I feel like there would be such anxiety in the high society in and around Gotham when it comes to Bruce Wayne, his children and them attending galas.
I feel like he would basically never RSVP, but just show up with however many children he feels like. (Or accept everything and decide later).
What’s it’s gonna be? Bruce Wayne alone, flirty and drunk? Bruce Wayne, exhausted, because he has his whole gaggle of kids with him? Bruce Wayne and just some of his kids - if so, which one? The one that constantly climbs on something (tho he is popular with the young attendees and milfs), the 17yo CEO, the silent one (looks kinda scary but harmless), the sassy blonde one that isn’t even his fucking kid, the mystery blood child (very scary but if you have an animal charity he will donate lots of money), the newest no nonsense one or even the one that looks like the one who died and claims to have no relation to the Waynes but only ever hangs out with them.
Or will be bring a random date? Or his butler?
It’s a mystery, but you can bet: if even one Wayne shows up, it will be an interesting evening
“No, Bruce hasn’t been causing me any trouble, um- it’s actually the opposite problem. You… you know post-nut clarity? I think I’m getting post-lazarus clarity. You know?”
“Yeah… Talia, you kinda failed to mention all the shit that had changed in Gotham while I was gone. Like sure I have a replacement now whoop dee doo! But like- I also apparently have a charity named after me? All proceeds go to refurbishing crime alley- and apparently it’s been so successful that most kids I knew back then are now working in Wayne Industries. So- And you know that’s not the only thing? I have a park now. Like a genuine park named after me. With a statue of me in the center of a god damn water fountain. My favorite gargoyle was moved to the entrance of the park. Fucking hell Talia- I HAVE A MENU ITEM AT BATBURGER. NOT ROBIN. NOT RED HOOD. LIKE GENUINELY JASON PETER TODD HAS A FUCKING MENU ITEM THERE! IT WAS BASED ON HOW I WOULD EAT IT ON PATROL- I DON’T KNOW HOW TO COMPUTE THIS INFORMATION TALIA!”
Ok but all the batkids hate going to Bruce’s events and galas until he tells them to make it a competition to see how much money they can get rich people to donate to various charitable causes.
Dick surrounded by women cooing over how handsome he is: yes but did you know that 1 in 5 children in Gotham will face food insecurity? I’ve been working with the Gotham Food Bank and I really wish more people were supporting their efforts…
Jason cornering the richest asshole he can find and blocking his exit: leaving so soon?? While Gotham public schools have some of the most underfunded libraries in the country? maybe you want to rethink that.
Tim being grilled by tech billionaires for being an acting CEO at like 16: well I for one believe in investing in the future. That’s why I’m heading this new initiative to provide programming classes and paid internships for teens in underserved areas. It would be wonderful to have your financial support… not to mention it would look great for all your companies.
Damian allowing his cheeks to be pinched by strangers: the Gotham animal shelter needs incubators for abandoned kittens. Do you know how much kitten incubators cost to maintain? Do you want the blood of those kittens on your hands?
Bruce: YOU KIDNAPPED MY SON AND PUT HIM IN THE LAZARUS PIT-
Talia:
Ngl I do get a kick out of seeing this argument go down in this particular AU.
I also love how completely unapologetic Talia is every single fucking time. Shit's hysterical. I love it so much. She really just exudes "God forbid a woman do anything" energy and I love her for it.