#again its exhausting

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[cali]

thank you tipsilon you will keep us warm

#art #its 2am now and i sat on this from early in the morning with interruptions though #i made myself a perfect drawing day though perfectly configured #and the mental facilities boost from drawing + coffee always gets me in hyper mood and it makes me make more tumblr posts #this is in the style of the one with the rocket launch site and the splitheaded witches again #the other cave painting looking one #i was thinking about winter so hard it was exhausting now its kind of released a little bit

[nordidia]

raphie doodles from a rage filled day

(first one is the only kinda /srs one, u can laugh i promise bc if this wasnt me i'd laugh my ass off /pos) i had to project. also i love my friends sorry i yelled at yall xx

just period thingz... surely it has nothing to do with my genuine anger issues. no its just all hormones i promise guys. trust.

its a little pathetic i was genuinely warm inside and inches away from trashing my desk for ZERO FUCKING REASON. WHY?!?! WHAT THE FUCKAEHNGHJSDAGHAH send me to hell im begging

that second panel is something i actually do irl to iben when i need him to stfu so fucking immediately and he has dubbed it "the jojo stare" and its so fucking funny until i need him to stfu so fucking immediately (he drew this one time when i did it at him)

#AS IM POSTING THIS I REALISE THAT THE BACKGROUND IS ALOT DARKER THAN I USUALLY DRAW IN IM SORRY GUYSSSS I HOPE ITS OKAY STILL #ALSO the tales are true i genuinely exhausted (and overstimulated) myself from being mad for no reason #my life is a sitcom #ah shit guys he's on his period again #F #my art #nordidia art #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rise raph #rottmnt raph

[bugbuoyx]

One manifestation of anti-transmasculinity I see again and again, primarily in discussions about the existence/denial of anti-transmasculinity is the treatment of transmascs in the same way cis men treat feminists as hysterical women and rad/feminists treat men as ignorant beasts. Of course these really just echo each other in that the other is deemed lesser but it's really in the wording.

You do not, can not ever understand misogyny, you are just ignorant sluts vieing for attention, what happened to you wasn't that bad, you're exaggerating, it was just a joke, it doesn't matter, you deserved it, you're being dramatic, who cares, who cares, who cares. Just shut up already.

#transandrophobia #transphobia #anti-transmasculinity #almost all of these examples have double meanings #its a joke echoes the obvious but it also echoes about rape jokes irt men such as the classic prison soap #or how the rape of men in general is treated as a joke/deserved #of course r/a/d feminism is fucking horribly pervasive throughout tumblr/the queer community its. exhausting #it makes me just want to stop and never talk to other queer folks again how did it get like this? #tldr stop and question why you think someones opinion *of their own experiences* are worth less than your opinion

[warpfactor9]

how am i supposed to be normal about star trek when [cunty spock voice] why THANK you, CAPTAIN mccoy.

#the immunity syndrome #is an exceedingly normal star trek episode #featuring hit classics such as: spock willingly does something insane that will likely kill him #bones and spock enter a bitchfest at the beginning of the episode that continues until the very end #kirk has Loves Bones And Spock Disease and its terminal #risking the entire enterprise for spock #uhura doing her job perfectly despite deranged circumstances and ailments Once Again #and scotty being the most exhausted bitch in outer space #star trek: tos #spock #james t. kirk #leonard mccoy #spones

[alienssstufff]

Your gegg is soooo cuteee 💘💘 I don't know how you do it but you draw this specimen perfectly

ty! the secret is egg :]

#ask stufff #stufffsart #slimecicle #gegg #qsmp #qsmp spoilers #so like this tweet (NOT fucking calling them xeets) has been haunting me for days its crazy #its crazy! like its funny yet horrendously true - the idea of gegg (q!Slime) constantly going through cycles of himself essentially dying #and being reborn again all over as something else #watch him grow and become the thing people want him to be only to exhaust himself at the end of the day helpless #gegg shrivels up and is helpless and needs others to help him rest and get back up again as much as Slime tries to do these things by himse #f CAN U HEAR ME OUT THEREEEE #stufff rambles

[just-browsing1222]

Y'all...

I finished the big cross-stitch project. Might cry about it. Now I just have to make a companion patch that says "High Noon Over Camelot" on it. Definitely NOT in cross-stitch.

#description in alt text #it's 57 stitches at its tallest #that's too big for my frail constitution #fucking exhausting #the mechanisms #the mechs #high noon over camelot #cross stitch #the mechs fanart #i want to say never again but I really want a Ulysses Dies at Dawn patch #and that's about the same size #sooo...

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the artblock be hitteth Harder than normal, for tis not normal artblock. woe. Wally be upon ye

#im still So Inconsistent when scribbling him #he never comes out the same way twice #but then again. do any of us? #anyway i think the Misfortune of the past week finally killed my brain #its a tiny smoking poppy seed resting in the middle of my skull floor #too much all at once. cant art anymore #i keep pulling out my tablet and setting up to draw #and then i stare at the screen feeling mild to intense discomfort #i try to scribble. it comes out Horrible. #i put my tablet away and go stand in the middle of the kitchen #i come back to scroll on tumblr #i feel Despair. rinse and repeat #scribble salad #is it distressing? yes! one more to add to the ever-growing pile! #i need to start pre-packing for my inevitable move #sigh... dont wanna go.... #but its not like i have a choice! i quite literally have a single option which is to say! no option at all! #apparently if im in a constant state of severe stress for long enough my creativity completely breaks. shattered right down the middle #too exhausted. the Despair is too strong #and once again i am accidentally venting on a scribble post! sorry! please ignore this im just Saying Shit

[hella1975]

it's been pointed out on here before that a lot of terf arguments are actually rooted in sexist idealology that feminists fought and died to unnormalise decades ago and that's its own kettle of fish but one thing i also find very frustrating about this so called 'radical' feminism is that it's so... defeatist? like the moment you categorically label an entire section of society as Bad and Inherently Evil then there's also the implication that nothing can be done about it, and it completely takes all accountability away. saying all men are evil is just another way of saying boys will be boys. he raped her because he's a man. he hit her because he's a man. he didn't listen because he's a man - it's almost offensively oversimplified. there's no point trying to fix this issue in society because men are just Like That, okay! so now what? it's not like they're going anywhere, so you just accept that 50% of the population are evil and will forever treat you terribly and there's nothing to be done about it bc they're biologically predisposed to it? like is that fr the argument here? you're soooo radical for that

#this is coming from someone who used to very genuinely be a misandrist #ironically it was only when i started actually analysing my own feminism that i got MORE confrontational with men #and started respecting my boundaries a lot better BECAUSE i started holding them accountable again #like when men treat me like shit nowadays i dont just write it off as 'what did you expect? he's a man' i get MAD about it #because i EXPECT BETTER FROM THEM even if it's just tiny shit women have to deal with daily #i hold them to just as high a standard as im held to and i make them take accountability when they dont meet that #and whether you realise it or not even on a subconscious level the MOMENT you black-and-white blanket statement all men as bad #you stop holding them accountable. #like it is literally just boys will be boys. do terfs seriously not realise they're sending feminism BACKWARDS #like if a girl came to me with her trauma and people - other girls no less - tried to comfort her with 'yeah all men are evil' #id be fucking furious. like no he did that because he was a piece of shit that had it normalised to him that women arent to be respected #dont you dare let him off the hook with something as simple and uncritical as 'he's a man' #i promise you men like that will MUCH prefer a blanket statement such as 'all men are as bad as each other' #than actually being point blank told they're an abuser or a rapist. because being lumped together is comfortable and even empowering #wheras isolating their behaviour with words that are Bad and Ugly (LIKE 'rapist') is not comfortable at all and has heavy connotations #idk i dont think radical feminism is always bad on its own it can be v liberating. just terfs and misandrists that i have a problem with #dropping this post in a piranha tank and closing tumblr knowing im gonna have some thirty year old karen yelling at me within 5 mins #i probably wont respond to any terf comments bc they literally mentally exhaust me with their stupidity #but that also depends on my mood and ability to keep my mouth shut LMFAO we shall see

[gale-is-something]

i miss the days i filled pages and pages with anime characters, i cant seem to do it any more

#its been a week man im exhausted #genshin impact #diluven #diluc ragnvindr #venti #starring a pintrest pose yet again

[linovadraws]

Maud Blyth and Violet Debenham from A Restless Truth by @fahye/Freya Marske! They are my faves and I need to draw more of them because A Restless Truth is just wall to wall fanartable fun.

I've been busy with other life things and away from digital art for a whiiiiile, but I needed to post these before A Power Unbound comes out in November!!

#a restless truth #a marvellous light #the last binding #freya marske #maud blyth #violet debenham #seriously tho these are a few months old but lately i can't make myself draw anything #i have to relearn all over again and its exhausting lol #i guess that's why it's called a practice

[lesbianralzarek]

i have a lot of gripes with the way mizora's sex scene (and honestly the relationship she has with wyll in general (thanks, christmas animation)) is handled, but its not necessarily a terrible addition to an rpg where you can do some bad shit (iirc you cant fuck mizora if you assaulted the grove tho, so mostly good pcs even get this option). what is terrible is the lack of gravity given to it, and the fact that you can only betray wyll in this way. if you could also fuck gortash or shar, and doing so had tangible consequences no matter what, id be much happier with it. as it stands, a player who is in good standing with wyll (or doesnt play with him anyway) and is romancing astarion, shadowheart, or even fucking karlach (why is this not a dealbreaker for her???) gets away with it. why is fucking the woman who owns an origin character's soul and calls him her pet and turned him into a devil and has condemned him to eternal torment not a big deal?

it would also sting less if (and i say this as a lesbian) wyll had a sex scene. wyll is the only romanceable character with no sex scene, and his abuser gets a long-ass full frontal cutscene. come on. do larians writers understand that abuse against men is always bad, or is it okay when the abuser is a sexy white (coded) woman? wylls selflessness to the extent of self-harm is a core part of his character, but its fucked up that everyone gets away with hurting him. he only leaves if you attack other people (the grove), but you can do whatever you want to him personally. you cant hurt mizora, even though shes hanging out in. your. camp. because who gives a shit? hurting a black guy is a victimless crime in this game

#bg3 #sorry for putting yet another negative post reminding wyll stans yet again about racism in his tag but... its v relevant to this discussion #its exhausting going into his tag hoping to see happy fanart and character analysis and 10% of all the posts are like #'hey remember racism? and how badly hes treated?' #but you cant discuss this without bringing up race. its just... a core part of it #wyll ravengard

[pilferingapples]

I am, regrettably, thinking about Gillenormand

and I think--part of why he's so deeply unpleasant is because his basis of morality isn't centered around considering people as people, themselves, individuals with their own unique needs and wants , but as Roles

for Gillenormand, doing the Right Thing is not about how his actions actually affect other people, but about how well he's playing his perceived role (which in his case is Haute Bourgeoisie, with a pre-FRev understanding of that role)

This is why there's no problem for him with being generous, in paying his servants or offering individual charity or just giving gifts, etc; that's what a man of his station SHOULD be like, in his reckoning of the world ; it's a way of asserting his social status, arguably even a social duty in that (to him) it enforces social order. Servants, poor people, and/or the women and children of a household should expect financial largesse from their patriarch; certainly they shouldn't be independent of their betters! And a good bourgeois patriarch should be able to extend gifts on a whim-- it proves his security and enforces his social power. The flipside to this of course is that the beneficiaries of this should be Grateful, and above all should recognize the rightness of his authority here. He provides them with material possessions; they center their lives around doing everything he wants, and acknowledge his authority. Huzzah for the patriarchy!

So in terms of less material generosity, in terms of anything that would require considering his kids or his servants as fully separate people who not only could but even perhaps should have desires and plans that aren't About Him -- oh he's not having that. That is Defiance! Chaos! Romanticism, Probably! Scandal! The Reds!

Exceptions exist , to be sure-- if they fit a person's Role. Gillenormand is entirely fine with the idea that Marius is having affairs without telling him, that's what a good bourgeois boy should be doing! It's Fine if Magnon tries to extort money from him, with the implication of affairs-- that's playing into their respective social roles. But if his own daughter wants to talk about their family? When he said not to? HORRIBLE. Marius isn't psychic and doesn't spend enough time ferreting out Gillenormand's True Secret Meaning? Treachery! Marius is hurting him on purpose!

It's not entirely unlike Javert's concept of social order, although Gillenormand's version is nigh-inifinitely more complicated--but then, both he and Javert would probably agree that Gillenormand should be the one handling complexities; Javert only needs to know who he should Obey (practically everyone, by the rules either of them keeps).

if all of that's right, I think part of what's going on with him after Marius recovers is not just that he's realized Marius is able to operate independently of him and thus isn't someone he can bully anymore--it's that Marius is , in his eyes, really moving into being the acting male head of household, and thus the person the rest of them owe fealty to. Especially with Marius getting married and probably starting his own family, and ESPECIALLY especially with Marius being independently wealthy--he's becoming the center of the family, instead of Gillenormand.

I really hope that's right, actually, because if it is then Marius and his new role in the household is something Gillenormand won't be trying to work his way around to taking over the household again; this is the order of things and he's got his new role. But also: gad, what a depressing ideology. What a depressing person.

#Gillenormand #like his Belief System has its perks #again: I don't think a father in Marius' mold WOULD accept Cosette so easily #but overall: what an exhausting belief system. what an exhausting person.

[spectrumgarden]

I keep thinking about how no one seems to think about nuance when it comes to like, the concept of "autistic traits / symptoms" and discussing them, and how that is intertwined with the push to not consider it a disability. And its complex to discuss, but here's my convoluted thoughts. I know it's long but I hope people will take the time to read it.

There are in fact people who do fit some commonly associated with autism traits that are not impaired by them. Let's make up a guy, for a second:

They like routine and repetition a lot but easily handle change in them. For example they wear the same set of clothes for years with no desire to ever branch out, but if you made them wear something else they wouldnt really be bothered by it as long as they dont think it's super ugly, etc. They like to watch the same movies over and over but happily agree to watch other things with their friends when spending time together, and are engaged and interested in those movies. Etc. They speak very formally or choose "complicated" words for things that could be expressed easier. They however do not face problems with communication beyond annoyance of others because they're able to rephrase things easily to be understood, and they also have a normal back and forth in conversations and initiate conversations normally. They sometimes engage in subtle self stimulating behaviors and recognize the desire to do so during boring or stress inducing times (which pretty much everyone does, btw). They dislike loud environments but do not respond with melt- or shutdowns or any other "severe" reactions, and while for example preferring to go to a museum over a club, they easily go through their daily life in busy areas like city centers, shops or cultural events like parades without issues beyond like, mild annoyance and no desire to stay for longer than necessary. They have strong interests in seemingly random topics and spend quite some time researching or engaging with those, but they do not view the world through the lense of said interest, they do not neglect caring for themselves or fulfilling academic or professional responsibilities because they are so engrossed in their interests, they are easily able to hold conversations about other topics. I could go on.

This person would not be diagnosed with autism by any doctor who pays attention to the impairment clause of the diagnosis. They would probably be told "you're subclinical / you do not meet enough criteria / ..." While his person would probably relate quite a bit to (parts of) descriptions of (level 1 and / or low support needs and / or high masking) autism. And this is an imaginary person I made up, but these people obviously exist (and as a side note, are probably what people refer to when they talk about "everyone being a little autistic" etc)

And this person being told they're not autistic might be upset. Because clearly, they have so many autistic traits. They relate to so many videos! But the thing is! There is no impairment! The one thing that connects all of the symptoms related to autism to the actual diagnosis. This does not mean they do not in fact relate to the autistic experience. This does not mean these parts of their life or personality are fake / non existent / not important to who they are and how they experience things. But it is important to differentiate. If they consider themselves autistic, if the world considers them autistic, it waters down the definition to a point of being categorically useless from a medical standpoint, from a standpoint of figuring out who needs support and in what ways. Who needs (early) intervention, who needs extra support in school or at work or at home or in public.

And like. Humanity at large will probably always want to shove themselves into random categories. "Which character are you like?" "What is your personality style?" "What is your star sign?" or "which sports team do you support", and countless more come to mind. I dont think this imaginary person is wrong or silly for wanting to find a category of people they are like, or recognizing this similarity with some autistic people. I wouldnt even mind if they made up a non-clinical category / group of people who relate to autistic experiences without the impairment. It would get the point across that it is a group of people with shared experiences, but it is not the same as autism.

However autism is increasingly treated like something thats just a personality type without impairment, by people online and offline. And when they go "this is an autism symptom" without nuance, without looking at the need for impairment, or even differential diagnosis, it spreads that attitude. "Liking to eat the same foods is an autistic trait"... or is it normal to have food preferences to a degree if it does not cause you stress to eat new foods, if you are capable of eating other food if hungry and presented with them and not the food you prefer? Or is this person anorexic and their mind has created categories of "allowed to eat" and "not allowed to eat" based on arbitrary categories relating to their fear of weight gain? "Only eating with small spoons at home is a common autistic trait"... or is it a harmless preference as long as you are still able to eat food outside a strict routine set up with zero possible deviations? Or is it a person with OCD and eating with small spoons is a compulsive behavior for some sort of intrusive thoughts?

I could go on forever. But in the end, these short sentences are all the same. They are, at the same time: autistic experiences and allistic experiences, because they are so non specific. They are watered down and any additional information is removed.

autism is about a specific combination of experiences that impair you. That's literally all it is. It does not automatically turn us into a category of "other" that is fully not possible to relate to, because we are human too. And some of it will be relatable to people that are not autistic!

And there is value in discussions of experiences of autistic people that go beyond the impairment, as long as we do not forget about it, or treat it as secondary instead of the defining factor. I dont mind if autistic people bond over something they're not impaired by, that they see as a common experience, for example not easily going along with authority. Being creative. Preferring the small spoon (without being impaired by it while having other impairments), whatever, and call those common autistic experiences. But those are not the pillars of what make up autism and solely relating to them should not be your reason for calling yourself autistic. Neither should relating to commonly impairing symptoms without being impaired by your version of them. The impairments resulting from abnormal development are what makes someone autistic.

There needs to be more nuance, detail, when discussing autism symptoms. And the push to, at the very least, expand autism into an area of experiences that do not cause impairment of any kind, or worse claim it never caused impairment, need to stop. It does not help anyone.

I genuinely think part of the whole "everyone is autistic these days" crowd who likes to go after people and invalidate them has picked up on some of this, but they lack the skills to criticize it for what it actually is and / or they want there to be a simple solution, which is that everyone who calls themselves autistic online who does not fit their very stereotypical view is faking. They are wrong of course. But I dont think this comes out of nowhere. There is something to criticize about how autism is treated in many circles, especially among younger people.

I'm really not sure how to end this post because I like to come to some conclusions on my long posts but just. Uhm. The way some people treat "autistic traits" as completely unrelated to the impairment they cause while staying exclusively autistic traits is wrong. The way people try to redefine autism is harmful and in the end not needed because they could simply invent other words for that experience.

#actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic community #actually disabled #i feel like im poking a sleeping bear with this one. poking a hornets nest. whatever #but yeah it needs to be said i think. and i have the privilege of my “smart sounding” speech being more likely to be listened 2 so. *shrugs #long post #(very long... oops. i think this is the longest thing i ever wrote on here) #also this took me. i believe over 2 hours to write! im not good at this actually! i moved 80% of these paragraphs around multiple times - #- deleted entire paragraphs. merged them. rephrased things again and again and again #its exhausting #because when i think about this i can think through this entire concept in a couple minutes but trying to get it across takes hours ://

[c-kiddo]

disabled and spoonie cad headcanon important 2 me because you just know tmn would be like thats ok we're going to take turns hanging out with u and do silly thinks like read spellbooks outloud for background noise or a silly dance for entertainment and because theyre all burdens on eachother and all help eachother so its ok . and then if its characters you can make it like, people dont get tired of u for being too disabled for them . win

#big big long sigh #kiddo say #i jsut think To me . post campaign cad jsut kind of collapses a bit. like combo of exhaustion catching up on him and that thing #when u let yourself be disabled and then all the things you were pushing through are too hard after and its like Oh Shit . #i just think im too disabled for people a lot of the time. even if i get a long with them a lot i eventually get too tired #and then thats a no-no to people . cant go out cant speak im too too tired and also dizzy again

[skunkes]

ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page

#delete later #deleting soon bc eyes on me #for those of you who kept asking about Something last year LOLLL #sorry this is too entry level vent comic ykwim i jst needed to get it out #im over it in the sense that like ok yeah whatever #but not in the sense that i came out worse than before. i was already Small. ive been further Smallened #i was a rebound and lied to and discarded...which thank god i was Set Free but wow! #all my personal fears reinforced. it is embarrassing for me to want and need...i get it neow. i was a stepping stone i am an npc #idk that i could do it again! im not sure its worth trying i am too much of a...project. #as i was told from day 1 but still ran directly into it #and i was too much of a coward to leave myself. if it happened again i wouldnt be able to leave then either. #im happy that i dont think it could get much worse than all that for my first experience but it was also exhausting #and weirdly at the same time i dont think i cld ever expect better #its almost been a year since its been Done and the words and treatment linger <3 #this is also why i had to enlist talon as imaginary bf number 2 LOL need extra reinforcement and love #cringe as fuck but it rly will never be as good as whats in my brain...i know that neow. i will spare everyone the trouble #and remove myself from the dating pool (<- implying he was ever even in it) #i dont even hold any ill will toward em bc they were right...its just hurts ykwim