Aro culture is being frustrated that acts like giving flowers and stuffed animals are seen as romantic gestures when really you like making people smile!
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y’all do understand that dismantling amatonormativity and arophobia isn’t just... “haha you’re valid”, right
it’s young aromantics not being told by their peers that they’re weird because they don’t have a crush, and them not intentionally avoiding making friends in fear of being excluded from conversations
it’s aromantics being able to see themselves in mainstream media in many diverse ways, and alloromantics respecting canon aromantic identities instead of crying over “shipping”, and aromanticism finally being included in queer discussions, sex ed, etc.
it’s romance repulsed kids and teens not (sometimes traumatically) forcing themselves to like something they never want because they’ve been taught, intentionally or not, that if they don’t have romance, they will live a miserable life
it’s aromantics being able to come out and people actually understanding what it means and not asking invasive questions they wouldn’t ask an allocishet person or even other queers
it’s non-partnering aromantics not having severe anxiety about their future financial states because they fear that they will not be able to pay their bills without a married partner’s money to help out
it’s allosexual aromantics being able to come out and not fear sexual harassment, rape, assault, etc. because others take their orientation as “asking for it” or as automatic consent to sexual acts
it’s religious aromantics not feeling like they’ve failed their religion by not wanting a traditional idea of marriage, sex, romance, etc. as their religion may present it, and them not being rejected by their family and peers as a result
it’s aromantics, especially women, being able to reject romantic advances or break up with someone without fear of being seen as an inherently bad person/villain or being harassed/assaulted/insulted because people can’t take no for an answer
it’s loveless aromantics not being shunned and left out of conversations regarding love, and aplatonic aromantics not being antagonized for not feeling affection for friends, and aromantics not always feeling like they have to prove themselves to alloromantics somehow
it’s lovequeer and queerplatonic/alterous aromantics not being told that their love or relationships are queerbaiting, giving off mixed signals, or that it’s never strong enough or can never be life-changing the way romance can
it’s so much more than just “aromantics are valid uwu”, the same way that dismantling other anti-queerness is so much more than “gays and trans are valid uwu”.
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reblog if you:
are struggling with online school
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It's okay to be aromantic actually. Romantic love isn't a necessary prerequisite to be happy for everyone.
You can like romantic stuff without wanting those things for yourself. You can ship fictional characters, knowing that what they have (the romantic relationship) isn't what will make you happy.
It's fine, you're no less human for it. You're a complete and whole person already.
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yall the point of aros speaking out about amatonormativity is not to shame you for wanting a romantic relationship. it’s not to shame you for having a romantic relationship be an important goal or milestone for you
it’s simply to say that specifically a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is not wanted by all, and should not be an expectation for all or even most in our society. it should not be a legally incentivized status, it’s frustrating when it’s the only thing people talk about regarding your favorite media, and removing even a single word from the definition creates a type of relationship that is heavily scrutinized
it’s ok to want that kind of relationship. however I also think it’s important to think about why. if it’s something you want simply because it’s expected, because you don’t know what else you’d do or what your life would look like without it.. maybe that’s something to explore. and if you determine that it’s something you truly want. that’s ok
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i really like that there are aros who said 'i'll call something love when i feel like calling it love, fuck you all" and that there are aros who said "love is not real for me, fuck you all" and i just think lovequeer people and loveless people are great and important and should have a great evening
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The thing that gets me about Data is that like, while he does explicitly state that he cannot love this can be easily written off as him just failing to recognize how he experiences emotion differently from organics, right. He says he doesn't feel anything but it's pretty evident he does, in a lot of instances. Like, a vast number of instances. Nearly every time he does anything tbh
He obviously cares for people familially and platonically, and seems to generally understand the concept of romance, but when he tries to emulate it, it just... Doesn't work, at all. It's not him, he's just repeating behaviors he has observed to be appropriate for the situation, which hits uncannily close to home for me as an aro person
Idk! I just love that funky robot. There is just not even an ounce of allo in him
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What do you mean, you can feel romantic attraction? I can't imagine that, sounds fake.
Is that like a thing you found on the internet?
Maybe you're just confused, are you sure you can feel it?
Gosh, that must be so sad for you. Your life will be full of heartbreak and illusion.
You need someone to complete you? Idk man, that sounds weird.
You can't possibly live a fullfilling life like this.
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Thinking about just how non-amorous aros have to explain time and time again that we do not want (romantic) relationships in the slightest. About how aros who do want to have a partner/partners have to explain themselves time and time again. How polyam aros have to explain themselves. How loveless and or aplatonic aros have to explain themselves.
Time. And time. And time again.
It's almost as if alloros are going out of their own way to misunderstand us. It shows just how radical for aro-spec people to exist as ourselves in this world.
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i personally think that lovequeer aros and loveless aros should form an alliance, because i am personally ready to fight anyone who says anything bad about loveless aros and i think they are very cool.
-sincerely, your friendly neighborhood lovequeer aro.
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Aro culture is wanting to be neighbors with your life partner instead of living together. Please be nearby so we can hang out but also this is my space
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every time i see the “aromantics are lucky cause they don’t go through heartbreak” i just laugh.
cause when my best friend moved away, when i failed that test i pulled four all-nighters studying for, when my awesome guy friend had to stop hanging out with me because his girlfriend felt jealous, when me or someone else is targeted because of my/their race or orientation or gender, when i realize that COVID won’t be leaving any time soon, when my parents expect me to get married to a man someday and i realize i can’t ever come out to them if i want them to love me, when other people in the aspec community shame me for being alloaro, when i look in the mirror and break down because i don’t feel like i belong in my body, when i don’t know where i’m going in life because i was always told it was supposed to have romance... among so many other things, i feel heartbreak. every. single. day.
but no, heartbreak has to be inherently romantic. because non-romantic pain is somehow inherently weaker or nonexistent. because romantic feelings are the only form of emotion. because losing a friend or a loved one is somehow inherently not as significant as losing a romantic partner, because apparently, aromantic = emotionless.
and honestly? having my struggles invalidated like that is more heartbreaking than ever.
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So I went to a vespers about love and relationships the other day (i know), and it really cemented in me how i can literally only respond to the question "are you single or taken" with "I'm aromantic". The way that allos view and look at singleness and dating is so fundamentally different than the way I do (and other aros I'm sure) that i literally cannot even use their terminology
I feel like dating is kinda self explanatory, so for singleness: when allos think of singleness they think of a temporary, undesirable state that they either need to get out of or "make use of a bad situation" and work on themselves. It's always single in the context of wanting to date, of looking towards dating as the goal. Being single is either a temporary, annoying set back to that goal, or it's a time to prepare for dating in the future (whether that be allowing time to grieve past relationships before moving on or to "find themself")
Whereas for me singleness is the default, it's what's expected, it's what I'm comfortable with. Nothing about it is geared towards other people or future relationships. There's no goal in mind other than just living life. Dating to me is the deviation, being single is the default. And so I literally can't use the term single bc it has a completely different meaning to me than it does for allos
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Would I really like to get married some day or is it just the amatonormativity making me scared of not doing it?
I guess we'll never know
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for me romance repulsion is less “oh gross people kissing, that’s so disgusting” and far more “oh my god that guy I’ve been friendly with in class just asked me out and now I think I’m having a panic attack because I don’t fucking want to be in this situation”
it’s taken me a long time to realize that I have that reaction because I specifically don’t like the ridged rules and assumptions frequently made in a Romantic Relationship™. you’re supposed to feel a certain way, act a certain way, and do certain things in a certain order with implications on the seriousness of the relationship. I’m aromantic, so feelings are vauge, changing, and unreliable as a foundation for a relationship. I’m autistic, so social rules and assumptions are a nightmare. what if I want to do things out of order? what if I decide I don’t like something anymore? what if I don’t see something as a ‘step forward’?
and it’s possible, but so hard to fit all these accommodations into a romantic relationship, and that’s before you add that I’m also poly and I don’t view relationships as a hierarchy. my friendships are as important to me as any other relationship. I don’t see romantic relationships as special or unique in any way, they simply ask for a different kind of commitment. traditional relationships just don’t make sense for me
in a romantic relationship, I feel trapped and misunderstood. I feel like I’m lying and being lied to simultaneously. but if you take the same level of commitment, the same ‘romantic’ activities, but this time built on a foundation of communication and respect? if each step is chosen because it makes sense for our needs and wants, rather than following an outline for how it ‘should’ work? if I’m allowed and expected to change, if it’s known and accepted that my feelings are unreliable, my attraction is nonexistent, and I’m not expected to perform alloromanticism or allistic behavior to stroke my partner’s ego? all of a sudden I’m comfortable
romance repulsion can take a lot of forms. some people experience it very differently—but it can also be far more specific and arbitrary than most people would assume.
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so recently i made a post about loveless and lovequeer aros, and there seemed to be quite some people who never heard of lovequeer but liked the concept. so, to spread it a little bit more and also to hear other lovequeer aro's perspectives, i'd like to start a collection of lovequeer experiences, own definitions etc.
the term was coined by @raimi in this post:
I'm coining the term lovequeer. To be lovequeer is to fully reject the concept of "love" as society applies it for romance, and to redefine the word around oneself and the types of love neglected by amatonormativity.
I am a lovequeer aro. My heart is full of love for my friends, for my family, for my pets. The idea of romance is useless and irrelevant to me. I don't need romance. All I need is my strong and passionate love.
so that's how it originated. in my own experience, being lovequeer is all about having your own idea of love, completely detached from romance. i use the word love in my day-to-day life quite much, and at this point the only type i really bother to specify is romantic love, because this is the type i am not used to talking about.
i love using the word "love" for small and big warm emotions, i love to use the phrase "i've fallen in love" or "i am in love with" for abstract concepts. it makes those things that are important to me sound big and impactful, and it takes the focus away from romance as the "one important kind". i'd even say it takes away from love being that one big powerful world-moving emotion, and to be honest, i like that. i like to have love as something nearly mundane in my life, as something that improves it a lot, but that doesn't have to be the focus wherever it appears.
i like having love in my life, just for it to be there. it doesn't have to drive anything anywhere, it is just there and i can enjoy its presence. i like being in love with someone's voice, or a word, a very cool concept, and just being stunned by it without having to do anything about it.
i also enjoy having love as this all-important emotion in my life, because it can be world-moving and it deserves to be. but so deserves compassion, and kindness, and those aren't put on a pedestal like love is. so being lovequeer for me means being in a world surrounded by my self-defined love, without love being the one thing that defines my thoughts and actions.
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does anyone else feel somewhat removed from the rainbow flag? like, i get it’s supposed to be a flag for the lgbtq+ community as a whole, however it seems the rainbow is mostly associated with sexuality and love. and as a trans aromantic, those don’t apply to me.
the same goes for the “love is love” slogan. it simply doesn’t apply to me, despite it being used as a catch-all slogan for the whole community (when it’s really not).
i’m not hating on the rainbow flag or the slogan. i just wish the main focus of the lgbtq+ community wasn’t on love and love only. there are other vital aspects of our community that deserve to be in the spotlight as well.
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oh to hear someone casually say “it also has aro rep”
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Shout out to all the closeted kids in queerphobic households, who don't say shit for fear of endangering themselves. You are seen, you are worthy, you are loved.
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