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bihansthot · 10 months

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Bi-Han’s IKEA Adventure

Pairing: Bi-Han x gender neutral!reader

Rating: Teen Plus? Mature? (suggestive themes and lots of swears, no smut)

Summary: You and Bi-Han go to IKEA to replace a broken desk, unfortunately for you, you get lost and have to wait for Sub-Zero to rescue you.

Author Notes: “qīn” is Mandarin for bae/babe and is my stand in for “y/n”, you don’t have to read it but you’ll notice little things if you’ve read Earning Your Keep. Gouta is my name I made up for Cyrax it means golden. This one is dumb and silly but I spent too much time watching videos of walkthroughs of the IKEA in Harbin so hopefully it matches up. I haven’t been to an IKEA in quite sometime so please enjoy it with a grain of salt lol. As always please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it. Hope you lovelies enjoy!

“We get in, we get out, no getting distracted by kitchenwares or baby shit you understand me qīn? We’re here for a new desk for my study, nothing else,” Bi-Han grips your shoulders and goes through his game plan with the calculated precision that came from years of being the Lin Kuei’s Grandmaster.

“New desk and baby shit, got it,” you reply your eyes sparkling with mischief.

“No. No! No baby shit, just a desk!” He repeats sternly, his brows furrowing into an unpleasant grimace.

“Ok, ok,” you wave him off and shrug out of his grip to grab a trolly and bag to attach to it, “to carry the desk,” you cut him off before the cryomancer can question you.

“Ok, good. Let’s do this,” he takes a deep breath and an employee gives him an odd look as the air around him condenses and little snowflakes fall from his exhalation.

Bi-Han did not like IKEA, a fact you were well aware of but being in remote China left you with few choices when it came to getting new furniture. Your options were to wait months for a master craftsman to carve a new desk for Bi-Han or as you suggested make the pilgrimage to the IKEA in Harbin. The cryomancer reluctantly chose the latter as it was nearly impossible to go through all of his paperwork in just a chair. You just hoped whatever you found at the store was sturdier than his old desk which could not withstand the Grandmaster’s might, you bit your bottom lip as you thought back to the events that broke the desk in the first place. The force and might he had taken you on the seemingly sturdy wooden desk passed down for generations had been no match for Bi-Han’s vigor.

“Qīn, qīn, hello? Are you even paying attention? You’re blocking the walkway,” Bi-Han frowns and wrestles the trolly away from you.

You flush as you come back to the present, “s-sorry I was thinking about something else.” The dull ache between your legs reminds of the way he had held you down, the way he had thrust into you so deeply, the way he absolutely claimed you as his own. You lick your lips subconsciously and trot after the cryomancer as the two of you wind through the immaculately decorated faux rooms.

Bi-Han stops once you reach a room that looks like it has a suitable steel framed desk, “u-utespel-utespelare? Who the fuck came up with this shit?” The cryomancer asks no one in particular as he pulls out his smartphone to snap a picture of that tag. “What do you think about this one qīn?” He asks leaning on the desk to see if it was capable of holding his weight.

“Do you want the Hemler too?” You ask gesturing to the matching chair, chuckling at the cryomancer’s inability to pronounce the Swedish designs.

Bi-Han raises an eyebrow as he smirks, “did we break the chair too?” He asks teasingly, snaking an arm around your waist and dropping a chilly kiss against the nape of your neck.

You shiver from the cold, “first of all, there was no we, you, you broke the desk, you pounded into me so hard I still ache,” you spin around to accuse him. “Your father is probably spinning in his grave, that was an antique passed down for generations,” you continue as start looking at the desk nicknacks and other tchotchkes.

“Let him spin, he deserves no peace,” Bi-Han snarls and throws a plush polar bear into the bag. He lets out a frustrated growl as he remembers the other reason he agreed to go to this cursed store, “fuck me, we need more cups. Tomas was tinkering around with his grenades again and blew up one of the cupboards in the kitchen.”

You blink at him, unfazed at his sudden aggression brought on by the mention of his father, “is that what that noise was? I thought it was Gouta fucking one of the maids in the kitchen again.”

Bi-Han narrows his icy eyes, “no, he got in deep shit for that, he knows better than to try that again.”

“You’re awfully hypocritical for someone who fucks their lover on any surface they can,” you counter throwing a stuffed dinosaur into the bright yellow bag.

“First of all, I’m the Grandmaster, I can do whatever the fuck I want, where ever the fuck I want. Second of all, I don’t want to eat jizz,” he scowls at the idea.

You burst into laughter before shushing him, “keep it down polar bear, you’re scaring the employees.” You chastise as you receive a bewildered expression from one of the IKEA staff members.

He rolls his eyes, “even if they speak English, I doubt they understand the word jizz qīn, this is still China, or did you forget?”

You sigh, hating it when he was right, “we’re not accomplishing anything, why don’t you go to the warehouse and get your utespelare and I’ll go to the kitchenwares section and pick out replacements for Tomas’ accident.”

“I don’t like the idea of leaving you in this store unsupervised, you’ll spend the entire treasury,” the cryomancer grumbles.

You swat at his well-defined pecs, “so what if I do, you’re a thief, just steal more.”

“I’m not a petty thief, I’m a highly skilled, trained professional,” Bi-Han sulks as you reach the escalators to take you up to the kitchenwares and further on up to the warehouse.

“Shit,” you sigh as you pull out your phone only to realize it’s dead. “Ok look Polar Bear my phone is dead but I’ll meet you at the cafe in 20 minutes ok?”

“I’m not eating their shitty meatballs or fucking lingonberries,” Bi-Han states making a disgusted face.

You shake your head and laugh, “no meatballs or lingonberries I promise, we just need somewhere to rendezvous.” You stand on your tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek as you take the trolly back from him, “I need it more than you do. You’re big and strong and can carry the desk easily.”

“Cafe, 20 mins,” Bi-Han confirms as he steps onto the escalator to head to the warehouse. Bi-Han easily locates his utespelare and checks out with relative ease before settling down to wait in the cafe.

You wander through the kitchenware section buying more than just the cups you needed, you couldn’t help it though, everything at the Lin Kuei Temple was so old. You were honestly shocked that they had electricity and silently thanked Papa Zero for seeing the value in modernizing and improving the living conditions. You enjoyed cooking even though there were maids at the temple to take care of everyday needs. You grab a new sauté pan and a couple of cute hot mitts before finally filling the cart with nonbreakable mugs and regular drinking cups. Without your phone you don’t realize how long has passed and continue to browse for goods you had no need for, “hmmm do we need a cactus? Probably not, Bi-Han would probably freeze it,” you mumble to yourself as you browse the houseplants. Eventually, you find yourself completely turned around and lost somewhere in between the throw pillows and lighting fixtures getting distracted by star-shaped lamps.

You look around and hunt for an employee to ask your way but can’t seem to find anyone, you look down to try and follow the tape arrows on the floor but much to your dismay there were none to be found. You try to trace your way back through the nonstop isles of displays but in the endless sea of rosenkärm, there appeared to be no exit in sight. “Heh heh heh shit,” you hiss under your breath.

30 minutes had gone past and Bi-Han was still waiting alone in the cafe, he checked his phone before belatedly realizing yours was dead and you probably were unaware how much time had actually passed so he decided to give you a few more minutes. He sighed and waited impatiently, 15 more minutes passed and still no sign of you, he hefted the heavy desk onto his shoulders before approaching one of the ideal cashiers. “I’ve lost my partner can you please page them for me,” Bi-Han reluctantly asks the employee in Chinese. “Their name is y/n but their Chinese isn’t very good, is it possible to page them in English?” He flashes the cashier his best convincing smile.

You freeze when you hear the page come over the loudspeaker and groan, “I know where you are Bi-Han, I don’t know where I am!” You let out a frustrated grunt and punch a pillow next to you before making an arbitrary left at the canning supplies. You’re led into a maze of bedding and start to feel anxious and overwhelmed, your breath quickens and your eyes dart around frantically searching for anyone. You still can’t find an employee but do manage to see a nice-looking couple so you approach them and in your broken Chinese make a gesture for going up an escalator, “zì-zìdòng f-fútī?”

They give you a bewildered look and exchange a few words and glances before gesturing behind you. You give them a hurried thanks before rushing off in the direction they pointed you to but much to your dismay you found yourself back in the kitchenwares. “You have got to be kidding me,” you sigh and try and think how you got to the kitchenwares the first time around so you could work your way back to the escalator.

Bi-Han paces back and forth by the registers growing more and more concerned, “can I leave this with you?” He asks the cashier and gestures to his utespelare. The poor cornered cashier nod’s reluctantly as Bi-Han sets the heavy desk down and begins his hunt for you. It takes a while for a Bi-Han to get back to the entrance what with IKEA being a veritable maze he decided the fastest way was to exit the store and go back to the original entrance. He shoulders past the casual families gawking and lounging around the faux living rooms set on his rescue mission.

You decide to stay where you were for the moment, not wanting to get more lost than you already were. “Sooner or later he’ll come find me,” you reassure yourself, you absently fiddle with a ladle that resembles a brontosaurus before shrugging and throwing it in the bag attached to the trolly. “I wonder if we need anything else,” you think out loud as you continue to peruse the myriad of utensils.

Bi-Han weaves in and out of the fellow patrons until he comes across the escalators, he prompts goes up one floor, and locates the directory. It doesn’t take him long to locate kitchenwares on the vertical post as he makes his way through the confusing aisles of condiments and pantry staples. Having been raised to be a master of the deadly arts Bi-Han would have been able to track you easily if you weren’t in a giant furniture store. If you were in the forest he could look for footprints or broken branches but since he was in an IKEA he kept his eyes focused on anything that might have caught your attention.

You look around the aisle more as you feel a dip in the temperature, at first you assume it’s the air conditioning but soon you’re able to see the tall cryomancer standing well above the other patrons. “Bi-Han!” You call out excitedly and start waving like a crazy person. You stay put though terrified you’ll somehow get lost between here and the ten feet away he is, and in your defense, there were an awful lot of home goods in the way.

His long strides quickly close the gap and his strong cold hands grip your shoulders, “qīn! You’re still looking at kitchenwares?! Do you know how long it’s been? How worried I’ve been?” Bi-Han berates you before getting worked up and going on a tangent in his native tongue.

From what you can tell he’s feeling a mixture of disappointment, relief, and annoyance. You can’t help but burst into tears and cling to him, “I got lost! I haven’t been here the whole time I’ve been adrift in a sea of fucking interior design! How many sheepskin rugs does this country need?!” You feel silly for crying and clinging to Bi-Han in public like this but it was a rarity the two of you got to be a normal couple and you had been an anxious mess since you got disoriented. You sniffle and try not to make too much of a mess of the cryomancer’s shirt.

Bi-Han holds you at arm’s length, blinks a few times as if he was dumbfounded, “you got lost? How? Qīn, there are signs everywhere…” The cryomancer gestures to one of the structural columns with signs posted on them.

You look at him incredulously, “it’s in Chinese! I don’t know how to read escalator! I can barely remember the word for it! I managed to ask a couple but ended up back in the damn kitchenware section.” You huff at him before stomping a foot in protest.

“I uh, huh. I guess they are,” he replies sheepishly, color creeping onto the cryomancer’s cheeks as he adverts his eyes. Bi-Han grabs your hand and the trolly and steers you back to the escalator. “I’m not letting go of you ever, I’m going to get one of those animal backpacks with the leashes for you I swear,” he grumbles as the two of you make your way to the registers. Bi-Han starts unpacking the bag and starts looking through all the unnecessary things you added, he sighs and shakes his head but doesn’t say anything deciding you had been through enough for the day. He keeps his hand wrapped around yours the whole time earning yet another bewildered gaze from the traumatized cashier Bi-Han had been chatting up earlier.

You giggle as the cryomancer refuses to let go of your hand thinking that maybe getting lost in IKEA wasn’t the worst way to spend the weekend. You can’t help but admire the way his biceps bulge and flex as he puts the goods back in the bag after getting the receipt. “Where’s the desk,” you ask him looking around as you two head towards the exit.

“Fuck. Don’t move,” he orders as he reluctantly lets go of your hand and goes back to the poor cashier to retrieve the whole reason they made this trip in the first place. The two of you make it back to the car before Bi-Han opens the door and buckles you in before loading up the back of the car with your purchases. He gets into the driver's seat and looks over at you as you plug your phone into the car charger. “Don’t do that to me again,” he whispers before he leans over to press a soft, cold kiss against your lips.

You grab his hand and weave your fingers in with his and sigh contently as you settle in for the long drive back to the Lin Kuei Temple.

#mortal kombat #bi han #sub zero #og sub zero #bi han’s ikea adventure #ikea #fluff fic #fics #fanfiction #reader insert #gender neutral insert #my writing

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