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So. I’ve been making my own facial moisturizer for a whole year now.

I’ve had troublesome skin since forever and after some success with squalane oil, I wanted a cheaper version. I did some research and found that calendula (pot marigold) has antifungal and antibacterial properties. And I grow a ton of calendula!! So, I steeped some petals in 1 cup of coconut oil. And proceded to use that as moisturizer for 11 months. Had the best skin I’ve ever had in that period.

Then I ran out a week ago. Before the calendula has grown, let alone blossomed. More research! Dandelion petals (anti-inflammatory!) and chickweed (heals wounds!) to the rescue. Thankfully, I have access to these “weeds”.

  • 1 cup coconut oil
  • 1 cup plant material
  • Steep on low for at least 1 hour
  • Strain
  • Cool
  • Use
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You know you’re an adult when seeing a pocket gopher infuriates you #pocketgopher #gopher #thomomysbottae #animalcrossing #mrresetti #backyardgodzilla #larderhoarders #gardenmonster #burrowingfuck #denudedsoil #adulting #thebeast #antichrist #cthulhu #succulentgarden #succulent #plantdaddy

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And you told me when you called my number thinking I was someone else, “I could never forget your voice”

And that, it got me.

Because in thirteen days, I am still leaving. I am still moving two thousand miles away. And I know, I cannot look back when I do.

And I won’t.

But, I never got the chance to say.. I can never forget your voice my love.

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Date - 6th June 2017 Day - Tuesday Time - 8 am

Dad - Have you checked, everything has been packed?

Mom - Don’t worry, all things are packed, extra eatables had been kept in the right pocket, some cash for first few weeks, Winter wears only a few pair had been kept in top of the trolley, listen Joy, don’t have outside food, don’t make friendship with wrong people, don’t do drugs, don’t be a fool around, Do this , do that and the list continues.

Me : Chill! this isn’t the first time, i am getting out of the hometown, Maa!

But yes, this time it’s a great feeling to travel with you guys after so many years. I am thankful to to you and God also. I will always be grateful to you and Almighty!

We were at our seats in a 3Tier AC Coach of Duronto from Howrah to Mumbai, Swapno ka Sahar!

A lot of partially known faces in the train, since a lot of people had applied, cleared, interviewd and got selected for Post graduation programme in the very same institute, I had choose to completey post graduation.

My city, Kolkata was sulking day by day with literates having no jobs, since political power at that time was focusing on beautification of the city. Their agendas was to bring “Shilpo and Shilpaya to the state” but not industries. Selling Chops and chaa had been the slogan and point of topic. No business is small, everyone has similar opportunities, the political party for the time being is responsible for job culture homicide due to which a lot of people like me, identified so lately that it’s almost nothing in here, so let’s start our suffer from traveling or migrating to another city!

Many of my friends chose to flew out of the country, might have some bigger vision!

When everything was in turmoil, People like me decide to move on with what we have and went on seeking for a better future.

Let me clear the air a bit, Myself Avishek Dutta, only son of a small business owner, and a home maker, had not been doing great in life back then, graduated with a technical degree from not a renowned College, but only a degree and some ideas and that spark in mind and heart to survive the crisis back then! 2016 I, quit Job due to an accident, was bed ridden for Half of the year, felt like starting something of my own with minimum resources and supervision.

Before that, had built a network worth 21000$ only! I jad grown my taste in photography since graduation 2nd year back in 2012.

Since belonging from a middle class family, my father thought it was too much I asked for, and even I also didn’t pressurize him to buy me a DSLR, I started working as a free lancer, and once I was too much into to buy myself a new car also, but something clicked my mind that help me to utilize that experience and grow more in life rather than settling down at home city that too at an age of 20. I realised one thing, that earning money is not so easy, it requires tremendous skills and conveniencing power to earn and grow. I started career counseling without a proper career, it paid me a lot back then, my network was very strong back then, but soon I realized, it’s not a full time career since I was pursuing Engineering, yes just another sheep from a cattle, Hell no! Not another sheep! I was that creature who controls the cattle and have the ability to control the cattle. I soon realised that, Money is not all I seek in life, respect is much more valuable than money! Money can buy you a lot of stuffs but respect is what that justifies your earning in much more better way, so decided back then to pursue some more professional degree and will take a job at a good company.

The greed and hungerness of earning in a short span and without anything else to take back, I burried that thought for a little while, since I seek legitimate earnings! I seek much more like respect in life and a good life style too.

I scratched my balls for few years, traveling few cities with minimum income to survive and finally came back to home and decided on doing professional degree, it was indeed high time of my career to decide upon. I choose Mumbai to be the city since none of my friends decided to step in and the degree as Post graduate diploma in Management on Markrting and Sales since Engineering and Management was a trend back then and leaving all excuses, I believed in myself, that I had always been a strategic person from the point I took admission in engineering! May be I made a wrong choice, but experiences and depth of situations and people you learn from your mistakes only.

So, 2017, 6th June, with the most positive thinking and optimism level at it’s peak, I started my journey, leaving family, friends and comfort zone to a next level.

I was like, throw shits at me, I will make paper and sell or use it as an energy of some kind.

“throw stones at me, i will make you a home to stay, throw some cursive words, i will write a literature out of it. Disrespect me, I will apologize to you! I started by changing my nature, practising to be more humble in life”

With lots of known faces in the train, accompanied by one well known face Deba, we smoked and gossiped through out the train journey, my parents were travelling with me and had also arranged and convinced someone in Mumbai to be my local guardian too,. though i never visited his place in last 3 years!

I was excited to meet new people in life. I am too exicted to meet new people all the time.

After a day, I reached Mumbai at Chattrapati Shivaji Maharaj Terminus around 12.30pm.

Took a local of one and a half hours at that time, to come down to that place where I was about to learn make and do some epic things in my life!

Rest you all know!

I was not some special kid, I was not that influencial, I was not someone having a very good past experience, I am being nice to you means, You really matter to me! I being so humble these days means I learnt to stay calm and think positive, whatever crisis we could have faced. I saw people, I met people, I stayed with them, had food with them, laughed with them, travelled with them, nurtured them, also took intensive care for them, treating them like my own blood, studied them, realised and identified several behavioural traits after nurturing them for so long.

Secret thing - I can read your emotions while we chat online! Sorry for judging in a most appropriate way. But it’s true.

Learning is a never ending process, don’t get bored of it, don’t stop doing it, practise it everyday, evrytime and every moment you breathe. The World is full of positive if you have the eyes to look at it.

I am and will always be a life long learner!

Thanks for staying connected.

Stay Home, Stay Safe

Have Fun and believe in Karma!




Thank you Maa & Baba :)

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I hate adulting. Hate it. Hate it. Being poor and adulting is an awful combo. It’s like a million punches going straight for your face and you only dodge like maybe one or two of them.


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Ok, team. I’ve narrowed it down to two headshots for my faculty picture. Which one says “I’m a cool but respectable professor” ? Smile or no smile? Leaning toward no smile because I feel like the smile makes me look younger.

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Hello friends! This is my very first blog and I thought that it’s only polite to introduce myself!

  • To start off, my name is Ayanaki. Not my real name, I just like the novelty of having a persona/pen name :)
  • I am 20 years old and am currently unemployed, although I had a pretty cool gig as a waitress at a family-owned restaurant for 2 ½ years
  • My best buddy is my puppy 🐶 He’s an American Eskimo breed and he loves constant attention and long walks. I called him my puppy but he is actually getting to be an old man (he’s about 9 years old)
  • I have way too many hobbies: quilting, drawing, painting, writing and reading fanfiction, reading and collecting books, journaling, Dungeons and Dragons, video gaming, and so many other things that I want to dip my feet into
  • I am a baby witch and am still planting my roots in the practice 🔮 
  • I have social anxiety and I can tend to be socially awkward, but once I get to know someone and get close to them, I am nearly as close to an outgoing person as one can get
  • My favorite drink of all time is coffee, and I occasionally enjoy a nice cup of tea (I like a variety of teas)
  • I recently moved from the east coast of the U.S. to nearly the other side of the country in one weekend, and a lot of events happened that made me feel like I had gained many years of adult experiences in just 3 days 🤧

Anyway, the whole point of this blog is to record and share my learning experiences as I figure out how to be a functioning adult. My goal with this blog is to hopefully help other young adults figure out how to do the things that we may or may not have been taught in school or by our own parents.

In this blog, I plan to talk about and give tips/advice of what’s worked for me as I learn how to function in adult situations. Some of the topics I’ll cover are:

  • What to expect when renting and driving a U-haul truck
  • Some tips and tricks to towing 
  • Transferring car information to a new state’s DMV database
  • Looking and applying for a new job/your first job and some tips on making a good impression
  • Planning and applying a budget
  • Etc

I don’t plan on covering just adult situations, though! I also want to share some of my experiences with my hobbies as well:

  • How to get started to play Dungeons and Dragons
  • My tips and tricks to quilting
  • My experiences learning how to draw digitally
  • My own experiences learning and practicing witchcraft

I’m not claiming to have all the answers in these situations, I just want to offer my experiences from the point of view of someone who is figuring things out as well. If you’re a baby adult like I am and you have any questions or want to learn about a specific topic, let me know! If you have your own experiences you would like to add to any topics at any point, let me know as well and I just might integrate them into posts to help everyone out!

If you’ve stuck around this long and are definitely interested in where this blog will go, then I am very excited to see you all soon! 👋👋

Your loving host,


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Life is hard right now

I hate to say this but I am in a bit of a depression for different reasons. Everything going on in the world right now all this stuff that’s affecting everyone. I am upset with my boss because she’s refusing to give me a straight answer on wether or not i am still employed, all she said is “I’m super busy right now but I don’t need you” I’m collecting unemployment but that will eventually run out. Now my best friend and many friends on discord are constantly talking about Animal Crossing and telling me I should join them but I can’t I do not have a switch and my mom will not allow me to spend MY own money on a switch, the money that goes to MY bank account. I am 21 years old my mom should not be controlling my money like this, the only reason she does is because she thinks what I wanna spend money on is stupid, the things I want to make my life a little happier. As long as I am living under my parent’s roof I am not allowed to buy anything online or buy anything without supervision, I can’t drive I can’t go into a store by myself and buy what I want. If I buy something that I want that my family considers useless or nonessential they threaten to take my debit card away. They treat me this way due to my maturity level being a few years behind and because I have ADHD. They believe I am not smart or mature enough to have a bunch of money. my friends have basically pushes me away without even realizing it so i am not speaking to any of them right now to avoid Animal Crossing coming up in conversation. I am not texting my best friend right now, my mom says I need to find friends who are mature and actually have jobs.

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note to self
Don’t take what people say so seriously or personally. I’ve learned that about 90% things people say have absolutely no weight to them. So let their words fly away like the balloons that they are. Let them fly away to the sky where they serve a better purpose than they would in your mind. Up there they are aesthetic; in your mind they are just messy scribbles and question marks.
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A truly good man is not aware of his goodness,
And is therefore good.
A foolish man tries to be good,
And is therefore not good.

A truly good man does nothing,
Yet nothing is left undone.
A foolish man is always doing,
Yet much remains to be done

When a truly kind man does something, he leaves nothing undone.
When a just man does something, he leaves a great deal to be done.
When a disciplinarian does something and no one responds,
He rolls up his sleeves in an attempt to enforce order

Therefore when Tao is lost, there is goodness.
When goodness is lost, there is kindness.
When kindness is lost, there is justice.
When justice is lost, there is ritual.
Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion.
Knowledge of the future is only a flowery trapping of the Tao.
It is the beginning of folly.

Therefore the truly great man dwells on what is real
    and not what is on the surface,
On the fruit and not the flower,
Therefore accept the one and reject the other.

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About that famous of “me at 12: reading a fuckton/me at 23: illiterate” (basically, I don’t remember the totality of that post):

So when I was a child in elementary school, the president of that time made a program where every year the schools would receive new books -and they’re all the same in every school no matter where you are- and I remember that every day since 4th grade I took religiously 3 books from the library (because those were the rules, no exceptions) and every day I returned the 3 books mostly memorized (really, I may not remember the author but I remember most of the books), so easily I readed around… 300 books while I was on elementary school? -because I used to read some like four or five times to actually ingrain them on my brain.-

Because my secondary school didn’t had a library -so fucking expensive for being a small town private school and no library, I want a refund of my tuition-, I stopped reading that much, but I continued reading a lot of fanfiction -and wikipedia, mostly wikipedia-. On high school I found a library again and someone to share books so while I didn’t recovered the impresive quantity of elementary school, it still was something. If someone asks “but why you didn’t bought any books yourself?” you see, my town is so small and so… backwards that it’s way easier to buy beer than buy books -until recently someone opened a small book store, the other book store was a religious one and hell naw I was going to spend my money in some book that would say that I’m going to hell. Plus, it was either eating or reading and my mom wouldn’t let me spend money enought to eat for books every week or so, so I just could buy books once a year and the rest of the books I borrowed them from friends, until recently I learned that one of my grandpa’s sisters had a big library at her house in my hometown (she lived on another city) so I could had had access to books to my heart’s content but no one told back in the time so… time lost not reading that library. And I didn’t knew that book piracy on Internet was a thing.

And on college of course I needed to read a lot (my major if Philosophy) but honestly I just readed a lot of books fast for the lectures to never touch them again. 

And then depresion. It took me TWO MONTHS to finish reading a Stephen King  book  (All dark no stars) at age 24) when I finished Les Miserables in less than a week when I was 16. And trying to read academic books was a fucking torture. And that’s why I thought that I just became stupidier as that post said.

When I started working as an EFL teacher in an elementary public school, I found those books on the library and started to read them again.  I finished most of them while going back to my home (1 hour on the bus). 
Then I believed that maybe because I read on PDF, I read slowly. But after buying a physical copy of one of my favorite books of the career (Eichmann in Jerusalem: An essay of the banality of evil), I noticed that I readed 434 pages in a night, barely stopping the reading to talk with my boyfriend by chat. And even then I got some time to read about the Milgram and Stanford experiments to understand the lecture better.

So, it’s not that we’re now illiterate as an adults now. Most of us took book-heavy majors in college because we love to read since we were children and we believed that it was going to be easy breezy lemon squeezy. But no, something we loved turned into a duty and our brains do a strike and refuse to read anymore. Because, honestly, I can read all day long gossips on social media (yes, the brain effort is different than reading, IDK, Wittgenstein or Hegel anyway) and playing visual novels and see memes in social media, but it’s because I like it, I suffer reading academic papers because I see them as a duty and my brain makes a strike against me. I became pasionate about Eichman and everything Arendt and so I can devour her books like it’s chocolate cake, but tell me to read about logics or fenomenology and make it a homework and I’ll find myself bored to tears and my brain beging for me to stop and start seeing some stupid thread on Twitter.

The point is: You didn’t turned stupid. You just lost the love for reading (or whatever hobby made you choose your major) because you made  -and you see it- as a duty. And that’s why you feel like you can’t read as you did when you were younger. You just need to find your love for reading again.

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