Harvey is a man from Sussex with dementia who is able to improvise beautiful piano melodies with only four notes as a reference point, hence the name. This was recorded by his son Nick and posted onto Twitter, where it soon became viral. This composition was then arranged by Daniel Whibley and recorded by the BBC’s Philharmonic Orchestra to be released as a charity single with proceeds being split between the Alzheimer’s Society and Music for Dementia. This isn’t a song I can critique. The arrangement is really pretty and it was in the original video, with the BBC Philharmonic Orchestra only serving to make it sound grander and fitting for a single release. Dementia, Alzheimer’s and any kind of brain disorder are all really tragic and really depressing things to happen to anybody, especially to the people it tends to affect: the elderly. It’s sweet that this is a single and I like that it charted high so those organisations that can assist science in treating these disorders and give help to those with family members diagnosed with and suffering from brain disorders have more funding. The song sounds good, it’s mixed well and honestly it’s pretty gorgeous at times, and if this helps people, then it’s done its job, and I commend Harvey and his son, Daniel Whibley and the BBC for letting this happen. Now for something completely different.

#26 – “Deluded” – Tion Wayne featuring MIST

Produced by Steel Banglez and Chris Rich Beats

Steel Banglez, Tion Wayne and MIST? God, maybe we are returning to the new normal; this is a 2019 line-up. Tion Wayne is a character and a presence on the track always and MIST is quite the opposite, but that “So High” song with Fredo was pretty cool, I suppose. Tion Wayne has always been more of an entertaining presence than half this crop of drill rappers, even if his flow and bars suffer from it, but he’s always a lot more fun and he does have a couple punchlines that hit. This particular song uses that “mm-mm” flow that originated on his track “Keisha & Becky”, and both him and MIST sound really interested and enthused here, as they trade bars in the verses and support each other with ad-libs throughout. The two seem to actually have some chemistry and it’s not an unnatural collaboration. Even in Tion Wayne’s solo chorus, MIST is shouting behind him, and it overall makes the song really aggressive and punchy, even if some of the lyrics are just kind of uninteresting or even confusing, like the oddly-specific jab at an unnamed crack abuser, always referred to as “you” in the song. Is the listener a crack addict? Should I be scared? I’m not entirely sure, but this kind of slaps, especially the keys and vocal sample in the outro. It kind of reminds me of a harsher version of the #1 hit back from 2018, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo, except these guys are legitimately menacing in the song and the bass-heavy drill beat never subtracts from that, not to say that “Funky Friday” is a bad song (far from it). It’s not about being able to convince me with lyrics, it’s about being able to sell what you say effectively and interestingly – not even uniquely, but just in a way that’s presentable and leads to genuinely good music. M Huncho and Nafe Smallz could take a couple hints from these guys.

#16 – “motive” – Ariana Grande and Doja Cat

Produced by TBHits, Joseph L’Etranger, Mr. Franks and Murda Beatz

Murda Beatz, huh? Well, I haven’t listened to Positions yet, mostly because I’ve been bumping Goddamn Bring Me the Horizon for the past week, but also because 14 tracks of the same song doesn’t necessarily interest me. For the sake of the show I probably should check the album out – it’s not that long – but don’t expect me to have that a positive opinion on it. I said my peace on Grande last week and given the singles I seriously doubt this album will erase my continuous issues with her projects. I’ve always felt that despite her unbelievable talent, she is also unbelievably disinterested and detached from her own music to the point where whatever artistic contributions and creativity she and her team had is completely washed out by the questionable production, weak-sauce trap beats and misguided song ideas (I still roll my eyes on “7 rings” and “sweetener”). From what I’ve heard from this new album, it has a lot more classic R&B keys and strings undercut by trap skitters and modern vocal production, and this is pretty clear in “motive”, a funky house-inspired dance-pop tune that feels miles less robotic and factory-made than most house on the charts, instead going for an organic fast-paced groove and mildly annoying vocal samples. The trap breakdown in the pre-chorus is what gives Murda Beatz the right to put his producer tag at the start of the song, which is honestly just funny. I do like the verses but the chorus doesn’t hit in quite the same way it should, possibly that pre-chorus is just garbage and it doesn’t build to an effective crescendo for the chorus to build up on off of whispery murmuring. Oh, and Doja Cat is here, which took me by surprise when she started lazily rapping since Ari actually sounded like her in the second verse. In fact, this is a Doja Cat song in all but lead artist credit and honestly, the song kind of suffers because of it. This is decent, I suppose, but a collaboration that doesn’t favour either artist.

#9 – “34+35” – Ariana Grande

Produced by ProdByXavi, Mr. Franks, Peter Lee Johnson and TBHits

Ariana Grande’s albums have disproportionate producer credit to producer effort ratio. At least there’s not a M-M-M-Murda on this one. The song title is stupid but this was pushed to radio so I guess it has to be family-friendly PG clean to some degree. It is interesting how it goes for the absurdity of being dirty over Disney-like orchestral blossoms and pretty nice-sounding strings, but it doesn’t go far enough other than the chorus. It’s missing a good, effective, funny opening line, and I feel that the verses are pretty lacking. The pre-chorus is almost cringeworthy and just going into bizarre levels of horny on main but that is very much the point of the whole thing. “You know I keep it squeaky”? I find it almost difficult to take this song as anything more than a joke, but she does have some pretty commanding tones when she asks him to “just give me them babies” and the snarky laugh in the intro combined with pretty slick albeit absolutely stupid punchlines that go from so bad it’s good territory to just unabashedly ridiculous and embracing itself as such. I love the falsetto in the chorus even if it is just building up to that stupid title that is nowhere near as clever as Ari thinks it is. By the way, she completely delivers here and it’s a pretty damn great performance from her, one of her most enthusiastic on record, even with her now typical “yuh”s spread throughout. Hell, the rap verse actually works this time mostly because her charisma actually comes through and the trap skitter has some energy this time, unlike “7 rings”. I don’t get the end where she says she was never good at maths, though, because “34 + 35 = 69” is a pretty solid and correct albeit obviously simple calculation. You got the answer, give it a tick in a different colour pen.

Got the neighbours yellin’, “Earthquake!” / 4.5 when I make the bed shake

There’s a song in the top 10 that uses the moment magnitude scale as a sex metaphor. 2020, everyone.

Conclusion

Let’s cut to the chase: Best of the Week goes to Bring Me the Horizon and BABYMETAL for “Kingslayer”, which should have been obvious. I’m so glad I expanded beyond the top 40 on this show. It means I can talk about songs like that in depth. Honourable Mention might actually go to Ariana Grande’s “34+35” on plain fun alone, although the similarly numeric “1x1” did get close. The Worst of the Week is really a toss-up because there was a lot of disposable filler between the good and interesting stuff this week had to offer. I’ll probably go with “Flooded” by M Huncho and Nafe Smallz, with a Dishonourable Mention to “Too Many Nights” by 220 KID and JC Stewart. Both are just impressively lacking in effort or any appeal I can search for, but knowing my luck, they’ll both be “Old Town Road”-level big. Here’s our top 10:

Thanks for reading this! You can follow me @cactusinthebank on Twitter and I need some sleep. See you next week!

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myhahnestopinion · 6 years

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THE AARONS 2017 - BEST TV EPISODE

My consumption of serialized TV seems to be inversely correlated to the amount of bing-watching I do. I love the more complex storylines and engaging characters of serialized TV, but I also like having time to reflect on how each episode works as a piece of the whole. That’s why I designed this award to look at the exemplary singular efforts in TV this year. Here are The Aarons for Best TV Episode:

#10. “The Ricklantis Mix-Up” (Rick and Morty, Season 3, Episode 7)

The promise of Rick and Morty taking their absurd antics to the realm of Atlantis was enticing… but it was not meant to be. Instead, the show flipped the script, transporting us into a trio of trope-blasting adventures with some unexpected, but amazing, dark social satire. In a miniscule fraction of the time and budget, Rick and Morty create a high-concept buddy cop examination of systemic racism far more enjoyable and insightful than Netflix’s Bright could ever have hoped to be, along with a surprisingly affecting coming-of-age tale, and a sublime political thriller. A lot of Rick and Morty episodes had a chance at making this list, but “The Ricklantis Mix-Up” ultimately got it for delivering a holy trinity of the show’s brilliant meta-narratives.

#9. “Stupid Piece of Sh*t” (BoJack Horseman, Season 4, Episode 6)

Since its inception, BoJack Horseman has been a blistering portrayal of the depths of depression, but “Stupid Piece of Sh*t” (Netflix’s censorship there) found a way to be even more cutting than usual by finally giving us a glimpse inside BoJack’s head, narrated by Will Arnet’s haunting voice work. Taking advantage of the cartoon format, the episode’s innovative departure from the show’s traditional animation style brought mental illness to life in painfully real fashion, and made it clear that the show’s honest look at these struggles is indeed a story best told through the animated format. Well, that, and because the episode also delivered plenty of wonderful animal puns and sight gags, as always.

#8. “New York, I Love You” (Master of None, Season 2, Episode 6)

Similar to “The Ricklantis Mix-Up,” a large number of Master of None’s second season could have made this list, including its wonderful send-up of Bicycle Thieves and the touching “Thanksgiving” episode, but “New York, I Love You” stood out for its narrative swerve and its triad of empathetic stories. Departing from our regular cast to follow the stories of unique New Yorkers by way of camera pan, the episode showcased Master of None’s knack for finding compelling stories and wise commentary in the simplest of stories. Stories about the characters that make up the character of New York City may be rote material for TV, but Master of None’s unique viewpoints and celebration of diversity, from a Burundian cab driver to a deaf couple, made it one of 2017’s most powerful and important stories to watch.

#7. “Duet” (The Flash, Season 3, Episode 3)

Like Barry Allen with Singin’ in the Rain, I’m a sucker for a good musical, and The Flash’s celebration of the talented cast of Broadway stars and Glee-alumni amassed by it and its crossover show Supergirl was just way too much fun to not include on this list, despite a confusing direction for the episode’s central villain. The stars were all clearly having a grand time getting to put a superhero spin on a classical musical style, and while the show’s covers of existing song were stirring enough, it’s really the two original numbers that made this episode such a delight, including the tender “Running Home to You” from La La Land’s songwriters, and the clever wit of “Superfriends” from Rachel Bloom of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fame.

#6. “Chicanery” (Better Call Saul, Season 3, Episode 5)

If Better Call Saul indeed ends up lasting as long as its predecessor, than “Chicanery” will sit as the exact middle of the show, and is appropriately a game-changing episode and the height of emotional drama thus far. The entire show has been building towards watching Jimmy McGill and his estranged brother Chuck going head-to-head in the courtroom, and the resulting conflict was one of the most intense watches of the year. The sharp plotting and rich characterization provided the perfect framework for a show-stopping performance by Michael McKean, whose vitriolic courtroom meltdown was absolutely shattering for viewers. Honestly though, the real reason this episode was guaranteed a spot on this list is because, of course, it also marked the return of Huell to the Breaking Bad world.

#5. “The Law of Non-Contradictions” (Fargo, Season 3, Episode 3)

“The Law of Non-Contradictions” was an outlier in the already peculiar early episodes of Fargo’s third season, moving the location of the show outside of frozen Minnesota for the first time, and transplanting Carrie Coon’s Officer Burgle to sunny California. While the pieces all falling into place in its final moments made Fargo my favorite show of the year, “The Law of Non-Contradictions” is one of my favorite episodes precisely because it doesn’t fit into the show’s larger narrative. Burgle’s investigation of her murdered stepfather’s past as a pulp science-fiction novelist ended up irrelevant to the case at hand, but its examination of the role of stories in our lives and the frequent failures of good intentions, themes that are enhanced by a beautiful animated story within its story, made the episode a key piece of the lingering power of Season 3.

#4. “USS Callister” (Black Mirror, Season 4, Episode 1)

While Black Mirror’s terrifying Twilight Zone-like looks at technological trepidation made it into such an addictive show, it’s the episodes that break this mold that become some of my favorite episodes of television ever. “USS Callister” is the most visual effects heavy episode of the show ever, and, given it also runs at a full 80 minutes, could very well be considered a movie, but, like “San Junipero” before it, the true power of the episode comes from its place within the show’s loose anthology structure. The episode certainly gives a haunting look at the dangers of potential technology through its scathing indictment of the toxic masculinity festering in certain sects of fandoms, given form in Jesse Plemons’ perfect parody of William Shatner’s Kirk. However, what makes it one of 2017’s best episodes is its fulfillment of the intentions of its parody subject, Star Trek, with its thrilling adventure of a diverse crew working in harmony to overcome insurmountable odds.

#3. “Hero or Hate Crime” (Always Sunny, Season 12, Episode 6)

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia continues to show it deserves to become television’s longest running live-action sitcom, because every year it manages to put out at least a handful of great new episodes. Season 12 had a couple highlights, including a wickedly fun Always Sunny take on The Wiz, but “Hero or Hate Crime” understands that the greatest moments of the show come from just letting the cast bounce off one another. The gang’s debate over whether Frank’s use of a slur to warn Mac of a danger to his life constitutes as a hate crime is a fantastic source for the show’s riotous and outlandish, though never truly offensive, brand of dark humor. It’s all great fun, but it’s the episode’s unexpectedly moving ending, perhaps the first time Always Sunny can be considered an emotional experience, that cements “Hero or Hate Crime” as one of the finest episodes of the long-running series.

#2. “Dance, Dance, Resolution” (The Good Place, Season 2, Episode 3)

In what I like to consider the unofficial spiritual mascot of the Reboot Already Underway podcast, “Dance, Dance, Resolution” was the most madcap episode of a very madcap sitcom, an episode so intent on tearing down its status quo that watching it made one extremely nervous that the show had pulled yet another bait-and-switch and its finale was going to come unexpectedly in only the third episode of the season. Thankfully, the show didn’t end, finding a way to subvert all expectations yet again at the end of this extraordinary, joke-a-millisecond entry directed by Cabin in the Woods’ Drew Goddard. “Dance, Dance, Resolution” suggested that The Good Place truly does have an eternal source of cleverness to draw from for its twisted afterlife, made even clearer by the lengthy list of unused punny restaurant names that episode writer Megan Amram released on Twitter the following day.

AND THE BEST TV EPISODE OF 2017 IS....

#1. “Cryogenics, Lightning, Last Review” (Review, Season 3, Episode 3)

“Dance, Dance, Resolution” may have been such a clever deconstruction of its show’s premise that it seemed like The Good Place’s finale would come in just the season’s third episode, but Review actually did it. Review is perhaps the most underappreciated show of the decade, and, had the viewership justified it, I’m sure it would have never stopped being entertaining to watch Forrest McNeil’s absurd quest to review everything in life, no matter the cost to his health or personal relationships. While it’s sad to see such an ingenious show end, I couldn’t imagine a more perfect note for Review to go out on, an episode that saw the show’s cringe-inducing absurdism and glorious dark comedy in peak form. The tragedy of Forrest McNeil truly deserves a place alongside the great works of the Greek poets and Shakespeare, a downfall that simply must be experienced in its entirety for yourself. So, I’ll say no more than: I give this episode… all the stars.

NEXT UP: THE 2017 AARON FOR BEST TV PERFORMANCE!

#tv #TheAarons #TheAarons2017 #TheAaronsTV #bestof #bestof2017 #reviewcc #BoJack horseman #the good place #master of none #the flash #better call saul #black mirror #uss callister #always sunny #rick and morty

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junker-town · 4 years

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The 30 best ‘NBA on NBC’ intros

Relive the glory of basketball nostalgia with these old ‘NBA on NBC’ intros.

The 12-year run of the NBA on NBC is mostly beloved for John Tesh’s iconic “Roundball Rock” musical intro, which just so happens to be my ringtone. But I will always cherish it because of the network’s soaring introduction monologues to its big games, which transmitted the viewer inside a piece of art with intense moods and high stakes.

Basketball wasn’t better in the ‘90s than it is today, not by a longshot. But I do think it was sold far more effectively, with the kind of visual and thematic care that made the key figures larger than life. I wish the league’s current television partners tried harder to mimic the scale and grandeur of NBC’s work.

Luckily, YouTube offers us the chance to look back on the days where playoff games really felt like epic dramas. I found more than 150 available on the internet and collected them in a playlist you can find here.

While you watch that, let me show you my 30 favorites. Let me know if you think I overranked, underranked, or missed any from this glorious era.

(All the titles were made up by me).

30. “First Round”

Timberwolves at Sonics 1998 First-Round Game 5 Bob Costas

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I love the timing of this one. George Karl’s deep breath sets the mood before any narration is needed, and the multiple Gary Payton still shots capture the incredulousness of Seattle’s first-round demons. Costas’ closing line – “Maybe too often” – is delivered perfectly.

29. “Lil’ Penny is Ready”

Magic at Bulls 1996 East Finals Game 1 Chris Rock

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No NBA on NBC list is complete without including this one, even if it’s gimmick’y and the narration doesn’t age well.

28. “Teacher and Pupil”

Heat at Knicks 1997 East Semifinals Game 3 Tom Hammond

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This was the first of many NBC introductions for brutal Heat-Knicks playoff games, so it’s neat to look back and remember the larger context before it was obscured by all the fighting. Teacher vs. pupil framed the two teams beautifully, especially because the teacher-pupil relationship was flipped on the court. The music makes me feel like I’m at a graduation ceremony, and Hammond leans into the theme with his word choices — “protege,” “taught their former coach a lesson,” “school was out,” “pass the test.”

27. “The Second Season”

Pacers at Knicks 1994 East Finals Game 7 Bob Costas

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The highest points of this intro rival anything NBC has put together. The rapid tone change before Game 5. The drumbeat as John Starks violently high-fives Spike Lee. The final line — “48 minutes from what they were merely expected to do.” Those moments give me chills. But I docked this one for all the fluff it took to reach those high beats. If NBC had an Achilles heel, it was the length of some of their intros. This one was nearly two minutes long, which is a bit much.

26. “Stalemate”

Blazers at Lakers 2000 West Finals Game 7 Bob Costas

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As much as I love the openings that center around a specific theme, sometimes it’s better to simply run through the key protagonists and what’s at stake for each. Costas does so comprehensively in this one, illustrating the wide-ranging set of characters in what proved to be a memorable series.

25. “Something to savor”

Knicks at Bulls 1998 NBA Regular Season Bob Costas

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Did I only include this one because of the early release of ESPN’s 10-part The Last Dance documentary. Yeah, probably.

24. “Not Like This”

Knicks at Bulls 1993 East Finals Game 6 Marv Albert

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I loved two things about this video. One was the close-up picture of a hoop as Albert narrates Charles Smith’s three blown bunnies. Talk about vivid imagery. The second: the melancholy feel of the music, combined with Pat Riley stuttering with doubt as he tries to sell the public on this being the Knicks’ “defining moment.” It’s as if NBC knew New York would never be the same after Game 5.

23. “Right Now”

Bulls at Knicks 1993 East Finals Game 1 Marv Albert

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Van Halen’s “Right Now” was (and still is) a popular song choice for a pump-up video, one NBC used a few times too over the years. But it works perfectly for this video because it fits the overall theme while simultaneously allowing NBC to visually speed up the entire season before reaching the climax we all knew was coming.

22. “Desperation”

Sonics at Rockets 1997 West Semifinals Game 7 Greg Gumbel

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Gumbel deserved more chances to narrate these introduction videos. He had a way of putting his own spin on common themes, expertly using language that others wouldn’t. Seattle didn’t just fall behind Houston, they “teetered on the edge.” They didn’t just win all their elimination games, they “persevered.” The sentence structure that both conveys Houston’s history facing long deficits and their history against these Sonics. We’ll hear more from Gumbel later on in this countdown.

21. “Another Time And Place”

Pistons at Knicks 1992 East Quarterfinals Game 2 Marv Albert

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Albert’s narration tended to be super serious and at times over the top, so I enjoyed the goofy change of pace. I’m not sure the second half of this intro was necessary, though it did give us Dennis Rodman picking up a stray dog that wandered onto the Madison Square Garden court.

20. “The Year Of Sir Charles”

Suns at Sonics 1993 West Finals Game 6 Dick Enberg

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It’s the little touches that make this video work. The patriotic music choice before leading with his gold medal. The split screen of Barkley deep in thought on one side and his accomplishments flashing on the other. Enberg’s repeated use of Barkley’s full name. This intro underscores how much care was actually put into these introductions.

19. “I Wanna Take You On A Rollercoaster”

Pacers at Knicks 1999 East Finals Game 6 Tom Hammond

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18. “The Ride of a Lifetime”

Magic at Rockets 1995 Finals Game 3 Marv Albert

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These two videos show how NBC used the same theme — a rollercoaster ride — to convey very different emotional journeys. The Knicks’ rollercoaster was unplanned and filled with self-induced drama, so NBC chose Lunatic Calm’s “Leave You Far Behind,” a heart-pumping dance song that conveys raw, and at times misdirected, energy. Houston’s rollercoaster, on the other hand, was more of a fantasy story, so NBC chose a musical element that made the Rockets’ journey to the title seem like a quest. Both choices fit the teams perfectly and showed how the power of sports is that it provides singular variations of familiar story arcs.

17. “Michael vs. Sir Charles”

Bulls at Suns 1993 Finals Game 1 Bob Costas

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This one’s on the list because NBC used the Jurassic Park theme song before the movie even came out. That is a baller move. But NBC also uses it brilliantly to paint the contrast between the classic success of Michael Jordan and the bumpier, rawer success of Barkley. Jordan’s section is narrated over the slower part of the song, while Barkley’s comes over the louder section. This was another example of NBC’s attention to detail.

16. “Big City vs. Small Town”

Jazz at Bulls 1997 NBA Finals Game 1 Marv Albert

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In general, the 12 NBC openings for the two six-game Bulls-Jazz Finals series are a tad overrated in my book because they got a little too sappy. (I’m sure many of y’all like the post-Flu Game one, but it kinda makes me cringe). The best of the bunch is the first one because it wonderfully paints the contrast between the dominant incumbents from Chicago and the small-town underdogs from Utah.

15. “Big ‘Mo”

Blazers at Lakers 1991 West Finals Game 6 Dick Enberg

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The music choice makes this entire video work. I feel like I’m in a murder mystery. Holy crap, this is tense.

14. “A Test of Faith”

Suns at Bulls 1993 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

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Sometimes, the less said the better. Game 3 of the 1993 NBA Finals — a triple-overtime thriller won by the visiting Suns, who had dropped the first two games at home — was such a weird event that it needed to be commemorated on its own. Costas knew he couldn’t say anything to properly sum it up. Thus, Bon Jovi’s “Keep The Faith” serves as the perfect backdrop.

13. “Little Brother”

Cavaliers at Bulls 1992 East Finals Game 5 Marv Albert

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I’m not sure anyone really believed the Cavaliers would beat the Bulls in this series, even if they had knotted it up at two. It had the same feel that 2016’s Raptors-Cavaliers series had, where everyone knew who was going to win. But it was still noteworthy that the Cavaliers actually fought with pride, not unlike a boy who finally stood up to his big brother. Albert’s narration properly captures that sentiment while still conveying the reality that the Bulls were favored.

12. “Best Team Ever”

Bulls at Sonics 1996 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

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The glorification of Jordan’s jerk-ish leadership tendencies makes me a bit uncomfortable, but Costas rescues this with some of the most poetic narration of his great career. Everything after “they tower over all present competition” is right up there with the best any TV network has ever produced. (Imagine this wording, but with Kevin Durant’s switch to Golden State instead of Jordan’s return from retirement).

11. “Game 7”

Jazz at Sonics 1996 West Finals Game 7 Greg Gumbel

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Gumble is his usual excellent self, but the music and camera work make this introduction feel epic. I love the musical contrast, which makes the small-market Jazz seem like underdogs and the fast-charging Sonics feel like they belong in a horror movie. The dissolves and fades to separate the different segments of the video underscore how each point is related to each other. Matching Gary Payton’s loud clap to the drum beat is a brilliant touch. All in all, this video provided real stakes to a matchup between two teams that nobody thought could beat the mighty Bulls.

10. “Vindication”

Magic at Rockets 1995 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

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If the Game 3 intro to these Finals felt like being taken on a fantasy quest, this one is the epilogue when Frodo and friends return to the Shire. In time, this has become the perfect appreciation of the Rockets’ mini-dynasty.

9. “The Tormenter”

Bulls vs. Knicks 1996 East Semifinals Game 3 Marv Albert

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“The concept may be team. In reality, it’s the individual.” Whether intentional or not, Albert perfectly encapsulates decades of NBA marketing with those 10 words. From there, he made me feel so sorry for Patrick Ewing. How much must it suck for the official broadcast partner to promote a game by repeatedly dunking on you?

8. “One Game”

Pacers at Bulls 1998 East Finals Game 7 Bob Costas

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Costas’ delivery here is perfect. The slow pacing. The repetition of “one game.” The mix between short sentences and longer ones. The twist at the end: Jordan’s section ends with “one game” instead of beginning with it, a clear signal to the viewer that he is the biggest story here. The script itself isn’t magical, but Costas’ voice makes it so. Chills.

7. “Agony”

Bulls at Magic 1996 East Finals Game 3 Marv Albert

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Knowing what we know now, this feels a lot bigger than a video setting up a must-win Game 3 after losing two road games. Because of Shaquille O’Neal’s summer departure to the Lakers, it has become known as the last chance for Orlando to sustain a future dynasty. But the video also stands beautifully on its own, with well-executed music changes and a beautiful still of Penny Hardaway peering to his left as if he’s staring at a black-and-white image of Brian Hill’s final huddle of the previous year’s NBA Finals.

6. “Neither Right, Nor Fair”

Bulls at Blazers 1992 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

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Imagine this voiceover, but instead of it being about Clyde Drexler in 1992, it’s about Dirk Nowitzki in 2011. Same 2-1 deficit. Same history of postseason failures obscuring their greatness. Similar age range — Nowitzki was 32 and in his 13th season at the time. Similar caliber of competition: Drexler against Jordan, Nowitzki against James and Wade, though the former hadn’t won a title. It would have given any human the feels, especially knowing Nowitzki would persevere when Drexler didn’t. This was an incredibly powerful, yet empathetic way to convey the overwhelming pressure title-less all-time greats face before they win one.

5. “David vs. Goliath”

76ers at Lakers 2001 Finals Game 1 Marv Albert

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I don’t know what’s better: the original version of this intro from the 2001 Finals or this brilliant remake for the first Curry-James, Warriors-Cavs Finals battle in 2015. Both are terrific, but I’m still partial to the original. David vs. Goliath fits the Iverson-O’Neal battle better, and there are a number of NBC’s typically brilliant little touches dotted through the video. For example, notice how the camera zooms to Iverson’s “The Answer” sleeve just after Albert’s “Who can stop this imposing force?” narration ends. What perfect timing.

4. “Worst Nightmare”

Bulls vs. Knicks 1993 East Finals Game 5 Marv Albert

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Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap. I feel like I’m about to start an apocalyptic movie where a supernatural demon has been set loose to torment the world. Jordan feels like Godzilla here after scoring 54 points to lead Chicago to a Game 4 win. My heart is still racing as I type this, even though I’ve already seen that video a thousand times. When does Game 5 start?

3. “Coronation”

Bulls at Suns 1993 Finals Game 6 Bob Costas

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The 1993 Finals were really effin weird. The Suns entered as profound underdogs with one edge: They had home-court advantage. When they squandered that edge with two home losses, they looked done, but defied logic with a triple-overtime Game 3 victory. When Jordan dropped 55 on them in Game 4, they also looked done, but defied logic again by winning Game 5 on the road easily. It was inexplicable, a feeling Costas expertly captured in his opening monologue. There’s no way God actually was pulling the strings for the Suns … right? What other explanation existed? It was the ideal backdrop to a Game 6 that lived up to the billing with John Paxson’s last-second three.

2. “Two Dreams Collide”

Rockets at Suns 1995 West Semifinals Game 7 Greg Gumbel

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Remember when I said that NBC’s only Achilles heel was that their introduction videos occasionally dragged on for too long? This one clocks in at a crisp 41 seconds, with no wasted words, images, or music. We have a saying at SB Nation: Sometimes, it’s just best to Say The Thing instead of getting cute. Gumbel says the damn thing bluntly — one dream will “die,” Barkley’s legacy is “hanging in the balance,” “the banner does not hang for Clyde Drexler.” In 41 seconds, I know exactly how big a game this really is. This is a nearly perfect piece of art.

1. “Being Mike”

Bulls at Lakers 1991 Finals Game 4 Michael Jordan

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Twenty-nine years later, this reads like a poignant social commentary on the nature of celebrity, which has gripped our culture in new and unexpected ways. That it came before the release of Sam Smith’s landmark The Jordan Rules, before the burden of Being Mike led to Jordan retiring in his prime, before two returns to the fast life of basketball that consumed him, and before an awkward post-playing process that flipped his ruthlessness from a virtue to an anchor, is extraordinary. How the hell did Costas take one playoff performance and somehow capture the allure and pain of being a national icon like Jordan? It’s one of the most impressive feats I’ve ever seen.

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