#actually i don't think i've ever left

[the-upper-shelf]

thinking about what we could have had 😔💔

#solavellan #cerva lavellan #cerva the inquisitor #solas #dragon age #dragon age inqusition #back to solavellan hell bois #actually i don't think i've ever left

[unproduciblesmackdown]

set out to create a serious, canonesque drawing with which to say "feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me mystery speculate" but only got going when i made it bowling and the rarepair agenda

#not that i imagine anything w/mordecai's Rare so much as: diluted range of possibilities lol. probably someones on that mordecai/virgil life #when it turns out it takes several tries to start to get more solid footing at drawing characters for the first time: What The????? #i actually don't think i ever tried drawing lackadaisy before; against all odds....if i had i would've had a head start lol #lackadaisy #corned beef #any collectively used pairing name here? mordenico? nicodecai? in absence of otherwise Knowing: #nicodeme savoy #mordecai heller #me in '07 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! me in '23 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! & guess how i've always felt years in between #goddd perusing the gallery bonus art afresh recently just like WOWWW i'm SOOO #the collages of full-body drawings for book purchases i think like my GOD i love to see it. plus that the Extra Stuff gallery means there's #such a variety like. stuff that's clearly noncanon; stuff that could be / kinda is; jokes; portraits; story / characters insight....waaughh #also shoutout to everyone behind all the mordecais in KS Backer Art 1 & 2 like ''sexy mordecai please'' apparently lmao. hell yeah #anyways my Marigold Bowling Team headcanons are simple and straightforward: nicodeme w/the muscle can get a strike from the force of having #hit one pin that smashes into all the others; but don't underestimate his versatility. mordecai with the precision / method & absolutely #who you want trying to hit the only pin left on the lane. serafine's got like serpentine curveballs changing velocity halfway down the lane #and they've All got pointing a gun at the people setting pins / returning balls b/c that wasn't automated back in the twenties #back when everyone had customized printed tees....oh fun fact. a real live kitty cat crinkled that first pic's paper by jumping on it #or really; ricocheting off of it. classic #also the ''i want people to seriously consider nicodeme/mordecai. but also sillily'' purposes have me using Close Contact as a shorthand #it's earnest and can sure be [longhand] too but you go ''You Could Never HC Datingly Affection ft. An Always Touch Averse Character'' & i? #well i scoff derisively and slowly swivel my chair around to face you; arms crossed; smhing....hah. how greatly you underestimate my power. #you're throwing [hcs for a romance ft. an autistic character] & [that ft. an asexual character] & i'm grabbing them midair & Sips Them #ha ha why these replenish my health And experience bars.... #Never Be Afraid To Forget To Draw Mordecai's Glasses Or That You Also Put Your Thumb In A Bowling Ball....he's warming up. or w/e. #nicodeme w/the boxing experience shoulders massage trope. giving that pep talk #or you can go ''get a strike or we kill you'' b/c you never have to find out if he's joking or not #mordecai unfazed b/c that's the stakes in this business (bowling) & he's autistic so always having to ignore Everyone being weird/confusing #haven't come up with a lackadaisy's team bowling pun name lol. #still feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me brainstorm mitzi n mordecai's murder mystery ;w; enrichment

[thebirdandhersong]

I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats #that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know #i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around? #like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist. #i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me. #but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles #i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face #sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat #or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre. #i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally #it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely #and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year. #so i think i'm justified in being a little upset! #i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge! #the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in #somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community. #anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year #because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision #to do everything i can to love the people here. #i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do! #i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned! #i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers! #i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in #i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too #of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in #and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community #it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it! #i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood #and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now

[fantasticalleigh]

🖤🖤🖤🖤Another one for The Education of a Lady 🖤🖤🖤🖤

used this Pin as a reference

#fantasticalleigh's art #fantasticalleighs art #dramione #dramione art #dramione fanart #dark dramione #draco malfoy #hermione granger #artists on tumblr #illustrators on tumblr #shoutout to that one shithead who once left a review on this fic saying my art is terrible and that i shouldn't bother sharing it #guess what bitch: the point is to keep doing it in order to get better that's how it works #i was proud of my work at the time just like i'm proud of this one now #i sincerely hope you don't go talking to other artists that way bc not everyone is going to be able to take a comment like that well #so fuck you and sorry for my followers who see this in the tags and go wtf? #but that's actually one of the comments that have really bothered me and i do actually think about it a lot #so whoever that anon was: i've gotten better (not that i need to prove it to anyone) #and i hope you go suck a wet fart out of your own asshole before you comment some shit like that ever again

[dragonsdomain]

You! Are! History!

I drew some of Pit's fabulous adorable poses from his battle cry in Chapter 5. I love him so much.

There were more, by the way, but I got tired after inking and coloring two. Have all five sketches under the cut:

#Kid Icarus #Uprising #Kid Icarus Uprising #Pit KIU #my art #Drawing Pit and exploring his swishy swishy princess clothes was such a blast #I think as a fandom we need to talk more about how attractive he is. Like. Guys. #Can you please tell me I'm not the only one attracted to Pit #Like look at him in that sketch on the bottom left? Yes I'm simping over my own drawing don't look at me like that it's normal #Also guys line weight??? Why did nobody tell me making a heavier outline of your character makes the drawing look 10x more professional??? #I feel like I've unlocked a cheat code to life. Now I can feel like my art is ready to post even if it's not fully shaded #Which is great 'cause we all know I take an eternity to post any art ever #Anyway don't click on this. Don't zoom in. Don't question why the quality changes halfway across the piece #Just admire the bird wings or something like I actually pulled up a reference for those you should be proud

[e77y]

Guy from my student newspaper just emailed me to ask what hot-button legislative issues young people are concerned with so he can ask a local politician about it??? At a political internship interview???? In this deep red county????????? I am the WRONG guy to ask buddy

#why did he ask me in the first place #I have spoken to this guy once ever #I guess just because I have local news experience so like. I know what stuff people are worried about? #but I DON'T bc the only investigative journalism I've done is about my college and DEI etc. #which is state level not local #the paper I interned at specifically didn't want to 'be too political' #(everyone but me who worked there was super far right or 'centrist' at best) #which is one of the main reasons I left... but I digress lmao #I just. have no idea how to respond to this #ig I'll just be like 'oh sorry! I don't have much experience with political issues' #I'd also be less annoyed if he were actually writing an article. but no #I think he's literally just going to an internship interview and wants to sound impressive? and he wants to work in local government so.... #ellyposting

[ichorblossoms]

finally getting around to updating her design, still subject to change and missing her mask but

#onris has been around since.....i think 2017? maybe 2018? idk their th page is from 2019 but i'm p sure i made them in hs #anyways reduce reuse recycle she's in honeybee now #their whole deal is they're a vulture humod who has some pet black vultures. normally they wear a vulture mask but i also gotta update that #bc her old mask design was based off lammergeiers but. those don't exist in the climate that honeybee takes place in~ #also she's mute. idr if i ever mentioned that bc it's been so long since i've /actually talked about her/ #her and grimm are probably the closest thing the other has to a friend (occasional coworkers) in p1 and they're like. acquainted. #both very solitary ppl who understand that the other ideally wants to be left alone so they trust the other to not be a bother when they're #-together. basically will sit in silence maybe occasionally signing. then both part ways like 'that was great. A+ interaction' #i might change her name at some point? idr where onris came from. if it even came from anything #they also go by 'vulturecaller' in-universe #honeybee #art #onris

[onetwothree]

oc time!!!!

#hai #i don't think ive ever talked about my ocs before #so here they are in fancy outfits #not what they usually wear but #that's what i wanted to draw #on the left is violet (she/her) and on the right is finny (she/they) #i haven't posted my art in. a very long time #also sorry this isn't pokemon but if i make art might as well post it on main where more people can see #the thing with my art is that since i post so rarely you can very clearly see the improvement if you go through the tag #which sounds like a good thing but is actually horrifying because my old art is. not good #now im not saying this is perfect but it is at least a little better than what i've posted before #at least i think so. #i don't really remember what ive posted before besides some serena drawings?? #anyway #mew.jpg #mews ocs #<-made a tag just in case but i don't really think im gonna use it because im shy

[ikishima]

.

#the amount of compassion you have to pour directly into a bad-faith asshole's mouth without knowing whether there's even a point #in order to get them to the point where they're willing to engage at a level where they actually take your feelings & words into account #the point where they even start hearing you and seeing you as a potential equal in conversation #the point where learning and growing becomes a possibility #is fucking exhausting. and i understand why a lot of people refuse to do it. i understand why some people dont practice what they preach #because sometimes the congregation in question is just there to throw tomatoes without any intent of listening #but idc! idc! im not gonna let a bunch of assholes close my heart off. id rather be naive but kind and get taken advantage of #if the alternative is leaving people behind or making a single person feel the way i have felt #having good intentions but being unable to express it w/o negative emotion or without the correct words or not being given a fighting chanc #to never be seen as a person or heard or listened to is so hurtful #i never want to do that to someone #and if i have parted ways with you or made you feel like that at any point please know it is only when i have no other options left #i know it's an autism thing to be so utterly gutted at being misunderstood and i'm most likely giving energy to people who don't deserve it #but i dont care! i dont care! #my compassion IS a renewable resource because i keep feeding it hope and humanity #i get mad sometimes but please know every angry word i've ever said has stuck on my mind like a glue trap #i remember every fight i have been slightly too aggressive and potentially awful in since the fifth grade and i continue to ruminate #on harm i have caused however big or small #i feel so surrounded by hate and anger and i just want to be that person who doesnt get caught up in it and can be compassionate no matter #lots to think about today ... #x

[salamie-baby]

I find it interesting how I draw a brown wolfdog to represent myself when my artistic desires are particularly therianthropic that day but in the Two instances I've had of a significant mental shift since my reawakening in September the mental image that has appeared in my mind has been of one that is black

#It was like really surprising when I noticed it the first time #Cus I don't really get mental shifts and when I have anything close to it it's not that eventful #But I was helping my dad with computer repair stuff and I went looking on the ground for a lost bolt and my brain just #Went to the left #Like I had to force the words out of my mouth it was that bad #I don't think it would've been noticeable to anyone from an outside perspective but it was just like #“AM CREATURE! GOTTA FIND THINGY!!!” #It was probably from all the crawling around on the floor lmao #The other time I was trying to fall asleep so it wasn't that interesting #But I seriously haven't felt my mind be so clear and yet so fuzzy in a WHILE #Usually if I ever mshift it's due to playing wolfquest and getting too immersed so I don't actually think about it too hard #Anyway tag rant over I've barely shifted since I was 12 the most I get usually is phantom ears when I see birds n shit #I can do phantoms on purpose if I try hard enough tho so that's cool #Therian #Otherkin #Alterhuman #Mental shift

[nexus-nebulae]

brrrrr (/pos)

#weight talk #<- just in case even though this is pos #but like. okay ive been. SEVERELY underweight all my life #like i looked like a skeleton you could see all my bones it was AWFUL #i just. I've literally always hated looking like that i hated looking like a walking corpse i mean i looked ILL #but recently i started taking remeron for anxiety #partially bc my anxiety keeps causing me to not eat properly bc i feel sick constantly #so i kept ending up in the ER for malnutrition and dehydration and my liver getting messed up #well i started the remeron for the panic attacks bc daily panic attacks suck but the psych mentioned it could increase appetite #and it???? did????? I'm eating on a slightly more regular schedule???? I'm eating more than once a day???? #and like. ok I've always weighed like 100lbs #highest i ever got was 111 when i was 16 #and then it dropped 10 #and then dropped 10 more in the span of 3 months while i was in and out of ER #and i was genuinely starting to panic over it bc i could PHYSICALLY FEEL my muscles getting eaten bc i had no fat left #like i was getting drastically weaker by the day my knees still won't stop buckling #but in the about three months I've been taking those meds I've. gained 10 back #I'm actually gaining weight like me and my mother are genuinely SHOCKED this genuinely hasn't happened since i was fucking TWELVE #and just now i took off my shirt and noticed. holy shit. my stomach doesn't go CONCAVE when I'm hungry anymore #like whenever i couldn't tell if i was hungry before i would just look at my stomach and be able to tell if it was too curved inwards #but now!!!!!!! it doesn't do that!!!!!!! and I'm genuinely fucking ecstatic like oh my god i don't look dead anymore #I've always wanted to gain weight i feel like i would be 100% more comfortable in my body as a fat trans man #and i can't talk about that to anyone bc they always say it's either self harm or fetishistic #when no i just genuinely feel more comfortable in my skin thinking of myself that way #and now i have confirmation that i would genuinely be happier that way with this bc the sheer joy i have at not being underweight anymore #i mean I'm still a bit under but at least im gaining SOMETHING like at least i dont look like a drowned street cat #seeing the very slight rolls and folds in my stomach when i move the right way makes me happy

[yisanged]

did i tell you guys i failed my chemistry quiz? i got a 3.5/10 LOL. there were more than ten questions he just scored it strange. i was not joking when i said significant figures were kicking my ass

#i can retake friday it's fine. i'll do it after scioly tryouts 😊 #it actually made me really sad i think this is the worst i've done on a quiz ever and it's not like i don't know how sig figs work #i guess i was just really tired that day or something. like a quarter of the math mistakes were rounding ones #i also messed up scientific notation but i actually kind of expected that. and i'm so shit at converting. negative positive smaller bigger #all means nothing to me i can't think about things like that. k h d b/u d c m just confuses me i don't know my lefts and rights well enough

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of your coming of age movie that never happens & your narrative non-narratives, shoutout to the arcs that’d be supposedly “worse” lmfao like posts about people-pleasers being like “i’m in my villain era” when it’s just consciously prioritizing themselves at all / noting when boundaries for their own wellbeing are being trampled, and the like. wherein i’m like, well i like talking to people i suppose, i can do the hours of monologue at a wall for one mode, got chatterbox mode, funny guy theatrical mode, etc, but in actuality also, i do not like talking to people lmao. the “yeah, that’s me” movie ending with another voiceover while upbeat music plays & you’re cheerfully walking along in 0.75x speed through some picturesque arena filled with socializing people like =) putting on headphones, turning up the volume, ignoring everyone, dodging people according to the berth one wants to maintain,

#i mean in person i like to be somewhere Parallel to other ppl; but there By Myself technically lol #i also am down for / enjoy spontaneous fleeting interactions w/randos but ofc only the actually good ones; which can sure be rare #and naturally Online interactions have a lot more flexibility than [not having that option] but even then. #like on just one point: being in a ''fandom'' like no thanks at all ever lol even when it comes to relatively niche things #j'etadore quantent being Just Me Posting To Myself. i absolutely do not want to talk to anybody about winston billions. #posts are scrolls i've nailed to a door to be perused if someone wants. take it or leave it; i've given it & left #meanwhile Not In Person chats aren't even enough lol like; need more Delay than a live chat; also too much to say just like irl anyways #gotta be down for short essays at w/e weird pacing & inadvertent caginess abt what ig other ppl would find matter of factly easy to share #i.e. like What Are You Doing? type ye olde facebook status prompt material. well that's a secret / weird / not entertaining enough isn't it #not like i think oh scoff i Should be popular likable & beloved lmfao like no ofc i Know i'm not gonna come off like that. l'autistique. #to be thusly is to be generally considered unlikable / disliked. i probably don't like interacting w/an nt rando too much either. #& w/the power of [adhd] it's like yeah sure i can be the chatty Fun But Annoying person lmfao But. rather than really being begrudgingly #tolerated until ppl are just more used to you / forgive the annoyances it's like no it's just the Annoying part lol beyond that it's like #well you're also somehow still too weird & quiet so worst of both worlds right. And ofc i have Other Traits aren't just for everyone. #some classic easy to embrace shit like bit of a hothead; argumentative; opinionated; stubborn; spontaneous; a hater; cagey....lmao #much of that For Fun but the [autistic Friendly] social cues don't get read that way. plus i Can be unfriendly too ofc lmao. get outta here #like a friend group seems charming & adorably heartwarming in theory until it's like oh god but drawing on all relevant experiences?? No #the third or fourth or nth wheel falling behind on the narrow sidewalk / talked over / finding a chair on the end & ppl dont notice ur here #lowering expectations even for exchanges that Do happen. ppl can enjoy the novelty of a lengthy exchange for like; a day #on the other side of that if what's initiated is like; Brief General messages i'm like oh god lmfao now Eye can't keep up w/this style #beyond that spontaneous shit is like oh god masking. oh god double empathy misinterpretations & being treated horribly b/c of it. #Recognizing & Respecting my actual experiences rather than hypothetical ideals like no i'm Not failing by Not putting myself in more damn #situations lmfao....if i stumble into good ones then great lol. sure have done that & i don't discount the Value therein at all #just sure like [points to the wisdom of e.g. autistic ppl talking abt having to be lonely but at the gain of looking out for / appreciating #themself] like Being ''Unlikable'' or having friends(tm) but not Really / the treatment is shit / you're having to mask a ton anyways... #sure can recall experiences like idk. ppl ''being nice'' & whether on purpose or not it's like actually I'm In Hell I'm In Hell lmfao #and then even if it's not on purpose it's like ah i can't actually talk to them abt it & that's not a great endorsement for the dynamic huh #or just noting like i'm duly accepted to be on the sidelines but what am i doing wrong lmao sweating How To Earn proper Normal participation #lot of anxiety & blaming oneself & it turns out like nah can't excise the Fault of autistic / adhd / cpstdness & you're fine actually #that was ye olde times more so but it's gradual & still fairly recent being like Oh Right. more accurate ideas re: Talking To Ppl At All....

[killerchickadee]

The thing about it being my Midwestaversary is like.... sometimes I wonder if I really was that unhappy in Colorado?

Yes. The answer is absolutely yes, and I hated it almost from the very first day. Like I look at Facebook memory posts and even within the first few months I was like, "I hate it here, why the fuck did I move here?" And I stayed there EIGHT YEARS. I've lived in 6 different states and even though I have lots of mental health issues so I'm never really happy, and I have mixed feelings about a lot of the places I've lived in, I've never been as miserable as I was in Colorado. And even though I knew it was bad I didn't realize exactly how traumatic it was until I left. I've been back twice and both times ended up crying because I didn't want to be there. That's.... probably not normal lol.

So like, is my life going well? Not at all lol. Would I say I'm happy? Probably not, because my work situation is shit and I'm a little lonely here (and also the aforementioned mental health shit). But I'm a million times happier where I am now than I was there. I fucking love the midwest so much. Special shoutout to @thebrideofcaliban and her husband for getting me the fuck out here.

#also I'm sorry but colorado is ugly #like sorry to my friends who love it there!!!! really!!!! #but since i left i had that opinion in my head and going back two weeks ago i was like... oh yeah #fuck ugly #i mean there's things i like #magpies! #and when you go hiking and there's not a single human-made sound to be heard #and driving through the plains and there's not another car to be seen for miles #and you can SEE for miles because there's no trees #i mean fuck i love trees but that is kind of cool #i know like 3 people from there who are absolute gems #....and i think they're actually from there so maybe that's proving some kind of point #because the transplants are generally the biggest fucking assholes on the earth #and THAT is what i hated so fucking much #i walked into my old target and some 17 yesr old with the worst spray tan I've ever seen was staring me down in judgement #in the midwestern cities I've lived in people literally could not give a fuck #i don't know what it is about the people who move to colorado but most of them are complete shitheads #....anyway yay i love you milwaukee

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Going to see my favorite band in less than a week and I'm super excited! Only downside is it's like a 4 hour drive to Nashville.

#music #metal #trivium #concert #catch my disabled ass on the sidelines somewhere so i don't get wall of death'd #or I'll find a tall beefy dude and ask if he'll be my human shield #i haven't been to a concert in like 2 years and that was just seeing buckcherry at some hillbilly bar #last concert i actually wanted to go to was nothing more and that was 2015 or something #before that i think the last show I'd seen was 10 years back in high school. their concerts are always cheap cause they're local boys #kinda not done concerts since high school tbh #shit got too expensive at some point. crowds get too violent. got beat up at the last metal show i saw. #kinda left a bad taste #but trivium was like $40 a ticket and it's the closest I've ever seen them so I'm not passing this by #i missed chances to see both Soundgarden and Linkin Park and i will not not see another band that helped form who i am #after this I'll just need to see Rise Against and i think I'll have seen all my angsty teen year faves

[babisawyer]

paramount+ has given up on me suddenly so I've only been able to watch a tiny bit of scream 6 so far.

#🐇 #it's better than five at this point it could still go downhill though #I enjoyed the opening scene with samara weaving but I feel like it dragged on for too long #and I actually really enjoyed jason as a potential ghostface BUT that scene also dragged on a little too long #jason is sort of what I've been wanting from this franchise just some guy who is obsessed with the movies and becomes a ghostface killer #he forgets that sidney is real and that these are real stories and not just a slasher series #him listening to the last podcast on the left and ice nine kills also tells me he's the worst guy I've never met so I loved those details #lmfao like that was a very specific and pointed character design detail I wouldn't have expected #I also appreciate that sam has become a villain publicly just because she's a girl lmfao very relatable #I've only just gotten to the frat party so I haven't seen much but I appreciate them showing the different ways the group is dealing with #trauma I'm kinda surprised that they're bothering covering it. before sidney was really the only one allowed to have trauma #it's better but still not great. the dialogue has improved but it's still cheesy in a way I don't think was intended #like the therapy session with sam was kinda cringe when I think it could've felt way more important #also I've only known quinn for .5 seconds but as a baby faced skankola I appreciate the representation it's very nice to see #yeah. that's it so far. the app still isn't working god bless who knows if I'll ever finish