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thegirlwhotalksaboutherlife · 10 months

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Its been awhile I have not updated my blog. Life has been good so far, I hope. I’ve been busy keeping up with my work and I didnt have the time to write my blog. Anyway, I am currently making the same mistake. Again. “New person, same old mistakes”. Yep, here we go again guys. But something about him that makes me go wild and crazy, ive been discovering alot. Its so amazing getting to know this guy except the part he doesnt like the safe ones. I mean Ive been forcing him to use it but he insisted to not to lol. It feels so wrong anyway getting to know him, I feel like he is the same guy I used to date with…. What is this feeling? I am very unsure of myself whether to love him or not. I mean I do like him, he knows how to make me feel good anyway. But it is so wrong of me getting to know, I know I know. I talk to alot of men but that doesnt mean I am a player ok. Out of all guys Ive been texting with, I still like him.. he knows how to make good convos though we both have huge age gap difference. I do find him interesting but sadly, He is Taken. Which I have to accept myself he belongs to someone else. Ive known this guy for a month… its such a shame anyway. Its okay, I will find a better man than him. I am actually scared of seeing him anyway, i just dont want my past to happen again. I have no intention on ruining his relationshp. I want him to be happy and I want myself to be happy either. I am so upset of myself guy.. how can I be happy again. I hate it. I hate doing this shit all over again. I dont want to repeat the same mistake. I am trying to ease my mind but I couldnt lol. Here I am listening to Mona Lisa by Dominic Fike while trying to figure out how to stop seeing him. Is this what we call it love? Love at first sight? I dont think this is love at first sight….it is not…. It is more to lust. Lust… what is lust exactly? The desire… and what kind of desire anyway… there are different kinds of desire.. it can be anything which I cannot mention about it. But what is it that he wants from me?? Is it becus of lust? Love? Attention that I give him? I dont know guys.. I am tired guys. Love…. Love is a strong word anyway. In Malay, we call it “Sayang”. I dont think its love. I think its the attention that I give… haha yep. Its the attention that makes him fall for me. Lol so the question is… how? How do I stop this? Stop seeing him? Give me a sign guys….

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rendezvous-ramblings · 3 years

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how did you get together if you don’t mind me asking?

I graduated almost 5 years ago now and it was honestly a very slow burn process. I was never an extroverted student though my school was very small. E technically knew me since my junior year but just likely by face. He didn't teach me until my senior year and I didn't actively start talking to him or got to know him until towards the late middle of the school year. He cracked a joke at my expense in front of the whole class and I just couldn't let him get away with it 😂

It was an inappropriate joke because he was showing his high school yearbook photos to the entire class. All the girls were drooling over how "hot" he was and all the guys wanted to be him. They asked him how he got all the girls during high school and he said it was "sweet talk." The class clown started cracking jokes and was like "Hey S (my crush at the time/guy friend) does that to A all the time!" I don't know what possessed E to look all the way to the back of the room and dead set into my eyes and in a serious tone asked "What?!? A, are you cheating on me!?!" The whole class was hollering with laughter because I'm so quiet and the super academic type (nerd!). Maybe it was revenge because he noticed how I got his yearbook took a glance at it and just shoved it over to my friend to gawk at. He was my favorite teacher but the fact that we were taking up class time for that got me a bit annoyed.

After that diaster I just started going to after school to annoy him because people couldn't let go of the joke for weeks. Even the day after he cracked the joke as I was leaving class he teased and said "I'm watching you now." That's essentially how we became friends and E would never crack a joke like that again. To this day he realized how stupid that was on his part at the spur of the moment. I've always asked what possessed him but he has never given me a straight answer. He's old and likely forgot...kidding 🤣

We got closer throughout the year and getting to know him backfired on me because I developed a crush on him so quickly. I usually take a long time to develop crushes on guys and all my previous crushes were guys I was friends with first. I always knew E was funny and charming in class but outside of class even more so. I know now that E also realized I was developing a massive crush on him but he always kept things professional (after the joke) and prioritized our friendship. I have a lot of asks scattered throughout my blog about memories and moments we had when I was still his student. I usually tag things related to him with #E💕

After graduation we kept in touch for the entire summer. Eventually he invited me for coffee to see how I was adjusting to college. I had received a full scholarship and chose to stay home and commute. That's a pretty popular choice for students in my city. I'd say about half decide to dorm and the rest stay and attend nearby unis. Well, that simple coffee "date" ended with him asking if he could kiss me because throughout the entire conversation we ended up inching closer and closer together. He was my first kiss and he was shocked when I confessed that after we were done with a French kiss that evolved into a heated make out session 🙈 He's an amazing kisser and it felt so natural and fluid with him. I just acted instinctively when I kissed him back.

Unfortunately, things sort of went a bit downhill from there since E felt guilty after the fact. He wanted to remain friends and even though he "fucked things up" as he put it he said he wanted to remain friends and in touch because he deeply cares about me. He wanted to support me at any capacity he could regardless of his role in my life. Essentially, he was fighting his feelings for me and kept encouraging me to meet and date boys in college. This back and forth went on throughout the rest of my freshman and sophomore year (of college!) though we would still meet for coffee occasionally and text to keep in touch.

At this point E didn't have the filter he once had when we were still friendly when he was still my teacher. We matured out of those roles and at times I even got into arguments with him (text and in person). To an extent as a senior in high school I did put him on a pedestal and I wasn't aware of the flaws he had as a person. The "flaws" are nothing unforgivable or unacceptable but I was obviously becoming friends and getting to know the real E without his teaching persona.

During my third year, E started getting more comfortable with his feelings and the flirty interactions we had became more frequent and serious. That translated over to when we would hangout because he began kissing me again. We started having deep conversations about what would happen if we hypothetically got together since he wanted to make sure I wasn't pausing my life or rejecting a reasonable partner my age for him. I was never genuinely interested in anyone from my school and just made friends. We officially started dating later in my junior year of college.

That's pretty much the cliff notes version of our relationship. Haha, it was an emotional rollercoaster with him sometimes before we made it official. We both didn't date anyone during the in flux period of our relationship, but I'd imagine that would have killed our chances or dragged out our relationship from happening.

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chocolatecherie78 · 2 years

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Credit to gayl0rswift13 once upon a time (yesterday) I believed dear john was actually about (nauseated_face) john mayer

let me explain myself, I felt like since taylor name-dropped him it's proof that they might've had something because she's never done that to any of her beards, the farthest she'll go is make the song fit the supposed timeline between them. also the fact that the song pretty accurately depticted their relationship and john mayer, also I believed taylor was bi (I sill kinda do but part of me is leaning toward lesbian but dropping bi hints cause it's easier to come out as bi than a lesbain)

but now I think this song is taymily so let me discuss what led me to this conclusion

the age-gap, in dear john taylor made a point to reflect she was young and her partner wasn't (don't you think I was too young to be messed with) her age gap with emily at the start was 16 and 22, age gap with john mayer was much bigger but she was of age then so not everyone cared as much

the line about keeping lines blurry, a lot of people think taymily was platonic, I personally don't but I can personally relate to the line about things being so blurry you don't know what up or what you are

(this next line is from reddit but I agree)

“Young teen girl who is closeted gets the attention of older woman, and doesn’t realize older woman doesn’t have honest intentions. The older woman figured this situation works just fine, as the girl won’t ever stand up for herself (because she’s closeted and love struck) which gives the OW all the power.”

looking back on a relationshp, this song feels like taylor did some reflecting, maybe went to therapy and looked back on everything and realized how fucked up the whole thing was, maybe not years later because I think it's still a breakup song (more on that next)

now the icing on the cake, the thing that made me fully believe dear john is not about john mayer,

dear john is the name of a breakup letter

I just copied and pasted this from a gaylor Discord.

#note to self #gaylor swift #taymily #kaylor #swiftgron

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rendezvous-ramblings · 4 years

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Guess who is back on her bullshit?? Teachercrushm just posted (I still have her blog on post notifications). She's back from her "hiatus" and is ready to answer everyone's questions. Minus the ones where you exposed her of catfishing ofc. We love to see it ☕🤩

Honestly, at this point I have a feeling she’s going to be taking as many breaks as possible until people forget what came out last August (back when I posted what I found). I’m sure she still has followers who are completely oblivious to everything that went down. As I have said before I’m 100% certain that she’s blocked me. I’ve already done everything that I can and I’ve provided all the information that I possibly could. I wanted to make sure that the person she catfished/stole the photos from remains anonymous. I obviously can’t put a stop to “Bo” because she would have to voluntarily give up or delete her blog. This situation is getting exhausting and I don’t understand why someone would go through so much trouble just for some Tumblr attention.

I have nothing else aside from the last messages between us where she admitted her guilt but proceeded to call me “manipulative” for using the “personal information” she trusted me with. She never gave me personal information she just claimed the hateful anons she was getting were correct in knowing what college she was going to “attend.” I suspect the hateful anon(s) knew the university because “Bo” neglected to scribble out the school name or logo from the photos (that don’t even belong to her and are not her!). The real girl attends the university that was leaked because of “Bo’s” carelessness with editing the photos. In my opinion, I highly doubt she is attending the same university as the girl she catfished. She didn’t even have to lie to me that these anons “know” where she was going for undergraduate studies but she chose to go with it.

I don’t want to post the screenshots of our DMs because there’s honestly not much. If I had to go all the way back to the beginning where I thought she was the girl in the photos...I would have to scribble out all the parts that contain sensitive information (like the university). Even if those were posted I don’t think she would stop. I see no point to this because she requires help and unless she seeks that out herself...it’s just going to be a cycle of her taking her “hiatus” before trying to return to post more “updates on M and herself”.

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rendezvous-ramblings · 3 years

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My pc and I share a very strong connection. We are interested in the same topics (academically and non-academically) and are very curious about the world so we have really great conversations and it’s one of the reasons I fell for him. Now that I’ve graduated, we still keep in touch but I have thankfully moved on for the most part. I view him as a friend now more than anything even though we only casually talk vs the hours long conversation we would have in person when I was still in academia. Even though my perception of him and our relationship has changed, once in a while, I find myself thinking that I will never fully move on from him. I feel like a part of me will always romantically like him because he’s the first person I truly connected with. I feel like this is a normal feeling to have for one’s “first love” but idk. I also think maybe I’m finding it difficult to fully move on bc I worry that I’m not gonna find a guy who has similar qualities as him and the reason why I fell so hard. Do you have any words of advice or reassurance?

Hi,

I think your perception of him will continue to change as you come to terms with how your friendship/conversations might not be the same anymore post-graduation. You may gradually have less contact and conversing with someone fully online can't match up fully to in person as you mentioned. It is very normal to have the feeling of never finding someone like that again when they are the first person you've had more serious feelings for (due to the deep connection) or if they were your "first love". In your case you will not have the mourn the loss of an actual romantic relationship and knowing what it is like to be with the person in that capacity. In these instances it is easier to move on without that knowledge or having that person associated with all the first experiences that come with a "first love".

I think you should try to keep an open mind. Even though I know it is difficult sometimes to find a guy within our age range that shares more matured interests or values. There are exceptions with young academics that could hold the same conversation and interests as you did with your pc. However, don't unintentionally "box yourself in" with a certain type of guy that needs to share x,y, and z things in common. There are times where a highly compatible partner might be someone with different interests or personalities (to balance you out in a healthy way).

Everyone should date when they are ready and not out of the fear that they won't find someone and remain single (not saying that you would date out of fear just as general advice). If you feel like you've fully moved on from your pc you could try your hand at dating apps by being serious with the interests you put on your profile. Or as things open up you can visit places or attend events where there's a better chance that there's going to likeminded people. Put yourself out there for fun to increase the likelihood of meeting someone. I think when people are "out on a mission" to find a serious relationship it usually doesn't happen for some reason. As cliché as it sounds I feel like the best romantic relationships always come unexpectedly. If someone has too many expectations in the early stages of dating or meeting someone, unfortunately, it usually fizzles out because the other person thinks you might be moving at a quicker pace or you might reject the person given all the checkboxes you have in mind (that are likely not all necessary musts).

Good luck! I hope this helped you!

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