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gaystan · 11 months

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PRESENTING ME AND @11x13kyle's FIRESIDE CHATS WITH KYLE AND ERIC AKA NICHE INTERNET MICROCELEBRITY AU:

cartman and kyle host a podcast called fireside chats with kyle and eric that’s basically just red scare, cartman is dasha and kyle is anna

they're constantly beefing with each other on twitter and some people are convinced it's staged to promote the show but kyle just hates cartman That Much

a majority of their listeners are just there for the occasional mention of their batshit childhood experiences amongst all the terrible political takes

like "umm i don't wanna hear this insane opinion on al gore i want to know more about how you guys swear that he tried to get you to help him kill manbearpig when you were 8"

fans wonder if these events are true or if they're enabling each other's schizophrenia

cartman is always saying the worst reactionary things while kyle's takes are deceptively normal until he hits them with one that makes listeners go hey WHAT?

kyle resents being called a reactionary but cartman LOVES it, wears the label like a badge of pride

there is CONSTANT discourse about whether or not cartman's antisemitism is ironic or not, with the reasoning "why would kyle be friends with him if it was genuine," and kyle regularly takes to twitter to say "IT IS NOT IRONIC."

kyle peaks the mic multiple times an ep yelling at cartman, says they'll edit it out in post, never gets cut because neither of them can edit

reddit posts go up are after every episode giving timestamp warnings for when kyle gets super loud

cartman has a christian music era, gets tradcath allegations and does little to discourage them

there are people who rpf ship kyman. cartman knows about this and tweets at fans asking them to send him fic recs

secretly jacks off to them

has a bit where he gives a shout out to his favorite kyman fic of the week and kyle breaks the mic every single time screaming at him

he posts unbelievably cringy "ironic" thirst traps to his instagram story at night and "ironic" drag pictures but the outfits and makeup are too good to be a joke

he also posts pictures of butters in bed with like bites on his neck to brag about getting hot tail but it's also just as unsexy

this is how he accidentally comes out, he was so distracted by the need to flex that he forgot he's still trying to beat the gay allegations

the "ironic" kyman fic jokes stop being funny

butters is adam friedland and kenny is the girl he cheated with

the butters show is cohosted with dougie and part of the alt right pipeline

stan is kyle's offline boyfriend in a B list rock band and wears fireside merch on stage sometimes

this includes the isis shirts which he swears up and down he didn't know were isis shirts

deeply apolitical by choice so whenever kyle talks to him about podcast stuff he nods along like whatever you say honey

he still listens to it he just tunes out of the political talk

the day his fans find out he's gay is the biggest day for them since his 2021 single hit the hot 100

everyone analyzing his old lyrics like oh my god. this was about a MAN. it all makes sense.

kenny is a twitter microceleb and socialite, much like with cartman controversy is part of the brand

gained thousands of followers over the butters cheating discourse

thirst tweets about kyle and they're secretly unironic

comes on fireside and rates youtubers he's slept with, kyle is disgusted and cartman is delighted

chapo trap house is craig and those guys

#it was so hard to narrow my favorites down like i said this went on for hours #south park #more cartman centric than i expected but i mean. Come On #suggestive #jic #a personal favorite #microceleb au

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alyeecoffee · 5 months

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I'm imagining a kyman angst where they're both dating but, whenever Cartman gives any type of affection to Kyle, Kyle bluntly rejects it. (Inspired on Twitter) It goes off like this:

That one morning, At School ,Cartman tries to give his boyfriend a small act of affection hoping that this time Kyle accepts it. He gets a flower that he found yesterday after school and planned to give it to Kyle this day.

Once he gives it to Kyle, his answer is below his expectation. Kyle laughs it off and pushes the flower on Cartman's hand and tells him, "Cartman, come on, stop it, this is so embarrassing you know?" Kyle let out a nervous laugh and added, "come on, let's go catch up Stan and Kenny in class" he turns around his body. That moment, Cartman knew.. there were several things to point out here:

1. Kyle calls him 'Cartman' instead of 'Eric'

2. Kyle was embarrassed instead of flattered

3. Lastly, Kyle never kisses him or tells him that he loves him

After Cartman sorts this out, he can only sigh and throw the flower to the trash can and follow where Kyle goes. While walking through the hallway, Cartman started to wonder when was the last time they kissed. He remembered back then Kyle was very nervous when Cartman confessed to him, they shared their feelings and that time too they finally kissed. Now what? As if that time never happens at all.

...

Cartman realizes that there's no use in keeping Kyle to stay with him, so then he chooses to do the silent treatment. And of course Kyle didn't realize that, he was so busy with his friends that he didn't realize he was ignoring his boyfriend. Cartman let out a hurt chuckle 'of course, he never likes me in the first place, why would I think he will one day?' And it's been like that for a week.

...

Another day just came, Cartman was bored and somewhat hopeless, there's no one he could find to hang out, his mind has been circulating about Kyle, Kyle, and Kyle and it exhausted him so much. He thought that maybe if he asked Kyle to go on a date, maybe Kyle would accept it? He still has a glint of hope. He contacted Kyle's number...

Kyle: what, Cartman?

Cartman: h-hey, I was thinking if you wanted to go on a date today?

Kyle: sigh... Cartman, look, I'm busy, I'll make it up to you next week okay?

Cartman was so done.

Kyle: Cartman?

Cartman: you know what? Fuck you Kyle, all you ever did always makes me a complete trash! I'm your boyfriend! Why can't you just at least have time for me or maybe act like a couple would do?? Is it because I'm fat? ugly? Or what?! What are you ashamed of?!

Kyle: cart-

Cartman: see?! You even called me on my last name! You know what?! Let's- let's just end this... it's not like you even love me in the first place..

Before Kyle can speak, Cartman hangs up the phone and immediately blocks him. He then breaks down in tears, maybe...just maybe there's someone who will truly love him...

#kyman #this time it's angst #i guess it's onesided #sp kyman

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roomofshroom · 1 year

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my kyman headcanons (18+)

i love others' headcanons so i thought id share my own <3 these are mostly 18+ but not all of them are!! if you dont agree w some of them its ok its mostly for fun!!

hey there's a part 2 !!!!

kyle would mostly call eric cartman and eric would try to secretly find ways to get him to call him eric more

when kyle does occasionally call cartman by his first name it's when they're getting intimate so eric associates kyle calling him by his first name with sexy times and then gets ...excited anytime kyle says his name which makes for some very funny situations

they would hide that they're in a relationship for the first few weeks but their friends would have their suspicions anyways bc they're not fucking blind and the way eric looks at kyle just says it all (not stan tho, mfer is blind af)

they would tease each other, name call each other in front of their friends and their fights would get very heated but for different reasons than others have in mind

cartmans a little brat and enjoys when kyle gets angry so much he purposely makes him angry in front of their friends, just for them to dissappear and angrily make out in a closet or somewhere secluded

stan would be oblivious to that and call cartman an asshole for getting kyle mad and then he'd worry ab his best friend when he suddenly dissappears w/o a trace

kyle doesn't want to admit it but he likes it when eric tries to get him riled up and sometimes he even exaggerates his angry reactions just to see eric get those excited sparks in his eyes

when they finally tell their friends they're together stan throws up (mf was oblivious the whole time), kenny asks them VERY personal questions ab positions they've done together, butters is happy for them and congratulates them, craig says he had known the whole entire time ('you guys are so blindingly fucking gay it's making my eyes hurt'), tweek would hand him 5 dollars (mfers made a bet out of it), clyde would say to tolkien that he's worried ab them checking him out and tolkien would just tell him to stfu bc 'being gay doesnt mean they wanna fuck you, no one wants to fuck you, clyde'

now that everyone knows, eric would brag to everyone ab not being a virgin anymore and jokingly try to go into details ab their sex life which kyle would VERY QUICKLY shut down and blush the entire time

eric now calls stan a virgin million times a day, asks him if hes jealous that hes 'getting that sweet sweet jewish ass' and constantly remind him that hes 'fucking his best friend nya nya nya hahaha' while kyle tells him to stfu

eric gets a stupid fucking tattoo 3 month into the relationship something like a fucking arrow pointing to his ass saying 'kyle was here' or i dont fucking know, anyways kyle would hate it and call him fucking insane

when kyle finds himself in a deep convo w anyone else thats not their friend or eric himself, eric always interrupts to make SURE they know kyle's HIS man so 'don't try to steal my man bitch' while he snaps his fingers and leaves w a dramatic hair whip (nonexistent long hair)

eric would be very veeeeery clingy while kyle would get slightly controlling sometimes just to quickly realize and get mad at himself (eric loves it when kyle's controlling and jealous so he doesn't mind)

eric would cry and whine about the dumbest shit ever ('mom said im not allowed my xbox bc i keep yelling at others in the game to kill themselves waaa khal, isnt she such a fucking bitch?') and kyle has to comfort him bc 'that's his boyfriend duty', kyle would call him a fucking crybaby which would only cause cartman to cry louder forcing kyle to shut him up somehow (maybe with a kiss)

#kyman #kyman headcanons #kyle x eric #kyle x cartman #sp kyman #sp kyle broflovski #sp eric cartman #south park headcanons

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vanzuris · 3 months

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i don't know if this may be a kinda weird idea but i thought about it last night and it's been eating me alive, follow me on this one:

kyman as cats au. yes.

(sorry if it’s poorly written, english isn’t my first language)

so, kyle is a slim orange cat who's been living with the marshes since two weeks after he was born. they found him on the side of the road during a family trip, dirty and tiny and loud, and randy was outnumbered; he had zero chances of convincing stan, shelly and sharon to not keep the goddamn cat. and as time passed he successfully gained everyone's heart. they loved him. even sparky (rest in peace) and specially stan who considers him his super best friend because kyle is a very chill and nice cat.

and it has been just him in his territory for a while.

so it's just natural that he can't help but stare in confusion when shelly comes back home with a fluffy, fat brown cat with big brown eyes and a red collar, alleging that she saw him around all by his own for a few days now and decided to take the poor thing to their home. stan, who just loves animals in general, finds him adorable and reaches out to pet him. that motherfucker immediately starts to purr, just to bite stan’s hand seconds later and then act like it was all in good fun. and he doesn’t quite know what is it, but there's something about him that kyle just... doesn't like.

whatever, it doesn’t matter because then it happens. while eric (as printed on his collar) rubs on stan’s legs, he notices kyle for the first time. he immediately starts to approach him, ears and tail up communicating his curiosity. the family just stands there, wanting to see how this will turn out. first they smell each other, and then proceed to make a kind of staring contest before eric raises his paw and hits kyle on the face.

“oooh, i would fight back if i were you, buddy” says randy.

but they still let eric stay after posting pictures of him on social media in case there’s someone out there looking for him. the week goes by with loud meowing from both cats, and it’s a bit annoying but funny, because it’s like they’re arguing in their own little language all the time. kyle tries his best to avoid him: staying in stan’s room for more time than he’s used to, resting on the tallest step of the cat tower, going out of the house to hang out more often with the neighbor’s cat, but he still gets involved in these “arguments” that sometimes even become physical and end up with shelly and stan having to separate them.

and it certainly doesn’t help that eric spends 50% of his time sleeping in shelly’s bed (his favorite human of the four, because she’s always petting him, treating him like he deserves (yeah, like a king) and even bought a nice plate to feed him) and the other 50% trying to start fights with kyle. seriously, what’s wrong with him?

okay. they hate each other, right? kyle must be angry because this cat came out of nowhere and invaded his territory and even dared to try to start fights with him. that’s what it looks like to the whole family.

so it’s just natural that stan has to rub his eyes five times to confirm he’s not insane and seeing things when one night he goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water and catches both cats curled up together, incredibly close, on the couch.

“i think kyle is gay”, stan shares his thoughts with the rest of the family three days later during dinner, after constantly catching the two cats getting along and being… clingy? when apparently they thought no one else could see them.

“sparky was gay, what’s the possibility of our cat being gay too?”

stan doesn’t know, but he’s sure he’s right. of course he had to be a fucking orange cat. no one believes him, though, because the cats continue to be gay in secret.

and it’s all fine until one day a blond guy in an orange parka shows up to their house, claiming that eric is his cat that ran away two months ago.

shelly and stan look at each other, knowing damn well that they both started to love that rude cat and don’t want to give him back. but it doesn’t matter, they eventually would have to.

eric greets kenny with a loud purr and even louder meows, happy to see him again. shelly asks kenny to please take his plate and newly bought toys with him so eric can remember her, and then they leave.

the whole week after that is a torture between shelly talking about how much he misses eric and kyle meowing at the door, waiting for the brown cat to come back.

and on a tuesday, stan wakes up to find the two cats curled up on the couch again. oh my god.

he calls kenny, who comes to pick eric up and stan explains how their cats are… lovers? apparently. kenny laughs, but believes in his word and promises to take eric to visit his cat-boyfriend sometimes.

it’s not necessary, though, because eric keeps coming back on his own, but eventually learns the way back home with kenny so that’s not a problem anymore.

the only option the marshes have now is to accept their cat’s sexuality and eric’s presence too, whenever he shows up.

whether they like it or not, he’s part of the family now.

#can you tell that i’m going insane #kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #south park kyman #shelly is on sabbatical in case you were wondering #aaahqjejidbwjenwkdnsn #i love them #i kinda wrote this on a rush #wouldn't it be funny if kenny and stan bonded over their gay cats

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zankagi · 3 months

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hey!! i've been thinking about a specific kyman scenario that i wanted to share here. i lowkey suck at speaking english so sorry if there are terrible grammar mistakes teehe. also, it's not really organized because i literally thought of this at 3 am last night, this is just me vomiting words.

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️: it has a little of nsfw. nothing explicit really because it isn't even important, but if you're uncomfortable with please be mindful of that. also, if you don't like or hate kyman, please don't read. just scroll past this.

ok so !! a highschool au where the boys are in the last year of highschool, and they start thinking about college and their adult lives. it's cartman's last year in south park bc he already decided to move out to another place (far away, i don't really know abt us states but you go imagine some place far from colorado). he applied to a prestigious college and he actually got accepted, so it's a huge opportunity for him. although there is another reason for him to leave south park apart from the fact that he doesn't like the town; and that is kyle. he's been in love with him for years now and he knows kyle would never like him back, so he wants to leave all his feelings behind and have a fresh start. he wants to forget kyle, or at least all the years he spent yearning for him.

the guys know, not about his massive crush on kyle of course, but about him moving out. at fist kyle thought that he would finally be free from cartman for good, and he didn't even have to do anything at all! but, the more the year progresses, the nature of their relationship changes. maybe it's because eric wants kyle to at least have a few good memories of him before he leaves, or maybe it's because deep down kyle can't imagine what his life without cartman would be. he isn't accustomed to not have cartman around, and he doesn't know what future holds for him (i imagine kyle would go to a college near south park, let's say it exists because i need it for the plot), so he's actually a little scared to lose his friends... even cartman. whatever the reason is, they start to grow closer. they start going out more (as friends, of course), they hang at each other's houses, they start laughing a lot more, and even though they can't stop fighting for absolutely everything, they find they start enjoying the fighting too (more like kyle finds out, eric has always enjoyed them in his own way).

kyle knew there was good in eric after all. he had lost hope at some point on trying to fix him, but he found that they could actually get along and they had a lot more in common than he realized. he remembered that there were some rare occasions in his childhood when cartman wasn't antagonizing him and they were actually on the same team. he remembered how fun it was back then, and he actually missed it. it was really fun. though weird, eric understood him in a way that kenny and even stan couldn't. it really was weird, but he was sure it was the same for eric too.

at some point in the year, this change in their relationship got kyle doing a lot of thinking. some random night, after a day spent laughing, arguing and playing videogames with eric, kyle came to the conclusion that he actually liked eric. he freaked out and was weird for a week or so, being especially weird with cartman. after a lot more of thinking, he got his head around the idea that he liked cartman, and wasn't as freaked out and weird anymore. he realized that this wasn't really news to him, he'd been obsessed with eric since they were kids, always trying to make him change for the better or trying to stop his schemes when he didn't really had to. he just never though much about it because it was "the right thing to do", but it all made so much more sense now. he wasn't telling anybody, though. not even stan. never.

so, the year goes by and he doesn't say a word and never acts on it. it would be stupid since eric's moving out in a week so whatever. the four boys decide to spend that last week together in a sort of farewell to eric. they have a really good time together laughing, having sleepovers and doing dumb and dangerous things together like when they were kids. everything is like the old times and there are no worries, no pressure, no uncertainty, no anxiety... just them being kids all over again.

the night before eric's trip arrives. he's leaving early in the morning and kenny, stan and kyle had already said their goodbyes to him. kyle is having dinner, but he can't stop thinking about eric leaving. he's leaving for who-knows how long to a really far distance from colorado... and, hell, he'd probably not come back anymore because, who would want to come back to fucking south park? the little, boring and stupid town that caused trouble to anyone living there? eric would probably start a new life, meet new people, far from anyone he knew before, he'll probably fall in love with someone else and make a good life away from everything and everyone. all of it while kyle is still in colorado and being miserable, probably.

that's when kyle can't take it anymore and when his family is asleep, he sneaks out from his house and goes to eric's. he climbs up to his window (just like eric did a lot of times when they were younger, entering to kyle's bedroom unannounced) and knocks lightly. eric was already in bed and was really confused when he saw kyle outside but opened the window for him anyway and helped him into his bedroom. they sit in eric's bed and the brunette looks at kyle for a few seconds before speaking.

"what are you doing here?" he asks.

kyle doesn't answer immediately, but looks around the room that was only illuminated by the rays of the moon entering from the same window kyle climbed. he sees eric's suitcase and various boxes with almost every decoration of the room inside them. he notices how the bedroom he knew for practically all his life and that was witness of so much memories was now cold, lifeless and felt strange and unknown. he feels his stomach sink uncomfortably and it's all he needs to muster up the courage to look eric in the eye and say "i wanted to see you." with the most sincere expression in his face.

eric tries (and fails) to suppress the blush that spread through his cheeks, and coughs to cover it up.

"you saw me yesterday." he replies, and kyle rolls his eyes. he doesn't appreciate being questioned because he feels exposed.

"yes, but you leave tomorrow morning and i don't know if i will be awake to see you go."

eric shrugs it off and they start chatting, laying on his bed, looking at the ceiling. they talk about everything, but mostly about memories together. they laugh together at some of them, and fight about other ones because they really can't stop arguing and antagonizing each other. the only difference is that now fighting seems more fun and friendly than before, and they both enjoy teasing the other and rile each other up. at some point they stop talking and enjoy the silence for a little bit and maybe it's the fact that it's kind of late and he's nostalgic, but kyle breaks the comfortable silence, whispering;

"even though i hate you with all my heart.." that was a lie. this year they grew closer and kyle realized not only that he liked eric, but that he actually never really hated him. "... i'm gonna miss you, man."

eric huffs a laugh. if kyle could be sincere with him, he could too.

"i hate you too." he lies. "but i'll miss you." they fall in silence again, and now is eric's turn to break it, feeling specially sincere that night. "hey," he starts. "remember that time when you moved to san fransisco?" he doesn't wait for an answer before speaking again. "that made me realize that nothing was the same without you... it wasn't as fun as before." he moved his head to look at kyle, who was already looking at him. fuck he thought. he looks beautiful. before embarrassing himself, he continued speaking, looking at kyle. "i can't believe i'm telling you this because i thought i would take this secret to my grave but... i did a plan to bring you back here. with butters, i mean. we did a plan to bring you back."

"really?" he asked, his green eyes gleaming.

eric explained him everything they (he) did and didn't miss any crazy detail. he told him everything they went through just to bring him back, and added that trying to replace him with butters ended up being more boring than originally planned. soon, he had kyle laughing at the anecdote. he couldn't believe eric did that for him, the ridiculousness of the situation and the fact that eric tried to replace him with butters of all people. and okay, fuck, kyle was beautiful laughing like that, eric couldn't hide his own smile.

kyle stops laughing and looks at eric, smiling at him. every coherent thought left his brain instantly, so he simply exhales and closes the distance between them, giving eric a short peck on the lips.

he immediately flinches and almost falls out of the bed with how quick he distanced himself. he blushes and starts frantically apologizing to eric, saying that it was an accident, that it was inappropriate and blah blah blah.

"shut up." says eric, grabbing kyle's cheeks with one hand, managing to make the ginger stop taking. he copies kyle's action, and gives him another chaste and short kiss. he stops squeezing kyle's cheeks and they separate again. they lock eyes for a few seconds before leaning in again and now kissing properly.

they make out for a while, one thing leading to another and well... they are boy. hormonal boys. i don't imagine that they fuck, i think they just masturbate together or maybe give the other a bj but you know what? i'll leave it up to you. you can even pretend this didn't happen. when they finish cleaning up (lazily, because eric doesn't want to be apart from kyle) they fall asleep together.

a few hours after, lianne knocks on eric's door and tells him that breakfast is ready. kyle and eric wake up and eric tells lianne that he would be downstairs in a minute. they look at each other in silence for a few minutes, kyle looking pensive and eric too sleepy to say anything.

that's when kyle has an idea, and he starts stripping eric off his shirt. eric starts panicking and tries to keep his shirt on. "wait, kahl." he says. "last night was great but i really need to go now."

kyle rolls his eyes and shuts him up with a kiss. one kiss becomes two, and three and four. kyle presses their foreheads together, eric looking confused but willing.

"i'm not going to do anything, dumbass." he explains, putting some distance between them. "i just want to keep your shirt."

"no." eric declines. "no way, this is one of my favorite shirts."

"i know." kyle replies, matter-of-factly. "that's the point. i will keep your favorite shirt so you have a reason to come back."

eric smiles at him, and concedes. "don't get too comfortable with it jew." he says, tossing the shirt at him, and searching in his suitcase for another shirt. "i will come back to get it."

they share a last kiss before lianne yells from the kitchen that the breakfast was getting cold. eric helps kyle get out from the same window and watches him go back to his house.

a few minutes later, eric and lianne are carrying the boxes and the suitcase in lianne's car. kyle couldn't go back to sleep, so he's watching them from his own bedroom. he watches as they get inside the car and how lianne starts driving, the car becoming smaller in the distance. he looks down at the shirt in his hands and clutches it. he wanted to put it on, but it had eric's smell on it and he didn't want it to disappear so soon. that shirt represented the promise that, some day, eric and kyle would see each other again.

AND THAT'S ALL!!!! well not all all. in my original idea they see each other again but many years later. eric comes back to south park and kyle has the old shirt forgotten in the back of his closet. he has a girlfriend now and they've been going out for a few years now. after eric left, stan kenny and kyle's friendship wasn't the same, they stopped seeing each other frequently and became good acquittanances (i hate that word) but do not fear because when eric comes back they start rebuilding their broship. the only thing that doesn't go back to normal is that now kyle has to fight his demons (bisexuality) and realize all over again that he's still in love with eric. he has a whole conflict with himself because he made a life without eric and now he has feelings for him again but he feels abandoned !! and also he is in a long-term relationship and he's happy !! but he hasn't talked to eric in years (let's say he changed his number or stopped reaching out at some point or whatever) and even if they spent YEARS apart, kyle had always had eric present in the back of his mind in some way or another (in the form of a shirt that has been forgotten) and now eric is back and his whole world and everything he constructed without him is upside down !!! but don't worry they figure it out and they end up together. this is not the official ending because this might as well end when eric leaves and have an open ending or it can end with eric not leaving, or him coming back as soon as possible, there's so many options... i'll leave it up to you, i like a little bit of drama and angst so i thought really quick about that last part that's why it is not as developed as the rest of the idea but !!!! who knows who knows everything is possible.

i just wanted to share my thoughts here because it's been DAYS and i can't get them off my head, it has been a while since i had kyman brainrot and now it came back at full force. blame the not suitable for children special for that (ik it didn't have kyman but it had eric and i love that little bastard so it all started with the eric cartman worms for brain and now here we are)

ANYWAYS I'M RAMBLING SORRY I LOVE TALKING hope you liked this any suggestions thoughts and or comments you may have are totally welcome !! have a nice day / night depending on when you are reading this hehe 🫶🫶

#sp kyman #kyman #south park kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kyman worms for brain #i dont really know how to tag this #i love them they make me insane #fic prompt #(kinda)

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xaihan · 10 months

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day 6 of kyman week: first trip OUT AND PROUD?!

I was thinking of something along the lines of cartman dropping the news about him and kyle dating at a very special occasion of their whole gang going somewhere together and turning their trip into a celebration lol. like stan and kenny didn't already figure them out on their own. 🙄

as cartman was bragging his heart out - sadly, noone seemed to notice butters was asleep for the big reveal. oh well, he's gonna have to figure it out on his own...

#kymanweek2023 #kymanweek #kyman #eric cartman #kyle brovlofski #south park fanart #kyle x cartman #cartman x kyle #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #butters stotch #xhnart

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hatsunevitu · 11 months

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so i’ve been thinking A LOT about kyman love languages recently and here’s what i’ve come up with:

kyle’s love language is definitely help.

he’s pretty used to helping those in need and that is how he usually shows affection. he doesn’t say “i love you” or hugs cartman often, but when he has a chance to stay at cartman’s room he will subconsciously clean up everything here and there; he keeps an eye on whether cartman is taking his meds; he will casually tuck him in at a sleepover, help cartman with his homework (constantly grumbling about cartman’s laziness), buy his favourite chocolate bar at the store… but he will never admit he actually cares about cartman, neither will he accept the same help from eric. he will deny it and make excuses although everyone understands how much he really protects cartman.

in response he loves to get affection with quality time!

he won’t admit it but he loves dates for just the two of them.

what about cartman, uh, he mostly expresses his love with physical touching.

and it’s so. so. terrible. cartman knows how much kyle hates pda so he usually tries to embarrass kyle with unexpected kisses in public :D cartman’s the type to intervene kyle’s conversation to demonstratively hug him from the back and kiss his neck and then just go away without any explanation leaving kyle all blushing and distracted. kyle is seriously pissed off every time so they have the same dialogue every goddamn week:

kyle: Did you really have to kiss me in front of everyone?

cartman: That Mexican dude was obviously hitting on you.

kyle: I don’t even know his name, asshole!

cartman: What’s the problem, Kyle? Can’t I just kiss my boyfriend when I feel like it? Is it prohibited? Or are you just homophobic?

kyle: I can’t even tell how tired of your bullcrap I am.

cartman: Because, Kyle, last time I checked America was a free country! Where people like me could kiss people like you whenever they want!!

kyle: Do you even hear yourself?

cartman: Anyway, didn’t you like it though?

kyle, blushing: It was… fine, I guess…

and in response cartman loves to get attention with words of affirmation or praise.

he’s so desperate to get praised by kyle :( i mean nobody really says nice things to him except for his own mother so every time kyle says something like “wow, cartman, you did a great job, huh… that’s surprising…” and cartman can’t hide these happy sparkles in his eyes. also it’s the highest reward for him to be called “eric” by kyle.

#south park #kyman #sp #sp kyman #cartman x kyle #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kyman headcanon #kyle x cartman

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randomdoom · 10 months

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Thinking about kyman week and what to draw. 🤔🤔

#south park #kyman

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11x13kyle · 11 months

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the closest kyle gets to actually leaving the podcast is when stan finds out about cartman’s “kyman fic of the week” segment and BEGS kyle to quit the podcast and kyle is like “hey. don’t cry. i’m repulsed by him on every level. i’ll beat him up during next week’s episode, okay?” and then he does and stan feels better because now whenever he feels sad he can listen to a recording of his boyfriend beating the shit out of cartman and he’ll feel better instantly.

#microceleb au

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victimized-martyr · 1 year

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I love all your kyman hc's so much!!!!😭❤ I just need to hear more, so here are my questions: if kyman got married how would they act around each other? And do you think they'd adopt kids and if yes: what would they name them? And would they raise them jewish or christian or both?

Aaahhh I know there are too many questions I'm sorry 😭😭

Don’t apologize, I love talking about kyman :D

Regardless of context, the core of their dynamic is: Cartman is the instigator, Kyle reacts, a little back and forth, escalate the issue to Nth degrees of insanity, Kyle lands the final blow. Though sometimes, depending on the issue, Kyle lands the last punch thinking he’s won, only for Cartman to win the war last minute. Another way the show’s mixed things up, is that Kyle’s victory is undermined either by South Park itself, or Cartman. I see their marriage as an opportunity to expand their unique dynamic and introduce new plotlines/ jokes that couldn’t be done if they were still kids.

I see Cartman taking Randy’s place as the adult that’s always up to no good, the fixture of South Park’s weirdness. self serving hijinks flare up just about every week. Meanwhile, the Sharon (or straight man) to offset that cannot be anyone else but Kyle. This time however, unlike the marshes, and perhaps most couples in South Park, the Brofloski’s are truly in love. That’s kinda the joke. The couple that started out insulting each other and trying to kill each other on multiple occasions end up in the happiest relationship. I see them fitting nicely among the pantheon of sitcom couples— Mitchel and Cameron, Marge and Homer, Ralph and Alice, Gomez and Morticia. Their relationship, in Trey fashion, pays homage to and in the same breath, mocks those classic couples.

TLDR, Their dynamic is in tact, it’s just evolved to a new label. Instead of sort of friends-ish, they’re a couple. They’re still loud, obsessed with each other, fight over issues, hang out and share similar tastes. Only this time they got rings on their fingers. And if they don’t fistfight, how do they deal with their classic arguments? Well, like any sensible american couple, of course! they fuck each other’s brains out! ( just kidding. I have this vision of Cartman doing the most outrageous shit and Kyle chasing him offscreen in anger, Cartman shouting “domestic abuse domestic abuse!”)

I’m not sure what they’d name their kids. Does it matter? I do know what personalities I’d like them to have though— the 1st, their oldest, is outgoing, entitled, bossy, manipulative, a performative people pleaser, makes everyone’s problems their responsibility, and is quick witted. (A 2w3) Much like Eric, they are exceptionally charismatic and love being in the limelight. And like Kyle, they love getting involved in the lives of others, seen as helpful. The 2nd child is less outspoken, prefers to keep opinions to themselves, a dispassionate observer. ( poster child for 8w9) Like Eric, they’re materialistic, and prone to laziness. Still, they are an intellectual like Kyle, and far more principled in comparison to their sibling/Eric. They’re probably the most capable and dangerous in the family. They don’t shoot themselves in the foot like Cartman, and they don’t fight against the currents of South Park like Kyle. If they wanted to, they could take over the world and succeed where the Brofloskis failed. They just don’t care though lol.

I could never, ever see them as a two religion household. Yeah, Cartman has been portrayed as a bigoted Christian (or in his words, “[used] Christianity as an excuse to be a piece of shit”), but carrying that extremity to adulthood isn’t as funny. I don’t know how to articulate that other than, many extreme right wingers on twitter weren’t able to read Cartman’s bigotry in Cupid Ye as hyperbolic and instead took it as fact, and praised the stuff he whispered into Tolkien’s ears. His actions in Cissy were recently trending and was seen as heroic and like, justification why trans ppl can’t use whatever bathrooms they want. You can’t escalate the crazy stuff from real life anymore— it’s become reality. So the funniest thing to do, is either personify it as something else or, run in the opposite direction. If anything, PC has shown us that it’s funnier that the very same kid who once belittled Judaism in fact, became devoutly Jewish and proceeded to rub it in everyone’s faces rather than him ending up as some evil businessman. You rob bigots the chance to idolize Cartman, but give Cartman the freedom to hone his brand of idiocy on other things. So! Kyle slaps the antisemitism outta him, they get married, bam. They are a Jewish family.

#south park #kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #cartman #what is brevity? hell if I know #asks #talk tag #Again it’s important that Cartman’s an asshole in different ways #like there’s this excellent trey quote where he introduces Matt as his wife #and like. wouldn’t that be the perfect way to piss kyle off??#‘My lovely wife Kahl’ ‘honey you really need to get that sand out of your vagina’#Cartman just loves Kyle’s attention in general so yeah he’s a tease but instead of insults he prefers flirting #is it because its the right thing to do and the way to respect his spouse? sure if that’s what u think. all Cartman knows is that #the less he insults his husband and the more praise he gives the better sexy times is #the insults don’t come from a genuine place anymore either bc again he’s reconciled how in love he is w/ kyle #and w/ kyle he knows cartman is all talk and he loves putting him in place and like why would he pummel his husband in punches if kisses #knocks him off his pedestal even more?? literally a look will bring his husband to his knees (reverence..apology..other..doesn’t matter)#oop im blurring this tag w/ my next answered question lolol

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sprinklez-sparklez · 10 months

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♥️ Kyman Week | Day 5 💚

⏱️ First Day + Adulthood ⏱️

Couldn’t think of any creative kid scenarios so I decided to mash the two prompts together for this! Today is the first day of Kyle leaving the house for longer than usual for his job while Cartman wants to continue to sleep and cuddle with his baby 💕

(Click or tap for better quality)

It was 6:00 AM. Kyle was putting on his best suit and tie for his office job interview. Granted the interview isn’t until 8:00 AM and the office building is really close by (about an hour or so) but nonetheless, Kyle still wants to be prepared for anything important that might happen before the interview.

As he walked out of the door he heard a noise behind them. It sounded like footsteps. “Kahl?” A sleepy voice was heard. Kyle turned around. “Cartman? What are you doing up early?” He said softly as walked towards his droopy eyed boyfriend. “Why the hell are YOU up so early?” Cartman asked back as he rubbed his eyes.

“Don’t you remember? I have a job interview today. They want me at 8 so I’m preparing myself to leave.” Kyle said as he adjusted his tie.

Cartman’s eyes then shot open and his mouth let out a surprised yet deadpan “What?”

“Yep.” Kyle said as he gave his shocked boyfriend a kiss on the forehead. “In the meantime you can treat yourself to all the food you want and do whatever you want until I come back.” He smiled and started to walk away. “See you in five hour-” Kyle suddenly felt a tight hug.

“No.”

Kyle looked at Cartman in shock. They’ve been separated before, why is Cartman suddenly forbidding him from leaving the house? “Uhh, babe I gotta go.”

“No you don’t. You’re staying with me and you’re going back to bed with me.” Cartman said stubbornly.

“Cartman I’m leaving and you can’t stop me from going.”

That’s when his face started to turn red and he fell to the floor. He still had a good tight grip on Kyle’s arm.

“KAAAHHL! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALOOONE! I DONT WANT TO BE BY MYSELF! PLEEEASEEEE” The curly haired man cried in a high pitched whiny voice.

“I’ll only be gone for five hours. You’ll survive, babe” Kyle said as he looked down to his sobbing boyfriend with an annoyed expression. He really didn’t have time for his whining. Especially now.

“NOOOO!” Cartman weeped. “I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUU!”

As Cartman cried, Kyle sighed. Kyle kneeled down and looked at his boyfriend who had tears coming out of his eyes and snot coming out of his nose. He hugged Cartman and wiped away his tears. He even gave the guy gentle kisses on his soft left cheek. As much as Kyle wanted to stay and continue their cuddle session, he had to go out and get this job for the sake of the two of them.

As Kyle continued to comfort Cartman, he thought to himself, What am I going to do with this guy?

#kymanweek2023 #south park #kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #sparkle art!

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