#actuallydid

[reimeichan]

Definitely the more integrated I get and the less I dissociate from the other parts of me, weird little quirks have started cropping up due to the various different traits between the different parts of me interacting with each other. I think the biggest thing right now is our ADHD symptoms; before, they'd be pretty secluded from each other and certain alters would experience certain symptoms more severely. Purple got the worst of our hyperactivity, Green struggled the most with executive dysfunction, and I struggled a lot with staying organized and focused. Of course, this isn't to say we didn't experience the other symptoms. All of us struggled with every aspect of ADHD, but there was definitely a pattern for what each part seemed to have the most trouble with.

Except.... well, now that I have a fuller picture, sure, some of it was different parts struggling more with specific aspects of ADHD, but also a not-insignificant aspect of all this was that we weren't aware of how much we each struggled with the other symptoms. Sure, my hyperactive symptoms don't necessarily present the same way, but I'm still incredibly fidgety and need to get up and walk away from my desk pretty regularly. That's not the same as Purple running up and down hallways or speaking quickly or bouncing on our feet, but it's still very definitely hyperactivity. And I was honestly just completely blind to my own executive dysfunction because I believed I just needed enough pressure to start on a project, when in reality "needing enough pressure" is in itself an example of executive dysfunction at play. Similarly, Purple struggles with remembering what tasks need to be done each day, and Green has trouble planning things out even when he knows what needs to be done, both of these being examples of them having trouble getting organized.

I also think that, now that we're more integrated, there's a lot more bleed through where the aspects of our ADHD symptoms we'd each respectively dissociated away is now hitting each of us more. So not only am I dealing with my own lack of organization skills and whatnot, the other stuff is also starting to compound and thus I'm having trouble juggling these new or heightened symptoms that I haven’t really dealt with before.

It's not a bad thing, if anything integration has shown me that these symptoms have always existed inside of me and I've just dissociated them away or dealt with them in an otherwise unhealthy manner. I now have to find healthier and more productive ways to manage my ADHD, which is gonna take time and effort but should overall make my life feel less chaotic and out of control.

#actually did #actuallydid #did osdd #adhd #actually adhd #actuallyadhd #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #by gray #about purple #about green

[mg-sytem]

Fun little activity for us OSDID losers:

I'm sure many of us have experienced how strange it can be when two or more alters fronting blend. Sometimes it may even seem like the combined blended mess of us can take on a new combined personality.

So our idea was: draw what you think two or more alters blended together would look like. Even if they haven't blended before, just have fun.

We love to draw ourselves since it's the only real way we can express ourselves. Dressing how we want only does so much. So have at it if you like the idea.

Can't draw but want to participate anyways? Use picrew or some sort of other character creator. Have fun. Take a break from the bad shit in life for a few minutes.

-co-host/main protector

#actually traumagenic #osdd #did #actuallydid #actuallyosdd #osdid #endos dni

[unstablemotions]

Hey, you! You who suspect you might have PTSD, DID or another trauma disorder, but you think you didn't experience trauma "bad enough" to have developed a mental disorder from it? Let me suggest looking at it differently:

"If there's smoke, there's fire"

Do you experience symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, memory problems, dissociation, ect? Then yes, it was "bad enough". Maybe you don't remember anything "really bad" happening or you don't "feel like" it affects you, but listen to your body. The body remembers and the body doesn't care if you think it is "stupid" or "weak" to have a panic attack when someone touches you or that you still have nightmares about that thing you saw when you were 4 years old

Trauma isn't what happened. Trauma is the reaction to what happened. So what I'm trying to say is that if the reason you think you can't have PTSD/DID/OSDD/ect is because you didn't go through anything horrific enough for that, then maybe forget about what happened to you for a moment and just look at the evidence your body and mind are showing. And then, most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. You're going through a lot and it's gonna be okay in the end. Take it easy, okay? <3

#posting now instead of forgetting it in a draft per usual #actually traumatized #actually ptsd #actually did #actually cptsd #actually cdd #actually osdd #actually dissociative #actuallytraumatized #actuallyabused #actuallydissociative #actuallydid #actuallycdd #actuallyptsd #actuallycptsd #actuallyosdd #personal #my posts

[the-sunroom-system]

i think an issue with the obsession with parts in DID spaces is how much it made us overcomplicate ourselves and not treat our parts the way they deserve

a triggered part would come to front, and all we could focus on was "who are you?" then feel like we're faking DID when we didn't get an answer

instead of offering that part support and compassion like they needed, they'd be shut down for not being able to come out with an identity in their triggered state of mind

like they somehow had to earn the right to exist by first stating a name and intention

they are a part. maybe they have a name. maybe they dont. a lot of our parts are mere fragments. and thats ok. nothing is required for them to be allowed a space to exist. they don't have to be mapped out to have the right to simply be.

for so long, our focus was on "do i really have did? am i faking? do i have alters or is it just cptsd? am i faking this disorder for validation of my trauma? am i the host or this alter? am i anyone at all?"

when really we needed to focus on "what do i need right now? what do we need right now? how can we calm down and find a middle ground together? how can i offer this scared and angry part of me the support they need?"

#actuallydid #post by faun #sunroom.txt #dissociative identity disorder

[chemicalcarousel]

It's fucking funny when you start to notice the "tells" of certain alters, such as speech patterns, posture, voice pitch, accent, hand gestures, ect.

Like "wait a minute... why am I fucking man spreading like a fucking clown.... oh.... oh it's him."

#idk if this makes sense lol #ours #actuallydid #actually did #actuallyosdd #actuallypdid #actually cdd #actuallycdd #actuallydissociative #actually pdid #actually osdd #actually dissociative #did things #did stuff #cdd things #cdd stuff

[e-november]

Hypervigilance is a common symptom of many mental health disorders and social conditions. It is a physiological response of constant alertness to the threats around you and from yourself. I've had a hard time coping with this symptom in general, as it would warp all my relationships, all my perceptions of myself, others and the world. On top of all of this, I felt it was providing me safety from the actual threats I've experienced and feared experiencing; I couldn't be further from the truth. Here are a few ways you can experience hypervigilance:

You might have phobic reflexes. Every unexpected or unpredictable sensory information is perceived as a threat (a sigh, loud walking, cars or people behind you, quick movements from others, etc.). You may jump, or be extremely started and irritable. Other times, you may have extreme emotional reactions or intense dissociation. Phobic reflexes are generally responses to sensory triggers.

Your body may rarely feel relaxed. A lot of stiffness, pain and discomfort can come from keeping your body at a high stress level. At long-term, you may end up developing chronic illnesses as your body is overwhelmed with the constant arousal of fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses.

You struggle doing any task that requires your full attention or a lack of alertness to your surroundings (paperwork, sleeping, reading, etc.). Your ability to function cognitively may be affected by hypervigilance as a whole, which means you'll experience cognitive rigidity, processing disinhibition and other executive dysfunctions. (Note: these are generally partially reversible when recovering from PTSD, GAD, OCD or other disorders with hypervigilant patterns or when you are no longer in a social context which requires this level of conscience of your surroundings).

You may overanalyze what people say or what you think in order to avoid any threat. The latter is particularly common in people with OCD or with trauma around philosophical concepts. You may perceive yourself as one step away from losing control, and may expect others to lose control as well. Generally, the feeling of loss of control resides in hypervigilance itself than actually acting against your values.

You may use escapism a lot, and develop addictions, behavioral or not. This reduces the sense of being constantly threatened temporarily, but increases the hypervigilance on the long-term and worsens the issue. These are a few of the signs you experience hypervigilance as a core coping mechanism ruling your reactions to your current social context as well as the disorders you might deal with. Trauma is the common denominator of this mechanism, although PTSD and C-PTSD isn't implied by default. Since hypervigilance is your body being in constant alertness, in order to reduce it, you must reduce the physiological stress then work on the mental components of hypervigilance at the same time. I will update this blog later with a few ways you could reduce hypervigilance.

#actuallydid #did osdd #did system #ptsd #complex ptsd #actually ocd #ocd #schizophrenia #mental health #psychology

[subsystems]

Things that can happen in DID/OSDD but people don’t talk about them as much:

An alter being co-conscious or influencing you without you knowing.

Being aware of a co-con alter but not knowing who they are.

Having difficulty telling apart your inner experiences. (Was that an alter or was I just feeling differently or was I just daydreaming?)

Having difficulty identifying your own emotions. (I feel “something”)

Knowing how to do something yet feeling like you don’t or shouldn’t know how to do it. (How do I know how to use this phone? I feel like it’s 1998 when I didn’t know what a phone was yet.)

Being in a familiar place/situation yet feeling confused, like it’s unfamiliar. (I’ve lived in this house for 7 years but I feel like this is my first time ever being in it.)

Being confused that your body is smaller/taller than you thought.

Feeling or being unable to do things that you normally can do at other times. (I just couldn’t drive the other day. I don’t know how. I just forgot how to do it.)

Things that happened a few days ago feel like months ago, or things that happened months ago feel like a few days ago.

Experiencing pain, headaches, visual impairment, or other physical symptoms that doctors can’t find a cause for.

Waking up as a different alter than the one who went to bed.

A co-conscious alter being able to influence or take control of certain body parts (like using the arms to hold & comfort you).

Being unable to tell if you’re dreaming or awake.

Feel free to add on!

#actuallydid #actuallyosdd #actuallydissociative #actuallytraumagenic #dissociative identity disorder #sunflower posts

[pricklymuffinzzzzz]

Y’all should’ve known u had DID or OSDD when u related 2 inside out that fucking much 0-0 TELL ME THIS ISNT AT LEAST A FEW MEMBERS IN A SYSTEM

#did osdd #did system #actually did #did community #did alter #osdd #osdd alter #osdd community #osdd system #osddid #did memes #osdd memes #actuallydid #actually osdd

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

when the dissociative identity disorder dissociates your identity

#cant believe that this keeps happening #what utter bs #cdd alter #did alter #actuallycdd #actuallydid #did things #cdd things #did memes #cdd memes #did stuff #cdd stuff #actually did #actually cdd #levi.speaking #my.posts

[kbo-system]

time to play my favorite game: am i In A Mood or am i Not Me?

#did #did system #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #system #system stuff

[reimeichan]

Think systems with a high number of fictional introjects are a new phenomena? Kluft's paper on polyfragmented/extremely complex DID from 1988 includes a patient with LOTR introjects, and another based off of Shakespear's Tempest. Fictional introjects have been a thing for a very long time!

#did #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #osddid #cdd #introject #fictive #did system #actually did #actuallydid #by gray

[xenodelic]

There is so much shame that comes with having amnesia and other memory issues.

As someone that has multiple conditions that cause memory loss (DID, TBI, ADHD, etc) we can't even begin to describe the shame and guilt that is conditioned into people who are """forgetful""".

Having memory issues does not make you a bad person. It doesn't mean you are uncaring, lazy, or immature.

Memory is simply one of the many things that people can struggle with. It has nothing to do with who you are as a person. We are conditioned to think otherwise because being "forgetful" makes people less productive to a capitalist society. Society is arranged to make life a living hell for people with memory issues. This is an aspect of structural ableism. People in power do not want people like us to exist because we are less useful to them.

Dont get me wrong - it can absolutely hurt when someone you care about forgets something that's important to you. You're not wrong for feeling upset that someone missed an important date, event, detail, etc. That makes sense and feeling that way is not inherently ableist.

All we ask for is for compassion to be extended to people who struggle with memory. We ask for people to stop assigning moral value to how effective someone's memory is. We desire for social structures to accommodate people of all cognitive functions, not just those who are most productive to a capitalist machine.

And if you are someone with memory issues, know you do not need to be ashamed. We've been conditioned to hold negative beliefs about ourselves and our struggles for somebody else's benefit. Guilt and shame will not resolve our struggles. You are worthy and valuable as you are.

#amnesia #adhd #tbi #traumatic brain injury #did osdd #actuallyplural #memory loss #actuallydid #actuallyadhd

[unstablemotions]

Every book about PTSD will repeatedly mention how your personality will change after the traumatic event. How this is an indicator that you have the disorder. How this is a universal experience for everyone who suffers from post traumatic stress.

But I never got to have a life before trauma. That person was killed before they were alive. All that remains is a broken shell from where a child was ripped out with violent teeth.

I didn't change from my trauma, because I never existed before it began.

#actuallyptsd #actuallycptsd #actuallytraumatized #actuallydid #actuallycdd #actually ptsd #actually cptsd #actually traumatized #actually did #actually cdd #child abuse #actuallyabused #actually abused #childhood trauma #trauma vent #tw vent #tw child abuse #my post #personal

[system-of-a-feather]

BTW if you think calming corners, sensory rooms, and other forms of dedicated spaces to handling overload, anxiety, or intense emotions in your house is something only for kids - or even worse - only neurodivergent kids, you are largely denying yourself a very helpful resource based on social norms.

Having a space dedicated to being safe and with easy access to things to help lower overstimulation and calm intense internal experiences is something that everyone can benefit from having

Not just kids

Not just neurodivergent kids

Not just neurodivergent adults

Not just mentally ill adults

Everyone - even the hypothetical person with no mental illness or physical disability

There is nothing "immature" about having spaces organized to make your difficult times easier to handle and I think everyone should consider dedicating maybe even just a shelf or corner in their place to having an abundance of self care resources

Self care is not a limited resource and not something that you have to be "bad enough to have"

If you think its a good thing for parents to provide their kids with rooms / spaces dedicated to different ways they can self regulate, then you should agree that if you are also dealing with any levels of difficulty self regulating, that it should be a good idea and good thing to provide yourslef with rooms / spaces dedicated to ways to help you self regulate

Children and adults both have emotions and life experiences that are hard to regulate / handle and both need ways to relax and calm down

Self care, sensory rooms, and coping / calming corners are resources that can help both children and adults with those difficult moments

#alter: fei #alter: riku #as someone who just realized that I don't need an office (ie the socially normal safe space that I used to have) #and instead could just have what all my neurodivergent kids have #and even just young kids have had in their classrooms and theraputic spaces had #and that it worked much better and there was no reason - other than the implications of mental illness and thus social stigma of having one #as to why I didnt just have one #and i am zero percent regretting it this is so much better for my mental health #actuallyautistic #autism #adhd #actuallyneurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #actually did #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #ptsd #self care

[chemicalcarousel]

#edited in ms paint bc im too lazy to open a real editing program hhdhkhd #actuallydissociative #actuallydissociating #actuallydid #actuallyosdd #actuallypdid #actuallyosddid #did memes #osdd memes #dissociation memes #depersonalization #dissociation #actually dissociative #actually dissociating #actually did #actually osdd #actually pdid #actuallytraumatized #trauma memes #ironically enough i think im lowkey dissociating rn :skull: #ours #idk who's here #i think it's sof #yo its sof

[clever-and-unique-name]

The cursed truth about having a complex dissociative disorder is that we will continue to learn the same goddamn lesson over, and over, and over again as new parts wake up to the same realization "someone else" had 6 months ago.

And it feels like going in circles, but I don't think it is--I think it's more like a spiral, going deeper and deeper each time, until an updated belief Fully takes root for everyone.

I mean, it took years and years to cement the original beliefs we're unlearning in the first place...of course the reversal process is going to take some time.

#personal #dissociative identity disorder #actuallyDID #complex dissociative disorder