#actually anorexia

[backheretowither]

Okay but like, the fact that I realised this afternoon that I can track the calories in my gummy multivitamins is SO fucking funny.

Am I going to do it from now on? Yes.

Am I irrationally upset that I haven't been tracking them before now, even though there are so few calories that it doesnt matter? Also yes.

#ed tmblr #tw calories #tw disordered eating #ed bllog #cw ed #disordered eating #edulting #a4a #anor3x14 #tw ana diary #actually anorexia #anarecyx #anorekix #personal #shouting into the tumblr void #tw ed #tw eating issues #3at1ng d1s0rd3r #tw 3d

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

Do it halfway. Take one piece of trash out of your room, throw one dirty shirt into your hamper. Go to one class and miss a different one. Start a drawing without pressure to finish it. Give yourself space to Be without the expectation to Become, and do small things to make the Being livable.

#mod cass #edrecovery #pro ana #actually ed #pro mia #meanspo #sweetspo #bonespo #og post #pro anna #pro miia #anorexia #thinspo #bulimia #handspo #eating disorder #pro recovery #thinspiration #recovery #depression #healing #mental illness

[hakeem0n]

No amount of weight loss will ever make me worthy of love.

#ed #trauma #vent #traumacore #venting #actually traumatized #an0r3xia #depression #anorexia #bulimia #thinspo #low cal ana #suicidal #bonespo #legspo #deathspo #b0nespo #i wanna be weightless #eating disorder #bul1mia #depressed #relapse #ventcore

[honeycalories]

when youve been suffering your ed for years and see a newbie say "i cant wait to reach my gw so i can eat whatever i want!!!"

#like... #who wants to tell them #that this isnt a diet and you most definitely wont be able to stop the symptoms of your disorder on a whim #that this is a hellish spiral that will last for years for a decade for longer than that #lmaoooo dont take this too seriously but also bfr #pro ana #anamia #proo ana #pro x ana #eating disorder #osfed #anorexia #bulimia #ednos #actuallyed #thinsp0 #malespo #malesp0 #male ana #proana #edblr

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

tw anorexia

npd anorexia culture is having this itchy feeling because you want everyone know how little you ate today so you could get attention and words of affirmation but you don't do this because you don't get any and your ed is actually scary people

.

#npd culture is #npd + anorexia culture is #npd + eating disorder culture is #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #anorexia #eating disorder #ed #ed tw

[anaalnathrakhs]

oh god ed reddit is having the “uwu anorexia isn’t rooted in fatphobia my mental illness is not abt you” talk again please god help me

fatphobia doesn’t mean “being a meanie to fat ppl” i’m begging you to use critical thinking skills for five seconds and apply what you know about literally any other form of oppression to this situation.

people’s point isn’t that you having anorexia makes them feel bad and therefore you’re a bad fatphobic person.

they’re pointing out how the deeply ingrained fatphobia our society upholds, from misconceptions about health to moralization of looks and weight, including yes being jerks to fat ppl’s faces bc they’re fat, is affecting what you think about your own looks, weight, health, body, clothes, eating habits, etc.

the logic isn’t “you became anorexic because you hate fat people so much you never wanted to be fat yourself (and that makes you a bad person)” it’s “fatphobia is a prism that transforms the root cause of your ed into disordered thoughts, behaviors, and patterns (and unlearning fatphobia will help you with recovery and harm-reduction)”

like. it’s not for no reason that anorexia is a disorder that disproportionatedly affects women. it’s not for no reason that there’s sky high comorbidity rates for eds and ocd. it’s not for no reason that people who need control in their lives so badly that they develop a mental disorder abt it get obssessed with being skinny and not with being a sumo. it’s not for no reason that ppl who feel the need to retract to childhood due to trauma envy things like being skinny light and frail, instead of being a tubby baby. it’s not for no reason that there is an incredibly common anorexic thought pattern (internal and self-directed, don’t make me say what i didn’t say) that associaties restriction and weight loss with moral goodness.

for each of these there IS a number of exceptions, but you can see case by case how the root cause (trauma, need for control, for self-destruction, growing up poor, whatever you think is “unrelated to fatphobia” basically) is processed through the prism of the fatphobic culture we’ve all been raised in. some people just, voluntarily or not, deal with those root causes in different way, which might or might not be healthy. but it’s a consequence of ambiant fatphobia that “i should starve and be skinny about it” is a statistically pretty common response to this distress.

the point isn’t “it’s fatphobic that you don’t deal with your neuroses in a body positive way uwu” the point is that no matter how cool you are with fat people on like, a personal level, you’ve been (like the rest of us) bombarded with fatphobic thought patterns your entire life basically, both directly fatphobic things and reactions to this fatphobia. maybe spoken to you directly, maybe not. maybe about you maybe about other people. you live in a society that places moral values into looks and health, and also pushes some deeply rooted falsehoods about how those things tie into each other. you have a disorder defined by obsessive behaviors. maybe, just maybe, deconstructing the logic that those obsessives behaviors are based upon will help you deal with this disorder. and recover or reduce harm.

basically, anorexia isn’t “getting skinny disorder” it’s “obsession disorder”, obsession with looking attractive, or pleasing your family, or going back to being a kid, or being healthy, or being fit, or being driven and capable, or being worth saving, or having your suffering known, or having control over something, or whatever. the fatphobia that is omnipresent (and i repeat, omnipresent, nobody is singling you out as a bad fatphobic meanie, or even talking about your behavior towards other people around you) in our society picks the direction in which many many people will express that disorder.

of course if you live in a society that tells you “being fat is morally bad” at every turn, when you start developping an obssessive pathological need to control things, without another factor weighting in, most people’s default reaction will be anorexia. food is a regular fixture of everybody’s life, everyone wants to be morally good, and even if we know/understand/believe to an extent the flaws of that “fat = bad” logic we know the world around us still believes it, and nobody wants to be treated like shit. we can think it’s stupid and fight against fatphobia and work to treat fat ppl better in our lives and support body positivity, but in any case, one always judges oneself on different metrics than they judge others, cuz we control our self-improvement. that’s natural. just it doesn’t mesh well with a pathologically obssessive need for control above self-preservation.

#ed tw #ana #notprojusttags #proana #ed #last year i got into an argument abt this that was so potent #it caused me to turn all my childhood attempts of having anorexia into actually having purging disorder #out of fucking spite #guess what you dicks from last year i have anorexia now i still think you're wrong #in an act of good faith i'll say i'm ready to admit that maybe it's just that my debating skills suck #maybe i'm just a shitty argumentative writer #maybe i didn't formulate things right and that's why people got the wrong idea #and that's not a maybe i was not considerate enough of causes of anorexia that aren't related to weight directly #like food insecurity as a child and whatnot #however #no matter how bad the delivery might've been #we're not working with a completely different dictionary here #i remember people actively arguing with things i literally said the opposite of #you can't chalk everyone and everything up to that but man some ppl were really not in a state to have this kind of discussion #come back after your omad #broadcasting my misery #discourse #vent #fatphobia #fatphobia tw

[whsprings]

but you aren't a lost cause and you do have the time.

#ed recovery #pro recovery #mental health #anorexia recovery #recovery #mental illness #actually mentally ill #positivity #reminder #bulimia recovery #binge eating recovery

[sserrated]

👼🏻

#don’t know if it’s just being back in this house #but I’m scared #I’m feeling like I really miss my ED #like I actually miss my bulimia #and anorexia and my anorexic body #It’s been like stepping back in time and I’m trying hard to fight it #but damn I miss that time #and most of all that body and that feeling #g0r3c0r3 #g0recore #g0rewh0re #cnc k!nk #cute gore #intox kink #ed relapse #3d relapse #I miss the routine of my bulimia #and all the routines and structure and control of my ED

[notdelusionalatall]

❗TW: EATING DISORDER❗

#disturbed #actually mentally ill #feminine hysteria #tw vent #tw personal #tw personal vent #tw personal rant #tw eating disorder #eating disorders #tw eating disorders #tw anorexia #anorexia #i wanna be skinny #ed memes #ed meme

[himba-va-lele]

Really really sick of ARFID being treated as "adult picky eater" or "extreme picky eater" as if it's not a fucking eating disorder. That autistic kid isn't being difficult by only eating a certain brand of cereal and that anxious adult isn't being ridiculous by refusing to eat anything green. They literally have an EATING DISORDER.

If I see one more post thats like "um yeah well I'm autistic and I got over being a picky eater. Man up and stop having a toddler palate 💖" well I'm sure most of these people would love to (I know I would) but we have a FUCK.ING EAT.ING DIS.ORD.ER that people have DIED FROM.

Stop acting like we're being difficult or narrow-minded or 'uncultured'.

#ed mention #Also also people with ARFID are way more likely to develop anorexia or bulmia #arfid #tw arfid #actually arfid #actually autistic #autism #autistic #autistic adult

[fuck-your-proana-blog]

#she could have an ED but AN is not it #actually anorexia #anorexia nervosa #anorexia nervosa criteria #tess holliday #Youtube #eating disorder #ED

[actuallyverynormalbtw]

avoidant antisocial agoraphobic anorexic addict AND autistic????

alliteration :/

#the universe had a good time w this one #I ON THE OTHER HAND AM NOT #actually mentally ill #tw ed mention #tw anorexia #ed mention #ed ment tw #actually traumatized #actually avpd #tw addiction #actually addicted #actually autistic #actuallyaspd #agoraphobia

[carrotzcake]

i had a really good therapy session today and coffee date, challenged myself by splitting a pastry andd made an everyplate meal (my friend gave me a coupon) without focusing too much on the nutritional info. some anxiety about it but it was tasty and felt good about trying something new! date was #3 with this person and it feels really promising. i haven't drank since thursday so fully detoxed, feeling more clearheaded, sleeping better, not urgey.

#personal #date #therapy #monday #recovery #eating disorder recovery #anorexia #bulimia #ednos #osfed #actuallyanorexia #actuallybulimia #actuallyED #edulting

[hakeem0n]

I just want to be fragile and pretty. I want to be loved.

#ed #trauma #vent #traumacore #actually traumatized #venting #an0r3xia #depression #eating disorder #anorexia #thinspo #bulimia #low cal ana #depressed #suicidal #ventcore #bonespo #bul1mia #legspo #relapse

[honeycalories]

when youve been suffering your ed for years and see a newbie say "i cant wait to reach my gw so i can eat whatever i want!!!"

#like... #who wants to tell them #that this isnt a diet and you most definitely wont be able to stop the symptoms of your disorder on a whim #that this is a hellish spiral that will last for years for a decade for longer than that #lmaoooo dont take this too seriously but also bfr #pro ana #anamia #proo ana #pro x ana #eating disorder #osfed #anorexia #bulimia #ednos #actuallyed #thinsp0 #malespo #malesp0 #male ana #proana

[kaunisbaby]

i was looking at myself today and thinking. i hated my hip dips for so long. like literally hated them. the part of my body i hated the most shape-wise

but literally. im super fit and i have a visible six pack. and the dips are still there

back when i was extremely underweight because of my anorexia they were still there

because it's literally bones

i hate that we're conditioned to hate things we can't change while being told they can change. it's a fucking scam like?? i had hip dips at any bmi ive ever been at. no diet and no product will ever take them away?? and it's okay??

now i don't care about them, i grew to accept them, but only after i understood they're here to stay. how can you accept something when you think you can always try harder.

#same goes for cellulite #and wrinkles #and so many things actually #personal #ed tw #anorexia tw