i’ll be there
Summary: Alex Blake x GN!Reader. Reader is struggling with their depression. Alex helps takes care of them. (No reference to romance).
Word Count: 1.4k
A/N: I was supposed to post this a month ago and then I decided I hated it and now I’ve realised it isn’t actually terrible so it’s being posted. Sorry for promising and then not really delivering<3
Warnings: self hating thoughts, depression
“Y/N, open up!” Alex demands as she pounds on your apartment door.
You make no effort to move from your bed, instead choosing to bury your head under the pillows in an attempt to drown out the noise. You should have known ignoring the team’s calls and texts would have resulted in this but instead, you’d convinced yourself they wouldn’t notice.
“Fine.” You hear her huff as the knocking stops but before you can breathe a sigh of relief there’s the tell-tale sound of keys in the lock and your apartment door opening. God, why did you give her an emergency key?!
Tears burn your eyes as humiliation and shame run through you. You pull your covers over your head and hope she leaves. She probably would. The state of your apartment would have most people running for the hills.
“Y/N?” She calls again as she shuts the door and drops her bags to the floor. You can hear her shuffling around, and you can practically imagine the disgust curling her lip. She must think you’re so pathetic and stupid.
please go away, please go away.
Your bedroom door creaks open and a small gasp escapes her lips. You swallow back a sob as tears make their way down your cheeks.
worthless waste of space, now she knows how disgusting you are. she’s never going to want to be near you again.
“Y/N,” She calls, quieter this time with a soothing edge to her voice. She makes her way to your bed, taking a seat on the edge and the second you feel her begin to peel back the covers your hand flies out to grip them tightly.
You wouldn’t let her see you like this.
“Please go.” You say, wincing when your voice comes out hoarse.
“No.” She tries to peel back the covers again, but you don’t release your grip. “Let me see you.”
You shake your head even though she can’t see it. “I look disgusting.”
You’d called in sick to work on Tuesday. You didn’t have the energy to move from bed, let alone work the whole day and keep up conversations with a bunch of profilers that were beginning to notice you were slipping.
It was now Friday. You’ve hardly moved.
“I’m not going anywhere until I see your face.” The serious edge to her voice has you relenting, you release your hold on the covers.
She peels them back slowly as if scared you were going to scurry away, and if you had the energy you might have. You keep your eyes tightly closed, scared of the disgust and annoyance you’d surely find.
“Hey,” She soothes, wiping a stray tear from your cheek, “What’s going on?”
And that was the issue. There was nothing going on. Nothing had happened, but for the last month you’d been slipping deeper and deeper into your depression and you just couldn’t do it anymore. You didn’t have the energy to keep pretending. You just wanted to sleep.
“I’m so tired, Alex.” You sigh “I feel like I'm drowning, and I don’t have the energy to fight.”
“Then I’ll fight for you.” She says sincerely.
You finally open your eyes, tilting your head up to look at her. The pain and concern are clear in her face but hidden behind that is a determination that makes your tears spill over.
You swallow roughly, and your voice wobbles as you voice the thought that’s plagued your mind for as long as you can remember. “But what if I’m not worth it?”
A range of emotions flicker across her face so quickly you can’t catch half of them. Her eyes blaze. “You most certainly are. I know your brain is playing tricks on you, but you are so loved and are such an important part of the team’s life, of my life, and I’m going to do everything in my power to prove that to you.” Her eyes fill with tears of her own, but she quickly blinks them away.
“I’m sorry for not responding to anyone.” You say quietly. “I just- everything is so overwhelming.”
“I know honey, and that’s why we’re going to take this one step at a time, okay?” She says, waiting for the cautious nod of your head before she moves to stand up. “First things first, standing up.”
She extends her hand to you, and you just stare at it for a moment before sighing and pushing yourself to sit up, swinging your legs over the side of the bed and accepting the hand as she tugs you up into a standing position. Your head throbs and you hold onto it as you wince.
“When was the last time you ate or drank something?” She asks, no judgement in her tone, just concern.
“Last night, I think.” You frown.
She nods her head, “Okay. Then that’s next.” She keeps hold of your hand and guides you through into the kitchen. “Sit.” She orders, and you do that. A small smile tugs at your lips. She was bossing you around in your own home.
She fills a glass with water and passes it to you. You take a small sip, to begin with, and then releasing how thirsty you are, proceed to chug most of the glass. Alex hides her pleased smile as she turns around and begins searching your fridge and cupboards for something to eat.
She settles on the quickest and easiest option, wanting to get food in your system as quickly as possible.
She places the sandwich in front of you before walking around the counter to sit on the stool beside you with her own plate. “Hope you don’t mind; I haven’t had lunch yet.” She smiles.
“You’re welcome to anything in this dump.” You shoot her a small smile, so she knows that you’re at least partly joking before picking up the sandwich and taking a bite. Once you’ve swallowed your mouthful you speak again. “How has work been?”
She updates you on everything that has happened at the office, telling you all about Morgan’s latest prank on Reid, and how Garcia was trying to convince her to adopt a cat. You laugh here and there, adding a comment every so often, but Alex holds the conversation mostly by herself which you’re grateful for.
“What’s next?” You ask once you’ve finished your sandwich and the remainder of your water.
Your cheeks heat up, as you drop your head in shame.
“Hey,” She scolds, placing a hand on your arm. “None of that. It wasn’t a judgement. It’s just because it will help, if only for a moment.”
You lift your head and are slightly relieved when you see she’s serious. There’s no judgement or pity in her face. You nod, “Okay.”
“Okay.” She smiles, patting your arm lightly before letting go.
She grabs you a fresh towel while you go and retrieve yourself a clean set of clothes.
“Let me know if you need anything.” She says, handing you the towel before you step into the bathroom.
By the time you’ve showered, dressed, and made your way back to your bedroom, Alex has cleaned the entire room. Your jaw hangs open in shock as you take in the room now coated in sunshine, your bed covers had been changed, your clothes moved to the hamper, and the plates and bowls that had littered your room are all gone.
“Alex,” You gasp in disbelief as emotions swirl in your throat, “You didn’t have to do that, I could have- I would have-“
“Shhh,” She soothes as she walks over to you. She grabs your hand and squeezes lightly, “I know you could have, but I thought I’d make use of my free time.”
You don’t know what to say.
“Now come on,” She tugs on your hand and leads you to your bed. “I went through your movie collection and picked out a few options.” She picks up the three DVDs from your side table and holds them out to you, “Which one first?”
Somehow, she’s managed to select your favourite, so you don’t hesitate to pick that movie, and Alex grins.
She goes to put the DVD in before joining you in the bed. She places a pillow on top of her lap, “Lie here.” She suggests gently, and you smile before placing your head in her lap.
She plays the movie, and soon enough her fingers begin to gently stroke their way through your hair coaxing you to sleep.
It wasn’t a cure.
but god it felt good to be reminded that people care.
that she cares.
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