#actually for my friend's beardie

[mcflymemes]

INQUISITION PARTY BANTER  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age inquisition

you... actually look like that?

thank you for remembering. sometimes people forget me.

it's interesting watching you. the way you carry yourself when you use magic.

why are you so angry at your father? he wants to help and you know he does.

no one needs to see my arse.

you're set on being sad forever.

remember, do not use it like a sword.

i'd just eat the cheese.

always knew you were up to something.

you didn't always have a beard.

sometimes love isn't enough.

there were so many wonderful hats.

you're happier now, [name].

you have so many feelings.

i am uncertain whether to believe you.

the world doesn't make sense to them. it's too real.

you're right about that. they would.

do you need to eat? or sleep?

you would stop it if you could.

i can't tug it loose without tearing it.

stop. it isn't about you.

i believe i can work with that.

you have other things to carry.

you're serious, aren't you?

you let it keep hurting because you think hurting is who you are.

it is because you think you have to?

you ask a lot of questions, [name].

why be ashamed? power should be respected, not swept under the carpet.

i'll have to steal that one.

hey, when this is all done, if you ever need my help for anything, you just ask, all right?

maybe you're not a complete moron.

we were having a moment, and now you've ruined it.

i can't believe you drank that swill at the tavern.

i'm well aware you lied to me.

that is... remarkably decent of you.

i don't want to think about that right now.

you need a hairbrush.

when you charge at them, you make them hit you.

i'm curious about you. i had no idea something like you was possible.

how do you want to be remembered? valiant yet sexy rebel against the status quo?

it's not easy finding people willing to shoulder such a terrible responsibility.

it's not such a terrible thing. some of my best friends are murderers.

who's judging now?

i know your kind.

i know that what comes out of your mouth is the same drivel that comes out of theirs.

careful i don't club you on the head.

if i had something to say, i'd say it.

if we're going to fight at each other's side, we need to get along.

enough, both of you.

you said i could ask you questions.

how do you get your hair to do that?

do you think we could ever be friends?

killing him won't make anything better.

if you really cared, you could ask.

you caught the eye of a young woman in that last village.

i just need to know you're capable of higher thought. for my own comfort.

i question your reasons for being here.

my reasons for being here are the same as yours.

i think that's the first time i've heard you admit anything is complicated.

what made you change your mind?

i will try to be more like you.

you should learn to watch your back.

i mean. could be naked more. that'd be better.

beardy people are supposed to be jolly.

why are you complaining?

you're smirking again.

right, here we go. what is it from you?

there is no need to tell anyone that.

does yelling while we're walking around count?

stop pointing that at me!

you need a drink or something, you tell me.

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #rp meme #rp memes #rp prompt #roleplay memes #rp starters #roleplay prompt #ask memes #ask meme #roleplay meme #roleplay inbox prompts #rp inbox meme #inbox prompt #inbox meme #sentence starter prompt #sentence starter #sentence starters #mcflymemes

[balioc]

I have a beard, of a particular slightly-distinctive style. I've had that same beard for the entirety of my adult life.

This is, obviously, the most contingent kind of fact about me. If I wanted to shave it off, or to style it differently, I could do so right now with zero difficulty. It's not a cultural signifier, or a marker of group belonging, or anything; even to me, it doesn't really mean anything other than "this is a symbol of me-the-person because it is associated with me because I have it." I started cultivating it in mid-adolescence for ephemeral irrelevant reasons, and kept it going basically out of inertia.

Nonetheless: it is really important to me. Like, really really important.

I basically cannot use character-creators or avatar-generators of any sort unless they have appropriate-enough beard options. When I contemplate getting rid of the beard...well, based on the way other people use the term, I think that the appropriate word for the feeling I get from that is dysphoria. During a brief period when I thought that I might have to get rid of the beard for medical reasons, I seriously considered wearing some kind of full-face leper mask whenever I left the house, because the thought of hiding my face from the world forever made me less unhappy than the thought of having people see me clean-shaven.

And, crucially, this affects my ability to Identify With People in literature and media. I am about 900% more likely to have an "it me" mental reflex if the character in question has a Beard Like Mine, regardless of whether there's any actual substantive commonality or grounds-for-sympathy there. I can control this with deliberate effort, but -- it takes deliberate effort. This phenomenon has probably had some measurable effect on my personality and philosophy, simply by causing me to identify or not-identify with potentially-high-impact characters in a subconscious (or conscious) way.

For example: I basically always see elves as Other and Not-Me, because elves are usually portrayed as the Beardless People, even if there are all sorts of obvious reasons to map myself onto a particular elvish character or elvish culture. Which there often are!

You might be inclined to say that this is, uh, stupid. I wouldn't blame you. It is, at the least, definitely very irrational; it's an aggressively hypertrophied bit of mental DNA, the sort of thing that you might fairly-if-uncharitably call a "psychic cancer." But of course it's never going to change, because the phenomenon operates deep down on the level of appreciative impulses and happy-buttons, which are mostly impervious to reason. (Assuming that you're inclined to try and alter them through reason, which is usually not worth the effort even when it can work.)

----------

It's not actually a problem for me that beard-related neurosis prevents me from identifying with elves. Not much of a problem, anyway. I guess I lose out on some cool Line of Feanor feels.

But I can imagine it being a problem. I can imagine the world in which the cool resonant myth that everyone cares about, the thing around which you want to build big chunks of your identity, has only elves with whom to identify. I can imagine the world in which all the cool smart people I want to be my friends are endlessly talking about their elfsonas.

And, y'know, in that hypothetical world, there's a few different ways I could react. I could say "fuck you, fantasy myth is for losers." I could be a mythic entrepreneur, and aggressively push my own homegrown stories featuring dwarves and ogres and other beardy folk. I could try to [shudder] map myself onto a beardless elf in my mind, and let that image occupy space in my fantasies, and hope that the revulsion and dissonance don't tear me apart. I could just be kinda sad about it all.

Or I could say: Hey, guys, could we maybe just agree that elves can have beards? Since they're made up and all, and their beardlessness doesn't even really matter to the myth anyway?

If I were so inclined, I could even follow that up with: Look, this is a really big deal for me. I'm pretty sure it's a much bigger deal for me than it is for any of you. That would be 100% honest.

And I imagine that many people would respond: What? No. Ew. The elf stories have clear lore and a well-defined aesthetic, and you're proposing to shit all over them with your weird beard nonsense. You don't get to do that; you don't get to make the akashic commons worse for your own private benefit; it doesn't matter what your reasons are. Play by the rules, or go play another game.

I would have a lot of sympathy for those people.

----------

(Yes, yes, I know, Cirdan the Shipwright, don't @ me.)

----------

There are, of course, lessons in this. Perhaps I will spell them out in another post, soon, if I find myself feeling less tired and cranky. But for now: he who has ears to hear, let him hear.

#conceptual vagueblogging #media analysis

[ducksandknights]

Eyeshield 21: Winter 2023 Gift Exchange

This is my piece for @eyeshields! I was working with the prompts winter vacation + getting cozy, and to me there’s nothing more warm and close during winter break than baking together.

I really hope that you like it! 🎄🏈

The door to the kitchen bursts open with a force that rattles the walls, and Kurita drops the scoop of flour he’s been measuring. A cloud of white rises into the air before settling on his face and shirt like a layer of dust.

“Hiruma!” Kurita swipes at his eyes with the back of his hand, which only pushes the flour further into his eyelashes, eyebrows, and even his hairline. “Are you here to help with the cookies?”

Hiruma stares at him, then glances at the mass of dough on the countertop that’s nearly twice the size of Kurita’s head. With a snort, he jabs the barrel of his machine gun into it. “They not feeding you enough over vacation, fucking fatty?”

Actually, Kurita could go for a light snack about now. It had been almost two hours since breakfast.

He shrugs and begins counting on his fingers. “I just want to say thank you to Sena-kun, and Monta-kun, and Yukimitsu-kun, and Mamori-chan, and everyone who joined the Devil Bats.”

Kurita pauses, weighing everything he’s feeling and everything he wishes he could tell Hiruma. That he’s so grateful. That he’s so happy. That he wants to win, and more than anything, he wants to win with this team and these friends.

But Hiruma likely won’t put up with all that mushy feelings talk, and so finally Kurita just says, “I want to say thank you to them for making our dream… possible.”

Hiruma narrows his eyes and plants a strong, solidly aimed kick into Kurita’s backside. “We haven’t achieved anything yet, idiot. And you can say thank you by winning our next game.”

But unasked, he slings his machine gun off his shoulder and begins rolling up his sleeves.

Kurita’s smile is so wide his cheeks hurt. Turning to the recipe, he double-checks it to make sure the oven is preheating at the right temperature, and then pulls out a second cookie sheet for Hiruma to use.

“So what are we making?” Hiruma rips off a hunk of dough and starts to shape it between his long fingers. “Fat fucking beardies in suits? Little toy-making slaves? AK-47s that say ‘Win, Devil Bats!’ on them?”

Kurita is not about to give out cookies with icing threats as a way to say thank-you to his friends, but it is a very Hiruma-like idea.

“We have to roll the dough out first,” Kurita reads. “After that we can cut it into shapes. I thought we could make everyone’s faces as a way to cheer them on?”

As Kurita reaches for a rolling pin, Hiruma pulls out another gun—from where, Kurita can’t begin to imagine—and rests the cylindrical barrel on top of the dough. They both roll out their respective halves back and forth, back and forth until two thin and more or less even sheets of dough have taken up the entire counter.

Kurita begins humming a cheery and festive tune that he can’t quite remember the name of, and the two get to work cutting and lining up dozens of raw cookies onto the baking sheets. While Kurita finds it easier for his large hands to work with cookie cutters, Hiruma has enough skill and dexterity to carve shapes out of the dough with a knife. Every so often a nasty-sounding kekeke cuts through Kurita’s song, and he smiles thinking his very best friend is having just as much fun as he is.

Though his progress is slower than Hiruma’s—about one in four raw cookies end up in Kurita’s mouth before they can make it onto the tray—eventually everything is ready to bake.

Kurita sits on the floor in front of the oven, silently cheering the cookies on as they cook. Maybe it’s because they’re shaped like his friends, but in a silly way he feels like if they turn out well then so will the team. So as he waits, he wills them not to burn, and Hiruma comes over to rest his gun-slash-rolling-pin atop his friend’s head and begin cleaning it.

“There’s a tradition in some countries,” Hiruma begins casually, which is enough of a red flag for Kurita to know that what’s coming out of his mouth isn’t about to be casual at all. “It’s called a king cake. They hide a coin or a plastic baby inside for good luck.”

He cackles and leans against Kurita’s back, popping a stick of gum into his mouth. “Fucking stupid tradition, if you ask me. Devil Bats don’t rely on luck. So I put something else in a few of the cookies instead.”

Kurita glances at the butt of the gun jutting out beside his head, then looks up. “Hiruma!”

“It’s a reminder from their captain—they better be ready to work their asses off!”

The laugh from his body is raucous, and Kurita can feel the vibrations of it. It’s enough to end his protests before they really start.

A bullet isn’t enough to crack anyone’s teeth, is it? It will probably be fine—after all, Hiruma wouldn’t do anything to seriously get in the way of their teammates’ playing.

Kurita makes one more wish for his friends’ safety and good health.

Once the cookies have come out of the oven and cooled, the icing can begin. Kurita looks at their blank forms, trying to imagine iced hair and eyes, but something is missing.

“We should draw Santa hats on everyone, too!” he exclaims suddenly. Why didn’t it occur to him before? “I want everyone to think of the Christmas Bowl when they see their cookies.”

Hiruma snaps a piece off one and pops it into his mouth. “Tastes disgustingly sweet,” he says, wrinkling his nose up in distaste. “Last thing they need is extra icing.”

Hiruma watches over Kurita’s shoulder as the lineman clumsily begins outlining faces and hats. His hand isn’t steady, and the icing tube is hard to control—it comes out in a thin line at first, and then all at once, and Kurita has to scrape some of it off into the sink. By the time he’s done with Eyeshield’s mask, it’s nothing but a green smear with a few wobbly white lines running across the bottom.

Mamori’s turns out particularly rough, one eye practically off the cookie entirely and a crooked, toothy smile that could rival Hiruma’s. Her hat looks more like a horn has sprouted from her head rather than any sort of Christmas accessory.

Hiruma snatches the cookie off the counter and howls with laughter, twisting and turning it under the light.

“This,” he says between breaths, “this is some real blackmail material. She pulls that fucking ogre face exactly when someone steals the last cream puff!”

Kurita scrambles to take the cookie back, knowing Hiruma is near impossible to steal from both on the field and off it—and knowing that somehow, magically, it’s already been immortalized in Hiruma’s book.

“Please put Mamori-chan down,” Kurita begs, making a dive as Hiruma dances nimbly out of the way. He looks up from the floor. “She’s supposed to feel like giving her all when she receives it!”

Hiruma squats down in front of him and dangles the cookie over his head. “You offering a deal?”

Kurita nods so vigorously that his head brushes against the floor. “Anything!”

Dropping Mamori’s face into Kurita’s outstretched hands, Hiruma stands and brushes his hands off on his pants. “Then you’re icing my cookie next, and when I see it, it has better make me feel like we made it to the Christmas Bowl.”

Kurita blinks, caught off-guard. For as long as he can remember, Hiruma had set his jaw over winter vacation and simply run their practices harder and longer. It made Kurita sad to see his friend like that, determined but a little bit ragged, pushing himself harder and harder while watching his goal stay just out of reach.

But this year—this year was different. Wasn’t this the first time Hiruma had participated in something really feeling like winter spirit?

And Kurita has been waiting for this joy, this spark, for a long time.

Trying not to feel too embarrassed, he shuffles around to the other side of the counter. “Actually… I made yours already. Though I know you don’t like sweets.”

Now it’s Hiruma’s turn to be surprised. Kurita is pulling out a celophane gift bag with a snowflake ribbon tied around it, inside which is a stack of messy cookies that have something resembling his own face iced on.

They’re all smiling, eyes drawn arching upward as little crescent moons, and it’s quite possibly the least malicious Hiruma has ever looked in his life.

He laughs again, realizing how easy it’s been to do tonight, and takes the bag from Kurita’s hand.

“I’ll eat them,” Hiruma declares, stomach turning a little at the thought. “No matter how fucking disgusting they are, I’ll eat them all. No fucking cookie is going to get in the way of giving my all for the Christmas Bowl.”

Kurita beams at him. True, he’s not 100% sure what that means, but it’s definitely good.

It’s definitely how Hiruma should feel over winter vacation.

“Actually…” Kurita starts, and when Hiruma looks up the fucking fatty’s arms are full to the brim with bags and bags of holiday cookies. “I made a few test batches of you, too…?”

Hiruma reaches for his machine gun.

#es2023wge #es21 #eyeshield 21 #hiruma yoichi #winter #I really hope I understood your prompts correctly! #I literally realized right now that ‘winter vacation’ might not have meant ‘winter break’ #so if I messed up the prompt I’m really sorry #I hope you can still enjoy it #also #I realized while writing this that I really love these two together #like gremlin + pure?? #and they’ve always had each other’s backs #yeah I hope I was able to convey how deeply they care for each other

[hazely-sims]

Get to Know Me - Sims Edition

I was tagged by @papermint-airplane and @petrolstationflowers! Thank youuuu 🧡

What’s your favorite Sims death?

I generally don't allow my sims to die of anything but old age, but I would like to try out all the different deaths and ghosts at some point. The haunting curse ghost looks especially cool.

Alpha CC or MaxisMatch?

A mix of both? I tend to use Maxis-type clothes and furniture with textured patterns. I like most of my stuff to be fairly gameplay-friendly as well and it bothers me when there's clipping with sims animations so I don't use too many alpha clothes.

Do you cheat your sims weight?

Not generally, but I find that most EA sims are just very skinny? I had the pregnancy weight-gain mod installed, but the results were so extreme that I removed it and cheated the weight myself.

Do you move objects?

I mainly use it for storytelling, but is it even possible to play this game without using move objects sometimes?

Favorite Mod?

What an impossible question! If I had to choose one mod I can't live without, it'd be NRaas MasterController, but in terms of gameplay mods, I'm really enjoying adding new recipes and harvestables to my game these days. That's a lot of different mods together, so maybe I'm cheating a bit with that answer, haha.

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

The first sims game I was ever able to successfully install was Sims 2 and I think it was a "Deluxe" package that came with Nightlife? I don't remember what my first pack was for Sims 3. Maybe Late Night as well?

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing

It's an adjective, isn't it? Like 'alive.' Listen, I get that it's probably supposed to be the other one, since they have some weird theme of using verbs as adjectives. But 'live' is already an adjective, so no-one is going to say it that way.

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

How can I choose just one?? I do obviously love Rose a lot. She's adorable.

Have you made a simself?

Oh yes. Honestly I'm shocked so many of you don't. I automatically insert myself into every fantasy hahaha I am very self-absorbed.

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

I don't even really remember which ones there are as defaults in Sims 3? I don't particularly love any of them.

Favorite EA hair?

Hmmm I enjoy the long male hair from Supernatural, especially on beardy men. And I also really like the 'modern braids' female hair from the store.

Favorite life stage?

Like most people, it's YA, sorry.

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

Definitely gameplay. I am trying to be a bit better at building, but it's such a slog.

Are you a CC creator?

I have dabbled, so I suppose, technically yes.

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

I don't know about a 'squad' but I'm pretty sure I have friends. I don't discord or anything, so if we're commenting on each other's posts, then I consider us friends? Hopefully that's okay lol

Do you have any sims merch?

No, is that like a thing?

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

No, I have no interest in trying to play the game in a way that's entertaining for other people. I do that the rest of the day; sims time is just for me.

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I've put a lot more effort into aesthetics recently. Setting things up takes more time but I get a lot more enjoyment out of the game once it's done.

What’s your origin id?

I guess I probably have made one at some point but I have no idea what it is and I don't think I've ever used it. It's also just as likely that I actually don't have one.

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

So many impossible questions 😭 There's no way I can choose only one, but these days I'm always eagerly anticipating posts from @nightospheresims, @sim-songs, and @nectar-cellar.

How long have you had simblr?

It's complicated, haha! I had a simblr way back in... 2011-2012-ish? It was a messy time on simblr and in my life so I was never really able to develop a healthy relationship with it and I eventually deleted my blog after being inactive for a long time. Then after continuing my legacy story just for myself at a snail's pace for about a decade, I decided it was time to share with y'all again, and I opened this blog in October 2021.

How do you edit your pictures?

Reshade is first, and if a shot is taken outdoors and it's for a gameplay post, then sometimes that's it. If it's a bit darker than I'd like, I might apply all or part of this action using Photopea. Sometimes even more than once if it's really dark.

If it's a storytelling shot, I'll then also do manual debanding by selecting an area, copying it to a new layer, applying a gaussian blur, and then erasing around the edges to clean it up. It's tedious but also relaxing? And very satisfying in the end.

What expansion/ gamepack is your favorite?

Sims 3 has so many bangers but I love Ambitions a lot even though it's a glitchy mess sometimes. It's just so much fun.

I am never totally sure who's done this but I'll tag @pudding-parade, @echoweaver, @oasislandingresident and @frostedshore. No pressure of course! 🧡

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

one of my pet peeves for modern aus is the ones where they make izzy ed's best friend or longtime friend because if ed's gonna have one... its jack. it's literally supported by canon. like put izzy and jack next to the revenge crew and your answer for who fits in better is jack, whose only crimes in the show were trying to pull ed away from stede and committing seagull murder (all of which to save ed in a plan IZZY made) im so salty about all the hate jack gets in fics

Oh for sure. My least favoriate thing ever is when people put Izzy in another character's position. Jack is Ed's buddy at the very least. Izzy is just a coworker. Jack is who Ed would choose to hang out with 100% of the time if his options are Jack or Izzy. Also if you're gonna give Ed a best friend who is antagonistic to his new boyfriend, Stede and Jack being mean to each other is so much more fun in my personal opinion because Stede is mean to Izzy and Izzy's head explodes and steam starts coming out of his ears like he's in a cartoon and he yells something incoherent, where as Jack and Stede can have a bitchy little back and fourth that leaves Jack crying for sympathy and Stede's self esteem buried six feet under. It truly is the dynamic ever.

I don't usually have a problem with Jack hate in fics actually because jack is hateable and there often needs to be a villain, and in Our Flag so far the roster of villains has been Izzy, Jack, and the interchangeable badminton twins. Maybe the rich french fuckers but I don't want to give them that much credit tbh. so you know he's one of three and a half bad guys so I get it. However! there is one trope that frustrates me, and I think the main reason that it frustrates me is because its a trope that I hate with all of my guts and is pernicious in the calicobeard tag and that is the idea that Ed and Jack's relationship was non-consentual. There are tons of reasons to hate him, you don't have to turn him into a rapist. That's my pet peeve and my line. Otherwise yeah he's a villain, good. I like it when he causes problems. It's my favorite thing.

That being said I do think he's the most easily rehabilitated villain out of every villain in ofmd (I'm only counting Nigel, Chauncey, Izzy, and Jack as villains.) Simply because he's a pirate that we frankly don't actually know that much about. We don't even know why he's doing this. Yeah Izzy probably slid him a slice of that sweet sweet navy money under the table, but for all we know Izzy had that meeting with Jackie and Chauncey, found Jack afterwards and went "Hey man, so me and Blackbeard are on the outs right now and he's got this new boyfriend who is being super hunted by the British navy, the boyfriend is a rich guy and I know how much you hate those. But anyway Blackbeard doesn't know that Stede is being hunted and I just told them where they can find them so somebody should probably go get Blackbeard out of there and it shouldn't be me, because he's mad at me right now." and Jack said "Oh my god, you made a deal with the british navy? I'm gonna love watching Blackbeard kick your ass when I bring him back here. I'm going to now go do some insane shit to save his life again. Yeah sure I'll make sure the boyfriend dies just so that Beardy doesn't run back and get his ass killed, but only if you slide me a few dubbies for my troubles." It's also possible that he's full chaotic evil joker mode and when Izzy told him the plan he went "Yeah alright, haven't seen Beardy in a while could be funny." We simply do not know. Is he destitute because he's been mutinied three times and he needs the money? Has he never been mutinied in his entire life and he's minted because he's Calico fucking Jack and he's just here for shits and giggles? I tend to go with the "he cares about Ed" reading because I want to fuck him, but it's up to you. His backstory is wide open baby. What we do know Ed likes him a lot actually, Ed cares about him and Stede getting along. We know he saved Ed's life, even if he does hold it over his head because he's a shit head(although how often he does that is also a question mark, there's so much blank space to work with with him, he can be anything you want him to be other than nice).

And you know what, until the thing with Karl the crew liked him too. The crew never liked Izzy, whatever Jack's got going on is way more compatible with the crew than Izzy, and yet I see all these fics and headcanons where the idea that Izzy will stick around after all of this is over is just taken for granted. But they could easily forgive Jack if he sucked Ed's dick, moonbathed with Buttons, and slid Olivia some birdseed because he's funny and cool and Ed's buddy. Where as Izzy can never ever be trusted in a million years, he was never fun to be around, and no one likes him. (I'm sure Jack and Ed have fucked each other over before, they're messy bitches.)

Now I don't think Jack's getting rehabilitated in cannon, in fact we're probably never gonna see him again. I'm hoping for a flashback but I won't hold my breath. It's part of why I'm writing I'm Not Going Anywhere. Because somebody needs to put this man through the st*ddyhands treatment and it's not gonna happen in the show, so it is the realm of fanfiction and no one else is doing it. Jack was fucking built for an enemies to lovers because he's the kind of man who stands too close to his romantic rival at the urinals to prove his dick is bigger. Enemies to lovers is incredibly fun to do with Jack and Izzy because Izzy is eminently bullyable and also the kind of guy belongs in one of those "don't bully me I'll cum" shirts, but it can also be fun to do with Stede "pissboots" Bonnet. I'm not sure if INGA is going that direction I haven't decided yet, but someone should do it post haste I'm so serious.

I don't necessarily want everyone to see him how I see him. I'm fine with being his only apologist. back in april the universe decided he'd gone long enough being the most hated character and decided he needed one apologist and it spun the wheel of OFMD fans and it landed on me and I became the public defender appointed to him. I am over worked and underpaid and he is a terrible client. I have made him take a plea deal on the Karl murder charge.

This has gotten unhinged thank you for letting me chew on Calico jack for like 25 minutes.

#Calico Jack apologia #ofmd #our flag means death #calico jack #calico jack ofmd #izzy hands #izzy critical #this post isn't actually izzy critical i just don't want fights in my notes for days to come

[nullvoidface]

My friend has a single bearded dragon (who btw: is a dwarf, and doesn’t actually eat as much as other adults)

But my friend accidentally ended up buying 1kg of live mealworms. That is 6000 mealworms.

George (the beardie) never wants more than six on any given day, and that is AT MOST.

It would take George 1000 days to eat all of the mealworms. If he ate six a day. However. Mealworms turn into beetles.

It takes them 2-3 months to turn into little bugs.

George does not eat the bugs.

Basically: My friend is living in a real life maths problem and we need to figure out how to humanely euthanise thousands of mealworms in a way where they won’t go to waste.

[leavingautumn13]

Do you have any burning regrets in life? Also who is your favorite fictional pet and why is it dogmeat?

because dogmeat is the best boy, duh.

as for your first question... the first job i got after i moved out of my bio mom's house was at a pet store. stupid naïve sheltered younger autumn, not quite disillusioned with the capitalist hellscape that is modern america, thought to herself, "a pet store will be a great job for me! i love animals, i'll love getting to work with them every day!"

wrong. (well, okay, i did enjoy getting to pet dogs regularly.)

so, here's the thing about pet stores, or at least the pet store i worked at: ultimately, it's retail, and those animals are products for the company to sell to turn a profit and not, you know, living creatures who deserve care if we're going to be removing them from their natural habitats. it's also, you know, RETAIL. with all that that implies. suffice to say i was made very bitter very quickly.

another thing you should know about me is that my beloved father introduced me to spyro the dragon when i was four years old, and i've loved dragons and all manner of reptiles ever since. naturally, when i started working at the pet store, i got pretty attached to the selection of geckos and bearded dragons and what have you and endeavored to learn everything i could about them. i even bought a beardie and a skink of my own.

anyway, all of this culminated in me being the "reptile person" at the store. if customers had a question about reptile diets, or terrarium care, or whatever, talk to autumn. i was known for sending customers home with big printouts of what the best foods would be, what temperature ranges needed to be, etc. and if i didn't have that information out of pocket, well, i'd take them up to the register and look it up for them. i was a damn good employee.

so one day, i'm in the reptile section, and this super sweet lesbian couple is talking to me about wanting to purchase a bearded dragon. we're going over heat lamp requirements and how you definitely can't have a baby beardie on sand because of the ingestion and compaction risk, when this middle aged man steps between us and demands my attention. no waiting for a pause, no "excuse me," just bursts right in with his question. this might be petty of me, but i thought it was pretty rude, and to be honest i don't even remember what he asked, but i directed him on his way and got back to helping the couple.

once i get the couple sorted with their tank, substrate, uvb and heating lamps and accessories, etc, i let them know i'll meet them at the register once i've wrangled their little dragon, and that we can get their food situation sorted once we get up there, since live bugs were kept behind the register. so i do so, lizard in his little carry box, but there's a line. no worries, i hop on and help my coworker check people out.

middle aged dude from earlier is also in line, and actually DIRECTLY in line before the couple. i get him and his lady friend checked out, and the lesbian couple approaches the register. i turn around and grab the box of small dubia roaches, which in my somewhat professional opinion are the best starter food for a little beardie, since they've got a higher protein-to-chitin ratio than mealworms or crickets. the caveat though is they're more expensive, so i'm about to try and make a hard sale to these two nice ladies to please buy some cockroaches.

i've got the box open, and i have to dig around for a dubia because there were only about a half dozen left. (they go really quickly, even being .5 USD per bug. like i said, good eating.) but now i've got one in my hand and am holding it up to show the nice lesbians, and they're going "oohhh" and leaning into look at it and whatever.

middle aged guy from before and his lady friend overhear me talking about bugs, and for whatever reason, turn around halfway to the door. they come back to the register and get in the nice lesbian couples' space, and lady friend says,

"that's DISGUSTING! you'd have that in your HOUSE?? i could NEVER have something so gross in my home!"

here's another thing you've got to know about me. i was in the gifted program as a kid but got shit grades in school and was always getting in trouble for reading during class. but i was a girl child, so instead of the adhd diagnosis i needed (and actually only got last year, FINALLY), i got told i had all of this potential i was wasting.

but it's not that, the potential was never there, whatever. i just have adhd. it makes me, let's say, the tiniest bit impulsive.

i look this lady in the eye. i smile. "actually," i say, leaping to the defense of one of my favorite invertebrates, "they're an excellent source of protein."

i am about to eat that cockroach in front of her, in front of the nice lesbians, in front of my coworker tom, in front of the whole damn line, just to ruin this lady's entire fucking day.

but.

but. i only have six roaches left. and i really want to make this sale. and like i said--dubias are pricey for bugs.

i don't eat the roach.

and that is my burning regret. fuck that company and fuck its profits, and especially fuck working retail in the first place. i should have eaten that cockroach.

#thanks for the ask! <3 #autumn.ask

[redlyriumidol]

currently writing a very self-indulgent scene where Hawke interacts with some of the dai companions at skyhold, so here's my thoughts on how she'd get along with all of them: (very purple hawke, to the point of extreme insensitivity at times, kind of selfish. she's not the nicest. I love slightly amoral protagonists okay)

Blackwall: Blackwall wouldn't like her. He'd think she was extremely stuck-up. (and she is). Hawke, for her part, would find him dull and beneath her concern. Manly beardy man. Who cares.

Cassandra: Cassandra obv has a bad case of hero-worship when it comes to Hawke, but I think the reality of her would be somewhat of a rude awakening- only somewhat, though, because Hawke would actually kind of like Cassandra. That manifests as teasing but slightly more generous than it would be towards a man (like Blackwall)

Cole: Cole likes almost everyone and he'd see through her use of humour as a self-defence mechanism in an instant. He sees that deep down, she does care. This would make Hawke uncomfortable, and she would avoid him.

Cullen: LOL. Hawke would have a grand old time making fun of him, just like old times. But in a subtle way where Cullen would not understand he was being made fun of. Deep down, she's kind of pleased to see him though, and especially to see he's left the Templars.

Dorian: They'd get along decently, though Dorian might see her as unnecessarily mean at times. Still, he's good at taking that sort of thing in stride. Hawke would like him quite a bit.

Iron Bull: ooh they'd get along for sure. Hawke would be fascinated by this oddity among Qunari, Bull would have mad respect for her for defeating the Arishok. Any barb she could fire just bounces off him, which is something Hawke REALLY likes. Great fun.

Josephine: first of all Hawke would be attracted to her so she'd just be flirty. Josephine would be nonplussed but feel positively towards her.

Leliana: Hawke would not DARE make fun of Leliana. She would be uncharacteristically respectful. Leliana would be shrug emoji but civil.

Sera: major lesbian rivalry! But in a way they'd sort of get on. Hawke would find her hilarious but also kind of look down on her; Sera would find her hilarious but also kind of think she's stuck up. Which, again, she is.

Solas: Hawke would wtf and be like nope, not touching that one. Solas wouldn't like her, she's too disrespectful about... everything

Varric: obviously, Varric adores her and she adores Varric. They're best mates and Varric is totally blind to her flaws lol

Vivienne: god this would be a shitshow. Vivienne is predisposed to hate Hawke for her role in the mage uprising and her defence of Anders. Hawke honestly would kind of fancy her bc she loves a challenge and try to subtly tease her- unlike Cullen, though, Vivienne is savvy enough to know what Hawke's doing and it wouldn't amuse her one bit.

BONUS my Inquisitor: Finian would admire her, though perhaps he should not. Given his position Hawke is fairly respectful towards him- she likes him though and Approves of him as a friend for Varric. Their senses of humour mesh well; Finian is very laid-back so he can take a bit of teasing.

#sorry this is long i just had to dump this somewhere #marian hawke #dragon age talks

[bourbon-ontherocks]

asdjzekhkjerhf 304 was?? hysterical???? I hadn’t laughed like that in front a show in a long time, I was literally cry-laughing during the online team meeting. gilles’ face 💀💀💀 I could rewatch the ep rn just for this… franchement, merci chloé for sharing your germs with everyone, so worth it 🙏 btw céline complètement croclove de la petiote while adam is trying to keep a semblance of health & safety measures in the workplace, ICONIC. (so many germs-related reaction gifs to make. "LES GESTES BARRIÈRE !")

let’s not forget daphné’s power trip and her gender equality crusade, is it me or did she wink when they told céline the murderer was a woman? je l’adore 😭😂

gilles, vraiment, friend of the year 🥲 because daphné might just eviscerate him when she finds out he lied to her 🥲 ("vous allez tellement bien ensemble" je l’ai mal pris pour lui mdrrr) and it’s cute how jealous he was of timothée, lol!

timothée is way too sweet, actually. like, we know he’s not really meant as a love interest for morgane, but it’s too bad we don’t even get a chance to believe in their relationship (as opposed to morgane & ludo for example) though I’m glad he’s around, tbh, because "ma sirène" is my new favorite term of endearment 🤣🤣

OMG anon, I'm so happy for you that you enjoyed this episode!!! I'm not particularly fond of it myself so I'm glad you gave me more reasons to like it!!

I must say the flu epidemic was extremely fun, I knew from the start that it was obviously bound to happen when Ludo said that Chloé had a fever, and watching that trainwreck was like witnessing a car crash lol 😂 I agree that in that regard, the Zoom meeting was particularly delightful 😍 Also Adam x his steam inhaler is my new ship (really though, between the absence of Beardie, the inhaler, and the thermometer stuff, he was peak sexiness in this ep 🤣)

Céline babytalking Chloé felt kinda weird to me, she never really struck me as a kids person (even when she talks about how she basically never sees her son in season 2, like... she doesn't look devastated so much, you know?) but for some random reason she seems to be obsessed with Morgane's children this season (cf. when her first concern when Morgane was attacked at home was, actually, the kids that weren't even there).

But -- ah, why am I even trying to understand the characters this season? Characterization who? lol. Où avais-je la tête 😅

I 100% agreed that Daphné winked about the murderer being a woman, and she was definitely proud. I love her so much, but this woman is deranged 😂 Also the way she went borderline scary when asking Gilles about who was Timothée's conquest made me laugh so much!! The poor man, torn between his loyalty (and scare) towards Morgane and his scare (and loyalty) towards Daphné lololol!! Their fake dating idea was genius and Daphné's réaction was priceless ("maintenant que tu me le dis c'est évident" looooooool). But also wait until you find out how it all resolves because I have a feeling that you won't get disappointed 😈

Also what do you mean Gilles was jealous of Timothée?

Timothée is boring (imo) and borderline creepy, and I must say I cringed at "ma sirène" but also agreed that it was kinda hilarious. What did you think of the pseudo-romantic scene (grand gesture, rain, champagne metaphor, heart-shaped fade to black, etc) in the end? I might have vomited in my mouth a little 😆

But I have to admit I really enjoyed Morgane trying and spectacularly failing at hiding Timothée from Ludo AND Gilles lol (also Gilles who genuinely thought Timothée was just being rude for wandering naked in Morgane's house... someone protects this man at all cost 🤣)

(also the way Ludo was super chill with his ex's sex life, this man is a GEM 🥰)

Obviously this analysis wouldn't be whole without its crumbs of angst, so I'll leave you with the fact that Morgane's break-up speech was embarrassingly bad because she's usually never the one who leaves. 😢

#julia's adventures with the hpi anon #ask #hpi #tf1 hpi #hpi tf1 #hpi season 3 #hpi analysis

[thehealingsystem]

whyyy am i just so filled with grief all the time now. im just so done. I miss my art i miss my old friends i miss my new friends i miss living on the reserve even though i know it wasn't the best place. I miss the joy i felt in fandom communities i miss the people i saw as parental figures I miss actually going out and doing things i miss my pets i miss my beardie. I miss my family i miss my teachers i miss feeling like i finally belonged somewhere i miss my favorite things. i miss anyone i ever loved i miss my headmates i miss everyone and everything and i miss myself. i just want to go home.

#vent #why am i not dead yet #i wasn't supposed to make it this long #im just so tired of the grief. im so tired of losing the things i love. i give up.

[auressea]

LOL. Oh noes. I've been recruited!

I've been playing a (horrible terrible) casual app game on my phone for YEARS. You're supposed to connect via FB (nope) to get friends to join, and you can give each other "lives" to keep playing when you run out. SO- I don't do FB, and I've been on a defunct 'team' for years. In December someone joined the team and started actually using the Chat! and exchanging lives- and connecting with those of us who were still active. Beardy very gently suggested we get a new captain and ditch all the players who didn't play anymore. (can't do it if the Captain is not active)

Beardy then over a series of weeks encouraged us to contribute more actively, and we discussed starting a new team of people who play and contribute to each other regularly. Sounded GOOD!

Beardy told us the name of the new team and gave us 2 weeks notice to make the shift over. They've been a good cheerleader!

there's 30 active players - all contributing. we chat regularly in game

TODAY- Beardy asked us all what we know about Crypto! and has been waxing poetic about all the things they've learned- and how they Totally Know how to Work the System Now! $$$$$!!! 🙄

#casual games #android app #crypto bros #fuck sakes #MLM #pyramid schemes #I just want to play my mindless match 3 game please #my life

[atiny-piratequeen]

Sending hugs on behalf of your snake, and if you don’t mind me asking: where did you get the names for your pets, what are some quirks about them that you love and what’s the hardest thing about being a pet mother?

Oh shes resting in paradise but thank you love!

I believe you were my local native friend so you may very well be aware, but Pele the beardie is named after Pele, the Hawi'ian goddess of volcanoes, fire, and creator of the isles. I first found out about her through Smite, a game i, my gf, and several and my friends have been playing together for years. Pele had been an Assassin class goddess that was added fairly close to when I got my baby beardie and i actually had a name poll with a lot of my friends to name them. The name Clementine almost won, but in the end Pele had more votes and boop! The baby hath been named.

As for Neo, my ex had named him, and named him after Keanu Reeves in the Matrix. So i guess both of my children have Hawi'ian ties if you squint huh? Also now that im into kpop i get to say he's an NCT stan

I love my babies to death and Neo has kind of become my Emotional Support Idiot but i will say he's got quite a bit of issues when it comes to being overly protective around me because of the home life i lived around and hes always overly anxious and cautious of people around me. Little man thinks hes a much bigger dog than he is and tries to protect me at every turn which has caused problems before.

Pele doesnt have any real issues tbh. The only thing is that their crickets are fuckin noisy if they're allowed to mature and they cant go on car rides without pooping (little asshole shit on me after i moved bc i tried to be nice and take them on a long ride) so i have to be wary of that on car rides or face the wrath of a dragon poopy butt

#reptile poop is fucking horrid #asks #i love my gremlins a lot tho #little lazuli

[farfrompleasant]

Happy Freyja Friday!!!

I did a bit of research on my own cos I was Baffled by this water sitch and, according to my research... They're just ALL divas?!

One website had it at 54% of owners survey have NEVER seen their beardie drink from the water bowl provided 😭 that is WILD (technically it's captivity 😅 but it's bewildering lol) also I saw another thing that's very dog/cat-like which is the pinch test for dehydration but I'm thinking that beardies are 100% leagues more high maintenance!!! (Or I'm just a terrible dog owner 🤫)

My dogs also do NOT enjoy baths but at least they'll nervously drink from the shower head 🤣 so I don't have to worry about them being dehydrated

Interesting, is the bump super noticeable in person just because of the asymmetry or does it actually protrude a lot? Anyway she obviously pulls it off completely and is utterly unbothered so that's all good news

Okay I'm getting pretty hyped about seeing Freyja's sassy ass "no ma'am!"/"not today, Satan!" It's gonna be glorious. That said I still wish you speedy and continual success in taking her out. I think you're right she Would enjoy it were it not for FEAR and animals can get acclimated to a lot of varied surroundings + you're very attentive/attuned to her needs so I fully believe this will go well for you guys!

Okay so change shape (pancake) when happy and secure, and change color/visual texture (dark dots) when alert and alarmed, dang, what Can't miss thing do?!

Unsolicited pics 🥰

(squirrel patrol squad)

Happy Freyja Friday!!

Awaw is that Wallace or Keller 👀 omg they’re sooo cute😂 it’s something about them, you know? 🥰

The issue with the water thing is that Beardies cannot see still water, so that makes it a pain. And there’s no guarantee that even if I were to feed it to her would she drink it 😭 but it is definitely a diva thing!!! Omg she will just sit there as if I’m not trying to help her— like what kinda damsel is she? 😂

Beardies are actually recommended for beginner reptile owners and are very low maintenance; it’s just the unconventional aspect that makes it seem like a lot 😅 dogs and cats are much more work, my friend and you’re doing such a great job as they look equally happy and healthy c:

It doesn’t protrude all that much but yeah, the asymmetry is there. I’m just glad that I’m no way is she disabled due to her short introduction to metabolic bone disease… when I see other beardies, I just want to cry with how painful it looks… not to mention how it hinders their way of life.

Freyja does that too… sometimes. But if she’s enjoying her bath, she will 100% try to go to sleep while half of her body is immersed in warm water 😭

I hope so, but I have been seeing a bit of progress. She can be out with me for about two minutes before she starts to freak out. I blame it on living near an airport honestly… planes and cars really doesn’t help when she’s initially on alert because of bird chirping :/

The only thing she can’t do is fly but that hardly stops her from trying 🤣

Also, I’ve managed to make gifs out of her gait and her having a mealworm; you have been warned! lolol

#I hope you’ll enjoy the gifs #I was too caught up at work which made such a delay in our Freyja Friday #surprisingly I managed to get her shaking her head 🤣 #now you can see the diva in action 😭 #freyja friday #badatwritingstuff💓 #farfrompleasant

[carbonateddelusion]

ohh another oc question for you!! Do any of your OCs have pets?

yes actually!!!

Eddie has a colony of cats he takes care of (I REALLY don't like outdoor cats, but he's from the 80s and they didn't know just how bad it was back then) and a calico housecat named Elle. which is.. the equivalent of him naming the cat "she". he isn't very good with names. some other highlights from the cat colony include Gris (gray), Blanc (white), Tux (a tuxedo cat), and Amie (friend)

sane Jack (who is from a universe where he's NOT a pos) has a "pack" of dogs :) 6 of them, actually. they're all otherwise unwanted animals; Vanilla is a very old Chihuahua with arthritis, Lassie is a pit bull mix, Vanilla and Chocolate are deaf puppies, Jupiter's missing a back leg and has skin issues, and Pluto is an old dog that was abandoned on the street. he doesn't care much for humans that aren't his family, but that man ADORES dogs.

sane universe Maddie has a beardie named Smurf :) he was rehomed, so he's kind of an old fella and the husbandry at his previous home wasn't great, but Mads does their best to make sure he's healthy and happy

annnd my gal Pen has a fire wolf that follows her around named Queen! I wouldn't say she's really a pet- she's of lower intelligence with Pen, but they have this level of mutual understanding between them. Pen treats Queen more like a friend! and in turn Queen will spit sparks in your face if she doesn't like the way you're treating Pen <3 she's very sweet otherwise

#oc ramblings #oc #my oc #oc: edgar #oc: jack #maddison #pen #queen #ask #dog cw #crypticgroves

[trashcannie]

my beardie is my best friend actually

[house-of-crows]

So actually fuck the internalized bullshit Im going to talk about this- 

Before I went on T, and after I had the thyroid diagnosis... I was nearly passing. I was a fucking 135lb hardbody twink with generous tits but they obeyed the law of Binder when necessary. 24-27 I was JUST FUCKING FINE THANK YOU. 

.

.

And then I managed to get up North and get on T and change my name and gender and y’know what happened? My weight BALLOONED. IMMEDIATELY. I’m still struggling to get under 200 lbs and I now have TRIPLE D TITS and an ass that won’t fit into a single pair of the shorts I used to wear to the leather club. My Harnesses that I worked my ASS OFF FOR do not fit. My collar, that I bought from the INCOMPARABLY SKILLED Vad Farkas that arrived on a friday 13th in the middle of a glorious summer DOES NOT FUCKING FIT ANYMORE. 

And y’know what friends? I’m allowed to be pissed about that. I’m allowed to be SO FUCKING ANGRY that I wasted some three damn years on a medication that no one figured out I was allergic to until I changed my injection site. The actual real dose in the real medication is doing JACK ALL and this whole debacle has taught me something. 

.

I kinda like my tits actually. I wish they weren’t the first thing people noticed when they looked at me, but hey they’re there and they’re fun to play with. I DO NOT FUCKING WANT chest hair. I do not want the insane amount of body hair that has cropped up so now I’m going to have to do something about it. I am shaving my damn face every day because I can’t stand the feeling of the peach-fuzz-turning-beardy under my jaw. 

.

I don’t necessarily think I am UGLY, but I am now and probably always will be stuck in a half-way point because there’s really nothing that can fix this outside of more prominent and expensive interventions. Like the fact that I now have a double-palm size balding patch on my head that will not grow back in for the life of me, and I have tried EVERYTHING. I’m allowed to be pissed about that too. My hair wasn’t exactly a PRIDEFUL thing, but I sure did enjoy dying it weird colors. I like having it tugged sometimes... but that’ll never happen again. 

.

It’s not a damn sin to tell kids to be sure they want to transition before they start. It’s not a sin to tell them IN DETAIL the changes that will happen to their bodies. It is not a sin to tell them that they should get a fucking therapist before making permanent changes to their bodies that can fuck you up in unexpected ways. It’s definitely not a sin to tell them that they should make real damn sure what they want before they jump in, because starting and getting changes you’re not prepared for can CAUSE MORE DYSPHORIA THAN IT HELPS. 

.

Now I’m glad for the opportunity I had. I’m glad that I had a social worker and therapist who tried to prepare me. I still think adults should be able to do whatever the fuck they want to their bodies, as long as they’re prepared to live with the consequences. But it’s no lie to say that I feel Some Kinda Way about people under 18 doing more than hormone blockers to gain some time to think. That’s why the damn hormone blockers fucking exist in the first place, to give them TIME. 

Keeping minors off hormone blockers who think they might be some flavor of trans is bigoted and wrong. It prevents the exact kinda situation I’m in now, in doesn’t fucking cause it. Listen to people when they tell you who they are... and make sure they have the option of informed consent before they start something majorly life changing. That’s all.

#GCs and terfs fuck off #this isn't FOR you #not gay as in happy but Queer as in FUCK YOU #Local Politics #ugh now I'm gonna have to legally revert at some point #because once again no way in fuck I pass