#alder is an unfinished series about this shep

[prince-everhard]

No 25. I THINK I’LL JUST COLLAPSE RIGHT HERE, THANKS Disorientation | Blurred Vision | Ringing Ears

Title: Rest Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s)/Pairing(s): Female Shepard, Anderson; referenced Shepard/Vega Rating: T Warning(s): blood, character death Wordcount: 1018 Summary: A father-daughter moment after they open the arms of the Citadel. [part of Alder]

cross-posted to ao3 [eventually] @whumptober2020

There was a soft grunt of pain behind her. Harper turned. Anderson slid his way backwards along the floor until he could prop up against a raised portion of the floor. Shepard walked toward him, her footsteps soft and uneven as she tried to stay upright. It felt like the weight of the galaxy was still bearing down on her. She sank to the floor beside him, reaching out to grasp his hand, and the sheer relief at the sight before her eyes didn’t fade.

“Commander.”

She let out a breath that was probably supposed to be a laugh. It sounded too much like a disbelieving sigh, and so she moved past it. “We did it.”

“Yes, we did.” His fingers twitched. “It’s… quite a view.”

Hell, it was quite a view. Shepard looked out from the Citadel at Earth, brilliant blue undiminished by the bits of wreckage that floated past. She fought past the pain in her chest to speak. “Best seats in the house.”

For a moment, Anderson was quiet. Then, “You ever wonder how thing would have been different… how our lives would have been different if this… hadn’t happened?”

“Sure.” And she had. She wondered what it would have been like to be a Spectre in a time of true peace. How it would have been to train one candidate after another for the special tactics. What it would have been like to meet the people as close to her as her own family without the threat of the reapers always looming.

Anderson exhaled, and it echoed through the chamber and her thoughts. “I had a family, Shepard.” She held his hand just a little tighter. “I wasn’t there for you.”

“There’ll be time enough for that now,” she protested. And there would be. They’d won. It hadn’t quite sunk in yet; she still felt like there was Something looming. She ignored it. He had all the time in the galaxy for her with the reapers gone.

He chuckled. “You’re all grown up now. I… I think that ship has sailed.” Before she could argue, he continued. “What about you, Shepard? Ever think about settling down?”

She… hadn’t, and that worried her. But she could imagine it now: coming home from a long day at C-Sec. James home on leave. The smell of poblanos in the oven. A daughter in his arms, hair tumbling from hasty pigtails. A son giggling beside them on the couch, with a warm laugh just like his dad’s. A dog, old and lazy and content to sleep by the door. Maybe they’d name her Lola. She wanted it so suddenly and so fiercely that she could feel the tears pricking at her eyes.

“Yeah, I think I like the sound of that.” Funny, that a woman trusted with the lives of everyone in the galaxy would feel a nervous worry about ones that didn’t even exist yet. Yet got her stomach doing all sorts of flip-flops. “Not sure I’d be any good at it, though.”

“Sure you would.” He sounded almost indignant that that was where she would doubt herself. 

She swallowed. “I’m a soldier, Anderson.” She didn’t look at him as she spoke. If she doubted herself, he had to doubt himself. “Like you.”

He shifted their hands just enough that he could grip her fingers back. “I don’t know, Shepard,” and they might be bleeding out, stranded on an alien station, waiting for a war to end, but he still sounded like that perfect balance between teasing and sincere that was her dad. “I think you’d make a great mother.”

“Uh-huh.” She didn’t know that for sure, not yet, but she could certainly try.

“Think how proud your kids would be,” he suggested. Harper wondered if he knew how proud she was of him. He wasn’t done, though. “Telling everyone their… their mom is Spectre Shepard.”

She wouldn’t cry. They were alive and the arms of the Citadel were opening. Her dad was here, with her, in their triumph. But, even still, “I don’t know about that. Not everything I’ve done is something to be proud of.”

“Nobody does everything perfectly, Harper.” He chuckled and she tried not to think about how wet it sounded. “You always were your own biggest critic. Sometimes you’ve got to sit down and just… let people remind you that you are incredible.” He exhaled again, a long slow breath too tired to be just a sigh. “God… it feels like years since I just sat down.”

His fingers were losing the strength of their grip. Shepard just held them a little tighter. “I think you earned a rest.” He muffled a groan, but not well enough. “Stay with me,” she ordered. It wasn’t quite begging. Her eyes burned and she focused on the window. “We’re almost through this.”

“You did good, child,” he said instead of trying to breathe. “You did good.” His fingers felt limp, lifeless. Shepard held back a sob. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, sir.” He was proud of her. He was proud of her. It took her a moment after it sank in to realize that the chamber was too quiet. He wasn’t breathing. “Anderson?” She looked over at him, letting her eyes confirm what she already knew. “Dad?” Her voice was quiet, quieter than it had been in what felt like years. She glanced down at her hand clutching her side, blood slowly leaking from around it, to the one still tangled in his. 

They were so close to both making it through. She’d wanted him to meet his grandchildren.

She was so goddamn tired. Harper let her eyes close, let go of her dad’s hand. Somehow, she doubted she was going to make it out of this one. “Sorry, mi corazón,” she murmured. For a long moment, she let herself mourn the life she could have had with him. She exhaled, and her strength left her body with her breath. “I think I need a rest.” Time slowed to a crawl. She felt heavy. She felt weightless. She breathed, and thought of nothing.

“Shepard.”

#whumptober2020 #no. 25 #i think i'll just collapse right here thanks #mass effect #fic #character death #prince fic #alder is an unfinished series about this shep #and anderson is her dad #i'll probably never actually finish it #so i said fuck it let me whip up a hella sad ending for whumptober #and here we are