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acourtofthought · 1 year

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Why Gwyn would be better suited for Az:

But Azriel … Cassian tries, I try—but I think the only person who ever gets him to admit to any sort of feeling is Mor. And that’s only when she’s pestered him to the point where even his infinite patience has run out.”

This sentence tells us so much about Az's character. It takes a very persistent person to break down Az's walls. He's a master at holding things inside of him and the only type of person he will share things with is the type of person that will push him, even against his initial deflection.

People use Az's hesitation against interacting with Gwyn in the POV Bonus Chapter as some kind of mark against their ship but what they don't realize is Gwyn is EXACTLY the right kind of female for Az.

What happened when Az rejected Elain?

“this was a mistake.”

She opened her eyes, hurt and confusion warring there before she whispered, “I’m sorry.”

It doesn't really matter why Az rejected Elain because she believes he and he alone rejected her. What does Elain do when that happens? Apologizes to him. She's hurt by his rejection yet she apologizes to him.

If that were Nesta I have no doubt she'd sling something back at Az like "what do you mean mistake? Have you or have you not been staring at me the last few months?" or something like, "your loss". 😂

I love Elain, she's my favorite female of the series. But she's not brazen or aggressive or persistent. She does prefer to keep her head down and not make waves. I don't doubt we'll see her come into her own in her book (we already got hints of that in SF) but I don't think Elain will ever be pushy or demanding when she senses someone isn't comfortable. To me, she seems like the kind of person to pick up on someone's discomfort and respect that, to not push them.

Which might be great for another Male who will eventually talk when he's ready, but not someone like Az who (based on the above) will NEVER have that conversation unless someone pushes him to do so.

But Gwyn......

Sort of. “I forgot something,” he reminded her.

“At two in the morning?” Pure amusement glittered in her stare.

Right away, Gwyn challenges him. She doesn't take what he says at face value.

“They call you shadowsinger. Is it because you sing?”

“I am a shadowsinger- it’s not a title that someone just made up.”

She shrugged again, irreverently. Az narrowed his eyes, studying her. “Do you, though?” She pressed. “Sing?”

Azriel couldn’t help his soft chuckle. “Yes.”

She opened her mouth to ask more, but he didn’t feel like explaining. Or demonstrating, So Az jerked his chin to the sword dangling from her hand. “Try cutting the ribbon again.”

“What- with you watching?”

He nodded.

She considered, and he wondered if she’d say no, but Gwyn blew out a breath, steadied her feet and balance, and sliced.

In the above, we have Gwyn ask Az a personal question which he deflects. Even with that deflection she circles back around and persists, asking again. Then when Az redirects because he doesn't want to demonstrate (I mean really, who ever wants to sing in front of anyone on command unless you're interested in becoming a professional singer? It's not really that strange that Az didn't want to demonstrate). Even with this new deflection though, Gwyn isn't put off. Her feelings aren't hurt and she doesn't shut down. She moves right along with the conversation and refocuses on the ribbon.

When Az finally says goodnight, he even notes Gwyn's persistent, "cheeky" personality as a positive considering he calls it "charming".

A warrior sizing up an opponent, all traces of that charming irreverence gone.

Not only did Gwyn demonstrate that she's got no issues pushing back on the things Az tells her but he finds it to be a positive aspect of who she is.

At this point in time it doesn't matter who is interested in who. This is an SJM book and we know that even if a character wants someone at the start of a novel, they can end up with someone completely different by the end. What is important is what we know of characters outside of any romantic interactions and who they are as an individuals. Based on that and that alone gives you an idea of who would best be suited for them and I've got to say, Gwyn is exactly the type of female that Az needs. Not only because she won't back down when he puts up his walls but she also won't feel hurt by his initial reaction which will often be to shut the conversation down when it's something he wants to avoid (which isn't a healthy response when done as regularly as Az tends to do).

#antie/riel #anti e/riel #pro gwynriel #pro gwyneth berdara #azriel and gwyn #azriel acotar

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links-destiny · 2 years

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AU Electro x Sandman

Word count (1,474)

No content warnings involved

Mentioned characters - Electro // Sandman // Doc Ock

"The next time you decide to jeopardize my plans by going off on your own, you will no longer be welcomed here. You got that?"

Marko nods, trying not to feel unnerved under Doc Ock's stare or by the aggressively audible clicking of his actuators. The doctor holds his glare for a moment before breaking eye contact. "Just keep that in mind, and maybe you'll prove yourself useful yet."

"Harsh... Are you holding up alright?" Electro sits down next to Marko on the couch. The two watch as Doc Ock exits the room, huffing and muttering under his breath about the nerve of some people these days.

Marko waits until he couldn't see him before he replies with a little uncertainty, signing about how working with a group wasn't something he was used to. In fact, he just got chewed out from one of Doc Ock's angry lectures and of course, the ever silent Marko could barely get a word in edgewise, hands quite literally crumbling into particles over how nervous he had gotten.

He wasn't a child anymore! He was a full-grown adult but Doc Ock just has to treat everyone as if they're bumbling children who don't know how to be criminals. Besides, with the Diamond Spider around, it seems like everyone is at a disadvantage these days. Meaning that Doc Ock seems to be building the need to vent his frustrations out on someone, which just so happens to be the newest member.

"Sorry you had to go through that. I might have been eavesdropping- But don't worry, it'll be okay. Doc can be a bit temperamental, but he'll calm down at some point."

"Just a bit? Are you sure?"

"He has a lot of responsibilities, maybe even I would lash out now and then if things get messy. He'll forget all about it though, and eventually you can get the hang of teamwork business. Now follow me, we should get outta here before he comes back to rant some more."

Electro takes Marko's hand and guides him away, towards his own room. They moved here about three months ago, managing to secure a sensible base, but it was still easy to get lost. Thankfully Electro doesn't have that much of an issue.

He looks at the door pad and hovers his hand over it. A small current of electricity zips through and the door slides open.

Now Electro's room is fairly small, not too well personalized as he would have liked with steel gray walls and cold flooring, and the one thing that sticks out is a containment chamber that seems to be crammed in the corner. The chamber is white with yellow outlines and cylindrical in shape. Wrapping around is a clear pristine glass casing.

"It's totally a step down from the prestigious ESU dorming experience."

"You used to be in college?" Marko raises a brow. The man certainly doesn't carry himself to be the studious type, too carefree from what he knows about the college's tough requirements.

Electro's expression softens with a sigh. "Sure was, one of the top students in my classes. Man... I kinda miss when it was just Rhino, Mysterio, Gwyn, Dante, and I. This was before they uh, became criminals, mind you. We had our moments together and the only thing we had to worry about back then was exams and passing classes. Nowadays, we gotta think about how we take down some guy in spider themed spandex for some weird reason."

"Was it fun?" Marko signs.

"While it lasted, but I feel like I found something better in the process. This Sinister Syndicate, I think it can be a good thing for us both, so don't go thinking about leaving me behind."

"So what are we doing here?"

"I guess I just want you to see that my place can also be your sanctuary or something close to that. I know it can't be easy being the new guy, and I've had my fair share of lectures from Doc too, even though I'm totally his favorite. Still, when I get stressed out, I like to sit inside here."

He pulls Marko along towards the berth of the chamber. "The others were pretty sick of me setting things on fire, messing with the TV static, and shorting out the light fixtures whenever I went to sleep or got really upset, so they built this, all in a couple of days just so I wasn't bothering them. Here, I'll show you."

They step through the opening and sit down on the bedding together, legs crossed, facing each other.

"It's quiet in here." Marko signs, looking around. "I like that."

The outside world felt muffled and distant as the opening shuts behind them. Frankly, it didn't seem to matter as Marko watches Electro prattle on about the intricacies of this chamber and how it was built. He could barely understand the tech aspect of things considering his life was spent on a 'smash and grab' variety when it came to thievery but the man in front of him is buzzing with excitement, letting his rambling info dumps loose. He likes the way his voice sounds, and how he seems to quite literally brighten up a room, and his eyes! Marko could go on about that for a while if he didn't feel so nervous in his speech.

Marko lowers his gaze down to the casing over the man's chest. It's not so easy to spot when Electro animates his movements so much while talking, which happens to be nearly all the time, but there's a pure white center that's shaped like a diamond.

Without thinking, Marko presses his hand over the casing.

Electro immediately stops. His eyes widen, obviously not expecting the action and is pulled away from whatever he was talking about. "Ah, that's my heart or spark, at least that's what I like to call it. Cool name, and it goes with the whole electricity theme, don't you think?"

Marko nods with a small smile as Electro slips his hand over his own. He notes the steady buzzing but it feels strange. When's the last time he has properly held hands with someone? Could it have been before his own accident? His memory was a little fuzzy concerning that event, and his brows furrow with frustration.

Electro looks up at him, catching it. "I know sand isn't the best conductor for electricity, but you won't turn into a glass statue or whatever. That would require much higher temperatures that my state doesn't produce normally, if that happens to be what you're worried about. I wouldn't uh, purposefully hurt you."

Marko signs with his other hand that he actually didn't know that tidbit of information. If he was smart enough, maybe he wouldn't have agreed to staying in the group in the first place, but if that was the case, he wouldn't have met someone like Electro.

Overly enthusiastic and wild spirited Electro.

Marko leans close, slowly in case the other wanted a moment to back away. He doesn't and Marko presses his forehead against Electro's.

Strangely enough, Marko could spot a tinge of a darker teal over his face, as if to express a surprised blush. He also starts to wonder how he must look to him, stone-faced and neutral, not a hint of anything that could indicate that he appreciates how close they are right now, something he's never done with anyone else. He has long since abandoned freely expressing himself in a proper manner and maybe now he's starting to regret the lack of practice.

"You... are... pretty..."

Marko covers his mouth, not believing how terrible his voice must sound, harsh and grating like rocks. Electro's never heard him before either, and he was just being to feel so at peace, it just happened to slip out. Oh, why did he have to speak?

"I've been thinking the same thing about you too, Marko." Electro chuckles a little, finally getting to see how flustered he can be over affection. "I know that it can be a little too much sometimes being a part of the Sinister Syndicate, but I'm right here, and I'm honestly grateful that you can share your voice with me. I understand how important it must be for you."

"It is..." Marko pulls his hand away to freely sign again. "I'm sorry, it's a little tiring to continue."

"You don't have to apologize to me. I'm just glad you felt safe enough to speak at all. Like I said, my place, your sanctuary." He says,

Marko huffs and gathers the courage to kiss Electro on the cheek. He laughs in return, and that prompts him to start peppering his face with more light kisses.

"Hey, that tickles! You're going to get sand all over my tech! Marko, you little-!"

#Marvel #Spidersona AU #Spider Man AU #Electro #Max Dillon #Sandman #Flint Marko #Diamond-verse #Link writes #Fanfic

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broodybatboy · 2 years

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⚔️ The Valkyries: Headcanons

@gwynweek2022 Day 4: The Valkyries

"Don't you know? You can never beat us." - Blossom, Powerpuff Girls

Emerie: a tablespoon of calm, a pound of resilience, a pinch of spice, and an ounce of boss 💯

Nesta: a cup of rage, a dash of intimidation, and a heaping tablespoon of love topped with a crown 👑

Gwyn: buckets of joy, a pinch of aggression, a squeeze of intellect and whole sticks of buttery sunshine ☀️

These are the ingredients chosen to make the perfect girls but the Mother accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: Friendship

Thus, the Valkyries were born.

The gals faces while reading smutty books:

Nesta: Smirking, raising an eyebrow, bookmarks pages for Cass...

Gwyn: Squealing, gasping, wide-eyed, yelling at characters

Emerie: Poker face, "hmm", snickers, re-reads the 🔥🌶

Gwyn is the silly and goofy one. She's also the kind one who gives the lil pep talks and makes them believe in themselves

Emerie is the straightforward, no-nonsense one that tells them when they're being stupid. But also the one to have a cup of tea or a book ready at any moment's notice

Nesta is protective and will scare the shit out of anyone who hurts her babies. But will also hold their hair back while they puke and give them a shoulder to cry on

How many Valkyries does it take to fix a lightbulb?

(1) Nesta to break it in a rage and then, hide it.

(2) Emerie holding the ladder while Nesta climbs on to change it.

(0) Gwyn points out that Az has wings & would fix it if she asked.

Once the friends-to-lovers become obvious Emerie and Nesta decide to turn the tables on Azriel. They tie him up to a chair in a dark cellar and begin to interrogate him

Emerie: "What are your intentions with our Gwyn?!?"

Nesta: *shining a bright light in his face* "DO YOU LOVE HER?!"

Emerie: "All right shadow boi, since you're so good with those hands, write a list about all the reasons she's perfect."

Nesta: "Okay, dumb bat. I'm gonna give you a scenario: Gwyn is at a large party. She's a little anxious, she's hungry, and there's a small rip in her dress. What do you fix first?"

Azriel: "Um I wo-"

Emerie: "Trick question. YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LET ANY OF THESE THINGS HAPPEN in the first place."

Emerie and Gwyn having secret tea time with Cassian bc he's starting to enjoy smutty books but he will literally never hear the end of it if Nesta or Azriel ever find out.

The gals teasing and encouraging Cassian about all the ways he gets Nesta all hot and bothered. The trio just gushing about how beautiful Nesta is.

Meanwhile, in the other room...

Azriel: "The shadows say they've moved on to discussing The Lord who Loathed Me."

Nesta, smirking: "Gwyn wants to go to the symphony. Emerie's gonna bail at the last minute so you can take her. Pass the cookies."

Azriel, chuckles: "Cassian is comparing himself to Lord Antoine. They particularly enjoyed the heated argument in the study. Hmm...what should I wear?"

Nesta, laughing: "He is the bane of my existence. The silk dress shirt, Gwyn always freaks out about your biceps."

Emerie, Gwyn and Nesta having stylish fashion shows in their closets and giving each other makeovers.

Emerie, Gwyn and Nesta watching romantic comedies and quoting them all the time. Their favorites

Emerie: The Notebook

Gwyn: When Harry Met Sally

Nesta: 10 Things I Hate About You

Emerie, Gwyn and Nesta singing Shania Twain’s Man! I Feel Like a Woman!

Emerie, Gwyn and Nesta getting absolutely plastered drunk in Velaris and dancing their butts off in the most joyous way possible

Emerie, Gwyn and Nesta going on missions together and being so in sync

Like Gwyn is scouting the perimeter and covering blind spots, Nesta would take the lead and subdue the enemy, Emerie would come from behind and finish him off

The trio commemorates the anniversary of the Blood Rite. They go to Emerie's house in Illyria. This time, there's no fear, there's no risk of danger, this time they're safe and ready to defend themselves.

They sit around the table sipping wine and eating a chocolate cake with "Valkyries" written in icing until they are too full of sugar and love for each other.

The next day they go to the coast. They walk along the shoreline and climb the top of a seacliff. They share a laugh, they share a cry, and they share the stories of all they have overcome. The three of them wrap their arms around each. They sit for a long while watching the waves crash against the rock.

"Nothing can break us."

#tag yourself which valkyrie are you?#literally I am gwyn whenever I read #if I was Az I would be terrified in that interogration room #Also Az and Nesta eavesdropping makes me so happy #gwynweek2022 #gwyneth berdara #gwyn berdara #gwyn acotar #gwyn acosf #valkyries #gwynriel #nesta archeron #emerie acotar #emerie acosf #nesta acosf #acosf #nesta

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secretbondsandloveconfessions · 2 years

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A little excerpt from the gwynriel fic I’m working on

He’d thought he’d imagined the knock at first, what with how quiet it was. Sleeping aid or not, he was trained to wake the second he heard any sort of threat, so he wasn’t exactly sure why his shadows had remained in their slumber while his own ears listened to his surroundings.

He hoisted himself out of bed the second he heard the knock again, a familiar soft voice calling his name through the door. “Azriel? Are you awake?”

Azriel opened the door a moment after that, taking in the sight of Gwyn. She had a robe wrapped around her night clothes with a book tucked under her arm. A cup of a steaming liquid was perched in her left hand.

“Hi,” she greeted him, almost aggressive with its fortitude.

“Hey,” he said back, confusion filling him. “Do you…er…need something?”

Gwyn opened her mouth, then closed it again. Her gaze met his, burning with intensity.

By now, his shadows have awoken, curling around his legs and drifting across his bare chest.

For a second, he thought that maybe she wanted him again, that she may have wanted more than just his instruction. But—

“I’m sorry,” she said hurriedly. “I couldn’t sleep, and I tried to read in the library, but it wasn’t working. And then I couldn’t seem to get my mind to calm. Then, I was going to go out and train, but it’s dreadful out there with the rain and the wind, so I had the House make me some tea. When I was drinking the tea, I remembered that night at your mother’s, and how I slept so well–”

“Gwyn, what’s wrong?”

“Can I sleep in here?” She swallowed, refusing to take her eyes off of him. “With you?”

With her confession, Azriel felt his shadows take interest, peeking over his shoulders to look at Gwyn. He understood why. She was an absolute sight standing in his doorway. Her alabaster skin nearly glowed in the moonlight spilling in from the windows, and her teal eyes shone like the dark jade of the north sea–a color that he could get lost in.

Azriel didn’t mean to stare at her, but he was in awe. Even when she looked exhausted, even as her body was covered in a loose cotton gown and her eyes framed in dark circles, she was the epitome of beauty. Not to mention that he’d thought about how good it felt to sleep next to her a few weeks back, and that he’d spent the nights afterwards dreaming about the day that he would be able to do it again.

But it was dangerous on a whole new level. She would be so close, too close to him. So close that there was little to no chance that he’d be able to renounce the ever-growing attachment he had to her and keep her as a friend.

“Forget it,” she said, breaking her gaze and turning away abruptly. “I’m sorry for bothering you. Goodnight, Az.”

“No,” murmured back, amazed that he found the strength to speak. “It’s alright. Come in.”

He caught her by the waist and gently guided her in, flipping on the faelight before making his way to the other side of the bed.

“You sleep with the light on?” She asked him, her voice quiet in his room.

He eyed her book. “Did you not want to read?”

She gave him a watery smile, then placed herself under the duvet. He didn’t bother to stick close to edge this time, and instead chose to indulge in the warmth that Gwyn radiated. There was no reason to keep the extreme distance. At least, not after they’d woken up that first morning curled around each other. And especially not after he let her explore his body a few days back.

With the rustle of one page, Gwyn muttered a thank you to him.

He only hummed back, shifting slightly closer. She didn’t have to thank him. Her trust meant more to him than she would ever know.

#gwynriel #gwynriel fanfiction #gwynriel fic #Azriel #gwyneth berdara #Gwyn Berdara #gwyn x azriel #acosf #pro-Azriel #pro-Gwynriel

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aelingalathyniusrailme · 3 years

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gwynriel headcanons because we need more content

rain kiss on roof tops

gwyn is talking to nesta and emerie about the male lead in one of their erotica books, and this guy is embarrassing as fuck. he’s pathetic and needs to get a grip. sellion drake would never write a male lead as trashy as this one

azriel overhears and thinks she’s talking about him. he proceeds to get very moody and distant. shutting gwyn out.

gwyn finally had enough of his attitude, asked him what was up and he ignored her, facing the other way

she grabbed his arm and forced him to look at her. “hey talk to me”

“I know you’re embarrassed of me”

it took gwyn a moment but then she realized exactly what he was talking about

gwyn is like you dumbass and starts climbing out the window

azriel is stunned “what are you doing get back here”

gwyn ignores him and pulls herself on to the roof in the pouring rain

soaking wet in front of all of velaris she starts yelling to the entire city all the reasons that she loves him

everyone turned to look up at them and azriel got super shy and was blushing. but gwyn, satisfied with herself, was grinning like an idiot absolutely drenched in rain

she’s the most magnificent sight he’s ever seen

gwyn is still smiling and hollering about how much she loves him. and to shut her up azriel pulls her in for a kiss. and while she wants the whole world to know, his words are for her to hear and her only. he whispers “I love you too”

🎵everybody shots shots shots🎵

azriel has been super moody lately and gwyn will not have it.

her “best friend” needs her and she is determined to be there for him

gwyn has only been outside the library a few times at this point

it’s the end of training and she walks up to azriel and loops her arm through his. he raises his eyebrows in amusement but doesn’t question it

she looks at him with a smirk and declares “we are going out tonight”

azriel is stunned. so much so that he forgets he’s brooding “you want to go out? tonight?”

our sassy gwyn replies “yes pretty sure that’s what I just said”

“and just where are we going”

“rita’s”

azriel remains shocked “you want to go to a club?”

“well i’ve heard such great things about it, so yes I want to go to a club.”

“I mean if you don’t want to go I will gladly find someone else to take me”

azriel eyes flash with subtle panic. gwyn notices and smirks knowing she’s about to get her way

he regains enough composure to begrudgingly agree

they arrive at rita’s. it’s packed but because azriel is good friends with our lesbian icon miss rita herself they get in anyway

gwyn is ready to party

they grab a booth and order drinks. gwyn gets something fruity (for az because he’s a sucker but will never get one himself) az gets tequila (for gwyn obvi she loves herself some trashy cheep liquor)

gwyn is only one drink in but because miss berdara is a lightweight she’s already wasted

a faerie comes up to them and is clearly about to hit on gwyn but azriel stares him the fuck down and he leaves. gwyn doesn’t even notice

they’re talking, drinking, enjoying each other’s company when gwyn yells “ShOtS”

az looks at her incredulously.

“gwyn i’m not sure shots are the best idea right now” he says carefully

“oh don’t be such a scrooge az” gwyn slurs and winks “unless you’re scared i’m going to beat you”

azriel sees the bait from miles away and yet he can’t resist taking it “I am 500 years old and you think you can beat me in a drinking game” azriel scoffs

gwyn waits and finally az calls the waiter over for a round of shots

they go round after round downing shots and suddenly there’s a group of people surrounding them cheering them on. “SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS EVERYBODY”

gwyn despite being a huge lightweight is still going. but none of us are surprised because we know how determined she is

8 rounds in gwyn downs another one. and azriel brings the drink to his lips, his hand shaking slightly

finally he puts it down and admits defeat. “you win” he slurs. gwyn stands up on the table triumphant and everyone in the club cheers for her “Redhead Redhead Redhead”

gwyn waves to the crowd like a queen waving to her subjects

azriel watches her laughing

but she is so gone that she stumbles and trips

azriel doesn’t miss a beat and catches her

they stare at one another, with her hands wrapped around his neck, like there’s no one else in the club

gwyn stands up. az is reluctant to let go and she whispers “thank you”

to break the tension gwyn says “let’s go dancing”

“absolutely not” she rolls her eyes at him and he can read the words there scrooge

azriel is hiccuping like there is no tomorrow and gwyn is dying of laughter

after another drink she finally convinces him to dance with her

they dance the night away drunk and having the time of their lives

but eventually gwyn and az call it a night and they walk home along the sidra.

for the first time in weeks azriel goes home smiling his ass off instead of brooding

point bedara

the french braid

it’s been a long week for gwyneth bedara. the illyrians are refusing to train with the valkyries no matter how hard gwyn, nesta and emerie try.

she’s been staying late training. training training and training. trying to turn her frustration into something productive and gwyn is exhausted. she’s barely been sleeping.

azriel unlocks the door of their apartment and walks into their shared room. he’s about to open his mouth when he sees gwyn at the vanity

gwyn is sitting with her hands behind her head aggressively braiding her hair. he watches as she stops, deciding it’s not good enough, violently brushes through her hair and tries again. the process repeats until finally gwyn throws the brush in frustration

her eyes are dull and unfocused

azriel comes in and she turns to look at him exasperated. “why don’t we go to bed” he says softly

“I need to finish this” she says through gritted teeth. her hands clenched in a fist

“love, why don’t you let me do it for you” his voice is sincere and loving

gwyn let’s out a breath and hands him the brush

az begins to brush through her straight, thick, copper hair. gently detangling the knots

his shadows twist themselves in gwyns hair attempting to comfort her

when azriel determines her hair silky and knot free he sets down the brush

gwyn talks him through the braiding process and az, the quick learner that he is, is soon weaving her hair into a gorgeous french braid

his hands are light and delicate. crossing the strands over each other and softly tugging her hair, giving gwyn a massage

his hands feel good in her hair. she looks up into the mirror and smiles faintly as she watches az with his brows furrowed in concentration, braiding away.

the restless energy in gwyn settles. she is content to watch az. but without meaning to her eyelids feel heavy and she can no longer hold them open

gwyn is asleep for the first time in days

azriel continues to braid until he finally reaches the end of her hair. he grabs a blue ribbon from the vanity and tenderly ties it around her hair.

az steps back and admires his handiwork. feeling satisfied he says excitedly “gwyn I did it”

he then looks over at her and realizes that she has fallen asleep so he picks her up and gently lays them down on the bed with her head against his chest and his wings wrapped around them

she murmurs against him still half asleep “i’m proud of you”

“shh rest my love”

#gwynriel #gwynriel headcanon #gwyn berdara #azriel #acosf

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iridiscent-aesthetics · 3 years

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Head Cannon of Az being jealous when he sees Gwyn and Eris talking?

Hey! Thanks for asking! This is my first time writing a headcannon so I'm aware its not very perfect but I hope y'all like it!

It hurt to watch them like that. No, It didn't hurt to see Mor lean into Emerie and whisper something into her ear making the female blush furiously. It didn't hurt to see Nesta and Cassian nestled in each other's arms so irrevocably in love with each other. He didn't feel envious when Rhys watched Feyre and Nyx with starlight dancing in his gaze. He hadn't found jealousy anywhere in the corner of his thoughts when he saw Elain smile shyly at Lucien and look at him as if he was her only sun while he was comically explaining something throwing his hands in the air. No. Azriel didn't feel that gut wrenching pain of realization that he was utterly alone. He didn't feel envious of any of his friends' happiness. No. He felt happy for them. Truly.

It was them. It troubled him hugely to see that male talk to her. To see fucking Eris Vanserra absolutely smitten talking to Gwyneth. It hurt him that Gwyn seemed equally interested in associating with the likes of Eris. It made him envious to the depths of his soul to hear Gwyn's melodious laughter along the hall and know that he wasn't the one that caused her cackle. He was watching the Autumn court heir and the Vaylkrie across the room; engrossed in conversation, either oblivious to the rest of the world around them. Azriel clutched his wine glass firmly, his knuckles white and shadows aggressively swarming around him. "Stop sulking and go take action thundercloud." He turned to his side to see Amren twirling her wine pretending it was blood. "I understand that I might not be the best person for relationship advice. But it is glaringly obvious that you're considering the million ways to kill Eris." She said with a slight smirk and knowing glow in her eyes. Indeed he was deliberating all the ways he could make Eris suffer. "And as much as I would enjoy that, the night court finds an ally in him and hence I'll have to prevent you from doing so. Instead, how about you man up and go do something about that." She said pointing a sharp finger at the two redheads. "What, how do I.." Az began with an almost whine. "Don't ask me how boy. You're half a millennia old. If I had my way I'd already have kissed the priestess." Az gave her a look of complete disbelief before shaking it off in realization that the tiny female might hold true to her word. He gathered all the courage he had and walked across the room to Gwyn thinking of how to get her attention to him. Would he tell Eris to simply fuck off, that he was troubling his Gwyn? But Gwyn didn't seem troubled. Would he ask Gwyn to have a word about her training and carry her as far away as possible from everyone else? The question of training at this ceremony seemed uncalled for, but anything to get Eris away from Gwyn. As he approached them he finally saw Gwyn completely up close. She was radiant. There were no words to describe her beauty. There she was the light of his life, in a turquoise dress that brought out the color of her beautiful eyes with sleeves that fell from her shoulders, dress bunched at her waist and then flowing down in a gradient of dark blue to her ankles like a fountain. Her wild chestnut hair left loose today and dancing with the wind. She seemed to have try and tamed them with a bunch of star shaped clips on one side that reminded him of her freckles and the constellations they made. How many times had he had to refrain himself so hard from holding her beautiful face in his hands and kissing all of those freckles, counting them and tracing the constellations he could form. Her bright teal eyes stood out even more today outlined by kohl while her lips were painted a plush peach. Mother how he wanted to kiss those divine lips. Az stopped dead in his tracks. He shouldn't be thinking of Gwyn in such a way. After all that she had been through, she didn't need Az thinking of her like this, with desire. She deserved better than this. Better than him. He was about to turn back when he caught eye of Eris looking at Gwyn with such fondness. Az couldn't stop himself then, He walked straight up to them. About to punch Eris straight in the nose when Gwyn looked at him with a glimmer in her teal eyes with the brightest of smiles. "Shadowsinger! Hello!" "Spymaster. What brings you here to us?" Eris bit at him as if annoyed to be disturbed. Azriel cut him a short glare and focused back to his priestess. What would he say now, why had he come here to them. "Gwyneth," he gave her his softest smiles "A dance?" His words tumbled out surprised of his own boldness. Gwyn seemed to consider him a heartbeat, enough for him to fear his rejection, before she answered, "It would be my honor, of course. Excuse me Eris, I'll get back to you." She threw him a promising smile to which the male mocked a bow "I'll be holding up to you on that." He said

with a wink and kissed her hand before turning away. Az tensed. He was going to kill Eris, for so much as looking at Gwyn and then he had dared to talk to her, wink at her and Kiss her hand! He was going to rip that sorry excuse of a male to shreds. Ally or what may go to hell. "Shadowsinger?" Came that familiar voice, Az couldn't stop glaring at the eldest Vanserra as he made his way though the crowd. White hot anger seeping his veins and calling at him for violence. "Azriel?" Gwyn placed a steady hand on his stiffened chest. Was it the way he finally heard his name on her lips in her melodious voice, or was it how her touch to his chest unlocking something deep within, he felt a simmering gold ribbon making way out as he turned to look at Gwyn. The ribbon reached from him to her. Was this it? Was this the mating bond? No, it couldn't be. He was delusional. He had been so obsessed with a mating bond that he was now imaging things. Gwyn couldn't be his mate. She was so much more than him. Strong and courageous, beautiful and determined, she was glowing happiness and light. In no way did he deserve her, his scarred hands and tainted soul, the overwhelming darkness in him. His intimidating shadows and him, a hopeless monster. She saved all those children at Sangravah, at the expense of her own. And him? He couldn't even save her, couldn't be there for her on time. No Gwyn was so better than him, there was no way the Cauldron would bless him with a mate and more at that, such a wondrous mate, no matter how much he desired it to be true. It was not, this was the final stage of mania hallucinations. And as if on cue, the ribbon bridging them reduced to a faint presence. "Is there something wrong?" Came her soothing voice again, breaking him away from his darkest thoughts threatening to spiral down to his worst of nightmares. It took all his five hundred years of being a Spymaster to forge his expression neutral before looking into the depths of her oceanic eyes with his darkened gaze. Gwyn's eyebrows furrowed with concern and confusion. For him. Mother above, she was adorable. One look at her and he was smiling, "Nothing at all, Shall we?" He gave her his arm and beckoned to the dance floor. Gwyn yet seemed unconvinced but didn't complain as she walked by him to the midst of the floor. As a slow song played, Az snaked his arm around her waist and held her hand in another as she placed one on his shoulder, slowly swaying to the tune, smiling contently. "That was the first time you called me by name." Her eyes widened a fraction "I- I didn't, I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable." Now it was his turn for his eyes to widen "What-Gwyneth, No. I liked it." A blush creeped up his neck. "It felt nice, hearing my name from you." She took a second to consider and then one corner of her lips curled up as she answered "Well then I'll make sure to call you Azriel more often Azriel." To that he laughed, laughed from deep within in his heart. Marvelling at how his name sounded rolling off her tongue. And at that moment, with Gwyn in his arms, looking up at him with her wide, beautiful eyes and bright smile, such adoration. His shadows swirling around them; in their darkness making Gwyn glow brighter than ever, that faint ribbon twirling around them pulling them closer to each other. As something sparked in his chest once more, Az decided; he wanted this. He wanted this feeling for the rest of his life. Nothing more, nothing less. And he would do anything to make Gwyn smile. He would be the darkness to her light.

I tried! Always open for suggestions and feedback. Feel free to send me Head Canons and other prompts!

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hlizr50 · 3 years

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Update: The Raven and the Songbird

Chapter 3

Read on AO3

Four days.

Four days of training with no sign of Azriel.

Four days of the pitying side-glances from Nesta and Cassian when she arrived to the ring to find that he still wasn’t there.

Gwyn gritted her teeth and peppered the post with blows from her fists and feet. She hated pity. She didn’t want it. They knew it, too. It was all she could do not to scream at them, and part of her wondered why exactly she hadn’t. A few weeks ago she probably would have. Her scowl deepened.

She punched harder.

As much as she’d denied it to the general and her friends, she was acting differently. She wasn’t upset about being spurned by a male. She had never had any claim on Azriel, never had any expectations. She was not a female that would allow a male to have power over her emotions – her very being – like that.

But she felt like she had lost a friend, and not due to tragedy or death. She had lost a friend by their own choice. She wasn’t sure how to handle that.

Had it been pity that made Azriel placate her? Is that what he had done? She’d told him that she missed him. It was true, and she had never questioned uttering her truth to anyone.

He hadn’t returned the sentiment.

Perhaps it had been pity, then. He had said what he knew she wanted to hear, enough to get her out of his hair…

“NO,” she scolded herself through her panting. Gwyn would not allow herself to go down that road. She did not need pity from herself, either. She was strong and capable and confident. She was a Valkyrie.

The dull ache in her knuckles distracted her from her rushing thoughts and the sun beating down on the training ring. It was hotter than she could remember it ever being since she’d started training – so hot that Cassian had allowed the trainees to forego the Illyrian leathers in favor of lighter, cooler clothing. A year ago the idea may have terrified her, but she had fought Illyrian warriors in nothing but a nightgown, so she graciously accepted Nesta’s offer of the light blue linen tunic that bared her shoulders and lightweight leggings. Gwyn was grateful for her friend’s consideration, even though she knew the sun would likely end up burning her rarely-exposed skin.

Another distraction. For the best.

“Gwyn.”

The priestess started as the general’s voice boomed from behind her. She turned her wide eyes to him and saw an eyebrow raised at her.

“Cassian?” She had grown increasingly comfortable with him in the months since his and Nesta’s mating ceremony. She had spent a considerable amount of time with both of them, and while she still used his title, it was usually in jest and banter. He had become a friend, something of a brother, perhaps.

“I said you need to take a break.” His eyes shifted to her hands before returning to her face. “Water. Now. And take care of those hands.”

“I’m fine -“

“You will take care of them or I will sideline you for the rest of the day, Berdara,” he spoke sternly, every bit the weathered veteran and general of the most feared forces in all of Prythian. He had mischief in his eyes, as per usual, but there was something that darkened them.

Concern.

“Yes, general,” she drawled before muttering under her breath as he walked away, “Mother-henning busybody.”

“What was that, Berdara?” he challenged over a broad shoulder.

“Nothing!” she sing-songed back to him as sweetly as she could muster, lest she not sound convincing. His wings flared slightly as he paced away, and she waited until he was halfway across the ring before she stretched out her arms in front of her to survey the backs of her hands. The fabric wrapped around her hands was stained crimson across her knuckles where her skin had surely cracked open. In multiple places.

She hadn’t even noticed.

Gwyn uttered a low curse, scowling to herself, and stalked over to the table where Nesta and Emerie were watching her. Her sisters. Regardless of whatever this storm was that she was experiencing, she knew that she was not alone. That was the greatest comfort.

“If I were you I’d save some of that aggression for someone who actually deserves it,” the eldest Archeron offered, eyebrows raised. “What did that post ever do to you anyway?”

Gwyn scoffed, looking back at the padded wood that she had been battling for Mother-knew how long before glancing at her bloodied hands. “I think it still came out on top, anyway,” she grinned, and began peeling the fabric away. Emerie passed her a basket of gauze, ointments, and clean wraps as Gwyn lowered herself to sit cross-legged on the ground.

“You… uh… you were really in the zone there, Gwyn,” the Illyrian female said as she knelt beside her. “Are you sure you’re okay?” The copper-haired priestess looked at her friend, warmth blooming in her heart when she saw the concern written across her tanned face.

“I’m fine,” she smiled brightly at Emerie and then looked up to Nesta. “I promise.”

“Regardless,” Nesta answered as she sat down with her. “Save a couple of those shots for that idiot Spymaster. That’s what I’m doing.”

Gwyn managed a laugh before returning her attention to her stinging, bloodied hands. She hissed as she dabbed ointment over where her skin had split before laying gauze over the freshly cleaned wounds. Maybe she would save a punch or two for Azriel, if she ever even saw him again.

Or maybe she would just continue to savor the distraction of the pain.

~~~

Punching something until her hands bled had proven to be an effective distraction during training.

And again that night, when her demons had chased her out of bed for the third time in five days. She hadn’t told Nesta and Emerie how bad it was getting since Azriel had chosen to remove himself from her life. They were already worried, and it was something she would need to learn to manage on her own, anyway. At least she could still go to the training ring, work herself to bone-numbing exhaustion, and then collapse into slumber for a few precious hours.

Azriel was never there.

And while punching and kicking until she was bruised and bloody bought her some reprieve from her nightmares, it was not conducive to her work in the library. Her swollen fingers could barely grasp her quill.

Definitely weapons tonight, then.

She paused, feeling her eyes prickle as she realized her assumption: that she all but planned on being unable to sleep yet again.

What a mess she had become.

Regardless of what potential may have existed between her and Azriel before, what tore at her was the loss of a dear friend, a confidant. He had seen her darkest days and nights and had never run away from her. She had tried to ignore it the first night she had sensed him in the archway to the training ring before he retreated back into the House. But he’d kept retreating, again and again.

And now he didn’t approach at all. She hadn’t even sensed or scented him in the House, ever since that day he’d assured her that they were friends, and that things would go back to normal. What a foolish hope that had been.

“Gwyneth, girl, where are those books I told you to fetch? I sent you for them hours ago!” Gwyn winced as Merrill’s voice carried through the stacks. She had known it would only be a matter of time before the elder priestess found her. To an outsider, Merrill’s voice would have sounded pleasant, but the Valkyrie heard the venomous threats underneath. She put down her quill and rubbed her eyes as the beautiful white-haired female approached her, eyes gleaming with malice.

“I apologize, sister. I have been struggling with this transcription.” Indeed, the pain in her hands had caused her to be much slower than usual. “I’ll retrieve those books for you immediately.” Gwyn moved to push herself from the table when Merrill’s soft tanned fingers yanked her bruised hand to study it, her grip like a vice. The teal-eyed priestess winced.

“Poor little Valkyrie, can barely even write her own name,” Merrill scoffed. “Perhaps I should replace you, Gwyneth. Nobody has use for a foolish girl who is too broken to look out for herself.”

Gwyn pulled her hand back, the pain forgotten after the words that lanced into her soul. It was a ‘gift’ of Merrill’s, knowing exactly what to say to cut her to the quick.

“Can’t sleep without someone to coddle you, so instead you resort to brutality. Poor excuse for a Valkyrie. Poorer excuse for a female.” How could she know?

Gwyn rose abruptly, tears stinging at her eyes. But she would not let them fall in front of the witch. “I’ll go get those books now,” she managed to rasp, before retreating into the stacks.

~~~

That night she hadn’t even tried to sleep, the scholar’s dagger-like words twisting in her chest. Merrill was right, wasn’t she? For all Gwyn had done, all that she had overcome and accomplished, she was falling apart. She was adrift, uncertain of where to turn. Nesta and Emerie would never turn away, of course. But Azriel…

It had been different with him, she didn’t know why. But the gaping wound left in his absence was proof that maybe the necklace had meant more than she cared to admit. So had not being the intended recipient. It hurt.

Losing him hurt.

And even though she had realized that day that she wouldn’t have his heart, she had hoped that he would be willing to continue with the friendship they had built.

But she had lost even that.

Gwyn burst through the door and into cold rain, steam rising from the training ring as the droplets hit the stone floor still warm from the daytime sun. She stood there for a moment, letting it wash over her. Her robes grew heavy with water but she barely took note as the downpouring cold soothed her aching hands and soul.

Robes swished as she moved to the center of the ring. She sat down and hugged her knees to her chest. Closing her eyes, she tilted her chin up, allowing her tears to fall and mix with the rain that had dulled her usually vibrant hair to a drab chestnut.

Just breathe. Let it be and breathe.

She didn’t know how long she had been there, letting the storm wash her clean, when she felt him. She had always been able to sense him, shadows or no. She faced forward, determined not to turn toward him, lest he see how weak she had become. So she simply gathered her courage and spoke. It sounded steadier than she had expected, much stronger than she felt.

“Hello, Azriel.”

~~~

He wasn’t surprised that she knew he was there. She always seemed to know, and not just because his shadows were traitorous bastards who would tend to attract her attention – seemingly on purpose.

Gwyn always seemed to… sense him.

And, if Azriel were ever honest with himself, he would probably admit that it was the same for him. She had a presence that he was drawn to.

Constantly.

The restraint that it had taken to stay in the townhouse, maintain his home base there as he fulfilled his reconnaissance missions in Vallahan and the human lands – it was wearing on him. He’d barely slept in the last week, throwing himself into his work and training when the darkness and shame kept him awake in the night. The guilt was a festering wound inside of him.

He’d told Gwyn that they were friends. That things would return to normal. And then he’d run from her like a fucking coward.

Azriel. Spymaster. Shadowsinger. Death Bringer. The lethal dark of the Night Court had run from a 29-year-old priestess who loved nothing more than to smile and laugh, whose only crime was caring for him. Five centuries of training and death and calm calculation had not prepared him for her innocence and trust. It was dangerous.

The shadowsinger stared at her rain-soaked form huddled in the middle of the training ring, shadows curling around him – begging him to go to her. Even without the moon her skin seemed to glow. It was pinker than usual, likely due to her training underneath the midday sun. His gaze drifted to her hands, long fingers wrapped under her knees. His eyes narrowed as he spied the discoloration of her skin and cracks over her knuckles. He’d assumed that Cassian was exaggerating when he had told him that Gwyn was beating herself bloody, taking out her emotions on every piece of equipment available to her.

That knife of guilt twisted in his gut.

His brother had been waiting outside his room when he’d returned to the townhouse the night before, leaning on the doorframe casually with crossed arms.

“So this is where you run off to when you have too many feelings?”

Cassian had never been known for his tact.

“I’m working, Cassian. It’s quieter –“

“Cut the bullshit, Az. You and I both know that things are quiet and that your spies can more than manage their assignments.” Azriel growled and barged through the door, Cassian on his heels. “And you and I both know that this has nothing to do with your responsibilities to the court and has everything to do with Gwyneth Berdara.”

The shadowsinger halted, suddenly finding the navy silk sheets on his bed very interesting. Anything to avoid looking at the other Illyrian in the room. No matter what mask he slid over his emotions, Cassian could see right through it. Always.

He shook his head and tore his shirt off over his arms, stalking into the bathing room without acknowledging what the general had said. “I’m exhausted, Cassian.”

“Then listen to what I have to say, Az. You listen, then I’ll leave.”

He turned back to his brother, Cassian’s hulking form taking up most of the doorway. The dim fae lights of the bathing room cast shadows that sharpened the angles of his face. His usual mischievous glint had been replaced with resolution and concern. The shadowsinger sighed and motioned for Cassian to speak before turning to lean his hands on the refreshing cool porcelain of the bathtub.

“She’s working herself until she’s black and blue and bleeding. I’ve had to threaten to sideline her twice this week, just so she’ll take a break and tend to herself. Sound like anyone you know?”

Azriel could only sigh and hang his head. Of course it did. It was exactly what he always did to work through his frustration, to battle the demons that chased him out of bed too many nights. It was the reason she had found him in the training right that first night, the beginning of that friendship he’d told her he would uphold.

“I know you, Az. I know you feel guilty for upsetting her. I know what you see inside yourself. But you need to give yourself more credit, and Gwyn, too. Whatever this is, it’s hurting you both. So stop getting in your own way and be honest with her. Both of you can have what you deserve.”

The spymaster didn’t answer but raised his head to gaze at the moonlit garden through the window. He imagined there were lovely summer blooms and leafy vines slithering around the pane of glass – a lovely view for a relaxing summer bath. Cassian’s wings rustled has he turned to leave.

“If you can’t get your shit together and come back to help with training I need to know. The advanced females are having to sacrifice their progress to help with the novices. If I can’t depend on you to be there, I’ll need to find someone else.”

Azriel let out a sardonic laugh. The general knew just how to play him, like a fucking fiddle. He could never stand a jab to his dependability.

“I’ll be back next week.”

It was that conversation that had brought him to the training ring tonight, only to find the copper-haired priestess sitting in the cold rain. Even through the downpour he could smell the salt on her cheeks.

“What brings you here tonight?” he asked, like a useless fool. He knew the reason. Azriel was not the only one with nightmares.

“Same as usual, Shadowsinger.” Gwyn’s voice was tight. “Fourth time since we last spoke.”

He inhaled sharply. It had only been six days since he last saw her, in this very spot. “I thought they were getting better.”

“They were.”

They were.

Those two words hit him like a physical blow, but the white hot brand against his soul was the implication – the words she hadn’t spoken in that voice that was too shaky and small for the Gwyn he knew.

Her nightmares were getting better. But now… worse.

He had done this.

His absence, his cowardice, his stupidity, his darkness. It was his fault. He’d ripped his support away because he was a coward, unable to forgive himself for something her generous heart had forgiven almost as soon as it had happened. She had assured him of that. The sincerity had shone like stars in her incredible eyes. But he hadn’t accepted it. She had considered him a friend, and he had abandoned her to face her darkest memories alone.

Azriel’s eyes stung with the understanding, the wretched self-loathing, and he dared a glance again at those gentle hands he longed to hold. Bruised fingers and cracked skin.

He may as well have put those marks there by his own scarred, cruel, sadistic hands.

“I thought – maybe I just hoped – that I’d find you here one night.”

He swallowed the threatening emotions and could only manage a rasped, “I had work to do.”

“Of course.”

She saw right through him. She always had. Panic and guilt and grief rose like a tidal wave within him. He could never forgive himself for this pain he had caused her – a Carynthian warrior trying to hold herself together in the deluge. He would not forgive himself for the tears that she’d shed, the pain that she’d put herself through to cope.

I miss you, Azriel.

The shadowsinger took a shuddering breath.

Cassian was right. Gwyn deserved so much more than he could ever give, ever be. She was light and joy and he would not let his darkness snuff her out. He was broken, soulless, and cold – death on the wind. The terrible things he had done, would continue to do, would make even the strongest warriors flee in terror. He would not bring any more blood and fear and pain into her life. She deserved happiness and joy, and he deserved suffering and the dark.

They would both get what they deserved.

“You should get inside, Gwyn. The rain is cold and you’re soaked to the bone. Get inside, warm up, and get some rest.” Azriel had no idea how he’d managed that cool, detached voice when his chest was cracking open, allowing the shadows and shame to flood into him. He watched her form, swallowed in waterlogged robes. Everything about her seemed less vibrant in that moment.

“Yes. I will. Soon.”

He waited a moment longer, and when she made no move he stepped back into the stairwell, letting the night cover him. He dared one more glance over his shoulder, heart splintering when she lowered her head to her knees, shoulders shaking.

Azriel bolted down the stairs then, knowing that facing the 10,000 steps down to Velaris would be nothing compared to facing the gut-wrenching sobs he pretended he couldn’t hear.

~~~

Gwyn knew that he could probably hear her, but she didn’t care. It didn’t matter.

So she let herself cry – full choking sobs – into her knees. But she didn’t cry for Catrin, or her lost innocence, or for Sangravah. For the first time in a long while she cried for her – this pain, heartbreak at losing someone who had become so dear to her and being powerless to stop it.

Tomorrow would be better, she knew. She had overcome far too much to let this break her. She would survive this, maybe even be better for it.

But tonight she would cry.

Because for the first time in over a year Gwyneth Berdara did not feel strong.

Tag List: @tealnymph-writes @trashforazriel @secretlovelybeauty @meher-sumedha @imsointobooks @flora-shadowshine @positivewitch @tanvee1231 @imwritingthesewords @camreadsum @vikingmagic33 @shisingh @ddsworldofbooks @gwynrielsupremacist

#gwynriel #gwynriel fic #gwynriel fanfic #gwynriel supremacy #gwyn x azriel #azwyn #azriel shadowsinger #gwyneth berdara #it hurts #sorry not sorry #bless this mess

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justapoet · 3 years

Text

falling for you

Three times Carlos had had his heart broken and one he could mend it.

2.5k

As a child, seeing a stray dog searching for food would be something to break Carlos' heart ― it still is, but he learned, as the years passed, that he couldn't help everyone. As a teenager, movies about dogs who died and listening to what people had to say on every single subject that didn't have to do with them would also be something to break his heart. As an adult, consequently, as a cop, humanity ― and the lack of it ― would be daily breaking the man's heart.

But, those were heartbreaks that he learned to deal with. Leaving dog food for a few stray dogs at his street, avoiding any Hollywood project that involved dogs, or pretending he was deaf when people started to mascarade cruelty with honesty. He also would repeat that "not everyone can be saved" after every shift, so he would not drive himself insane every night.

He didn't know, only, that none of those heartbreaks could've prepared him to see sadness and loneliness inside the most beautiful and shiny eyes he's ever seen.

He's been in love before, for a few times. If being honest, he could bet something around two or three, all of them being different for him to feel.

The first time was when he was thirteen, and that was this sweet boy that used to sit by his side at science classes. He never really talked about it, but he knew he could be in love with Morgan when, every time they hugged each other, a silly smile would come to his face.

But he never really tried anything. Firstly, because he was way too shy to directly talk to someone, and secondly because he would always imagine that it was nothing, and maybe it wasn't worth the risk. They were young, after all, and he was well aware that it was practically impossible for any relationship at their age not to have an end. He didn't like ends at all, so he would tell himself that it wasn't it. He never fell in love before that, so maybe he was just messing things up. It stopped hurting the next summer.

Falling in love with Morgan was easy and unnoticed. If he fell in love at all.

The second time, he was fifteen. There was this cute boy, always smiling and being kind and lovely, mainly with his girlfriend. Honestly, he would always laugh remembering how he loved to imagine what could be different in another reality, and how it lasted until he was seventeen and finished high school. It was even funnier to look back at those nights he would hold his pillow and let himself be sad for someone so out of reach.

Falling in love with Trevor was funny and lasting.

The last time still haunted the corner of his dreams. He was twenty-three, a young cop starting to get recognized by his supervisors, and he also dreamed about finding something ― someone ― as stable as his life was being.

He thought he had found that in Declan. It was sweet and soft, at the beginning. He was a kind, caring and picture-perfect man anyone could ever dream about. Until all those dreams became nightmares right in front of his eyes, and he seemed to be trapped in a severe case of dream paralysis.

He couldn't remember when the verbal aggression started, but he remembers the first time he stopped eating and worked out till exhaustion just because Declan said something about his thighs. He couldn't remember when he stopped talking, but he does remember the first few times the man said his voice was too weird and his opinions were shallow and irrelevant. He couldn't make himself remember when the first punch came, but he surely remembers the voice of the dispatcher telling him that the police were on their way.

He didn't remember when he last looked in the mirror, but he could never forget how his sergeant looked at him, that night.

That was a kind of heartbreak he never thought he would have to deal with himself. And it was so worse to think that what hurt the most weren't his broken ribs or the bruises all over his skin, but the way his heart seemed to be so small and so... Wasted. And what was even more painful was that that man didn't only leave his love aside, but made him leave himself behind in the darkness and doubt.

Falling in love with Declan was a mistake.

Carlos could still remember the pain of each one of the situations. How he would forget his feelings for Morgan by using the word "friend" again and again, or how he would just smile at Trevor and give advice about where to take Sarah on their anniversary. He could still remember the sleepless nights he spent at the hospital, the cruelly painful therapy sessions, or how ridiculous it was for a cop to flinch at anyone suddenly raising their voice or approaching him too fast or suddenly.

And yet, that none of those heartbreaks could've prepared him to see sadness and loneliness inside the most beautiful and shiny eyes he's ever seen. Nothing he'd been through could've made it hurt less to see tears streaming down his cheeks and his lips pressed so his sobs weren't too loud.

"TK?" he called as he opened the door. His eyebrows were almost pressed together, worrying at the moment he heard the knock on the door and not the keys clinging. "Babe?"

He moved so TK could walk in, and Carlos closed the door as TK sat on the couch, his knees brought up close to his chest and his elbows resting over it, his head buried in his arms. Carlos approached carefully, his steps soft against the floor. He sat beside his boyfriend, looking at him and waiting for anything; any move, word, sound, whatever. His hands were on his lap, and he didn't move at all.

"She's leaving again," TK said, still hiding his head on his arms, his voice heavy with tears and muffled by the position. "didn't even say a thing, she..." and a sob interrupted his sentence. Carlos stood still, not knowing what to say. TK was talking about Gwyn? Didn't she and Owen decide to try again? Weren't they expecting a baby together?

He had clearly missed something.

After a few minutes, TK was still crying, and he couldn't stop himself even if he felt pathetic. Carlos got closer, his knee slightly touching the side of TK's leg, and asked "Can I touch you, Ty?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he let his body slowly bend to the side, and Carlos quickly opened his arms so his boyfriend could make himself comfortable. TK put his head against Carlos' shoulder and his hand gripped tightly to the t-shirt the cop was wearing, as Carlos' arms were circling the smaller body and holding him tight. His hand drew circles on TK's back, trying to calm him down for the next few minutes until the paramedic was only sniffing quietly.

"Do you want to talk about it, babe?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. TK went silent for a while before saying anything, his tears, also silent, making Carlos' shoulder wet and his heart small.

"She's leaving," he said, his voice hoarse. Carlos couldn't be sure which were more broken; if TK's words and voice, or if his own heart. "My mom. She's leaving, going to New York again and-" he stopped, just for his next words to sound filled with anger and pain. "And she didn't even think about telling me".

Carlos kept quiet, waiting for TK to say everything he needed to.

"What was the point of all of this?" he asked, after a few amount of time.

"The point?" Carlos asked softly, considerably curious.

"Why did she come to Texas after all?" he said again. "Because I was shot? Because I can't remember a moment she sat by my side and talked to me. I can't remember of a second she asked if I was okay, or what was going on in my life" TK moved his head, looking at Carlos then. "The only time I heard her talking about me as if she was worried, was when she was blaming my father about me getting shot or about my overdose" he laughed humorless, looking at the ground. Carlos wished so bad he could take it all away. "And that's even ridiculous because they don't even remember that today's..." and he stopped himself.

Carlos frowned at his reaction to the half-said sentence.

"Today?" Carlos asked. "What is today?"

TK tried to pull away and Carlos let him, seeing how he seemed to try to hide among the furniture. He looked down, biting his lip and curling his body in a ball.

"Ty, babe" he called again, getting closer and touching his boyfriend's arm as he didn't pull away. "Amor, what is today?"

He murmured something that Carlos couldn't understand.

"Cariño..." he called again, and TK sighed.

"One year," he said. "I'm one year sober, today".

Carlos' eyes opened wide, and he let go of TK's arm for a second in his choked reaction. TK lowered his head as if he was ashamed of admitting it. Carlos couldn't help but smile, suddenly, and he made his way to be kneeling in front of his boyfriend.

"Ty!" he said. "Oh, God, Ty!" he laughed, and TK held his head up just a bit to see Carlos smiling with tears in his eyes and an oh-so-beautiful smile on his lips. "This is incredible, you're incredible! Oh, por Díos, I'm so, so proud of you, love" he said, and TK seemed to be confused, his bright green eyes still wet and vulnerable.

"You are?" he asked, his voice so low that Carlos could barely hear.

"Of course, yeah, I am," he said, holding his boyfriend's hands in his. "Eres tan fuerte, mi amor" he whispered, slowly getting up so he could press his forehead to TK's. "Tengo tanta suerte de tenerte"

"What does it mean?" he asked shyly, and Carlos laughed briefly.

"I'm so lucky to have you," he said. "You're so strong, my love".

There was a glimpse of hope before TK sighed, shrugging.

"It doesn't matter," he said. "Not even my father remembers it, and I-"

"And you've been sober for a year, after all that happened to you. After moving out of New York to a completely new town, after getting a new team, a new job. After risking yourself daily, after getting shot" Carlos listed patiently, taking TK's face between his caring hands.

"After recovering from it, and deciding to risk yourself all over again. After having so many bad days, so many reasons to give up, you've been sober. You've been through your worst days wide awake and facing everything strongly and fiercely, just because you didn't want to give up. Of course, TK, it matters. You matter, love. To your team, to your father, even if he's being an idiot. And, to me, TK, you're just everything" his eyes were deep on TK's teary ones, and he could only smile. "It might not be much at all, but just so you know that you're so much for so many people and absolutely everything for someone else."

TK couldn't stop more tears to fall silently, as he stared into those beautiful brown eyes that meant the world to him. He sighed again, a little laugh getting out of his lips as he smiled just a little bit. Carlos smiled widely, happy that he could at least get a smile from the other man.

"It's everything" TK whispered, then, making sure his nose touched Carlos' and his breath reached his mouth. "It's not "not much at all". It's everything. You're everything," he said, leaning forward to press a kiss against the cop's lips.

Despite the salty tears, the kiss was just as sweet as all of their kisses were; it tasted like comfort and caring. TK could feel the tension and heaviness of the morning leaving his body as he slowly stood up just so he could wrap his arms around Carlos' waist. Between kisses, Carlos smiled and hugged his boyfriend back, just to break another kiss and leave a few ones on his boyfriend's pretty face. The paramedic smiled, putting his forehead against Carlos once more and tightening the grip on his body.

"I love you," he said, and the slightly taller man smiled.

"Te quiero, cariño" the latino whispered back. "You can't even imagine how proud I am of you, TK Strand. The strongest man I've ever known" his hands were kind while caressing TK's body slowly. The act was sweet, and TK could easily melt. "And that's not even the best part, to get to know you".

TK chuckled a little, knowing that Carlos's next words would be just as sweet as his tone.

"Yeah?" he said, hiding his face on the crook of his boyfriend's neck. "And what would the best part be?"

"I'm lucky enough to have this strong and incredible man loving me just as much as I love him," he said, and TK could feel his heart racing. He doubted he could ever react differently to Carlos Reyes. "Did I mention he's the love of my life?"

TK could feel tears in his eyes again.

"Yeah?"

Carlos nodded.

"Yeah" he agreed. "He's the strongest man I've ever known, he loves me and, one day, I'll marry him" his voice was barely above a whisper as he felt TK's grip tighten, and he smiles softly and put his lips against his ear. "Can you believe it?"

TK laughed against Carlos' warm skin, nodding happily.

"I can" he answered, moving again so he could face Carlos once more. "Thank you".

Carlos smiles.

"Always. And forever" was his reply. "And, although you're unfairly gorgeous even crying, I'd love to make you forget the reasons you had to cry for, especially today".

TK smiled.

"What do you suggest?"

"First? A nap" he said. "Then? I'll call Paul, Marjan, Mateo, Judd, Grace, and Nancy to come over so we can celebrate the strongest person we all know" his voice was soft and full of love. "while eating tacos and seeing Marjan destroy everyone on every videogame we can find. What do you think?"

"Only if you promise me cuddles too," he said, smiling just as much as Carlos.

"Anything else?"

"Nah," TK said, pressing a quick kiss to Carlos' mouth. "I don't need anything more than you".

While TK snored softly beside him, a few minutes later, Carlos could only think about how the sight of TK crying could break his heart more than anything else, and how the simple knowledge he was okay and even a little bit happy was enough to mend every crack in his soul.

Falling for Morgan had been easy and unnoticed. Falling for Trevor had been funny and lasting. Falling for Declan had been a mistake.

Falling for TK was just right.

#tarlos fic #tarlos #tk x carlos #carlos x tk #carlos reyes #tk strand #911 lone star fic #carlos reyes x tk strand #my fic #911 lone star #paramedic tk

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manifestoonmoralmanlove · 3 years

Text

What will be in my bag? Pre-ordered Manga. Straight and Lez edition.

Here’s a list of English-released manga I’ve currently got on pre-order, and manga series I ordered before but won’t be continuing with the series.

As a note: Some of these titles have been released but I have not received them yet due to a issues with covid backlog effected how things are released. I personally find that if you pre-order it tends to get you manga quicker. It seems there is more pressure to keep up with the new release schedule than chip away at the backlog.

I’m starting with the stuff I’ve already read some of and confirmed enjoyment, then stuff I’m shooting in the dark for, and finally series I have tried recently and have discontinued.

Heteros

My Androgynous Boyfriend

Story & Art by: Tamekou Publisher: Seven Seas

It is rare for straight shit to end up in my library but My Androgynous boyfriend is an exception that will surprise no-one since it’s pretty queer adjacent. This story is mostly a couple being lovey-dovey between jokes about sexuality and gender but (so far) isn’t problematic at all. The female lead is quite enjoyable as she’s well-balanced and has agency throughout. There’s even ace representation! It’s very low-stakes, wholesome, and sweet so far. (Volume 3 is set to release in November.)

My Excitement Level: The gentle about to sink into a bubble bath variety

Yuri/Lesbian

Even Though We’re Adults

Story & Art by: Takako Shimura Publisher: Seven Seas

Takako is also the creator of Sweet Blue Flowers and Wandering son. I have dipped by toe in to both those series. I overall find their writing kinda meandering and tepid (might just be me) but technically pretty solid. I am hopeful for this series since it features adults....if the title didn’t make it obvious. I was intrigued by the one character being married but the man finding out about the affair quickly and reacting more realistically and interestingly than the average male love interest in a Yuri. I also found myself relating at bit to Akari’s angst about being unlucky with relationships with women. I also do enjoy the artwork! This one is the most likely of my followed series to be dropped at some point. (Volume 2 of this manga was set to release in June this year.)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

For more click the jump!

Kase-san and Yamada

Story & Art by: Hiromi Takashima Publisher: Seven Seas

This is a series I keep going back to. While it is the very typical low-stakes bubbly, cutesy School age Yuri...it is a very good version of that. Just warm bubble bath vibes. (Volume 7 is set to release in February of next year. I think it was originally supposed to be released this May but was bumped back.)

My Excitement Level: The gentle about to sink into a bubble bath variety

NOW ONTO THE SERIES I HAVEN’T READ BUT I’M TAKING A CHANCE ON!

Adachi and Shimaura

Art: Moke Yuzuhara Story: Hitoma Iruma Publisher: Yen Press

This, as I understand it, is a slow-burn romance about two delinquent girls. I have heard good things about the novel and the anime series! However I prefer manga to novels and don’t have a funimation account so I went to snag it in manga form. (Volume 1 was set to release in February this year and 2 in September)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

The Girl I want is so handsome!

Story & Art by:Yuama Publisher: Seven Seas

The premise is a young lady has a crush on a handsome older girl who’s oblivious to her advances. When she tries to confess she instead gets roped into being the club manager of the basketball team that her crush is a part of. So it feels like it may end up cycling through 2 jokes and be so deep in the stereotypical manga bullshit you can easily-predict its beats volumes in advance. HOWEVER that is also a premise that is similar to Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun which is legitimately a hilarious series. Also I fucking love butch/stud/masc-presenting women/AFAB people. So I’m willing to risk “The same Anime bullshit” for good jokes and a cute lezzy romance with a beautiful butch. (Volume 1 is set to release of December of this year.)

My Excitement Level: Pretty nervous actually. I hope it works out!

Monologue Woven for You

Story & Art by: Syu Yasaka Publisher: Seven Seas

A woman gives up on a career in theater gets tangled in a relationship with a woman passionately pursuing theater. Since it is set between college age women, and appears to be about more personal and mature themes I am interested. (Volume 1 I BELIEVE is supposed to be released in February of next year.)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

Mizuno and Chayama (No page yet so far as I can tell.)

Story & Art by: Yuhta Nishio Publisher: Yen Press

Two daughters of feuding families meet in secret. This is by the same author of After Hours. I read a bit of After Hours and found it fine but boring since it seemed without conflict. Conflict doesn’t seem to be in short supply with a story like this! While I enjoy the sugary-sweet high school lesbian romances...those are not in short-supply. So I am always hungry for something darker, meatier, more mature. (Volume 1 is set to release next February)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

5 Seconds Before The Witch Falls In Love

Story & Art by: Zeniko Sumiya Publisher: Seven Seas

It appears to be a playful fantasy about a Witch and Witch-hunter who’s antagonism turns romantic. This may end up one note and stupid...but I’m always hear for queer romances set in high-fantasy and I haven’t read a Yuri where rivals turns to lovers. (Volume 1 is set to release next February)

My Excitement Level: Low-key

Catch These Hands! (No page yet so far as I can tell.)

Story & Art by: Murata Publisher: Yen Press

A former delinquent runs into her high school rival. After losing a fight to her she agrees to her terms...her terms being to go out on a date with her. I mean the title alone makes me want to pick it up! It may run afoul of bad anime humor, but I’m hoping with the fact that it’s full of gay adult delinquents that it’ll be a little different. (Volume 1 is set to release next February)

My Excitement Level: Medium-key

Series I have discontinued:

I’m in love with the Villainess

Art by: Aonoshimo Story by: Inori Publisher: Seven Seas

A woman gets reborn into her favorite Otome game but she wants to romance the villiain! I had heard a ton of great things about the novel but I picked up the manga version. (If the novel is totally different I can’t speak to it.) For me, the writing is ham-handed, the jokes flop 90% of the time, and the fact the lead’s only personality trait seems to be ~obsessed with a bully~ really dampens this title. Her advances are so aggressive and unwanted I honestly started feeling bad for a spoiled rich bully. I will say it’s saving grace is the fact that the lead is masochistically into the villainess’ tsundere abusiveness. For me I hate tsundere romances if framed like, “I like you DESPITE your insults.” It is only tolerable if it’s instead, “I like you cause you tell it like it is. I’m a dirty little pig. Please step on this bad little piggy!”

Our Teachers are Dating

Story & Art by: Pikachi Ohi Publisher: Seven Seas

Well one reason I stopped the series is that cover you see up there. The sex in this series is fade to black but FOR SOME REASON the 3rd cover has them both butt naked. But on a less superficial note, the story is about two teachers who start dating. And while cute at points, I was just underwhelmed. I think a part of it, is the fact that this behaves like a stereotypical high school romance...and while set in a high school...these are grown ass women not 15 year olds. So I have less patience with the, “Gosh when will I get to kiss my girlfriend?” bullshit. I mean, I would hesitate to call it bad...but it’s just not a good version of it’s brand of bullshit.

Breath of Flowers

Story & Art by: Caly Publisher: Tokyopop

Absolute train-wreck, this is hands down the worst Yuri I have ever bought. The story is nonsensical and all over the place. There is a love rival who’s trying to break the two of them up so she can get with Gwyn...but then switches mid-gear to put in a lot of effort to bring them together intentionally...but she also still wants to hook up with Gwyn...it’s very ???????????? The main conflict of Gwyn is hiding their gender so they can play basketball on the boy’s team (not well explained) is built up hugely and resolved with a hand flick. There is a melodramatic moment where a school nurse says more or less, “GIVE IT UP YOU’LL NEVER BE A BOY!” And it’s like “OH SHIT! The fact that Gwyn is on the basketball team is cause he’s a transboy trying to live life as a boy! Oh gosh it makes so much more sense now!” But the author seems to not even know that trans people exist cause the story bumbles along as if that scene never happened. The closest we get is at the end Gwyn is like, “Look I’m learning to do make-up on myself to make you happy lawl!” Which is I GUESS supposed to be, “NO NO DON’T WORRY ALL OF GWYN’S GENDER STUFF WAS JUST THERE TO MAKE THE MAIN CHARACTER SEXUALLY CONFUSED WHEN SHE DISCOVERS GWYN’S TRUE GENDER! HER TRUE GENDER IS 100% CIS WOMAN CAUSE SHE DID MAKE-UP ONCE! IT’S FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!” Like whaaaaaaaaat? And it ends on a very random scene which doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the story. Ugh just very bad do not interact!

A White Rose in Bloom

Story & Art by: Asumiko Nakamura Publisher: Seven Seas

At an all girls catholic school a young woman falls for a mysterious foreign student. I grabbed this cause it’s gay and I overall like Asumiko Nakamura’s work (she also does Doukyusei, double mints, and others.) However I was just not grabbed with this title. I just felt like I wasn’t getting what was making the MC pants on head obsessed with Steph. Also the lead’s mother tells her that she’s getting divorced and therefore will no longer have money to pay for the university and she’s framed like a super bad person for this. Like I get why the MC (a teenager) would think that something like that is THE END OF THE WORLD! But I remember them really framing the mom like a selfish bitch for this...when like...it’s well established that her mom and dad’s relationship has been toxic for YEARS and that they TRIED SO HARD to fix it. OH WELL! This might be good but it just didn’t grab me in the 1st volume.

I’ll make a post on the BL titles later! Take care and Stay Rotten!

#preorder #my androgynous boyfriend #kase-san and yamada #even though we're adults #Adachi and Shimaura #the girl I want is so handsome #white rose in bloom #our teachers are dating #breath of flowers #catch these hands #I'm in love with the villainess #Mizuno and Chayama #monologue woven for you #5 seconds before the witch falls in love

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acourtofthought · 1 year

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As a former Elriel, I can admit they are worried Az and Gwyn could be mates, they are not as ignorant as the rest of the fandom makes them out to be. But many will not publicly admit it, especially those with bigger accounts and follwers.

Its no secret after that bonus chapter a lot of Elain and Azriel fans saw the writing on the wall. The ones still holding out hope will not go down easy. They are convinced Sarah won't let them down or want to lose them as readers/fans. Who do you think floods her team with emails of threats. They think numbers=power and it's why they continue to bombard her posts and create multiple accounts to harrass. I'm 27, that behavior is childish and petty. It's a shame because there are many Elriels who are kind, genuine and don't partake in the bullying and toxicity - which does goes both ways, but it's made this fandom less enjoyable for all. At the end of the day these are just fictional characters made up by a woman who loves romance and story telling. There is no reason to create such animosity amongst ourselves.

I've enjoyed your posts, it has helped me see the posssibilty of Elain with Lucien. I decided to do a re-read not too long ago and saw things from a new perspective after reading your theories and things clicked. I don't know yet if Elain will help with the spring court and stay or end up in day but I'm excited to read her journey.

I love this message, thank you so much!

And I'm glad to chat with another E/riel turned (or at least open to the possibility of) Elucien.

And you're right, they wouldn't be getting this aggressive unless they weren't nervous. There's no denying that what SJM wrote in that Bonus Chapter creates major issues for E/riel. Ending his scene where the thought of one female's joy brings him happiness is kind of soul crushing when you're a fan of the other female.

I was the same before SF came out. I had only read the series one time and it's not that I was super invested in E/riel but I thought, "hmmm, they could be cute" because it seemed like SJM might be heading in that direction. I liked Lucien but I was really into Feysand at the time and wasn't as invested in what happened with the other characters. Elain and Lucien as Mates was cool but Elain with a sexy bat boy wasn't a bad deal either.

After the SF Bonus Chapter, I was frustrated because I started seeing the anti Elain arguments in the fandom (FB at that time) and why there was no way she was ending up with Az. I wanted to prove those arguments wrong so I started looking back over the series. That didn't work out like I thought it would because I started to understand why E/riel wasn't well matched and why SJM went the direction she did in the POV chapter. After breaking things down, it was almost funny how much I missed during my first read, how clever SJM was at making a compliment sandwich but in reverse (weird analogy but bear with me).

With the compliment sandwich, you compliment, give the bad news, then compliment again. But with SJMs writing, she sneaks something into the book that you don't think much of but is contradictory to the upcoming "compliment". Then a few sentences later, she mentions this thing that readers fixate on. Then a bit later in the book, she mentions something else that decreases the compliment.

For example, the sneaky "negative" is that Cassian first offers Elain a weapon and we don't really pay attention to that.

But then, we have the big line where Azriel hands Elain TT.

This is what E/riels fixate on because it's a "sweet" moment for them.

But then they ignore the fact that after that moment, Elain didn't want to take it but only did after Feyre assured her she wouldn't need it. Also, Feyre tells us Az is ONLY sitting out of the battle because Mor begged him too. Rhys originally told him to stay out of the fight which Azriel refused but after Mor spoke with him, he relented, because of not wanting to upset her. (so would Az have even given it to Elain if we were heading into battle?).

Then we have another BIG moment. Where Rhys tells Feyre Az has never let anyone touch that blade. So romantic, right?

But later, SJM makes sure to tell us that Elain took the blade, the thing Az has never let anyone use, and she gave it back to him. Pressed it into his hands and "walked away without looking back".

That is such an SJM style of writing. Readers get blinded by those flashy moments (I did too) so it's very easy to miss when she slips those other moments around it which tells us "I'm tricking you!! I'm letting you think that was a big deal but if you pay attention, you'll see why it's not!"

And like you said, I think after the Bonus Chapter, people were really able to view E/riel in a different light and see why they might never happen. Which honestly does feel painful if you were hoping for a couple to happen. I still feel sadness when I read about Chaol and Celeana's relationship deteriorating. These characters are definitely not real but it can still cause you to have a real reaction.

But.... (and as you said), it's a major issue when you can't stop yourself from actually threatening and bullying others over it. Especially when at this point we KNOW this is an author who switches up relationships. We can be hopeful that our ship is endgame but it's foolish to assume that SJM can't pull the rug out from under us based on every single other book she's ever written. 😂. I truly think she's going with Elucien but even I realize that she can work her magic and still write E/riel as endgame if that's the vision she had. Those aren't the clues I'm picking up on but I'm not inside her mind so she could still surprise me.

It is such a compliment that you were able to see the possibility of Elucien more clearly during your reread!! I will be so excited if their book comes out and I managed to get at least something correct! 😂

#pro elucien #elucien #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #anti e/riel

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icedflames · 3 years

Text

Rant under the break because I’m just so tired of this.

Part of the reason nobody wants to speak out in this fandom out on their problematic takes is because half of them start to put words in your mouth and twist them in bad faith. They twist hey this may not be ok! to wow how dare you call me racist, no you’re the racist and problematic one.

Aggressively going after the person who sticks their neck out and calling them names, say that they are racist, they are a white savior, etc, etc, is just so wrong.

It’s called bullying and harassment.

Bullying - seeking to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable

Harassment - aggressive pressure or intimidation

If you truly had an issue with the post or comments, you would have privately message the person and politely explained your reasons for being offended. You didn’t and decided to gang up on one individual.

I even commented politely to say “hi my friend was sticking up for me and my concerns over the N & C erasure” and somebody asked if she was my white savior. Like what in the world?

Sorry, I don’t believe half of these arguments are genuine.

While I’m here, let me list some problematic takes and why I find them upsetting:

☼ Using Azriel’s trauma to invalidate the possibility of a romantic relationship when the text indicates that is what he wants. ☼ Diagnosing Azriel with mental health issues and basically making a mockery of those issues. This is hurtful to the people who have these issues too.

☼Saying nobody can relate to Azriel’s trauma. You don’t know people. You don’t know how they interpret the text. People can relate to childhood abuse, to feeling outcast, to longing for somebody who doesn’t love you back, to feeling worthless, to hating yourself. Just stop it. ☼ Saying Azriel is the one to “change” Illyrians. He doesn’t need to fix his abusers to overcome his trauma. ☼ Saying Gwyn will help change the Illyrians with Azriel. Ok this is a white savior thing? If anybody will change the Illyrians, it will be Emerie, the first female winner of the Rite, or Cassian, their general. Gwyn has no connection to them and the narrative is icky. Let me add - there is a reason the Illyrian plot-line was cut. I believe Nesta and Cassian were going to quell the rebellion but it would seem too white-savior-ish on Nesta’s part. It’s just a really problematic story to an already problematic thing in the books (e.g. Illyrians, as POC, being called savages for yes cruel practices but it just reads oddly) ☼ Saying Elain is a typical white feminine woman. She has feminine features but those are not exclusive to white people either. Any woman can be quiet, soft, and like typically feminine hobbies. You aren’t “lesser” because you aren’t some badass warrior with masculine traits. Let’s not forget SJM has said Elain had a different sort of strength, a quiet strength. Also, Elain has faced immeasurable trauma too. Let’s not compare traumas and minimize Elain’s experiences. There are people who relate to Elain in real life and these narratives hurt them. ☼ Saying that Lucien is being erased because we don’t ship him with Elain. I’m sorry, in this situation, his identity as disabled and POC should not matter. If a character is uncomfortable with another character’s romantic advances, we need to respect that boundary. ☼ Saying that Elain needs to give Lucien a chance. This is so wrong. Elain doesn’t have to do anything. If she’s not interested, she is not interested (btw this is canon). End of story. ☼ Dragging Vassa into the Nuala and Cerridwen conversation and claiming she’s a POC, to what? Better your argument? If she is POC, this is a real issue because all the fanart and fancast and gifs/photos depict her as white. She has euro-centric features - blue eyes and red hair. This is not what was in people’s mind when people were saying Elain needs better friends. Which, tbh hurts. Being a “servant” (which btw isn’t their only role) doesn’t make you a lesser friend.

These characters are more than their identities and are more than their traumas and backstories. And yes, they are fictional characters, but real people read these posts and get upset. Don’t hound them down because they mention that a take is hurtful.

Go touch grass and self reflect. It’s ok to be wrong sometimes.

#I don't even want to engage because I'd rather not get hounded by twits over their problematic and offensive takes #just posting this here without tags because I'm so tired #reblog if you want idc ill just block any negative person who engages

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changingthelights · 4 years

Text

The Last of Us

@kingofhollowearth

This wasn't the first time Gwyn had paraded him around a 'party' like this. It was nothing more than a power play, a way for him to show off something no one else had, and Sindri hated every second of it. He hated being an item, a thing for these people to oogle and barter, an object for Gwyn to pass around for anyone paying the right price. This wasn't the first time, and Sindri knew it wouldn't be the last, given the circumstances.

This wasn't his first party, but it was the first time he didn't stare directly into the eyes of anyone who dared to look at him. This was the first party since Gwyn had finally found a way to make Sindri submit, the first time Gwyn had given him something he genuinely feared. This was the first time Gwyn might not have needed the carefully woven, enchanted gloves that prevented Sindri's nails from growing into claws, or the golden muzzle strapped tightly around his mouth to stop his face from producing a razor sharp beak capable of easily removing any unwelcome hand from it's owner. Both of which he'd used during he'd used during parties in the past. Sindri still wore both, but his signature fiery gaze- his usual stance with shoulders set proudly back at his full height of 5'8”- were no where to be seen.

This time, Sindri kept his gaze down, stare unwavering from the shackles binding his wrists and the chain that connected him to his captor. He tried to separate himself from the setting, to be somewhere other than this; back home in his tree or snuggling into the bed Amelia had so generously given him all those years ago, but any resistance in the chain linking him to Gwyn would only get him into trouble. If he were honest with himself, those memories were so far gone... they offered him little comfort now. The delicate golden chain, matching the color of his downcast eyes, chained him to the present as much as it literally chained him to the fae king in front of him.

Those in attendance were given a treat, the first glimpse anyone other than Gwyn had seen of Sindri's wings, while in human form, for at least 6 years. The last time had been an accident, a moment of weakness with a master who had deemed him not worth the trouble after a few more failed attempts to force them to reappear. Before that only Harold had seen them, and that action had changed his life forever.

Now Gwyn had seen them, and he had been so kind as to remove some of the feathers during his first encounter, all of which had grown back by now. Today, the feathers he'd chosen were fastened to a small golden belt that hung dangerously low on Sindri's hips. The feathers covered Sindri, barely, but Sindri knew it would not move unless Gwyn willed it.

Sindri hated that piece of his outfit more than he hated the very chains that bound him. He hated the memory of Gwyn's predatory hands over the sensitive folds of feathers- ones he'd never willingly let another being touch. Sindri hated the way Gwyn seemed to carefully select which ones to pull based on how Sindri reacted, based on how sensitive they appeared. They were the most painful to pluck, and now Sindri was forced to wear them somewhere other than where they belonged. Wounded pride, Gwyn had found the crack in Sindri's armor, and he seemed determined to destroy the tender parts of Sindri inside.

Even the master who had tried to keep him chained for 3months straight, nearly still the entire time for viewing purposes, was nothing compared to the cruelty Gwyn seemed to enjoy exacting over those he deemed below him. Sindri hated him for it, but the pride that had once stoked the fires of his rage felt reduced to smoldering embers. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. He was so tired of fighting, and his usual cycle of 'piss them off until they can't stand me and send me back' seemed to only make Gwyn get more creative. He was relentless in his methods, and Sindri was so... tired.

Even now, as Gwyn's fingers carded through the feathers along the wrist of his wing, the place where it folded a little higher than his head, and trailed down to where the longest of his feathers barely brushed the floor, Sindri felt no flare of resistance. He only wanted to melt into the floor and disappear as some stranger showered Gwyn with praises meant for him.

It wasn't until a loud bang interrupted the general lull of conversation, followed by a scream from one of the private rooms, that the casual air of the party shattered. Suddenly there was nothing chaos. People were running, tripping over one another, scrambling- and Sindri turned towards the sound out of habit. It was then he caught sight of Gwyn, his eyes turned away for a brief moment, distracted by the sound and the movement erupting around them. He seemed calm, despite the danger of whatever the source of the sound might be, but Sindri saw it for what it was- an opportunity.

Suddenly the smoldering coals in the pit of his stomach roared to life, and Sindri let out a whistle loud enough to draw Gwyn's gaze. The second they locked eyes was the same moment the heel of one of Sindri's shackled hands collided with the underside of Gwyn's nose. Sindri felt something crunch beneath his hand as Gwyn stumbled back, clutching at his face. Then Sindri ducked down and lunged forward with his shoulder, giving Gwyn a shove that sent him falling backwards to the floor. Sindri jerked his arms back to yank the chain attached to the shackles from the only hand that still held it, and the chain flew from Gwyn's hand to curl around Sindri's feet.

The pleasure that filled Sindri with in that moment was indescribable, an elation that made him feel stronger than he had in a long, long time, and nearly just as foolish. His wings flared out, causing a few people trying to scramble past him to scream in surprise, and his shoulders squared back. Gwyn's look of surprise seemed to stir Sindri's pride to it's full height, and with a jerk of his head pursed his lips and spit on the king of fae who had believed him to be tamed.

A beat later and Sindri's wings folded against his back, he grabbed the end of his chain at his feet, and he was gone, running at as full a sprint as he could while scrambling between others trying to escape as well.

Then Sindri caught sight of what he assumed was the edge of a door tucked behind a piece of drapery along the wall, something no one else seemed to notice and perfect for an escape. He didn't look behind himself to see if Gwyn pursued him as he slipped behind it, grabbed the door handle, and pushed it open into a dark, dimly lit hallway. In that moment it occurred to him that he had no means to remove the shackles or his muzzle- but that worry was fleeting- he'd figure out something once he was far, far from this place.

Just as Sindri turned into the hall he, he ran directly into someone else. He snarled and reared back, afraid that this might be someone attempting to prevent his escape, but just as his fiery golden eyes turned up and he drew back his fists, readied for an attack, Sindri's world went dark.

When Sindri came too, his rise to consciousness was slow. His body woke up first, stirring as his eyes fluttered groggily open, and Sindri stared up a ceiling he didn't recognize. He lay there for a moment, wondering idly where Gwyn might have taken him this time, until his recent memories suddenly flooded into his mind.

Instantly Sindri was upright and scrambling quickly from the covers of this unfamiliar bed, poised and ready for- anything. Gwyn's wrath, an attack, a trick- his punishment would surely-

Sindri backed into a dresser with a squeak and knocked over a few of the items on top of it with a clatter. Sindri froze, sure with every part of his being that the noise would draw attention from whoever was waiting for him to wake up, but no one came. The longer silence followed the less Sindri bristled, and his wings, now arched high above him, slowly relaxed against his back.

His wings.

With a sickening pull in his gut, Sindri realized his wings were still exposed. This place was obviously not Gwyn's home, so whoever it belonged to knew of his wings and would undoubtedly expect to see them again. Sindri would refuse of course, and that would only unleash a whole series of problems for him. Sindri wanted to throw up. Sindri shut his eyes quickly to hold back the burn of tears that pricked at the corners of his eyes. Then, with a slow, even breath and a hand run through the wavy lengths of his gray hair, he steeled himself for whatever was ahead of him.

He thought Gwyn had broken him, he thought Gwyn had finally won, but he hadn't. Sindri had found his fire again, despite all that Gwyn had put him through, and that was what had mattered. If he could survive that vile king of the fae, he could handle anyone- and if Gwyn so willingly gave him up, after all the time spent trying to break him, over a broken nose- who knew what it would take for the next master to sell him.

A soft sound of rustling feathers echoed through the spacious room as Sindri's wings melded into his back and disappeared beneath his pale skin. Then, at the same time Sindri realized he was still wearing that wretched belt, he also realized his bindings were gone. Surely, Gwyn would have told them the bindings were necessary? If he had and the master still chose to remove them- this new master was an idiot. Or maybe that was the play, maybe Gwyn wanted him to hurt this new master. Sindri didn't know what this new game was, and if it was orchestrated by Gwyn, Sindri was determined not to play it.

With an aggressive pull Sindri's black nails grew into claws, and he ripped the golden belt from his hips. He watched satisfaction as gold and feathers scattered over the floor, and his claws returned to the nails they'd grown from. He'd rather be naked when he met his new master than wearing that thing.

Sindri glanced around the room and debated his options. He could try and clothe himself, there might be something he could slip into in that dresser, or a closet if one of these doors led to one, but that could also get him into trouble. He tried to decide if he wanted to appear to be trouble right off the bat, or play it safe and test the waters. Then again, if there were clothes in this room, was he expected to put something else on? Why was he left in the belt but nothing else? This was nothing like any of the other times he'd woken up in a place he did not fall asleep in.

Slowly Sindri approached a wardrobe on the opposite side of the room, and he was surprised to find actual clothes inside. Nothing tiny or uncomfortably tight. Nothing intentionally revealing or exposed, and with equal caution Sindri pulled out a pair of high-waisted pants he thought might be comfortable. Then a simple white tunic with bishop sleeves that cinched around his wrists. If this new master didn't want him to wear something, why leave these here?

As Sindri tucked the shirt into the pants he started to have second thoughts. He hadn't worn real clothes in..... years. This had to be a mistake. And yet- he'd never had a master leave him in a room with clothes he wasn't allowed to wear without telling him, so....

Another moment to steel himself, and Sindri curled his fists at his sides. He had to stop worrying, each new master was as unpredictable as the last, and he had survived all of them. The lack of introduction was unnerving, but he could survive that too.

Sindri approached what he assumed was the door to the room, and was nearly as surprised by it being unlocked as he had been with finding clothes. This master was foolish indeed.

This master also had excellent taste. As Sindri began to wander down the hall, bare feel brushing softly against the floor, he couldn't stop himself from admiring the beautiful build and decoration of the home. It was obvious this master was very wealthy, and it had a... warmth to it that Sindri would've found comforting if he wasn't so on edge.

A glance out a window and Sindri's breath caught at the sight of the beautiful wilderness, rivaling the beauty of even this house, stretched out beyond his vision. Sindri wondered if he'd ever get to see it. Something in him ached for it, to stretch his wings and soar above those beautiful trees, to taste fresh air beyond enchanted chains-

Sindri quickly turned away from it. Those thoughts would only cause him more suffering.

When he turned back to the house he stopped, startled to find someone watching him. A pixie- from what Sindri remembered of them when he'd encountered them at Gwyn's home- and he felt something in the pit of his stomach twist in fear. Not that he let that fear show as the pixie cocked it's head curiously to the side, but he had to swallow the urge to run from her. Fae- he still found himself bound to a member of the fae, and if they were anything like Gwyn... She as going to sound an alarm that he'd escaped his room any second now....

The pixie's head tilted again, and after another blink she simply turned and continued her way down the hall. Sindri stood absolutely still, eyes wide in surprise as she disappeared into a room a few doors away. What was this place....

It was then Sindri heard the voices. Voices drifted towards him from the direction of a massive stair case that seemed like it might face the front of the house. Sindri carefully approached and began to descend with caution, he didn't want to make a sound an expose himself, not when he could eavesdrop and hopefully gain some insight into... something. He wanted any information about who brought him here and why, but he knew better than to ask for that information outright from whoever owned him now.

He glanced at the door opposite the stairs and debated making a run for it. If it wasn't locked he might get a decent distance- maybe get over those trees before being brought back by some magical means.... Sindri shook his head and approached the entrance nearest the voices. The door was cracked open so Sindri could peer inside as he listened to those speaking.

#kingofhollowearth #steamfantasyau #sindri #oberon #gwyn #the last of us

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amandahoyle · 5 years

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Gwyn ap Nudd is the second pov for this series. Even though Croi has more scenes from his pov. I try to do as many from Gwyn’s as I can because I adore both of them.

It is a bit harder with Gwyn because I’m not used to serious characters. I did his description later in the book from Croi pov because I found it cuter and more intense to do it from his

But I will drop a description here for you all:

He’s darker skinned, very tanned in comparison to Croi who is like white pale and probably could glow in the dark. He has dark curly hair that falls past his shoulders. Not sure on the actual length because he rarely wears it down and has it up in braids and pins to keep it out of his face. Pointed ears hidden with the curls of his hair. Dark writing on his face which is just part of him being the Lord of the Wild Hunt. One eye was white like moonlight or freshly fallen snow, and the other was like looking through amber. He’s taller than Croi, I’d say at least 6 foot. I don’t really tend to put direct numbers to their heights but Croi isn’t short either so Gwyn being taller by a head or so makes him still pretty freaking tall in comparison to a lot of my other characters.

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Getting summoned by either court wasn’t unusual, usually, they wanted something. Something he couldn’t help them with, but they still asked because both of them wanted the upper hand. It wasn’t his place to pick a side and even if he could and should, he wasn’t going to pick either of them if it came down to it. It was one of the many blessings of being separate from their courts. He got to stay as far away from their politics as he wanted to. Most nights anyways. Then there were nights, like tonight, where he was requested. Him alone. Gwyn knew the trouble that his hunters could and absolutely would get into when they were allowed among other fey. He didn’t blame them, most of them missed the outside world. Away from the night air and forests, they spent their time in. The comforts of the courts were something he knew they enjoyed, while he didn’t. Not these courts anyways. There were some of the smaller ones and unheard of ones that he didn’t mind at all. But the bigger ones were always over the top and got on his nerves. One always wanted to be better than the other, while forgetting the people they were supposed to be looking after. Instead of just looking after themselves.

Perhaps it was just because his role was so different, compared to theirs. But he actually looked after his people and his responsibilities. Not abused them. Like now, requesting him right before winter, when most of his responsibilities kicked in high gear. They didn’t truly understand what he did, they just found ways to use him when they wanted too. Especially the new Unseelie King, every couple of months, he tried something new to get Gwyn to bow to him like a pet dog. It was annoying, and it was getting the man nowhere. One day maybe it would get him a blade through his heart if he pushed too hard. Not Gwyn’s own, unless he had no choice, but someone would end his life. He would push someone past the breaking point and they would seek his death. Gwyn would happily let his hounds feast on the cruel king’s soul when the time came.

For now, he pretended to not notice and not be bothered. To be indifferent to the leash trying to be put around his neck. He left his hunters deep in the forest, it was safe there for them as well. Not that he was too worried, they were excellent at defending themselves or they wouldn’t still be alive. No one went into the forest, other than them anyway. Just those that lived there, and they had never been any threat to the Hunt. Not when their old King had been alive and not now without one. He occasionally visited them, it was what you did for a friend that had passed. Loyal and honorable were both things that meant a lot to him.

Gwyn did not go alone, he brought one of his hounds with him. His beautiful Dormarth. Black as night and he came up to Gwyn’s hip in height alone. His other two hounds rode with the Hunt but not always with him. Dormarth never left his side. He had considered bringing all of them with him, but he was neutral and to bring them all would seem like he was taking an aggressive stance. He still wanted someone at his back, someone who was loyal to him and could not be persuaded by anything. His precious boy was exactly that. Which is exactly why he never went into any court without him at his side. He was there currently as Gwyn made his way out of the forest, stepping gently past the purple flowers that decorated the hill there.

One hand was at his side and the other was on top of Dormarth’s head as he walked. He moved from grassy hills and towards the fires in the distance. The market was always active, it never seemed to matter how much time had passed. It was never quiet, and there were so many people that he couldn’t get by them without touching them. The hood of his cloak was up and it kept his face hidden from view. Dormarth at his side was enough for the crowd to know exactly who he was. They backed away, from him, soft gasps and whispering. He ignored it at all, as he made his way to what was once a beautiful structure that was now falling apart. Once it had stood tall when Mab had ruled. That was a long time ago now. Long enough to see how much her beautiful court was falling apart. Once he enjoyed being invited here, now it was just as bad as the Seelie court.

Tag list: @raven-is-weird @cawolters @fierywords

#My writings #Gwyn ap nudd #Wild Hunt #Lord of the Wild HUnt #Faires #fey #Unseelie #Fantasy

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someaxolotl · 3 years

Text

First Asignment

…

Oh, that’s my alarm! …that was a really strange dream… oh well. I should probably get ready, guess I need to change first.

“Good morning Veronica!”

“Aaaaaa!” Instinctively, I throw a knife in the direction of the voice.

“Wow, that was rude.” There's a small hologram of Nim being displayed from the Abyscreen. “I just want to say hi.”

“Can I put on clothes first?”

“Nope, time doesn’t stop for stuff like that. Anyway, in about an hour, meet up with Gwyn, I’ll send you directions. Byeee!”

…

After putting on my traveling clothes I grabbed a bar and left my room. The directions lead to a large plaza with a large portal and a bunch of stands. It is fairly busy but Gwyn was easy to spot.

“Ah there you are Veronica, you’re the last one to arrive.” standing next to Gwyn is a girl wearing a parka and a guy wearing a full set of armor and a spear. “Ok, follow me I’ll brief you guys inside.” Gwyn walks into the portal and the three of us follow along.

…

We are no longer in the plaza, instead, we are standing in a maze of cliffs and ridges.

“Welcome to the Dungeon you three. Let me explain some stuff first. The Dungeon is a result of warped reality caused by a variety of factors. We knew of its existence for a while but we were only able to access it around 25 years ago, so we don’t know much about it. What we do know is limited, but here’s what’s important right now: 1. Every few floors or so have a different theme, they seem to be based on fears. 2. Each floor is around the size of a district of Abysia but floor exit and entrance are typically closer than that. 3. The Dungeon naturally produces chests and monsters and the loot found seems to be tailored to the person who finds it. 4. Each floor has a boss.

So that’s enough of that, now I’ll go into what you’re here for. You three are paired together as you’re all on an accelerated path and I decided your abilities all paired together well… I guess I need to do introductions… First, this is Veronica, she specializes in wind and space magic along with being good with guns and knives and having an uncanny ability to trace manna.

“Hello!”

“Next is Mila, she is a researcher that utilizes ice magic to both attacks and defend.”

“Nice to meet both of you!” She pulls back the hood of her parka and instead of hair, she has spines growing in a hair-like pattern. “It’ll be exciting to work together!”

“Finally there’s Elias, he is a physical attacker who wields a spear and focuses on speed and evasion.”

“Greetings, I hope we can all become friends!” He removes his helmet, he has fish-like fins on the side of his head. He bows. “The better we get along, the better our teamwork will be.”

“Good, you are all acquainted, now here’s your task. We have a request to procure seven Roc eggs. You can find them in nests but you’ll need to take care of the Rocs, obviously. Veronica, you should be able to track the nests… here.” Gwyn hands me an egg. “You should be able to use this to get a general feel of the eggs’ mana. Good luck, meet me back at the Hall.” Gwyn disappeared back through the portal.

There is an awkward pause, Elias is the first to speak up “...so what do we do now?”

“I can feel faint traces of other eggs…”

“Well then take the lead, Elias you’ll take care of foes, and I’ll make sure none of us get injured.” Mila attaches a round shield adorned with a few gems to her arm. “I suggest equipping your arms, Rocs are fairly aggressive.”

I concentrate and get a good feel of nearby eggs. “Ok, let’s go!”

…

“So how did everyone arrive in Abysia?” After 5 minutes or so of awkward silence, Mila asked a question.

“Oh, I was actually recruited. I had a run-in with Nocturnis Canibus and they invited me, as soon as I reach rank four I’ll join up with them.” Elias seems fairly excited about that.

“I just decided to wander and explore new places, I ended up just drifting to Abysia.”

Mila started to chuckle. “Is that really it, Veronica? That's incredibly tame compared to most people here. I mean I ended up here because I was kicked out of my homeworld for breaking some ‘rules’ or something.”

I feel like she’s hiding something. “Wait what ‘rule’ exac-”

*SQWAK*

“Well, it looks like we have company.” Elias got into a battle stance. “Three Rocs, one for each of us, let’s go.” He jumps off the cliff, lands on a Roc, and after stabbing it multiple times, jumps back to solid ground.

“Impressive, my turn.” Mila pulls out a crossbow and a spine and fires it at a Roc. Mana started to condense and the Roc became completely encased in ice and immediately plummeted. Now Veronica, what can you do?”

“Ummmmm…” I fire off my pistol and directly nail the final Roc, it goes down quickly.

“Huh, good shot I guess?” Elias was dusting himself off.

“Interesting, is that the best you could do?” Mila seems unimpressed.

“No, but it did the job, what's the point of flair?”

“Flare makes stuff fun.”

“Eh, I guess I’ll try it next time.” I sighed. “Anyway this is the first nest.” There are two eggs in a nest of straw. “We now have three eggs.”

“So four more? This shouldn’t be too bad.” Elias seems relieved.

“There is a strong trail, let's get going.” Something feels off, it feels like… “Wait.” I fire a shot at a pile of rocks and they start to rumble.

“Oh a rock golem, fun.” Mila starts preparing a spell.

“Wait, you want to see flair don’t you? I’ll take care of this.” A stone golem should have a weak crystalline core… I dash forward and dodge its punch by blinking behind it. “Phase Edge!” I plunge my hand into the golem’s chest and pull out its core. I toss it into the air and fire a shot into it. “Was that the flair you guys wanted? Anyway, let's get back to looking for the eggs.”

Mila seems a bit confused. “What do you use as a focus? I didn’t see you with any.”

“Oh, I use brands.” I roll up my sleeves and show them my arms.

“Isn’t that incredibly dangerous!? I’ve never met anyone who uses brands as a main focus.”

Elias chimes in also concerned. “I have but it’s ended badly for everyone, most of the time they were killed by misfires, and if they weren’t killed they at least lost their branded limbs.”

“That’s strange, in my homeworld brands are the type of magical focus. When I was wandering I only got the impression that brands were just rare not dangerous.”

Mila thought for a second. “How did you not know brands were dangerous? Even just the process of acquiring a brand is incredibly dangerous.”

“Really? We just kinda woke up with them, no one really knows where they come from.”

Elias sighed. “Brands are normally gained by taking a rune and forcing it to misfire and scorch the skin�� It’s not pretty but people are crazy enough to do it.”

“Hey, can I see your brands?” I stop walking and hold out my arms for Mila to see. “Interesting… It’s not just a rune or two, its kinda like a runic array, they also look more like tattoos…”

“Wait can you not tattoo brands?”

“No, you can tattoo protective charms and wards but not focuses. This is so fascinating!! When we get back you must let me look into them in more detail.”

“Eh sure, why not.” We start walking again. “Say do you two have any unique abilities?”

“Oh!” Mila pulls out a spine. “You might have noticed this earlier but my spines can detach and regrow and I can also use them to store spells.”

“Ummm…” Elias is silent for a second or two. “I can breathe underwater I guess that counts?”

“Oh, that’s cool!” I stop walking. “Ok there's a nest on a small ridge above us I’ll get it. Jump!” I launch myself up and manage to grab three eggs. “Ok, we just need one more.” I jump back down. “There’s an egg fairly close by.”

...It’s interesting isn’t it, just a few days ago I was just floating through space, is this what I’m going to do with the rest of my life… It’s fun but I don’t know if I fit in, everyone here is so loose and carefree, that’s not something I can easily do… I can’t drop my guard, I can’t be carefree…

“What about you Victoria?” Elias pokes me in the shoulder.

“Wait, what? Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.”

“We are talking about our weapons, I just have a basic light spear, but Mila custom made a shield to act as a focus.”

“Oh, I was given a knife and pistol by the administration, I think they are just standard issue.”

“Eh that’s fair, not everyone can get a special weapon.”

“Oh, we are here!” In front of us is a circular platform with a nest in the middle with a single egg. “Got it, let’s-”

*SQWAK!!!*

A Roc that's significantly larger than the others swoops up from a crevasse.

“Another one, I got this!” Elias waits for the Roc to swoop in close and jumps but quickly is hit by a wing and slammed backwards.

“Hold on!” Mila’s shield starts to glow and a wall of ice forms to catch Elias. “I’m guessing this is the ‘boss’ Gwyn mentioned.” Mila fires a spine and ice starts to form around the Roc but it manages to break free. “We are going to need a plan.”

I think I can pull something off… “I’m going to agitate it and then stun it. Once it's stunned, Mila will freeze it and that should knock it to the ground where Elias can finish it off. Is that good?”

Elias is brushing off some ice. “Sounds good to me.”

Mila gets a spine ready. “I’ll back you up.”

I walk out into the middle of the platform and fire some shots at the Roc to attract its attention.

*SQWAK!!!!!*

Good, it's mad. It flies around and aligns itself on a path to hit me. “Oh space bend to my will, Grant me protection from ills. My reality becomes clearer, come forth Karmic Mirror!” Right before the Roc’s talons hit me, space warped and there was a blast of energy. “Mila now!”

Ice solidified around its left-wing and it was pinned to the ground. “Elias you're up!”

“Got it!” Elias stabs the Roc multiple times. “Die you oversized chicken tender!” He drives his spear through its skull.

*SqWak…*

The Roc collapses and a chest materializes in front of it. I kick open the chest and inside there's a few feathers, some gold, and a gem. “Does anyone want any of this?”

“I’ll take the feathers they might be useful for crafting.” Mila grabs the feathers. “Oh, that looks like a speed enhancement gem.”

“I guess I’ll take the gem then.” Elias picks up the gem.

“I guess the gold is mine…” Good, I need money, that was lucky. “Anyway, we have all seven eggs so let's head back.”

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amandahoyle · 4 years

Text

Going to do a little something every day for Pride for my characters. Combining two things in one since I missed yesterday.

This is for day one, yes I get it I’m late. I had a really hard day yesterday.... but here you go.

His fingers were soft over the scars, taking his time to show that even with scars, Gwyn loved to run his fingers along Croi's skin. The soft sounds he got in return made him smile. It was soft, like a cat purring as Croi leaned closer into him. Nuzzling against his shoulder, in a way that sent a shiver through him. Both of their touches were light and new and they took their time. Croi's own fingers found Gwyn's scars. He didn't have as many as the younger but he had never been tortured and he was a very careful fighter. The scars he did have came from protecting others and those he had once trusted betraying him. It happened though not anymore. He rarely trusted and the two he did trust. Arwyn and the man in his arms, he believed they would never do that to him.

"Tell me where you got this one from?" Croi traced his fingers lower over Gwyn's stomach. The scar there was light and he was surprised that the other had noticed it. He barely could see it himself and he knew exactly where it was. Gwyn smiled softly as Croi shifted to rest between his legs, resting his chin on Gwyn's stomach right below the scar. He remembered every scar he had and where he had gotten it from, and it came easily to his mind the minute he was asked. It was getting the words out when Croi looked like that, they had yet to do anything more sensual other than kiss. And even that was soft and fleeting. One of them had to make the move and it seemed that Croi was less nervous about such things than Gwyn was. It probably had to do with him being younger and less scorned by partners. Not that Croi hadn't been turned away, he knew that he had for just being Unseelie and his father's son. But he had never been in a relationship, thought he was in love and been broken and used by the other person. He gave himself with open trust and want and love. Gwyn didn't know how to do that. Not that he didn't trust him, he did but there was a small part of him that was afraid. Not for himself, he didn't care if Croi did break his heart, though he doubted he would. More so now. But he didn't want to hurt the other, even by accident. He didn't want to rush into something, and not have it be perfect for the other. He wanted him happy, to make him happy. It had been a long time since he had given that part of himself to another and he was...for a better term, rusty.

Finally he found his words.

"That one? Was from claws, one of the hunts I went on when I was younger. Not the Wild Hunt kind but an actual hunt like I took you on. I was a boy, and I was still...I still lived in my home." Not something he really wanted to talk about and he was sure the pause in his words made that clear. Croi didn't ask, either way he just waited. His hair falling a little over his face and against Gwyn's skin, making it hard for him to sit still. Luckily he had years of practice and he was able to keep most of his composure for now.

"My Uncles took me out hunting that morn, along with my brothers. It was actually very similar to what we did. We hunted a stag through the woods near our home. My brothers had never been hunting before and it was their first. I was to show them how it was done since I had more practice and they were so young. Edern was only a couple moons younger than myself but Owain was years and he was just there to observe. It was more for teaching Edern how to hunt by himself." It was one of the fond memories he had even though it had not gone according to plan. Edern had gotten excited to hunt with him, and they had made it a competition. Gwyn had been so young then and it had seemed like a good idea, most of the time they made everything between them a game or competition even when it was a bad idea. The terrible idea was that whoever got the first deer was the better of the two. The better hunter, better brother. It was stupid, looking back but he had been so young. They all had.

They had both rushed off into the forest before their uncles could stop them. Owain trailing after them, feeding off their excitement and his own at one day being able to do the same. Owain had teased them, mostly he had teased Edern, about how much better Gwyn was and that he could never beat him. It had been a good day, felt like it at least. The sun had been bright through the trees and the animals had been alive all around them, a pleasant background noise to the boys hollers at each other. Half of the prey had already noticed their approach and made their selves scarce. Gwyn was the first to calm down and take his steps more quietly through the underbrush and his brothers followed shortly after.

"I found it first, the deer. A doe rather than a buck and I let her go. She had a fawn and it would have been a waste to go after them. I remember turning to see if they were alone before hearing my brother Owain cry out. Edern had found a buck but it had already been killed. Instead of moving back to us, he had gotten closer to investigate and the predator had yet to leave. An Oilliphéist, they had caves near our homes and they normally didn't come out often. They were very antisocial creatures. Do you know what they are?" He paused to ask, he wasn't sure if any outside of himself knew what they were. They were basically extinct because of his father and grandfather. Something Gwyn himself felt was partially his own fault because of that day.

"No. I mean I've heard the term. Don't mundanes call them dragons?" He wasn't wrong, the mundanes did. It was an apt description for the most part except...

"They are giant lizards but they have no wings. They are like snakes but with front legs and more teeth than fangs. They live in caves and normally keep away from others. But they get aggressive when they hunt. My brother near lost his life if Owain hadn't distracted it with his cries. Both of them were very lucky. I was not. I heard them and I didn't think before running and placing myself in front of them both. The only reason the claws did not do worse is that I was already a well trained fighter because of my father and also my Uncles had heard the cries as well. It was a deep enough wound that I don't remember much else except waking up with everyone worried over me. It healed quite fine though and over the years its become near invisible. My father and his father however did not forget or let it become a memory. They hunted them down, they are extinct now. As far as I know. I regret that." Soft blue eyes had waited till he was done before dark lashes covered his sight of them. Croi had partially closed his eyes, as he kissed along the barely visible scar. Gwyn couldn't help his reaction to that, he had never experienced that and Croi looked oh so beautiful. Gwyn's fingers found their way into dark curls, holding them back out of the other's face. Tangling his fingers in the soft locks. His breath catching as Croi's lips traced lightly over the scar and more so over his stomach. Teasing lower only for a second, and Gwyn's hips moved without him thinking. The other had an unfair advantage of him.

"It wasn't your fault. Your father made the decision to be cruel on the nature of one. Not you. You are kind, and fair, and gorgeous, and you smell wonderful and I love the scars. All of them. I love all of you."

"You have not seen all of me yet." Gwyn managed the words past the block in his throat. Swallowing thickly to clear it, to chase the nerves and jolts of pleasure that were distracting him. He had a feeling the pleasure was the point as Croi added teeth to his teasing. There was a hiss that escaped past his lips and his fingers tightened their grip. That was new. In all his time he hadn't had that and Croi looked up at him. A pleased smirk on his lips and the blue in his eyes darker the more playful he got. He wanted this, as much as he wanted it perfect. Croi made his patience start to slide away, something no one had ever been able to do before. The younger's own impatience was contagious it seemed when teeth were involved. Well teeth, tongue, lips, any part of the other.

"Keep it up and I might request that mouth elsewhere if you are going to misbehave." The answer he got was soft laughter and Croi's eyes lighting up even more. The younger gave another nip to his stomach before moving up. Tracing his lips over every scar across Gwyn's chest. Taking his time with his one. Asking softly where he had gotten and listening as Gwyn fought to find his breath and tell him. By the time Croi made his way up his chest and along his neck, Gwyn no longer could answer completely. Which he knew was the point. So he let it be, he let himself enjoy it. The sharp pain that melted into pleasure. Gwyn's experience was very limited because he had a busy life and never looked for more and the relationships he had in the past were brief and the sex was...not this. It was there to serve a purpose and not all that much for enjoyment. Croi was wild. It was the best term he could think of it. Teeth came when Gwyn wasn't expecting it and his hands traced over where his lips had already been but at the same time Croi didn't seem to want to take charge. He wanted to explore but it was like he was still waiting for Gwyn to do more first. Right now he wasn't quite capable of that, especially when the other was sucking a dark mark into his collar. Right where it wouldn't be seen, clever. A coherent sentence hadn't made it past his lips, just heavier breathing and soft sounds when Croi hit a more sensitive spot. Yet his hands and mouth had all remained very innocent and Gwyn was over it.

He waited till Croi made it to his lips, and he kept his grip in the other's hair, and used his free hand to get leverage on the bed. Pushing he flipped them over, getting the other underneath him as he returned the kiss. Hard enough he was sure he would bruise his lips but all the teasing as innocent as it had been had still worked him up. A lot. He could feel that it had worked up Croi as well. Their hips were flush against each other, with only the thin material of their pants blocking the way. Gwyn knew that feeling, hard against his own. The kiss turned soft as he slowly pulled back from it to look down at Croi. Untangling his fingers from his hair and brushing the locks back from his face. Croi looked like a cat who had gotten exactly what he wanted and planned to devour it.

"About time. Here I thought you were going to let me just do whatever to you all night. Not that I'm complaining. You do taste wonderful, and like I said I do love every inch of you." Tempting thought if he didn't know better. Croi would have never gotten anywhere, just teased him to death till he snapped. Like now. One leg hooked over his hip, the heel of Croi's foot resting on the back of his thigh.

"You could have just asked, teannas. I have never seen you this way, how was I supposed to know which response you are looking for?" Croi had always been a snark but last time they had lain together it had been soft like earlier. Not that he didn't think the other could be the vixen that laid beneath him, he knew it was there. It was just new seeing it for the first time. Also there was a part of him that did think that Croi was more innocent. Based on one conversation while Croi was in the Hunt. Thinking more on that, it was very clear that he was not innocent and that Gwyn had read between lines that simply weren't there. His own error.

"I'm looking for your response, any. Not a particular one. This isn't a job or a hunt, Gwyn. There is not wrong answer. You don't have to be a leader here with me, I just want you and you don't have to do this. I know that I might have started a little strong but we can stop. Really. I don't need sex with you if you don't want it. I'm happy with you, and I'm enjoying being with you." It was sweet, and he played his fingers along Croi's jaw.

"I never said I didn't want this. In fact I am sure I made it quite clear that I enjoyed what you were doing. We don't need to stop. If you want this, then I am more than ready. I want you happy, however you need. It has been some time and I have never quite been with someone who isn't...." He wasn't quite sure of the term, he didn't want Croi to think he was doing anything wrong. He did quite enjoy the wild pace.

"Less wild than you. No complaints. I enjoy how you are. Its just new."

"Vanilla. I think that's what you were looking for. Mundane, average, bland, boring. I can promise I'm none of that. I like it rough, I like teeth and marks on my skin. I mean I can do vanilla but like you said you 'quite liked it' and I wouldn't want to take away a new experience." Croi's hands which had been resting lightly against his chest had moved to play along his shoulders. Nails dragging lightly to prove his point. Goosebumps ran across his skin in an instant and he couldn't help but chuckle softly.

"No. No I don't think I want vanilla. Not at all...you are sure? It may not be as great as you think, I am rusty to this." Rusty to doing things for enjoyment as well. Without it being for a bigger reason. His eyes softened and so did his smile. The teasing smirk went away but he could still see it behind his eyes. It was just softened by affection.

"I am very sure. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, its not about experience. Trust me, I've had a better time with virgin mundanes than I have with sex loving fey. Practice helps but not if you are just out for your own pleasure. It will never be good for the other person. That is something you don't have to worry about, you are incapable of only thinking about yourself and you are a wonderful listener. I don't have a precieved notionin my head of how this will be. I just want it and enjoy it with you. Something I have no doubt about." Croi pressed up on elbows to kiss him, stopping any more of his pointless words. Gwyn wasn't inexperience but he knew that didn't matter. Croi wasn't wrong. So he stopped worrying about it, for now. He knew it would take a couple of times before his brain stopped and accepted that he was enough. In all ways.

"Then we are both wearing too much." Gwyn moved slowly to get off the bed and Croi moved with him, stopping his hands before they got to his pants. Gwyn didn't fight him, lowering his hands to the sides as he watched him. Mismatched eyes on blue. Croi took his time removing the rest of Gwyn's clothes, and there was an air of impatience that Gwyn couldn't fight as he kicked his pants off once they were low enough. Tugging Croi back to his feet so that he could return the favor for him. He was beautiful, he had said it before and he would continue to say it.

"Beautiful. Why anyone passed this all up is beyond me? I am very lucky to have you." He pushed him back to the bed, waiting for him to get comfortable on it before joining him. As much as he was impatience, he still had the time and desire to trace his fingers along cold skin. Along every scar, every inch of him. Not all of him was cold, and he was warming up the more Gwyn took his time. Croi didn't rush him or tease this time. He did trace his fingers back and they both took their time exploring the parts of each other they hadn't seen yet.

"I'm an Unseelie, that isn't beauty to those I grew up around and those that took me in were like family. Plus most people find me to loud, annoying, troublesome to date. Sex is one thing but love that is very different." Croi's fingers trailed down lower over his stomach and down more so, tracing lightly over his length, drawing out a soft sound from him. There was the teasing once more, the touch light when he wanted so much more than that.

"You are also an Seelie. You are fey in general, we are not all that different. The only ones that make such rules that seperates us is those who think they have the right too." Gwyn was technically an Unseelie because of his looks, his magic, his role in the Wild Hunt. Croi was lumped in with that because his Brollachan genetics were stronger than his Seelie half. But in truth, Unseelie and Seelies were all the same. They were all fey, one court was just kinder at taking them in than others. Or had once been. Now neither court wanted to have....what they considered ugliness.

"The world are fools if they do not recognize beauty just because it comes in darker colors." Gwyn traced his lips along the curve of Croi's ear before moving down to steal a kiss, breaking off whatever he was going to say. It didn't stop the other from talking, just paused him until Gwyn pulled back.

"Their loss. I'm happy that no one saw what you did. I'd rather be here with you than anywhere else. You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Fey or otherwise. I'm happy with you in a way that I never thought I could be. Now enough words." That was the last they spoke of for the moment, their focus purely on each other. Gwyn found that it was quite easy to forget nerves and the outside world once Croi was doing something else much more talented with his mouth. Gwyn laid out on his back, his hand in the other's hair once more. Simply holding on, no pressing, no forcing for more. He didn't have to, it was almost too much at first, and it just became harder and harder to hold still under the other's ministrations. Gwyn had never really enjoyed this much in the past but with tongue and teeth creating pleasurable jolts along his length and through his entirety. He was enjoying it very much and while he was quiet, he showed it as best as he could that Croi was doing wonderfully. His fingers tightening the closer he got to that edge that he wasn't ready to fall over. Luckily for him, Croi stopped, though he had a wide and pleased grin on his lips.

Gwyn leaned into the kiss when Croi shifted up to do so, once more flipping them back over to take charge and Croi did not fight him. He already knew that, Croi had made it clear before that he liked Gwyn in charge and Gwyn was more than happy to do that. He wasn't sure he could do it any other way. He was not nearly submissive enough. He was willing but Croi was much more pliant at the idea that Gwyn was. This was where he had to pause. Yes he had been with both men and women, but often most time was with women. He had more experience there and he still didn't want to hurt the other. Croi showed that he liked rough, he teased about it but there was a difference between rough and just painful.

"I'm not going to break, I promise. Just start slow and use a touch of your magic. I'll let you know if its too much. Promise." Croi leaned up enough to nudge against his jaw before pulling Gwyn into a kiss. Not soft like before but harder, a distraction to keep Gwyn from over thinking things. He was already starting to learn Gwyn better than most others would even dream of. Gwyn paused only briefly before returning the kiss and letting himself relax. Letting Croi guide him without worrying too much. He still did, a little but not enough to ruin the moment. Not to ruin the touch the other's skin against his own, the light chill to it that melted away at Gwyn's own warmth. Not to ruin how easy it was to use his magic and bring Croi closer to that edge that Gwyn had been at himself, not to ruin anything in this moment as he pressed closer. Leaving only enough room between them that he could shift enough to press against him and feel the way Croi's body clamped down and shifted closer to him. Time was lost on him at that point and words and Croi no longer had to reassure him or give him any guidance. Instinct took over for them both. Sloppy kisses were given whenever Gwyn could manage them between his movements and breath. Moans were what filled the silence and in Cro's case, some screams. Nails dragged down over Gwyn's shoulders the closer they both got. That's what this moment was, perfect pleasure with the mix of soft but good pain. Years of pushing everyone away, years of not needing to fill that desire and now he wanted it so much more than he ever had.

Even when he laid still against Croi, his head resting in the crook of his neck, he still wanted more. Not of sex, not that he would complain to more but he just wanted Croi. Once a moon, he knew wouldn't be enough. He would miss him during their time apart and when Winter came again..Time made the heart fonder, but he couldn't imagine being away from him again. He nuzzled his shoulder softly, before leaving soft kisses, in no hurry to move. Croi gave a soft pleased hum in the back of his throat, brushing Gwyn's hair out of his face. Neither seemed in a hurry to move and Gwyn was happy for that. He did shift to pull out but he laid back against him, in a way that he wouldn't be too heavy. There were several beats of silence, Croi's fingers playing lightly along his shoulder over one of the marks he had left with his nails.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you bleed." It did sting but honestly he didn't mind it. He had much worse and this had been done in passion. A good thing.

"Do not apologize for enjoying and losing yourself. It will heal and I would rather have scars from you than anyone else. Croi..." He sat up enough that he could look at him.

"Yes?"

"I...If I did not have those that relied on me, I would not leave your side. I thought that I could put my responsibilities first but I find that harder to think about than I would have thought." This time it was Croi sitting up, shifting to run his fingers along Gwyn's jaw and look at him with soft eyes.

"What changed? When you left before you seemed fine with that choice. With being lord of the Wild Hunt and I, King of the Brollachan." It was the most formal he had heard him ever speak and it made him frown. What had changed? It wasn't the sex, not truly. It had changed before that, that was just the physical side. It was tonight, spending it with him, talking. They had never had that much time together, alone. Never, and he had fallen more in love with him than he had been before.

"I feared that time would have changed your feelings and it did not and tonight has been more than I have ever given and recieved from anyone. It changed things, made them more real. I love you. I hope that is not too soon."

"I love you too and that is never too soon as long as you are ready to say it. You are my sun and moon Gwyn ap Nudd. I would love for you to stay, I won't lie. But I know that you are right where you need to be, the Hunt would not be the same without you. We have tonight and every night once a moon. For now that will have to be enough. We'll figure out the rest." His sun and moon, that was something he had not heard in a long time. It was a way to state permanence between a couple. Not exactly old and forgotten but there were not many fey anymore than wanted love with just one person.

"As you are mine. You are serious, that is not something I have seen in you before. Do you wish to speak of it?" Not that he couldn't be but Croi normally face the world and all his problems with a tint of snark and humor. Right now his features had gone more like Gwyn's own when he was thinking and considering things. A leader. A fierce one who would do what was necessary but what exactly he needed to do, Gwyn could not think of.

"Not right now. Come lay down with me and rest. We still have the day together and I'm in no hurry to ruin this with...business." Gwyn didn't argue, just laid with him. Kissing him softly before letting sleep over come him.

Its long I’m sorry but I love this moment so much.

#my writings #pride month #cuties #absolutely precious boys #have I mentioned I love them so much #its long and I'm sorry

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