#addiction and recovery

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

#unrequited love #crushes #codependent #doodles #bad art #lousy drawings #doodle #positivity #self love #healing #recovery #boundaries #toxic relationships #bad relationships #addiction and recovery

[moonlitdark]

📹 by witchwolflea

Jamie Campbell Bower talking about mental health 🫶

#jamie campbell bower #counterfeit #mental health #addiction and recovery #jamie bower #it gets better #video

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Bah

I was supposed to get my sobriety tattoo tomorrow, which would announce the first day of the rest of my life of no smoking or drinking

That was my giant fancy over arching paladin level oath I had decided on, after a decade of relapsing and struggling

Just got a message saying my artist isn't available, and to reschedule for next week

And for the average person these things are fine. I didn't even have a pinned down appointment just hope,

But I really wanted it to be by new years. I wanted to start January 1st with this tattoo and make big over arching broadly generalized pledges and start the imaginary "year" (for what truly is time and space but a concept within our minds and a schedule society follows?) Sober

What's stopping me from just doing it without the tattoo?

The excuse not to.

Addiction is a bitch and a fiend that is baffling and beyond the control of the mind at times, and the demon that lives within me sees an excuse to toss this next week away just because I can't have what I want precisely as I wanted it or planned it.

Ha... fuckin hell.

#personal chaos #personal chatter #addiction and recovery #alcoholism #alcohol and cannabis #cannabis addiction #grumbling

[ebookporn]

Hardin survived incarceration by making her voice heard. She started writing — essays, poems and short stories, plus legal and personal correspondence for fellow inmates. “I worry I could get in trouble for pretending to be other people,” she writes of this side hustle, which earned her the nickname Mama Love. “I don’t yet realize that what I am doing is honing my empathy — the superpower of all great ghostwriters.”

#authors #ghostwriter #writing techniques #writerslife #literacy #prisoner #prison system #addiction and recovery

[bonecavities]

Yesterday I got some herbs to do a ritual in the bath. A cleansing if you will.. something I desperately need. I am harboring a lot of negative energy in my heart over the death of my significant other.. and many others I’ve lost this past year due to substance abuse. Today, I am almost 40 days sober. but they were not so lucky. I remain heartbroken and weighed down.

If anyone else has any other suggestions for on what type of rituals or such I should do to wash this energy away I am open.

#voluntaryfa1ry #addiction awareness #addiction poetry #addiction recovery #recoveryispossible #addiction and recovery #oracle witch #bath ritual #herbal witch #witchblr #witch advice #witch problems #witchcore #witchcraft

[whatmesober]

Trust Your Gut - Part 2

“I believe in intuition and inspiration. At times I feel certain I am right while not knowing the reason why.” Do you know who said that? It was none other than Albert Einstein.  “Intuition is a very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect.” Any guesses? It was Apple’s CEO Steve Jobs. Albert Einstein and Steve Jobs both attributed their extraordinary success to this personality trait of…

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#addiction and recovery #gut feelings #intuition

[flipchild]

free from weed for a week. turns out it's bad for me to stay high most of the time. wasn't even enjoying it, was just a preferable headspace to the full brunt of the world. & I can't have it in reach cuz I cannot self-regulate. battling demons but the demons are my ever-conflicting and turbulent desires & wants & cravings and the Weight of It All. But smoking 2 ease my dissatisfaction is counterproductive to easing that dissatisfaction with my life and myself as I am

#i wanna get uigh so baddddd yes i do no i dont <3. ill be grateful later right now im petulant #addiction and recovery #i need to just be a girl who uses other ppls drugs. i just need to endure it. what evarrrr #uhhh #addiction #recovery #← i should make less general tags for these two scoundrels

[sunflowersanddaydreamsingreen]

TW overdose, death

I guess I should tell the sunflower story. It comes with a couple poems I wrote for my friend Nick who ODed and died in June. They are at the end. I wrote the first poem before the acceptance kicked in and when it did, boy was it awful. I was so angry. I wasn’t angry that Nick relapsed, or that he was using, or that he ODed, or even that he died. I was mad that he was dead and mad at him for it.

Saturday a couple weekends ago I was having a particularly awful grief day. I was in my car listening to a fantastic femme and queer led Heathen podcast called Heathen Wyrdos. (Go check it out!) In this particular episode they were talking about UPG (unverified personal gnosis) and about receiving confirmation from deity and/or spirit. They said to ask for a sign and make it so oddly specific that you couldn’t logic your way out of it. Now, I’ve never been one for signs from the universe or signs from god or anything. Maybe some serendipity now and again, or a well placed coincidence, but not an actual direct sign. I though what the hell, though. I could constantly feel the emptiness in the world where Nick used to be and I was exhausted and in pain. I said, if you’re still with me, I want to see 5 sunflowers by the time I pull in at the lake.

Well I didn’t see any sunflowers that day and thought Ah, well it was worth a shot. But the next day? Sunflowers everywhere. I saw real sunflowers, a painting of a sunflower, sunflower emojis, a business card with a sunflower on it, just so many sunflowers. Then, I went to my first grief support group and the woman who started the organization and led the groups was wearing a sunflower shirt. Their symbol is the sunflower bc when sunflowers can’t find the sun, they turn in toward each other. Then, as I was leaving she said, “I hope you get to see our sunflowers bloom soon.”

Was that enough for me? Nope. Completely oblivious until that evening when I was sitting under my favorite tree scrolling Facebook. I thought, “boy there are a lot of sunflowers,” and then, “OH!” I lost count that day at 27 sunflowers when I tried to stop and remember them all. It really shook me. Before Nick died, I firmly believed that after death we just stop existing. That’s it. We become worm food and nutrients for trees and feed back into the life cycle of the planet. I felt a lot of comfort in this. After Nick died, I started hearing his voice, but I don’t believe in that sort of stuff, so I reasoned that it was memory of his voice and my brain comforting itself by thinking of what he might say if he were with me. I still don’t know about all that, but the sunflowers got to me. I couldn’t logic my way out of it.

Shortly after that, on my first day of work at a new store, an old friend of ours came in that I hadn’t seen in years. He gave me information that I desperately wanted, but was honestly a lot better without. It fucked me up. I mean bad. I was a wreck the rest of the night. Later that week I wrote another poem. I said, “if you’ve found your smile again, send me another sunflower.”

A couple days after I wrote the poem, I was texting a friend that I am working with on a cause directly related to Nick’s death. We were trying to coordinate a time to talk on the phone. They said, “I hope the meeting goes well,” and sent me two hearts and a sunflower. When I asked them about it, they said they didn’t know why they had sent it because they’re usually very intentional about that sort of thing. Then I told them the story.

Every day since then, I have seen at least one sunflower in some strange sort of way, sometimes a bunch of them. One time it was on a coffee mug that I had bought bc it had a gnome on it and didn’t realize there was a sunflower on it until the next day. Another was on a shirt I found at a store that I liked — last one and in my size. Another time there were sunflowers in the bathroom at a restaurant I went to, one time on my little niece’s new diaper bag, once in a new display at work that I didn’t see until I ran into it. They’re everywhere.

My next tattoo is going to be for Nick. It’s a quote from an Andrea Gibson poem that says, “What I want most in the world is to live the rest of my life desperately wanting to live it. I want to give that to you.” And of course, sunflowers. I don’t know that I’m a true believer in signs or life after death or anything, but I’m happy knowing that he’s ok and I’m happy knowing that, in some way, he’s with me.

July 16th, 2022

Sunflowers

The last time I didn’t answer my phone,

somebody died

but you didn’t even call first.

It’s hard to figure out who left who.

I hugged you extra long

the last night you sat in our circle

because some dark part of me already knew

I’d never see you again.

You left, but I quit first.

Or maybe I’m just projecting —

Projecting over the chasm of a 2 1/2 year long goodbye.

I want to reach back through all that time

and tell you that your eyes remind me

of the center of a sunflower.

If I dress it up in metaphor, I’ll never have to admit

that I was in love with you.

You smiled like your backbone bent

ever in the direction of the sun.

Did you burn out?

What was it like on the day your sun set for the last time?

Did you cry out from the ground for water?

Did the pills get stuck in your throat?

Did you fall asleep dreaming of shade?

Where you scared ?

Who did you wish would burst through the door

just before your eyes slid shut

to remind you that you were worth saving?

You are *still* worth saving.

Did you see it coming?

Did you want to?

They were wrong.

It’s not “every day clean is a miracle.”

It’s every day *alive* is a miracle,

But sometimes miracles drown every living creature on earth

except for the chosen righteous few.

Well they chose the wrong one!

You were more human than I could ever be,

more alive than I could ever dream of.

You weren’t just another flower, you were the sun.

They say that the sun will die one day too

and that the blast will kill us all if we survive that long.

This feels like the test run.

I don’t know how I’m still standing with my back straight

Without your light to remind me

how warm the center of a sunflower feels.

So many of my poems end with I should have these days

but the truth is just that I was in love with you

and gave it a million different names.

Now the only name I can remember

is grief.

July 26, 2022

Untitled

I wish your suicide hadn’t been so slow.

I want that for you

just as much as I wish you weren’t dead.

What kind of hell did you run through?

Did you laugh in the flames or did your heart break?

Were you having the time of your life or watching your life slip away?

I don’t even want to know anymore.

I got 3/4 of an answer last night at work and threw up in the parking lot.

I didn’t recognize your ghost anymore.

Do you see your reflection when you look at yourself over my shoulder

in my bathroom mirror?

I want to break it into twice as many pieces as my heart.

Instead I take a sharpie and write

“You are a goddess and you bow to no one”

across my forehead in the glass.

I can get it off later if I scrub hard enough,

if my brain convinces my heart of my mortality again.

I don’t know what I believe anymore.

That will happen when the dead sends you 27 sunflowers.

I don’t know how to live like this.

Everyone has a suggestion or a fix and none of them fit

the way the sunflowers in the tea pot on my altar do.

I took your picture down, moved it to the shrine of the dead

and lit a candle underneath .

I have heard that to blow out a flame is disrespectful,

but I did it anyway when I couldn’t bear to see your face in the light anymore.

What do you call it when you hit rock bottom and keep going?

I don’t want the answers but the questions linger on my tongue

like the orange market spice that I drink every day

just to feel you close to me again.

My stomach is the closest thing I have to a heart these days.

Maybe that’s why the moments that really hit me

make me feel like throwing up.

I want to purge the reality out of my body

but I don’t know how to write about anything other than death anymore.

I stand behind the cash register reciting your epithet to customers under my breath.

I sit next to the ice cooler where no one can see me and I cry.

I “fake it until I make it” through a 3 hour long panic attack.

I miss our old friends.

I want to hear your name from someone else’s mouth,

but when he walked up to buy his milk and bread

after three years of being forgotten,

it almost put me into the grave right next to you.

I raged for the rest of the night.

I cried in the candy isle where there are no cameras.

I screamed inside my lungs until there was no more air,

until I sat gasping on the floor next to a mug of dandelion tea

that I brewed to give me strength on my first day of my new job.

I wonder what the night would have been like if I just had water.

When we closed I scoured the internet for your records,

trying to learn why you were ordered back into the rooms.

Instead I found your middle name.

Did you see your reflection over my shoulder

as I wiped the mascara from my face in the men’s room.

I left my sharpie at home so the only thing I saw in the mirror was your shadow.

I don’t want to know anymore.

I don’t want to know where you went or who you went with.

I don’t want to know how many times you ODed before it killed you.

I don’t want to know what her name was or how long it took you to die.

I just want to know you’re ok now,

the Nick I held too long that last Thursday night.

If you’ve found your smile again,

send me another sunflower.

#overdose #death #OD #12 steps #addiction #addiction recovery #addiction awareness #addiction and recovery #overdose awareness #messages from the dead #messages from the universe #messages from spirit #sunflowers

[puzzledhistorian]

Athena: I'm sorry about what I said at the wreck. The "drunk and stupid" thing.

Bobby: You weren't wrong. People died last night because of her. I don't know her, but I know what it's like to inflict that kind of damage.

Athena: Bobby, you are nothing like that woman.

Bobby: I am exactly like that woman. The day I forget that, that will be a very dangerous day.

"terminal uniqueness"

#911 #tv: 911 #blindsided #s4e9 #bobby nash #athena grant #recovery stuff #aa #alcoholics anonymous #na #narcotics anonymous #these rooms #terminal uniqueness #addiction #addiction and recovery #substance abuse

[unchartedthelostlegacy]

i love graffiti. "comics and jazz are the only american art forms" you forgot graffiti. did you remember graffiti? That art form birthed in Philly and NYC in the early 70s by poor Black kids. that art form that spread all over the world and influenced so many. that's used without irony in commercials when they're trying to appeal to a "young urban" customer.

did you forget graffiti? that racism broken windows theory victim? that reach the establishment takes claiming that it's exclusively violent gang members throwing up those full-color pieces and wildstyle tags in the middle of the night outsmarting fifty security cameras because the billboard was ugly anyway. as if, even if it was, it wouldn't be impressive as all hell. risking brutality and fall damage so your art can occupy the space a gentrified condo named something like "Coluumna" took away from you. proving that despite only assholes affording to live here anymore there's still a soul beneath it. an animal with dripping stripes and teeth that go clack-clack tsssss

#graffiti #it's like how they claim touching a paper that had drugs on it can kill a police officer #manufactured fear of art itself because of who made it #you won't invest in addiction recovery or keeping libraries open or extracurricular programs but you'll sure as hell give cops overtime #so they can beat a kid writing on a shutter #writers have such big dick energy

[solidrecovery]

Keeping Addiction and Recovery a Secret

Discover how to manage addiction and recovery challenges. Find effective coping strategies and support resources. Confidential help available: 707-575-9100 (men), 707-575-9599 (women)

#Addiction and Recovery

[moonlitdark]

Video via: @/PortgasDJennie

Jamie confessing his love for donuts at German Comic Con. 🍩❤️

#jamie campbell bower #this is so random #so relatable #german comic con #jcb #jamie bower #sam bower #also how donuts helped him during recovery #addiction and recovery

[thedomesticanthropologist]

“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life; it comes to us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives, and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.”

#my graphics #quotes #sobriety #addiction and recovery #addiction recovery #alcohol and cannabis #alcohol addiction #cannabis addiction

[the-freaks-girlfriend]

Sunday, 19th November 2023.

So, it's been awhile since I've posted anything on here. Roughly around four months now! So there's one thing I'd like to get off my chest, I released. About a month ago, maybe? I feel disappointed in myself, especially how I was just over two years clean and then I fucked that all up by relapsing. It's kind of hard to say no when somebody is doing it in front of you and they offer it to you. Unless you've ever been addicted to something so toxic you'll never understand that struggle. However I'm not going to let it over power my happiness, I've relapsed once since I first decided to get clean, and it's been a month since I last did it so even though it's still not exactly a good thing, I'm still happy enough to say it was my first relapsed and I've officially been clean now for a month. And you know what they say, Rome wasn't built in a day! So overcoming addiction or any kind of mental illness isn't going to be fixed within a day either. It's a lesson to look back on, and yeah I had my fun while relapsing it's still not worth making a habit out of it.

The strange thing is nobody knows I was an addict in the first place. I spent a few years doing a certain class A drug, everyday, multiple times a day. And not one person noticed...maybe they was nieve and thought I'd never do something like that, or maybe they just didn't pay enough attention to see what was really happening behind closed doors. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I fought a very hard battle without making anyone else be involved and suffer through my addiction. I've fought many battles by myself as I've grown up, mostly because I keep my problems to myself and don't exactly let people help me. But that's because everytime I have opened up to somebody I've either been cursed out, or I've had it thrown back in my face during an argument, or I've been met with judgment. So now, at 25 Yeats old I would rather suffer in silence because at least then I know it's not going to escalate.

Anyways, I don't need anyone to be proud of me because I'm proud of my fucking self and that's all that matters. I don't need anyone's approval, I don't need anyone's support. As long as I love myself and I'm proud of myself that's all that matters. And yeah, I do struggle to love myself sometimes, but I'm working on that. Because self love is the most important thing to me right now.

#addiction #recovery #addiction and recovery #self love #self care #relapse #drugs #love yourself

[bonecavities]

panick stricken and bones like wicker. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Time is going and I am wearing rejuvenated skin. “One day at a time” helping me stay alive, but death is lurking beneath the surface waiting until my clock chimes. Courage flowing, deaths grip floating further down in time. I escaped my mind. I now reside in this moment. I am golden. It’s my time to shine.~

#voluntaryfa1ry #addiction poetry #addiction and recovery #addiction awareness #addiction recovery #recoveryispossible #addiction problems #heroin addict #recovering addict #sobriety #short poem #poets on tumblr

[dognonsense]

Advice if you love/care about an addict but they're not ready for abstinence. This is meeting people where they're at- the most important part of harm reduction

#copied the caption from tiktok #addiction #addiction awareness #recovery #harm reduction #harm reduction tiktok #harm redux #unhoused