#abuse mention for ts
Hello, I am working on a book about my life and the abuse and trauma that went with it. How do I protect myself from being sued, as it’s important for me to state the type of relationships I had to get my point across about the abuses. If it’s factual, how can people still sue?
This is a really great question, and one which I'm not the most qualified to answer!
I'm a 99% fiction writer -- I've been told my life would be extremely interesting to other people, but because I've already lived it, I currently lack the motivation to write about my own experiences for long periods of time.
That being said, I'd like to dabble in memoir and personal essays eventually, and I often wonder how, logistically, I could write about people I've known. After all, there's always the chance they'll read it!
As an MFA student I've worked under several amazing non-fiction writers. One of them -- not naming names, but she is a well-known author of both fiction and non-fiction -- confirmed that she had to undergo a lengthy legal battle with her ex-husband after writing about him in her memoir. I thought she depicted him in a very nuanced manner, but I digress. The point remains: you can, hypothetically, get sued.
Another guest author talked about his best-selling memoir, in which he discussed his assault. During the publication process, he was forced to change multiple key details to avoid lawsuit -- including the fact that the perpetrator was his roommate. He felt this undermined the emotional truth of the story, because the fact that the perpetrator was his roommate was a huge part of the trauma, but he nevertheless had to change it for the sake of legality.
I could tell you countless stories about the hoops you have to jump through for legal reasons, and so eventually, what you'll probably want to do is get a consultation from a reputable legal professional.
In the meantime, write and edit your memoir as much as you possibly can, and polish it as much as possible. You may have to change certain names and details later, but you will benefit from getting the best possible product beforehand.
I hope this helps, and happy writing!
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i wanted to say the stuff you said about dark content was eye opening for me! i enjoy dark content but stuff like abuse & noncon/dubcon are triggering for me since i'm a survivor & i assumed people who consumed that content are romanticizing my trauma (didn't help that there was a ship week on twitter where they called those prompts "spicy") & you helped me realize that's not the case! i've been following you for a long time & never had a problem with these things before so maybes its a me thing
hi anon! it’s totally valid to not like the more intense dark content and to blacklist/ignore certain specific contents within them - the tumblr blacklist and the block button both exist for a reason! i totally understand survivors who don’t like dark content and don’t want to see it, i just happen to not be one of them and find it therapeutic to be in ‘charge’ of the encounters (either by stopping writing, being able to make readers fight back, or by stopping reading) in a way i never got to be in real life! i don’t like the term ‘romanticisation’ personally because i feel like most dark content creators - who are warning readers what they’re going to get into, who are tagging properly, who are open about not condoning it - aren’t romanticising or normalising it in a way they would be if they just slipped it into a fic unwarned like it’s normal and romantic for it to be there. i don’t know exactly if that makes sense but that’s how i draw my personal line between romanticisation and normalisation!
anyway what i’m saying is that you should engage with people’s content, most importantly, on a level that is safe and comfortable and non-triggering for you! if that means you like dark content but you prefer, say, a character x reader where you both start out in love and the character just begins to get exceedingly over-protective and wants to take care of you in an all-encompassing way, that’s just as valid as the people who enjoy dark content who want to be kidnapped and forced into being the housespouse of their villainous fave!
i’m happy that i could help you see things both ways but you should absolutely never compromise your own personal safety and mental health! i love u and if you ever need me to tag anything i’m not already doing, pls reach out and let me know! <3
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Anyway, what I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted by my internet being on fire and my job constantly violating my simple request to be paid to post takes about Arturo (2019) and also my dumb Bruce/John headcanons all day was that I really, really like what the Clown Movie did with Bruce. Obviously he’s only in it for a couple of minutes (though that’s honestly enough for the movie to pack in a really incredible amount of meta-commentary) but the very limited amount of screen-time he has still manages to say so much in the way this eight- or nine-year-old child who’s growing up with immense material privilege and comfort reacts to every situation like he’s flashing back to the Mekong River, and you could ascribe this to just some ham-fisted “it’s Bruce Wayne how else would he be lol” thing, but this film takes the emotions and distress of children v. v. seriously (and has an extremely earnest and sincere approach to emotions in general).
Also, ofc, that bit with Thomas and Arthur in the bathroom is incredibly telling, not just with what it says about Thomas and Arthur, but what it says about Thomas and Bruce, because even if Thomas isn’t physically abusive towards Bruce, well, how do you think that someone who almost immediately escalates to calmly and unhesitatingly punching someone in the face in a semi-public place -- because he can, because there is no downside to it, because there won’t be any consequences -- handles parental power? Or someone whose first instinct is to deny, mock, and gaslight, for that matter? So yeah, a lot to unpack there in those thirty seconds of Bruce, I think. Also, more speculatively, I’m guessing that Martha was, at best, see-no-evil towards whatever was Going On, and I want everyone to know that my brain immediately spat out some Reductress-style headline, like, Heartwarming: Local Family Keeps Up Tradition of Having Zero Good Parents.
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memories brought to you by the chihuahua post;
when I was a 15-16 year old, my camp friends and I called ourselves the Horsewomen (fully 50% of us were not women, but we did not know that yet). I was famine, because of being very skinny (at the time).Lizard was, I think, Pestilence, for reasons no longer clear.
when Lizard and I broke up, I lost the other two because when I disclosed abuse, War said she wouldn’t pick a side (which is! picking a fucking side!) and Death/Naughty Wilbur just kind of... kept talking to him, just kept being his friend and let our friendship die without fanfare.
but that’s what I’m thinking today!
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@wyzszy -- modern au headcanon questions: 7!
modern au hc q’s
one example of a significant change in their backstory now that the world’s changed.
HEADCANON 27. most of its the same, though large large magical elements are kinda different though it would be dependent on, i suppose, how people view the modern au. i’m shoving this out there that being the whole drama with triss was mostly emotional abuse rather than magic or spells if we’re going semi - normal modern au. it was like . . kinda subtle as geralt was in a vulnerable position having lost most of his memory ( which works in this space / a modern setting as that shit happens lmao ) and he just kinda melded into a “ yes she seems to be trustworthy “ when she was just using him for her reasons.
its hard to be like yes this part is significant because as long as some elements stay the same as monsters existing and other things . . it’d only be rly tiny. the law of surprise i guess is just ?? idk, adoption or something. gang shit ?? idk yet lmao.
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Wow, uh. I (belatedly) read about the Wonderstorm / Aaron Ehasz / The Dragon Prince situation.
Pretty blindsided and disappointed, and I really don't think I can continue to watch or support the show anymore. This one hits kinda hard. This show had become a bright spot for me -- a wholesome show about love and kindness, that never got too unpleasant, in a time when most fantasy series are gorey and edgy and grimdark and dour. (Also the elves are My Aesthetic.) But I can’t appreciate that anymore, knowing the bullshit that was happening behind it.
It’s such a double whammy. Not only is it YET ANOTHER case of a man in a creative industry abusing and bulldozing over women, ruining their lives and driving them out of the industry. But the way the dude took advantage of fans’ good will to promote the show when it was already made, lying about the cancellation risk, is SUCH... I don’t even have a word for it. Just scummy beyond belief.
I’m just so tired. I’m tired of, every day, reading another story about some dude in a Position Of Authority in a creative field (game dev, artists, filmmakers, etc) turning out to be abusive and awful.
EDIT: Yes, I’ve seen the women who came forward asking people not to boycott the show. But atm, I can’t really decide if I can stomach watching more or not. We’ll see.
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JACKPOT. as if things couldn’t get any worse -- my mom is bringing over my aunt and uncle from america over to australia due to my uncle having cancer. i’m sad about it but it’s overshadowed by the fact my aunt physically assaulted me when i was there
( ohio ) in 2015 and emotionally fucked me up to where I had to flee the house and ultimately end up in another emotionally damaging situation.
im in the position of not being able to do anything / be upset because it’d make my mum upset. but. y’know. my aunt. i don’t feel comfortable.
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"Why do you like redemption arcs for abusive characters who don't deserve them?" Because as a child psychotherapist I have a pretty significant, vested interest in understanding why abusers do what they do and helping them, you know, not do that anymore.
I want every fucking abuser on this planet to redeem themselves. For every abuser who changes, that is one less child I will be forced to send to a foster home. One less child separated from their family. One less child getting hurt.
Yes, I like redemption arcs for abusive characters. I like it in reality too.
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How to write triggers?
I’m assuming you mean triggers as in the psychological term, in which a concept or stimulus triggers someone’s emotional trauma. And I’m also assuming you’re asking how to write a character who’s been triggered, and convey their experience accurately.
I might compile a sources masterpost for this, but in the meantime, I’ll respond with what I know about triggers:
1.) Triggers can take virtually any form. It’s not always violence or gore (though those are among the most common.) Dylan Farrow, a survivor of alleged abuse by prolific pedophile Woody Allen, remarked that she felt triggered by trains after watching a toy train during Allen’s abuse. Others are triggered by specific smells or food items, for a myriad of reasons. There is no limit to what a trigger might be.
2.) Triggers rarely bring detailed flashbacks. They bring overwhelming feelings of dread, fear, anguish, and panic. They may trigger anxiety attacks. In other words, a trigger is far more likely to elicit the emotions of a traumatic event, not a recreation of the event itself.
3.) Everyone’s experience of being triggered is different, and they vary in terms of intensity. Whether or not the response to being triggered manifests in emotional or physical symptoms (or both) will also vary widely from person to person. The effects of being triggered can also last from minutes to days, depending on its intensity.
4.) Our understanding of triggers is still limited, and the term itself is relatively new. Treatments for triggers are still in their earliest stages of proposal and development. However, VERY few professionals advocate simply exposing patients to their trigger in order to cure them of that trigger. People can recover from triggers, but it has to be at their own pace and on their own terms.
Once again, this really merits a longer post of compiled resources. However, hopefully this will get you started! My followers are welcome and encouraged to weigh in.
I hope this helps, and happy writing!
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*finds out a thing done to us when we were young actually is sexual abuse*
“...guess we got bingo”
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the day holby acknowledges that serena’s history is rife w emotional abuse is the day i forgive every single transgression they’ve ever committed
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this post is navel-gazing about my parents that I would recommend not reading, I am just putting it in my secret Internet diary because I have nowhere else to put it and if I keep it inside it will rot inside of me and make me sick.
I am so lucky that I have a relationship with my parents. I am so lucky.
my relationship with my parents means I have someone to talk to on the phone every day when I am lonely.
it means I get to go to graduate school, rent an apartment, order takeout food, attend therapy. I want those things.
without my parents, without my relationship with my parents, my life would be so much more difficult! so much more!
I am high-maintenance. if I could not afford takeout regularly, I would not eat regularly. if I did not have my parents help, I would not eat regularly.
I want a different therapist soon. my current therapist says my parents are protective of me. they are, this is true. when I tried to tell her I was angry, she said she thought I was mostly sad. it is hard sometimes for me to distinguish between those two feelings, this is true.
this is the first year that the Parent Holidays have felt strange and a little bit painful.
my first-ever therapist once said, when my dad was angry with me for not emerging from the sludge of suicidal depression long enough to make my mother a mother’s day card “that’s not a developmentally appropriate activity for you!” I remember that sometimes.
I remember a lot of things sometimes! I remember so many things and there is nowhere to put them down! I am so tired of remembering so many things!
my life is easier and better because my parents are in it. I need to remember that, too. how could I forget that. how could I forget for a second.
I had another one of those dreams the other night where I reconciled with my abusive ex-boyfriend. it was a good dream and then there was a moment of waking up, which was very, very bad.
I cannot fathom what my life would be like if I were to say “you hurt me and hurt me and hurt me and hurt me,” to them. I can imagine what it would be like if I never said that, but I am starting to not like the imagining.
well, too bad!
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//WELL THAT WAS A LOT
mmk, so...Rapunzeltopia. It’s always nice to see corona and more brunette Rapunzel (practically speaking, it means more icons for me lol). I’m just going to have to accept at some point that the show does not want to explore the actual complexities of the Gothel/tower trauma. Every time I think they’re going to do something interesting with that they kinda back away from it and sink into the “one-note bland villain vs perfect hero” trope in terms of Gothel and Rapunzel. I think it does a major disservice to the actual dynamic that was present in the movie. And I think it cheapens the reality of Rapunzel having been an abuse victim and the complicated and difficult emotions that go along with that but whatever. Rapunzel Day One has so far been the only episode to even scratch at the surface of that specific relational trauma and I really wish they would just go ahead and dive into it. But so far, nothing. They keep it very simple and only ever portray Rapunzel as terrified or hateful towards Gothel and I think that rings very false to who Rapunzel is, to how she felt about Gothel, and to the complicated feelings I have always felt must be there in the aftermath. I’ll stop being annoyed about it one day but here’s my spiel:
Real abuse is complicated. Real abuse victims love their abusers, they hate their abusers, they love them again. And many real abusers do love their victims in some sense. You can’t really call it healthy love- it’s often possessive or needy or dependent. Or maybe the abuser is just a person who doesn’t know how to handle love or relationships without being aggressive or controlling. Maybe they were an abuse victim themselves and don’t know any other way to be. Maybe they were taught that love and violence are synonymous. It doesn’t matter, in the end, because the person they hurt is still being hurt. But I think it does matter to acknowledge how complicated these things are, and why people stay in abusive relationships, and to validate the complex feelings that victims feel. I will preach this to the end of my life, but it is okay that an abuse victim might still feel love for their abuser. It is okay to not know how to feel about it and it is okay to not forgive but still care for them. That the show is choosing to portray what was a very well done portrayal of an emotionally complex abusive relationship and turns it into “lol frying pan joke” is just...rubbing me the wrong way.
Like. just. no. Rapunzel has not always wanted to do that so miss me with that shit. You’re giving me a headache.
Whatever. MOVING ON.
Everyone knew Vigor was Demanitus by this point so that wasn’t really a surprise. The world-building is really coming together at this point, I think I have a fair idea of what’s going on and how all this came to be. But at the same time, I still don’t think Rapunzel is the sun drop. There’s still another season of this show, there’s no way it’s going to be a simple situation where they get to the Dark Kingdom, fight through a few bad guys, and Rapunzel unites with the moonstone. That’s too easy, and then what’s left for season three?
And if she was still the sun drop, she should still be able to heal. But she can’t. She has none of the sun drop’s power. I don’t know why her hair still glows yellow when it becomes an indestructible shield. But that invulnerability was a power of the rocks, not the flower.
Anyways, y’all caught this, right?
yeah so that’s a thing. I don’t know how to feel about it, but I do expect to see more of Gothel moving forward. Going back to my earlier point, I think this is why I’m so disappointed the show has chosen not to explore the impact of that relationship on Rapunzel in any type of complex and meaningful way. Or to even acknowledge that it was a relationship at all. They have such an opportunity with this and I have no doubt they will choose not to take it.
(If I wanna see an abusive parental relationship done right I guess I’ll just stick to Once Upon a Time...sigh.)
ALSO I’m like 80% sure that the Cass we’re seeing with the group is not the real Cass. Something’s off. Either that or she’s possessed by Zhan Tiri. One way or another I have pretty reasonable doubt that that’s not our Cass.
ALSO heartlosttravelers was 100% right about Eugene not having a birthday and we were literally doing that thread before this episode started A+++ predictive skills. You win a prize XD
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on barty’s anxious/depressive not eating or sleeping: it’s to a point that it has a very significant effect that’s noticeable to anyone paying him mind, and this is particularly focusing on his school years (though these habits persist throughout his life; there was a reason he withered away so quickly in azkaban)
i. he has anemia, so that makes him frequently dizzy, more tired than he already is, and constantly cold.
ii. he falls asleep in random spots because he’s so tired, and it’s usually while studying
iii. sometimes in class too if they’re only taking notes, and that stresses him out so badly that he......... proceeds to not be able to sleep even more
iv. he has nightmares a lot
v. the exhaustion combined with dizziness has made him faint a few times
vi. he definitely looks the part; he might be tall, but he’s otherwise very gaunt, pale, and skinny.
vii. madame pomfrey (or whoever preceded her) would have had the worst time with him. in and out constantly. while she can heal him up pretty well when he’s falling to pieces, they’re just not equipped to handle mental health problems at all at the school or in the wizarding world in general.
all of this has varying degrees of severity depending on timeline. after a visit with madame pomfrey, he shapes up for a bit. during christmas, there are more foods he likes. over the summers, his parents make him eat dinner nightly, though this is also something that contributes to his food avoidance (dinner with crouch sr. isn’t fun) (he associates sit-down meals with getting yelled at, crying, and panic attacks). when he visits friends over the summer, he eats anything handed to him because they made it for me i have to eat it!!!!! vol.demort comments on it while he’s a/becoming a death eater once or twice, and he starts eating any time there’s like a... planned visit to impress pseudo-dad lmao. when under the imperius curse for that 11 year span he is eating healthily.
there is, however, no point in his life where he sleeps well, besides maybe when he’s sleeping with someone, like when he grabs winky to use her as a teddy bear because he’s a monster of a child for her to deal with jdhlfuhkj. or when he’s an annoying friend and tries to cuddle you ( @relegious ) (im looking at david because they’re in the same house) (and anyone else in hufflepuff that was a friend of his and could stand how godawful and annoying he is about physical affection) (or anyone who would tolerate him sneaking into their house dorms for a sleepover) (or sneaking into his but let’s be honest everyone’s tired of him being clingy)
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Anyway, if you haven’t looked into the rape allegations against Jeremy Soule, you should. I’m not linking to them directly because of the subject matter, but they’re... awful.
At this point, I’m used to the fact that game dev is full of rapist dudes and other kinds of abusers. But Jeremy Soule is a level of fucked up that’s surprised even me, and makes me feel pretty sick after all the years I’ve worshipped his music. Knowing now what his “muses” were just makes me want to turn inside out and die lol.
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nospider replied to your post:
imo norman’s troubled upbringing is an explanation and doesn’t reflect his manipulation or power hunger. even before the serum, it’s who he is. the serum messes with his psyche, but it’s largely his person: power, control. making peter suffer. it’s why the distinction between goblin and norman separates: they’re one and the same, and it’s not an extension of his mental health. and he’s physically abusive to harry actually in the child within arc but idk if u’ve read that.
interested in your thoughts though !!
OUTRUNNING. ah !! you are correct in all that. i’ve tried to explain that before but i’m not entirely 100% at explaining my thoughts sometimes but that’s fine honestly. they’re the same, the goblin has always been there ( more or less ; has been since the estate at least ) and his childhood attributed to norman’s lust and need for power as he grew. the serum messes with his psyche and causes a bigger manifestation and the switch between norman and the goblin.
while they’re the same they aren’t the same person ( the goblin being a bigger thing for his POWER AND CONTROL ; though its something they both share ) considering it can be seen with the distinction when norman’s not in suit or the goblin’s sliding into his subconscious.
the way i see him / the situation ( which is fine if you don’t ngl ) is that there’s norman and the goblin and then a space where norman and the goblin inter lap which happens sometimes when norman’s not outright crazy but its obvious that the goblin is pretty much either 1 ) fronting or 2 ) lingering at the very least.
with the child within arc you are right also, i mostly attribute that to difference in writers but since its still, like, in classic canon i can accept that and add that in. the difference still is how norman is apologetic whenever it happens if i can recall correctly. the big difference i have when it comes to the abuse there is that ambrose didn’t give a shit while norman did considering his own abuse and wanted to not be his father.
my major point and thing i take is that while it happened it was in times of anger or when his patience was thin thus he lashed out but immediately was sorry over it. once again not excusing but acknowledging the issue and while its problematic norman’s show of apology and repentance is a big thing compared to his father’s lack thereof.
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FULL NAME: angela port doubleday
ALIAS, NICKNAME[S]: ange, port, gina.
AGE: mid thirties
FC: portia doubleday
ETHNICITY: biracial ; french - american
GENDER: cis female
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual
ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: demisexual
SPOKEN LANGUAGE: multilingual ; english, spanish, french and japanese with some conversational knowledge in chinese.
OCCUPATION: former student and graduate of ESU in international business, currently working for OSCORP’s offshore and home sites in management analytics
INFO: angela is the single daughter of rich socialites jacqueline and michael doubleday grew up with everything she could ever want -- but it wasn’t enough. with their social status being where it was --- it was high but not as high as the osborn’s ever have been. she was interested at a young age and wanted to rise above to the level of where the family had risen. forward to high school, she ended up in same classes as harold and the two hit it off as friends -- it blossomed as something honest. for awhile.
with her parents both being controlling and pushing her to succeed she ultimately becomes controlling herself in aspects of her life. controlling of her school work, controlling of those she ends up in relationships with, excreta.
they became distant as children can, though ending up ESU where harry and the squad ended up as well. in that she pursued harry, finally reconnecting with him after one of his drug overdoses, rendering him an easy catch. she and harry were alright at first but it quickly spiraled the more close she got.
considering the verbal, emotional and mental abuse harry received from norman throughout his life, his immediate when she did the same was to simply take it --- and ultimately excuse her behavior for doing something wrong himself.
he didn’t leave the relationship with angela for the express fact he didn’t see it as abusive or toxic. the more she wanted the more he gave to replenish her wants. it became clear to harold’s friends that something was wrong as he showed up less and less to meet ups ‘fore angela’s grip was tight and harry was flippant.
the relationship was dangerous as harry was happy to give her whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted to simply make her happy --- since keeping her happy was the easiest way from her being mad with him. he did things he’d not be proud of today if he recognized how bad they were and how much he tore himself apart. how much he allowed her to do to him and manipulate his trauma’s and fears.
either way, dealing with the truth coming out to the others was was avoided when angela’s parents moving her studies abroad abruptly thanks to relocation to make better of themselves and make more money. she left new york with her parents after a disastrous break up in which she trashed his manhatten apartment, leaving him deal with it alone and retreat.
now ?? with studies finished angela now works for OSCORP in management analytics wherever she’s needed. she keeps tabs on her ex out of curiosity and sometimes the two end up dealing with each other but harry is quick to find a way to avoid her wherever possible.
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@ciaosucker // RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS (ACCEPTING)
Normally, Kilgrave might think: yes, you’re absolutely right, no one can compare, and generally reap all of the benefits that come from having a demon as your hype-man. An inflated ego, reassurances about moral ambiguity, and the shedding of insecurities or shame that might have managed to stick to him despite his slipperiness. However.
The expression Kilgrave casts him is curious, albeit tired. “You always show up at the strangest times.” Always saunters in with that walk (that Kilgrave can’t seem to not stare at), slides up next to him, and murmurs things like... That. Normally, he doesn’t question it. Again, this is not normal we are witnessing. Right now, he’s attempting to get sloppy drunk because he feels very wrong after his encounter with David. He’s done a lot of messed up things, but that was new and unusual and so terrifying to him that he can feel it settling into his bones. He used to provide Jessica commentary on her alcoholism, but here he is, mirroring her, and ————— FUCK FUCK FUCK. It just brings him back to this idea that David has forced onto him that he’s — Kilgrave is experiencing something akin to what he does to people. But he doesn’t want that to be true.
He’s different, he’s really not that bad, he doesn’t make people feel this way, don’t try and tell him that, this is awful.
Is this place a shitty dive bar? Yes. Do they look severely out of place? Yes. But it’s just as grimy in here as Kilgrave feels inside, and he didn’t really even bother with trying to be choosy. It was the nearest, and he’s on his third? fourth? shot of vodka, also nursing a cocktail of some sort between each. He rubs his forehead, trying to think of the events that have led to him sitting on this bar stool with Crowley next to him. It’s like he’s in a fugue, trying to break out of it, but it’s not working out in his favor. “When did you get here?”
He holds a hand up and shakes it, gesturing that he doesn’t even want to know, nevermind. Kilgrave wouldn’t be able to process it anyways, would he? What’s the point? Instead, he reaches over, grabs Crowley’s shoulder, and leans forward — in the way one might when they really want to engage a person or say something serious — though he puts too much weight on Crowley, and his other hand snaps to the edge of the bar counter, gripping it tightly, trying to not fall over onto his counterpart. Besides emotional imbalance, he seems to now also be suffering from the physical. Kilgrave doesn’t really think too much about it, though, because Crowley can push him off. Crowley could kick him in the teeth. He can just do that sort of thing (oh how terrifying it is to not have power over someone).
“Why are you — why are you here? Why are you being nice to me?” Kilgrave can understand Harley’s kindness now, but they’ve had a few years to build on it. Crowley, not so much. This question seems even more pressing now than ever before because he saw just how much David HATED him. Even Jessica didn’t have that in her, and she had reason, all the reason in the world. She tried to put up with him, even if she could only stand it for a moment. She didn’t have the same cruelty (Kilgrave not considering Jessica to be cruel? what kind of world are they living in now? what kind of world is he living in now?). He tries to collect himself, sit back up properly on his seat, but that invasive hand (stupid fucking grabby fingers that David tried to take away from him just for this reason) moves up to softly touch the frame of those sunglasses. He doesn’t remove them or even disturb them much — he wouldn’t dare. There’s something about Crowley’s sunglasses that he just understands. At least, to him, they seem to be the way wearing purple is to Kilgrave. A key feature, a piece of identity, a constant. There’s something reassuring and stable about these things, isn’t there? He finds it endearing to see such a specific trait mirrored in someone else. Those sunglasses are special, and Kilgrave likes them. “You don’t have to. I’m not forcing you to. Couldn’t if I wanted.” Which he certainly would.
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I'm writing a story where the MC's main arc involves him breaking out of the grip of his overly controlling/emotionally & verbally abusive mother and learning to take control of his life. I've read your post about writing abusive parents, but how do I realistically write a character standing up to his abuser?
Hello! This merits a significantly longer post, but here’s my opinion in a nutshell:
Essentially, there is no instruction manual for abuse, or for how survivors respond to abuse. Standing up to an abuser will not typically put a stop to the abuse, and is seldom a cathartic experience, as the abuser will typically respond to rebellious behavior with more abuse, browbeating, and manipulation.
The best way to end an abusive dynamic is typically to cut contact with an abuser. This isn’t always an option, of course, so reducing contact with an abuser is a good alternative, and surrounding oneself with a support system to countermand any negative effects.
However, as I said, there is no default experience for abuse, and no one way to react to abuse. Similarly, fiction doesn’t need to be a self help guide! Therefore, your character standing up to an abuser can be a pivotal moment character development, as well as one of catharsis for both the character and the reader.
If that’s the case, I would recommend showing your character being subservient to his mother and catering to her wishes, up until the moment he snaps. This will show the reader that he has entered a new phase of his life, wherein he is willing to stand up for himself and take responsibility for his own happiness.
I hope this helps, and happy writing!
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