Tumgik
#aND YOU MADE ME TEAR UP WHEN I READ THIS
wiseatom · 9 months
Text
i tried for a well thought out post. instead you get this mess that i’m begging you not to twist:
the outraged cries of “cliques” are people being actual friends with each other. the people complaining about certain blogs or creators being on pedestals are usually the same people putting them there. i’m not one to belittle feelings - i understand where the upset is coming from. i even understand my place in it! but at the end of the day, we’re working ourselves up over what? notes? followers? hits on a fic? things based on luck and timing??
i can only speak for myself, but i work a full time job and i’m hard scheduled 45 hours a week. all of my free time goes towards fic writing, because that’s For Me and that’s what’s important for my mental health, and even then, i am usually too exhausted to do that. i would love to read fic and interact more! my to-read list is a mile long! it is just genuinely hard for me to find the time. i prioritize my friends because they are my friends — real, actual people i know beyond tumblr mutualship, who i talk to about more than just fic writing — and even then i am late getting around to it. i’m not saying this as a “woe is me, my life is hard” moment, but moreso trying to offer a perspective that is not even being thought of. and i get it, no one wants to hear it, because you’re frustrated, and being vocal about frustration feels nice (i know, bc here i am)!!
someone is going to come for my throat for making this post as a “big author” and “part of the clique we’re all vagueing” and maybe it’s juuuuust me but like. if you’re that unhappy, log off. if seeing a friend group you’re not part of interacting makes you unhappy, log off. if seeing the engagement other people get on their posts or fic or art makes you unhappy, log off. you cannot force people to interact with you or your creative work, and aggressively posting about it when they don’t is not inviting them to. i am begging you to stop having expectations of people you do not know, because at the end of the day, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
125 notes · View notes
sylvia-forest · 10 months
Text
[CN] Shaw's 2023 Birthday R&S
⚡ Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a R&S which hasn't released in EN yet!⚡
Tumblr media
[Released Date: 16 June 2023]
[This content was translated with the help of Google translate and by my lovely friend XD]
✧[Chapter 1]✧
Shaw walked unhurriedly on the path on one side, and the earphone cable on his chest also dangled. It wasn't until a fork in the road appeared that he was finally willing to lift his eyelids and look left and right.
It was still the bat’s road on the left, two or three vehicles were parked there.
To the right, there was a gentle slope upward, and between the layers of trees, you can see a tombstone standing there, as well as two or three places where white smoke drifts out due to worship.
Since the burial of the old man, this is the second time he came here. Hardly a year has passed by but there were a lot more tombstones than before, and he couldn't even find where he was.
But Shaw wasn't in a hurry, he put his hands in his pockets, and walked east without hesitation. No matter how much this place changes, going to somewhere with the best Feng Shui never goes wrong.
[T/N]: Feng Shui is an ancient Chinese art of arranging buildings, objects, and space in an environment to achieve harmony and balance in a way that will bring peace and prosperity. Or in simple having luck with the environment!
So it didn't take long for Shaw to stand in front of the old man's tombstone without any problems. After staring at the photo that’s mosaicked in the middle, he reached out and pulled out the earphones.
“Hey, old man.”
“I can't believe I chose this photo, you're the one with the biggest smile.”
Shaw raised his hand to brush off the dead leaves from the tombstone, but just with few strokes, his hands were covered with a layer of black dust.
“.........”
After a few moments of silence, he squeezed his hand around his white cuff and wiped the dust off the tombstone bit by bit.
“Old man, you are too far from the city center. So don't blame me for not frequently visting, just swear some words upon the sky.”
As Shaw spoke, he suddenly narrowed his eyes and sneezed several times in succession.
“... Mine was pretty fast.”
“Then you relax yourself first, I haven’t finished reporting. When I’m finished reporting, you can criticise me all you want.”
At this time, the right cuff had become black from dust, so Shaw pinched his left cuff, and continued to wipe the dust.
“Originally, I wanted to wait until Ching Ming festival to gave you a grave sweep, although i don’t visit so often, certain rules still has to be followed”
[T/N]: 清明節 Ching Ming or Qingming festival means the Remembrance of Ancestors Day or Grave-Sweeping Day takes place on the 15th day after the Spring Equinox. 
“But I’ll be busy with some school stuff at that time, so I came early,”
“As for the antiques...everything is fine, except that your business has been reduced a lot without you.”
“You also know that I don't like making trouble, so I'll try my best not to lose money for you. Oh, and there's one more thing— —
“I accidentally broke a cup of yours some time ago. Fortunately, it was only from the Qing Dynasty. In addition, it was repaired in time, so the loss is not big. I just feel sorry for your old age, so I will pay you more.”
Shaw lifted the plastic bag that he brought all the way here and shook it in front of the tombstone. After shaking it, he took out a still warm roast chicken, three or two fruits and a handful of original melon seeds from it.
Then, he glanced at the bottle of sake left in the bag, and raised the corners of his lips slightly.
“Remember it all, all of them are your favorites.”
After pouring the sake into a small glass, he finally straightened up and fell into complete silence, and without his voice, the place was even quieter, with only a string of heavy metal sounds slipping out of the headphones which were half-dangling out of his pocket.
“.......”
“It's all me talking, so it's boring.”
When Shaw raised his foot and was about to leave, he suddenly thought of something and took out a few copper coins from his pocket.
“Old man, you say I can do divination, can you tell me what you want to say to me through divination?”
Jingle—
The coins were thrown up and scattered on the ground, Shaw bent down and looked at them, and laughed.
“It's amazing, it seems to be there.”
He said, glanced at the sake cup that was only 70% full, and then picked up the sake bottle to fill it.
“Okay, I'll fill you up, but don't be too greedy. I'm really leaving this time, and I'll come see you when I have time.”
After Shaw finished speaking, he left without looking back. Only the small sake bottle was left, and the sake made silent waves with the wind.
On the way back, the sky was gloomy, and Shaw was still walking slowly when, a lingering smoke of plant ash floated behind him, and an old lady who seemed to have just finished sweeping the grave hurriedly rushed ahead of him.
“Young man, hurry up, it's going to rain heavily.”
Shaw took a look at the sky, and then kicked a stone on the side of the road.
"What a stupid rain."
Tumblr media
✧[Chapter 2]✧
After returning to the antique shop, the dust on the cuffs had condensed into a ball. 
Shaw didn't take off his coat, he directly took out a dust pan and broom from a corner of the backyard. Originally, he hadn't planned to clean it today, but the layers of dirt accumulated during the tomb sweeping made him realize that it hadn't been cleaned for a long time.
But when Shaw stood in front of the secret room with the broom, he never pressed the switch.
Since the old man left, he almost never went in there again. Even if he wanted to get some necessary things, he would just quickly go in and come out immediately, without any extra stops.
He couldn't say why he didn't want to go there, but he didn't want to "get to the bottom of it". He always felt that once he did so, a lot of troublesome emotions would come up.
So at last he turned and left, and went back to the door.
“Forget it, let's talk about it another day. You can't finish so many things in half a day.”
He began to sweep and drag the chair, and the harsh sound made from time to time made the parrot in the cage jump up and down as if startled.
Shaw stopped moving again and pinned the broom to the ground, “What, are you going to give your cage a big cleaning too?”
Seeing that the parrot continued to flutter its wings, he silently picked up the water basin on the side and walked towards the door.
“Okay, your voice is really precious, I've been raising you for four or five years, and I haven't seen you say a few words.”
After speaking, he lifted the water basin and poured towards outside, "Hey, what a coincidence, I bet you brat purpousefully poured it towards me!"
The old man just stepped into the antique stop and almost got splashed by water, his feet were shivering on the dry floor like an electric shock.
Seeing this, Shaw just shrugged his shoulders, picked up the mop and started mopping the floor, “You also said it's a coincidence, don't touch the porcelain”
“……Come on, I'm too old to argue with a kid like you.”
Old Yan put his hands behind his back and began to look at the "renewed" antique shop, with a puffing sound coming from his mouth.
“I was just next door when I heard your bells ringing, so you were giving it a cleaning .”
“Could it be that you have been enlightened by the Buddha's light, and you are finally willing to take care of this antique shop for your master and inherit the mantle?”
“........”
“Out of the way.”
Seeing that the broom almost reached his front foot, Old Yan immediately step back, Shaw slightly opened his mouth again. “Move to the left, there’s a treasure on the right.”
Old Yan subconsciously put his foot on brakes, and when he looked back, his face turned pale.
“This, the authentic work of Huang Tingjian, you put it here?”
“It's been raining for a while, and it's hard to come across a dry, cloudy day, so I took it out to dry.”
Old Yan's body went rigid, as if he hadn't recovered from the fright just now, “Anyway, put it in a safe place, I was almost knocked down by it just now!”
Shaw remained expressionless, silently putting down the mop in his hand.
“Old Yan. When it was first discovered, it didn't know that it would last for a hundred years or that it would be trapped in a wooden box by future generations.
“It's not too much to let it out once in a while to feel the breeze, right?”
Old Yan was stunned for a moment, his eyes even showed a few moments of longing, and then turned away.
“...... Why do you always come and then disappear?”
Old Yan didn't turn around, the afterglow quietly fell on his back.
“I won't be coming back today.”
…. It’s almost an year, how come today thinking about the scenery of my master enjoying chatting with these precious antiques comes to mind.
And then, there was only a sigh left at the corner.
The antique store was empty again, and the parrot was quiet.
Shaw didn't clean up any more, just leaned casually to one side, looked at the calligraphy and painting quietly for a long time, and then raised the corners of his lips.
“Surely you miss him too?”
“It's so awkward.”
Shaw shrugged, pretending to be indifferent, and when he was about to continue mopping the floor, a black shadow broke into the corner of his eye and stood at the door of the store.
He turned his head and saw the black letter 5 with a slightly raised tail engraved on the man's earphone.
Tumblr media
✧[Chapter 3]✧
At dawn, Shaw walked quickly in the forest, dragging his bleeding left leg.
“This time the "extra money" was harder to earn than imagined, but fortunately the things have been successfully obtained, and the rest is to extort more "loss fees" from BS.”
As he was thinking, his vision suddenly blurred, causing him to run and hold onto a tree trunk and look down at the wound.
Even wearing black pants, you can still see that the place cut by the blade is bloody, surrounded by a network of broken fabric on the top, oozing black and blue blood.
“.......”
It seems that the tip of the knife seems to be poisoned.
He frowned and quickened his pace, walking towards the exit not far away. But the weird thing was, it’s clearly located in front by less than a metre, but he’s like stuck in cycles, spinning around in the same spot.
It wasn't until the third attempt that Shaw finally stopped beside the tree trunk he had carved a mark on.
“Tsk, do you really think these tricks can work on me?” Shaw gritted his teeth and complained, then simply closed his eyes.
How treacherous is the illusion?
And there was no escape from the four-element, eight-diagram array.
The next second, the off by hard memorised Eight Front Strategy taught by that old man, spread out from a circle supported by two legs in his heart. But as soon as he stepped on the “kun word”, a dazzling light wrapped him up. 
He opened his eyes slightly, and found that the source of the light was actually coming from the dragonfly eye worn on his chest.
Shaw took off the chain in surprise and twisted it, but before he could continue looking, that dazzling light burst out again, completely engulfing his sight.
When he opened his eyes again, it was completely black.
“.......”
Shaw subconsciously stretched out his hand, but before his arm was straightened, his palm first met a rough and hard touch, like a pitted stone wall.
Just now it was an open forest, how did it become like this in the blink of an eye? He frowned and took out his phone to turn on the flashlight mode, the moment it illuminated, the surrounding environment was completely out of his expectation.
He was in a closed and narrow "passage", the rocks above his head could be touched by his feet, and the air was thin, with a cold, damp stench.
It was as if this place had never seen the light of the day.
“What's going on?”
Shaw endured the pain and walked a few steps, until he encountered a fork in the road, he turned his head sideways and looked in the two places.
Under the sweeping light of the flashlight, he saw some pottery and ironware on the ground, and a set of chime clocks were displayed in the distance, arranged in order from small to large at the bottom of the wall.
At this moment he felt something was wrong. After all, he grew up on West Moon Street, and he was surrounded by the old man every day. Even if he hasn't experienced it himself, he can probably tell that this was the place where the ancients lived in the legend.
“........”
How come when this thing lights up, he comes here?
He stared at the Dragonfly's Eye in his hand for a while, puzzled. But he didn't see anything unusual. His intuition told him that there must be a hidden secret. That's why the old man never explained it, but only entrusted him to take good care of it….
Just as he was thinking, a benevolent voice came from the storage room, Shaw immediately came back to his senses, and walked with light footsteps. And when he walked to the entrance of the side room, he saw an old-fashioned flashlight lying on the ground, looking along the bright light, a young man in a crumpled Chinese tunic, whose leg was firmly pressed by a broken stone slab.
Shaw didn't move for a while, just watched this strange young man scrambling back and forth on the ground, sweating profusely and grinning.
When he finally pulled his foot out of the gap, he stood up half-heartedly, looked up and saw Shaw standing at the door, and almost fell to the ground again in fright.
“You, who are you?”
Tumblr media
✧[Chapter 4]✧
Before the words fell, Shaw's flashlight was directed on the young man's face.
“You don't care who I am. You've got a lot of nerve, what kind of society is this, and you still dare to put yourself in danger?”
While the young man was blinded by the light, Shaw frowned.
He always thought this square-faced man looked a bit familiar.
But in the next second, the young man blocked the dazzling light with his hand. Seeing that he didn't reply for a long time, Shaw moved the flashlight to his hand again, and shook it lightly.
“Don't play dumb, this jade bead is the treasure you want to take away, right?”
“How about this, give you a chance to redeem your sins, you give it to me, and I'll handed it in for you.”
The young man immediately put the round white jade beads behind his back, his face full of indignation.
“You, what do you think of me? I was going to hand it over to the museum. This is a stone bone white jade, which belongs to our cultural product of the Western Han Dynasty. It is impossible to hand it over to someone with unknown origin like you!”
"You don't look like a good person with that hair color of yours, maybe you are with that group of foreign thieves!"
Shaw was listening and ran a hand over his blue purplish hair.
“Okay, not just a reckless man, but also quite knowledgeable, but you are wrong about one thing, this is not the Western Han Dynasty, but also the Ming Dynasty.”
As Shaw said, he shone the flashlight on the heavy wooden box behind the young man.
“This is lime sand made by mixing lime, glutinous rice, and sand. No one would do this before the Ming Dynasty.”
The young man froze for a moment, leaned over to take a look, and when he turned his head, the vigilance in his eyes was replaced with curiosity.
“....Where did you learn this from?”
"You wouldn't believe it if I told you, how about it? Want to give it to me?"
Seeing Shaw taking a step forward threateningly, although the young man was afraid, he still firmly guarded the jade bead in his hand, as if he would rather smash the jade than give it up 
“I'm not going to hand it over to you no matter what you say.”
“It has been sealed for centuries, and I will not allow its future fate to remain in the hands of wealthy merchants.”
“It should be seen by the world, it is history, it is culture!”
“Not synonymous with money!”
The young man's cheeks were red, and his voice became more and more subdued, as a resy Shaw couldn't hold back his laughter.
“I finally remembered who you look like, your accent, tone of voice, and a face that couldn't be more square .......”
“Just like the old man.”
Shaw scannedthe young man up and down while speaking, “It's okay for you to play retro style, no problem, but it does’nt suit that face of yours, too old looking, I advise you to put that big head down......”
Before he could finish the sentence, a dazzling ray of light flashed on his chest again.
It's the dragonfly eye.
“This is the Warring States glazed dragonfly eye, why do you have it?! I clearly —”
Shaw couldn't hear anything, the shining white light completely enveloping him.
Tumblr media
✧[Chapter 5]✧
In the following week, Shaw searched all over the antique shop, but he couldn't find any information about the Dragonfly Eye.
After a long silence, he finally raised his hand and pressed the switch on the back of the antique shelf, and entered the secret room. With the kerosene lamp in his hand, he stared in silence at everything before him - an ancient book lined up on a wooden table at the end, a magnifying glass at the foot of the page, and a sperm tilted against the door.
There are "traces" left by the old man from the last time everywhere.
That's why he doesn't like to come to this place.
He didn't know whether to tidy up the messy secret room or keep it as it was.
He always feels that once these are returned to their original places, time will take advantage of them and erase all the traces left on them. So when Shaw searched, he deliberately avoided touching these things.
The kerosene lamps began to fade but he still found nothing. The only accidental discovery was a dusty wooden box dragged out from the bottom shelf of the ancient shelf-
It contains a red hardcover photo album, and some fragmentary objects. 
Shaw didn't think twice and opened the first page. 
What caught his eyes were four black and white group photos, each photo has seven or eight young people in Chinese tunic suits smiling shyly.
In the next second, Shaw's fingertips holding the album tightened a little bit.The person standing on the far right of the photo was a young man with curly hair and a square face.
“.........”
He subconsciously held his breath.
Obviously the guess was right, but he was still stunned, he continued to flip the pages in a daze.
There weren't many photos of this man, but you can tell that he has slowly changed over time - he has become a little fatter, his face has more wrinkles, and his hair has turned gray. In the end, it became the most familiar appearance to him.
“……..”
When everything was irrefutable, Shaw couldn't help but smile, only the undetectable regret remained in his eyes.
“....Old man, you are very interesting. Hiding so many secrets from me...But it's okay, just leave it as a mystery for me to solve by myself.”
“Sooner or later, I will know whether that person was my hallucination, or I really met you.”
When he put the photo album back, he found an old notebook underneath.
“There are a lot of things.”
He flipped through a few pages, which contained the old man's notes on studying antiquities when he was young, and some essays—
“History is not as old as you imagined, as long as you see it, touch it ...... Naturally, you’ll become a part of history.”
[T/N]: Please take note of this line and don’t forget it, cuz it holds a special meaning behind it and play a big role in his bday date which will also be explained later ;) 
Seeing this, Shaw inadvertently looked at the ancient books, calligraphy and paintings in front of him. For some reason, these things that he has been accustomed to since he was a child, seem to have undergone different changes at this moment.
It seems that through these, we can see the past and see the freshness of the past.
Thinking of this, he raised his hand and placed it on one of the ancient books.
Has he become a part of history? To be honest, he has doubts, but there was nothing he could do about it. 
Because the only person he can ask has become “history”.
Tumblr media
✧[Chapter 6]✧
The time has come for the summer solstice, and the cicadas are chirping even more.
He patted the dust on his hands before picking up his phone and glancing at it - [Speedy Skateboard Shop] Dear member, happy birthday! Coupons have been added to your account, welcome to shop! Remember to subscribe back.
Shaw didn't even think about going back, and walked straight into the shop. It's been more than a year and a half now, and it's time to come to the store to make an account. Even if he doesn't bother to take care of the business, some basic things still have to be done.
But when he took out the calculator from the drawer, he found that there were stickers on the bottom of a business card.
He tore it off casually, and found that it was not only crumpled, but also had many cake patterns printed on it, one of which was the peach cake.
When Shaw saw this, he couldn't help laughing.
“Old man, aren't you hinting at something again?”
However, the only answer to him was a beep.
But Shaw didn't mind, and laughed even more.
“Okay, I've been eating it for so many years, and I would feel uncomfortable if I suddenly stopped this year.” He picked up the landline beside him and dialed the number from the business card to see if he could buy it.
After a while, the phone was connected by an aunt with a northern accent, ”Master Hua, why did you call this year? Don't you usually order it a few days ago? But it's okay, the birthday cake has been reserved for you.”
“What do you say, when will you come to pick it up? I'm off work soon.”
Shaw held the phone tightly, “Now”
She seemed to realize that it wasn't Master Hua's voice, and the other party was taken aback for a moment, “Oh, it's not Master Hua? Then will you help him get the cake from here? Or would he be getting it  himself?”
“........”
"He's not coming, I'll get it myself."
The time Shaw finished taking the cake and returned to the antique shop, it was already dark…
Without saying anything, he cut a piece of longevity peach cake and put it on a plate, and ate it quietly. But yes, what can change dramatically in the past year?
Shaw paused for a moment while eating the cake, and there was a glimmer of darkness in his eyes.
He couldn't say that, except for this cake, there were quite a lot of changes.
“Stinky boy! Stinky boy!”
At this moment, it was as if a stone had hit the calm lake. Shaw straightened up suddenly, and looked at the parrot who had finally opened its mouth. It was obviously still dark on the street, but time seemed to be turning backwards, and the bustling noises of the daytime could be heard next to his ears— —
“Old man, can you stop nagging me? This chicken is learning to talk, I don't want another bird to scold me.”
“Brat, if you were less of a troublemaker, could I say that?”
“...stinky old man,”
“Well, you brat!”
When this past incident came to Shaw's mind, he couldn't help laughing, not even noticing the cream on the corner of his mouth.
He continued to fork a piece of yellow peach and put it in his mouth,
“Old man, what did I say? You can't say everything out loud.”
“The bird always learn the bad, not the good.”
The night was quiet again, and the parrot also lowered its head and combed its feathers,
Shaw looked at the empty antique shop, picked up a candle and stuck it in the cake.
After lighting, the warm light of the candle reflected on Shaw's face, the youthful nostalgia and resignation were reflecting out.
“......Old man.”
“All these years, I haven't been very filial to you, I happened to turn 18 this year, so let's set an example.”
“To be your good disciple for once.”
“Your antique store, the treasures you receive with love, the "history" you cherish”
“I'll take care of it for you.”
56 notes · View notes
led-bloody-zeppelin · 6 months
Text
not a cursed child stan, not a cursed child anti, but a third, more pathetic thing (i've invested so much time and effort headcanoning and building the next-gen characters up in my head to the point that they feel too real so the idea of them experiencing any sort of harm makes me feel physically ill)
15 notes · View notes
seventh-district · 2 months
Text
.
#it is 5 hrs past my bedtime and i am awake listening to Two Hearts by Dermot Kennedy on loop and crying over Rotating Shifts. again.#i couldn’t resist the urge to read the latest chapter any longer but i knew when i did i’d get like this#so Why did i wait for my period to roll around. i have made. a silly decision lmaooo#i’ve complained abt it before but i’m conflicted about how much more sensitive it makes me#my nightmares usually don’t make me cry but oh i was a Wreck this morning#so why i picked tonight to read the fic that always makes me cry is beyond me#i have never met a fic before that had me in such an intense emotional grip#and it’s fucking hilarious bc it’s not that intense of a story!! like yeah there’s been devastating parts but i’m out here having to-#-take a break every single chapter bc i’ll read one line that hits my inner child like a truck and i have to take a minute to recover#but the whiplash this fic gives me is so fucking funny and the range in the storytelling from comedy to tragedy is just.. *scream-cries*#it has my favorite characterization of Sun and Moon that i have ever seen#this chapter wasn’t even that sad i’m just Making myself sad about it#but on another level it also makes me sad in the sense that i don’t think i’ll ever be able to write something that good..#all that i want out of my writing endeavors is to make one (1) person feel as strongly and as much as RS makes me feel#and i don’t know if i can do that. i don’t know if my writing has what it takes bc i can’t even describe exactly what it is#i don’t think it’s a science that can be replicated. things either connect with someone or they don’t#the way Sun goes from worryingly innocent ‘wdym we can’t invite strangers to live with us?’ ‘wdym we can’t adopt an adult that needs help?’#to fucking. tearing an animatronic in half in a fit of protective rage and blocking access to all dating apps to prevent you from-#-finding anyone else bc he’s your Special Friend and he can’t have his Daydream falling for anyone else!! no no!!#it’s not a new concept but i eat it tf up when Sun is actually the one you should fear the most#like no i don’t think he’d hurt Reader but i dread to think of the things he would do For them#the back and forth between childlike innocence and terrifying intelligence possessiveness and physical capability is just mmmmm 100/10#and don’t even get me started on Moon. or i Will start crying again#he’s ​like yeah dumbass of course i’m gonna save you every time some POS man tries to **** you. of course i will you fucking crater-head#but i will complain at you about it the Entire way home and then i will steal your fucking toilet paper and pack you a raw egg for lunch#because i hate you 🖤 but Sun loves you and we would both kill for you 🖤 also i drank all of your chocolate milk 🖤 also i hate you :)#anyways i am paraphrasing obviously and dear god i hope no one who actually reads RS sees this bc i do not want my 2am ramblings taken as-#-any kind of Official Thoughtful Analysis of the story ok pls pls pls let me be insane abt my favorite fic without having to be articulate#i just have so many fucking FEELINGS about them. i am unwell.#i’m not even tagging this i’m just hitting post and going to sleep goodnight
4 notes · View notes
Text
there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.
#i lowkey had an awful day today lol#and it was my first day taking over as teacher so that's a great way to start it#there are people in seventh period who literally despise me and maybe that's an exaggeration but i looked over their creative writing for#the day and one of those kids literally wrote about how he was having a good day but then it turned into a bad day when i started the#creative writing with them so that was great and other stuff happened idk and one of my tics was really... uh... present today and i was so#aware of it and i feel like everyone was laughing at me because of it even tho ik that was just me being self-conscious but God i wanted to#cry and i shared a piece of my heart with them today for the creative writing exercise and so many of them just. told me how awful it was#like someone straight up started with 'this song is terrible' and then proceeded to write a paragraph about how bad it was#idk. it made me feel like a young kid again - sitting by myself on the playground and reading books. like i was in middle school and#everyone was telling me that the things that i loved were stupid. like i was a kid getting teased just lowkey enough that the teachers#couldn't tell because it wasn't necessarily outright bullying but they were making fun of what i loved which Hurts and then i was in high#school having to defend what i love and then in college hearing 'you ruined this for me because you liked it too much' and it just. idk.#it hurts. i find sharing passions and what i love with others so sacred and important and it Hurts when they just tear it and you down and#ik they're juniors and ik there will always be people like that but it was constant and idk. i'm just sad lol#so anyways even if someone shares something with you that you don't like there is literally No reason to be rude about it. you're allowed#to say you dislike it but it's not okay to just tell them straight up it's stupid or awful or you'd rather get hit by a car than hear the#song again. hm. ig i have some unresolved trauma lol#sorry for the rant y'all i just. needed to rant ig idk
23 notes · View notes
thekingsheroes · 4 months
Note
i have been thinking about "two lies and a truth" Basically nonstop since you posted the first chapter and the second one absolutely KNOCKED MY SOCKS OFF!!!!!! i have so many thoughts about it i ranted in a discord server for about an hour and i'm going to leave an obscenely long comment later so apologies in advance for that 〒▽〒
but anyway i saw you said you're new to the fandom and i just wanna say i am SO glad you're here (*^▽^*)
Oh??? My gosh??? This is so incredibly sweet, I don’t even have words, thank you so much omg. I’m so so glad that you’re liking “two lies and a truth” so much!!! And don’t apologize for long comments, they’re my favorite!!
And ahhh thank you, I’m so glad to be here!! :))
5 notes · View notes
thedevotionaltour · 14 days
Text
thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.
#static.soundz#crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad#bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons#when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words.#i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad#and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason.#it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college#bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection#bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular#but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad)#(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood#so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult.#they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time.#bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now?#why at this moment and no other time?#but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him.#more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.'#it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna#drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me.#i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds#that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year#when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music#i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm#im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.
3 notes · View notes
ughgoaway · 18 days
Note
Ace!!! That was so gut wrenching and painful and so so beautiful!! Your angst stings my heart just right every time it’s insane. Thank you lovely <3
ohmygod this is so fucking sweet of you to say. THANK YOU!!! lately, i have been feeling even more insecure than usual about my writing, so hearing this genuinely means so much to me. those emotions are exactly what I wanted to evoke when writing that fic, and I'm just so glad you enjoyed. thank you for reading and taking the time to send this, I adore you <3
(matty birthday angst in question can be found here lol :))
4 notes · View notes
l48yr1nth · 27 days
Note
Hi. Just wanted to say I really like your art. The way you use shapes is truly amazing and I love every art piece that comes up on my dash. :).
I AM. GOING. TO CRY.!
thank you and i love you and ur awesome and . i love you. :) :) :3
#labyanswering#incoming. incomprehensible ramblings#i seriously cannot say enough how much this rocks to read#i teared up a bit. maybe a sniffle#but i didn't tell you that#you. grab my heart and squeezed it a little#had to sit and take a breath for a second after reading and processing this ask#GRABS YOU#SHAKES YOU VIOLENTLY#DONT BE SO SWEET IN MY INBOX ! IM SHORT CIRCUITING AND OVERHEATING AND MALFUNCTIONING!!!#kisses u gently on the head /p#u are too sweet to me.#im going to. EXPLODE. ALL OVER. EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you ever talk to me again i will GET YOU#very very happy. veryVERY. happy.#have not been having the greatest of times (relatively) lately. u are why i keep going#i have like been struggling to keep up with my own blog lately and like. tears up a little.#i don't do art for validation but i'm NOT the social-est person so uploading and interacting is a bit of a difference from my usual self;;#and hearing that like. u guys like my stuff so much is my main (like 99%) motivation for continuing to draw and post#also this community rocks! i've made so many friends with similar interests!! I GET TO KNOW SO MANY AWESOME FUCKING ARTISTS!!#PEOPLE I FOR REAL LOOK UP TO IN TERMS OF ART TALK AND DRAW WITH ME!!#AND PEOPLE MIGHT LOOK UP TO ME AS WELL!#AND PEOPLE LIKE WHAT I MAKE!#AND I CAN SEE SO MANY THINGS OTHER PEOPLE MAKE!#THAT I LIKE SO MUCH!#im rambling so hard im sorry#but like i can't put it into words#properly at least#i may not know exactly who you are but i need you to know that i think ur awesome! u rock!#ok im up an hour past when i usually go to bed i have to GO. BYE.
5 notes · View notes
ereborne · 1 month
Text
Song of the Day: March 18
"Break Down Here" by Julie Roberts
2 notes · View notes
morbid-bvnny · 11 months
Text
#mentions of su^cide this is a vent post so maybe don’t read#I woke up at 4am from a nightmare and haven’t been able to fall back asleep due to chronic overthinking and stress#it’s always early morning or late at night that my disorder starts fucking with me most#when I have literally no one to turn to#my head is so far under water that I have no idea what to do and it’s fucking tearing me apart#I’ve been struggling financially for about about a year and a half now and it just seems to get worse#no matter what I try to do to make it better#I’ve changed jobs I’ve worked multiple jobs I’ve asked for raises I’ve tried to get as much overtime as possible#but im literally killing myself every day just to barely be scraping by and it fucking so bad#im such a fucking failure in life I can’t do a single thing right and every door I open is a dead end#im starting to think that there’s nothing for me and there’s no place that I fit in#on top of financial stress I am struggling with a chart full of mental illnesses all of which I am unmediated for#you guess it^also financial. I cannot even afford to pay for my meds and I’ve been off them for the year and a half I’ve been struggling#this whole year and a half I made friends and I’ve lost them just as quickly#I literally crave connections with people but I have no idea how to even remotely communicate that to anyone#I can’t make friends I’m as uninteresting as it gets and I’m distant and communicating is a struggle for me#I want friends but I lack the understanding of what helps friendships grow#I feel so alone on a day to day basis it’s depressing and I’m at a point where I feel like I could k^ll myself and nobody would even notice#or care for that matter#I’ve noticed the things that kept me from committing are no longer things that hold me back#rather they’ve turned into reason to go through with it instead and the only thing keeping me alive is not having the means to do it#I think the world will be exactly as it is without me and I’ve made no real difference in anyone’s life for it to even stir up emotion#the world keeps moving#people will say oh that’s so sad when they hear about it#and they will move on as if nothing happened#the burdens I’ve brought on my family will be gone and ultimately they would be much better off without me here#I guess it’s only a matter of time at this point
3 notes · View notes
robyn-goodfellowe · 1 year
Text
2 notes · View notes
yvmoveon · 2 years
Text
.
7 notes · View notes
frecklystars · 2 years
Text
im still incredibly low on energy so i cant reply to them yet, but thank you so much to the ppl who sent me really nice messages/love letters from F/Os the last two days ;-; i screenshotted a few of them so i could read them while im at work
10 notes · View notes
fairyzar · 1 year
Text
the older i get the more confused i become in regards to my identity.
#z escribe#i have been aware that i was adopted from a young age. heck i knew before my mom told me because i watched the health channel#and i rmbr they showed a skin color chart and i pieced together...two white parents don't equal a brown kid#and i thought that the colorblind mindset was a proper one to be brought up with. obviously not as i experienced racism in elementary.#and was extremely confused why 'other' white kids didn't see me as white either...well no shit you're not white baby aza#and i went through a radical phase during middle school. hating all white people. but then my mom's white fragility deterred me from that#as any time i would voice my anger she would... quite literally in tears... try to reason with me and be like ''but i'm white people...#do you hate me?'' to which i would always have to soothe her. and honestly i have become comfortable in identifying with mixed.#it is a comfortable identity because i have grown up without any specific culture (outside of american. which. how does one even begin to#define the complexities of such an identity... the way that american as a nationality transcends as it becomes a civil religion.)#anyways. i have been thinking about a guy at a party and our conversations. and how we got to our identities and i instantly...#out of habit really. told him ''well i'm half mexican or indigenous too... but i mean it's not like i'm really latin.'' and he was like.#''no azaria. you are. don't diminish yourself and your ancestors just because you weren't able to grow up around that culture''#his comment made me think about my identity once again after a long time of not wondering what it means to be Me.#and i recently submitted a paper for an internship. and god. i was reading it to my white mom. and after i read the concluding paragraph#she asked me to read it again. to which i did. and then after a pause she sighed and said i was being ''too angry''#and when i asked her to elaborate she simply said ''well it makes it sound as if white people are evil''#mind you. my application paper is about working at a museum for african american/black art preservation. like. art history is so deeply#saturated with colonialism and racism??? and she just chose to ignore that point of my paper and focus on me critiquing her fellow white#people. and to categorize me as the 'angry black person' are you Fucking kidding me. but then even with that she was like.#''i just don't get why you're so angry. you're not even black. i mean. you don't look black at all. you look mexican''#she constantly wants my identity to be simple. to be watered down. to be digestible.#i am the product of a biracial mother and fully latin/indigenous father. that is the truth of my identity. i will NEVER be perceived as#white.#but after that i just felt so incredibly shitty and called my sister and she told me what our mom said to her that day too. and i said#something along the lines of ''sometimes i feel as if mom thinks we owe her for adopting us.'' and my sister agreed.#it broke me. it really did. to know that i am not being overdramatic in my thoughts. to know that i am not simply being ungrateful.#my sister says that she copes with it by reasoning that our parents are born in the 40s and times were a lot different then. but it is hard#for me to constantly excuse their racism and ignorance towards my identity. both regarding my queerness and ethnicity.#i am so tired. so so tired.
2 notes · View notes
widevibratobitch · 2 years
Text
a girl reads her favourite play for the hundredth time and reaches that one scene that always makes her lose her mind. 2095770658570609 injured 453378997001 dead.
#'I have still a confession of importance to make and to you I make it. Mine has been a fortune which but few enjoy.#I loved a monarch's son. My heart devoted but to one made him its world.'#SHUT UP SHUT UP OH GOD FOR FUCKS SAKE NOBODY SPEAK TO ME EVER AGAIN#'Here on this holy altar. here in the heart of his queen. the object of his love and adoration. here I deposit my last sacred legacy.#Here may he find it when I shall he no more. [tURNS AWAY AND TEARS CHOKE HIS UTTERANCE]'#JUST FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY WHY DONT YOU#this scene alone unwaters my crops and worsens my skin and leaves dirty dishes in my sink.#this scene wraps me up in tinfoil and throws me into the microwave.#'you and carlos belong to each other. no paltry judices shall make me alter this opinion. promise me that you will love him.#promise and vow to me that you will love him for ever' 'i promise that my heart alone shall ever be my guide' SCREAMING CRYING SHAKING ETC#'youre going without telling me when. how soon. we shall again see each other' 'rest assured we shall again see each other' AHSHSJDDIJSDKDH#'I KNOW YOU HAVE LONG WISHED FOR SUCH AN OPPORTUNITY OF FALLING. SHOULD IT BREAK A THOUSAND HEARTS WHAT CARES YOUR PRIDE FOR THAT?#OH NOW I KNOW YOU WELL. ALL YOU HAVE AIMED AT HAS BEEN ADMIRATION' S C R E A M I N G C R Y I N G S H A K I N G T H R O W I N G U P ETC ETC#'G O . I NO LONGER VALUE ANY MAN ON EARTH.'#'[FALLS AT HER FEET IN MOST VIOLENT AGITATION] Queen! Oh God! How lovely still is life!'#get out. fuckin. leave me alone. i dont ever want to read another sentence with mine own two eyes. im going to burn every book i ever owned#im going to set fire to my house and to myself. i am NOT normal about this. nobody has ever been as not normal about a play as i am rn.#i hate this#don carlos#schiller#don karlos#also it's funny because i always lose my shit and need to put the book down for a moment to get a grip at the exact same moment#that Schiller made Posa break down a little too so after that 'when I shall be no more'.#it's just too much for me to handle.#god i feel so exhausted. i dont think i can continue rn. ill leave the prison scene for tomorrow.#once again @Verdi why oh why omit this scene from the opera?!???!!?!#honestly the power this holds over me. like no other. no matter how many times i read it i will always end up#severely dehydrated from all the crying#ok yknow what. im pinning this because i need everyone who comes to visit my blog to know just how distressed i am
19 notes · View notes