Love Square Slander
Miraculous Ladybug manages to square the triangle and put its protagonists into a relationship shape that generates theoretically infinite amount of engagement. Everyone has a favourite side and in this post I will explain why each side is wrong. Prepare for some Very Serious Analysis.
Adrienette: We begin with what is clearly the most boring configuration because it has zero superheroes. After four and half seasons this one won by default while the other three sides were temporarily eliminated from reality. Also, Andre Icecream approves of this side, and he clearly has something wrong with him.
Ladynoir: The fun and flirty side. Except beneath the fun and flirty surface lies a pile of unresolved issues that still seems to be growing. Ladybug likes withholding vital information from Chat Noir for dubious reasons, while Chat once got seduced by a Sentibug. Only one of these problems would be fixed by them kissing.
Marichat: The side for people who believe in "true selves" theory, a reading of the text that gets shakier everytime a new Adrien transformation is introduced. And despite the individual characters being intelligent, when Marinette and Chat Noir are together, they have not a single brain cell between them.
Ladrien: Doesn't exist, in the sense that if you put all the canon Ladrien content together, you might not even be able to scrape together a full episode. Probably because this is the Easy Mode of the Love Square. The lack of canon content of course means its supporters are the most hardcore shippers and you shouldn't mess with them.
You would think that four relationships between the same two people would be the end of it, but no. Marinette has an additional superhero form and Adrien has two plus a villain form (fast forward boy doesn't count). This makes things much more complicated due to combinatorics.
Aspbug: The terrible hybrid of Ladynoir and Ladrien, constructed entirely from bad decisions. Around 25913 bad decisions, to be precise, which isn't funny because it's very worrying. Aspbug failed miserably and its success would have been even more miserable.
Ladywalker: It's like Ladynoir, but with everything that isn't emotional dysfunction removed! Adrien sands off what he thinks are the undesirable parts of his personality, a process heavily informed by what his father thinks, and it almost works. This collapsed instantly in canon because the status quo is only allowed to change in two-parters but it is theoretically stable, at the cost of the participant's long-term emotional health.
Multichat: This is just Marichat but more. More what is left to the reader, but it certainly isn't good decisions!
Snekmouse: Finally we reach a ship with a good name. Hypothetically, this situation contains a complex layering of secret identities due to each knowing, but not knowing the other knows, and they can't reveal they know because that would blow their main identity. In practice they'd just blurt out each other's real names in like ten seconds then put no thought into how they could know that information.
Aspnette: In this case Marinette is both aware enough of Aspik's identity and how very bad it would be for her to reveal that knowledge. There's like an 80% chance Marinette reveals her feelings during the panic and later Adrien is like "alas, if only she felt that way about me as me 😢".
Adrimouse: Not quite the previous reversed. Adrien is going to be much better at the whole "hello mouse hero I have never met before" deal, while Marinette not knowing Adrien knows supplies a shot of confidence. Thus, the whole thing ends up being more boring than Adrienette, somehow.
Mariwalker: Less a ship and more a torpedo pointed at the SS Ladywalker. One awkward balcony encounter will inevitably lead to Catwalker revealing to Marinette that he is either a) Chat Noir xor b) Adrien. This will rapidly accelerate the issues present in Ladywalker to new and emotionally destructive heights.
Mariblanc: Observational evidence suggests that most of the time, Mariblanc is just edgy Marichat, with Chat Blanc just being around in an otherwise normal Miraculous setting. This is deeply uninteresting. The rest of the time it's played for as much horror and emotional anguish the author can squeeze out of the situation. This version is surprisingly harrowing.
Ladyblanc: This one was technically canon for like five seconds before Paris and then the moon were destroyed. Tangentally, is there actually any evidence that Chat Blanc killed everyone on the planet? From the angle it doesn't look like the initial death orb gets outside of France, then most of the energy seems to be directed upwards for the Eclipse Cannon tribute act.
Multiblanc: Is this even a thing?
Adrigaminette: hey this isn't a side of the Lovesquare! It's a surface on the dreaded Love Octahedron. If we iterated all the possibilities Kagami adds to this mess, we would never finish! (don't even mention Lu-)
Toxigriffe: Thus we must accept that the best version of Lovesquare is the True Reverse Lovesquare. Sure they probably spent most of their time together before turning good trying to kill each other, but with all the identity shenanigans out of the way it's clean sailing for the heroes formally know as Shadybug and Claw Noir.
Well that's everything including the Mirror Universe so it's time to hit post and what do you mean "what about the selfships"? Fine but only the vanilla configurations.
Maribug: Look Ladybug might theoretically have the self-confidence for this but Marinette? I think not.
Adrichat: This one probably exists in-universe and whenever someone brings it up both Adrien and Gabriel grimace identically but for highly divergent reasons.
Now, that's everything. Do not join me next time for Constructing the Love Hypergraph because I literally just looked up if a hypergraph is a real thing and it is. Now interestingly a hypergraph could actually be used to encode a ship space with polyamorous ships, as it allows an edge to join an arbitary number of vertices, rather than just a pair. As graph theory is fairly easy to grasp, hypergraph theory is sure to take shipping by storm sooner or later. This is the most important conclusion we can gather from whatever non-maths stuff the rest of this post is about.
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day 10 - reverse crush
my heart’s in overdrive, and,
you’re behind the steering wheel.
tumblr month: @auyeahaugust
links: ao3 | ff.net
EVERYONE expects his answer to be Ladybug.
Because it's always Ladybug. The savior of Paris. The one who can undo all the damage. The one who always brings hope wherever she goes. The face of the superhero movement. (One can argue that Chat Noir is equally as important, and he definitely believes it to be true, but the question, in the end, is who his superhero crush is— and as far as Adrien's concerned, he can't have a crush on himself.
Though the apparent adrichat shippers beg to differ.)
In any case, Ladybug's not the answer.
Only one girl has his heart, really, and it's by sheer luck that she happens to be a superhero— and an even bigger bout of luck when he finds out about it. So the answer flows out of his tongue without so much as a thought:
"Multimouse."
Nadja Chamack is, understandably, caught off-guard. (In reality, she had come into this interview hoping to find some truth to the fact that two of Paris' biggest idols were in love with each other)— but this seemed to be a lot more interesting.
"She's… the one who helped Chat Noir and Ladybug with Kwamibuster, right?"
"Yeah!" Adrien's eyes almost sparkle as he talks about her. "She's the only reason why we— all of Paris, I mean, managed to defeat her then! Ladybug and Chat Noir would've been in real trouble if she wasn't there to save the day. And she's so cool like Multimouse has the power to become tiny, and when she used her power it was so adorable and amazing and wonderful—!"
"A Multimouse fanboy, then?" Nadja asks, an amused smile playing on her face. "I'm sure a lot of our viewers are surprised. They, and even I thought you'd choose Ladybug. What makes Multimouse so unique?"
Because it's her. Because it's the girl he's so desparately in love with. Because it's Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
(Not like he can say that, of course.)
"I do love Ladybug," Adrien begins. "She's a hero and I look up to her sense of duty and professionalism in saving Paris." Then, a pause. "But I admire Ma—Multimouse. She was thrown into the superhero role so suddenly, in a situation as high-stakes as back then, and managed to do perfectly." He looks down and smiles. "And… she's cute."
(Oops, now that wasn't meant to slip out.)
Nadja's look of victory at receiving— and being responsible for breaking the news of Adrien Agreste's Crush is clear. "Well, she does sound like quite a hero when you describe her like that. It's a shame that she hasn't showed up so much."
"You're right," Adrien mutters, and the disappointment in his tone is evident. "But I trust in Ladybug… and Chat Noir's judgment. If they need her, then she'll appear again."
"For the sake of your crush, let's hope so!"
Adrien splutters. "Wait, Ms. Chamack, this isn't a crush, it's just admiration from a purely superhero-civilian perspective…"
She turns to the video camera. "Young love is sweet, isn't it? For Adrien, let's all wish that Multimouse shows up again soon! Ladybug and Chat Noir, maybe you'd be interested in lending a hand?"
The show comes to a close with Adrien beet-red and almost desparately coveting her face.
.
.
Marinette is exhausted.
Which is saying a lot, because she's already exhausted on a regular day— from balancing her studies, being a class representative, fashion designing, helping at the bakery, and of course, being Ladybug, but this brought everything to an entirely new level.
Because now, not only did she have to run around Paris in one full-body suit, but with Adrien's apparent declaration of love on national television— and multiple angrily-worded 'why do you hate love / Multimouse / Adrien Agreste' letters to her superhero persona after— Marinette was now made to run around using two.
Ladybug with an akuma, Multimouse when patrolling. And also Ladybug when patrolling. And sometimes Multimouse with an akuma.
Just to keep everyone in Paris happy. (And non-suspicious, really.)
All because of that damned interview.
She has to stop herself from yelling a string of not-so-kind words into the sky.
Marinette likes Adrien. She really does.
He's a good friend, and after that whole misunderstanding with Chloé and the gum, basically cemented himself as an all-around good person. He's given her more homework help, fashion advice, and general pep talks than she could ever count.
But Marinette doesn't like like him.
(And maybe she would, in an alternate universe— he's kind, sweet, handsome, and all of Paris is quite frankly in love with him, but her heart belongs completely to someone else.)
So a sudden reveal that he has a crush on her superhero persona… and not even her primary one, doesn't really bother her as much as it could.
Besides, as far as she was concerned, Adrien had never interacted with Multimouse. She wonders how he could've gotten all those thoughts about her in his head, but decides it's just one of his stranger quirks and leaves it aside.
It's probably infatuation with a superhero. Nothing new, really. (She's experienced fans claiming they 'loved' her when all they truly felt was admiration. Nothing less, and honestly, nothing more.)
Marinette knows what true love is.
She knows it so clearly that when it comes jumping from the buildings, rooftop to rooftop, her heart threatens to beat out of her chest and follow him.
He lands on the empty balcony with ease.
"Why so glum, bugaboo?" Adrien asks. "You look exhausted. Didn't get enough rest last night?"
Marinette wants to scream. They're supposed to be patrolling tonight; alternating between Ladybug and Chat Noir, then Multimouse and Chat Noir, then Ladybug and Multimouse— a plan which, on paper, sounds perfect.
But in this case, Marinette's both, she's Ladybug and Multimouse (and herself at every other point of the day), and therefore hasn't had any sleep at all.
It's tiring, but seeing Chat Noir, she finds, makes her feel a lot better.
"Had some things to do… in the real world," she mumbles instead, lazily leaning upon the railing. "How was it yesterday?" Marinette asks, opting to change topics. "Multimouse said you're working well together."
Chat Noir almost beams when the words escape her mouth.
(Marinette vaguely wonders if it's possible to be jealous of herself.)
"Really?" He asks, eyes bright. "She said that? I've honestly been so worried about whether or not I've been making her uncomfortable… she doesn't talk a lot, which I think is a shame, because I'm sure she has a ton of interesting stories…"
"Hey," Marinette stops him. "Remember that Multimouse has to keep her identity secret. She can't risk giving any information that might lead back to her civilian self. She's new to this, so it's only right that she's more careful than we are."
It's strange, talking about herself like this.
"You're right," he sighs, before turning to her. "Hey… can I tell you a secret?"
Marinette frowns. What could this be?
"I actually know who Multimouse is," he finally confesses. "I know it's Marinette."
Well, she already knew that. She was the one responsible for him making that realization, after all.
But what gets her is how comfortable he is saying her name— when really, all he should know is Ladybug and Multimouse.
"So you saw her detransform, huh?" Marinette asks, looking up to the sky. "I hope you'll keep it secret."
"Of course I will!" Chat Noir protests, then takes a deep breath. "I'm glad you trusted her. She's a good person."
Now how does he know that?
"I mean—," he stumbles over his words. "From what I've heard! From her friends… and online posts… and stuff… I've definitely never met her before!"
Liar.
Why is he so terrible at lying?
Because that's something she knows now. That Chat Noir knows her. That he knows Marinette. So to some extent, she knows him.
Which means that there's a very large possibility that Marinette has spoken to Chat Noir. That Marinette has interacted with Chat Noir. That Marinette is maybe even friends with Chat Noir. And that for all her talk about being in love with him, she doesn't recognize him at all.
"... Ladybug?"
"How do you know Marinette?"
The question escapes her tongue before she can stop it. It's a dangerous question, one that can ruin their secret identities completely, but she can't help doing so.
She needs to know.
He's evidently panicking. Marinette watches him with a steady gaze, even though she's all but in complete chaos on the inside.
"I'm kinda maybe in love with her."
Well.
She wasn't expecting that at all.
"You… love…," the words aren't registering, and she's struggling to get a single word out.
He sighs. "Yeah, cat's out of the bag now? I know her a bit in real life. She's just so kind and talented and cute… it's impossible not to fall in love with her. That's why I was so excited when you started recruiting Multimouse again— and why I've been so insistent on having her on patrols with me."
Wait.
"But it's okay! I'll never tell her that we actually know each other. Cat's honour!" Chat Noir smiles at her, acting as if there was nothing at all wrong in the world. "And don't worry, everyone I know has or had a crush on Marinette at some point. I'm one-in-a-million, so I don't think this'll narrow your search on me by that much…," he begins, "as long as you don't look."
Except she's looking. Even against her will, Marinette's mind speeds through everyone she knows that has a similar build to his.
Blonde hair, green eyes, about her size…
Only one person fits that bill.
The word escapes her mouth before she can stop it.
"Adrien?"
"... okay, so maybe I messed up."
"So you're the reason I haven't been sleeping?"
"Well I mean, I'm flattered…"
Marinette gets the situation she's in quickly. Adrien, however, takes a little bit longer.
"I meant for patrolling you absolute zero-braincelled—
"Patrolling? Ladybug, what do you mean…"
"Hhh. Think about it for a second."
"Ladybug…"
"You can do it."
"… you're Multimouse?"
"And…"
"And that means…"
"Come on now."
.
.
"Marinette?!"
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