Remus: We don’t play dick measuring with depression here, we play dick measuring with dildos.
Remus: How does one get through the day without murdering?
Janus: It’s called self-control you wet doorknob.
Roman: *finds Virgil hanging upside down from a web attached to the ceiling*
Roman: I wish I said no when I was offered a sibling.
Virgil: Good luck getting rid of me, bitch, I’m your idiot sibling forever!
Remy, barging in of Virgil crying: Hey, bitch!
Remy: Who else is my favorite best friend!? I brought you some boba. I know you like the orbeez mouth feel thing. And a whole chocolate cake and two forks because you’re about to tell me why my bestie is so stressed and/or sad.
Remy: Heya, babes.
Logan: Do you have business here?
Remy: What? Afraid I’ll blow up the kitchen again?
Logan: Actually, yes.
Remy: I won’t blow anything up, Mom.
Logan: Alright, but you must be accompanied in the kitchen.
Remy: Fine, fine!
Roman: Mentally eel.
Roman: Mental eelness.
Roman: You see? This is what the world needs: more sex, less war.
Janus: Now, if that would be your campaign slogan you would’ve won.
Patton: *throws a blanket at Remus*
Remus: Ooh comfy.
Remus: *shapeshifts into his octopus form and snuggles up in the blankets*
Janus: I just want someone to take me out.
Roman: Like on a date or with a blade?
Janus: Surprise me.
Remus: What’s the gay agenda?
Logan: There is NO SUCH THING AS TH-
Remus: No please my life needs structure what is our agenda.
Janus: I need you to look straight into my eyes.
Remus: You know I can’t look at those eyes and be straight.
Janus: Be careful with the onions. They can make you cry.
Remus: NOT IF I MAKE THEM CRY FIRST!
Remus: *stabs the onion*
Roman: *talking about a creepy guy at his club*
Remus: I hope you know I would kill any men that touch you.
Patton: I’d love to see you.
Virgil: See me doing what?
Patton: I just love seeing you no matter what you’re doing. Seeing you makes me happy because, if you’re up and doing things, that means you’re not having a bad day or you’d be in your room alone all day. It makes me happy to know that you’re not having a bad day.
Remus: This isn’t the first time twelve year olds have fought over me.
Roman: Yeah, you’ve gotta stop saying you’ll give money to whoever wins a fight.
Janus, in full stage makeup and outfit: *getting food from the kitchen before work*
Logan: Oh wow.
Janus: Listen. If you say you didn’t see me in full stage-wear, I’ll say I didn’t see the Crofters in your hands.
Logan: Deal but still, wow, you look good.
Janus: Why thank you.
Patton: I’m not shocked it turned out this way.
Remus: *covered in tape, wrapping paper, glitter, bows, and ornaments*
Remus: *throws himself on Janus*
Remus: I MISSED YOU ALL DAY!
Janus: I was literally outside, you could’ve just come outside and seen me.
Remus: Oh yeah.
Remus: I STILL MISSED YOU!
Remus: Did you know your heart can skip if you sneeze or hiccup hard enough?
Remus: I may not be smart but I know a lot of shit.
Thomas: *picks up baby Janus during an argument over what to do with a baby*
Thomas: Don’t worry, Tiny Snake, I’ll take care of you.
Baby Janus: *happy squealing as he grabs at his nose and tugs on his hair*