#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa im just...... i talked with my therapist about this yknow

[adhbabey]

There's no real way to say this, but recently I've come to the conclusion that I need better boundaries on the internet in general. I need to do what's healthy for me, and talking with everyone on here, or following back everyone is just not going to happen.

I do disability advocacy on this account, yet I am disabled myself and incredibly introverted. I struggle to form and maintain relationships, and I'm not going to be able to talk with or be mutuals with everyone. I can barely talk to my mutual friends on discord.

I have hit the follow limit sometime in the past year. And while I've blocked people, unfollowed a lot, it stands at 4775 people I'm following, and a good chunk of those I probably should stop following. And right now, this blog is at 4194 followers, that's a lot of people that I'd be terrified to be stuck in a room with. In general, I do not have the social energy to talk with or maintain the potential or acting friendships I have on here, and I am sorry about that.

I stopped following people back a while ago, and I should have probably not followed a bunch of people back in the first place.

I have struggled with boundaries for a very long time. From undiagnosed OCD to RSD, and dissociation and shit like that. I struggle with oversharing and overanalyzing every little thing. And I need to step back from that. I need to stop trying to overexplain and justify my existence and opinions at every fucking corner. It's toxic, it's unhealthy and it's fucking traumatizing.

I am not the goody little two shoes that I was when I was younger. And I never wanted to be put up on a pedestal over others. But with my growing platform, I need to accept that I don't want to be friends with everyone, or please everyone. I need to stop throwing myself into conflict because I feel like I need to have an opinion on every little thing. I don't need every little thing to be perfect.

And I am realizing that I don't know everyone who follows or sees my posts, and I don't need to. It's impossible, and I am not a deity, I am not an angel. And I will answer if you say hello, I will look at my asks if you send me a nice little thing. But my messages and inbox is open for questions and concerns. I am not looking for connections. If you need advice, ask for it. If you need someone to talk to, I get you. But I cannot solve all your problems. I cannot be there for every darkest moment you have, and I cannot make decisions for you.

So the next post I make, it'll have information to look up and contact if you are looking for someone to talk to. But right now, I know I am not that person for a lot of you. I need to be responsible with that, I need to put my mental health first.

This post is not to call anyone out. I am not making this as a bad thing. But I need you guys to stop putting pressure on me. I am disabled and mentally ill, I am unmedicated, I am still getting my life together. I am not everyone's friend, and I don't have to be. I just want my blog to be a safe space, and for that to happen, it needs to be a safe space for me too. This is a blog for healing and dealing with disabilities. This is a blog to talk about issues that I *want* to talk about. And I need to put myself first. That is not being unkind or cruel, it's being realistic.

TLDR:

I need better boundaries on the internet, especially this blog with many followers. And I need you to respect it.

I can't maintain friendships and connections with everyone. I am introverted and socially drained in general.

Being a disabled creator/advocate means I need to be responsible with my platform.

You may message/ask me if you have questions or concerns.

But otherwise it's unrealistic to keep running on empty here. This blog is supposed to be a safe space for me as well.

Lastly, if you need someone to talk to, and you have more problems that can't be fixed simply, then you need to start looking for a therapist or a counsellor. I will have another post coming out about that. And do not worry, I won't be sponsored by Better H*lp.

#babey posts #important #mental health #I am too tired to bold n italicize this tbh #if you guys want to improve/recover please consider therapy #I can't be there for everyone on here #and its irresponsible to be trying to be making connections that I can't maintain #if you guys are going to message me im going to give you advice thats the thing #i struggle with helping people too much in my personal relationships #but if you are looking for a friendship you probably wont find it with me #what do you expect here ? #im not a god i dont have powers #im also not qualified or obligated #sure say hi hewwo im fine with that #but im like....... so ??? low energy #i call with my friends for like a week straight then i just fall of the face of the earth for a while #plus i dont know people #i see u if you reblog my stuff #but like whomth ???????????? #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa im just...... i talked with my therapist about this yknow? #i need to give myself some space on here