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shuadotcom · 3 years

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That’s All She Wrote | KNJ

ლ Summary: It’s been nearly 5 years since Namjoon left you behind to pursue his dreams and he’s thought about you every day since. When his now-famous band goes on their first world tour, he finds himself at your doorstep. Only now you have another man in your life that isn’t him, but Namjoon’s still very much in love with you. He’s got the fame and the fortune, but more than anything, he wishes he also had you.

ლ Pairing: Rockstar!Namjoon x Female!Reader

ლ Rating: PG-13

ლ Genre: Angst, childhood lovers to exes au, rockband!au

ლ Warnings: Profanity (and a very sad Namjoon 😭)

ლ Words: 8.3k

ლ A/N: This was written for the Not a Phase collab! Thank you to Mo @suhdays for hosting the collab! I had a lot of fun choosing a song from my childhood lol. The song that inspired this is “She’s Got a Boyfriend Now” by Boys Like Girls.

Also thank you to Mo for making this amazing banner! She literally chose the perfect Namjoon that my brain was envisioning for this. And thank you soooo much to @justasparkwritings for being my magnificent beta! I couldn’t have made it make sense with you Louise!! 🖤

ლ Tagging: @imanerdychubbyqueen @secretlycrazyhummingbird @stigmaluvr @tae2litty @moonlitmyg @betysotelo18 @bobbyboops @afangirllikeme-blog @kwanisms @uwu-yifan @xiaokoo @xxluckydreamsxx @silveyes @bang-woolssi @rooo-tah @jalexad @jungkookforpresident @hodginss @oopsthi @minyg-agd2 @limited-edition-teddy-bear @sugamonster22 @i-am-invisible-for-you @lochness-butmakeitsexy @introambition @ggukkieland @milk-and-moni

“Class, say hello to our new exchange student, Y/n.” The homeroom teacher motioned to the new girl at the front of the class, and Namjoon couldn’t take his eyes off you. It was halfway into the first year of high school, so a new student was a surprise. Namjoon’s best friend Hoseok commented something of the like from next to him, but that’s not why Namjoon was staring at you.

“Hi, I’m Y/n. My parents just moved here from the United States.”

“Wow! Your Korean is so good!” The teacher complimented, impressed by your fluency. Your round cheeks heated up as you smiled back at her bashfully.

“I took it as a language in my old school for a few years.”

“Impressive! Well, you can go ahead and take a seat next to…” the teacher trailed off as her eyes scanned the room before they landed on Namjoon. “Namjoon! Kim Namjoon, raise your hand!”

Sheepishly, Namjoon stuck his hand in the air, and he watched as you walked over and slid into the seat next to him.

“Okay, Namjoon, you can put your hand down,” The teacher said, making everyone in the room laugh. His hand shot down to his side, not even having realized he left it up. A small smile played on your lips as you made eye contact with him. He returned the smile, dimples on full display.

Namjoon spent the rest of the morning sneaking glances at you every chance he got. He observed the way you wrote, the way you spoke, and the way you carried yourself. He made mental notes of every little thing you did and psyched himself up, so that come lunchtime, he could ask you to eat with him and his friends.

When the lunch bell rang, and everyone rushed to pack up and leave the classroom, you lagged, not having any lunch plans to get to and no idea where to even go.

“Hey, uh, Y/n?” Namjoon’s voice from next to you had you flushing as you forced yourself to look at him. He was the type of handsome that had you hyper-aware of everything you did around him.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to come to have lunch with my friends and me? You can say no if you don’t want to!” A blush spread across his cheeks, looking away as he anticipated you'd turn him down.

“Okay.” You squeaked back after taking a few seconds to process his words. You both stared at each other, almost nervous about making a move.

Hoseok calling Namjoon’s name from the hallway broke the silence between you. You gathered your lunchbox and fell in step beside Namjoon as you met Hoseok and two of their older friends, Yoongi and Seokjin. The five of you headed outside to eat, you and Namjoon still feel shy, but he was hopeful he could get over that and get to know you much better.

“Holy shit, I’m exhausted!” Jimin huffs, throwing himself onto the green room couch. The rest of the band files in, finding various spots in the room to sit. Tonight’s show was incredibly tiring, with them performing four encore songs instead of the typical two.

“I’m ready for bed,” Jungkook yawns, drumsticks still in hand.

“No sleep yet, boys! I’ve got news!” Hoseok’s boisterous voice cuts through the fatigued room.

“Hoseok, it’s nearly midnight. You’re way too excited, even for you.” Yoongi grumbles from the spot he’s decided to occupy on the floor.

“Oh, you’re gonna be excited when you hear this!” Hoseok, their best friend and band manager, makes a show of standing in the middle of the room and clearing his throat. “While you guys were up on stage, I was on the phone with the label’s tour manager, right.”

“And?” Seokjin asks as he wipes down his guitar.

“We have our first-ever world tour!”

“What?!” The band asks in unison.

“You heard me! We leave in two weeks! I’m talking about Japan, France, the U.K, and North America! I’ll have the full list of where we’re going in the morning, but this is it!” The room’s mood changes instantly from one of tiredness to an electric excitement all seven men share. They’ve done plenty of shows in South Korea, a few in Japan, and some scattered small things in the U.S., but never an entire world tour.

When Beyond the Scene took off six years ago, they were just a bunch of boys who worked to make it in the pop-rock scene instead of going to college. Instead of studying for entrance exams, they practiced their songs and made up scenarios for when they’d make it big. Their big break came from YouTube when one of their music videos just so happened to take off, and people talked about it on every social media platform.

From there, an indie label signed them, then a few years later, a more prominent label picked them up. This resulted in music festivals and brand deals. The band had even flown to America two years ago to be featured in a magazine and do a photoshoot, but a world tour was the opportunity most of them had been yearning for, and now it’s here.

Even though the excitement and the satisfaction with this next milestone, Namjoon’s mind immediately goes to you. He knows where you go to school - thanks to social media and the occasional text conversation - but he’s never had the chance to take the time to see you since he lost you. Until what seems like now, that is. He just needs to build the courage to do it.

“So, Hoseok is our manager, I play rhythm guitar and rap, Seokjin-hyung plays lead guitar, and Yoongi-hyung plays keyboard. Taehyung plays the bass and also does backing vocals, Jungkook plays drums and does vocals and Jiminie here is our lead singer!” Namjoon ruffled Jimin’s hair, then quickly flashed you a smile.

You’ve been friends with Namjoon for a few months and were just now meeting his band as a whole. You’ve hung out with him, Hoseok, Yoongi, and Seokjin plenty, but since the other three boys are younger, you didn’t see them as often. They’ve all mentioned their band around you in passing, and you were already impressed with how organized they were for a group of high school and middle school boys.

“Well play me a song already!” You bounced excitedly on the bench you were occupying. Seokjin’s parents were powerful (and wealthy) enough to get the school administration to let the boys practice in the school gym a few days after classes were over.

“We can do that for you.” Namjoon nodded. The band chatted amongst themselves for a bit before taking their places at their instruments. Hoseok came over and plopped on the bench next to you.

“They’re going to do a song Namjoon wrote.” He told you and you turned to give all your attention to the band.

Jungkook counted off the beat with his drumsticks before he began playing, eyes slipping closed as he found his rhythm. Yoongi’s fingers flew across the keyboard next, then Seokjin and Namjoon came in with their guitars, followed by Taehyung. Jimin opened his mouth and began to sing as your eyes widened each second of the way.

You weren't sure what exactly you expected, but the song immediately had you tapping your foot and nodding along. The way each boy poured their all into their instruments was noticeable, and Jimin’s voice sounded perfect to be the lead singer. This was the first you were ever hearing this song, but you already loved it and could tell how talented they were.

The song ended with a very impressive guitar solo by Seokjin and once he was done, the room was silent only for a second before you were on your feet, applauding them so hard your hands hurt.

“What’s your band name again?”

“Beyond The Scene,” Taehyung answered you.

“Well, consider me Beyond the Scene’s first fan! And my first action as your fan is to start a fan club! You guys are obviously going to be famous so I need it to be known that I was first.” The boys all laughed at your enthusiasm, while Namjoon began the descent of falling in love with you, clear as day. He’d been enamored with you since the day he met you, and the blooming he felt in his chest told him that his feelings were becoming so much more.

“This is happening! We’re going to go play a sold-out show in an arena in America right now,” Jungkook says for what feels like the fifth time in the last four hours. The band is only a handful of hours into their flight to Los Angeles, and everyone is antsy. Jungkook, Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok sit next to each other in the plane’s middle row. Seokjin was lucky enough to have his two-seater on the right side of the plane to himself, the man already sprawled out on both seats and sleeping. Namjoon and Yoongi share the two seats on the other side as the former tries to read.

This proves to be useless, as the only thing his mind has been focused on the last month is you. Since the night Hoseok announced their world tour, Namjoon wanted to text you so badly, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so, and still can’t. The last time you spoke with him was almost four months ago, and it was you asking him if his parents still lived at the same address because you wanted to send his mom a birthday present. He confirmed the address, and you sent him back a smiley face emoji and a thank you in response, and he let the conversation die from there.

With this being the first time in a while the band has time to do a few things they want while being in America, he wants to see you so bad, but what if you don’t want to see him? What if you’re no longer friends and more acquaintances than anything? He doesn’t even know precisely where you live-only the name of your college. There’s no way he can just show up and find you without that seeming incredibly creepy. What if-

“So are you going to talk about what’s wrong finally?” Yoongi interrupts his thoughts from beside him.

“What? I thought you were sleeping.”

“Yeah, I was trying to sleep, but you’re thinking so loud it’s keeping me awake. Talk to me. You’ve been off for a while, so spill.”

Namjoon hesitates only for a second before he quite literally spills to Yoongi about how you’ve been on his mind, not only for the last month but since the day you left for school six years ago. He talks about how you’ve spoken to him on and off for years, but nothing like the way it used to be, and that sometimes he regrets choosing the band over you. He admits that he wants to ask you to hang out when you get to L.A. but he’s terrified that you’ll turn him down and he doesn’t know if he can handle that kind of rejection.

Yoongi listens to him talk and when he’s finally done, Yoongi says, “Text her.”

“What?”

“You heard me. You’re doing that thing that you do where you overthink and overanalyze. She’s not going to reject you. She’s going to tell you where to meet her and she’ll want to see you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Are you forgetting that I went to school with her too? I know, Y/n. It was obvious how much the two of you loved each other. The way you left things with her hurt you both, but she’s going to want to see you, I’m telling you. And it’s okay to feel what you feel. First loves don’t just go away, but don’t you dare dodge her while we’re there. You’ll regret it more than letting her go the first time.”

“Y/n, you’re not gonna believe this!” Namjoon burst through your front door, kicking his shoes off quickly.

“Good news?”

“The best!”

“I have news too, but you go first.” You followed him into the living room and sat across from him on the couch. He gripped his phone so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

“We got an offer from a label!” He practically screamed. “It’s a small indie label called Big Hit, but Y/n, they love us! They saw the videos we put on YouTube and they want to sign us as soon as possible.”

You smiled at him, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Joon, that’s amazing.”

“I know, right?! They want us to record an EP already and will let us use our own stuff. Yoongi and I have so many songs ready. And you know how Seokjin’s dad is a lawyer? Well, he said he’ll help us with all the legal stuff and we have a meeting set up for two days to start talking. Y/n, we’re going to start the real work and graduation is only a few months away. This is the best day of my life.” Namjoon was about ready to bounce off of the walls, his good mood filling the entire room. It didn’t hit you though as you clutched the envelope in your hand.

“I’m so happy for you, Joon. Really.”

“It’s all thanks to you, you know.” Namjoon rested his hand on your knee, squeezing you “Okay, okay. Enough about me. You have news?”

Eyeing the envelope, you nodded. “I got accepted into the University of California in Los Angeles. Full ride scholarship and everything.”

“Babe, that’s amazing!” Namjoon pulled you into a hug which you did your best to return. You didn’t say anything else and tried to telepathically make the realization hit him.

It seemed like it did at that moment as he pulled back, hands limply falling to his side.

You applied to all the same colleges together, mostly because Namjoon needed a backup plan in case Beyond The Scene didn’t take off the way they all wanted. But now that the dream was becoming a reality, it was clear he couldn’t leave Korea - not when the band finally reached what they’d been working for.

“What do you want me to do?” He asked after enough time had gone by for the tension to fill your lungs.

“What do you mean? You just told me you’re going to sign to a label. That’s what you’re doing.”

“And you’re going to California?”

“Well, yeah, I need this. I don’t have any sort of plan b lined up.”

“But, I mean I still have my UCLA acceptance at home. I can just-”

“No. You’re not going to pass this opportunity up for me.” You scooched forward on the couch and took Namjoon’s hands in yours. “This is your dream. You and the guys have wanted this for so long and it’s finally here. You’re not going to walk away from this to move across the world with me.”

“But I love you. So much.”

“And I love you, but I’m not going to stand in the way of this.” Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence and Namjoon was quick to scoop you into his arms. The two of you stayed like that for what seemed like hours. You knew you only had a few months left like this, a few months left of being together, holed up on the couch, in each other's arms. You needed to savor it.

Yoongi was right, as he usually is. When the plane landed in Los Angeles it was late at night, but Namjoon sent you a text message anyway. He told you the band was in town for tour and that if you wanted to, he could meet up with you tomorrow. He waited for almost an hour before you texted him back with an okay and your address.

After a restless night in a different time zone where all he thought about was you, he’s at your door, knocking and holding his breath.

He nearly loses his nerve when you swing the door open, a smile that melts his heart etched onto your face. You are as gorgeous as you were when he saw you off to the airport all those years ago, and Namjoon nearly forgets how to breathe at the sight of you.

“Namjoon,” you whisper, a beat of silence between the two of you before you’re practically throwing yourself into his arms. He catches you effortlessly, his strong arms wrapping around your waist as you cling to his neck. “I can’t believe you’re here,” you mumble into his neck.

“I can’t believe I’m here either.” He really can’t. He’s thought about the way your skin feels against his and the way you smell for far too long.

Namjoon isn’t sure who pulls away first, but eventually, you do. You step back onto your stoop, taking him in. “Wow. This is really Kim Namjoon in the flesh standing in front of me.” You admire the way his broad chest fills out his white t-shirt and notice how tightly the leather of his jacket clings to his thick arms. “This is the same boy with the bowl cut and glasses that kissed me at the movies when we were 15, huh?” You reach out, running your fingers through his dyed blonde hair, and marvel at how things have changed.

“Sure is. And this is the same nerdy girl that cried when she dropped her ice cream on our first date.” He chuckles, admiring the shape and the curves of your body that weren’t there when you were teenagers.

“Hey, I was nervous and that was a new dress! Do you know how hard it was to get the chocolate stain out of it!” You cross your arms, playfully sticking your tongue out at him. Namjoon’s heart soars at this moment, the banter between you natural and as endearing as it always was.

“Babe?! Who’s at the door?” A voice calls, seconds before a man with brunette hair pokes his head out of the building behind you. Upon seeing Namjoon, his eyes widen and he practically trips over his own feet to step outside, running into you, and gaping at him. “Kim Namjoon?!”

“Joon, this is my boyfriend Vernon. Vernon, this is my friend Namjoon.”

The word boyfriend cuts Namjoon deep, a heavy pang hitting the pit of his stomach. He’s seen you post a few photos on Instagram with your boyfriend before, but he hasn’t seen any pictures of the two of you in a while, so he hoped you’d have broken up with him at some point.

Clearly, this is not the case.

“Wow. When you said you were friends with Kim Namjoon, I only half-believed you, but here he is.” Vernon gives you a glance before focusing on Namjoon again. “I’m a huge fan! I’ve been following Beyond The Scene for a few years! When I heard you were finally having a world tour, I tried super hard to get tickets, but they sold out quicker than I could buy them.”

“Want to come tonight?” Namjoon blurts in response, you and Vernon both surprised.

“Seriously?” Vernon gapes.

“Yeah. You can meet the rest of the guys too. And I know they want to see you again, Y/n.”

“Holy shit, thank you!” Vernon launches into a story about how he tried to see them the last time they were in the U.S. for a Korean festival they were asked to perform at, but Namjoon mostly tunes him out. His attention is on you as you seem to zone out as well. He’d probably have to beg Hoseok a little to get you and Vernon inside tonight, but he didn’t want to pass up the chance to spend more time with you.

“Damn, I gotta head out to class, babe.” Vernon finally finishes his story and dashes back into the apartment. He’s out seconds later with a backpack and kisses you on the cheek. “I’ll see you later for the show! And thank you again, bro.” He claps Namjoon on the shoulder as you both watch him jog down the street and hop onto a bus that just pulled up to a stop.

“So,” Namjoon starts once Vernon and the bus have gone off. “I have a couple of hours before I need to go to the arena for soundcheck. Wanna go grab something to eat?”

You don’t hesitate to accept, running back inside for your purse and keys. “We can head to a cafe around the corner. It’s my favorite local place and their pancakes are to die for.”

Namjoon nods, not caring where you go as long as he can still spend time with you.

It only takes an hour together before you and Namjoon fall back into conversation just like old times. The first few minutes of brunch are silent as you wait for your food to arrive, but at some point, that silence is broken and things are normal again. Namjoon makes you tell him about grad school, which you hate, but you’re determined to get your masters.

You tell him that you’ve lived in your current apartment since your second year of school, having left campus after your freshman year. You’ll likely stay there until you finish grad school next year, and after that, you see yourself staying in the city, just moving elsewhere. Namjoon takes the opportunity to ask the question he’s been holding onto for months.

“What about Vernon? When did you guys get together?” An unreadable expression flashes across your features for a second in response and Namjoon takes note of it.

“Well, we’ve been together for two years. He’s working towards his masters too, and we met in our public speaking class. We were partners on a project and he asked me out after a few study sessions together. Last year, my two roommates moved out after they finished their four years, so then he moved in with me.” You shrug and wave him off as he opens his mouth to ask another question about your boyfriend. “Anyway, enough about me and my boring life. What about you, Mr. Rockstar? What’s it like to finally be living your dream?”

Namjoon wants to say how much he’s been missing you and how his dream doesn’t feel complete without you. He wants to admit that at times he wishes he had turned the label down all those years ago to stay with you and how sometimes he even wishes he could trade his career to have you again. He doesn’t say any of that though. He doesn’t want to ruin the time you’re spending together right now and risk you getting mad or feeling guilty all over again.

“It’s a lot to handle. I feel like we went from this modest band playing a few home showcases to this big thing almost overnight. It doesn’t feel real sometimes.” He admits. The smile you offer him is genuine and loving and Namjoon can feel your sincerity radiate from across the table.

“Well, you deserve it, Joon. Everything you’ve gotten you and the guys worked so hard for. You deserve to be rewarded and I’m so proud of you.” Namjoon’s heart nearly bursts out of his chest when you lay your hand over his. The warm feeling of you spreads through his entire body, only serving to make him want you more.

He keeps this all to himself for the remainder of his time with you, tucking this away in the part of him that only thinks about you.

As anticipated, Namjoon has to beg Hoseok to get you and your boyfriend inside. He goes on a rant over the phone about fire codes and rules, but when he’s done he gives in and says you and Vernon can be in the pit and that he’ll let security know to come and get you at the end night.

After brunch, Namjoon walks you the short distance back to your apartment and you leave him after another hug and a whisper of “See you later” which has him giddy for the rest of the afternoon.

The boys all poke fun at him throughout soundcheck up until they’re about to go on, but he doesn’t care. He watches through the curtains as security brings you and Vernon in to stand against the barricade. He observes as you dance along to the music of the opening bands, eyes wide and smile bright. Before the lights start shining too bright, he sees the way your entire face lights up when Beyond The Scene takes the stage.

Knowing you’re in the audience, in front of him right now lights a fire under him that he hasn’t had since their first few shows. He plays his parts with a renewed sense of vigor, taking note of the thousands of cheers and screams around him. As the night wears on, he tosses nearly all of his guitar picks into the audience, but makes sure to save the last for you. When the encore is finished, he goes over to the edge of the stage and stretches his hand out to you. You quickly mimic him, fingers grazing his as you take the pick with a megawatt smile.

After Yoongi ushers him off the stage, Namjoon quickly changes into a less sweaty shirt just in time for you and Vernon to come around the corner, following a security guard.

“Hi-” You go to speak, but Vernon cuts you off, butting in and gushing about the show and how badass the band looked. Namjoon steps off to the side, with you following while Vernon fanboys over the rest of the band.

“How’d you like the show?” He’s almost nervous to ask. This is your first time seeing them up on a stage bigger than the high school talent show.

“Joon, that was amazing. I don’t even have words to explain how phenomenal that was. Seeing you guys up on that stage, surrounded by all those people who love you, I’m just so proud of you.” There are tears in your eyes as you speak, and Namjoon moves to pull you into him, but you wave him off. “No, no I’m okay. I’m just genuinely happy for you.” You wipe a tear that almost falls and Namjoon has the urge to kiss it away.

Before he can act on this impulse, you’re suddenly swept off of your feet by Jungkook who pulls you into a side hug.

“My favorite Noona!” He exclaims as you turn in his hold to properly hug him.

“When the hell did you get so tall?!” You joke, reaching up to ruffle his blonde locks.

“At the same time, I did!” Jimin chimes in, rushing over to pull you into a hug of his own when Jungkook puts you down. Namjoon glances over at Yoongi and Seokjin who are still being held in conversation with Vernon. Yoongi sends Namjoon a look that is clearly asking for help. Namjoon nudges you in the middle of your conversation with the now present Taehyung and you follow his gaze to your boyfriend.

“Uh hey, babe?” You call Vernon who looks at you.

“Yeah?”

“Wanna come listen to the story Taehyung is telling me?” Vernon doesn’t hesitate to join you and attentively listens as Taehyung tells a story about the last time they were in L.A. for a photo shoot.

You slip away to greet Yoongi and Seokjin, who thank you, and for the next half an hour you catch up as best as you can with the boys until Hoseok, begrudgingly, has to call it a night.

It almost pains Namjoon to say goodbye to you, but he does and makes you promise to see him tomorrow morning before the second show.

“I would love to! I can’t have you leave without bugging you again.” You hug him, the urge to never let you go is strong, but he does and he watches you walk away holding the hand of another man that isn’t him.

“I can’t believe you!” You yelled at him.

“What?! I said I was sorry!” Namjoon defended himself, switching his phone to the other ear. He was on his bike going back home after band practice and just wanted to sleep, not argue with you.

“Yeah you did, but that doesn’t change what happened now does it?! Ugh, you just don’t get it. Seeing her all over you was hard to watch and you didn’t even do anything to stop her!” You were referring to earlier in the day during gym class. Beyond The Scene had become well known in school and more and more girls were doing their best to woo Namjoon, even though they all knew you and he had been dating for nearly two years now.

“Y/n, you know I only love you right?” You grumbled in response. “What did you say?”

“I said I know!” You huffed. Namjoon listened as you shift on the other line, most likely getting ready to go to bed. “I just get so mad when I see these groupies trying to get in your pants. You’re mine.”

“Aww, someone’s jealous.” He teased, finally arriving home.

“Yeah, well so are you! Remember that guy in the class next door who picked my book up when it fell? You were ready to beat his ass right then and there.”

Namjoon laughed, trying to keep his voice down knowing his parents were asleep.

“I can’t help it. I’m just so in love with you. Seeing you around another guy tears me up inside.”

“I know,” you sighed, but he could hear you smiling through the phone. “And I’m so in love with you, my protector.”

“Damn straight I am!” He whisper-yelled making you break into a fit of giggles.

“Alright, well I’m going to sleep, so try not to fight any boys in my dreams.”

“Then don’t dream about any boys except me.”

“Mmhmm. Night Joonie. I love you.”

“Love you too, Y/n. Goodnight, love.”

Namjoon: I’m seeing you today right? Y/n: Duh I said you would. I know you don’t have a ton of time to spend with me, but we should at least spend a little time at the beach while you’re here! Namjoon: Sooo this means I get to see you in a bathing suit? 👀 Y/n: Joon you’ve seen me in one plenty of times 😂 Namjoon: Yeah, but not when you look the way you do now 😏

“Hmm.” The sound of Yoongi’s voice behind Namjoon startles him, nearly causing him to drop his phone.

“What? What’s ‘hmm’?” Yoongi is walking past him in their shared hotel room as Namjoon sits on the edge of his bed, texting you before he’ll leave to meet you.

“Nothing. I’ve just noticed since yesterday, your texts with Y/n have been pretty flirty.”

“No, they haven’t.” Yoongi looks up from his phone, fixing Namjoon with a hard look.

“Really? So you’re telling me you didn’t text her last night after she left that you can’t wait to come back to LA to see more of her and include the winky emoji?”

“It’s just an emoji!”

“Mmhmm. Whatever you say.”

Namjoon huffs and gets off the bed to grab his bag. “And anyway,” he says after a few seconds. “Even if I was flirting with her, she hasn’t said I’m making her uncomfortable or anything.”

“Okay, so what’s your plan here?”

“What do you mean?”

Yoongi shrugs. “I mean it's obvious you two are getting closer, again. We’re leaving tomorrow for Texas to continue with the tour we’re going to be on for the next 3 months. Are you going to keep talking to her every day?”

“If she wants to.”

“Okay. Just remember, she has a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, I know. But, he also seems like an asshole if you ask me.”

“Because you’re jealous?”

“What? No. He just does!”

“Okay.” That is all Yoongi says. He doesn’t make any other commentary, but he doesn’t need to. Namjoon has been friends with him long enough to know what his short answers and silences mean in most situations.

Namjoon is well aware of your relationship status and what this could look like, but as long as he can still talk to you and see you, he doesn’t care. Besides, Vernon truly does seem like kind of an asshole, with how he cut you off constantly yesterday and the way you always redirected the conversation away from your relationship whenever it strayed there. Perceiving the dynamic of your relationship, Namjoon doesn't feel bad that he knowingly flirts with you via text.

It’s also why when he finally gets to your apartment to pick you up and sees you come outside in a form-fitting tank top and jeans, he shamelessly checks you until you climb into the car next to him. Even then, his eyes still dart over to you as you buckle your seatbelt and tell the driver where you’re going.

“This is so fancy,” you comment, looking around the backseat of the sleek black car.

“Yeah, Hoseok insisted on renting drivers if we’re going to be out and about to make sure we all get to the arena on time.”

“I’m so impressed. You have drivers now. My little Joonie who only rode his bike everywhere for as long as I’ve known him.” You giggle at him, making him flush at your teasing. He doesn’t respond and instead enjoys listening to you launch into a memory of the time the two of you tried to pile onto Namjoon’s single-seat bike, only to crash into a trashcan and get scraped up. Knowing that you also hold these memories close and remember them as easily as he does has butterflies fluttering in the pit of his stomach. What if you miss him in the same way he misses you? When you said you missed him yesterday, he assumed you meant just talking to him and knowing him, but what if you still think about him how he does you?

He decides to try his luck when you get to the beach. You find a spot for the two of you to be further away from the crowds and lay out the blanket you brought. Once it’s spread out, he watches as you shimmy out of your jeans, revealing that your tank top is actually a bathing suit. He eyes the cut-outs in the swimsuit sides and admires how soft your skin looks and how well the color compliments you.

Namjoon makes a comment that’s in line with his thoughts about you in the swimsuit and doesn’t miss how flustered you get.

As the day wears on, he compliments you as much as he can, watching you get nervous and trip over your words each time. At one point, he reminds you that you need to wear sunscreen and offers to put it on for you. You shakily accept his offer and he can feel the way you shudder underneath his touch.

When he isn’t trying to get a reaction out of you, the rest of the morning into the afternoon feels nostalgic. Spending time with you, laughing at stupid jokes, and talking about life is reminiscent of the time you spent together in high school and it only serves for his feelings for you to grow even stronger.

When the driver reminds him that it’s time to go and they drop you off at home, Namjoon makes the impulse decision to ask you to come to the show again tonight.

“Really? Again?”

“Yeah, why not? It’s our last show in town on the tour so you get the full experience. Plus we get to see each other again.” Namjoon looks away, suddenly feeling extremely nervous.

“Sure, okay. I’d be silly to turn down a free show by one of my favorite bands. Vernon has to work tonight though, so it’d just be me.”

“That’s fine!” He answers quicker than he means to, but thankfully, you just laugh in response.

“See you tonight, Joon!” You send him a wave and he waits until you’re inside before he’s off to the arena.

Tonight’s show is similar to the one before, but Namjoon has even more energy, knowing that you and only you are in the audience watching him. Hoseok and the rest of the band gave him shit for inviting you to the show again, but he barely paid them any attention (including the obvious looks Yoongi was giving him). The applause seems louder and the air is hotter, but he’s running on nothing but adrenaline all show long.

When you make your way backstage, he’s still buzzing with energy. He pulls you into a tight hug as soon as you round the corner.

“You guys were as amazing as you were last night!” You mumble into his chest where he still keeps you pressed.

“Knowing you were out there watching helped. I’m so glad you got to see us again. ”

You finally pry yourself out of his embrace with a laugh. “Aw Joonie. Even without me, you’d be just as talented. I mean you made it this far didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same. I miss y-”

“Noona! How did we do tonight?!” Jimin’s voice cuts Namjoon’s words off as he appears, draping his arm over your shoulder.

“Jiminie, it was magnificent! Thank you for letting me watch, twice.”

“Thank Hyung,” he says, pointing at Namjoon. “He begged Hoseok-hyung to let you come. He even said he’d clean everyone’s hotel rooms when we leave the next five cities.”

“Yah!” Namjoon shoves Jimin away, the tips of his ears turning red. You and Jimin share a laugh 𑁋 at Namjoon’s expense of course.

“Anyway,” Jimin starts. “We’re going to have a little party back at the hotel we’re staying at. You’re coming right?” He gives you his best puppy-dog eyes, but you shake your head.

“I can’t, sorry Jimin. I have work tomorrow morning. I just wanted to tell you all how good you were, then I have to head out.”

Jimin whines and you ignore him, asking Namjoon to walk you out. He doesn’t object, even though he wants to get down on his knees and beg you to stay. He watches you say your goodbyes to the guys, all of them scooping you into hugs and telling you how much they miss you.

The short walk to the back of the venue is silent, words swirling through Namjoon’s mind as he decides what he wants to say next if anything.

Once at the door, you both turn to each other and share a shy smile. Namjoon’s thoughts become jumbled when he looks into your eyes, admiring how bright they shine when you look at him and how much they remind him of the past. Things were different then, but he had you and at the time, it was the most important thing to him.

His eyes dart to your lips, and he swears you smile just a little sweeter at him.

Before he can talk himself out of it, he’s leaning forward, capturing your lips with his own. He anticipates that you’ll fall into his arms and lean into the kiss.

Unfortunately, that’s not the reaction you have.

“Namjoon, what the fuck?!” You blurt after you shove him away from you.

“Shit, Y/n, I’m sorry! I just… I couldn’t help it, okay? I miss you so much. I miss kissing you and holding you and being with you. I never stopped loving you. Every day that went by, whether we were in the studio recording or on the road, I still thought about you and what you may be doing and if you were thinking of me. I still love you, Y/n.”

The look you give him in response cuts him deep. “Namjoon, you can't kiss me out of nowhere and think I’m going to just fall for you all over again. We ended things 5 years ago when you left, remember?”

“You said you supported me? You told me to choose music over you!”

“Yes, I did! And I did support you - I still do - but I also wasn’t about to be the selfish girlfriend that holds you back from your dreams. That’s not a life I want to live and I know you wouldn’t have wanted that either.”

You’re right and he knows it. He loves you and has done nothing but think about you, but the idea of never getting to experience the life he has up until now is one he can’t wrap his mind around. More than anything he just wants both. He wants to live the life he has, but he also wants you again. He wants to bring you into this life with him like he couldn’t do all those years ago. You’re both adults now. Things have changed and it’s not too late. Not to him.

When he voices this out loud, you shake your head, eyes misting. “Joon, I care about you a lot, I really do. I love you even, but you’re my friend now. I have a life here and I have a boyfriend now-”

“A boyfriend that you don’t even seem to like.” Namjoon cuts in.

You fix him with a hard look in response. “Vernon and I have our own personal issues and I will only ask you once not to bring that up again. Now, I’m going home. Please don’t try to push this further.”

Namjoon opens his mouth to say something, but no words come to mind. You force a smile, a sniffle escaping you, and you turn away from him. Wordlessly, Namjoon watches you walk out of the door to the parking lot and away from him for a second time.

“So what are you gonna do when you become rich and famous?” You asked, turning to look up at Namjoon. You were laying in the grass, looking up at the stars as the question popped into your head.

“I’m gonna buy us a huge house. A mansion. It’ll have like 10 bedrooms and just as many bathrooms. There’ll be a room for me to work on my music and a huge room for band practice.”

“Do I get a room for my crocheting?

“You can have as many rooms for your crochet masterpieces as you want.”

“And as many dogs as I want?”

Namjoon chuckled and pulled you closer into him. “Yeah sure. Anything for my number one fan.”

You giggled, wrapping your arms tighter around his waist. “You’re damn right! I was your first fan and your best fan so I expect all of the riches you can offer me… and our kids of course.”

Sputtering, Namjoon looked down at you. “K-kids?” He had every intention of marrying you of course, and sure he’d thought about children, but he was too afraid to say it. You were still in high school and he was worried you’d say no.

“Duh. Maybe two or three. We’ll see how I feel after the first one. My mom always tells me she stopped at one because she couldn’t handle another.” You shrugged and looked up at him again. “Is that cool with you?”

“I love you so much you can have anything you want,” he said in response. You smiled back and cuddled into him once more, your heart swelling at his words and the prospect of a future with him.

The next morning, Namjoon asks to go to your place, to talk to you one more time and make things right. Yoongi spent the entire night giving him shit about what he did. He knew Namjoon still cared about you, but he didn’t think his best friend would be so bold as to act on it, knowing you’re in a relationship.

Namjoon knows he needs to talk to you about it as soon as you left the venue, but when you didn’t answer his calls or texts all night, the only thing that he had left was to go to you in person. Yoongi doubled down on this, as did the rest of the band. It turns out they also were well aware of Namjoon’s lingering feelings for you but had thought that they’d taper off eventually.

The band spent the night piled together in Namjoon and Yoongi’s hotel room, both comforting their friend and talking him through showing up on your doorstep before they’re off for the remainder of the tour. They all echoed the same sentiments of worrying about his all-around health if he continues to pine over you with no closure.

He agrees and it’s why on their way to the airport the next morning, the van they rented stops in front of your apartment building. They all watch as Namjoon steps out and takes one, two, three, four nervous steps to your stairs and up the stoop.

Hand raised, he’s about to ring the bell, but you throw open the door first, jumping at the sight of him.

“Oh. Hi.” The awkward tone you take stings like hell, but he ignores it.

“Y/n, can we talk please?”

“I have to go to work right now so I don’t have time.” You gesture to your formal-looking outfit and glance at your watch.

“Okay, well just listen to me then. You don’t have to talk.” You heave a heavy sigh in return, but stay where you are. “Yesterday, I was completely out of line, I know that and I’m sorry. All I thought about last night was how I fucked up and how scared I was that I’d lost you for good, and for a second time at that.” He pauses and you nod for him to continue.

“When you left, I regretted a lot of things. I regretted not stopping you and asking you to choose me. I also regretted not choosing you and running to America with you and choosing a different path. I wish more than anything that I could’ve had both you and what I have now. But I couldn’t then, and I can’t now. I have to accept that. It’ll be hard; falling out of love with someone you weren’t ever able to get over, but I’ll do it. All I ask is that you don’t leave my life. I can live with you as my friend, but don’t leave for good. Please.”

The silence between the two of you is almost deafening as Namjoon waits for your response. You blink a few times before your eyes close as you take a deep breath.

“Namjoon, you’re not the only one that still yearned for our relationship, you know. I wondered every day what would’ve happened if I stayed in Korea and stayed with you, but I didn’t and I had to move on with that decision. It sounds like you still need time to process that, which I can understand.” You step forward, hand coming up to graze his arm. “I won’t leave your life, but you have to promise me you’ll start to heal. Don’t stay hung up on me. You have this amazing life now, so live it. Please.”

“Y/n…” Namjoon moves his hand up to settle over yours and it’s silent again, but this time it doesn’t hurt. It’s a good silence. A silence that means there’s nothing left to say, but that’s okay.

“I have to go.” You take your hand away and Namjoon watches as you lock your front door and step closer to him. Before he can process it, you’re reaching forward and pulling him into a hug. He’s caught off guard, but he reacts quickly, wrapping you in his arms and holding you close.

You don’t let it linger and pull back too soon for his liking, but he reminds himself that you need to pull away because he knows he wouldn’t have.

“Promise me you’ll see me again? Maybe on your next world tour?” You offer him a genuine smile; one full of hope.

“Of course I will. As long as you come back to Korea soon.”

“Promise.” With a final smile, you turn away and head down the sidewalk. With a wave to the van idling at the curb, which you know houses the rest of the band, you keep going down the street until Namjoon watches you disappear around the corner.

Once seated back in the van, the band offers him murmurs of encouragement and support, but don’t press him on the conversation. Namjoon needs time and they know this, so they’ll give him all the space he needs.

As hard as he wills himself, Namjoon still can’t take his mind off of you and the future that you won’t have together. It’s silly, he thinks, to truly expect that he’d just be able to show up out of the blue after all this time away and be able to sweep you off of your feet again.

In a perfect world, you would’ve jumped into his arms when you first opened the door and told him how much you’ve missed being his. You would’ve gotten back together and ran off with him on the rest of the tour, and eventually gone back to Korea with him to live happily ever after.

In reality, Namjoon has to accept that’s not the way your story ends. You’ve got your own life and a boyfriend that isn’t him. He’s spent more than six years giving you his heart and it’ll probably take double that for him to take it back, but he’ll do it to keep you with him any way you’ll have him. It’s not the way he wished for, but he’s learned that he can’t have it all.

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