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patricia-taxxon · 8 months

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I want to address what’s being said about me regarding my behavior as a teenager, because some of it is true. However, more of it is greatly distorted, and some of it is false. I won’t be reproducing the video that was made about me, the creator has acknowledged the misinformation present in it & has unlisted it, willingly ceding ground for me to give my own testimony. Some of it will require me to admit to things I am still ashamed of, some of it will require me to revisit a traumatic time in my life that I have mostly blocked out. The short version is that I believe I was being groomed at the same time and in the same place as many of the people who came out against me, and my ultimate goal is to find solidarity with those people and begin the healing process.

When I was 18, and just beginning to accrue an audience, I created a discord server. For a lot of external reasons, mainly spending my entire life up until this point being shuttled around different special ed schools, this ended up being the first real social circle I ever had. It represented the first positive attention I ever received from strangers. It’s a time where I made a lot of mistakes, it’s a time where I was gravely vulnerable. In all honesty, I was too young to manage a community of any kind, I was hot off the back of being desensitized in my adolescence by unrestricted access to early 2010s internet. I knew well enough to create special NSFW rooms, and was advised later to create further division by requiring users to self-apply for a special NSFW role to access those rooms This extra layer meant that the rooms wouldn’t even show up for people who didn’t have the role, which led to some believing they didn’t exist.

However, I did not intuitively understand the “meaning” of sexual content, I didn’t understand the baggage that came with it. I used cropped fetish porn as emotes and indiscriminately showed the source to anyone who asked, sometimes outside of the NSFW rooms, because I found niche fetishes to be amusing, and since it was “funny” and not “sexy” it didn’t have to mean anything. The worst consequence of this happened when I was first formulating the ideas for my video about youtuber Rags, and I discovered that his youtube avatar was cropped from a NSFW image he had commissioned of his feral dog fursona. I sent this image to just about anyone who seemed interested, and this included a then 13 year old. I’m going to apologize just like I did when this first came out, but I will not be pressured as I was then into assuming predatory intent in myself. I’m not making excuses when I say that I had been a legal adult for under a year and thought of it as just an interaction between two teenagers, a kind of interaction I had with many of my friends (and some adults) before I turned 18. It was a misunderstanding, *and* I hurt you, and I’m deeply deeply sorry.

There were some moderators besides myself, two were teenagers around my age, early adopters of the server who I felt I’d become friends with. One was a woman in her late twenties, who I won’t name simply because I’m not in the business of offloading my misery onto other people, but she knows who she is. She contacted me with a shower of attention & adoration, she left positive reviews for my albums when she noticed I was upset at their critical reception, she oversaw me as I posted my nudes in that server and later on my main twitter account. She encouraged this behavior in myself and others and participated in it too.

I want to make this clear, the bulk of the allegations against me boil down to punishing me for failing to surmise I was being exploited by the first social group I ever had. I jerked off in voice chats. I remember the day I started, I was surrounded by people older than me who were encouraging me to post my first nude pic in the self-nsfw channel, and I had to get hard for them first. I then considered this normal and did it often. At one point a 15 year old entered the room while I was doing it, and I went quiet until she left. I reconvened with this 15 year old recently, and she told me she only remembers being promptly told to leave. The claim that I “regularly jerked off in voice chat with minors” as if it were an orchestrated and habitual activity is an outright falsehood.

I remember posting my nudes on twitter in a fevered haze of dissociation and dysphoria after being goaded by other users in my discord server. I remember doing it again and again, so that it could maybe eventually feel normal. I was 18, going on 19. I had twenty to thirty thousand subscribers, I was hot off the heels of being given 150 bucks for making thirty minutes of music for a much bigger youtuber. There are others who were in that server who were similarly exploited, and I am not here to contradict those testimonies, but I was uniquely denied the ability to understand what had happened to me as grooming, because I was technically of age and I had the very beginnings of a youtube audience. However, 20k subs didn’t give me more power than someone over ten years my senior.

I was groomed, and just as I was beginning to understand what happened to me, the shame threatening to overtake me completely, I was slapped with the supposed news that I was the sole perpetrator of the entire situation that traumatized me so, that what I thought of as my first friend group all remembered me as a loathsome creep. The apology I wrote in abject panic was dissected and used as a cudgel against me in police-interrogation fashion, so I became afraid to say anything. A year and a half later, I made a post saying that I had been “groomed by a portion of my audience” and this immediately provoked a youtube video callout. I feel as if I have been beaten into silence and complicity, unable to form thoughts of my own regarding my experience. I am terrified, right now, writing this story that I firmly believe no one on earth will buy, because I have come to routinely doubt my own testimony.

Some accusations being made of me are so foreign that I have trouble piecing together what it could be referring to. I commissioned a NSFW size difference piece from dramamine, one where my lover is 11 feet tall, and I was pre transition at the time so I wanted a flat chest to help me feel feminine in my current body. It was wrongly tagged as “cub” (furry child porn) on E621, which I vocally protested at the time. This is the only thing I could point to as evidence for the claim that I commissioned cub porn of myself. I do not know how to convey the feeling of being flooded by accusations that require me to ponder what it could even be referring to, or to see my accuser insist that she’s receiving dozens of new horrible scoops on me without being able to see exactly what it is or what happened. I’m open to apologizing personally to anyone I ended up hurting in my adolescence who reaches out to me, I was a victim of grooming let off into a public space with a few thousand followers after all, but I’m not apologizing on behalf of people who might have heard something bad about me.

I am going to restate, my accuser has *of her own volition* unlisted the offending video & understands the misinformation she spread, there is nothing to gain from seeking her out and letting her know your opinion on the situation. I waited until this agreement was reached to make any statement at all for this exact reason.

I am staying offline for about a day after posting this, I am under a lot of pressure, I am very tired.

#bookmark

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bettyshoweduptotheparty · 6 months

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Midnights is defined by duality: The story of an unreliable narrator and performance art (Part 1)

One year on, I think I've finally figured out what midnights is about. And it might surprise you.

The midnights album has just celebrated its first anniversary. And having listened to these songs for the last 12 months, staying up late to watch live streams of the Eras tour, and at times being unable to escape news about Taylor on every medium, I finally have an idea that makes all of this make sense: This is Taylor's duality era. And she wants us to notice. Join me on the ride if you want to know more :)

I made a post a few weeks ago about how the Midnights aesthetic has the ‘two Taylors’ duology: Private vs public, which is the lead theme that carries over into the music and most recently also into her public image. Midnights had a mismatched visual to it from the very beginning with the depressed 70s look (announcement photo and vinyl covers) and the glamourous midnight blue (cover image and public appearances).

The two Taylors in the Anti Hero mv really drove home the message for me that this album is about two versions of the same story, and Taylor is the writer and narrator. And while I'm sure that these two versions have existed for a lot longer than the midnights era, they have not previously been so prominently next to each other. In fact, the very point of having the public narrative, is to keep Taylor's private life out of the public eye. She has never shied away from providing the 'stories' that her fans want to see in order to relate to her music, and as the girl that made her fame with songs about heartbreak and fairytale princes, that usually meant being seen with a man that these songs could be attributed to. And she made sure people would make the connection, be it with scarves that change ownership, or foxes on shirts:

(Btw you can't deny how effective this was, with just a few photos she managed to hang an entire album on each of these men!)

So, acting is not new to Taylor. In addition to appearing in a few feature films and TV shows since 2010, she's done this public performance for well over a decade now. And she has been vocal in recent years about her intention to go into filmmaking, so we know she's able to tell stories in multiple ways. She's a storyteller first and foremost, maybe the best of our generation. But is she a reliable narrator?

What does 'unreliable narrator' mean?

A story told by a so-called unreliable narrator, is usually a first person narration, where it turns out that the person telling the story was either lying or in some other way unable to give a truthful account of events (e.g. hallucinating or dreaming). That usually means that the audience is left with having to interpret for themselves what really happened and what was real or not real. Famous examples of this kind of storytelling are the 2010 psycho thriller 'Black Swan' with Natalie Portman, or the YA novel 'We were liars' by E. Lockhart. If you like stories that leave you guessing, check those out ;)

So, why is Taylor an unreliable narrator? For those fans that have paid attention to her lyrics, it has long been evident that her songwriting and public narrative don't match up. The most obvious theme being her 17-year run of writing songs about secret relationships and hiding, while she was parading men around in public to be photographed with. But, as we know, most people ignore it because it's just easier than digging deeper into lyrics. But now with Midnights, I'm starting to think she wants people to notice the duality and start to question her narrative. The sheer number of songs on that album that have strong double meaning or draw attention to lying or distorting the truth is astonishing: Right out the gate with track 1 we have Lavender Haze, a pretty loud song about bearding using the very well established queer reference of lavender. (And maybe she leaned out of the window a little too far with that title, because we all know the gaylor uproar was so loud when the title was revealed, that she had to backpedal and hetsplain it.) Immediately followed by Maroon, the song that has probably singlehandedly turned the most swifties into gaylors since Bettygate of 2020... Then on to Anti Hero, the ultimate duality song that also makes mention of lying and scheming, same as Mastermind. High Infidelity and You're Losing Me join the ranks of songs that look like they are about romantic relationships on the surface, but could also be interpreted to be about Taylor's relationship with fame and her fans. High Infidelity is a play on words of the term High Fidelity or HIFI, which is a 90s sound technology that refers to truthful reproduction of sound. High INfidelity is therefore a genius way of referring to both cheating and unfaithful reproduction of sound, almost like someone who makes music that isn't quite truthful... We also know from Aaron Dessner that this song was written following the 2021 Grammys and in the light of the whole William Bowery grammygate situation... I think there is point to be made about this song drawing attention to lying in a big way.

The timing of the release of You're losing me right around the time that her breakup with Joe made the news also feeds the narrative of a breakup song. But in this very 'breakup song' she says You say, "I don't understand," and I say, "I know you don't" and talks about sending signals that fall on deaf ears. Doesn't that sound an awful lot like 'I gave so many signs'? What does she know the addressee won't understand? Is it that when she finally reveals all her lies 90% of her fans will be shocked to their very core? On the exclusive CD version that has this track on it, it also immediately follows Dear Reader which on the track list looks like this:

Dear Reader You're Losing me (Does that look like a message? I think it does...)

By the time we make it to Dear Reader, she's basically told us 'I'm a liar who hides behind fake lavender relationships who charms everyone like a sleezy congressman, I'm the narcissistic Anti Hero you can't trust who schemes like a criminal and plans out everything like the puppet master I am, just so you like me and therefore you shouldn't look up to me, but I know you still will.' If that doesn't scream 'I want you to question everything I say or do' I don't know what does. Which brings us to performance art.

What is performance art?

Performance art is any kind of visual art that involves a dramatic performance aspect. To explain how this relates to Taylor and who she may have taken inspiration from, I refer to the brilliant Kristina Parro on TikTok:

Ok, groundwork is laid, but this is getting too long. Part 2 will be relating this to upcoming music releases and media coverage but that will have to wait til tomorrow.

As always, thanks for humouring me guys!

#taylor swift #gaylor #eras tour #midnights album #one year of midnights #performance art #unreliable narrator

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nightsky652 · 3 months

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Yandere Stalker

Her name is Mina.

She is a petite girl, with short pink hair that reaches her shoulders, she is thin and dresses in modest clothes.

Her personality is shy, she has known you since elementary school, but never dared to talk to you, she doesn't have much confidence in her appearance even though anyone would consider her a very beautiful girl.

Her strange habit of stalking you began around that time, but in a more innocent and quiet way, as she didn't have the courage to start talking to you, she limited herself to watch you when you were distracted, but over time this became insufficient for her.

She then started following you inside the school, if you went to the courtyard, she would too, if you went to the classroom for the food you forgot, she would too. At first, it was a bit obvious, and you noticed her presence sometimes, making her very nervous, but fortunately for her, you didn't realize she was following you.

Over time, she improved in following you discreetly; she became more skilled, even though it wasn't her intention to improve, practice made her better.

In 9th grade, this problem only grew bigger; now she didn't limit herself to following you inside the school, and now she even followed you when you left, she followed you home once and now she knew where you lived, although it saddened her a bit that you weren't closer to her house.

Now that she follows you outside of school, she knows much more about you, she knows your friends inside and outside of school, your close family, the places you like to go, etc.

On weekends, sometimes she gets up early and waits outside your house hidden to see if you come out, and if you do, she follows you to see what you do on weekends.

She collects things you forget or throw away, like pencils, gum, some hairs that fall out, she has a small collection of things that remind her of you.

If she sees you spending time with another girl, she will feel a strange pain in her heart, but she won't do anything to intervene, but she will follow you more intensely, to see what's going on between that girl and you.

Her common sense is very distorted at this point and she may be considered strange and worrying because of her behaviors and abilities, but she is still within correction at this point.

In high school, she reached a completely different level, she became more dangerous in many ways.

Both of you entered the same high school, she found out where you were going to enroll and applied to the same school, she studied very hard to get in, all to be close to you, failing was not an option, she couldn't bear not being close to you for so long, even during vacations she suffered not being able to see you.

At school, she still keeps her distance from you, but sometimes she gathers the courage to talk to you, of course, she prepares things beforehand so that it seems to start naturally, and not that she has been watching you all day and waiting for the perfect opportunity.

To start conversations with you, she pretends to have accidents with you, bumping into each other when both walk through the corner of a hallway, or dropping a pile of books she was carrying for no reason when you pass by her, so that you help her pick them up, she treasures those moments from the bottom of her heart.

At this point, she has already entered your house on some occasions, she made a copy of the key to your house, taking advantage of the opportunity, once you left the key forgotten somewhere.

She enters your house when she is completely sure that neither you nor your family are there, she smells your things, licks your toothbrush, has searched and found the photo albums that your family has and looks at your baby photos and when you were little, remembering the old times.

She never leaves any signs that could alert your family that someone entered, she even takes care that the neighbors don't see her when she enters, or they could alert them, or suspect and start unfounded rumors.

Now her collection is larger, she has small things that she took from your house that you surely won't notice right away, like socks, little things in your room, etc.

She got a job to save money, and even though it broke her heart to have to use her time for other things that didn't include seeing or hearing from you, she was determined to gather money, to finance her future plans, which included, a camera, microphones, and some smaller cameras.

After improving her skills for so long, she managed to find a way to make her presence less noticeable than it already was, she is now more skilled at hiding, and you will hardly feel like you are being watched all the time.

As she is now more skilled, she now risks entering your house at night, to watch you while you sleep, even when she told herself she would only do it to borrow some things, seeing your sleeping face was like being under a spell and she stared at you for hours, unaware of the passage of time, until she eventually comes out of the trance when the sun starts to rise, hears a noise or sees you starting to move in your sleep, she escapes.

Once she has gathered enough money to buy what she wanted, and some spare parts just in case, she will leave her job, and enter during the night, to discreetly install the cameras and microphones, just where she planned to install them for a long time, to have the best possible angles and audios, completely focused on not getting distracted watching you sleep this time.

She has a special application to see in real-time what is happening in your house through the cameras and microphones, now she can do what she couldn't before, but always wanted, see you at those times when she lost sight of you, when you were home and didn't go to school or anywhere, now she could see a new part of you when you were alone.

She does not regret at all having dedicated so much time and effort to gather the money, it was totally worth it, now she could practically see you all the time, she knew you better than anyone else in the world, even your family, if she didn't already.

She loved the moments she managed to capture with the hidden cameras, like when you listened to music and started dancing a bit to the rhythm of the music, without worrying that someone would see you, or some private moments, that although she knew she shouldn't see, she couldn't look away.

Every month, she sneaks back into your house to replace the memories of the cameras, these apart from transmitting live, could record what they saw, and for nothing in the world she would let such valuable videos of you go to waste, simply emptying the memory deleting the data.

It is unlikely that you will have a girlfriend, as she follows and watches you 24/7, she will realize even before you a potential threat (romantic interest) and naturally take care of the threat before it can become something serious.

Her way of getting rid of her rivals is relatively quiet, she uses her skills to threaten her target, indirectly harassing her, destroying things in her house when she is not there to send a message or kidnapping her pet and blackmailing its owner to do what she says.

None of her targets will know who is responsible for these acts, after all, her skills are so polished that she left no evidence behind, not even fingerprints, and she became an expert at unlocking locks in no time.

Despite being an extremely obsessive yandere, she doesn't go very far in the area of violence, she may threaten, extort, and hurt people she sees as a danger, but it is almost impossible for her to kill someone, unless your life depended on it.

At school you start receiving letters from a mysterious admirer, its her, but you never manage to discover who she is, because she even uses a different type of font than she usually does, even if you don't know her writing.

The letters have poems and motivational messages to brighten your day, they are very beautiful most of the time, but others give you chills because they reflect a bit the obsessive nature of their author, you don't think much about that, and you think it's probably just you.

In college, the path of both divides, she will no longer go to the same school, but she will try to at least be in the same state as you, to be able to follow you from time to time and be at least a little close to you.

She will study 2 careers, journalism and programming, all to fulfill her obsessive objectives, but studying for 2 different careers and keeping an eye on you all the time she can is really difficult, for a normal person, but she has long surpassed the average, her mental and physical skills are very high, thanks to her practice as a stalker.

She will follow you when she can, if you have any object with a tracker that she gave you, you will make things easier for her, she will follow you to your apartment, and once she sees exactly where you live now, she will memorize it automatically and make a plan to enter one night to plant the cameras and microphones that she recovered from your room (they are expensive).

If you have a roommate, she will investigate him and gather information that she can use against him and to know if he is a threat.

She won't make many friends at her university, she will be too busy focusing completely on her studies and watching everything you do.

She has an emergency plan in case you bring a girl to your apartment, she installed a small machine in your apartment that activates remotely, it generates smoke, which will trigger the alarm and the sprinklers, ruining the moment.

Her sanctuary occupies a large part of her closet now, it has not stopped growing over time, she even has shirts of yours that she stole when she entered your apartment, toothbrushes, and a bag with your hair, it's terrifying.

You realize that someone has been stealing your things and try to find out who it is, putting a camera or a trap, but Mina is very skillful and perceptive, she notices and avoids it without a problem.

When you both are adults, she will work as a journalist, her skills as a stalker helped her a lot, after all, she has experience taking pictures of you, without you noticing, she is one of the best in her field.

Thanks to her knowledge in programming and technology, she now also has hacker-worthy skills, she can access your email accounts and check your searches, purchases, bank account status, location, among much other information.

With access to your internet accounts, she has more information than before, she only lacks being able to read your mind to know absolutely everything about you.

Her hacking skill also serves her to take care of her objectives, gathering much more easily material to blackmail them from their internet accounts.

Her stalking skill is at its peak, now, not even the police could find any trace of her, she could rob a store and no one would know it was her, she is basically a ninja, without presence.

She will save money to buy a cabin in the forest, with a spacious basement and everything she will need for when her plan is finally complete.

At the moment she has everything she needs ready, she will start her plan, which is to use her position as a journalist and photographer for a famous newspaper and her skills as a stalker to frame you for a crime.

The word will spread and they will start looking for you, the police thinking that you were the culprit, it didn't matter if you tried to explain that it wasn't you, you had no alibi, and that's because she also planned the robbery with that in mind, doing it just when you were alone and no one could confirm that you weren't at the place at the time of the robbery.

Even your family and close friends will doubt your innocence, the evidence is very solid and even your fingerprints were found on the doors.

In those moments of despair, Mina will appear as the only person who trusts you and your only salvation, she will offer to hide you in her cabin until all this passes. You don't have many options honestly, the penalty for the robbery that was committed is at least 40 years.

If you accept, she will take you hidden in her car to her cabin deep in the forest, where she already has the place where you will stay prepared.

The cabin is completely isolated, there is no other structure for tens of kilometers, the perfect place so that nobody bothers them, the cabin is very beautiful, it is made of wood and has reinforced doors and windows with locks.

The basement of the cabin is prepared for you to live in it, and the door to enter the basement is reinforced and needs several keys to open, from the other side of the door.

In her basement she has several things prepared for when you come to live in her house, if you suspect this she will only say that she was preparing a shelter in case a natural disaster happens.

To entertain you she has a television with your favorite streaming services, your favorite console with games that she knows you like or will like, but she doesn't have internet access, also a very comfortable mattress where you can sleep

In case the case occurs where you try to escape, she has steel chains that need keys to open, she will chain you if necessary to keep you close to her

What she wants is to keep you as close to her as possible forever, where she can watch you and no one else, without worrying that others will steal you, or you will separate from her

She will continue working on the cabin, thanks to graduating in technologies and in that, she will be able to work from home and only go out to replenish the food store, but as it is big, it is usually every month or month and a half

She will strive to keep you comfortable and that you enjoy living there so that you stay by your own decision

If you want to leave and go home, thinking that they have already forgotten about the crime you were accused of, she will convince you not to do it because it is not like that and you could be arrested as soon as they see you

She has very restricted internet, she has a very secure password that she does not have written down anywhere in the house, she has it memorized and only uses it for her computer and occasionally on the TV in your room (the basement) to watch movies together

She excuses your restriction on the internet, saying that they can find you through the cameras of electronic devices, and it is more convincing since she herself is a programmer and knows more or less about these topics.

Sooner or later you will realize that something isn’t right, either because of the long time that has passed since you arrived, the suspicious attitude she has when you talk about something related to leaving the cabin, the hidden cameras in the basement, or the chains you found by chance while exploring the house.

Escaping is pointless, as there is no one who can help you for several kilometers to the north; on the other side, there is only more forest and you will surely end up getting lost, but she will find you. During the time you've been living in the basement, she managed to implant a tracker under your skin without you noticing, with her great skill, you're not even aware that you have it.

Your attempt to escape will result in a hunt. She was prepared for this situation and will realize when you try to escape because she also installed a motion sensor at the entrance. Furthermore, she checks her phone to view the cameras all the time when she's out.

As she is very skilled as a stalker, she won't have to do anything else to capture you than to approach you discreetly without you realizing it, something she has already done hundreds of times, and inject you with a syringe containing something that will put you to sleep for a while.

When you wake up, be prepared for punishment and to lose all your privileges for a while. She will now keep you chained in the basement; it will take years to regain the trust you lost.

She loves you with all her heart, you are the most important person in the world for her, she cannot live without you, that is why she has kidnaped you, to have you all to herself.

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Hey guys, you've already met my first 3 OCs. I plan to write more stories about them, please send questions, suggestions or ideas for more stories, have a good day/afternoon/night.

#female yandere #yandere x reader #yandere childhood friend #yandere female #OC #Yandere OC #yandere headcanons #Mina #Stalker

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curio-queries · 3 months

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FACE, LETTER, & CLOSER THAN THIS

Disclaimer: The following post is full of my own opinions and interpretations. I do not share this with the intent to convince anyone else that this meaning upholds for all. My interpretations are also limited to English and that is an important distinction to make when accessing art from another language and culture. There are absolutely intentions and meanings that won't translate. Art is beautifully subjective, and I hope you all find your own reasons to love Jimin's music.

This is quite a lengthy post. Thank you to anyone who reads. I'd love to hear your thoughts as well, so don't feel shy to share! 💜

So FACE has been out for nearly a year, why am I making this post now? Honestly, it's all because of Closer Than This and the few nuggets we can glean from the music video. The very first clip of the mv is of Jimin's team discussing the lyrics and then Jimin's recording session. Honestly, I was quite surprised CTT was written at the same time as all of the FACE songs.

So the question then rises: Why wasn't CTT included in FACE? The answer I've arrived at is because CTT is not part of the journey Jimin was describing with FACE. More on CTT below but first, we need to revisit FACE:

TIMELINE

(US dates - I have to do too much timezone manipulation in my job, I'm not spending the time here):

30 DEC 2018 : Promise Release on SoundCloud

21 FEB 2023 : FACE announcement

16 MAR 2023 : Set Me Free pt.2 Release

23 MAR 2023 : FACE Release

22 DEC 2023 : Closer Than This Release

And here's the FACE schedule:

MOTTO-THEME-GUIDE

These phrases are ALL OVER the FACE project! They're in the digital media that was released, on pretty much every side of the physical albums, on the back of the photocards and postcards... They're pretty much on everything official connected to FACE. They're not just fluff included to fill up space; these words have MEANING in this project. I've been using these phrases as guide posts to help me interpret some of the meanings behind FACE recently, and I would encourage anyone interested in Jimin's deeper message to do the same. I've highlighted my references below.

Circles of Resonance Reflection of vulnerable minds and unexposed wounds. An echo, tremor and small movement to reach you. Face of facing the deepest part of inner-self. Face, the reflection of myself in an unfamiliar appearance. Waves originated from the deepest invisible inner world, pass through the face on the surface and reach others to resonate while transmitting the inner voice. Waves spread beautifully, finding its own flow despite wounds and distortions from a smallest scratch. The face of unwavering effort despite repeated falls and pain.

When asked what the album was about, Jimin freely shares that it relates to the events during the pandemic...and then the conversation usually moves on without any deeper discussion. This interview is probably the most verbose Jimin was any time he described the meaning behind FACE. If you haven't watched it recently, I highly recommend it.

youtube

We know that Jimin rarely shares the problems he's having whilst he's going through them (with us at least). He always waits until after he's moved on so that he can tell us not to worry, that it's in the past. (This concept comes up again in this post so keep it in mind.)

The distinction that I think is important to make is that, yes, FACE is about the pandemic, but it's not a straightforward diary of events. It's about how those events affected him. How the waves caused by the pandemic RESONATE, ECHO, and TREMOR through him - effecting the UNEXPOSED WOUNDS. Jimin found something in himself through this experience and had no choice but to FACE it. There were no distractions anymore, no pushing it to the side to deal with later. And he was able to share that journey with us in such a tragically beautiful way.

THE TRACKS

I made the below gifs for each track but I think they look best as a set without the tags so you can get the full effect of the differing ripples. Check out this post to see what I mean. ☺️

FACE-OFF

I know everyone likes to meme about Face-Off and trying to find who hurt Jimin to make them pay...but I really don't associate Face-Off with an external person. You can betray yourself in much worse ways than anyone else can because you know exactly all of your own weaknesses. You know exactly what pretty lies to tell yourself. And honestly, the source of the event doesn't really matter in the context of FACE. I view Face-Off as the initial incident. The SMALLEST SCRATCH that pushes the waves to spread.

There's also a lovely bit of foreshadowing with the lyric "Like crazy, everyone shout out, yeah yeah". CIRCLES OF RESONANCE. Not singular, multiple; we are in for a bumpy ride.

INTERLUDE : DIVE

I admit, I only listen to this track when I'm doing a full album listen. I love instrumental tracks but this isn't instrumental to me, it's sound effects. And I just personally have a sensory issue that comes out to play here BUT it's important to include in our discussion so don't skip it when you're trying to delve into the meanings!

The message I glean here is just how pervasive the issue is becoming. Jimin can be going about his life, trying to disregard it but the UNEXPOSED WOUNDS are there lurking underneath it all.

The pretty music overlaying the track may sound like glitz and glam, but this is just the beginning of the WAVES SPREADING BEAUTIFULLY, FINDING ITS OWN FLOW DESPITE WOUNDS AND DISTORTIONS...

LIKE CRAZY

I've been promising a post on Like Crazy for ages and this may be the closest I get to it. Let me know if any of you are interested in a more in-depth discussion on how the movie and the song work together. My short summary for both is this: there are moments when you willfully take actions that you KNOW are against your best interest. Not in a fleeting eats-too-many-cookies way. In a I-know-putting-my-hand-on-the-stove-and-turning-it-on-will-burn-me way.

I hope none of you experience this to such a damning extent. I have. Despite being the kind of person who I thought would never venture down such a path. It's not something I wish upon anyone. This is the WAVES ORIGINATED FROM THE DEEPEST INVISIBLE INNER WORLD, PASS THROUGH THE FACE ON THE SURFACE...

ALONE

Have you ever repeated a word enough that it starts to sound bizzare? What if you got the point where you thought the weird sound was reality? And then you were confronted with the truth. This song is that point. Where you are left with the sober understanding of yourself. FACE, THE REFLECTION OF MYSELF IN AN UNFAMILIAR APPEARANCE.

SET ME FREE pt.2

The rise! Jimin was able to find a way to push himself beyond the betrayal of himself. It absolutely wasn't easy and there were setbacks, but this is a clear call to any who find themselves in similar circumstances: you CAN overcome. THE FACE OF UNWAVERING EFFORT DESPITE REPEATED FALLS AND PAIN.

Remember when I said earlier that Jimin only tells us about his struggle once it's over? I honestly believe that's why SMF was the pre-release track. He needed us to know that there was a happy ending before he would tell us about the pain he went through.

LIKE CRAZY (English Version)

As I mentioned my sensory issue above, I cannot talk about Like Crazy without mentioning the whispered English at the beginning/end. I HATE it sooooo much! It just twigs my brain in all the wrong ways. It's a huge part of why it took me a long time to appreciate LC. As much as I hate it though, it's absolutely necessary for the interpretation of LC. It firmly gives us a landmark into where and how the song relates to the movie. It also creates a bookend structure that gives the original and the English versions their own rightful places to exist.

LETTER

My very first post on this blog was a simple comparison of the lyrics in Like Crazy from the translation on the original music video to the english version. There is absolutely a difference here and I think it's a very important distinction that there are two versions of Like Crazy in the album. One is AN ECHO, TREMOR AND SMALL MOVEMENT TO REACH YOU. This phrase is for us, the audience. None of the other phrases use "you". Even though Jimin has set himself free, there are still CIRCLES RESONATING.

If you have seen any of my posts prior to this, you likely know how obsessed with Letter I am. I have the hardest time naming anything as a favorite (even favorite colour, there's just sooo many good uses of different colors) so I hope you understand how revolutionary it is for me to unequivocally state that Letter is my favorite song. Like ever. For all of my (cough*decades*cough) of music-listening, opinion-having life. Letter is THE ONE. Letter is it. I probably have stronger feelings about Letter than any relationship I've been in (but I'm aspec so take that with a grain of salt...)

I listen to Letter A LOT (sometimes on literal repeat - there's a video on YouTube that loops it for over an hour and I've definitely contributed several of those listens) and while working on this post, I would still get emotional hearing it at the end of FACE. This song is the absolute definition of the beauty that can only truly be understood after utter tragedy.

To me, Letter is about how this experience has effected Jimin to the point where there's a noticeable difference in the way he interacts with and appreciates those he loves, in all interpretations of the word love. WAVES...REACH OTHERS TO RESONATE WHILE TRANSMITTING THE INNER VOICE.

I am not using this post to debate the merits of exactly who Letter is for: a significant other, ARMY, or Jimin himself. Frankly, I don't think it matters to the meaning of the song. Use whatever flavour most appeals to you. That's the real genius and gift of Jimin's music imo. He creates it in such a way that we can fold it around our own personal stories and needs.

WHAT WAS THIS POST ABOUT AGAIN?

Right, so rewind to the release of Closer Than This. I'd had very little sleep as I traveled for the holidays and was absolutely feeling the timezone difference. But I stayed up to hear Jimin's new song. I listened to it first in Spotify and thought it sounded like a beautiful, happy, well-produced gift of a song - perfect for the end of the year and to comfort us with his departure for military service. Then I watched the mv to read the subtitles... Y'all, I absolutely was NOT expecting to see clips from the time covered in Jimin's Production Diary! I wouldn't have been surprised if it was the same team that Jimin worked with before but at a later time - he trusts them artisically after all. BUT these clips were the same angles and same conversations we saw from the development of FACE.

So I started my due diligence. Is it possible CTT was supposed to be part of FACE but they held it specifically to release when it did? I listened to FACE multiple times trying to insert CTT into the narrative. And it just doesn't fit this journey...at all. Like not in the slightest. I thought maybe immediately after Letter or even replacing Letter but no. I even tried inserting Promise as a bridge and it just doesn't work in the context of FACE.

CTT has a pretty literal storytelling narrative. It describes the journey WE have been on with Jimin. It lists his promises to US going forward. The music video being an album of memories, supports the nostalgic and loving viewpoint of the song. It has absolutely nothing to do with how Jimin was affected by the events of the pandemic or anything he found inside himself because of it.

Both songs have been described by Jimin as a 'fan song' and as I described in this post, there are many reasons that support both of them falling into this categorization. To me, Letter is more about Jimin having a deep intimate conversation with us because he trusts us. While CTT is literally about the relationship between ARMY and Jimin.

Anyway, I think that's all I've got to say about it for now. What are your thoughts? Should Closer Than This have been included in FACE? Was it just a marketing ploy to keep generating our interest after Jimin left?

(BTW I'm really happy with those FACE gifs and how the ripples look when they're together. They took some time to figure out. I just wish I had some better software to turn them into gifs so the colours display better, but alas, beggars can't be choosers. They look really great in the ppt that I made them in but I guess that's just for me to enjoy!)

#park jimin #jimin #FACE #Face-off #Interlude: Dive #like crazy #alone #set me free pt.2 #like crazy (english)#Letter #closer than this

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joons · 2 months

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Hey! I’ve got an Elvis question, just popped into my head. So did he compose the instrument parts of songs? Or was he more of a vocals only guy. I feel like I should know this but I guess I don’t!

This is a great question! I would not go so far as to call him a composer of most of his material (he was very adamant that he wasn't a songwriter), but he certainly filled the role of producer. He often knew exactly the sound he wanted and would advise the musicians until they understood his intentions. Because of his encyclopedic knowledge of music, he could pin down sounds and influences in a way that surprised the experienced musicians he worked with. He was an adequate rhythm guitarist and a pretty good piano player, but in general, he gave musicians who worked with him space to create and then guided them until he found the pocket he wanted.

In the early days, there were only two or three musicians in his band, and it was mostly democratic, like, the takes either worked or they didn't. They were very improvisational. At the same time, Elvis could get hyperperfectionist about the recordings and hold them up for hours. For instance, "Hound Dog" was a staple at his live shows before he recorded the song, and he wanted it to have a different tempo and feel on the record, much faster than how they typically performed it. For whatever reason, Elvis wasn't satisfied with it until they were about ready to throw him through a window, but that's exactly when he got the angry, frustrated sound he wanted.

"Elvis drove the band through thirty-one takes, slowly fashioning a menacing, rough-trade version quite different than the one they had been performing on the stage." - Robert Fink

Obviously whole books have been written about the recording sessions, which I have yet to fully dive into, so I can't speak super authoritatively on this, but in general, Elvis lost quite a bit of control over the recording sessions as Col. Parker moved him more toward releasing movie soundtracks, which had to be sung to scene specifications. In those instances, Elvis would just tell the singers and musicians he was working with to "just do your best," knowing that the material was pretty lame.

But he was able to take control of his sound again in his gospel albums, during his TV special and while working on the Vegas/touring live shows. He handpicked the musicians here, so they were all the best in the business; he had a great deal of trust in them to contribute their own signatures. But again, he usually had a pretty clear understanding of the song dynamics, the shape he was going for, and could coax it out of everyone. You can see him conducting and coaching here:

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Through the late '70s, he often lost interest in staying on top of his game, both in live shows and in recordings. The problem with the live shows is that he got bored with performing the same songs, and efforts to change it up didn't go that well due to a lack of rehearsal and underwhelming audience feedback, so he went back to playing it safe. And with some of the later albums, he just wasn't feeling well or didn't connect with the songs as much. So in those cases he could sometimes just churn out a song that had already been perfected by the musicians and he just came in for the vocals. But he loved music so much that he just always had Opinions About It.

But just to go back to the producer thing, he's the one who arranged "Blue Moon," which doesn't sound like anything that Sam Phillips or anyone else had ever or would ever put out. Elvis got obsessed with atmospheric sounds and different effects that he knew exactly how to tune to an emotional frequency. So this ethereal, distorted echo pairs with his choice of lyrics, only repeating the first, sad verse of "Blue Moon" and never letting the storyline resolve into finding love. No one knew what the hell he was doing, but it took them so long to get him out of his shy, anxious shell that they didn't want to tell him to stop.

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#elvis presley #insane hours always the insane hours #thank u for the question bb! i hope this was informative

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cinnamonsly · 1 year

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Can I ask how the injury to Heart's eyes happened in your headcanon?

ooohh yes!!! this is an aspect of the story i find quite interesting and i love talking about it

so. i kind of have a few different headcanons i switch between just because i really enjoy them all, but the main ones i lean towards most days are either mind and/or soul being the one to cause his blindness, or his blindness being self-inflicted

the former i tend to go with most days just because of the “sitting in the sight of that which blinds / tore me at the seams / harsh palpitations that tunneled my view / eyesight grew warped, distorted and skewed” part from light. the sun is used as a symbol for mind all throughout the album, so it would make sense that the “sun” that blinded him in this context was mind. i also kind of like to hc that soul got involved as well, and worked in tandem with mind in the moment to go after heart. but i do believe whatever they did to him was in response for heart’s attempted murder of mind, aka the shot. i kind of like to think that blinding heart wasn’t his/their intention, it just kind of happened in the heat of the moment, and taking away heart’s sight was something they regretted to an extent afterwards. i do think that the actual injuries themselves were caused by soul’s trident tho (i think about the “tines stabbed through eyes” lines a lot lol)

unrelated. kinda. but i’m also an enjoyer of the popular hc that heart isn’t fully blind, and can still see really vague shapes and figures. also that he’s just really sensitive to light, so that’s why he wears the blindfold!!

#yeah i think about this a lot actually #really love hearing others thoughts and ideas about how he was blinded too #chonny jash #cccc #cj heart #cj mind #cj soul

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somekindofsentience · 1 month

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a place between unreality and lucidity, or understanding the intentions of Chapter 12

CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSIONS OF DEATH, SUICIDE, AND ABUSE. I ALSO TALK A LOT ABOUT LUCID DREAMING, WHICH CAN BE DISSOCIATIVE FOR READERS, SO PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

SPOILER WARNING: REFERENCED YUME NIKKI AND OMORI SPOILERS, AND OBVIOUSLY, DREAMSCAPE SPOILERS.

We're back bois, and we're back with my favourite chapter.

I love Chapter 12 so much, the same way I adore the Truth Sequence in Omori. Originally I was going to compare the two, but I realised there's little overlap other than the intentions they're written with.

...so I wrote about the intentions instead. The little bitch boy intentions. You'll see what I mean.

Buckle up, this one takes some insane turns. I had wild epiphanies while churning all this out in a couple hours. I think I may be losing my mind.

understanding what I mean by "lucidity", and discussing dreams as plot devices

Lucidity is a very particular type of plot device that I find difficult to describe - it is a specific type of fragmented narrative that fragments location, exploring an impossibility that often has links to deeper meaning. Typically it is an abstract way of foreshadowing or revealing something to the reader, and it mirrors the concept of a "liminal space".

Dreams in texts have been used as a method of foreshadowing for hundreds of years. While the human brain has no ability to predict the future, but only reframe the past, the uncontrollable fragments of memory that are spat back out at you during unconsciousness have captured human fascination since we first started sleeping.

Dreamscape itself isn't a dream, but it is a different form of consciousness, and the creator has stated that Chapter 12 draws a lot from lucid dreaming, which suggests this counts as part of the 'Lucidity' narrative trope. As someone who does not dream much, I find this shit fascinating. Like I'm sure it's horrific as hell but. It seems so fucking cool.

Perhaps some of the best examples of the use of lucid dreaming to form narrative are Yume Nikki and its fangames, as well as Omori. Yume Nikki was a catalyst for the creation of many RPG maker horror games, and it's an excellent piece of work. No concrete story, just wandering an endless abyss of Madotsuki's mind, observing the horrors within it. The fangames branched off this concept (I personally recommend .flow ) and added more aspects, but never being concrete about the trauma.

Things are illogical in the Yume Nikki dreamverse, but they don't have to be logical, and things don't have to make sense to the player - it is purely up for speculation. At the same time, we know it has to mean something. There's an innate sense of exploration and meaning in dreams, despite the real life version often being meaningless bullshit.

This is where Omori explicitly diverts - it outright states what happened on the Recital day, in a short, distorted sequence known ominously as "The Truth". While the entire game is about lucid dreaming, this section captures the horror due to the illogical nature of it, where Sunny travels from his living room, to a hospital, to stairs, his bedroom, backstage... things are wrong. At the same time, the player is focused on completing the album and collecting the polaroids, with the confusing nature of the locations building to the horror of the final moment.

Despite all this, none of these sequences are the big moment, or even nearing the climax.

Yume Nikki doesn't have a big moment, unless you see the ending as significant enough for that title. It is a game about wandering unreality, and without a plot, it can't have a climax. It uses lucidity to provide a sense of narrative, even when there isn't one, tricking the player into trying to comprehend an impossible universe.

Omori is not building up to that that one sequence, but rather, it is a stepping stone leading to the Final Duet, which is the true climax of the game. It's an emotional release for Sunny and the player, a sense of finality in a game without a proper "ending". The Truth sequence is merely a way for the player to understand plot and build horror, and without the Truth's photo album... we would understand nothing at all. An impossible universe.

This leads to my big theory...

the purpose of chapter 12 - you can't understand it

Chapter 12 is a lying piece of shit and won't admit to us more than cookie crumbs about the future of the Dreamscape universe. And I still love it. And here's why.

Due to the abstract nature of it, we can't understand it. Perhaps Sunny can, to some extent, but since we're not sure the cause nor purpose for it, we can't understand it. We can speculate, but we can't understand. Just like Yume Nikki, we might never properly understand what each segment means.

Here's some little nuggets I've been scrambling through for information.

The beginning talks about time and distortion of it, which mimics some of the issues with time Sunny has in real life. This may be foreshadowing his eviction or declining physical state.

Body horror is incredibly prevalent, particularly self-mutilation. This has several implications, but it likely hints to Sunny's feelings for himself. It may also foreshadow what Mari looked like during the Recital day scene, which I'm starting to realise hasn't actually been shown yet. Interesting.

While this is one of the first times we see Mari as more than a virus or a corpse in the text, it's also completely distorted by Sunny's unreliable narration. Despite the slightly manipulative conversation held between them, Sunny is completely frozen in grief, desperate to beg for her forgiveness.

Sunny sits there with her pain in that hospital, insisting he deserves it. It hints further to Sunny's declining mental state, but that doesn't tell us anything more than his own self-loathing. Both this and the above point foreshadow Mari's potentially abusive nature.

Sunny is completely determined to stay within the lucid dream, and is also very insistent that Mari is somewhere at the end, which turns out to be right. How he knows this is not shown to the reader.

Segments of this are related to Mari's own memory, which provides us with a better understand of the VHS system, and of the accident that lead to her suicide.

The lucid dream is a representation of Sunny's unending trauma through what he perceives to be Mari's eyes, perhaps even a representation of what he feels he needs to do for her forgiveness.

We also learn a bit more about Pianoboy, who we know is a clone of Sunny, and he specifically highlights a connected feeling of isolation. At the same time, it has to go further than that, but we're again limited by understanding. There's more, but not enough to guess what 'more' means.

But those tidbits mean nothing. And I can't do much more than spew nonsense about segments, with no ultimate conclusion.

Because Chapter 12 is not designed to be understood, but rather, it's something to look back on when you finally do understand. It's foreshadowing in its most complex form, hinting ominously to what you don't understand. It is also similar to Black Space in this way - no-one can figure out the truth of the Recital Day from Black Space alone.

I could spend hours trying to understand every symbol, every room, the essence of Chapter 12 itself, and fuck me because i totally would but ultimately, it's all fragments of a deeper narrative, more complex than our limited understanding.

And it's a horrible, horrible thing to do to a reader. An unanswerable segment, dangling understanding right in front of their nose, but making it unreachable. Haunting them with the human desire to see patterns in chaos. What utter cruelty. How could you do this to me, @omoriboii. Why would you do this to me, the analysis God, with the most overthink-y brain in existence, and yet give me, ultimately, nothing to lead to. Why leave me a crumb to look back on, something I can never understand with the information I hold. I may be stupid, but I can understand when I am beat.

It's perfection.

why even torture someone with the inability to understand?

Building horror is incredibly difficult, because it's so easy to do foreshadowing incredibly wrong. We've all seen horror movies that are so bad they're funny, relying entirely on petty jumpscares, terrible props and showing off the killer way too fast-

Wait a minute. Showing off the killer too fast ruins everything? Dammit, I wanted to flex my big sharp knife. That's right guys. I'm the serial killer of this blog. ?????

Anyway, demonstrating the inability to understand something to the reader is a common feeling that gets the emotional brain hooked and the cogs whirring in the logical segments. You need to understand. You develop theories, you discuss them with others, seeking evidence, only to find something that changes your view, ruining everything, forcing you to start again. Being teased is fun. I am kinky

That's my favourite feeling of all time. It's why I spent hours searching for that again after I played Omori. I still remember my first theories of the truth of the game, right up until the one I had just before I discovered the real Truth. Even after that, there was more for me to analyse. Analysis. I love analysis. Yk?

I love a good challenge, and analysing these segments are so much of a challenge that I actually can't do it, which is why I get so hyped over it. Why do I do this to myself?

I actually don't really know how to end this, but I think you get my point. It's fun. I like it. I love suffering. uhh. dreams cool.

new bit: song i wrote this listening to.

today's song, the main title theme from Tomorrow Won't Come for those without.

youtube

i needed a reminder of what horrible liminality feels like, and that goddamn game does it better than anyone. i love it so much. thanks, etherane, your games cursed me with a sick desire for unreality.

special thanks to all the games who ever bullied me for having boring ass dreams.

#i wrote all this on copious amounts of caffeine #dreamscape au #omori dreamscape au #omori au #dreamscape #lucid dreams #sentience's stuff #i'm such a nightmare in this LMAOOO #i've written my own little chapter 12 lucidity within my analysis of chapter 12 #what have i become #omori fanfic #im a fucking mess #i think i lost my mind here #Youtube

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tolerateit · 5 days

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am i the only one who is actually heartbroken over all the lyrics like "i was a functioning alcoholic" like i don't think it was written in a "funny" way. yeah it could be written in a way like when you wanna make fun of your mental health struggles but it doesn't come out funny to anyone except yourself. i've always taken taylor's lyrics about mental health seriously and always believed when she revealed some sensitive parts of her life. but from what's going on right now i feel like people are trying to link this somehow to a specific relationship she had. this album isn't really about men!!!!! it's about the side of taylor we will never see unless she exposes it.

and what's funny is how fans are trying to make excuses for taylor while all she is trying to say with the album is "look at me I'm not perfect and I'm fucking up bad and you don't really know me and i take real bad decisions"

like this album is just about taylor and how SHE perceives the people who are/were in her life and it reveals how normal and even flawed she is and how humans in general are. like how she could put her own pain first and how she could see things in a distorted way or gets mad at her partners for struggling because she is so in pain herself and then she feels guilty and turns to self sabotage.

first time i actually feel like taylor is THIS relatable. i know people in our normal life are doing much worse and can be given permission to fuck up way more, but taylor's place is sensitive which also makes me feel sad for her.

I think the most common critique a few swifties have for the whole promo cycle is the emphasis (intentional, as perceived by some) on her exes and past relationships as opposed to the music alone and fans have played a major role in reinforcing this narrative that she is a saint who can do no evil and has been wronged by devious men in her life tbh. As for the allusions to mental illness in the album itself, I did find some lines unkind and I disagree that all of them solely refer to her own struggles. There have been clear references to a partner's addiction, and if listener perceive those lines as blaming this partner for not being able to overcome their addiction to be with her, I don't think they'd be wrong about that. The mental asylum imagery in the fortnight music video felt unkind and the message about medication isn't well received either. it is entirely possible that she personally is struggling from issues and it isn't uncommon for people to jest about their mental illness just to cope, but dear god it isn't much to ask that people have some empathy for those actually struggling with mental health issues, and especially to not make a caricature out of their life (re: therapy being for "insane people", using sadness and depression as synonyms, the notion that being psychotic = being a wild/crazy/harmful person who needs to be "tamed") idk idk idk. She may have tried to express her struggles through her art earnestly but somewhere the message gets lost in translation to me.

#you ask for the tab*#And I am not even attributing her music to the men she's being with I haven't given a fuck about it from day 1 #But this partner who couldn't be with her because they were too busy trying to cope with an addiction. Is not someone I can villainize sorry

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goodbysunball · 1 month

Text

Cement mixer blues

A couple more for your March, with Opening Day right around the corner. Four picks, all hits, and more waiting in the wings - but until then:

Thomas Bush, The Next 60 Years LP (Jolly Discs)

Album number three from Thomas Bush, one carving his own path through the history of quietly devastating British folk. That Bush has much to do with "folk" in general is debatable at this point, but there are fractured fragments within his damaged, precise compositions. On The Next 60 Years, he refines his vision further, not solely through reduction (though that, too) but with a bit of surprising bombast on the B-side. "Same Life Flowed" opens the album with plodding pop, the double-tracked vocals opening up just enough during the chorus to complement the harpsichord melody, and runs into the pensively dueling guitars on the accurately named "Pure Intention." As is Bush's wont, the album never keeps a straight course after this beautiful opening; some songs, like "Mulligan" or "Flood of Light," creak like floorboards in an empty house, whereas "Face In the Water" jumps out of the speakers from behind the curtain. I've never pieced together any influence of Talk Talk or Mark Hollis on Bush's sound, but now it's crystal on "Burn Clear," the patiently brushed cymbals and pattering drums pairing with slowly ringing chords, all directed by Bush's carefully delivered vocals. The samples on "Burn Clear" get turned inside-out on "Face In the Water," its booming synth chords leaving backwards bubbling loops in their wake, the distortion becoming ever more prominent as Bush's most clear, confident song unravels over its duration. The synth chords turn green midway through, and the garbled loops run rampant to cloud any pop ambitions with more unease. The album closes with the quietly devastating "Xtrails," a repeated descending progression of guitar notes and scattered synth chords, tying the album together neatly with only the necessary ingredients. In early listens, "Burn Clear" and "Face In the Water" were the highlights, but now tracks like "Thirsting" and "Xtrails" have become my favorites, the ones where Bush takes something recognizable and strips it to a skeleton and makes the bones vibrate with noise, creating a new story for the figure largely free from its past. Stunning, especially during my pre-dawn drives, but potent enough, and enveloping enough, to transport the listener from start to finish anytime. Sold out at the source, but I suspect copies will land stateside soon; if not, All Night Flight is handling the distribution - hop to it.

Contaminated, Celebratory Beheading LP (Blood Harvest)

Amidst a glut of ho-hum, self-referencing contemporary death metal, I wasn't really prepared for the complete onslaught that makes up Contaminated's second LP. I liked Final Man a lot, but things seem to have gotten a lot bleaker in the seven years since that came out, and Celebratory Beheading is the record that balls up collective agony into relentless, boneheaded death metal. It takes all of 15 seconds into opener "Suffer Minutiae" for the band to launch into a chugging breakdown riff, and even after multiple spins I feel as if I haven't captured the right words to describe music so single-mindedly brutish. There are no synths, electronics or really anything resembling a breather across the album. This new-look Contaminated feels like layers alternating between Carcass (pre-Heartwork) and Autopsy, with a dash of County Medical Examiners or other goregrind practitioner. Each song is made up of multiple movements, which is the stupid way my brain's been reduced to describing this record when it's on, but the very basic recipe is to pound with death metal crunch and follow it up with a grinding blast, before pulling back and taking another swing at your head. These parts are masterfully fused together without gaps or any recognizable structure, suffocatingly dense compositions coming one after another. Once your ears adjust, the pieces of the bulldozing sound can just barely be picked apart. The drummer's right up front with the vocals, and the two seem to goad each other on; the guitars, drenched in distortion and as beefy as I've heard (sans exterior electronic noise) in ages, churn out mercilessly hard or dizzyingly fast riffs. "Final Hours" is the point in the record where I finally catch my breath, and by "Apex C.H.U.D." (stands for Circular Headbanging Under Duress, pretty sure) you're stomping around like a sumo wrestler. Imagine running in a sewer tunnel away from a tidal wave of waste, each turn bringing no more distance or relief from the chase; at some point your legs and chest give out and you submit. I haven't looked at the included lyric sheet - the album and song titles are illustrative enough - but this seems to be the soundtrack to intentionally hammering a nail through your finger, pure visceral animal thrill, presented without concessions or interludes. My favorite record of the year so far.

Los Doroncos, Sun and Fireworks LP (An'archives)

There's nothing like the first whiff of springtime to bring me around to an album that made little sense during the dregs of the new year, and Los Doroncos' Sun and Fireworks is one for the ages. Seasoned vets with deep ties to the Japanese underground - members from Denudes, Maher Shalal Hash Baz, Doronco Gumo - but what you get here is a dream dive bar band, playing music both intimately familiar and somehow buoyant, not bogged down with expectations or concerned with much else than playin' hits. If the band set out to make classic rock feel fresh again, they nailed it, taking the scoff right outta my throat and using it to hit another solo. The band rips on the two longer tracks, "A minor" (one of the young year's best tracks) and "Drum," but elsewhere things are downright breezy. Guitars are largely unadorned until solos call for distortion, vocals are charming, paper-thin but hopeful, and the drums do enough to keep everything together. For me, any cynicism is eradicated by the beautifully disarming guitar lines littered about in "LuLu 2," but just as often it's the solo pushing its way through the clean chords of "Tin Ear." I'm in the midst of fixing up my porch, and if I get my way, I will be having a few beers back there with Sun and Fireworks elevating my mundane accomplishment. Come through.

Peg, We Know Who You Are and Everyone Is On the Lookout CS (No Rent)

Meeting of the minds between Cube's Adam Keith and Jackie-O Motherfucker's Dave Easlick, both of whom previously teamed up in SPF. I can't remember SPF's music much, though it may be time to revisit given how much I've enjoyed Peg's debut cassette. The music on We Know Who You Are feels like dub recorded without or presented without permission, as if found on a thrift store cassette, and then given added rhythm by Easlick and Keith's drumming and programming. "Mutual Percussion" is a sterling example, drums fading in and out while viscous treated guitar bubbles and the sound of a breeze or footsteps periodically emerge to confusingly give the feel of a field recording. The album feels sometimes ominous, sometimes sarcastic; the intention feels pure but you're never quite convinced with a track like "Agenda Jazz," either. Beyond sifting through the tape for intention, there's deep enjoyment here, skewering and distorting sounds in a way not unlike Equipment Pointed Ankh, though Peg's got a decidedly more abstract, glowering, smirking result. Hard to pick favorites, but if forced: the slouched strut of "Athletic Posturing"; the disarming "Everyone," all glistening synthesizer and distant drums; and my favorite, "Bog Standard," Easlick letting loose on the kit while a bassy loop and high-pitched noise build towers in the shifting sands. Really feels like these two met each other head-on this round, keeping stakes low for themselves but understanding one another intuitively to create one of last year's best albums.

#Thomas Bush #Jolly Discs #Contaminated #Blood Harvest Records #Los Doroncos #An'archives #Peg #No Rent Records

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sizzlingpatrolfox · 1 year

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It kind of kills me that jimin put so much thought, intention, and emotion into his album, and yet JK is just handed mindless mainstream pop collabs and is considered the bigger/better artist. Let’s be real, JK could never do what jimin did with his album. The interiority, vulnerability, intelligence, conviction, and HARD WORK - he just could never. I’m so proud of jimin no matter what other members do.

This is the reason everyone is convinced Jimin is not popular, btw. Jimin and Jungkook have always been the #1 and #2 most popular in BTS, in that order, both in Korea and worldwide. But people in the company have been literally working AGAINST Jimin and that distorted reality.

Everyone who was here in years before corona knows that Jimin was literally a beacon of light, he moved the audience and the stage in ways that the other members couldn't compare. His solo songs were the most sold in the USA, his solo stages the most watched and talked about, was #1 on Gallup for two years before they stopped that, was #1 on brand ranking for three years on a row, month after month. And he did all that while being a BTS member and having the same activities and opportunities as everyone else.

After dynamite they pushed him to the back of formations, gave him the least lines, suddenly they didn't want to do solo stages, taekook both as a "couple" and individually were highlighted in every content available. This whole "taekook are the most popular members" literally started in 2020 for a reason 😭 nobody in their right mind would've said that in 2019 or before.

I don't know what Jungkook will do, I also doubt his emotional involvement in a lot of stuff but the distortion of reality is the thing that I can't with. There's no winning against that, against a company that will tell you someone is more than someone else because they're doing their best to make it seem like that. Their individual success will be compared as if they got the same opportunities and it won't really matter who had a better song or a more meaningful album.

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snowysobsessions · 6 months

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"Quickly" Reviewing Four Nine Inch Nails Albums

A few months ago Germs by Weird Al and Closer were stuck in my head for several days. On a gut intuition I said "Well, I obviously like this music, why not check out more Nine Inch Nails?"

Currently I am attempting to steal Trent Reznor's gender and haven't listened to much non-NIN music last few months. So I'd say I might be a big fan. Possibly.

I'd like to thank my new friend Gray for giving a very helpful recommendations on what albums to start with. <3

For this I'll start with the few negatives, then move on to the many positives. Because I like ending on a positive note. :) We'll also be going in the order I listened to them as opposed to order of release.

Pretty Hate Machine: 8/10

Negative: I find because nearly all the instruments are fairly simple synths and MIDI soundfonts, the sound can get kind of monotonous when you listen to the entire album in one sitting. A lot of it sounds like video game music from 1990-1995 to me, which is oddly distracting. On first listen I kept asking "Why does this sound like DOOM music?" To be honest, I found Down In It the weakest track. Rap is just not Trent's thing and I'm glad he didn't pursue it.

Positive: Despite the limitations, these are really well put together tracks! I think this a very solid album, especially considering at the time no one was using synths this way. The melodies also feel very unique and are usually why these songs get stuck in my head. I found myself liking the lyrics way more than I anticipated. Even though they are dripping with teenage or young adult angst, which I typically don't like. The emotions on display are so raw and pure it's hard to not feel empathetic. It's hard to choose, but I'd say Terrible Lie and Sin are the strongest tracks to me. Just generally really good tracks that are addicting to listen to.

The Downward Spiral: 10/10

Negative: It's not an album I can listen to just anytime. I kinda have to be in a bit of a bad mood. Sometimes I find myself skipping songs that are very emotionally intense, like Big Man With A Gun and Hurt, because I'm so worn out and just want to enjoy some music. This album does not have a weakest track in my opinion. Any "lazy" writing lyrically or musically feels very intentional.

Positive: The positives on this one are really endless for me. Good lyric after good lyric. Amazing melodies and harmonies one after the other. Auditory assaults and walls of noise that are fun to listen to. Sound design that makes it feel like a soundscape of the mind. And I love that there's a story on top of all that. I could make a whole post about each individual track. This album takes you on a roller coaster that only goes down. Strongest track is extremely hard to choose, but I always come back to The Becoming. The odd time signatures, long verses, the increasing intensity of the vocals, and the theme of becoming something cold, emotionless, robotic, and other is a perfect combination to me.

With Teeth: 9.5/10

Negative: Not a lot of negatives here. Kinda has a similar problem to Pretty Hate Machine with the instruments sounding similar, although not nearly so much so. Sometimes I wish there were more songs that lead into each other. Weakest track is very hard to choose, they're all very good. But I'll go with Beside You In Time for no reason other than the throbbing synths legitimately give me a headache. Wish I could enjoy this song. </3

Positive: I really love the prominence of piano in this album, as well as the vocal layering and distortion effects. I also like the usage of guitars across this album, often I can almost feel the air vibrating with the strings. The sparing usage of swear words also means I can play nearly the whole album at work without issue. Generally I like this album a lot. It feels like something simultaneously from the future and the past. Strongest track for me boils down to personal preference. So I'll go with either All The Love In The World or The Line Begins To Blur, in my opinion two of Trent's most beautiful songs. They need to be put in a museum of some sort forever.

The Fragile: 20/10

Negative: Not much to speak of here. Sometimes the intense layering of sound plus high volume makes it feel like my ear drums are going to explode, but that is to be expected with NIN so I'm used to it. Can't name a weakest track. I look forward to all of them. It's 20/10 for a reason.

Positive: This may be one of the best albums I've listened to in my entire life. Every track has something memorable and creative. All feel meticulously designed to convey not an emotion, but Trent's exact state of mind at that moment. The lyrics are sparser than usual, but oh so much more impactful when they do arrive. It feels painfully real and deeply personal. It's not just a story of what-ifs anymore, it's reality. This album is a lengthy, beautiful mess of ideas and emotions and I wouldn't have it any other way. It is the most human a piece of art can be. Strongest track I think is almost forced to be La Mer. It impacted me emotionally so greatly I wrote a whole post about it before writing this section. Realistically I could make a post about each track if I wanted to, there's so much to talk about for each one.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

#snowy speaks #nine inch nails #nin #pretty hate machine #the downward spiral #the fragile #with teeth #long post #album review

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obetrolncocktails · 11 months

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Testing testing 123, is this on……

What are some thoughts on STT? How does it compare to MTM? in your wise opinion.

Alright get ready--music degree Anna is about to GO OFF!

First of all, I really like this track--The isolated drum introduction is something we haven't really seen from GVF, and it's almost too long (a good thing), which teases us into the song itself. As much as we hate to admit it, this is almost a dead ringer for the start of "When the Levee Breaks", and I think it's 100% intentional.

I really enjoy the melody, and it feels like a continuation of Age of Machine. I enjoy the mystical effect that this song has...I keep imagining medieval knights pulling on their armor and suiting up for battle...I imagine armored stallions with intricate fabric banners fastened over their bodies with the symbol of the kingdom/army as they ready to carry their owner into battle. The graphic on the Spotify and YouTube releases of the song include a graphic that seems somewhat medieval...the picture looks like some kind of castle/fortress/colliseum...