#adhd mention

[autumnday19]

Me: Hey can I work on this paper due tonight? 

Anxiety: No no we won’t get it done in time D: 

Me: I mean it isn’t supposed to be very in depth, I just need to start now so I don’t have to stay up late 

Anxiety: We can’t we won’t get it done in time D: 

Me: I won’t be able to if we don’t get started but if we start then we will be able to so let’s start 

Anxiety: Nooo we can’tttt!! 

Me: TwT

#screaming into the void #anxiety mention #adhd mention #burnout #<- because I think those are the source causes of my anxiety #I am just very tired and out of spoons and my subconscious knows it #but meh it's almost the weekend I can do it

[melishade]

Ya know, back when I first started Attack on Prime, my chapter lengths were a reasonable 8,000+ words on average. It was doable. Manageable. 

NOW! I’m pushing 10,000 fucking words at best and it’s annoying the hell out of me! I think about shortening the chapters or splitting it up, but then I’m like ‘No! Let’s make it bigger!’ And it’s so annoying because I want to make sure I get my point across! The character interactions need to be solid! And I need to make sure foreshadowing is on point or something that seems confusing makes sense!

Do you guys want to know how long ‘Moving Forward’ is? Almost 32 complete pages! 13,617 words! And I’m still not done! I can write over 30 pages for a fanfic but I can’t write 8 pages for an ADHD needs assessment report?! Damn it!

(I just need to rant. I’m halfway done with my final semester at USC and I just want it to be over)

#ranting #ramblings #attack on prime #author's note #word count #fanfic #ao3 #ADHD mention #writing #writing process #writing woes #I hate this

[solitesse]

Shoutout to Haikyuu!! for showing the diversity of the autism spectrum!

We have :

Ushijima "I have no idea of what’s going on" Wakatoshi

Kageyama "I can’t read social cues & it pisses me off" Tobio

Sakusa "Don’t you dare touch me" Kiyoomi

Akaashi "I felt overwhelmed and anxious so I made some very specific lists to feel better" Keiji

Kozume "I was just looking for Pokémon Tier Lists online and ended up not eating, drinking or sleeping for the last 24 hours" Kenma

Kita "Do not disturb my routine under any circumstances" Shinsuke (+ bonus point for the "crackly" jacket)

#honorable mention to bokuto koutaro for having both autism&adhd!! #yeah they just like me fr #haikyuu headcanons #ushijima wakatoshi #kageyama tobio #akaashi keiji #sakusa kiyoomi #kozume kenma #kita shinsuke #they're all autistic bc i said so #tsukki could also be in it

[angelboybreakdowns]

just. ugh. youll say “i am experiencing something that is a literal textbook symptom of the disorder i have” and nts will tell you youre making it up and its obviously not a real thing

#‘being anxious about school isnt a symptom of gad’ oh sure yeah not like its. yknow. LITERALLY LISTED AS A SYMPTOM IN THE DSM-5 #living with nts is just. so fucking exhausting #you mention anything they havent personally experienced and they think its somehow impossible #actually autistic #autism #autistic #neurodivergent #adhd #actually neurodivergent #autism/adhd #actuallyautistic #actually adhd #neurodivergence #generalized anxiety disorder

[thebibliosphere]

"But you're so successful without it."

Content warning: This post contains mentions of suicidal ideation.

I got a message earlier tonight that I'm not going to post, but I did ask the person involved if I could talk about what we subsequently ended up talking about in DMs because I feel it's important.

Basically, it was along the lines of "My kid got diagnosed with ADHD and really wants to try meds. I know from reading your blog that correct treatment for ADHD can be really beneficial, but I just don't think she's severe enough to need them."

The message then went on to ask me, as someone who is unmedicated with ADHD, for some tricks and tips on how to be successful without medication because clearly, look how well I'm doing without them. I mean, look at my blog, look at my book(s)! Surely if I can do all that without ADHD meds, other people can too. Surely there's a trick. A skill. Something you can learn if you just try hard enough...

This is not the first time I have received a message like this. In fact, I probably get about 2-5 messages like this a week.

Usually from other people who also have ADHD/suspect ADHD but don't want medication because they don't think they need it/don't want to need it, and yet can't figure out why they're struggling so much, and ask me how do I do the thing(s) and cope so well and get so much done, etc., etc.

So I'm going to tell you what I told this person tonight in case it helps someone. Yes, I have ADHD. No, I am not medicated due to severe health complications, and yes, I get a lot done. From the outside, I am sure it looks incredibly productive and successful. But I'm going to let you in on what that success feels like.

It feels like dying.

It feels like my brain is on fire; every nerve in my body scraped raw; every part of me wired and exposed to the noise of the world. There is no quiet; there is no calm. And even when my brain does fall silent, it's another kind of death. The inside of my head is sludge, flowing uphill like treacle, weighing me down, pulling me under in the riptide of my inability to focus. I can see what needs to be done, I can see it so clearly, yet sometimes it's like I don't control my own body. Not enough dopamine. Not enough brain chemicals for the message I'm screaming in my head to make my limbs do the simplest of tasks. Like, feed myself. Take a shower. Answer that email. Text my friends back. Go to bed when I'm tired. Write a best-selling novel...

A novel that almost killed me and not because of my other ailments, but because of my unmedicated ADHD.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was already operating at critical mass when I went into final rewrites/edits. Every coping mechanism I had fell apart. Like training wheels falling off a tricycle, leaving me to wobble unsteadily until the main wheels fell off, swiftly followed by the handlebars until all that was left was me peddling frantically trying to keep my balance and not getting anywhere. I didn't realize it then, but I was heading towards a complete mental collapse. And even when I dragged myself across the finish line with the above and beyond help provided by my friends and editors, I was so burned out I couldn't enjoy my success. Worse, my success made me suicidal.

It took me until very recently, almost two years later, to be able to read Phangs without feeling suicidal. My brain associated it with the trauma of experiencing complete ADHD burnout but having to complete a monumental task anyway.

I had to go into intensive therapy to recover. I am still in intensive therapy for it.

It took me even longer after that to be able to sit down and write without harming myself. I still struggle with it, and I tell you this in all honest sincerity in the hope it makes you realize what it costs me to be "successful" and unmedicated.

And this wasn't the first time I've had to deal with this, either.

I struggled all through high school, all through college, all through every career job I ever had, knowing there was something wrong, but not quite being able to put my finger on it because hey, I still got stuff done, so it couldn't be that bad, right? Surely everyone went through life feeling this way? Right?

...right?

It wasn't until I got my ADHD diagnosis as an adult that I realized what was happening. Why I struggled so much. Why life was so hard. In many ways, it was like the sun coming up. An internal dawning of realization and acceptance, but also rage.

So much rage.

Rage at how much I'd had to struggle because no one noticed because I was quiet and undisruptive. Rage at a system that forced me to learn in ways that were not intuitive to my brain. To always being told, "doesn't apply herself" while it felt like I was clawing my brain apart trying to do what people wanted from me. To a work-life balance, that rewards all the things that make ADHD actively worse. Rage. So much rage it hurts. And to top it all off, I can't be medicated for it. I finally know what's different, I finally know why my world feels raw and turned inside out, and I can't take any of the medications that might help me.

Do you know how angry I wake up every day that there is a possible solution just within my grasp, but my health conditions prevent me from trying them? Do you know how much it hurts? How much I grieve for the person I could be if I was able to have help beyond therapy and coaching? How much happier I could be...

Not productive. Not successful. Happy.

So ask yourself, what do you want more? A child who has to go through all of this and resents you for prolonging their suffering? Who winds up hating themselves by internalizing the false concept that if they just try hard enough, they can do whatever they set their mind to.

Or do you want to help them?

Or if this is you, why are you afraid to help yourself?

Please, don't use me as an example to harm yourself or others. Yes, I am successful without medication. But the toll is high. Too high.

Rid yourself of the idea that you need to suffer more to be allowed help. You don't. They don't. No one does.

#adhd #adult adhd #actually adhd #chronic health tag #suicide mention #suicidal ideation #long post #mental health #I am not for you to bludgeon other people with #kindly desist

[vividstardustrevolution]

Disabled people (both people with physical disabilities and people with psychological disabilities) should be able to get housing, food, medical needs, etc met without having to work or stay in school. ...Okay, really, everyone deserves access to free or affordable housing, food, and medical care, but disabled people ESPECIALLY deserve it because if I, a law student with "low support needs" autism, depression, GAD, OCD, and ADHD, cannot afford to take a break from school and take a semester off because I'd have to start repaying my loans because I had to drop down to three credits last fall and because I would have to get a job, so it wouldn't really be a break (which, I have had one job in my life, and I'm not fully convinced it wasn't a fluke, and also, trying to maintain a job when you have disabilities is difficult), I can only imagine that disabled people with higher support needs are even more fucked than me when it comes to being able to get housing and food and medical care without much, if any, funding.

Yes, Medicaid, Medicare, Food Stamps, and housing programs exist in the US, but, uh, I hate to break it to y'all, but that doesn't fully fix the problem, at all. There are a lot of old apartment complexes that are straight up inaccessible if you use a wheelchair. I'm living in one now. Applying for Medicaid and other programs can be a pain in the ass, especially when you're disabled.

"Just live with your parents!" My parents were emotionally abusive and emotionally neglectful, transphobic, and they literally harassed me so much during my 1L year that I still have nightmares.

"Live with a roommate!" I tried to. It went fucking terribly.

"Are you really disabled if you're able to be in law school?" YES. YES I AM.

Actually, on that note, law schools and the law profession need to become more accommodating for disabled people ASAP. Buck v. Bell needs to be overturned. Courts should be wheelchair accessible. Having to get past seven plus different forms of ableism just to graduate and pass the bar is ridiculous. Seriously, can we get some resources for disabled people in law school and the law profession, please?

Disabled rights matter, and we have every right to be able to live in peace and get our needs met, regardless of our support needs, disabilities, or anything else.

#disability #disability rights #actually autistic #actually adhd #actually disabled #ocd #actually ocd #lawblr #disabled law student #US centric but it has to be said #In all seriousness though please I need a semester off #actually traumatized #cw abuse mention #accessibility #real lawblr

[equalperson]

i think we should always take predominant sexes and races for psychiatric disabilities into question.

are men really more likely to be antisocial or narcissistic, or are women just overlooked because ASPD/NPD are seen as too "aggressive" for them?

are women really more likely to be borderline or histrionic, or are they just seen as so "hysterical" that they have to be feminine?

are black people more likely to have schizophrenia or ODD, or are labels of "psychosis" and "defiance" simply used to further dismiss, oppress, and imprison BIPOC?

are white people more likely to have autism and ADHD, or are doctors just more willing to accept that white children are disabled and not just "bad?"

oppressive biases are everywhere in psychiatry. never take psychiatric demographics at face value.

#hi i'm back. i got covid and also into anti-psychiatry #anti-psychiatry #antisocial personality disorder #narcissistic personality disorder #borderline personality disorder #histrionic personality disorder #schizophrenia #oppositional defiant disorder #autism #ADHD #sexism mention #racism mention #antipsych #ASPD #NPD #BPD #HPD #ASD #antipsychiatry #anti psychiatry #anti-psych #anti psych

[autumnday19]

Me: I probably don’t have ADHD, I’m probably just faking it

Also me: *makes myself food and puts it on my shelf then proceeds to forget about it for 3 hours* Huh, wonder why I’m hungry?

#the only reason I realized #is because I wanted to grab a blanket #and noticed my food out of the corner of my eye #adhd #adhd mention #self diagnosis

[adhdandcomics]

i know part of why people don’t take adhd seriously is because of the stigma around it about us being all jokey jokey all the time & the infantilization that comes with that but. can i be real for a moment.

it is TRULY mind boggling to me that the worst most life-upending symptoms i experience only manifest themselves in a way that makes me feel like i’m living in an episode of seinfeld. that i’m playing sims on hard mode. that i’m that little character in deltarune being piloted around by a truly incomprehensible outside force of will i have no ability to reckon with.

like, ok. sure. my brain is only motivated to do things by power of “is it entertaining enough”.

it’s ridiculous. it does not matter how it is entertaining. as long as it’s interesting. so you cannot do ANYTHING that is boring. or you will simply die. (and often times that's not even enough either)

#adhd #text #neurodivergent #waughhh #god i have a lot of thoughts about the jokey jokey stigma thing i mention in passing. that i need to make another post on #but it keeps accidentally turning into a 10 page essay

[aroaceleovaldez]

I need to see more demigods who bite. Like jason totally feels the need to bite stuff, and leo half-jokingly suggests getting him a chew toy (like a dog). Nico absolutely bites to show affection, (maybe not willy nilly like jason but still) like just randomly biting people he's close with shoulders or hands because he just loves them so much (jason both bite to express affection and stim)

Anyways petition to normalize neurodivergent people who bite as a form of expressing affection or stimming.

oh absolutely. I actually have a tier list of "which of the Argo II crew & co are most likely to bite:"

Jason gnaws on people to show affection. He is extremely "Everything I love belongs in my mouth and everything I hate belongs between my teeth." He mostly stopped doing it for awhile cause of the whole "being trained to be the Perfect Praetor™" and having to mask a lot more, but he picked it up again a bit when he and Reyna became friends cause she didn't care and then more with the Argo II crew. He definitely hoards chewlery. He also definitely bit Krios real bad when they were fighting, if not outright killed him with his teeth.

Nico is a younger sibling. He has no qualms against biting in fights, any fight, but he does associate biting with fights. Jason tries to friendly-bite him one time and Nico just takes it as declaration of war and they end up tussling for like five minutes. After he gets used to Jason though he picks it up a bit too, mostly just chewing on people's hands. Also I 100% hc that when he was in Tartarus he just went full teeth-and-claws mode to survive. Honestly he bites more in regular combat and even training than Jason does, mostly just cause he's not above fighting dirty. If it works, it works. Also I hc he has sharp canines and is small so he might as well.

Frank's third but only on technicality cause shapeshifting. When he's human he's pretty much equal level to everybody else which is "only bites as a last resort."

Everybody else is pretty on-par with each other but Percy is probably just sliiightly more likely to bite not for any particular reason, he just considers it a valid fight tactic in a pinch (unlike Nico, who just considers it a general fight tactic). Also he got the oral stim adhd vibes. He has a lot of chewlery. They're all sea-themed, of course. Thalia is also pretty equal to Percy in terms of "biting as a valid fighting tactic."

Annabeth is also like. She's less likely to bite than Percy but more likely to than the rest of the crew. It's just a valid battle tactic under certain scenarios to her (and that includes training). She does consider it a low-blow though. She's also definitely got the oral stim adhd too. Lots of chewlery, rip her pencils and pens, etc etc. Her and Percy probably have a shared chewlery collection.

Piper is not the bitey type but she does have little to no formal combat training so yknow, wet cat technique. I do also totally believe she'd also have a chewing stim though. Like yknow how I draw her with the little braid sidebangs? Yeah she definitely chews on those and that's part of why she wears her hair like that. The other reason is that braiding it is one of her other stims.

#pjo #riordanverse #jason grace #nico di angelo #percy jackson #annabeth chase #piper mclean #headcanon #headcanons #adhd #Anonymous #ask #yippee stimming hcs #not gonna tag Frank or Thalia cause they're only passingly mentioned #im just very amused by the potential of Jason ''bites affectionately'' Grace vs Nico ''younger sibling'' di Angelo #Jason: [friendly bite] :) || Nico: SO YOU HAVE CHOSEN DEATH. OUR BATTLE WILL BE LEGENDARY. || Jason: *MISTAKE MISTAKE MISTAKE-* #the difference between Jason and Nico is that if Jason intends to bite in combat he *means it.* he is taking a chunk out of his opponent. #he also does it rarely but would prefer to do it more. he's willing to bite in combat he just doesn't cause he was trained otherwise #Nico meanwhile bites as casual violence but may also take a chunk out of opponents if opportunity presents itself #cause Nico was trained to fight scrappy when not relying on skeletons #Jason also bites affectionately but Nico doesn't he's just stimming. Percy is also just stimming #long post // #i have actually thought about this genre of hc a lot before #i have opinions about the argo II crew's biting habits

[anonymouspuzzler]

blacked out and finally made my first decent environment design in like. probably literally years. please enjoy Buck and Davey's shitass room

misc design notes slash thoughts if they're of any interest:

All the furniture's a combination of stuff Buck already had when Davey moved in, and stuff Davey brought over from his place when they decided to partner up. All of that in turn is either gotten cheap from thrift shops, rescued from the dump, or for a few of the smaller/nicer items Stolen Outright. As is probably obvious, they also repair and re-repair this stuff as much as possible rather than fuss over replacements.

The vast majority of the cosmetics are Davey's. Buck just kinda combs his hair and hopes for the best.

The rug is crooked because it's been there since before Davey moved in - Buck sleeps on the right side of the bed, so it made sense to have more rug (and more space in the room in general) on that side. Davey didn't care enough to insist on rearranging much when he moved in.

Prior to Buck and Davey taking it over as their hideout, the building used to be an illegal chop shop hidden under a manufacturing plant; their "apartment" is in turn a former break/storage area downstairs from the chop shop. The "bedroom" used to be a storage room, hence the exposed pipes, shitty concrete walls & floor, and marks from where big industrial shelves used to be fastened to the walls.

Because it's an old storage room, it tends to get the worst of extreme temperature changes (hot in the summer, cold in the winter). Also, undecided if they have an actual door or if they've just put a curtain up in the doorway. (Either way, it's also not particularly private or soundproofed - not a huge deal when it was just the two of them, but a bit of an annoyance once Minnie starts living with them.)

The drying rack used to be more out of the way in the living room, but they moved it when Minnie started sleeping there so they wouldn't have to bug as much when they do laundry.

Davey "no no I quit years ago seriously (actually sneaks a smoke or two whenever he gets super stressed)" Lastname definitely has a pack or two of cigarettes hidden in his stuff and thinks he's slick about it. (Buck 100% knows and figures so long as he doesn't smoke in the house and he's mostly trying to quit, it's not worth raising a big fuss about.)

Technically the tools and stuff aren't supposed to be in there, but Buck's always forgetting stuff places when he does repairs or tinkers with shit.

#anonymous puzzler art #anonymous puzzler originals #villain coded comic #long post #tw smoking mention #i would say 'hopefully more rooms soon!!!' but let's be honest we all know it's a coin toss. happy adhd

[secondbeatsongs]

if anyone's curious what adhd is actually like, twenty minutes ago I paused a video game to look up spoilers for it so I can get the Good Ending™, and yet now I find myself looking at pictures of anglerfish, with only vague memories of what happened inbetween these two points

#personal #adhd #I think the steps were #1. click away to a different game wiki out of curiosity #2. get bored and check reddit #3. stare at t-shirts for a while because someone mentioned Steven Rhodes and his art is great #4. back to reddit - some guy hates his girlfriend's home decor but she has cool sea life decorations and I want to be her #5. I bet I could make an anglerfish lamp if I tried hard enough #6. man anglerfish are so cool and terrifying I love them #7. wait what was I doing again? #ETA: I'm putting this in the tags because my other post isn't as visible #I was playing Life is Strange #the game had nothing to do with anglerfish

[bonefall]

I'd absolutely love to see a hearing disabilities herb guide!

I'm deaf in one ear, so now I'm curious if there are any cats in the rewrite like me? I imagine they might avoid Gatherings because HEARING IN CROWDS UGH.

I need to pick a bunch actually! At some point, I plan to just toss more sight, smell, and hearing disabilities onto the various cats. It should be SUPER common, actually.

Especially in RiverClan.

Like... when I get around to these, RiverClan is going to keep coming up as having a notably higher proportion of deafness and scentlessness. Rivers are filthy. Their ears and snouts are going to be dunked full of gunk ALL the time, they develop a ton of infections. I'm guesstimating that around 15% of RiverClan should have some degree of hearing and/or scent loss, especially as they get older.

Also; Clan cats should be protecting their noses like tools. The same way that you might get scolded for misusing gym equipment, mentors should be chiding their apprentices for doing things like;

Sticking their noses in mud or snow

Eating food that is too hot (damage to the Jacobson's organ)

Sniffing ripe puffballs or other spore-forming mushrooms

Hanging out in dusty dens or unclean, musty spaces (this one wouldn't actually do anything bad, just makes a good superstition.)

But anyway! That's SCENT loss, which should be a waaaaaay bigger disability for Clan cats, but in humans we just don't really take as seriously. In WC, blindness should not have the same weight and scentloss should be a lot heavier.

For hearing loss in one ear, so far, there's just Strikestone, who canonically can't hear out of one of his ears. I will be casually throwing this onto more cats.

#I am not physically hard of hearing as in; I have had my hearing checked and it is fine #But I have auditory processing disorder as a result of my adhd/autism #So BIIIIIG mood I fucking hate trying to listen in crowds!! #For a long time I thought I was hard of hearing in one ear (on the same side I also have vision loss) #Because as a kid I DID take a test that came up positive #But then when I retook it as an adult there was no loss. Never known why. #Also @ other comment on the other post; I also have very minor tinnitus #I'll make sure to mention it as a possible quirk of hearing loss as well #bone babble #disability #better bones au

[spilledkaleidoscope]

Did I mention that, for about 7 years not a single doctor noticed that a fall twisted my hip to the point of one leg being an inch shorter than the other? Causing permanent pain and nerve damage? To the point where sometimes I can't bend enough put on socks and getting out of bed every morning is already a challenge? That, at several points, I was told it's period pain? That it can't be that bad. That I'm too young to have back pain like this (I am but I do.).

Sorry just. Sometimes when it's bad I get so angry and also, so sad. This is probably not going to go away anymore and it didn't have to be this way.

#Not to mention that it is a great point to latch onto for my ADHD #The permanent excuse to not do something #The added difficulty of Starting a task because doing anything hurts #Sorry I've been awake for another night #I'm tired and that means I don't have any resilience to Deal