#absolutely still dangerous to my mental health

[kanene-yaaay]

Oh, To Die By Your Hands

Kanene's notes: IT SEEMS SO SERIOUS WITH THAT TITLE KJUHYTFRGHUJK Nah, just your normal tickle fic with not so much normal characters. Fit and Pac have been living rent free in my mind since before Purgatory and after their date??? I am dead on the floor. Get a man who will declare his feelings for you in your native language for real for real.

Warnings: Lots of nibbles, tickly kisses and raspberries in this one. Switch!Fit and Switch!Pac. Around 6.500 words. Also! I tried to add the way that Pac calls Fit because of his accent written on the fic because I think it's lovely and cute. Hope it isn't too much confunsing or strange :D

[~*~]

“Thank you for coming, Pac. Ramón really likes when you sing him that lullaby.” His voice was rough but soft, just like his entire form and self when it came to his son, his beautiful baby boy. 

Pac smiled, also following his example and lowering his voice, closing the secured door of the kid’s room carefully before they both headed to the other room where they held their first date, a prep on his step. “It’s no problem, Fitch! Actually, I don’t know why he likes that one so much, it literally talks about how a Cuca, which is like… a kind of monster? I don’t know how to explain. But how she will grab, or better, uh, snatch the kid away because the parents are out working.”

A loud peal of laughter was pried from the mercenary’s lips, staring at the other with unbelief in his eyes. “Wait, wait, that is the actual meaning of the song?”

“Yeah, yeah! I don’t know why they made it so scary. I wouldn’t be able to sleep if someone sang it to me before putting me to bed.”

“Damn, brazilian lullabies are just at a hardcore level.”

“Teaches you to sleep with one eye open, right?”

“That is right, that is right.”

They shared smiles. Arriving at the place, the air was still light, but it wasn’t difficult to see the question itching Pac’s throat, wanting to jump out of his body. It was in the way that he walked closely by Fit side and how he kept sneaking glances at him, quickly deviating them to look around the room before going back to stare, keeping the cycle for a while. Each time his steps got closer and closer until their hands intertwined in a hold.

It made sense he would be like that, of course. Fit would be just the same if his boyfriend woke him up in the middle of the night asking him to come to his place to help to calm down his kid after a nightmare because he wasn’t able to. 

Still, he was glad that no questions were asked, not when Pac arrived - barely half a minute later after he sent his message, sleep and anxiety clinging like a shadow to his form - and not now, as the storm seemed to have passed.

Shame, however, kept flowing hot in his veins. He and Ramón had been alone since… always, really. They both had dealt with each other’s nightmares and night terrors more times than they could count. This one wasn’t supposed to be different. Shouldn’t be different. He should be there the moment his boy opened the door of his room with tears streaming down his face, sobs stubbornly escaping from his firmly pressed lips and hands open for a comforting hug that Fit should be able to give, a rare show of a child that his baby boy was, but refused to demonstrate most of time.

And yet…

Fit himself hadn’t been much better. Hadn’t been better for a long time, now. Because everytime he closed his eyes the threat from Madagio filled his mind and nightmares kept permeating his every night for the past two weeks, crowding his mind with horrifying scenarios that shouldn’t, but shook his core. 

Usually, he would just wake up, push all of it - the feelings, the fears, the screams begging for their life - deep down his chest and hope that it wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass.

Nevertheless to say, as all the things in life, it definitely did. 

Because that night, when Ramón looked at his face - and god knows what he saw there - he stopped right in his tracks and carefully signed his name. He had been crying, he had been crying and scared and tired and all Fit could think - because words simply didn’t come out, no matter how much he tried to spill, spit them to comfort his kid - is that he could kill him. So quickly. Easily, even, with a twist of his wrist, a swipe of his trident, a pull from his bomb stacks, he could kill him and suddenly he was frozen on the spot, unable to even get closer to his son. 

If Madagio had any power like the Federation, it could control him and destroy his most precious riches in a matter of seconds. It wouldn’t need to come to the island. It wouldn’t even need to pull Fit from it to make his life a living hell.

“There is something that we need to talk, Pac. Please take a seat.”

So, he called Pac. He deserved to know exactly what he was getting into (how many times would they have this kind of conversation?) and Ramón deserved a father who would actually get his shit together and get over it.

Pac gulped and looked at him slightly startled, knowing very well what the serious tune could mean, probably with a thousand of scenarios already running at light speed in his mind. “O-of course, Fitch.”

He then softly squeezed his hand - because there was no universe where Pac wouldn’t be perfect and strong and there but sometimes Fit seemed to forget that so he had to remind him - and let it go, sitting on the blue couch Fit recently added on the room and expectantly waiting for the other to do the same.

Which he promptly did - of course, because there wasn’t any universe where he would go and Fit wouldn’t immediately follow him. 

“Wine? What about wine? Do you want some wine?” The brazilian offered, pulling glasses from his well trusted backpack and a bottle from the refrigerator nearby. 

“Already wanting to take me to bed, Pac? Wow.” 

“No! Stop it.” Pac lightly shoved his arm, both chuckling for a bit before Fit sobered, taking a deep breath and a sip of the liquid. It was good stuff, probably from Aypierre’s vines. “Thought we were here to have a serious conversation, no?”

“We are.” 

Fit stopped, pondered how he would put it in words. It didn’t matter, there was no easy way to put it.

“Pac, would you kill me if it was necessary?”

The scientist sputtered, almost choking on the wine before turning in alarm to stare at the other, his gaze zig zagging across his body as if it would transform at any moment into an enemy, a monster in disguise pretending to be his boyfriend right in front of him. 

He didn’t doubt Pac’s abilities, even if Pac himself hardly believed in them. He was an extremely good fighter, going through monsters and battles with a calm demeanor and precise, strong attacks that ended the conflict as soon as possible. Fit was very skilled, himself. But he was sure that if Pac used one of his brilliant plans and his scythe, it would take a lot, but he would eventually come down.

But, for that, he needed to know if Pac would go through with the plan.

“Why, why that, Fitch? Did something happen? Are you feeling weird? Is it…” He got closer. Fit’s heart beated louder. If it was him… if it was him it wouldn’t be so bad. “Is it the Federation, again?”

“No. It’s… the other.”

Understanding downed in his expression. “Oh. Did he contact you again?”

Fit shook his head. “No. But it did say that it would hurt you if I tried to betray our contract and I am not planning to but, Pac, I need to know if you’ll do it. If I become a threat.”

Pac bit his lower lip, thoughtfully. Fit’s muscles relaxed, glad to know he was taking this as a serious worry, not just some unfounded fear.

“We will save you. Just like we did before, just like you did to me, Fitch. I, I will be there for you too, when you need and for as long as you need, if you’re gone we will bring you back.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I don’t, but, if I have to kill you, Fit… how will I tell this to Ramón? Or Sunny? WHo is going to be her bodyguard? And what about the morning crew? Are we supposed to just… stay?”

“You are all very strong and I am sure that-”

“No.” His voice was determined, sad. His hands gestured widely. “No, no, no. I am not leaving you behind, Fit. What about when I’m in danger, who will rescue me? Who will share the island’s fofoca with me? Or give me a refrigerator full of food on the first date? Or kill the eye workers when they attack or tease Tubbo when he goes on a date with Fred, or help us to take care of Sunny, or, or, or…” Fit held the other’s hands, squeezing it tight when he started to talk too fast, snapping Pac out of his thoughts, making him take a big breath. “No. You can’t go away, Fitche. Never. I won’t let them take you too.”

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah, that… that made sense. 

This was Pac, who the first thought when seeing his friend being drugged and controlled by the Federation was going under the same treatment so he could find a cure for it. The one who forgave Cellbit in a heartbeat when he told him he had changed. Who refused to kill him - even before the date, when Fit couldn’t even put in words his feelings for the other - during Purgatory. Who threw himself into mines and danger easily without thinking twice and would do all of it again an again if it meant keeping someone he cared about safe, even when the Federation kept taking his family one day after the other. He would do it in a heartbeat.

It made sense he didn’t want to lose another one. He was smart, strong, kind… Fit would trust him with his life into his hands in a blink of an eye.

But…

“If I hurt Ramón, Pac. If ever get close to hurt any of the eggs…”

“I will lock you, Fit. And I, we! We will find a cure again. None of them will die and you don’t need to die either.”

“Do you promise?”

Pac nodded, composure and eyes kept firm in their place, holding him down and reminding him he was no longer on this alone. “I promise, Fit. And if your boss cat comes here to hurt them… Then we will kick his butt, right?”

Fit snorted, if it was anyone else, he would doubt, throw their words away as a senseless attempt to comfort him, without true meaning. His boss was god, some kind of entity with power enough to pull him out of a world of literal destruction and throw him into a dimension where all of it never existed. However, this was Pac. Both he and Mike have proven over and over again that there was no place, no rule, no limit that they weren't able to overcome and laugh at their face when the managed to overcome it.

Maybe… If it was him.

He could believe it. Besides, Pac did promise that he wouldn’t let him hurt the children. They were always the priority, afterall

“Yes, we will. Thank you, Pac.” He took a deep breath. Since he already started, he could as well… 

Talk. About stuff.

“Sometimes I… worry about, uh, what I can do.”

(Kill. Maim. Destroy. Break it down piece by piece until there is nothing left. Watch in the shadows and continue his way quietly through all the screams.)

Pac understood what he meant. “Oh. It’s fair. I think, it must be hard, when you think about it…” He then squeezed his hand before letting them go, starting to count on his own fingers. “But, I don’t think you should worry about it, Fitch. You can do a lot of awesome things, too! You’re a really good cooker, you can make very cool bombs and explosions, you’re good at hide and seek, at saving me when I am down. You are also very good at hiking and training, which makes sense, right? With how muscular and great you are, also-”

“Pac,” Fit voice’s took a firm tune, pulling Pac from his rambling and immediately catching his attention, wide black eyes turning at him attentively. “Pac, I was made for killing. All of this is just…”

(It doesn’t matter.)

“Nah.”

Fit blinked once, twice, quite astonished at how nonchalant the scientist sounded. Stared at those beautiful, soft eyes that watched him with a playful light that somehow nothing on the Island had been able to destroy. Strong. “Sorry?”

“I don’t think you were made for killing, Fit. No one is only able to do one thing and everyone can change. Besides… it gave you a lot of skill, right? Surviving there. That is why you’re one of the best fighters on the island, Fit! The codes, the eye workers… even Cucorucho is no match for you. You’re so strong, fierce, cool, fit and,” Pac’s determined tune tripped a little bit as his words got faster and a tad more distracted, his eyes deviating from his stare, looking at his face, arms, torso… Fit would be lying if he said he didn’t like how it hovered for a little while on his chest and muscles, “and you’re good looking too! Awesome, ruthless, muscular, handsome...”

“Ahalright!” Fit cut him before his face melted from how hot it felt, the tip of his ears feeling like they were on fire. His voice seemingly broke Pac out of his mind and made him immediately attempt to hide his face on his hoodie, trying to jump away to hide and being stopped by the gentle hand still holding his, keeping him close. That didn’t prevent more embarrassed snickers from also filling the air. “Sorry, sorry, I got distracted.”

“Take it easy, big boy, take it easy.”

Fit only laughed harder when the teasy nickname made the other shout in protest, a light hit landing on his shoulder. It successfully distracted him enough so his head peaked again from the deepness of his blue hoodie, so Fit counted it as a win. Especially when a playful gleam took over Pac’s glare.

“Actually, Fitch, I think you were made for something.”

“Oh, you think so?”

Pac got closer, smiling, nodding in such an innocent way that could only mean trouble. 

“Yeah, for kisses.” He laid his head on his shoulder and Fit could feel goosebumps travel his entire body from the skin contact. His voice became lower, slower, certain. “Can I kiss you, Fit?”

Fit definitely didn’t bluescreen, half words and meaningless sounds leaving his mouth in a string of incoherency that lasted a couple of minutes before he finally managed to get himself together enough to shove an actual sentence, with a too high pitched tune, through his throat. “I-I mean, of course you can, Pac! If, ah, if you want to.”

Pac’s answer was a single kiss placed in his collarbone before the brazilian focused his administrations on his neck. Soft, warm lips leaving a trail of tingles and electricity whatever they touched. Fit could feel the care in each one and it felt… nice. 

Cozy. 

Warm. 

Tickly.

Ok, actually, it was very, very tickly.

Fit closed his eyes and turned his face around, trying to hide the beginning of a smile that grew bigger with every light - so, so, so light - peck grazing his skin. Not wanting to actually ruin the sweet moment between them, especially after Pac got the courage to ask for what the mercenary had been wanting to do for a while.

(Cuddle and kiss his boyfriend. Oh god, when did he become such a softie?)

The problem with his hiding tactic is that it only left more spots in the open for Pac to attack and bash in attention, not leaving a single patch of skin alone without a caring goodbye kiss, unknowingly breaking piece by piece Fit’s barriers.

He twitched when his boyfriend got too close to the line of his jaw, the warmth racing up to the tip of his ears in a way he hoped that Pac didn’t realized. The one with blue hoodie and attentive eyes stopped in a hitched breath. Waited.

Fit got his racing heart and tickly tingles under control. He was not going to lose to a few accidental tickles. He was not.

He squeezed Pac’s and drew circles on the back of his hands, turning at him with a teasy smirk and crooked eyebrows.

“Oh, is it my turn now?”

Pac giggled and shook his head. “Wait, wait, I still got…”

Without finishing his sentence he dived and placed a light kiss right under his chin, successfully catching the other out of guard and making one of various locked snickers wheezily flee from his lips, quickly being followed by others when Fit tried to cover his smile, turning around once again.

“Oh, god, I am doing this wrong, aren’t I?” Pac pushed himself away and grumbled, starting to search in his pockets for his warpstone, increasing the other’s snickery fit. “Ok, ok, that is it.Thank you so much for calling, I had an incredible time so now I am going to throw myself off the Cristo Redentor and then go to bed, good night, Fit. Tell Ramón I loved him and tell Richas to take a shower, bye.”

“No, no, Pac. Calma, calma.” Fit held one of his wrists, pulling Pac back to his place on the sofa, chasing his black eyes when they kept running away from his while the scientist kept shaking his head from side to other in a dramatic despair. Fit ended up resting his other hand on his cheek, guiding his look back. “I would never laugh at my brazilian boyfriend.” He tried to not grin smugly when that melted the other’s pout in a shy smile “The kisses just tickled me, that is all.”

That immediately brought Pac’s attention. “Wait, Fit… you’re ticklish?”

“It seems like I am, but I am not sure. Not a lot of chances for bonding and laughing when fighting for your life in 2b2t.”

“Oh, I see.” Silence, Pac’s wrist wiggled out of his hold and suddenly there were warm hands flying to his neck, fingertips dancing on it, blunt nails and wiggly fingers tickling the sensitive spot softly. “So, you’re ticklish.”

Fit huffed a laugh at the strange feeling, instinctively scrunching up his neck all while he tried to not pry Pac’s hands away. Same hands that now spidered their way up to his ears, tracing them and giving each one a few scratches, Pac watching in awe as their tips became more and more colored with each passing second.

“Oh my god, Fit, your ears are so red! Are you blushing? That is really, reeeally cute, you know?”

 Fit’s shoulders began to shake slightly with the effort to keep all the giggles and laughter trapped inside, the task growing more and more difficult as Pac kept his exploring. Fingers tapping their way down to the mercenary’s ribcage, making his torso twitch from one side to another as they started skittering up and down, tracing senseless drawings and forms on the spot. Another fleeing snigger escaped from his firmly pressed lips. There was no way such light, barely even touching touch could tickle that much.

“You can laugh it out, Fit. I bet it will feel much better! Besides,” the gleam in his eyes got sharper and Pac didn’t really lower his voice, but something in his tune changed, a turning point that made a shiver run down Fit’s spine. It didn’t feel like something truly dangerous but alerts began flashing in his mind when the touch became just a tad firmer. 

Fit had to push down the squirms that threatened to push the other away. “You can’t just keep all that laughter only for yourself, now, that wouldn’t be fair. No, no, not fair at all. Keeping all those giggles and snickers hidden from me. Trapped inside. They deserve to be free, you know? So everyone can see how cute they are.”

“Pac…”

But then Pac started digging and his barrier broke. Loud laughter immediately followed the hands vibrating in between his ribs, scribbling, looking for any special spot that would make Fit go insane. Not that he was very far from this, now, head being thrown backwards with how strong his crackles were, because nothing in the world could ever prepare him for the feeling that was being tickled, to have each nerve screaming but not in pain, to have each touch bring a new kind of electricity that traveled his torso and filled his heart with a warmth that made him want to jump out of the sofa and at the same time bring Pac closer.

A curious prodding in a spot in his highest ribs that was almost on his back and Fit slammed his body on the cushion, a snort being pried from his lips and quickly being followed by another and another when the fingers kept drilling and kneading on the spot non stop.

Then he heard it, low as a whisper. “Beautiful….” It came in an awed voice, and in between half lidded eyes Fit saw the one with black hair shake his head, as if getting himself together before slowing down the tickling, thumbs rubbing the remnant tickles as he stared at him. “Sorry, Fitch, I, caham, I got, uh, distracted. Are you okay?” He nodded, chuckles taking over his words and disappearing with any hope of saying something without descending in more of a waterfall of giggles. Still, he tried, the proud smile in Pac’s face erasing his embarrassment in how silly he sounded giddy like this. 

“I’m fine, just surprised that I am dating a tickle monster.”

The brazilian laughed, shaking his head and hiding his face on Fit’s shoulder. “Não, não, não (No, no, no). Mike is actually the tickle monster in our team. I just learned a lot from playing fights with him.” Pac trembled in an exaggerated shudder. “He is merciless.”

“Really?”

“Uh hum.” Pac hummed, thoughtful, before doing a little ‘pop’ sound, hands washing down to his sides, tapping senselessly there. “He had this kind of attack where he would be talking to you and suddenly he would start to tickle you and like, it would be really, really light so you didn’t actually, you know, like, died laughing? But at the same time it would be crazily ticklish! Following you around no matter how much you squirmed or snickered.”

“P-pac, come on…”

The other just hummed, still talking and hands still spidering in their resting position, taking turns in between drawing circles on his sides, feeling how his torso would shake with a new round of chuckles blossoming anew, and scratching the little dive of his hips to make them grow faster.

“Then he would try to keep a conversation going and complain like ‘are you even paying attention to what I’m saying, what’s going on?’ as if he didn’t know what was happening, can you believe?! And you couldn’t just… walk away or keep silly giggling non stop and not answer him, because you’re still in a conversation and that would be rude, right? So you’re just there, laughing and wiggling and it always drives me crazy!”

Fit nodded, knowing the feeling very well, in his opinion. His brain trying to pay attention to his words but getting totally distracted by his own attempts to not wiggle around so much because everytime his body trashed to one side, Pac would just dig his fingers on his sides and drum, which made him jump in the other direction only to receive the same treatment, creating a maddening cycle almost impossible to escape from. 

Once again, laughing began flooding the room, high pitches and wheezy giggles chasing around one or two squeals when a tentative squeeze grazed the spot before quickly jumping away, the unexpected playful attacks blending with the soft scribbles and somehow making him not being able to predict nor prepare for one or the other.

“And then, out of nowhere he would get bored and that is where it lies the danger, Fitch.” Pac’s voice took a turn to a lower tune, torn between a warning and a threat. His tickling came to a halt, fingertips just laying on his waist with occasional twitches. What was more strange, though, was how, even so, the janitor couldn’t stop the titters taking over his mind and body. He wondered if that was how he would finally die, undone and destroyed by his very lovely boyfriend. Pac snickered in mischief and amusement, breaking his mask for a couple of seconds before cleaning his throat and coming back to his persona, interlocutor voice back again.

“Because, when he stops it means that he is getting bored. You know that he is getting bored and he knows that you know that he is getting bored and that it is just a matter of time before he decided that is enough and something happens” he highlighted the word by spidering quickly across his ribs. His voice sounded like it was closer. “So you just stay there, quiet, waiting for the moment he will strike.”

Fit held his breath, eyes closed. His smile was so big that it traveled from one ear to the other. No more laughter was falling from his mouth, but his shoulders still bounced with the phantom tickles that freely pricked his skin and seemed to follow his every squirm. Pac’s hands felt warm - dangerous - where they touched and he was pretty sure that his entire face would melt at some point of this game.

He waited.

Waited. Nothing.

A kiss was pressed on his forehead.

He opened an eye, muscles immediately untensing and relaxing with the scene, even if adrenaline still ran without control in his veins, of Pac happily smiling, just a few centimeters from his face.

“Oi, Fitch.”

“Roi, Pa-ACK!”

Loud, uncontrollable and unstoppable laughter filled the room, Fit still tried to finish his sentence before giving up and succumbing to the snorts and wheezing that took over his laughter. Squeezes, drumming and prodding attacked his sides, kneading on the ticklish spot before scratching their way up to his ribs, burying themselves there and then keeping their way up to his armpits - poking and scribbling and making him lock his arms on his torso - until it got to his ears, changing the loud peals of booming laughter to a hysterical string of snickers only to make he go back to crackling when he attacked his sides again and again, alternating between each and every tickle spot so he couldn’t picture where he was going to tickle next. 

Fit could even swear that at some point he felt a squeeze in his knees that fished a chortle from his lips and an uncontrollable kick from his legs.

It lasted only a couple of minutes. All the electricity and tickly buzzing teased and made him laugh like nothing else mattered, loud and free even when, between his own amused giggling, Pac ceased his mean attack and watched with a giant grin as the other tried to regain his breath, a light blush dusting his face.

“You were saying, Fitch?”

Nonsense. That was exactly what Fit was about to say. Because his brain kind of became a mush after all that attack and the airy giggles that kept flowing from his throat didn’t exactly help him to gather his thoughts nor fade the hotness running still on his face.

“I, er, huh…” and there it was, the sentence got lost to jumpy snickers again. Fit brought a hand to hide them and try to gain at least save a bit of face, but a quick poke on his defenseless armpit made it go immediately down again. He glared without any real heat at his boyfriend, who lifted his arms in rendition.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m done for real, now.”

The silence was extended for a few pieces of time, stretching across them like a cat after a nap. 

Fit was the one who broke it.

“That is Mike’s…” He coughed, cleaning his throat “special tickle attack, then? I can see why you call him merciless.”

“Nah, actually that is my own technique. Mike prefers to catch a person out of guard and tickle while taunting them until they promise to make something for him.”

The surprised, amused huff of laughter that came out from the mercenary’s mouth didn’t have anything to do with wiggly fingers this time and Pac joined him. 

“You’re such a sneaky guy, Pac, you’re such a sneaky guy.”

“Thank you. Gotta learn from the best right? Maybe someday me and Ramón will team up and win the hide and seek against you.” 

“Hmm, you probably would. But maybe I can convince Richarlyson to help me?”

“It would be good. Richas is the best in hide and seek. He would really like to. Hey! We should set up a playdate with them in our Hide and Seek arena. We can even call Tubbo and Sunny, maybe even Philza with Chayanne and Tallulah, if they are awake. The more the merrier, right?”

Fit was sure that if he was shapeshifter like Tubbo, without even wanting to, his eyes would be heart shaped. It never ceases to amaze him how Pac could accept and love everyone - him - like they were and would always be a family to him. 

“But, so?” The brazilian wiggled his eyebrows, a smirk opening in his face. “How is it the experience of being tickled for the first time?”

Maddening. Tortuous. Able to make someone go crazy, he was sure. Surprisingly tiring and unexpectedly effective. Strange. Itchy. A lot. Hard to explain.

But also, it was extremely caring. Warm. Soft. Funny. Bonding. Weird. Extremely silly. He couldn’t stop his smile and thoughts about the gleam and shine in Pac’s eyes when he discovered a new spot or how - strangely enough - light and giddy he was feeling right now.

Besides, he never was self conscious about his laughter or anything but listening to Pac calling him… beautiful, in such an amazed voice… Well, his ego really couldn’t complain.

“It was fun.” He decided to go with that, a playful grin in his face, his hands holding Pac’s and intertwining their fingers. 

“Oh, I’m happy in hear that! Actually, I-”

“But…” Fit cut him, purposely deepening his voice in a tune that never failed to catch the other of guard, sending a cold shiver through his muscles. “I can think of something even more fun.”

“Y-yeah?” Pac’s blush deepened when he looked at the dangerous, sharp, determined shine in Fit’s eyes, his entire mind getting overcomed with a choir of excited screams, burning face at realizing how their intertwined hands was both a soft gesture and a restrain. 

Damn, he was really, really gay.

“Uh hm,” his tune now was almost like a purr of a predator watching his prey wobbly smile back and hold his hands tighter together, knowing very well his fate and still not even trying to escape from it. “It’s something that back on 2b2t we liked to call… revenge.”

With a swift move he pulled their hands and lead Pac to lose his equilibrium, falling backwards on his lap, one hand keeping his arms up and the other lifting his hoodie just the slightest bit, the actual perfect amount for him to immediately shove his face on his stomach and start blowing raspberry after raspberry, quick and ruthless.

“FITCHE!” The sound that came out of his mouth could barely be called a word, the high pitched shout being quickly taken over by a hysterical crackling that made his entire body shake with each laughter. 

His boyfriend just chuckled, lifting his head just enough that his next words would be audible to the other, each one buzzing on the ticklish skin and making tiny, tickly electric shocks dance freely across it. “Oh my, Pac, what a delicious belly you got right here. One of the richest, rarest delicacies I’ve ever seen.” 

“NONONO, FITCH!” He kicked and trashed, trying to roll away from his predicament but being firmly held in place by the other, which was kind of nice, since he wasn’t sure how to explain to Fit that he definitely wasn’t going to run away if he had the chance. 

Still, that didn’t stop the fast, airy and high giggles of painting every syllable of his pleas that began flowing like a stream from his lungs, becoming more and more intelligible with each protest. “Please, please, Fitch anything but that! I will do anything you want! Do you wanna know all Mike’s most ticklish spots? Eu posso te dizer! (I can tell you!) he has this place right under his knees that if you poke he starts making ‘wee’ sounds e é muito engraçado (it’s very funny) Fitche por favor, espera, espera, wait!”

“Sorry, Pac, nothing I can do. I just have to try a little. Raspberries are so delicious and I just… I just gotta, ya know? I just gotta try a little, the tiniest little bit.” He lowered his head once again, carefully and softly nibbling on the ticklish skin and doing a bunch of ‘oh nom nom nom’ sounds as he did so, smugly relishing in how louder Pac’s laughter sounded at this, random portuguese and english being mixed in a series of incoherent talking that he couldn't even hope to understand, even with the translator. 

The raspberries and nibbles began taking turns, dancing all across his stomach and sometimes even escaping to attack one lower rib or two in a way that usually drove Ramón crazy. It was kind of funny and endless endearing to realize that both of his boys were extremely weak for the same kind of tickle attack.

All the while Pac was simply dying. There was no other way to describe it. He was utterly and completely dying, losing every tread of.. everything that wasn’t thinking about how much it tickled and laughing both because Fit (Fit!!!!! His boyfriend Fit!!!!) was teasing and tickling him and also because as it seems he was the goofiest dork that ever existed in this world while doing that and somehow that made all the butterflies flying crazy on his belly and tickly electricity following his nerves one hundred times worse and ticklish and it was amazing.

Fit enjoyed a couple more minutes of the silly attack, fondly realizing how much more hysterical and loud the crackles got everytime he added more “hmmm” and “nom nom nom” sounds.

“There we go, big boy.” He lifted his head and got a glimpse of a gigantic, dazzling smile and a red face before Pac immediately hid it behind his hands, wheezes and snickers filling the room.

“Shuhuhut up!”

Fit grinned, but let go of the teasing and took pity on his brazilian boyfriend. He could quite understand why Pac seemed so happy in destroying him minutes ago. There was just a something that made his heart beat faster just in realizing that he was the reason why Pac was so happy and giggly.

Also, the way that the brazilian’s accent got stronger, especially while saying his name in between unstoppable, uncontrollable giggling… Fit thinks he could live with that, yeah.

“Oh my god, Fitche… and you call me merciless.”

The ex-mercenary chuckled. His eyes hovered over Pac’s face, making sure that he was still breathing and alive (he hadn’t taken too far, did he?) when suddenly his look got attracted to his neck, the memory of what started all of this popping like a flashing lamp in his mind.

“Pac…” It was the low voice again, lighter, but still there. Pac’s entire body froze still for a second and alarmed eyes turned to stare Fit, who seemed strangely fixated on his hoodie. “Is your neck ticklish?”

Oh.

Oh.

Pac 100% blamed the gay screaming in his head for his next words.

“YES!” The shout was as excited as it was loud, making both of them wince at it, Fit looking at the one with black hair with a faintly surprised, crooked eyebrows. “I mean, er, assim, uh, no!!! It’s actually not! NOt even a little bit! What even is ticklish, you know? I don’t even speak english, senhor Fitch eme ce, na verdade, essa é a minha primeira vez aqui na ilha, quem é você e… Não!” (sir Fit eme cee, actually, this is my first time here in the island, who are you and… No!)

The babbling was promptly cut when, once again, Fit chuckled in mischief and shoved his head on Pac’s neck. 

Butterfly kisses followed the line of his jaw, attacked that spot under his chin, tickled the place where the collarbone and the neck met, each patch of sensitive skin getting a kiss and a raspberry as a gift, making a series of snorts and high dazed giggles quickly follow the initial surprised shriek and jump around the entire room, Pac’s arms coming to rest on the other’s chest, partially pushing him away and partially holding him, legs kicking behind them with how much adrenaline and giddiness jumped across his muscles and filled his heart.

Pac hid his face on the crook of Fit’s neck, attempting to at least survive a few more seconds from dying of embarrassment, each snort and hysterical high pitched snicker sealing even more his fate and putting another nail in his coffin.

A few curious squeezes on his sides and a final, long raspberry and then Fit finally let him go, watching as the other got his breath again, forgetting for once to hide his blush and brilliant smile into his hoodie, looking completely lost in his own laughing fit. Adorable. 

Sometimes Fit wondered how could he be so lucky.

A loud click and a flashing light brought both of them out of their thoughts. Pac almost falling from the sofa when he turned around and saw Ramón quickly hid a camera behind his back while passing three copies of the pictures to Richas, who stopped making gagging noises to hide them on his protected backpack before the adults could take it.

“Richarlyson, Me dá essas fotos!” (Give me those pictures!) 

“Ramón, what are you doing awake? You should be sleeping. It’s late.”

Ramón had the sense to look at least a tad admonished, but the expression quickly disappeared when Richas began jumping on the same spot, wiggling from one side to another like he always did when he wanted to cause more mischief. The kids exchanged a look.

“Nenê (Baby), no. Don’t follow Richas’ example, he is a little demon.” 

The sandal that went flying across the room and hit the brazilian in the face - which actually led to him falling from the cushions - only further proved this fact. Still, Richas let out plenty of offended noises while getting his sandal back, showing off his tongue when Ramón shoved him and shook his head in disapproval. 

Fit tried his best to not laugh and sound serious. “Richas, do not hit your dad.”

“Don’t worry, Fitch.” Pac tapped his arm, getting up from the floor, tsking. “There is no other way, I guess. I’ll have to kill him. Yeah, it was fun to have a son for a while.”

The mercenary laughed, knowing very well how much of a weak heart Pac had for his little troublemaker. “Calma, calma, Pac. I think I have the solution. Since the kids are feeling so… energetic, we should probably tire them out before putting them back in bed, right?” 

He also got up and gave Pac a Look, pretending to not see Ramón pulling Richas’ sleeve and exchanging warning words to him, knowing very well what that playful, dangerous shine in his dad’s eyes meant.

Pac grinned, mirroring his own devilish expression. “I think you’re right, Fit.”

Richas once again wiggled around in energy, his dragon tail tapping on the floor while Ramón threw a flower at Pac (smart boy, Fit thought, winning the melting heart from the dad that would have more mercy, very smart) and jumped on the same place, smiling and nodding in excitement.

He then pulled Richas away, starting the chase. Pac immediately following behind with joyfuls “I’m gonna catch you!”.

Fit chuckled.

Maybe Pac was right. 

Maybe life - he - was more than just die and kill. 

Well… he rolled his shoulders and followed his family in their game, laughing excitedly. He would have to enjoy it while it lasted, then.

#I couldn't help myself. I just HAD to make Pac's accent getting stronger when he is being tickled. I JUST HAD TO. #One day I will write a tickle fic where someone learn the word 'cosquinha' and keep teasing the brazilians about it that day is not today #Because I Would Die. Fall on the floor completely dead. #Fit: I'm a monster Pac // Pac twirling his hair giggling kicking his legs: that man could destroy me hehehe #Sometimes I worry for their mental health #Fit: *is silly* // Pac: *internal non stopping gay screaming* #Pac: a // Fit: You're absolutely right #qsmp tickles #qsmp tickling #Switch!Fit #Switch!Pac #Ticklish!Fit #Ticklish!Pac #Kanene's fic #Kanene's fanfic #Still not over Pac saying that he would kiss marry and kill Fit and Fit answering with 'I like my man dangerous' like GET OUTTTT #I'm going to become homphobic in the end of this I am telling you I can no longer take this I had to keep pausing their date because- #-*I* KEPT GETTING GIDDY AND EMBARRASSED LIKE GET OUT OF HEREEEEE YOU'RE MADDLY IN LOVE YEAH WE KNOWWW #Fun fact here Fit prefers to tickle attack his loved ones with raspberries and stuff because he doesn't trust his hands to be gentle :D #Sorry :')

[pepprs]

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

#purrs #delete later #covid19 #i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill / #immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in #any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy #for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the #throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more) #disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in #ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and #healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to #school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist #anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to #access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i #HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i #need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have #that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way #it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator. #* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear #for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in #part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I #think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.

[callixton]

i think that part of the physical safety w binding conversation that gets overlooked is that yes it’s hypothetically possible to safely bind for extended periods of time if you follow good binding practice but also that is. sometimes impossible based on your circumstances, esp once you do reach a point in your transition where you’re ‘passing’ the majority of the time. when i’m at college, there is no way for me to bind only 8 hours at a time or take breaks bc removing my binder creates a safety issue. like there is a very small select group of friends i will take it off around but that’s only if we’re already in a private space, otherwise i am risking my physical safety in a different way by outing myself as trans (esp when using public restrooms)

anyway all that’s to say that i think my chest and ribs are fucked up from binding for too long at a time but i had no way out of those situations. so. don’t know what i’m gonna do before i can get top surgery

#that shit is so expensive and has so many prerequisites but it’s starting to become a health requirement #also i guess i’ll take advice from other trans people if u have experience with this #also i can’t just like. not bind #like yes that is hell on my mental health for one but the whole point is that it puts me in physically dangerous situations #ESP with the growing violence against trans people. like my campus is pretty trans friendly but that’s still like. comparative not absolute #i use a spectrum binder rn btw and it’s been much better for my ribs/lungs than gc2b/underworks bc of the way it binds but it’s still rough #ted talks

[nexus-nebulae]

really fucks me up how much i've been told that visibly showing symptoms of depression is inherently abusive

#cw abuse #cw suicide #cw self harm #currently we don't struggle with depression as much as we did in the past #we're at a point now where it wouldn't be a danger to us really at all #but i remember how much in high school i would refuse to tell people how i felt and what i wanted to do #because i was legitimately told repeatedly that telling someone else that you wanted to commit suicide was abusive #or that harming yourself was inherently abusive to those around you #not just in terms of things like 'if you don't do X i will harm myself' which can definitely be abuse #but just. overall. in general. for any reason. #which didn't make me want to STOP hurting myself. it did the fucking opposite #it made me isolate myself just to do that which in turn only fucked me up more #and it made me feel like i *should* get rid of myself because then that'd guarantee i wouldn't hurt people more #and even now i still feel like. crippling guilt over the fact that i ever even did those things in the first place #not to mention other headmates that don't hold body memories but still having similar exomemories also being fucked up by guilt #when literally we were not in full control of our thoughts or actions we were fucking mentally ill #our circumstances were horrible and people were hurting us simply because we expressed the fact that we were hurt in the first place #we were literally treated like telling someone 'hey i think i might harm myself can you help me to not do that' was abuse #and of course the shitty ex that i was with at the time decided to make it worse in her own fun ways too #so like everyone i asked for help just made it worse so i never ended up getting help until my mental health fully and absolutely collapsed #simply because. i was told. that my own mental illness hurt other people more than me #because their annoyance at me being sad was a higher priority than. you know. such overwhelming despair that i didnt want to live.

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

The Danger Zone (Part 21) - Hangman

Pairing: Hangman / Fem!Bradshaw!Reader | OC

Word Count: 3.3k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ ONLY.

Warnings: Breast Feeding; Life with a Newborn; Hospitals; Post-Labor; References to Mental Health Issues; Use of "You," No Use of Y/N, No Set Physical Description

Summary: You and Jake enjoy your first few days with your daughter.

Series Master List

Master List

Jake walked out of the maternity ward, causing your extended family to quickly get to their feet. He let out an incredulous laugh as everyone moved to gather around him, still not fully believing that he was officially a father now. There were a handful of questions thrown at him, but Jake was still lost in his own world. 

He was a dad. He had a little girl waiting for him. 

“How are they?” Penny asked, her hand on his shoulder bringing him out of his stupor. 

“They’re both healthy. She did great and there weren’t any complications. Baby Girl came out kicking and screaming. She’s six pounds, three ounces. And she's sixteen inches long.”

“And her name?” Maverick asked softly. 

“She wanted to tell everyone all together,” Jake replied with a wide smile. And it was going to be near impossible to remove the smile from his face. That awestruck, completely in love smile was practically permanent at this point. “So, she told me to come and bring you all back.”

The group left the waiting room, starting the short trip down the hall to visit you and your baby. Coyote quickly pulled Jake into a bear hug, squeezing the life out of his best friend. Releasing him, Coyote smacked Jake supportively on the back. 

“I knew you’d make back it in time,” Coyote replied with a grin. 

You were cuddling with your daughter on the hospital bed when there was a light knock on the door. You looked up and smiled softly when you saw your family. And even though you were clearly exhausted, you were absolutely radiating joy. And with the beautiful baby girl in your arms, it wasn’t hard to figure out why.

“Hi, everyone.” 

“How are you feeling?” Penny asked, moving to sit beside your bed. 

“Tired. But she’s finally here.” 

You smiled contentedly as you rested your head on top of your daughter’s, still soaking it all in. Sitting up more, you shifted your hold on your daughter, gently rolling towards your family so that they could all see her. You shared a smile with Jake before staring down at your daughter. 

“Everyone, meet Sara Seresin.”

“Sarah . . . Seresin?” Maverick repeated slowly, seemingly wincing as he did so. 

“After Sarah Kazansky?” Emma asked kindly.

“No, there’s no ‘h.’”

“Well, that makes a huge difference,” Coyote replied, bobbing his head up and down as he shared a side-eye look with his wife. 

“Sara Seresin,” Phoenix stated, staring at you like you had grown two heads in the process.

“That’s . . . a beautiful name,” Penny assured you, pinching Maverick in the side. 

Jake snapped a picture of everyone’s reaction before turning back to you and your daughter. You tried to fight the laugh at your simple prank, but soon enough, a giggle escaped your lips. Ignoring everyone’s incredulous stares, you adjusted your daughter’s hat. 

“We didn’t name her that,” Jake told everyone, earning a series of sighs of relief. 

“Oh thank god,” Maverick stated, holding a hand to his heart. Patting your brother on the back, he added, “No offense, Bradley.”

Your brother shot Maverick a look as Jake leaned down to pick up your daughter. Jake carefully took your daughter into his arms, holding her gently against his chest as he turned to the crowd. Everyone seemed to hold their breaths as Jake slowly moved his gaze from his daughter’s face to them. 

“We named her Maisie.”

"Maisie Caroline," you added softly.

“Oh, that’s so beautiful,” Penny cooed, squeezing you into her side. 

“Much better than Sara Seresin,” Coyote stated under his breath, earning a side-eye look from Bradley. “What?” 

“Who wants to hold her?” Jake asked, looking around the room.

Maverick urged Bradley forward and stepped to the side, eyes already brimming with happy tears. Bradley held out his arms and Jake carefully placed your daughter into them. Bradley gently cradled your daughter against his chest, staring down at her with wide eyes as he felt her wiggle. 

“I was expecting her to be bigger,” Bradley admitted quietly, turning back to you. 

“I’m glad that she wasn’t,” you replied, earning a round of quiet laughs. 

“She’s so beautiful,” Emma praised, looking over Bradley’s arm at your daughter. 

You and Jake shared a look before you smiled and nodded, reaching out to gently nudge your husband forward. Jake turned back to your brother as Bradley adjusted your daughter’s blanket. He stared down at your daughter as he came to stand beside Bradley.

“Meet your goddaughter,” Jake stated quietly, causing Bradley to turn to him with shock. 

“You’re serious?”

“If you don’t want to be—”

“—Thank you,” Bradley interjected instead before Jake could retract his statement. Glancing down at his niece, who was peacefully snuggling into her blanket, Bradley turned back to Jake. “Really, thank you. I know that I wasn’t very supportive of your relationship in the beginning.” 

“That might be an understatement,” Jake deadpanned. 

“And we didn’t get along for a long time.”

“Since we met.” 

“And I stand by it.”

“As do I,” Jake agreed, ignoring the fact that you were rolling your eyes at them. 

“But Emma and I are here for you guys if you need anything. Babysitting. Deployments. Anything. Really. You’re a part of our family now. Forever, actually, because of Maisie.” 

Jake nodded in appreciation before Bradley turned to give your daughter to Maverick. Although Jake trusted both men with his life—and already had—he couldn’t help but hover during the transfer. His hands were practically itching to cradle your daughter as Maverick carefully took her into his arms. 

“He’s already not letting her out of his sight,” Penny whispered to you, amused.

“Not if he can help it,” you agreed with a smile. “She’s got him wrapped around her tiny little finger.” 

Maverick cradled Maisie against his chest, holding her protectively. Bradley walked over to give you a hug as Maverick took in the fact that he was holding Goose and Carole’s first grandchild. Goose was a grandpa. Carole was a grandma. To the most beautiful little girl that Maverick had seen since you were born. 

“She’s so beautiful,” Maverick croaked out, sniffling as he tried to not let his tears drop down onto your daughter. Turning to you, he added, “Your parents are so proud of you, sweetheart. And they’re here.” 

“I know, Mav,” you returned, trying and failing at not crying at his words. Bradley hugged you tighter as you dried your tears. 

Turning to Jake, Maverick offered your daughter. Jake quickly accepted your daughter back into his arms and immediately smiled wider as he held his daughter once again. Jake greeted your daughter softly, as if he had been parted from her for too long. Maverick nodded to himself, very proud and thankful that Jake was ecstatic to be a dad to your daughter.

That little girl was going to be loved, that much was certain. 

“Congratulations,” Maverick told Jake, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. 

“Thank you,” Jake returned softly. 

Maverick walked over to check on you and Jake walked over to where Javy and Nat were standing, waiting patiently for their turn. Javy squeezed Jake’s shoulder supportively, staring down at Maisie with a wide smile. 

“She’s beautiful, Jake,” Javy replied, giving his wingman a side hug.

“She gets it from her mom.” Jake shifted his hold on your daughter as he turned back to Javy. “Do you want to hold her?” 

“Of course, I want to hold her.”

Jake maneuvered your daughter safely into her Uncle Javy’s arms. Javy had plenty of nieces and nephews, so he wasn’t a stranger to the move. Javy smiled down at Maisie and cooed softly, watching her nose wrinkle as she wiggled in her pink blanket. She stuck her tongue out, causing Javy to laugh.

“Yeah, she’s your daughter alright.” 

Phoenix walked over to your hospital bed with a paper take out bag. Holding it out to you, she offered a supportive smile as you shot her a questioning look.

“Your post-baby meal. As promised.” 

“You’re amazing,” you breathed out, happily taking the bag from her. 

“And whenever you stop breastfeeding, I’ll drop off some wine. You’re going to need it raising Hangman’s kid.” 

Everyone stayed for a little bit longer, but no one wanted to intrude on your and Jake’s time with your daughter. You fell asleep not long after Penny and Mav left, leaving Jake and Maisie alone in the hospital room for the first time. 

Jake laid down on the couch and rested your daughter against his bare chest again, taking the nurse’s advice on skin-to-skin contact. Maisie’s little head had a surprising amount of hair and Jake slowly ran his finger through it to keep her soothed. Smiling down at his daughter, Jake looked over to see you still peacefully sleeping. 

“You scared your mom earlier today, coming early like that. And me too. I thought that I had time to surprise your mom. I was going to get her some nice flowers, set up your nursery, and the rest of the house. But nothing went according to plan with our entire relationship, so I should have expected that you would pull something like this.” 

Your daughter wiggled around against Jake’s chest, curling into his body warmth as he continued to brush her hair and back softly. 

“And you’re the best welcome home present that I’ve ever received, sweetheart,” Jake added, unable to stop smiling. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head before leaning back again. “I’m always going to be here for you, okay? Don’t you ever forget that. I love you. I love your mom. And I’ll do anything to protect the both of you, alright? From anything.” 

Jake laid there with your daughter, content to simply watch her, until she started to get fussy. Wiggling and feeling around, Maisie started to try to feed on him. Jake gently rolled to sit up and held Maisie in his arms. Trying to placate her, Jake hoped that you’d be able to sleep for a little longer. 

But then Maisie started to cry even louder, and Jake could hear you shift on your bed. 

“Jake,” you called, cracking open your eyes. 

“I think she’s hungry,” Jake stated, getting up and walking to you.

Nodding tiredly, you sat up and pulled your hospital gown down. Jake handed over your daughter and you tried to get her settled. After some time, Maisie latched and started to feed, allowing you to lean back and close your eyes, still half-asleep. 

Jake kept a supportive arm under yours, knowing that you were exhausted. Staring down at Maisie as she suckled, Jake pressed a kiss to the side of your head. You hummed, but Jake could tell that you were tired. Actually, tired was an understatement.

When Maisie finally had her fill, Jake took her into his arms again. Holding your daughter with one arm, Jake readjusted your hospital gown and pulled the blanket up further.

“Go back to sleep. I’ve got her,” Jake told you softly, gently brushing your hair out of your face. “I love you.” 

“Love you too,” you mumbled back tiredly. 

~~~~~

Your time in the hospital flew by and before you knew it, you were being released. Jake helped you into the back of your car, where your daughter was already safely strapped in. You were still exhausted, but glad to go home to your own bed. You wanted to finally settle into your home with your husband and your daughter. 

Jake gently closed the door to the driver’s seat, not wanting to startle your daughter, and looked back at the two of you over his shoulder. He glanced up at the little mirror attached to the head rest that you had been gifted at your baby shower, which allowed him to look down at your sleeping daughter.

“How’re you doing?” he asked you, causing you to smile softly.

“I’m ready to go home."

“Me too,” Jake agreed, returning your smile. 

Starting the car, Jake backed up out of the parking spot and began to drive home. You kept a close eye on your daughter, but Maisie was content and slept through the short ride. Well, it would have been short, but Jake insisted on taking the backroads, driving the speed limit, and yielding to just about everyone or everything. But the three of you eventually made your way home. 

“Welcome home, Maisie. Welcome home, Jake,” you stated with a small grin. 

Jake got out of the car first and walked around to grab your daughter's car seat. And then the three of you walked into the house together as a family for the first time ever.

Jake quietly noted the boxes that were still piled up around the place but didn't comment about it. Breaking away from Jake’s side, you slowly made your way over to the kitchen and picked up the note that someone left for you.

Your fridge and freezer are full of meals for the two of you. Enjoy this time with your daughter and don’t worry about cooking. Just focus on your family. And you know that you can always call me if you need help. With Love, Sarah. 

“I should call her,” you stated, showing Jake the note. He picked it up and noted the writing on the back. 

“And don’t worry about calling me, I know you’re thankful,” Jake read aloud, causing you to laugh to yourself.

“I wonder when my mom-senses are actually going to kick in,” you mused, looking down at your daughter. 

“They’re already there,” Jake insisted, setting your daughter’s car seat on the ground gently. “Now, what did you want to do while she’s still sleeping?”

“We should probably put her crib together.” 

Jake found the box among the stack and pulled it out. You sat on the couch, keeping an eye on your sleeping daughter. Jake opened up the box and handed you the instructions before he started to lay out all of the different pieces.

“Did you want me to read them to you?” you asked, flipping through the instructions. 

“I can figure it out,” Jake insisted, causing you to look up and raise an eyebrow at your husband.

“You’re just going to figure it out?” you repeated slowly.

“How hard can a crib be to put together?” 

Twenty minutes later, you were sorting through all of the baby clothes that you had been gifted to pull out the size that fit your daughter as Jake quietly muttered to himself. Knowing that he would stubbornly refuse to admit that he was struggling without the directions, you decided to try and shift his focus.

“Now that I think about it, did you want to set up the bassinet first?” you suggested.

“Which box is that?” he agreed, standing up.

“The one sticking out on the right side,” you stated, trying not to laugh at your husband.

Jake, however, could hear the smile in your voice and turned back to you. Walking over to you, he leaned down so that you were eye level.

“I will figure out the crib,” he insisted softly.

“I know you will,” you assured him, running your hand down his cheek. Pressing a soft kiss to his lips, you added, “You’ll look at the directions while I’m asleep, won't you?”

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” 

Jake pecked your lips again before straightening up and moving to grab the box with the bassinet in it. You smiled to yourself before looking down at your daughter. You leaned down a little bit, placing your finger in her curled fist.

“Your dad is really stubborn. Please tell me that you didn’t get that trait from him.” 

“I can hear you.” 

“Shh, this is a private conversation,” you teased, causing Jake to smile and shake his head. 

~~~~~

Jake set Maisie down in her crib, which he built while you took a nap. If he used the directions or not, he would never admit it aloud. Not unless you gave him a pout, anyways. You walked into your bedroom, having put away some milk for Jake to grab in the night for Maisie, and smiled tiredly when you saw Jake hovering over your daughter. 

“How is she?”

“She’s asleep.” Turning to you, Jake walked over and grabbed your hands. “Now, it’s time to take care of you.” 

You and Jake stepped into the adjacent bathroom. After you anxiously rambled to Jake about leaving Maisie alone, he very gently pulled her crib over to be next to the door—but not blocking it to avoid steam and just in case there was an emergency—and placed a baby monitor receiver on the towel rack beside the shower, just in case you couldn’t hear her.

Jake gently undressed you before undressing himself. Testing the temperature of the water, Jake stepped in first before offering you a hand. You couldn’t help the sigh of relief that escaped as the hot water hit your sore body. Leaning against your husband, you curled your head into his chest.

Being very gentle with you, Jake lathered your hair with shampoo before washing it out for you. Rubbing his hands together with body soap, Jake carefully washed your skin, knowing that the residual hospital smell was bothering you. 

“I could get used to this,” you murmured, running your hand through his hair. 

After applying conditioner to your hair, Jake held you in his arms as you leaned against his chest. He rubbed your back as the water rained down on the two of you. Pressing a kiss to your head, Jake rested his head against your own. 

He didn’t want to bring it up with you yet, not until he could assess the situation himself. But he was worried about you. 

When he would check in with Coyote and Phoenix while he was deployed, they mentioned that you weren’t like yourself in the last few weeks of your pregnancy. And Penny confirmed that for him, when he had a moment to talk to her privately at the hospital. 

And he hoped that it was just part of your pregnancy and was now nothing to worry about, but he wasn’t just going to dismiss it. 

You were his wife. You just had your baby girl two days ago after finishing up your third trimester without him. You moved into this house without him. You had your baby shower without him. You did a thousand things without him because you were forced to just deal with what life threw at you. 

And he wasn’t going to let anything happen to you or Maisie. The past nine months, you had been doing the heavy lifting. And now it was his turn to do that. 

Turning off the water, Jake stepped out to grab a towel. He dried you off and after helping you into some pajamas and pulling on some shorts, Jake led you back to your bed. He helped dry your hair as you applied some moisturizer. 

“How do you feel now?” Jake asked, causing you to smile up at him.

“Better, thank you.” 

You leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips that Jake was happy to return. Jake put the TV on and the two of you cuddled in bed as you quickly started to fall asleep. Jake held you into his side, rubbing his thumb on your hip. 

“I love you,” he told you softly, causing you to hum.

“I love you too, Jake.”

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[nicksbestie]

hi! could you write one where reader is struggling with a fear food and chris helps her through it? extra fluff and gentle praise? thank you!!

Fear Food - C. Sturniolo

Summary : Recovery is hard, but your loving boyfriend is always there to help you <3

Warnings : Descriptions of disordered eating, mental health struggles

Word Count : 1005

Pairing : Chris Sturniolo/Reader (romantic)

A/N : I loved this req <3 ty so much for being my first Sturniolo fic req!!

Mental health is an incredibly challenging thing, and when specific parts of it wreaked havoc on your life, it was even more difficult to bounce back from that. All mental health issues were challenging, but some of them had affected you more than anything. You had spent a long time dealing with an aggressive eating disorder, and even years later, you were still recovering from the effects of it, and still going through difficult patches in your life. You considered yourself in the healing process, and lucky for the fact that you had made it out of the most dangerous portion of it, but that didn’t mean that it was completely gone. 

You still had a lot to recover from, a lot of misconstrued thoughts and ideas that hadn’t completely left you yet, but you were slowly getting there. However, that meant that there were still a lot of things that had the potential to send you back into a dark spiral, and that included a lot of fear foods that you hadn’t gotten back into the habit of eating without letting yourself slip back into a bad moment. You were slowly tackling them, trying a new one every so often, because it took a lot of courage and could take a lot out of you to try and overcome that. 

You had a good support system now, and didn’t feel as alone as you did when you were in the depths of your disorder. And you made sure that you never took them for granted, because they were a big part of the reason that you kept going and kept trying to get better, kept continuing on that path of healing. Your boyfriend and his family had rallied around you from the second that they had found out, knowing that you didn’t have that support system from your own family, and they had never let you feel alone in your struggles. Your struggles weren’t broadcasted, of course, but you were supported in every way that they possibly could, despite not completely understanding what you were going through. 

Your boyfriend had promised with his entire heart that he was never going to let you go through anything like this on your own, and that he was going to do everything possible to keep you from having to deal with it at all, no matter what he had to do. And he had upheld that promise with everything in him, making sure that he was always next to you when you needed him, a comforting hand holding yours if it was necessary, a gentle reminder that he was always there for you. He was an absolutely amazing human being, and sometimes you had no idea how you had managed to be so incredibly lucky. He was nothing short of an angel, and he did everything he could for you, no matter what he had to sacrifice. 

He had kept that promise, and was still continuing to keep it, as he sat next to you at the kitchen table, a hand gently caressing the back of yours with his thumb, arm wrapped around your shoulders as he side hugged you close to him. You weren’t speaking very much, simply staring at the drink in front of you, quietly building up the courage to move towards it. You had gone out for dinner, and Chris had gently suggested going out for milkshakes afterwards. You had been a little anxious about it at first, and he had promised that it wouldn’t be a big deal if you didn’t want to go, and he would only do what you were comfortable with. However, he also knew that you were trying to tackle another fear food soon, and this seemed like one that he could definitely tackle with you. Eventually, after thinking about it for a while, you agreed, still a little tentative, but willing to try it with him by your side. 

You had gotten the smallest size, not quite ready for anything more than that, and you had decided to take it home instead of eating it there, since the ice cream shop wasn’t too far, and you’d feel safer in a familiar setting. So that was how you got to this point, silently trying to work up the courage to actually drink the shake before it melted too much. Chris was kind, soft with you, speaking for the both of you as his arm around your shoulders helped you stay grounded. 

“I know it’s terrifying, baby, but you can do it. If you don’t want it, or aren’t ready, we can put it in the freezer and try again another day.” 

You shook your head, sighing before reaching for the cup. 

“No, I do want it, it’s just… I’m anxious about it. But I want it.” 

He pressed a gentle kiss to the side of your head, sliding the cup forward to meet your hand. 

“I understand that. You deserve this, honey. You don’t have to finish it if it’s too much for you, we can always save it. Your body deserves this, baby.” 

You really didn’t know how you had been so lucky to win such a supportive boyfriend, one who told you that you were strong, perfect, and amazing multiple times a day, but you hoped on everything that you’d get to keep him around permanently. Finally starting to drink the milkshake you’d gotten, the smile that broke out on Chris’ face was enough to make you smile back at him. 

You didn’t finish it, but you drank about half, and when you decided you were done with it for the night, Chris set it in the freezer before coming back to the table. 

Placing his hands on either side of your face, he pressed a kiss to your forehead before pressing one to your lips, moving one hand to hold your own. 

“I am so proud of you.” 

Quickly kissing him back before pulling off, your smile stayed on your face. 

“Me too. Thank you.”

~ taglist : @blahbel668 @mattsgirlfrieeend @69isabella69 @mayhem-72 @iculdstealurgf @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @sturnioloslife @heartsforkarina @nervousrebelglitter @sturniclo @elliegrace-7 @mattsturnioloisbae

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#chris x y/n #chris sturniolo headcanon #christopher sturniolo x y/n #christopher owen sturniolo #christopher sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo imagine #chris #fanfic #boyfriend chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt #matt sturniolo x you #matthew sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo smut #matt x y/n #matt x reader #matthew sturniolo headcannons #matthew sturniolo x y/n #matthew sturniolo oneshot #matthew sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo imagine #matthew bernard sturniolo #matthew sturniolo x reader

[creatureheart]

Because you seem to just be deleting all replies that give an alternate view instead of replying with actual discussion, as is your right but still kinda annoying, I figured I’d make a post that you cannot delete. =3

Caring for animals and their well-being is important!

Telling people that the thoughts they have determine their morality is nazi bullshit! =D

Thought crimes do not exist!

And I will continue to repeat that because it’s the truth whether anyone likes it or not.

You cannot measure someone’s morality or their actions based on the thoughts they have. Unless they ACTUALLY act on these things, you have no right to tell other people if they are bad people or not.

And yes, this includes all the thoughts that you and others see as immoral.

If you’re the kind of person who thinks that someone thinking something bad makes them a bad person than you’re both ableist and just an asshole, because intrusive thoughts exist and those are not purposeful thoughts and cause distress among those who have them. Hence why they’re called intrusive.

But also humans are omnivores. Humans are predatory animals. Humans eat meat. Humans have natural and instinctual prey drives!

It might not be as strong as that of wild animals, or other nonhuman animals, but it’s still there!

To condemn someone for having a slightly stronger prey drive and calling them “budding psychopaths or paraphiles” is downright defamatory, ableist and tells more about you than it does about them.

Stripping away someone’s humanity because of something you don’t like is a fascist idea, and I would recommend taking a step back and really thinking about just how you have framed your mindset.

You can advocate for the safety of animals without condemning people who have done absolutely nothing wrong to those animals.

And as I mentioned in my now deleted reply, mental health professionals would not intervene on someone having simple thoughts. The only time they would intervene is if there is an immediate plan and danger towards the individual or others.

——

To anyone else reading this:

Your thoughts do not make you a bad person.

Your prey drive doesn’t make you a bad person.

Block and blacklist those who say otherwise from interacting with you because all they are is misguided assholes who need some more time to realise that the world ain’t black and white and morality is not straight forward.

#therian #therianthropy #otherkin #otherkind #otherhearted #alterhuman #alterbeing #prey drive #creature; the voice #creature; the wrath

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

*TW*

Hello!!! I absolutely love platonic yanderes with teenage reader so can I ask for a fic where the teen!reader is basically a traumatized being. They have experienced hell throughout their life from mental abuse to physical abuse. Like I mean, they have gotten in many dangerous situations which ended up with police involved (kidnapped, assaulted, murder attempt). Ofc the reader never really did anything wrong, they were just an innocent child till everything went downhill. They don't have any family members left leading them to stay at an orphanage. Anddd you could say the orphanage people aren't the nicest. And their mental health has become so fucked up that they had attempted suicide.

You don't have to do this if ur uncomfortable ofc. Sorry about how triggering the request might be

On the roof

Self-Aware! Platonic! BSD Cast x GN! Teen! Traumatized! Reader

Description: You are on the rooftop in the middle of the night.

Trigger warning: Suicide attempt. Abuse. Child abuse. Kidnapping. Assault. Attempted murder.

List of Suicide hotline numbers can be found here and here.

Warning: One swear word. English is my second language.

__________________________________

You silently opened the door, that leads to the roof of an orphanage. With your phone in hand, you take a few steps forward.

The door closed behind you.

You just stand here. You were silent.

You were here. You wanted to end this.

You sighed and looked around.

Should you just... Go to the edge and jump? It's not like someone would care about you.

You didn't bother with the last note.

No one would care about the reason.

You will simply become a name in documents.

You just wanted to be heard.

You mindlessly looked at your phone.

Should you take it with you?

Or left it here, so someone else would use it?

Your gaze stopped at the "BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan" icon. Will the new owner delete it? Or will continue your progress?

You tapped on the icon. You didn't leave a note.

Yet, you "talked" to BSD Characters so often, that it seems right, to let them hear your last words.

Your reasons.

You opened the Main Menu and choose 'Meeting Hall' option.

The picture of ADA Office appeared. And Chibis of all BSD Characters appeared.

This new option was cute. You liked petting chibis.

All chibis 'looked' at you.

And you finally spoke.

"Mom was strange..."

________

Your mom was strange.

She smelled funny. Like water everyone told you not to drink.

Sometimes, she stared at you. Stared for a long time.

And there were rules.

1. Don't cry.

2. Don't annoy mom.

3. You eat last.

4. If you stayed past curfew, you will sleep outside.

5. Don't tell anyone about your home life.

At least, she let you play outside as much as you want. Mom liked, when you were away from home.

*******

You were five, when you got kidnapped.

That night, you wake up to get some water.

Mom saw you.

In her eyes, you broke a rule.

You were sleeping outside.

One moment you were trying to get comfortable under the porch.

Next moment a man in a mask was dragging you in a van.

Three days.

You were in a dark, scary place for three days.

On a third day you heard two men talking.

"What do you mean, that mother didn't realize, that kid were missing?!"

_____

"Still... Mom paid the ransom. Kidnappers left me. It takes three more days for police to find me..."

____

You were standing near a police officer. And your mom finally arrived to the police station to collect you.

You walked to her, your head was low.

She hit you.

You screamed.

You collapsed on the floor, and your mother bent over you. She hissed and pushed you in the side with her feet.

"Are you satisfied, brat? Get up and go pack your belongings, we’re moving to a shed."

"You should treat your kid more kindly..." the officer grumbled. Your mother squealed.

"Kindly?! This brat had ruined my whole life!” Your mom was mad. She screamed like a fury, jumped in place and gave cowering you blow after blow. You didn’t try to dodge. You just trembled, curled up into a ball.

"Hubby ran away as soon as he gets it inside me! But dear relatives didn’t let me throw it away. They didn’t let me give it to an orphanage! They said that I need to raise this child! They stood up for a little bastard! But now, when I need to pay debt, they are nowhere to be found! They say I play cards too much! I'm just unlucky! Things are not going my way! The house is mortgaged! I poured all my savings into the last card game and won! I would pay off all my debts! And because of this thing, I now have to live in a shed! What will I tell my family now?! What will others say about me?!"

Officer heard enough.

The CPS were called.

_______

"... They were trying to find my father... Until then, grandmother and grandfather agreed to took me in..."

_______

You were six.

Your grandfather sat on the opposite side of the table.

Your textbook and notebook were laying on the table before you.

And your grandfather was talking.

"I finished checking your homework. As I expected, you are a little idiot. A stupid, worthless waste of space. You have made few stupid mistakes. You wrote numbers in a wrong order.

Grandfather opened your notebook. A red paste was covering the page.

2 + 1 = 3 1 + 2 = 3

3 + 1 = 4. 1 + 3 = 4

"So..." Grandfather take a ruler.

"Give me your hand. It will be ten hits for every wrong number."

________

"...it took two year to find my father. He had a family. And I... I was a child from affair. They never let me live it down... For years"

_______

You were nine.

The blow, when it came, took all of your air out of your lungs. You would have fallen if not for your two... "siblings" holding you.

"It feels good, giving a good beating to a dirtbag, right?"

The next hit was in your left eye. You managed to close it in time.

But it will be swollen.

You felt hot breath on your face.

"Your hair is too good for a bastard child."

Your sister brought the scissors up to your hair.

Snip, snip, snip. Cutting right alongside the scalp, sending your hair like leaves swirling to the ground.

Then scissors were plunged into your stomach.

"Die, child of a dirty whore."

______

"...Police was called. They were arrested. But I remained with father and his wife..."

_____

You were twelve.

You were going food shopping. Big bags were heavy, you were tried.

You still need to clean up the house and make dinner.

When you were attacked, because someone tied to rob you, you didn't even care.

You only knew, that, you will be beaten again for being late. And for losing food.

You were long past gone. There were no point in carrying about yourself.

~~~~~~

You were thirteen.

Your father, his wife and you were going to the funeral.

Your father's uncle died.

Now he only has his wife and kids. And you.

He noticed your gaze in a reflection.

He yelled at you for staring.

And he crashed.

You spent three hours in a broken car.

You were the only survivor.

_______

"... I was sent to an orphanage. I am too old to have any chance to be adopted. And I wasn't the only one, who had no chance to have a family..."

______

You tasted dirt and blood. An old rug was thrown over your head, to make it harder for you to fight back.

Someone pressed a knee on the back of your neck and held your face against the ground.

A kick in the side made you roll on your back.

Another person began to push down on your neck with an arm.

You began to struggle, thrashing about with your legs and beating them against the floor, but it was no good.

There were other kids around—at least a dozen of them. One of them would do something. One of them was sure to see that things were taking too far. Your vision began to go fuzzy.

Caretakers saved you only because the noise didn't let them watch TV.

________

"I couldn't take it anymore. I... thank you... Thank you for making me happy... For being the only happy thing in my life."

You finished talking and put your phone on the ground. You stand up and walked towards the edge.

You heard a loud noise. You turned around.

BSD Characters were standing behind you. Real.

And you were still standing near the edge. You were silent. Nikolai lift his overcoat and put his hand into the portal.

His head reappeared near you. You jumped away. Now you were even closer to the edge.

"No... I... I don't want to... Don't come closer..." whispered you. You took another step. You were almost here.

"[Y/N], if you go back, I will give you a hug!"

You froze and turned around.

Kenji Miyazawa made a step forward. He opened his arms, offering a hug.

"I promise, I will give you a hug. Come here... You really need a hug."

You trembled. You moved towards Kenji.

Step. After step. After step.

Kenji was standing here. Offering a hug.

You launched yourself forward, wrapping your arms around Kenji. He immediately hugged you back.

You cried. For the first time in years.

In a few minutes, you were in a middle of a large group hug.

________

You are fifteen.

You are living with your family.

You still have a long path to recovery.

And you are not alone.

BSD Cast will stay with you.

And will make sure, that you will never be hurt again.

#self-awarebsd #self-awareau #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd anime #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #platonic #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw: child abuse #tw: abuse #tw: kidnapping #tw: attempted murder

[bunniekittiee]

Birth Control Crisis

Doing this for all of my mfs who have had bad experiences with birth control and it made them depressed, bipolar, crazy, etc. I was right there too, and I just started another brand of pills because my last ones were not making me feel good. So I'm writing this from my own experience, think of it as a vent piece. Also this is with a fem. reader btw

Characters: Raiden and Bi-Han

Warnings: Mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts, mental health crisis

Raiden-

The Thunder God did not understand the purpose of oral contraceptives right away until his girlfriend explained it to him. After learning more about it, he felt guilty. Although she was taking it because her periods were draining and horrific every month, it still did not settle with him that there were many side effects that could harm her. Blood clots, skipping periods, spotting, diabetes, heart disease, strokes, absolutely anything could go wrong if her body reacted to them negatively. But what made him the most concerned was the mental health part of it. Raiden read over the big paper that came with the pills that described instructions and side effects, and the most alarming one to him was the mental toll it could possibly take.

But he hoped for the best, and he supported her no matter what.

Adjustment was hard. Her breasts were sensitive to touch and ached for a couple of weeks. Wearing a bra made it more uncomfortable, but any fabrics that rubbed against them also made it worse. Raiden would gently massage them for his girlfriend if she asked. She frequently got headaches that turned into migraines which made it hard for her to go out for dinners or be around bright lights. But Raiden still did his best to make sure she was well. He knew it was just the adjustment period and she would be okay in the end.

That was, until her moods began to change. More agitated, she was snappy with her boyfriend. Sometimes she picked fights, sometimes she took something Raiden said out of context, or sometimes she straight up ignored him.

As much as he tried to sympathize for her, his feelings were hurt. His thoughts screamed at him that she was beginning to experience the worse side effects of the birth control pills, but he continued to tell himself that she would adjust.

One fateful day that changed his whole perspective and attitude was a very eventful one. She had known prior of Raiden's crush on Kitana due to Kung Lao's gossiping, but she had never brought it up to Raiden. Raiden didn't think much of it, and one day he was catching up with Kitana at the Wu Shi Academy when from afar, she had spotted them together. Sitting on a bench. Close proximity.

This scene warped her mind. With the depression, pent-up anger, and extreme mood shifts, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Anger flaring and her emotions at a high, she turned away quickly from them, walking back to her and Raiden's home that they shared. Her mind was frazzled. How could he do this to her? Didn't he know how sensitive she was? How miserable in her body she was? Was it because she gained weight since starting the pills? What was it?

Why wasn't she good enough?

Raiden bid goodbye to Kitana and made his way home, a little anxious to get back. He felt impending doom, like he was going to arrive to something that was very alarming. It made him quicken his pace.

Their home was a disaster. Raiden felt his heart lurch as he saw photos of them broken on the floor, glass strewn about. His immediate thought was that she was in danger, so he ran to their shared bedroom where she was shoving her clothes into bags.

"My love, what are you-"

"Shut up Raiden." She growled as she narrowed her eyes at him. "Do not play dumb with me, you fool."

He was taken aback. She was much more aggressive than before. This was something he was not used to at all. "What is this all about? Please, my love, we can talk about this. What is going on with you?"

"Go to your other lover since she's so great. I knew I should have never trusted you. You are still hung up on her." She chuckled bitterly. Her eyes flashed with anger at him.

He pieced it together in his head what was going on. "Honey, Kitana and I were just catching up. There was nothing else behind it, I promise you."

"You speak lies, snake." She spat as she abruptly stopped packing. "How can I trust you? I don't believe a word out of your mouth!" Her voice was beginning to raise, and Raiden felt his patience was being tested.

"When have I ever broke your trust?" He questioned as he slowly began to approach her. "Please, you are being irrational and we can easily talk this out."

Jaw clenched, she grabbed a bag and pushed past Raiden. "Out of my way. Irrational? I'm being irrational now."

"Please come back. Let us try to figure it out." He pleaded as he followed her.

"Figure what out Raiden? There is nothing to figure out, and there is nothing you can say that will make it any better. Just let me go." She said angrily. He could not let her leave, not when this issue was unsolved.

"I cannot let you do that. Please, what is going on with you? You have been so mean and callous. What have I done wrong?" He asked her, standing in front of her and looking worried. "This is so unlike you."

This seemed to falter her movements, and it stunned her almost. The silence was long as she avoided eye contact and the stare boring into her face from him. He was waiting for his answer.

"You would not understand. And it is none of your concern. It is mine only." She said thickly.

Raiden grabbed her by her shoulders. "No. It is my concern whether you agree or not. Tell me what is going on."

She struggled to get out of his grip. "Let go!"

"No. Not until you tell me. Do you realize how much I love you? I cannot let you walk out that door without knowing what is going on inside of your head." He gently laid a hand on her cheek to pull her gaze to him. Her eyes watered as her anger burned, yet the misery she held began to crack. Raiden saw this right away and he knew he was getting somewhere. "Talk to me, my love."

She cried, she cried for a very long time. And Raiden held her, listening to her miserable cries that hurt his heart too. But he knew that it had to storm before a rainbow could form. So he let her cry, explaining to him between sobs that she felt depressed, on the verge of hurting herself, and how angry she was at everyone in her life. How it was easy to take it out on Raiden because he was the one she saw everyday. How jealous and bitter she was. How she sometimes wished she could go to sleep without waking up.

No doubt it would haunt Raiden for quite some time. His worries before her getting on those pills were now a nightmare come true, and now he had to pick up the pieces. First, she had to get off of those pills immediately. And Raiden did not want her on any type of contraceptives for a long time. Not until she fully recovered. It took a while to see his normal, bubbly girlfriend that he was used to seeing. She was not her normal self for some time, and Raiden made sure to be with her every step of the way. He took extra time to spend with her, he made sure she was kept busy while he was away, he took her out for dinner once, maybe twice a week so she had something to look forward to.

He wanted to help her no matter what. That was all that mattered to him. He just wanted her normal self to be back again, and he wanted her to be okay.

Bi-Han-

The Grandmaster was a busy man, and he thought his wife understood this well. Bi-Han did research on birth control pills for her wife as her periods were intolerable for her, and he almost did not want to give her the option of it. Of course, he did not want to see her in any pain, but the side effects and health risks concerned him. Really concerned him. So much so, he made her do check ups once a month to make sure that she wasn’t at any risk of forsaking her health.

The last visit, the medic had said she gained a little bit of weight which was normal on the pills, but she took it as an insult. Like there was something wrong with gaining weight.

Bi-Han did notice her weight fluctuations but he did not care enough to tell her or make it a big deal. Because it wasn’t. He still loved her all the same and thought she was just as beautiful as the day he laid eyes on her. Weight gain would not make him stray. As if anything at all would make him stray.

But she focused on it a lot. Sometimes, Bi-Han would catch her staring at her body in the mirror and tugging at her skin. Examining her body. He would tell her how beautiful she was, but she never seemed to believe him.

Bi-Han decided to plan to take her out on a date to Madame Bo’s. They hadn’t went out for some time, and he told her to get ready. As she was getting ready, Liu Kang had arrived to the Arctika with urgency. He grouped the brothers together and told them that he needed them now for a mission. There was an intruder in the timeline that they needed to take care of. Bi-Han did not want to go, as he had planned a date with his wife, but he had no choice.

So he walked back to his shared chambers where she was putting the last few touches of her makeup. “My love,” he said as he entered the room. “I am very sorry to say this, but I must cancel the date. Liu Kang needs us for a mission as it is urgent. I am very sorry. I will take you out sometime when I get back.”

She looked at him and frowned. “Okay. Be safe, Bi-Han.” He went to hug her, but she hugged him back stiffly. He wanted to question her but he had to leave as soon as possible.

On his mission, his mind was occupied as his brothers could tell. She was on his mind. Sure, she was disappointed that he had to leave, but it seemed like there was something more behind her behavior. He was worried. Really worried and anxiety flooded through him the longer he was gone. And unfortunately, the mission was longer than he had expected. He was gone for five days, and during those five days he was ridden with anxiety. He wanted to get back home to see his wife.

And the day finally came. He and his brothers rushed to get home. They were worried about Bi-Han because he was quieter than usual and did not sleep much. They wondered if there was something wrong with his wife, but they did not ask.

Entering the palace, he rushed to their chambers in hopes that she was there waiting for him. But he was stopped by Sektor.

“I am happy to see you back. I need to talk to you.” Sektor said.

“Talk to me later, Sektor. I do not want to deal with work at the moment.” Bi-Han replied dryly as he tried to walk past him. But Sektor stopped him again.

“It is about your wife.”

“Is she okay?” The anxiety was now making him nauseous.

“After you left, she, what’s the best way to describe it?” He thought for a moment as Bi-Han impatiently waited. “She had a very bad episode and reaction to you leaving her. She did not leave your chambers, she stopped eating, she only slept and cried from what the servants told me.”

Bi-Han felt his heart pang. “Is she in there now?”

Sektor grimaced. “She tried to hurt herself, Grandmaster. I was lucky to find her in enough time to stitch her wounds. She is in the infirmary.”

The Grandmaster did not know whether to be angry at her or really sad. He stalked off to the med bay to see her. He was full of mixed emotions. Why would she do this to herself? Why did she do this to him? Why was she like this?

But the most important question that haunted him was…

Why did he not notice beforehand?

He was before the door to the infirmary and pushed his way inside. One of the medics had informed Bi-Han where she was, and Bi-Han had many questions.

“Did she say why she did this? Are her wounds grave?” He asked rather quickly.

“Her wounds will scar. There was quite a lot of them, but they were small. And we assessed her mental health and she is not well, Grandmaster.” The medic explained as his heart panted more. “She is mentally unstable. I believe it is due to her contraceptives.”

He nodded his head. He was hurt. Hurt that she did this to herself and he was not there to help her. He arrived at her room and entered. She was asleep, arms in bandages as she curled into a small ball. Bi-Han walked to sit beside her, and she awoke at the sounds of the chair.

“Bi-Han.” She breathed.

“Why did you do this to yourself?” He asked gruffly. “Are you pathetic?” He was angry. Angry at the world he supposed.

Her eyes watered. “If you are going to berate me, then leave me alone.”

“I don’t understand you.” Bi-Han replied. “Why did you do it? Was it for attention? I don’t get it.”

“Why would you?” She said with her voice raising. “You don’t understand how I feel. What I feel. You never will!” Tears now streamed down her face. Bi-Han’s heart fell to his stomach.

“Then talk to me and tell me what is going on.” He said as he crossed his arms. “Please, I want to know what is going on with you. I want to hear it from you.”

She cried very much, but she explained it all to Bi-Han. How much she hated herself. How she felt depressed and suicidal. How she felt like no one cared and how she felt like a burden. He listened to her intently as he held her hand, gently holding her as well while she sobbed into his shoulder. She told him that she felt unloved when he had to cancel on her, despite it not being his fault, she still could not help but feel that way. And it made her feel guilty.

Bi-Han was incredibly hurt that she felt that way and she did not tell anyone. He was angry at himself rather than her for not knowing what was truly going on. How he ignored the signs.

But now, it was clear to him. And he wanted to make everything right again. He took care of her wounds despite how much it affected him seeing those self inflicted wounds on her body. He made sure he was with her almost 24/7. He made sure she was okay mentally, and although some days were harder than others, she battled them like a true warrior.

And he made sure to make up him bailing on her that day. He took her out to eat and let her eat as much as she wanted. And afterwards, he took her to the shops and bought her a few gifts. Seeing her smile and face light up was all worth it no matter how much he spent. Because he understood that he could have lost her that week he was gone.

Things were never normal at first, it took a very long time for her to return back to her regular self. And Bi-Han had made sure she never returned onto oral contraceptives again. He could not bear to lose her again to medication. He lost her once, he would not do it again.

#mortal kombat #mk1 2023 #mk1 #mk 1 2023 #mk 1 #mk sub zero #mk bi han #mk1 bi han #bi han mk #bi han sub zero #mk1 sub zero #bi han x reader #sub zero x reader #mk1 raiden #mk raiden #raiden mk1 #raiden x reader #mk kuai liang #mk tomas vrbada #mk kung lao

[angiethewitch]

So, I'm also mentally ill, and I really don't understand why you think it violates your personal rights for you to be held accountable for taking the medication that keeps you stable, safe, and functional.

Do you think you should be allowed to act inappropriately because of your illness? Do you think you should be allowed to possibly hurt yourself and others? Do you have delusions about the healthcare system or medication? Do you dislike being stable or lucid? Like, why do you think that it's okay to neglect your mental health conditions and make people around you feel concerned or scared for your safety? Do you think that people shouldn't take meds in general, or just you?

Personally I enjoy being stable and healthy and I don't understand why you want to put yourself and others through distress. It seems like internalized ableism mixed with self harm tbh. I hope you get better someday and learn to love yourself when you're stable instead of hiding in your psychosis and hurting yourself and others.

it's actually ableist to come and assume that I'm violent and unsafe simply because im schizophrenic. ive been off my antipsychotics for nearly 2 years now, under the supervision of my doctor and psychologist, I have no such delusions about the healthcare system - once again, it is ableist for you to say a schizophrenic MUST be delusional for not wanting to go on medication. it is ableist for you to assume I MUST be a danger to myself or others because I am schizophrenic. it is ableist of you to come in here and be so fucking condescending, explaining things to the obviously insane schizophrenic. it is ableist of you to say I MUST not be stable or lucid. it is ableist of you to say I MUST be acting inappropriately. bro im just in fucking work. it is ableist of you to say i MUST be neglecting my mental health when I'm not on medication when I thought it was widely understood that medication is not the only answer.

I am not in distress and I do not cause distress. you've completely misunderstood my stance, just because medication works for you does not mean it works for everyone. my stance is that it violates bodily autonomy to force medication down my throat or strap me down and inject me with medication I did not consent to taking. either you did not understand that or you don't care, and you think people with mental illnesses should be stripped of their autonomy.

absolutely nobody is scared for my safety. I was discharged from the psychosis intervention services with my psychologist saying he feels incredibly positive about my recovery. I am a supervisor in charge of a team of people in my work and im on my way to a management position. for the record, I may still have periods of instability, but therapy and learning healthy coping mechanisms has been far more helpful than 5 years of a medication that gave me amnesia. and the medication didn't even stop the symptoms, they just put me in a chemical straitjacket.

how dare you come in to my inbox and spew ableism and assume things about me. get off my blog.

#anonymous #and this? harmful to my mental health too

[senualothbrok]

I write fics about Baldur's Gate 3

I mainly write about Gale. I write angst, hurt/comfort, romance and smut (Gale x Tav/OC/reader). I often write about heavier issues like trauma, mental illness, and grief.

You can find a list of my work and other misc stuff below the cut. You can also find me on AO3.

I really hope you enjoy my work and blog. I'd love to hear from you with any comments, feedback, random thoughts, or fic requests, so don't be a stranger!

--------------------

Enough (Non-18+. Astarion x female Tav. Angst. Trauma and recovery.) AO3 link

You agreed to help Astarion with the Rite of Profane Ascension, but you can't watch him go through with it. You interrupt the ritual, and Astarion turns on you. Now, you must deal with the aftermath of your actions.

Love and Beauty (Non-18+. Non-ascended Astarion x female Tav. References to bereavement.) AO3 link

A few days after Astarion has taken you to his grave, you are lying in bed together. You decide it's time to make a confession.

Rest (Non-18+. Gale x female Tav. Hurt/comfort.) AO3 link

You have defeated the Netherbrain and survived. But when Gale asks you to marry him, you find that you cannot accept his offer.

Content (Non-18+. Gale x Tav. Mild hurt/comfort. Fluff.) AO3 link

After the reunion party, Gale wonders whether you regret choosing him over Astarion.

Prayer (Non-18+. God!Gale. Gale x Tav. Heavy angst. Grief/mourning.) AO3 link

The God of Ambition has returned to Elysium, and you did not follow him. You grieve for Gale, and you struggle to move on with your life.

A Show of Love (18+. NSFW. Gale x female reader/Tav. Smut.) AO3 link

Sometimes, Gale doesn't seem sure how much you love him. So you decide to show him.

Words (18+. NSFW. Gale x female reader/Tav. Smut.) AO3 link

At your home in Waterdeep, you and Gale recall the early stages of your relationship.

Progress (Non-18+. Professor Gale x female OC. Angst. Mental illness and recovery.) AO3 link

When you start your studies at Blackstaff Academy, you expect a battle with your demons. But the last thing you expect is to fall in love.

Promise (Non 18+. Professor Gale x female OC. Angst with a happy ending. Mental illness and recovery.) AO3 link

Gale learns what it means to love and be loved. Sequel to Progress.

A Brush With Danger (Non 18+. Gale x female Tav.)

Anon prompt: Gale's thoughts and feelings before his infamous declaration in the Shadow-Cursed Lands.

Unexpected (18+. NSFW. Professor Gale x female reader/Tav. Smut.) AO3 link

You pay Gale an unexpected visit after one of his classes.

Absolution (Non-18+. God!Gale. Gale x Tav. Angst.) AO3 link

The God of Ambition considers the last of his attachments. Sequel to Prayer.

The Difference (Non-18+. AU (isekai). Gale x female Tav/OC. Angst. Hurt/comfort. Mental health issues.) Multichapter. AO3 link

When a portal appears in your living room and Gale Dekarios tumbles out of it, you think you are going insane. But truth is stranger than fiction, and things are rarely what they seem.

Mortal pleasures (18+. NSFW. Smut. Gale x female Tav/reader.) AO3 link

Gale has shown you how gods bond in the astral. Now, you show him how good mortal pleasures can be.

---------------

I occasionally make Gale-related memes because I think I'm funny 💀

More about me

Senua - 35/F - she/her

This post is a pretty good description of who I am!

I also love animals (esp dogs/cats/horses), tattoos, the Viking age, and existentialism.

Memes

The inside of my brain

When your soul mate is a pixel man

Smooching Gale - the struggle

Gale porn is therapeutic

Fic vs therapy

Other things

* My dear friend @dolceaspidenera made some wonderful gifsets of Gale x Aurora from Progress and Promise. They are so beautiful, I still haven't recovered from them.

* Lovely @mahiiimahiiii made a beautiful piece of art inspired by The Difference, which overwhelms me with so many feels.

* My beloved bestie @practicallydeadinside-blog gifted me a cameo from national treasure Tim Downie explaining why Gale is so shredded and it changed my life.

She has also blessed me with:

- a comic strip of Words which has destroyed my ovaries and impaired my cognitive functions.

- a phenomenal drawing of Mia from The Difference.

* I commissioned one of my favourite artists @demiesop to draw Gale and Mia from The Difference, and she truly delivered.

#baldurs gate 3 fanfiction #bg3 fanfiction #gale fic #astarion fic #bg3 gale fic #bg3 gale smut #gale smut

[shankschewtoy]

Yo Evou!! I hath returned, my idea for this time is;

How would the monster trio, and whoever else you would like to add, react to you staying up for around 48 hours?

Basically we’re all sleep deprived, so our judgement is impaired and you get more clumsy and all that. And basic tasks become harder too.

(I’m doing it right now, so if there’s spelling/grammar mistakes, that’s why 😉😉)

Here’s a pic of my dog btw, his name is Shanks funnily enough!

Anyways take care of yourself!! 💟💟💟

a/n - your dog is absolutely ADORABLE 😭💜💜 important question tho- (is he missing an arm?)

Warnings ⚠️ - crack, g/n reader

- oh he can stay awake for literally forever because- well- he’s Luffy 💀 but he’s not normal ok? So when you stay up it’s a whole different story

- it’s hour 48, and you were way past the point of drinking tea or coffee. The dark circles under your eyes were that of Law’s, no- probably worse 💀

- you could barely keep your eyes open, and holy shit going down the stairs was dangerous asf 😭 i pray for your safety

- “Hey y/n!!! Can you make me one of sanji’s sandwiches from yesterday? I’m soooo hungry :)”

- the way you turned around and even Luffy was shocked, (you looked like pre-timeskip law college drunk, missing an assignment, drank 10 cups of coffee law)

- “WHOA-! Uh- y/n…. Are you ok?”

- “yeah mhm! Totallyyyyyy fine 👍”

- no you’re not fine.

- you looked in the fridge to see a couple extra sandwiches, and you tried to reach inside and grab it. But your depth perception was so off that you were I think a foot away from grabbing it 💀

- luffy was a saint, waiting as patiently as he could as he watched you struggle and fall asleep a couple times as you tried to grab a sandwich

- when you finally grabbed it, cutting open the paper wrapping was going to be…. A rollercoaster-

- grabbing the scissors, you literally almost sliced one of your fingers off multiple times, you had Luffy looking like this right in front of you

- man is scared for your safety. But he still let you struggle until you finally got it 😭 when you slowly handed it to him, he made you sit down and eat the sandwich

- man was literally trying to shove it all in your mouth because he thought you were just low on meat (he thinks it’s meat itself is a vitamin)

- “Y/n! Open your mouth wider!”

- *snoring*

- “DON’T FALL ASLEEP WHILE EATING I HAVEN’T TAUGHT YOU HOW TO DO THAT YET!”

- in the end, nami slapped him and made him go help you upstairs to get some much needed rest, and Luffy hugs along with it :)

- the fact that you can stay up that long is amazing to this man, and without a single nap? Damn that’s admirable 😂

- staying up for that long comes with consequences though, and they were hitting… HARD.

- “Y/n where did you go?” -zoro

- you were in front of him the whole time he just got lost and went the other way 💀

- “here..”

- you were on top of the stairs, slowly making your way down, taking wobbly steps and barely being able to hold onto the rails

- he could see that you were about to fall but the dude was just confused as to why you looked like you hadn’t slept in years

- sure enough, you skipped a step and started to fall down, skidding down the wooden steps as zoro stared like an idiot

- didn’t even catch you 💀💀💀💀 what a loser (jk)

- you fell asleep immediately after you fell in front of him, and man was so confused

- “Are you sleeping?”

- no y/n’s not sleeping, WHAT DO YOU THINK FUCKING MOSSHEAD???

- started poking you and literally trying to check if you were sleeping or not 💀 but don’t worry! He actually carried you to bed and just watched over you, even put the covers over you too 👍

- took the day off from training to make sure you were ok- because you scared the mosshead

- if there’s a time Sanji has even let you stay up this long it’s this time- this guy KNOWS mental health and sleep is super important. He’d totally make you sleep at a decent time

- but this was an exception, you had a ton of stuff to do around the thousand sunny, and the fights seemed to never end on the island you went to with nami

- when you got back oh god you looked terrible 😭 disheveled to say the least

- you were dying. Dying

- “Y/n! Welcome ba-“ HORSE WHEEZING GASP

- man had a heart attack, those dark circles sent him to the all blue and back 💀💀💀

- wasted no time in forcing you to drink water and do all your tasks for you, don’t worry, pervy cook’s on it 💪

- “Y/n, do you need some more tea? I’ll go and buy more of your favorite!”

- “Sanji- that island is… hell”

- “I would gladly go to hell for you my love”

- everyone needs someone like Sanji 💜

a/n - love anime’s ideas because I’m laughing as I’m writing them like an idiot

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece hcs #anime hcs #roronoa zoro #zoro x reader #zoro #zoro headcanons #zoro roronoa x reader #zoro x you #zoro op #op zoro #one piece zoro #luffy x you #Luffy #luffy x reader #straw hat luffy #luffy headcanons #monkey d luffy #one piece luffy #monkey d. luffy #luffy x y/n #zoro x y/n #luffy op #sanji x reader #black leg sanji #sanji x y/n #sanji fluff #sanji op #sanji

[sentientgolfball]

you and i share a dangerous obsession with phantom its dangerous!!! anyways may i request a hurt/comfort type of scenario. everywhere i look its just phantom angst and being excluded from the ghoul pack so why not contribute to this trend!!!!!

reader is out in the woods taking a stroll when they're suddenly charged at by a dog but hearing their scream, phantom comes in and chases the dog away. reader and phantom havent had much interaction with one another given how badly the ghoul pack shoves him away and when reader realizes this, they take him back to their room where they ease phantom with affection and phantom basically MELTS

hes being given more attention by a human than his pack :[

sorry for the lengthy request!!!

Never apologize for a lengthy request ! I hope you like this one I kinda made it a mutual hurt/comfort. Everyone gets to be sad and everyone gets a hug

My requests are open !

The crunching of the leaves underfoot comes to an abrupt halt. You stop and slowly scan the wilderness surrounding you. It’s green and lush, teeming with life and the sweet smells of blooming wildflowers. The whole forest is cast in a golden glow as the setting sun pours through the foliage. You close your eyes and throw your head back and let out a deep sigh that’s been stuck in you all day. You feel the prick of tears in the corners of your eyes but you will yourself not to let them gather. You were out here to feel better, not worse. 

You really don’t know what got to you, but for the past few days you’ve felt like absolute shit. You didn’t understand it, everything was going pretty good in your life you knew that. You got promoted to lead your job at the Ministry, you’ve made a cluster of new friends from the influx of Siblings, and you still maintained close ties with your friends who volunteered to go to different branches. But something struck you every so often. Normally you had enough around you to distract you, but one night one off handed comment that was meant to be more of a joke than anything made something within you bubble. You tried so hard to make it go away, to not focus on it, to rationalize with yourself but you just couldn’t. It put you in a slump for the whole weekend. You had to force yourself to chip away at the project you were tasked with. You had to force yourself to shower. You didn’t have enough left in you to do your laundry or clean your space by the end of the day. You needed to get lost in something that wasn’t your mind. That’s what led you out into the middle of the woods. You remember something about nature being good for mental health. 

You walked for a while, stopping every so often to take a picture of a mushroom or leaf that stood out to you. When the forest got darker you decided it was time to head back to the Ministry, you didn’t feel much better but you couldn’t stay outside forever. You started walking back the way you came letting your feet drag on. You really didn’t want to have to return to the real world, but you knew you had to. You continued a bit farther before stopping. 

Didn’t I already pass that stump?

You take out your phone to check your pictures only to realize it had died. How did you not realize it was so low before coming out into the middle of the woods? You cursed and looked around in an attempt to get your bearings, but it was only getting dark as the sun sank before the horizon. You felt sick as the realization that you were lost starts to sink into your mind. You looked in each direction briefly considering picking a path and following it, but it would do you no good. Everything looked the same in the fading light and it made you disoriented. You hang your head in defeat and try to convince yourself that sleeping outside for one night wouldn’t be so bad. 

Well…at least it can’t get any worse. 

You should’ve kept your thoughts to yourself. You hear a howl in the distance and you freeze, tensing. You forgot about the hellhounds. How could you forget about the hellhounds.

 To be fair, the hounds only appeared at night to act as guards for Ministry grounds and you typically were not out and about after dinner. The issue now, though, is you have no idea what to do. If the hounds catch you you’re definitely dead. If you stay put they’ll find you easily. If you run they’ll chase the scent and you’ll just get more lost. 

You don’t have a lot of time to think before you hear a twig snap. You whip around to find the source and see two red pinhole eyes creeping out from the brush. It’s growling low, drool dripping from its maw. It snaps its teeth and you feel your heart pound in your ears. You slowly start to back up from it before your back hits a tree. You stare wide eyed at the beast and send a quick prayer that whatever it does will be quick and painless. You see the way its hind legs shift and you know it’s rearing back to pounce. You screw your eyes shut and hope for the best when you hear its growl turn into a full bark. You wait for the burn of claws and teeth…and you wait. 

When the tearing of flesh doesn’t come you crack open your eyes to see a soft purple glow and a tail waving side to side. You watch the hellhound creep closer to the figure, sniff it, and then turn and dart into the bush it first came out of. The second it’s gone the glow disappears and the ghoul hunches over with his hands on his knees. 

“Lord’s below that was terrible. The puppies are so cute I don’t understand how they grow into that.” 

“Uhh…”

“Oh!” He turns around suddenly “Are you alright? It didn’t bite you did it? Oh what am I thinking if it did you wouldn’t be standing here.” 

You stare at the ghoul in front of you. The left half of his face is cracked with lichtenberg figure scars that dip below the neckline of his top. His eyes are mismatched, one the typical color for quintessence, the other looks almost hollow with the pupil glowing faintly. He has a shock of white in his hair that perfectly lines up with the end of one of the branches of his scars. But all that isn’t what catches your attention. No, what you notice is the very obvious streaks of dried tears on his cheeks. 

“Yeah…yeah I’m okay. Uh are you?” 

“Hm? Oh yea! The hellhounds won’t attack ghouls. We smell like the Infernal to them.” 

“That’s not” you pause and shake your head “You’re Phantom right? One of the new papal ghouls?” 

His posture goes rigid when you say this but he nods anyway. He asks for your name and you give it to him and you are suddenly very aware of the tension in the air. After a moment he clears his throat. 

“If you don’t mind me asking…why are in the woods? I thought humans couldn’t survive outside for long.”

You almost wanted to laugh at the statement. The way he said it was filled with such genuine curiosity it made your heart warm. But then you remembered why you were out there and your face fell again. His scars seemed to pulse dimly with light and the ghoul suddenly looked panicked. 

“No, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean anything bad by that I was just—“ 

You shake your head “No it’s not anything you did Phantom. I just…had a rough couple of days. Needed somewhere to go.” 

His eyes scan over you for a moment before he wraps himself in a hug, tail curling around his leg. 

“Yeah I…I don’t know much about humans, but I think I know exactly what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

You look up at him and your heart breaks when you see just how small he looks. You tentatively reach towards him and you’re taken aback by how quickly he jumps into you. You freeze for a second not really sure what to do with a ghoul wrapped around you. You know ghouls are pack creatures so this is normal behavior. You slowly bring your arms up and around him, patting his back softly. That seems to do the trick as you feel his tail wrap loosely around your leg. You shudder feeling a zap of quintessence ripple through you. He pulls back just enough to look at you. He looks like he got punched in the gut. 

“I can make that go away. It’ll be easy and you’ll be happy again.” 

“What?” You say astonished before mentally slapping yourself. Quintessence ghouls can sense emotion, and in rare cases read minds. 

“Just let me make someone happy please.” He sounds desperate, almost afraid. 

“Phantom you can’t…make me happy. Well okay technically yes you can, but that’s magic. It’s going to change what’s wrong.” 

He hesitates “What is wrong?” 

You stare at him for what feels like an eternity before sighing and untangling yourself from him. You slump down against a tree and close your eyes, resting your head against the trunk. A quick smile flashes onto your face when you feel him sit next to you, tail now twining around your arm. You open your eyes and turn to look at him. Something about the way he looks at you makes you feel safe, seen. You feel your throat burn and you cough before you begin to explain what’s been causing you so much grief. 

You were lonely. 

“I know it must be such a silly thing for me to complain about…especially to a ghoul.” You say finishing out your tangent. 

“No,” he whispers, shaking his head “No I get it..”

You look up from where you had been playing with his fingers and gasp seeing the tears welling in his eyes. 

“Phantom what’s—“ 

You were cut off by him pulling you into another hug, but this one was filled with something deep. 

“Why do they all hate me? I didn’t ask for this! I try so hard to be everything they need so maybe they’ll keep me around.”

“Phantom?” 

“But they don’t! They always pair off and I’m the odd one out every time! I know they’d rather have Aether. I’m not stupid, but why won’t they just give me a chance?” 

“Phantom.” 

“I know I’m just a waste of resources to them. I know none of them would bat an eye if I just disappeared.”

“Phantom!” 

He stops and stares at you wide eyed, tears running down his face. You gently reach out and hold his cheek in your hand. He melts into the touch as a sob wracks his body. 

“I want you here.”

“But…we just met. Why do you care? Why would you want me?” 

“I could ask you the same. You came to help me without even knowing my name.”

He sniffs “I wasn’t gonna just let you get ripped to little fleshy bits.” 

You cringe a little at his choice of words but continue “I don’t know the full extent of what’s going on but…it sounds like you could use someone to help fend off those bad thoughts.” 

“Like a friend?” 

“Yeah” you smile “Like a friend. We can be alone together. How about that?” 

“I think I need that.” 

You pull him into you and let him lay his head on your chest. You two sit like that for a long time, silently bathing in each other’s presence. You let a few more tears fall from your eyes. For the little ghoul that was so shunned by his pack he had to find comfort in a human who barely knew him. For yourself who had so many people around them but still felt this hole deep inside of your soul. For both of you who found each other. 

You run a hand through his hair when you hear the softest of purrs vibrate through him. It sounds a bit scratchy at first, but soon it turns into an even rumble. You gently shake him.

“Hey it’s getting cold…we should probably find our way back inside.” 

“Oh” his ears droop “Yeah you’re probably right.” 

“Do you wanna…would you maybe wanna stay with me for the night.” 

He instantly perks up “Really? I mean I would love to. I yes I would yes.” 

You both stand and he leads the way once you explain to him that you actually have no idea where you’re at. You take over, though, once into the Ministry. You both curl up under your mound of blankets and spend the rest of the night going back and forth about the things that plague your mind, about the stupid things that make you smile, about each other until you fall into a deep sleep feeling content with the weight next to you, but also the weight that disappeared from your shoulders.

Maybe being alone wasn't so bad if it led you to him.

#the band ghost #ghost bc #nameless ghouls #phantom ghoul #phantom x reader #i hope you like it anon <3 #nameless ghoul x reader #golfball writes

[ieatsmallorphansnamedtom]

Hii, can you please do the batchlor/ettes with an s/o what can do magic(any) and how willing they are to learn magic(any)

(P.s how you wrote the last 2 of my requests were Amazing! I really like your work! <3

-anon🌙

Bachelor/ettes Whose S/O Knows Magic (+ How Willing They are to Learn It)

Slowly working my way through these requests. Hi, 🌙! Glad to hear you liked my stuff. These are pretty short just because I wanted to get them out. I forgot about the whole monsters being magic part until I got to Abigail's section but i just decided to ignore it because I could not be bothered to rewrite everything.

TW: Injury mentions, break-up mention, mental crisis mention

Bachelors:

Sam

I feel like Sam does and doesn't believe in magic. I don't really know how to explain it. I mean, we know he has an interest in UFOs because of the book in his room, but I don't know about magic per se. I think he would be very excited to find out it's real, though. He would immediately want to know all the cool stuff you can do with it and what it's capable of. Expect him to ask you to teach him.

Sam is very willing to learn magic. He's a risk-taker; he's gotten his fair share of cuts and scrapes over his life. What's a little magic gonna do?

"Woah, what was that?"

Elliott

I think if any of the bachelors were to already be aware of magic it would be Elliott. He lives alone in a shack on the beach right next to where the ghost of the Old Mariner lives, so surely he's seen him at least once, right? And if he has, he'd know not everything is what it seems. So, when he finds out you do magic, he's a lot more relaxed--still surprised, but relaxed.

He's a little hesitant to learn magic, simply because of how dangerous it can be. But with the right guidance, he'd warm up to it. Deep down he wants to learn it, too. Imagine the writing possibilities!

"Careful, dear! Doctor Harvey won't be happy if you hurt yourself!"

Sebastian

Sebastian does not believe in magic. Does he enjoy stories that feature it? Yes. And does he want it to be real? Absolutely! But he just doesn't think it is. So, when he finds out it is and his partner is someone who uses it, he's very, very confused. Expect Sebastian to sort of back up a bit when he finds out. He trusts you, but not the magic. Just give him time and an explanation.

Sebastian is less willing to learn magic than Elliott or Sam. He's read enough fantasy books to "know" the dangers of it. He's worried about you using it. Definitely don't use it at home--he doesn't want the house to burn down.

"So...How does this work?"

Harvey

Harvey's very science-based; he's a doctor, so his whole job (and life by that extension) revolves around being scientific. As such, he doesn't believe in magic. But like Sebastian, he'd like for it to be real. So, when he finds out his S/O is actually magic, he has a bit of a crisis. Depending on what type of magic you practice and how it affects you and other people, he'll be very worried about people's health and will likely "ban" you from using it around others (or even in general!).

So, yeah, Harvey's going to be very hesitant to learn magic. He does not want to mess around with the risk of hurting himself or others. The only magic you'd probably be able to get him to do is something much safer. Perhaps plant-based magic? All he'll be hurting is a shrub, as long as it won't hurt him too bad.

"Are you--are you sure you want to do this?"

Shane

We know from his dialogue in the game that Shane does not believe in magic at all. He's more science-based than Harvey. He doesn't really believe in anything other than nothing. So, he has an even worse crisis when he finds out magic is real. And that crisis is doubled by learning his partner was well aware of it and even used it! You need to give him a lot of explanation.

Unlike Harvey, however, I feel that Shane would be much more interested in actually learning magic once he gets over his crisis. He doesn't care as much for his health, so if it's just him it's affecting he doesn't really care. And who doesn't want to be able to shoot fire from their hands?

"Holy shit! Did you see that?"

Alex

I headcanon Alex is really gullible. If you have a good enough way of words, he'll believe magic is either real or not real (though he leans towards not real). He's still confused as all hell when he finds out it's real-real, but I digress. He's still worried for your health, but he's definitely excited at the same time.

Alex would love to learn magic! He'd think it's so cool. When you offer he accepts immediately. He likes to show off his strength when he's practicing. He probably doesn't even use magic to help him carry things just so he can boast his raw strength.

"Hey, Farmer! Check this out!"

Bachelorettes:

Penny

Penny's a big believer in magic. She has been ever since she was a little kid. Fairies are her favourite magic creature, but she likes anything involving it. So, when she finds out her partner practices magic, she's over the moon!

Penny also believes magic takes a lot of skill to master, so she's a little shy to start learning it. But deep down, that little girl inside of her is ecstatic. Eventually, she warms up to the idea and decides to learn it. Though, there is a lot of screaming involved every time the fire comes a bit too close.

"Sugar, I'm not so sure about this."

Leah

Leah doesn't believe in magic, but like many others on this list she'd like for it to be real. I know I headcanon Leah as a very relaxed person, but she's still pretty shocked to learn it's real. You definitely have to do some explaining. Of course, Leah wonders how magic could be integrated into her art. Could she make a living artwork?

So, she naturally accepts the offer to learn. I think Leah would pick it up really quickly for someone who previously didn't know of its existence. She's got an open mind and has an easier time grappling the concepts of learning it. It still takes time, but she gets there.

"Hey, look at this magic sculpture I made. It's dedicated to you."

Abigail

Abigail does believe in magic. She's one of the few people who's taken the time to research ancient monsters and actually know that what they're capable of isn't normal. It's part of the reason why she wants to go into the mines; just to witness it. So, she jumps at the idea to learn magic and is astounded to find out her partner knows it.

Abigail's pretty rusty compared to other people learning magic. But she doesn't let that stop her! Her determination is through the roof. She'll practice all day and night--save for snack breaks--for as long as she can. You might even get annoyed at all her nagging to learn more.

"Do you think I could enchant my sword?"

Maru

Maru, like Harvey, only knows science. Her whole world is basically flipped upside down when she learns her partner of all people is a magic-user. Expect a lot of confused noises when she catches you spinning water to clean the dishes. You have a lot of explaining to do. Why--how is this real? And why didn't you tell her?

Once everything is explained to her and she gets some time alone to process it all, Maru's excited to learn magic. She may not understand it fully, and that may cause a lot of discomfort for her, but she still wants to learn. Like Leah, Maru wants to know how she can apply it to her craft. Could she make working machines without having to use any power? And how could this better the environment and humanity?

"What...What was that?"

Emily

Emily is at least super spiritual. Whether she thinks it's possible for people to lift water out of the river without anything touching it is a different question, but she does think that singing to plants helps them grow on a relationship basis. Emily probably has the easiest time understanding it all. She just wants to make sure you're safe using it.

With her open mind, she has an easier time understanding everything. Emily's most interested in learning telekinesis. Imagine how useful that would be! Being able to move things with your mind would help drastically in both everyday life and also just for fun! But any magic she gets to learn is magic enough.

"Oh, I knew it!"

Haley

Haley is the opposite to her sister. Where Emily is kind and understanding, Haley is rude and black-and-white. At least at first. By the time she's gotten a partner, she's a lot more open-minded. But don't let that fool you; she's still not having an easy time understanding it all! To be honest, she probably reverts back to her old self for a period of time to cope with it all. She might even consider a break-up!

Once she gets over it all, though, she slowly works her way towards learning it. She's definitely not super keen, but it seems useful enough. To be honest, part of her is thinking of shoplifting some expensive clothes with it. But she quickly brushes that thought away. Once she gets the hang of it, she enjoys showing off her skills to other people (if they can know).

"I'm sorry, what?!"

-~-~-

I'm trying to put the quotes back into my posts because they were fun to make. But it's hard getting back into the characters' headspace to do so. Hopefully I'll get to it, though!

#ieatsmallorphansnamedtom #🌙 anon #anon #sdv #stardew valley #sdv headcanons #stardew valley headcanons #stardew #stardew headcanons #x reader #sdv x reader #stardew x reader #stardew valley x reader #sdv sam #stardew sam #stardew valley sam #sdv elliott #stardew elliott #stardew valley elliott #sdv sebastian #stardew sebastian #stardew valley sebastian #sdv harvey #stardew harvey #stardew valley harvey #sdv shane #stardew shane #stardew valley shane #sdv alex #stardew alex

[avpdpossum]

avoidance is so weird because it’s so temptingly easy to pretend it’s not there when it’s not at its absolute worst.

when i’m at my lowest, my avoidance becomes volatile and dangerous — it means almost daily mental breakdowns, it means probably wanting to hurt myself or worse, it’s means things are bad bad. but times like now? where i’m in a better place and i don’t have to interact with people often enough to trigger it too badly? it’s easy to pretend i’m fine.

and that’s not because i don’t have symptoms — there’s a big glaring reason i don’t have a job yet, that i stay in the house pretty much every day and (aside from the family i live with) only ever see my safe person, that there’s a million important doctor calls i haven’t made yet, that i have my name change papers all ready to go but haven’t changed any of my documents yet. the avoidance is obviously still there and still causing problems, and i know my life doesn’t look how it should.

but because it’s not destroying my default mental state right now, it feels like i’m lying to myself and i’m totally mentally healthy and i have nothing to worry about. and when i see my therapist, the way i describe things sounds like there’s nothing going wrong in my life because there’s no active bad shit, just a lot of things that aren’t happening. and how do you quantify the absence of something?

how do i explain that the problem isn’t that i’m unhappy, it’s not that there’s bad things to fix, it’s just that most of the time, there’s nothing at all? that i’m mostly happy because i don’t have much of a life right now, and if i were to get my life to a better place from a practical standpoint i would almost definitely be thrown back into a worse mental state?

i’m trying to find a balance that allows me to have a decent life and decent mental health, but god, it’s hard to do when it would be so much easier and less exhausting to just stay stagnant forever and hold onto the relative peace that comes with that.

#tbh the only thing stopping me from staying like this forever #is 1) i hate not having money to get little serotonin trinkets with and 2) i Cannot keep living with my parents long term #also yes hello im not dead and neither is this blog #poss.speaks #avpd #actually avpd #actually avoidant #avoidant pd #avoidant personality disorder #cluster c

[itoshi-s]

──✧ ˚ · “ 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝

ft. 𝐫𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢 / mentions of sae itoshi

*.✧ rin isn't at all surprised to see sae has brought you along to the family event. what startles him instead is how hard it is to contain his urges.

*.✧ wc: 6k. cw: nsfw/suggestive, fem reader, pining, angst, mentions of mental health issues & therapy, mentions of injuries, foul language. all characters are in their mid 20's. the itoshis are pro players. reader has a backstory. // notes: biggest thank you to my beloved river for beta reading, it wouldn’t of have gotten out without you 🤍

ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴀʀᴋ ᴍɪɴɪ ꜱᴇʀɪᴇꜱ. ᴄʟɪᴄᴋ ʜᴇʀᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ꜱᴇʀɪᴇꜱ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏꜰꜰɪᴄɪᴀʟ ᴘʟᴀʏʟɪꜱᴛ.

There’s something odd hanging heavy in the air – humid and thick as Rin steps out from the airport terminal, suitcase clattering loudly on the sidewalk. 

Maybe it’s still the annoyance that’s pooling deep in his gut, caused by the encounter that took place barely minutes ago – a group of fans recognizing him and the few other players in line to border control.

He’s thankful, he really is, but not in moments like these.

Not when the discoloration under his eyes could be seen from miles away, and yet, it must seem like he’s less of a human as people just keep on yapping. Talking, grabbing – asking if it’s okay to take a picture. Commenting on a recent goal, congratulating. It was only this annoying because there was Shidou and a few other players right beside him, and yet, everyone seemed desperate only for a smidge of his attention, toppling him over with inquiries and requests and appreciative words.

It's only natural he's always the one in the spotlight – the team captain with an aloof aura to contradict his status. But there is something even more alluring to him, and it's probably the way he still manages to crack a slight smile at one of Ryusei's comments as they move down the line; a small action that's gotten recorded anyway, he's noticed, and he's sure it'll be all over Twitter within an hour or two, considering it's still a rare occasion to see him loosen up.

It's puzzling to some still – the complexity of Paris X Gen's highest grossing player. It's confusing but intriguing, how his presence is dangerous enough to keep him marked by the other team at all times, and yet, they seem absolutely petrified at the thought of going one-on-one with him. It's a wonder how he appears to be just as intimidating outside the field, eyes sharp and stance tall, but on his good days, he can give a young fan the softest smile possible. It's a whiplash – but he never called himself easy to be around. No one ever really did.

That's what brought him to the very top.

A heavy sigh slips past his lips, fingers tugging the corduroy jacket to cover more of his tee clad chest, and puts a hand up as his designated driver slows down by the entrance. As the vehicle stops and the man gets out to open the trunk, Rin holds back a sigh to see it's not the usual driver that meets him during most of his flights. (It's not because he's pretentious. He just really, really doesn't want to talk tonight anymore. And he knows the usual would've picked up on that. Now, he's not sure.)

He hands his suitcase over to get it into the trunk, then moves to the backseat of the car, hoping for a quiet ride.

It’s nearing midnight, the flight having been postponed due to some issues that he just couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to, and it seems like it’s enough of a reason to keep the driver silent. That, and probably the exhaustion written all over his face, teal eyes zoning out the window and teeth nibbling on chapped lips.

He’s back home now, a thoughtful gift for his parents sitting in his suitcase, but there’s no place for nostalgia or relief in his heart. Instead, it fills with dread at the thought of seeing a mess of auburn hair and a pair of turquoise eyes, mirroring his own – no matter how much he resents it. 

If it was all up to him, he’d pretend Sae was never part of their family – act like they had never met, like the elder had never broken his dreams and stained his teenage heart with dread. It’s been what – eight years? Almost a decade, it seems, and a few therapy attempts ago, but even though Rin has found his own self, his very own objective and a goal that isn’t dictated by Sae anymore, the thought of his brother still makes him uneasy at best. 

He wishes he didn’t see the longing in his mother’s eyes, how she cannot stand to see her sons treat each other as if they were air. There wasn’t much either of their parents could do to bring the brothers back on the right track and it seemed like they knew – could see it in the way the younger tensed up, seeing a suitcase by the front door and an additional pair of shoes on the mat. 

There was no way to save them, not back then, and not now.

A screech of the driver slamming the brakes brings Rin back from the train of thoughts, safety belt digging into his chest as he jolts forward a bit. He looks through the windscreen, watches as the car that cut in front of them maneuvers sloppily, and the driver shakes his head.

“People really are going crazy this time of the year,” he mumbles, and their eyes momentarily meet through the rear view mirror. 

It’s a bit awkward, the way silence falls over the vehicle quickly after, but honestly Rin doesn’t mind that much. He knows he comes off aloof, too proud to engage in small talk. It’s a bit of a lifesaver now, when it’s getting hard to keep his eyes open anymore.

He hums in agreement and shifts in his seat, long legs spreading out and forward. Carefully, he rolls his ankle, the strain making his brows furrow as a breath hitches deep in his chest. He rests the heel of his foot back down and closes his eyes. It hurts, but he can’t tell whether it’s still the sprained joint or his pride.

The driver seems to catch up on the striker’s discomfort and quickly leans over, pulling the passenger seat forward to make more space. “There, Itoshi-san. It’ll be a bit of a long drive, so make yourself comfy.” He smiles, a little uneasy still, but as Rin stretches his legs out and gives a small mumble of thank you, he takes it as an incentive. 

“That last goal was out of this world, honestly– I hope you don’t mind.” 

The man sounds sincere, taps his fingers on the steering wheel anxiously. Rin keeps his eyes forward, on the car in front of them. 

“Some say this was the season’s best goal, and I agree.” 

A tight smile pulls on the athlete’s lips. Yeah, he’s heard it, too. Heard all the praise, accompanied by pitiful and worried looks as he limped off the field – hoping, praying the camera doesn’t pick up on the seething look in his eyes.

This could’ve happened to anyone, and honestly, it wasn’t even that big of a deal if you looked at it objectively. It’s a light injury, and he might even consider himself lucky it happened on the last match before Christmas break. He’ll have his time off, spend it with family and friends, and go to his physio appointments without any disturbance. (And get his ear talked off, probably. Because as breathtaking this goal was, he had to push the throbbing pain in his joint aside, force his foot into the awkward angle and feel, hear the crunch of the bone as he sent the ball into the net. It was everything that their physio team told them to refrain from.)

By the time the season restarts, he’ll be as good as new.

But if there’s one thing Sae engraved into his mind, is that he hates pity and resents vulnerability. He wants to smack the medical team away as they work on his ankle, swollen and reddening within seconds as they tighten the bandage around it, pressing ice bags to the aching joint. 

This can happen to anybody – anyone but him, it is.

To react to it so passionately isn't anything unordinary – but it's everything that's unlike him.

“Thank you,” Rin simply says and settles on that being his final reply. He doesn’t want to dig deeper into any of it, to continue with the topic that he’s pretty sure everyone already knows is a minefield.

The man behind the steering wheel seems to catch up on the subtle sign and just gives a slight smile. 

Rin shudders at the way pity floods the vehicle, taunts him and makes the tight loop around his heart pull. He hates this, but there’s not much that’s left to do about it besides biting back on his tongue and leaning back into the seat.

It’s peaceful for the rest of the hour-long drive. Starry skies invite him to look out the window, gaze growing unfocused with exhaustion and thoughts that race through his mind with the speed of light.

He wishes there was a way to silence that, tune out the whispers and taunting like the driver did to the radio upon noticing the striker’s tired look. 

His therapist said it’ll take some time – long hours spent dwelling over his notepad, trying to reach inside to grasp his ego and the issues that burn at it the most, only to scribble them down on the paper and try to voice them out in the office a few days later. He’s never been good with communication or speaking his mind, at least not in the conventional way that won’t leave the recipient in tears or shock; but, hey, his therapist did say that he’s seen worse. Rin wonders if he was being honest about it, but then finds himself realizing that this is exactly the same route of thought that he’s supposed to watch out for. He knew these words would seep into every crevice of his mind, sit heavy on his heart, and that's why the therapy was abruptly cut short – cause he couldn't, didn't want to hear any of it anymore.

Not everyone has ill intentions, Rin. As long as you’re hung up on what he did to you, you’ll have a hard time trusting others. And I know you don't want to admit it – but you need it.

The car comes to a stop right by the curb. Warm, yellowish light seeps through the familiar windows and hits the sidewalk.

Rin blinks once, pulled from his thoughts.

“There you go.”  The driver glances at him over his shoulder and unbuckles himself, about to help him with his suitcase but is stopped by a wave of Rin’s hand.

“S’okay. Thank you.”

He hums and fishes for his wallet in the pocket of his jeans. He pulls out a bill and places it in the man’s hand, undoing his seat belt and opening the door, ignoring the small sound of protest – probably caused by the tip he’s just left.

Rin gets out of the vehicle, careful as he shifts his weight to the wounded ankle, and takes his suitcase out from the trunk. There’s a harsh thud as the wheels hit the ground and a complimenting soft puff, heavy scent of smoke filling his lungs. He glances up at the elderly man, who now stands by the driver’s door and takes a drag of his cigarette. 

No matter what he does, how much he tries, he’ll always be watched – a pair of eyes trained on him at all times, whether it’s at the field or on the streets.

He holds the eye contact, waits for the man to speak. It comes with an exhale, a cloud of white reaching him from across the car –

“Good night, Itoshi-san.”

– a pause.

And then, Rin feels his eye twitch, has to hold back a snarl.

“Get well soon.”

Cold breeze seeps under his jacket, bites at the cotton-clad skin and sends shivers down his back, aching and slightly hunched. It’s a contrast to the bubbling, stinging bitterness that spills over his insides. 

He bites his tongue and tastes iron.

Then, he gives a small nod before turning on his heel and stepping away, heading towards where he can faintly make out his mother's voice from the other side of the mahogany door.

Oh, how he craves to believe it – the warm smiles sent his way, earnest wishes spoken with nothing but pure intentions – but he doesn’t know how.

And won't anytime soon.

By the time Rin's suitcase is put down by the bed in his old bedroom and he's clad in a set of hoodie and sweatpants, sat down at the dining table and slurping up the last sips of miso soup, the uneasy feeling is nowhere to be found anymore.

(Or at least, he's succeeded in pushing it to the very back of his mind, until it's barely a hushed hum.)

His mum insists on hearing about everything that took place throughout the last few months he's spent back in Paris – but to be fair, there's not much to tell her, Rin realizes. He's signed a couple new brand deals, yeah, and got a proposition from another prestige club – this time over in England, but it wasn't anywhere near the salary that he had his eye on. But that's about it, and there's not much gossip he could indulge his mother in – even though he knows she wishes there was. (She's always been playful with him – both of his parents were, actually. They know it riles their second-born up, but know it's sportive – and that he doesn't really mind. Not if it's them, that is.)

"I thought you'd surprise us with something, Rin." His mum quips, taking the bowl from his hands to wash up.

From his seat across the table, his dad breathes out a laugh.

"There's been enough surprises this year already, though, don't you think?"

Ah.

Teal eyes follow his father's, to where he gives his wife a look. The woman turns around, a cloth in hand as she dries off a cutting board, and there's a bit of confusion before her whole face lights up–

"Now that will be hard to top!" Another laugh, leaving him the only unamused one in the room. "Oh, god. I still cannot believe it." She sounds excited, very much so that it leaves a bitter taste on Rin's tongue, enough to sour his mood and brew the uneasy feeling deep in his stomach all over again.

He knew, fuck of course he knew there was no escaping it – and yet, he was still gullible enough to hope that the holidays would pass without him hearing any of it.

"I can't wait until Sae comes and tells us all about it. You know how he is through the phone, couldn't get a proper word out of him, but I need to know everything."

He really tries to fight back the furrow of his brows, for his mother's sake. It's only natural she's excited, a spark in his eyes that he remembers seeing only on the most special occasions. Him getting into Blue Lock, then being selected for the U-20 national team. Him having to move overseas, signing a contract that stuck millions to his name.

(He vaguely recalls the same look plastered on her face when she received the call from Sae's manager, back when they were kids – the call that would be the beginning of their downfall. Of course he remembers. But, since there's discomfort already eating away at his chest, he decides to ignore the memory instead.)

It's self-explanatory that she has the same, bright grin spread over her features, when she speaks about her oldest son's engagement.

Sae is engaged – soon to be married.

Sae, the last person he'd ever think is capable of love.

Sae, who's so harsh and focused on himself, who he's seen disregard every little speck of affection thrown his way for years.

And fuck does it sound unbelievable – until there's a certain face flashing in the front of his mind, a pair of bright eyes and a pretty sweet smile that's enough to make his palms clammy. Until he remembers about the only person that could melt anyone's heart – even his brother's.

Even his o–

He only ever realizes he'd zoned out again when an engine roars softly outside the house, then cuts off promptly. There's a sequence of car doors shutting, quiet talking, a trunk being opened.

"Oh! They're here!"

Rin's eyes follow his mother as she glances out the kitchen window and tosses the rag down on the counter, jogging over to the front door as the voices grow closer. His dad gets up from his seat as well, much less energetic, but there's a smile on his lips that mirrors his wife's and in that moment, he feels out of place. It doesn't fit, the uneasy jitter in his chest that's such a harsh contrast to the warmth that his parents are about to engulf you and Sae in.

The difference to what he's feeling compared to them is like nails on chalkboard, he thinks – and the second he sees the agonizingly familiar head of red hair enter his vision, he shudders as if the sharp sound really resonates through the room.

He might not be hearing it, but he's seeing a contrast even worse. Sae, in his black sweatpants and a Real Madrid hoodie, with a look at his face that's so well rested, it's unlike anything he's seen on him lately; and standing right by his side is you. Rin notices you're too engrossed in tugging your suitcase inside and welcoming his parents, and so, he uses the moment to roll his eyes up your body - the Ugg slippers, beige leggings, a white zip up fitness jacket and finally, your face.

It's a divergence that makes him uneasy. The devil himself, looking far too comfortable with an angel right by his side, with a parallel smile.

There's not even one reason for you not to be this joyful, but Rin selfishly wishes there was. He wishes that you didn't have to look this happy, standing next to the very same person behind everything miserable in his life. He wishes he understood and that he could cut through the dissonance that sits heavy in his head – but it's been years, and he still hasn't found a way to do it.

He only ever realizes he's still stuck in his seat when his father's eyes meet his own from a few feet away. It's not judging per se, more so urging him on to at least pretend, for his mother's sake. He reads right through it.

Rin exhales shortly, pushes his chair back with a sound that brings your conversation to a halt. He feels like the martyr when he steps closer to where everyone is standing, feels four pairs of eyes watching him and it makes him want to roll his eyes.

Sae's the first to force a smile and only give a jerk of his head. Rin wouldn't expect any more of him.

"Hey, Rin." He hums, rubbing the back of his neck. "S'been a while."

A small nod, then a shrug as he stuffs his hands into the pocket of his sweatpants.

"It has." He cranes his neck slightly, an involuntary mirror to his brother's own attempt at soothing the strain.

He ignores the way their mum winces at the tension that resonates between the two, how it's thick enough to suffocate everyone and make them shudder with unease. But no matter how earnest his attempts are, no matter how hard he tries, he cannot bewitch the reality, and the realization comes in a soft hum, warm and sticky-sweet as it resonates.

You're here too, after all. A savior of sorts.

"A while too long," The smile you offer him makes Rin want to scream. His chest swells unconsciously and his gaze softens, almost instinctively when his eyes drink up your mellow expression. "It's been a year for sure."

It must be a joke, Rin thinks, how someone that could make any chaos subside with just a couple words and a gentle smile stays glued by the hip with a person that only needs a single look to make the world crumble all over again.

(A joke, or perhaps, a perfectly complete puzzle that keeps the universe intact. But he doesn't want it to be that way.)

Just when his father gives a slight chuckle, reaches a hand to pat your back and gives a reassuring rub to your shoulder, Sae clears his throat. With one hand reaching for the suitcase's handle, he maneuvers it down, as if in thought.

"Yep. Even longer than that, maybe." He wonders, "And– oh, look at that. Will you ever see each other when in full health?" It's patronizing, it's demeaning, it's anything but just a playful quip of one brother to another, and it makes Rin's eye twitch.

He opens his mouth to speak, "Will you shu–"

But before he can finish, you inhale sharply and cut in.

"Oi, oi," you roll your eyes, giving Sae's arm a light smack. "You're being mean. Stop." There's a glint of something in your eyes when you give your fiance a look and Rin's not entirely sure what it is, but he watches in astonishment when it shuts the elder up. You turn your head his way again.

You offer him a smile, a bit meek and unsure considering the jab Sae's made seconds earlier. "It's healing well, I hope?" You ask, sincere and sweet just like always, and spare his ankle just a short glance before you open your arms for a welcome embrace. "Hi, Rin."

It's hard for him to wrap his mind around how you're so sympathetic, so understanding and warm while seemingly not even trying. He wonders if it's why you chose this career path over any other, and knows for sure that it's why you're the best at it. You never insist, never push, never inquire - not unless you need to, with the referee's whistle ringing in your ears and a handful of sweaty, loud men standing right over your head as you work your magic.

It's no wonder every club wants you as their physio.

Rin's gotten a chance to feel your hand expertly move along his own limbs before. He remembers it clearly as a day, even though he's gone down on the field a hundred times already and it was seemingly just yet another one. But this time, this game, it was different. It was bizarre and unlike anything that's happened to him before.

First of all, his adrenaline has never spiked as high as when it was Real Madrid that Paris X Gen had to go against. It only ever took so much of him to ease his nerves and quiet down the screaming in his head when it was Sae that he had to try and steal the ball from. It was the one and only game that everybody knew was worthwhile – a guaranteed showcase of talent and hard work, a fiend between two brothers, both equally gifted.The pressure would be enough to knock anyone off their feet, but he could withstand it. He had no other choice.

Secondly, Rin's never seen a situation so absurd and unfortunate. Throughout his years as a professional, he was an eye witness to many fouls and injuries, some more gruesome and fatal than others. But to have three players go down at the same time, two of them from the same team, didn’t happen all too often. It was his teammate’s fault and Rin knew, but wouldn’t dare to scold him – not when he’s laying on the turf and gripping his knee tight, the joint stuck at an angle that has Rin wincing and shuddering. It’s bad, so, so bad, it’s insane, he thinks, watching as the other player struggles to get up with his teammates’ help. It’s chaotic, paramedics jogging over to them and putting down all of their necessities and there’s so much of it, there’s barely any space between him and the other player anymore. Both teams grow loud and erratic, shouting and reproaching wild and belligerent. Rin’s eyes follow the ref as he works on subsiding the uproar. It’s a hard job to do and he knows it, but doesn’t want to spare any more thoughts – not when he has a worry of his own, a sharp pain in his ankle that makes him nauseous. 

“Are you okay?” 

He hears a familiar voice, a soft tune that brings him back afloat. His heart hammers in his chest, adrenaline high and hot in his veins as he props himself up, hand tight on his sprained joint. He looks up and meets your eyes, wide but focused as your line of sight reaches his ankle. 

“I–” Rin hesitates, eyes slightly bewildered as they follow your movements. You crouch down right next to him, pull out a few necessary items from the med kit. An ice pack, he recognizes, a bandage, a stabilizer– “I’m not sure, it might just be a stamp.”

You hum, teeth sunk in your bottom lip as you carefully peel the sock down to reveal the bruised flesh. “Pain? On a scale of one to ten?” You spare him a quick look, delicate fingers gently pressing along the swollen skin. 

Rin grunts, fights back the urge to pull his leg away. “Six.”

With a nod, you work on untying his shoe, pulling it down along with the sock, “Sprained.” You simply point out, and his eyes widen. Your judgment’s quick, scarily so, and he’d hope that maybe you’re wrong - but the certainty in your eyes tells him enough. He’s never seen you this serious, gaze sharp and movements swift, but then again, it’s the very first time he sees you at work. So far, he’s only ever seen you hanging on Sae’s arm, all smiles and laughter as you attend a family event together.

To have Sae’s girl tend to him like that almost feels like a blow. 

“Wait, shit–” Rin’s brows furrow as he shifts, and you give him an attentive look. “Hold on. Aren’t you supposed to–”

“Your team’s busy.” You interrupt, eliciting a hiss from the striker as you work the bandage around the sole of his feet, and then stabilize it around his ankle. “He’s got a concussion and misses a tooth or two. All on top of his kneecap popping out.” Rin stiffens, eyes involuntarily searching for his teammate. He sees him being handled onto the stretcher, holding his hands over his head, groans and cries reaching his ears and it makes his heart drop. 

You plop the icepack on top of his ankle and bring his focus back to you. “I don’t care who I’m with. I’m here to help.” You offer a small smile, heartening even though you’re pretty sure it won’t give much reassurance. You know your boyfriend’s brother, heard all about him and encountered him numerous times before. Most of all, you’ve seen the burning passion behind his eyes as he steps onto the turf. He’s not backing down. “I’m sorry, Rin, but you’re off.”

Rin vaguely remembers the protest that rose deep within his chest, making his blood boil as you helped him up. He knew better than to stand his ground and try to pretend that it’s not a big deal, knew all the possible consequences far too well to act so childish and stubborn. He remembers the worried expression flashing across your features as your eyes met upon him plopping down on the bench. He saw it all, the compassion with pity yet to be seen. But it never came. 

You only left him with a heartfelt look, warm and kind, and confusion blossoming in his chest, growing on top of the inquiry and anger. 

You’re always like this, Rin realizes. Always so collected and warmhearted, only ever welcoming him with hospitality and genuine worry, and never with pity. You’ve never given him any sort of look that he’s known to despise. 

He wishes you could be this way with him only, so attentive and sweet. But he knows you’re not and never will be. He knows the only reason you ever rushed over to him, despite being the rival team’s assigned physiotherapist, was because how awfully big your heart is, aching to help and bring comfort.

It’s got nothing to do with him, and he cannot force it.

The memory vaguely plays out in his mind as he inhales your scent, the irritation subsiding and making  way for the annoyingly fuzzy feeling. It’s been a year or even more. Long months since he’s last seen you and since you became engraved deep into his mind, his source of all kinds of thrills.

Throughout the years you’ve been with Sae, he never even thought to spare you a second glance. But ever since you treated him so kindly, looked at him with such warmth, he selfishly wishes he was the one giving you the Itoshi name instead. 

He wraps his arms around your frame and gives it a gentle squeeze. "Hey, (Y/N)."

It's only good decorum to greet you properly like this, and he knows it shouldn't be anything more than that, but as he gets an inhale of your perfume, he knows it's all but a convention.

Your hand rests on his back, fingers flexing on the sturdy muscle a bit, before pulling away entirely. You beam up at him, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as your head tilts with a smile. For a second, Rin thinks you might want to say something else, tell him more - but you opt not to, and instead, turn to face his brother again. "I'll put these away," You say, reaching for his suitcase. "And hop in the shower. I stink like the airport."

The way you scrunch your nose makes Rin's mouth twitch with a ghost of a smile.

"Sure," Sae shrugs a bit and hands you off the luggage, but only after he leans in to give your lips a quick peck. "I'll grab you a snack later. 'Kay?"

"M'kay," you give a breathy giggle at the action, and Rin realizes he might be far behind in being familiar with the ridiculous ways you've changed his brother.

Because this look, lovesick and full of adoration even despite the sleep throwing a heavy daze over his turquoise eyes, is one that he's never seen on his older brother before.

His mom offers to remind you as to where Sae's old room as well as the bathroom are, ushers you off with a few gentle touches and laughter that disappears down the corridor. His dad leaves to boil the kettle to make some tea, and for barely a few beats of silence, it's just the two of them standing there, in front of each other, one craning his head slightly upwards, the other glaring down.

Rin hates it, hates the way he has to swallow thick and tear his gaze away. Taking the higher ground, he only makes a slight face, then turns on his heel to leave to his room instead.

When his dad returns to the conjoined area, balancing three mugs in one hand and holding up the full pot in the other, he doesn't seem all that surprised to see just Sae standing there, pulling his hoodie off and throwing it over the chair silently.

The man sighs anyways, setting down the dishes, and only looks up when Sae breathes out a laugh.

"Just like the old times."

Rin is not sure how long he's been scrolling down his phone, or how much time has passed since he first plopped down on the king sized bed in his old bedroom. But sleep is starting to weigh down on his lids, leaving him with a cottonmouth and he tears a slight grunt from his throat upon realizing that the whole water bottle he's drank is now pressing against his bladder uncomfortably.

Tossing the phone away and propping himself up, Rin feels the tired muscles in his arm strain as he digs the palm of his other hand into his eyes, rubbing the exhaustion away. It works just enough to ease the slight sting, feet planted onto the ground as he gets up and strides across the dark room.

It must've been an hour, two tops, he wonders, reaching for the handle. The voices on the other side of the door have grown softer, quieter so as to not wake up the others that he figures must've fallen asleep by this point. He vaguely makes out the voices to be Sae's and his father's, probably still talking over yet another round of tea. His mom was always an early sleeper, and you looked quite worn out despite the gentle gleam in your eyes back in the living room, so it's not all that weird if you're both asleep by now. you've probably dozed right off as soon as you hit the bed, all warm and comfortable from your shower.

That's what he thinks. And that's exactly why he almost jolts in his step when he opens the door to see you, standing there, using the same momentum to push it open; hand pushing down on the other side of the handle. It wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary, just another encounter to laugh off by tomorrow morning's cup of coffee.

But the way you peer up at him – doe eyes wide and startled, a single rivulet of water streaming down your flushed cheeks as damp hair sticks to your forehead – knocks the breath out of his lungs.

You clutch the fluffy white towel closer to your heated skin, a meek sound of surprise hitching in your throat. Rin has to bite back a groan as the sharp movement only makes your tits press against each other even tighter. "Hah– o-oh, huh, I'm sorry– thought Sae's room was–"

Rin cuts off the jumble of words, "It's right across." He corrects, voice a gravelly tune that has your knees knock together in a sheepish buckle. Your cheeks scorch, blood rushing to the soft flesh as you gnaw at your bottom lip, "Excuse me."

You're not entirely too sure why Rin's attitude towards you took a whole 180 spin – but the way he pushes past you, tough muscle bumping against your finer frame, has you yelp slightly. You jerk a little upon the thud of the bathroom door slamming shut and turn to look behind you, a soft furrow to your brows, and ultimately decide to get back to the right room this time – before the sheer embarrassment eats you alive.

On the other side of the door, Rin grabs at the sink with one hand, keeping balance as he peels his sweatpants off. He tugs his boxers down along with them, then stands back on two feet and tugs off his sweatshirt, grip tight on the fabric as his mind reels.

It's a joke, all of it, he thinks as he steps into the shower yet again tonight. The water is instantly warm as soon as he turns it on, a remnant of your bath, he supposes, but the spray isn't meant to bring him any comfort this time. It works very little to soothe his strained and taut muscles as his back flexes when he reaches his hand down, fingers wrapping around the throbbing girth.

It has to be a joke, he's sure of it, as he shuts his eyes with a groan stuck somewhere deep inside of his chest, where he can swallow it down and keep it untraceable. All of it has to be some sort of get back, a play at his will power and conscience for all the fucked up shit he's done so far in life.

It would all be so much easier if he could just push all of the blame to a twist of fate, a kismet so preposterous it'd make anyone laugh. But he can't, and he's the only one to bear the weight of his thoughts, alone, gasping for air as he nearly doubles over in the steamy shower.

He's the only one at fault when he spills all over the tiles, a moan of your name mixing in with the steam, as all sense of morality goes down the drain.

I heard about a whirlwind that’s coming round / it’s gonna carry off all that isn’t bound, and / when it happens, when it happens, I won’t be holding on

© itoshi-s. do not plagiarize, repost as your own or mention on other sm platforms.

#✧˖*°࿐ series: after dark #✧.* zaria writes #rin itoshi x reader #blue lock x reader #itoshi rin #rin itoshi smut #blue lock smut #bllk x reader #bllk series #blue lock series #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin smut #blk smut #rin itoshi #blue lock #bllk #blue lock x you #itoshi rin x you #bllk x you #rin itoshi x you #rin smut #rin x reader