#ace isn't even in the same category as lgbt identities.

[acespec-ed]

I hate that being Ace often feels like being 'diet-LGBT', even to ourselves. I caught myself thinking about my conservative christian family today and went 'well, they'll probably be okay with me being Ace since that's at least not really LGBT'. I hate that I often feel like I can't claim my identity, even in my own head.

"Diet-LGBT” is a good description of that feeling. I feel the same way, especially being cis and heteroromantic. I think the biggest problem is, nobody thinks of aces/aros whenever they think of LGBT+. Like, I'll never feel truly comfortable calling myself LGBT+ because of the assumption that LGBT+ means you're either attracted to the same gender, and/or trans. So it feels like I'd be misleading people by referring to myself as such. And then there's so much homophobia and transphobia that people hear about every day. That some people call others out on. But you never hear anyone (outside of ace/aro spaces) discuss or call out aphobia. It's like, no one's aware of the issues we have. So many people unknowingly say or do aphobic things. And then turn around and say we're not "oppressed enough" to call ourselves LGBT+. But the fact is, LGBT+ encompasses everyone who isn't a cis heteroromantic heterosexual. We don't fall under that category. So we count as LGBT+. (Not only that, but LGBT+ isn’t a competition of what identity is the most oppressed.)

If it helps, I've seen countless aros and aces say that they feel worse about being aro/ace than being trans/bi/gay/etc. If people who fall under the other letters feel like being aro/ace is worse, or have gone through worse things for being aro/ace, then that must mean that, yeah, we have valid problems. We are LGBT+ enough.

Aside from that, I don’t have much advice on how to get over the feeling. But you are definitely not alone in feeling that way. I feel it too. 💜

#asks

[florenceisfalling]

Sometimes I wonder what the point of labels in regards to sexuality even is when everyone insists every single label needs to encompass every single person. And when people say 'well the definition is old, now it means X!' and all they've done is change the "exclusionary" definition (i.e; the entire meaning of the label) so it now forcibly includes X, Y and Z.

And I know people are going to jump to conclusions and call me a TERF or a bigot or whatever, but I'm just genuinely confused why there's such an opposition to some labels and identities not including every single spectrum of gender identity?

Or why every single label has to be a spectrum? If that makes sense? Like when I was growing up, 'lesbian' was a label for women (trans or cis) who were exclusively romantically and sexually attracted to women. Unless you were an ace or aro lesbian, in which case you still exclusively liked women, just only romantically or only sexually.

Now lesbian seems to have no meaning, because it means 'non-men loving non-men' except it also includes men and people with penises who use he/him but they're not 'a man' so they're a lesbian, and its just... Super confusing?

Same with being gay. Its 'non-women loving non-women' but its fine for a person with a vagina using she/her pronouns to be gay, because being gay was forcibly changed because it was offensive to non-gay people who just wanted to use the label gay?

I do believe that every gender and sexuality is valid, but I also believe that we're reaching a point of extreme inclusivity and an extreme 'all or nothing' stance that is slowly eradicating the actual meaning of any of the identities within the LGBT+ community. If there's an identity that doesn't include your gender identity, instead of forcibly altering it because you believe you're entitled to it, why not just create an identity that does include you? Or find an existing identity that does?

Everyone is so opposed to 'boxes' and 'limitations' in the community but nobody is pausing to consider that actually, you can't have an identifying label without there being some form of actual criteria by which the label is defined. And that's not a bad thing. The term was created in order to define and give a moniker to X specific set of criteria. Its not an oppressive box you're being forced into.

anon i am like half asleep right now so this isn't going to be a big deep dive like i typically do but

just gonna drop my long post about the word "lesbian" and how it didn't actually really ever mean exclusively wlw

gay is an umbrella term for a reason, lesbian was originally an umbrella term, i don't know why people think the queer community just popped out fully organized into little categories when throughout history a ton of it was just "do you not fit the norm? ok ur probably gonna get associated with [insert group here]." like our community wasn't formed out of wanting specific labels, it was about people who cast out from the rest of society making a place for themselves. gay wasn't forcibly changed to include everyone, it's been like that for a long time

a lot of butches have been going by he/him for decades, a lot of gay femmes have been going by she/her for just as long (like. drag queens? hello), and trans people are allowed to mess around with their gender presentation just as much as cis gay people

also people did keep making specific terms for their sexuality that suited their gender identity and then kept getting bullied for being "trenders making things up" or whatever

this ask kinda irks me out in a lot of ways but i'm going to just assume you have ok intentions. but mate you gotta realize there's a reason people might assume you're a t/erf

if you want my opinion on the general concept rather than specific details, i think labels and boxes are just optional tools. i think the focus on specific labels being separate from each other is part of the problem in the queer community bc like... bi wlw and lesbians really should not have to feel super separated when their experience is so similar. & also sexuality and gender are both fluid. if someone cares about their labels because it makes them happy, so be it! respect! i want that for them, i wish every happy little gender euphoria moment and sense of belonging to them!! but i genuinely wish we'd stop treating every label like it's a pass to a certain club, or like it's a fucking hogwarts house we're taking a quiz on. the queer community has so many wonderful things, but we need to remember that it's not always a party, it's a pack of people sticking together to try and keep ourselves safe. the idea of every queer experience being "wholly different" based off labels our oppressors really don't care about is stupid to me

#discourse

[ampblamp]

Gay can often include lesbians but, for instance, telling a bi person they're gay because they're currently dating the same gender makes it very hard to tell if you're being lazy or actively telling them their identity isn't real. Also some people call ace or nb people gay even though they cannot be by definition so that's annoying at best, and some people call trans people gay in ways that can sound a lot like misgendering (eg lesbians). So that's why gay as an LGBT+ umbrella term is not great.

huh. whuh. why do you care to try and educate some rando like me

to be fair As A Bi i do hate it when people try to sort bi folks' relationships into categories of straight/gay but like. idk. if ur a bi dude and ur dating another dude its still fine to call it a gay relationship imo cause as i understand it, it's not actually stating that the people themselves are gay. just that the relationship itself is yknow. homosexuelle

the post i reblogged never proposed using gay as an umbrella term to replace lgbt+. i agree that'd be dumb and nonsensical tho. regardless i get it if some nb folks don't want to be called gay but i know a lot of em including me do. as long as ur not forcing a label on someone else its like... does it matter... i'm nb and bi and i call myself gay all the time.. its whatever

#asks #anonymous #also can't ace ppl be like. homoromantic #unless u mean aro?