#adhd maybe?

[rubellyte]

tumblr tags are bad for my health

it would be one thing if they were just used for tags but you see them get used all the time to add little side thoughts to things and that very strongly appeals to my need to have fifteen side notes about every single thing i see or say or think

#new user #well not really #i had an account years ago #but it was a depressed amab me who only had shitty smash 4 mods to post #one of my friends talked me into making it #i should have listened to her more maybe i would have come out sooner #adhd maybe? #i will ask the therapist #this website feels like home to me now #i should have stayed

[the-obsessive-writer]

My to do list at work is very long. Too long. It's making me anxious and then my brain just stops working because it's too overwhelming. But the thing is. It may seem like a lot of stuff... but it won't take more than 5 minutes each maximum. I know that! But the brain still says no.

#adhd maybe? #undiagnosed adhd #adhd things #adhd post #adhd feels #adhd anxiety anxious #work #to do list #too much

[yellowgnomeboots]

I really want to improve one of my languages and learn another. But I'm like 40, I've been trying to do various activities consistently, including learning many languages, for 30 years and never succeeded. In some cases I've managed a few weeks, but it's usually been extremely painful and depressing, succeeding only through exhausting effort, and then feeling so bad at failing.

I feel like I've tried every tactic in this time. I can't think of anything that feels like it would work. The whole *concept* of regularly working on something isn't something I can fully grasp; it's ok when I think about it abstractly but becomes slippery when I try to put it into a practical context: my life.

#gnome post #advice welcome #like i have tried everything obvious and recommended #but you never know #maybe i need to do a brainstorming session #i proper one not what people think it is #adhd maybe? #i won't be grumpy at anyone who suggests anything obvious or ridiculous if you want to say something but worry about things like that

[elysynn]

Monday of the TV Snow Brain

It’s been a tough Monday so far. 

 I’m composing this because it’s the only thing I’m able to focus on at the moment.  If it weren’t for periodic system checks that have to be done at work, I wouldn’t be able to do anything at work this morning. It’s a transient, mindless, and short activity.  

It’s so frustrating to not be able to lock on to a task and move it forward. There are things I want to do, I’m excited to do. Part of the problem is there are so many.

Today, the music that was helping me write over the weekend (10k words, woo hoo!) was working against me. I kept playing the music, because it’s awesome and one part of my brain enjoys the emotions it evokes. I eventually recognized it was generating butterflies in my stomach and not in a good way. It’s bright AF outside because of the snow. My spouse has been on the phone all morning, on the other side of a door that muffles his voice but doesn’t completely block it out. I was sitting in front of my work computer, on the verge of tears because of the paralysis.

Many days, I’m able to manage the stimulus. Today, not so much. It could be the nascent migraine that my meds have hopefully aborted, or it could be the stress of peak season activity that is coming to a close. While the root cause is an academic question that piques my curiosity, the net result has been overstimulation. Recognizing that my music was primarily driving it today was a minor breakthrough in managing the overstimulation.

Both my kids were diagnosed with ADHD before second grade. Even before they were born, I questioned if I maybe fit under that umbrella. As I’ve watched my son grow, especially through these teen years it’s like seeing myself in a mirror. This year I finally decided to take the step towards answering that question for myself, because while outwardly I present as a successful adult, inside my head is a mess (and my house is, too). I’m still on that journey, it’s been long and to be honest, pretty frustrating.

Ultimately, I’m sharing this because posts like this from others have helped foster the self-awareness that led to me identifying music as a problem this morning. 

#mental health #Executive Dysfunction #ADHD maybe? #adult adhd

[kai-the-first]

suffocating under the unrelenting feeling of forgetting something despite knowing youre not.

#wtf is wrong with me #memory problems #adhd maybe?

[eridan-ampora]

i love it when characters are codependent. i love it when losing someone feels like losing a limb. i love it when two people "complete" each other so wholly and terribly that one can barely function without the other. i love it when the fear of losing the only person who understands them is so all-consuming they'll destroy anything to stay together, including themselves.

#gray.txt #im really normal about moirails #i need to start writing again LOL #ive done 3 entire fics in the last decade but also im on adhd meds so maybe thatll help #still need 2 overcome my debilitating perfectionism tho. it's a work in progress

[maxgicalgirl]

Being a “Fun Fact !” kind of autistic is all fun and games until you get halfway through sharing an interesting tidbit and realize that it probably wasn’t appropriate to share in polite company and now you have to deal with the consequences :(

#autism #neurodivergent #adhd #fun facts #GOD I’m such an idiot #anyways now a 10 year old is out there looking up swear words online and it’s all my fault :( #I got so excited by the fact that I knew a fun fact #that I didn’t stop to think that maybe not everyone knows that fun fact for a reason :( #it’s like explaining how to successfully bury a body at a book club #or explaining the dangers of Scientology to your sister’s boyfriend the first time you meet him #or debating gay sex positions with your best friend in front of your mom #no matter how much I wish to be a beacon of knowledge in this world #sometimes there are things others just don’t want to know #and consciously that’s valid but the autism ? I does not care

[cloudy-claude]

break has ruined my attention span I literally cannot do shit other than doomscroll. SAVE ME!! im trying to write and i can deadass only write like two sentences and back to phone :3 WHY AM I AN IPAD BABY NO PLS NO

#doomscrolling #adhd? #adhd maybe? #why is everything boring #college

[oysters-aint-for-me]

tips on refrigerator ownership for the mentally ill

1.) letting food go bad does NOT make you a Bad Person.

2.) it is okay to throw out only one thing at a time. even especially if there are a lot of expired things in there.

3.) give yourself permission to throw out tupperware once in a while.

#mental health #adhd #mental illness #notes to self #idk if anyone else will find this helpful or relatable lmaoo i don’t know if these are universal or common problems…. #like maybe most people don’t develop a guilt complex about their tupperware. #but i definitely did. so

[mavigator]

i talked about it a little bit already but i have things to say about it. for context, i was born with amniotic band syndrome. the amniotic band wrapped around my left wrist in utero and stunted the growth of my hand. i was born with about half a palm, four nubs for fingers, and a twisted half of a thumb. i can open and close my thumb and pinkie joint like a claw.

yesterday at work i had a shift in the room with 5-10 year old kids. i had my left hand hidden in my sleeve (a bad habit of mine). a kid asked if he could see my hand, and even though internally i was debating running into traffic, i said “sure you can” and showed him my hands. he stared for a moment, looking disturbed, and then said “i don’t want to look at that anymore”. that hurt to hear, but i understand that kids are new to the world and he probably didn’t mean it out of malice. i put my hand away again, told him that it was okay, and that i was just born that way.

he then went on to talk about how he knows a kid with a similar hand to mine and called it “ugly”. i told him that wasn’t a very kind thing to say and that he wouldn’t feel good if someone said that to him, and he replied that no one would say that to him—because he has “normal hands”, and he’s glad he does because otherwise he’d be “ugly”. i tried to talk with him for a bit about how everybody is born differently, but he just started talking about a girl he knows with a “messed up face” and pulled on his face to make it look droopy. i went on some more about how it wasn’t very kind to talk about people that way, but the conversation moved on to something else.

i’ve told my supervisors about it and they’re going to have a talk with his mom. what i wanted to say is this: i’m genuinely not upset with the kid. kids are young and naturally curious, and he clearly simply hasn’t been taught about disabled people and kind ways to speak to/about others. which is why i am upset with his parent(s). i know he’s encountered visibly deformed/disabled people before (he said so himself!), yet his parent(s) clearly haven’t had any kind of discussion with him about proper language and behavior. i knew from birth that some people were just different than others, but my parents still made a point to assert to be kind to and accepting of others. i wonder if adults in his life are the type of people to hush him and usher him away when he points out someone in a wheelchair. that kind of thing doesn’t teach politeness. it tells children that disabled people are an Other than can’t be acknowledged or spoken about; which, to a child, means disability must be something bad.

i’m lucky enough that this was a relatively mild incident, and that i’m a grownup with thicker skin. i’m worried about the other kids he mentioned to me. has he been talking to them this way? when i was a kid, i had other kids scream, cry, and run away at the sight of my hand. or follow me around pointing at me and laughing at me. or tell me i couldn’t do something because i was ugly or incapable or whatever. one time a girl at an arcade climbed to the top of the skeeball machine, pointed at me, and screamed at me to put my hand away and wouldn’t stop crying until she couldn’t see me anymore. another time, a kid saw my hand, screamed at the top of her lungs, and ran into my friend’s arms, crying hysterically about how i was scaring her. that second incident made me cry so hard i threw up when i got home. i can kind of laugh it off now, but having people react to me that way as a child is something i’m still getting over. why do you think i have a habit of keeping my hand in my sleeve? it just irritates me to see children that have clearly not been taught basic manners and kindness—their parents Clearly missed something pretty important .

#and for the record i consider my deformity pretty mild. maybe i’m just used to it but things like amniotic band syndrome can turn out a lot #more severe. i rarely even call myself disabled because i don’t feel like the term is applicable to me. i’m more hindered by like #my adhd anxiety depression etc than i am my hand. so for those kids to react that way to what i THINK #is a pretty small thing. makes me worry about people that are more visibly disabled #Kids.That are more visibly disabled

[daenerys-targaryen]

let’s talk about the early stages of hyperfixation where you can literally feel your brain getting doses of serotonin because of a show or a movie or a person or a character and mentally you’re like ‘ooooh no’ but it’s like a blackhole you can’t run or escape from so you just gotta ride it out knowing full well the next few months maybe even years are going to be spent mindlessly obsessing over this thing

#leah rambles #this is why i don't start new things i'm serious #this is why it takes me ageesss to watch something or listen to a new album or ANYTHING #because i KNOW my brain #i KNOW that the next weeks months maybe YEAR are going to be spent going down a RABBIT HOLE #ykwim #adhd tag #greatest Hits

[captainfreebooter]

I think we should start calling us former gifted kids "giftids" - like cryptids - because i just wanna go away and hide in the woods

#thoughts #random thoughts #cryptid #adhd maybe? #thought #shower thoughts #former gifted kid

[elysynn]

I have no one to blame but myself.

I had eight days.

What do I do? I wait until I had just under four hours to write a maximum of 2500 words for a writing competition. That is not the time to get stuck on stupid shit like period & location appropriate names for people because I decided a specific tree-based descriptor had to be in the story. It is not the time to get sucked into the rabbit whole of native trees to an area 2000 years ago. And yet... i waste 90 minutes of that time doing just that. <facepalm>

I submitted my story, first draft, unbetaed by my eyes, much less others with 30 seconds to spare. Thankfully I'm used to writing short summaries thanks to the early days of FFN and their character limits. because I wasn't expecting to have to do that as part of my submission it wasn't part of the last competition how dare you?!

I'm a little afraid to read it and see all the errors and opportunities for refinement. I love the concept I came up with. If I don't make it to the next round, I deserve it.

I'd like to say I've learned my lesson... but I know myself too well. I was shocked I actually managed to turn my submission in for an earlier competition a whole 24 hours early. Where was that overachiever this week, eh?

#writeblr #creative writing #writing competition #adhd maybe? #procrastinators 'R' us #holy adrenaline rush batman

[sieluritari]

A lot of us with ADHD are familiar with the concept of time blindness, but for anyone who isn't: it's a neurological inability to have a consistent sense of the passage of time. If you put me in an empty room, gave me a button and told me to press it when I think it's been 15 minutes, I might press it after..... idk, anywhere between 3 minutes and 2 hours? And if we repeated it the next day the result would probably be wildly different!

But something I've only seen mentioned in one (1) Reddit post, which took some extensive digging to find, is the same effect extending to ALL things measured in numbers. Distance, weight, length, height, amount, space, volume, percentage... For me, small numbers are a bit easier, I could approximate a centimetre probably, but a metre would be much harder and 10 or 100 would likely miss the mark by a lot. Also, anything that can't be easily measured with a ruler or a measuring tape (like weight or volume) is even harder since I don't encounter reference points (like a 1kg hand weight) for those as frequently as I see visual representations of specific lengths.

It's not dyscalculia or anything like that, I'm decent at math (and the OP of the Reddit post was a math major) and I have no other difficulties with numbers, it's just a disconnect in translating real life experiences like sensory input into numbers (and possibly also inconsistent processing of sensory input? Like how the same sound volume is okay one day but hurts my ears the next?), which I think is basically the same thing as what happens with time blindness. For now I've been calling it "measurement blindness" since I've never seen a name for it anywhere, but maybe "quantity blindness" could also work?

I've talked to other people with time blindness to see if they experience this too, but so far none of them have known what I'm talking about. I'd really like to know how many of us are out there and if anyone knows literally anything actually scientific about this very inconvenient phenomenon!

Tl;dr: bc I am wordy:

It's like time blindness but for all things measured in numbers

Not dyscalculia or caused by it

Pretty much never seen it talked about anywhere

Please tell me if it sounds familiar and/or you know something about it, thank

#adhd #time blindness #let me tell you it gets real fucking awkward every time someone asks for my estimate on anything numbers based #like 'hey kuura how far would you say the store is? like a km maybe one and a half?' #and i'm like buddy you'd get a better answer from a toddler than me #and even if i took a precisely 1km walk every day #it would feel like a different distance every fucking time #especially if the route was always different #nd things

[thebibliosphere]

"Hi, I bought your book and read it in two hours!" remains one of the most flattering and terrifying messages you can send me.

Who are you people? What old god did you sell your soul to that you can read that fast? That's 500 pages! I mean, good job, but holy shit.

#I haven't been able to read like that since I was a teenager #maybe it's the ADHD burnout #maybe it's the chronic depression #idk #I am envious #i want what they have

[lazylittledragon]

isn't it weird how if you get up at 7 or 8, do your work all day, then have free time and go to bed at 11 that's absolutely fine

but if i said i get up at 10, do fun stuff in the morning then work in the evening and go to bed late, i could be called lazy, nevermind that i'm getting just as much or MORE work done as i would in a traditional work day

#ramble #idk if this is a me problem or not #i've tried to do the early rise early bed thing again and again and it just does not work for me doing freelance right now #maybe it's bc i used to work at a bar so i'm more comfortable being active in the evening #i love working at night because there's less going on to distract me #what used to happen is i would get up early then fight executive dysfunction all day saying i couldn't do fun stuff until i did my work #then my will to work would hit at 10pm and i'd be up till 2am anyway #right now my routine is waking up later and playing a game or knitting for an hour or so and then working in the afternoon and evening #something something capitalism and 9-5 and adhd don't go together #this sounds like i'm just making excuses but it works and i'm actually getting shit done and sleeping enough so i don't see the problem #i just figured i'm probably going to sit and do nothing for a few hours in the morning anyway so i might as well give myself permission to