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#actually aspd
dailydivergent · 17 hours
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Neurodivergent reminder: Overstimulation feels a lot like anxiety, and understimulation feels a lot like depression.
More importantly, you don't need to know which it is to practice self-care.
Self-caring anxiety and overstimulation looks the same:
Recognize you're feeling big feelings
Take as many deep breaths as your need to slow your mind
Identify what’s causing the feeling, whether sensory, environmental, or situational
Minimize that cause as much as possible immediately
Self-caring depression and understimulation looks the same:
Recognize you’re in need of stimulation
Turn on an interesting long-form video of some kind
Do some quick exercise like a walk or jumping jacks
Call a friend that'll let you infodump
If you're neurodivergent and easily get stuck on labelling things — I see you.
I'm here to remind you that you don't need to know what it is to take care of it in the meantime.
You can — will — figure it out later.
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tombfreak · 3 days
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ASPD and being a "bad person"
the backhanded support for aspd
There's a very backhanded type of support for people with ASPD. In attempts to get moral highground and fight against the demonization/stigmatization of the disorder, it's almost entirely watered down to "Oh you just lack empathy and have mean thoughts :)". It's entirely infantilized to the point where people who actually exhibit their real symptoms are just "bad people", or "using their disorder as an excuse for their bad behaviour" because "that's not what ASPD is actually like!!"
Moralizing disorders does nothing but cause harm to people suffering from mental health issues. You cannot cherry pick which presentations of ASPD are deemed acceptable when the whole disorder revolves around being and doing socially unacceptable things.
"It's ok if you lack empathy!" Is the only support I really see for ASPD, which is true, but only if we don't have empathy in ways that they think is acceptable.
I don't have empathy for people of colour, or people with disabilities, or trans folk. My empathy can't just turn on for people who I know deserve it. I can't relate to their struggles, I can't feel for them, I can't even really care. And lacking the empathy required for me to feel these things towards others is exactly what causes me issues in my life. It's socially unacceptable. It's dysfunctionally anti-social.
But thats very much the tip of the iceberg. Lacking empathy isn't even in the DSM-5 criteria for ASPD, and a lot of people with ASPD do experience empathy in their own way.
There's also the issue of "it's ok to be angry, it's ok to have mean thoughts, as long as you don't act on them" or "it's ok to not care, as long as you pretend you do" or "it's ok if you lack empathy as long as you're compassionate"
The issue is that people with ASPD are only supported and accepted if they're in a place where they can conform to prosocial behaviour, which is incredibly difficult to do and does require a degree of recovery. And not a lot of people are willing, or able to, get to that point in recovery.
If you say you support people with mental health issues, then you need to accept the part that actively causes problems as well, even if it makes you uncomfortable. You can't just love the "antisocial personality" and hate the "disorder".
People with ASPD will act in ways that makes them a morally "bad person". That's the entire premise of the disorder. If you water it down to the point where the person suffering has to be good and follow your social standards, then that's not an anti-social disorder anymore.
And I know it's hard to stomach people with ASPD sometimes, especially if they're not in recovery at all. We can be mean, insensitive, aggressive, insulting, morally skewed, or just a complete asshole in general. We can say unacceptable things, we can do wrong, and we're prone to it. You don't have to like someone to support them.
Supporting someone with mental health issues doesn't mean you have to like what they do, or who they are, or be friends with them. You're allowed to remove someone from your life if they're causing issues in yours. Supporting someone with mental health issues means you are able to leave them alone, and not go out of your way to shame them for things currently out of their control.
Yes, recovery is very important, but trust me as a recovering addict and someone with ASPD, you cannot force someone to be better. All they need is to know that they have room to breathe and grow. Support is giving people the space to do that. Backhanded 'support' is saying that you'll let them have that space but only if they currently fit in to your personal standards.
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mx-seraph · 6 months
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I love you people who show kindness because "it's what you're supposed to do". I love you people who show kindess because they like being thanked. I love you people who show kindness because it makes them feel good. I love you people who show kindness because they were shown kindness first. I love you people who show kindness for "selfish" reasons. I love you people who show kindness for the "wrong" reasons. I love you people who show kindness in a body that rejects the very notion. Your kindness is not any lesser because of its motivations. The good you added to the world is just as valuable as someone doing it for the "right" reasons. Your effort is seen. Your effort is valued.
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worms-in-my-brain · 5 months
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Just a reminder that ableism against personality disorders, especially cluster b personality disorder, is alive and well.
Not having empathy doesn’t make someone evil. It doesn’t make them an abuser. In fact, people without empathy are better in certain vital positions. We’re better at being first responders, 911 operators, and other tasks that would overwhelm empaths. We work better in critical situations than empaths do.
Thinking that any disorder makes someone evil is ableist. And when you take into account the sexist bias in diagnosing women with BPD and the racist and classist bias in diagnosing POC and prison inmates with ASPD and NPD? It’s not only ableist, it’s all kinds of -ists. Plus, it’s really rich for someone who claims that empathy is what makes someone good to have so little empathy for people with disorders that are literally trauma-based.
So yeah if you see someone being a dick to people with PDs? Say something. Because they’re definitely not going to listen to us.
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nicepersondisorder · 10 months
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sonic sez
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Reminder for people with Personality Disorders:
You can be in therapy for years to be able to cope.
You can mask the difficulties you have.
You can cope well with your disorders.
You can function in daily life.
But the day you have a bad day, the day you're so overwhelmed that the mask slips and you simply say one thing, the neurotypicals will use it against you and use it to abuse you.
Abuse is a choice. Abusers make the choice to abuse someone. Not every abuser has a personality disorder. There are plenty of abusers that are Neurotypical. Plenty of neurotypicals will abuse those with PDs due to the stigma and misinformation around them.
Quit using terms like "Narcissistic/Histrionic/Borderline/Anti-Social Abuse"
Quit using "Narcissist" and "Anti-Social" as insults.
Quit justifying abuse towards people with PDs.
Quit armchair diagnosing abusers and assholes with Personality Disorders when you don't know the lived experience of people with them.
Stop fucking appealing to Neurotypicals.
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familiarplacedisc · 24 days
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divinerapturesys · 6 months
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Welcome to my Ted Talk about AsPD, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, which the internet likes to coin as sociopath 👌🏻 if you don’t like long infodumps about stigmatized mental disorders from someone who is diagnosed, move on.
Quick toxic rundown: People with AsPD are generally characterized as emotionless, violent, manipulative abusers who kill animals and like to make other people their bitches. The biggest pet peeve we have is the emotionless, sadistic and abusive generalization.
Personally, we are highly neurotic, with highs and lows of: depression, frantic drive, self abuse tactics, chronic fear, lapses of rejection, overwhelming over-analyzation, grey area thinking, false goods and false bads, ultimatums, obsessive compulsive behavior, harsh self demands, and irritability.
AsPD is a disorder that is caused primarily (according to current research) by trauma and abuse in childhood; most notably being emotional neglect and absent caregivers that cause a child to have emotional shutdowns and repression episodes in an attempt to self soothe. Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor. Children learn how to behave from those around them. If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are. If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior. If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety or the safety of others. You can find my follow up post regarding this here.
Neglected and abused children often act out trying to get attention and help, often acting out in bad ways because they lack the ability to articulate what they’re feeling and what is happening to them. The pipeline for AsPD typically is: Oppositional Defiance Disorder as a child, Conduct Disorder as a teen, AsPD as an adult. There are a lot of warning signs cueing that AsPD is becoming a risk for development, but often kids do not have a support system to help negate it as it’s their support system that is usually a factor in its creation.
Being AsPD is like being an emotional La Croix 70% of the time. If you’re depressed, then it’s like someone in the other room has depression and is telling you about it. The other 30% of the time, if you’re depressed, your brain doesn’t understand how to handle it so it’s an ultimatum between doing something drastic to remove the Trigger or ignoring and dissociating for days on end.
People with AsPD are very good at ignoring things. Honestly it’s problematic as fuck but it’s not hard to ignore major issues when you just, don’t care. It’s not in the terms of being cruel or making ourselves not care, but the fact that finding the emotional willpower is so far out of our feasible reach we don’t do it. This causes us to piss people off because we don’t have the capacity to care as much as they want us to, even if we can and do to an extent.
Think of it this way: empathy/sympathy is a deep tub of water that everyone has. They can easily fill their measuring cup for the needed amount of empathy without any issues and it’s easy for them. People with AsPD don’t have a tub of water. We have shallow skillet. When we try to dip our cup to fill it, we can’t, it always comes up short and it is difficult to get any water in it as there is no room for the cup to dive. Our ability to care is limited because we do not have the same emotional resources everyone else does.
❌ False Positives & False Negatives ❌
I operate on what I’ve learned are called false positives and false negatives. These are things that are trained into the brain from an early age based off of childhood trauma and other factors. False positives are a distorted version of why we do something to help ourself and for our own good, meanwhile a false negative is something we do because it’s a threat, or based out of fear.
❌ Some of my false positives:
- It is good to be afraid of nothing
- It is good to adapt to someone’s personality if they are stronger than you
- It is good to isolate yourself
- It is good to be a silver tongue because you can get into any place you want
- It is good to become a social chameleon and shape yourself to whatever those around you need/want most, because then you have no chance of being abandoned
❌ Some of my false negatives, which can explain the false positives as well as core beliefs:
- it is bad to be afraid, if I am afraid then I am vulnerable and it can be used against me
- It is bad to be emotional or show concern for others emotions because they do not care for mine
- It is bad to be able to be exploited, because I believe it is everywhere
- It is bad to allow myself to be bored, because boredom begets bad thoughts and no one can or wants to help me when I spiral
- It is bad to not shape yourself to the social circle, because people quickly grow tired of those who do not match them perfectly and being discarded means I failed
My core beliefs can be viewed as the root for the false positives and negatives, because they are based on the core of trauma, abuse and neglect. They come from patterns and instances that make someone with AsPD become the opposite of what they experienced:
- eat or be eaten
- If I don’t show that my bite is worse than my bark, I will be taken advantage of and I must remain on top because the ones on top are safe
- I must look out for myself because nobody will do it for me
- It doesn’t matter what happens to me, therefore it doesn’t matter what people think of me
- If I cannot do something well, then I should not do it at all
- If you are dependent on others for emotional and mental well being, you are weak, therefore I must isolate myself to avoid becoming codependent and a burden and useless
- If I can handle the stress of a situation better than everyone else, therefore I will keep the problem (financial, emotional, mental, etc) to myself to reduce chances of being abandoned due to failure of perfection
People with AsPD are hard to get along with. We often:
- are always anticipating a fight
- lack respect for authority
- ignore social structures to an extent
- tendency to lie if it’ll lessen punishment or if we feel the lie is more acceptable than our actions
- limit social support because it’s wrong to be dependent on others
- have an inflated view of our own importance — which turns into a self ridicule for believing someome like me could be found important to others —
- can be rude and inconsiderate of others feelings somewhat unintentionally
- are unable to read the correct social cues in relation to empathy towards people and animals
- am constantly confused by others dependence upon empathy and inability to make desicions from logic based standpoints
We can’t speak for everyone who has AsPD, nor are we saying that no one with AsPD is capable of being a murderer/abuser etc. but we are saying that y’all need to stop automatically classifying someone as a certain “type” as soon as you know about their disorder.
One last thing I do want to point out is that it is not uncommon for people with AsPD to derive some sort of enjoyment in causing harm, doing something illegal, hurting someone or animals, etc. This entirely stems from lack of environmental control as a child. Being able to control what happens to others or being able to control the things you say or do that hurts someone else is a hefty high to get addicted to; it soothes the underlying itch of not being able to control your own trauma and abuse, so in turn you push these behaviors onto others and enjoy it because it gives you a sense of power and control. Some people with AsPD do genuinely love hurting others, and some enjoy hurting others when they believe it’s deserved or their ire has been stoked. Some enjoy causing pain to those they think deserve it, and others don’t care who they hurt as long as they feel like they’re in control of the situation.
Hope this have some insight into AsPD 🤙🏻 if y’all have any questions, shoot.
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one-without-a-name · 9 months
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"ppl aren't impressed by nihilism, ppl aren't impressed by apathy, ppl aren't impressed by sarcasm" bitch I ain't trying to impress people I'm just mentally ill
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dollotron · 5 months
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the empath phenomena that's emerged in the past 5-10 years on the internet is borderlining on cult mentality. The term empath was originally coined in J.T. McIntosh's science fiction novel "The empath" which came out in 1956. It's about telepaths.
it very often feels like people online use faux psychology about empaths to honeytrap people. Once they've gotten people's attention they'll start talking about "narcissistic abuse", "the evil narcissist", and how people with low/no empathy are dangerous or inferior to "empaths".
It's easy to recruit people into belief structures that "benefit" them. especially if you're pandering to and preying on victims of abuse that want to feel seen and heard. The recruitees will then spread the word because they've been indoctrinated into the belief structure. This is what cults do.
This isn't a dig at people with hyper empathy. Use critical thinking when surfing the internet.
You are not superior for having more empathy than another person. Actions speak louder than words, and just because someone doesn't experience empathy doesn't mean their actions are 'bad'.
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local-lovey-wolfboy · 2 months
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a friendly reminder from your local NPD/ASPD wolf:
you don't need empathy, whether emotional or cognitive, to be a "good person", and you don't need sympathy, either.
you don't need remorse, guilt, shame, or even regret to be a "good person".
you don't need to have anything else that "makes up for" any of the above to be a "good person".
those of us who don't have some or all of these things still deserve support. we should not have to strive to gain or emulate these things in any fashion in order to be worthy of the same decency you offer to those who do not need to try to gain these things on account of already having them.
it is a form of violence to demand that we change or hide parts of ourselves in order to fit into your definition of "good person" before you'll offer decency and humanity. decency and humanity is not an incentive for change, it is not a reward for doing what you want, it is a basic right that everyone--no matter who they are or what they've done or what they feel--is entitled to and is worthy of having.
if you want us to change in any way, you must first give us the room and support we need to do so, even if we choose not to change in the end. if your support is conditional, if there is a risk of losing it if we do not fit into your box, there is no point in us trying to gain it anyway.
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anotheraspdrager · 7 months
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"my ex was a narcissist!" and it's just a random dude who can't take accountability because patriarchy
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3ntity56 · 9 days
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Tips for Cluster B Anger
~ coming from someone who has BPD and a psychology special interest Have you been feeling like your anger is completely uncontrollable and all encompassing? Do you feel like your anger controls you more than you control it? Me too! But here are some things I've found to be helpful: - Taking notes. Write down triggers for what causes your anger episodes (as well as other episodes e.g sadness or paranoia) once you come down from it and start looking for a pattern. Not only will this help you to slow down and self reflect, you can begin to either avoid those triggers or find ways to regulate the effects. - SLOW DOWN. If something is making you want to hurt someone else or yourself, slow the FUCK down. Push against the grain, step back and let yourself have a good cry or scream into a pillow. Do whatever you can to (healthily) process the emotions, no matter how long it takes, before making major decisions. - Avoid self harm, substances or unhealthy habits like disordered eating or emotional self harm. It's so tempting, believe me, but it will only serve to make things worse. You might feel like you want it to get worse now, but in the future, you WILL regret it. If you start feeling these urges, refer to the urge surfing diagram below this. - Get outside advice. Think you're splitting but you can't tell? Run the situation by a close friend or loved one and see how they feel about it. Try to relay it with as little bias as possible and see if they agree with the decision you're about to make or if you perhaps need to reevaluate some things. - Take care of your heart. I know this is cliche, but a good sleep schedule, hearty food consumption habits, hydration, exercise routine and mental health care go a long way in helping you succeed in the above tips. You are struggling with an illness, and ill people need as much care as possible. Become your own parent. This works for anger in all Cluster B personality disorders, as well as with autism spectrum disorders! Urge surfing:
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pyrondeeznutz · 7 months
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I get the whole “lacking empathy doesn’t make you a bad person as long as you show compassion to others” thing, but I don’t completely agree.
You don’t need to show compassion to others all the time in order to be a good person. I understand how hard it is for someone who lacks empathy to care about someone enough to be compassionate towards them, especially when you just don’t give a fuck.
I think people have this idea that you need to be kind and friendly and care about others all the time. Thats not something some people, especially with ASPD, can achieve all the time.
Sometimes the most you can do is just stop yourself from being argumentative asshole and thats fine. Whatever your coping mechanisms are to limit the damage is fine. You don’t need to extend compassion to people if you can’t. You’re not a bad person for being unable to do so.
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ivan-pilled · 7 months
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It gets so... tiring hearing people speak about those of us with cluster B disorders like we're a completely different species who is incapable of reading and hearing the things they say. They speak like we're not even here.
Do they even feel love?
How to spot them.
They're so hard to manage.
I am a person. I am right here. I can hear you. You can just ask us instead of speaking like you're studying aliens. You can just... speak to us. You realize we're the same species right? Like, we have feelings, right?
You realize we're prisoners of our own mind, right? That we don't choose to suffer like this? We don't choose to need extra support? You know that, right?
You can just.. speak to us like people.. because it gets so tiring, and people can only withstand being treated like another species for so long before they get mad.
I'm just.. tired.
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