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#about social interactions for the next few days' and they RESPOND to my RESPONSE within like 30 minutes of sending it
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one of the bad things about having such low social energy/social anhedonia/little interest in interacting with others in any capacity/ Hermit Disease™ is that like.. once every FIVE months here and there I’ll get fleeting bursts of social energy and will message one or two people to catch up with old friends or etc. and then it’s like... 
tfw you message someone and then wake up the next morning to see that they REPLIED to your message so now you’re actually supposed to message them back, which is an obligation you were somehow not expecting despite the fact that YOU sent them a message 
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#I feel bad because it's like.. I know I WAS THE ONE who reached out to you but also I have depleted all of my energy stores and have like no#capacity to respond that this point.. Which usually I'll get to it in like 2-7 days and people who know me (people who I would actually#message) know this/are aware it doesn't mean anything/are okay with it so its not really a big deal but still lol#girls and squirrels i am so sorry i dont know what to tell you but I have Disorders gjhgbhj#oh same thing when someone messages me and then I respond and I'm like 'whew finally got that off the to do list! now I dont have to worry#about social interactions for the next few days' and they RESPOND to my RESPONSE within like 30 minutes of sending it#so now I'm back at the point where I owe them a response even though i JUST crossed that off my to do list ghbh#And there's some people out here who are like 'omg.. if people don't text me back in 30 minutes then they must hate me! i want to be texted#back immediately. true friends will drop everything theyre doing just to text you!! >:T' whereas I'm like#god if I reply to you and you reply back to me within less than 24 hours I'm going to scream... just give it a good 2 or 3 days.. let the#message sit PLEASE.. it's social buffer time.. let's recharge our energy... the the conov age like a fine wine#(unless it's urgent. obv if we're coordinating plans or scheduling something we both must reply promptly exactly)#AND ALS THIS IS just a caveat of text communication like I HATE text communication. another reason it's SO hard to find new friends is that#nobody wants to just talk on the phone/discord voice chat/Some Medium Of Real Time Audio Communication anymore#everyone is like.. 'oh just send short little messages through a stupid fucking chat client or text me or message me on a social media' and#it's like.................................... no........ i dont think I will#Real time communication is SO MUCH faster and more efficient like. It would take me 2 hours to type something that I could say in a 30 minut#e conversation. People who I have genuine conversations with (like 5 hour long talks) are the ones who are not afraid to just be like#'yeah i have somehting I want to talk to you about. can we schedule a phone call thursday at 10:30am?'#also like.. if you text me at 3pm I am not going to respond to the message (depending on the contents-obv will reply sooner if#urgent) probably until 3 or 4 days later. If you call me at 3pm then we're talking at 3pm for as long as you want (or as long as is practica#l - also assuming I'm not already in the middle of something etc. etc.)#Like phone calls/voice calls/whatever - are so good because it's immediate. no having to go through and spell check. I am also a rambling pe#rson with complicated thoughts and i AM INCAPABLE of having short conversations. no matter how hard I try#you send me a sentence of text and I will write back 3 paragraphs. this makes text-form communication THAT much more taxing and time consumi#ng  - whereas I can explain even really complicated things in Real time in like 20 minutes MAX when it would take 1.5hr to type and proofrea#d and etc. in text. ALSO I love that it is a Structured ONE TIME interaction. I know eactly when a phone call will start and can plan for#when it will end. Text form communications are ongoing background interactions with no clear start or end. no structure. etc.#in person/phone/real time communication is just SO much easier for my brain to process and depletes my social energy slower#. it stinks that the entire earth is slowly moving away from the only form of social interaction that is convenient to me lol.. BUT ANYWAY
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anislandintime · 7 months
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Sometime in the early days of April, I texted PD telling her about me having written to AK, after months, expressing what thoughts and feelings have occupied my heart in all these months. I received no reply from PD. The only reason for me to tell PD about it was that its she who introduced AK and me to each other she is the only person who knows both, and knows the association of ours. I was not just feeling emotionally weak, but also was wondering why things had unfolded the way it did, not just between AK and me but also within me. When I received no rely from PD, I felt very isolated. After few days I expressed my disappointment about not hearing anything in response from her, and PD, in decorative language, said how she feels bad for having not been able to respond and also said how AK is also her friend and how she wishes peace for me and AK both. It was a bit nauseating to read that text, to be honest. I had not asked PD to take a position either with AK or me, for her to say she too is a friend. Not that PD doesn't know how things have affected me and me texting her was an act of seeking a friendly company in times when I am struggling. Yet knowing that I am struggling for her to speak of some universal peace was a real real disappointment. It was like saying All Lives Matter, when attention is being drawn to the sufferings of Blacks. Things became extremely lonely after that with the responses of AK slowly began moving in the direction of blaming me, and me having nobody to discuss things with and shed tears to.
Now, months later, when AK and I have closed all interactions, and after being made to feel that I have been causing trouble, I decided to apologize to PD as well because she must have felt it discomforting to be caught between her friend and me, especially as someone who introduced the two of us with a grand plan to make us a match! In the text I also hinted that I am withdrawing myself from PD. I couldn't forget how she remained unavailable when I needed and I reached out to. On reading my text, PD immediately texted back asking how am I doing. That irritated me even the more because when I had contacted her in a moment of distress, she had not even cared to ask how am I doing. Not even after some days when I expressed how disappointing it was to not hear from at all. Now suddenly she expresses concern about me!! How am I expected to respond? I did not respond. The next morning she sent another text, just calling my name. I did not respond. After hours I felt I should at least let her know that I dont mean disrespect by not responding, but am just in no position to engage with her or the world anymore. And I did. Some hours later, in the early hours of yesterday, PD texts me saying I am being "Super Selfish" and then slipping into the "If you need me you know how to get in touch with me" note, which irritated me further. When I needed, and when I reached, she was nowhere near. Now makes it seem like she is being generous and I am being unkind in wanting to withdraw. Wow!
I was angered and wanted to respond asking why am I supposed to contact her if I needed and what evidence do I have to believe that she will be available as a friend. But I held back all my words because she, in the same message, spoke about she is going for a therapeutic program that very morning and will returning to the social life only after 20 days. She said how the intense program requires positivity and strength, which is why she doesnt want to respond any further now. And also said how that is she being selfish on her part. God! As if that is the only selfish act by her! As if otherwise she has been available for a conversation, or for listening, or for ever correcting a friend if they are wrong.
PD also thanked me in the end for being there by her through tough times and also thanked me for not letting her make the biggest mistake of her life- losing her therapist!
So, in the end I am a good support for everyone, including PD and also AK who acknowledges how my support meant so much to her, but am also the one with no support.
What really made me feel unfortunate and ill-fated is the fact that after assisting AK, PD and many more also in finding good therapist, and assisting them in their healing process, I am left with no access to therapist and worse, in a position where even some healing I had done, has been undone by some of the very people who I stood by!
What fate is this?
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lonely-lost-soul · 3 years
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Under The Floorboards (Pt. VIII)
(Technoblade x Reader) First Part: Pt. 1 Latest: Pt.VX
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(Feel free to play this while listening to this chapter! Full credit to @Alexx-Kun on Wattpad for suggesting this gorgeous song)
https://youtu.be/kCV4JUqGr64
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Day 1: Forgiveness
Step one you needed to find a venue, you had assigned Ranboo as your honorary maid of honor. The young boy was just as thrilled as he was confused, did you not have any other friends? You were Technoblade’s perfect match if that was the case. Ranboo had no problem voicing that to you and you pouted at him, you argued that everyone who lived with Techno was antisocial. He reluctantly agreed and you smiled proudly, he rolled his eyes and shoved your shoulder with his hand. You laughed, glad you were sitting down, or else you would’ve for sure fallen. Technoblade and you had decided to split the jobs for the wedding between the both of you. You were in charge of the invitations and flowers, basically anything to do with decorating and interacting with other humans. Technoblade meanwhile was in charge of the venue and the official rings, it’s not that you didn’t trust him with more duties it was more that he didn’t trust himself. That and he also believed that you both could just get married in the woods. You at least wanted a small wedding with a few people you cared about, you rubbed your pointer finger and thumb together with a frown.
    “You alright?”
     “Just thinking about the invitations. Who will come...stuff like that.” Ranboo glanced over at the minuscule stack of letters by the table, it was clearly small, but Ranboo hand wrote them for you in swirl print. They better show up, Ranboo would be pissed if they didn’t, he put a lot of work into those invites.
    “They’ll come.” He nodded his head picking them up with his claws, one was for Tommy, another was for Ghostbur, and Ranboo also suggested an invite for Captain Puffy he figured the both of you would get along considering you both had a habit for adopting misfits. You also needed a female friend. “We can deliver them and search for flowers, then tomorrow we can search for a dress for you that sounds okay right?”
    “For someone with such a bad memory, you’re surprisingly good at planning,” You watched the boy preen at your compliment.
     “Thank you, I also figured we can use the stasis chamber so you only have to walk one way with your ankle.”
     “Smart boy.”
    “Why thank you,” Ranboo smiled proudly over at you reaching out his hand for you to take. You grabbed it and he pulled you to his feet, he kept his hand interlocked with yours, it was minuscule in comparison to the half enderman’s. “Ready?”
     “Ready.”
Slowly but surely the two of you made your way over to the nether portal and into the once-great country. Ranboo placed his hand on your lower back and helped guide you through the rubble of the city. He knew much better than you did where everyone resided, even if you didn’t meet them face to face you’d make a chest and drop it off. Ironically the first person you ran into was the woman Ranboo insisted you meet, Captain Puffy. She’s gorgeous, was your first thought, she was some form of a sheep hybrid dressed like a pirate, two of your favorite things, sorry Technoblade you might’ve met your new wife. You talked with her well into the afternoon, she was just so easy to talk to,
    “Can I just say I feel like I’ve known you forever,” She gushed, taking your hands within her own and squeezing fondly. “I’m so happy Ranboo has found someone to watch out for him,” Ranboo flushed in response but didn’t argue against Puffy’s words which warmed your heart.
     “I’m happy too. I just want to help these kids in whatever way I can,” You smiled a little forlornly thinking once again of the obnoxious blonde. “They just don’t deserve all the shit they have to deal with, they’re kids you know? They should be living their lives.”
    “Yeah keep talking like I’m not here,” Ranboo mused over your shoulder which caused you to laugh with a shake of your head, “no need to stop please continue.” Puffy smiled at the both of you,
     “She’s right though Ranboo. You should be out causing mischief or getting into trouble, not fighting in a never-ending war.”
    “Oof getting into trouble? No thank you, I just wanna tend to my pets and go on adventures with my friends.”
     “You’ll get to do that I promise. Once my ankles healed we’ll go woodland mansion hunting, I’ve been to a few in my time. They’re a lot of fun.”
     “Really?”
     “Yeah of course!” You beamed and Ranboo smiled right back at you, he brought his journal out of his bag and quickly scribbled something down in it. In the end, Puffy ended up accepting the invitation with a blinding smile,
     “You’re going to be a gorgeous bride. Could I bring my girlfriend Niki? You’ll love her!”
     “I don’t see why not. I can’t wait to meet her!” You assumed Technoblade wouldn’t mind one more person, especially because he’s never mentioned Niki which was a good thing in your eyes. Usually, if Technoblade talked about you, it was because he wasn’t a fan. You all said your goodbyes, you felt warm inside you couldn’t believe you were about to have TWO friends who are girls.
     “Soooooo?”
     “I love her.”
     “Told you so,” Ranboo smirked. He was proud of himself for forcing someone else to socialize so he didn’t have to. Ranboo was relieved that list of people to invite wasn’t long; considering Technoblade had more enemies than friends. The only thing that rubbed him the wrong way was he didn’t even know that you had invited Tommy in the first place.
So if Tommy did show up, your wedding might be a bloodbath.
You and Ranboo stood outside of Tommy’s house, he glanced down at you and watched your hands clench the envelope. He brought his hands over yours and rubbed them gently, you looked up at him with wide eyes.
     “Deep breath and relax okay? He’s Tommy so I won’t say he won’t flip out at you, but I can say you’re a wonderful friend, you’ll be fine.”
     “I can’t believe Mr. Panic Room is telling me to relax.” You let out a nervous laugh, he made an offended face.
     “Ya know what, never helping you again. You can walk home.”
     “Ranboo it was a joke!”
     “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” you stuck your tongue out and headed up to Tommy’s door and knocked. You already knew Tommy might not even be home, the boy was a wanderer by nature. Yet, much to your surprise, the door opened with a loud BANG, and in the doorway stood Tommy looking better than you’ve seen him in all the time he spent with you and Technoblade.
     “Hi, Tommy.”
     “(Y/N)?” He blinked looking surprised before he steeled his face, “What’re you doing here wench!” Tommy pointed an accusatory finger at you and you raised an eyebrow,
Wench?
That wasn’t going to fly.
    “Try again.”
Tommy sputtered as you narrowed his eyes accusingly, his eyes trailed down to the netherite sword at your side. His entire demeanor changed when he spotted it at your side,
     “(Y/N)! My friend! Good to see you! How’ve you been? Good? Good!” The boy rambled wrapping an arm around your shoulder with a big smile, there’s the Tommy you remembered. “I’m sure you’re doing good fo’ sho’! Now what do, I owe this pleasure women!”
    “I wanted to invite you to Technoblade and I’s wedding,” Your voice was soft and hesitant, holding out the invitation out to him. The teenager blinked a few times before taking it from your hands, he flipped it over confusion was etched deep on his brow.
    “You’re getting married? To Technoblade? He’s going to have a wife and I’m not?”
You blinked a few times trying to process what Tommy said, was he more mad at the fact that Technoblade was getting married in the first place? “Well yeah, considering I’m his fiance and all…”
    “That motherfucker! He gets to have a wife! I want a wife! (Y/N) acquire me a wife!”
You let out howling laughter at his response, tossing your arms around the boy, he went silent and a confused look came across his face. His ears turned red as he looked over at Ranboo with a face that screamed help me, Ranboo simply looked away holding up a prominent middle finger at the boy. “Okay, okay! Enough hugs,” Tommy ranted shoving you away from him with a huff, “I don’t know what’s so funny about me needing a wife.”
    “You’ll find a wife eventually,” You couldn’t help but smile as he frowned down at you. “So? Can you make it?” Voice quiet as you looked up at him, the nervousness from before creeping back into your body, he chewed on his bottom lip while looking at you. Tommy wasn’t about to be soft while Ranboo was standing less than a foot away so he did the next best thing which was whacking you on top of the head.
    “I-well-...” Tommy rubbed the back of his neck looking nervous for the first time in his life, “I can’t.” He saw your face fall and he grabbed your shoulders tightly, “Not because I don’t want to! I… I guess you’re not TERRIBLE.” He admitted begrudgingly, “Tubbo and I...we have some unfinished business we need to deal with before things get any worse for people.”
     “I don’t know what you mean Tommy.” You suddenly grew very concerned, “You don’t have to hold the entire world on your shoulders.”
     “Yeah, I do,” Tommy responded with enough seriousness to shake you to your core, you didn’t know about his past with the discs fully, but you knew enough to know this situation was about that. “Just know I’m happy for you, seriously I am,” He gave you a sad smile.
    “Stay safe Tommy. Please don’t be stupid.”
     “I’m never stupid you BITCH!”
     “Call me a bitch again you BRAT!”
     “MAKE ME!”
You frowned, hitting him in the side so he would double over, while he gripped his stomach you pulled him into a headlock and began digging your knuckles into his skull. “Apologize!”
     “NEVER!”
Ranboo looked sheepish as he stared at the scene, his shoulders slumping forward. “(Y/N) we have a schedule-” Reluctantly you released Tommy and he stumbled back, he huffed dusting off his shirt. You smiled slightly over at the boy,
     “See you soon raccoon boy,” you gave him a proud salute.
     “Hasta La Vista Miss Blade,” Tommy responded, saluting you right back.
You turned away from the boy and headed back over to Ranboo’s side, “You ready?” You nodded in response with a little smile on your lips. “Good. Next, up is Ghostbur right? We need to find him.”
     “If we can locate Friend we can locate him.”
It took a while, but eventually, you and Ranboo found Ghostbur and Friend wandering around a forest nearby the crater. Immediately spotting you a bright smile spread across the ghost’s face, “(Y/N)!” He shouted, throwing his hand in the air with a wave, “How’re you doing darling!”
    “I’m good Ghostbur! Have you met Ranboo?”
     “Briefly. Nice to see you again!”
     “Ugh, ditto,” Ranboo responded with a shy smile shuffling a little behind you.
You smiled and pulled an envelope out from your bag, you held it out to him.
     “You and Friend good sir, are invited to Technoblade and I’s wedding.” He gasped loudly, eyes lighting up with pure and utter joy,
     “Technoblade getting married! Oh my god, that’s phenomenal! You’re going to make the most beautiful bride,” he praised excitedly as your face turned red at the compliments, “Gosh, you two are so lovely together, I wouldn’t miss this for the world! Do you have a dress? You have to show me!”
You rubbed the back of your head, rocking on your heels, “Well...about that.”
     “Do not tell me you don’t have a DRESS?” He practically yelled crossing his arms, “I’m disappointed in you!”
      “It’s in two days Ghostbur! I had no time! I’ll make do with something. I’m sure I have an old dress somewhere-”
     “UNACCEPTABLE!” He grabbed at your hands, “I’m getting you a dress. I’ll meet you at Technoblade’s tomorrow, just hold on!” Ghostbur ran his hand through Friend’s wool with a smile, “You’re going to be one of the most gorgeous brides, only second to Sally.”
     “Well I’m honored, I’ll see you then.” You smiled adoringly at the little ghost as he floated off his sheep buddy by his side.
    “Do you think he’s getting you a dress?”
     “I have no idea,” You responded with a shrug, “It’s sweet he’s willing to put in the effort though.”
      “Or creepy.”
     “It’s sweet you jerk,” You nudged him with your arm Ranboo smiled,
    “I’m just glad it’s off our to-do list for tomorrow.”
     “True that means you can sleep in,” You teased as his multicolored eyes lit up,
    “Hell yeah.”
~~~
Day 2: Ghostbur’s Gift
You woke up to sleepy kisses and tender touches, one of the loveliest ways to wake up if you might add.
    “Morning big guy,” You cooed fondly as he made a soft purr-like sound in his throat. You turned over to face him and he immediately pressed a kiss to your lips. The voices couldn’t help but point out how cute you looked in the morning.
    “Helloooo...How’s your ankle?” He asked his thumb brushing against your cheek, closing your eyes you let out a soft,
    “Much better.”
    “Good, I heard from Ranboo Ghostbur’s supposedly stopping by today. Any particular reason?”
     “He says he has a dress I can wear for tomorrow.”
    “How does he have a dress exactly?”
    “No idea, but I’m going with it.”
     “If you’re sure. Just don’t look bad.” You frowned and bonked him on the side of his head, “it was a joke!”
     “It better be a joke or I’m leaving your ass. I look good in everything so fuck off.” You hissed as Technoblade groaned,
     “Heard you loud and clear Princess. Scouts honor, you’re the most beautiful girl to me you know that.”
    “I do. Just don’t joke around like that, makes me feel bad okay?”
He frowned a little and moved to hover over you, his hair framed his face and fell past his shoulders. It tickled your cheeks and you ran your hands through it meeting anything but his eyes suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Technoblade kissed the tip of your nose,
     “Hey, Princess look at me.”
Turning your head towards his voice, the two of you locked eyes, a sense of calm washed over you, the only thing in his eyes was pure, unadulterated love.
     “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world to me. No matter what I’m always going to think that you are, you could grow a third eye and I’d still want to marry you tomorrow. I’m sorry I made you feel bad, it was a joke but I won’t make it again. I swear.” You felt your eyes water as you tossed your arms around his neck, the sudden movement caused him to fall forward crushing you beneath him.
    “I love you too bubba. Thank you for listening to me.”
     “That’s part of my job idiot.”
You smiled against his neck and held him tighter, Technoblade reciprocated the hug and decided the both of you could stay in bed just a little while longer. The two of you shared soft kisses, every once in a while Technoblade would reinforce how precious you were to him, eventually, it all got to be too much and you shoved your hands in his face.
     “Enough is enough! I’m embarrassed now.” Technoblade laughed at your flustered expression and pressed a fond kiss to your lips, obviously you kissed him back, your fingers threading through his hair.
      “Princess…” He let out a pleased sound in the back of his throat, “you’re making it hard to get out of bed. I still have some stuff set up for tomorrow and you gotta look out for Wilbur.”
     “Or hear me out. You can stay in bed with me all day, and keep giving me kisses,” You pressed your lips to his own before whispering in his ear, “Anywhere you’d like.” You nipped teasingly at his earlobe and suddenly felt the heat radiating off his face. As you expected his face was a deep red color and you felt his head fall against your shoulder,
    “You’re going to kill me.” You only laughed in response, finally pulling away from him you swung your feet over the side of the bed, “you can’t just say that and walk away.” He whined loudly with a little pout on his lips, “Especially since I won’t see you until the wedding.”
     “Suck it up buttercup,” You stuck your tongue out at the man “I’ll just be at Ranboo’s if something goes wrong I’ll be within reach.” He reached his hand up and threaded his fingers through your hair, you sighed pleasantly at the physical touch, “I love you.”
      “Love you too, see you tomorrow.” You gave him one last fleeting kiss before standing up leaving the warmth of the covers and your half-naked fiance behind much to your dismay. You tossed one of Technoblade’s old shirts over your head, it came down past your knees and Technoblade let out a happy sigh from behind you. You let out a little laugh, looking at him over your shoulder his eyes were half-lidded as he stared at your now bare legs. “Hold on don’t change just yet I wanna stare a little bit longer.”
     “Perv.” You snickered ignoring his wishes and sliding on a pair of pants, afterward, you tied a corset around your waist. He responded with a ‘heh?’ of disagreement before he groaned loudly and flopped over in the bed, “see you soon Bubbas.” You leaned over and pecked his forehead before sliding down the ladder and out of the house. Ironically your timing was perfect as you greeted Ranboo right outside Technoblades cabin, “Good morning!”
     “Morning, you and Techno sleep okay?” You nodded with a bright smile, “Good Wilbur should be stopping by any minute now by the way. He sent me a note earlier this morning that said he’d be around this time.”
     “Works for me, wanna wait by your house?”
     “You just wanna pet my bunny,” You smirked and laughed,
     “Can you blame me?”
     “I suppose not. Whatever makes you happy.” Ranboo sighed but there wasn’t any real defeat in his tone, “Let’s go.” Ranboo and you walked a little ways away to his humble little shack so you could play with Ranbun. You were set up in Ranbun’s pen holding him in your arms and cooing softly at him, Ranboo joined you after a few moments of jealous staring. The two of you spent the next hour playing with his bunny and feeding him lots of treats, he was one happy bunny. Ranboo was the first person to see Ghostbur coming through the trees, a large box in hand, had he actually managed to get you a dress?
     “(Y/N)! Ranboo!” Ghostbur shouted excitedly floating over to the both of you, “I managed to find the dress I promised you! So long as it fits of course.” Your jaw fell open as you stumbled out of Ranbun’s pen,
     “How the hell did you manage to find me a wedding dress?”
     “Oh! It was Sally’s.” A fond smile spread across the ghost’s face, both you and Ranboo looked at one another brows furrowed. Ranboo put a hand to the side of his face and whispered loudly to you,
     “I thought Sally was a fish.”
You whispered back in the exact same manner,
    “Me too, but at this point, I’m too afraid to ask for clarification.”
Ranboo nodded seriously and stood back up to his full height, you stepped forward and took the box from the hands of the ghost he stared at it longingly like he was afraid to let it go. You chewed on the inside of your cheek for a moment before speaking up,
     “Are you sure?” Your voice was barely above a whisper but it was still as tender as ever, the ghost of Wilbur snapped his eyes up to meet yours. He seemed to be reading the expression in your eyes before smiling almost fondly, handing the box over to you officially. He pulled out a small patch of blue and fumbled it around in his hands, like a nervous tic,
    “I’m positive love. I trust you to take good care of it and Sally would want you to have it, she was wonderful like that. Just please take good care of it.”
    “I’ll protect it with my life. I promise you.”
     “I know you will, you’re going to be a beautiful bride, my dear.” He somehow took your hands and pressed a faint kiss to them, “Go on then try it on.” Your eyes sparkled in delight and he turned to Ranboo,
     “Well go on, we’ll still be here to judge you immensely.”
    “Oh fuck off.” You laughed heading into his shack to change, you managed to find an area not completely out in the open. The only nerve-wracking thing was you didn’t have a mirror so you had to pray you looked alright and that Raboo and Ghostbur wouldn’t lie to you. You opened the box and pulled the dress out, Sally really knew how to pick a damn good dress; the dress was stunning, you definitely wouldn’t do it justice. The dress fell past your feet and pooled a little ways behind you, it was more of an off-white creme color, and was made of soft lace. It was sleeveless so the winter wind gave you a chill, you hoped Technoblade picked a place that wasn’t freezing cold. You took a breath to hype yourself up and stepped out of the shack, the dress trailing behind you, you had left the veil in the box figuring you didn’t need it right now. The first person to spot you was Ghostbur, who gasped loudly bringing his hands up to his face after spotting you. You shrunk in on yourself a little bit and your cheeks turned a light pink in response, “That’s a good expression I hope.” You meekly laughed as Ranboo turned around and let out a shaky break of surprise. He reached forward with his claws to touch the soft fabric,
     “It’s perfect! Fits like a glove.” Wilbur hummed happily floating around you, “I was right by the way, you look beautiful. Techno’s going to pass out.”
    “Shut up I can’t look that good.”
    “You do though!” Ranboo shouted excitedly, “It suits you perfectly not that I had any doubts or anything.” He jumped a little on the balls of his feet, he pulled out his memory book quickly scribbling something down inside it, as he did so he muttered “I’m the best honorary maid of honor ever.”
     “You definitely are.” You praised the halfling who only seemed to grow more excited at the praise, Ghostbur cleared his throat, was he looking for a compliment too? “Ghostbur you’re a lifesaver, if it wasn’t for you I’d be walking down the aisle in Netherite. Thank you.” Ghostbur seemed to preen a little as he smiled proudly,
    “I know. I’m pretty great aren’t I? I basically saved the day.”
    “You certainly are.”
    “Oh! Just return the dress the next time I see you after the wedding okay?”
     “I will have no fear, it’s in safe hands.” The ghost nodded, “I can’t wait to see it in action tomorrow.”
     “Me too,” you sighed lovingly, doing a little twirl in the dress you could only imagine the look that would appear on Technoblade’s face when he saw you.
You hoped the voices would approve because Technoblade was absolutely going to short circuit and go feral, you could hardly wait.
Day 3: The Wedding Day
The night before the wedding Technoblade couldn’t sleep his body was buzzing with nerves, which was a foreign feeling to him. He was worried about you not sleeping by his side, this was the first time since you’ve officially gotten together that you weren’t there. He didn’t realize how much he missed your presence and warmth, he pulled the pillow you usually used close to his chest. He felt like a love-struck teenager cuddling the pillow of his missing girlfriend because that’s basically what he was, except instead of a girlfriend it was his fiance. The voices didn’t help his longing either; they were roaring in his head asking where you were and when you would come back.
Where’s (Y/N)? I miss her! Can Ranboo protect her if something goes wrong? What if Dream gets ahold of her in the meantime and you’re up here sleeping? I wanna squeeze her thighs again right now. E. That’s disgusting, stop, don’t sexualize her like that. B U T T. Can I get a big pog for butts? Thighs for the thigh god.
His entire face went a deep scarlet, “What does that even mean guys.” Technoblade let out a loud groan of embarrassment, some of the voices laughed, some others rumbled with anger. “I just want her by my side is all, I miss her. I miss her touch...I don’t know when I became such a sap. I hate that I care about her this much, but god without her I’d be lost.”
SIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMP
     “You shits.”
The morning rolled around and Technoblade woke up as soon as the sun shone through the windows. He fell asleep around three in the morning, tired as shit, bees buzzing around in his stomach.
Today’s the day! Gotta get ready as soon as possible, you’re gonna look so handsome! I bet (Y/N)’s gonna be equally as beautiful! Don’t fuck it up. Celebratory murder spree pog? She’ll think you’re so hot covered in blood. No! E. Normalcy is key!
He shook his head to get rid of the nagging voices rattling around in his head, he knew what he had to do, and listening to the voices wasn’t one of them. Phil was going to come soon and Technoblade had to look presentable so they could head to the venue and Phil could set up some last-minute decorations. Techno would say he felt bad making Phil do most of the work, but he honestly didn’t, especially since he was so inept at romance in the first place. Never one to wear a suit Technoblade decided his best outfit would be his arctic retirement one, a suit would be too constricting. After all, what if it was attacked and he needed to jump into action, Phil had told him that he was absolutely not allowed to bring weapons which he was not happy about at all. Although the man did reassure him that he would be armed and have an extra weapon just in case something was to occur, he guessed that was FINE. With a soft huff, the man stood up from his bed and pulled out his outfit, the soft blue made him yearn for the days before they found Tommy living under the house. In a way wearing this symbolized a time in their relationship before he was forced into bloodshed once again, plus he knew you loved the fuzzier outfit.
Putting on everything, he brought the fur cape around his shoulders, his crown glittering on his head in the light. He looked regal, he would say he looked like a king but he hated all forms of government so he just looked like his usual badass self. In his closet sat his wedding gift to you, it was a gold tiara that matched his crown in his own way finally solidifying the both of you as a blood god duo.
Turning away from the tiara he grabbed a hairbrush to tame his wild hair, he wanted to do something different with it. It spilled around his back and down to his waist, he managed to tame the frizz with some product that he ‘borrowed’ from you. In the end, he had two small braids framing his face, he grabbed both of them and pinned them together on the back of his head. A half-up half-down look almost made him look like a Viking, he liked it. Technoblade placed gold earrings along with his ears and added some gold accents on his wrists and fingers, none overshading his engagement ring.
His ears twitched hearing the door open downstairs, Phil was here, it was time.
     “Hellooo!” Technoblade called from upstairs and Phil responded with a cheerful,
    “Hey mate!”
As Technoblade descended the ladder, Phil smiled fondly at his old friend, he immediately adjusted the cape on his shoulders. Technoblade huffed a small laugh, “Was that really necessary?”
     “Obviously. I’m the married one, I know what I’m doing.” He shot back snickering, “You ready to go?”
     “As I’ll ever be I suppose.”
    “I’m proud of you man,” Phil responded with a fatherly smile “You’re never going to forget today. It’ll be the best of your life.”
    “Ehhhh I don’t know about that. Spawning those Withers and blowing up a country really gave me a rush.”
     “Oh fuck off,” Phil howled with laughter while shoving the snickering piglin. “This’ll be an entirely new feeling, I would know.” His wings puffed out happily remembering his marriage fondly,
     “Didn’t you marry a fridge?”
    “You’re literally the worst.”
Technoblade smirked just happy he steered the conversation away from any of that mushy crap. He was going to get enough of that as it is in a few hours, oh look at that the bees are back. Phil gave him a pat on the back and the two of them left the house side by side. The spot Technoblade picked out for the wedding was one both of you would like, a snowy taiga, it was warm enough that you wouldn’t freeze to death but still had the beautiful powdery snow that Tecnhoblade loved. Phil had done an amazing job of setting everything up, on the arch, there were beautiful blue flowers interspersed with white roses (both of which you picked out prior), they stood out beautifully against the wooden trellises. There was a carved stone pathway leading the way up to the arch and a few wooden benches decorated with light blue silk so whomever (Y/N) invited could sit down. He knew most of them would only be there for her, he was okay with that, all he needed was Phil and Ranboo and he was content. Next to each booth was a stone pillar, on top of them sat a bouquet of white and blue roses.
     “You really outdid yourself, thank you.” Technoblade whistled,
     “You know I’d do anything for you mate. Glad I could provide, I do have one last little decoration though.” Phil mused reaching into his bag he pulled out a small gold bell similar to the one he had inside his house. He placed the bell above the arch so it would chime softly when the wind blew against its side. Technoblade smiled fondly at the sight and wrapped his arm around Phil’s shoulder.
     “I love it. (Y/N)’s gonna love it too.”
     “Thanks, man.” Phil said softly bumping against the blade, “Do you know who’s going to show up by the way?”
    “Absolutely no idea.”
     “Guess we’re gonna find out, look.” Technoblade stepped away from Phil and looked in the direction of his friend, cresting over the hill seemed to be two girls, Technoblade was immediately confused because he didn’t realize you had friends who were women. Phil let out a small laugh, “Oh it’s Niki and Puffy, Ranboo must’ve introduced (Y/N) to them.” Technoblade only nodded his lips twitching into a frown, new people...gross.
     “Hi, Phil! Technoblade!” Puffy chirped brightly, her hand intertwined with Niki’s tightly, “Congratulations to you Mr.” She lightly tapped Technoblade in the chest he blinked in surprise,
     “Thank you?”
     “I may have just met (Y/N), but just know if you do ANYTHING to hurt her at all I will slaughter you.”
     “Darling please…” Niki sheepishly smiled, “you realize you’re threatening Technoblade right? Not the best idea.”
    “It’s alright. I admire your gumption,” Technoblade gave the both of them a thumbs up in response, “I’m glad (Y/N) has someone else like that looking out for her. But, just so you know. The same to you.” He eyed the both of them with a sharp look in his eyes, Puffy let out a nervous laugh and Niki narrowed her eyes warily.
     “That’s fair.”
     “Anyway!” Phil cleared his throat, “let's not ruin this before it even starts.” He led the two girls over to their seats with a small smile, “(Y/N) will be super happy to see you both by the way. Thank you for coming.”
      “Of course, (Y/N) and I are soulmates after all.” Puffy swooned happily as Niki giggled fondly at her antics, “Technoblade better watch out. Niki and I will steal her heart.”
    “I’ll be sure to warn him,” He snickered, glancing over at his friend who was sniffing at the flowers in the pots. “If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask, Wilbur should be here soon then (Y/N) and Ranboo will come and it’ll start.”
    “Sounds good,” Niki hummed playing with the sleeves of her blue dress “I’m super excited to meet her.”
While Puffy reassured her that she would, Phil noticed his son floating over to the area. “Hello, Phil!” The ghost’s eyes lit up seeing all of them, “Oh wow everything is so beautiful!”
    “Thanks, Ghostbur.” Technoblade hummed walking over to Phil and the ghost,
     “I’m proud of you too Mr. Engaged!” He snickered as Technoblade’s nose scrunched up in distaste, “Who knew the big, scary Technoblade would settle down with a wife, maybe start a family eventually.”
     “I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear any of the cringy nonsense that just came out of your mouth; so I can enjoy today in peace.”
    "Boo! I’m just happy for you!” Ghostbur huffed in annoyance, “I was telling (Y/N) yesterday that marrying Sally was the best day of my life! I’m so making fun of you when you get all mushy.”
     “IF I get all mushy, which I won’t.”
    “Sure you won’t man,” Technoblade glared at his friends in frustration if this teasing was going to continue. He was kidnapping (Y/N) himself and getting married to her elsewhere.
     “I do love all the blue though!” The ghost of Wilbur swooned happily at all the flowers, “This just makes the entire day even better!-”
However he didn’t get to continue as Ranboo cleared his throat rather loudly, the enderboy looked dapper as always, a rose was pinned on his lapel, obviously from (Y/N).
     "Ready Techno?” Phil looked over at him, the pigman’s frustration and confidence fell from his face all at once. Even Ghostbur was shocked at the way Technoblade tensed up and fumbled with the soft fluff on his cape, “Techno?”
It’s time. Holy fuck! She’s going to be stunning, he’s going to be a husband! HE’S GOING TO BE A HUSBAND? Oh fuck.
     “Techno mate you alright?”
     "Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Let's do this.” Technoblade took a deep breath walking over to the altar with Phil, Phil was obviously officiating the wedding. He didn’t want anyone else doing it, Ranboo smiled at the two of them as he walked down the aisle throwing little flower petals everywhere before standing on (Y/N)’s side of the altar. He gave him a happy little nod, Technoblade nodded back at him in a sign that he was happy to see him. Music began to flow through the air, Technoblade just knew Wilbur had managed to bring a jukebox, but he didn’t mind it was fitting.
He turned towards the rich sound and for once in his life the voices...stopped.
Technoblade could hear the music perfectly, he heard the chiming of the bell every time the wind blew, everything seemed clear and for all the sounds that were playing around him without the rancorous voices, it all seemed deadly quiet.
The true reason the voices stopped though was because he saw you.
Elegant. Magnificent. Royalty.
The words spun around in his head, because god you looked angelic as you walked towards him. He wished your face wasn’t obscured by a veil, he wanted to see you, to cup your cheeks and pull you into a desperate kiss. He wasn’t worthy to marry you, he was barely worthy to breathe the same air as someone so pure. Technoblade bit down on his tongue rather harshly, for once in his life he wished the voices would speak up so he wouldn’t feel so small in his head.
     “Hi.”
Your silvery voice snapped him out of his thoughts, he drew in a shaky breath and looked at you.
     “Hi,” His voice cracked a little and he flushed all the way up to the tips of his ears. He reached out to squeeze your hands tightly, he felt you squeeze back and he knew that everything was okay. Fuck, he was tearing up a little and he hasn’t even seen your face yet, fuck...Ghostbur was right. He was a mushy gross mess, you giggled a little at his flustered expression.
     “You look handsome,” You whispered softly tilting your head to the side.
     “You’re Aphrodite herself.”
    “Take it back. Take it back right now.” The teasing tone your voice took made him relax considerably, you were still you. His lovely almost wife who’d he got to spend the rest of his life with, it was perfect, you were perfect.
    “You know I do, even if it kills me to retract the statement.” His hand reached forward and gently pushed the veil back over your head.
Fuck.
It took all his strength not to kiss you senseless. Phil cleared his throat and smiled at the small crowd of people who came to the wedding, Puffy seemed to already be emotional, Niki rubbing her back with gentle circles. The both of you barely paid any attention to the introductions and the little details too engrossed in one another to truly listen to anyone that wasn’t each other. They both snapped to attention when Phil spoke their names with a tender smile and their wedding rings were in his hands.
     “Your wedding rings are the outward and visible sign of the inward and invisible bond which already unites you two hearts in love. Groom, place the ring on Bride’s finger and repeat after me….I give you this ring…”
     “I give you this ring.” Technoblade swallowed thickly listening carefully to Phil’s words as you smiled adoringly, the pink spreading across your cheeks was adorable. He shakily slid the diamond ring on your finger,
    “Wear it with love and joy.”
     “Wear it with love and joy.”
     “As this ring has no end, My love is also forever.”
    “As this ring has no end, My love is also forever.”
    “Good job man.” He winked teasingly at Technoblade breaking character to complement his friend, “Bride, place the ring on Groom’s finger and repeat after me….I give you this ring.”
     “I give you this ring.”
     “Wear it with love and joy.”
     “Wear it with love and joy.”
     “As this ring has no end, my love is also forever.”
     “As this ring has no end, my love is also forever.” You breathed softly staring into Technoblade’s eyes and right into his soul. No doubts, only love. Phil continued on,
     “May the wedding rings you exchanged today to remind you always that you are surrounded by enduring love and so now by the power vested in me by...me, it is my honor and delight to declare you husband and wife. You may seal this declaration with a kiss.” You didn’t need to be told twice as you threw your arms around Technoblade’s shoulders smothering him with a kiss. He let out a breathy laugh against them, before kissing you back just as passionately. Technoblade’s hands rested on your lower back and he held you like you were a perfect porcelain doll. “I am pleased to present the newlyweds, Mr. and Mrs… ugh Blade! We’ll go with that.” The man laughed as you pulled away from Technoblade to join in his laughter, you pulled Phil into a hug and motioned for Ranboo to join in, both did so, although Ranboo’s was slightly reluctant.
     “Thank you both for everything. My sweet Borealis boys.” You cooed, Phil only laughed and Ranboo’s entire face flushed deeply at the nickname.
     “We love you obviously,” Phil hummed “You don’t need to thank us. Right Ranboo?”
     “Do I really have to say it?”
    “Yes.” Technoblade spoke gruffly, “If you don’t she might cry.”
     “Yeah, Ranboo don’t make me cry on my wedding day.”
     “Oh, Christ...Fine! I love you too…thank you for giving me a home. Caring for me...all of that. You don’t know how much that means to me.” Ranboo looked up at you and you immediately wrapped him in another tight hug, he let out a little whimper and buried his face in your hair.
     “You’ll always be welcome here Ranboo. We’ll always be your home so long as you’ll have us.”
     “Shit,” He laughed a little wetly pulling away from you, “I’ll have to write that down.”
    “You mean you’ll forget it? Rude.” It was Technoblade who chimed in this time and Ranboo flushed in embarrassment once again. He hunched in on himself before sputtering,
     “No, no, no not what I meant! What I mean is like-”
    “Ranboo you’re fine mate.” Phil snickered, reaching up to ruffle his hair, “loosen up a little.”
     “(Y/N)!” You turned towards the shouting of your new friends and your face lit up,
    “Puffy!” The two girls threw their arms around you in a warm hug, even though you didn’t know Niki yet you’re never one to turn down a hug.
Your final conclusion of the night: Niki was absolutely lovely and she and Puffy were relationship goals.
~~~
Candles were littered around the room as you and Technoblade swayed gently to soft music in your bedroom. The both of you were finally alone, and officially married, the first thing Technoblade wanted to do was have the first dance with you. It surprised you that a dance was that important to him, but you came to the conclusion that he just wanted to hold you as close as possible. “I have a gift for you,” Technoblade spoke up rather suddenly and you frowned,
     “We said no gifts.”
     “When have I EVER listened to authority Princess?”
     “Touche,” You snapped your fingers in his direction and he snickered. He pulled away from you and you flopped down on the bed, you watched him walk over to the closet and pull out a medium-sized velvet box. “Bubs what the hell…” You murdered as he placed it into your arms, “please tell me you didn’t go too crazy.”
    “I didn’t. I made it by hand,” Technoblade urged you to open it. You did so pulling off the top, jaw-dropping onto the floor. He knew that reaction was positive and pride swelled in his heart, he knew his girl well. He watched as you lifted the golden tiara out of the box, it was littered with gems that matched his crown, your thumb brushed against them in awe.
     “You made this?”
     “Just for you Princess. Thought you needed something to fit your name.”
     “I’m so in love with you.”
     “Good thing you're my wife then,” he felt his stomach swoop happily and by the way you gently caressed the crown, he knew you felt the same about him. “Put it on Princess I wanna see how it looks on you.” Your face turned red as you did as he asked, his eyes grew half-lidded and he kneeled down in front of you, “Stunning.” He kissed the inside of your wrist, his voice turning gruff, “beautiful.” A kiss was placed on your forearm, “gorgeous,” On your shoulder, “My princess. My good girl.” Technoblade pressed a hot kiss to your neck, you leaned back your breath hitching in your throat.
     “Techno…” You whined softly, “I love you.”
      “Love you more.”
     “Love you most,” He purred, capturing your lips in a heated kiss.
~~~
The dogs' rapid barking stirred you from your rest, Technoblade grumbled beside you as you sat up in bed letting the covers fall from your shoulders. The air nipped at your bare skin and you frowned, you couldn’t help but wonder what bothered the dogs so suddenly, “Go back to bed.” Technoblade demanded his hand caressing the small of your back, you leaned back against the warm touch but you couldn’t shake away your worry.
     “I’ll be back in two seconds.” You leaned down to kiss the top of his head, he only hummed in response. Big guy knew you could handle yourself just fine, n’ that’s why you loved him. You slipped on a robe and your slippers before making your way to the dogs, stepping inside you heard quite a few of them whining, they just seemed genuinely bothered. “What’s going on huh guys?” You cooed scratching them behind their ears, sensing your comforting presence they seemed to calm down considerably, “What’s got my fearsome guard puppies so spooked.”
      “That’d probably be me.”
You jumped halfway in the air, whipping around you came face to face with the hollow white mask that Dream commonly wore.
    “Fucking shit Dream what the hell?” You pressed your hand to your heart, your dogs growling lowly all around you. “You scared the shit out of me!”
    “My bad.” He smirked in a way that showed he wasn’t at all sorry, “I’m a little disappointed I didn’t get an invitation to the wedding.”
     “Would you have even shown up?” You raised an eyebrow as he stepped closer to you, Nightmare was at his hip making your bad vibe senses light up like a wildfire. He hummed thoughtfully rubbing his chin,
    “Probably not. But, I decided I’d drop by and give you my congratulations.” He was close enough that you could smell him, he smelled like burning wood and dirt; like a little pissbaby worm.
     “Well thank you,” You wrapped the robe tighter around your body like it suddenly dropped ten degrees. “You can go now-” You started before you were pressed up against the wall, his fearsome blade Nightmare at your throat. The dogs began to bark and howl at the man’s heels but they couldn’t do much without a direct command, but you hoped it would be enough to draw Technoblade out of the house.
     “Clearly Technoblade cares about you much more than I had originally calculated. It’s kind of pathetic if I’m being honest. Someone like you who's so small, so pathetic, could bring Technoblade, the fearsome blood god himself, down like that. Make him soft. We can’t exactly have that now, can we? We need him...How do I say this...a bit feral, unhinged.”
     “You realize you kill me, you can count on him hunting you down and slaughtering you right? I can’t say for sure the ‘favor’ is completely off the table but he’ll half-ass it that’s for sure.” You snarled right back in Dreams face, tempted to spit in it.
    “Oh, I’m not going to kill you, babe.” His voice dripped like honey, its sickly sweet tone made your stomach churn. “But we’re going to get really comfortable with one another, for the time being, you’re under my custody.”
     “What the fuck does that mean you freak-” He hit you on the back of the head with Nightmare, successfully knocking you out. That caused one of the dogs to absolutely lose it, jumping up and tearing off a piece of Dreams bright green hoodie. He snarled at the dog and jolted when he heard Technoblade call for (Y/N), it was close. He quickly messaged his accomplice and was teleported out of the situation, via his own stasis chamber, appearing back in his home base. He smiled wickedly under his mask, as Enderman noises could be heard behind him. He adjusted the girl in his grip, the next few days were going to be a lot of fun.
: )
~~~
Leave your comments below and I hope you enjoyed! Memes and fanart is also always welcome your girl is thirsty for any scrap of content. 
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citrineghost · 3 years
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Avoiding Scams on Freelancing Sites
Hi there! I almost just got scammed today, and I’m going to take the LITTANY of red flags from this interaction and use it to teach you all about how to avoid scams.
I am not making very much money right now. I just lost one of the accounts I was writing for, so I am not not even making enough to pay my rent. So I am desperately looking for work. And, like many people desperately looking for work, my panicking subconscious is willing to see a red flag and brush it under the rug because
“I’m probably being paranoid.”
So, to all of my lovely artists, writers, editors, and other types of freelancers who are desperately looking for work, I would like to create a comprehensive list of things that you should NOT FUCKING IGNORE while looking for a job. Actually, the list will be formatted as things you should expect from your employer/interviewer and if these things are missing, get the fuck out of there.
1. Reputable Platforms
The first thing you should be expecting is to use reputable platforms. If you’re being asked for a virtual interview, you should expect your interviewer to invite you via Skype, Discord, (Maybe slack if they’re middle-aged), perhaps Whatsapp, or whatever website you’re using to find your job.
DO NOT go for interviews on Telegram. This app has been reported as very commonly being associated with scams. This is where my recent experience took place.
2. Willingness to Verify Legitimacy
The first thing you should do when being in contact with an interviewer or HR is ask them to verify their identity. 
This may not be necessary if doing a video call with someone pictured on an official company website, receiving emails or texts from addresses/numbers that are listed on an official company website, or if the job you’re being interviewed for was applied to directly on the company website. In these cases, you are not likely to be scammed, as you’re working with verifiably information.
If you meet someone on Indeed, Fiverr, Upwork, or any other freelancing/job site, keep your contact within the website’s chat system, email system, or whatever. This is how you remain protected under the hiring site’s TOS/Legal whatever. If you get scammed because you took your hiring process elsewhere, they will not help you.
That being said, if you DO take your interview off the site, it should be somewhere reputable and you should ask for your interviewer to verify their identity before doing literally anything else. The best way to get them to verify their identity is to ask them to email or text you from an address or phone number listed clearly on the official company website, by asking them to show you their state ID and checking it for photoshop influence, or by asking to do a video call for the interview and seeing for yourself that you’re being interviewed by someone who is pictured on the official company website as an employee.
3. Clear and Professional Procedures
Any professional working as an interviewer or human resources personnel will have a skillset related to communication and organization. When being interviewed you should expect a number of questions about your skills and how you’re valuable to the company, etc. However, this is easy to fake, as a scammer. What you need to look out for is that they show a clear amount of structure.
If you’re asked for an interview, no real company will demand you be quick about responding. If they’re interested in an interview, a legitimate company is not likely to ask you to do the interview immediately. They will ask you to schedule an interview time with them. They may ask if you have availabilities that day, but they will not just start interviewing you immediately.
After the interview, any professional company will tell you that they will get back to you when they’ve made a decision about your interview. No professional company will tell you to wait for an indefinite amount of time while they talk to HR peers. If a company Does want you to wait, because they intend to make a quick decision, they will give you an expected wait time, as that is the courteous and professional thing to do. They will not expect you to be on-call for this period of time. A time projection is simply to give you an idea of what to expect. For example, “I’ll be in touch within the next 1-3 hours about the results of your interview. Thank you for your time.”
Furthermore, if you are accepted for a job, any professional company will make a clear outline of exactly how they plan to introduce you into company life. They will respect your time and ask you to schedule things with them. For example, “Is there a period of 2-3 hours within the next few days where you would be available for an orientation?” 
No professional company will demand you do anything at any particular time. That is not how legitimate professionals treat new employees. You will be asked to schedule things with them. Even when you’re assigned work hours, if the exact hours you’re applying for are not listed in the job description you applied for, they will ask you to fill out some kind of time sheet to outline your availabilities, then schedule you for times within that outline.
4. Doesn’t Show Signs of Money Scamming
There are two major red flags when it comes to money scams. Your interviewer should never ask you what bank you use and your interviewer should never ever tell you they’re going to send you a check, unless they send your paycheck as a check.
One of the more common scams at the moment is run by people pretending to be members of legitimate companies, hiring freelancers for things like proofreading and editing. These remote positions may require home office hardware, right? The interviewer will tell you you’re missing some hardware and software that are required for the job. Then they’ll tell you that they will send a check that you can cash and use to buy the required materials.
This is even sketchier if they email you front and back images of the check and tell you to print it and then deposit it through mobile banking. The way this works is that, if you cash the check successfully, you will then buy the list of software, which is usually completely unrelated to the job you’re being hired for, then they will cancel the check, which hasn’t cleared completely. That leaves you with ~$2k dollars less in your bank and their money right back where it started in theirs. Presumably, the scammers are the ones selling the software. So, that $2k dollars you just spent is also going into their bank account.
Professional companies will never offer to send you checks to buy products. If they have official hardware or software that they want you to use, they will buy it themselves and then send it to you. There is never a reason why a new hire should buy hardware or software out of their own bank, whether they have been given money for it or not.
Furthermore, a legitimate company will never ever pay you before you have signed and sent your contract to them. One of the obvious giveaways of the scam I was almost caught in was that I was sent the contract last night and I asked if I could send it in today, since it was getting late. The interviewer agreed. I signed it in the morning and then asked him if I should send it in a reply to the email I got the original contract from or if there’s another email I need to send it to. He completely ignored my question, asked me how I was doing, and then went into the check-related information so I could buy software.
The issue was bothering me ALL DAY. I knew there was something extremely weird about that, so I asked again a few hours later. His response? “You have nothing to worry about.” ?????? I was aghast. I wasn’t worried at all! I just wanted an answer! If he had simply told me to respond to the email I’d gotten the contract from, I might have fallen for his scam! What a terrible scammer smdh
A Non-Exhaustive List of Other Red Flags
Your interviewer shows a poor grasp on the language
If your interviewer is making frequent grammatical errors that are glaringly obvious to any native speaker, that is a huge red flag. HR reps and interviewers are hired because of their communication skills. It is highly unlikely that someone who makes non-native-like errors is legitimate unless they are actually openly non-native, in which case, it’s not so alarming.
Your interviewer is showing impatience or demanding you at certain times
If your interviewer is telling you to “report back by 8am tomorrow” without any kind of prior agreement that this is an acceptable time for you to meet, that is extremely unprofessional and shows a lack of patience. Scammers want to get to the meat of their scam quickly and will use an air of professional superiority and authority to scare you into moving faster than necessary.
Your interviewer shows a lack of opening and closing statements
Along the lines of the clear processes that I mentioned above anybody who is initiating you in the job you’re taking should show clear opening and closing statements. What I mean by this is: professionals in human resources or management positions will not keep you as a social hostage. If you’ve been discussing how you’ll begin training or somesuch, they will not just leave you hanging. You should have a dedicated time slot where you will have your discussion and, at the end of it, your supervisor should make a closing statement. For example, “It looks like our time is running out for today. What would be a good time to pick this up tomorrow?”
If you feel like you are “on-call” and unable to leave the room because the interviewer or supervisor keeps messaging, has not outlined a time slot for you to talk in, won’t seem to let you go, or shows no indication of stopping, that is a really bad sign. Either the company is legitimate and TERRIBLE at professionalism (a great sign you should run anyway), or this is a scammer intent on getting you to follow their instructions as soon as they can.
Your interviewer ignores time zones or gets them wrong
When I was contacted about doing an interview yesterday, it was 4:30pm. I did the interview and was told I got the job. Immediately after, without asking if I was free, he began listing off instructions and things I was to expect. It wasn’t until 7:30pm that he sent me the contract and asked me to review it, sign it, and send it back that I finally asked if I could do that tomorrow. The interviewer was supposedly on the west coast and knew that I was on the east coast. He agreed by saying “Alright” and then told me to report to him “by 8am your time.”
There are 3 things about this that are weird. The first is that he demanded I show up at 8am to continue where we left off. Any professional would have asked when I’m available the next day to continue. the second is that he said “your time” instead of saying EST, as most professionals in the US would be apt to do. And, lastly, I showed up at 7:50am, ready to continue, because I’m that desperate that I’m willing to be pushed around, and he showed up at 9am on the dot. He had gotten the time wrong. Nobody who works professionally on the west coast is incapable of adding 3 hours to their time. It was a rookie mistake, or a mistake made by someone in a completely different time zone than they say they are.
When asked to verify their identity, your interviewer attempts to reassure you or refuses
When I finally was fed up and knew this must be a scam, I politely asked my interviewer to verify his identity by either showing me his US ID or by contacting me from his email or phone number listed on the official company website. He sent me a photoshopped nametag with a completely different person’s name and photo on it and said it was the company ID of the HR director. 
I have never seen a facade fall so pathetically. Why would literally any even remotely legitimate person do such a thing? It was sad, really. He deleted the message in less than a minute - no doubt to keep me from looking at it long enough to see how badly it was photoshopped - and then aggressively reassured me that the company meant me no harm and would pay for everything, etc. Any real professional would have simply sent me an email from the legitimate address, stating that they’re legitimate, and then continued on with the initiation process.
Learn from My Mistakes
I hope some of this was helpful for all of you lovely freelancers trying to find work. I thought I would know a scam when I saw one, and I did have a Bad Feeling about this whole thing, because it did feel too good to be true, but I was desperate enough that my judgement was heavily clouded, and that could happen to anyone.
Don’t ignore red flags - especially these ones. Stick up for yourself. Avoid confirmation bias. I looked things up repeatedly to confirm that the company was legitimate and that it’s normal to do things like mobile deposit a printed check and so on. Every time, I found an explanation that suited me. I even tried to cash the check. The only reason it didn’t work was because there was an error with the name on the check because I recently legally changed my name and PayPal was having some kind of issue updating in some areas of its website. It was after that that I realized this was all crashing down and I needed to reassess it all. Don’t let yourself get that deep into it.
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xaharadesert · 3 years
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Post-Route Nap - Headcanon
Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC
A/N: I won’t lie, this is probably one of my all time favourite requests, so even though I can’t find the original request or blog,I felt the need to write it anyway :) I’ll keep them short and sweet though, so it shouldn’t take too much time before I move on to requests from people who are still waiting (but watch me make Asra’s section way longer than necessary anyway). The request pointed out that our poor MC hasn’t really had any time to rest, what with saving the world and everything, so when asked what they’d like to do after it’s all over, they respond with declaring they’re going to take a nap for at least, like, the next 48 hours. Requests are open! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes!
Spoilers for all routes, probably, but I never finished playing most of them so who knows
❤️Julian❤️
Frankly, he couldn’t agree more
He’s an adventurous man, for sure, but after everything that had happened, dying included, he was ready for a nice long rest with you by his side
He wanted to hold you close, wrapping his long limbs around you like an octopus, and just… sleep
And seeing as you wanted the same thing, the two of you did just that
🧡Portia🧡
Oh stars, yes, please, the two of you need to just… rest for once
Obviously Nadia delegated Portia’s work to some of the other staff for the time being, knowing that Portia and you needed some time to relax after, you know, saving the world
Not even Portia’s snoring would be able to keep you awake, and with Pepi curling up on your chest and purring like a little motor, you were asleep within minutes
💛Lucio💛
He would never admit it, but he was just as exhausted, if not more so, than you
Both physically and emotionally, he was ready to tune out from the rest of the world for quite a while
You would have to drag him to bed though, because as much as he’s grown, his pride is still something that he refuses to let go of even in the most ridiculous of circumstances
But having you laying beside him, the first person to genuinely stick by his side and help him improve even when he was being difficult, quickly helped him relax enough to set his ego aside and simply enjoy your company as he drifted off to sleep
💚Muriel💚
Honestly, he’d probably be the one to recommend it in the first place
Everything that has happened recently has been stressful for both of you, but considering he’s now had more social interaction in a very short period of time than he has in the last few years, he definitely needs to rest
Knowing that you’re safe and by his side does a lot to soothe any remaining anxiety from the disasters of days prior, and he’s able to set aside all of his new relationships and experiences into a separate part of his mind to sort through later
He feels loved, not just by you and Asra, but by all of the new friends he’s made, and he’s excited to move on to the rest of his life, but first… yeah, napping for a week sounds good
💙Asra💙
For someone who’s usually asleep for a majority of the day when he’s not travelling, Asra is surprisingly not as receptive to the idea of just immediately taking a nap
Is he tired? Yep. Does the idea of curling up in a comfortable bed with the love of his life for a couple of days sound amazing? Definitely.
But he’s got a million thoughts swirling around his mind, most revolving around you and your shared past, and they all demand his attention
So many of his secrets had come to light recently, and you had taken them in stride, but the two of you hadn’t really had any time to process or work through them
Now that you knew the major components of his secrets, he wanted you to know all of it, seeing as he no longer had to worry about you shutting down at mentions of your past
But at that particular moment, as much as you loved him and knew communication was important, you were tired
You would have the rest of your lives together to work through the past and plan a future— for now, it was nap time, and frankly, Asra could never say no to you
💜Nadia💜
A non-magic induced nap with no major upcoming events to worry about plaguing her thoughts beside the person she loved most? Absolutely
She would take an opportunity like that any day, but then again most days she had the responsibility of being Countess to keep her moving and working
But this? This could be the exception
You two had just saved the world, and, honestly, you both deserved to be pampered in her opinion, so starting off with a nice, long sleep sounded amazing in her opinion
For once, as she closed her eyes and drifted off, she didn’t have anything beside love filling her mind
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viltrumitesuperboy · 3 years
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Babysitting Job (Peter Parker x Natasha’s Brother Reader)
Sorry for any errors within the plot. I wrote this over the course of two weeks. Reader’s powers not mentioned much.
Requested by: anon Could I possibly request a Peter Parker x Male Reader, where the reader is Black Widow's younger brother and has trained in martial arts and gymnastics and the like, but also has the ability of animal shape-shifting? Maybe all the avengers meet him for the first time when Black Widow finally gets him to live with her and Peter gains a pretty big crush on him?
Word count: 3352
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You trained under your older adoptive sister for years. Natasha found out that you had been born with the ability to shift into animals. She brought you to her workplace where you would be treated as a person and not as a weapon like she had. You never stayed with her after you'd trained for a few years, leaving America to take other jobs. Every once in a while she'd check up on you, asking if you needed anything or if you could help her find some information. Even miles away, she still acted like your older sister and was just as protective.
Eventually you decided to finish your education in America, staying with Natasha at the Avengers Tower. She had an entire floor to herself, but rarely used most of it. She was a minimalist to an extent. She made sure you were settled before going to her briefing late, assuring you that she wouldn't get in trouble. If anything, you were sure that she'd scold them for starting without her.
You spent the first few nights extremely uncomfortable in the new place. You had never needed to stay somewhere for a long time, and even if it had only been a few days, you knew you'd be there for a while.
After a week, you were roaming about the R&D floors and bumped into someone.
"Oh, you," Tony Stark said.
"Who do you think I am?" you asked warily.
"Natasha's kid brother, right? With the powers? Listen, I have something for you."
"Uh..."
"Here. Have you seen this?"
He pulled out his StarkPad. You watched the video he pulled up, not wanting to interrupt someone who seemed like he was always in a rush. It was a boy with a lean figure, dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants along with a mask covering his entire head. You silently applauded him for being a beginner vigilante who wore something practical considering he probably couldn't afford body armour.
"This is Spider-kid. Well, Spider-Man. But he's young, and I want to keep an eye on him. You mind helping me out? Of course, I wouldn't tell you his identity without his consent, but he agreed that he'd be fine with me giving him protection after..." he trailed off, gesturing vaguely with his hand as if you knew what he was talking about. "Anyway, you feel up to going to high school? You're young. You'll probably fit right in."
"Mr. Stark, I have no social skills. I assure you, putting me in a high school considering my powers and training is likely a danger to my mental stability and their physical well-being. I'm not going to babysit someone for you."
Tony's features seemed to soften a bit. He looked less like he was in a rush as much as he normally did. It was something he reserved for the people he cared most about.
"Look, I get it. People are hard to talk to. And I'm not saying this as Tony Stark, owner of a large company. I'm saying this as the reason I'm Iron Man. You've seen all that through files from Nat, right?" He awaited your confirmation, and you nodded. "Good. All you need to do is just be with Peter. And I'm sure you qualify to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. This can just be a mission and they'd be glad to know that my- uh, the kid is being managed by someone they can trust because at least they know Nat. It doesn't have to be anything else, not even a favour for me. Just a job."
You thought about it for a moment, then asked to see more of the videos. Stark held out the device for both of you to see and swiping through a few. You both stood there in the sunlit hallway for a while. He was barely trained and relied a lot on his powers. Maybe you could help him.
"I'll speak to Natasha today. I think I'll help you out, but talk to him first," you said finally.
"Great. By the way, I think he'd be a lot more comfortable if he knew that you were working with me," Stark said, just about to walk away. "He knows that someone will be sent to watch him, but he doesn't know who and he doesn't trust easily. He'd appreciate if you told him who you were right off the bat. Be careful."
"For him or for me?"
"Personally? For him. I think you can handle yourself."
He walked away, the device tucked under his arm as he made his way to one of the labs. It was obvious Stark cared for the boy, and you respected Stark for his efforts to make the world safer after what he'd gone through. If this was a job, this was one you'd take very seriously.
———
Your powers meant you could shift into animals, but you could also just take the attributes of any animal you knew to exist. It was much easier than turning into a large wildcat in the middle of a city street. You'd taken the climbing abilities of a gecko, leaping from another building to climb up the tower. There was a bandana covering the lower half of your face, just so you couldn't be recognised by cameras. You had just started to open the window when a reflection on the window blocked the lights inside.
"Hey, uh, what are you up to?" Spider-Man asked.
You turned to look at him, adjusting your bandana.
"Nothing, just going home," you replied, opening the window.
"Oh! Do you live here?" he piped up.
"No, but it'll be my home once I break in."
"Uh..."
"I'm just kidding. You can come in if you want. I know Stark has a soft spot for you."
"Mr. Stark? Really? I mean, I try to text Happy all the time cause I really want to tell Mr. Stark stuff sometimes but I didn't really think he actually-"
"Hey! Get inside!" your sister shouted from the kitchen.
You quickly slipped in, Spider-Man following and shutting the window behind you.
"What have I told you about coming in from there?" Natasha glared sternly.
"That there's an elevator and I should use it like a respectable person."
"Exactly. Go change and then help me out with lunch. Hi, Spider-Man. You know where to go."
"Yeah, sorry, Ms. Romanov. I didn't know you had a friend coming over."
"He's my brother. Now hurry up. Pepper will have your head if you're late."
The conversation trailed off, likely followed with goodbyes, as you went to your room. Lunch led to a very serious conversation about joining the secret government agency along with your first job: keeping Spider-Man in check.
———
The flash drive you received had the worst possible photo of Peter Parker you could imagine. It was as if they couldn't get an actual photo of him. Considering the fact that he was an official intern here, you figured that they might be able to get something that didn't look like an unfortunate accident from Picture Day. Because in person, he looked... not as stupid.
Going back to a public school was strange. You hadn't gone since you were a child, the rest of your education mixed in with the martial arts training you had to take. There were so many people, but at least they were ignoring you for the most part. The main problem was finding out where the hell B104 was.
"Um, are you lost?"
A girl with curly hair and a sketchbook to her side had a locker open next to you. You glanced at her putting books away and taking things out before responding.
"Yeah, I don't know where this is?"
She looked at your schedule, nodding as she shut her locker.
"Yeah. That's the basement. There's one science class down there," she explained. "I'll go with you; I have something there, too."
You thanked her as you both walked through the crowded hallways. She occasionally nudged people aside, giving absolutely no shits to the people standing in the way. Natasha would like her. When you accidentally mentioned it in a quiet mumble, she laughed. She claimed that if she ever met Black Widow, "it'll be over for all you bitches." You didn't doubt it. You both went down a floor and she led you to the room.
"I have to go a bit further down, but..." she quickly pulled out a pen and wrote down your room numbers on her wrist. "I have some classes close to these, so I can bring you there for the first half of the day before lunch. I'll see you after class?"
"Uh, sure?"
"My name's Michelle."
"I'm (Y/N)."
She stuck her hand out in a way that you became extremely uncomfortable with, not used to shaking hands. She seemed to notice your hesitation then held it up for a high five. You gave a small smile of gratitude and gave her one.
"I'm sorry, that's so awkward. Um, if you stick with me, I'll teach you the secrets of this school. Okay, there aren't really any, but you really look like more of a loner than I do."
You nodded awkwardly in response and turned to walk into your class without another word.
Michelle had about three of her classes with you, and you shared 4 with Peter Parker, two of which were before lunch. She walked you to the table she usually sat at, a relaxed gait to talk to you comfortably.
"Everyone kind of adopts their own spot in the cafeteria at some point. Those tables are usually empty, and that's where I sit. I have a feeling you're going to be spending your time there too."
You spotted Peter, who waved at you. Confused, you waved back, then Michelle voiced an excited greeting. You put your hand down after pretending to scratch your head.
"This is Peter and Ned. They're in some of your classes."
"Oh, you're the kid who broke one of the beakers today, right? Man, that's so weird. How did you manage that?" Ned recalled.
You weren't about to tell him that you hadn't broken it at all. It was sitting on one of the heating plates and you were trying to put it away, but it fell as you'd tried to catch it with your sticky gecko hands. It didn't work.
"I have super strength," you deadpanned.
The three laughed, somehow. You hadn't interacted with such a close friend group like this ever. Peter was an awkward teen just like the others, and you wondered how difficult it must have been for him to adjust to his powers in the middle of his schooling. If anyone noticed you staring at him, they didn't mention it.
———
You did not tell Peter that he was just your job.
He was completely oblivious to your role in his life and laughably terrible at hiding his secret. You once caught him pick up an entire row of lockers with one hand in between classes. He picked up a bottle that looked like it held arsenic and placed the lockers back down. The sunlight streaming in from a nearby classroom's glass window made you realise that this boy had no regard for his surroundings. He was incredibly stupid. You really had to tell him soon.
He'd visited the tower a few more times, and you'd sometimes see him practice with your sister. She'd look up at you in the doorway of the training room and glare at you, as if telling you that she was doing your job. You walked away before he saw you every time. Instead, you followed him around when he was Spider-Man, choosing when you wanted him to know you were there and when you didn't. You'd learned that from Natasha. He'd tried to get your attention a few times, knowing you were there, but you slipped out of sight every time.
Michelle started to ask you to call her MJ. Ned showed you pictures of the Death Star he and Peter built together. It suffered destruction twice in the past, but it was perfect now and sitting on display in Ned's home. Peter offhandedly mentioned that Tony Stark wanted to display it at the tower. Ned was all for it, and you wanted to hit your head on a wall. Peter consistently confirmed his parent-child relationship with Stark without realising it. It was a bit infuriating for everyone else who could see it.
Peter had started to become more awkward around you. He'd been more comfortable over time, but one day he just started to get fidgety and stammered a lot. It only happened when he spoke to you. You were aware that you were probably one of the very few people that he felt any romantic attraction to, and he probably felt like you were his only option. Unsurprisingly, you felt the same way. It sucked having only a few friends.
At some point the secret had to come out. You were just standing in the kitchen, opening the fridge for the second time like it would suddenly become interesting, and jumped once you closed it.
"Oh my god, Peter," you huffed.
"(Y/N)? What are you doing here?"
Your eyes darted to Natasha for help. Peter followed your line of sight to her. She shrugged and hauled her duffel bag further up her shoulders.
"I have a mission. I'll only be gone less than a week. Get groceries."
The elevator arrived in seconds and she went up, likely to the helipad. You both stood there in silence for a moment.
"That's my sister," you admitted.
"Hold on, so you're telling me the person I met sticking to a window was you? The new, awkward kid at my high school?"
"You're awkward too."
Peter began too look a bit uncomfortable just standing in front of you in plain view, like he was suddenly aware of how open he was.
"You were the one following me around the city too. When I'm Spider-Man."
You nodded, gesturing to the living room so you could both take a seat. He was quiet as you went to your room, coming back out with the flash drive you had on him.
"Stark wanted someone to watch you, and he doesn't have many younger options. Then Nick Fury apparently wanted to keep an eye on you, so it all worked out. Natasha talked to him about having me join, and you were supposed to be my mission."
"Then why didn't you tell me? Are we... friends?"
"Yes!"
Peter looked away from you and looked out the window, the same one you both climbed into a while ago. He looked down at the flash drive, his teeth biting his bottom lip. You slowly sat down next to him, being sure to keep some distance away.
"I just didn't know how to tell you. Stark said that I would have been fine if you didn't know who exactly was watching you. I didn't expect to become your friend."
He put the flash drive in between the two of you, sliding it back over. You looked at it, your stomach doing turns knowing that you never would have hurt him if you said something earlier.
"My sister's been training you because I couldn't. I've learned a lot from her, but I've traveled more than she has. And I can adjust my powers to be more like yours. If you'd still want me around, I can teach you more."
Peter stood up, holding his hand out like he was going to shake your hand. You followed suit, holding your hand up for a high five. You both switched your hand positions, then settled for a fist bump that wasn't quite coordinated.
"I know we're both a bit awkward and we don't know how to talk to people normally, but I don't think I'd ever give you up. I'd like to be more than a mission to you."
"Like a friend?"
"Whatever you want."
———
It was easier to be with Peter in the tower. You realised how little you actually know about the building, and the next few days were spent with the both of you walking to the subway together and taking it to where you lived. He always brought you up to Stark's personal floor, to both his and Stark's labs, then to the R&D floors that you stopped exploring ever since your interaction with Tony Stark. He showed you what people were working on if they allowed you both in, and you'd watch him work on projects when he figured he'd procrastinated long enough. Sometimes MJ and Ned would tag along because apparently both you and Peter vouching for them was enough for security to let them through. Of course you had MJ meet your sister. It was a terrifying experience.
You spent weeks training Peter, watching him crawl up walls and do flips with more grace than you ever could and learning from him, but also taking him down much faster than he could ever take down anyone else. He was resilient but needed the training that both you and your sister provided. And even if your sister had been doing this longer than you had, you had abilities she didn't that could match and counter Spider-Man's.
Somehow Peter got even more awkward. He was clumsy, and was only lucky he didn't break things (or his own body parts) because of his powers. You didn't really want to tell him that you knew why. If you didn't have your own response to how he felt about you, he'd think that you were rejecting him. Though conflicted, MJ decided to make that decision for you.
"Ned, wanna come with me to see Ms. Romanov while she's training?" MJ asked, slinging her sweater over her shoulder.
"Uh, I don't really-"
"We have lovebirds to leave alone. Come on."
Ned looked a little torn, considering he had either the option of staying and not letting his two friends talk alone for once or leaving and being constantly terrified of a woman and a teenage girl for hours. You felt he made the worse choice, as he followed MJ. Fool.
"Did you just call Ned a fool?" Peter laughed.
You put your hand over your mouth, but laughed with him anyway. You were both sitting on the same sofa that led to Peter finding out that he was a part of your job. His hand reached yours, putting it on top of where they rested on your lap. He pulled it towards him and held it like romantic couples usually do, with fingers crossed together. It took some struggle because you both moved your hands the same way. Once again, you shared a laugh, though this one was more strained and uncomfortable.
"You like me, Peter," you said, not an ounce of doubt in your words. "I've known behaviour long enough to know. And I like you too, but I'm scared that it's because you're the first friend I've had that wasn't my sister."
"I was supposed to say it first," he pouted. "I had those two leave on purpose!"
You laughed and lightly squeezed his hand.
"I mean, what's life if we're not going to take risks?" he continued. "You decided to go to public school after years of not making friends, and I went on a school trip, got bitten by a spider, and decided not to tell anyone. If it doesn't work out, we can still be friends, right?"
"Nat would force me to stick around you as part of the job. Keeping you around as a friend is just a plus."
"Well, don't think that I'm letting you off the hook for telling me how you feel first. I'm holding you to this." Peter pointed a finger menacingly at you, which you pushed away.
"Sorry for stealing your thunder. And speaking of thunder, Thor's coming in a few hours. You wanna hide his food and blame it on Barton?"
"Hell yeah."
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winterbanner · 3 years
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I Would Give Her the Stars (Bruce Banner/ Reader)
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Summary: "In that moment I would have gone to the ends of the universe if she pleased. I would have given her all the stars in the galaxy." 
Tags: Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Slight Angst, This Is Really Cute 
Word Count: 1684
Warnings: None except for some brief language
Paring: Bruce Banner x Fem Reader (uses she/her pronouns)
Additional Note: I rewrote this because it was absolutely awful. I think it’s better now! ;)
It was early, the tower was absent of noise with the exception of the whistling tea kettle sat upon the stove. Tony and I had been working all night to calibrate a new GPS system for the quinjet. It was hard work that required precision and concentration. That was hard to perform, however, when my lab partner was blasting Black Sabbath as if he were at some sort of underground warehouse party. 
My eyes ached from staring at my screen for so many hours, the throbbing synced with that of the headache that had crept its way up to my temples. I just couldn’t take the work any longer, which is something I don’t often say. I have a passion for lab work; I mean, I wouldn’t have seven PHDs in the sciences if I didn’t. That night, however, I needed an escape. 
I needed to go see her. 
I knew where she’d be. Up on the rooftop, staring out over the urban skyline. That’s where she went  to think after her attempts to get some rest were tried and failed. New York truly is the city that never sleeps, and neither does Y/N. 
I rummaged through the cupboard until I had retrieved her favorite mug, and paired it with the one she had gifted me last month. There had been no special occasion, she said she saw it and thought of me. It was one of those novelty mugs you find at convenience stores. On the front were the words “science is my bitch” written in a large bold font. I laughed the hardest I had in months after opening that gift. The rest of the team gives me weird looks whenever I use it, but that mug was the first gift I had received in a very long time. 
I took the kettle off the stove and prepared the two mugs of tea. One spoonful of honey, just how Y/N liked it. Afterwards I made my way to the elevator before requesting JARVIS take me to my destination. As I began my ascent my nerves began to get the best of me. I have this habit of second guessing myself, of letting my mind spiral into anxiousness. These thoughts, however, came to a halt as the elevator doors opened to reveal Y/N sat upon her chair serenely gazing out over the bustling city streets. 
At the sound of the elevator ding she turned her head, her lips curving upwards into a smile as she took in my presence. 
Y/N always smiled when I walked in the room. 
“Well hey there genius” she greeted, her grinning face illuminated by that of the dimmed roof lighting, and the neon glow of the Avengers symbol plastered on the front of the tower. 
“Hey Y/N, um- I brought tea.” I responded, gesturing the two mugs I held in my hands. 
“Somebody pinch me. Not only has Dr. Banner escaped from his natural habitat, but he also comes bearing gifts! I’m in shock.” 
I laughed heartily, “Well, my natural habitat has been invaded by a wild and obnoxious Tony Stark.” I responded. 
“Anybody who manages to survive Stark is more than welcome here. Besides you've been down in that lab for hours, you’re gonna fucking suffocate if you don’t get some fresh air.” She said as she gave the seat next to her a pat, thus signaling her wish for me to sit there. 
I thanked her before sitting down and handing her the cup of tea. “Careful it’s hot.” I warned, not wanting her to burn her hands on the hot ceramic. As I handed over the mug I felt her fingers lightly brush over mine, causing my heart to flutter. 
She thanked me in return before reminding me that she always enjoyed my company. Her words filled my chest with a warmth that I rarely feel nowadays. A warmth that I only feel when I’m with her.  
Afterwards we sat and conversed for what felt like both several hours, and a few minutes all at the same time. Conversation with Y/N flowed with ease, our topics ranging from the books we were currently reading, philosophy and politics, to Thor’s new obsession with microwaved popcorn. I couldn’t care less what we talked about, the only thing that mattered was that I was with her, and it seems as though she just might have felt the same way. 
I have always considered myself to be an awkward person. Social interactions were never really my forte, especially after the accident. With the big guy around, I didn’t think that anybody would want to be friendly with me. I assumed that everyone was afraid. With Y/N, however, it was different. She never once looked at me with fear in her eyes. Her disposition was so warm, so welcoming. If I ever needed someone to talk to I knew she’d be there, and she knew I was there if she ever needed the same. Around her I could be myself. She just felt safe. 
After a while I noticed she had grown quiet, her mind drifting off to somewhere else. She sat in her chair, her head tilted upward towards the sky, her brow furrowed in deep thought. 
“You okay?” I asked, concerned that she was upset.
 “Yeah, I just- I wish I could see the stars.”
I looked up, my eyes met with the inky blackness that was the New York sky, all of its stars drowned out by the light pollution and smog. 
“Yeah, it really is a shame isn’t it?” I questioned, receiving an affirming hum from her in return.
At that point we both sat quietly, our eyes transfixed on the sky above in search for the stars that were never going to appear. The silence settled between us comfortably. I knew she was getting ready to say something, but I couldn’t be sure what. 
“When I was a kid,” she began, “We lived in this house out in the country. Out there the stars were breathtaking. You could see every constellation so clearly.” 
I saw her lips curve upwards in response to the happy memories replaying in her mind. 
“Before my mom died, whenever I was upset or stressed out, she would take me out to the backyard. Together we would lay in the grass and just stare up at the sky. We would stay like that for hours; it was peaceful.” 
Her head dropped, her eyes now gazing forward onto the cityscape before us. “I miss that”, she said, her voice barely above a whisper. 
In that moment, as I observed her melancholic gaze. I wanted nothing more than to give her what she wanted, to give her the stars.
Then after a moment of thought, I realized that I could. 
                                    ─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The next night I found her in the very same spot, looking over the city lights and skyscrapers unable to sleep once more. 
At the sound of the elevator’s ding she turned to face me , her lips once again forming a smile at the sight of my presence. 
“Two nights in a row?” Y/N questioned, “ That big brain of yours must be really fucking tired.” 
“Actually,” I said,  “this big brain of mine has something to show you.” I waved my hand signaling for her to follow me. 
She smiled in both confusion and amusement as she stepped into the elevator. We stood side by side, our shoulders brushing up against one another as we made our descent down to the lab. 
“Now close your eyes.” I requested 
“Bruce what is this-” 
“It’s a surprise, now close your eyes.”
She complied, the corners of her lips turning upwards as I grabbed her hand and led her down the hall to the lab. I led her to the center of the room and requested her remain there as I went and turned off every light I could find within the vicinity. Afterwards I felt my way back to her through the darkness and positioned myself so we stood directly in front of one another. 
“Okay now open your eyes.” 
“Bruce, is the surprise the news that I’ve gone blind?” she questioned causing us both to laugh. 
“No, just watch.” 
At the press of a button the room became illuminated with starlight. Stars, galaxies and planets hovered above our heads, in majestic hues of purple and blue. The scene was nothing short of magic. The universe on full display, three dimensionally projected all around us. 
At the sight of the stars above her, I saw Y/N’s face light up. Her face filled with amazement as she beheld the multitude of constellations shining before her eyes. Her smile beamed, its brightness competing with that of the brightest stars in the room. 
To me she was the brightest star in the room. 
She slowly spun in a circle in the attempt to fully take in her surroundings, her eyes reflecting the twinkling of the floating stars. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. 
She turned to me, her eyes glistening with moisture. “Bruce I-” 
“Do you like it?” I asked, her lack of words worrying me. Maybe this was too much?
Her silence, however, was replaced by her embrace. She took me in her arms as she gently wrapped them around my neck and pulled me close to her. 
“Thank you, Bruce. Thank you so much.” She whispered, her voice cracking at the end. 
I held her tighter in an attempt to pull her in even closer. Her embrace radiated pure love, a love I hadn't felt in a long long time. 
“Y-you’re welcome.” I answered, overwhelmed with adoration. 
As we pulled away I looked at her face illuminated by the glimmering starlight. I felt as though she was the only person that mattered, that she was the most precious thing this world had to offer. In that moment I would have gone to the ends of the universe if she pleased. I would have given her all the stars in the galaxy; and to this day, I still would.
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rouiyan · 3 years
Text
𝘖𝘍𝘍 𝘐𝘊𝘌 [ 𝘭.𝘫𝘯 ]
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⧏ jeno's installment of the keep your cool collective ⧐
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synopsis: he likes to think it's romantic how he always finishes your sentences for you. you think it's annoying that he keeps interrupting you.
✧ ice hockey player!lee jeno x (fem.) tutor!reader ✧ college au
✧ genres : fluff, angst, slightly suggestive ✧ word count : 4.4k ✧ disclaimers : mentions of sexual activities, swearing
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✧ author’s note — same universe as my puck in your goal which does not need to be read first but can be. also, hi @crownily i did it :)
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let's just say jeno sucks at school and that the one thing he doesn't suck at is hockey, ice hockey. and let's just say that you're his tutor, strictly for tutoring purposes. yet, here you find yourself at his doorstep at 3:47 in the morning, or so your phone says.
he opens up to see you clad dressed down, different from the neat tee and skirt he's so used to. to be completely honest, jeno has never felt anything towards you and even he himself finds that hard to believe since you're everything he could ever ask for in a girl. pretty and cute, snappy but sweet, the most perfect curve of lips and above all, you're an intellectual. he finds it attractive but he isn't attracted to you, per se.
jeno wished he would though, especially now that he's suffering from what he called you here for in the first place: an extreme case of breakup.
one hand leaning your weight on the doorframe, the right of your shit rides up. jeno bites down on his lip, retracting his eyes to your face. "let me get this straight, you called me here, at this time of night, to get me to help you with what exactly?" so what if he thought fucking you would be a good way to keep his mind off things? too bad he didn't think any further than that. the words come to his as he speaks, "i just thought that- that...you- you would be awake at this time! because you know- you like to study…did i interrupt anything?"
donning a dreary expression, you nod in clarification, "yeah, you interrupted my studying."
"right, okay, i'll let you get back to that," he turns in haste as if to close the door behind him but you catch it with your heel, a scowl making its way across your face at what you were about to say, "forget it, jen, i'm already here. what do you need help with?" you stare into his back, his widening eyes unbeknownst to you. he turns again, now deliberate in motion, just to give him as much time to get his bearings together. lifting one shoulder in suggestion, and truthfully confusion, his voice is a pitch higher when he responds, "...studying?"
and that's how he finds himself staring into the crack between the wall and the far end of his desk, your figure hovering above him but not in the way he'd planned for, planned poorly for. jeno is on edge and frankly, he feels incredibly bad because he doesn't understand anything that comes from your mouth and the words you jot down on his paper before him all seem to collide and blur into each other. that's when he realizes he's started crying.
and that's when you're rendered speechless as the boy sits there, the little tracks running down his face wetting the paper you were teaching off of. "jeno, oh my god. fuck, you good?" you don't want to come off as prying so you avoid the whole 'why' notion but you're not that socially inept to miss that he didn't call you here at such an ungodly hour of morning just to get some unpaid tutor hours in and he certainly isn't crying because he doesn't understand shit. 
a hand of his is sifting through his hair while another rubs harshly down the side of his face. "i don't think you should- i'm just gonna go get you some tissues, i'll- i'll go get that." you turn on your heel and navigate your way from his room to the kitchen you'd passed on the way in. it's dark and you know he has roommates, you were less than willing to make your presence known. to your dismay, the kitchen was currently being occupied by a man whom you've yet to identify, being only two steps in when you stop in your tracks. 
he identifies you first, "y/n, what are you doing here?" and you pick up from the voice that it's donghyuck. your foot hits a cabinet before your eyes get a chance to adjust to the lighting, "fuck, yeah i'm here with jeno, well i'm not- not like that, we're just studying."
"just studying?" there's no way to see it but you swear the cock of his brows is apparent as it would be at day. you hum in response, fingers trying to make out the paper towel dispenser you were sure you caught a glimpse of on the way in. "so you're saying," he pulls out his phone and the light that emits from the screen is enough to guide you in the right direction before he shoves is back in his pocket. "that you booked a tutoring session with him at 4:19 a.m.?"
tearing one, then two, from the dispenser, you distractedly let a disbelieving, "yup," past your lips. hyuck scrutinizes you in the dark and his next words nearly shock you out of your skin, "is he fucking you because he just got dumped? is that why?"
you swivel at lightning speed, "he what?" hand over his mouth, donghyuck seems genuinely apologetic, though you wouldn't put it past him if he was not, "shit, you didn't know?" folding the paper towels two times over in your hands, you gingerly across the room to where the boy is seated, "i mean, i know that he didn't call me here just to study but that's legitimately what we ended up doing." he doesn't answer for awhile so you follow up with a question, "you think he wants to fuck me?"
hyuck looks you straight in the eye, "yeah, yeah i do." it hangs unsaid in the air between the two of you, but it's within both of your knowledge that jeno only wanted you here for sexual relief from his frustrations, that whatever else could be denoted by the deed was simply inapplicable for this situation. you shake your head of the thoughts, "so, what are you doing up this early?" you know that there is a weary and weeping jeno you have to get back to but you also know that your presence is somewhat unwelcome there, uncomfortable even, while he wades in his fit of tears.
hyuck replies with a heavy tone, "he gave me some things to think about too."
and you jump to conclusions all too quickly, "he wants to fuck you too?"
"god, y/n, no."
a weak laugh lining your demeanor after the last of the interaction, you reenter jeno's room to find him sprawled wide, his back to the bed. "hey," you preface as you round upon his bed, setting the paper towels on his nightstand. it seemed his tears had run their race and his eyes were now staring lethargically into the ceiling. perching yourself on the edge, you reach to place a hand atop one of his, giving two reassuring squeezes. "need anything?"
only now does jeno seem to take note of your arrival, his eyes hooded eyes flit to you for half a second before resolutely tugging you by the hand you had clasped within his. "what-" your breath is stolen from you as your back hits his chest. jeno drapes his arms across you front, "jeno, what-"
"i need a pillow, that's what i need."
you blink, trying to make sense of your thoughts, "did you ask me here to fuck you numb?" his body goes rigid underneath yours and you're right to assume that you've pinpointed the answer. "i'm right, huh?" eyeing downwards, his fingers are fiddling for you to see. after a few moments laid in bated breath, he lets weakly, "sorry about that, it's not gonna happen."
"yeah no shit," is said dulcetly despite the denotation. you feel his chuckles reverberate beneath you. "i'm really sorry, i swear i don't think of you that way." a smile upon your own face, you turn in his arms to place an expression to his voice. propping your head up on your folded arms, your arms atop his chest, you peer into his eyes sincerely. there is much that needs to be said, the reasonings behind his unexpected breakdown and the closeness you suddenly feel with still have to be addressed. but at this hour in the morning, you can't bring yourself to. 
instead you query, "should i stay the night?" he peers into your eyes with equal sincerity when he responds, "it's already early morning, you'd probably be off better sleeping here." giving a soft nod and a few moments to rearrange your thoughts, you perk up again just as he's about to fall asleep. he isn't annoyed in the slightest, rather he smiles at that, your voice, "do you have practice tomorrow?"
it's his turn to give a nod in response. "wanna come watch?" your arms move around his chest, encasing him like how he's encased you. hiding your smile in the front of his sweatshirt, your voice comes out muffled, "i'd love to but i'm a bit busy, jen. next time, maybe."
at your response, it's the first time that jeno feels, acknowledges, that his heart drops, even though it's in the slightest. there's an image of you in the stands, your textbooks in your lap and glasses sliding down the bridge of your nose. the image moves as he moves cross the rink and you look up when he passes by, eyes bright and a small smile and thumbs up in encouragement. from then on, it's that image that's plastered in his mind every time he thinks of you, that one self-conjured image. 
jeno feels his heart drop even more when he awakes to an empty bed. he finds that the text that you've sent in departure isn't nearly enough to repair his spirits, he wishes you were there instead.
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practice sucks ass the next day and the day after that, he doesn't pay it any mind, knowing more than well enough how renjun whispers of the news of his breakup among the members. he doesn't hold it against him though, after all, his ex is his teammate's best friend. jeno thinks it hurts the most when his ex shows up at the next game, the one he'd invited you to when you'd crossed paths on campus a few days ago. he finds himself in a weird predicament between trying to forget about a girl and chasing after another one. he can't tell if he really likes you or if he just needs a rebound.
today, jeno decides it's the latter because he's fuming the entire game at how hyuck would send winks in her direction, how he would skate up to the edge of the rink to converse with her during their breaks. jeno hates how she's moved on all too easily and he feels and urge to prove that he can do the same. he wants to prove to himself.
he's let almost every goal in by the time the buzzer signals the end of the final round. the coach reprimands him because at this point, he might as well be from the opposing team. the helmet is off in a split second, he showers for the briefest of moments, only allowing the water to slosh across his body one time before he's patting himself dry. jeno slips the towel from his shoulder throws on a hoodie in its stead. he's out the locker room in bare minutes where he comes face to face with you. you, with the little sheepish, apologetic smile on your face. you, who'd just arrived from your shift at the local cat adoption center, late for the game but in just time for him. you, the only person he's been aching to see the whole day. but even now, he's unsure of exactly why. 
"y/n, hey," he's by your side in an instant, hesitant in his actions but words tumbling out nonetheless, "you came. late, but...you came."
you meet him in the middle, hands coming up to your aid and waving nonsensically as you speak, "i'm so sorry, my shift was extended and i forgot to tell my boss beforehan-"
"it's fine, i'm just glad you're here." he readjusts the bag onto his shoulders in a nervous fit. he barely manages to make eye contact with you and he wonders when he started to feel this way about you or, again, the desire for a rebound, his need for a taste of vengeance is willing him to act this way. jeno shrugs off the thought and fills the silence with an offer, "so do you wanna go...do something together?" 
jeno should know by now. the little sparkle that glints in your eyes and the way his stomach upturns itself in response. he should know by now how much you like him too. hyuck exits the locker rooms in that instant, he greets you in passing as he joins a girl up ahead. you turn back to jeno, momentarily distracted, only to find his gaze hardened and fixed on the girl. a sickening feeling erupts within you as you begin to piece one and one to make two. 
he turns back to you and you avoid his gaze. the shift in your countenance jolts him as much as his had jolted you. you lick your lips before looking back up at him, your own eyes guarded. he wishes he knew why. "jeno, i'm gonna have to rain check. i just- i thought of something- something came up. i have to go."
you're stalking away from him before he can even process it. he's lucky that his strides are long because he catches your wrist right before you get to the exit, "y/n," he tugs gently so that you turn to him but he's caught off guard even more when he sees the tears that have begun to form in your eyes. "why are you like this all of a sudden? what happened?"
you shake your head at him, hurriedly swallowing the sobs before you can embarrass yourself even further, "nothing, jeno. i just realized something." you stare down at his wrist expectantly but he only clutches it tighter, "then, what did you realize?"
he lets go of your wrist now and you feel like your heart couldn't get any heavier as you answer, "i realized that i'm just a fill-in until you get over her." jeno sucks in a breath as he watched the words leave your mouth, as he watches you turn and leave, and he hears more tears bubble from your frame, the sounds receding the farther you walk from him. for some reason, it's only when you tell him so that he understands that he feels the exact opposite.
it's only when you shove it in his face, your own face scrunched up in tears, that he's only going after you as a rebound, when he sees his feelings for what they really are. honest, jeno finds it hard to believe that he's never felt anything towards you since you're everything he could ever ask for in a girl. pretty and cute, snappy but sweet, the most perfect curve of lips and above all, you're an intellectual. he finds it attractive, he finds you attractive. fuck it, he likes you.
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fortunately for him and unfortunately for you, your next tutoring session was scheduled for just a few days after, just enough time for him to get his act together and enough for you to cool your head enough sift through the thirty or so voice mails he'd left you. most of them seem to contain the same rueful, repentant tone, though a few seem to be displaying his slow spiral into self-deprecation. you're pretty sure the last is a mistake, a butt dial maybe.
jeno's not proficient with the knife, definitely not with how he's cutting the pears right now. he thinks he would've been better off bringing bananas but that would've seemed too insincere, wouldn't it? his thoughts are jumbling and sludging against one another when a finger of his slips and the fine edge of the knife is pressed on a knuckle. "fuck," he swears, his other hand already reaching over to the sink to run the cut under cold water. the sting is piercing and he looks away from the cut to the clock overhead. "double fuck," he mutters this time. the last thing he needs right now is you thinking that he stood you up. 
with steadfast athleticism, he finishes off the last of the pears with one hand. he's sure you'd laugh at the whole debacle if you were there though he's thankful you're not. jeno faces the fear that he sucks at everything except ice hockey, and he's barely getting by these days. he only ever feels confident on the rink with his stick in hand, crouched low so his eyes were level with the ice. he's never felt that much control over anything else, much less confessing to a girl and trying, somehow, to show that she was of much more worth than what he'd made it seem like. 
the library is a ten minute walk from his house, a three minute sprint. yes, he had sprinted. 
he knows for a fact that pears were the right way to go when you let the tiniest of smiles adorn your face at the sight of him setting the tupperware in front of you. you check your expression back into taut impassivity before he can indulge in his victory any longer. he knows you're not half as mad as you present yourself to be but that doesn't mean he'd take his mistakes lightly and go about this sleazily. jeno needs your trust. 
you resist the urge to reach over and flip over the hair that stood upright on the wrong side of his head. reverting your eyes onto the computer screen before you, "let's get started." not a half hour into your session, you're spaced out, eyes zoned onto the way jeno spins his pen between his fingers. maybe it's the lack of sleep that's getting to you.
"y/n? you good?"
you swallow thickly, removing your gaze from his hands, from him, from his paper, from anything that has to do with him. you notice how your chair has inched closer to his, or his to yours, you notice the finger-wide distance between you and him. shivers are sent down your spine. "let's take a break, is that fine?" jeno, from beside you, yawns and for a brief second you think he's about to pull the stretch and hand around shoulder trick. you blush unknowingly. 
jeno speaks before you can ask to resume the session, "can i say something?"
"is it work related?" you give your best efforts at keeping your voice level and head turned somewhat in his direction. in your peripheries, he cocks his head to the right, "...no, but we're on break." almost letting a huff escape your complexion, you relent, "fine then, shoot," figuring he would say it anyways.
"i want you to come to our next game."
you're lucky you had the whole scenario thought through, at least something can be harvested from your late nights spent tossing and turning, "i don't think i can-"
"y/n, i haven't even told you when."
"okay fine," you wrinkle your nose in distaste and hand out the truth for him to see, or hear, "i just don't want to." jeno is doing his best, he really is, but he knows that you've heard all that he has to say, if not once, then twenty-nine times over. the last one was a mistake. "did you get my voicemails?"
sighing, you chance a glance at him to see that he isn't the slightest bit annoyed, face drawn into a frown of sorts. you'll never admit that even just the sight could soften your set mindset. consideration replays in your irises when you answer the yes or no question with a decisive nod.
"then i'm sure you understand why i want you to come."
jeno lets you drive him home that day, he'd be the last to complain. the ride is silent from start to finish until right when he's about to close the passenger door, the car parked in front of his shared house. an, "i'll think about it," is what he's left to brew over for the next week or so as he stares that the text, read and unreplied, that he'd sent to remind you of the day and time of the game. he's anxious but it's only to that extent.
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it's becoming more and more evident that jeno is loosing his touch on ice. he hates that the only thing he can attribute it to is his dwindling love life. he finds that the enforcer is atypically rough today but he's glad that his role at the goal requires the least interaction and footwork. he'd promised his coach that he would be more wary of his surroundings but he can't help the occasional glance at the rink entrance every once in awhile. what he doesn't understand is that his definition of 'once in awhile' marks at around every thirty seconds.
the last round is the most painful, undoubtedly, because it's as if his defeat is being dragged on and on, as if the giant timer above the rink is ticking to the heartbeat of a dead man. 
jeno can is aware that he's breathing. he's aware but he has to double check when the entrance doors open for the last time that game and you've arrived. you're standing by the doorway, apprehensive, but jeno can't get it past his head that you've arrived, that you're here. he'd have gotten decked in the face had you not motioned your head in the direction of the fast approaching puck and the burly man behind it.
he blocks the shot and every shot after. there's no need to wonder why.
the buzzer rings in his head so quick that he thinks time runs on his emotions rather than the clock. his helmet is often in seconds and he's making his way at supersonic speeds to the part of the rail where you're stood. the glass fogs with his breath as he tries to get his words across. 'i'll be quick,' he mouths. 
you count two minutes until he's off ice. jeno hasn't bothered to shower, he lacks the patience for it. he sits you down on the lowest of the bleachers, closest to the rink. standing over you, he finds that he has so much to say, so many things he wants to let you know, all the feelings he's ever bottled up for the girl so obviously made for him.
he's never had much of a way with words but he thinks that the romance movies hyuck's made him watch over the years give a pretty good overview of what to say in situations like these, "i'd cross the world for you." you snort back at him, nose crinkling in distaste at his choice of words and poking fun at him with your own, "rink, jeno. you mean you'd cross the rink for me."
"y/n, i'm tryna do something here," he whines, the pout on display mimicking his displeased but light-hearted implications. you're equally as amused, "oh yeah? what are you tryna do?"
"i'm tryna," he takes your two arms in his and wraps them around his middle. you instinctively fist the fabric of his blue jersey at the back, "jeno, what are you-" you stop when a hand of his own comes to trace the lines of your face softly. maybe he can't find the words but surely he could show you. if he could just…"you keep interrupting me, jeno."
drawn from his resolution, he's snappy when he retorts, "i think as your boyfriend i ought to have that privilege."
"boyfriend? since when did you-"
"i just did," he revels in the idea that you think him to be smooth with words when in reality the 'boyfriend' was a slip up, a mirror of his daydreams. he's over the moon that it worked out in his favor. while he fixates on just how much he feels for you, you're playfully annoyed at a whole other, "stop fucking interrupting me, jen-"
"i love you."
you blink up at him. well shit. a lot of things are happening and you lack the brain cells to process them. there's only one thing you can think to do, only one think that you're thinking about, have been thinking about, will still be thinking about. 
he may be the one to steal words right from your mouth but beyond that he's oblivious, you think. the smile still plays on his lips when he follows up, "is it okay to interrupt you if i say something like tha-"
you press a smile of your own onto his lips, cutting his words effectively. a hand of yours moves up to the curve of his neck to bring him down further, the angle at which he is kissing giving him all the advantage he needs to deepen it. when you part, you aren't surprised to see how half your body is leaning on the row of seats behind you and that jeno's entire body is sprawled on yours, supported by a knee on one side of you. 
you like your lips as you feel his breath hot on yours. "how's it feel now?"
shaking his head, jeno presses his temple to yours so that the only thing you can see is him, just him. "interrupt me any day, will you?"
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copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.
✧ end note — wrote this up in approx. three hours. lee jeno is so rude for interrupting all my other wips (that are also mostly for him). i hope you enjoyed because i did, i freaking love writing for him <3
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patandpran · 3 years
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In Loathe With You
What happens if Taekyung confronts Shinwoo about why Shinwoo has been avoiding him since the incident in the library?
Aka the one where Shinwoo definitely doesn’t ‘hate’ Shinwoo. In fact, it’s kind of the opposite.
The way that Taekyung looked at Shinwoo terrified him.
Taekyung made Shinwoo feel seen. Like all the bullshit and layers of self-doubt and defensiveness were stripped away by Taekyung’s gaze alone. 
Taekung looked at people with such intention, it was as if Taekyung was studying you like his life depended on it but Shinwoo soon realized it was more of a survival tactic that Taekyung must have developed to navigate social situations. The more he could gather in mere seconds, the more likely that Taekyung would be able to handle the interaction without too many consequences.
Shinwoo had felt something between them shift after Taekyung stepped into the way of the fight. The cut beneath Taekyung’s eye was a reminder that he put himself in harm’s way for someone that repeatedly declared that he ‘hated’ him and called him ‘annoying’.
Who did that?
It took Shinwoo some time to muster up the courage to call Taekyung and, in his own awkward way, thank him for the gesture. He couldn’t help but stutter anytime he was around Taekyung. He was so hard to read and decipher that it was both unsettling and fascinating to Shinwoo. It made him want to reach out into Taekyung’s mind every time they shared space and find out exactly what was going on for his peer.
So Shinwoo had bought a package of bandages.
…. With the intention of offering them to Taekyung as a sort of peace offering.
But then he encountered Daon and Taekyung in the library and Shinwoo’s confidence shattered into a million pieces. Shinwoo had seen the fondness that Taekyung looked at Daon with a million times before, whether it was students who wanted to date him or friends who looked up to him as if he were some sort of God on Earth.
Shinwoo knew he could never compete with Daon. Daon was warmth, sunshine and refreshing sweet tea while Shinwoo was ice, a cup of bitter coffee and a day inside escaping the rain. Daon was laughing and beaming smiles while Shinwoo was a comfortable shared silence and contemplation. 
And it seemed like Taekyung had already decided what he wanted, despite the connection that Shinwoo had felt brewing between them. There was a part of Shinwoo that was shocked that someone like Taekyung would fall for Daon’s warmth but Shinwoo knew how hard it was to escape the power of Daon’s influence. Even Shinwoo had once felt trapped by his feelings for Daon but quickly realized they worked much better as friends. 
So, Shinwoo took a step back despite what his instincts told him.
He kept his feelings to himself and started to rebuild the wall between him and Taekyung again so that he wouldn’t get hurt. It was better to feel nothing than to feel hurt. It was better to pretend to loathe someone than love them. The pain was more obtuse.
But Taekyung didn’t seem to appreciate the regression. A few days after the incident in the library, Taekyung cornered Shinwoo in the student council room during a study period that they both shared. Shinwoo regretted ever going to the student council room that day, knowing that Taekyung paid close attention to details such as people’s routines.
“Why are you ignoring me again?” Taekyung demanded bluntly, slamming his hands down onto the council table where Shinwoo was sitting.
This was another quality of Taekyung’s that Shinwoo admired. His need for transparency and honesty meant there was nothing left unclarified, as much as Shinwoo liked to keep things hidden. Taekyung tolerated no BS and Shinwoo found it quite refreshing.
“I-I’m not.” Shinwoo muttered in response and tried to avoid Taekyung’s piercing glare by pretending to study the form he was filling out.
“You’re not good at lying.” Taekyung accused and it somehow didn’t come across as an insult when he said it.
“Look, I’m trying to get this clubs form done so if you want something to entertain you, why don’t you clean the council room again?” Shinwoo deflected, hoping it would be enough to get Taekyung off his case. He really wasn’t in the mood for a confrontation right now.
Instead of taking Shinwoo’s suggestion, Taekyung rounded the table to the side where Shinwoo was sitting and sat in the chair directly next to Shinwoo’s. The sudden invasion of space made Shinwoo’s breath hitch in surprise and when he looked up to meet Taekyung’s gaze, he was shocked to see a look of resolve rather than frustration.
“I don’t know what I did to upset you, but whatever it was, I’m sorry.” Taekyung shared, his voice softer than before.
Shinwoo swallowed slowly, taken aback by the abrupt shift in Taekyung’s tone. “You didn’t do anything. Nothing’s wrong. I don’t know what you mean…”
“You started to open up to me.” Taekyung interrupted Shinwoo in earnest. “You called me! You apologized to me and you even started to greet me… but then, these past few days… it feels like it went back to how it was before. I don’t want to feel invisible to you anymore.”
The hurt was obvious in Taekyung’s words and the guilt quickly flooded through Shinwoo. The last thing he wanted to do was cause Taekyung pain. He had removed himself from the equation so that Shinwoo and Daon could pursue whatever was going on between them. He didn’t want to mess with what was obviously brewing between them. Plus, in taking a step back, Shinwoo was protecting himself too. But how could Shinwoo possibly explain this to Taekyung without revealing his feelings for him?
Because that was the crux of it all.
Shinwoo liked Taekyung.
And that was exactly why they had to go back to how they were before…. So no one got hurt.
“Is it because I heard the stuff your middle school friends said?” Taekyung surged on anxiously. “I’m not going to tell anyone. It’s none of my business, unless you want to tell me about it. I’m never going to push you to tell me things you don’t want to. I just… I want us to get along. I want us to be friends.”
The word ‘friends’ stung more than it should have but that was a pain that Shinwoo would have to learn to tolerate. He could see that the way he was treating Taekyung was doing more damage than it was worth. If Taekyung wanted to be friends, he could keep his feelings hidden as he had with Daon. They would soon dissolve into feelings of platonic affection..
But would they?
There was something innately different about how Shinwoo felt about Taekyung. His feelings were more visceral, like they lived deep within rather than just on the surface. They hadn’t known each other for long but Shinwoo’s feelings for Taekyung felt like they had always dwelled within, ready to rise to the surface when he first laid his eyes on Taekyung.
“Okay.” 
That was all that Shinwoo could offer. 
The weight of everything sat upon his shoulders and the image of encountering Daon and Taekyung in the library flashed in his memory, sending a pang of hurt through him once again. It spread through his body like a slight shiver as he kept his eyes on Taekyung.
“Okay.” Taekyung responded slowly, almost as if he didn’t believe what Shinwoo had set.
Shinwoo watched as Taekyung momentarily gathered his thoughts, hoping that the interrogation was over and he could at least pretend to return to his work and be left alone with his thoughts. But Taekyung didn’t seem satisfied with the conversation.
“You don’t have to answer but… what changed?” Taekyung asked and Shinwoo wished he had simply continued on with the ‘I hate you’ charade. It would have been easier than having conversations like this one.
“It seemed like, for a second there, that you actually might want to be friends with me.” Taekyung expressed and Shinwoo could hear the vulnerability in Shinwoo’s words. “But then it quickly went back to how it was before… what did I do wrong?”
Shinwoo sighed, letting his gaze fall to the table rather than having to face Taekyung. “Like I said, you didn’t do anything wrong… I just… I think it’s best if we keep a distance between us.”
“Why?” Taekyung shook his head in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
Shinwoo could feel the truth on the tip of his tongue but he knew honesty would destroy any semblance of a friendship that they had between him and Taekyung, especially given how Taekyung felt for Daon. 
“I saw you and Daon in the library.” That was the only explanation that Shinwoo could offer but it only seemed to confuse Taekyung even more.
Taekyung turned his chair to face Shinwoo more directly. “Okay… but what does that have to do with anything?”
For someone so observant, it seemed like Taekyung had a blind spot to how people felt about him. It made the whole interaction both unbearable and embarrassing for Shinwoo but Shinwoo also knew Taekyung wasn’t going to let him escape until the matter was resolved.
“I saw how you looked at him.” Shinwoo explained slowly, the words feeling like poison as they passed through his lips.
“Huh?” Taekyung’s brow knit together for a moment before his eyes grew wide with realization. “You think I like Daon?”
The truth hurt already but hearing it directly from Taekyung felt like a slap across the face. Shinwoo didn’t know how to respond besides nodding and remaining silent as Taekyung regarded him intently.
But then Taekyung did something unexpected - he reached out and gently trailed his fingers across one of Shinwoo’s ears. The touch made Shinwoo become starkly still and all remaining thoughts disappeared from his mind.
“Your ears are red again.” Taekyung remarked softly, leaning in toward Shinwoo.
Shinwoo couldn’t help but let himself be caught up in the moment for a few seconds before his eyes fell on the bandaid that Daon had placed on Taekyung’s face. At that, he pulled away from Taekyung’s touch and turned his eyes away as well, feeling the shame flood through him.
Out of the corner of his eye, Shinwoo saw Taekyung’s hand hover slightly before retracting it and touching the bandaid on his face. “Daon doesn’t like me. He takes care of everyone. You should know that by now, Shinwoo.”
Taekyung looked back to Shinwoo and blurted out, “But you like him.”
Shinwoo shrugged, “He’s nice to me. I think maybe I thought I did for a second but then I realized it was a different feeling…. It was friendship, not a romantic feeling or physical attraction. I’m just not used to people having any investment in me… he made me feel seen. But I understand the difference now.”
“How?” Shinwoo wondered, not even processing the relief that he was experiencing at hearing that Taekyung didn’t want to be anything more than Daon’s friend.
“Because of how I feel about you.” Taekyung admitted, the nerves clear in his voice.  “Don’t you wonder why I was so insistent about finding out why you hated me? It was borderline obsessive!”
Shinwoo’s mind turned to static. He understood the possibility of what Taekyung was saying but it was too unbelievable to conceive that Taekyung felt the same as him, especially considering how Shinwoo had treated him.
“You want to be my friend.” Shinwoo expressed numbly.
“No, you don’t get it.” Taekyung was shaking his head in disbelief again before becoming still and solemn. “I like you, Shinwoo.”
For a second, Shinwoo thought he had heard Taekyung wrong or was imagining things. But then Taekyung kept talking, “Maybe that will make you hate me. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything but I just felt like something had changed between us and maybe...Maybe I don’t know how to have friends but what I do know is that I don’t want to just be friends with you, Shinwoo. I don’t expect anything in return, I just… need to be honest with you.”
“Honest.” Shinwoo repeated the word numbly as he was still in shock by Taekyung’s confession.
“Before I ever said anything.” Taekyung bit out.
Shinwoo  realized too late that he must have come across in a mocking tone as a look of hurt crossed Taekyung’s face before he shoved his chair back to make an escape. An all too familiar shame was clear in Taekyung’s eyes as he moved toward the door of the student council room.
And even though Shinwoo was still in autopilot, his body leapt into action on his behalf, knowing that if he didn’t act now, he might lose Taekyung forever. The damage would be done if he didn’t make his intentions clear.
Shinwoo slipped in front of Taekyung and put his back to the door to block Taekyung from exiting. Taekyung took a surprised step back and tore his gaze from Shinwoo’s, letting out a huff of frustration. “I don’t need your pity, Shinwoo. I get it now. You hate me and that’s never going to change.”
“I don’t hate you.” Shinwoo practically whispered. “I never did.”
Taekyung looked urgently back to Shinwoo. “What?”
Shinwoo took a deep breath and stepped closer to Taekyung, raising his hand to gently run his thumb over the bandaid on Taekyung’s cheek. “I don’t hate you, Taekyung. I was… terrified of how you made me feel.”
“I don’t understand.” Taekyung murmured under Shinwoo’s touch. 
“The weight of what I feel for you, it was too much.” Shinwoo explained slowly, articulating every word. “That’s why I acted like I hated you. I was awful to you because… well, you were overwhelming. I didn’t want you around because… well, I like you too, and I was scared of what that meant.”
Taekyung relaxed slightly, his expression becoming more open and curious than defensive. “But what does Daon have anything to do with this?” 
“I was planning to bring you a bandaid as an apology for how I treated you after the fight.” Shinwoo answered, embarrassed about how he had handled the situation. “But then I saw you and Daon in the library and I guess.. I just didn’t want to get in the way of you too.”
“Like I said, there’s nothing to get in the way of.” Taekyung raised his hand to put around Shinwoo’s wrist and leaned his head into Shinwoo’s palm that was still cradling his face. 
“I know that now.” Shinwoo shared with a relieved sigh.
And then something beautiful happened. Taekyung smiled at Shinwoo and something in Shinwoo melted. The walls of ice that he had worked so hard for so long to build up began to dissipate because of Taekyung’s mere presence. 
“So… what does this make us?” Taekyung asked boldly, beaming at Shinwoo.
“It definitely makes us more than friends.” Shinwoo responded, a smile tugging at his own lips.
Taekyung leaned forward so their foreheads touched momentarily before he pulled back again. He had a satisfied look in his eyes and he teased, “Your ears are red again. I guess you really do like me.”
Shinwoo rolled his eyes. He could get used to this banter but he might never get used to the reality that Taekyung felt the same way he did and had been brave enough to share those feelings with him.
And, just like that, Shinwoo wasn’t so afraid of how Taekyung made him feel anymore.
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mmsapataoltda · 3 years
Text
Heartbeat (PART 2)
check the tags for trigger warning. In case anyone is in doubt this happens in 146 so Lin is 26 and Tenzin 27
I don't know how to put a link here so part 1 is fixed in my page
fic under the cut
After Lin returned from her tour on the Island with Izumi close at her heels, Tenzin could notice her slightly swollen eyes and how she kept away from social interactions as much as possible. Kya was also watching her from across the room. The joy she felt when Lin and Tenzin announced the expected baby was slowly coming apart as she watched the earthbender interact with her baby brother. She didn't know if she felt worse because she was jealous of her brother or because she couldn't be overjoyed anymore by the little-announced news.
After all the guests had left, Lin and Tenzin said their good night to the family and retired to Tenzin's room. Lin's stillness was making Tenzin worried, he was used to her closing down when she didn't want to talk about something that made her uncomfortable, but this was different. She looked scared. But when she turned off the light on the lamp on her side of the bed said good night and then rolled over on her back to sleep, he figured it would be better for both of them if he just snuggled her body against his.
The next morning, right after breakfast, Lin was sitting on one of the beds at Katara's healing hut on Air Temple Island. Tenzin was sitting in a chair in front of the bed, watching Lin as serious as she could be. She was apprehensive, Tenzin knew, and made a point of staring at the wall behind him like it was the most interesting thing in the world in an effort not to look at him.
- Everything will be fine, Lin. - he said trying to calm her down, but she just directed her impenetrable gaze to him
- You don't know that. – she replied firmly – This child is growing inside of me, there is a high chance of her being born with three eyes.
The screen doors separating the room from the rest of the healing hut opened and Tenzin immediately rose to his feet to carry the basin of water Katara had brought with her and set it on the nightstand beside the bed Lin was occupying.
- Hi sweetheart – Katara greeted Lin affectionately as she approached the bed – Can you take off your shirt and turn to get started? - Lin nodded and did what Katara had asked, turning over in bed with only his bindings and sweatpants
Katara approached again with her hands covered with water and placed them on the metalbender’s chest, she opened her mouth to speak to Lin, but Tenzin interrupted her:
- Aren't you going to examine the baby first? - he asked anxiously
- I didn't know you were a healer, Tenzin. – the waterbender Master said ironically and resumed her consultation. Lin was pressing her lips together to keep from laughing at the face Tenzin had made at her mother's reply – I'll ask you some questions, okay? – the earthbender nodded – I need you to try to be as exact as possible with the dates. I assume you weren't trying to get pregnant. - was the first question
- No. - Lin and Tenzin replied together after exchanging looks
- When was your last cycle?
Lin pondered for a while, doing the math in her mind.
- 5 weeks.
- Did you have sex during this period? – Katara's question made Tenzin red
- Yes. - It was Lin who answered
- How long are you late? – she asked and moved the water to Lin's back
- About 15 days. My cycles are not regulated, I always end up missing one or two due to stress at the Police Station.
- When was the last time you had sex?
- Mom... - Tenzin objected, turning almost scarlet, receiving a reproachful look from his mother
- Two days ago. – Lin replied, ignoring Tenzin's objection and Katara nodded and moved her water-covered hands away from Lin's body
- You can lie down, I'll start examining the baby.
Lin did as the healer asked and soon Katara's hands were on her stomach.
- How did you find out you were pregnant?
- I can hear the heartbeat through the earth. – Katara smiled with this information
- I believe the baby was the person she was listening to last night. – it was Lin's turn to nod but Katara and Tenzin noticed her stiffen at the mention of Toph
Katara asked a few more questions about Lin's health as she moved her hands around her abdomen before stepping away and returning the water to the bowl beside the bed. Lin put on her shirt and sat down next to Tenzin on the other side of Katara's desk.
- Well... Lin, your weight is excellent for your height. The baby is approximately 5 weeks old and has a strong and regular heartbeat. – she paused in her notes – There is only one thing that worries me. – Lin shifted in her chair suddenly uncomfortable, she knew something wouldn't be right – Toph's pregnancies were very delicate, especially with Su. She had pre-eclampsia both times and with Su she went into premature labor because of it, thanks to the Spirits I managed to reverse the situation and Su was born close to the scheduled date. With that you have a genetic predisposition to have a risky pregnancy. As you said yourself, you are under a high level of stress at work and this is already causing changes in your blood pressure. This can cause complications for you and the baby's health. – Tenzin moved his hand to reach Lin's and squeezed it gently, but Lin didn't respond to the gesture – Under these circumstances I suggest you take maternity leave within the next few weeks. 
- No way! – Lin exclaimed, pulling her hand away from Tenzin's touch and crossing her arms, she should have seen it coming
- Lin, try to be reasonable. – Tenzin asked quietly
- Tenzin, no! I'll have to stay away for almost a year when the time comes, I won't be locked inside the house for another seven months doing nothing, this will end up leaving me more stressed than the Police Station. – she turned her attention to Katara – Katara with all due respect, but I will not stop working unless absolutely necessary.
- I knew you would react like that. – Katara made a few more lines of notes before addressing them once more – You can work until your fifth month of pregnancy… – Lin opened her mouth to thank her, but Katara raised her hand to interrupt – Dont thank me yet, i'm not done. But until then you will work in the office, no fieldwork.
- What? – Lin almost yelled and her eyes widened in protest, but Katara paid little attention
- No patrols, no field investigations, no stakeout for 36 hours and no operations. And I know this is important to you, but you're also going to have to start slowing down with your workouts.
- Katara… - Lin tried to argue, but Katara continued
- And that is absolutely necessary. I'll talk to Chief Song myself if needed to. - Lin snorted and tightening the knot she made with her arms - Due to the delicacy of the pregnancy I will also ask you to stop drinking coffee and take appointments every two weeks.
- Something else? – Lin asked completely grumpy
- That is all.
And in the blink of an eye, Lin was up and out of the room.
Tenzin found her in the living room crosslegged on the window sofa as she turned the pages of the book she was reading almost aggressively.
- Lin. - he called her gently passing through the small crack in the door, but she ignored his presence. Tenzin rubbed a hand across his forehead and sighed before approaching her with slow steps – Lin. – he repeated and knelt on the floor in front of her, gently lowered the book she was using to hide her face and rested his hands on the metalbender’s knees
- I'm scared, Tenzin. – she confessed almost in a whisper – I'm not sure of anything about my life right now and it scares the shit out of me. First I was scared to be like the Chief, now I have to be away from my job otherwise I might end up losing the baby. Tenzin… – he approached her, snuggling between her thighs and lifting a hand to caress Lin's waist – I'm so confused. I never wanted this, I didn't want to have a baby, but now I'm pregnant and I'm not hating it, but at the same time it has my job and Chief Song has nominated me for the Captain's exam...
Tenzin had to compose himself with the revelation of that information, she hadn't said anything about the nomination. Lin looked down to meet the airbender's eyes and he noticed that her eyes were filled with fear, that feeling looked so wrong in Lin's eyes, she was always brave, always gave herself to the things she wanted, he couldn't let her feel that way.
- You can be sure about one thing: I'm here for you and I will always be, no matter what. And I'm sure you're going to do what's possible and impossible for our baby because you're like that, you give yourself to the things you commit to. – Lin smiled gratefully at him and tilted her head to the side – Now about your work… – Lin tensed again – I'm sorry this isn't going the way you planned and that this will interfere with your work, I know how important it is to you. But I'm here for you and I know you're going to be Capitain and then AC and then Chief.  – he smiled  – We can make this work. You could move to the Island, you would be closer to my mother and I could take care of you. We can turn the room next to mine into a nursery, we'll let Kya decorate it with all those cute baby things… – Lin laughed at the same time a tear escaped her eye – We can get married.
- On that hill I like with view to the city. - she completed placing her hand over his on her waist and reaching for the other to intertwine their fingers
- On that hill you like.
- I could do that.
The weeks went by smoothly, and Lin's move to Air Temple Island was accomplished with two flying bison trips under the supervision of Sokka and Aang that wouldn't let her lift a pin, let alone a box. At each appointment with Katara, she would tell her that everything was running smoothly, that she just needed to pay attention to her stress level and her diet. A few days after completing the 12th week Tenzin was responsible for a big spike in her blood pressure.
- You´re showing! – he almost yelled when Lin appeared in the room among the steam from the bathroom only wearing her panties and her bindings while drying her hair with the towel, she almost left the floor at his sudden reaction
- No, I am not. - she said immediately pulling the towel from her hair and looking at her stomach
- Yes you are! – Tenzin jumped out of bed and grabbed Lin's wrist dragging her back into the bathroom
He doubled a gentle stream of air on the mirror to defog, positioned Lin in front of him, and turned her on her side. Lin fixed her eyes on the reflection of her belly on the mirror and found what Tenzin was referring to. It was a small bump, it was almost imperceptible, but it was there. The earthbender ran a hand over her stomach, feeling the lump and couldn't help the smile that formed on her face.
- It's our baby. – Tenzin said hugging her from behind placing his soft hands on the small bump and placing a series of kisses on Lin's exposed neck, who immediately started to feel hot and tilted her head to the side so that Tenzin had better access to her skin 
The kisses became wetter and firmer, then Lin moved Tenzin's hands to her breasts squeezing it lightly, which made her let ou a little moan. She turned and brought their lips together in a needy kiss wrapping one leg around his hip, Tenzin realized what she wanted and then lifted her other leg holding Lin firmly on his hip by the thighs and walked with her in his arms to the bed
Tenzin was definitely loving the pregnancy hormones.
Lin was lying comfortably on his chest stroking Tenzin’s sternum as he drew large circles on Lin's bare back.
- Do you think Kya can find out if it's a boy or a girl? – he asked after placing a kiss on Lin's black hair.
- We don't need Kya to find out. – she replied raising an elbow to look at him – I know it's a girl.
- Oh? – Tenzin raised an eyebrow as well
- Beifongs don't have male children.
Thinking of the Beifong family tree Tenzin realized that Lin was correct. Lao was the only male child among three sisters, Poppy had only one sister and had an only daughter, Toph, who also had only daughters.
- But we can talk to her after dinner, I'm sure she'll be more than happy to tell everyone that she found out. - Lin commented lying down again on the airebnder’s chest 
- I bet she will.
Unlike what they expected, Kya didn't show up for dinner. Katara said she was in her room packing her things to leave the next morning. Lin's heart clenched at the news, she didn't want her to leave, a selfish part of her wanted to keep Kya close so she could feel her heady presence that made her so confused. After Tenzin excused himself to take a phone call in his office, Lin did the same and went to Kya's room, something was wrong and she knew.
Lin knocked on the door, but loud music drowned out the sound, the metalbender opened the door a crack and she could see Kya stuffing clothes into her suitcase as she muttered to herself. Lin cleared her throat to announce her presence and Kya flew nearly three feet off the ground but didn't turn to her, the waterbender brought her hands to her face and took a few deep breaths before turning to face her. The waterbender didn't greet her with a bright smile as she always did, instead her eyes were sad and puffy and the tip of her nose was red. Lin raised her hand toward the radio and turned her fingers to turn off the device.
- Are you leaving. – it wasn't a question
- Yes. – Kya replied trying to sound firm and went back to stuffing clothes in her suitcase
- Why? – Lin asked entering the room, but Kya didn't answer her, just started to form a ball with the piece in her hand and threw it on the bed aggressively – Kya. What's happening? – Kya turned to her and once again Lin was surprised to see the piercing blue eyes filled with tears, Lin always knew that Kya cried at a drop of a hat but there was nothing that could explain it
- I can't be here right now. – Kya's answer only made Lin more confused – I'll come back when you enter the eighth month to help with the delivery, but I can't… – A sob escaped her lips and Kya covered her face to hide her tears
Instinctively Lin approached her, grabbed her wrists and gently pulled her hands away from her face. Still holding one of Kya's hands, Lin raised the other to the waterbender’s face and touched it with the greatest gentleness in the world, as if it would break with any careless touch. At first Kya was transfixed by the closeness she was from the metalbender, but she let herself feel comfortable as callused hands whiped her tears.
When Lin's hand lowered again, without noticing Kya mirrored Lin's gesture touching her face, she didn't seem bothered by the touch, so Kya ran her thumb over the twin scars on her cheek. They weren't smiling, they were afraid that any movement would break the spell surrounding them. The waterbender tried to absorb every detail of Lin's face, she wanted to kiss her. Lin's eyes were fixed on Kya's lips and she wondered if they were as soft as they looked. But suddenly Kya's touch faltered and she let out a soft breath.
- That's why I need to go. – Kya said fighting back tears and took her hand away from Lin's face.
The metalbender instantly missed the touch and watched silently as Kya closed her suitcase threw it over her shoulder and walked through the doorframe with just a "Good night Lin" and left leaving Lin standing and confused in the middle of her own bedroom.
When Lin returned to her’s and Tenzin’s room, Tenzin was lying on the bed while reading a book. She could feel that her cheeks were still hot and they sure were red. Tenzin lowered the book and sat up, noticing his girlfriend’s lost gaze.
- Lin, what's wrong? - he asked worried. 
Tenzin's voice brought her back to reality and she blinked a few times to clear her thoughts of what had happened, or nearly happened, in Kya's room.
- Nothing. – she replied with a brief smile – Everything is fine. – she watched Tenzin's shoulders relax immediately.
- What did Kya say? - he asked anxiously
- That's a girl.
The way Kya left the next day left Lin thoughtful and distant for the next few days. She didn't understand what they were or where those feelings related to the waterbender came from, but she knew one thing: she missed Kya. That didn't mean she didn't love Tenzin, of course she loved him, with every beat of her heart, so what Kya made her feel made her even more confused. So, as with all the feelings she wasn't going to talk to anyone about, she stuffed them inside a little box and pushed them into a corner of her mind where she could pretend they didn't exist.
Along with the 14th week of pregnancy came the exam to select the next Captain of the Republic City Police Department. The theoretical part for the Captain's exam was being applied and all the Lieutenants of the 15th Class were gathered in the brifing room with their faces buried in scrolls reading and writing, Lin Beifong was the only Lieutenant of the 16th Class present. After explaining the entire situation to Chief Song, he did not allow her not to take the test with the other Lieutenants of the 15th class.
- This test is a mere formality, I have already made my decision, you will be the next Captain. Yoy will take the exam and as soon as you come back from maternity leave you will assume the post. - he said
And that's how she ended up sitting in the back of the brifing room for a four-hour test. Occasionally her right hand would leave its resting place beside the paper to caress the belly completely imperceptible to outside eyes hidden under her armor, which was no longer being so comfortable. Her foot remained barefoot against the floor as the heartbeat of the small baby growing in her womb soothed her.
Later that day, Lin and Tenzin were sitting on their bed, their backs against the headboard, she had just told him about how the test had gone and about all her expectations in that matter, Tenzin assured her that there was nothing she should worry as Chief Song had already made his decision that she would take over after her maternity leave, his hands never leaving Lin's stomach as her cold hands covered his.
She reached over to her bedside table to pick up the book about pregnancy Katara had given her, which had been hers during her pregnancies. Lin was devouring the book. Each chapter talked about what to expect in each week of pregnancy and what was happening with the baby in that week, as she completed each week she read a new chapter and reread it several times until completing the next. That night Lin couldn't contain her anxiety and ended up reading the chapters about the next few weeks, while reading Tenzin lay with his face lying close to her bump, talking in whispers with the baby.
- Her eyesight will start to develop in a few weeks. Unless she's blind.
- She's not blind. He is not blind - Tenzin countered - But if he or she is blind, that’s not a problem.
- I already told you it's a girl. – Lin said looking at him – You can call it "she", because the baby will be born and she will think you were wrong all along. – Tenzin frowned at her confused and Lin shook her head – Suddenly she's not even listening, she might be deaf.
- Not a problem too. One of the monks who trained my father was deaf. - he commented trying to get around Lin's pessimism
- Okay, but what if it's not okay?! Two heads, three arms...?
- Stop. – Tenzin said horrified to her
- I'm just saying. If a woman has to have a child with two heads, three arms and 11 fingers, that woman is me.
- Lin... it doesn't even make sense, if she has three arms it will be 15 fingers and I don't know why I'm saying this. – he shot in sequence, getting ready on his pillow – Now go to sleep, please. – he got up to kiss her temple and Lin started to move to get out of bed.
- I just need to get something from the kitchen. - she said getting up from the bed and left the room
Tenzin knew she didn't need anything from the kitchen. The trip there was just an excuse to be able to put her bare feet on the floor so she could hear the baby's heart beating. He knew Lin was worrying too much and that listening to the baby's heart soothed her.
When she reached the kitchen, Lin placed her hands on her belly, closed her eyes and stomped firmly with her left against the floor. The waves of her seismic sense swept the entire first floor, but Lin was focused on the small square meter she was standing in, the waves crept up her body and she could see the outline of her baby in her womb. She stroked her tiny belly until the waves dissipated and the formed image faded from her mind.
One Wednesday night in the middle of the 16th week of pregnancy, Lin woke up with a terrible pain in her lower abdomen. She sat up in bed with her hand on her stomach and let out a silent scream of pain. Something wasn't right. She turned to Tenzin and shook him desperately, trying to wake him up.
- Tenzin. – she turned to him and shook him with all the strength that was left in her body, which wasn't much when he heard the tone of his girlfriend's voice he sat up immediately on the bed – Tenzin, there's something wrong... the baby. - she said through her tears, the only words that escaped her mouth and in the next second she was bending forward in a scream of pain
He immediately got out of bed to run to his mother's room, but as soon as he turned on the lamp to see his way to the door he froze in place as he noticed the pool of blood Lin was sitting in. In that moment she knew. Her baby was gone.
Tenzin entered his parents' room unannounced, they were sleeping peacefully facing each other, completely unaware of what was going on. The door hit the wall with the force it was opened, Katara was the first to get up and when she noticed the expression on her son's face she realized that something wasn't right.
- Lin is in pain. - he said breathlessly
In less than a second Katara was on her feet with Aang at her heels.
- Take her to my healing hut, your father and I will prepare the pool. – she said as she tied a robe around her waist and put on her slippers
Tenzin carried Lin to his mother's hut, her weight barely perceptible in his arms. She was terribly quiet and pale, the tears had stopped and now they were just damp, glistening memories on her cheeks. He walked quickly while trying not to pay attention to the bloodstains on her thighs. As soon as they entered the hut, Aang came to their assistance and helped Tenzin get Lin into the pool.
Aang moved to leave the room and let his wife work on Lin and put a hand on Tenzin’s chest to walk him out, but Tenzin didn't move a muscle, reluctant to leave Lin alone.
- Tenzin go with your father. - Katara asked in a professional tone
Then he left the room, his father closing the screen doors behind them. But the look on Lin's face was one he couldn't shake from his thoughts, and one he knew he would never forget. Her face was streaked with tears, but no new ones left her eyes, she stared at nothing with a blank expression. That was the word that would be used to write Lin at that moment. Empty. He had never seen her like that and wished he had never had that opportunity.
When the doors opened again, nearly an hour and a half later, Katara's devastated gaze confirmed what they already knew. Tenzin felt the air leave his lungs as he brought his hands to his head feeling his knees go weak, Aang held him in place helping him to control his breathing while Katara's hands rested on his chest whispering things he didn't register. Once he was merely steady on her knees, Katara said:
- Lin had a miscarriage. As it was in the second trimester of pregnancy I needed to clean the uterus so we need to move her very carefully and she will need healing sessions for a week. – he could see that she was on the verge of tears as she tried to pass on the information, he tried to move towards the closed door, but his mother stopped him, she opened her mouth to speak, but the words were not passing through her throat – She passed by a huge trauma, a  miscarriage after the 12th week is more aggressive and she is very fragile. Tenzin. – she looked deeply at her son – She needs you more than ever, you need to be strong for her, I'm not saying you shouldn't have your mourning period or block your emotions, but you need to take it slow with her.
The airbender nodded firmly and took a few breaths trying to get his emotions under control before entering the room. Lin looked smaller and more delicate than ever in the water, her clothes were soaking wet as were the ends of her hair that made contact with the water just below her shoulders. He didn't know what to say and before he had a chance to find out he heard Lin break into a sob:
- Tenzin. – at the sound of Lin's broken voice, he immediately strode to her stepping into the water without bothering with his pajamas getting wet and she hid in his chest while crying openly and clutching his shirt – I'm sorry. I am so sorry. – she kept repeating as he stroked her black hair and her back
- Shhh. – he said with his chin resting on top of her head – This is not your fault, you don't have to apologize for anything. – it was only at that moment as Lin clung to his clothes and cried desperately that he realized that his own tears were running down his face and falling into the black strands of his girlfriend's head
Five days had passed since that terrible Wednesday night, and Lin still declined to join the others at family dinners or eat a decent meal or receive anyone outside the family who lived on the Island. Including your mother.
- I don't care that she doesn't want to see me. She is my kid. – she argued with Katara, but the older woman refused to leave her position in front of the door – I swear Katara, if you don't get out of my way I'll bury you in a hole so deep that I myself won't be able to find you. She needs me! I am her mother!
After realizing that arguing with Toph in Lin's earshot would not benefit anyone at all, she relented and let Toph into the room. In a historic effort to talk about her feelings, she told Lin how she felt when she almost lost Su and what helped her overcome that trauma in an attempt to help her daughter. But it wasn't the same, Su was very much alive and walking around her new town living her private fairy tale while Lin went through hell. Toph left placing a kiss on Lin's hairline and he said goodbye with an empty "Thanks, Chief". Although Toph hasn't left town, appearing on the Island from time to time, she hasn't returned to visit Lin, content in just listening and feeling her footsteps across the bedroom floor.
Katara and Aang were being the pillars on which she and Tenzin could stand, they were also going through their respective griefs, but they didn't fail to lend their strength to the young couple. Strangely, the metalbender found great relief in meditating with the two airbenders in the first rays of sun and this was the only activity that made her leave the room apart from the healing sessions with Katara. At Lin's request, the waterbender had told her everything that had happened that night that no one would ever forget, assuring her that none of it was her fault, but Lin couldn't stop blaming herself. What if she had listened to Katara and stopped working? What if she had eaten better? What if she hadn't ventured into the training room? What if she had been more careful? The "what ifs" circled in Lin's head and refused to leave.
On the seventh day Kya arrived. Dropping her suitcase at the stairs and running into the house.
- I came as fast as I could. Where is she? – she asked exasperated to Katara who had her hands on her shoulders in an attempt to calm her down as Kya tried to cross the kitchen agitated
- She's in the bedroom, but first you need to calm down. – Kya stopped moving and took a few deep breaths, although Katara could still feel her daughter trembling against her palms – Better. – she said and released Kya who almost flew out of the kitchen and up the stairs
Lin heard a soft knock on the door. With her feet off the ground she was unable to tell who was knocking, so she simply replied:
- It's open. - in a weak voice
When Kya came into view she was overwhelmed with the urge to cry, but she pushed it deep into her chest.
- I'm sorry, Lin. – Kya said as soon as her eyes landed on Lin sitting on the bed, she crossed the room with long strides and open arms, enveloping Lin in a much-needed hug that wasn't refused. The metalbender could feel Kya's hot tears on her shoulder, but she didn't cry – It's okay to cry. – she said in a gentle voice when Lin wrapped her in her arms, burying her face in Kya's neck and smelling her scent
- I do not want to cry. – Kya knew that was a lie. Lin broke the embrace and got up from the bed, the younger woman turned to her, the tears she'd struggled so hard with finally leaving her eyes – But what I want to do now is scream. I want to scream until my throat hurts more than my head, stomach and chest. I just want to scream to relieve some of this pain and this anger I'm feeling at myself. – Lin said firmly through his tears, gesturing hugely as she walked in front of Kya
- Then scream. – Kya replied in the same tone – Scream. Let it out.
- I can’t do it. – Lin said, trying hard not to sob and shaking her head – I can't, I can't, I don't...
She slipped on the wall she was next to and as soon as her hands covered her face she let that sob escape. Kya sat beside her, silently humming a tune as she stroked her back in large circles and allowed Lin to cry all her tears. After a few minutes, Lin calmed down. Kya was the first to get up from the floor and reach out a hand to help Lin up, who accepted and stood up carefully and leaning against the wall. But Kya didn't let go of her hand, tucking it in Lin's so that their fingers intertwined and she started walking towards the door to leave the room. Lin hesitated.
- Where are we going?
- Do you trust me? – Kya asked with a gentle smile and Lin's heart squeezed and she nodded
The two walked through the living room and kitchen hand in hand, ignoring the eyes that accompanied them. When they reached the outside of the house Kya began to guide her to the covered pavilion where Tenzin and Aang trained when the weather was not favorable.
- Ok, Kya I'm not a child, I don't need a tour on the Island. – Lin said when they entered the pavilion and Kya's hand left hers to close the door
- Scream. – she said turning to Lin
- What? – Lin asked as if that was the most absurd idea she had ever heard
- Scream. – she repeated, encouraging the earthbender with a nod of her head
- I can’t. - she took a step back
- Do it.
- No, I can't do it...
But before Lin could continue her argument Kya leaned forward screaming.
- I can’t do it. – Lin repeated with a frown and turned to leave the pavilion
And then Kya screamed again.
In an unexpected move, Lin turned to her and finally screamed, with all the force in her being, a soul-shattering shout. When it was over she sobbed and the glass windows began to shudder as tears ran wildly down her face. She screamed again causing the glass of all the windows in the pavilion to break and crash to the floor, but this barely caught Kya's attention, who had her full attention turned to Lin and accompanied her scream this time.
Lin's third scream came hoarse but powerful from her throat, and the shards of glass lying on the floor near the broken windows flew towards the metalbender, forming a curtain of glass around her. The shards began to whirl like a hurricane around her without ever touching her. Kya watched the scene completely shocked at Lin's power, not knowing how to react. She is glassbending. When Lin's hoarse scream ceased she fell to her knees on the ground as the shards of glass froze in midair keeping Lin partially hidden within the tunnel. Kya stepped forward and reached out to touch them and the curtain fell away, falling around Lin, keeping her untouched in the center of a circle, and Kya quickly entered the circle.
She knelt beside her and Lin collapsed into her arms. Kya held Lin close as she cried and sobbed in her arms once more, while she herself silently cried trying to make the act go unnoticed by the earthbender.
Each of them deposited the feelings that choked them in their screams. For Lin the pain that had suffocated her from the moment she learned she had lost her baby, the overwhelming guilt she felt for thinking she hadn't been good enough, and the feeling that she had let everyone down. For Kya it was seeing Lin suffer like that and the inability to make her stop suffering, the guilt of leaving, the mourning for the more than premature departure of a niece she would never have the opportunity to meet and the pain that gripped her lungs from not being able to comfort Lin the way she desperately wanted, from not being able to be with her, from not being able to say the "I love you" that almost escaped her lips every time she looked at Lin.
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warriorlid14 · 3 years
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So Gale and Delly. I had honestly never considered them at first, thinking they were far too different. Buuuuuuut.... I think it works? And is actually super cute when you think about for a second?
So here’s my take on how it would happen. It was supposed to be a series of short bullet points, but instead, you get a disorganized mini-fic. I’ll edit it later into an actual fic format, but for now, here ya go:
Delly goes to District 2. Gale is surprised to see her in one of their rebel/reconstruction/rebuilding/whatever their name was meetings two weeks after he had officially moved to D2. She had greeted him warmly and he supposed he had looked confused, because she suddenly had a sad smile and said, “There’s too many memories back in Twelve.” He didn’t have a response for that. He had too many ghosts back in Twelve, too.
He had never given Delly a second thought. She wasn’t in his grade level and he vaguely recognized her when he’d first seen her in D13. He supposed she was nice enough, what with the whole helping Peeta come back from... well, helping Peeta come back. But they didn’t interact, they didn’t cross paths, and he’d never had a reason to form much of an opinion of her.
But then after two days of her quietly listening in to the meetings, after Pike proposed simply demolishing the buildings near the square and rebuilding from scratch, Delly broke her silence and softly said, “Well, what do the citizens from District 2 want?”
There was silence, and then Pike said, “This will be the easier than attempting to repair every single building to its original standard.” And  Delly said “But this is their home,” her voice going up a decibal. After some debate within the team, Pike had told her that if she wanted to speak to all 60k (now 50k) residents of D2, to be his guest. 
Five days later, Delly showed up with 700 written testimonies with  requests to not tear down the buildings as well as grievances the team hadn’t even considered. Everybody was fed and had some sort of shelter- even if it was mostly camps. That had been the team’s main focus. But people wanted shoes, and shower facilities, and actual funerals for the dead.
They decided not to tear down the buildings. And Gale decided that he had underestimated Delly Cartwright.
Two weeks later Gale decided he detested Delly Cartwright. Okay, so detested was a strong word, but she absolutely aggravated him. How, just how, could a person be so cheery? At seven in the morning? It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to waking up at the crack of dawn, but that was to go to the forest. Their work place was a dimly lit, dampy building. Which also happened to house half of them, including the two of them. And if she chirpily asked him how his previous day was one more time on the elevator while he was busy trying to wake up, he would snap.
But she was from D12. The only other person from Twelve. And she meant nothing to him before, and in a way, still didn’t. It wasn’t like they were friends. But she was from home. And that counted for something. 
One day, a woman asked Delly if there was any way to retrieve her dead husband’s wedding band from the moratorium. Which led to dozens of similar requests. So Gale and Delly and five volunteers found themselves trying to ID bodies and gather belongings. The rebels had started doing this at first, but the bodies had piled up, and there were simply too many of them to continue.
For the first time, Gale saw Delly lose her smile and cheery demeanor. He told her she didn’t have to go in. He’d seen enough corpses. Some of them by his hand. A few more wouldn't make a difference. But Delly shook her head and headed to the first corpse. Gale decided that she was growing on him.
That night, Gale wondered if the corpses littered across D12 still had wedding bands on.
The first time Gale saw Delly angry was two months in when she demanded that workers from The Nut be given food and shelter instead of being left to fend for themselves. Pike yelled at her and called her naive, stepping closer towards her and Gale instinctively stepped in closer as well, protectively.
Delly’s face was flushed and she had tears in her eyes- she wasn’t one for confrontations- but she looked at Pike in the eyes and didn’t step back.
It was funny, really, how not so long ago, he would have agreed with Pike. Not so long ago, he would have looked at the workers from the Nut, Capitol supporters, and said “No. You don’t get to work for the enemy for years, you don’t get to kill for the enemy, and then demand the same rights as those who fought for freedom. That’s not fair.” Not so long ago, he had stood by that mountain and felt the ghost of the fire licking at his feet, burning his side, seen the fire flash in his mind and burn down his home, his neighbors, children, felt the fire wrap around his chest, his heart, his soul, and said, “Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You killed my district. Now you deserve to die.” But now the fire he remembered the most was the one that had taken a blond-haired, blue-eyed, little girl that he loved like a sister. And for what? What had he fought for? Freedom. Protection. Justice. Revenge? But the war was over. And what had he fought for? All that loss could not have been in vain.
So he stepped behind Delly and loudly agreed with her. And when she smiled at him, it was almost contagious.
Delly left their department not long after they started looking for shelter for the workers at The Nut. She was now working on forming some sort of social program. Trying to build a community. Scrounging for resources outside of immediate survival. She was only two doors down from him, but Gale was surprised to find that he actually missed her constant humming in the office.
He supposed that this was why he accepted the invitation to attend the community dinner she organized a couple of weeks later. He kept his head down the entire time, focused on his meal. He had never been particularly quiet or reserved. He hadn’t been particularly outgoing, either, but he had never been shy. Now, though, he looked at his plate and didn’t offer any input to the conversation, weary of accusatory looks and swearing that he could hear people thinking murderer. 
So he was quiet, until Delly loudly announced “I’m sure Mr. Hawthorne would love to play with you,” and he looked up to see a group of five boys aged eight to twelve holding a ball and looking at him hopefully. He gave Delly a half-glare and was about to say that Mr. Hawthorne would most certainly not love to play, but she smiled brightly at him, ignoring him. And so he found himself being dragged off to a game that included kicking a ball into a makeshift net.
When he sat back down half an hour later, hair mussed and actually smiling, Pike said, “I didn’t know you were any good with kids, Hawthorne.” Delly piped up, “Oh, Gale’s great with kids. He has three younger siblings, and he was always making them laugh back in District 13.” Gale was surprised that she knew this, that she’d noticed. He gave her a questioning look, but she just smiled in return.
He kept stealing glances at her throughout the night, mostly quizzically. Maybe it was that he hadn’t been looking closely at her, but he noticed that she had gained some of her old weight back, cheeks fuller. Hair shinier. He didn’t know her before, but he did know what had happened to her parents, and knew what grief did to a person. But she looked healthier now. Good. She deserved good things in her life.
The next time they saw each other was two days later when Gale was cursing at his unit’s jammed door that was refusing to open. He was so desperate for some sleep, having just pulled a fourteen hour shift, that he was considering just ramming it down when Delly walked by, saw his predicament, and offered to let him sleep on her couch. He was so tired, he agreed without much hesitation.
The next day he woke up to the sound of loud singing, a little off-key, and mentally groaned, shifting on the couch to try to find a comfortable position again. But Delly took this as a sign that he had woken up and brightly said, "Good morning, Gale! I hope you had a great night's sleep! Was the couch comfortable?" Gale mentally cursed, but responded and got up. He found himself sitting down across from Delly and eating some toast she had made, while Delly happily chirped on about how it was going to rain that day and how she loved the smell of freshly-water grass. Gale couldn't stop himself from asking "How are you so happy all the time?" She looked surprised, and said, "I'm not happy all the time." He must have given her an incredulous look, because she shrugged and said, "I just like to focus on the small things. On the brighter things." She paused, then said softly, "It makes it easier, on the bad days, to pick myself up again."
Gale dismissed this at first, thinking that it was just a Delly thing. But then one day he woke up with the image of burning blond hair and pained blue eyes and clipped mockingjay wings. And his heart hurt so much that it was hard to breathe, that he was sure someone had reached into his chest and started to squeeze. But that day, when he visited one of the camps with his team he caught sight of two children laughing, kicking around a ball. Saw their parents smiling, with a genuineness and lightheartedness that was hard to find before the war. He held that image in his head the entire day, focused hard on it. It had been for something. The pain, the destruction, the deaths. Selling his soul to the fight. It had been for something. And the pain in his heart didn't disappear. But he did felt the pressure lessen, just a bit.
It started with an invite to dinner at her unit. And then he reciprocated because it was the polite thing to do. And then they were at each other's places once, twice, three times a week after work. And suddenly he found that he was friends with Delly Cartwright. It had been a while since he'd had a friend. He had plenty back in 12, and there was Katniss of course, and a few in 13. But now half of them were dead or hated him or were back in a district he couldn't force himself to visit. He hadn't realized how much he missed easy companionship, how much he needed actual human contact, until he found himself smiling at Delly's animated retelling of a family her team had reunified the day prior. She was a breath of fresh air in a place that was still wounded, that was still bleeding.(But somehow, it was still healing)
Delly tried to pick up new habits and hobbies often. She told him about how she failed at baking, and was decent at gardening, but could never keep track of which plants needed more or less water. A week after they had started actually hanging out, she had taken up knitting and had dragged Gale along to practice with her. To his surprise, he found that he was actually good at it. It made sense, though, considering his ability with snares. Delly smiled encouragingly at him, but still seemed a little annoyed that he had picked up her new hobby much quicker than she had. Gale grinned at this, glad to see that Delly wasn't actually superhuman and also had normal, petty, human emotions. When she held up her poor attempt at a glove that inexplicably seemed to have a thumb in the middle of the hand, he but burst out laughing. He stopped when he saw her giving him a strange look, and asked "What?" She shrugged, and said, "I don't think I've heard you laugh since we were at District 13." But then she smiled and said, "It's a nice laugh, though. It suits you. I wished you would do it more often." And to his horror, he felt himself actually blush. It wasn't like he wasn't used to compliments. Oh, he heard "gorgeous" and "hot" and the occasional "sexy" and felt eyes looking him up and down, sometimes enough to make him uncomfortable, especially when the person was significantly older. But he didn't think he'd ever heard someone compliment his laugh. It was... nice, actually. He muttered a quick "thanks" and went back to his attempt at making a hat. There was an awkward silence for a bit, but half an hour later, he was lightly teasing Delly on her skills.
It turned out that laughing was easier when Delly was around. Maybe it was having a friend once more. Maybe it was just Delly, her lightness contagious.
Delly was ranting about Pike. Except that, because she was Delly, she wasn't actually insulting him. And kept saying phrases like "while I understand where he's coming from" and "he's a good man, really, but". So Gale said, "You can call him a dick, you know. We all do it." Delly hesitated and said, "But he isn't. Not really. He just doesn't understand that we also need funding for community building and healing." Gale shook his head, amused. "Call him a dick, Delly. You know you want to." Delly sighed, and said, "I think you want me to. Would it make you feel better, to hear me call him that?" Gale grinned. "Yes, it would. I need to know that you can physically curse." Delly rolled her eyes and said, "Fine." Then softly, hesitant, she said, "he's a dick." Gale burst out laughing and Delly rolled her eyes once more, but she was laughing too. "This isn't about my ability to curse, you know. I was talking about funding for mental health professionals. The community needs it." Gale, still laughing, said, "Delly Cartwright, defender of human rights." Delly shook her head exasperatedly, but then said, "that term applies to you too, you know." That stopped his laughter. He thought about a time, not long ago, when he'd stood by a mountain full of weapons and suggested destroying them along with everyone inside. Thought about the weapons that had ended the war- and taken dozens of innocent children with them. Gale swallowed. "I wouldn't say that." Delly smiled softly at him. "You risked your life everyday fighting for freedom. Don't underestimate yourself, Gale."
Spending so much time with Delly made him become more attuned with her emotions. Which was why a couple of months later, he began to notice the strain in her smile, the way it didn't quite reach her eyes. So he took her out to the woods one weekend in an attempt to cheer her up. He didn't hunt, though. He didn't think she'd appreciate the sight of dead squirrels. But she did appreciate the freedom of the woods and the wind in her hair and the sound of the river cutting through a valley. She had sat down next to it, picking out flowers along the edge of the river and talking about how maybe he could teach her how to swim. When she looked up at him, a warm smile on her face, her blue eyes brighter in the sunlight and blond hair glowing almost gold, his answer caught in his throat. For a second, he couldn't think about anything else but how pretty she looked, but quickly buried the thought down at her expectant eyes. He told her that it was getting too cold to go swimming, now almost November. But he could teach her once it was warmer.
They stayed there for a few more hours, and she slowly became more quiet. Finally, she admitted that it was her parent's birthday that week- their birthdays fell three days apart. She said that they usually celebrated with pastries and board games then became silent once more, wistfully looking out to the horizon, eyes tearing up pulling knees to her chest. He awkwardly placed an arm around her in an attempt at comfort, but she seemed to think it was enough, burying her head in his shoulder.
Sometimes, when he felt unbearably homesick he spent hours out in the woods. They weren't the same as his woods, but they were close enough. And if he closed his eyes, he could pretend he was home. Delly didn't have something like the woods to comfort her, though. The only real connection she had to D12 in D2 was himself, and it wasn't like they knew each other before the war. He had an idea then, of someone who did know her before, someone who could help. And he hated that he suddenly felt afraid.
He and Peeta Mellark had never been friends. Not exactly. He had tried hating him once, long ago, but had quickly given up. He was too nice, too kind, too caring and never treated Gale with anything less than respect. Which led to Gale grudgingly respecting him on a bad day and actually liking the guy on a good day. In another world, maybe they could have been good friends. But in this world, he was the person closest to Katniss, at least according to Greasy Sae who he talked to once a month, and that thought filled him with dread. That Peeta could mention him to Katniss. That Peeta would know whether Katniss hated him outright or not. That he could ask Peeta to talk to Katniss on his behalf. That he could call Peeta and accidentally get Katniss on the line. And though sometimes he longed to at least hear her voice, to confirm that she was okay, he had left for a reason. And as much as he wanted to hear from her, he knew she didn't want to hear from him. But this wasn't for himself. This was for Delly. And Peeta was the one person who might be able to help. So a week later, he sucked up his fears and picked up the phone.
As soon as Peeta's voice came from the other line, Gale's mind went blank and all he could come up with as a greeting was "Um, hi." There was a pause, and then "Gale?" He swallowed. "Yeah, yeah it's me." There was another pause where Gale tried to sort through his thoughts, but before he could bring up Delly's name, Peeta awkwardly and reluctantly asked, "Do you want me to put Katniss on the line?" which caused Gale to practically shout "No!" into the receiver. "No," he said again, not shouting this time. "It's you I wanted to talk to, actually." Gale quickly explained his plan, and after a few seconds of silence, Peeta said, "That's a good idea. That's really kind of you, Gale." Gale said, "Well, she's my friend," almost defensively. "No, I know. I'm glad she's got you looking out for her," Peeta said. "Right." There was a silence, and Gale thought that maybe now would be the right time to hang up, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. "I really miss her," Peeta said finally. "She misses you, too," Gale said. Which was true, but he usually wouldn't be saying that. There was another silence, but Gale still didn't hang up. "Maybe I should go up there to visit her," Peeta said. Gale noticed how he said I instead of we. No Katniss then. Which Gale didn't know whether to be relieved it or not. Still, he said, "I'm sure she'd like that." Still, he didn't hang up. But he couldn't bring himself to ask either. And Peeta, ever perceptive, caught on to the reason for his hesitation and finally said, "Katniss is doing better, Gale."
Relief. That was the immediate feeling that overwhelmed him, followed closely by longing. There was once a time when he and Katniss lived in each other's pocket. When they depended on each other for survival, for their sanity. And no matter what had happened between them, romantic or not, Katniss was his best friend. He missed her. He missed her so much it physically hurt some days. And for a second he wanted nothing more than to hop on the next train to D12 to see his friend. But friends didn't kill each other's siblings. So he said, "Thanks, um, take care," and hung up. He desperately hoped Peeta hadn’t heard the lump that had formed in his throat.
His order arrived a few days later in some sort of container to preserve the baked books. Gale looked inside the box to find the invoice he had requested, but of course Peeta didn’t include it. He rolled his eyes and made a mental note to ask Greasy Sae how much she thought the food was worth. What he did find was a piece of paper with a phone number. Which wasn’t needed, really, because he had memorized that number months and months ago and every week got closer to dialing it. He knew he wouldn’t though. Peeta may have been closer to Katniss now, but that didn’t mean that Gale didn’t know her, too. And his presence would hurt her too much at the moment. But the fact that Peeta had given him her number meant that she probably didn’t despise the ground he walked on, then. And that was something.
When Delly opened the box to reveal an assortment of muffins, cupcakes, and cookies, all distinctly District Twelve, her eyes widened and she practically jumped at him, wrapping him up in a tight hug. He pulled her closer towards him, inhaling the scent of cinnamon that was always present in her unit and lingered on her at all times. He felt a sense of loss when she let go and was tempted to pull her back into his arms when she looked up at him with tear-filled eyes and said, “Thank you.” She stood on her tiptoes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. The feel of her lips on his cheek lingered for the rest of the evening.
Gale lay awake that night in his bed, heart pounding hard in his chest. He wasn’t dense. He knew what his recent thoughts about  his cheerful, peppy friend meant. And the only coherent thought he could come up with about his predicament was Oh no.
It was his own little secret he carried around for months. He tried not to stare at her too hard  and tried to avoid thinking about her lips or about how her smile seemed to light up the entire world in the darkest of times. His world, at least. Sometimes it felt like the war, the bombs, had extinguished all the fire and passion inside of him. That the fire that had one day burned so strongly had died, taking with it his friend and his sister and his soul. Sometimes it felt like he was running on autopilot, doing what was expected of him, trying his best to amend his mistakes but feeling... not much, really. Empty But one look at Delly who shone so bright and he felt the warmth back in his chest. He wouldn’t tell her, of course. He couldn’t risk losing their friendship, going back to being bitter and miserable and oh so lonely all the time.
He really needed to stop falling in love with his friends.
On the anniversary of the end of the war, the anniversary of Prim’s death, Gale didn’t leave his unit. He had every intention to, even got dressed and brushed his teeth, he had a job to do after all. But then he heard the sound of some kids laughing outside his window and he fell back down on his couch. He didn’t get back up.
The pain was sudden and intense, suffocating him, and for a second he thought he was back in D12, choking under the fumes and screaming as his shirt caught on fire. He wondered if that was what Prim had felt, what all those kids had felt, those last few seconds, and he laid down and curled into himself. But he knew that no matter how horrible he felt, somewhere hundreds of miles away, Katniss was feeling worse. He had never wished for anything more than to be able to switch places with Prim at that moment. Little Prim who wanted to be a doctor. Little Prim who risked her life to save her cat. Little Prim who wanted nothing more than to heal others. Prim. Dead. At his hand.
He didn’t know how long he laid there, but eventually the door to his unit opened. Delly. He had given her a key for emergencies ages ago. And suddenly Delly was sitting on the couch and his head was in her lap and she was running her fingers through his hair and whispering something he couldn’t decipher. So he closed his eyes and tried to let her voice and smell and the feel of her fingers on his scalp ground him.
He wasn’t sure what Delly saw in him, why she stuck around. But Delly was good and kind saw the best in everyone. And had decided he was worth her friendship. And maybe if sweet and kind Delly saw something good in him, that meant there was something in him that was salvageable.
District 2 didn’t abide to the laws of science and weather because there was a huge snowstorm in the middle of March. Delly’s team and his team worked diligently for days to get the last 500 people or so moved out of camps and into the newly rebuilt compounds. Hours before the three-day storm was to hit, they were finally released and sent home. He and Delly had decided that they would weather out the storm at her place and spent the first night huddled in front of the fire, retelling old stories and playing board games and laughing into the night.
The next morning Gale woke up to the sound of Delly bustling in the kitchen, singing loudly and a little off-key. He smiled to himself, and thought that he really wouldn’t mind waking up to her voice more often.
He wasn’t sure how it happened. If he had leaned in first, if she had. But on that third night of the storm, one minute snuggling and laughing under the blanket and the next wrapped in each other’s arms, they broke apart, grinning at each other and lips tingling.
Gale decided in that moment, that he had never felt more at peace.
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cozy-neko · 3 years
Text
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The Cherry On Top • Character Introductions • 01 | And so it begins • 02
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With each cup of coffee Y/N placed in the cupholder, a low grumble accompanied the action. Each thunk of coffee that slid into each holder was a little more aggressive and heavy-handed than the task need be, but the air of irritation that emitted from the girl was undeniably strong, and the unfortunate barista that was tasked to make this foul-mood customer’s drinks handed her the last of her order before quickly slinking away.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Y/N continued to grumble under her breath the entire frigid three blocks back to the campus of where her office was located.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” A scowl was evident on the girl’s face the entire elevator ride up the tall skyscraper until it dinged and stopped at the 70th floor. It wasn’t until the doors slid open that Y/N sucked in a shaky breath and plastered a Crest-worthy, Splenda-sweet smile on her face as she exited the lift and entered the bustling office.
“Coffee’s here!” Y/N sang out and placed the two cup holders down on top of the front office’s counter tabletop.
“Y/N’s back!”
A scurry of workers crowded around the 21-year-old girl as she animatedly read off orders off the top of her head and handed them out, one-by-one to its rightful owner.
“You’re the best, Y/N-chan!” A senpai from the tech editorial department ruffled her head, earning a small whimper of protest as she tried to sooth her hair. It wasn’t like she spent twenty-minutes this morning trying to tame her unruly mane for nothing.
“Isn’t Y/N the best? She’s always so good at remembering who gets what.” Another senpai from the lifestyle editorial department chimed in and took a sip from her latte.
“Oh no, no! I’m just doing my job.” Y/N let out a forced chuckle, but it went unnoticed as her coworkers slowly disappeared back to their corner of the office to get back to work.
"Alright, you can drop the act, you fake."
The instant Y/N heard a snort coming from behind, the fake smile that was plastered to her face immediately dropped as she whipped around to face a chestnut-haired male.
"I hate it here," Y/N groaned and leaned her upper body onto the countertop. She let out a huff of air and blew a stray piece of hair away from her eyes. "I can't wait to graduate from coffee intern to staff writer."
"You're meeting with the Chief later today, right?" Oikawa Tooru removed his hands from the pockets of his slacks and eyed the remaining drink leftover.
"Mmm, yeah." Y/N let out a distracted sigh as her thumbs flew across the keyboard of her smartphone for a quick text. With the click of a button, she locked her phone and shoved it into her pants pocket and gave her full attention to the older male. "Chief told me that she had good news for me, and judging by all the overtime work and random projects I picked up over the past few months --"
"You mean bitch work?" Oikawa interrupted, earning a glare from the girl.
"For your information, my 'bitch work' got published last week! And that's besides the point. All that matters is that Chief has noticed that I'm a responsible worker who is willing to go above and beyond my day-to-day tasks and now I'm definitely getting the promotion that's been long due!"
There was a smug grin on Y/N's face while Oikawa rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, you are a hard worker, Y/N-chan, but that doesn't mean you should be doing other people's tasks when it should be their job to do them in the first place."
"Can't you just be happy for me?" Y/N whined. "I didn't graduate from UTokyo with over $100k in student debt just to go on coffee runs. And I don't even get to have my own drink!"
Oikawa sighed and placed a hand on top of the shorter girl's head. "I am happy for you. And proud of you. I hope you get the staff writer position you wanted, and when you do get assigned to my department, I'll make sure to run you dead with ten articles simultaneously." 
There was an evil, teasing glint in Oikawa's eyes which Y/N responded to by sticking out her tongue.
A ding! interrupted the teasing banter and Y/N checked her phone. She let out a quick squeal and a small hop.
"Gotta go! Ayame-san from tech has an article she wants me to write!"
Y/N waved goodbye and scurried away.
"Hey! I asked for a dirty Chai, not a mocha! What the fuck, Y/N?" Oikawa yelled after the retreating girl.
"Serves you right for making me do your coffee run too, Oinkawa!" Y/N's bubbly laughter echoed through the hallway as she skipped towards the tech editorial department.
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Oikawa sighed and tugged at the front pieces of his hair. It was already nearing the end of the day, but he was still at least half an hour away from completing his remaining task for the day. He was currently in the middle of copy-editing an article one of his staff writers submitted earlier today when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.
Oikawa removed his glasses and pulled out his phone, rubbing his tired eyes while unlocking his phone. It was a text from Y/N.
She must've finally talked to Chief, Oikawa thought. He swiped his thumb to unlock his phone and read the text.
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Oikawa grimaced at Y/N’s text. It was obvious the meeting did not go the way Y/N had wanted it to. Sighing, Oikawa stood up and packed his things. Looks like the article was going to have to be pushed back a week; there was a more important meeting he had to attend to first.
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Y/N glared at her phone and bounced her leg, a nervous tick that Oikawa absolutely hated whenever she did. Maybe if he was here right now, he would've had the opportunity to scold her. Except his train was running five minutes late. Y/N groaned as she watched another minute go by.
Where's Tooru?
How much longer was he going to make her sit in agony at their favorite bakery and tea shop? 
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Right when Y/N was about to hit send on her phone, the shop door jingled, and in waltzed Oikawa.
"Alright, alright, I'm here. What happened?" Oikawa was slightly breathless, having sped-walked from the station and down the block to meet up with Y/N. He rolled up his button-down sleeves and removed his work badge from around his neck.
"So I got the promotion," Y/N began to which Oikawa cut her off.
"Okay, congrats, but that's hardly an existential crisis."
"No! Let me finish!" Y/N stomped her foot once, irritation beginning to seep in. Oikawa rolled his eyes, completely immune to Y/N's temper flare ups. Instead of retorting, he opted to take a sip of her fruit tea. "I got the promotion, but it wasn't the promotion I wanted."
"Did you get placed in lifestyle with Iwa-chan? I heard that department's kind of a mess right now. Iwa-chan told me their lifestyle editor's too busy hooking up with Hanamaki's layout intern to even run the department --"
"Tooru, for kami's sake, I'm begging you to shut up." Y/N groaned and covered her face with her hands. "I'm TK Mag's new gossip blogger. Chief wants me to freaking exploit influencers under the alias of 'Cherry' for the new Cherry on Top blog."
“The new what now?”
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end notes: 
→ the timestamps at the top of each photo are irrelevant. the timestamps that you want to pay attention to (or not. it really doesn’t matter) are the ones within the text chats.
→ if you see the word shanchou in oikawa’s and y/n’s texts, i accidentally misspelled the word shachou which means “president of the company.” i was debating whether i wanted to use the japanese spelling or just keep it as Chief. i changed my mind multiple times and decided to just go with the english version but got too lazy to correct the photo. 🤡
→ props to authors who only explicitly write smaus. creating each social post is so time consuming and slightly frustrating that i almost threw my phone across the room.
→ don’t come at me for my nonexistent and try-hard humor. 😔✋this is why i only write angst.
→ no kenma and akaashi this chapter, but they will be introduced in the next!
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pixelsareforsquares · 3 years
Text
To Become with Others
A reflection on the importance of intra-action in my performance practice.
I am sitting.
I am sitting in a rehearsal space.
It’s a big space.
And it’s mostly empty.
I could…
I could…
I could do a lot of things,
here
in this big open space.
I stand up.
I walk across the room.
I try moving my body a bit.
It feels good but it’s not what I’m looking for.
I try filling the void with my voice, which feels good too, but…
But
The stakes are low.
I try writing things on big pieces of paper. I hope it will fill the vastness around me, but...
But all it does is echo the expanse of my mind. So I try moving these big pieces of paper around, my generous handwriting seems flimsy against their broadness. And sitting somewhere in all this space is the thing I’ve tried so hard to bat away, with my body or with my voice or with my writing. Thinking if I fill it, it won’t have the space to exist.
“But if I were a real artist I would know what to do."
What am I supposed to do here?
How can I best use this space for my research?
What can I uncover?
Here.
Alone.
Who am I without anyone else?
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via Somatic_based_content_only on Instagram. 19.04.21
This scenario repeated itself during a workshop with Dagmar Slagmolen, director of the Amsterdam-based music theatre company, Via Berlin. Over the past few months my research has focused on vulnerability and its role in audience participation. My aim is to create a method for accessing and utilizing my own emotional vulnerability to better connect with my audience in order to enhance and expand the participatory experience. In our initial meetings, Dagmar was very excited about this project, particularly my interest in the links between shame and vulnerability. The piece I am creating in order to explore some of these techniques, focuses around my personal sexual history and hopes to buff out some of the shame which is so deeply ingrained in the patriarchal narratives surrounding sexuality in western society. In the days prior to the physical workshop, I discussed my work with Dagmar and the three other workshop participants, which helped me condense and clarify my research so far. I was then given the task of continuing to think about and experiment with vulnerability during the workshop.. Therefore, after a brief talk with Dagmar upon arriving in the studio, I was left with, none other than….. space and time to experiment.
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Spaces which I had time to experiment in
Sitting in this studio, I became increasingly aware of a considerable obstacle. Explore vulnerability with who? Myself? Can one even be vulnerable with one’s self? Vulnerability is an act of revealing, an act of (emotional) exposure (Brown 2012). I find this an impossibility considering the omnipresence of the self. At least for me personally, the idea of exposing my self to myself seems nonsensical, as my emotional vulnerabilities exist in relation to others. This notion of impossibility seems to parallel the more ambiguous feeling that I described in the introduction, which creeps in whenever I undergo a solo studio practice in order to create work. The work I make is not only the presentation of a skill or story or technique, but the intra-action of space, time, set parameters and most importantly, other people. While I may use studio time to learn or refine certain physical techniques, this is usually a small element of my practice. Just as I cannot experiment or rehearse my vulnerability alone due to the fact that the very notion of my vulnerability is conditional to the presence of others, so is it impossible for me to experiment or rehearse a performance which is reliant on inter and intra-actions with people around me.
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Pieces of paper, large and small
If all the world’s a stage, then when and where do we rehearse? When and where do we experiment? According to performance scholar Richard Schechner, the extended childhood particular to humans is a rehearsal, where we learn the behaviours which we ‘restore’ each day in our performance as adults (2013, 29). However, as restored behaviour may be combined and adjusted in a multitude of ways, and as our co-performers, sets and scenery are invariably interchanged, one’s performances of restored behaviour are thus in eternal flux. The performance of everyday interactions is a constant improvisation structured through certain social parameters. Each experience becomes the rehearsal for the next. It is an act of becoming, an intra-action of the players, the space, the audience etc. Scholar and physicist Karan Barad defines intra-action as “a mutual constitution of entangled agencies” (2007, 33). As I understand intra-action, it negates the idea that anything can be independent from anything else. If I think about it in the context of interactions with others, I understand that my presence and actions do not come from a self that is independent of those around me, but instead materializes through my relationships with others. Moreover, because of the multiplicitous constellations of people, places and things that come into contact throughout daily life, this diffracts into exponential infinity.
As much of my practice relies on such intra-action between myself and the other persons in the performance space, I must then question the where, how and why’s of rehearsal in my practice. Improvisation has always been wildly fulfilling to me, and even more so when I have an audience. This overused saying of ‘dance like no one's watching’ has never made sense to me. It is the eyes of others that grant me the ability to take the risks that make for an exhilarating performance. It is here where I get an embodied sense of intra-action between the audience, and myself where our relationship invokes a disassembly of any and all facades of self.
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Some reflections on my relationship to improvisation as a 14-year-old
As I better understand this relationship, it also becomes clear as to why cabaret has remained at the heart of my practice. While I may wear the same costume and perform to the same music for any given act, the stage which I step on is always different, anywhere from a small piece of cleared floor with an audience member given a light with which to illuminate it, to a circus tent in the middle of a music festival as swarms of drunk people wander in after a headliner rock band. I have given myself the same task and the same tools in each however, I must remain nimble and responsive to my audience’s and surroundings. In an interview with José Esteban Muñoz, Nao Bustamante, describes a similar working method “It’s very important for me to maintain a fresh space.. I have these 12 positions that I hit within the piece… and then within those 12 positions anything can happen, and I just allow myself to watch myself, watch the audience, watch the interaction, focus on that particular moment or balance” (2002). My performance is not one of set actions, but a response (to a response to a response…) within a microcosm of intertwined energies in a room. In speaking about the work of Bustamente, Jack Halberstam writes, ‘Her body must respond on the spot and in the moment of performance to the new configurations of space and uncertainty" (2011, 144). As I have noted in previous reflections on my practice, a frequent piece of feedback I receive is along the lines of ‘It was so great to watch you when everything went wrong’. This is usually in reference to some technical difficulties that I’ve had to fix before or during a performance, crouching awkwardly on the floor in whatever absurd costume I’m wearing. These moments are moments of failure in which holes of uncertainty are pulled and stretched and the audience engages in a different way than they have rehearsed. We are together in a liminal space of both watching and non-watching. I think that the reason why I seem to be adept at such moments is because I invite my audience to continue to engage with me as I make plain my failure. “It’s those moments of failure that also build empathy for the character” (Bustamante 2002). The intra-action between myself, the audience, the liminal space of performance/not performance and failure coalesce to create a space of vulnerability and empathy that is near impossible to recreate alone with myself in a rehearsal space.
“For I do not exist: there exist but the thousands of mirrors that reflect me. With every acquaintance I make, the population of phantoms resembling me increases. Somewhere they live, somewhere they multiply. I alone do not exist.” (Nabokov, 2011, 118).
A phrase I have repeated many times in collaborations over the years is, ‘It’s not about me’, which is both entirely true and entirely not all at once. It is, of course, always about me. I am always present, inescapable even, as the protagonist of my own life story. However, I am also unsure, as indicated by Nabokov above, and in relation to Barad’s concept of intra-action, if there is any essence of self that is able to exist independently of the world and the people in it. A friend from many years ago always talked about how everyone we encountered was only a reflection of ourselves, which is something I still ponder on often. In contrast, the artist, Ann Liv Young, under the guise of her persona Sherry (whose work I investigated recently in relation to my own) suggests that the opposite is true. She is a reflection of others, rather than vice-versa. Sherry is a highly confrontational and contradictory semi-autobiographical character which Young uses to create improvisational participatory work. During performances, she maintains that Sherry is merely a reflection of her audience, making statements such as, “I only work with what’s in the room. I am very boring. I am essentially a mirror” (Good Sherry, 2018). These proclamations are used particularly at moments when her audience seems uncomfortable with what Sherry is saying or doing. Young and I are both interested in using vulnerability in our work, however I find that Young as Sherry wants to draw out vulnerability from her audience, while using Sherry to deflect her own vulnerability. Whereas the methodology of my approach is more about creating space and leading by example. However, when one uses intra-action to examine these relationships we see that they may both exist concurrently or not at all. One is both a reflection and reflects others. If everyone we encounter is standing with a metaphorical mirror in order to call into our existence, then we too must be holding a mirror to realize all other’s existences. Similarly to the elusivity of an objective truth, the idea of a self, independent of the world around it, slips from the realm of possibility. The self is in a continual flux of intra-actions with what is outside of us. Thus, as I explore my practice and how I might better engage with vulnerability within it, I understand the centrality of intra-action, particularly with other human beings and come to understand how important the methods of performance-as-research and performance-as-practice are to my work. Moreover, while I may have engaged with both of these methods in my practice for many years, it is an element which I have often wished I could pull back from. However, by switching my focus in order to better understand how and why I use performance-as-practice, I will be able to explore the full depth and range of how performance-as practice might be used to its full potential within my practice.
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Reflective reflections. Some props I acquired.
vimeo
....becoming something with others.
Barad, K. M. (2007) Meeting the universe halfway: quantum physics and the entanglement of matter and meaning. Durham: Duke University Press. Brown, B. (2012) Listening to shame. (TED2012). Available at: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame (Accessed: 15 November 2020). Felden Krisis (@somatic_based_content_only) • Instagram photos and videos (no date). Available at: https://www.instagram.com/somatic_based_content_only/ (Accessed: 25 April 2021). Halberstam, J. (2011) The queer art of failure. Durham: Duke University Press. Muñoz, J. E. (2006) ‘The Vulnerability Artist: Nao Bustamante And the Sad Beauty of Reparation’, Women & Performance: a journal of feminist theory, 16(2), pp. 191–200. doi: 10.1080/07407700600744386. Nabokov, V. V. and Nabokov, D. (2011) The eye. New York: Vintage International/Vintage Books. Available at: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&scope=site&db=nlebk&db=nlabk&AN=722896 (Accessed: 25 April 2021). Schechner, R. and Brady, S. (2013) Performance studies: an introduction. 3. ed. London: Routledge. Tactical Aesthetics (2019) Ann Liv Young: Everybody has a responsibility to respond (excerpt from ‘Good Sherry’). Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqEJyWxWzzs&ab_channel=MGM (Accessed: 3 March 2021). Video: Interview with Nao Bustamante [videorecording]. (2002). Available at: https://hdl.handle.net/2333.1/5dv41nv8 (Accessed: 25 April 2021).
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btsslowburnfic · 3 years
Text
The Arrangement Chapter 4
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Series Summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable ad. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi.
Chapter Summary: The job interview continues, and Yoongi finally takes an interest
Author’s Note: I wrote a massive amount of this story last weekend and I am super happy with it. I can’t wait to share the rest of the chapters with you guys each Thursday <3 
Previous chapter here  ---------------------------------
You left Grindhouse feeling better about the job. Mostly. It was clear that Kim Namjoon, you resolved to try and use his real name in case you ended up working together, wasn’t your biggest fan but he did respect that you had researched the position. 
Parts of the job were definitely strange. The strangest part? Agreeing to get married if the client decided “he wanted to.” No pressure. Totally a normal thing.  You thought back to the interview
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“I’m sorry. So this is like a mail-order bride type thing?” You wrinkled your brow in confusion.
“Technically internet-order bride, and don’t make that face, it will give you wrinkles,” Namjoon replied waving his hand in front of his face.
“Ok fine. Walk me through a day in this job.”
“Huh. This is usually where half the girls laugh at me and leave.”
You awkwardly shrugged your shoulders and waited for him to answer your question.
“Wake up, check the itinerary for the day. A work schedule will be emailed to you every morning by 7 am. Ensure the client makes it to their appointments on time, accompany the client to events both domestic and international, organize small social events. Any and all of these things. Whatever the client asks for. I’m sure he’ll have work for you to do. You are also responsible for posting appropriately to social media about your burgeoning love story,” Namjoon looks boredly over at the door, surprised that Yoongi never came back.
You wrote down some notes. “ Will I be provided social media accounts? I don’t really want to use my own. “
“Yes, they would be monitored and managed by BigHit behind the scenes.”
“Ok.” You jotted a few things down. “I saw that I would be living on-premise. Would I still be able to see my family and how far away is the location?”
“Yes. The apartment is actually at BigHit Headquarters. Several floors are dedicated to staff apartments. You may see your siblings if you put in appropriate time off requests and mark yourself out. You may not skip important company events. You must also sign a nondisclosure agreement upon the beginning of the contract. Your family and everyone else can’t know you are being compensated for your role outside of personal assistant. As you can imagine, it would look bad for the company.”
“Ok. That makes sense.”
“One last question [Y/N]: Why are you so nonchalant about this job? The marriage stipulation had most of the girls running off. And I can’t tell you how many cards I handed out that never signed in.”
You pouted, “ And here I thought I was special.” You laughed dryly as he rolled his eyes. “Dude, I’m not getting any younger. Dating sucks. I might as well get paid to do it.” You flipped your hair behind your shoulders. “This is a lot of money. If I end up getting married, it’s just a piece of paper. As long as the guy’s not a total asshole I really don’t care.”
“Oh yeah?” Namjoon clicks his pen a few times, “What if he’s really ugly? Is the money good enough to make up for that?”
You don’t miss a beat, “I’m more of a personality gal myself. Which may explain why you and I aren’t exactly hitting it off,” you mused and he just laughed at you, beginning to acclimate to your dry sense of humor.
“Yeah. That’s why.” He rolled his eyes. “All  right. We’re done here. If you make it to the next round you’ll receive an email within the next few days.
----
Well that was a fucking disaster, Namjoon thought as he walked back over to the office. Three. He had started with 50 cards distributed. 20 returns. And three candidates that showed an interest after finding out more about the job. He groaned. Why had BPD thought this was a good idea? He took his phone out as he entered the lobby and to Namjoon’s absolute shock he saw that Yoongi had scheduled a meeting for the two of them that afternoon. 
Two things were extremely out of character: one that Yoongi had even scheduled a meeting at all; most of the time Yoongi had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to the meetings. Two, that he actually took the time to put it in the agenda. He most often showed up when he felt like, walked into Namjoon’s office, bypassed a yelling Jimin, and then complained about something. 
Namjoon rode the elevator up to his floor. He didn’t get a chance to eat since the interviews had taken all of his lunch hour. He exited and walked over to Jimin. “Order me lunch. Surprise me.” 
“Of course Sir,” Jimin dutifully replied and pulled up the food ordering App. 
“Thank you. When Yoongi gets here send him on in.”
Jimin straightened up a few items on his desk, “Usually I have trouble keeping him out sir, but I understand.” Jimin was dying to know what was going on. Yoongi and Namjoon usually avoided each other but had interacted thrice now within the week. He resolved to make a coffee delivery mid-meeting. Yes. Excellent. Jimin smirked as he placed the food order and sent it. 
Namjoon took out the three remaining folders and placed them on his desk. Hopefully this meeting meant Yoongi had stopped being a little shit and decided to go along with it. He took out the paperwork he had prepared for Yoongi, a similar NDA to the one he had discussed with [Y/N].
An hour passed where he ate his lunch and caught up on emails.
Yoongi exited the elevator and lazily walked over to Jimin. “Is Namjoon ready?”
Jimin raised his delicate eyebrows. “You’re actually stopping to ask? Well that’s a first.”
Yoongi stuffed his hands into his pockets and rolled his eyes. “I’ll just head in then.”
Jimin sat there, utterly confused but also strangely excited. He ordered two coffees in preparation for his eavesdropping. Yoongi had never, ever stopped at the reception desk. Or made an appointment. Since when was he playing nice?
Jimin: GUYS. Yoongi and Namjooon are meeting for the third time this week. And Yoongi actually made an appointment.
JK: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
V: Are you serious?
Jimin: Yes. I’m sneaking in there in half an hour. I’ll report back.
Jimin didn’t know why he cared so much. It was just that Yoongi was such a mystery compared to the rest of the guys. He was good looking, talented, but kept to himself and seemed to resent everything and everyone else that worked there.
Yoongi opened the door to the office. Namjoon looked up from his desk, “Yoongi. You left the interviews early, I’m surprised to see you made an appointment this afternoon.”
Yoongi walked closer to the desk, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah well I had seen everything I needed to see, and heard everything I needed to hear.” He looked down at the desk. “Are those all the candidates that are left?” 
“Yes. Unsurprisingly it was difficult to explain the situation without sounding like we are running an escort service, as you can imagine.”
Yoongi had been practicing the conversation he wanted to have since he got back to the building earlier after the girl returned his headphones. “Are there any headshots included in these?” He asked, feigning nonchalance.
“Nope,” Namjoon replied, looking over the NDA. “You said you didn’t want to be, and I quote, unduly influenced by physical appearance.” 
“Huh. Ok.” Yoongi responded. He didn’t want Namjoon to know that he had met one of the women who had applied for the job. Wait. She had said she worked somewhere nearby. “Can I see the resumes?”
“Knock yourself out.” He said, pushing the papers toward the edge of the desk.
He flipped through them. The first one was a model. Nope. The second one was an office worker. The third one listed two jobs, including Club Tokki. That was the woman he had met earlier. She had gone back and completed the interview. Despite trying to school his face, he let a small smile creep across his face.
“Find something you like there?” Namjoon asked. 
“These two sound interesting.” He handed two of the folders back to Namjoon. 
Namjoon looked at the two he had kept, “Of course you dumped the model. Here we have Lisa. She’s nice. Boring but Nice. And [Y/N]. You know what? I’m not even going to tell you anything. She’s something. Let’s invite her just to see what happens.” 
Yoongi stood there for a moment, swiping his lips with his tongue. Really? It had been that easy? 
“Here. You need to sign this. It’s an NDA about the situation. As far as anybody else knows, the girl we hire is your assistant. None of this was arranged before time. Additionally, you are to tell her that you want this, not that Big Hit is forcing you to do this.”
Yoongi puffed out his cheeks, “Why does that matter if she’s in on it?”
“Plausible deniability on the company’s part I’m sure. I didn't write the contract, BPD and the attorneys did.”
Yoongi sat down and started to read through the document.
Jimin knocked lightly on the door before entering. “Coffee gentleman? I have two iced Americanos right here.” He walked towards the desk.
“Thanks Jimin, put them on the desk.” Namjoon said, standing with the files in his hand.
“Ooo am I getting a new coworker?” Jimin tried to ask casually.
“Yoongi’s getting an assistant.” Namjoon responded.
“Good maybe someone will actually answer when I call down to the studio.” Jimin quipped.
Yoongi snorted, “As if I would let her in MY studio.”
“Enjoy your coffee, Sugar,” Jimin said, purposefully pronouncing his alias incorrectly.
“It’s Suga. Thanks for the coffee.”
Jimin blinked slowly, not sure how to respond to Yoongi saying something half-nice to him and slowly exited the room.
Yoongi picked up the coffee, sipping it while he finished reading the document. “Alright. Give me the pen.”
Namjoon was excited to be moving forward on this stupid project. If it actually worked, he hoped he would have to babysit Yoongi way less. “Here you go. You need to come to the next round of interviews. I think it’s important for you to meet each other.”
“Yeah, ok.” Yoongi signed the paperwork and stood up. “Put it on the calendar. See you.”
NEXT CHAPTER
Taglist:  @lidda​ @anpanman-sonyeondan​ @firefairy1​
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better with time. Ch 9
you're not normal.
Lunch with the scouts goes just about as planned, awkward. A meeting with Erwin leaves you feeling fearful of tomorrow.(AO3)
Words: 1,836
As the comfort of sleep faded away, regretfully you opened your eyes and sat up on your bed. You stretched your weary muscles and groaned at the popping sounds your bones made with the movement. You lazily patted your hair back into its usual form before straightening out your clothes and opening your door. Just as you did you were met with Levi’s irritated glare.
“That’s the last time I go without locking your door.” He said before sighing and walking off. You followed without a word, too sleepy to reply to the man.
“You will sit at the same table as Hange, the other superiors and I. Don’t speak unless spoken to, if you do good today this can be regular. If any scouts come up to you, ignore them. It’ll be hard because those brats are chatty, don’t answer any of their questions. Got it?” He rattled off. Right now, he was seeming like more of the chatty type, more than usual you suppose. However, it's to be expected you imagined. He’s giving you a lot of trust allowing you to eat with everyone as if you were normal. You were thankful but that can go without saying.
“I got it.” You replied, within the next few steps the two of you were standing in front of the canteen you had cleaned just hours before. Suddenly feeling shy and self-conscious your stomach sank. You hadn’t been in a social setting like this since you’ve been human again, to be honest you were scared. No one was expecting you to speak though but you knew all eyes would be glued to the back of your head as soon as you entered. It was nerve wracking.
“Stand up straight...” He snapped before opening the door an walking inside, leaving you to trail after him like a lost puppy. Just as you hypothesized, the once loud and rambunctious canteen had fell silent. Silent save for Hange still tittering off about one sciencey thing or another to the other men at their table, that made it less awkward for you but you couldn’t help but feel a few beads of cold sweat forming at your brow.
Levi cleared his throat dramatically to grab your attention toward the meal tray he had already filled with your lunch for the day, boiled potato and soup again. With that the two of you made your way towards Hange and sat down, you next to them and Levi across. The men at the table, Mike and Moblit, eyed you over in acknowledgement before properly greeting Levi. You gave them a curt nod and lifted your fork to take a bite of your food. Hange roughly hooked an arm around your shoulder before loudly bringing you into the conversation.
“Moblit! This is the one I’ve been talking about! Y/N! Hi!” You winced at their volume and a shy blush warms your cheeks, as if all the attention in the room wasn’t already on your neck, it surely was now. You could hear your name floating about the room as people began talking about you.
“Y/N huh?”
“She’s that titan?”
“Is it safe having her here?”
“I’m sure they know what they’re doing...”
“You think she’s like Annie––”
“Don’t mention that one!!”
That last part greatly disturbed you, but you decided to ignore the voices around you and just focus on the people at your table and your food. Levi looked at you over the top of his tea cup, reading your worried expression carefully. Setting his cup down gently he addressed Hange sternly.
“Shitty glasses... Keep your voice down you’re giving me a headache.”
Hange being as intelligent as they are quickly realized Levi said that more for your sake than his made-up migraine. Hange gave a short glance your way before quickly giving you a squeeze and lowering their voice as told. Instantly a bit of your anxiety ebbed away though the gossip didn’t die down much.
The rest of the lunch period went without much incident, Hange did well to distract you from the background chatter and made you feel normal. Moblit was a sweet fellow, the only person you imagine could handle Hange on 100% at all times, Mike was quiet but from time to time he would chuckle at the commentary. Levi remained stoic and unchanging, sipping his perfectly brewed black tea, and picking away at his meal. It was a nice change in pace in contrast to eating alone in your room with your nose in a book.
Your thoughts were interrupted when a boy you recognized instantly came stumbling up towards Levi. His large teal eyes staring into yours. However, this time, two others followed after him. A taller girl with brilliant black hair and a soft red scarf over her shoulders, and a timid looking blonde boy with even bigger baby blue eyes.
Without taking his eyes off of his plate Levi addressed the three scouts coldly.
“And what do you brats want?” His voice made the blonde jump, and to make him feel a little less on edge you returned your gaze back to Hange and Moblit, watching the two interact and trying to ignore the scouts and whatever they needed to give them a semblance of privacy.
“C-captain, we were just wondering-–” Eren was interrupted by Levi speaking over him.
“If you’re wondering anything about Y/N, its none of your business for now. Dismissed.” With the mention of your name, you jumped a bit and your shocked yet confused eyes met Levi’s even and dark ones.
“It's dangerous having a titan at the base with Eren. What if she’s after him like Annie was?” The girl responded, she had a confidence about her that told you she was strong and not to be trifled with. Almost on par with Levi, however, she lacked the outward intimidation.
“Do you think I can’t do my job, Mikasa?”
“But for Eren–”
“Do you think I can’t do my job?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then you’re dismissed.” Levi ended the conversation once again with a tone of finality. After a moment of tense silence, the three of them walked off as the blonde pulled tirelessly on their sleeves away from the table.
“Also, the three of you have kitchen duty for the week.” Levi called after them, you could hear the three kids bickering amongst each other as they got back to their table. Eren and some taller boy teasing one another as soon as he sat down.
You looked back to Levi but he was already standing from his seat, taking your tray and his to be disposed of. Before he could make it back to the table the door of the canteen opened, you couldn’t see who was on the other side but Levi went to them quickly.
He was gone for just a few minutes before Erwin stepped through the door. Everyone stood and saluted to him, and you felt awkward for sitting.
“At ease.” He said, everybody retook their seats as his eyes scanned the crowd for yours. He gave you a small smile before he spoke again.
“Y/N, come with me.” Your eyes widened just a fraction before darting towards Hange, they nudged you and waved you off.
“See you later Y/N!” With that, you stumbled towards Erwin and he opened the door for you. Outside you were met with Levi and the three of you walked towards what you imagined to be Erwin’s office at the base.
You were nervous, they must have decided what to do with you. Or maybe they want to conduct another interview now that you could talk, but you don’t remember anything new yet. Anxiety pricked at your skin; you weren’t prepared to be berated with questions.
What if, because of your lack of memory they thought you were lying? What if they didn’t trust you? What if–
“Go inside.” Levi said, ripping you from the cloud of your invasive thoughts. You stepped inside the office and took a seat, Levi remined standing by the door. The large wooden desk was decorated with a name plate reading Erwin Smith.
The man in question cleared his throat before shuffling a few documents before him and addressing you.
“Y/N...”
...
Experiments? Are they serious?
“I can see the distress on your face. I assure you; the experiments will be nothing invasive, and all led by Hange and Moblit.” Still, you were unsure about the prospects of being tested on like some animal to the slaughter. Your lack of response urged Erwin to continue explaining.
“We need to test your titan abilities, if you can shift like the other titan shifters we’ve encountered. What are your strengths, are you a unique case? Things of that nature, and if we’re to trust you to the best of our ability, we need to know these things. I’d like to ask for your consent, however, if you’re to stay with us there is no other way, I’m afraid.” He rested his chin atop his clasped fists and we patiently awaited your reply.
Levi however, was never one for such pleasantries, and gave you no extra time to think it over before he spoke.
“If you don’t want to stay, we can always drop you off outside the walls and watch you fend for yourself against your friends out there.” He commented, pointing his thumb out towards the windows. The thought unnerved you, and you wouldn’t put it passed him to stay true to his word.
With a defeated sigh you gave the men your answer.
“I’ll do anything. I can’t lie I’m afraid, I don’t want to be a titan anymore. I don’t want to be a shifter. This is all so confusing but I’ll do what I have to to gain your trust.”
“Well then that settles it. We’ll start tomorrow.” Levi said, quickly heading out the door and leaving you and Erwin alone. Your shoulders dropped; this was all so sudden but you could understand their dilemma. They needed to have answers and quick, you’ve already been here for quite some time inconveniencing them with your silence and memory loss. This is the least you can do.
It’ll give you the answers you’ve been hoping for yourself, can you even turn again? You prayed to whatever god that was listening that you didn’t have the ability to shift. You signed your name on the pages that Erwin slid across to you.
He gave a knowing smile, before dismissing you. When you exited, Levi was there waiting to lead you back to your room. The walk back was silent as expected, and when you entered your room he lingered in the doorway before speaking.
“Rest up. I’ll bring your dinner here later.” You nodded weakly before falling over into your pillow. He stayed just a second longer before you heard the soft click of the door shutting, and the quiet jingle of his keys locking you inside.
The uncertainty of tomorrow scared you.
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7. What is the one trend you miss the most that’s no longer popular or seen as much as it was before? // 18. What’s the one thing you want to try the most on your blog?
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7. What is the one trend you miss the most that’s no longer popular or seen as much as before? 
It’s less a trend and probably more what was an absence of trends that I miss. Having RPed in the early days on forums and sites such El Jay it was a lot more… connected somehow. I mean most of the time you were in an actual game with its own universe, rules and community, which contributed to the connectivity but that’s not actually what I miss (I like having an indie blog).
Fandom RPs were a lot more frontier-esque back then. There were hardly any rules or constraints about follow backs or not reblogging without this-that-or-t’other condition to be satisfied or rigidly curating dashes or tagging or formatting etc. (and the list goes on).
It was not limited to one-to-one threads and entirely standalone plotting, people commented upon and reacted to what they wanted to, within reason. So you got the sense that what you wrote was not just… screaming into the void. 
Even when I joined Tumblr this sense of responsiveness, of community interaction, was there. With my main ask-blog (remember they were a thing? I’ve got a relic as my main account lmao), people would read my ask replies and comment IC with their RP accounts. Sometimes our answers were reblogged to four or five different accounts all responding to one another! Hence why I created this RP blog shortly afterwards. 
None of that was particularly planned or plotted. People latched onto things that caught their eye. Posting or reblogging some art turned into cracky one-liners or sprawling epic RPs cos that’s what those wonderful pictures inspired.
Now, the most you get is a like or a reblog. A comment if you’re really lucky. Next to no feedback, next to nothing to latch on to. Just social media esque, oh I have 10 likes on this post but only 2 on this one - simple popularity metric bullshit.
Frankly I need those dopamine hits of interactions, so to go from that to… hardly getting any response these days on Tumblr, is disheartening. 
And perhaps it isn’t the rules and trends that have caused it, but whatever IT is (and it’s only happened recently), I personally feel there is a real sense of disconnect between players.
To the point that approaching someone to thread is an exercise in anxiety. It can get really exhausting when all I wanna do sometimes is go: here, have Reeve responding to something you’ve posted because I loved it and that’s what he’s saying in my head right now. 
Tl;dr: I miss the chaotic creativity and connectivity that used to be par for the course.
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18. What’s the one thing you want to try the most on your blog
I’m really not sure I’ve got a blog specific thing but I keep pondering if I should recreate this blog as a main account, because:
a) ask-reeve-tuesti is hardly ever used 
b) it’s confusing when I’m following someone, especially if they are an RP blog and they don’t even know that this blog exists 
c) my personal is also a side-blog, so everything I like on Tumblr is actually a like from Reeve which… might raise eyebrows xD
But there’s part of me that loves having had the same blog for as long as I have. Plus it would be a significant effort to go through and recreate my following list as I’ve built that up over the years in characteristic chaotic ‘follow anybody I like the look of’ kinda deal! 
And I have a few other side-blogs that I use to varying degrees too. So there’d be the pain of having to switch between accounts for personal and various RP stuff, which I’d undoubtedly get wrong a thousand times.
Yeah… I dunno, what do you guys think?
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