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kivaember · 1 month

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when you get the urge to just crank out 2k+ oneshot about rusty getting briefly jealous over ayre when 621 tells him about her............ well anyways. here, enjoy! (it's not 2am i should sleep)

jealousy

Rusty wasn't quite sure when it started exactly, these talks with the new merc in town.

The days were long on Rubicon, and the nights even longer, and as the stalemate stretched between Arquebus and Balam, so too did the monotony of the various sorties Rusty was sent out on. Usually he was alone, performing well at 'surgical strikes' or 'sabotage runs', but sometimes he was deployed alongside the MT squad he was the commander of. There wasn't much chatter there, though, except for 'yes sir!' or 'understood, commander!' from the grunts, or Snail's dulcet tones drawling through the comms.

With the new merc, it was a little different.

He didn't talk for one. Raven only ever communicated through text, and even these were very short phrases like ack, or negative, or clarify. It should've been off-putting, but Rusty found a strange sort of openness to the blank canvas Raven offered during sorties. No matter what Rusty said, Raven always replied with an ack at the very least.

Acknowledgement. I acknowledge your words.

It was little things at first, inconsequential. After their first team up at The Wall, where Raven survived where he shouldn't've, Rusty had been curious yet wary. He knew that the merc was running a stolen license - he'd met the original Raven and had narrowly escaped with his life in the encounter - and he'd heard of Handler Walter's reputation. His Hounds tended to be high-quality pilots, no matter their outdated augmentations and their equally outdated ACs - and they bore no loyalty to no one but Walter, who was a dangerous wildcard in his own right.

So Rusty had tried to scope out this 'hound'. Got absolutely fuck-all in return.

"So, where're you from?" Ack. Negative. "Nowhere?" Ack. "How old are you?" Ack. Negative. "You don't know?" Ack. "What's your favourite food?" Ack. Negative. "You don't have one?" Ack. "What're your plans after Rubicon?" Ack. Negative. "None?" Ack.

Was it cageyness? Maybe he was so brainfried he didn't remember? Rusty didn't know, but it prompted him to give him examples in return, even if they were all blatant lies:

"I'm from the Jupiter colonies, though I grew up in Tau Ceti." Ack. "I'm almost forty years old." Ack. "My favourite food is seafood paella." Ack. "I plan to take a two week vacation to the beach after Rubicon and blow all my bonus money on a new car." Ack.

And from there...

Rusty didn't know when it started. When his probing questions getting stonewalled turned into him just... talking to Raven, if only to hear the ack in return. How his blatant lies shifted into something just half a step away from vaguely truthful, on those long days and even longer nights, during sorties where they trashed Balam outposts and sent their MTs running, or harassed Liberation Front supply lines (yet, somehow, those Rubiconists always somehow managed to slip away before they could be captured for re-education, strange that....)

It'd become a sort of catharsis for him, a comfort. Maybe this was what it was supposed to be like when you went to therapy, having someone you could just talk at to sort out your own thoughts, not having to juggle with actually carrying a conversation, just needing someone to say yup, i hear you, i'm listening, without giving needless platitudes or advice - or worse, asking questions.

Hah.

It was kind of pathetic, really.

But for someone like Rusty, this was the best he was going to get. Once he'd finished his mission, no one would ever want to speak to him again - provided he wasn't buried in a shallow, unmarked grave, with his name synonymous to traitor.

So, despite the slippery slope this was, with Raven squatting in the nebulous region of threat i am keeping close to observe and one of the few decent people in my fucked up social circle i'd be sad to kill one day, Rusty kept talking.

And eventually... Raven spoke back.

"-nyway, it's getting a bit awkward right now. Freud's more than a little antsy at how Snail keeps giving me all the assault missions while he's staying benched just in case, and I have no idea how to tell him that Snail's probably just trying to kill me by overworking me. Well, tell him in a way to say 'this isn't a good thing!' Pretty sure Freud would find that a fun afternoon, dodging assassination attempts..."

'Ack.'

"Honestly, I'm a little jealous of you sometimes, buddy," Rusty sighed half-jokingly. He toed a chunk of scrap with STEEL HAZE's clawed foot, checking it for mines. Balam had gone a little nuts with this current outpost of theirs, and the place was lousy with them. "You get to pick and choose your missions, and don't have to deal with office politics. Now there's a battlefield that takes no survivors, let me tell you."

'Ack.'

"In fact, it's just you and Walter, isn't it?" Rusty mused. He knew Arquebus had already exhausted its information network to dig up as many skeletons as it could on Walter, and amazingly enough they'd only come up with a few bones. Walter's past was shadier than midnight fog, and Raven basically manifested out of thin air with how non-existent his papertrail was.

Or, rather, how fraudulent it was. The original C4-621 had died over two years ago. Whoever this 621 was... no one had a clue, no one but Raven himself and Walter, that is.

'Ack. Negative.'

Rusty paused, putting his very cautious examination of his immediate surroundings on hold as he fixed STEEL HAZE's ocular feeds onto STALKER.

"It isn't?"

Raven didn't respond, which was odd. He always gave at least an ack. Had he said something he wasn't supposed to? Rusty was intrigued... but he knew he'd get nothing else out of him. Still, it was a scrap of info-

'i have a friend.'

Rusty blinked at the words that flashed across his HUD, in the little chatbox that was designated for STALKER's text comms. It was not ack, negative or clarify. It was actually a full on sentence, the very first that Rusty had ever read from the mercenary.

He was actually speechless for several moments, the words actually taking some time to fully process their meaning.

"A... friend?" Rusty repeated.

'Ack.'

Rusty waited, because in any normal social setting this would be when elaboration occurred, but after three whole minutes where they just stood there staring at each other, Rusty realised nope, that was it. Raven just upended the norm to drop an enigmatic sentence and decided to explain nothing. Typical.

"...who's this friend?" Rusty tried. "You got a name for them? Any details? C'mon, throw me a bone here."

There was no immediate response. Rusty waited impatiently.

'Ayre. She's a Rubiconian. I have no bones. Sorry.'

Ayre? A Rubiconian? She?

"Huh..." Rusty's stomach felt weird, a sort of knotted tension he couldn't quite explain. A Rubiconian... he didn't know anyone by the name of 'Ayre', but then again, he's been away for ten years and didn't know everyone... as an independent mercenary, too, Raven probably took jobs for the RLF - Rusty already knew of two he'd taken - so... probably someone from one of the other cells...

A friend though... he probably interacted with her outside of missions to have that close of a relationship. Two months, though? This was the first time Rusty had prised anything other than ack, negative or clarify from the guy in those months, and it turned out he had a full on friend in his back pocket this whole time? Talk about a shock...

"How'd... you meet?" Rusty asked, aiming for casual but his words coming out all stiff instead.

'Mission.'

Right, of course.

Rusty abruptly returned to the task at hand: checking their ground route for mines as they inched through the outer perimetre of the Balam outpost. Usually they'd just fly over the damn things, but Balam had installed some heavy-hitting anti-air cannons, the outpost practically a bristling porcupine with how many of them were primed and ready to shoot a fly out of the sky so... here they were, tiptoeing through a minefield instead.

It was tedious but doable. STEEL HAZE's LIDAR system was finetuned enough to detect the mines before he entered their detonation range, and STALKER was a repurposed surveyor AC. It was slow but safe. Mostly slow.

'You too.'

"Huh?" Rusty blinked at the sudden text, confused from the lack of context. "Me what?"

'Friend.'

"...oh." It clicked. "I'm your friend too?"

'Ack.'

"Thanks, buddy," Rusty said, injecting some friendly cheer into his tone, even as he felt... conflicted over the whole thing. His stomach hurt like he'd just eaten a bowl of stinging nettles, his mouth twisted into a grimace as his emotions bounced between tiredly resigned and intensely guilty.

He didn't return the sentiment, and Raven said nothing else. In fact, the rest of the mission was completely silent, broken only by Rusty giving the occasional order or situation update as they penetrated the minefield and destroyed the anti-air guns in the outpost, the Balam MTs routed and in full retreat.

Rusty knew it was out of character. He was chatty, especially with Raven, but his mind kept churning over this mystery friend. Ayre. She. Apparently been buddies with Raven for a while.

He was surprised Walter would've tolerated it. He always weighed in whenever he was on comms on their sorties, snapping at Raven to focus on the mission, or curtly telling Rusty to stop distracting his hound. Needless to say, he and Walter did not see eye-to-eye often, and Rusty couldn't help but feel that Walter held a hint of disdain for him specifically. He had no idea what he'd done to earn that mysterious handler's ire, though. Getting too friendly with his dog, maybe?

In which case...

"Hey, Raven," Rusty said, too curious for his own good. "Does Walter know about this Ayre of yours?"

'Ack.'

"He does? And he's... fine with her?" Rusty asked in mild surprise. Huh, maybe Walter was fine with his hound knowing nice girls? Well, as nice as freedom fighter girls could be... or Walter disliked corporate mercenaries? But he was oddly friendly with Michigan, so that couldn't be it...

Maybe he was just plain homophobic? Thought Rusty was some evil gay trying to seduce his hound to bat for the Arquebus team only? Rusty couldn't help but snort at that theory.

'He doesn't think she exists.'

Uh...

"He... what?"

'He doesn't think she exists.'

Rusty had no idea how to unpack that.

"...like, does he think she's a catfish or...?"

'? Catfish can't talk?'

"What?"

'She's not a fish?'

"No, I- not that kind of fish. A catfish."

'Catfish are a diverse group of ray-finned fish. They can't communicate with humans.'

"No, no, not- it's- it's describing a technique people use, to decieve someone with a fake identity. Usually in romance scams... it's called catfishing. So, a catfish. A person faking their identity to scam you out of something."

'Ack. Negative. Ayre is not 'fake' or scamming me.'

"But Walter thinks she is?"

'He thinks she doesn't exist.'

Why did Rusty feel like they were going in circles...? He let out a laugh, amused despite the frustratingly confusing nature of this entire discussion, and shook his head.

"Buddy... why doesn't he think she exists?"

The response was a long time coming. Long enough that Rusty thought Raven had dropped the topic entirely - even if it would've left Rusty thoroughly scratching his head on the apparent Schrodinger nature of one Ayre Rubicon, when:

'Because she doesn't have a body and only I can hear her voice. He thinks she's a hallucination.'

...

Okay.

Rusty had no idea how to unpack that.

"Huh," he said, with absolutely no emotion whatsoever. "I see."

He said nothing else. What else do you say to that. Really.

'You don't think she exists either.'

"I..." Rusty could practically sense some sort of wall being pulled up between him and Raven, leaving him with only a split second to make a snap decision. Tell the truth and say yes, I actually agree with your handler for once and think she's a hallucination, and alienate Raven, or lie and say no, I believe you, tell me more, and end up spending the rest of his time humouring Raven and his hallucination in full earnest.

And... really, what was wrong in that?

This hallucination clearly didn't interfere in Raven's mission performance, and he seemed to be otherwise connected to reality. Maybe Ayre was just a manifestation of Raven's loneliness, an imaginary friend he'd conjured up for himself and just couldn't let go of. Rusty knew Gen Fours had it hard. Legally, they weren't even considered humans, just intellectual property or military assets. Maybe this 'Ayre' was the only "human contact" he'd had until Rusty had come along.

With that in mind... Rusty's decision was easy.

"I believe you," Rusty said gently. "Just trying to wrap my head around not having a body... must be hard."

There was a pause, a long one, and Rusty waited to see if Raven would see through him and scorn him for trying to humour him, or if he was just-

'She says she's used to it, but there're some things she wants to do but can't, without a body.'

"Oh? Like what?"

And just like that, their roles were reversed. Raven's responses were slow, typed out as they were, but Rusty was getting more than ack, negative or clarify, and he felt a little rueful that it was because of an imaginary friend when he'd been standing right here for months...

But it was fine. Rusty'll show him that he didn't have to pretend to get his human interaction. Just like how Raven quietly listened and acknowledged his words, Rusty'll will do the same. And even if Raven kept hallucinating this Ayre, what did it matter, so long as it didn't interfere in his connection to reality?

Out of all vices Rusty had seen in his fellow pilots... this was the most harmless one

...if a little sad.

#armored core #armored core 6 #v.iv rusty #c4 621 #viv621 #fanfic #when ur slapped with a fic idea instead of sleeping...#anyway here's rusty getting jealous over ayre for a hot second

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raytorosaurus · 2 years

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hey! I play acoustic guitar and I wanna start trying out electric but I also reeeally wanna get nerdy about types of guitars and gear and stuff, I find it very cool but I’m not entirely sure where to start. Do you have any book recommendations or anything like that? Also this is unrelated but I would kill to know exactly what gerard has got going on with their pedalboard cuz woah do they love that thing. Thanks and I love ur blog, hope you have a nice day!

hey so sorry this took me a bit to answer!! honestly my recommendation though would be to not go crazy with pedals to start out with. start with an affordable beginner's guitar, a headphone or mini amp, and maybe one effects pedal (i'd go with a simple overdrive or distortion one to start out with, they're your classic rock sound. or try to find a cheap practice amp with built-in effects and then you can forego pedals just to start out with - i have an older roland micro cube i got second hand for pretty cheap and it's really great and pretty versatile) and just get comfortable with playing electric first. first of all, you won't know what to do with the pedals until you're good at playing and they'll be wasted! but mainly, pedals are just really fucking expensive lol. it's not worth it unless you're a really committed player yk

also once again i'm definitely not an expert in any of this - i'm partly answering in this way because i don't have much gear myself and i think that's a better approach to learning that, like, sinking a whole lot of money into pedals when you don't know exactly what you're looking for or what sound/style you want (for reference i have two boss pedals and one digital multi-effects pedal, and that one i use so rarely, all of them second-hand). also learning + getting used to playing with pedals is like...a whole different skill set on top of just playing that should probably come after you get a decent grip on guitar itself. obviously you already play acoustic so you have a big headstart but playing electric is a pretty different approach, especially when you bring pedals into it. if you find yourself getting bored, sure, throw one in there to spice things up! but they're a pretty big investment sadly lol. if you just want to learn about them because you think they're super interesting, there are soooo many youtube channels out there dedicated specifically to that lmao. it's nerd central out there

and okay now if you're just asking about learning electric in general, my advice would be to find an online course that offers you some kind of structure - there's SO many resources out there for learning that it's actually overwhelming and one of the hardest parts is trying to figure out where to start and where to go next. i started out on fender play and it was pretty good (though it's aimed at people who have zero musical background so you may need to skip through some lessons), but i got a subscription when they were doing like. 70% off or something asdfkaljf, so you could keep an eye out to see if they do a new year's special or something relatively soon! otherwise if you can find a youtuber who does structured lessons in a sequential order i think that's your best bet - being dedicated to seeing through the boring parts of practice and not just jumping around and half-learning a bunch of out-of-context skills in any random order is the only way you can really get anywhere unfortunately ajsdkglaj. but honestly even the boring parts of practice are kind of fun especially if you're able to link whatever technique/scale you're learning to a song you enjoy. when i was teaching myself (like before i bit the bullet and started paying for lessons a few months ago lol) i would jump between the fender lessons and going through tabs of my chem songs to see if there were bits i could play with what i knew (playing along to those songs for the first time is the most exciting feeling in the world fr fr). and seeing the bits that i couldn't quite play but that didn't seem too hard really motivated me to keep going yk? anyway oh my god sorry this got so long AGAIN i'm not even sure if i properly answered your question LMAO.

oh but for the last part i will say that a really cool group of people is currently working on a zine showcasing mcr gear (including gerard's vocal pedalboard) over the years! it's a while off yet bc it requires a lot of research but it's gonna be awesome. gerard hasn't said much about his pedalboard yet but people who know way more than me are on it, hang tight B)

#answered #i'm so sorry would you believe this is me trying to be succinct #i hope you have a great day too!! and i hope you actually see this LOL sorry it took me a bit to answer

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chaosnightmare · 3 years

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heyyyy lol soooooo uh. so my dad died yesterday which means i am now an orphan with adult responsibilities, which isn't sick and is, in fact, extremely cringe. so. i made a paypal, i haven't had it for long i just figured it'd be important somewhere down the line. all the big kids have one

paypal.me/graghahg

please slide me some money so that i can. survive.

thanks.

addon 8/28/21: apparently I need to clarify this but this post in written in a lighthearted tone because I'm trying not to be insufferably tragic.

#i act all cool but i am genuinely freaking the hell out #i have a support system i GUESS but they're just the people who came by to check on us after dad died so i have no idea what i'm doing #actually if you could offer money OR advice i'd kill for it #anyways. i wanted to have a picture of my face but i look like shit and it wouldnt matter for verifying because nobody ever sees my face #so it's temporarily mad rat. that way its clear that it's definitely going to Jaxx #anyways anyways #oh and by the way i'm definitely going to have to learn how to do taxes now. you know how the old saying goes

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morgansunflower · 3 years

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Dancing Away With My Heart

Clark Kent/Superman X Batman! Sister Reader

Warnings: suggestive content

Words:1081

Gotham newspaper was the talk of the city. Y/N was offended they wrote Clark as a low social status man and was only after her money. Clark was offended they wrote Y/N as desiring a one night engagement. Bruce was offended that Clark dared to dance with his baby sister. Selina knew she was going to have to deal with her husband's disapproval to which she disagreed. Alfred was delighted to see his adopted daughter found solace even for just a dance

Arthur's notes - Thank you for reading! The story is based on the movie Gotham By Gaslight. Reader's middle name is Martha after her mother.

Inside the dining room of my home Wayne Manor. I sit among the chair wearing my f/c casual dress. Alfred, sits with me as we enjoy a cup of tea. I hear the entrance door open and slam shut. Bruce, is home and is likely beyond mad about me dancing with, Clark. I honestly wish he could be happy for me, the way I'm happy for him and Selina. He's so protective of me. I understand why but still it hurts how much he doesn't want me to be with Clark.

"Miss Y/N may I offer you a bit of advice"

"oh, dear you're not happy with me too" I sigh in defeat preparing for my sassy father figure try to point me in the right direction. Because he loves me.

"not a bit Ms. I wish only you ease your brother's mind by telling him that you care for Mr Kent" he said with a gentle smile

"oh dear how did you know?" I sigh as I regrettably feel my cheeks redden

"some thing's are clearer than others. I saw the genuineness in both your eyes. Try as you may to deny to yourself or anyone for that matter miss Y/N. You have been in love with him for quite some time and you have my blessing"

My heart melts, remembering the night perfectly. Alfred was right, again. Days past. My mind would only think of Clark. How strong he felt with his hand on mine and on my waist. I'd do anything to dance with him again. His smile that melted mine into a soft smile. I still regret not seeing what kissing him would feel like. Though I probably wouldn't have stopped. As well as my overprotective brother might actually would have killed him. The beautiful evening sun shun as I sit outside on the swing that was tied to the upper branch of the oak tree. My adopted nephew Grayson steps up. He holds the rope on the swing, leaning his head on the rope.

"evening Grayson"

"evening auntie Y/N... So have you written your boyfriend?" he smirked

"boyfriend" I chuckled gently shaking his chin "where'd you get a funny idea like that lad"

I lower my hand as he grinned

"honestly auntie I'm 13 years old. I know what love is.."

"you wouldn't happen to be referring to Miss Zatanna" I asked chuckling

His cheeks turn bright red causing me laugh. I kiss my nephew's head. Jason, carries Tim on his back as he steps to Grayson and I.

"greetings boy's" I smiled

"hey auntie" Jason casually said

"greetings auntie!" Tim delightfully said

I chuckled "how are you my boy's?"

"ol' Jay refused to allow me to focus on my important project until I promised to come play" Tim sighed

"it's the only way the little vampire will get some sun" Jason's joked

"I am not a vampire!" Tim defends appalled

I chuckled "he's just jealous because you have the strongest mind"

"hey!" Jason and Grayson offended

I smile to Jason "oh well Jay is the strongest willed" I then smile to Grayson "and Grayson has the strongest heart"

All three of my nephew's smiled as proudness was filled on my face. I then wonder if I should write Clark. I don't want him to think I had insincere intentions. He's so selfless and kind. He's good to my nephew's. It warms my heart in a unique unexplainable way.

Selina's P. O. V

The moonlight sky shun brightly providing light into our bedroom. Wearing my thin black lace nightgown as I lay sideways on our bed. I softly hummed watching my husband undress. He would not look me in the eye.

I sadly smile "you're still mad at me for not picking your side"

"no" he grunts "I know you care for my sister and are only looking out for her well being"

"but.." I sigh

He steps to the bed moving the covers. His arms stop moving.

"I promised to protect her" his voice heaving "I wish not to.." he stammered, his face dropping that causes my heart to ache for him.

"oh, Bruce" I tenderly grasp his hand "let me hold you my love"

I pull him into the bed and into my small arms. I kiss his forehead, and part from my husband. I hold his face with my small hands. He rest his face on my palm. My husband heavily breaths. I run my knuckles through his hair. He loves his sister so much that I sometimes think he forgets she's his sister and not his daughter. Sometimes we have conversations that sound like we're her parents. I'm grateful for that, because then I can have more faith in my life to look after those adorable boy's. I cup his face has his saddened face. His eyes swelling.

"your love for your sister is undeniable my love and she undoubtedly loves you too. Not me, not Clark nor anyone can change that. He will be good to her.." I then made a threatening look "and if he isn't then I will scratch his eyes out!"

He chuckled wrapped his arm's around me and then kisses my lips deeply.

"thank you" he genuinely said

"you may thank your beautiful wife in a other way darling" I give him a deep kiss as he lifts my nightgown upward....

Clark's P. O. V

In my home town, Smallville. The sun shines brightly. At my parents farm. I rest my head against the tree laying back. I impatiently open the letter I had received from Gotham.

~ Gotham, May. 18, 1990

My Dearest Friend,

I often dream of the night we had together. Dancing with our hearts touching. My smile never leaving my face. No matter what people will say or write I was truly happy to have your company. I ask of you, do not let the world nor my brother convince you otherwise. It has been quite some time since I have had the joy of having you in my life. Know I will forever cherish the beautiful dance we shared together and hope for you to step on my toes again

Yours truly

Y/N M. Wayne ~

I softly chuckle with a warm feeling within my core. I fold the letter. I place it within my pocket. I softly hummed relaxing as I breath in the spring air. I have to write her back! No I have to see her!

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nishisun · 3 years

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suna rintaro is NOT a genius.

summary: you loved the idea of soulmates. suna rintaro didn’t. it isn’t that hard to put two and two together to realize that maybe people with different opinions on things don’t belong together.

part 2

a/n: this was literally supposed to be a series, i gave up on it because i just didn’t like the way it turned out. it used to be called “out of my league” and this was the intro. i also renamed it. just emptying drafts!! please don’t get confused with the random timeskip, once again, this was a part of a series i never ended up posting😭

WARNING!!: suggestive themes, mentions of death, idk kinda angsty but tell me if i missed anything

Soulmates. Whatever the hell that means. The idea of soulmates is something I truly don’t understand. It’s bullshit, honestly. It’s all-pervasive.

My mother always told me I'd eventually find "the one.” I used to believe that when I was younger of course. But in my opinion? It’s all cliches. It's unhelpful, and it's certainly not true. Destiny is an excuse for the weak. Why do you think most marriages end in divorce? It's 'cause people who believe they are “destined to be" assume everything will fall into place without any effort. I don't appreciate people pontificating bullshit like that just to make me feel better, especially if they haven't found their "soulmate" themselves. My sister once told me, “People who believe in soulmates are more likely to break up and encounter more difficulty in their relationship, which will lead them to give up on one another eventually.”

I sure do believe that.

My mother is a prime example. Fumeiko Suna, my dear mother. Well, she clearly hasn’t found hers. I found out when I came home after a tedious day of school in 5th grade and found my dear mother on the floor crying, with bruises all over her face and a busted lip.

Initially, I thought a burglar had broken into our home once again, but if that were the case then there would’ve been missing furniture. But there wasn’t.

In fact, the place seemed cleaner than usual. When I ran up to her and asked her what had happened, there he was. The devil himself. My father. He reeked of alcohol, and I could detect his shadow towering over me. It’s funny how that I think of it. I used to fear that son of a bitch. Now, I’m way taller than him, and hate his guts. I turned around to see a faux-sympathetic smile plastered on his face.

He explained how my mother was being “clumsy” and had fell and busted her lip on one of the corners of the kitchen table and when I turned back around to face my mother, she smiled gently and nodded in agreement. She didn’t say anything after that.

It was then I realized my father had beat my mother to a pulp.

Long story short, when I found it was my father, sure, I was frightened. In fact, I remember going into my siblings’ rooms to inform them, they shrugged it off and told me that dad had been doing it for a while now.

Over time, when my dad had found out that I was aware, he didn't mind beating the absolute shit out of my mother in front of all three of us. This was when my burning hatred for that man started. Nobody in the house even attempted to stop him. I did a few times, though. He took all his anger out on me. At least my mom had a break for the day.

I almost pitied my mother. Almost. Maybe if she was strong enough to leave him, then yeah, I’d feel bad. But she still decides to stay with his sorry ass. It’s pathetic. It’s unrequited love or whatever you call it. How could she still love that asshole?

I mean, I’m not even going to lie, I’m an asshole too, but I’m definitely not my dad. I would never want to be him. He’s not someone I looked up to, he doesn’t do anything inspirational. He’s a businessman. He travels the majority of the time, and I’m pretty sure my mom invites men over when he’s gone. I don’t care enough to find out. But if I ever hear some guy rearranging my mom’s guts, I’ll kill him. I don’t even blame my mother. What she’s doing is wrong, she knows it and so do both of my older siblings. But they don't seem to care so why should I?

Who knows why she just won’t leave him. Maybe it’s cause they don’t want to ruin how people view our “picture perfect” family. I wonder what they’d say. “I thought the Suna’s were the ideal family? I guess not.”

My dad would probably lose it if he heard that.

Both my mother and my father are the cause of this broken family of mine. They never fed me or any of my siblings the love we always desired when we were younger. They never came to any of my volleyball games when I was younger. They never applauded me for the little recitals we’d have in class in primary school. They were never even here for most of my childhood. They always put money first and left us with the housekeepers. Hell, the housekeepers probably know me better than my own parents.They failed as parents. I despise them for it. They’re most likely the reason I am the way I am, but to be honest?

I don’t give a fuck.

In fact, I should thank them! Because of how they “raised” me, i’m extremely blunt, which is why people respect me. I use the hatred I have for my family and take it out on people and no, I’m not proud of that. I may be a heartless asshole, but I like that people fear me. The hell? Does that make me a sadist? Either way, people know to never fuck with me cause I’d fuck their shit up. I’ve overheard many people say it’s ‘cause of my privilege. It probably is. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy you many other things.

If my parents were broke, I’d probably be expelled from school by now. Abuse of alcohol and drugs are forbidden on school property. I don’t even take them at school, I somewhat care about my education and health, but sometimes I just need to blow some steam. Even if I did, nobody’s gonna say shit since my dad is the head of Japan’s board of education. How did his ass even get there?

Call me lonely or cynical. Maybe I am. But how is that a bad thing? Why do people need a significant other to rely on? What, a soulmate is just going to turn my life upside down then suddenly bring me happiness? Pfft, I’m gonna need actual proof that shit like that still happens. I’ve only seen shit like that in fairy tale movies. It’s whatever, though. I can live with being alone. I’ve basically been alone my whole life and it isn’t as bad as people make it.

You loved the idea of having a soulmate. The thought of meeting someone who just understood you, accepted you for who you were, and most importantly, loved you excited you. You couldn’t wait to meet your soulmate.

But recently, you weren’t sure soulmates existed.

When your older sister, Akira, came into your room and burst into tears, it frightened you. Your older sister, the one who’d always provide you advice on relationships and how to keep one was in your room sobbing hysterically because hers hadn’t worked out.

“I just can't believe it,” she sobbed.

You couldn’t believe it either. Your sister had recently gotten engaged to her boyfriend of 9 years. They started dating at the age of 15 and managed to make things work out even after high school, and out of all those years of dating, they never broke up. Not even once.

They’d go on romantic dates on Saturdays and they’d always write love letters to one another every day, just to remind one another of how grateful they were to have each other in their lives. On Halloween, they’d dress up as fictional characters from TV shows and books and take cute selfies and bake a bunch of sweets. They’d invite you to come bake with them, but you would politely deny. You knew they were only offering so you wouldn’t feel left out, which you appreciated.

Of course, they’d argue every now and then, but at the end of the day, they always managed to talk things out. Oh to have a relationship like theirs. They were everything you wanted to have in a relationship and more.

“I really thought he was the one for me, y’know?” No, you don’t know. But that doesn't matter. What mattered was cheering your sister up.

“Maybe he wasn’t ‘the one’ Akira, and that’s okay! People come and go all the time, soulmates come and go all the time as well-”

“You still believe soulmates are real, huh?” she let out a humorless laugh and sniffed her nose, “What If I missed my one shot at love, Y/N? What if I lost my soulmate?”

That’s some deep shit.

Now that you think about it, were soulmates real? Soulmates come and go, yes, you’re aware of that, but even though they leave, it’s always temporary. Soulmates always find a way back to their other half, the piece that completes them.

Your dad never made it back to your mother.

He died in a car crash 5 years ago. Your mother and father had been arguing because she claimed your father was cheating on her since he wouldn’t let her check his phone.

You were 13 at the time. Your sister Akira was accompanying you in your room, listening to them arguing back and forth with one another. There was furniture flying across the room, glass breaking, and both of them throwing curses at each other. You were scared. They never argued in front of you and your sister. They'd bicker sometimes, but it was never anything too deep.

Eventually, your father had enough of your mother’s false accusations, and out of anger, he packed his things and left home. For weeks. It wasn’t until one of your uncles called your mother and broke the news. She didn’t take it very well.

Late 2012-early 2013.

Not many people came to your father’s funeral, his family didn’t like the fact that he and your mother were together, they said your mother was trouble, but your dad still stayed with her, even if that meant it would completely destroy the bond he had with his family. Now that’s true love, you had thought. Only your mother, Akira, the Sunas, your uncle, and you, of course, attended the funeral.

It hurt a lot. It hurt when your mother informed both your grandparents on your mother and father’s side and all they could do is put the blame on her. It hurt how they had claimed you, Akira and your mother were a hindrance to your dear father’s well-being. How could they be so cruel at a time like this?

That was the first time you ever questioned if soulmates were real. Maybe they fell in love at the wrong time? Who knows.

After your father’s passing, Fumiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, was there to help your family out financially. Your mother couldn’t even find the motivating to go to work. Your mother and Fumiko have been best friends since junior high, they’ve literally been inseparable ever since. In fact, after they both got married, they decided to live right next to each other.

Your mom didn’t cope with your father’s death very well; none of you did. But your mom had it the worst.

She would cope with alcohol and clubbing which would always result in her bringing different men home almost every night. You didn’t say much about it, you thought it would be selfish to since that’s what seemed to make your mother feel better about herself, but your sister hated it. She was already 19 and in college at the time, but when she visited and found out that your mother had basically been neglecting you, she was furious.

“Seriously, mom? This is what you’re gonna do while your 13-year-old daughter is in her room having a literal mental breakdown because of your childish behavior?” Your sister had barged into your mother’s room when she thought you were asleep, she was screaming loud.

“You’re interrupting something important, Akira. You know better than to-”

“Oh, shut the hell up mom. You’re the last person on earth to be saying shit like that.”

“Well, if you’re done, you can leave my room now. You’re being disrespectful, and this behavior is not tolerated!” Your mother was screaming now. The man in the bed covering his body under the covers and looking back and forth between Akira and your mother.

“Sakiya, maybe you should hear your daughter out-”

“Not now.” your mother scarcely interrupted the man, eye contact never leaving Akira. “Y/N has never complained about this when you were in college. She knows this is my way of coping, why can’t you understand that too!”

Akira scoffed. “So what, getting fucked by random strangers you find on the filthy streets is your way of coping? Getting wasted every damn night to the point where Y/N has to drag you up to bed is okay with you? Do you even know how much this is affecting Y/N? Did you even bother asking her how she felt? I hate breaking it to you mom, but you need serious help.”

“You selfish child!” Your mother screamed, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body, getting up from the bed. “How dare you say that to your own mother?”

“I’m only telling the truth! If you’re the mother, then it’s your job to be taking care of Y/N, not neglecting her. When’s the last time you’ve engross in an actual conversation with her when you were fully sober?”

Your mother was silent. She quickly walked up to Akira and grabbed her by the hair and slammed her headfirst against the wall.

“You’ve got a big mouth! Maybe I should wash it with soap like I did back in the day, hm?” Akira was attempting to push her mother away, but she wouldn’t let go of her grip. The man that was still on your mother’s bed was in panic, yelling her name, which didn’t have any effect. He might as well stop.

"Look," Akira mumbled, struggling to get away from your mother's grip, "I know it's been hard ever since dad left-"

“Mom! Let go of her!” You cried from the door of her room.

All 3 adults froze and looked at your glassy eyes, mouths wide open.

“Hey, kiddo, I thought you were asleep?” Akira playfully said, your mother let go of Akira and crossed her arms then looked away from you.

“Well, I can't really go to sleep when there’s a bunch of adults yelling about my well-being,” you muttered incoherently. You quickly wiped the uncontrollable tears off your face and sighed.

“Honey,” your mom started, she walked slowly to you, carefully examined your face, and attempted to hug you, but you didn’t accept the offer which made your mother frown. She stopped walking until she was almost face to face with you and placed a hand on your shoulder gently. “Baby, your sister told me that you weren’t happy. Is this true?”

You looked away from her and stared dully at the floor, subtly shifting your feet, then you softly shook your head “no.”

“See Akira, Y/N is happy. So please stop stressing her out.” Your mother said through gritted teeth, then faced you once again. “Y/N honey, how about I go tuck you into bed, hm? I’m so sorry for the excessive noise that was caused.”

“Mom, how clueless can you be? Y/N looks miserable! It’s unhealthy for Y/N to be living-“

Slap.

Your mother just slapped Akira on the face.

“I know what’s best for my daughter! I am her mother! You are not the one who should be telling me how to take care of my own kid!”

“That’s enough, Sakiya.” a familiar voice said from the door.

“Fumeiko-“

“It’s fine. Sakiya, we need to talk.” It was Fumeiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, also known as your next door neighbor. She had been standing in the hallways the whole time, you didn’t even know she was there. Akira was the one who called her over.

That night your mother agreed to get help for her drinking problem. She was gone for 6 months. During those 6 months, the Suna’s took you in since Akira would be in college and you couldn’t have been more grateful.

You and Rintaro were the only kids in the house, being that you both were the same age and the others were in college. It was okay, they were all very polite, dinners were awkward, you could feel some sort of tension between the family but you didn’t pay any attention to it.

When your mom finally came back, it was awkward at first. She still seemed the same, loving and caring, just sober and free of alcohol. It was nice. You two spent the weekends bonding at the mall, watching a movie, or even getting your nails done. Eventually, she gained your trust back, and you couldn’t have been happier.

January 2017.

“Akira, don’t say that. You may not believe me now, but you are such an amazing person, don’t ever think you’ll never find love again. It’s all about having a positive mindset!” you said, thoughtfully stroking her hair as her head laid on your chest.

“I told you that.”

“You did,” you chuckled, “you should take your own advice.

“Oh, shut up!” you both laughed, and Akira let out a shaky sigh. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Of course, you don't need to thank me. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

— so this is one of the writings that i wrote in January 😭 it’s been in my drafts and i re-read it once and instantly hated it right after. if there’s any typos please tell me!!

— also i wanna apologize again for putting gmds on hiatus,, i feel so bad 😭 i wanna make it up to you guys but idk how so if you have suggestions pls tell me

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nectaric · 5 years

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[[ character development time! you mentioned that Ares is the kind of soldier in the trenches with the rest, but has he actually been in the trenches? are there any specific battles outside of ancient Greece that have stayed with/haunted him? does he view war as a necessary or tragic or both? I'd love to hear more how he helps soldiers with shellshock/PTSD and other trauma. would you say that he's an overprotective father or is he more "make your own mistakes but I'll be there if I'm needed"? ]]

i think its safe to say that ares has participated in.... probably close to 80% of all major conflicts since his birth, and spent a decent amount of time literally in the trenches during the world wars and before that. he’s also with the everyday soldiers and has fought so many times, for so many people, with varying tactics and weaponry, and always has. the number of things he’s seen would haunt many of his fellow gods and there’s no denying that he’s been most up close and personal with these kinds of things, save for maybe his fellow war deities.

i think anything with really nasty tactics that leave people mangled, or conflicts with mass casualties (bombs, death camps, widespread slaughter), particularly that which spreads to the innocents, tends to leave its mark. there’s a difference between killing someone on a battlefield and slaughtering people en masse without discrimination, and while he’s definitely participated in both, its those particularly nasty cases that stick with him. which kinda leads into his opinion on war, which has less to do with whether or not its right or wrong or necessary, and more to do with it being a natural human (and divine) phenomenon, which therefore means it must exist. he knows you can’t have life without conflict, and he’s the manifestation of that. whether or not it should exist is not a question he asks himself.

and oOF this is a goodie bc !! i firmly believe that ares takes this side of war as seriously as he takes the other side. he acknowledges those who’ve returned from war as heroes, but also as those who are in desperate need of support and love and care, because he needs those things when he returns. often, he’ll sit in and offer advice or support in group sessions, often attends events or visits with those who suffer from ptsd or something similar. he’s been known to give some of his dogs to those who might need one, and generously donates time and money to organizations meant to help veterans -- which is something he does not advertise to others at all, to be quite honest. he does his BEST to answer the prayers of those who need his help, though he’s only one god and can’t help everyone as best as they might hope, and he also acknowledges there are some things he just can’t fix.

ares’ approach to parenting is like 75% tough love, 25% overprotective, i suppose you could say. he’s mostly content to let his kids carve their own path and do things at their own pace, but he’s also not afraid to step in and lend a hand when they need it, or be that shoulder to cry on. and he’s not afraid to fuck up anyone who really tries to hurt his kids.

#headcanon.#anthcs

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jellojolteon · 7 years

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I absolutely adore your Greyling AU! I know you've already touched on this a bit, but I'd love to hear more about the kwami in this AU-if their personalities are any different, their relationships with their holders, etc. Thanks for all the art and headcanon posts you've done so far!

Absolutely, friend!! And thank you!

–Tikki–

Of the three key Kwami, Tikki’s personality changes the least since she’s got the same holder, but their relationship is still a little different. Tikki cares a lot about Marinette. She’s one of her younger holders and though the situation they find themselves in is not without precedent, Marinette is definitely the youngest hero to find herself pitted against Plagg’s powers. Tikki sees why Master Fu made the decision he did and did not approve of it. Nevertheless she feels a great amount of guilt at not being able to do more for Mari. She does her best to remain a source of positivity for Marinette and offers her unconditional support and advice to the girl, but some of it gets lost along the way since Mari’s job is so much harder in this au.

Marinette, as anyone might, often took out her frustrations on Tikki in the beginning, but as she came to accept her duty she warmed up to her and apologized for her behavior. Tikki’s pretty hard not to love, especially after a long conversation about regrets and secrets that mean your life to keep as close to yourself as you can.

–Nooroo–

We haven’t seen much of Nooroo in canon, so a lot of what I can say about him is mostly just me speculating on how his personality might be.

Nooroo comes out of the box with the behavior one might expect from a secretary trying to do damage control after their boss says something incomprehensibly stupid and bigoted on twitter. He’s urgent and stressed. He has so much to teach adrien with so little time! Of the main miraculouses, I think that the butterfly might be the one with the steepest learning curve. Nooroo has often run into the trouble of having too much to teach and it has ended tragically more than once. He takes Adrien’s confinement as a great blessing and is extraordinarily hesitant to allow Greyling out, even when he is quite well prepared. Nooroo is doting and motherly, like a comical helicopter parent. It suits Adrien well to have this kind of attention considering his previous circumstances. Adrien relishes in the fact that there is someone who is always looking out for him, even if a person with a healthy parental relationship would definitely think it was too much.

Nooroo is very proud of Adrien, who is a quick learner and has a natural talent for being the sunshine in the room.

Despite his “mother knows best” attitude, he can actually be pretty submissive and takes time to warm up to people. At first, he calls Adrien “young master”, which upsets Adrien to no end. He doesn’t like being reminded of his status in a very “Please, Mister Agreste is my father” type of way. Adrien’s want for lack of formality throws Nooroo, who is used to finding himself in the hands of people far more interested in flaunting their titles. Nooroo finds it is a welcome change of pace.

–Plagg–

Poor dear sweet Plagg. I’m sorry to all you Plagg lovers out there because he really gets the short end of the stick in this au more than anyone else.

Plagg, as I’ve mentioned, has found himself being misused by bad guys before. This isn’t new to him. But Gabriel provides a very strange and unfortunate case because of his exceeding cruelty. Plagg gets it. This guy wants his wife back. But Plagg also is the first to recognize his behavior as completely inexcusable and irredeemable. Gabe, in Plagg’s eyes, passed the point of redemption almost as soon as he put on the ring for the first time.

At first, Plagg is willing to roll with it. The bad guys mess with some shit, get out their anger, get what they want, and then they’re done. They either get killed or it catches up to them otherwise or they get bored. They recognize his power for the most part and are considerate. Plagg figures that Gabe just really needs some good ol’ destruction therapy and then he’ll be okay. If Plagg gets his cheese, which Gabe can easily provide, then they’re friends by Plagg’s esteem.

Boy, is he wrong.

Plagg could handle the double duty. He could handle the knowledge of the innumerable sums of money in damages his powers have been used to rack up. He’s even willing to let the hostages slide and maybe a murder or two if the people deserved it.

But Tuxedo Cat steps over the line when he attempts to Cataclysm another person. Especially when that other person is Ladybug, who is merged with his other half. Murder is one thing. Cataclysm is a completely separate thing. Plagg can feel people’s existence dissolving at the hands of his powers. He can’t feel Tuxedo Cat slit an innocent’s throat.

Plagg tries reasoning with Gabriel, to quickly find he is not being listened to. He takes matters into his own paws and makes some modifications to Tux’s tux.

Plagg makes Tuxedo Cat weak to his own Cataclysm.

Plagg doesn’t consider himself much of a hero, more of a chaotic neutral, but allowing Gabe to be weak to cataclysm makes him pretty ill, since Plagg is basically allowing himself to be partially destroyed by his own powers. Plagg takes several days to recover, and Gabe usually takes no less than a week. In this way, at great personal cost (because Gabe is not happy to find he can’t transform for a bit, not just the illness thing), Plagg buys Tikki enough time to come up with a plan. (He really is a hero, after all.)

Plagg is a lot less cocky in this au. He’s tired and worn out pretty much all the time and generally doesn’t have enough energy or willpower to sass Gabe. Sassing Gabe generally doesn’t help matters anyway.

#greyling au #miraculous ladybug #tikki #plagg #nooroo #kwami #jello gets an ask #!!!#hope this answers enough! I don't know how duusu pollen trixx and wayzz fit in quite yet.#a-crafty-lass #I hope you're okay with me publishing this! I figured others might want to hear the answer.

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