#ace lesbians who never had sex with no one should be platinum stars

[thequietsoliloquy]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

I'm a lesbian with a heart of gold.

If the answer matters to you, please refer to Contrapoint's youtube video "Shame". Her words perfectly conveys my own experience, minus being transgender.

That being said, I think your ask is a good opportunity to have an important conversation here:

The concept of the Gold Star lesbian shouldn't exist, and for one simple reason: only lesbians with enough love and support around them can claim that title. At the basis of it all, a Gold Star lesbian is a woman who has the privilege of living in an environment where she is neither expected nor forced to have sex with a man. Too many women are pressured into being with men, if only by being shamed into it. Too many women are taken without their consent. Being a Gold Star Lesbian is just another way of saying "I grew up safe enough not to bother with men".

Let me add to that this question: what is a man? A person with a penis? Is a lesbian who has sex with a person who has a penis not a gold star lesbian anymore? And what about lesbians who enjoys sex with a strap-on? Is penetration on the list of no-no also? The concept of Gold Star lesbian doesn't stand as much as it once did, because it refers to a harsh binary of the sexes. Therefore, it erases non-binary/trans identities from the conversation. I love women, and that love includes non-binary/trans women, with or without a penis.

If the question refers to strictly cishet men, then again, Contrapoint's video.

Joking around about being or not a Gold Star Lesbian with people we trust, or even on the Internet with other lesbians and queer people, that's one thing. It's funny. We know we're in it together. Being asked out of the blue by an anonymous person on the Internet? Of course you might very well be a lesbian/queer yourself, but the question is intrusive, as well as a stark reminder that I did not grow up in environment where I could naturally grow and love myself as a lesbian. And that makes me sad, because I could have been a proud lesbian for a little over a decade now if I had. Better late than never, isn't it?

#ask #lesbian #wlw #gold star lesbian #queer #lgbtq+ #concepts that shouldn't exist anymore #but are still fun to laugh about with friends and people who understand #ace lesbians who never had sex with no one should be platinum stars #question I almost chose not to answer to but I think the reasoning has some importance #queer theory #intersectionality #class and race/culture are a thing within queer culture #let's not forget about it