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shepraises · 1 year

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February sits like a stone on my chest It sits, and sits, and doesn't move until the weight of it threatens to collapse my lungs and crack my ribs. Forget April, February is the cruelest month. It brings memories that feel like scars.

a.k.

#poetry #akpoetry #my poetry #words #my words #writing #my writing #february #scars #pain #memories #weight #personal

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skyhighdreamss · 9 years

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Runaway Love

Picture us riding off into the sunset with the top down and the warm wind whispering sweet nothings in our ears. What's left of the sun is peeking over the horizon, gently kissing our faces. The waves of the music are washing our souls with the bliss of hopeless romantic love and happiness. There's no one else on this road, just you, myself and God. No worries were brought with us but our pockets are full of dreams and our bags are stuffed with every wonder of the world. Our hearts are full of never ending love for life and each other and there's nothing that can come between this feeling. Let's run away and not tell a soul, let them all worry until Monday morning. You can hold my hand while you drive and I can periodically look over at you and smile because of your being, amazed at how my world seems to live in this one person. We don't even need a destination, let's just ride until the wheels fall off. And when that happens we'll just be stranded on the side of the road, sitting on the hood of the car, staring up at the stars, lost in deep conversation, unbothered, til the sun comes up.

#aswrittenbyNiyah #AKPoetry #Poetry #poems #love

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shepraises · 3 years

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Why do I love the ocean?, you ask. It greets me like an old friend. I receive the homecoming I've always wanted. But for now, I will find contentment in my land-locked state, where waves are fields of barren land and the shoreline is the distance from here to the streetlight five feet away that's flickering in melancholy. One day, I will solve this insatiable restlessness of mine. I will go to the sea. I will go home.

a.k. | pieces of a journal entry that doesn’t make sense. also can be called manic episode 1.

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shepraises · 3 years

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I have this weight on my chest; this need to cry, to let go of all that's trapped within my ribcage. But I can't seem to cry. Where do unshed tears go? Do they stay loaded, ready to spill from tired eyelids? Do they slide down parched throats? Make their home in empty chest cavities? Where do my unshed tears go? Why can't they come? I've been calling them out for quite some time. But my eyes are drier than they've ever been. Maybe I am not worthy of sorrow.

a.k. | i have no reason to be sad, i have no reason to be sad, i have no reason to be sad.

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shepraises · 3 years

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it’s funny. i always say how scared of driving i am because of the risk. i could get into a car crash, die, hurt someone i love. but i fell headfirst in love with you and didn’t think twice. part of me died and still, i say i am afraid to drive but not afraid to love. tell me how falling in love is safer.

a.k. | still writing crappy tumblr poetry even though i know i am capable of more.

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shepraises · 3 years

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it used to be soccer balls and picnics that would send me spiraling, stuck in memory stuck in flashbacks and what-ifs and panic attacks but now it's hotel rooms and BMWs and college gyms that smell like bleach and rubber and chlorine but all i can smell is your cologne and all i can see are the brown of your eyes and your stupid Air Force 1's. so i watch as you laugh and smile with her and i keep the lump in my throat down and down until i can't breathe maybe one day i won't have to live stuck in memory.

a.k. | guess what, your girl got her heart broken pt. i.

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shepraises · 4 years

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the world is ending and all i can think about is why i keep chasing love when it has given up on me long ago the world is ending and all i can think about is whether or not i'll fall in love and whether or not he will be a gentle man with a soft smile and kind eyes the world is ending and all i can think about is whether or not this emptiness will ever be filled with love from someone again

a.k. | crappy poetry written in sweatpants

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shepraises · 4 years

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i remember my therapist telling me to unclench my fists, allow my fingers to feel the air between each other. if only she could see me now - my hands tight at my sides, my knuckles white. i'd tell her, 'if my lungs can't catch a break, why should i unfurl my fingers from their prison?' my body is nothing but an avenue through which anxiety can make a home

a.k. | it hurts so bad i can’t write sometimes

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shepraises · 4 years

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you know when you get your blood pressure taken, and there's a moment where your arm is squeezed so hard it feels like it might explode? my chest feels like that right now. it is so tight and it hurts so bad it might explode. i wonder if this is anxiety or the weight of the world. i wonder if this is how it always feels - to wear burdens like chain metal. i wonder if i will ever know what lightness feels like again or if heaviness will be the eternity i live in.

a.k. | quarantine poem #1

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shepraises · 4 years

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i've been drowning for so long i forgot the taste of air.

a.k. | untitled

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shepraises · 5 years

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I am learning

To trust His heart

With each step

I take

Because I know

That it is a good

And pure heart

And that He

Is a good

And loving Father

- a.k. | heart

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shepraises · 5 years

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To the boy who loves me:

I love Jesus.

I love people.

I like ramen.

I don’t get enough sleep.

I laugh at my own jokes.

Sometimes I get sad and don’t know why.

Sometimes I will need your shoulder to rest my head on because the weight of my thoughts will wear me down.

Sometimes I won’t tell you what’s wrong because there are no words with which to describe it.

I love flowers.

I love the sound of rain.

Poetry makes me giddy.

Injustice angers me.

I can’t wear makeup to save my life.

I love children. So much.

You will have to remind me to put sunscreen on.

I love a lot of things. You will be one of them.

I will get frustrated. Be patient with me.

I will be insecure. Remind me of my strengths and call me out when I am in the wrong.

Buy me coffee. Only decaf because caffeine makes me anxious.

I love books.

I love when someone knows me intimately.

And lastly, love who I am becoming. I am not there yet, but I will be someday.

- a.k.

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shepraises · 5 years

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Can I hold your hand?

Just for a moment?

Just to know

that your hand fits

into mine.

That I didn’t imagine

the warmth

of another human being.

That I didn’t flinch

when your skin

met mine.

Will you hold my hand?

Will you pretend,

just for a moment

that the warmth

is still there?

Will you not flinch

when my skin

meets yours?

- a.k.

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shepraises · 5 years

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It’s funny. I went through a phase where I was convinced I wouldn’t marry, I wouldn’t have children. I didn’t want any of it. And I was content with it. I was content with being alone. But then you came along, and my first thought was what color dresses my bridesmaids will wear, and how many peonies I want in my bouquet, and what color tie you will wear. Now that you’re mine, in every dream I find myself saying ‘I do’ in the middle of a forest, my hands locked in yours, our lips meeting as the priest pronounces us Husband and Wife. And you know what? I am in love. I am not alone. And I can picture us married, with two kids. I can imagine us going on vacations. I can imagine waking up to your face every morning, and I smile every time. Because I am in love.

a.k. | what a fickle thing it is, to be in love.

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shepraises · 5 years

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sometimes love doesn’t turn out the way you want sometimes there are tears sometimes there is laughter sometimes you have to let go to gain what you've always needed it wasn’t time it wasn’t right but it was good and i will learn to bandage my heart to tie up loose ends to be slow to speak slow to act i will remember that i am a prize to be won not an object to be glorified sometimes love doesn’t work the way you want but it always teaches you something and i’ve learned more than i ever thought i would

a.k. | lessons learned as a twenty something

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shepraises · 5 years

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He kissed me

on the cheek,

called me beautiful,

what am I supposed

to do with that?

a.k. | what happens when love is requited? do i undo the barriers around my heart?

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