I feel like because of the Fanon Verison of c!Wilbur that's been floating around for months (red eye crazy TNT obsessed boom boy manipulator) and the fact that a LOT of the fandom havent experienced watching c!Wilbur live before he was revived and are therefore expecting him to be Like That
I feel like people tend to Exaggerate his actions and how people feel towards him? Take c!Ranboo empathizing with him for example. If he feels bad for him, c!Wilbur must've MADE him feel that way. There must've been some subconscious fucking with his brain or something.
And the TNT thing? Thats just typical TNT obsessed c!Wilbur!
I feel like a lot of people would sympathise more with him if they'd watched his corruption arc Live. If the large fanbase we have now was there for August-November.
There's also the issue of manipulation. Back during Pogtopia if anyone called c!Wilbur manipulative I dont think many people wouldve batted an eye. But now the word "manipulation" is tied in with abusers like c!Dream and torturers like c!Quackity. Manipulative character = An Abusive and Evil Bastard. Yes c!Dream and c!Quackity are manipulative but that isnt all there is to them. c!Dream hitting and abusing c!Tommy every day was not simply manipulation. c!Quackity physically torturing c!Dream is not simply manipulation.
This is the issue with framing exile as simply mental manipulation rather than abuse, because characters that are manipulative in some way are now painted as abusers.
c!Dream and c!Quackity werent Like That back then. There was no "he's gonna be as bad as c!Dream" or comparing stuff to exile back then. As the series grew darker with more characters having mental health issues and going through horrible situations, the Fanon version of c!Wilbur became darker. People looking back on his old moments and comparing them to things that happened in season 2 and 3. People looking back at Pogtopia and comparing it to Exile.
The "c!Wilbur manipulated c!Dream" take becoming more popular. (A take that did Not exist during season 1 btw)
Analysis became popular after c!Wilbur had died in the story. During season 2. Looking DEEP into the characters actions wasnt really common during season 1. The fandom learned the words "unreliable narration" during season 2 (sighs). And people begin analysing early season 1 with a season 2-3 era lense despise season 1 being much more lighthearted in tone with a lot more bits over serious roleplaying.
Idk what I'm really saying here. Just thinking. Rambling
Realizing how Abusive Bramblestar was to Squirrelflight Firestar and Sandstorm wanting Squirrelflight to stay with them hits a whole lot harder now…. (NOT the whole “it’s better dead than disabled” thing tho. That line is no longer canon in my eyes)
I think they are removing that ableist line from future copies so I am more than happy to wipe it from canon in my eyes (although I’m not going to forget the Erins put it in there in the first place)
And yeah, I’m probably going to take this as a headcanon that at least part of the reason they wanted her to stay was so she could get out of her relationship with Bramblestar, and then hope she realises how bad he was to her by the time he reaches StarClan.
Although I think it’s weird how they were trying to get her to stay dead in the book in the first place - I understand they miss her but Sandstorm at least was encouraging her to give up her life and it’s not like the Erins wrote it as Sandstorm trying to save her from a horrible relationship given how they apparently don’t/ didn’t see the abuse in that book
people might ship edamile is because they arent used to the guys being the abuse victims :\
//THIS. This is a huge part of why people romanticizing this relationship is even more disappointing.
TW for discussion of domestic abuse going forward! Please read with care. 💕
//Abuse victims as a whole are usually blamed and disbelieved — but it happens in different ways for men who are survivors. A lot of people have this weird belief that men can’t be abused, because men are “too strong” to be abused, especially by women. This is not true at all! They get told “they must enjoy it” or that “they would leave if it was actually bad” and so many other terrible things.
//A lot of the time, women who are abusers play into toxic femininity as well — they are seen as “just wanting to help” or “not knowing any better”. They can lean into the stereotype of women being pure and innocent in order to gaslight their victims and deceive outsiders. Does this remind you of how Eda behaves? It should. And to see so many people going along with these flimsy excuses despite Eda’s actions being objectively abusive… it’s really, genuinely disappointing to me that so many people are so uneducated and so unwilling to listen to all the survivors who have spoken out.
//Emile’s responses to Eda — being anxious to the point of physical debilitation around other women, feeling he has to “prove” his love through perfect obedience and submission, etc. — are all TEXTBOOK trauma responses. Saying things like “it’s for your own good”, “I’m the only person who can help you”, and so on are all EXTREMELY manipulative tactics that abusers use to isolate their victims and make them feel they deserve the terrible treatment. And that’s not even touching on the ableism of it all too.
//TL;DR: Eda and Emile’s relationship is abusive, and plays specifically into common patterns present when men are victims of abusive women. Survivors who are men are uniquely dismissed in different ways than women are, it may explain — not justify — why so many fans are willing to overlook and defend the abuse Emile suffers from Eda.
//Stay safe, everyone. Don’t be afraid to take a break from social media if you need to for your health! This blog will always be a safe plays for abuse survivors. Take good care 💕
thinking about how i always feel more unstable in summer and realizing that it’s a trauma response because as a child, summer was stressful and meant i was home all the time to be around my mom and we were poor so money for food was tight when you weren’t having two meals a day paid for by the state and you lived in the middle of nowhere so you couldn’t go hang out with your friends and all this made your summers miserable and so now as an adult you begin to put the pieces together as you struggle to get out of bed on a beautiful july day
Do you think it would be manipulative if c!Dream explained his torture specifically to c!Tommy to get him to pity him or something? Since that’s a possibility in the story and it certainly involves an unhealthy power dynamic i think it has some elements of manipulation to it but like you said he is in his rights to be angry and upset about it and so i don’t know
Hi gina, going through some bad things right now, so sorry for the out of the box ask but is there any domestic violence fic between HL
Hi sweetheart. I’m so sorry to hear that. I have a collection of fics where one or the other other of them was in a previous relationship that was toxic in some way (include some with domestic violence). I hope that’s what you’re looking for:
it genuinely upsets me how overused "gaslighting" is becoming, because it feels so invalidating as an actual victim of it to hear 14 year olds on tiktok say that that someone is "gaslighting" them because they corrected something the person said, or something like that. it's ridiculous, and i can't even say that i'm a victim of gaslighting without feeling like an idiot or like i'm not going to be taken seriously because of how watered-down the term has become
according to the economist, domestic violence in england will increase by 38% if they lose and 26% if they win/draw against italy in this weekend’s euro finals. here’s a thread of domestic violence hotlines that you can call if you/a loved one needs help, and i’ll write the information below for anyone who doesn’t have access to twitter or can’t read the images. most of these hotlines also have chatting options if you can’t call them.
england (refuge’s national domestic abuse hotline): 0808 2000 247
northern ireland (domestic and sexual abuse hotline): 0808 802 414
scotland (domestic and forced marriage hotline): 0800 027 1234
wales (live fear free): 0808 80 10 800
uk-wide (men’s advice line): 0808 801 0327
specifically for male victims
bright sky is a mobile app and website for people experiencing abuse or for those who are worried about others
available for free from most app stores
women’s aid have a directory of domestic abuse support services across the uk
live chat is available 7 days a week from 10am to 6pm
victim support: 08 08 16 89 111
if you are experiencing abuse and need immediate help, ask for ANI (action needed immediately) at a participating pharmacy
the pharmacy will have a logo on display
you’ll be provided with a private space and a phone if you need one
they’ll connect you to any more support services that you need
safe spaces are available in boots, morrisons, superdrug, and well pharmacies
they’ll provide you with specialized support and connect you to services for more help
I think we have to stop asking that question ['why didn't you leave your abuser']. I know that you're asking it out of love, but I'm just gonna make a stance and say that I'm not gonna answer that question anymore. Because the question should really be, to the abuser: why are you holding someone hostage with abuse? You know? And people say, oh, it can't have been that bad, because else she would have left. And it's like, no, it's *because* it was that bad that I couldn't leave.
FKA Twigs, responding to the question of why she didn’t leave her abuser.
As the Free Britney stuff rightfully picks back up I want to say that the conservatorships you see in your every day life will not on the surface look as morally wrong as hers is.
Most of the time the conservatorships you'll know about are nonspeaking intellectually disabled people and you won't hear "they're under a conservatorship" in casual conversation but you will hear "my [relative/child] is a two year old in an adults body basically"/"my [relative/child] still lives at home and we have to take care of him and it's really hard... I'm so strong for doing this."
It is abuse to not give your children ways to communicate, and that abuse inevitably leads to things like conservatorships because "well they can't communicate so they can't take care of themselves so I'll take control of everything in their lives it's a burden on me but I'll do it...for them haha"
In cases where the person isn't nonspeaking it's usually talked about in a demonizing way rather than an infantilizing one. "They're so crazy they [symptoms]" "I'm so scared of them when they're off their meds" etc. (This is done to discredit the victim in case they try to speak out about the abuse)
Generally, any case where someone's family members or caretakers have "selflessly" taken care of a disabled or mentally ill person and it seems like said person doesn't have full autonomy over their medical, financial, and legal decisions, probably is if not a conservatorship legally still very abusive.
Please never fall for people who make the systematic abuse of disabled and mentally ill people sound necessary
'“It’s the little cruelties that get you,” she told him. “Never the big hurts, the pains you can point to, and say, ‘Oh, I see this bruise,’ but the wounds that you can’t even tell are there until one day you are eating a bowl of fennel soup or sunbathing on the deck of the pool and you can’t move, you can’t do anything, because you think, Well, something is dead in me, what has been done to me, and why did I allow this to happen? And now, and now, and now…”’
c!dream is Soft. he has the physical might and “wow he can manipulate people that are already traumatized as hell and desperately need a friend” but compare him to the other villains of the server? he’s a little bitch.
wilbur, schlatt, and yes i’m including jack and niki, all took hits. they took losses, whether that be elections or battles or loved ones or fuckin substance abuse. their bones were broken and healed stronger than before. they’re all tough shit, even if they lack the physical strength and resources of dream.
but dream? he lives in a glass house, he’s temperamental, he’s childish, he’s a kid playing with stronger people’s toys and calling himself god.
ok but tommy getting locked in the prison and freaking out because he's with his abuser and he doesn't think anyone will come for him vs techno being completely chill with it because he thinks of dream as an ally and knows he has friends who will do anything to help him