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#actually borderline

I mean, truly, the paranoia that comes with BPD is wild and I don’t hear people talk about it that much. 

I remember maybe six months ago I was in this discord and my brain goes, “The discord is slow lately. What if they all hate you and they made a separate discord that doesn’t include you and are just posting here a little bit so you don’t know?” 

Like … Obviously that is a completely wild theory. This was also a very large discord and it was just extremely unlikely. The only thing that makes me not think I’ve completely lost my mind is the fact that LOGICALLY I KNOW IT’S NOT TRUE. If you asked me, I could explain why it is so unlikely and acknowledge it’s not true. Intellectually, I completely understand it’s NOT TRUE. 

But, here’s BPD’s trick, emotionally it feels true. Emotionally, I ‘know’ in my very heart and soul that it’s true. I experience it as this bone deep truth because of how powerful my emotions are. 

So, I just have to keep telling myself, “You’re the boss. Your emotions are not the boss.” Like they tell us in DBT. Trying to tell myself that I choose my actions and behaviors and that I don’t have to let my emotions be in the driver seat. 

It’s very challenging. I feel like there will always be times that I fail no matter how much therapy I have. But I think I’m slowly learning to handle it better. So slowly. >.< 

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Ok, aqui estou eu, novamente para falar de você… Aquilo ainda não saiu da minha mente, acho que nunca vai sair.

Eu ainda sinto algo ruim ao lembrar do que houve.

Não consigo te odiar… Acho que não sei exatamente o que é o ódio, mas eu sei que não devia guardar isso só para mim.

Você me invadiu. Não podia ter feito isso… Mas agora está tudo bem, estou seguro. Não vai acontecer de novo… Eu sei que não, você está longe, eu agora sou diferente, não só fisicamente, mas tudo mudou… As cicatrizes existem para mostrar o quão forte eu me tornei.

Enfim… Aqui estou eu.

-aquário

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We’re such a fucking mess. This whole c*r*nav*r*s situation is causing us such a big relapse and a constant state of our mental illnesses going ham. We have been extremely switchy and half the time we have no idea who’s fronting. And being stuck at home with our family is fucking horrible. I feel like I’m not going to survive this

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Funny how I have to take Lithium daily, but as soon as I try to swallow a lithium battery, it’s all “hospitalization with 24/7 1:1 supervision” this and “long-term, high-acuity residential” that…smh, double standards, am I right?

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