#ah im having.. feeling about the end

[softavasilva]

avatrice is peak wlw ship bc those two dumbasses lived a whole domestic life in the beautiful mountains training very closely to one another working at the same bar going home to the same one bedroom apartment probably sharing most of their belongings and having the most comfortable intimate touches ive ever seen yet they only finally just confessed their obvious feelings for each other when one is about to die

#ah yes rhe famous trope of having reciprocated feelings but theyre just idiots #like imagine these two going grocery shopping together #i just know ava wants all things sweet junk and pastries but bea has a specefic diet for her training #but ava does her puppy eyes and beatrice ofc will always say yes bc look at her! shes a puppy #anyways lets not think about that ending im only thinking sbout the first 2 episodes jfnjrjejdjd #wn spoilers #avatrice #warrior nun #txt* #wn txt

[reineydraws]

shanks reminds me of jmw turner's paintings so i wanted to put them together 💥

sketch for the painting under the cut!

#shanks #akagami no shanks #red hair shanks #red haired shanks #red force #one piece #one piece fanart #op fanart #it's kiiiiiiind of what i wanted #i was thinking about how people's eyes flash red when they use conqueror's haki #so i wanted to marry a red sunset by turner with a shanks portrait but it proved kind of difficult to balance the degree of abstraction lol #he's not as terrifying or scary or intimidating as i wanted to convey but the pro of that is that it looks more like a turner portrait #maybe one day i'll try again with a more stormy vibe but yeah the colours and emotion were pretty difficult to put down #i love turner #i tried to explore the more painterly brushes in procreate but i just ended up falling back on my favourite ones aha #the vibe i tried to capture is better conveyed in the sketch 💀 it's the shading. the shading helps convery it better #and i had to sacrifice the shading for the abstraction around his eye. ah well; learning experience! #anyways i know i just posted smth yesterday and also three hours ago but this is my blog and i will post if i want to #(i have to affirm this to myself literallt every single time i feel like im posting too much lmao) #i digress #oh btw that's a marine ship on the left about to go down from haki. jsyk.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!

#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here #i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral #texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet! #here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress! #you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better' #i Immediately started doing Worse! #i think i stressed myself out too much #pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3 #ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block #mentally i am banging my head into a wall #but its fine Its Fine #i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail #which is something i should be used to by now! #okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so #i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh #well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um. #i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive #not gonna tag this with anything actually. #love treating tumblr like my personal diary #ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me. #perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day #buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that! #with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!! #gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent #i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain #ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts #just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3 #look away look away

[gentaroukisaragi]

Ultraman Blazar's Salutations From Episodes 1-5 (ft. Bazanga, Leviera, and a sleeping Dorgo)

Episode 1 as well as the rest of the series can be found on youtube for free with eng subtitles and an eng audio track if that interests you

[Video description: Ultraman Blazar, a colossal grey humanoid alien with red and blue markings on his body, and blue markings on his face, performs his signature salutation in several different places and times. This salutation consists of raising his arms up to the sky in a circular motion, and bringing his knee up before stepping into a lunge and scooping his arms down and upward.

From episode 1, in a city at night, the camera watches from below, as Blazar performs his salutation and his markings flash red and blue. The shot cuts to a wider one, showing off the buildings and Blazar's opponent, Bazanga, a prawn-like Kaiju. After his salute, Blazar moves his hands into a guarded, fighting stance.

From Episode 2: Blazar stands against the bright blue day sky in a small fishing village, with much shorter buildings. He faces the camera directly as he does his salutation, and the camera zooms in on him as he does it and his markings flash red and blue once more.

From Episode 3: Blazar is framed in a head and shoulder shot and smothered in smoke as his colour time, a big round spot on his chest that is normally blue, flashes red. Once more he faces the camera as he does his salutation, before flying off, kicking up dirt in his takeoff.

From episode 4: The camera pans over a cityscape, with a highway at the front of the scene. Once more it is night time and Blazar faces off against a monster among many many buildings. The monster is Leviera, a sea-angel themed kaiju whose face is open to reveal flashing yellow lights as Blazar does his salutation from the side. Leviera is aggressively ready to go.

From episode 5: Blazar stands behind the sleeping kaiju, Dorgo, who looks mostly like a hill of dirt in this shot. He performs his salutation, and immediately begins to push the sleeping Kaiju back to its proper resting place. The shot switches to one of Blazar from behind, as he continues to push Dorgo back into place, among the green hills and mountains of the Japanese countryside. With a thump, Dorgo returns to his resting spot, and Blazar turns to face the camera as he jumps up into the air to fly away.

End video description.]

#captain eyebrows #fuck it. into the tag #Ultraman Blazar #this is rough but im gonna try to make it better #i want to have the series' worth by the time its over #ep 3 is his first post fight salutation. the special if it has one doesnt count bc its a recap. ep 6 doesnt have one (presumably bc its #Earth Garon but i still feel cheated out of one) ep 7 doesnt have one which makes sense bc 2 parter but still. i want these. #ep 8 is where the next part will begin if i have one of these for the next section. i might just wait until the series ends #depends on how i feel/when i remember ya know #okay now its time to whine #Blazar! Do more salutations! #that one article i reblogged says this act might be in reference to praying to a higher power for a good hunt #but ive been comparing it mentally to like. bowing before a fight with an opponent you know. a sign of respect a sign of a fight. #hell the fact that i call it a salutation is because it reminds of the yoga move sun salutation which isnt a fighting thing but is a #salutation. and blazars thing is about communication/trying to communicate #ah well. as usual hope i get more info on blazar asap #i love him so much <3

[senselessalchemist]

wrote 30k words and decided I didn't like them or the order i put them in and so started over. alright cool great thank you brain 👍👍

#ah the joys of fanfic #writing in general but since i rarely write anything but fanfic its all intrinsically tied up with the fanfic experience for me #wish i could have realized id end up unhappy with it 20k words ago #some of it will get used but the rest goes in the great gdoc trashpit with all the rest of the stuff i wrote and said naaahhh to #on the upside im feeling mildly hopeful about this attempt #god work is bad for creativity #all i wanna do when i get home is play noita and listen to naddpod #but i also like living in a building and food and my medication so #work it is #also people ive helped are now pregnant which is exciting #there will be babies that i had a very very small part in bringing into the world #a kind of funny thought for a person who does not want children personally #but anyway reset the “its been x days since saro scrapped a fanfic” clock

[still-with-koo]

Alright I know I still have nevertheless tag notes to respond to but ummm this 🤭 Song Kang AND Lee Dohyun.

wait, where is this from????? why do they look so…. 🥵 the shaggy messy hair on song kang, the glasses on lee dohyun, it’s !!!

i just typed up lee dohyun in gifs and he shows up looking like this?? tell me kie, where do i find them 😭 i want, no i NEED, to watch this!!

EDIT: SEVEN??! KIE TELL ME DID YOU WATCH IT YET??!! 🤯🫠🤤🤣😭🥺 (<- pretty much my emotions)

#idk how your link opened for me lol i dont have insta so it usually just brings up a log in page 🤣 #well its lucky for me bc i definitely didnt want to miss that #ah dont worry about responding!! i just was feeling feelings about them and needed to share 🤣 #im on the last ep now and biting my nails to keep from screaming at my screen 🤣🤣 #i didnt want it to end yet so im saving the last ep #for tomorrow lol #kie <3 #letters to lilo #nevertheless

[bangcakes]

.

#LMAO.... i was not meant for this loveydovey shid. i am sooooooo lovesick its not even funny #like can someone save me. its gotten so bad #i talked to my mom about it on n off for like 3 hours NDNDJDJJDJD #im just !!!!!!! ah.... i have to be patient. thats just what i have to be #bc rushing will only make things worse #and i cant be heartbroken during the semester. like thatd suck #but then.. i also dont knownif i wanna be in a relationship during school either??????? #like can i handle it or will i go so googoo eyes that i flunk out aJdkdkdkdkdkd #and IN MY LAST TERM????? #like hhhh im so scared i'll never see him again when schools over. which... ok unlikely bc we have the same friends #but even if we DO see each other it wont be as often as now !!!!! #hhhhh i wanna see him everyday 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #HHHHHHHHHHHH GOD #feel like im gonna end up confessing to him the last day of school NDJDJJDJDJDJDJDJDJDJDJD #which !!!! again bc we have the same friends....... could be sooo detrimental!!!!!!!!!!!! #but god i cant just be just friends alright. like hhhh !!!!!@@@ i like him so much 😭😭😭😭 #his eyes are so kind n like the way he looks at me i just !!!!!!!!!@@@ baboom baboom baBOOM.. !!!! ya know !!!!!!!!@ #n e way....... im not seeing him tomorrow (heartbreak hotel) so now i gotta wait A DAY????? incomprehensible #personal

[yaoicoreren]

more practice

#riddlebat #edward nashton #fanart #b&w #comic #i really like making these practice pages #i imagined this as a 2-page spread #although i think the lamp post would get eaten by the binding if it were printed lmao #yknow im thinking about trying to adapt a fic into a comic... not sure which one tho #and itd take be a good long while i think but like i said this is fun for me to do so idk #ill think about it some more #ah also the bg has a csp asset of a building #everything else is by me but it feels kinda weird to not disclose that asset #its free for use so i just plopped it in bc like....im not about to burn my brain with that much perspective thats gonna end up covered #oh i also drew over a clouds asset i found in the program too #the resolution was not great but i liked the placement when i tried it out so i used the asset as a guide #again i know theyre free to use but idk i dont want to make it seem like i claim to have done it without those tools #anyway...thank you for reading and have a nice day¡¡

[trashbaget]

tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with #but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this #i can’t just. talk to the guy #if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that #i can barely even say hello to him #don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like #ah fuck there he is #okay you can do it just say hi #just say what’s up #and then he’s already gone #also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin #ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍 #but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction #or like. an actual conversation. #which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or #i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what) #anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴 #i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at #least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.) #anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault #too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair #but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side #where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20 #mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡 #but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number #who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21 #his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦 #cheers to being fools universe

[raynavan]

thinking about dinomas instead of the many other things i need to do

previous post about it:

so. more about pre eeby:

Akari the T-rex, and her three Pteranodon siblings, Dawn, Barry, and Lucas, love going on the Dinosaur train pretty much every day.

Ingo and Emmet basically run a sort of... Sociology/physiology class, where the kiddos observe different dinosaurs and try to figure out why/how they do things ("i have a hypothesis!" as Buddy says in the show)

Ingo and Emmet have friends! like Skyla the microraptor, or Elesa the Dromiceiomimus!

pretty much everyone knows about Ingo and Emmet and thier love for battles. there are specific cars on the train to house small ones, but mostly its just done near the Train station. many dinosaurs try to test their strength against the twins.

Troodons are verrry smart! so once Ingo and Emmet meet a species they've never met before, and battle them, they immediately try to figure out an effective way to take them down (again, these are all friendly battles. its enrichment, if you will)

basically Ingo and Emmet can tag team pretty much anyone. if they've met the same species before.

this is getting long so more post eeby under the cut

so, the Dino train can travel thorough time, but there are some places, if the gate is not big enough, the the train cannot go through

that, however, does not mean a dinosaur cant go through =]

so basically Ingo doesn't remember how to leave the timezone he fell in (somewhere in the Pleistocene period) and Emmet cant get there bc the time tunnels (apparently that's what they are called in the show) are too small.

pearl clan, a group of Scimitar Cat (kinda like the saber tooth/Smilodon but their teeth are Much smaller.) take Ingo in after their Lady Sneasler carries him over

no one really knows what the heck ingo is, but they let him be warden of Sneasler. both clans are actually mammals in this one, with diamond clan being Beringian lions, (who, fun fact, might have been completely maneless! which is confusing considering the cold climate, but they might have been completely covered in thick fur...)

ingo chills there for a long while, until suddenly, out of the tiny time Tunnels (or space time distortions, as the Clans call them) a T-Rex appears. the group of Tigers called the Galaxy Team take her in and they occasionally meet up with the other clans.

a few days after Akari lands in the future (ha!) a bolt hits the nobles and they go into a frenzy. Akari is sent to take care of it.

the nobles are!

Kleavor- giant beaver (cut down trees) (they were the size of bears today!)

Lilligant- Scrophulariaceae (its a flower. its kinda sentient. don't ask.)

Arcanine- Dire wolf (but a big one. for context- Dire wolves are around the same size as a yukon wolf, which is 85 cm (~2.8 ft) tall.)

Electrode- a rock. (it'd be funny)

Avalugg- the ever approaching glacial movements. (melts and gives fresh water- that's why its a noble)

and the ride pokemon just to cover all basses:

Wyrdeer- caribou

Ursaluna- giant short-faced bear (VERY big. one and a half times the size of a grizzly bear. which is. Big.)

Basculegion- Quinkana (a crocodylian! big guys!! in the time period they are in, around 6 m (20 ft) long!! there is even some debate of them being 9 m long!!)

Sneasler- giant ground sloth (up to 3 meters long!)

Braviary- Haast's eagle (one of the larges known true raptors- but with a strangle small wingspan for its size- possibly up to 3 m)

i am well aware these guys would not live in the same area btw- but im talking about a universe with dinosaurs that built a time traveling train and magic- so...

anyway, eventually Akari and Ingo meet, and both are like "i have seen you before!!" but other than that vague feeling they don't really remember. she and Ingo talk a lot, and eventually come to the realization that the space time distortions (time tunnels) could lead them home.

Ingo instinctively knows that they should Not just. walk in one, and instead they chip away the the surrounding rock of one until ingo feels its Just the right size. for what, he isn't sure. he does think that there should be some shiny metal things coming out of it... but he doesn't know where to get that kind of material, so he doesn't bother with it.

one night, they are woken up by a sheer whistle, and then a horrible crash. Ingo rushes out to the Time tunnel to see a train completely derailed in front of it, tipped over onto its side.

a white Troodon stumbles out of it.

anyway thanks for reading this far! here is some art of ingo i did =]

#no shading today #sorry #dinomas #submas au #submas #you guys have no idea how much research i did for this #it feels kinda silly but also remembering my old dino hyper fixation... #could be worse! #also- how everyone interacts is decidedly inaccurate #in that they would all live on different ends of the globe #also where they live in game is nothing like the animals actual habitat... #sloths do Not live in the mountains #but. eh. #there is. more i want to dig into and explain #but ill. do that later #ah... im so sorry my other WIPs... this has completely derailed me... #oh yeah #if anyone wonders anything about this ever #or like #wants clarification #i will answer happily #thanks for reading *this* far #i hope you have a very nice day =] #ray's art

[ikeasharksss]

ARGH

#i need to rant #but i also feel like this is a silly thing to rant about #but also i want to say something so mb my beloved mutuals will see it and go #ah yes thats whats up w/ niamh marie #n e way #i am SO STRESSED #for the past 3 weeks i've been stage managing a show at my school #we rehearse tues thurs & fri nights til 1030 & saturdays til 8 #weds are dark #i have a monday evening class too which keeps me working til 830 #and an internship i gotta worry about.... #GOD i feel like i always have to work on something #even when im relatively chill there is also Some task i need to complete whether its for school intern or show #my only day off is sun but even then i have to Do Things #like yesterday i went to a bridal shower & next week im seeing a friend's show #so like!!!!! im always moving!!! #i cant relax if there's something i gotta do!!!! & since im out late 5/7 nights a week i feel like my days just Dont End #& God knows i am incapable of fully relaxing unless i am home so even if im like reading a book on campus waiting for rehearsal i cant just #Relax #GOD IM STRESSY #plus finals begin literally the day after my play closes #whats up w/ that! #who timed that! #BOOO TOMATO TOMATO #& i feel weird saying this bc i know there's ppl in my play or my friends who are doing just as much if not more #like ppl who have to have a full time job on top of this play #like idk how i'd do this play & my 19 creds if i also had to fully support myself w/ a job #shout out to my parents love ya #WAHHHHHHHH #my online class starts in 19 min

[dizzybevvie]

apollo. beverly. buddy. omg... please feel free to explain what the easily solvable issue is cuz omg...... Big Deal it seems

OK THIS IS KIND OF EMBARRASSING BUT BEVERLY (15, boy scout, uhhh my blorbo my little meow meow) HAS THIS BOYFRIEND IN THE CAMPAIGN. HIS NAME IS ERLIN, HE IS ALSO A BOYSCOUT (the in universe alt is Green Teen lmao), HES GINGER, I CARE ABOUT HIM VERY MUCH. I care about this relationship so deeply. I love them I literally cannot NOT gush about Bev and Erlin theyre adorable theyre amazing i adore them.

Im not gonna cover everything, but for context when Bev & Erlin got together (~ep 20?) there was a big war going on in their home city. technically the war is still happening but it has since moved. Beverly's house gets bombed etc etc, they have to flee to escape the city. They split up, with Erlin and his family fleeing, Bev's dad and the other Green Teens are sent to a different dimension (THROUGH A KISS FROM BEV AND ERLIN MIGHT I ADD), and Beverly and the rest of the party go somewhere else that isnt important rn.

Since that episode, Beverly has been collecting things for him. A book about his interests, a poster, some drugs?? i think??? Just little trinkets he thinks Erlin would like for when he next sees him. The DM and player of Beverly have said that the relationship was never planned, it just sort of happened, but after that theyve discussed a long standing mutual crush and other stuff that makes me weep.

Bit of a time skip to around episode 50? By this point, theyve had a few more adventures, and have ventured into this other dimension to try to find Beverly's dad and their friends. They do, and after a lot of hardship and other stuff, they have a big celebration. Beverly, in his defense, is a LITTLE drunk, and meets this autumn looking boy. To be perfectly honest they hit it off. At the end of the bit, the boy tries to kiss him, and Beverly very maturely says something to the effect of, "Im sorry. theres someone else." and leaves. at this point im sweating fucking bullets. I am way too invested in Beverly and Erlin to be normal. But im thinking, oh, sweet, a breath of fresh air. And then he doubles back and kisses him.

And there are so many factors to this. I am fully aware that Beverly is 15. I am fully aware it is both his and Erlin's FIRST relationship. I am fully aware that they will probably be fine after a couple of conversations. but the BETRAYAL 😭 I was heartbroken im not even gonna lie LMAO. I paused the episode and I called Raya to rant about this stulid bullshit 💀. Am i angry at Beverly the character? No. Do i think Erlin's gonna be fucking DISTRAUGHT? Yes.

For me, if it was in the moment and then a, 'fuck, sorry, i shouldnt have-" Thatd be more acceptable. but its the fact that he clearly chose not too and then changed his mind. 😭😭😭

And yes. Beverly has gone through a lot in the past couple of days. His dad and friends aged 25 years in a month. His Dad keeps telling him, after being away from him for several months, that if they are to let anyone die, to let it be him. Another one of his father figures is going through a MASSIVE identity crisis. A war is happening. Beings that are as close to gods without being gods are putting expectations and pressure on his shoulders. I fully understand that this is a situation that is not as bad as i have presented it and that it is fairly easily fixed. but I was so fucking sad? We havent seen Erlin in like, 30 episodes. Hes literally a refugee rn. hes going to be so sad. He is going to be sooooo sad. 😭😭😭

TLDR: I have an unhealthily strong obsession with DND boyscout bfs, and one of them cheated, and I am so unreasonably sad.

#and yes it was only a kiss how did it end up like this it was only a kiss it was only a kiss but like #theyre 15 #Im like embarrassed to tsg this #you have no idea how unreasonably upset this made me #and their friends who soent 25 years in a different dimension? one of the questions thsy ask is about him and erlin like. AH #they have liked eachothwr for so long. got together at the eorst possible time and thsn. HDVSKBDKSDNSBD #ERLIN :((((((((( #erlin has had like 30 minutes of screentime total but i would actually die for him #I also have to gush real quick about how little things about their relationship are so realistically child like? #They NEVER have a discussion about it. they just kiss two (2) times and Beverly is like Oh yeah; Erlin; my boyfriend- #I care about them so much. my blorbos. my little meow meows. #having trouble ending this i have so many feelings abt them :( #I legitimatelt have not felt like this in like. 4 years #i didnt cry but i felt sounded and looked like i was crykng #anyway. uh #this is way too long but there is so much neccessary information to understand dnd podcasts its stupid LMAO #naddpod #apollo answers shit #beverly tag #i feel like im aching #eddie tag

[quenthel]

My biggest BG3 hot takes are like... They should not have included Minsc halsin n Jaheira as companions only supporting side characters at MOST, given Kagha and maybe Auntie Ethel more to do, made DURGE the default custom origin, given gortash his own little toy fortress, shouldn't have hired super famous famous VAs both for him n Ketheric so they have more lines to say, should have made Bane voiced, should have made the Ansur stuff separate from Wyll's quest aaand should have leaned away even more from like the inherent evil races (like drows n goblins n mindflayers) being inherently evil... Also IG more consequences for eating worms would have been nice

#quenthel special #like i know why they did many of these things... #but esp w the surge tav thing im sorry i personally prefer if games have a more focused msg #i like that seemingly the bad path choiches are about repeating cycles of abuse #like astarion becoming a power hungry vampire like he is meant to be #gale getting struck down by mystra for attempting to become just like her #shadowheart fulfilling viconia's ambitions #you see you see... #ik there is a lot of differing voices abt karlach's ending but i love trafedy personally... #idk what else they could have done w it that wouldnt feel bad also bc of the nature of her story... #ah well i have more serious stuff to say abt each of these lol

[griffinsmith]

Really stupid low effort drawings correlated to parts of the barkingham dungeon

#the first one ties into the gas golem hypnotizing people in the main hall #and the second one. if you have made it through the dungeon and fought jackall you know exactly what I mean #dr jackall #w101 #sawyuh art #barkingham posting #ah yes my favorite dungeon. bitchingham palace #whenever i make posts abt the dungeon itself im always afraid that people dont get tha jokes because . who fucking remembers #every detail about the dungeon so i hope no one feels like im mansplaining anything .. just trying to clarify if anythings confusing #anyway im glad to be over the art block i had a couple months back but did it have to end because i got back into barkingham. #did it really. its so humbling

[dykedragons]

oh ps im so fucking glad to be done with school (dgmw i LOVED college but it was an INSANE amount of work and im exhausted). i can do whatever i want now guilt-free. its AMAZING. i can play minecraft guilt free i can do COMMISSIONS guilt free like bro....... it was so hard doing commissions during school TToTT

like yall.... what NINE (9) fucking classes in a term will do to an mf. i only recommend it if u have like zero other priorities bc. WOW. it was a LOT. (i also put 100% into literally everything i do but still it tested my fucking LIMITS.) (only one all-nighter had to be pulled though and it wasnt even on a school night so thats cool of me)

more. rambling under the cut

(like im soooososo grateful for the business + JUST whining like i needed the moneys regardless so i dont appreciate it any less. and they were still a lot of fun. but the workload was cray cray. im so grateful my commissioners didnt mind the ~2 month wait bc i felt so bad kjdnfnkjsfds blows yall a kiss... excited to get thru my current queue too!! once i. have the weekend to myself bc. GOD i need that.)

im really amazed im not burnt the fuck out?? like i look forward to drawing still!! and doing more 3D when i have the mental capacity for it (done my current comm queue). i love that stuff so much. ive pushed myself so much and created things in time crunches i thought would wreck me but ive proven myself wrong again and again and its amazing. im truly proud of myself and the person im becoming yall its a magical thing!!!! and my WORK. is the best its ever looked even when its rushed. i am fucking gobsmacked. my god. i NEED to keep doing gesture studies someone pplleease be on my ass about that lol /j

and NOT TO MENTION MY FRIENDS....... like MAN i fuckin love those guys holy shit. my dumb ass coming to school like "ohghggh i hope i make friends" BITCH YOULL MAKE THE BEST FRIENDS OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was so silly... i met one of my best friends on the FIRST DAY and DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT!!!!!!! ugh im just. im so grateful. eternally grateful for this experience. i have grown tenfold i have gained tenfold.

i feel. ready for my next steps... i have my first job coming up and im gonna be doing 3D for freelance and learning new things... getting my shit TOGETHER making money (hopefully a lot) and learning to be an adult n shit. "catch up" to my peers (thats how it feels). it feels good and in my best moments i feel like the future is bright yk.... like. yeah i can do this!!!!!!! yeah. yeah. its gonna be alright.

#ramblies #TRULY JUST.......... wonderful wonderful time in my life #there were ups n downs and things i tried that didnt work out and people i was with that i didnt end up vibing with (thru no fault of their #own really i just wasnt feelin it) but yknow what. #i did my best with everything and i dont have any feelings of regret. it was all worth it to me!!!!!! #and truly i need NEED to stop telling myself im so hateable all the time bc if theres one thing this year has taught me #its that im worthy of fucking love. like i have been.... SO APPRECIATED this year it makes me feel full and warm in my heart #ive never felt this loved in my LIFE!!!! people are so amazing and kind..... like where has this been!!! ah its just. very very nice. #im feeling good about things rn. and excited to see my friends tmrwwwww im having a sLUMBER PARTY!!!! hehehe

[ii-zi]

Even when they ask, venting to people makes me feel like a tar pit lol

#E asked like what's up i havent seen u in years u never come when we gather like are u Ok #n i was thinking for so long like a way to explain without burdening them but also not seem like making generic excuses.. #and after thinking for so long and not liking anything i was too tired to be coherent #so I just started writing.. and ended up venting without even asking if it was ok in 34 fucking messages lol #dropped as much as i could think of. cried in the bathroom for a while. played it cool in the gc #genuinely feel like concrete shoes on everyones feet every time i speak to anyone specifically my friends #like yeah friends r there to support u n shit but like. im well aware of how terribly tiring it gets when someone only #opens their mouth to vent lol #worrying about worrying them only adds to my worries. do you see my point #vent #personal #it is not only a chore and a pain (and a source of worries) to them but also to me #so they can like. pretend it's not happening. or keep poking to try and help. or silently slide off like w C #but idk which one would hurt less lol #even here w how often i vent i feel like yall see these type of post and just go ''ah. bottomless pit of despair again. dear god'' #and that's not like. being unking towards yall. i get tired of /having/ to vent this much lol it is a lil freeing but #freeing like putting off a lil of the fire that is burning you alive is freeing. id much rather not have been on fire from the beginning yk