Ex-Boyfriend in Girls’ Bathroom
So gyns there’s an issue at my school about my ex-boyfriend using the girls’ bathroom, and I’m very frustrated right now so I’m just going to rant about it.
For the past three days this week I’ve been seeing my ex-boyfriend using the girls’ bathrooms, same place, same time (in the morning, where I do my makeup). Seeing him there, for longer than a normal stay, was enough to make me feel sick. He’s a drug addict and a narcissist, so I can already imagine the things he does there. I wasn’t the only one made uncomfortable by this, since other girls have been seeing him around and felt confused and violated. I’ve known this guy for four years. I saw him come out as bi, and later, gay after we broke up. I didn’t believe he was gay though because he would call me hot even when we were just friends after our breakup. Today I was called down from my first period class unexpectedly. I was told that my friends and I weren’t allowed to talk about him, by the principal. I told her I was only talking about him because he was in the girls’ bathroom. She said that’s “not my business”. I said it is my business because I’m a girl in the girls’ bathroom, and he’s a boy.
Then she said something that really intrigued me. She said “you don’t know how others identify”. This instantly caught my attention because I immediately knew where it was going to go. I asked her what she meant and she just repeated it. I asked her if my ex-boyfriend was now trans, and she said she couldn’t say due to privacy. So pretty much, yes. I asked her what she was going to do about him making girls uncomfortable and she said nothing. She said that I could use the single stall bathrooms (we have like, 3 in the whole school of 1200 kids!). I asked her if she would make all the girls uncomfortable by him use the single stall bathrooms. She said yes! We all have to accomodate for the one (1) guy.
Then I brought it up to her that he’s not even making any changes to appear as a female. I asked her if any guy could just say he’s a girl and, without making any changes, be allowed into the girls’ bathroom. She said yes! She said she legally couldn’t restrict them. I was about to see red. We kept arguing for a bit until she said that she could send me home, after which I had to calm down since I’m a pretty academic student and I don’t want to be suspended and have that on my record. But the fact that she threatened to call home and send me home for the crime of being uncomfortable was insane.
I’m making sure to tell as many people as I know at my school and most of my friends are talking about it as well. I’ve given up trying to be discreet about talking about him, and I’m not sure if she can even suspend me for simply talking about it. I’m not hurting him, clearly he feels comfortable with me around (in the bathroom I’m supposed to be in!). I haven’t talked to him in months and our friendship ended on a very bad note, so I can’t ask him if all this transition stuff is true. It’s also hard to look at him and see him that way. My grandma’s thinking of calling the school board, the next authority above the principal, and my aunt’s already called in.
It’s just insane how the principal’s expecting all of us to change and accomodate for one person, when she can easily have him use the single stalls and have it be done with. But no, dozens of girls’ feelings of comfort aren’t worth as much as one boy’s.
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The concept of family between Alhaitham and Kaveh
The first thing we learn about Sumeru is that knowledge is handled as a resource, that is to say, it serves both as social and economic capital that grants people different status. The more academic merit a person obtains, the more power and opportunities they’re handed.
As such, the conventional idea of personal relationships within the Akademiya is transactional in nature, it’s based on creating bonds with the goal of producing academic (and therefore economic) value. These bonds are traditionally formed when the people involved share the same objectives and are able to cooperate in research, since that’s what their professional pursuits and livelihood depend on.
Academic Divorcees
Alhaitham and Kaveh’s academic collaboration was deemed successful in this sense by the Akademiya, and so their project was rewarded with a property. In academic terms, this bond they shared in the past was considered a successful relationship.
However, Kaveh removed his name from the credits and rejected the house that now belongs to Alhaitham. In this sense, Kaveh rejected societal norms and only acknowledged personal value, independent from the economic value they may produce, which in this case was none. Hence why their… friendship fell apart.
We saw him also follow his own principles in A Parade of Providence when he rejected Sachin's nihilistic research, for instance.
Their core philosophies rely on the concepts of altruism and collectivism (Kaveh) versus individualism (Alhaitham). Kaveh is someone who prioritizes collective well being and is willing to depart from his own gains in order to accomodate others; while Alhaitham is someone who prioritizes individual stability, and he doesn't believe intervening in the status quo serves any purpose unless it produces meaningful change.
For example, in one of their message boards banters, Kaveh empathizes with a group of workers whose experience in their field has been deemed obsolete due to the Akasha and they can no longer find stable jobs. He offers to put them in contact with someone who is looking to hire, and it seems he plans to aid them with additional money too.
Alhaitham argues that this single act of kindness is useless, since it doesn’t fix the root cause of the issue: even if Kaveh gives up the money now to help this small group of workers, there are many others suffering from the same problem, and after this job they will still struggle to find another. Society evolves and advances in one direction, and attempting to go against its flow is illogical.
In Alhaitham’s understanding, individual gestures won’t change a system where those without power or capital are left adrift, but Kaveh refuses to stand by to watch people suffer. Still, by giving up his own well being he’s condemning himself to perpetual suffering without a significant purpose other than kindness for the sake of kindness.
(Funny enough, it’s Alhaitham himself who plays a central role in overthrowing the corrupt political class of the Akademiya in the archon quest, thus effectively fixing at least some of those root issues)
The Need to Belong
Kaveh’s altruism is genuine, if a little influenced by his compulsive guilt due to believing that he caused his own family’s demise. He grieves the losses he’s suffered and the loneliness left behind to such a degree that he can’t ignore those in need around him. He aims to help others in order to avoid guilt, yet he himself feels burdened by the weight of his reputation and can’t afford to ask the same from others. When he finds himself in debt and alone, there’s only one person who has remained the same, both in ideals and in terms of his relationship to Kaveh.
On the other hand, Alhaitham had a recluse childhood. His parents died before he was old enough to remember them, and his grandmother allowed him to study at home instead of the Akademiya. As a result, he grew up without forming meaningful interpersonal bonds (except Kaveh) and to be self-sufficient and of independent thought.
Family is, after all, a micro-community: a small group of people who depend on each other to survive. And Alhaitham is a character who lives outside the borders of society, independent from his relationship to others. It is precisely for this reason that he’s able to detach himself from the Akademiya during the archon quest in order to overthrow Azar —even though, as we know, it was a selfish decision in nature, since he wanted to maintain his job as the Scribe (and therefore, the stability that Kaveh relied on).
We’ve seen the problems that belonging to a community conveys in Nahida and Alhaitham’s story quests: the people who wanted to avoid grief by staying with the memories of their dead loved ones, and the scholars who felt ostracized from their community and organized into a hive mind to share their strengths (though at the same time sharing their weaknesses).
Though both gathered people with a unified interest that made the community function, the nature of this collective commitment was fragile and fated to fail. However, rather than focusing on individual faults, it’s important to note the characters who got involved in these communities were more a product of their environment and a victim to their own human vulnerabilities, whether grief, arrogance or loneliness.
Unlike Alhaitham, who has a comfortable job that pays well enough to spend on luxuries and doesn’t have any blood relatives to take care of or fulfill filial piety for, characters like Ilyas were burdened by these constraints, and the additional emotional need to belong in society.
Only focusing on people’s strengths while leaving their weaknesses unattended, like in the Hivemind from Alhaitham’s quest, makes the structure of the community frail and it will easily crumble.
Supplying a means to ignore people’s pains or vulnerabilities instead of actual support, like the illusion world created to avoid grief from Nahida’s story quest, only leads to stagnation.
There are certainly wrong ways to go about in building a society, but the solution is not to become individualistic.
Building A Successful Community
In Nahida’s voicelines she says:
(In Chinese, that final “us” is between quotes)
Interpreting this line in terms of how society is built, Nahida argues that there are common people who depend on the support of a community to survive and thrive (the “mediocre majority”), so naturally without them there is no nation (“us”).
A nation is not made of exceptional individuals only, nor is it upheld only by those with more power. Everyone deserves to have their needs met, and everyone can contribute in their own ways.
The Grand Bazaar that supports the Zubayr Theater is depicted as a small community which thrives on human connection and collectivism within the borders of the city.
In Nilou’s story quest we see that the locals are fine giving away their merch for free so that the goods won’t be wasted, that they welcome anyone who is willing to be part of them and protect each other fiercely, and that they share a bond that goes beyond just working for wages.
This quest features a daughter alienated from her father who seeks to escape the burden of the Akademiya’s traditional concept of family, but finds true connection among the theater. When her father threatens to demolish the place, all of them stand together as one and turn this bond into a strength. A debate is held, and Nilou acts as a representative against the Akademiya (and its values).
Nilou and Sharif's daughter, Inayah, end up winning the debate and their right to remain functioning as a theater.
A collective formed on the basis of human connection is fated to succeed, Nahida is right to consider this in her understanding of an ideal nation.
However, Alhaitham is not blind to this fact either.
Alhaitham’s Tether To Community
He has an exceptional intellect, but that doesn’t mean he lacks emotional intelligence as it’s usually assumed. He may not share the pains of others like an empath, but the archon quest proved that emotion should be appreciated where it’s meant to be valued: this was precisely the key to fight the sages at the Akademiya when they used Cyno as an involuntary mole.
At the end of the Sumeru archon quest, Alhaitham says this about the Grand Bazaar during the toast of victory:
And then, immediately brings up Kaveh:
In this sense, it could be said that Kaveh is to Alhaitham what the people at the Grand Bazaar are to each other. A bond formed not on the basis of academic pursuits, but on human connection. It is not measured by the results produced of joint collaboration, and whether there’s failure or success, it can still stand on its own and act as a support for both parties.
Nahida's voiceline:
Considering Nahida says Kaveh has an almost perfect grasp on what it means to be a nation of wisdom, maybe Kaveh is the person that allows Haitham to be an active part of this ideal society which is based on human connection, altruism and collectivism.
After all, as someone who exists outside of society by choice, Alhaitham has lent Kaveh a hand in a time of need. It is unclear if he owed it to him, since Kaveh refused his part of the house that was a product of their collaboration, but Haitham isn't concerned about it.
Alhaitham’s voiceline:
Due to his reputation, Kaveh can’t show his vulnerabilities to other people, but there are certainly those who are now able to see through him and support him like Tighnari, Cyno and Alhaitham.
Alhaitham mostly refuses to be part of their little group, but he has Kaveh, their relationship is defined by a concept of community (and, by extension, family) that is unique to them, and based on connection.
Final notes: I left this post up for interpretation, but when I mention "family" it includes romantic relationships. A significant other/romantic partner is a person's family too, and the bond is just as strong and committed as that of platonic or filial relationships. I don't personally ship these characters myself (their dynamic just isn't my cup of tea, otherwise I'd be on board), but fans who do are also engaging in analysis of their dynamic and to me that perspective matters.
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HxH Headcanons I believe very strongly (SFW)
I felt particularly called to do this so here they are
- Kite will say “huh” after you ask a question only to respond immediately after.
- Hisoka will lock the windows after telling people he’s going to fart in the car.
- Killua tears off all paper towel rolls unevenly and leaves them like that.
- Gon is dyslexic; on top of this i don’t think he’s ever had a formal education other than what mito has taught him before so he’s pretty academically stunted in general.
- Leorio drinks a glass of warm milk before bed every night; he is also lactose intolerant.
- Killua used to walk around the house and open people’s bedroom doors and leave them open.
- Leorio can sing but he doesn’t know his vocal range so he sounds like a dying bird when he does.
- Chrollo will just stare directly at you for a solid 30 seconds if you ask him a dumb question; you won’t receive an answer and he will go back to reading.
- Kurapika has grown so accustomed to his chains that they actually smell like metal; he really hates the smell but it helps maintain their “realistic” formz
- At some point Gon and Killua definitely got a hold of one of Bisky’s “Manly magazines”. They were silent the whole rest of the day.
- Gon thinks crocs are the best invention in the whole world. The automobile? Fire? Nah, Gon will say crocs. (He owns lots of jibbitz)
- Half of kite’s legs hang off when he sleeps on a regular bed. He prefers to sleep on the floor because it accomodates his height and that’s what he’s used to.
- Knuckle cries at ASPCA commercials every single time.
- Gon likes to play super smash bros with Killua, and he will get beaten every single time. He still continues to play for like the next 4 hours.
- Speaking of which, Killua definitely mains Ridley and Gon mains Little mac.
- Killua wants Gon to pick a better main but Gon refuses every time because “Little Mac is more fun, and he’s just like me.”
- Killua cannot disagree with that reasoning
- Ging eventually has to give “the talk” to Gon, but Ging is literally the last human being on earth anyone would want to get the talk from. The responsibility ends up being pushed to Leorio instead, an actual licensed medical professional.
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Thank you for reading I appreciate it greatly! If u want more just let me know :) feel free to request certain characters as well.
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what ships do you like??
Sorry this took so long to answer(and that its so long lol). I started watching SP barely 2 months ago so haven't really had the chance to think about it and draw out some pairings yet; this was really helpful to me too!
Stan: don't particularly ship Stan w anyone except maybe Wendy. I love him but he's a bit too actively self-centered. I kinda compartmentalize ships in my head between aesthetics and vibes, and aesthetics-wise I find both Stan and Craig look good w Kenny.
Bunny: idk I just like it. Both are compassionate and sweet and rlly high energy but have qualities the other lacks and could learn from. Kenny is stubborn and indignant- he knows what he wants and isn't concerned with judgement(while never to the detriment of others)- due to Butters' upbringing he foregoes this entirely, although you can tell he wants to change. With both's selflessness and patience they're more than capable of meeting in the middle. Kenny is also really socially adept- he seamlessly rides the flow of conversations which Butters with his naive openness would let sweep him away. This openness however is Butters' greatest strength; he's principled and prone to forgiveness and seeing the good in people, as well as being surprisingly emotionally mature(he also has a not-so-well-hidden crazy side which im sure Kenny would appreciate)
Kyman: Eric is obsessed with Kyle- its more than obvious- obsessed in ways that would rub off on anyone given the his very nature. This shows itself at times that contrast well with the others' indifference. Their personalities fit almost a bit too well- Cartman the passionate sadistic antagonist and Kyle equally so the imposer of morality. They're both leaders and big personalities in their own right and it's clear that Cartman's strong feelings can go both ways so it may just work out.
Creek: still have 6 seasons to go till I get there but it's easy to see how perfect they are- Craig especially needs someone who relies on him and gives him a sense of purpose and a focus for his attention, spicing up his life and saving him from his own listlessness little by little while expanding his comfort zone
(Actually drew this one before lol. I just thought it fit the description)
Token/Tolkien: I rlly love Token- he's compassionate and patient and willing to indulge others- not for the sake of it tho, as he's very grounded and sensible enough to know more or less what will or won't benefit him. He's also extremely loyal and a team player- qualities which make me kinda ship him with Clyde. I love the idea of him having to compensate for or accomodate for the other's (lack of) proactiveness/outgoingness. Clyde's laziness being an excuse for Token to fuss over him and devote time to helping him academically and in general(this also works with Craig). I also kinda ship him with Bebe for the opposite reason- rhe only reason I prefer Clyde however is Token's sensitivity; it may be quite easy for her to take advantage of his kindness(Actually I prefer him w Wendy much for for this)
Thanks for reading if you got to the end of this lol (о´∀`о)
And sorry there are probably spelling mistakes(and that my handwriting sucks lol)
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