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#again i am seeing these bad takes by children on ig not on tumblr
alphacrone · 4 years
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i think it’s very telling that people will get mad at you for bringing up the fact that iroh was a celebrated general in the Fire Nation army but will hate on katara for hating zuko longer than the rest of the gaang
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insert-cleverurl · 3 years
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solaine copies her dsmp meta twitter part one
preface: i wrote this on february 13th and am now archiving it over here on tumblr before i get around posting it to the actual archive (of our own). i'd like to clean it up before i go there, becuase i wrote this at like one am lying in bed and typing on my laptop that was sitting on my stomach. it's a lot of rambling. i go on a lot of tangents. it is not the cleanest nor likely most accurate meta you will ever read.
how characters (children) on the smp learn from history rather than repeat it: a thread
aka: stop liking the other one you fucks i opened the wikia so i actually know what happened now /lh
context here is that i had earlier made a much less coherent thread (not that this one is very coherent) with the caveat that i was going entirely off memory
this thread is mainly going over how tommy + tubbo both emulate and turned away from wilbur + schlatt respectively, and how i think that's going to reflect in ranboo's arc
"as long as i can't be the next jschlatt, you can't be the next wilbur." okay we all know this. it's obvious from this point on that both tubbo and tommy saw or had fears of how they were each developing into scarily familiar people - schlatt, a dictator, and wilbur, a madman.
starting with tommy, the parallels between his exile arc and wilbur's pogtopia arc are immediately, and glaringly, obvious. paranoia, trust issues, "maybe i'm actually the bad guy here", and most notably, intense loneliness. wilbur made it obvious he believed pogtopis's allies would all abandon them in the end (them being he and tommy, though how much he trusted tommy by the end is also up in the air), and he was completely prepared to kill anyone he had to in order to secure pogtopia's victory, despite also preparing himself to be the one to end it. wilbur gave up on l'manberg, at the very end. he believed tyranny was all that would ever reign, so he blew it up.
tommy, in his exile arc, was also despairingly lonely. he hallucinated tubbo, grew attached to dream, etc etc. tommy was very very close to "becoming" wilbur here (god i'm sorry this is so long already and just me summing things up we already know it's to keep my thoughts in order + satisfy my inability to shut up and use too many words)
where wilbur and tommy go their separate ways is when they were given an out. dream gave wilbur tnt + for tommy, he was. you know. gestures vaguely at logstedshire. wilbur took the out - he gave up. he gave in. we know he had moments of clarity (when niki was in danger) and Maybe this was one he could've had too, but he didn't. he took the tnt.
tommy decided enough was enough. so at a crucial moment in time, tommy turned away from being wilbur. he did not repeat history.
onto tubbo; admittedly i know much less about his arc as president so this will be less outlined. tubbo,,,, acted very similarly to schlatt. probably moreso than tommy and wilbur! strange new laws, ignoring his cabinet, execution, generally appearing to lose his care for the world and the opinions of others. i'd argue the thing that separates him from schlatt is the most important part of this thread, because it proves my point: he remembered.
i just want to clarify here: by "proves my point" i mean this is the clsoest we get to an agreement of the ideas i'm putting out here in canon?? ig?? as in like. this is the most on the nose way to say it. similarly in recent days to quackity consistently referring to his treatment of dream as torture, which seems to be a very "I Am Not In Character" move but is definitely meant for us, the viewers, rather than character dream or character quackity themselves. tubbo's is a little less like that but still it's kind of like pointing at the X on a map for us the viewers. ok tangent over
tubbo lived under schlatt's rule as one of those people he treated extremely shittily. he lived under schlatt's rule as that person he executed. and tubbo remembers all that! tubbo remembers how schlatt's rule played out, and he looks at his own uh, less than stellar time in office, and he admits this out loud (to ranboo, according to the wikia. i am getting all of this off the wikia. i did not watch any streams during this arc.) that he can See himself becoming schlatt.
and when quackity tries to execute ranboo for being a traitor, tubbo stops him.
onto dream and ranboo! dream is a special case in that we never get to see his perspective of things and are rather left to play fill in the blank, and this whole arc is special (in terms of this thread) in that it isn't over. so i will be doing a lot of extrapolating here.
dream starts out as a generally ambivalent character who has very few rules that he pretty much never bothers to enforce anyways (i think? i don't remember).
by this i mean, this is all stuff i heard secondhand in recent months and can no longer remember what it actually was because i never went back to check. i'm pretty sure, but just a disclaimer. i don't wanna get hit with an "um, actually
his villain arc starts very very early - two whole seasons before he really became one. in the war, he is the antagonist and he plays up to it! most of the war is from l'manberg's pov (or that's how we look at it now, at least) so obviously he is the Bad Guy here.
ranboo griefed a house like two days into the server. 'nuff said /lh
ranboo + dream are both heavily vilified characters from the get-go - dream's part should be fairly obvious (uh, the everything leading up the exile arc where he actually did villainous things), whereas ranboo's is most notably during the second festival's aftermath. taking the blame for blowing up the community house, wanting to "pick people not sides" (he wants all his friends to be happy - sounds familiar, right?), etc etc, and now he's with techno and phil, the former of which is Definitely considered a villain for working with dream
now many many parallels are being drawn between he and dream, especially with the whole enderwalking thing. in the aftermath of everything happening, he chooses to stay out of all conflict, until Something Happens and forces his hand. (the egg!) he wants peace for everyone, which again, sounds very familiar, right?
(slight tangent: yes, the griefing was forcing dream's hand. it's nigh impossible to construe it as anything other than a political attack - the vice president of l'manberg griefing the home of the greater dream smp's king? dream looks weak + open to attack if he lets it slide)
this was a bad way to put it but the spirit of it gets across i think. fuck character limit on twitter
that catches us up on all current lore. where do i think dream and ranboo are going to split? dream has been alone in his decision-making basically since the very first war. not once has he (successfully, we don't know if he tried) gone to fall back on his friends' support and ask for their help in making these hard decisions (of which there are many). he severs his final connections ("i don't care about anything on this server") and cements his place in history as a monster.
i think it is very likely that we are getting a ranboo "friendship and relying on other people" arc here. there are other ways they could go with it, obviously, but given his current arctic anarchist ties and what appears to be other friendships developing. hmm! i'm interested. this part is entirely speculation/extrapolation. point being. the kids on the smp do, in fact, learn from history. they still make mistakes sometimes, but past a certain point, they're always different mistakes. they learn, and they almost always get happier endings for it
i don't know if it's a coincidence that it's the three lore-relevant kids who are the ones doing this. i don't think it is, because this is a very well-written and clever story. the younger generation is the one learning and fixing past mistakes and leaving the world better off for it. that's very neat! i like it a lot. also now that purpled's becoming lore-relevant, goddamnit if i don't want to see next season being his "learning from history" arc. punz vs purpled, maybe? that'd be neat. who knows. ok i think im finally done lol ty for reading :)
caveat I forgot to add last night: obviously ranboo and dream start out in very different positions, moreso than both tommy and tubbo. but at the end of the day, all three of them are their own people who just happen to take after other people in some ways :)
again, ty for reading! here's the original thread. i'd like to add that this is probably out of date and i may come back to it some day but who knows. maybe this will just be a relic of before Now (may 25)
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selfcareparker · 3 years
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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)
LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD
i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol
i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee
i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')
i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol
also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?
now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')
yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌
yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo
speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉
uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?
also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?
HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭
and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.
(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭
SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY
i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)
LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)
LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .
my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL
one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.
superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)
lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good
own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly
rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this
shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire
before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰
(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)
VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)
(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)
now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing
you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)
HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing
once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .
mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔
summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so
IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly
when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌
okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO
but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘
& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')
also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗
READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah
#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily
hiiiiiiiiiii <3333
Dear catherine, 😌
(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰
Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol
Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually
okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?
also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.
There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly
Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good
(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)
I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj
n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)
Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao
Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn
Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.
Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool
Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao
Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???
I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria
(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)
I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧
Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!
Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌
how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰
i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs
AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲
Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼
I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3
.
It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol
oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼
okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭
it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)
THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧
I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼
Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now
I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)
Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭
Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌
also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌
I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)
Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭
So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool
Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)
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binkysteebnpewter · 4 years
Note
All of them 😤
Ehehe 😂💗
1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?
Grace is actually my middle name, and somewhat. I just don’t like it when my family calls me by first and middle together.
2. are you artistic?
Somewhat?
3. Have you had your first kiss?
Yes
4. What is your life goal?
It’s cheesy and a little cliche, but I want to find Home.
5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?
Nope
6. Do you play any sports?
Not anymore but I used to play football and I was on the wrestling team in HS
7. What’s your worst fear?
I have two that are sort of equal with another but I’m afraid of losing the people I care about and people seeing me the way I see myself.
8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?
My late Nana, Gloria.
9. Do you have any cool talents?
Answered in previous ask
10. are you a morning person?
Not at all
11. How do you feel about pet names?
I love them
12. Do you like to read?
Absolutely
13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.
NCIS, Criminal Minds, and any marvel movie
14. Do you care about your follower count?
Not really, I’ll celebrate milestones but that’s just to show everyone I appreciate them following my trash pile. I didn’t start writing to have a high following, I started writing to better my skill and also make people happy.
15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?
I don’t remember most of my happy dreams
16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?
Yep!
17. Do you have any pets?
I have three dogs 🥺💗
18. Are you religious?
No. They only thing I actually believe in is ghosts.
19. Are you a people person?
Not really
20. Are you considered popular?
Nope, and I don’t care to be
21. What is one of your bad habits?
Overthinking
22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?
Opening up my emotions to other people
23. What would you name your children?
No clue
24. Who’s your celebrity crush?
There’s a bunch ig
25. What’s your best subject?
Science and history
26. Dogs or cats?
Dogs, I love cats but I’m super allergic
27. most used social media besides tumblr?
I don’t use a lot of social media tbh, so tumblr is probably my most used unless you count youtube
28. best friends name
Duke
29. who does your main family consist of
My friends and my brother. Family isn’t just blood
30. Chocolate or sugar
Both
31. have you ever been on a date?
Yep
32. Do you like rollercosters?
Absolutely love them
33. Can you swim?
Yes 💗
34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?
Clearly, I’d do what everyone else does. Panic and try to survive.
35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?
Yes, I struggle with anxiety and depression
36. Are your parents together?
Nope.
37. What’s your favourite colour?
Dark green and Dark Blue
38. What country are you from/do you live in?
Unfortunately, the U.S
39. Favourite singer?
Uh... there’s too many to list? But my favorite people to listen to is The Oh Hellos
40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?
Nope, I run from being the center of attention.
41. Do you like dresses?
Not really
42. Favourite song right now?
Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra
43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Sort of.
44. How old were you when you first got your period?
No clue, I don’t remember
45. Have you ever shot a gun?
Yep
46. Have you ever done yoga?
No
47. Are you a horror girl?
YES 😈
48. Are you good at giving advice?
I suppose I am?
49. Tell us a story about your childhood.
I don’t have a lot of happy memories but one that sticks out is: I used to go to a private Christian academy and I was in first grade when this boy in eighth grade (the entire school was k-12) came over to me during my lunch. I was super scared and shy as a kid so my schedule was tailored so I was able to eat lunch with my brother whose nine years older than me. Our mom forgot to pack our lunches so we were gonna just get some stuff from the vending machine, well my brother gave me my money to get something and this boy came over to me before I could put it in the vending machine. He hit me and took my money, buying himself something with it. My brother seen it and got into a fight with him.
50. How are you doing today?
Eh
51. Were you a cute kid?
I looked like Shirley Temple when I was a kid
52. Can you dance?
I can swing dance and slow dance, but that’s it.
53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?
I always look for exits and bathrooms when I go somewhere, I’ve always done it 🤷🏻‍♀️
54. Have you ever dyed your hair?
No because I’m a ginger. I can’t just dye it back if I end up not liking the color I dyed it to.
55. What colour are your eyes?
Brown
56. What’s your favourite animal?
Answered in previous ask
57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?
Multiple times
58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
My relationship with my dad is rocky but my relationship with my mother went up in flames a few yeaes ago 🤷🏻‍♀️
59. Do you have good friends?
I have some amazing friends🥺💗
60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?
Yep!
61. What’s your favourite class?
My favorite class was Psychology
62. List all the tv shows you are watching.
I’m rewatching Criminal Minds right now.
63. Are you organized?
Somewhat?
64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?
I don’t know if it counts as a movie but I just finished a Ted Bundy Tapes Documentary. I think Bundy was a little bit of an idiot.
67. Which tv character do you relate to most?
Spencer Reid
68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?
Anxiety, Depression, overthinking
69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?
I would probably still work, I’m not a fan of sitting around and doing nothing for large amounts of time.
70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?
Find a way to die, I don’t want to live forever. That’s just torture 👀
71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?
Nothing. I’ll act the same as I always have because I am who I am, there’s no reason to change yourself from when someone is watching and when someone isn’t.
72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?
A lot 😂
73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Yep
74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?
I went to Disney with my Chorus Class in Junior Year of HS, it was my first time to Disney.
75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?
Nothing, I’m looking for Home. Home will be someone I feel safe with, someone I can be completely myself with— someone I love wholly.
76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?
I— idk?
77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
I wanted to be a nurse 🤦🏻‍♀️
78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?
Im not sure
79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?
Ooh... uh, something happened to me all through 7th, 8th, and 9th grade that I should’ve spoken up about but was too scared.
80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.
I will work hard to love myself and pursue my dream job.
81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?
No clue tbh
82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?
I don’t want to live forever but I guess I’d find a way to take away my immortality or find someone else who is immortal to love
83. How would you spend a billion dollars?
Id put a lot into important causes and then save some with interest.
84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?
I’m not sure, I think I wouldn’t go anywhere because I want to live in the moment. Except 2020, fuck 2020.
85. What motivates you to succeed?
Failure motivates me to succeed.
86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?
I don’t remember most of my happy dream, I usually can only remember the nightmares 🤷🏻‍♀️
87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?
Woods, its peaceful.
88. Do you believe in life after death?
I don’t really believe in anything 🤷🏻‍♀️
89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?
I had a teacher named Ms Eagan and she inspired me to always be myself.
90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?
Meeting Lily
91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?
Lily, because I really miss her.
92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?
Anyone being nice to me makes me cry—
93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?
Sometimes the people you call family don’t truly love you.
94. What do you think happens after we die?
Idk and idrc either tbh
95. What would you do if you would be invisible?
I’d probably scare some people
96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?
Speak in public or ask for something at restaurants
97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?
Eh
98. How did your first crush develop?
They were nice to me when no one else was
99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?
Yes, I’m trying to ignore how upset some people can really make me.
100. Do you live or do you just exist?
I think I’m somewhere in between, where sometimes I’m just existing and sometimes I’m living.
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sweetpworld · 5 years
Text
The P.A. - 1/2
Summary: Being a Personal Assistant is already a job full of ups and downs. When things start to change with your boss, you see yourself in a full on roller-coaster. Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Plus Size!Reader Word count: 9.262 in total (I GOT OUT OF CONTROL, SORRY) Warnings: Self-doubt, Body-shamming, Fat-shamming, mentions of smut and FLUFF. A/N: Ok, I’m trying this again after Tumblr went all riot on me. I still can’t believe I wrote over 9000 words, so I decided to make it a two-shot so MAYBE tumblr won’t fuck it up again.. I’m so sorry for any typos or grammar errors. English isn’t my primary language, so please, go easy on me. I’m really sorry if this turned out shitty, but I really feel good about the plot and I honestly hope you guys enjoy it.
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Another day on the set and here come the stares. Again.
It was always like this with you every time you showed up beside Sebastian, just because you were his fat personal assistant. Like, really people? Grow the fuck up.
When you first started this job you used to feel bad about this, about your body and about all these stupid people who keep on looking at the size 20 girl walking around them; but then, after a couple of months and receiving praises for your hell of a good job, you decided that people would still stare at you, but that didn’t mean you should care. You were here to do your job, not to please them.
You could still remember the day Mark Ruffalo was talking to Sebastian about the new movies and you were beside him taking notes and Mark said “Hey man, you know, your P.A. is a fucking good one. I don’t even know where mine is. If she was taking notes as much as yours is, I wouldn’t be as lost as I am most of the time.”. You all laughed at that, but that was also the moment where you understood that you weren’t a charity case. You were good at what you did and should be proud of that.
So here you are now, walking beside Sebastian with your head held high, iPad in hand and ready for the ridiculously crazy schedule you had for today. There was only one little thing that made your day harder than it should be: your boss.
Sebastian Stan is a very good-looking man and everyone knows that. All you need to do is look at him and bam: beauty. But after the last year and a half working with him, you have also met different sides that just made him look even more amazing in your eyes. Like the way he smiles at puppies, or how he works so hard on each role he gets, or how he loves his fans so much, or how inept he is with technology, or how he blushes so hard at compliments, as if he doesn’t know how amazing he is.
It’s a lot. Like, a lot. Specially for your heart to not fall for a man like him. But, of course, besides your job, there was always a problem with you having a crush on someone: they never liked you back.
Sebastian, for example, has a ‘dirty secret’. Not a problem or anything major, of course, but something that doesn’t come out to the public. He likes sex. A lot. And, let’s face it, it’s always easy for him to get someone to have one-night stands. The thing is that you are the one to deal with them later. So You're the one in charge of making them sign a confidentially contract, take away their phones to make sure they don’t have any pics or videos and finally send them on their ways while Sebastian is hitting the gym or something. And the thing is they are always the same tall, skinny and glamorous type of woman.
If you weren’t sure that he would never feel attracted to you before he asked to take care of them, you were completely sure after. So it was still hard to see him flirting with any good-looking woman that shows interest in him, but it helped your efforts to get over him, in a way.
-Hello Mr. Stan, hello Y/N. You look lovely today.
You were brought back from your thoughts by Jack’s greeting. He is Anthony’s personal assistant and has always been really nice to you.
-Jack. Shouldn’t you be with Mackie? - Sebastian asked him coldly. Which was odd, since he was always very friendly with everyone.
-I’m just going to take his coffee, Mr. Stan, but thought I should say hello to you. And to Y/N, of course.
-Well, hi Jack. Thank you for being so thoughtful. - You said smiling at him and giving Sebastian a look when he scoffed. - But go on and take Anthony’s coffee, I’m sure he is waiting.
-Right, well, we talk later, right Y/N?
-Of course. See you later! - You said walking quickly to catch up with Sebastian, who was already a few steps ahead. It was very odd, but you wouldn't make a scene out of it, so you just kept on going and decided to ignore it. Maybe Jack did something that bothered Sebastian or whatever.
And this was pretty much how your week went by: lots of appointments, taking care of Sebastian’s needs, watching him being rude with Jack every time you two were talking for a bit, not getting it any of those times, and just pretty much ignoring it. And just like that came Friday and you couldn’t be happier. Fridays meant Sebastian would go find a hook up and that meant free time for you. At least until the next morning, when you’d be needed to take away the trash, of course. But you were still glad to have a day to get home, put on some comfy pajamas e just chill.
Soon came the end of the day, it was getting darker, and Sebastian was finished for the day. You waited for him to change and met him back on the car waiting for you.
-Ok, so tonight you don’t have anything planned, tomorrow afternoon, starting at 2 p.m. you have a photoshoot for Hugo Boss and tomorrow night I’ll need you to attend an art exhibit that is raising money for the children’s hospital. But I’m sure you can find a woman for you there, so you won’t sacrifice your Saturday night’s fun. I’ll make sure to be at your place tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. with coffee and the papers for whichever lady you pick tonight. - You said checking your week agenda.
-Actually, you don’t have to worry about the papers. - Sebastian said beside you, looking out the window.
-Why? Is there a girlfriend this time? Because if not I have to do that so they don’t go around spreading picks of you naked on Facebook, IG or Twitter.  - you said still not looking up.
-No, nothing like a girlfriend. Nothing at all actually. - He said turning to look at you when you shot your head up to eye him.
-What do you mean ‘nothing at all’? - you said eyeing him suspiciously.
-I mean that I don’t want any girl tonight. Or tomorrow for that matter. - He said turning his head to the window again.
You were shocked. Like, for real. You were just sitting there, gapping at him like a fish and not knowing what to say.
-But... But... You always... Are you okay? - you ended up asking him.
-Yeah, I am more than okay. I have realized some things in the past few months and I just don’t want random woman anymore. - He said smiling softly, still looking out the window.
-Oh... Well... Good for you then. I mean, if you are happy, then that’s what matter, right? In that case, I’ll show up around 10 a.m. at your place, is that okay? - you asked him still slightly confused.
-You work too hard. Don’t worry, show up at midday and I’ll be ready, okay? I want you to rest and have a good night of sleep.- he said smiling and looking softly at you.
-O...kay. I won’t say that I don’t appreciate that, but are you certain you are okay? - you asked him again.
-Trust me, I am. I just need some me time to figure some things out. - He said taking your hand and kissing it. - We are here. Go get some rest.
You turned, still stunned that he was acting all weird like that and saw that you were indeed in front of your building.
-Well, who would’ve known? Maybe I should be in shock every time I take the bus so it goes faster.
He chuckled at that. - You were always funny.
You smiled, still confused, but decided that you needed some wine and your best friend to talk to. - Well then, I see you tomorrow at midday. Bye Sebastian, good night.
You didn’t wait for him to reply nor did you turned back once inside your building. If you had done any of those things you would have heard him saying a soft “Good night, love” and asking the driver to wait until you were out of sight.
----------
Once inside your apartment you called your best friend, Victor, inviting him to go over your place.
-Sure girl, I’ll be there in 40 minutes. Should I bring pizza?
-Absolutely. The Supreme with extra cheese.
-Okay, I get it, something happened, probably hot boss, don’t worry, I’ll be there.
He hung up on you, but you just smiled softly. Your friend was the worse, but he made it work the best. So you took a shower, put on some cute pj’s and shoved another bottle of wine on the cooler. You just knew you would need it. Not much later Victor arrived with two pizzas and 4 different Ben & Jerry’s.
-You know, if I didn’t need those today, I’d beat the crap out of you for ruining my diet.
-Girl, shush and live a little. Now, be a good friend and grab the wine. I’m taking these beauties to the freezer and those beauties to your coffee table.
Once everything was settled, you were already eating and “The Proposal” was on your T.V; Victor decided to do what he does best: go straight to business.
-So, care to tell me why you needed my wonderful assistance?
-Why, can’t a girl just love to spend time with her bff?
-Uh nuh. Cut the crap. We both know you have something bothering you and if I was to bet I’d bet it has something to do with Mr. Sebastian Hot-Body-And-Jawline-For-Days Stan. A.K.A. your boss.
Taking a deep breath you looked up to your ceiling – Ok, fine, yes, it has to do with him, but I seriously need your opinion here. - You said turning to look at him. Victor simply held your hand and signed you to keep going. - Okay, so you and I both know that Sebastian likes to have one night stands, right?
-Almost as much as I like those.
-Yes, exactly. And every Friday and Saturday night he finds someone to hook up with. And I am the one responsible to take care of them the morning after.
-You take out the trash.
-Yes, exactly again. So, what would you think if I told you he told me to not worry because he doesn’t want any woman today OR tomorrow? Like, at all. - You asked watching Victor pensive face.
-Well, that is odd, I’ll give you that. Did you ask him if he was feeling okay? Maybe he has a cold or something.
-I did ask him and he just said something about ‘realizing things for a few months now’. - you said making quotation marks with your fingers.
-Was it just that? I mean, was it the only weird thing about that talk?
-Well, he seemed a bit light-headed, you know? And he kissed my hand. Like right before I got out of the car.
-Hum… elaborate.
-There's nothing much of it, really. He was just off, smiling while looking out the window, dismissing his woman hunt, kissing my hand and telling me he wanted me to rest and have a good night of sleep.
Victor and you stared at each other for a couple of secseconds.
-BITCH, I KNOW HIS TEA! – He yelled all of a sudden making you jump.
-Oh my GOD, what?
-He is into you.
You stared at his smiley face for a couple of seconds, trying to decide if the was serious or not.
-What?
-He. Is. Into. You. It's obvious. He likes you.
-And you say that because of what exactly? He kissed my hand? C'mon V, you can't be serious. – you said pouring some more wine for you.
-Look, I am a guy, okay? A gay man, but that's the closest we have to thinking like a straight man right now. And as a guys I don’t stop sleeping around and show affection to someone if I am not really into said person. In fact, I only realized I wanted to date Nick because I didn’t feel like having sex with any other guy but him. And look at me now. Going for our second anniversary and still in love with the motherfucker. And let me tell you this: that Italian guy, Paolo, was a hell of a good lay.
-Okay, I get it. No need to be grafic. Again. But you don't have all the facts.
-And what am I missing.
-You're missing the fact that it is impossible.
-Oh my Zeus, girl! – he said rolling his eyes and taking a deep breath. – Why is that so impossible for you?
-It just is, V.
-No, I will have none of that. Talk to me Y/N/N. Why its it so impossible? – you sat there in silence for a couple of seconds – You can open up, you know. You don't have to share, but you don't have to carry whatever is inside your head alone either.
-I… It's just… - You took a deep breath, trying to focus on what to say – V, I am not the kind of woman who gets the guys.
-What do you mean?
-V… I am not like you. I don't have 7 or more guys lining up to take me out even if I was dating someone. Guys… People don't find me attractive.
-Y/N/N… But I see you with guys sometimes.
-Yeah, drunk guys who don't know who they are kissing on night club. Or guys who have a fat fetish. But I just don't have what you have, okay? Have I ever introduced you to someone and said ‘this is my boyfriend’s?
-Not that I remember…
-And you won't remember because there was never this person… The thing is, I am not pretty. I am fat. And no one really wants to know me. Specially guys. I act like people don’t affect me, but they do. So, it doesn't matter if I am smart or funny or whatever. No one will love you if you're unattractive. I used to hear that back in my school days and I hate to have figured it out it's true. It's real. No one could possibly want me. And that's why people like you and Sebastian and so many others can jump from relationship to relationship. I mean, there is an interview where Sebastian says ‘no matter what I do I always end up between Black Widow’s legs’. But he means it like it’s the most amazing thing in the world. Have you ever seen Scarlet Johansson? That woman is a Goddess so of course it is the best thing in the world. – you took a sip of your wine only to realize how sour it tasted now – Sebastian has always gone for model like woman ever since I know him. I am a fucking size 20. And I can't just take the fucking zero from that number and change its place. Therefore, he can't like me. No matter what I feel and no matter how much I try… It's impossible.
Victor took your hand in his and made you look at him.
-You couldn't possibly know how much it pains me to see you looking at yourself like this. – he said on the verge of tears – How much I am angry that you don't see yourself like I do. Do you have any idea how beautiful I think you are? Do you have any idea how I envy your fashion sense? Do you have any idea how many times I've said to Nick and so many others what a lucky bastard the guy who dated you would be? Too many to count. I am not saying that because I am your friend. I am saying that because you are truly amazing. Y/N, you are fat. And you are smart. And you are funny. And you are beautiful. And you are all of those things together because you don't have to be just one single thing. And Sebastian will be a fucking fool if he doesn't see that. Or any other man for that matter. You know what? I am texting Nick because I will marry you and he will be my dirt little not so much of a secret. You are my best friend Y/N, and I can assure you: any man who dates you is a hell of a lucky son of a bitch. And I will pay someone to beat whoever hurts you again, because let's face it, I am too thin and can't beat anyone up.
You both laughed at that and hugged each other, just enjoying the comforting bubble you two always build when together.
-Are you seeing him tomorrow? – He asked after a couple of minutes with the movie being the only sound in the room.
-Yeah. He has a photoshoot tomorrow afternoon and then a charity event. I have to go to both.  – you said almost in a whisper.
-Well, then let me doll you up. I love your fashion sense, but I want to make you extra.
-Oh God, I created a monster.
-Yes you did. Call me Frankie. Now, let's eat chocolate ice cream, watch some stupid horror movies and romcons, I will get those pjs I always leave here and tomorrow I will make you look even more stunning. Okay?
-Will you not do it if I say “no"?
-Absolutely not. You will be my beautiful size 20 doll and you will like it.
You smiled softly at your friend. Maybe dolling up a bit more wouldn't be that bad.
----------
The next day you woke up at 10 a.m., the latest you had ever woken up on a Saturday, to the sight of Victor already up and checking your closed for whatever he wanted you to wear.
-Good morning sunshine! - he said in a sing song voice – I've chosen the perfect outfit for you already, so get up, eat some leftover pizza, take a shower and put on that amazing matching underwear I got you for your birthday. Go on! There is also makeup.
Groaning you made your way around doing just as he said and, surprisingly, you were content with what he had picked out for you: black leggings, a black dress-like shirt with some sparkle in it that you adored, your favorite ankle boots and your favorite leather jacket. All black, but that would be great, especially for the art exhibit. So, you put them on over the sexy lingerie he had given you as a birthday present: also black panties and a nice bra all in lace. You actually loved it.
So you put them on, applied a bit of makeup and your favorite red lipstick that always made you feel a bit more powerful and left your room.
-Oh wow. Damn bitch, you look stunning. Hot and stunning. Hotunning. - Victor said making you laugh.
-Why thank you. I have a good stylist.
-I know bitch, I know. Now Let’s go. I’ll drop you off at Sebastian’s apartment before going to Nick’s.
After a short drive you hugged Victor goodbye and thanked him for helping you out.
-Y/N, we are friends, I have no problem helping you out any time of the day. I know you still think it’s impossible for Sebastian to be into you, but I will ask you one thing and one thing only.
-Fine, what is it? - you said rolling your eyes.
-Pay attention to him today. And try to not say “it’s nothing”. See if his behavior is still the same and try to think positively, okay?
Taking a deep breath, you opened the car’s door. - I can’t make any promises, but I will pay attention.
Waving him bye you greeted the doorman and went straight for the elevators.
Going up, you couldn’t stop thinking about what V had said, but a bigger part of you kept on thinking it was just impossible.
Shrugging the thoughts out of your head, you put on your best professional face and knocked on his door before using your spare key to get in his place. What you weren’t expecting was for him to open the door for you wearing only jeans, socks and no fucking shirt; making your eyes go bigger than plates and your mouth drier than a fucking desert.
-Hey Y/N! You’re here earlier than I expected. Come in, please. You look even more beautiful as usual.
-Good morning Sebastian. I’m sorry, I was just to let myself in. I should’ve brought you some coffee. - You said after cleaning your throat and trying to focus on anything but his muscles or what he had just said. After a few seconds to do just that, you turned to him again. - Are you wearing jeans today? It’s not a problem for the photoshoot, but it’s a bit underdressed for the exhibit. I should just pack you another set of clothes. - You said moving towards his room.
-Hey hey Y/N, it’s no problem. I can just change. It’ll save us some time, right?
And just like that he unbuttoned his jeans and started to take them off in front of you.
Usually, when he had to change shirts real fast, he would do it inside of a car or whatever and you always had a few seconds to prepare yourself. But he never, ever, changed pants in front of you before. So, of course, you turned as red as your lipstick and it took you a few more seconds than it should for you to turn around and try to not droll at the sight. Key word: try.
-I will just change real fast. Sit and relax, okay?
-Sure. - You could beat yourself for the high-pitched voice, but at the moment, you were just trying to get a grip on your heart.
You sat down on his very comfortable couch and took some deep breaths that were helping you calm down. That was until he came back in only his boxers and two pants in his hands, asking you which one would go better. This mas is trying to fucking kill you, you are sure of that.
-What? - your brain was completely mushed at this point and the only thing you could see was Sebastian fuckingly-handsome Stan in only black boxers and socks in front of you, so answering anything was just not possible.
-Which one of the pants will look better for the occasion? - He asked smirking at you.
-Ahn... - You forced yourself to eye both of them – The dark blue one. It goes well with pretty much anything, is dark enough for a night-time event, but also light enough to pass as a casual look. - Finally, one good and professional answer.
-Yeah, I like this one too. And It will make me look good next to you. - He said turning around and going to his bedroom again.
-As if you wouldn’t look good any time – You said under your breath. Only to then realize what he had said. What did he mean by ‘look good next to you’? He is really ill, that must be it.
The next time he left his room he was fully dressed and smelling better than ever. The bastard was using your favorite male perfume.
-So, let’s go? - he asked adjusting his hair.
-Yeah, sure. I’ll order us some light lunch when we get to the studio. I’m calling the driver.
-Or... - He said putting his hand on top of your phone. When did he get so close to you? - We could go get lunch together since we still have time and then go to the studio. - He said smiling expectedly to you. - I know a really nice Italian place not far from there that has one of the best tiramisus I’ve ever tasted. Besides yours, of course.
This man was just a fucking player and no one could tell you otherwise. He was looking at you like a lost puppy, bringing on your love for Italian food AND telling you he had actually eaten the tiramisu you made once for your birthday? Your favorite desert ever? What the fuck is going on?
-Are you ill? - You end up asking.
He looks surprised at that. - No. Why do you ask that?
-You are just acting very weird since yesterday. As your personal assistant, I need to worry. - You said hoping you were giving your best professional face, instead of the utterly confused one you were feeling.
He looked at you for a minute, as if looking for something, only to smirk back at you. - I fell amazing, Y/N/N. And I just want to have lunch with a beautiful woman who happens to be my assistant.
-O...kay... - There goes your brain and your ovaries. Again. - I’ll call the driver.
As soon as you stepped into the kitchen to make the call Sebastian let out a full-on smile, feeling proud of himself.
Since he first hired you, he knew there was something different in the way he felt towards you. He didn’t know what it was at first, but that changed when Anthony hired that stupid Jack as his assistant and he started to flirt with you. Sebastian could swear he saw red whenever the two of you were interacting. The only thing keeping him calm on those times was seeing how you didn’t care for his intentions or maybe didn’t notice at all.
He was no fool, he knew damn well what the media kept on telling woman how the ‘perfect’ body is and how many people would give you stupid looks whenever you walked beside him. And he could admit he also believed that shit for a while. He would always look for woman deemed as ‘perfect’: tall, slim, usually blonde with big boobs. And he always had his fun with them, but that was always it. They never had anything new. Gorgeous, yes. Some of them really smart too and some quite funny. But they were pretty much always the same.
Then he began to really notice you. You were really pretty at first and had an amazing fashion sense. You would always wear what you wanted and even leggings and jeans jackets would look really put together on you. But there was more to you than that. He started to notice how you would always throw your head back when smiling, how perfect your smile was; he took notice of the way you laughed and how you always tried to help people around you. He took notice of how much you loved your friends and how proud you were when any of them were successful. He took notice of the was your Y/E/C would change in the sun, how your skin always looked so soft, and then he started to notice how much he wanted to feel you.
Gosh, he wants to feel you. Your skin, your embrace, your heat, everything.
When he realized that he tried to tell himself it was just some crazy thought that would go away in no time. But then he started to not enjoy his hook ups so much. He didn’t feel like kissing of having sex with any other woman anymore. He started to feel guilty whenever you showed up at his place to send the woman away. And then, the last drop was when he actually moaned your name while fucking another woman. She was pissed, to say the least, but also agreed to wait until you got there.
He called Anthony the very same day when he went to the gym, asked to meet him there and told him everything.
“You do know you’re in love, right?” - Anthony said to him, back then.
“No, I’m not. I just... I don’t know.” - He said frustrated with himself.
“Okay, fine then, let me ask you this: If you’re not in love with her, would you be okay if Jack started dating her? Because he wants to.” - Anthony said watching his friend’s face transform into one of pure rage only to end up punching one of the sand bags that were near them. - “Thought so. The thing is why are you so afraid to like her? You’ve dated before.”
“It’s not that. It... It will sound stupid.” - He said sitting down and lowering his head.
“Good. Love should be stupid. Go on.” - Anthony said patting his shoulder.
“Shisatntmdiaillhafafilledday” - He said with his face in his hands.
“I’m sorry what? I don’t speak Romanian or whatever language you were speaking just now”
Taking a deep breath, Sebastian let go of his face and said slowly, in a whisper - “She is, you know, fat. And the media will have a filled day.”
Anthony’s hand fell off his shoulder and made him turn to his friend only to see his face contort in the angriest he has ever seen.
“You are fucking kidding me, right? Tell me you are kidding me, please.” - Anthony said with a tremor in his voice.
“I-”
“No, that was rhetorical because you better be damn kidding with me. You know what Sebastian, I came here because I noticed your feelings for her long ago as was just waiting for you to finally figure things out. It’s so obvious and the only person who hasn’t noticed is Y/N. Don’t you have any idea why she doesn’t notice the way you look at her or the way Jack constantly flirts with her? Because we live in a fucked up society and she probably had to live her entire life hearing that no one would love her because she is fat. As if that is such a problem. As if that is a good enough reason to forget how amazing she is. She pull a fucking tough face fin front of everyone, but if you look close enough she is always looking at thin woman with longing, desperately wanting to be like them, because of people like you who care so fucking much about appearance and made her think that is the only that would make anyone like her for her.”
He was almost screaming at the end of that speech, but Anthony didn’t care at this point. He just didn’t want to make more of a scene, so he took a deep breath before looking at Sebastian right in the eyes.
“You are handsome and you were always handsome. You never had to go to school and hear people making fun of you. I bet in school girls fought for your attention, just like some woman still do today. So, you have no idea what if feels like to be different, to not meet society’s standard of beauty and grow up with people constantly tearing you apart. Fuck society and fuck the media. Since when should they rule your personal life? But if you really think that Y/N being fat is such a problem, do her a favor and leave her be. She doesn’t need someone like that messing up with her heart. Okay?”
Anthony got up and left that day, but what he said replayed on Sebastian’s mind like a broken record. And thank the gods for that. Thanks to Anthony he realized the media could go fuck themselves. He is in love with you, not just for your body, but for you. He wants your body and he wants your heart. He just wants you.
That was when he decided the was done pretending and began to make anything in his power to make you his. Starting by not going for any more random hook ups and trying to see if you could feel the same way towards him.
He hoped you did.
----------PART 2
Ok guys, I wanted it to be a one-shot but Tumblr wants to get personal with me. So, Hopefully, this part 1 won’t have any problems. Thank you to @iamdorka for pointing the problem to me.
Tagging those who showered interest in this fic and I hope this works out this time:  @calumsbiceps96  @angelus320  @mikaelasingswritesloves  @nutmegroo1514 and I’m tagging my lovely mutual @andyl394 who I hope also enjoys this. Let me know of any problems again, okay?
Love you guys!!!
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bleedpure · 5 years
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         mark lee vc: LEZ GEDDIT   !   i’m al or ally, i’m nineteen, i’m in the cst timezone aka the midwest, so u know what that means   !   it sucks   !   i don’t even know how to transition out of that. i’m so bad at talking about myself, so i think we’re just gonna not do that.......   we’ll talk about seulki instead, which i can assure u he’s 100% more interesting than i will ever be   !   u can find his info under the cut and if u wanna plot hit that like button and i’ll come to u or u can hit me up on d*scord  ( which i would love tbh bc it’s easier than tumblr ims )  @ the jonas brothers did that#7625.   okay, onto the intro   !
- ̗̀✰ • 【 LEE MINHO, CISMALE, HE/HIM 】 ❝ did you see KIM SEULKI on the train back to hogwarts? they’re a HALF-BREED (VAMPIRE) in their THIRD year as a TWENTY year old RAVENCLAW. apparently they’re the ENIGMA around the grounds; most likely because they give off an aura of DROPLETS OF CRIMSON LIQUID DRIPPING OFF PEARLY WHITE FANGS, FORM FITTING JEANS THAT HUG JUST THE RIGHT SPOTS, HEART SHAPED LIPS CURLING INTO A DEVILISH SMILE, THE FEELING OF A PIANO PLAYING EERILY IN THE ROOM NEXT DOOR. of all the social media platforms, they’re definitely most obsessed with their INSTAGRAM; probably because they’re ELOQUENT, but also MANIPULATIVE. however, on the new manifest app in mr. carlos’ english class, they’ve already managed to anonymously steal the username: BLOODLUST. 
ALSO   !   if u want a better look at him, u can check out his pinterest board here  ( follow me too that’d be so sexy of u )   ! 
information.
i’m gonna just do this in bullet points bc i’m lazy and have had a really long week so if it’s choppy.... i am so sorry u are just gonna have to deal w it KMSKSMK
seulki was born in seoul, south korea to a kang insoo, a wizard man, and kim eunbin, a vampire woman, seulki himself being her first born
he doesn’t remember much of his own father, the only image he has of him is his bloodied corpse after his mother ripped his throat out when he was five years old
she was a cruel woman is what he had learned from that moment on
most half-breeds are misunderstood creatures, but the kim line of vampires were the monsters they told u abt in horror stories, the ones that hid under ur bed and took u from ur room in the depths of the night
being descendants of vlad the impaler, yes he really was a vampire!, had death and destruction lacing through their veins, darkness and deceit wrapping around their bodies
growing up, he watched his mother give birth to three more children, all of which were full fledged vampires, unlike himself
at first, he never let it bother him, he was raised up to be a vampire, to let the magic gene within him go dormant. he fed off humans and shed the blood of other’s with the influence of his mother, but even being her puppet was never enough for her
secretly, she had always resented her falling in love with a wizard, a human, someone that wasn’t of their own kind. because she did actually fall in love with him, only to be blindsided by her own family, a powerful clan of vampires pulling who she was and who she had always been out of her
because of the resentment matted in between her bones, the anger and frustration of her family ruining her life, of insoo ruining her life, she began to see the human traits within seulki even more often than not, creating a drift and a barrier between the two of them
seulki was the eldest brother, the one who took it upon himself to help raise them, to protect them, to never let their bright souls be diminished by the thought that they were monsters. they loved him and he loved them, but his mother didn’t like that
she didn’t like how they cared for each other because they cared for each other  more than they cared for her. she was selfish, wanting the love she never was able to receive, wanted to feel smth for all that she didn’t
his mother hadn’t been fond of him for a while, only using him to do her bidding and while him and his siblings got closer and closer, she got angrier, knowing that they were each others’ heartbeats and she wasn’t included in that
so because of her selfish and deranged nature, she wanted to eliminate her younger children to cause torment to seulki. ganging up on the children one night with the intent to kill them, but she didn’t get as far as she wanted to
she severely injured her second oldest, giving a few scratches the the other’s before seulki came in, eyes black and charging towards his mother. it was a bloodbath after that, the two youngest pulling their sister to safety as they called for seulki
their cries and calls snapped him out of his loss of humanity and in front of him was his injured, but not dead mother unconscious. it was then that he took his chance, packing whatever he could that was valuable and fled with his siblings
they spent time spent a long time running, bouncing from city to city more bloodshed falling onto seulki’s hands to protect the only people he held dear to him and he would do anything for them.
he struggled a lot actually with maintaining his humanity as it would slip from time to time due to the trauma even if he had his siblings to tether him down. at some point, seulki, while strong, felt himself getting exhausted from being on the run and it was when they’d found themselves in scotland being found by hagrid of all people offering seulki a place at hogwarts and his siblings a place in his hut
at first, seulki declined, not fully trusting the man with his siblings even though he would be right in the castle near by. but, after some thought and the push of the second oldest, they accepted the offer and seulki’s been attending hogwarts since he was eighteen and his siblings have found a residence with hagrid
tidbits.
he ages like a normal human up until he’s twenty-one when he quits aging and begins the phase of immortality.
seulki can and will drink blood to survive, but if he goes without it it’s not detrimental to him until he quits aging altogether which means he can eat regular food, he actually quite enjoys it.
he has fangs, he can go out into sunlight, but not for an excessive amount of time or he’ll get a rash. seulki does have inhuman speed and strength, but nothing overpowering u know? when he loses his humanity, his eyes go full black and when the vampire takes him over, his eyes are red, and his regular eye color is brown.
losing his humanity means he loses his heartbeat, most of the time either due to losing the things or people that make his heart beat or from intense and severe anger or negative emotions such as the like. though, it can be voluntarily done as well by switching it off  ( kind of like tvd . . . fucking disgusting ). but, seulki being only half-vampire has an easier time, unlike his siblings, to regain his heartbeat back and for his humanity to fluctuate when it’s lost because of his human side. his siblings are his heartbeats actually, so that’s where the intense need to protect them comes from as well as just being their brother.
seulki is a Big Bi   !   loves it fucking all.
he’s not super great at magic since his magic gene was pretty dormant until he came to hogwarts, so he’s pretty much just skirting by at this point.
his siblings mean the world to him, he would do absolutely anything for them and wouldn’t let a single person harm a hair on their heads. but   !   no one knows they exist, though i’m sure if there were special people in his life they might   !
while he sleeps around a lot . . . he’s a secret romantic. he’s always wanted to find love, but it way too terrified of it. 
oh yeah he has a blood kink............ that’s important ig
personality.
seulki is definitely an interesting person. he’s wise and intelligent, having been through a lot in his life. he’s eloquent and good with his words, most would call him honey-tongued because of how he can persuade almost anyone to do what he says. seulki is kind of a dick or well, like a suave dick. he’s charming and flirty, his signature is a smirk and like arms crossed as he leans against a doorway u know? seulki is uh. how do i put this? kind of a whore. he doesn’t tend to care about others which is deep rooted in the fact that he’s never felt real love . . . his own mother hated him to the core. he’s overprotective of the people he cares about and will do absolutely anything for them. he’s an ass if i didn’t mention that before, it’s to protect himself and his siblings from ever being hurt again because he’s so terrified of letting people in for them to just tear him down in the process. he’s guarded and u never know what he’s thinking because he doesn’t show it on his face or let u know. UH I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY MY BRAIN DOESN’T WORK............ he’s p manipulative............. uh he cares a lot. but deep down and he doesn’t want ppl to know that........... he’s definitely a Big Brother type when he cares abt u, makes sure u’ve eaten, makes sure ur warm and are comfortable....... yeah idk that’s it i’m done
wanted plots.
A HEARTBEAT   !   — whether platonic or romantic, this would be someone who, just like seulki’s siblings, makes his heart beat thus keeping his humanity in check, they would be a WHOLE, WHOLE lot to him. 
A TUTOR   !   — as i mentioned earlier, seulki isn’t super well versed when it comes to magic, he’s not very good at it and it’s hard for him to navigate sometimes, so having someone to help him get his mf grades up would be lovely !
AN EX   !   — obviously, this didn’t go down well because seulki is terrified of commitment and people getting close to him. it could play out in so many ways, so if it sparks ur interest we can chat !
A ROOMMATE   !   — so which sucker is gonna have to live with the vampire who has a blood kink ?
A BEST FRIEND   !   — obviously this is pretty self explanatory, this would be someone that seulki trusts with probably his life and they mean a lot to him, even if he’s bad at showing it.
LOVE/HATE   !   — bruh give me that good shit. these two can’t stand each other, but because of that it’s formed some sort of fondness where if anyone is messing with the other they’re like who tf are u that’s my job   !
A BAD INFLUENCE / GOOD INFLUENCE   !   — self explantory . . . someone be a good influence for seulki and let him be a bad influence for someone else.
AN UNREQUITED CRUSH   !   — my friend gave me the idea to maybe have someone have a cute little crush on seulki . . . and i was like but that’s SO sad........ then i was like u know what i love pain so here we are........ also could be requited we shall see   !
FUCK BUDDIES, FRIENDS/ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS, FLINGS   !   — i’m just getting lazy at this point to explain this shit . . . fuck him, let him fuck u he’s a true vers my friends.
OTHERS   !   — cuddle buddy, old friends, confidant, rivals, skinny love, annoyances, a brother/sister type of relationship, and if there’s anything else we can just vibe   !   tbh we don’t even have to do anything from this list, whatever fits the muses, these are just ideas   !
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svtskneecaps · 5 years
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ok so idk if y'all know this but in the 'states schools do graduation walks so here's how mine went
((basically it's when seniors go back to their elementary schools {5-10 year olds ish} and prove to the kids they can make it to graduation))
so mine was at 2:00. if i were taking finals that would have been an issue since the final period didn't end until 2:15 and my elem school was 15 minutes across town. lucky for me i'm not taking finals. unlucky for me we were watching high school musical 3 and i had to leave right before the boys got back can i get a rip in the chat
so because i was staying to the last possible minute i was running a little late (luckily i still remembered how to get there). so true to form, i'm sprinting up the walk, clutching my keys, late just like every other day of elementary school. i burst through the door into the office, my hair's a mess, my robe isn't zipped, my cap isn't on, i'm winded, i'm panting, i'm shaking like a leaf partly from nerves and partly because it's cold, and i survey the gathered seniors, and
i am the only one in a different color
cause see i was expecting a green or two, maybe a purple or something, but NO
i get a WAVE of navy blue
granted there were only like 11 of us but still. they're in like tumblr blue. i'm in youtube red i mean i stand the fuck out and right away i'm like oh fuck
and they start the walk through the halls and i thought i'd be safe and in the back but no, i almost ended up first, and this guy i definitely didn't remember but definitely remembered me held the door and was like "after you" and i'm like haha fuck that "no after you" so i ended up second, and my hat's like sliding off because how the fuck do you wear those caps anyway and at least my robe's zipped up now and we hug the teachers we had that are still there (out of my four regular teachers, two were still there, and maybe three specialists, everyone else dipped for bigger and better ig)
and then some of the kids stop for a picture or something so we pause the walk to wait for them and i don't wanna just stand there so i start high fiving some kids and yknow once you give one kid a high five more start sticking out their hands and suddenly there's a forest of children's hands for me to high five and then whoops in my whackamole quest i end up in front
which ig i should've been there the whole time, being the only one in a different color, but i digress. i forget how to walk around people who make me nervous and guy-i-don't-remember-but-remembered-me makes me nervous both bc i definitely should and bc i feel bad i don't and also bc he kinda cute not gonna lie
but anyway i made it to the end alive and we did the fight song which i still remembered somehow and then we took a picture and i kinda hung back bc usually i would find a nice spot in the back but i'm the only one in color so i let the photographer place me and then we went to go see our old teachers
and idk if i've mentioned this before but everyone from our elementary school went to {north} middle school and i went to {way far away} middle school just by virtue of arbitrary district lines, so everyone in tumblr blue probably went to school together and i haven't seen them in like ten years so i felt wayyyy out of place and they'd mention all these things and i'm like i literally have no recollection of this event JUST SMILE AND NOD (the guy was like "did you go to {north}?" and i was like "haha no :')" i went to a middle school across town and completely started over and then did the whole thing again for high school haha no wonder i'm unconvinced i'll see any of these people after school ends)
so anyway we interrupted some classes or whatever but so ends the part of the story relevant here bc the other parts are only relevant with background knowledge i'm unwilling to give online
(middle school names were omitted for privacy reasons)
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Childhood Trauma Rant (Content Warning- desc. of abandonment and just being trans and hurting, age regression ig, idk just sharing my experiences don't really specifically identify with that.)
I've realised through my tastes in fanfics and other things that what I want and fantasize about is indeed my child self wanting to heal all the shit I went through.
As a kid, I had these two issues.
I used to cry, a lot. I didn't understand why, and I didn't want to. You want to know what happened when I cried and couldn't stop crying? I was put in my room to calm down. It took me HOURS. Imagine being 4 years old in a room pacing around trying to stop crying but you just cant. I was FOUR YEARS OLD. and apparently that's literally abuse because children that young aren't capable of self soothing. You wanna know how I interpreted that? As abandonment and so now obviously I feel like every time I cry I feel like I'm being selfish and don't deserve to cry or be around people because I should know how to be better.
second
I was in a lot of emotional pain as a kid, and now seeing that crying was off the table, I talked. and talked. and talked.
You wanna know what adults did? They let me talk and talk and talk, and they didn't listen to a word of what I was saying. They let me go on and on and on like broken record and i felt like no one was listening to me, they literally were like, and i remember this, you're a kid hahaha funny talking child. Very clearly fine. Normal kids def talk this much.
I was crying for help. No kid desperately vys for adult figures attention like that unless they're, uh huh, *drums* desperate. I wanted somebody to notice how clingy i was, set boundaries, and ask me why i was saying all of those things.
So- you wanna know what fanfics I read growing up? HURT COMFORT MOTHERFUCKERS WHERE THEY ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF THE PERSON. and second WHEN THEY LISTEN AND SET BOUNDARIES AND CARE ABOUT THE PERSON.
that shit slaps so hard and it's literally just child me trying to have some peace.
AND HE'S STILL SAD. HE'S NOT HAPPY YET.
I feel like I have to carry around this sad little motherfucker with me every where I go and he gets in the way because he's so fuckin touch starved and im like no we're 16 and our parents suck and we have little to no friends we don't have anyone like that. I am 16 now, and I'm realizing just how young I was before and how I was still literally a child.
It probably doesnt help that everyone called him a girl and I now can't identify with the little girl in pictures. When I think of myself as a child now im a little boy not a girl... and I feel like thats an ego I've always had I just havent felt like ive been allowed to identify with until recently. That hurts.
Meanwhile in class, this stupid ass 5 year old brain is like- nice teacher please rock me to sleep-
And I'm in class dealing with the fact that I'm uncomfortably imagining my teacher in this way when I'm trying to learn about the Protestant reformation. Jesus christ please I just want to learn about Constantine do you know how hard that is when your eyes start unfocusing and your brain starts going all fuzz-
when you come back it's embarrasing af , even when its just you and yourself. Because you're 16 years old in sophomore Humanities and you just realized you've been acting like a child all class. Even if no one else knew, you know, and it feels like an infringement on the version of you now. I could've really been present in the social dynamic, but no I tossed it all out. I felt out of control.
I remember going to school exhausted and exasperated that I couldn't stop being, i dont know, fuzzy. I wished I could be more present somehow, but i just couldnt put my finger on what or how or why.
Whats good now is that I know whats happening, i used to just, float in and out, and that was, dangerous? I dont know, it didn't feel healthy, anyway. I walked all over myself and didn't respect other people's boundaries in the process and I feel bad about that.
Now that i know whats happening I tend to manage myself better but shit. shit shit shit. ive lost so much time to this. Now that im out of my dads house, whatever this has been has gone down significantly, and i think it was living with him that reduced me to a state of maybe when he loved me more. Now I'm out, I want to grow up and be me for me, instead of hanging on to an attempt for validation Ill never get. I need to do things for myself now, its the only way Im truly satisfied.
All of this combined also probably explains why i'm eating disordered. I desperately want to have child body back if i cant have an adult male one- and i want to be taken seriously and cared for because i feel like people dont really care. when I stopped eating suddenly i was important again and I miss that, so much.
anyways. I went from reading tons and tons of gay smut (because i couldn't handle fem stuff I got really dysphoric) to basically searching for any and all "little" fanfics that I could find that were completely void of sexuality and I ended up finding them more emotionally satisfying. that in itself has made me really insecure because it's widely sexualised and that, is, disgusting.
scared of being judged for this ig-
but this is tumblr.
Btw age regression and smut don't mix it's, horrifying... it's intellectual pedophilia.
tl:dr, I was lonely kid, couldnt handle growing up, essentially i feel as though i couldnt emotionally mature, still act like f-ing 5 yo because im sad
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angelaiswriting · 6 years
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I Still Love You | Marco Ilsø x OC
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[Pic above is ‘mine’ - PSD (not mine) here + image found on Pinterest. I’m a hoe for IG mockups, I’m sorry. Thanks Tumblr for lowering the quality when I add pics in a text post]
✎ Pairing: Marco Ilsø x OC
✎ A/N: I’m just so slow...
✎ Warnings: ... and I’m on my period and this makes me emotional, so I cried all the time while writing this. So I just don’t know, but if you find any let me know, okay? Please?
Word-count: 2524
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four
It had taken him almost two weeks to convince her, but eventually, he had managed to force a ‘yes’ out of her lips. And ever since that afternoon in the library she worked at, he had found himself smiling like a fool every day.
“You will scare her away if you keep that creepy smile on your face,” Alex had warned him, but Marco simply didn’t care. And, moreover, his friend didn’t understand. Couldn’t understand. Alex hadn’t scared his girlfriend away. He hadn’t ripped her heart out of her chest. He hadn’t got drunk at the wrong party, hadn’t done what he had done. Alex didn’t know what it felt like, watching as someone he had once loved with all his might tried to get back up on her feet to go on with her life. Didn’t know what it felt like to see Anna take care of his nieces, or how he hadn’t found it in himself to wash the pullover he had lent her. He couldn’t hear nor feel the way his heart kept beating inside his chest, threatening to break his ribs.
All that mattered was that Anna had accepted to come to their New Year’s party – anything else lost its meaning. He had spent days looking for the perfect birthday gift for her and had ended up buying the bracelet Alex had suggested. It was shiny, the thin material catching the light even now, under the dim lights of his bathroom. It could mean ‘it’s nice to have you back,’ or ‘I’d like another chance, go back where we were before I fucked up,’ or ‘please, don’t exit my life again, I couldn’t survive it.’ All things he knew he wouldn’t be able to tell her. He wasn’t going to tell her he loved her, or that he still needed her in his life, still wanted to marry her and have her kids as he had always imagined before things went downhill.
And it was all because he was a stupid coward, he told himself. He could still see the hurt and betrayal behind her smile, could still see the sadness in her grey irises. And when he thought of the tears she must have shed… it killed him, there was no better word to say it.
It killed him that he couldn’t have her. It killed him that he had hurt her. It killed him that maybe, one day, she wouldn’t bear his children but someone else’s. And it killed him that he couldn’t go back in time, couldn’t fix his mistake.
When he looked up in the mirror, he saw Alex leaning against the door frame.
“Are you ready to go?” his friend asked. He was wearing a light pair of jeans and a navy blue button-down, but he was Alex and anything always looked good on him.
“Am I?” Marco honestly didn’t know. It wasn’t like it was the first time he was hanging out with her – though he still couldn’t understand why Anna had yet to yell at him to leave her the fuck alone – he felt as though this time was different, as though, somehow, it was special.
Alex reached him and grabbed him by his shoulders. “I don’t know, buddy. You tell me.”
Marco sighed and closed his eyes for a second.
To hell with the party! He was just going to call in sick, lay down on his couch and drown in his miserable memories.
“I think I need a drink,” he muttered, shoving the little black box with Anna’s present in his pocket.
His friend laughed and stopped him from leaving the bathroom. “Stop with all this shit, Marco,” he warned. “That girl is waiting for you to pick her up. What are you gonna do? Be a coward and not show up?”
Marco didn’t even fight to free himself from Alex’s hold. “What if I mess up again? What if I end up hurting her?”
“And what if you show her you’ve finally manned up and that you’re worthy of her forgiveness? Have you ever thought of that?”
Marco tried to say something, but his mouth opened and closed a few times before he slumped his shoulders and heaved a sigh.
“I’m taking this as a ‘no’,” Alex smiled. “Look, if you don’t’ take the risk, you’ll never know. She’s trusting you enough to let you near her again. And I might not know what happened between the two of you, but it looks like she’s willing to take the risk and see where this thing goes. You even bought her a birthday present! If you don’t go, what are you going to do with it? Leaving it in your pocket to remind you that once you pissed yourself at the thought of hanging out with the girl you’re clearly head over heels in love with?”
Marco shook his head and lowered his gaze. No, he couldn’t do this to her. He couldn’t get back into her life just to screw it up once more. “You don’t understand…” he trailed off.
“And then make me understand!” But when Marco kept silent, Alex groaned and let go of his hold on his friend’s arm. “Okay. Good. Stay at home. I’ going to pick her up and take her out for the night. Maybe I’ll even manage to not make you come off as a gigantic coward.”
Marco didn’t answer. He knew his friend wasn’t going to do something like that to him. He had yet to tell him the reason why Anna had broken up with him – and he wasn’t even sure he was going to open up on that topic with anyone for at least a millennium – but he knew Alex partially understood. But when he left the bathroom and Marco saw him entering his bedroom, a thrill went down his spine.
He wasn’t going to take his phone.
Marco shook his head. No, he wasn’t.
A few moments passed before he heard his friend’s voice talking with someone. “Hi, I’m Alex, Marco’s friend.”
He had never known how fast he could run until the thought of Alex calling his Anna crashed onto his shoulders. He cursed his stupid self for sharing his phone password with his friend. They were like brothers and he knew Alex’s PIN too but would have never thought of something like that.
Alex didn’t even see him coming. Marco just jumped on him from behind, sending him flying onto his bed and tore his phone from his friend’s hand.
For a second he thought it was just a joke. Alex had faked a call just to wake him out of his fears, but when he heard a voice coming from the speakers of his phone, he froze.
“What the fuck did you do?” he hissed, standing up and preparing himself to confront Anna.
Alex was grinning. “I woke you up.”
Marco scoffed and shook his head before pressing the phone against his ear. “Hello?”
“Marco?” Anna sounded confused. What was he going to tell her? “Is everything alright? Are you okay? Did something happen?”
He didn’t even notice the worried tone of her voice, too busy killing his friend with his eyes. “Yes, don’t worry. Alex was just pranking me.”
“God, good,” she sighed. “I thought something bad had happened to you.”
“What? No…”
Anna kept quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “Do you… Do you want to cancel the date?”
She couldn’t do this to him. She couldn’t show him how well she still knew him now. “No, no, how could you think something like this?”
“I don’t know, I just… I had a feeling, that’s all. I’ll wait for you, then.” He could almost see her smiling, relieved.
“I’ll be there soon,” he reassured her.
He waited for her to hang up before groaning. “I’m so going to kill you, hoe,” he warned.
“You’ll thank me when you’ll make her birthday,” Alex shrugged his shoulders, a stupid smug smile on his face, a smile Marco couldn’t wait to erase.
   When they reached her house, Anna was already outside. She was wearing a red dress, one that looked particularly good on her, and a black jacket, and her hair was braided into a braid that crowned her head like Princess Leia’s.
He hurried out of the car to open the passenger’s door for her while she hurried down the driveway.
“Hi,” she smiled, clutching her purse with both hands.
Marco smiled like an idiot. What was he afraid of? It was as if, suddenly, all his fears flew out of the window and he was left alone with her.
“Are you going to tell her she looks stunning or do I have to do it for you?” Alex’s voice startled them both. He had rolled down the window and was now poking his head in the freezing air of the evening.
“You’re the one who called me,” Anna recognized him and shook the hand Alex was holding out for her.
“Don’t mind him,” Marco stepped in, waiting for her to sit in the car. “He’s just an idiot,” he added, bending over to glare at his friend, sitting behind Anna. When he closed the door, he tried not to pay too much attention to the goosebumps Anna’s cool breath had caused to rise on his neck.
There was no good in deluding himself.
And when he sat down in front of the steering wheel again, he tried to ignore his friends giggling. Alex is not taking her anyway, he told himself. He was his best friend, his partner in crime: he knew he wouldn’t hurt him. It was just a joke. Just a stupid joke, nothing important.
He had been driving for ten minutes when Anna spoke up.
“This is embarrassing, you know?” she chuckled, glancing at him and then at Alex. “I’m still trying to decide if you’re just mad at each other or if you’re planning to kill me and drop me off somewhere.”
Alex laughed, and even Marco giggled. But then the stupid friend he had had to open his stupid mouth and answer with the worst answer he could come up with. “Marco’s just afraid of doing something stupid and scare you away.”
I’m so killing you.
He noticed Anna blushing from the corner of his eye, but when he was about to shut Alex up, she spoke. “Nothing bad will happen, don’t worry.”
The touch on his shoulder made him turn towards her for a second and he saw her smiling. She had faith in him, why couldn’t he have faith in himself, too?
    “I’m sorry for what happened in the car,” he muttered staring at Alex talking with a guy he did not know. “Alex can be… I don’t know, his behavior is beyond my understanding.”
“What happened in the car, Marco?”
He didn’t answer.
“Is that why your friend called me, earlier this evening? Because you were afraid of messing up and wanted to cancel?”
Marco stared at her but all he could see were her tears, her puffy eyes and the smeared makeup she had worn the night he had messed up for real.
“I don’t want to hurt you again,” he confessed.
“You want me to go back home then?”
No. “No!” The strength with which he grabbed her wrist scared him and forced him to let go as if her skin had burned him. “Please, stay. I’m just… nervous.”
Anna smiled and sipped her orange juice – it made him smile, the way she didn’t like alcohol.
Why was he like this? Why did he have to always ruin everything with her?
She was probably thinking of a polite excuse to leave because, heck! He himself was embarrassed by what he had said.
It was then that he saw Alex staring at him from the other side of the crowded room. He was frowning, his arms crossed over his chest. He knew his friend was losing what little courage he had managed to come up with.
‘For fuck’s sake, dude! Take her outside and give her her damn present!’ Alex texted him.
It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to do. It was more like he didn’t know how to do it. What if the bracelet wasn’t enough? Or what if it was too much? They weren’t even as close as he hoped anymore. And that whole car thing had ruined everything.
What was she thinking of him now?
Maybe it embarrassed her too much.
Maybe she’d rather be at home watching the X-Men marathon re-run.
She didn’t know anyone at the party, so maybe she was regretting coming in the first place.
“I’m sorry if I said anything awkward,” she started after a while, looking up at him.
She was uncomfortably leaning against the wall and he knew he should have introduced her to his friends, but what if they said the wrong things? Or what if some of them, even just one, decided to hook up with her?
He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, trying not to sigh again.
“I mean, you’re clearly not having fun. I’m not even sure you still want me here…” she continued. “I know it’s awkward between us since what happened, but I’m trying. I don’t know, maybe I’m failing, but just know that you don’t have to put up with me if you don’t want to. I mean, I shouldn’t be the one putting up with you, but I believe in second chances and…” When he met her eyes, she stopped. “I’m just trying to say that I’m not chaining you down, that if you want to go, then you’re free to go.”
Why was she thinking it was her fault?
“I don’t want to let go of you.” He put the glass down on the floor and grabbed her hand. “I just want to make up for what I did, but I… I’m too afraid of…”
“Messing up?”
He nodded.
“I’m scared, too, but if you never try you never know, right?”
He nodded again before shoving his hand into his pocket. “I bought you this,” he simply stated. “Happy birthday, Anna.” He put the little black box in her hands, sweating nervously. Why did it have to be so difficult? He waited for her to open it before speaking again. “It’s not the original box. The one that came with the bracelet was too big to fit in the pocket, but I have it at home if you want it and…”
“I love it, thank you,” she chuckled. “Can you help me with the clip?”
It took him more than he thought it would, but in the end, the bracelet was secured around her wrist.
“I’m glad you like it,” he confessed, relieved. “There’s something I need to tell you,” he added after a while, lowering his gaze again. “And you don’t have to say it back now. You don’t even have to say it back at all, but I just… need to let it out.”
She squeezed his hand harder. “Okay?”
“I still love you.”
Why is he like this? Also, Alex is my spirit animal in this shit.
PLEASE, CONSIDER LEAVING A COMMENT/MESSAGE/REBLOG SAYING WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS - IT’D REALLY MAKE MY DAY ♥
TAGS
Everything: @selldraug @aya-fay @saibh29 @fuckthatfeeling
Vikings/Vikings related: @sweetvengeancee @titty-teetee @float-autumn-leave @oddsnendsfanfics @kenzieam
If you’d like to be tagged in something or anything I write, just inbox me and I’ll save your name.
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hidden-otaku-stuff · 4 years
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(1) Hello I am back!! I'm sorry it's been long, these past couple of weeks have had me swamped with homework :( and yet I still didn't do it all 🤡 also get ready for a bunch of messages because 1.) responses and 2.) my thoughts on Lockscreens. Spoiler: I am Emotional haha. Aww, thank you :') I used to think it was weird to give yourselves nicknames but I'm past that now haha. Another one I go by sometimes is "Lizard" because I stick my tongue out a lot when I'm talking??
(2) and people think I'm cold blooded because I get really cold easily and like to bask in the sun. I mostly just did traditonal sketches and a lot of screencap redraws. I want to get into art again, but I'm taking it slow for now and focusing more on my writing. And I feel that too LOL. I'm going to start a blog dedicated to reblogging x reader fics that I like because I'm too embarrassed to do so on my main blog (I tell all of your followers 🤡)
hey Honeymoon! as long as you’re taking care of yourself, that’s all I care about 💞 i’m gonna post my responses into two parts. a Lockscreens segment after you send in the rest of your thoughts and a get-to-know-you part for now!
(also I’M FROM CA TOO AND WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU SENDING ME MESSAGES AT 3AM OML)
ngl, i feel like the best person to give you a nickname is yourself! i jokingly gave myself the nickname ‘Daddy’ and that’s literally become my “rave” personality LMAO. but i can understand why some people think it’s weird 🤷 honestly lizard is a bad-ass nickname !! i’m the same way - being in the cold makes me sooo sleepy and i’d rather bask in the sun 😂
i’d love to see your artwork or writing sometime! please feel free to send it over 🥰
(3) Honestly even with all my issues it's kind of nice being a hopeless romantic! Like you said it gives me the chance to day dream haha. Maybe I have my head in the clouds a lot but sometimes it's nice to be there. There's so many, but I think it's a tie between enemies to lovers and friends to lovers. I love the drama and comedy from the former but I'm so Soft for the latter, and that's highkey how I want my relationship to start.
(4) I think building that bond with someone before you even start dating them is really sweet, and having that connection by the time you commit to each other is 💓 I'm sorry you've been having writers block, that's the worst :( if it helps, the past two chapters have turned out amazing, I love them so much!! I think the closest I got to hardcore shipping something that wasn't canon was RinHaru? But there was also a lot of tension and affection in their relationship so I could see it being canon
there’s nothing wrong with having dreams! just so long as you can ground yourself at the end of the day. 
enemies to lovers is always the funniest for me to read TBH. because it’s such an inevitable cliche haha. friends to lovers though -- oooo my heart. 
the best relationships start with friendship. it’s the most authentic imo. like for me, it’s exhausting bearing my heart open to new people each time i want to get involved with someone romantically. but having someone who already knows you inside out??? swoon. what about a trope you dislike?
ah tyty, i’m glad you enjoyed them! the writers’ block wasn’t too bad for these chapters. i’ve had them typed up for a few weeks now :’) 
rinharu is so cute though! but Harukoto (or whatever the ship name is tbh) is super cute too. but maybe i just really like the best friend to lovers trope LMAO
(5) I just looked at their insta and !!!!!!!!!! that's so cute! I like bokuaka but I've never looked into it as much as others, but their art made me have Feelings lol. I think that is a good view to have on family tbh. I've developed a relationship with my blood family and we're close, but there's something special about the relationships and love you have for people you choose to stay with. I love Tiana!! I think she's a really underrated Disney character :(
(6) She really encompasses Disney's message of working hard to achieve your dreams, and she's a strong, independent woman without being closed off and rejecting her feelings. I think it's so cute and cool that she had that much of an impact on you :D Oof, I get that 💀. Men are gross 🤢 I don't get it very often because I live in SoCal and tbh to a lot of other people brown just equals mexican lol. They're right but I really don't look full mexican. Portuguese and Islander people can tell though
bokuaka art makes me have ~ feelings ~ i also really like @/liann1009 and @/maddox_rider on IG! (tbh idk if they have a tumblr whoops) liann1009 does a lot of OiHina whereas maddox_rider does bokuaka which is ridiculously cute too 🥰 
DUDE OMG YES!!! Tiana and Kita (from Atlantis) are under-rated QUEENS who deserved better!! we need representation out here in this b*tch!!! 
idek why, but some people think i look hispanic 🙃 but yes bby, men are gross and should be better!! i have yet to meet a man who deserves to stand on equal ground to me, imma be real. (2d men don’t count but y’know). does it bother you when people mistake your ethnicity? 
(7) Thank you!! Ngl it's kind of scary wondering about what the industry is going to be like because I'm sure I will run into a lot of biased people and sources, but learning to navigate that is just part of the job. Of course there's people who will read biased sources and attack you too, but you can't always escape those people :/ and thank you love, you're so sweet 💕 That's really admirable! It takes a lot of work and creativity to start a business, I'm sure you'll be successful 😊
(8) what kind were you thinking of? and psych is super cool too! Having that understanding of people and the world can be really eye opening and fun :D It's okay, he was one of my favorite teachers but looking back he was an asshole. He had his good/funny moments and did a lot for me, but he also abused some of editors in my journalism class, and some friends of mine :/ He wouldn't appreciate their work, sometimes insult them, and even encouraged my friend to not sleep for the sake of the paper
i’m positive that you’ll do just fine once you get out there! it seems like you have a pretty thick skin :) 
i really wanted to open a business to help support under-represented groups receive an education - with major focus on minority groups such as orphans/foster children, veterans, and the homeless. there’s so much logistics that tbh i’m too ~stressed~ to think about so i’m tabling that for awhile :’) 
bruhhh fuck that teacher. drop his addy, i just wanna talk real q 💞   if you can’t support all of your students, then there is no point in being a professor!! there is literally 0 reason to be rude when you’re in a position of power, especially when it involves someone’s passion, career, and/or education.
(9) I just remembered that there's a limit to how many asks you can send in a certain amount of time so if these suddenly stop I'm sorry! I'll come back when I can haha. I wouldn't say I'm all that great tbh, but I'm proud of a lot of my works LOL. My favorite part about it is using makeup and tools to just turn into something else. Wounds are always fun, but making yourself a gargoyle or some other creature is what makes it so interesting to me.
(11) I'm OBSESSED with the makeup and costumes from LOTR. It's my biggest inspiration. I can go on about it haha. That's so cool!! Being a part of the whole production, especially all sides to it, sounds so fun. Do you have any favorite memories from your time in high school? I'd love to hear them if you have any :O Confession: I have never seen any of those asdfkljvk. I know I really should though and it's on my to do list ! I've heard really great things about all of them !
imma be real, i didnt know there was a limits on asks LMAO. i did hear that they sometimes get eaten though, so i really hope that doesn’t happen 😅 
we all start somewhere. your first step will never look like someone else’s, nor should it. as long as it’s something that you can look back upon and be proud of and know that you’ve grown from, that’s all that matters! 
just imagining someone using makeup to turn themselves into a gargoyle has my head spinning  🤣 like ya girl can barely do her eye-makeup, let alone anything as intense as that! what’s been the most difficult project? 
DUDE, I LOVE MEDIEVAL-HISTORICAL WORKS! like the dresses from that Mary from Reign wears has my heart so softtttt. dfsnosdf. please!! tell me some of your fav things about LOTR  💖
omg high-school was so long ago, i don’t think i have any favorite memories from it 🙃 i think the opening night of a production would be the best. listening to the audiences reactions as the performers left their hearts on-stage, seeing all the pieces fall together, that was always absolutely incredible. wbu, what did you enjoy about hs? 
i have very strong opinions on those musicals LMAO. i can talk about them forever  🤩
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makateggy · 6 years
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100 questions to invade my personal life - (Answered)
1. What's your middle name, and do you like it? - Guitoria ,Yes
2. are you artistic? - Sometimes
3. Have you had your first kiss? - Duh, yes.
4. What is your life goal? - See my kids grow happier than I ever was
5. Do you have any expieriences with a famous person? - Yes
6. Do you play any sports? - I play volleyball waaaay back
7. What's your worst fear? - cancer
8. Who's your biggest inspiration? - my dad
9. Do you have any cool talents? - singing
10. are you a morning person? - nope
11. How do you feel about pet names? - uhhhh meh
12. Do you like to read? - nope
13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life. - Too manyyyyy. Though I might say, the most recent one is Goblin because that introduced me to Kdramas, which I’m currently addicted to. Lol.
14. Do you care about your follower count? - here? Nope. Ig, yes lololol
15. What's the best dream you've had? - secret
16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender? - smooch? Yes. Torrid? Yasss lol
17. Do you have any pets? - nope
18. Are you religious? - nope
19. Are you a people person? - yes
20. Are you considered popular? - hmm, not really
21. What is one of your bad habits? - impulse buying
22. What's something that makes you feel vulnerable - relationship with others and conversations about family
23. What would you name your children? - Juno Cassiopeia , Jill Alaska lol
24. Who's your celebrity crush? - Ji Chang Wook, Cole Sprouse, Kat Dennings
25. What's your best subject? - ?
26. Dogs or cats? - neither
27. most used social media besides tumblr? - instagram
28. best friends name - Cha
29. who does your main family consist of - 😏
30. Chocolate or sugar - chocolate
31. have you ever been on a date? - yes
32. Do you like rollercosters? - yes
33. Can you swim? - yes, but I don’t know how to float.
34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse? - make sure my family is safe
35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder - post partum? Stress? Paranoia? Hahaha
36. Are your parents together? - yes
37. What's your favourite colour? - black
38. What country are you from/do you live in? - Philippines
39. Favourite singer? - Hayley Williams
40. Do you see yourself being famous some day? - before, when I was younger
41. Do you like dresses? - yes
42. Favourite song right now? - I Told You So
43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - depends on who am I talking to.
44. How old were you when you first got your period? - why the fuck are u asking this? Grade 5
45. Have you ever shot a gun? - toy gun
46. Have you ever done yoga? - nope
47. Are you a horror girl? - yaaaaas
48. Are you good at giving advice? - yes
49. Tell us a story about your childhood. - family wise - sad. Life in school till college - awesome.
50. How are you doing today? - bored
51. Were you a cute kid? - yes lol
52. Can you dance? - yes
53. Is there anything you do that you can't remember ever not doing? - singing
54. Have you ever dyed your hair? - yes
55. What colour are your eyes? - black
56. What's your favourite animal? - snake
57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself? - yes
58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? - yes
59. Do you have good friends? - yes
60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group? - yes
61. What's your favourite class? - PE
62. List all the tv shows you are watching. - ugh too many
63. Are you organized? - yes
64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion? - Coco. *ugly crying*
67. Which tv character do you relate to most? - none
68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness? - money
69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing? - travelling the world
70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die? - having my family. I can’t imagine living forever without them with me. I wish they’d never die too.
71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you? - none
72. If you could start over, what would you do differently? - I’d take College seriously.
73. Would you break the law to save a loved one? - yes
74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new? - last month
75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind? - kids
76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today? - none 😪
77. What did you want to be when you were a kid? - A Doctor
78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking? - my job
79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have? - hay why are you too deep??? Hahaha
80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence - In the next five years, I’ll be at a higher position in the company and we are living in our own house, having our own car and sending our kids in a great school.
81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like? - I’m a rich and famous singer
82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity? - woah hard question, I’ll pass.
83. How would you spend a billion dollars? - Help my parents and my mother-in-law, donate some to charity, invest.
84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future? - past
85. What motivates you to succeed? - my kids
86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most? - pursuing my passion
87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why? - City. I’m scared of the woods.
88. Do you believe in life after death - No, that’s why I’m scared to die because I feel like there’s nothing else after that.
89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they? - My theater adviser. She survived cancer and still taking care for her sickly mother and the whole family.
90. What’s your fondest childhood memory? - Vacations in my Lola’s house.
91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why? - My mom. I always want to have dinner with her.
92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy? - Seing my family happy
93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life? - People will always rely on you as long as they know you can’t say no to them.
94. What do you think happens after we die? - we rot.
95. What would you do if you would be invisible? - I’ll run around naked
96. What's something you can't do no matter how hard you try? - stop my husband from playing dota hahahahahahaha huhu
97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring? - nope
98. How did your first crush develop? - peer pressure
99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? - yes, cravings
100. Do you live or do you just exist? - I fucking L I V E !
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peppersbian · 4 years
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9 August 2020
Say two of trying to journal every day lol. It's 2 am ish. I'm trying to go to bed earlier since online school is starting soon and my current sleep scheduLe is ass.
I'm also trying to establish like a routine of talking abt my thoughts every night before I go to sleep because I feel like part of the reason I don't go to sleep is cause I stay up laying I bed thinking about shit and feeling bad and not haven't any sort of outlet for it.
I find myself actually not feeling like complete and utter shit for once which is surprising. At least, in the scale I'm usually operating on. I feel like my scale is usually like
borderline suicidal -> shitty but bearable -> neutral
Haha how fucked up is that. I'm just having trouble actually enjoying things lately it feels like. Even playing fire emblem or other games just feels like a way to occupy time and isn't like,, fun? That's not really right because I do enjoy it and love it and it'll makes me feel good but "good" on this scale is neutral. It's nice tho not just laying in bed wallowing in my own shitty feelings.
To be honest I don't really know what I wanna write tonight because I'm kinda okay right now. Last night I write about my dysphoria bc that was one of the things most tearing me apart but it's far from my only issue. Not to mention, my real issue is all the shit with Oliver and Evan but god I don't wanna get into that because it'll probably put me in a mood and idk if I'll really be able to solve it by writing for another hour.
Honestly it's just kinda hard to sit and chew on my thoughts because this state of goof neutrality is sustained by not addressing my problems and I really don't want to break it.
I'm frustrated and the situation with The server is really not going up end until I kinda sort through my own shit. Because even after like a week of having the server muted and minimally interacting I still feel like shit and hate it there and interacting.
I think a small furstartion I have is that I have to be the one to slog through my ahit all on my own. And that it feels like no one really gives a shit about me enough to stick with me. I feel like I'm really just some accessory or sidepeice to take care Ofer entertain these children. Unpaid babysitter hours. I've tried to distance myself from the "therapist friend" because thats a shitty and unhealthy relationship dynamic but they don't even alwnoedlge that and if I were to tell them they'd just get all sad and whiny or like "Aw I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel that way" without actually understanding the toll it's had on me.
No matter how much I talk or try and explain my feelings or opinions it feels like no one understand me. And it's frustrating. That I have to cater to everyone else and sidestep my needs and feelings for other people's comforts and understanding. God it's fucking frustrating especially with Evan and olli. Emotionally unintelligent and mouthy. They really gotta stick their noses in everything but never actually do anything of value.
I hate even looking at their names. I know I hate talking to them and seeing them on tiktok it Instagram but even just looking and wrong out their names makes me feel shitty. I don't really want them to turn into another sarah Bc lord knows I don't need another sarah but god do they make it hard to like them. I haven't even talked to either of them in like a week because I hate it so much and yet all this fucking resentment is finally kinda just boiling over and they're so frustrating.
I don't really want to get into it right now. Because I don't want to ruin my mood and it's also been about an hour and I want to get this posted.
I think that's one think I like about this format is that is very final. I write my thoughts and a post. They're not just tucked away in my drafts forme to see and dread later and it's not in a wierd enough place like notes or docs that I get anxious other people could see. Funny how a public tumblr provides more privacy than other things. It's just me claiming my own space I guess. I think establishing these boundaries and safe places is healthy.
God I hate using those words. Makes me sound like a creep. A tumblr creep who gatekeeps and fakes and has no life or god fuck you know what I mean. But I guess I have to be therapist Jess for myself and those are the fun and sexy clinical vocabulary that fiancés yourself from any actual emotions you feel. Bluh. Makes me feel bad again for not having any friends and only having myself. I just want someone to take care of me. Or just care about in general I guess. But I think that also would require more vulnerability than I would like.
That's kinda the paradox Ig. No one can take care of me like I can but o can't provide the sense of belonging and love that someone else can. People are falliable.
Ugh that's another think j hate sounding like. Some pretensions mother fucker. But I'm not explaining shit to anyone just emoting? Still hate sounding like that though. I just can't win. Everything feels like a loose loose no matter what choice I make. Eugh. I feel like I did ruin my mood. I'm just kinda down. No longer that nice neutral. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Good night. Lol
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