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wreckedandpolemic · 15 days

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pls post the stuff abt their kids omg

lalalala i didn’t tear up at Any point during the writing of this (she lied)

so your eldest, alanis, is matty’s little mini-me. from the minute she’s born, you can tell; she has a full head of dark, thick hair that you know will sprout into his pretty ringlets, his brown eyes blink up at you from her sweet little face, and you can even see his nose scrunched up in her tiny little features. you’ve never felt more in love than with her tiny little body against your chest, tears in matty’s eyes as he holds you both. “oh, my god,” he breathes. “i’m a dad. hello, little one. i love you so much. god, i didn’t know i could love someone this much. she’s so tiny!” he coos, staring down at her adoringly.

“she looks like you,” you murmur, stroking over the bridge of her nose, her little face smaller than your palm.

tears are spilling down matty’s cheeks, his smile brilliant. “you think so?” he chuckles wetly. “god, hope that’s the only thing she gets from me. listen to me, baba,” he says seriously, addressing her like she can understand him, her eyes wide with fascination. “don’t be like me. be like your mum, yeah? ‘cause she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” your heart melts, and despite the lingering pain and slight delirium, you’ve never been happier.

as alanis gets a little older, though, it’s obvious she’s ignoring his warning, matty’s personality as obvious in her as his hair. she’s a little diva (“confident!” matty chimes in.), bossy and a know-it-all (“self-assured and clever! aren’t you, little lani-girl? my clever girl, don’t listen to mummy.”), but underneath she really is the sweetest little thing. matty’s absolutely enamoured with her, spoils her rotten, unable to say no to her big brown eyes. you can’t complain too much, though — you know from experience how difficult those eyes are to refuse <3

she’s nearly three when you tell her you’re pregnant again, slightly worried about her reaction because she’s so used to being your spoilt little baby. but her little face just lights up, toddling towards you on her chubby, unsteady legs and pressing her hands against your belly. “hi, baby!” she says excitedly. “baby soon, mummy?”

you laugh, picking her up and smothering her in kisses as matty tells her, “babies, sweetheart.”

alanis gasps, her eyes going comically wide as she goggles at you. “how many, mummy? four? seven?”

you shake your head, your own eyes widening. “no, baby. just two, promise.”

and, true enough, six months later, you bring vera and fiona home. alanis is obsessed with them, obsessed with being a big sister. she’s gentler with them than you’ve ever seen her, fascinated as they learn to grip onto her fingers. one night, you go to put her to bed and find her in the twins’ room, singing nursery rhymes and lullabies over their cribs. you sprint for matty, tugging him by the arm to show him, tears brimming in both your and his eyes.

“she’s so precious,” matty whispers, your head resting against his shoulder as he wraps an arm around you.

“she’s just like you. aren’t you, baby?” you add when she looks up and sees you both watching her. “you’re dada’s little mini-me, right?”

alanis nods wildly, running as fast as her little legs will carry her into matty’s arms, giggling wildly as he spins her around. “my little girl,” he grins. “not so little anymore, are you? before i know it, you’ll be sixteen and kissing boys. or girls.”

she wrinkles her little nose, the expression so reminiscent of your husband that you can’t stifle your laugh. “kissing for mummy and dada. not for lani. yucky.” she says firmly.

matty nods proudly. “that’s right, sweetheart. yucky. no kissing ‘til you’re twenty-five. no, thirty.”

you scoff. “we were married before i was twenty-five, matthew.”

“god, i don’t know how your dad didn’t fu- flipping kill me. i get it, now,” he says, balancing alanis on his hip. “i need her to stay my little girl forever. okay, lani? gotta be dada’s sweet little baby girl forever,” he tells her seriously as she reaches up to tug on his curls. “you want a bedtime story?” he asks, and she agrees enthusiastically, matty singing to her under his breath as he carries her to her room. you watch them go, in their own little world, your chest swelling with love.

watching their little personalities develop as they grow up is the absolute highlight of your life. alanis gets more like matty every passing day, all unruly curls and biting wit. even when she grows into a moody teenager, the two of them stay heartwarmingly close, matching curly heads bent together, always whispering and giggling. vera starts out life as the easiest of your three girls, calm and easily entertained, rarely crying, and largely stays that way. in your house of dramatists and divas, you sometimes worry that she’s so laid-back that she’ll just disappear. but she has a built-in best friend in boisterous little fiona, always dragging her out from under a pile of books on some adventure or another.

matty’s never so happy as when he’s with his girls. he’ll never think twice about calling off or leaving work early if you need or even just want him to, always at your side. knowing your girls won’t grow up how you did, emotionally walled off in a house that wasn’t a home, warms your heart. your home is soundtracked by laughter, squabbling, the crackle of a vinyl player or the chimes of a piano.

you don’t realise how different their childhoods are to yours until alanis comes home, aged thirteen, and bemoans some embarrassing situation involving the girl she likes, dramatically throwing her head into your lap and her feet into matty’s. you didn’t come out to your parents until you were in college, and you’d never have gone to them with boy problems. so you cuddle your girl close, kiss her curly little head, offer her ice cream and a movie to feel better.

vera pokes her head around the door just as elle is starting to study for the lsats, tucking herself in between you and alanis and letting you squeeze her into your arms. when fiona joins you fifteen minutes later, matty declares you’re having a movie night and bedtime is cancelled, darting off to bring you all popcorn.

three hours later, your girls have fallen asleep in a pile on the sofa between you and your husband, and the pair of you are fighting off the sandman yourselves. you tuck them carefully into bed, their peaceful faces twitching into tiny smiles when you kiss their foreheads gently and creep into your own bed. eyes closing with matty’s arms around you, your last waking thoughts are of the perfect family you’ve built. this, you think, is home. this is love.

#i’m lowkey so nervous to post this #i have actually never wanted to write kidfic before this #i’m so obsessed with them :(#matty pls let me have your kids #matty healy x reader #matty healy #the 1975 fanfic #the 1975 #writing #white and gold #alanis #vera #fiona #blurb

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macomico · 1 year

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picked up valheim again <3

#though i had to start from scratch cause my game was totally fked up. o(-<#alanis #art fart #valheim #baby boy belongs to @kissingagrumpygiant <3

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emiko-matsui · 1 year

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sometimes you travel back in time to get revenge after your entire family was slaughtered to help aid the war that ravaged your home, but you lose all your memory and end up chilling in a swamp eating tuna sandwiches and kiss your stepson's best friend

#balnor #balnor the brave #not another dnd podcast #naddpod #bahumia #brian murphy #moonshine cybin #beverly toegold v #alanis

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quicklings · 3 months

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okay well, i can’t stop thinking about Them now - thiala and alanis and ulfgar.

fractured and embittered and enemies at the end but pov you're a god with two divine hearts and yet you're so afraid of your two former companions beating you you have to trap them and keep them closest to your heart... alongside the boy you used to kill your god... alanis and ulfgar have passed on the torch, are just too scarred by a demonic disease and wish stones, and yet they're the ones thiala went for, the ones she still had by the end. they started out together. and thiala ended with them. and then they outgrew her.

#han how dare you do this to me actually #not another dnd podcast #naddpod #thiala #alanis #ulfgar #emspeak #(also yes ik the gem trapping is for gameplaying purposes but it's ALSO a heartbreaking narrative in this essay i will—)

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fruitcage · 1 year

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#alanis #alanis morissette #1996 #90s #jammin'#90s gifs #90s music #jagged little pill #gif #my gifs #i should remake the other ones to fix the frame rate :\#inconsequential things that bug me

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smallest-clown · 1 year

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Brian Murphy loves to make the most beautiful fae women, make them super smart and complex and incredible, and then only have them in 2 to 3 episodes.

#justice for Alanis and Leonora #this is very /j #naddpod #not another dnd podcast #eldermourne #naddpod eldermourne #naddpod campaign 2 #not another dnd podcast eldermourne #naddpod Alanis #Alanis naddpod #Alanis #naddpod Leonora #Leonora the spring fairy #Leonora #naddpod bahumia #naddpod campaign 1

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whiskeytangerine · 15 days

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we all know that alanis naddpod is an aabria iyengar wizard

#naddpod #aabria iyengar #dnd #alanis #pothead wizard with the burden of knowing? aabria would get it like no other #if theres ever a calamity style adventure on naddpod murph you know who to call

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transguyhawkeye · 10 months

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[ID: young Ulfgar, Alanis, and Thiala from NADDPOD drawn as the lads from the video "British lads hit each other with chair". Ulfgar is a muscular Dwarf with medium brown skin, dark hair/beard, and gold piercings. Alanis is a lighter skinned High Elf with black hair, goggles, and purple clothing. Thiala is a muscular, light skinned Human woman with curly blonde hair. First, Alanis bends down to kiss Ulfgar on the mouth while holding a wooden folding chair. Then, Ulfgar bends down and braces himself for impact while Alanis rears back to hit him with the chair. Finally, Thiala holds Ulfgar up as he is in shock from the blow. end ID]

legendary heroes hit each other with chair

#earlier today i had the thought 'ulfgar and alanis are t4t' and somehow that led directly to this with nothing in between #my art #naddpod #alanis #ulfgar #thiala #image description #art description

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godsspecialprincess · 1 year

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the chokehold that the harmonica had on Alanis Morisette in Jagged Little Pill

#alanis morissette #alanis #Morisette #jagged little pill #jlp #harmonica #music #liz phair #Lilith fair #Fiona Apple

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ginger-canary · 7 months

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New Rules (And Why They Exist)

Chapters: 1/1

2459 words

Fandom: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lucanus Aer'Tea & Jolene Cybin | Mee-Maw, Alanis & Lucanus Aer'Tea, Alanis & Jolene Cybin | Mee-Maw, Alanis/Jolene Cybin

Characters: Alanis (Not Another D&D Podcast), Lucanus Aer'Tea, Jolene Cybin | Mee-Maw

Additional Tags: Listen read into it how you will, Based on one interaction, Character Study, for Alanis maybe

Summary: Vibe check Alanis in College I read too deep into the interaction between Lucanus and Alanis when he went "Well I was blasted into space " and now the history expanded. Read into the relationships however you want because I sure don't know.

For @lovevalley45 happy birthday here’s the Alanis Jolene fic where Lucanus continuously loses his mind.

Follow the link up top to AO3 or check it out under the cut

Alanis was not really made for university life. Or- in some ways- she really really was. She enjoyed long nights in the large library and experimenting in the laboratory, going out on the town at night and making friends. But the strange competitive energy between different schools of magic and the envy between classmates who did better than the rest was absolutely not for her.

In full truth she just wanted to do magic, eat pizza, go on adventures, and get high. But the rich high elves were so fucking annoying.

So she’d played a few pranks, confusing her stuck up roommate into using a sharpie as eyeliner by saying that it was the newest invention in makeup for royalty. She kept transmuting the arcane chalkboard wipers into water filled sponges when bullies slapped them together, water going all over them and the runes on the board. Most frequently she confused everyone by casting Message in the voice of the king of the elves and telling them things like “I accidentally transformed myself into a rock, please help me”.

Headmaster Lucanus was not particularly affectionate towards her to say the least. He seemed to have good intentions but his sense of humour needed work and his punishments did too. If she had to spend another month working on the university gardens she was going to study druidism. Though that wasn’t the only reason druidism tempted her nowadays.

Alanis looked down at the angry Venus Trap she was tasked with wielding into obedience (or as Lucanus put it, “make it stop snapping at those just taking a walk”) and zapped it with a ray of frost. The plant momentarily crystallised in a pale blue. She wiped the sweat off her brow and moved out of reach, taking a sip from her lime flavoured soda. While she continued to complain whenever Lucanus made her work in the gardens because of her pranks, the dozens of interesting and rare plants did give her a sense of calm.

Then she spotted Lucanus and a red-haired freckled crick elf walking between the Grasping Vines and the Catnap- a catnip that caused every cat to curl up and fall asleep near the plant. As the crick elf held the Grasping Vines back from a flustered Lucanus, a large possum crawled out of the crick elf’s satchel and started chewing on the Catnap. Then it started hacking and coughing up the catnap before curling up underneath the plant, next to two cats.

Alanis snorted. She watched as Lucanus bent down to pick up the possum and put it back in the satchel only to be hit on the ass with a stray vine. Instead of picking up the possum he fell straight into the Catnap, tripping over the edge of his robes as he tried to get back up. Alanis and the crick elf burst out laughing in tandem.

They made eye contact from across the garden and Alanis lifted her soda in greeting. “Sup,” she yelled. “I’m Alanis.”

The woman grinned and shouted back, “I’m Jolene. What’re ya up to, youngin’?”

Behind Jolene, Lucanus managed to dust himself off and pick up the sleeping possum. He shot a disgruntled look at the Grasping Vines before turning to Alanis. “I would like to remind you this is your punishment for casting grease on the gym floor when the royal elves were forced to do the shuttle run test.”

“I’d like to remind you it was funny as hell.” She would never forget the yells of the royals as they slid right into the wall after making fun of the other elves.

Lucanus and Jolene walked towards her now that she’d decided to go in on their conversation- or rather their yells. “You cast Grease on the rich high elves?” Jolene asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Yeah.”

The Venus Trap chose that moment to return to its unfrozen form and snapped at Lucanus’s ankles. Alanis absent-mindedly slapped the plant with a Chill Touch. “I told you you can’t eat the humanoids,” she hissed. The plant hung its trap in shame.

“Here, let me see.” Jolene crouched down and cast Speak With Plants, spending a few seconds chatting in a strange language that sounded like leaves on the wind. “So I hear y’all used to feed it jerky but lately it’s been getting cat food?” Jolene and Alanis turned to Lucanus who blushed.

“We were out of jerky! The next shipment is late.” When the two women continued to stare at him he added, “last I heard it was taken by some gnomes.”

“You know it could just eat meat, right?” Alanis went through her bag, pulling out her sandwich and took the bacon out. She tossed it to the Venus trap as you would to a dog and it seemed much happier.

Jolene suppressed a grin. “Ye are a wizard, right Lucanus?”

“Yes?!”

She smiled and playfully punched him in the arm. “So why couldn’t you put together that the meat eating plant wanted better meat?”

Lucanus stood for a moment clearly firing on all cylinders to find an acceptable excuse. “I… have a lot going on. I’m not actually in charge of the garden, okay?!”

Alanis felt a tug at her lunchbox only to watch the now-awake possum attempt to steal the rest of her sandwich. “Hey!” She tugged it free from the possum paws.

The possum looked at Alanis then held up it’s front paws and said “reer.”

“Alright I think we’ve solved this problem, you, come here.” Jolene scooped her possum back into her bag where it instantly fell asleep. She straightened and held out her arm for Lucanus. “Nice meeting you, Alanis.”

“Ah, um. Yes, let us continue our walk.” Over his shoulder he yelled, “see if you can grab some more bacon from the cafeteria. For now you can feed it bacon.”

Alanis shrugged and looked down at her now sad sandwich. “I wasn’t even in charge of feeding these plants to begin with, this was my detention,” she muttered.

The Venus Trap made a swipe for the rest of her sandwich.

“Fine, fine! I’ll go rob the cafeteria.”

~~~

Another day, another good natured prank. She could actually defend this one- it was good for the environment! She was putting the frogs back into the large pond that existed near the divination tower. The pond was filled with lily pads and koi fish, weirdly shaped fountains and no frogs. It was simply not right. She’d even done the research to make sure the frogs could live with the koi- there had been no reason for the royals to get rid of them. Other than a weird hatred towards frogs.

“Don’t let Lucanus see you do that.”

Alanis almost dropped the entire bucket of frogs on her toes when she was spoken to by one very large koi. She looked around then leaned in closer. “Are you a prisoner of the king? Did they turn you into a fish?”

She was met with a face full of water. When she’d wiped her face with her cloak, in the fish’s place was Jolene.

Sitting in the middle of the pond, a lily pad with a frog on her head, she grinned. “Sup. I was just chilling with your fish.” She stepped out of the pond, dripping water everywhere. “Why are you fillin’ the pond with frogs?”

“Well, uh. There always used to be frogs, the high elves just kicked them out for no reason. I even checked some books on whether they could live with the koi. It’s fine! So, I’m putting them back.” To demonstrate she carefully took the lily pad and the frog from Jolene’s head and put them back in the pond.

“Where did you get these frogs?”

Alanis put on a shitty high elf voice. “From our ancient moat.” She dropped it. “I cleaned them and everything. The frogs- not the moat.”

“Usually I say nothing’s wrong with a little dirt but even the fish in this pond seem stuck up. Won’t you get in trouble again when the others complain?”

Alanis shrugged. “Nothing in the rulebook that says you can’t help frogs.” She continued placing frogs on the rim of the pond, watching them leap into the water one by one.

Jolene snorted. “I doubt there’s a rule against casting grease on the gym floor but ya still got punished for it, huh?”

“Okay, true.” She held up a finger. “But there’s probably one now.” Placing the last of the frogs in the pond, Alanis grinned. “If there’s no place where a rule has been invented because of your actions, have you lived?”

She held out her arm waiting for Alanis to take it. “I’m seein’ now why Lucanus complains about you so much.”

Alanis raised her eyebrows. She tossed the remnants of the water from her bucket then placed her arm in Jolene’s. “I’m in his head rent-free.”

“I don’t think he dislikes you,” Jolene laughed. “He’s definitely frustrated that you’ve chosen to use your powers this way.”

“So what do you think?”

“Me? I think it’s funny as hell.”

Alanis grinned as they slowed to a stop in front of one of the student towers. “So you’re a crick elf, right?”

Jolene’s expression became guarded. “Yeah?”

“How do you feel about weed?” Alanis bumped her hip against Jolene’s.

“Oh! Weed’s great, we love all the drugs Melora gives us.”

“Wanna go smoke some?”

Jolene opened her mouth to respond but before she could, Lucanus appeared- his robes dishevelled while he breathed heavily.

“Alanis!” he wheezed.

“Uhuh, wassup?”

“Manners! You’re not supposed to have drugs in your dorm- this is a no drugs school.”

Jolene lowered a flask. “Huh?”

He scrambled, “uh, okay listen. You’re not a student here.”

“Wow. So it’s only a no drugs place for students? Buzzkill.” Alanis crossed her arms.

“You’re here to learn!”

“About drugs, yeah, among other things.”

Lucanus put his face in his hands and started muttering in Sylvan as if she couldn’t understand it. “She’s top of her class, you can’t suspend her. She’s the best wizard in the transmutation tower, it doesn’t matter what she does in her free time.”

“...Thank you?”

Jolene just sighed and passed Alanis her flask. “Here, huff, don't drink. It’s what I do when he goes all highfalutin on me.”

“Ooh okay.” Alanis didn’t hesitate and huffed the mystery liquid, grinning as it hit her. “Oh, that’s good.”

“You bet your ass it is, it’s crickwater.”

Lucanus groaned. “Okay both of you. Stop getting intoxicated right in front of all the other students. I came here for something else.”

Tentatively, Alanis held out the flask for him.

“Not that!” Then quietly, he added, “maybe later.”

“Well then what? You wanna smoke some pot too?”

“Boundaries!” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alanis, did you put frogs in the pond near the divination towers?”

“I mean, yeah.”

“Why?” He sighed.

“‘S good for the ecosystem.”

Lucanus closed his eyes. “The royals are complaining.”

“Okay and? When are they not complaining?”

“Just… I don’t fuckin’ know. Don’t do it again.”

Alanis shrugged. “Okay.” She turned back to Jolene with a sly smile. “So do you wanna go smoke?”

“Alanis!”

“Fine, fine.” She put her hands up, handing the flask back to Jolene. “I’ll leave you two to your… whatever this is.” She bumped her hip into Jolene’s with a grin. “See you around.”

She entered the transmutation building feeling like she’d at the very least gotten away with her frog move.

~~~

Another day, another summon to the principal’s office. They’d stopped trying to literally summon her there after she made duplicates of herself which piled atop Lucanus’ receptionist.

She sighed and kicked the nose of her scuffed boots against the wall. As far as she knew, she hadn’t even done anything to get detention this week. Too busy hanging out with Jolene.

Eventually Lucanus stuck his head around the corner. “Let’s get started.”

With a shrug, she walked in and took a seat in front of his desk. “So I just want to say whatever it is I supposedly did, I didn’t actually do it this time. Oh, hey Jolene.” She grinned at Jolene sitting on the edge of the desk.

“...What?” Lucanus shook his head. “You’re here so we can discuss your summer internship. “You had said you wanted to work in the garden?”

Alanis blinked and scratched the back of her neck. “Ah, right. Yes.”

He sighed. “This is a big responsibility, Alanis. I’m only considering it because you already have quite a bit of experience with our plants.”

Jolene rolled her eyes. “What he means is that he’s trusting me because I told him I’d love to help you out. Kinda be your guide.”

“Yes, that.”

Alanis grinned and wiggled her eyebrows. “My guide, huh?”

Jolene winked at her.

“Jolene, please… that is a 20 year old elf.”

“And? At least she flirts with me!” She slapped him on the arm.

“Should I be here for this?” Alanis slowly stood up from her chair. This seemed like their personal drama.

“You’re not done with this appointment!” he waved his hands.

She shrugged and sat back down, leaning toward Jolene. “So are you free tonight, or…”

“Yeah!”

“No!” Lucanus turned beet red. “Gods give me strength… Alanis. Do you agree to work in the garden as your summer internship with the help of Jolene and agree to do whatever she tells you to while in that garden?”

“Hell yeah man.”

“Great.” He signed a scroll then turned it towards Alanis. “Please sign this and leave my office.”

Alanis scrawled her name across the dotted line and handed the quill back to Lucanus. “A’ight dude, see ya.” She slipped out of his office with a wave to Jolene.

In the hallway, she leaned against the door. She didn’t have to- it was easy enough to hear the pair argue through the wood.

“Jolene, please. I know crick elves are poly but don’t hit on my student. She’s like 20!”

“Hey I meant what I said, at least she’s flirting with me!”

Alanis grinned and opened the door again. “So, are you free tonight or?” She put her head around the corner.

“Yes.”

“Dope. Can I see you at like eight?”

Lucanus loudly sighed and put his head down on his desk.

“Sure.” Jolene pat Lucanus on the head. “I’ll see you at eight, youngin’.”

“Cool, bye! Bye Lucanus.”

“Gods give me strength…”

Alanis walked to her room with a big grin on her face. She wasn’t going to get involved with whatever Lucanus and Jolene had going on but she was going out with Jolene. Or at the very least do some drugs with her.

#writing tag #naddpod #not another dnd podcast #lucanus aer'tea #jolene cybin #alanis #behold the most normal ship i've written in a while

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wreckedandpolemic · 14 days

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https://x.com/scaryssincerity/status/1778157870875398655?s=46&t=R33U26AUVdWl12ICAAKbRw

white and gold matty when the kids force him to get a cat because alanis really wanted one and forced vera and fiona to do puppy dog eyes at matty but then he loves the cat more than they do

oh my goddd this is so fucking cute if you haven’t watched the video do yourself a favour your life Will be better for it!!

so i bet alanis is eight or nine when her best friend gets a cat, and once she goes over there to visit she will not rest until she gets one of her own!!! at first she comes to you, and you laugh to yourself. truthfully, you’ve wanted a pet for a while — it feels like the last thing you need for your little family to be complete, and you’re not a dog person. but you don’t think matty will go for it, and as it turns out, you’re right.

“absolutely fu-absolutely not. it’ll get hair everywhere and scratch up our furniture.”

“more than the kids already do?” you tease, and matty rolls his eyes.

and that, you think, is that. but you underestimated the abilities of three healy girls with their big, healy, brown eyes and the magical persuasive power that seems to be genetic. “please, dad?” alanis whines, shoulder to shoulder with fiona and vera, all wide-eyes and looking like butter wouldn’t melt. “i promise we’ll look after it. you won’t even know it’s here, promise!” matty caves after less than a week of pleading, always weak for his girls.

after a couple of weeks of searching, you adopt the final member of your family, a little grey kitten that alanis names ghost. you warn her seriously that ghost is her responsibility, and she takes it on resolutely. bossy little diva that she is, she declares to her sisters that ghost is my cat, and swaps her chores for ‘cat time.’ the first time you catch her doing it, you want to scold her, but matty’s shoulders are shaking too hard for it to have any effect.

“she’s a little entrepreneur, aren’t you, lani?” he laughs, ruffling her hair as fiona runs in from tidying alanis’ room, scoops up the cat and pelts off again.

even though matty grumbles for weeks, all fucking cat’s got white fur on my black suit, hasn’t it and i don’t understand why you all love it so much, s’not that special. at least a dog can do tricks, it’s not long before he warms up to her.

he starts to sit with her in his home office while he works, playing it off as a distraction from his boredom. god, you’re so annoying, he’ll mutter fondly, dangling a loose piece of string and laughing as she jumps up to try and catch it. stupid name, too. fucking ‘ghost,’ what was she think— she’s nine, she wasn’t thinking. should be called something cool, like the beatles. he gasps. you like that? beetle? yeah, okay. maybe you’re not so bad, beetle.

after that, he and the cat are inseparable, matty cradling her like she’s one of his babies. alanis marches into the living room and stomps on his foot, lifting ghosts into her arms and complaining, “you stole my cat, dad! been looking everywhere for her! you said you didn’t even like her!”

you watch the scene, laughing to yourself as alanis slopes off, resting your head in matty’s lap. “maybe she is too much like me,” he mutters, shaking his head in disbelief as you chuckle.

“aw, you’ll get the cat back later,” you say, pouting teasingly up at him. “‘m better than a cat, anyway.”

“you certainly are,” he grins.

so, long story short, nothing is stronger than the bond between a grumpy, middle-aged father and the cat he swore he didn’t want. he still refuses to call her anything but beetle, though.

#god i am. spiralling #matty with babies and cats Oh i am not okay #matty healy #matty healy x reader #writing #white and gold #alanis #fiona #vera #blurb

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monkeymeghan · 1 month

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Me, on this day in 2002, wearing my Alanis shirt, listening to the number one album, Under Rug Swept, at the Virgin Megastore at Downtown Disney.

#me #personal #alanis morissette #alanis #under rug swept #number one album #virgin megastore #downtown disney #orlando #lake buena vista #florida

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lovevalley45 · 6 months

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#fictober23 day twenty-nine

"That's all? Easy."

fandom: naddpod (campaign 1/bahumia)

word count: 789

tw: referenced drug use

a/n: timezones are a menace so this is technically a late birthday fic for @ginger-canary, and i am uno-reversing you with alanis/jolene as a spiritual successor to the bday fic u wrote for me (which frankly i recommend everyone read bc it's so good). enjoy the rarepair bc where would we be without f/f ships that are literally for an audience of two

Spending a summer watching over the university gardens wasn’t something Alanis ever thought she’d enjoy. Of course, the plants in there had grown on her - no pun intended, but being under the tutelage of Jolene the Green certainly made it worthwhile.

Most people would be intimidated having the Meemaw of the Crick serving as their mentor. Even those who didn’t think of the Crick in the highest terms couldn’t deny her impact as an impressive druid. But when she and Alanis weren’t in the garden, they spent their time stressing out Headmaster Lucanus or smoking weed.

All in all, she could think of many, many, many worse ways to spend her summer.

She hadn’t spent much time studying the magic that kept Gladeholme afloat - that was a complicated weave of spells, charms, and enchantments she wasn’t advanced enough to untangle - but she supposed the fact that they floated closer to the sky meant it got much hotter. She had tied her thick curly hair out of her face and stripped off most of her robes, but she still wiped sweat away from her face as she listened to Jolene.

Or, tried to. Alanis knew the Crick was a much more humid environment, but Jolene had too doffed her forest green cloak. She knew that her mentor was over 300 years old and had reached the druidic feat of slowed aging, but damn. Lucanus was one lucky man - how he had ever secured such a catch still baffled her. Talk about Meemaw, she still had her childbearing hips and-

Alanis forced her brain to shut up. Seriously, what good was a wizard’s intelligence if it still stumbled into phrases like ‘childbearing hips’ about her mentor?

“Alanis? You still there?” Jolene asked.

“Oh. Yeah. Totally.” She shoved her hands into her pockets. “What was that again?”

“I said, I want you to cast a cantrip on this here flower.” Jolene patted the bloom beside her. It was nearly as big as she was, petals spiraled out in a rainbow of colors.

“That’s all?” Alanis snorted. “Easy.” She danced between the opportunity to impress her mentor, or to keep things simple. The former won out as she cast Lightning Lure, a line of lightning twirled out of her fingertips towards the receptacle of the flower.

She yanked, trying to pull it in. But the flower had other ideas, pulling her forward instead. Alanis tried to regain her footing and failed as she flew towards the flower, right into Jolene. As if she couldn’t be more humiliated, the shock of lightning damage from the cantrip went through her instead.

“You alright there?” Jolene asked.

Alanis nodded, before she realized how she’d landed. Her hands rested on Jolene’s waist, their torsos pressed together. She pulled her hands away as she backed up. “Yeah. I’m good.” With an air of casualness, she wiped her forehead again. “So, that some kind of magic repelling flower? Some kind of abjuration magic, no doubt.”

Jolene grinned and rested her hand on the head of flower. “Yeah. This is the Counterbell. This is right from the Crick. Some druids enchanted it to serve as a guardian for their group of stumps, but it got screwy and just bounced back any damage it takes instead. Still effective as hell, if people thought to attack a flower out of the blue.”

Alanis ran a hand over one of the violet petals. “That’s metal as fuck.”

“I know, right!” Jolene said. “All these highfaluting wizards don’t have proper appreciation for the flora ‘round them, right in their backyard.” She was still grinning as she turned back to Alanis. “Too bad there’s no kind of menagerie or aviary here.”

“You could probably get Lucanus to start one. He’d do anything you’d say,” she said.

“I know, I know, but then he’d bitch and moan about not having enough elves around to take care of all them.” Jolene huffed. “Unless you wanna volunteer for zookeeping duty, too.”

She held her hands up. “I’m cool with all the flora and shit, but I’ll leave the fauna for the druids.”

“Fair enough.” She turned to look at the sky. Alanis didn’t quite know what she was looking at, but Jolene said, “Okay. Lesson’s over.”

“Alright.” She was a little disappointed, but she wouldn’t mind getting out of the heat. “Wanna smoke some weed back in my dorm?”

“As your mentor and supervisor for your internship, I should refuse.” She rested her hands on her hips. “But as someone who’s not getting paid by the university, I can do whatever I want.” Jolene slung her arm around Alanis’ shoulders. “It’s time for our next plant lesson - marijuana.”

There were definitely much worse ways to spend a summer.

#alli writes shit #fictober23 #naddpod #alanis #jolene cybin #spiderman meme but it's just us writing niche gay shit for each other

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