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unprofessional-bard · 3 years

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Chapter 12 - The Development, Pt. II

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

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Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: TW!!! Mentions of depression/anxiety, lack of appetite and suicide; jealousy (the reader is Angry™️); talks of (unwanted) pregnancy and miscarriage (cult activities).

Summary: Who would've thought a dinner and a bouquet of flowers would ever bare bad omens?

Word Count: 5.588

Author's Note: I apologise for the repost! I forgot to do my taglist + the tags didn't work for me so let me try this again. This is a whole chunk of angst and nothing more. I'm sorry about this but it is going to get darker :')

Enjoy!

gif credit: winterswake

"Oof, this wasn't your greatest idea, you know that right?" You sighed anxiously, hands on your hips.

"I've done many things that weren't so great, sweetpea," Joel wiped his wet hands on the cute little apron around his waist after he put the vegetables he had cut into the bowl which was on the counter next to the cutting board: "We both know it, but this totally ain't one of 'em."

He carried another bowl to the dining room where you stood, gave your exposed neck a brief kiss as he passed by. Kiki and Ward were going to arrive anytime now for Joel's infamous dinner plan. When he put the bowl down, he scanned the table with a puzzled expression: "Why are there two more plates?"

You leaned your weight on one leg as you grabbed the edges of the chair, which stood at the head of the table: "I... invited Tommy and Maria over, too–"

Joel's expression made you feel guilty: "(Y/N)."

"What?" You spoke defensively, a nervous expression on your face and tone to your voice. "It was going to be awkward as shit otherwise."

"You don't know that," He growled. "Not when you pull stunts like this."

"I don't care," You emphasised each word, exhaustion present in your stance. "Better safe than sorry, Joel."

He nodded disapprovingly and walked back to the kitchen as you stood there, your head hanging with a sigh. You slowly raised it up, hands on your hips again, then turned your head to the side just enough for him to hear you over the sound of the steamer: "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," He said when he walked past you, carrying the last piece of dish to the table. His anger wasn't for nothing, you accepted what you did was an ass move.

"You're right." You huffed, which made him look at you. "I'm not sorry for inviting Tommy and Maria over, but I am sorry for upsetting you."

His tense stance eased slowly at your words, then he proceeded to mirror your chair holding pose, huffing quietly: "Well, one of us is gon' have to eat less, I'm more worried about that."

"I'll gladly volunteer, I lost my appetite." You rubbed your eyes, which sported dark circles underneath them– which worried Joel.

He stepped closer to you, reaching for your hip with his dominant hand and began rubbing soothing circles there: "No. You eat. Don't think for a second I didn't notice how you started eatin' less." This whole ordeal was getting to you more than you cared to admit. It had been eight days since your decision to arrange dinner with them, but it clearly didn't escape Joel's notice. You looked down, ashamed, running a hand through your hair nervously: "Hey, look at me," Joel gently took your chin between his fingers and lifted your head up, his nose inches away from yours. The three knocks on your door didn't stop him from saying: "You're worryin' over nothin', sweetheart. It's gonna be alright."

"We'll see," You looked into his eyes with a blank stare, gulping, giving his hand a light squeeze before walking to the door, collecting yourself in the meantime. From the small windows on the door, it wasn't hard to tell the brunette couple had arrived. You took a deep breath as you opened the door with a sincere smile: "Hello there– Come in, welcome."

"Hi!" Kiki grinned and Ward just offered an awkward resemblance of a smile.

After escorting them to the living room, you spoke: "Joel's getting finished in the kitchen, then we can have dinner."

"Joel's cooking?" Kiki gave you an alien look. It wasn't a my goodness what a man I bet he cooks real fine tone, but more a genuinely confused one.

"Uhm, yes?" You lightly flinched but smiled still, equally confused at her question. Giving a brief look at Ward, you noticed how he was staring hard at her and she was pointedly ignoring him. "Don't worry, he actually cooks better than me... haha."

You stared into each other's eyes for five seconds, both of your irises reflecting a pair of question marks at each other, then she let out an odd laugh: "Oh! If you say so... What a beautiful garden you got– Lots of flowers."

"Why, thank you," You smiled a little nervously. "I like taking care of flowers and plants..."

"Oh really? I do– did too, once upon a time..." Kiki did an exaggerated smiley face. "I should bring you some, then!"

"That's very kind of you," You felt yourself soften a little at her words. "Well, how have you both been? Feeling like you two are fitting in? I hope people aren't giving you trouble."

"Oh," Kiki looked at Ward for the first time, who's gaze was focused on you now. "No, I think we started to fit in better–" Ward nodded in agreement, his head turning in her direction: "Gets better every day."

"That's good news," You quietly huffed out a breath of relief, nodding at her words, which was when Joel walked in to greet them, and also when there was another pair of knocks on the door. This time, thank God, it was Tommy and Maria.

The dinner went without a hitch, to say the least. Although it had it's awkward moments, Tommy and Maria always picked it up one way or another. Delicious meals were eaten and wines from your collection with Joel were opened– it was pleasant to a certain degree. You and Joel sat across each other on the other ends of the table, Maria and Tommy sat to your left while Kiki and Ward sat to your right. Kiki was seated by your side, but she mostly had her attention on your husband. She didn't drink, but Ward did, and after his second glass, he seemed to relax more.

When it was time to carry all the plates back to where they came from, Joel and you carried the first party. When you placed them in the sink, and he on the counter, he softly grabbed your hand: "See? Wasn't that bad, was it?"

It sort of was, for you anyway, as much as you tried to calm your nerves with the wine: "Thanks to Tommy and Maria, yeah." Joel sighed through his nose and looked away for a moment: "What?"

"We'll talk about it in the morning." Joel let your hand go, but didn't move away.

"What is there to talk about?" You spoke, frustrated, your arms opening slightly in a gesture. Right then, your eyes moved over his shoulder to the doorway. He turned around to see it was Maria with two of the rect platters in her hands.

"Joel, why don't you go back? (Y/N) and I'll handle it from here." She spoke as she walked over to where you two were, then placed the platters on the counter. He gave you one last look before nodding and walking back inside. As soon as he left, Maria stood very close to you and turned on the water: "You wanna tell me what's going on with you?"

"Not really," You quickly started to wash the plates and she helped with the leftovers.

"(Y/N)," Maria spoke more seriously. "There's obviously something wrong–"

"I didn't say there wasn't, I just don't wanna talk about it right now." You said, turning your head to her a little but not looking her in the eyes. "Please, Maria, I appreciate you and your concern, but–"

"Mind if I help?" Kiki suddenly appeared with more service in her hands, startling you both.

"Not at all," Maria replied in your stead. "I'll leave you two to it, I need to use the bathroom."

You closed your eyes, exhausted, then begged for patience as Kiki replaced Maria's place next to you. She kept a distance, which you also appreciated. After a brief moment of silence, she spoke: "The food was delicious, I'm surprised Joel helped you prepare all of this."

You tried– God knows your tried not to look for a double meaning behind her words, but you failed: "Well, as I said, he cooks better than me."

"No, I mean, he just really helps you around, y'know? Serving, preparing, cleaning..."

You turned to face her, closing the sink, and took a proper look at her: "What's so weird about it? We're partners– Married– There's no helping out, we do it together, as it should be."

"Oh, don't get me wrong," She said after a while, her smile unsettling. "It's just that, I always do the cooking, and preparing, and cleaning. That's what I was taught, while Ward..."

You bit down on your tongue hard as you finally understood what she was getting at, the realisation making you blink once and long, then look away. A silent oh left your lips while you thought about how to respond, forcing a small smile to your lips: "Well... Uh– Why don't you go back, I'll take it from here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I got this, you're our guest, after all."

She smiled and nodded, heading back. As soon as she turned around you let out a silent, heavy breath, looking a little bewildered and disturbed at the things she had said. You stood still for a few moments, then ultimately decided to wash your face, so you took it up to the bathroom.

When you woke up the next morning, you had a mild headache from the wine, no doubt. Joel was nowhere to be found, which had you worried for a second, then you realised it was near noon. After washing your face, you dragged yourself downstairs and once you made it to the kitchen, you found Tommy, Eugene and Joel sitting quietly at the table.

"Mornin' princess," Eugene grinned at you, a cup in his hand. Joel and Tommy had more serious, even a little worried looks on their faces.

"Hey," You waved at them and dragged your feet to the cupboard where you kept your coffee, only to find you had ran out of the beans.

"How're you feelin'?"

"I'm fine... What kinda question is that?" You chuckled.

The brothers shared a brief look before Tommy slowly got up, walked towards the island counter and leaned against it with his elbows: "Listen, (Y/N), we're all a bit worried about you."

"I'm not!" Eugene said clearly. "I mean, I am, but not in the way they are– What's going on with you and the newcomers?"

You stared at the brothers, hard, then turned to Joel: "Is this the new town gossip, then?"

He huffed, crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back in his seat: "It ain't nothin'. We were talking about last night," He gestured between himself and Tommy. "Eugene overheard, expressed his own worries 'bout them and wanted to talk to you."

You felt so exposed –out in the open– with the spotlight moving onto you once more. Your eyebrows furrowed as Joel held your gaze for a while, the other men too scared to interfere; until Eugene spoke: "Look, (Y/N), I get what worries you, even if these two bimbos will say there's nothing wrong. I'm here to vouch for ya."

"Thanks," You shrugged and nodded. You felt embarrassed at the three pairs of eyes waiting for a response from you– speaking to Eugene alone about what actually worried you would've made you feel much better, but you just told them about the interactions between you and Kiki. The more you spoke, the more frustrated you got, which ironically made you close up more.

"Which reminds me," He said some time after you mentioned her offer to bring you a flower. "Do you have, uh, mugwort in your garden?"

The abrupt change of topic caught you off guard, but you still said yes, I think so and walked out from the back door, the old man tailing you. The sun immediately burned down on your skin, but a gentle breeze lightened the load on your shoulders as it accompanied you to the edge of the garden.

"Look, I don't actually need mugwort," He said when you sat down on your knees. "If you wanna say something to me that you think they won't understand, now's your chance."

You moved on with your digging quietly while he waited, then finally, without looking at him and venom dripping from every word you spoke, you sighed: "Kiki has eyes for Joel."

Eugene coughed loudly at your cold words, a hand on his chest: "Shit, (Y/N)..."

"Everyone, including Joel, seems oblivious to this– I'll probably get accused of petty jealousy if I tell them, but since you've had your fair share of weird run-ins with her, I think you should know."

He remained quiet for awhile as you worked with the plant, then finally huffed: "That's not a jealous face from what I can see, it's the face of a woman who's sensing something's gonna go wrong."

You finally looked up at him, your cold expression turned soft because of his sympathy, then looked back down: "I'm losing sleep over some stupid– bitch– God, I was... I've been trying to convince myself that it's nothing, but–"

"It's not nothing, (Y/N)." Eugene spoke firmly, grabbing your shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Something's clearly not right with those two, and you've a right to get worried, 'cause I'm guessing it's not just Joel you're worried about."

You gulped, wiped some sweat off the corner of your brow with your wrist, then nodded.

"Well," He took the plants from your hands. "Thanks for this, and, just know that you're not alone. If you ever wanna talk more about this, you know where to find me. Don't be a stranger."

You did pay Eugene a visit a few days later to talk more about them. You felt more comfortable talking to him alone, and you were talking to him because you didn't want to add more to Joel's tension and strain your relationship again. It also felt good to just talk about the whole thing and have someone who understood you.

You had told him that you had no doubts about Joel's intentions, but about Kiki's and hers alone. He had told you he understood and told you that his door was always open if you needed to talk again, so you went to him a second time in a cool afternoon after Kiki had appeared out of nowhere.

"Flowers! As promised!" She smiled brightly, giving you a tiny bouquet of mixed, yellow flowers.

"Oh, wow," You carefully took the bouquet from her, smiling at the sight and feeling genuinely happy for a moment that she actually did something like this. "Thank you, Kiki."

"Don't mention it," She smiled sincerely and initiated smalltalk, then went about her business. After you closed the door, however, reality came crashing down.

You went to see Eugene then: He had just returned from patrol, so the moment you saw him, you grabbed him and went back to your house. A very old book you owned, The Meanings of Flowers, laid on the dinner table while you sat at the head of the table again, the older man to your right. Beautiful flowers rested above the book, a pair of each: Carnation, hyacinth, marigold, rose and tansy. You already knew the names of the most thanks to your free time activities, so finding them in the book wasn't particularly hard.

"Damn, (Y/N), you're really gettin' into this, aren't you?" Eugene said when you first explained and laid the flowers in front of him as he sat down.

You read through the pages and sat across him. "I think... I have, uh– What if she's asking for help?"

"How do you mean?" He gave you a look, and when you stared at him a while, he slowly got what you were saying. "You... think that too?"

"It's so obvious," You sighed, a sad expression on your face. "It's the only logical explanation for the way she responds to physical touch. There's more to it than what Ward told me about their past."

"You're right," He huffed, troubled. "Alright, let's see what carnation means."

"Each colour represents something different, but yellow..." What you read made you tense up.

"What?"

"Disdain."

You gave each other a look, then you continued to other flowers: "Hyacinth– Yellow hyacinth is... jealousy."

"Do these even grow in Wyoming?" Eugene was as disturbed as you were. You just shrugged, but you were thinking more about how she came to find these in the first place.

"Marigold– Jealousy, despair... Rose, yellow– Jealousy and..." You gasped shortly, eyes widening at the word.

"What, what is it?" Eugene turned the book to himself a little and his eyes widened slightly as well.

Infidelity.

"Maybe... Maybe tansy means something else?" Eugene flipped the pages as you burned a hole through the table, stunned where you sat. "Hostile thoughts, declaring war... Shit."

He stared at you as you slowly raised your head up and gave him a nasty look, whispering angrily: "Who... Who does she think she is?"

"(Y/N), I– I don't," Eugene knew, like yourself, that this could've been just pure coincidence, but all of the flowers representing almost exactly the same things inevitably had him worried and at a loss for words.

"That little bitch–" Your fists flexed into a fist, your brows drawing together, creating deep lines on your forehead.

"Don't freak out," Eugene grabbed your elbow in a calming gesture.

"She wants him–? She wants a war? I'll give her something worse, she'll regret ever setting foot in–"

"What's going on?" In between your heartbeat ringing in your ear and loud, angry words, you didn't hear Joel come in. Your head snapped towards him, eyes wide open and angry, then turned your head away towards Eugene.

"I think it's best if you sit down." The older man said uncomfortably.

He obliged, never looking away from you as he did. He was clearly worried, careful, but also cross; it wasn't hard to tell, and you had hoped he wouldn't see what you were up to, but alas...

"You know who brought me these?" You asked, focused at something outside the window.

"I have an idea." His eyes were burning through the side of your face, the tension crushing everyone in the room.

You chuckled bitterly. "You must think I'm crazy."

"I think no such thing," He growled, offended by your accusation. "You don't sleep well, you don't eat– Your worryin's making me worry!"

"The thing is, Joel," Eugene intervened. "She has a right to worry."

He finally looked at him with an exhausted expression: "What?"

"Each of these flowers have meanings in this book right here," He tapped the book. "And they're not good meanings at all."

"See? This is what worries me," He leaned back, crossing his arms. "You're gonna check everything she does or gives?"

"So you want me to stay oblivious to– to things, while Ward is probably physically absuing his wife?" You snapped, your head turning in Joel's direction to meet his quizzical expression. You got up from your chair, leaning in with your hands on the table: "If she was meaning to send a message to us with these flowers, asking for help, and we ignored it? That'd be on me."

"How could it possibly be on you?" He replied angrily. "How would she know that you'd– decipher this message?"

"I told you that I told her about–"

"Enough!" Eugene growled. "She sent her a message, despite what could be happening in their household." You sighed heavily and turned your head to the side, Joel glancing at Eugene as he continued: "All these flowers have one thing in common, Joel, and it's that they've bad meanings. This one?" He held up the marigold: "Jealousy. This one?" The hyacinth: "Also jealousy. And this?" The rose: "Jealousy... as well as infidelity."

Joel leaned back, an irked look on his face: "Wh– What?"

"Tansy– Hostile thoughts." He coughed into his fist as he put the flower down.

"So don't sit there–" You looked at him again, leaning in with your head: "And tell me that I'm worrying over nothing. Just because you have no clue about what's going on around you, doesn't mean it's not happening." You gulped, the barbed wire around your throat present once more, then picked up the book and closed it: "Thanks, Eugene."

He just nodded with a concerned look on his face and watched you walk upstairs. Joel, stunned in place, didn't say a word as the older man got up, tipped his head at him and left. He sat there for some time, by himself and stared at the beautiful flowers. He hadn't seen you like this since the Axel case– sure, you both had ups and downs but it had never gotten this bad since then. To prevent another fall out, he knew this time he had to be a little more alert for both of your sakes, if your accusations were indeed true.

But you both needed to co-operate if something was going to be done about this.

It was close to a week later when Ward opened up again.

Joel and you were a bit tense, even after when he suggested the next day after the flower incident that you both went to Maria to change your patrol schedules. She had said Joel only had one more patrol left with Kiki, while you still had three to go with Ward, which was okay for you especially after you found out that Joel's last patrol with Kiki was a group sweep which involved you too.

Joel was more than relieved too, thinking maybe change of patrol partners will finally ease the tension between you and him, but it seemed you'd remain upset until that last patrol was over with, which was the day after your current patrol with Ward.

You were taking a different route this time, on horseback and it was in the afternoon, a chill breeze was present which took the burning feel of the slowly setting sun off your shoulders. The trees were offering shield from the sun with their shadows, too.

"I overheard people talking about you and Joel."

"Really?" You rolled your eyes. "What were they saying?"

"Something about... having a child."

You turned your head and gave him a stern look, but it wasn't directed at him, then you sighed, the grip you had on your reigns tightening: "It's none of their business."

"Exactly what I told them."

"What?" You turned to face him again, the whip of your head smoother than before, and your voice was softer– surprised.

"I told them to stop talking about something which wasn't their business," Ward casually explained. "They then told me that I had no business listening to them, so I threatened to break their jaw if they didn't shut up."

"Ward..." You gave him a look of disapproval.

"Kidding," He offered a small smile. "Leave out the threatening bit, but it did cause a little argument. Maria was there though... organising this event that's coming up. She defended you, too."

You hadn't taken him to be the type to stand up for people he didn't exactly know: "Ward I–"

"Sorry though, don't know who they were–"

"Thank you."

He blinked, equally surprised at the smallest smile on your lips: "Oh, well..."

"Not many people would do that, I appreciate it," Your grip loosened and you allowed yourself to relax a little. "People tend to get ahead of themselves sometimes."

"Inconsiderate, that's what they are." He growled, but his face was thoughtful and troubled exactly like when he told you of his background. "It just– Gets on my nerves. This whole... baby talk."

"You and mine both," You huffed. "It's just funny how people who have almost no connections to me and Joel talk about it, when him and I haven't even put it out on the table yet." It was true. Neither of you had even said the word out of its nickname context.

"I just hope they won't force you to have one."

You turned your head to him with slightly wide eyes: "How do you mean?"

He remained quiet for a while, probably debating on whether he should share what he meant or not – if he should listen to his needs and get it off his chest, or add more to the bottle when there was no space left in it. He finally spoke: "Kiki had to lie, so that they wouldn't separate or punish us. I was too... paralysed to speak when she said We want to have children out of nowhere. Said that it was the only reason why we decided to date and get married. We had been together for just five months."

A sick lie to get out of an equally sick situation, which normally would've made you feel sick, but in this fucked up world and having done the equally fucked up shit you did, you couldn't bring yourself to feel nauseous; however, it did make a shiver run down your spine, the situation reminding you of the Seraphites in Seattle when an escapee had arrived in Boston, months after the fall of that QZ. She had told horrifying stories about how her and five other people had barely made it past them: They had witnessed 'religious sacrifice's, and the manslaughter from The WLF hadn't helped their case either... She had committed suicide a month after her arrival in Boston.

"By then we started to regret our decision more, because they were forcing us to– To have a child–"

"Hey, look, you don't have to tell me–"

"We lied–" He continued, feeling though as if he wasn't going to get another chance to open up again. "For a long time, it was maybe we're not lucky enough, or God's not willing. They... They went as far as to consider fucking exorcism, and it was all on Kiki, and her alone."

You thought for a moment he was going to cry, with the way his face scrunched up, but he kept going angrily: "I told them it could be biological, they told me she was cursed... I told them, maybe the problem was me, they insisted it was her... Until they finally needed proof that we were actually– You know–"

"God," You quietly gasped.

"I don't– We tried to break up, to end the madness, but they wouldn't listen. I had never touched Kiki other than kisses and hugs, while we were lying to them about– She was a virgin and so was I–"

He stopped for a brief moment when his horse whinnied, you were getting closer to the tall walls surrounding Jackson, then continued hesitantly: "She– finally got pregnant, after a whole year of deceiving them, but the stress of it got to her, I think. She... she miscarried." He gulped, closing his eyes tightly, an unpleasant look on his face. "You can imagine how it was received around the community– We had to run, you see, so we did."

You had reached the gates by then, it was Joel who was at the watchtower and waved at you as you waited for the doors to open. You waved back with a worried look on your face, which he must've spied through his binoculars. After bringing the horse into the stables and handing back your rifles, you stopped him. It was unusually quiet and empty around the southern gate, which was normally empty anyway: "Listen, I just wanna say–"

Before you knew it, a stuck gasp left him. His back was to you, so at first you thought he saw something, but as soon as you stepped to his side: "Ward," He was crying. "Oh– Hey, it's okay..."

He whimpered until he ran out of breath, covering his face with his hands. You didn't know how to react, internally panicking and carefully studying his body language, while feeling like a dick about it. You slowly and carefully put a hand on his back, and at the touch, he immediately collapsed by your feet. He was weeping now, and too close for comfort. You quickly looked around to see if anyone was there, only to find out not a single soul was in your line of sight, except for the slowly and suddenly approaching figure of your husband.

"Ward, get up," You lightly shook him by the shoulder to get his attention, but this only resulted in him leaning closer to your legs. You raised your head to see Joel had come to a stop a couple of feet away from where you stood: "Get. Up."

"You said– You said–" He struggled with trying not to cry and breathing at the same time.

"I said there is a group session if you needed to talk," You spoke, defeated, feeling Joel's burning gaze on your eyelids. "I'm sorry for what happened. I really am, but you need to get up."

He looked up at you to meet your stern, pitying gaze, then wiped at his tears. He nodded a couple of times and slowly got up, sniffling quietly. Without saying another word –even though he looked like he wanted to– and sparing you another look, he readjusted his backpack and walked away as if nothing happened. You stood there and watched him leave with your hands on your hips, then let out an exhausted sigh. You were just thankful that you weren't murdered for the most part, irked because of his sudden breakdown, but you also felt like shit scolding him as you did.

"You wanna tell me what the hell was that all about?" Joel. And he neither sounded pleased nor amused.

"You think I have an idea?" You gave him a hopeless look. "Man just– Suddenly told me the rest of his story and broke down, I don't–" Joel stood with his arms crossed, within your 6 feet radius, but there was nothing soft about it.

He was expecting an explanation, and an explanation he got: "That, Joel? That's what fucking scares me! I hear the shit they went through and I listen to it, waiting for the time he's going to get to the part where I did something to him or someone he cared for– waiting for the time they're going to shoot me or stab me– or you! And then they get like– like that, or do something nice to us, and suddenly I feel like an asshole because they're not bad people in the end, they just need some fucking help!"

You breathed heavily as your hands remained open at your sides after all the gestures and motions, your chest rising and falling very obviously as small sweat and tear droplets rolled down your face: "And they're seeking help in all the wrong places, from the most unsuitable people. I don't know about you, but I'm not mentally capable of taking their load while I have my own to deal with."

Joel took in a short amount of breath, as if to speak, but immediately closed his mouth. He stared into your eyes for what felt like 30 minutes, searching for something– you weren't quite sure what. He looked angry, upset, worried and heartbroken all in the same time.

Finally, when he couldn't speak, you added: "If anything happened to me, I could live with that." You spoke calmly, nodding curtly: "But if anything happens to you? I'll tear this whole goddamn town apart and make sure they can't find a place to hide from me."

Your fidgeting, unfocused eyes suddenly found Joel's hazel ones; you saw through all the anger, fretting and upset at that moment.

It was such an adoring, lovely gaze– Bit by bit, it drained you of all the hate and other ugly emotions pressing down your shoulders; a great sense of solace overcoming you as his big, warm hand cupped your jaw. He leaned in to steal the softest of kisses from your damaged lips– subconscious biting had seen to that, but Joel's softer ones made up for the loss on your side.

Before he could give you the chance to debate on whether you should hug him or not, he pulled back, his hand on your cheek still: "I won't let anything happen to you– To either of us. I promise you." You stared into each other's eyes for another moment, then he placed a most gentle kiss on your temple: "I made some dinner for you, go and eat for me."

You nodded, eyes lowering to the ground, then slowly walked away. Joel was quick to take notice of your broken stance– slumped shoulders, slowed steps and, ah, there goes the hand through your hair. He knew, then, that he had to put more effort into understanding how you viewed the couple and respecting your feelings. Sure, you were prone to worry and overthink, but so was he. Nothing, as far as he knew and had seen, had gotten to you like this before. Something ought to be wrong for you to beat yourself up over it as you did.

But despite everything –despite him still not seeing the way you saw the couple– you were, of course (and without question), his priority. He trusted you and your judgement, and it had always been so.

He just hoped it wasn't too late to show you that.

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hoshi-u-love-me · 6 years

Text

Twined and Intertwined

(Ch. 1)

Pairing : BTS × Reader × ?? / ?? × Reader

Genre : Sci-fi, angst

Word count:

Warning : absurdity. Das oll. Oh and reader w female pronoun.

A/N : this is my first time writting again after my hiatus so please be gentle with me. I may be a bitch and ain't no bitch die from criticsm but I'm tired and overworked these past 2 weeks so a little sentiment would be nice.

🍃🍃🌸

"DON'T TAKE HER! PLEASE!"

"LET MY BABY GO! PLEASE, SHE'S NORMAL LIKE THE OTHERS!!"

As rare as it is, no one would be surprised if they heard screams.

It all started 2 years ago. The year a scientist manage to find a genetic development within Generation Zs that helps them cope, manage their emotions, and adapt to environment and situations far quicker and far more effectively.

The discovery lead to more thesis made and more thesis led to more tests conducted in the name of science and being widely known as the person who could produce a new evolution theory.

After finding out about the unique 0.2% that oddly enough were all born between 1990-1999, the UN decided to study them even further so they allow scientists to capture those and study them. And with every single person on the face of the earth being tested, it was not hard for the government to track them.

Today, another girl was taken away from her family.

The way she was captured was animalistic. A sniper with tranquilizer was placed on standby the moment her name moved to the top of the list. She was sedated on the spot. As she fell down the stairs, government personel barged in and took her away just like that.

No matter how loud her parents cried, how hard they tried to follow the speeding van, the unconscious girl was unaware of anything, especially her future.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was white.

White walls on every side, even the ceiling. The room was almost blinding. She sat up on the unfamilliar bed, scanning the unfamilliar room. Every furniture is white, even her clothes and the clothes placed inside the wardrobe on the right side of the door. Unlike everything else, the door is light brown just like the hardwood floor beneath her.

The bed is placed right accross the door, the frames are attached to the wall behind it. The bed looked more like a simple hospital bed rather than the usual bed (Y/N) had in her own room.

After taking in her surrounding, (Y/N) began putting 2 and 2 together and could only sigh as a single tear decider to drip down onto her blanket.

She took the test one and a half year ago, back when she was a mere senior in high school, back when her school was only a 'test to ensure the factuality of the new testing equipment'. She got her result a couple of days later, mailed directly to her. And within the envelope, at the very last page of the 5 pages result explanation, a bright, big, red, rectangular stamp that glared at her viciously : [ ANOMALY ].

Of course, like every other panicked teenager, she hid the result from her parents and said that her result came back and the result is the same as people like her. Which is technically not a lie. In all honesty, she did meant to tell her parents about her result, but she hadn't found the best time to do it.

(Y/N) knew that what happened was innevitable. But deep inside she had hoped that over time, the test result's significance would died down and scientists would've found another discovery that would make them busy enough to forget the whole anomaly thing. But it never happened. In fact, the news blew up and everyone made such great deals about it.

She stayed on her bed for a while, quietly sobbing at how stupid she was for not telling the truth to her parents. Now she won't be able to properly part with her parents. Neither party could bid their goodbyes for God knows how long. As far as she knew, none of the Stem members had actually been returned back home. There was this girl, Cassidy who lived near her and went to the same school with her, was captured earlier this year. Cassidy's parents were so devastated that both of them committed suicide after getting no news about Cassidy for 4 months straight. They had a nice fancy dinner and end the night with a nice glass of rat poison. Yum.

Truth is, no one actually know how the 'research' is done. The government kept the research to themselves more than they kept news about aliens from spreading out.

It appears that (Y/N) had been zoning out long enough to finally adapt to her surroundings and heard voices outside the door.

She knew she'd be living with people within the Stem, but it had never occured to her how many people there might be.

Bracing herself, (Y/N) stepped onto the cold wood floor and slowly reach the door and walk out.

As she walk straight through the bedroom door clad hallway and down the stair at the end of it, she found herself in the presence of 7 guys and a girl. They were lounging in the living room, 4 guys on a big couch, 1 with the girl on a smaller couch, and the other 2 were on their own couches.

"Oh, you're awake" the girl smiled.

(Y/N) smiled a little and nodded.

For some unknown reason her gaze dropped to her feet and tears began to stream down her face and drop to the floor.

"Oh you poor thing" the other girl stood from her position and hugged (Y/N) as she cried on her shoulder.

The unknown girl gently stroke her hair, whispering words of reassurance until one of the guys came to the both of them.

(Y/N) pulled away to look at the guy standing next to her, he had a warm smile but sad eyes. He then pat (Y/N)'s head ever-so-gently with much care before engulfing her in a hug, "it's okay, we're here for you" and with that, came another wave of tears.

It took a while for (Y/N) to calm down, but when she does, the guy led her to the couch and sat her right next to him. He gently let her head lay on his shoulder, despite it being so big, she found it rather comfortable.

"I think an introduction is much needed right now" one guy said, he was sitting accross of them with the previous girl next to him.

"I'm Jongin, I'm 25 and I got admitted to this Stem last year" he said. Despite him smiling kindly, he still look rather intimidating. Perhaps it's his eyes, or his big body that just screams "confidence" all around.

"I'm next!" Another guy exclaimed, he jumped a little in his seat in excitement, "I'm Hoseok! Jung Hoseok! But you can call me J-Hope, most of my friends call me that back home! And I'm also 25 like Jongin! I got here around 7 months ago!" He smiled so big that it was impossible for normal human being to not smile after seeing him smile

The guy next to him raised his right hand as he smiled, his dimple was so deep that it was the first thing noticable when you look at him, "I'm Namjoon, I'm the same age as Hobi and got admitted around the same time as him"

Namjoon then nudged the guy next to him, "what? Oh, my turn," the guy looked rather unbothered, but he was willing to talk, "I'm Yoongi, 26, but I guess you can call me Suga... I was admitted here 6 months ago" his introduction was short and simple, perhaps he's one of those people who talk only if it's necessary.

"I'll go next!" The girl grinned, "I'm Chungha, I'm 23 and I was moved to this stem around 2 months ago" the girl explained.

(Y/N) furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "moved?" She asked. Chungha chuckled at that, "I'll explain it later, after everyone finishes introducing themselves"

"Which means I'll go next" the last one fron the group of 4 guys spoke, smiling happily, letting his lips form a really cute heart shape, "I'm Taehyung, but you can call me V! I'm 24 years old, and if you ever need someone to cheer you up, you can just come to me and we'll do stuffs together!" "Hey, no fair! If I knew you were gonna say that, I would've said that first!" Hoseok whined at the younger guy.

(Y/N) chuckled at them both bickering.

"Hey, come on! I wanna introduce myself too!" The other guy sitting alone protested, stopping the two guys from bickering even more.

"I'm Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook, 22 and I was admitted here last week, so... I'm probably the only person who could relate to you the most right now" he smiled. "Don't trust him, the first time he got here, he was scared of Chungha simply because she's a girl. Jungkook is scared of girls" Yoongi smirked as he said that, making Jungkook blush as he glared at Yoongi.

"And lastly, I'm Seokjin, or Jin for short and I'm 27" (Y/N) craned her neck a little to look at the guy she's currently leaning on, "out of everyone else, I was admitted here the longest, about a year and a half ago? I was one of the first ones to be admitted in the mass admission" he smiled. But behind his smile, lies an uncomfortable sadness that only lingers for a split second before it changed back to his mask.

"What about you?" Jin asked.

(Y/N) shifts her gaze to her palm as she speaks, "I'm (Y/N), I'm 20 years old, and I... I don't know what else to say" she blushed.

Chungha squealed in her seat, "oh my gosh, she's adorable! She's like a little bunny!" That made (Y/N) blush even more to the point it was really visible.

"Anyways, since you're new, perhaps we should explain to you what's going on here..." Jongin started.

"You know about the researcher's thesis about us, the anomalies, right?" He asked, (Y/N) nodded as a simple answer, "so... essentially, what they're trying to do here is split the the said characteristic into a real being through surgery, they basically took something out, I don't know what exactly though..." (Y/N)'s eyes widens in horror. But before she could say anything, Jin had grabbed her hands in his, "no, it's okay! It's not as bad as it sounds! I survived the surgery!" He said.

Without saying anything else, he tugged (Y/N) up onto her feet and guided her to a room on the first floor.

The room was near the glass door leading to the garden at the back. And it's the only room on the first floor other than a bathroom, dining room, and the kitchen.

"Okay," Jin stopped once he got to the door and looked at (Y/N), "what you're about to see is really unnatural but real... I hope you won't get freaked out by it" he bit his lip in anxiety, he was giving both him and the girl time to prepare for her reaction.

Jin then proceed to slowly open the door to reveal what's inside.

"Holy shit..."

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spideyxchelle · 7 years

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So not sure if ur actually doing headcanons but I want one where MJ is Midtowns BAMF. Like she gets arrested in protests and punches Nazis in the face and she ain't got time to do makeup and dress pretty because she's raising money to get young black girls through school. Like, she's the real life superhero and Peter is the romantic interest, but also she's incredible smart and help Pete with issues in his suit not even Tony Stark figures out. Just badass MJ

MJ is bamf, okay?? like, we only get maybe (and I’m being generous here) 10 minutes of her in the whole movie but I know and you know and we all know that she is the most boss-ass bitch at Midtown. LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT IT-

so MJ in middle school was crazy popular

she was the girl™ and pretty much everybody (girls, boys) had their first crushes on her. she was pretty, smart and admittedly a bit of a conformist….so everything that was cool was what MJ did and no one was better at being popular than MJ…

then, in 2013 George Zimmerman is acquitted for the murder Trayvon Martin and MJ isn’t interested conforming anymore. BECAUSE BLACK LIVES MATTER and she’s a black woman and the system she’s been conforming to, the system that makes her “popular”, isn’t a system that supports her and her culture and just like that MJ is Queen’s resident intersectional feminist

she stops wearing makeup (not because makeup inherently is anti-feminist but because she only wore it to fit in and that’s some bullshit) and wears clothes that her grandmother wore to Civil Rights marches in the 1960s and she feels, for the first time, like herself

and she stops being social because not because she’s an asshole and doesn’t like people but because she has SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON, OKAY?! she spent years not fighting for her rights and the rights of all women and the right of LGBTQ+ people and sexual assault survivors/victims and every minority group ever. and she needs to know. she needs to learn. and she needs to do it now.

their entire freshman year of high school people still flock to MJ because she’s MJ and she’s amazing. and even though, basically overnight, she’s dedicated her life to something beyond being popular in high school she’s still MJ. and, frankly, the fact that she’s a protest babe is fascinating to stupid fourteen year olds

MJ thinks its stupid. she doesn’t go to protests to be cute, okay??? its serious business because this country is some bullshit and systematic oppression isn’t going to be fought against in Washington so she’ll fight for it in the streets.

she marches in every march she can manage, from marches for science to planned parenthood to pride month to BLM to marches for immigration. EVERYTHING.

the first time she gets arrested its in the midst of Trump mania during the 2016 election season. a group of racists form downtown with their racist signs and their RACIST chants. and she joins the small coalition of people that protest their little racist hoedown. a guy with a stupid red hat calls her the n word and crudely tells her where she can put her “liberal mouth”

….

she absolutely decks him in the face AND EVERYTHING TURNS INTO A FULL ON BRAWL. and she gets arrested and is kept overnight. her brother bails her out first thing in the morning and when she asks what took him so long, he tells her that he’s been dealing with reporters outside their house all night because SOMEONE went viral.

that someone is MJ.

and she’s hella pleased.

when she gets to school that day everybody is looking at her like she is the most fabulous person to ever exist and while she doesn’t agree, she thinks Maxine Waters holds that title, it feels nice to be appreciated for something besides how “pretty” she is. for the first time she feels like her classmates see her beyond the #fade of protesting. they see how serious she is about changing the world, about making a difference.

and so sophomore year she starts going to parties. she, like, doesn’t interact with people much (again, she has a lot of reading to do) but she’s there. because midtown kids aren’t the shitty majority, they’re diverse and woke and kind of cool. eh. not as cool as her, tho.

MJ gets arrested a few more times (all for the greater good) and the myth of Michelle Jones only seems to grow at Midtown. like everybody has their version of crazy things MJ did. some of which are true, some of which aren’t. she low-key enjoys during lunch listening to people at surrounding tables talk about her like she’s a superhero.

“I heard MJ met Hillary Clinton and told her she’s too moderate” “well I heard she was at the Women’s March in DC and came up with the chant we reject the president elect” “well I heard she started working with the New York Philharmonic to bring their musicians into homeless shelters and prisons to give underprivileged people access to music” “well I heard she’s punched like fifteen Nazis”

and some of the rumors are true, some aren’t. but she never clarifies which are which. she sort of enjoys being more legend than teenager.

BUT THEN stuff at Midtown goes really weird. like her teammates almost die at decathlon in DC and Liz’s Dad gets arrested and she’s made team captain. and Peter Parker is definitely hiding something.

not that she cares because she’s got money to raise for young black girls’ education and charities to volunteer for that house homeless LGTBQ+ youth that were kicked out by their homophobic families

basically, she’s got better things to worry about then the fact that Peter Parker is definitely up to something

she finds out he’s a superhero completely by accident

she’s at a rally against Trump (which, honestly, feels like all she does lately because this orange cheeto is always doing something abysmal) and some a-hole tries to set off a bomb to attack the protesters. before he can hurt anybody, tho, SPIDER-MAN shows up and saves the day.

and Parker is such a moron he doesn’t even try and change his voice when he’s on the job. like, Parker…get better at your job, man. she KNOWS what his voice sounds like and Spider-man is definitely Peter.

the next day at school she sits by him and lunch and everyone in the cafeteria gets SILENT. because OMG WHY IS MICHELLE JONES sitting with Peter Parker? like, she’s a goddess and he’s kind of a loser. what’s happening????

she jots down a note and slides it to him. its simple. gets straight to the point- “I know you’re Spider-man” and Peter’s eyes to HILARIOUSLY big. like, he can’t even believe that she figured it out. but, uh, she’s way smarter than him so of course she did.

and, its weird, but they slowly become friends after she knows his secret. they do their homework together and Peter starts to go to marches with her. she doesn’t invite him, he just kind of shows up hoping to see her. and she SUPPOSES if she’s going to have a love interest (because, um, he may have super powers but she’s the one that’s going to change the world one day so he’s definitely her love interest) Peter isn’t a terrible one to have

he even gets her an audience with Tony Stark who she basically commands to throw some money at charities that need support right now in this weird dystopian Trump era of human existence

and after that meeting MJ gives Peter a hug. he seems sort of shell shocked and star struck but that’s not her problem

AND when Thanos appears and makes this whole weird world even worse Peter is called to action to help the Avengers punch their way to a diplomatic solution. but before he can ship out with the rest of the squad the tech in his suit goes haywire and MJ has to fix it because Tony Stark doesn’t know what happened and Peter sure as hell doesn’t. she spends the better part of the night getting him battle ready. and when the time comes for him to go and fight she doesn’t give him a kiss for good luck or hugs him and tells him to be safe. she simply tells him that she needs the world to be in one piece if she’s going to save it. and that he needs to go make sure she’s got a world to save.

so he does. he and his team defeat Thanos and two days after the end of the war, she’s back on the streets protesting against corruption. because the world didn’t stop spinning just because an alien invaded. no sir.

the first day of their senior year, Peter slides MJ a note and instead of revealing any kind of secret identities like the first time, its a question.

she looks up at him genuinely surprised. “you wanna go out with me?” she asks, “why?”

he gets flustered and manages to tell her what she already knew, “you’re like a freakin’ superhero. who wouldn’t want to go out with you?”

he gets a kiss for that comment. their first kiss. “yea, i’ll go out with you.”

“tonight?” he replies, almost too eager to sit still.

she rolls her eyes and turns back to her book about dysphoria in the trans community, “I’m going to a BLM march.” “i’ll go with you.”

and that’s their first date. their second is private dinner with the Obamas to thank the Avengers for saving the world. and when the former President asks who Michelle is Peter introduces her as “the girl who is going to save this country” and Obama smiles wide at her, shakes her hand and says sincerely, “well, its very nice to meet you”

#anon #asks #headcanon #headcanon ask #michelle jones #she is a badass #and i love everything about her #spideychelle

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