#adhd comic invasion

[quickandsilvers]

HEADCANNONS OF PETER MAXIMOFF SLEEPING

I got carried away so i profusely apologise in advance

!NSFW mentioned at the end!🔥

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-This man can sleep ANYWHERE

-the bed, the common room sofa, in lectures (can we blame him??), the stairwell, the roof… you name it, Peter has slept there

-had to be carried off the X-jet by Hank after falling asleep on the way home from a particularly long mission

- Scott did not pass up the chance to take a multitude of photos

- they’re hidden very well. it drives Peter to the brink of insanity

-he practically begs Scott to not show you the polaroids (he totally did)

-they’re your prized possession

-Peter pretends to fall asleep on your lap during movie night

-proceeds to actually fall asleep

-he totally drools. Sorry not sorry

-Mumbles concerning or downright bizarre things in his slumber

-the type of guy to moan ‘mom, five more minutes!’ to a grown ass man

-did it on Logan. It didn’t end well..

-With a mix of raging ADHD and his speedster gene, Peter literally CANNOT. KEEP. STILL. Babyboy rolls off the bed onto the floor

-Unless you're sharing the bed with him, he will be too lazy to get up and will snooze where he fell

-Occasionally sleepwalks

-With the outstretched hands and everything

-Looks like a zombie

-Sleepwalked up to Ororo in the kitchen, scared her so bad she sent him crashing through a wall

-He still slept soundly

-Definitely the type of guy to comically do the ‘schnooorr, mimimimi’ whilst sleeping

-He can also sleep through ANYTHING

Thunderstorm? No worries. An Earthquake bigger than the Richter scale? Forget about it. Alien invasion and world domination? Pfft.

-It got so bad the xmen had to brief new students that if they found Peter sprawled out on the floor somewhere, they shouldn’t worry, he was just getting his ‘big boy sleep’ - (as you so kindly put it)

If you share the bed:

-Takes up ¾ of it (if you’re lucky)

-One leg encasing you somewhere, another leg sprawled and contorted into some weird position

-When he likes to roll he gets stopped by your body

-Admits defeat and just lays on top of you

-The heat radiating off his body is like a VOLCANO

-This isn’t helped by the fact he is a naturally very cuddly person

-Extremely clingy but you don’t mind

-Keeps you up with his snoring and ‘mimimi’s’

-It’s comically loud

-you can only wake him up with the smell of twinkies

-or morning head

-he definitely sleeps in on purpose just so you suck him off

-that almost beats eating cake snacks in the morning

-almost.

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A/N: i promise new fics are on their way!! All suggestions will be completed💕❤️💕❤️

#peter maximoff #quicksilver #evan peters #xmen #evan peters masterlist #peter maximoff fluff #peter maximoff x y/n #peter maximoff x you #peter maximoff x reader #peter maximoff smut #xmen peter maximoff #quicksilver smut #evan peters smut #evan peters headcannons #xmen headcanon #evan peters characters

[queer-starwars-bracket]

Queer Star Wars Characters (Round 4): General Bracket Match 6

Sabé | Identity: bisexual | Media: Queen’s Trilogy/Darth Vader comics

Sabé, born Tsabin, was a member of a family of musicians who set their daughter on the same path. However, she was only skilled enough to ever have a supporting role and instead volunteered to be one of Queen Amidala’s handmaidens. She became Padmé’s most trusted operative, pretending to be the Queen during the Invasion of Naboo. After Padmé’s term as queen ended, she remained her operative and worked with Tonra, a member of Naboo’s security force, to attempt to free slaves on Tatooine. They eventually made contact with the White Suns, a Tatioone slave liberation movement. When the Clone Wars began, Sabé once again acted as Padmé’s decoy when Padmé was away from Coruscant conducting an investigation. There she learned Anakin and Padmé were married. However, to make sure Padmé didn’t have her closest confidant, Palpatine blasted Sabé’s brain with the Dark Side until she didn’t want to work closely with Padmé anymore. Sabé spent the rest of the war helping the White Suns.

After Padmé died, Sabé founded an organization known as the Amidalans- a rebel cell consisting of Naboo (including some of the other handmaidens), who sought to avenge Padmé. They attempted to assassinate Vader (who they deemed responsible) on multiple occasions. Sabé focused on deception, pretending to work with Vader to find Padmé’s killer and infiltrating Crimson Dawn. Until she figured out that Vader was Anakin. Remembering how Padmé’s last words (which had been recorded) was “There’s still good in [Anakin]”, she decided to actually become Vader’s operative. Her given reason was that the Empire and Vader did bring order to the galaxy, but it is just as likely she is following her queen’s last order to attempt to bring the man she loved back to the light. She remained by Vader’s side even when her fellow handmaidens came to “rescue” her. Her last appearance in the comics was Vader abandoning her on a beach until she could decide to fully commit to the Dark Side (emotionally speaking).

Sabé had crushes on a handful of people and even a romantic relationship with Tonra, but her most important was her romantic love for Padmé. These feelings were requited, with Queen’s Hope creating a love triangle where Sabé represented ideology and duty and Anakin was selfish love. As we know, Padmé chose Anakin, but a deciding factor was Sabé’s self esteem being temporarily shattered by Palpatine. Her wider moral view seems to have degraded after spending over two decades focusing on avenging Padmé instead of joining the wider Rebellion. However, even working for the Empire, she hasn’t gone completely evil yet- doing things like pretending to kill a bunch of refugees to gain their loyalty instead of actually killing them.

Matthea “Matty” Cathley | Identity: wlw | Media: The High Republic Phase II

Matty Cathley was the talkative (and ADHD-coded) padawan of Master Leebon, the Jedi Order’s representative to Jedha’s convocation of the Force. Matty was assigned to introduce Vildar Mac to Jedha, causing her to spend the lead up to and the Battle of Jedha by his side. She ended up defending the bar Enlightenment from rioters and enforcer droids. During the battle, her master was consumed by the Leveler. Vildar became her new master. After the battle, she was assigned to investigate the Path of the Open Hand with Oliviah Zeveron. She had a crush on Oliviah, and the mission reignited that. However, she was eventually able to process her star-struckness. Their investigation put them right in the middle of the Night of Sorrow. During the battle, when being attacked by the Leveler, Matty was able to push through its fear effect.

#star wars #sw #sw prequels #sabe #padme amidala #sw darth vader comics #sw thr #sw the high republic #matty cathley

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

A Heart Of Sunflower

by Knight_Of_Breath

“A likely story,” Robin says, taking a few tense steps towards the bed Mikey is on. Oh, wow. He sounds like a posh ten year old. “It fell directly into the batcave, it’s a little too convenient.” Mikey’s thoughts pause. Mikey was portaled into the batcave? Leo, what the shit?

Also, two months after the invasion, Batman wants to know about the things that took down the Aliens. The turtles want a small mission to get back into hero-ing. When neither of those things go right, and Mikey is the only one who made it out, and he must work with the Batfam to get his brothers, and their father, back.

Words: 1882, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Characters: Michelangelo (TMNT), Damian Wayne, Leonardo (TMNT), Jason Todd, Donatello (TMNT), Dick Grayson, Raphael (TMNT), Tim Drake, April O'Neil (TMNT), Bruce Wayne, Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit, Cassandra Cain, Casey Jones (TMNT), Stephanie Brown, Splinter | Lou Jitsu, Barbara Gordon, Hamato Yoshi | Splinter, Duke Thomas, Baron Draxum (TMNT), Casey Jones Jr. (TMNT), Batcow, Lex Luthor

Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Batfamily Members & Other(s), Damian Wayne & Damian Wayne's Pets, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Barbara Gordon & Dick Grayson & Jason T. & Damian W., Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & April O'Neil & Raphael (TMNT), Casey Jones & Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit & April O'Neil & The Turtles (TMNT)

Additional Tags: Fluff and Angst, Good Sibling Michelangelo (TMNT), How Do I Tag, Coming of Age, Post ROTTMNT Movie (2022), Damian Wayne is Robin, Hurt Michelangelo (TMNT), Protective Michelangelo (TMNT), Michelangelo-centric (TMNT), BAMF Michelangelo (TMNT), Autistic Michelangelo (TMNT), Michelangelo Has ADHD (TMNT), Nonbinary Michelangelo (TMNT), Genderfluid Michelangelo (TMNT), Damian Wayne Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Kidnapping, Experimentation, No Beta We Die Like Jason Todd Damien Wayne ect, no beta we die like gramgram, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/45354259

#IFTTT #bruce wayne #batman #the dark knight #the cape crusader #gotham #dc universe #ao3 #ao3feed

[pinkpollywog]

ADHD can be an overwhelming and destructive force. its hard having to “clean up” and organize your life when theres a constant pushback from your own brain! Thats why we keep trying everyday to work with what we have, and appreciate ourselves for that effort.

#adhd comic invasion #adhdawareness #actually adhd #adhd brain

[iwanttobeahydra]

I find socialising stressful... I realised recently that it’s because I hear all sounds without filter and my brain can’t *quite* keep up with them or focus where it should 😊😊

#adhd invasion #adhd comic invasion #adhd comic #adhd problems #adhd awareness month #adhd awareness #adhd #autobio comics #neurodiversity

[adhdandcomics]

Happy ADHD invasion guys! Here is my piece for this year’s cosmic takeover, a little reflection on my journey with adhd :)

#cosmic takeover #adhd invasion #adhd invasion 2021 #adhd awareness #adhd awareness month #adhd #comic #comics #cosmictakeover

[izznzz-art]

#mjpromptober day 8: buried alive

comic illustration about how ADHD feels

#mental health #comic #digital #procreate #illustration #digital illustration #adhd #adhd invasion

[cearamorran]

I'm sorry if this is rude and you don't have to answer if it feels too invasive, but how did you find out you might have ADHD? Because I'm kind of wondering if I might have it too (some friends were concerned and said maybe I should get it checked out), but I'm not too sure I should since it feels like if I really have it then it should've been a bigger problem much sooner? Don't wanna waste professionals' times and all. What kind of symptoms did you have and how was the topic brought up?

It’s okay, I’m glad to be of help if I can! I might not be the most knowlegdeable on the matter, and all of this is only my own experience, so i’d recommand doing your own research as well.

This might be a little long, sorry ^^'

Actually it was right here on tumblr that I learned about it in the first place. It started with reading posts where they mentioned it and its symptoms and i was like “wow, sounds rough :/”

It was only after reading about it more that i realized that it fit me a little too well. My whole life flashed before my eyes and it was a “oh my god that explains everything” moment.

I also had my doubts at first, because I thought everybody was just Like That. I think it’s common not to even realize you might have it because you just grow up learning ways to go around it, you know? and also it’s not like society is any help. When I was young I was actually one of those High Potential kids (here in Switzerland it’s what they’re called, i’m not sure what’s the name elsewhere ) so my teachers and my parents KNEW there was something up with me, but basically they dealt with that by trying to make me switch class ONCE, and when that didn’t work (because I was a stubborn ass kid and just completely stopped working until they put me back in my old class with my friends) they just went “oh well, guess that didn’t work :/” and i spent the rest of my school years getting progressively worse at studying and learning.

Symptoms for me were that basically I couldn’t work on something that didn’t interest me. Reading anything for school was impossible, I zoned out every three sentences. Maths were - still are - incomprehensible to me (and on top of it my teacher was a psychopath. to this day i go into flight or fight mode whenever i’m presented with even the stupidest math problems. though maybe that’s just a gay thing lmao)

Hyperfixations are a big thing for me. The first one that I can remember was when I was thirteen. I’d just gotten access to the wonders of internet back then, and I discovered.... Sonic. I was that kid, yes. So every day I lived and breathed Sonic. All day at school, the only thing I could think about was going home to get on the computer and watch SonicX episodes, draw my Sonic OCs and write my Sonic self-insert fanfics. I just thought everyone started vibrating out of their skin when they liked something, you know? I wrote novels about me and sonic going on adventures but i couldnt write three words for that presentation i was supposed to give the next day

I also go through a cicle of extremely efficient and completely apathetic, i’ve found. (though maybe that’s more like a depression thing than an ADHD thing, but my anxiety/depression and ADHD are definitely linked to each other anyway) It definetely shows in my chaotic history on this blog. My jaytim week from like four years ago, when I posted whole ass comics every DAY?? i was on a roll, and then my hyperfixation died down and i entered Anxiety Territory.

So yeah, those are the most obvious things for me, but there are tons of other things that won’t come to mind right now. Since it’s been a part of me for my whole life it’s literally MADE me who i am today. but i know symptoms can vary a lot from one person to the other, and not every one deals with it in the same way.

If you think you might have it and can get it checked out, i would definitely go for it. Professionals are here for that, you wouldn’t be wasting their time. And it’s not because you’re functional that it can’t impact your life. I suffered my way all the way through to high school before dropping out, but if someone had told me I had ADHD back then and helped me out, maybe I would have gone to college, (unlikely because i am very much an artist at heart, but I at least would have had the opportunity) maybe my traumatized ass wouldn’t have a mental breakdown over the mere mention of picking up my studies again.

Anyway, when I found out there actually might be a real thing(TM) going on with me and it wasn’t just me being stupid I might have cried a little.

So yeah, I hope this can help, and sorry for the novel-size answer ^^

[letitrainathousandflames]

I don't mean to be invasive - but I just wanted to say I *LOVE* your comic! So so so much because this is how I feel too; and its really relieving to see that I am not alone in this feeling. I was actually wondering if you'd gotten your diagnosis test results back and how you feel about them now? And how difficult was the process of getting a diagnosis if you don't mind me asking? If I am being too forward please dont be afraid to tell me! <3 Well wishes to you!

[warning: this will get long, i’m so sorry...]

Hello! I haven’t yet... I just finished taking the tests yesterday, so it might take a little while for the psychiatrist to “grade” them because there are a LOT of tests.

If I am ADHD, I suspect I am at the innatentive part of the spectrum - which made me a daydreaming, homework-forgetting child but not a loud or disruptive one at school. Being a woman also makes it more difficult to get diagnosed.

But the signs, GOSH the signs. They were everywhere. I was too shy and didn’t talk to anyone - unless to my family and close friends, whom I left exhausted because I talked too much. I kept forgetting my homework. I didn’t write down anything in class bc I was either doodling, daydreaming or sleeping - ADHDers have a different circadian rhythm, so at 7am my brain was still lethargic.

The green coat in the comic? I rescued it from my school’s lost and found box about three times every month bc I kept forgetting it in the classroom. In college, it was my flash drive filled with the entire semester’s assignment. I get lost very easily. I have a cold cup of tea next to me right now - I forgot to drink it while it was hot, about two hours ago.

I could continue listing my many many many symptoms here, but I guess you get the gist of it. Needless to say, I hated school. They wanted me to understand math when all I wanted was to learn topics of my own interests. So I had terrible grades and a confusing paradox: bad grades meant i was dumb. But I was learning basic japanese and two fictional languages and their structures as a hobby. I liked studying how to conjugate verbs in lord of the rings’ elvish for fun. My classmates were struggling with basic english while I was already at intermediate level just because I really wanted to understand the plot of my favorite video games, which were all in english.

I was twelve, juggling four languages in my brain for fun just because words fascinated me, and in spite of that, the adults at my school and the grades on my report said i was dumb. I could already make out song lyrics in english by ear, I had memorized the hiragana alphabet in japanese and I could even hold a small conversation in elvish with a fellow nerd.

But I was dumb to the world, and obviously to myself as well because you internalize that shit when they say it over and over. I perceived my entire worth as my grades, and since they were quite low... yeah.

I’m 30. I only started thinking about the possibility of me not being lazy and having terrible time management skills and just not caring about anything at all around 2-3 years ago, tops. I spent nearly my entire life thinking that I’m just... defective, because everyone else around me seemed to be doing fine.

Still, I consider myself lucky because I live in the age of the internet. I stumbled upon a few posts about dealing with constant disorganization, executive dysfunction, rejection sensitive dysphoria, etc. and it just blew my mind - “other people are dealing with that? other people are suffering with that? and it has a name?? and this condition can be treated/understood/improved???”

About what led me to finally getting my diagnosis - I have this super cool psychiatrist that was helping me with my anxiety (which, haha, might be a symptom of my untreated adhd), and when I told her about my suspicions she said “hey, I wouldn’t suggest this if you were a kid, or a younger person but since you’re a full grown adult, I can prescribe you some ritalin and you take like, half of the smallest dose, just to try and see if it helps you focus.” And it did. So I was like “oh. oh, I need to look deeper into this.”

Now I’m waiting for the results and... trying not to freak out, haha.

If you can, try to find a good therapist - not only therapy might be highly positive to you as it is to me, but your therapist can also point you to the right direction. They’ll be glad to refer you to a professional that can have you tested for any disorder you might have, and will also help you find ways to cope with your shortcomings (for example, to help me stop procrastinating, my therapist made a deal with me to show her at least one new page of my current project on every session ^^”)

Sorry for this being so messy, half-personal confession, half-advice. I hope I didn’t ramble too much. Good luck, dear! I hope you find your happiness soon! <3

[artsy-hobbitses]

Doodles on a day off and it’s apparently Nosedive Night!

Nate has all original’s quirks and sensibilities, though he’s also a gifted artist on his own accord (partially attributed to his ADHD issues in which he finds it much easier to grasp a concept visually) and was aspiring to be a comic artist before the Saurian invasion put all that to a halt.

This lad not being able to keep his ‘Baby’ from ‘Bringing down Baby’ was an absolute travesty so what’re we gonna do? We’re gonna fix that shit that’s what we’re gonna do. Though ‘Baby’ is now a mutated/genetically-modified cocker spaniel they rescued from a Saurian research facility and is the official Team Pet.

Bad guys trespassing into their HQ disregarding all of Nate’s ‘BEWARE OF DOG’ signs stapled with Baby’s most photogenic pictures are gonna be in for a fun surprise.

(Also long-haired pretty boys who try to run off on Mallory’s marksmanship classes get yoinked)

#Mighty Ducks #mdtas #humanized #art #Nosedive

[myfandomrambles]

C-PTSD & BPD Doctor

(Doctor Character Study part 3D)

An analysis of The Doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).If you read my ADHD & Autistic doctor posts you will notice some symptom overlap mostly with impulsivity. I chose to put C-PTSD and BPD as one post because symptom overlap is strong, and the disorders are highly comorbid.

12th Doctor:

The Twelfth Doctor is often viewed as a darker, colder Doctor. He is a more abrasive character than many of The Doctor’s faces. He didn’t lie about who and what he was like many of the new Doctors do. He is really grappling with the Time War’s effects on himself, having lived in a war on Trenzalore, many of the things he has done or chosen to do that facilitated harm and very prominently all of the loved ones he’s lost before, during and after the wars.

The idea of being a soldier or general vs being The Doctor hangs heavy on him. He not only played a general and war hero during the time war “The Doctor of war” but was also the default commander of the Trenzalore war, the target of much of the violence and the de facto leader of the town during the siege. His deep fear of who he really is, and distaste for anything related to soldiers does stem from the Time War but regenerating off the war on Trenzalore made him have to grapple even further because he spent so much time having to experience it all over again.

In this Doctor's run we get some references back to his earliest incarnation and life on Gallifrey in series 9 a chunk of this is mostly plot-related in the concept of the Time Dial and Hybrid but even that added to other information gives insight to his early life which connects with all of the New Who Doctors, and greatly with the Twelfth Doctor in interesting ways.

"Man: Why does he have to sleep out here?

Woman: He doesn't want the others to hear him crying.

Man: Why does he have to cry all the time?

Woman: You know why.

Man: There'll be no crying in the army.

Woman: Hush.

Man: Don't pretend you're not awake. We're not idiots.

Woman: Come and sleep in the house. You don't have to be alone. If you can hear me, you're very welcome in the house, with the other boys. I'll leave the door on the latch. Come in any time.

Man: He can't just run away crying all the time if he wants to join the army.

Woman: He doesn't want to join the army. I keep telling you.

Man: Well, he's not going to the Academy, is he, that boy? He'll never make a Time Lord."

This scene is in TV: Listen is connected well with much of what we knew before about The Doctor's lonely childhood, his experience of always been regarded as a renegade, was disliked in school, not liking the rigid society, having anxiety even as a kid and being generally isolated [save The Master]. In this story, it also ties into the way that even into this regeneration The Doctor deals with fears and anxiety he tries to hide and intellectualize. This also sets up a baseline of possible attachment struggles that have worsened with complex trauma.

In TV: Witch's familiar Missy describes The Doctor as a young Time Lord, It’s told in a bit of humour manner but connects in with the more serious discussion on TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent.

“Doctor: A long time ago, there was a student at the Academy. He got in here, disappeared for four days. Showed up in a completely different part of the city. Said the Sliders talked to him, they showed him the secret passage out. And we just need the code.

Clara: What and the kid told you the secret?

Doctor: Ah, no, he didn't tell anyone anything. He went completely mad. Never right in the head again, so they say.

Clara: Okay, that's encouraging.

Doctor: The last I heard, he stole the moon and the President's wife.

Clara: Was she, er, Was she nice, the President's wife?

Doctor: Ah, well, that was a lie put about by the Shabogans. It was the President's daughter. I didn't steal the moon, I lost it.

Clara: I'd know you anywhere.

Doctor: I was a completely different person in those days. Eccentric, a bit mad, rude to people.”

This conversation again adds a bit to The Doctor stories adding to things like the Tenth Doctor’s discussion of the Untempered Schism shaping The Doctor even from a young age. This also connects with The Doctor's self-perception, the above attachment issues and talks about how his history on Gallifrey has influenced his identity issues.  

The Doctor Struggles with boundaries, something that we know is connected with his alien tendencies [and if you read my Autistic/Adhd sections it ties with that] but I think his emotional and identity enmeshment with Clara and to some degree Missy has a tie into his history of loss and trauma ( TV: Under The Lake & TV: The Witch’s Familiar). We see that The Doctor tends to either care for people an intense amount or have difficulty forming a connection, this also applies to his trust ( TV: Time Heist, TV: The Caretaker, TV: Dark Water/Death in Heaven, TV: Last Christmas, TV: Zygon Invasion TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, & TV: The Pilot, TV: The Lie of The Land)

The Doctor has poor boundaries with Clara, in Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death The Doctor enters Clara’s bathroom while in the tub in the TARDIS, he has little care for how this would cross boundaries. The Doctor also very often relies on her for how he sees and values himself putting his Duty of Care over anything else. In TV: Dark Water we see another example,

“Clara: You're going to help me?

Doctor: Well, why wouldn't I help you?

Clara: Because of what I just did. I just

Doctor: You betrayed me. Betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything that I've ever stood for. You let me down!

Clara: Then why are you helping me?

Doctor: Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?”

Clara crossed an extreme line in this episode having, in her mind, drugged The Doctor and destroyed his ability to get into his home and possible stranding them in a deadly position. As The Doctor point’s out he betrayed him deeply and let him down. The most telling part here isn’t to me that he helps her out, it’s that he doesn’t set this up as a time of “forgiving” her for having done something that could have hurt them both, but that it doesn’t make a difference. Betraying him could never make a difference, a level of extreme trust and lack of autonomy from her.

Being without her makes him reckless (TV: The Witch’s Familiar) and the ability to possibly protect her will make him cross lines, ones of keeping himself safe (TV: Last Christmas) and his own personal moral standards (TV: Face The Raven). In TV: Heaven Sent he describes life as not being worth living without her while trying to figure out if he can get out of the situation he questions if its work it saying,

“Doctor: But I can remember, Clara. You don't understand, I can remember it all. Every time. And you'll still be gone. Whatever I do, you still won't be there.”

The Doctor and Clara’s identities become enmeshed in The Doctor’s perception in TV: Heaven Sent he says,

“Doctor: Assume you're going to survive. Always assume that. Imagine you've already survived. There's a storm room in your mind. Lock the door and think. This is my storm room. I always imagine that I'm back in my Tardis, showing off, telling you how I escaped, making you laugh.”

This shows how she is part of his own internal thought process and his coping skills. And later in TV: Hell Bent along with his willingness to cross all his personal boundaries and the laws of time it’s discussed how they might, even if just in personal and outside perception, become a singular entity in the Hybrid.

“Doctor: Does it matter?

Ashildr: No. Because I have a better theory.

Doctor: Really?

Ashildr: What if the Hybrid wasn't one person, but two?

Doctor: Two?

Ashildr: A dangerous combination of a passionate and powerful Time Lord and a young woman so very similar to him.”

Part of this enmeshed identities is connected to the concept of Favourite person which Clara Oswald fills the role of in seasons 8 & 9. He puts so much of himself into her in his self-perception and works hard to keep her safe. ( TV: Into The Dalek, TV: In The Forest of The Night, TV: The Magician's Apprentice, TV: Zygon Invasion/Zygon Inversion, Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death, Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: Time Heist).

This is shown in terms of ‘duty of care’, this also relates to his hero/god complex, feelings that he needs to control everything, deep fears and anxiety and guilt over people he can’t save. ( TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, TV: Face the Raven, TV: The Girl Who Died). He also shows a lot of jealousy towards her showing attention to others. (TV: Robots of Sherwood, TV: Listen, TV: Last Christmas, TV: The Caretaker, Comic: The Four Doctors)

In TV: The Caretaker Danny Pink comments on The Doctors need to keep her safe.

“Danny: It's all right, it doesn't matter. I don't need him to like me. It doesn't matter if he likes me or hates me, I just need to do exactly one thing for you. Doctor, am I right?

Doctor: Yes.

Clara: What? What one thing?

Danny: I need to be good enough for you. That's why he's angry. Just in case I'm not.”

This protectiveness reaches its most extreme in Twelve shooting The General in TV: Hell Bent. He is also willing to hurt himself in order for her to not be hurt. This can be seen in TV: Dark Water & TV: The Witch's Familiar and allowing himself to be hurt for thousands of years in the Time Dial. (TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent)

This enmeshment isn't one-sided. Multiple Times Clara notes how important The Doctor is to her, stating he is essential to her in TV: Before the Flood, calling him the only person she really trusts (TV: Dark Water/Death in Heaven) and desperately wanting to be like him. (TV: Flatline, TV: The Girl Who Died & TV: Face The Raven)

In TV: Listen Clara ends up on Gallifrey and tried to calm the young Doctor, she is then able to extrapolate this to her Doctor whom she knows and understands his fear of vulnerability but has also seen him when he is lost and hurt, knowing he is anxious. When she comes back she says;

“Clara: What if there was nothing? What if there never was anything? Nothing under the bed, nothing at the door. What if the big bad Time Lord doesn't want to admit he's just afraid of the dark.

Doctor: Where are we? Have we moved? Where have we landed?

Clara: Don't look where we are. Take off, and promise me you will never look where we've been.

Doctor: Why?

Clara: Just take off. Don't ask questions.

Doctor: I don't take orders, Clara.

Clara: Do as you're told.”

The way she explains can seem harsh, but keeping him from looking is important as she knows it would consume him trying to work out how they were on a past time lock Galifrey.

Missy becomes someone Twelve links personal image in the show as well. The Doctor and The Master has a long history of hurting each other and then forgiving it when maybe it doesn't make sense to. The Doctor will also often go over other people's heads in order to offer the hand to the master after they do harm to other people. It’s also been pointed out by people like the Rani that the master is overly obsessed with The Doctor. But The Doctor also has a history of connecting their personal identity to the master too. Something we can see throughout Twelve's run.

In TV: World Enough and Time Bil and The Doctor discuss why he wants Bill to help him with Missy’s test run helping others.

“Doctor: She's my friend. She's my oldest friend in the universe.

Bill: Well, you've got lots of friends. Better ones. What's so special about her?

Doctor: She's different.

Bill: Different how?

Doctor: I don't know.

Bill: Yes, you do.

Doctor: She's the only person that I've ever met who's even remotely like me.

Bill: So more than anything you want her to be good?

...

Doctor: I know I can help her.”

In this quote, we see that The Doctor needs The Master to be good because of how much he sees of himself in her. There has to be redemption in the heart of The Master because he believes that it is a reflection of his own possibility of goodness, but also part of The Doctor needing to be able to help the people he cares for.

In TV: The Doctor Falls we see more of this trying to have Missy change and to have his friend fill the hole he has.

"Doctor: No! No! When I say no, you turn back around! Hey! I'm going to be dead in a few hours, so before I go, let's have this out, you and me, once and for all. Winning? Is that what you think it's about? I'm not trying to win. ... It's not because it's fun and God knows it's not because it's easy. It's not even because it works, because it hardly ever does. I do what I do because it's right! Because it's decent! And above all, it's kind. It's just that. ... And I will stand here doing it till it kills me. You're going to die too, someday. How will that be? Have you thought about it? What would you die for? Who I am is where I stand. Where I stand, is where I fall. Stand with me."

....

Doctor: Missy. Missy. You've changed. I know you have. And I know what you're capable of. Stand with me. It's all I've ever wanted.

Missy: Me too. But no. Sorry. Just, no. But thanks for trying."

The Doctor easily forgives the masters’ betrayal when she tried to get him to shoot Clara. (TV: The Witch's Familiar) The next time they meet Twelve saves Missy’s life and vows to watch over and try to help her. (TV: Extremis)

The Doctor and Nardole’s relationship is interesting as we see that he works with The Doctor after having been close with his wife. Nardole has seen a lot of The Doctor's weak points and we can see that there is some trust there. Nardole while willing to push back, he is essentially The Doctor’s assistant. While having a license to “kick his ass” (TV: Extremis) for the most part he does as he is told, and when The Doctor does things he doesn’t have any real power over his actions. The Doctor's need for control is evident here but he showed himself as dependable something The Doctor needs as he tends to lose his control when alone.

Bill views The Doctor as her teacher and trusts him very quickly. (TV: Pilot, TV: Smile, TV: The Eaters of Light, TV: Pyramid at The End of The World, & TV: World Enough and Time) . We see another side to their relationship in TV: Thin Ice. There we see her able to read the trauma and loss in his face but can also tell time has allowed him to blot out the emotions and the utilitarian way he tries and deal with it.

“Bill: Yeah? Tell me this. You've seen people die before, yeah?

Doctor: Of course.

Bill: You still care?

Doctor: Of course I care.

Bill: How many?

Doctor: How many what?

Bill: If you care so much, tell me how many people you've seen die?

Doctor: I don't know.

Bill: Okay. How many before you lost count?

Doctor: I care, Bill, but I move on.

Bill: Yeah? How quickly?

Doctor: It's not me you're angry with.

Bill: Have you ever killed anyone? There's a look in your eyes sometimes that makes me wonder. Have you?

Doctor: There are situations when the options available are limited.

Bill: Not what I asked.

Doctor: Sometimes the choices are very

Bill: That's not what I asked!

Doctor: Yes.

Bill: How many?

Bill: Don't tell me. You've moved on.

Doctor: You know what happens if I don't move on? More people die.”

I think this also points to the way The Doctor has the ability and history of taking life and death into his hands and is aware of this in his answers here. The hole left by taking lives and watching them be lost is visible even to those who care for him.

The other most important relationship is The Doctor’s connection to Ashildr. Their connection is born from an episode of flashbacks, anxiety, control issues and overblown sense of responsibility in his god complex. She is made into what she is because of The Doctor trying to be The Doctor, the grand concept, the man who saves people. Her existence is built from hubris and trauma. As well as the no or complete trust he tends to have with other people, becoming deeply connected to people very quickly.

“Doctor: People like us, we go on too long. We forget what matters. The last thing we need is each other...I looked into your eyes and I saw my worst fears. Weariness. Emptiness.

Ashildr: That's why you can't travel with me. Our perspectives are too vast. Too far away.

...

Doctor:...Who told you about me? The man who comes for the battle and runs away from the fallout.

Ashildr: Take your pick. You've had an impact on this world. You've made waves.

Doctor: Sometimes tidal waves.

Ashildr: I'm flattered.

....

Ashildr: Someone has to look out for the people you abandon. Who better than me? I'll be the patron saint of The Doctor's leftovers. While you're busy protecting this world, I'll get busy protecting it from you.”

(TV: The Woman Who Lived)

He feels responsible for her, but he also needs her to be okay to have compassion for other people. Because he has his own struggle with weary and emptiness letting it totally consume him is something he dreads. Ashildr also gained the knowledge of the way The Doctor leaves a trail in the world, taking the title “patron saint of The Doctor’s leftovers” she is playing on his guilt, even if it is very honest.

Hyperarousal and Hyperarousal is seen a lot with the Twelfth Doctor (TV: Deep Breath, TV: Into the Dalek, TV: Robots of Sherwood, TV: In The Forest Of The Night, TV: Zygon Invasion/Zygon Inversion, Comic: Selfie, Comic: Ghost Stories, Prose, The Blood Cell, Prose Big Bang Generation, Comic: Playing House, TV: Heaven Sent, Comic: Supremacy of The Cybermen). This overlaps with compulsive thoughts and anxiety in TV: Listen where the whole story cover being so on edge he makes up a reason for his paranoid thoughts and fears.

This also manifests as The Doctor being very restless in general (Prose: Big Bang Generation, Prose: Blood Cell, TV: Prequel to The Magician's Apprentice, TV: Time Heist, TV: Listen, Comic: The Twist & Comic: Unearthly Things). And visible anxiety through his body language and way of speaking (TV: Dark Water, TVL Heaven Sent Comic: Hyperion Empire, Comic: The Boy With the Displaced Smile, TV: In The Forest of The Night, TV: Extremis, The Magician's Apprentice, & Comic: Supremacy of The Cybermen)

In TV: The Girl Who Died, he describes how after loss and during stress he experiences times where he can’t breathe a description congruent with anxiety.

“Doctor: One day, the memory of that will hurt so much that I won't be able to breathe”

He experienced episodes of high anger ( TV: Into The Dalek, TV: The Caretaker, TV: Tim Heist, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: Before The Flood, Zygon Inversion. TV: Face The Raven, TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent, TV: Thin Ice, Comic: The Twist, TV: The Doctor Falls, & TV: Twice Upon A Time). Sometimes becoming outward displays of violence line when he punches a Man in TV: Thin Ice and shooting The General in TV: Hell Bent.

We see another episode of extreme anger in TV: Death In Heaven, he internalizes his anger until it becomes too much and we see him break down destroying his console. We see other internalized anger in (TV: Heaven Sent, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: The Witch’s Familiar, & TV: Last Christmas)

He has a marked experience of irritability and agitation struggling to handle interpersonal situations and (TV: Into The Dalek, TV: Mummy on The Orient Express, TV: Last Christmas, Comic: Fractures, Comic: The Hyperion Empire, & Prose: Blood Cell). This decreases over time in the later season showing less of an agitated and often perceived as rude, it takes a form of internalization quite a bit covered by fatigue.

Twelve has a strong need to control the situation around him and himself (TV: Robots of Sherwood TV: Listen, TV: The Caretaker, TV: Into The Forest of The Night, TV: Last Christmas TV: Prequel To The Magician's Apprentice, TV: The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar, TV: The Zygon Invasion/Zygon INversion, TV: Sleep No More TV: Doctor Mysterio, TV: Oxygen, TV: Extremis/Pyramid at the end of the world/Lie of the Land, TV: The Empress of Mars, TV: World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls & TV: Twice Upon a Time, Comic: The Twist, Comic: Terror of the Cabinet Noir, & TV: Invasion of The Midmorphs)

The Doctor’s need to have control over the situation can become a level of manipulative that can upset the people he is with. Taking the form of knowing things others don’t and not letting them in, or using other people’s lives in what from the outside seems like a game. (TV: Mummy on The Orient Express, TV: Before The Flood, and Comic: The Twist)

In TV: Flatline they discuss methods of control

“Doctor: Excellent lying, Doctor Oswald.

Clara: Yeah? Well, thought it was pretty weak myself.

Doctor: I meant to me. You told me that Danny was okay with you being back on board the Tardis.

Clara: Well, he is.

Doctor: Yeah, because he doesn't know anything about it.

Clara: Doctor

Doctor: Congratulations. Lying is a vital survival skill.

Clara: Well, there you go.

Doctor: And a terrible habit.”

This is an interesting exchange as I think it connects to control, a sense of disconnection from others as well as adding a throughline to his previous regeneration. He refers to it as a survival skill Clara was using the same skills The Doctor did in order to control the situation with those episodes side characters. But it’s also pointed to as a bad habit, something The Doctor wishes they didn’t have to do. We know that the lying was a tool of control and isolation to the Eleventh Doctor. River and The Doctor’s rule one was consistent “The Doctor lies.” I think it can also be connected to implicit memories of acting on behaviours he has needed to do for a long time.

Control is invoked in a different manner in Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death he invokes the president of the world status. We see this again in Comic: The Hyperion Empire he takes charge of the situation over a politician even using the president of the world title to his advantage, Kate comments on this as funny doing to his dislike of this title in previous episodes.

In Prose: The Blood Cell there is an interesting example of this in his maintaining control of the situation in a prison by continuously doing things that assert his own control over the situation. It’s effective as he has as much information on the situation as the people who run the prison who are having their own kind of power struggle. He jokes about having a day off as well, commenting on his being the one in power in most places, which is oddly a part of his trying, and eventually succeeding in controlling a situation that is meant to leave him powerless.

The control issues are commented on by The Doctor in TV: Under The Lake

“Doctor: So, who's in charge now? I need to know who to ignore.”

These issues are inflamed during the events of TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent when his control was entirely stripped by the Time Lords. During these experiences he does what he can to hold control and overcompensating, using his previous interactions and war experience to essentially hold Galifrey even when he has no intention of staying. This is understandable due to the torture of the Time Dial and it continues to affect him moving forward.

He can show anxiety when he loses control of the situation (TV: Flatline, TV: The Caretaker, TV: Heaven Sent, TV: Pyramid at The End Of The World, TV: Time Heist, TV: Oxygen, Comic: The Wolves of Winter, Comic: The Hyperion Empire, Comic: Supremacy of The Cybermen, & Comic: Ghost Stories) An example that is played as laughs but shows this is his dislike of River yanking him around (TV: The Husbands of River Song)

"Doctor: Stop holding my hand, people don't do that to me.”

Similar interactions happen between Bernice Summerfield and Twelve during Prose: The Big Bang Generation, as he doesn’t hold the cards for much of the Story.

The Doctor can use displays and show off in part of his need for control and as a way of trying to impress his friends, It works against his feeling of loneliness and giving that need for attention. It can take the form of just generally extreme displays of masking emotions like in TV: The Magician's Apprentice and TV: The Lie of The Land or explaining how he did something (TV: In The Forest of The Night TV: Kill The Moon,, TV: Time Heist, Comic: The Twist, TV: Mummy on The Orient Express, TV: Last Christmas, TV: The Witch's Familiar, TVL: Thin Ice, Prose: Blood Cell, TV: Pyramid at The End of The World & TV: World Enough and Time)

The Doctor has a deep fear of showing he’s own vulnerability, this is seen very clearly in TV: Extremis & TV: Pyramid at The End of The World. After TV: Oxygen The Doctor is left blind and refuses to tell Bill that this lasted. He uses the glasses to try and see the outlines of things and grudgingly relies on Nardole for help. It’s impossible to do it totally on his own, and Nardole had seen vulnerability before so he is the one let somewhat in. The fear of being seen as something that connects to his trauma and needs to show people a heroic side of himself and close off all of the pain and trauma inside of him.

In TV: Extremis Nardole references that he fears others knowing about vulnerabilities and accepting them himself,

“Nardole: Okay, so you're blind and you don't want your enemies to know. I get it. But why does it have to be a secret from Bill?

Doctor: Because I don't like being worried about. Around me, people should be worried about themselves.

Nardole: Yeah, shall I tell you the real reason?

Doctor: No.

Nardole: Because the moment you tell Bill, it becomes real. And then you might actually have to deal with it.

Doctor: Good point, well made. Definitely not telling her now.

Nardole: You're an idiot.

Doctor: Everyone knows that.”

The Doctor has a tendency to isolate himself as a function of anxiety and depression. Part of this is his fear of vulnerability done with words and lies of omission and sometimes straight-up separating himself physically (TV: Dark Water/Last Christmas, TV: The Eaters of Light, TV: Twice Upon A Time, TV: Kill The Moon, Prose: Big Bang Generation, & TV: Extremis/Pyramid at The End of The World) when overwhelmed he literally bolts and leaves the stressful place, this is seen again in TV: The Girl Who Died where when he realises that Ashildr died he hides his emotions and hides from others.

Emotional masking can be part of this, in TV: The Return of Doctor Mysterio he says he’s “always okay” instead of being honest and moving on from it.

Deals with obsessive thoughts (TV: Mummy on The Orient Express, TV: Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Smile & TV: Twice Upon A Time, & TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood). We see this heavily in TV: Listen, he thought himself into creating an entire creature thought rumination. The concept here is also fear itself and a loss of control through a creature he could never see. We this also is tied into other issues like nightmares, insomnia and references back to his childhood which through the extended universe materials and references in the show was not a happy one with being ostracised from his own family/chapter from peers and early experiences of violence. Another specific version of this is his preoccupation with his trauma, seen in TV: Into the Dalek in his conversation with the Dalek.

“Rusty: Daleks have destroyed a million stars.

Doctor: Oh, millions and millions. Trust me, I keep count.”

Another manifestation is seen in his habit of talking to himself (TV: Listen, TV: Mummy on the Orient Express, Prose: The Big Bang Generation)

A Connected symptom to compulsive thinking is his flashbacks and intrusive thoughts related to his trauma. (TV: Listen, TV: Prequel to The Magician's Apprentice, TV: Into The Forest of The night, & TV: Death in Heaven) An example is his reliving visually the experiences with Donna in TV: Fires of Pompeii when he is faced with the failure to keep Ashildr safe. This ends with him in a state of panic(TV: The Girl Who Died).

He describes seeing and hearing events from the Time War in TV: Zygon Inversion

“Doctor: I fought in a bigger war than you will ever know. I did worse things than you could ever imagine. And when I close my eyes I hear more screams than anyone could ever be able to count! And do you know what you do with all that pain?”

This is a pretty accurate description of flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. Another moment that references intrusive thoughts and flashbacks can be seen in TV: Extremis when The Doctor talks to Missy.

“Doctor: Memories are so much worse in the dark.”

Nightmares and Insomnia ( TV: Deep Breath, TV: Listen, TV: Zygon Inversion, TV: Heaven Sent, Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: Sleep No More, TV: Knock Knock, TV: Extremis)

The Doctor can show obsessive tendencies with the people who have traumatized him, (TV: Hell Bent, Comic: The Great Shopping Bill, TV: The Girl Who Died/The Woman Who Lives, TV: The Doctor Falls, TV: Into The Dalek)

There are very explicit incidents when we see Twelve have triggers (TV: Kill The Moon, TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Eaters of Light, TV: Supremacy of The Cybermen) In Comic: The Great Shopping Bill The Doctor sees robots just shaped like Daleks and has a reaction of anger and getting into a fighting mindset. After what happened with Davros, The Doctor refuses to use his Sonic for a period of time instead of using his Sonic Shades. (TV: The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar, continues through series 9) [losing the Sonic isn’t a good enough reason we know the TARDIS can make a new one quite fast.]

This overlaps with his intrusive thoughts and flashbacks obviously as they can be triggered. An example is when war is mentioned in Comic: Hyperion, we see The Doctor start listening wars he’s been a part of including Trenzalore.

The Doctor shows issues with dissociation, which we see The Doctor experience in other situations. (TV: Death in Heaven, TV: Extremis, TV: Empress of Mars, Comic: Fractures, Comic: The Wolves of Winter, Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: Before the Flood) It’s used very clearly as a protective measure in TV: Heaven Sent allowing him to go into his head to manage stress completely disconnecting from himself and having a distortion of his environment. We see him use dissociation this to ignore pain. (TV: Heaven Sent, Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: The Witch's Familiar, TV: Twice Upon a Time). He even loses time (TV: Into The Dalek, TV: Prequel to The Magician's Apprentice, TV: The Magician's Apprentice, TV: The Pilot)

The Doctor often experiences emotional shutdowns (TV: Time Heist, TV: Zygon Invasion/Zygon Inversion, TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Death in Heaven, Comic: The Four Doctor) The interesting thing in TV: Thin Ice is we see this play out in how it’s often used, to allow himself to deal and make decisions. We know he can easily lose his temper but when the child dies and bill asks him about it he says

“Doctor: I have never had the luxury of outrage”

While we know this isn’t true, and we later see him sock a racist in the jaw, there is actually a difference. The Doctor has a sense of morality that is very strong, but it’s most important to get it done, for Twelve more than anyone else. I think we can tell that here he has to separate himself from what he feels to act. The Doctor can set himself in the mindset of a fight to finish what needs to be done, something that Bill who isn’t used to splitting from himself isn’t able to do. The Doctor, however, is in tune with grief and sentimentality, so it’s not a lack of ability.

Twelve disrupted belief system can be seen in The Doctor, something that has been an issue since at least the Eighth Doctor and commented on with both Ten and Eleven (Comic: The Boy With The Displace Smile, TV: Last Christmas, TV: Eaters of Light & TV: Heaven Sent). In Comic: The Wolves of Winter The Doctor’s belief becomes important in order to protect against the Haemovore he pulls on the memory of how much he cared for his companions and this works to push over the edge of emotions.

In TV: Into The Dalek, we see that the belief he carries generally like his view of himself is set into his trauma,

“Clara: It's the look you get when I'm about to slap you.

Doctor: Ow. Clara.

Clara: Are we going to die in here? I mean, there's a little bit of you that's pleased. The Daleks are evil after all. Everything makes sense. The Doctor is right.”

In TV: Hell Bent Ohila notes that the moral system and solid foundations will fall apart when his emotions become too much.

“Ohila: You have gone too far. You have broken every code you ever lived by.

Doctor: After all this time, after everything I've done, don't you think the universe owes me this?

Ohila: Owes you what? All you're doing is giving her hope.

Doctor: Since when is hope a bad thing?

Ohila: Hope is a terrible thing on the scaffold.”

Twelve struggles with having a cohesive sense of self and identity this is closely intertwined with the dissociation. The main way this shows is the way he describes The Doctor as a separate construct not truly tied to him. (TV: Flatline, TV: Dark Water/Death in Heaven, Comic: Terrorformer, Comic: The Swords of Kali, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: Thin Ice, TV: World Enough and Time, & TV: Twice Upon A Time). In TV: The Witch’s Familiar this is commented on in a conversation between Davros and The Doctor, how the concept is something the person can never live up to, a severe split of self.

“Davros: Why do you hesitate? No one would know. Clara Oswald is dead. Is this the conscience of The Doctor, or his shame? The shame that brought you here.

Doctor: There's no such thing as The Doctor. I'm just a bloke in a box, telling stories. And I didn't come here because I'm ashamed. A bit of shame never hurt anyone. I came because you're sick and you asked. And because sometimes, on a good day, if I try very hard, I'm not some old Time Lord who ran away. I'm The Doctor.”

We see this in the reverse in TV: Face The Raven where he rejects the label when his actions are made out of anger, resentment and pain. A split idea of who he is and who he ought to be

“Ashildr: You can't.

Doctor: I can do whatever the hell I like. You've read the stories. You know who I am. And in all of that time, did you ever hear anything about anyone who stopped me?

Ashildr: I know The Doctor. The Doctor would never

Doctor: The Doctor is no longer here! You are stuck with me. And I will end you, and everything you love.”

Clara, as she did with Eleven in TV: The Day of The Doctor, tries to get him to own the person she believes him to be.

“Clara: ...Don't let this change you. No, listen. Whatever happens next, wherever she is sending you, I know what you're capable of. You don't be a Warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor.

Doctor: What's the point of being a Doctor if I can't cure you?

Clara: Heal yourself. You have to. You can't let this turn you into a monster. So, I'm not asking you for a promise, I'm giving you an order. You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no one else, here or anywhere, will suffer.”

This ties in with his anger, and his self-hatred, and often warranted guilt. This exchange has no convincing power to The Doctor,

“Doctor: What Clara said about not taking revenge. Do you know why she said that?

Ashildr: She was saving you.

Doctor: I was lost a long time ago. She was saving you. I'll do my best, but I strongly advise you to keep out of my way. You'll find that it's a very small universe when I'm angry with you.”

He takes her order in to not hurt Ashildr and Trap Street, but he doesn’t actually believe as Clara does that he can be “turned into a monster” or that this isn't who is, that anger he's capable of and what he has done are who is, an old Time Lord, a lost person, as much if not more so then The Doctor.

The Doctor tries to reconcile his identity issues in TV: Death in Heaven.

“Doctor: I really didn't know. I wasn't sure. You lose sight sometimes. Thank you! I am not a good man! I am not a bad man. I am not a hero. And I'm definitely not a president. And no, I'm not an officer. Do you know what I am? I am an idiot, with a box and a screwdriver. Just passing through, helping out, learning."

Though as examples of this can be seen in stories that happen after this episode we can see it was short lives epiphany.

As a part of identity construct The Doctor has a hero and god complex, this is also something that is warranted to some extent because of all they have done, but the good and bad having been done as The Doctor is part of why this identity is distant from the person (TV: Smile, TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Under The Lake, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: Flatline, TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, TV: Hell Bent, TV: The Waters of Light, TV: World Enough and Time/ The Doctor Falls/Twice Upon a Time)

In TV: Flatline when he has to combat the Boneless he has to make choices he actually struggles. This combines identity issues around The Doctor, with his hero/god complex, and the guilt over past actions.

“ Doctor: I tried to talk. I want you to remember that. I tried to reach out, I tried to understand you, but I think that you understand us perfectly.

And I think you just don't care. And I don't know whether you are here to invade, infiltrate or just replace us. I don't suppose it really matters now. You are monsters. That is the role you seem determined to play. So it seems I must play mine.

The man that stops the monsters. I'm sending you back to your own dimension. Who knows? Some of you may even survive the trip. And, if you do, remember this. You are not welcome here. This plane is protected. I am The Doctor. And I name you The Boneless. ”

An interesting arc connected to his trauma and identity issues through the story thread between the stories TV: Kill the Moon, TV: In The Forest of The Night, and TV: Thin Ice is about the authority he has over the earth and including his companions in this work.

First in TV: Kill The Moon we see The Doctor rejecting his connection to the earth and refusing to take the actions surrounding rather or not to kill the moon or not.

“Doctor: Listen, there are moments in every civilisation's history in which the whole path of that civilisation is decided. The whole future path. Whatever future humanity might have depends upon the choice that is made right here and right now. Now, you've got the tools to kill it. You made them. You brought them up here all on your own, with your own ingenuity. You don't need a Time Lord. Kill it. Or let it live. I can't make this decision for you.'

‘Doctor: Listen, we went to dinner in Berlin in 1937, right? We didn't nip out after pudding and kill Hitler. I've never killed Hitler. And you wouldn't expect me to kill Hitler. The future is no more malleable than the past...Sorry. Well, actually, no, I'm not sorry. It's time to take the stabilisers off your bike. It's your moon, womankind. It's your choice.”

Twelves rejecting his over who he really is makes him vacillate between being amazingly in control and shrewd and I think dreading to make decisions, and the more the decision has social aspects, like the effects of the choices of the moon and fallout he struggles to actually be the one. [This story is one I personally don’t know if he knew or not] He is focused on the control in a paradoxical fashion as he is both literally running from and trying to maintain it in the way he plays the conductor. Clara hates this, the largest fight they have stems from this,

“Clara: Oh, don't you ever tell me to mind my language. Don't you ever tell me to take the stabilisers off my bike. And don't you dare lump me in with the rest of all the little humans that you think are so tiny and silly and predictable. You walk our Earth, Doctor, you breathe our air. You make us your friend, and that is your moon too. And you can damn well help us when we need it."

Her comments about Earth being The Doctor’s home too, that the humans care for the earth, The Doctor meddles in the earth and therefore he has responsibilities to them. That he can’t play games with those who trust him.

The next time this arc comes up in earnest is in TV: In The Forest of The Night,

“Doctor: This is my world, too. I walk your earth, I breathe your air.

Clara: And on behalf of this world, you're very welcome. Now, go. Save the next one.”

In this story, The Doctor lets Clara know he heard her, and we can see he is no longer questioning his care for the earth and the personal nature of his responsibility to the humans, and his friends. He is still making executive decisions though.

In TV: Thin Ice we see The Doctor backtrack somewhat on being part of the earth, but he is willing to listen to others. I see it as part of The Doctor’s change in attitude being exhausted of making choices, but also knowing and being willing to do it anyway.

"Doctor: She might. It's a risk. So, what do you want to do, Bill?

Bill: We already know the answers. Why are you even asking?

Doctor: I don't know the answers. Only idiots know the answers. But if your future is built on the suffering of that creature, what's your future worth?

Bill: Why is it up to me?

Doctor: Because it can't be up to me. Your people, your planet. I serve at the pleasure of the human race, and right now, that's you. Give me an order. Not long till noon. I need an order."

Overall this exchange helps illustrate how he doesn't have a lot of linear change, more changing expressions of his earlier experiences and reacting to the changing circumstances of the struggles.

His issues with Soldiers connected to these identity issues and is a major component of his history of trauma with the Time War and Trenzalore. He’s never liked guns or using weapons and has a disparaging view of War for his whole existence as three commenting on military intelligence as a “contradiction in terms”.

This more complete rejection of soldiers doesn’t start to manifest until the Eighth Doctor. It’s interesting as by this point The Doctor is much more of a soldier than his older regenerations, The Brigadier being his best friend for the majority of his regenerations and still being a friend up till Eleven. As he became more willing to cross lines and someone who could command people to die for him he hates the concept. During the Time war however even as a soldier his contempt for the military stays being the People’s hero but someone the establishment doesn't like (TV: The Day of The Doctor, Prose: Engines of War, TV: Hell Bent).

The dislike of soldiers is most pronounced in the early part of Twelve's time (TV: Dark Water, TV: The Girl Who, Comic: The Hyperion Empire). In TV: Into The Dalek, he rejects Journey Blue coming with him explicitly because she’s a soldier,

“ Journey: Doctor. Take me with you.

Doctor: I think you're probably nice. Underneath it all, I think you're kind and you're definitely brave. I just wish you hadn't been a soldier.”

TV: The Caretaker is another story where this is front and centre. Explicitly stating his hatred of soldiers

"Doctor: I hate soldiers. Don't you hate soldiers?"

During the story, this conflict becomes entangled with his “duty of care” with Clara and control issues with Danny Pink. The Doctor immediately dislikes him as a retired soldier calling “PE” even when he’s a maths teacher, as an insult. Danny gets involved with his plans causing a rift by him breaking The Doctor’s control, and plan. It's directly discussed between The Doctor and Danny over their dual perceptions of the other as someone they view as antagonistic to their own selves.

“Danny: Now, Time Lords, do you salute those?

Doctor: Definitely not.

Danny: Ah. Sir!

Doctor: And you do not call me sir.

Danny: As you wish, sir. Absolutely, sir.

Doctor: And you can get out of my Tardis!

Danny: Immediately, sir.

Clara: Doctor, this is stupid, this is unfair.

Danny: One thing, Clara. I'm a soldier, guilty as charged. You see him? He's an officer.

Doctor: I am not an officer!

Danny: I'm the one who carries you out of the fire. He's the one who lights it.

Doctor: Out. Now.

Danny: Right away, sir. Straight now?

Doctor: Yes.

Danny: Am I dismissed?

Doctor: Yes, you are!

Danny: That's him. Look at him, right now. That's who he is.”

In TV: Death in Heaven this disagreement continues:

"Cyber-Danny: Clara, watch this. This is who The Doctor is. Watch the blood-soaked old general in action. I can't see properly, sir, because this needs activating. If you want to know what's coming, you have to switch it on. And didn't all of those beautiful speeches just disappear in the face of a tactical advantage? Sir.

Doctor: I need to know. I need to know.

Cyber-Danny: Yes. Yes, you do.

Clara: Give me the screwdriver.

Doctor: No.

Clara: Just do it, Doctor. Do as you are told.

Cyber-Danny: Typical officer. Got to keep those hands clean."

The dislike of soldiers as stated earlier rises in conjunction with their ability to think and act like one. Twelve very easily assumes a military footing, having the ability to act like a soldier and general when necessary. A very intimate understanding of violence follows him and the mindset can be triggered into the front. (Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death, TV: Death in Haven, TV: The Magician’s Apprentice, TV: Zygon Invasion/Zygon Invasion, TV: Hell Bent, & TV: The Eaters of Light)

A version of this can be seen in TV: The Girl Who Died, when the village falls under attack Clara tries to get him to help the people survive, The Doctor’s first response is to try and train them with weapons, something Clara points out he ought to know better. The interesting thing is that at this point that is Twelve’s fall back mode.

Twelve comments on this in TV: The Empress of Mars,

“Bill: You knew that would happen.

Doctor: Always been my problem.

Bill: What?

Doctor: Thinking like a warrior.”

This I think is a combination of the above-discussed issues of hypervigilance and traumatic identity formation but also implicit memories. Living in a war zone twice, and before those long periods of violence in other situations has taught him to think like this. If they don’t people they love, along with innocents will die.

He frames his life around being a battle, around fighting an endless war. In TV: Twice Upon a Time we see him refer to a long life as such;

“Doctor: A life this long, do you understand what it is? It's a battlefield, like this one, and it's empty. Because everyone else has fallen”

When he decides to regenerate he remarks on it by saying,

“Doctor: Time to leave the battlefield”

The Doctor struggles to handle not having some kind of stimulation of danger, often seeking out dangerous situations. A combined addiction to the violence even if he has a moral and personal disgust with war and wanton violence. (TV: Time Heist, Comic: Terrorformer, Comic: The Swords of Kali, Comic: Gangland, Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death, Comic: Playing House, Prose: Big Bang Generation, TV: Smile, TV: The Pilot, TV: Thing Ice. TV: Oxygen, & TV: World Enough and Time)

In Prose: Big Bang Generation he comments on this saying that it has gotten worse since his fourth incarnation, pointing out he wouldn’t be caught dead on a planet like Legion back then, nonetheless been going to the scariest part as The Doctor was currently doing. Pointing out that between age, desensitization and a growing reckless his behaviour has changed, the love of adventure maybe being more compulsive when taken in relation to other comments. He describes his agitation and impatience here as “itchy feet”.

In TV: Mummy on The Orient Express they comment on how they couldn’t have just have a normal

“Clara: You knew. You knew this was no relaxing break. You knew this was dangerous.

Doctor: I didn't know. I certainly hoped.”

And at a later point as Clara is trying to decide to stay or not they point out it’s an addictive tendency, something heavily related to BPD and C-PTSD

“Clara: I know it's scary and difficult, but do you love being the man making the impossible choice?

Doctor: Why would I?

Clara: Because it's what you do, all day, every day.

Doctor: It's my life.

Clara: Doesn't have to be. Is it like

Doctor: Like what?

Clara: An addiction?

Doctor: You can't really tell if something's an addiction till you try and give it up.

Clara: And you never have.

Doctor: Let me know how it goes.”

In TV: Heaven Sent when commenting on the construction of the confession dial/prison the captures made for him he reinforces this idea.

“ Doctor: It's a killer puzzle box designed to scare me to death, and I'm trapped inside it. Must be Christmas. ”

The Doctor can be impulsive ( TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Smile, TV: Eaters of Light, TV: Thin Ice, TV: Husband of River Song, TV: Into The Dalek, Comic: Clara Oswald and The SChool of Death, Comic: Unearthly Things, Comic: Terror of the Cabinet Noir, Comic: The Lost Dimension, & Comic: Beneath the Waves)

The Doctor is often extremely reckless ( TV: The Magician's Apprentice, Comic: Terrorformer, TV: Under The Lake, Comic: GangLand, Comic: Fractures, TV: Husbands of River Song, Comic: The Twist, Prose: Big Bang Generation, TV: Smile, TV: Thin Ice, TV: The Lie of The Land, TV: Pyramid at The End of The World, TV: The Doctor Falls, Comic: Terror of the Cabinet Noir & Comic: The Lot Dimension)

This can get to a point where he is throwing himself into a situation where he could easily die in order to save others, or at least solve the problem (TV: Last Christmas, TV: Time Heist, TV: The Lie of The Land, Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death) An example id in TV: Time Hist in order to figure out what is going on and how to save the people left in the vault he allows the Teller to read his mind something they know often turns brains to “soup”. In TV: Mummy on The Orient Express The Doctor uses himself as bait to solve the puzzle allowing the ForeTold to lock on to him.

In TV: The Witch’s Familiar he uses his own regeneration energy to beat the Daleks and Davros, causing himself great pain and possibly affecting further versions of The Doctor. It also shows an increased sense of willingness to harm himself when he believes he’s lost, Clara. In a show of further escalation in personal disregard and tendency to cause himself harm these actions happen at an increased rate in his last season.

In TV: Oxygen The Doctor saves Bill by taking off his suit and giving it to her. This act leaves him harmed causing him to be blind, this effect was long-lasting and could have been permanent. During the period where this harm is left on him, in a semi-visible manner, and has a large effect on his well being. He tries to compensate but leaves him frustrated by the effects he caused himself.

Following this in TV: Extremis The Doctor again puts himself in a position to not only almost die, cause himself pain but be willing to put his future on the line.

“Doctor: The thing about the universe is, whatever you need, you can always borrow, as long as you pay it back. I just borrowed from my future. I get a few minutes of proper eyesight, but I lose something. Maybe all my future regenerations will be blind. Maybe I won't regenerate ever again. Maybe I'll drop dead in twenty minutes.”

This shows a lack of regard for any future versions of himself, not caring about planning forward. We know he is guarding missy but if she wanted to get out, it's pretty clear she would have, and Nardole is there to do so. Not to mention she is let out way earlier than the original promise was made for. Not caring or planning for a future is emblematic of depression, C-PTSD and BPD. With BPD part of it is lack of permanence of self and of emotions, something we see heavily with him.

The Doctor carries a profound sense of guilt, even after knowing he was able to keep Gallifrey from becoming completely destroyed we still use a heavyweight about what he has done and has failed to do that has hurt others. (Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: Death in Heaven, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: The Magician's Apprentice/ The Witch's Familiar, TV: Prequel to the magician's apprentice, TV: Thin Ice, TV: The Doctor Falls, TV: Twice Upon a Time) This is referenced in TV: Extremis:

“Angelo: Pope Benedict said that you were more in need of confession than any man breathing. But when the offer was made, you replied it would take too much time. On behalf of the Catholic Church, the offer stands. You seem like a man with regret on his mind.”

The guilt is referenced in Comic: Unearthly Things, when he is unable to save the monster he almost hurts himself doing so. After Clara pulls him back he says

“Doctor: I hope it wasn’t the last of its kind”

This references The Doctor’s own history of being the only one left something he later comments on in TV: The Lie of The Land calling Missy the ‘other of the last of the time lords’. He feels sadness over the idea of others not only facing the same fate but of being the one to end a people.

In TV: Before The Flood Clara references his guilt over all of the people around him over the years,

“Doctor: This isn't a potential future. This is the future now. It's already happened. The proof is right there in front of you. I have to die.

Clara: No. You can change things.

Doctor: I can't. Even the tiniest change, the ramifications could be catastrophic. It could spread carnage and chaos across the universe like ripples on a pond. Oh, well, I've had a good innings. This regeneration, it's a bit of a clerical error anyway. I've got to go some time.

Clara: Not with me! Die with whoever comes after me. You do not leave me.

Doctor: Clara, I need to talk to you just on your own. Listen to me. We all have to face death eventually, be it ours or someone else's.

Clara: I'm not ready yet. I don't want to think about that, not yet.

Doctor: I can't change what's already happened. There are rules.

Clara: So break them. And anyway, you owe me. You've made yourself essential to me. You've given me something else to, to be. And you can't do that and then die. It's not fair.

Doctor: Clara.

Clara: No. Doctor, I don't care about your rules or your bloody survivor's guilt. If you love me in any way, you'll come back. Doctor, are you?

Doctor: I can't save Moran or Pritchard.

Clara: No, but like you said, if you can, if you can find out why this is happening, maybe you can stop them killing anybody else, you can save us. And you can stop it happening to you.”

Connected to guilt are feelings of shame. In the series 9 opening two-parter TV: The Magicians Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar this is a topic that is discussed. Ohila, Clara and Missy all point out that he looks shamed by the actions he took prior to this.

“Davros: Why do you hesitate? No one would know. Clara Oswald is dead. Is this the conscience of The Doctor, or his shame? The shame that brought you here.

Doctor: There's no such thing as The Doctor. I'm just a bloke in a box, telling stories. And I didn't come here because I'm ashamed. A bit of shame never hurt anyone.”

The Doctor is not ignoring or pretending that he doesn’t have anything to be ashamed of. I believe it is something that on its own would be healthy. Recognizing you’ve done wrong is a good thing, but when tied with his other problem and guilt that can cause harm.

Grief laid heavy over this Doctor which is tied to his guilt. (TV: Hell Bent, TV: The Husbands of River Song, TV: Doctor Mysterio, TV: The Woman Who Lives, TV: Last Christmas, TV: Hell Bent) In TV: The Girl Who Died this topic is discussed

“Doctor: I don't mean the war. I'll lose any war you like. I'm sick of losing people. Look at you, with your eyes, and your never giving up, and your anger, and your kindness. One day, the memory of that will hurt so much that I won't be able to breathe, and I'll do what I always do. I'll get in my box and I'll run and I'll run, in case all the pain ever catches up. And every place I go, it will be there.”

This discusses how grief plagues him and how it hangs as anxiety over him, and that he has spent years running away from pain but also that Twelve is extremely aware that it won’t ever really work.

In TV: Heaven Sent the feelings of grief are newly made, anger, sadness, fear, anxiety and sheer weight of the loss of Clara is as painful to him as the torture itself and how it just never ends.

“Doctor: It's funny, the day you lose someone isn't the worst. At least you've got something to do. It's all the days they stay dead.

Doctor: But I can remember, Clara. You don't understand, I can remember it all. Every time. And you'll still be gone. Whatever I do, you still won't be there.”

In Comic: The Four Doctors we see a version of The Doctor who lost his Clara earlier and was connected to a betrayal.

Gabby Narrating “[ The Doctor] He’s either turned his back on grief and self-doubt---or it’s consumed him completely ”

This Doctor is very similar to a version like The Time Lord Victorious Tenth Doctor, Late Era Eighth Doctor and most importantly we see that it is close to The Doctor we see in TV: Hell Bent. This Doctor took control of another planet like TV: Hell Bent he took control, and revenge over Galifrey. It differs however from season 10 Twelve who see the consumption is more tied with the hopeless and fatigue feelings, unlike this version who fell into grasping for control and anger.

The Doctor is very lonely this idea is something that has been established as following him from his childhood but has become even more prominent as time goes one. This is deeply tied to the grief, his age, depression and traumatic haze that follows him makes even the people he latches on to feels removed. (Prose: Bing Bang Generation, TV: In The Forest of The Night, TV: The Girl Who Died/The Woman Who Lived, TV: The Return of Doctor Mysterio, TV: Twice Upon A Time, & Comic: The Twist)

This concept is extremely important in Comic: The Boy With The Displaced Smile, the story is about a scared and lonely child being used by a space parasite. The Doctor and the woman he teams up with here are able to help through empathy and understanding of the child. The Doctor comments on how to help him, and the others notice this comes from experience. This shows The Doctor as lonely and sad, and still very much carrying this out of time wounded part in him.

This is referenced in TV: Face The Raven,

“Clara: You. Now, you listen to me. You're going to be alone now, and you're very bad at that. You're going to be furious and you're going to be sad, but listen to me.”

Noting he can’t handle being alone, that he needs people to be able to regulate, this invokes the topic of Co-regulation. The Doctor has difficulties with regulation and his behavioural management becomes more reckless when alone I think that the idea of lacking self-regulation and often needing outside influence is applicable.

In Comic: Relative Dimensions The Doctor faces the Celestial Toymaker again who’s pocket dimension is slowly falling apart. At this point, the Celestial Toymaker is afraid to join with the normal universe. They use the TARDIS to form him a new sealed off toy room, and The Doctor leaves him to continue playing without any push back.

“Doctor: I had to help him, Clara. Can you understand?

Clara: Let me see-- A lonely god drifting through time and space in his magic toy box? Yeah, I understand Doctor. All Too Well.”

The Doctor has depression, this is something clear in this Doctor. (TV: Listen, TV: Into The Dalek, TV: Dark Water/Death In Heaven, TV: Eaters of Light, TV: World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls, TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent, Comic: The Boy with The Displaced Smile, TV: Twice Upon A Time)

He experiences hopelessness tied in with some catastrophization,(TV: Heaven Sent, TV: The Girl Who Died/The Woman Who Lived, TV: Eaters of Light, Comic: The Four Doctor, TV: The Doctor Falls, TV: Twice Upon A Time)

In TV: Last Christmas we see comments on this and general depression,

“Clara: Well, look at you, all happy. That's rare.

Doctor: Do you know what's rarer? Second chances. I never get a second chance, so what happened this time? Don't even know who to thank.”

The Doctor has an extremely poor self-image and it’s a sign of PTSD and depression. (TV: Last Christmas, TV: The Witch's Familiar, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: Hell Bent, TV: Twice Upon A Time) In TV: Time Heist one clue that helps him work out the architect, who is The Doctor, is that he hates him.

“Doctor: I hate him. He's overbearing, he's manipulative, he likes to think that he's very clever. I hate him! Clara, don't you see?”

This shows that he just literally hates himself. It’s in very clear terms. In TV: Flatline The Doctor admits that Clara was very good at playing Doctor, but tells her that goodness is antithetical to being like him. Showing that he has trouble seeing himself and his actions as something good.

“Doctor: You were an exceptional Doctor, Clara.

Clara: Thank you.

Doctor: Goodness had nothing to do with it.”

In TV: Dark Water The Doctor is talking to Clara after she betrays him

“Clara: I don't deserve a friend like you.

Doctor: Clara, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm exactly what you deserve.”

This notes that he thinks that he is equally as hurtful as she was to him. Reflecting his poor estimation of who he is.

The Doctor has intense fatigue that permeates his Twelfth regeneration (TV: The Eaters of Light, TV: The Witch’s Familiar, TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, TV: The Doctor Falls/Twice Upon A Time).

In TV: The Girl Who Died The Doctor has a wave of exhaustion come over him when he realises he didn’t save Ashildr. He sighs harshly and sags visibly.

“Doctor: Yeah. I plugged her into the machine. Used her up like a battery. (sighs) I'm so sick of losing.

Clara: You didn't lose. You saved the town.

Doctor: Yeah. I plugged her into the machine. Used her up like a battery. (sighs) I'm so sick of losing”

We see these feelings crop up again in TV: Heaven Sent

“Doctor: Can't I just sleep?

Blackboard: Question 2. What did you say that made the creature stop?

Doctor: Do I have to know everything?

Blackboard: How are you going to Win??”

Doctor: Clara, I can't always”

And later

“Doctor: Can't I just lose? Just this once?

Doctor; Easy. It would be easy. It would be so easy. Just tell them. Just tell them, whoever wants to know, all about the Hybrid.

Doctor: I can't keep doing this. I can't! I can't always do this! It's not fair! Clara, it's just not fair! Why can't I just lose?”

Connected to this is and recklessness is that near the end of season 10 we pass the behaviour of being willing to get injured to actions that border more on suicidal actions ending with outright suicidal actions.

The Start of the most extreme actions is in TV: The Lie of The Land he uses up regeneration energy in a show of disregard for his possible future, but even more so tries to burn out his own brain, in a last-ditch attempt that likely won’t work to save other people. There were also alternatives to this, one, of course, would result in bills death, but it turned out it could be done without even putting himself in harm. This like the previous discussion of recklessness is self-harm directly and breaching into suicide.

Following this in TV: The Eaters of Light we see Twelve try and die again, while yes someone was going to lose his life, he would be in agony for many years longer than any other of them. There is no way he could have survived this action.

This culminated in TV: The Doctor Falls and TV: Twice Upon a Time where he refuses to regenerate. Refusing to regenerate is a Time Lord equivalent of suicide, as it is ending a life voluntarily. In TV: The Doctor Falls we also see him hold himself in the painful state of suspended regeneration and only putting it off in order to be kind. It ends with him trying to accept death by the cybermen and then refusing and yelling no trying to stop it from happening.

This refusal to regenerate becomes a crucial plot point in TV: Twice Upon A Time. The First Doctor is refusing to regenerate out of fear and Twelve is exhausted. Near the end Twelve discusses this, admitting to Nardole that he does want to die to due to the pain of his memories and grief.

“Nardole: Don't die. Because if you do, I think everybody in the universe might just go cold.

Doctor: Can't I ever have peace? Can't I rest?

Bill: Of course you can.

Nardole: It's your choice.

Bill: Only yours.

Nardole: We understand.

Doctor: No. No, you don't. You're not even really here. You're just memories held in glass. Do you know how many of you I could fill? I would shatter you. My testimony would shatter all of you. A life this long, do you understand what it is? It's a battlefield, like this one, and it's empty. Because everyone else has fallen. Thank you. Thank you both, for everything that you were to me. What happens now, where I go now, it has be alone.”

When at the end of this he does regenerate, this exchange and much of The Doctor’s action shows how suicidal Twelve became near the end. This also echoes sentiments from TV: Heaven Sent & TV: The Girl Who Died. These sentiments and suicidality are textbook depression, BPD & C-PTSD. It shows loneliness, fatigue, guilt, grief, memories, isolation, feelings of emptiness and attachment struggles.

A topic connected to this I find discussed often when people analysis the New Who Doctor’s, especially when talking about the thirteenth Doctor, placing Twelve as someone who has a linear path toward healing from grief and trauma. This point of view is usually framed as the stages of grief, so the thinking is this: Nine represents denial, Ten anger, Eleven bargaining, Twelve depression And ending with Thirteen as acceptance

I find this analysis to be deeply over-simplistic. [I've talked about it a few times on my Tumblr.] That analysis ignores much of The Doctor as a whole and has a frustratingly terrible understanding of trauma.

It only cares about the new who Doctors, even excluding the ones who participated in the time war which it purports to be analysing The Doctor as having mostly healed from through Twelves arc culmination in Thirteen being removed from the trauma and loss completely. But The Eighth Doctor and War Doctor both participated in the time war and had differing reactions to the trauma. It excludes that Nine had a lot of depressed and angry feelings, it would have Ten only be anger but we see textbook bargaining in Ten and also heaps of denial lying to Martha, Eleven is deeply angry and depressed. While I agree Twelve suffers from depression he has anger, and his depression engulfs him at the end meaning the transition from that depression is confusing just as ten’s anger is eating at him.

Legitimately healing would mean that the steps towards acceptance wouldn’t be the things getting worse for most. Even if you think it’s allegory then I wonder why Eleven wouldn’t have bargaining as something prevalent as the main characteristic seen by many.

The next part of this is that people seem to be seeing The Time War as the only important trauma and grief Twelve is dealing with. This is reductive, likely part of people who see war as the only thing that can cause PTSD. I have discussed before that trauma starts building up with the first Doctor, The Doctor is classic complex trauma. But for this specific section, we are focused on the traumatic experience that happens close to his regeneration and during it.

As I discussed before Trenzalore is a war that Twelve experienced directly before he began, something that would explain the heightened distaste for soldiers and war Twelve has even more so than elven. Which shows to me that Twelve along with having just differing reactions it’s likely something retraumatized him in a similar manner.

The episodes of extreme injury The Doctor suffered are enough to trauma on their own. Examples include having his energy sucked (TV: The Witch’s Familiar), being in the vacuum of space and going blind (TV: Oxygen), and Burning his brain up twice (TV: Extremis/Pyramid at The End of The World/Lie of The Land).

Many traumas are experienced directly by Twelve. The standout experience is during TV: Heaven Sent. Twelves experience four and a half billion years of torture. This is done by his own people, people whom he saved and spent years wanting back and looking for. They hurt his friend in this process as well, the pain this causes most have been deeply traumatic. Another part of this is that The Doctor stayed in this torture chamber and let himself be hurt over and over when as he comments he could have given in. It’s a willingness to experience extreme pain, to try and retain some control, and possibly save Clara. But as Clara says in TV: Hell Bent she was dead and this in and of itself was trauma, combined with the guilt of having harmed others through it.

The loss of his friends and the way it’s tied to his own choices is traumatic as well. (TV: Face The Rave, TV: World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls). River Song is also seen for the last time in The Doctor’s timeline here which is another loss and could be re-traumatizing from experience dating back to Tenth Doctor. (TV: Husbands of River Song)

Seeing all this shows that The Doctor is still experiencing Complex-Trauma and this happens on top of his already existing C-PTSD. The perception he is healing or starting to accept can also be seen as him having “the most” PTSD whereas I also disagree with this, he just has another way of showing his PTSD as well as BPD.

Lastly in the subject of I think common views on him being near healing is saying that his regeneration is one of accepting and wanting to move forward.

Usually, people who hold this viewpoint at his ending message to the next Doctor;

“Doctor: You wait a moment, Doctor. Let's get it right. I've got a few things to say to you. Basic stuff first. Never be cruel, never be cowardly, and never, ever eat pears! Remember, hate is always foolish. and love is always wise. Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind... Argh! But nobody else. Nobody else, ever. Laugh hard, run fast, be kind. Doctor, I let you go.”

But I think pulling only this last part misses much of regeneration story,

First paying attention to the pieces of dialogue I noted before when talked over fatigue, grief and suicidal ideation,

“Nardole: Don't die. Because if you do, I think everybody in the universe might just go cold.

Doctor: Can't I ever have peace? Can't I rest? ”

Then right before the speech to thirteen, when he actually finally chooses to regenerate it’s not a moment of acceptance at all.

“Doctor: Oh, there it is. The silly old universe. The more I save it, the more it needs saving. It's a treadmill.

TARDIS: beeps, flashes and burbles

Doctor: Yes, yes, I know. They'll get it all wrong without me. I suppose one more lifetime wouldn't kill anyone. Well, except me.”

What I think this actually shows that when he regenerates he is doing it out of obligation to protect the universe. He is literally choosing to regenerate because “They'll get it all wrong without me”. When he says “Doctor I let you go” I don't believe it’s necessarily a statement of hope and healing, but more part of the Identity Construction of The Doctor being apart from him, and yes passing the torch, but the torch of being there for the universe for others.

Choosing to continue living out of obligation to others, even if in reality he just wants to die as he is, as himself. Even within the story as I’ve talked about there are more accepting regenerations. The Third, Fourth, Ninth and Eleventh Doctor’s are all more accepting of the change. Twelve himself’s more honest version he presents of who he is and what he’s been through could be connected to a Doctor who had to stay in the wake of his actions.

Overall Twelve displays a great deal of struggle with mental health, Flashbacks, Hyperarousal, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, fatigue, unstable beliefs, constructed identity, traumatic implicit programming, agitation, recklessness, attachment issues, enmeshment, low self-confidence, self-injury and suicidal ideation. This regeneration has a gruff and more honest projection of himself and is more honest about his own difficulties, with Clara mostly. This Doctor is interesting as someone who lives in the wake of some of the lowest actions of Eleventh regeneration as well as the highest moment of saving Gallifrey.

Using the lens of trauma I believe we can get a lot of insight into Twelve's character and help understand this character who is often viewed in a reductionist manner.

[Also Posted on my Archive of Our Own page in a series with the other doctor study posts]

#the doctor study #fandom: #dw #doctor who #new who #nu who #character: #Twelfth Doctor #The Doctor #Missy #The Master #Clara Owald #Bill Potts #Ashildr #Ohila #topic: #Character Study #meta #character analysis #post traumatic stress disorder #ptsd #cptsd #bpd #nd headcanons #ptsd headcanons #dw meta #doctor who meta #doctor who headcanons #dw headcanons #relationships

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New/revised/whatever- List of stuff

Egos (Marks/Jacks) that I have written for or at least actually have thought about HCS/other universes for:  (Just some brief rambles about them, please don't hesitate to ask about them :3)

  -Anti,   Two takes really, I like him soft, like him mean, hes just fun to write, plenty of different ways to spin why he acts out, what he is and all that. My current fav way to portray him is a missing piece of Seans soul, which means hes unstable as a ‘person’ (cough, not really a human but not, not human either.)  And how he has static filled blue eyes but usually hides them with the scary emerald green...

-Jameson,  I will always stand by this kinda universe i created with a friend aages ao that Shawn took away Jamesons voice when being puppeteered by an awful ink creature that shares his body.  Giving Jameson a lovely fear of knives, some scars, and some very damaged vocals..

-Crank, Oh my fucking boi, a near dead human spliced with a bunch of robot parts..human skin tangled with wires and a heart incased in metal..hes a right mess, a voice in his head that makes him feel all sorts of bad.. He tries his best..he cries oil,  I hardly get to write  him but I love him.

-Blank, another big fav oi, black hollow eyes..a tendency to faint... My Hc involves him having been in an accident that almost killed him, leaving him with a very rare heart condition. He also has an aura which..kinda ties into him having a few abilities and stuff. 

-Nes.. He started off as my own kinda Ethan ego, basically Ethan who was mistreated and really lost his marbles..hes great for the real twisted messed up kinda stuff, so dependant on others, a minor murderer, and has been eyed off by a certain ice cream driver for quite some time...

-Were eth,  Okay granted this was literally just kinda an idea that..Eth became a were wolf boi, fangs, tail, ears. Hes just a fun lil pupper

-Eden. Succubus Ethan basically, but well, he again kinda turned into his own thing separate from Ethan. He's got a tail and wings, and hes a lovely lithe thing. He doesnt dare do things without consent, just gets a bit touchy-feely when hes gone without any energy for too long. Very wide stunning saphire eyes. 

- Jackie  Oh my lad..Buff, trans, adorable, sweet. I always love tinkering around with how/what powers he has tbh..and like- I’ve always had the hc that his eyes are lilac?? or gold. Depending on things.. and he works either at a comic book store, a gym, or at the counter of a gas station. Gives the best hugs. Also I love AUS where hes a phoniex because of uhm?? Big fucking red wings??? YES.

-Hen, Getting his accent right is tough but other than that I love writing about the tired doctor living off coffee and ignoring himself in favor of others. 

-Chase The fucking best dad, sunshine lad. Running a vlogging channel and doing his best while combatting depression..I hc him to have chronic fatigue so he has to push himself extra hard. but He does well in trying to get better and look after himself and only slips up like any other helpless human. Very fun to write. 

- Robbie.   Sof.t zombie lad. Drown in a sweater. Stutters and is v quiet. Slow with speech. Struggles to see sometimes. Loves soft textures.Loves attention. Overall soft fucking lad.

-KOTS, To mean known as Simon. Actually v smart, big brain, very scattered n shy and nervous and squirrelish. Loves books n plants, loves nature. Red is his best colour. Warm sweaters and nuzzling and cuddling up. I always get torn between him being a hybrid of human/squirrel or just a lovely soft guy. 

-Yan ! My fem nb/trans gal! They’ll kick ass with their katana, have the hots for Bim, and looove Japanese culture and stuff. Very adorable. Loves pink. 10/10 love to write. 

-Technically I do have a muse for Mark, or..idea? I’m thinking about shoving it into my own oc/thing..but basically he got tortured n abused by Authy so hes not quite like the real life markimoo..just a nervous mess whose dealing with his traumas..

-Bing, Skater lad, yellow/orange eyes, sunflower vibes. Tries his best, clumsy as fuck, great for a laugh when hes not cowering under google. 

-Edward iplier,  Gah my doctor lad.. I have a hc that he Lost arm. In fire..or by dark n wilf.  He has heterochromia too!! One cho ceye one blue one. He is a fucking nerd (Minor adhd lets be honest) He fucking loves space and science and space/science related lights. He has a bat plus with spacey wings. He likes reading, likes being clean and is quite a quiet indulger in food which has left him with a big of a softer figure. Super gentle nature..nothing like the arrogant portrayal we got in some videos. 

-Angus   I love this man!!! Part Aussie, part irish, a whole lot of gruff old dad with a soft spot for nice people and animals, has his own big place, next to a large ass forest. Loads of scars. Loves boots and cameo coloured clothing. A lovely guy when you get past the rough edges. 

Aand onto all my ocs as of writing this (cause you name well know I be writing new ones like..all the time.) 

--------------------

OC’S (My original characters!)

-Jessy, Cowboy-   Choker with gold bell. Lil ears/horns. Spots. Shy but sweet. Hands and feet different colour to rest of skin. Kinda  fur ish feeling rather then just straight-up skin.  Pear shaped figure. Shy lad. Likes to take lots of naps, anxious easily but a big people pleaser too. 

-Ailan and Keros. Moth n butterfly boi.  (Literally just made up with a friend, just a random soft pair of lads tbh nothing too fleshed or spesh)

- Louie - Followed by a dark being/creature/spirit... Yet to determine what else about him, but hes got brown hair, pointed ears and looks lovely in green.

-Quinton  A Hybrid of Demon and Angel otherwise called a Guardian. Quirky, Pan as shit, great dress sense. Extremely calm. Can see auras. Lovely black feathered wings. Bright blue hair.  Kind smile. Works at a little coffee shop in his spare time.

-Ori  Very pure angel boy, previously owned and not very well treated by a god, came crashing down to earth with no memories but his wings intact. Some help him. 

-Lumi  Ghost boy! Died years ago under awful circumstances..now lingers around on earth, sometimes meeting humans who happen to be able to feel or see his presence, he has the ability to make himself solid for short periods of time. 

- Lucio Witchy..dragon soul something or other- Deaf.Paralyzed? In the arms??They might use alot of energy trying to hover around instead of having to use a chair..(I mean how many witches do you see with chairs??).. Although they could not have use of their arms instead, like..paralyzed from the shoulder down- they still have them but theyre effectively useless and easily sore.. (which might make magic really hard, cause theyd have to master it again without their hand gestures.)

- Eztli, Bit of a prick. Basically got cursed to have really weird blood that replished and rejuvinated too fast/too much by a witch he angered. So he turned the curse into a good thing and basically goes out offering himself as a human blood bag for vamps willing to pay in info, items, cash or uh..other services..  

- Gallio Photographer, has hypocalcemia. Haven't really done much else with him tbh.

-Aomi Warlock/witch in training. Downright awful at it. Young and lives in a nice lil cottage outside of the village he was abandoned in.

- Lucas A moonstone gem perma-fusion, he kinda has SPD/DID but he doesn't, cause..hes two gems that became one but not fully. Leaving him to be a bit of a mess and not as strong as other moonstones. 

- Kiyan. A little assistant android!! Created to assist, he can make portals!, He works at a post office. Hes under surveillance by the company that made him and isnt yet aware of many human customs/emotions.. 

- Alex  A very confused, overly optimist Alien who doesn’t know what they are. Come from the planet Eutychia, 4'3. They fucking glow. You know  Kilowatt from space chimps? think that. But hair n freckles and more human and just as  bubbly and energetic. 

-Locus  Mer/Fish boi!  Transparent fins, glowy patches, plays harp + loves music.

-Lir  A Tiny Octopus/Human hybrid lad. Makes little burble and trill noises. Quite harmless. Needs a home. 

Benji (Strawberry shortcake boi- Cursed tape /bandages. Demi half god.? One eye. Uses notes. To communicate but also sign. Really. Good sweets maker)

 Small bois (A collection of tinys because G/T is fucking great okay?)

- Tobias. Literally Made of hair gel. cleary, adorable, aaand Eats soap..amoung other non food items he probably should not ingest but does..

- Hinto  Guy made of foam slime. Very chill n laid back.

- Glowstick bubs. (Alo/aloke -  Green and blue  +  Siro - Yellow n pink.  + Mavi (Vi) Red and silver. + Roxy (Ro) - Orange and  purple )  They’re a cross between glowsticks and lava lamps and its epic- asides the fact they have like.half a brain cell each. Lots of sleeping n lazign around.

- Theo  A tiny ink creature.  A clever little lad, who likes to drawn and write n paint in ink and leave cheeky little black splotches everywhere. A very good writer companion tho. 

- JellyBubs! A collection of tiny sentient jelly babies, hungry lads will raid your cupboards. 

-Miel A tiny little bee boy! Loves flowers <3 

Apocolyse Squad:

The planet Keres,  Left uninhabitable after the invasion that ruined the air and killed almost the entire race.

Sameal o’Ceirin (Being of smoke- partly blind.)

Mallory Thomas (Part cat. Vet, partner to Sam who ends up dying in the canon of their story)

Hamrish Benat  (Hayden. 4 eyes, soft tongue. PTSD. extra tiny heart in wrist. Quite fem/soft. Likes soap cutting vids and stuffed toys/teddies.)

Joshua who cares (An asshole. Staight up. He dies. Fuck him. He sucks ass.)

Andy peters (Strong, kind. Kinda like Tyler shied. Big, tol, but actually pretty soft.)

Adrian  Géarán  (Tail, fire abilities, likes to make little robots. Very weak n has a couple of disabilities that leave him tired n such, which aint great for his esteem or his team when the apoc hits.)

--

Wyatt ???? ?????????????????

Pace- Nerdy. Finds a cat. Observer for the aliens. Is immune to black goop. 

Four - buff. Scary. Deadly. 

Apocolypse Squad Part 2  Small lads who dont derese to be in danger: 

  -Apep, Naga boi  Legs mutate into a cool tail. Hisses, fangs. Adorable loves the sun. bout 20 years old. 

Chris. Camp leader! Biig dad type, redhead, buff, likes gardening and camping, very outdoorsy. Little awkward but great.

Small child Talise- nickname tails? ..   Blind and slightly traumatized by the car crash that killed his mother and ended up with glass in his eyes, very sensitive to noise n textures.     Ends up mutating tails.  6 v young n smol  blocks n colourin

Shirin Parvis. Crystal boi .. trained solider/ royalty.  Tried to warn people before the apoc hit and failed. Now tries to protect the small group of surviors he stumpbles across. 

 Zephaniah, mutation turns him into a  Chameleon basically, just.. a human one. He  Prefers Zeph. Big gamey Nerd-  gets a pet gecko.  16. Quiet. Loves Lazar skirmish and lazers. 

Moyachi, Cactus boi!! Plant bab. Loves water and has clear/lime green tinted aloe/herbal helpful blood. Spikes up at defense from bad people 18/ 19   likes drawing. Pretty grumpy and needs a break.

Colin, nicknames: Coco,  Lady bug lad, who is baby trans  mutation resulted in a weird Red/Orange skin condition basically.  Can predict weather v accurately.       Ballet/dance, 14   Likes cooking. 

Hotaru , Firefly bby  - Glowy bub with antenna,  possibly mutates wings.. Sassy and tired. Turns nocturnal as the apoc progressed. Also becomes Colins first love <3

Zeno  A Siren of sorts.  DC/ hip hopper/   Lost his arm in apoc.  He loooves music alot. Very purple aesthetic and checkerboards.

Liren Pichi, deaf peaches n cream aesthetic boi- Nickname Pichi.  He is alone during the apoc, sneaks aboard and ship and goes missing..

Neighbours AU:

They all live on the homeworld, Ermioni.

Lesbabs:

Blake Aglaia  A human with a gift of being able to put emotions into glass balls.. Red head, quite fem, but gay, sweet, but not mousy. 

Lynx ?? An alien and human, the alien somewhat resides inside its host but they coexist. Sometimes goes feral.  Alien half likes to go by Perse  (Percy)  They have cool looking saliva- viens that run down their arms that are pretty cool- sharper nails/claws. Tendrils. Large ol mouth. Lots of pointy ass teef. Lynx likes to train,go to gym, and kick ass. Big ass butch energy.

Demon fam:

Hyacinth  A six-armed demon with serious parent energy. Big gardener, his body grows flowers depending on his moods/strength of emotions. Purple neck length hair. Great at comfort and cooking. 

Rhys  A Demon with a great curiosity about humans has a sibling, Feri.  Rhys is a big nerd, but very hard to get to know. Not great with emotions, comes across a tad distant and cold without always meaning too. Loves candles and lots of autumn aesthetic. 

Anthos, AKa Ant. Rhys and Hy’s accidentally created/summoned a toddler.. and hes fucking adorable. 

Vato - V   Hy has another bub later on who's more purpley blue with red curled horns and 4 arms.. No tail.. 4 eyes. V cute and inquisitive. Less noisy and wreckless than Ant. 

Roommates:

Douglas Connelly  A regular chubby human bean! Learning to become a chef. He loves food, loves cooking and also loves dancing. Hes a big guy, big cudddler, but a little shy and akward at times. 

Donovan Amores  Real fricking cool and smokin hot Bartender with a love for dogs. Dougs roommate. Has glowing fuckin orbs- donates his heart to a fucking god is smooth as fuck, background heavily Spanish, moved when young.

Haris Alaksim Real name (lost in translation, Huitzilopochtli God of sun and war) ) - A god whom Dono is very close with and donates his heart two one every 3 years during the day of the highest sun. He is a god / Mouros.    Donovan refers to him as “Dios gentil”  or “ Viejo colibrí sabio”   (“El viejo colibrí sabio es un dios gentil” (The old wise hummingbird is a gentle god.)

Donovans Family

Rem (Looks after magical creatures- Cane is from Haris)

Oscar  (Not sure what trinket or power but He’s just a casual store worker w/ good arms. Surprisingly good with knives- perhaps has one from Haris?)

Nicole  (His only sister Makes clothes..possibly got some ability to do with seasons..?  Perhaps earrings or a bracelet from Haris)

Javi  (Makes jam, cute boy, wears cloaks. Maybe has a cute little jar necklace or magic jar??)

Luca (Trans bookkeeper- Talks to Haris most often and likes to ask questions..Has precious books...Possibly a special pen..) 

Forest bois!!

Cypress The soul of the forest - Mentor of Rem. Very calm, very wise. Kinda like master oogway type. 

Unicorn boi, Hes rare, missing a chunk of his horn. Dont hurt him. He doesnt even have a name.

Fyn. Mushroom boy. Protects a gate. Lost his twin during a human-caused fire. Very mad about it. 

Fie. Bat boy. Loves fruit. 

Moh. Fairy/incubus hybrid.  

Tucker. Bunny boi, Best friends with Ainsley. Got some like, punk vibes about him, piercings n such. Not as soft as one would expect but still nice at heart.

Ainsley. Fawn boi, clums, shy, round glasses,  Looks smart but doesn't always know stuff. Very unsure of self. 

Experiment AU: 

Izekiel Iris A being of Paint. Hes made of paint. He has trauma from being experimented on. Slightly depressed. Loves art, loved creating. also regresses to try to deal with said PTSD.  Hard to get to know at first. 

Matty  (Matthew Libelle)   An experiment, part human, part lizard, part dragon. Much smol.  Hes fucking baby and i adore him alot please do ask anything and everything about him. 

Cult bois:

-Nero Aakil   (Means Genius/Orange blossom)   Orange bub  - Leader. Smart. Telepathic link with all cult members.  V corrupted…  (Parents were rich and ignorant)

-Mao Cerise   Pink - Ditzy, Looks after their ‘little bird’ (aka Jey) 

-Jey Michael Cherubim   Fallen angel -  Corrupted..desaturating and weak.. Was summoned by the cult and captured as a trophy. 

-Jaden Hirav  Looks after a garden of plants both harmless and some not for master. Previously Neros old pet..His  The family was alright but he was moreso raised by like his mum and bro. He was kidnapped from his garden and never seen again. The cult ritual to initiate him into the group failed and he was spliced with plants making him near useless to the cult.

-Rowan maverick - Now known as  Rogue- Red. Lost their tongue. Does Not follow orders to the T but gets their job done.   Has another voice/god/soul looking out for them… Very assassin ready, very perceptive. Wants to get out the cult but knows theyre too far in.. Cool glowy words in the air because they don't have their tongue. Possibly only lives of medication and vitamin pills..possible OD? Possible addiction. They struggle alot with it. 

P - Pax -  God who watches over Rowan. Was killed by the Master but their spirt lives on.

Cato.   Purple - Another smart one.. Possible Wiccan?  Sadist. Mean. Tall.  Scary. Abuse. Twisted. Loves being in the cult. Eventually wants to host Masters soul.. 

Gin Short for Ginger but the real name is Xanthe.  Blind. Also another assassin like Rogue but more obedient.  Doesn't talk often out of fear. 

Benjamin Brandy  (Benji. B) is Gins friend, Gin is trying not to get him involved in the cult but was too late as B had previously already been cursed and dealt with mythical beings..

 Silver bub. Demir. A demon summoned by the cult to complete the collection. Wants out, very stressed.  

Adopted AU: (This is like a mess of some of the boys but younger and in a different timeline to their universes smushed together intoa kinda cute school/adoption au idea.)

Matthew is smol autistic, malnourished and heavily abused both mentally and physically, leading to selective mutism and being a small fragile easily tired bab.  He loves hanging in the library once he gets used to going to some schooling. Gets tutored by Chris? Goes to camp and helps around n has fun..

Jaden, loves the school garden, and likes science class. His family is alright, However he ends up mostly raised by his sister? Or brother? 

Iz is the lil art bab, also in foster care of a big family, not so much abused but semi neglected. Quiet.

Nero is the gifted nerdy child..Parents ignorant. They love history and fictional books and reading and learning.

Benji is the slightly older kid whos possibly maybe a little behind or delayed or..something, they help out with other kids as a buddy? They like to do cooking classes.

DA AU

So this Au was like..the Septic tank births all the egos.

Angus first- He has..some kinda strength I imagine/..

Then Anti, Hen, Jackie. Marv. 

Chase -  He kills himself because of Glitch- also falls in the tank a second time and ends up with odd powers. 

Glitch Starts off as very bad and misunderstood. Turns out they were just highly unstable and required medical treatment.  Their real name is Arius and they cant stomach solid foods all the time. Mostly a liquid diet. They have glitchy fits/static seizures. Very unpleasant. Can enter tech, and its not so great, can get trapped. Can absorb certain amounts of electricity because of this they Got hit by  ightning once and has epic lighting scars!! Up arms..some on neck. All over his chest and back. 

Septic clone AU

Sean giving up bits of soul to make clones ends up in coma

Experiments and torture and odd shit with the egos ensues??

Minecraft AU??  

Yeah i had weird ideas for a cute minecraft gang of minecrafters who had accidents involving getting merged/recded with other creatures traits ect. 

Vail.  -Vex / Human

Snow golom hybrid? Or Blaze?

Slimey boi

Kitsune

Panda lad.

Pokebabs au

Mainly for Matty, Iz and Blank.. were they have pokemon forms and when bonded with a human long enough can evolved into human forms?? 

Horned AU  (With Troiseh/Glitch-in-the-static)

Shiro  -Prince lad  (This is their lad :3)

Junji - Battery..whump/slave/lost prince 

Isao Asuka -  Shiros Royal Guard 

Alien AU

Hami if he were..alien instead of being a human in an apoc basically. 

Angel AU stuff: 

Good omens inspired boi

Leo Halvar   Part..humany..demon..Cambion are according to google "In late European mythology and literature, a cambion is the offspring of an incubus, succubus, or another demon with a human, or of an incubus and succubus"

Ryan  Hot archangel guy: One wing, demon hunter thing.. Good kinda reforming from a less nice lifestyle previously. 

Mute angel possibly demon idk- -   Latif? Emmet? Evan? 

Long fringe shy boy-  Cael / Lox

#list #ocs #egos #ideas #hcs #blu rambles #blus list #its fuckigng 2 am #im sorry if this makes no sense #but here are a fuck ton of lads #and a fuck ton of aus and ideas #if anyone ever wants to ask XP

[owl-elementary]

Can I request a Trimberly fic here? If it needs to be Christmas themed you can message me! If not, I've had a couple of random ideas I like! I like the idea that when Trini gets super happy she speaks in Spanish really fast and doesn't even notice so Kim just smiles and pretends she understands. I also like the headcanon that Trini has ADHD/dyslexia and Kimberly helps her with it and is super helpful and understanding. I also like the idea that Trini draws and Kim finds her cute lil drawings.

I went with the last one, but I’ve got the others in my ideas bank for later!

Read “Winter Doodles” on Ao3.

The rain had picked up at the end of October, and after a Putty attack on Halloween, the Rangers were hoping for a quiet November indoors. Zordon had told them that he didn’t expect any other major Putty spikes or invasions in the near future, and had cut their training time down to three times a week instead of every day. Thus, all of the Rangers were pumped for some down time. Zack had officially put in a request to take his GED, so he could stay home with his mom. He’d found a job at the local hardware store, and was making okay money. Jason and Billy had some sort of robotics project going in the Cranston Cave that they were keeping mum about. And Kim and Trini had finally been able to go on a proper date. Kim was looking forward to more of that, she just had to figure out what they should do next.

She was zoning out during homeroom, puzzling over this, when she noticed Trini doodling in her notebook. She smiled, watching her girlfriend draw a tiny chibi comic of the building a snowman.

Trini noticed her staring, and smiled when Kim turned away. “It’s okay,” she said. “I doodle when I’m bored.”

“Is it always of us?”

“Sometimes it’s the five of us. Sometimes it’s Carmilla fan art.”

“Oh god…you need a twelve step program.”

“You’re not allowed to judge until you watch it! Trust me, you’ll be hooked too.” She tore the small comic out from her notebook and paperclipped it to Kim’s binder.*

“I’m saying, objectively, Backstreet Boys were the better boy band.”

Zack scoffed as he and Kim walked back to their lockers the next Monday morning. “NSYNC was iconic!”

“I’m not disagreeing with you. I’m saying, in terms of singing ability and musical design -”

“How dare you? ‘I Need Love’ was a boy band masterpiece.”

“Okay, besides the fact that you’re wrong, even if it was a masterpiece…that’s one. Backstreet had dozens.”

Billy came around the corner at that moment, joining their walk to the seniors’ hallway. “Hey guys! What’s up? What were you talking about? Because I could feel Zack being offended all the way at home.”

“It’s our age-old debate, young Cranston,” Zack joked.

“Oh no. The boy band thing again?” Billy groaned.

“You could settle it for us, Billy,” Kim said with a winning smile.

“No way. I learned my lesson after the In & Out versus Whataburger fight,” Billy said, causing the other two to laugh. “Hey Kim, there’s something on you locker.”

“Wait,” Zack said, putting a gentle hand on Kim’s shoulder. “Let us look first.”

Kim melted a little at his protectiveness, despite a spike of apprehension. After Trini had told them about literally ripping Kim’s locker door off its hinges, they’d taken to screening Kim’s locker for graffiti. But her anxiety dropped when Billy smiled.

“It’s okay - it’s from Trini,” he said, handing the paper to her.

Kim took it and grinned. It was a short three-panel comic, showing the two of them engaged in a snowball fight. Kim tucked it into the front plastic of her English binder, and followed the boys to class. *

For the next few days, it was the same. Kim would get to her locker before class, and there would be a small doodle waiting for her. By Thursday, people had begun putting Post-It notes up with requests, including, to the groups’ amusement, one request for Kim & Trini “joining” the Power Rangers. Thus, when Friday rolled around, Kim was in good spirits, and looking forward to that day’s comic strip.

But it wasn’t there.

“Aw…don’t pout,” Zack said, seeing her face.

“I’m not pouting,” Kim pouted.

“Maybe she’s sick,” Billy suggested.

“No. I’d be able to feel it if she was sick. She gets offended at the notion that bacteria could take her out of commission for even a day,” Kim explained, opening her locker. She gasped when she saw what was inside.

There was fake snow and a few tiny trees on the top shelf, surrounding a little origami bear. Kim took it and gently pulled at the tab that said, “Open here.” Inside, there was a comic strip that was longer than the others. It was still the two of them, in chibi form, but it showed them dancing in the midst of other characters (she spotted the boys - Zack doing the “sprinkler”) all in formal dress. The last panel read, “Will you go to the Winter Formal with me?”

“Ahem.”

Kim turned to find Trini standing behind her, smiling. The boys were a little ways off, high fiving. “Yes,” Kim said, leaning in to give her girlfriend a kiss. “As long as I still get my comics.”

Trini laughed. “Always, princess.”

#trimberly #Christmas presents #powwow-Rangers

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

A Heart Of Sunflower

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/i8ErWIB

by Knight_Of_Breath

“A likely story,” Robin says, taking a few tense steps towards the bed Mikey is on. Oh, wow. He sounds like a posh ten year old. “It fell directly into the batcave, it’s a little too convenient.” Mikey’s thoughts pause. Mikey was portaled into the batcave? Leo, what the shit?

Also, two months after the invasion, Batman wants to know about the things that took down the Aliens. The turtles want a small mission to get back into hero-ing. When neither of those things go right, and Mikey is the only one who made it out, and he must work with the Batfam to get his brothers, and their father, back.

Words: 1882, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Characters: Michelangelo (TMNT), Damian Wayne, Leonardo (TMNT), Jason Todd, Donatello (TMNT), Dick Grayson, Raphael (TMNT), Tim Drake, April O'Neil (TMNT), Bruce Wayne, Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit, Cassandra Cain, Casey Jones (TMNT), Stephanie Brown, Splinter | Lou Jitsu, Barbara Gordon, Hamato Yoshi | Splinter, Duke Thomas, Baron Draxum (TMNT), Casey Jones Jr. (TMNT), Batcow, Lex Luthor

Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Batfamily Members & Other(s), Damian Wayne & Damian Wayne's Pets, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Barbara Gordon & Dick Grayson & Jason T. & Damian W., Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & April O'Neil & Raphael (TMNT), Casey Jones & Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit & April O'Neil & The Turtles (TMNT)

Additional Tags: Fluff and Angst, Good Sibling Michelangelo (TMNT), How Do I Tag, Coming of Age, Post ROTTMNT Movie (2022), Damian Wayne is Robin, Hurt Michelangelo (TMNT), Protective Michelangelo (TMNT), Michelangelo-centric (TMNT), BAMF Michelangelo (TMNT), Autistic Michelangelo (TMNT), Michelangelo Has ADHD (TMNT), Nonbinary Michelangelo (TMNT), Genderfluid Michelangelo (TMNT), Damian Wayne Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Kidnapping, Experimentation, No Beta We Die Like Jason Todd Damien Wayne ect, no beta we die like gramgram, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/i8ErWIB

#IFTTT #bruce wayne #batman #the dark knight #the cape crusader #gotham #dc universe #ao3 #ao3feed

[afspfsjklf]

BASICS 

name: michael jon carter

alias: booster gold

age / birthday: -421/34 // december 29th, 2442

gender / pronouns: cis man // he/him

sexuality: bisexual

team affiliation: the justice league

earth of origin / source material: like, 90% new earth, 10% prime earth

faceclaim: aaron tveit

occupation: businessman (ceo of booster gold international)

identity status: public

positive traits: amiable, diligent, gregarious, jovial, respectful, self-sacrificing.

negative traits: arrogant, easily distracted, forgetful, impulsive, overconfident, self-doubting (those are conflicting personality traits, and yet.... a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.)

where was your character during the invasion?: he was having a _grand_ disagreement with rip hunter over whether or not the invasion was supposed to be a part of the timeline. _it was_, but booster, being the impulsive man he is, still took some of the equipment to travel back and try to stop it before it began. he was almost killed in the process and, in the future of his altered timeline, he realized he fucked it all up. so then rip had to help him undo things, dammit booster.

what are they doing now?: biding his time and trying not to fuck up the time stream anymore, no matter how many things he thinks don’t line up. he’s following rip’s protocol and just protecting the earth when it needs it as the greatest superhero the world will never know.

how has the invasion and superheroes being public figures changed their life?: it hasn’t! hell, his first move when he got to the 21st century was to save the president and become famous! of course, that had to be undone, but he had his taste of fame. he’s still largely enjoying the limelight that superheroes are in now, but he’s seen what that can do to people.... aka, what that can do to him.

any canon divergencies: well! travelled to the 21st century instead of the 20th, but that’s all i can think of _for sure_ as of right now!

ABILITIES / POWERS 

like many gothamites, he has no inherent powers. but what he does have? cool gadgets from the future! -legion flight ring: you can probably gather what it does: this gadget helps him fly. -powersuit: arguably the most important of the gadgets he stole from the space museum before traveling back in time to gotham, this provides him with: --- enhanced durability --- super strength --- forcefield generation --- time-travel circuitry: OBVIOUSLY VERY IMPORTANT TO A GUY WHO HAS MANY MISSIONS THAT TAKE PLACE IN THE TIME STREAM --- gauntlets ( blasters ) --- enhanced vision --- enhanced hearing -skeets: my favorite of them all - and probably his too. skeets is a cute little drone who came along for the ride to the 21st century. he provides companionship, advice, security, and is pretty small - can fly places booster can’t and report back to him. -time sphere: belongs to rip hunter, but he uses it often to enter the stream. -also i can’t get over that his ‘prime earth’ wiki lists ‘Mental Illness’ as his weakness that KILLED ME ALFKHOAIELJSDK

CONNECTIONS 

-ted kord: he ain’t here yet i’m just manifesting -selina kyle:  -pyro: chaos buddies -rip hunter: boss but also son who i’m manifesting <3 -goldstar: sister who i’m manifesting <3

HEADCANONS 

- 110% has adhd. i can write an essay on this. - his canon birthday makes him a capricorn, which i can believe. but he’s def sag rising.

THREAD TRACKER 

tbd!

OTHER INSPIRATION 

-my sister’s ex-boyfriend. big himbo. (thought bermuda shorts were a brand and said he was going to buy the company with his beanie baby money, used to say “living bicuriously” instead of “living vicariously,” referred to audio books as “reading books with your ears,” etc. but also gave her many flowers and drank his respect women juice. only broke up with him because things were getting too serious too quickly.) -favorite quotes: -- “living down to expectations!” - his motto with ted kord -- “disgraced and desperate, michael jon carter of the 25th century traveled into the past to recapture his fame and glory. accompanied by his security droid, skeets, michael failed miserably due to his pride, ego and arrogance. but unknown to anyone, that's all changed now. michael protects all of time and space from evil exploitation as the greatest hero history will never know... BOOSTER GOLD ☆” (intro to his 2007 comic series) -- “you put a STARRO in a JAR? HOW are we RELATED?”

[daniellethamasa]

Hey all, Dani here.

How are you all doing today? We’ve made it to the middle of the week already, which is pretty fantastic…though it does remind me that I need to do some work and planning for D&D this weekend. Yeah, I need to do that soon. Anyway, welcome back to my weekly blog series where I talk about what I’ve done, watched, played, tried, and read in the past week, as well as a glimpse into what I’m hoping to read next. We are officially at a whole year of this post under the name Weekly Wrap-Up and two years of the blog series in general. That’s pretty impressive to me.

Okay, so watches are up first. Well, Damian and I went and saw the new “Sonic the Hedgehog” movie for Valentine’s Day, and it was rather fantastic, actually. And, with the way it ends, I’m really hoping for a sequel, because I want Tails and Knuckles and the rest of the gang to be introduced. I’ve also been continuing my “Arrow” re-watch, and I’m in the middle of the Invasion crossover event right now, but I’m enjoying this return visit to the show that started the DC Berlantiverse, you know, what the studio calls the Arrowverse. Oh! I also have watched the first two episodes of “Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist,” and if you like quirky contemporary musical shows, then definitely check it out. The first two episodes are available for free on YouTube or through the NBC web site.

I guess I should also talk about gaming a little bit, because I did pick up my Switch again a few days ago…only managed to play for an hour before I got the low battery alert and decided it was time to go to bed. But I have started playing Witcher 3. I think it’s a bit too early to tell if I’m liking it or not. I’m still figuring out controls and everything, so we’ll see what happens, but I’m definitely in a Witcher mood/obsession right now.

Speaking of obsessions, I finally got around to buying a Wicked Saints t-shirt from Blissfully Bookish, and I can’t wait to do a shirt/book photo shoot.

Anyway, I guess it’s time to move on to the reading portion of this post…because sadly I don’t really have much of a writing update for you guys. The writing is going very slowly. Actually most of the writing is going on in my head and not on the page. That’s still technically progress, but it’s not an easily quantifiable or visible progress.

Next up is everything I’ve read in the past week. It’s been a pretty decent reading week overall, so that’s cool. I still wish I had actually read more books that are on my TBR, but at least I’m still reading fantasy, mostly. Big Damn Hero by James Lovegrove, Foul is Fair by Hannah Capin, Snug: A Collection of Comics about Dating Your Best Friend by Catana Chetwynd, Looking for Group Omnibus Vol 1-3 by Ryan Sohmer and Lar Desouza, Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls In a Dungeon? Vol 4 by Kuneida and Fujino Omori, How to Treat Magical Beasts Vol 4 by Kaziya, Prince Freya by Keiko Ishihara, and The Killing Moon by N.K. Jemisin, and Critical Role Vox Machina Origins II Issue #5 by Matthew Mercer, Jody Houser, Olivia Samson, Msassyk, and Ariana Maher.

I think I’m in sort of a reading ADHD mood right now. Like I’ll plan to read a book, pick it up and read like 50 pages or so, and then I’ll get pulled away to another book. So I’m not making the kind of progress that I’d like. I think two of these books have been on this currently reading section for a couple weeks already. And the third one…is a NetGalley ARC for a book that doesn’t come out until August. Usually I try to wait until a little closer to the release day to read most books, but I don’t know, I just wanted to pick this one up. So I guess when I finish I’ll write up the review and schedule it for a few months from now. It’ll all work out eventually.

I want to pick up the next volume of Fruits Basket, and I discovered that my local library has volumes 5-12, so I could easily finish the whole series…but I’m not going to let myself go to the library until I’ve written up the reviews for volumes 1-4. If I’m going to binge the series then I’d rather not get the events all jumbled up in my head. I think that sounds like a reasonable restriction to give myself. And I want to read Sky Without Stars again because I was granted access on NetGalley to the sequel, and I’d like to read it before it’s released next month, but I feel like I need a refresher of the events in the first book. I also can’t resist picking up the conclusion to Julie Kagawa’s latest series, especially since I get to be on the blog tour for it. I’m so excited to get more kitsune tricks and awesome fights with demonic entities. It should be pretty cool.

Also, I’m getting ready for Middle Grade March, where I try and focus on reading, reviewing, and talking about MG books. I’ve already picked out a pretty good TBR, and I’ll talk about a couple of those books in next week’s post, and then even more in my Feb Wrap Up and March TBR post.

So yeah, that’s it for me for today. What are you reading right now? Let me know in the comments and I’ll be back soon with more bookish content.

Weekly Wrap-Up (52) Hey all, Dani here. How are you all doing today? We've made it to the middle of the week already, which is pretty fantastic...though it does remind me that I need to do some work and planning for D&D this weekend.

#Anime #ARC #Blog Tour #Book Releases #Books! #Dungeons &amp; Dragons #Manga #Middle Grade #Middle Grade March #Movies #Reading #Review #Tabletop Games #TBR #Video Game #Writing